5 Reasons Why a Dad Should Choose His Son's Preschool

Updated on June 21, 2018
letstalkabouteduc profile image

Ms. Meyers is a credentialed teacher with a master's degree in special education. She spent many years teaching preschool and kindergarten.

As an early childhood educator, parents often ask me how to go about choosing a preschool for their youngster. If they have a son, I always give the same three-word answer: “Let Dad decide!”

Moms choose academic preschools out of fear. They worry their youngster won't be ready for kindergarten without preparation in phonics, numerals, counting, and handwriting. They need Dads to set them straight.
Moms choose academic preschools out of fear. They worry their youngster won't be ready for kindergarten without preparation in phonics, numerals, counting, and handwriting. They need Dads to set them straight. | Source

Boys Would Have a More Enriching Experience if Dads Picked Their Preschool

Although fathers today do more hands-on parenting than ever before, moms still dominate when it comes to picking preschools. Dads cower silently on the sidelines, believing their wives know best. Their lack of participation and input doom their sons to a highly disappointing and developmentally inappropriate first experience at school.

If fathers were to get involved, remembering how they learned best when they were 4 and 5, they would ensure a more enriching and stimulating experience for their boys. They'd help their sons discover that learning is fun, empowering, exciting, and fueled by their own curiosity and imagination, not spoon-fed to them by teachers. They'd guarantee that their sons get a broad education that would prepare them for the challenges of life, not a narrow one that merely sets them up for success in kindergarten.

Preschools Today Are Too "Girly-Girl" for Boys

As it stands now, too many moms are choosing academic preschools for their sons that turn them off to learning at a young age. They must sit still for long circle times, endure tedious teacher-directed lessons, suffer through rote-learning tasks, and listen to meaningless information that's not developmentally appropriate. The calendar, the letter of the week, phonics, handwriting, counting to 100, and whatever theme the preschool has ordained for the month (transportation, space, authors, the environment, mammals) is thrust upon them whether they're interested or not.

This “girly-girl” approach makes boys feel that learning is a passive pursuit— something they must do to please their teacher and parents, especially mom. It feels stiff, unnatural, and repressive. Their brains and bodies are primed to be actively engaged at this age and to learn by doing: playing, exploring, communicating, cooperating, solving problems, taking risks, being loud, and acting rambunctious. But, at today's girly-girl academic preschools, these behaviors are considered rowdy and are frowned upon while submissive ones get praised. Sitting quietly, keeping your hands to yourself, listening to stories, and following the rules get rewarded while independence, non-conformity, and curiosity are discouraged.

An Education System That Punishes Boys

Given today's shocking statistics, boys are clearly at a disadvantage in our educational system and it all begins in preschool. Girls have made huge strides in the academic arena while boys have fallen behind. Their needs, interests, and proclivities have been ignored or trivialized. If they are to succeed at school, they must behave like girls, learn like girls, and have the self-discipline of girls. If they don't, they might suffer some harsh consequences:

  • 80 percent of those who are prescribed Ritalin in the US are boys
  • 80 percent of drop-outs in the US are boys
  • 70 percent of all D's and F's are issued to boys
  • 90 percent of all school discipline referrals are given to boys
  • less than 40 percent of college students are male

Long circle times, teacher-directed lessons, worksheets, and rote learning are part of the "girly girl" approach at academic preschools. It makes boys think the education system is not for them.
Long circle times, teacher-directed lessons, worksheets, and rote learning are part of the "girly girl" approach at academic preschools. It makes boys think the education system is not for them. | Source

Normal Behavior in Boys Is Now Considered Disruptive

When I taught special education at an inner-city elementary school, I'd walk by the kindergarten each day at lunch on my way to the faculty room. Without fail, the same 5-year-old boy would be sitting on the floor in the hallway outside his classroom. I'd wonder what horrible thing this cherubic-looking child did to get him banished again and again. I'd wonder how his parents would feel if they knew he was spending a big chunk of the school day in time-out alone in the hall.

When I began working with him and his first-year teacher, I quickly realized his horrific offense: he had the audacity to be a 5-year-old boy stuck in a girly-girl classroom! While his teacher was well-meaning, she was also inexperienced and overwhelmed. She was under enormous pressure to get her students ready for first grade. This charming little guy couldn't sit still at the tables while working in his handwriting book. He poked his buddies when his teacher reviewed the patterns on the calendar. He hated being cooped up inside doing phonics worksheets instead of being outside climbing, running, and playing basketball. In other words, he was a perfectly normal 5-year-old boy being asked to do activities that were developmentally inappropriate in order to satisfy our obsession with academic rigor in the early years. I knew without a doubt he would never graduate high school and never even consider college unless big things changed during his academic journey.

A Call to Action for Fathers of Preschool-Aged Sons

So this is a call to action for fathers of preschool-aged boys. Make it your mission to get involved in choosing your sons' preschool, picking a place where you would have been happy and engaged when you were 4 and 5. Moms, take a step back and let go of the worries you have about kids not being prepared for kindergarten. They will eventually learn to write, read, and do math, but there's no advantage to doing it prematurely when there's a whole wide world of things for them to explore and discover now. With that in mind, here are 5 essential things dads should look for when searching for their sons' preschool:

1. A Teacher Who Understands and Likes Boys

A teacher—sitting on a throne-like chair in front of a calendar, weather chart, and “letter of the week” poster—is girly-girl and wants to prepare her class academically for kindergarten. She's typically over-enthralled with paper-pencil tasks (workbooks, worksheets, and journals). To her, they represent “real learning.”

A boy-friendly preschool teacher, on the other hand, rarely sits. Instead of acting like the source of all knowledge, she's constantly in motion as she facilitates play and exploration: dragging the hose across the yard so kids can build castles in the sandbox, grabbing the marble jar so kids can roll them through their maze of blocks, bringing out the magnifying lenses so kids can get a better look at the ant hill they've discovered. A boy-friendly preschool teacher doesn't need to make her presence known by sitting on a throne and dispensing knowledge. Her presence is always felt by her warm, supportive spirit.

2. A Play-Based Preschool, Not an Academic One

Brushing aside common sense and decades of educational research, many mothers choose academic preschools for their sons because they want them well-prepared when they start elementary school. They're cognizant of the rigorous demands now placed on kindergartners to read, write, and do math so they're petrified that their child will be behind. Fathers, however, see the folly in all this and know instinctively that boys learn best by doing.

Studies show time and time again that preschoolers learn best through play, social interaction, and hands-on exploration. However, recent studies go even further by illuminating the harmful effects that early academics can have on young children, causing them undue stress, stifling their creativity, suppressing their natural curiosity, and turning them off to learning. Jane Healy, a noted educational psychologist, says: “Early childhood programs that implement a directed academic curriculum often replace essential hands-on learning activities with skill-based performance and rote-learning tasks. In doing so, they risk the developmental growth necessary for children's future academic success.” Teaching too much, too soon makes kids appear smarter and easily impresses parents, especially moms. However, there are no long-term benefits to early academic learning and now we know there are many potential negative ones.

An academic preschool is extremely limiting at a time when a child's experiences should be broadened. Too much, too soon causes undue stress on kids and stifles their creativity.
An academic preschool is extremely limiting at a time when a child's experiences should be broadened. Too much, too soon causes undue stress on kids and stifles their creativity. | Source

3. Lots of Open Space, Not Lots of Decorations

Too often moms get overly impressed by the cute decorations in a preschool classroom: the bulletin boards, the posters, the curtains, the calendar, and the weather chart. Dads, though, have a better eye for what boys really need to explore, grow, and have fun: lots of space! Without it, the possibilities for learning are greatly reduced.

In a small environment, the teacher is forced to tell her students to avoid all the activities that are so crucial for their development: running, jumping, skipping, climbing, crawling, balancing, and building. Because it gets too loud in a tiny space, she must constantly remind them to “use their indoor voices” at a time when they should be encouraged to talk, debate, ask questions, sing, and pretend.

Children are kinesthetic learners, meaning they discover the world through moving their bodies. A classroom needs a lot of open space (not just small “learning centers”) so kids can do the activities they choose: pretending to ice-skate at an imaginary rink, building an entire city with blocks, lining up dominoes from one wall to the other, and acting like firefighters rushing to put out a blaze. A preschool with multiple classrooms and an outdoor area is best so kids have lots of options for creativity and movement.

4. Plenty of Outdoor Time

After being minimized for far too long, outdoor time at preschool is finally getting its due. Most dads, though, know its benefits without perusing the research. They remember how much they gained from being outside as kids: splashing in puddles, running through the woods, playing hide-and-go-seek, collecting leaves, and digging for worms. While some preschools provide a mere 15 minutes of outside time (which is not nearly enough), the more enlightened ones offer it as an option throughout the day. At “forest schools,” which are gaining popularity in many communities, kids spend the entire school day in nature, playing and exploring.

The benefits of outdoor play include the following:

  • it combats childhood obesity

  • it enhances fine and gross motor skills

  • it improves strength, balance, and overall coordination

  • it promotes self-confidence as youngsters build new physical skills

  • it promotes social skills: communication, cooperation, and team work

  • it reduces stress

  • it increases attention spans

Boys need a preschool that celebrates outdoor play. Contrary to what some moms (and even teachers) believe, it's not a waste of time. It has huge benefits: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Boys need a preschool that celebrates outdoor play. Contrary to what some moms (and even teachers) believe, it's not a waste of time. It has huge benefits: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. | Source

5. Opportunity to Choose Their Own Activities and Make Their Own Decisions

My middle-aged husband still laments how he was forced to do art projects in preschool and how he hated them. In his memories, he'd be fully engaged in an activity with his buddies—making tunnels in the sandbox, building blocks on the rug, or pretending to be chefs in the play kitchen—when his teacher would call him over to do a finger painting or make a potato print. His felt defeated because he couldn't make his own choices and do what truly lit his fire.

Men such as my husband know instinctively the value in letting kids set their own agenda at preschool, and the research backs them up. When children get to choose their activities, guided by their own interest and curiosity, motivation increases, learning gets deeper, and independence grows. Young kids need large blocks of time to delve into their pursuits without adult interruption. David Elkind, the highly regarded author on child development, believes that choosing their own activities is far more important than learning academic skills. He writes, “the characteristics of learning readiness are developed rather than taught and only through numerous concrete interactions with the world can a young child prepare to benefit from formal instruction later.” In other words, it's far more important that preschoolers pursue their passions by choosing their own activities rather than sitting passively at circle time, writing the alphabet in workbooks, or learning to count to 100.

Taking Back Childhood: A Proven Roadmap for Raising Confident, Creative, Compassionate Kids
Taking Back Childhood: A Proven Roadmap for Raising Confident, Creative, Compassionate Kids

As a former preschool and kindergarten teacher, I can't say enough wonderful things about this book. We need Nancy Carlsson-Paige as a voice of reason, advocating for our youngest learners. Too many experts in early childhood education have gotten silenced in our country's push for academic rigor. Nancy does a fantastic job of explaining why kids need more imaginative play and down-time and fewer teacher-directed lessons. I highly recommend this book for parents looking for the right preschool.


Questions & Answers

    © 2018 McKenna Meyers


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      • letstalkabouteduc profile imageAUTHOR

        McKenna Meyers 

        8 months ago from Bend, OR

        Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and pinning, RTalloni. Our goals for preschool have become so short-sighted—preparing kids for kindergarten—and we've lost the all-important child-centered experience. Parents need to get informed and become more outspoken about the issue. Right now they're parenting out of fear, worried that their child will be behind when starting elementary school if not given academic instruction at preschool. In affluent areas, they do redshirting of kids (especially boys) so they start kindergarten at 6 and will do better. It's a sad time for early childhood education in the United States, but I'm sure it will turn around because the research doesn't support what we're doing.

      • RTalloni profile image


        8 months ago from the short journey

        Bravo a thousand times over! Preschools are too often designed and managed for the grownups involved. This should be required reading for parents before they take a newborn home. Pinning to my Home Education board.

      • letstalkabouteduc profile imageAUTHOR

        McKenna Meyers 

        11 months ago from Bend, OR

        Yes, you're right Kylyssa and thanks for your thoughtful comments. Girls are also active learners at preschool and learn best by doing. Boys, however, are getting unduly penalized in their early years for not being able to do things girls do easily such as sitting still and listening. I visit dozens of preschools each year and never see girls "acting up" at circle time but see boys doing it all the time (and getting punished for it). It doesn't mean the girls are benefiting from the circle time activities (or enjoying them) but, at least, they can endure while some boys can't. Then the boys get labeled as "immature" and "hyperactive" at 3, 4, and 5 (which is absolutely insane) and happened to my own little boy.

        Boys are retained in the early years of schooling twice the rate of girls and are 3 times as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. This is not caused by poor academic performance on their part but by "bad" and "naughty" behavior that the teachers see as disrespectful and disruptive. In a study called "Teaching Boys: A Global Study of Effective Practices," the authors call for education to become more boy-friendly with lessons that involve movement, games, interaction, and competition.

      • Kylyssa profile image

        Kylyssa Shay 

        11 months ago from Overlooking a meadow near Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA

        Why shouldn't the parents make such important decisions together? Also, why do you think girls aren't active learners? Unless you force them to play quietly with dolls or something all the time and actively discourage play and exploration, girls are just as active as boys. Why not stop suppressing the girls' natural need for active learning and make the education suitable for all active learners instead of only choosing a good school for your sons, instead?

        Play, exploration, and hands-on learning also mold girls. You should know instinctively that most children, regardless of sex, are active learners.

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 

        11 months ago from Olympia, WA

        It's a fascinating perspective, McKenna, and in my opinion, as a former teacher, you are right on! Thank you for sharing an important aspect of education.


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