10 Things You Wish You Could Say to Your Mother-in-Law
Is your mother-in-law getting on your last nerve? Do you find yourself having mental arguments with her long after she's gone? Do you constantly think about the things you'd like to say to her?
If that's the case, you are a ticking time bomb about to explode. You've held your tongue for too long. The next time she steps over the line, you might just give her a piece of your mind. But let's face it...you probably won't. Part of you thinks it's your husband's job to lay down the law to his mother. Part of you is afraid of making it worse. Part of you is just struggling to find the right words.
But if you were to find the courage, what exactly would you say? To help you out, here is a list of top 10 things daughters-in-law want to say to their mothers-in-law.
1. This is none of your business
Be it my marital disputes, my clothes, hairstyle, tattoos, financial status, religion or lack thereof - this is none of your business. Discussing it with me, my husband or anyone else is simply out of line. Quit sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!
2. I appreciate the advice but I will make my own decisions
A little advice can be helpful, when it's asked for. But inserting your opinion into everything I do and without any prompting from me is rude and meddlesome. Because guess what? When I hear unsolicited advice from you, I take it as criticism.
3. Please call or text before coming over
Where are your manners?! I wouldn't dream of coming to your house unannounced, yet you have no regard for my time and space.
And another thing...If you think that the best way to visit our family is to barge in unexpectedly when the dishes are piled up in a sink, the kids are running amok and my hair is tied in a greasy bun atop my tired mascara-less face, don't be offended when you're not welcomed with open arms.
4. Stop fussing over my husband
I know that to you he will always be that cute little boy that used to run around naked in your living room, but he is a grown man now. Treating him like a baby may take you back to happier times but it's actually detrimental to his marriage and life in general.
Instead of attending to his every whim as if he was helpless, encourage him to take initiative. He's perfectly capable of washing dishes or doing a load of laundry once in a while.
5. It hurt my feelings
Your passive aggressive remarks are just as hurtful as open insults. And when you say things like that, it's hard for me to be around you.
I know you are not happy with me but it doesn't give you the right to talk down to me, belittle me or otherwise hurt my feelings.
6. You don’t have to agree with my parental choices, but you have to respect them
You may not agree with how I raise my child. You may think it silly. You may even say something along the lines of: "I did it this way and my kids turned out fine."
I respect your age and experience but what you did as a mother doesn't concern me. I am the mother now and I will make all parental decisions together with my husband, and no one else.
7. If you have an issue with me, talk to me about it
I know I'm not perfect. I know you wish I did certain things differently. And I know I may have inadvertently offended you from time to time.
Don't just write me off as rude, selfish or ungrateful. Talk to me, not about me. Bring it up gently when we're alone and I promise you, I will be open to your feedback. Not only that, I will have so much more respect for you as a person.
8. Please don’t rearrange my house without my permission
I know you think that you know better where everything should go because you're such a natural housekeeper and let's face it, you're just good at everything. But it's my house, even if it doesn't make sense to you.
9. Accept me for who I am
I’m tired of trying to please you, and still feeling like you'll never accept me for who I am.
I am not the same as you. I grew up in a different time and environment. I have different views, tastes, dreams, aspirations. It doesn't mean that I'm not as good as you or that you have to try to change me into who you want me to be.
10. Stop acting holier than thou
You like to toast to family at dinners. You speak of how important family is, especially when a lot of people are listening. You say that God wants us to be close, to love and support each other, to go to events and religious services together. You talk the talk but you don't walk the walk.
If you were truly a woman of God, you'd show it with your actions. You would not be bashing me to anyone who'd listen. You would not be disrespecting my choices as a wife and mother. You would not be quietly hoping for me to fail so you can say: told you so. We are family; act like it.
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© 2017 Lana Adler