How to Avoid Babysitting Your Friends' Children
No Kid Zone
Kids... some people have them and some people don't. If you happen to be one of the adults that do not have children, yet your friends have started having them, you might be asked to babysit. If you geniunely enjoy the company of children, you may not mind babysitting your friends' children. However, if you are like me and not a big fan of kids, you are going to have to think of some excuses to get out of babysitting those children. I mean, seriously, why ruin the bachelor or bachelorette pad with Legos and Goldfish cracker crumbs?
Since I am never stuck babysitting my friends' kids, I am happy to offer some great advice on how to avoid babysitting kids for other people. In some cases, you will need to babysit the kids at least once to prove how untrustworthy you can be with them. In other situations, if you hate the thought of ever babysitting, I will offer some helpful advice on how to get your friends to stop asking you to babysit once and for all. The suggestions may seem a little harsh, but hey, I am only trying to help.
Babysit Once and Never Get Asked Again
- When babysitting a group of children for the first time, make sure to give them as many caffeinated drinks as possible right before the parents come to pick them up. They will be so hyper on the trip back home, the parents will never trust you again. Bonus points to you if any of the children wet their pants on the car ride back to their house.
- With great enthusiasm, agree to take in your friends' children for a while. Insist you are going to teach the kids some important new skills. Once you've got them in your home, it is time to start all those home repair projects you've been putting off. Sure there may be child labor laws, but at least your friends will never bother to ask you to babysit again when they pick up their children and find them tiling your bathroom floor. If they are too young for home repair, they can at least do all your dishes and vacuum. You might not even mind having them return if it works out well.
- Completely wrecking young children's sleep patterns is a great way to make sure you never have to babysit kids again while the parents are on vacation. Let all the kids stay up as late as possible. If they are too tired to get up early in the morning, perfect! Now you get to sleep in. If you were forced to babysit the kids for an exceptionally long time, see if you can get the children to sleep all day and then stay awake all night. You will never be allowed to babysit again, but you will be the coolest babysitter ever.
- Make sure to let the children watch anything and everything on TV they've never been allowed to see. Does Betsy want to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Well, pop in the DVD. Has Kellie and Kevie always wanted to watch Jersey Shore and Keeping Up with the Kardashians? Time to go On Demand and start a TV show viewing marathon!
- If you are babysitting the kids at their own home, this is the perfect time to buy everything for them they are not allowed to have when their parents are around. Some perfect items are:
- Smelly magic markers
- Play Doh
- Extremely loud toys
- Hundreds of Legos for the livingroom
- A puppy
One Time Excuses That Work
Instead of ever suffering through a babysitting experience, you may want to use some of these helpful excuses when asked to babysit so no one will ever ask you again:
- "I don't think I will have time to watch them this weekend. I will be trying to earn some extra cash for bail money. My new boyfriend is in jail right now, but don't worry. He told me he was framed. I can't wait for you and the kids to meet him!"
- "Oh sure, I can help watch the kids. Do you think they will mind helping me prepare for sacrificing a chicken tomorrow night? Oh, and I will have some company over helping me. The kids might learn some new chants. It will be fun."
- "I could babysit the kids, but remember that time I lost Sally's kid for 3 days? Honestly, I did not even realize she was missing for a day or two. Let's face it, I am pretty forgetful."
- "I am sorry, I can't babysit your children on the weekend. That is when I volunteer to babysit zoo snakes in my home. I have about 15 snakes staying with me this weekend."
- "I guess I could babysit for a bit. Can I pin them up in the same cage I use for my cockatiel? It is pretty big."
- "I won't be able to watch the kids at my place. We will be filming an episode of Hoarders there. I am hoping we find my couch soon. I haven't seen it in two years."
- "Sure, I'd love to babysit little Joey and Sue this weekend. As a matter of fact, I already managed to kill my pet goldfish and two potted plants this week. I need something to love! Keep your fingers crossed! I hope I have better luck with your children!"