Ten Tips for Adopting an Infant from the Foster Care System

Updated on April 20, 2016

Ten tips for Adopting an Infant from the Foster Care System

Many people believe there are no infants available for adoption in the United States, or that you have to be willing to spend up to $40,000 to adopt one, but this is not true.

In 2009 my partner and I had the joy of bringing home a beautiful baby girl home from the hospital. We fostered her until her birth mom's parental rights were terminated and then adopted her when she was 11 months old.

This is a picture of our beautiful Kassidy Lynee (rhymes with Renee) when we first saw her. On February 2, 2009 the intake department called me at 2:00 in the afternoon at work and wanted to know if we were willing to foster a 10 day old preemie. We said "yes" and they asked us to come and see her that evening. Kassidy weighed 3 pounds 11 ounces at birth and had a number of health problems when we got her. Today she is a beautiful, healthy two year old who is ahead of all of her developmental milestones.

This is a picture of her when we first saw her. We got to bring her home 3 days later on February 5th.

During our foster/adoption journey, I learned some things about how to increase your chances for adopting an infant from the foster care system.

Tip Number One - Research

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Before you begin, you and your spouse should do research on foster care, adoption from the foster care system, the home study process.

Make sure that you both know about the process and are prepared for what lies ahead. When you both realize what lies ahead, and that your are prepared to go the distance, then and only then should you call your local Children's Services/Department of Social Services to ask about taking classes for foster care and adoption.

Make sure that your relationship is very strong, your finances are stable, and you have absolutely nothing to hide. The home study process can be very stressful and I often tell people that the home study worker knows more about me than any other person on earth.

Tip Number Two - Make the Call.

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Call your Department of Social Services Department to inquire about foster care and adoption.

Be aware that if you say you are only interested in adoption, you will likely be told there are only older children with special needs available for adoption. Tell them you are aware of that but you would like to foster younger children and would be open to adoption should the children become available. We were approved for up to 3 children ages 0 to 10. We told them we were willing to consider sibling groups also.

When you start the foster care classes, be aware that the minute you walk in the door, the system is assessing your ability to foster/adopt. Be careful what you do and say, but be honest. I sat in classes with prospective parents who asked questions and made some statements that did not sound good to the home study assessors.

The first part of the classes will deal with rules and the home study process. It will seem overwhelming at first. It is meant to because it screens out people who aren't really serious. If you hear something that makes no sense to you, don't argue with the presenters. Just take it in, discuss it with your spouse at home, and come back the next week.

Tip Number Three - Keep your options open.

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You will be asked to fill out a Child Study Inventory.

It will list pages of child characteristics of children that you are willing to foster/adopt. Keep an open mind but don't say you are willing to foster/adopt a child with a certain characteristic if you are not able to do so. For instance, if you a comfortable fostering a child who has been exposed to drugs, don't check that characteristic. On the other hand, the more open and willing you are to children who are non-Caucasian and have special needs, the more likely you are to get an infant placed in your home.

However, if the placement department calls you and asks you to take a child or sibling group that meets your criteria, you need to take them, because in my experience if you say no to a placement you will be less likely to be called the next time. Placement workers are very busy people. They are most likely to call foster parents who they think will say yes.

Tip Number Four - Be honest with yourself.

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If you have any hesitation whatsoever about fostering/adopting a child of another race, I ask you not to do it.

You need to be prepared for the fact that by adding a child of color to your family, your entire family will be automatically identified as a family of color. If you don’t already have a racially and culturally integrated social circle and community, transracial adoption is probably not for you.

Tip Number Five - More research - Understand the terms on the Child Inventory.

Me(Mommy) and Kassidy
Me(Mommy) and Kassidy

Before you fill out the child study inventory, do some research.

Make sure you understand what all the characteristics mean such as drug-exposed, drug addicted, fetal alcohol syndrome, mental retardation, Reactive attachment disorder, encopresis (soiling), and others. Find out what the implications are for fostering, and potentially adopting, a child with these characteristics.

I did a lot of research. I had a lot of preconceived notions about certain terms and conditions that were not correct. By doing research I was able to make informed decisions when I filled out the Child Study Inventory.

Tip Number Six - Set up your home for at least three foster children.

Kassidy always looked so serious
Kassidy always looked so serious

If you can make it happen, set up your home for at least three children with 2 beds and a crib.

This will allow you to keep your options open. Oftentimes, I have found that foster parents who got potentially adoptable infants placed with them already had one or two foster placements in the home. You don’t want an infant to become available and you don’t have any room available in your home.

Tip Number Seven - Be a really good foster parent.

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Accept foster placements that are not infants and do a really good job.

I believe this is the key that worked for us. We had a foster daughter for over a year and we treated her like our own child and the foster care workers noticed. They knew that we really cared about children and wanted to make a difference in their lives. We were nominated for "Foster Parents of the Year."

Tip Number Eight - Network

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Make yourself visible in the foster care community.

Get to know trainers, caseworkers, other foster parents, and adoption workers. Go to foster care events. Join the foster care association if your agency has one. One foster parent I know volunteered at the Intake office.

We went to some Lifebook scrapbooking events which is where we met the foster care director. She was the one who made the decisions about infant placements and it was her who ultimately helped us get our little angel.

Tip Number Nine - Be honest.

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Let people know you are ultimately looking to adopt an infant but you are willing to foster older children as well.

I think it’s o.k. to be honest about what you want. Honestly, after we took the classes we realized we were very willing to consider an older child and/or a sibling group, but deep down there was still that desire to bring a newborn home from the hospital.

Tip Number Ten - When the call comes, ask questions and call your spouse.

Kristin and Kassidy - healthy and happy
Kristin and Kassidy - healthy and happy

When the placement call comes, listen to the worker and write everything down. Tell her you need to discuss the situation with your spouse and call her right back.

You will likely be told a series of characteristics of the placement. You want to be sure that both you and your spouse are willing and able to foster, and potentially adopt, this infant/child. In your excitement to be a parent, you may say yes to any placement, particularly a newborn, but you need to ask the following questions:

1. Was there drug exposure?

2. Are there other children and where are they?

3. Have relatives been contacted about taking the infant?

4. How long is the placement likely to last?

5. Does the child have any health problems?

6. When does the child need to be picked up?

Lastly, realize that a foster care placement, even an infant, may not be permanent. When our first foster placement left our home, I was devastated.

A person who had been a foster parent for a long time said the best foster parents get very attached to their children and their children to them. She told me that a child can learn to read anytime but if you don't learn attachment early in life, you never will.

Please leave a comment. - I love to hear what people think.

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    • profile image

      Teedy 

      3 months ago

      Hi I have 2 little girls I was bless to have later in years but I always wanted a little boy. Due to female issues I can no longer have kids.Would we be a good fit to have a child placed in our home? Maybe 2 little boys? I have a 5 bedroom home with my husband and a 2yr old and 4 yr.old. We love kids. My husband wanted a son but I cant give him one.

      Just wanted to know if we would be a good fit to foster 2 children in our hm.We thought about becoming a foster parent before we had kids but we had our first child in 2014 then our last baby was born in 2016 I am no longer able to have children.. Now we are considering fostering or adopting a child or two.

      Thank you.

    • profile image

      Ms. Lady 

      3 months ago

      Hi everyone I am new to this and I would like to foster an infant or a baby that is 0 to 3 months. I love children and I have a son but due to female problems I cannot have anymore but I really want to do bad and I know God will always make a way. He may not comewhen I want him to but he always show up right on time. I would like to know what all I need to do to get started. I have a two bedroom apartment for me and my son is that enough room to foster a boy baby please help. It hurts so bad when you want children and cannot have them but people that do not want thechildren can have all they want. Any information that's going to help me I'm willing to accept. Thanks in advance

    • profile image

      Eli 

      4 months ago

      Why did 't you want a white child?

    • profile image

      Rose 

      5 months ago

      My husband and I want to foster to a very young child from infant to 2 years of age. We are older and want to give a child something special, an upbringing until adopted that will allow the child to grow and be an amazing person as he/she grows. I am a nurse but stay at home now and want my time being a parent again. No children in our home now, but I am ready to start another chapter in our lives. Can anyone tell me any sites that offer infants to very young children with pictures. It really doesn't matter the looks, I was just looking with a big smile on my face. I am grateful I have a warm and loving home that may be able to bring a child in and allow them to grow as well....

    • profile image

      Jennifer rudd 

      6 months ago

      Our homes been open for foster kids sense October but we have had no placement yet . It's almost Christmas. Should I be worried ? We've been ready from day one the wait is so hard ..

    • profile image

      Dhalene Metrilp 

      11 months ago

      Hello contact (hearttoheartbabyadoptions@gmail.com) if you are interested in any child adoption, my husband and I adopted from here privately, but you must be financially ready for a baby adoption if you seriously need a registered baby adoption agency like H2H to help you. God bless.

    • profile image

      johnwan 

      11 months ago

      Nice lens

    • profile image

      Nina 

      12 months ago

      This article was so honest, informative and therefore helpful. Thank you so much.

    • profile image

      Anna Robinson 

      13 months ago

      Thank you for your advice and beautiful story. I and my husband start our orientation tomorrow for foster parents, we are very excited!

    • profile image

      Bean 

      17 months ago

      My family and i are a foster family. We finally got to adopt our son after a 3 yr battle with a mentally challenged mother who was on Facebook. Lets just say we were one step away from the Supreme Court. I have nothing against a mentally challenged person at all. Needless to say he weighed 3lbs at birth was a preemie and addicted to drugs and alcohol. We LOVEhim with all our HEARTS. He is now 4.5.

    • profile image

      Carrian 

      19 months ago

      Thank you for your story. I am in the process of making the decision to foster an infant.Great job,you are an angel too.God bless you.

    • profile image

      Jennifer 

      21 months ago

      I saw this pop up in my Pinterest feed and am currently going through this process. This article reads more like steps vs tips. I also disagree with never saying no to a placement just because it meets the criteria. We got called from our agency for a 1 year old boy but they didn't have much information available so we said yes and upon learning more info from DCS, felt we had to say no as it wasn't the right fit. Two days later we got our 4 week old baby boy that we will adopt in February. Please, no one feel like you have to take a child just because you got the call, you will get another one and the right child will come into your home at the right time. It's a decision that needs to be thought about and prayed over.

    • profile image

      Deb 

      3 years ago

      I LOVE the closing comment. A child can learn to read anytime but a child that never learns to attach will never do so

    • profile image

      Renee biddiscombe 

      3 years ago

      I want to thank you for all that you do

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 

      6 years ago

      Excellent advice and a beautiful daughter. Blessed!

    • LisaAuch1 profile image

      Lisa Auch 

      7 years ago from Scotland

      Attatchment...now there is a thing that causes chidren in the care system a lot of problems, I have worked with children in care homes, (no they are ot nice places) and I am so glad to read your beautiful story of your little angel, and so glad you opened your home to children who will grow up all the more thankful to you too! Good lucK to you all and I am leaving a sprinling of angles dust for you - Blessed by a Squid Angel.

    • Wedding Mom profile image

      Wedding Mom 

      7 years ago

      This is a very remarkable lens. I've always believed that children are gift from. Every single one of them needs a good home and people who will love and cater their needs, adopting is a very beautiful act a person can do to a little child in need. thanks so much for sharing this!

    • brendayoungerman profile image

      brendayoungerman 

      7 years ago

      What a great lens! I just featured it!

    • bikerministry profile image

      bikerministry 

      7 years ago

      Beautiful Lens - we have 3 grandchildren who are adopted. A very unselfish act - thank you for reaching beyond yourself!

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