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How Parents Can Improve Middle School for Their Introverted Kids

Ms. Meyers is a teacher and life-long introvert. When volunteering at middle school, she saw how the needs of introverts get ignored.

Although the student body can be 50% introverts, middle schools do little to serve this population.

Although the student body can be 50% introverts, middle schools do little to serve this population.

Why Introverts May Hate School

Once a week I volunteer at my son's middle school and all those old feelings of dread and discomfort come flooding back. I hated middle school when I was a kid and if I were to attend today, with all the wisdom and experience I've gained in the 30 years since, I'd still despise it just as much. That's because I'm an introvert and middle schools don't treat us well.

Extroverts Seize Control at School While Introverts Get Silenced

Middle school marks a shift as the social order starts to take shape. The outgoing, outspoken kids seize control, dominating classroom discussions and setting the agenda on what's cool, what's not, who's cool, and who's not.

Tragically, the introverts become the less popular kids and get silenced. Their intelligence, thoughtfulness, and compassion get trampled by the extroverts, and they may never feel empowered again. This, however, can all be changed if parents of introverted middle school students start speaking up and advocating for their kids.

Suicide Is a Leading Cause of Death Among US Middle School Students

With puberty being thrust upon them, kids have always found middle school awkward and agonizing. Today, with social media and online bullying, it's even more trying for kids, especially introverts. Some suffer from depression. Some withdrawal. Some turn to drugs and alcohol. Tragically, some even commit suicide.

A recent report revealed suicide surpassed the rate of death by car crashes for US middle school students. If parents want to protect their introspective children, they need to realize that middle schools do little to recognize and accommodate introverts. With a push from concerned parents, though, this can be changed quickly and easily.

It's Time to Empower Introverts in Middle School

There are some simple things parents should encourage at their children's middle school to ensure that introverts get their voices heard and their needs met. Moms and dads should make certain that teachers and administrators know that introverts are hardly an insignificant minority. They, in fact, make up one-third to one-half of the student body.

Parents should push for workshops that train teachers and administrators on how to plan lessons and offer extracurricular activities for introverts. As it stands now, middle school is the kingdom of extroverts and introverts must adapt and endure, never feeling they belong but not understanding why. Yet, there are three simple things that parents can expect from teachers and administrators so introverts at middle school are involved and empowered.

1. Ask the Question: “What About the Introverts?”

Considering that as many as half of their students are introverts, it only makes sense that teachers and administrators ask this question, but many don't. Instruction gets geared toward extroverts because they are more vocal and visible.

When volunteering at my son's middle school, I'm only there for a couple of hours but leave thoroughly depleted. I can't wait to get to the quiet of my car where I can finally decompress. That's because, as an introvert, I'm drained by all the noise and chatter, the crowded hallways, the packed classrooms, the interruptions, and the lack of order. While extroverts find these experiences invigorating, introverts do not.

Middle School Is Draining for Introverts

An introverted student, going from one high-energy class to another, gets exhausted by middle school. They arrive home, go to their rooms, and stay there for hours, unwinding from the day's assault. Their parents may worry about them and wonder why they're isolating. They may think they're depressed but, in most cases, they're just tired and overwhelmed.

Introverts in Middle School Need a Well-Rounded Day

While attending elementary school, most of these kids had only one teacher who fashioned a well-rounded day for them. At middle school, though, this is no longer the case. That's why it's imperative that teachers and administrators ask the question, “What about the introverts?” If they did, they'd remember to include the following in their classes:

  • quiet time for reading, writing, and reflecting
  • small group projects (3-5 students) where everyone gets to share their thoughts and opinions without the pressure of talking in front of the entire group
  • partner learning when students work together in a deep, meaningful way
  • choice time where students may select a solitary activity
Wait time is an effective way to get all students—extroverts and introverts— involved in a classroom discussion.

Wait time is an effective way to get all students—extroverts and introverts— involved in a classroom discussion.

2. Consistently Enforce "Wait Time"

Many middle school teachers think their students shouldn't have to raise their hands and wait to get called upon as they did in elementary school. They let their students call out answers so the discussion is more invigorating and spontaneous. There's just one problem with this: the same voices get heard again and again while the others go silent. This is especially tragic because the silent voices of introverts are often the most deliberate, thoughtful, and compassionate ones.

Introverts in Middle School Need Time to Formulate a Thoughtful Response

When I was teaching, I experienced how frustrating it is to get overlooked during our weekly faculty meetings. The two teachers in charge were extroverts—fast-talking take-charge women who liked to move the meetings along at warp-speed.

They'd present the first item on the agenda and, by the time I had formulated something meaningful to say, they had already moved on to the second, third, and fourth items. It was maddening because I had a lot to contribute but needed more time to think. Unlike extroverts, introverts hesitate to say whatever pops into their heads.

It Only Takes 3-7 Seconds to Make a Huge Difference for Middle School Introverts

An easy remedy for this problem at middle school is for teachers to consistently use wait time. Wait time is a term used in education that refers to the period between a teacher asking a question and calling on someone to answer.

The ideal amount of time experts recommend is between 3 and 7 seconds. This short amount of time gives all students—extroverts and introverts alike—an opportunity to formulate an intelligent response.

Wait Time Should Become a School-Wide Policy

For wait time to work, however, middle school teachers must insist that students raise their hands and wait to get called upon each and every time. It's especially helpful if administrators establish this as a school-wide policy so it's consistently used and enforced in all the classrooms. If teachers understand that the policy of raising hands and using wait time is to benefit introverted students, they will most likely get on board.

3. Introduce Extracurricular Activities That Appeal to Introverts

In her groundbreaking book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain writes about a high school in Silicon Valley that adjusted its extracurricular activities to suit its high percentage of introverted students.

Since many teenagers there didn't enjoy the traditional after-school offerings—football, volleyball, marching band, and cheerleading—the school added activities that appealed to introverts.

Schools once thought introverted students didn't want to take part in any extracurricular activities, but that's not the case. They simply want what fits their personalities, strengths, and interests.

Extracurricular Activities That Appeal to Introverts

Many introverts don't like team sports but still enjoy competition in individual ones such as golf, tennis, rowing, ice-skating, and running. Others don't like the competitive aspect of sports but like to stay fit both physically and mentally with activities such as yoga, aerobics, and walking. Many introverts thrive at pursuits where they help the community: volunteering at the Humane Society, a community garden, or a senior citizen home. Many also favor cerebral experiences such as playing chess, checkers, and various board games or being part of a book club.

Finally a Book That Represents (and Celebrates) Us Introverts!

© 2017 McKenna Meyers


McKenna Meyers (author) on January 25, 2017:

Thanks, Anita. So many people hate their middle school years and some of that can't be avoided because of puberty, hormones, etc. But, as it stand now, middle school is geared toward extroverts. Overcrowded schools and classrooms only make the situation worse.

Anita Hasch from Port Elizabeth on January 24, 2017:

Thank you for sharing. I was an introvert myself, I guess most readers are. If they implement the points you made it would make a big difference to introverts.