How to Deal with High School Rumors & High School Bullying

Bullying - Tips for Parents
If you are a parent of a teen or maybe a teen yourself, you probably know at least a little bit about the stress that goes along with high school rumors. High school rumors are just another form of high school bullying and there are ways to support your teen and/or keep yourself sane during a time when your teen (or you) is getting bullied by other teens who enjoy spreading nasty high school rumors.
I speak from experience on the topic of high school rumors and high school bullying. When I was in high school, I dealt with quite a bit of high school rumors in my junior and senior years. The worst of the high school rumors for me was in my senior year of high school. Teens can be really cruel. Most of them in my opinion don't realize the damage that their high school rumors and high school bullying can cause, but we need to make them aware of it. If you're teen or child is involved in spreading high school rumors or high school bullying, please tell them how detrimental this can be to a teen's self-esteem and self-image. We need to treat others how we want to be treated.
On the other side of that, if you are the one getting the high school bullying or having high school rumors spread about you, there are certain ways to handle this situation. You can:
a. ignore it
b. retaliate by spreading rumors about the other person
c. fight them physically
What's the best approach though it is the most difficult approach to high school rumors? To ignore it. I'm saying this in all honesty, because I've been there myself. If you're the parent of a teen who is being tortured by nasty high school rumors, don't encourage them to do the same...that would be stooping to that other teen's level. Encourage your teen to ignore the high school rumors. Remind them that high school is a very short period of their lives and that when they get to college, it's a whole different story. High school drama and the importance of being "cool" or "popular" is not what the real world is like.
My mom used to tell me in response to how to deal with high school rumors, "they're just jealous of you." Which could very well have been true, but is not usually the best most trustworthy response to give a teen who is dealing with high school rumors or dealing with high school bullying. Why? The teen doesn't tend to believe their parents when they're told that the other teens are just jealous of them. The teen tends to believe that they're not as good as the other teens and wish they could be like them. Remind your teen that individuality and uniqueness are essential in this world...along with hard work and motivation. If your teen is wrapped up in popularity or worried about high school rumors, keep reminding them of the importance of their futures and to remember that high school will soon pass, and they won't generally have to deal with high school rumors or high school bullying in the real world.
Plus, if your teen is going away to college or moving out of state after high school, they won't have to see those nasty teens from high school any more anyway! Trust me...I don't plan on attending my ten year high school reunion and why? I didn't like those nasty teens then, so why would I like them now? High school rumors and high school bullying last for a short period in time, but the victim of high school rumors and high school bullying will always remember being bullied.
Unfortunately, the ignore method doesn't always work...so in cases where the bullying continues or worsens, the next step is a requirement. That is to first notify the school's officials of the harassment. If they don't take it seriously and restrict or punish the kid doing the bullying, then the next step is to get the police involved and notify them that your child is being harassed in school and that no one is doing anything about it. If that doesn't work, get the News involved!

For Kids Being Bullied
For the kids who are being bullied in school or elsewhere, here's your advice: do not stand for it! This doesn't mean retaliate with violence or hatred, this simply means to tell the individual harassing you to stop or you will get the school and police involved. If they do not stop their harassment, then you tell someone at your school and your parents. If that makes things worse and the kid still doesn't stop, then you need to go one step further and have your parents notify the police of this harassment. Get a restraining order. Whatever you have to do to protect yourself and get that person away from you.
Bullying is not okay and should not be tolerated by anyone. While you can ignore it for awhile, if the torture and torment continues it is not good for your mental health or spiritual health. Don't let anyone push you around or tell you to stuff it down. Try the ignore method at first, as most kids will lay off if they don't feel like they're getting a response. But if the kid continues, go to the next step as mentioned above.
Remember that violence is NOT THE KEY to beating the bullying trend. At the same time, do not allow someone to physically hurt or hold you down. Protect yourself, but without the use of weapons or deadly force. No one's stupidity is worth losing your opportunities or life over.
Comments
I want to remain anonymous. People have been spreading rumors about me. I responded back with b. I retaliated back with rumors about them. I kept on retaliating with more rumors about them. Eventually, they all backfired and I got in trouble. Now I lost all my friends, I had a lot of friends and I used to be a very likeable person. How can I fix this?
Hlo Nichole.I have been subjected to bullying from childhood. My friends use racist comments and don't even talk and allow me to sit with them.Please tell me what to do
i just switched schools, a boyasked for sex i said no so now there are rumors being spred about me, the whole school even boys i don't know are txting me and askin me about it. what do i do? im worried for my reputation, ive never had sex gotten drunk or high, i have tried to be a respectable person how do i stop one rumor from changin that?
I ruined my reputation by having sex. Everyone calls me awful names and I only have a few friends now. Everyone thinks I just am a total skank now. I have had so much trouble the last few months. I wish it never happened but I know I can't take it back. I want to move far away but that wouldn't help. I don't know if I should try to deny it, im a good liar, or just tell people I made a mistake. I was really popular so everyone knows.
I am 14 years old right now in sophomores and i was bullied too until now. I always cry everynight. I'm not strong enough to be brave i just pray to God to keep me strong when all my friends is against me. what can i do?
I remember the bullies in the schools I went to. There was one in Junior High who used to call me this ugly name and he always sneered at me. His friends were just like him. I sure didn't like him at all and I'm glad I have never seen him again. Once I heard that he always visits a crack house. I tried to exnore him. He was short and ugly. He always sneered though. His name was in the paper for hitting someone with his elbow on purpose. Bullies are terrible! This was many years ago in the early 1970s.
Bullies create a feeling of weakness and terror in the victims. How horrible is that, to want to terrorize someone? I can't imagine. I have 4 kids, 3 of which had no problem whatsoever $6 with bullies. I feel like what with all the kids running around here, somebody was always catching some crap so they were used to it.
My one son was approached by a very large, tough older guy who said, "well aren't you a pretty little (nasty word for gay)." My son just stood there for a moment then said - "well you look pretty good yourself." There was a brief pause then the bully burst out laughing. Every time they passed one another in the hall, they'd look at one another and laugh. It worked, as humor sometimes does.
Hi Kitty-I wish I could agree with you re: a better future for my nephew. Unfortunately, I think he will be picked on all of his life. I predict that there will be issues throughout his life that we don't have to deal with. In fact, he will be 'lucky' if he experiences college at all. He has a complexity of issues...Thanks for the comments though.
I feel for the nephew of Denise Handlon. One way of tackling the bully is asking. I remembered asking a bully "Why are you mean to me? What have I done to you?" I remembered I was trembling so much and crying, I really do not know why that girl was everyday bullying me. I just cannot take the bullying anymore so I asked. The girl was taken aback. She did not answer me but she stopped anything to do with me. She practically ignored me until we graduated high school. Even when others will bully me, she did not particpated. Bullies come and go. Just as Meisjunk said the bullies had some issues. I learned later on, many of those who bullied me came from broken homes. Sad ...
I've tried to make it a point of standing between bullies and the bullied. Intimidation usually works, but I think one of the issues people tend to forget is that many bullies are bullying kids because of ALREADY being bullied (or intimidated) either at home or elsewhere.
It's different for each situation, but I am very against violence in bullying cases. Hate only begets hate! And hate is exactly what people think of when violence is involved.
I've heard that pointing out the old adage "would you like someone to do this to you?!" to bullies doesn't even work because the kids (and sadly adults too) try to not care. Communication is always best, but which way to go about it? Again, it's different in every situation. I think the key is to figure out what WILL make the bully care and try to get them to understand that there are MUCH better ways to go about being heard and understood themselves.
I hope everyone is able to handle bullying either for themselves or their children in the best way possible for each particular case!
Well, now I know what NOT to say to my bullied teen--and, I don't say that b/c I doubt that any of these kids are 'jealous' of my nephew.
What I don't have an answer for is what to say to him to help him thru this. I do let him know ALL the time, that I am his advocate, that I will back him up in the endeavor to get it to stop.
I'm so sick of this bullying nation of ours. It is SUPPOSED to be a no bullying zone, but it is not. And, not even the teachers advocate for the victims.
For my nephew it is not just one or in one class. I feel sad for him and sorry that he has to go thru this. Each year I have been to the school with one person or another. This is his third year-a fresh set of tenth graders have just arrived on campus to target this junior. And, I thought it would get better as he got into the older grade levels.
So, this year I have been teaching him communication first; if that doesn't work go to the teacher first; if that doesn't help follow a 'chain of command' and go to the 11th gr counselor and name names. If that does not resolve the problem I will be there to talk together with you to the assistant princepal.
My nephew is an easy target and a very lonely boy. It breaks my heart to know that his h.s. years will NOT be filled with fun memories of friends and activities.
It seems bullying is become an epidemic, and I believe the way the media glorifies meanness through movies and reality TV (where people are encouraged to compete against each other and vote people out and make hurtful comments either behind people's backs or to their faces) have a lot to answer for. But the prevalence of bullying nowadays is also partly due to people speaking out more (no doubt it's been around as long as high school itself). Parents really need to bully-proof their kids and keep open communication with them throughout high school. It's hard to get a teen to open up to you, though. I do feel for parents.
Great hub--voted up and a bunch of others. :)
Btw, I also never attend class reunions, and often wonder at the complete absence of self-awareness of those bullies who don't even seem to know that no-one really wants to see them again!
I agree with you, Kitty. Ignore the trolls in the high school halls if you possibly can. If you (or your child, for the parents of teenagers) are being physically bullied and pushed around, find several large and beefy friends, and confront the bullies. Give them a lasting taste of their own medicine. God hates a coward!
Hi Kitty,
I was bullied in jr. high school and then in my senior year of high school a few of my friends turned on me and spread rumors about me. I lost all my friends. It was a terrible year. I ignored the bullying when it was happening but it affected me so much. Eventually my 'true' friends came back to me and asked me to forgive them. I remember carrying the anger with me for years. One day I ran into one of the girls that instigated the bullying and she apologized to me. Her life also didn't turn out very well. I was able to let go of my anger after that day. I'm glad that there is more awareness about bullying these days. This is such a wonderful article. I hope kids read it and it helps them. Rated up and useful.
I know what you went through because I had similar experiences like yours. Recently, I had to cut off a friendship of 5 years because she bullied me and THIS, we are already way, way past high school. It's real life. Standing up for yourself is never easy. I came to realize that knowing there are people who love and support me can make me develop the backbone and strength to stand for myself. Thanks for the hub.
Hey Kittythedreamer,
bullying is a huge problem in public schools and high-schools. When I first arrived in Canada, I had an encounter with a bully. I guess not speaking English and being new to the country was something to be bullied about. Since I didn't know how to say anything in English, I had to let things slide by. After a few weeks though, I said enough is enough and although the guy was much bigger than me, I landed him a beating on the stairwell of our school, while we were heading from one class to another and that settled things.
I've put myself between bullies and the ones who were picked on in high-school out of principle. I've always been pretty plain and clear to bullies: "You wanna bully someone, you will have to go through me first ...". That sentence always worked for me. I never had to actually fight (except for that kid in grade eight when I first arrived here).
I do not promote violence at all but I do think it is important at times for people to stand their ground. There is no crystal clear method of eliminating bullying ... I basically try to show them (the bullies) that in the same way that they bully people, they can be bullied themselves. Then, they realize the stupidity of their actions, in my opinion.
Perhaps through education we can better things regarding this topic because there are kids committing suicide due to bullying issues - this is quite a serious matter in my opinion, thanks for writing about it!
All the best.
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