How to Gain Your Freedom From Overprotective Parents

Updated on February 16, 2018
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If you have overprotective parents, you'll be familiar with the fight that comes with wanting to go out of the house or hanging out with friends. Depending on how overprotective they are (there's definitely different levels), you may or may not be in for a real fight, even if you're just wanting to go out to see a movie with a bunch of friends.

For me, my mom was always super-protective-how-dare-you-want-to-go-out-you-must-hate-me, while my dad encouraged me to go out. When I was younger I couldn't stand against my mom, so I grew up never hanging out with friends or leaving the house. Throughout elementary school and middle school whenever someone asked if I wanted to do something with them, I would ask my mom and eventually be guilted into not going. After that, I stopped trying and my friends stopped asking if I could do something (as I never could).

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Keep in Mind...

...the end goal in mind before confrontation. It will help you stand your ground.

Prepare Yourself and Your Resolve

If you've reached the point where you are tired of not being able to go out with friends, or you want more freedom for yourself, the first thing you need to do is ready your mind. This is crucial. The first time you make your stand against your parent(s), you'll have to fight against caving in.

For me, this didn't happen until my third year of college or so. Yes, I know that is a very, very long time. I regret not going to any of my high school dances. Although to be honest, I wasn't too interested in dancing and I was super self conscious and rarely said a word to anyone throughout high school. I did however, really want to go to the party after prom, but my mom somehow ended up guilt-ing me into not going. I ended up crying and just thinking "fine, I didn't want to go anyway."

Tips to Keep in Mind

  • If you're parents know your friends/who you'll be hanging out with, they'll be more likely to say yes.
  • Don't push too far, too fast. Take is slow.
  • If they say no right away, try bartering with how good you're doing at school and how you'll be back before a certain time.
  • Keep in touch with your parents and let them know you're okay when you're out. (It's annoying, but a small sacrifice)

Do you usually cave-in and let your parents have their way?

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How to Make Your Stand

Before even confronting your parent(s), keep your end goal in mind. If it's to go out with friends to a movie, don't let them win right away. It's okay if you don't get what you want at first. Try to barter and keep it at a level that they will be comfortable with.

If your parents don't want you hanging around with the opposite sex (which is another issue, but relevant), assure them that there will be a lot of people going. If they don't like you being out past a certain hour, see a movie and be back before that time. After a while, you can start asking for more. They will get more comfortable with you leaving the house. Just give them what they want somewhat (like a text message when you get there) and don't push too far too quickly.

Honestly, it's a lot like taking baby steps. Don't expect them to be okay with you having a serious date and not coming home until 1am the first time you ask. Let them build their trust in you first and get comfortable before stretching their limits.

And really, it's not so much as "asking" as putting your foot down. This may be hard at first, but if you open yourself up to a "yes or no" question, they're going to automatically say no, because they said so. An example of this would be "I want to go to the movies this Friday with so and so. A lot of people will be there and I'll be home by xxx. I'll text you when I get there."

Depending on how they answer, you may end up having to barter and convince them. "I've been doing really well in school lately and I don't go out a lot. I'll be sure to be careful, xxx is driving." It also helps if your parents know who you are hanging out with. If you have to bring them by, go for it. Play video games, ask if they can come over for dinner, etc. If you're parents are comfortable with your choice in friends, they'll be less likely to say no.

If you give up, you'll always regret watching your life pass without you doing anything about it.
If you give up, you'll always regret watching your life pass without you doing anything about it. | Source

Be Patient and Keep Trying

I can't stress how important it is to keep trying and pushing your boundaries. Depending on how overprotective and how hard it is for you to get your parents to agree to let you have your way, the longer it'll take to get them used to the idea.

One of the things my mom always complained about it that I was "given a little freedom and then I took advantage of it." Yeah, because I had been cooped up for years and years! But realistically, this made it harder to get her used to the idea of me going out. I probably should have taken it slower, but by that time I was 19 or 20 and I knew that she was being unreasonable.

Be prepared for "I'm not talking to you" and the silent treatment every once in a while. I luckily had my dad to help calm my mom down sometimes, but I would still come home and find that my mom wasn't speaking to me. Eventually though, she did finally get used to me leaving the house, having a job, hanging out with friends and having a boyfriend. It wasn't in any way easy for her to accept it, but I tried to make it easier by spending time with her.

I figure that one of her biggest fears was me not wanting to spend time with her, so I made sure to still watch tv and our shows together and keep in touch with her via texting when I could.

It's not easy, but if it's something that you want, keep trying. It's well worth the struggle and once you finally do gain your freedom and independence, you'll find that you don't feel as anxious, lonely and caged up as you used to.

Questions & Answers

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      • profile image

        Katie 

        5 hours ago

        My mom is just crazy on trying to find every possible little thing to try and get me into trouble so that her excuse tp say no is that I am grounded. My friend and I were trying to study together. we both do our study guide by our selves and when we are done we check answers with each other. it not a grade, we get NO credit for completing this study guide (its not an assignment) but she insists that I am trying to cheat and copy someone else's question when I clearly did mine by my self and was just checking answers. she wants to get my friend in trouble and tell my teacher that I was cheating. What should I do if she wants to ground me all the time? I Have Rally good good grades, the best they have ever been actually, so she finds something else to pick at. it really discourages me and now I don't even want to study.

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        Alexis 

        12 hours ago

        My dad is fine, but both my dad and step-mom are Christians. My step-mom will not let me do anything outside of the house, and the longest I can be on my phone is an hour. They also track my text messages, I mean, I get not texting guys, but still this is... ugh i don't know. I am pan(romantic) but they don't know because I know my stepmom would never let it go. I have only been to a friend's house once and that is because she was in choir with me. I have a school computer that I use for anything. My dad checks my computer history, and I am not able to erase it. My parents don't trust me with anything and the only place I am allowed to go(ever) is my grandparent's house. I also have two brothers, both older so I guess part of it is that they(my parents) don't want my brothers to feel left out, but I am the one being left out. Whenever they do anything fun outside of the house I have to go to my grandparent's. I am 14, so moving out is not an option yet. What do I do? Please someone help. No one at school is willing to help me.

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        Kid 

        6 days ago

        I’m 17 year old and my dad literally doesn’t let me go anywhere if i do want to go somewhere it has to be school related or I can leave with friends some place else but be home by 7 which is like no time to do anything it’s funny Because I just turned 17 couple of weeks ago and all of a sudden I have all these rules it’s frustrating because I really do want to go out with friends and he doesn’t trust me he thinks I’m going to do bad things when I’m just going to go watch a movie or go eat. I’m at the point where I have to lie where I’m going I stay after school saying I’m at Tutoring but I’m actually at my friends house. I don’t like lying but I don’t have a choice I tried having a talk with him telling him I’m old enough to take care of myslef but nothing

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        Nic 

        6 days ago

        I just turned 23 and had already graduated college. It is depressing whenever my friends would ask me to hang out, just talk or eat out or sometimes drink a little. My friends were good people, smart even, i had friends who are student leaders and one is even a cum laude. I've never had a night out and they wouldnt allow me to sleepover even with my longest and closests friends. I don't even get to go out on hikes or outings because I wasn't allowed. I am too tired to ask and explain because they dont even try to understand me.

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        Ben 

        2 weeks ago

        My Mom and dad are very overprotective it can become a huge problem my parents never allowed me to go out with my friends in middle school and becuse of that I have littel friends, and the biggest problem of it all. I now have very littel social skills and get nervous around alot of people especially around girls am 18 now , I have an car and drivers licence, and my parents dont alow me to go to friends even if they live around the block from me, Relationships has also become a problem becuse its a real struggel to convince them that i want to go see the girl in person , becuse of that my Relationships never work out :( I feel caged up as am not even allowed to leave the house I tried talking to my parents and did not help as they always have there way to say no to everything I want to do . Becuse of all this problems am very insecure and have very littel social skills with people and struggel to get an girlfriend as am not allowed to even go see her . Pleas help me

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        Anonymous 

        2 weeks ago

        I am 22 and still my parents try to control everything. I am independent. Despite this. What do I do?

      • profile image

        Sarah 

        2 weeks ago

        I’m 15 and my mum won’t let me go out shopping with my friends. She says if I want to go she has to drive me up there and walk around with us!!! Its so annoying because I’ve been to the mall like 100 times but I can’t tell her because then I’d get the lecture of safety and everything. She’s literally smothering me like I ever get any space from her. And whenever I bring it up she just goes “I’m just trying to keep you safe” I don’t know what to do! I’ve tried all the things in this article and they’re just not working

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        Anika 

        3 weeks ago

        Hello.. I m in a big trouble.. My parents doesn't allow me to go outside.. I live in a very small village where colleges are not available.. I have studied up to 10th.. My dad is very stricted and he doesn't allow me to go out side some big towns or cities for study.. I want freedom.. I talked with him a lot of time.. He doesn't allow me to do anything.. He says only learn how to cook.. That's it.. I can't fulfil my dreams my hobbies.. Please help..

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        Stella 

        3 weeks ago

        My parents are really overprotective, to the point where I sometimes lie to them about things, such as telling her I'm going to the nearby park to exercise, but in reality, I'm just there to meet and hang out with my friends. Even so, they think that it is not safe for me to go there "alone" just because it's an "open" area, and I could be abducted or some stupid piece of shit thoughts they have. And I know they're trying to protect me, but this is too much. They can't even trust me to walk to the park myself, in the afternoon, and that park is always filled with people, and mostly people I know. Like, if I get abducted, it's my fault. And only I am to blame. But the fact that i need to lie to them to do something just shows that history is repeating itself. My mother used to lie to my granny all the time to play with her friends, maybe now it's my turn to do so. I totally get how you feel girl, its always " When you cming back? Who is that? Who you hangin with? Boys? How many times have I told you not to hang out with them?!

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        john 

        4 weeks ago

        This helped me a lot with my English task for school about writing a text about this subject! thanxx

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        Anonymous 

        5 weeks ago

        Ok 1 is it bad that im only 13 and 2 ive been trying to do all of this and it isnt working. Yes my perents arent as strict as all of your perents but still they wont let me do anything really like my mom has to know their perents. Please help

      • profile image

        mm 

        5 weeks ago

        my mom is always checking everything i do she does not trust me at all.

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        anonymus 

        6 weeks ago

        I'm turning 16 soon and my parent's strictness has not changed, no going out with friends unless my mum has been friends with their parents for at least 2 yrs, only close friends birthdays(my friends don't even bother asking me if I want to go out anymore), after a lot of arguing, no sc until yr 12 ( gonna have to find a way to hide that ). Must read through all msgs, know who, when and what I'm texting and basically, I can't do anything. If I'm seen on my phone for 1 second ( which btw is broken now and won't get fixed in forever), she suddenly snatches it from me and checks everything and says I'm on it too much and when I get good grades as well, if I'm seen talking to the opposite gender she always asks me about it, unless they are good family friends from like 5 yrs ago, shes only looking out for me but just let me live a little bit pls?. I don't go partying or get drunk (like some ppl my age) when I had snapchat I just put pictures of the sunset or my drawings, never add strangers, so basically I've never done anything wrong or bad. If your reading this first of all thank you for reading my comment, if u also have strict parents that won't lay of your back, just wait it out and be patient and trust me I've been doing it my whole life and I still have so much more time left to wait. The kids with the strictest parents are the best at hiding, just don't hide anything bad from them that would hurt them, have a good day!

      • profile image

        A.N 

        7 weeks ago

        I am turning sixteen on December sixteenth. I don't go out, i don't hang out with friends, I don't go anywhere with out my mother unless it is a field trip with friends, I can't even go out or sleep over my cousins house for gods sake! I was home schooled my ninth grade year because I had to help her with my new born baby brother and that made me very antisocial. I am a tenth grader right now and I still haven't seen any changes!!! I am sick and tired of living with this lady. She judges all of my friends too! Just about four days ago I went to a football game and she had an attitude about me going because she didn't know who I was going with. While I was waiting I went up the street to pickup some Chinese food before the game and she flipped the fuck out. My mom is a Jamaican woman and already they're very strict and old school. My friends parents are very strict and do not do half the stuff my mom does!!! I used to get asked to go to parties, brunch, malls, etc to the point where I stopped making excuses and blatantly said no myself. She wonders why I don't want anyone to know her and meet her. I am embarrassed of her ok? She embarrasses me so much it becomes disrespect out in public. I just want to turn eighteen and be able to do what I want. She told me once I turn sixteen more leeway will come. My bedtime is the same as my eleven year old sister(which is 8:30) is bullshit like what the actual fuck?! She took away my phone because she was "searching for a picture I took with my brother" and saw my close friend and I text messages. Yes I talk about inappropriate things, but the difference is I am not the one doing it. I am the person to help my friends with their problems and is very open to every topic that is introduced in a new conversation. She wants my social media, my only social media which is Snapchat, to go through my messages and pictures. I don't have anything inappropriate on there that is about me but the conversations with people are about different people that have done wrong. Every time I talk to her about it it is always "you lie to much. That's why I cannot trust you." My mom does not even make an effort to trust me because she is so paranoid with her little piece of shit thoughts. My mom and I are the same sign, Sagittarius, and she rebelled the same way to her parents because they were strict pentecostal christian parents which got her kicked out of the house. And she wonders why I am acting this way, I do not like being told no especially when it does not make sense to me. I literally cry to myself because it is too much to think about where I have been told has given me a minor type of depression. She's even scared for me to have male friends. But to wrap this up I hate my life and my mothers strict ways. Anyone want to switch parents?

      • profile image

        Natalie 

        7 weeks ago

        This is so meeee. I wanted to go to a football game with a friend tonight so we carpool and my friend took me their we had a great time then my mom came and realized that there wasn’t a parent there with us (this was a town game with many close friends) so she wouldn’t let us leave her sight until my friends dad came ughhhhhhh. She totally embarrassed me

      • profile image

        H .k 

        2 months ago

        I am 20. Still my mom not allowed me a phone ,she doesn't understand me she always used to scold me because of her over care . I don't know what to do

      • profile image

        Unknown 

        2 months ago

        My mom just dosent trust me at all I can never really do anything like just recently My boyfriend broken up with me because I can never leave my house she’ll never let me go places my self with my friends or I can’t go places without a family member coming with me.

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        2 months ago

        I’m 18 and my mom won’t allow me to do anything. I can’t even go to the movies with friends and I literally live 5 mins away from the theater. Everytime she sees me on the phone with my boyfriend she calls me to do something then try to hang the phone up. My dad allows my boyfriend to come over but she gets mad if we even step outside or sit beside each other in the couch. He’s willing to take me anywhere I want to have fun because she can not afford it but she refused no matter how excited I am about it. I wanted to go to my prom after party but she refused to send me. I literally cried and begged her but she insisted that I would be out too late and she won’t be able to sleep until I get home and she’s not losing sleep because of some silly party. She promised me when I’m 18 I’ll be allowed to go out but now she’s changing everything. She keeps saying I look sad whenever she looks at my face but I’m afraid to tell her she’s the reason I’m sad I rather not hurt her feelings. I just need her to give me my space

      • profile image

        ano 

        2 months ago

        I hate this so much I want more freedom to go outside and hang out with friends Not getting whatever I want and staying at home

      • profile image

        gg 

        2 months ago

        So, I am 20 a university student. I have been in deep thoughts these days by seeing how my friends are going out alone easily like “Mom, I am going for a movie with .. Will be back afternoon” when here I am I have to ask my mom that I want to go somewhere maybe a hangout with friends or a friend and I am not 100 percent sure I will get a “YES”. If it is a yes, they will drive me to that destination they will wait for me until I am done with whatever I am doing and I just have to hop into the car and go home. It is really getting frustrating. I have been that clever girl every mom probably wants (?) I never really rebel and that might be one of the reasons I am afraid to do so now. I can’t go to any far places to hang out or eat with friends become it will be FAR for them to drive me to get there so when my friends make plan they have to choose the places near me so I could come. My family just don’t let me go out alone. I can’t ride a bus taxi that every friend of mine are using. I am really thankful that my family is always doing this but for god’s sake I am 20 and I wish they would believe in me a bit more that I can be independent. They say they are worried I understand they give me what I want as long as I stay at home. Another thing, my mom says no boyfriend until “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHEN” She doesn’t like things like that It is not like I have someone but it is really hard for me to hang out with a guy. I am really scared she might have the wrong idea about us I don’t even know how to ask for permission My pathetic ass is fragile one thing my mon says can hurt me a lot She knows I have lots of guy friends tho Just that I do lots of group hang outs but if one guy bestfriend of mine is treating me for his birthday but I am pretty sure my mom is gonna be outside waiting for me If I told her we are going to eat I can only eat no extra activities movies or arcade or sth I feel trapped and suffocated having this thought that she is waiting for me I know she believes in me But I wish she raises her level of understanding in that case I mean I AM NOT DATING ANYONE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T WANT ME TO DO SO NO ONE EVEN LIKES ME THEY KNOW I AM A MAMA GIRL THEY KNOW I CAN’T HAVE A BOYRFRIEND I am so fed up feeling my heart shaken up whenever I have to ask permission to hang out with a guy friend

      • profile image

        eeja 

        2 months ago

        My mom is not highly protective , she doesn't allow me to go anywhere without her or a member of the family. and some places only without her u r not allowed to go. she sometimes allows me to go to my friends house but not for a long time. she never let me hangout in malls with friends unless it's a field trip from school or university. I only have one close friend bc she's the only one i go to her house that's it. I cry a lot because that makes me feel trapped in a cage and it just not building my personality and makes me always feel sad about everything in my life. I stay in house not going anywhere apart from university for 3 weeks ,from uni to home ,from home to uni. and i'm telling my self for sure this gonna change one day , how? i don't know but i need to have faith in this and hope that it does. if i can't enjoy my life while being young , when will i enjoy it ? and when will I become an adult in her eyes that should take care of herself. i'm 18 btw. all i wanna say to her is that I'm a human and i deserve my good amount of freedom too. i'm not gonna wait until i get married and go into another cage .and i just wanna have fun and have some kind of adventures in my life.

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        dw 

        2 months ago

        i can never do anything

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        Ty 

        2 months ago

        okay so i never get out the house unless its with my family members .. im at good child i get good grades and i know how to present myself when im going out places. im always in my room shuttered in there with absolutely nothing to do . my brother goes to the movies with his friends he smokes and he also steals ..he gets to spend the night at their house and everything. when i ask to go somewhere its always a no i dont know if my mom hates me but i literally have no freedom i cry in my room because when my friends ask me can i go somewhere with them its embarrassing to tell them "my mom said i can't go" i honestly think she hates me she has so much negatuve things to say about me ... i want to tell her how i feel but i think she will take it as a joke . its crazy how i cant talk to my mom about anything because the way she thinks an how her attitude is set up . yo i cant even spend my own money ... and nobody understands me im not a bad child i just want atleast a little freedom .

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        Anna 

        2 months ago

        My mom and sister are all I have. My mom is very controlling, and my sister, she's great at guilt tripping people.

        I'm nearly 23 years old, I've never really hung out with friends because my mom would panic. She'd text or call almost every moment she could. It would irritate me.

        Even now, I'm at my boyfriend's mom's place and my sister tries to guilt trip me because she's dealing with drama at home and making it seem like "wow it's great that you're happy, but what about me and mom" and I hate it. I'm tired of being told stuff like that. Most of my life I've been cooped up in the house. No real contact with people.

        I don't want that. And both of them need to stop telling me what I don't already know. I love who I'm with and nothing is gonna change that no matter what the cost.

        I just want freedom for once.

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        unknown 

        2 months ago

        I turned 18 a couple months ago , I still have a year to graduate..my mom would still take my phone away when school starts and I can only use it in the weekends , Im not allowed to go out much either , I see my friends having fun and living there teenage lives partying and getting their drivers license and etc. and some of them are even younger than me and have their freedom.. I have a boyfriend but im not allowed to see him much we're both suffering from that ... I just dont know when will she treat me like im an actual adult and make me feel independent and to let me go wherever the hell I want ..

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        Unknown 

        2 months ago

        My parents won't let me play computer for shit. Even if I study read a book they say I can only play 1 fucking hour while my other friends playing until their eyes bleed out and guess what their test results are all good their parents all good with them playing whatever they want however they want. I have to play on a laptop that can't take any proper games (fortnite can fuck off) and even if it does take a game THEY DONT LET ME FUCKING BUY IT I have been playing league of legends for 2 years now I want to play something else. When I ask my mum can I play on the computer she says no and tells me to revise study etc. when I do these things she will say "you are not doing these things for me you are doing these things for yourself and this right now isn't enough" WHAT THE FUCK IS ENOUGH?what is enough what is can you please tell me what is considered "enough". She talks to me about this friend of hers whom just makes her kids revise 4 hours doesn't let them touch the computer in weekdays and 1 hour on the weekend I keep telling her those kids will get good jobs and good for them but maybe I don't want to be like them maybe I just want to have fun? I am not against getting a good education I even want it but this is just too much its even the start of the year and she is still doing this. Takes my phone away after 6. I mean at least let me have my fucking phone is that too much to ask what else do you want from me.

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        Unknown 

        3 months ago

        My mom has never let me go to a sleepover and she never let me be on a trampoline. She takes away my phone every time I get back from school. I can't have any social media. I can't listen to any music that isn't Christian music. I can never go to a friend's house without her. I can't go anywhere without her.

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        Morgan 

        3 months ago

        I have a phone but it’s a “home “ phone so I have to share it with my nine year old sister and I’m not allowed to have any games or apps that aren’t already in the phone I’m twelve and I’m the only one without a phone I’m not allowed to wear makeup and my mom won’t even let me have slime because I’m too “messy” she doesn’t even trusts she always checks my history and texts is so fucking annoying

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        Unknown 

        3 months ago

        My parents are overprotective of m phone. It was taken away for having a Instagram. After a year it was given back bu not even a month it was taken for talking about pride month. Me and my brother don't have safari nor app store. We have o ask o download an app,

        but hey inspect he app and have to deem it worthy if we can have it.

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        JJ 

        3 months ago

        I really want to join a club but My Parents are so over protective and want me to literally stay home and stare at them in order for me not to do anything.

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        Alexi 

        3 months ago

        My mom won't even let me go on field trips, school dances ext.. Its actual hell on earth.

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        Faith 

        3 months ago

        Im 19 and my dad wont let me out of the house ive never been out at night all i do is just sit at home and i think my boyfriend is tired of me giving him excuses of not being able to go out im really tired of this and i just cant wait to go to college and experience fun life a lil.

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        Hassan gujjar 

        3 months ago

        Expect this is white mom advice non of this works for desi parents

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        randomdepressedperson 

        3 months ago

        My parents have been so overprotective they homeschooled me my whole life, and I'm an adult who's still not able to leave the house alone.

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        cantstandthis 

        3 months ago

        I hate this. I havent been outside of this house in a week

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        Jorge 

        4 months ago

        My mom wants to keep taking me to school tmr is my first day of my freshman year and she still wants to take me i want to experience how it is to go alone and adapt in an emergency, i might not be brave enough to go alone in any situation idk what to do if i tell her i want to go alone she starts telling my dad :,(

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        Calvin 

        4 months ago

        I'm just your daily regular kid living life. But this life is freaking restricted! My parents would restrict every electronic and not have me go outside and go to friends. My social skills are gonna die D:

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        Annon 

        4 months ago

        Ok so I am about to granduate my final year of high school and my boyfriend for 2 years want to go on a holiday together to celebrate but my parents won’t allow me. Is this unreasonable?

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        Jaki 

        4 months ago

        My mom gave me the option of moving out to my grandparents' home in a nearby different state so I told her I wanted to go. She is the one who told me this was an option yet she is being so stubborn about letting me leave. I understand a parent wants to keep their child close but then why would she give me the option in the first place if she won't even comply to my decision :/

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        Anonymous 

        4 months ago

        I'm 18 and my parents won't let me have a phone till I'm at least 19. I've been tempted to get one anyway and just deal with the wrath of my parents, but I'm nervous. They don't trust me because they found out I was having sexual relations with my boyfriend a year ago. I've been grounded for a year and am not aloud to have electronics of my own till I'm 19. Any advice??? P.S. I can' afford to move out and last time I wanted to try my mom guilt tripped me into staying.

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        Lucine Rawiya 

        5 months ago from S-

        I feel like the only way for me to get freedom is to just move out. (I can't for a while yet unfortunately). No matter how many times I talk to them, they can't understand that their control freak nature is wrong. I can't do anything about it as long as I live under them. Once I move out, they will have to accept that they do not have control over every aspect of my life.

        They don't even let me go into the backyard at night to hang the washing up. That's a ridiculous thing to do to someone who is nearly 17.

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        Tx 

        5 months ago

        My paremts always need to know what im doing they wont let me sit alone in my room and they dont understand i like to distance myself sometimes they want me to use my phone only when i sit right next to them im allowed to go out but not to my friends houses only local areas and my dad has to drop me off. im not allowed to walk home from school with my friends and they really dont trust me with anything and im not even doing anything wrong.

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        S.S. 

        5 months ago

        I dare say my parents can be overprotective at times, although I do understand where it is coming from.

        They get suspicious if i'm on the internet for too long, I'm forbidden from owning a phone or getting a job until I graduate school, they wont let me go to any but two of my friend's houses, and i'm not permitted to wear anything even slightly 'out of the ordinary'.

        i'm not allowed to wear shorts or skirts. i'm not particularily interested in that kind of dress but I still think it is a bit much.

        But I still do respect their decisions as they are just looking out for me, after all.

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        liv 

        5 months ago

        I wish my parents can read and reflect into this article. All I want for them is to understand that I am old and wise enough to make my own choice in life. it sucks to be teen

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        no 

        5 months ago

        I'm asian, I've never been to a friends house. I hate it and I always feel so lonely, after all phones can't speak to me and go to the park can they?

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        5 months ago

        I have an Asian parent. Literally does not let me enjoy life or do anything I want to and Im in my late 20's. life sucks. I can totally empathize with thinking "I didn't want to do it anyway" like it's a coping mechanism almost. we were meant to run free and enjoy the world and grow and learn but parents sometimes hold us back.

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        Dani 

        5 months ago

        I'm 14 years old, almost 15, andI only got to sleep over at my friend's house this year. My mum said it wouldn't happen often and I was okay with that. Today my parents took the wifi off my phone for no reason. I hadn't done anything wrong, and they had no reason not to trust me as I am very open with them. I feel so trapped. I barely ever get to go to friends houses cause my mum has major trust issues. They're always being very nosy and prying. They go through my texts and everything on my phone, and look at my history. I just don't know what to do. It's very depressing to feel this trapped an I genuinely don't know what to do. I know I'm not that old but I've always been mature for my age and I feel they should see that, and they do. My mum always tells me I'm really mature for my age, so why is she so untrusting? Why is she such a helicopter parent? Surely a reward for my maturity and respect towards them she be some kind of trust, but I don't get any. I'm just so tired of it. I'm trapped.

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        asain girl 

        5 months ago

        so i'm an asain girl. 15 years old. as you know asain parent can be over protective. my mom let me go somewhere like going to the mall but today my friend was asking me if i want to go somewhere like 2 hour driving away from home. so i said ok before asking my mom but after that i go to ask my mom immidietly, i was so scared but i don't expect her to say no to this my friend's parent is coming with us too. i tried to tell her that i'll be fine but she doesn't let me go . what should i tell i feel like she doesn't trust me a lot. i want to take courage and ask her again but i start to feel like it going to just hurt me.

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        Panda girl 

        6 months ago

        My parents stalk me everywhere and scold me a lot.

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        Sota-fukushi 

        6 months ago

        So recently I have been hanging out with this guy in my school and my parents have been scolding me that I go out too often(even though its really once every two months only). And they have started going on about this boyfriend thingy and how I am not supposed to have one(we are just ordinary friends BTW) and how I shouldn't be doing *stuff* isn't this a bit too much?

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        unknown 

        6 months ago

        i have same parents but at least i am being allowed to stay in a dorm room not far but still a little far. but i know they will sneak up on me i dont know what to do.

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        unknown 

        6 months ago

        I had always lived under my parents eyes , i expected that at my college i will get some freedom to at least go out with my friends ,get in touch with this outdoor world,i've always been living in the shell of overprotectiveness of my parents and now m tired, m not allowed to go out anywhere only college to home and home to college.they dont even give me money cause my college is very near to my house, no trips, if i ask them for any trip or for a movie or any outing even if it is with my girl friends (no boys ) the answer i get is always "no" and they always say that they will take me but never did , they dont like that- i have a boyfrnd, m not allowed to wear any sort of clothes that are above knees , no shopping is allowed, i always spent my summer and winter vacations at home doing nothing ,due to over stress and depression i started hurting my self cause m not allowed to shout or cry even if m angry i cannot even take my stress out ,and now i always get thought of killing my self and end up my life , their backward thinking and overprotective nature kills me every day, i have no one with whom i can share all this beacuse i always show my frnds and others that m a very happy person but inside i cry and beg for a help .now my frnds have also stopped asking me cause they know the ans is always no.wat i want to become in my life comes after my freedom i feel like a prisoner at home and feel free out by chance whenever i get chance .i have done alot of bad things in my life because of stress and sometimes i feel like i have no control on my feelings and i wanna slap my parents and end up with my life.

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        Catherine 

        6 months ago

        I moved out a few days ago but my mom for days beforehand kept asking if I was sure I was ready because she didn't think I was, she kept telling me I can't move out with no job, but every job I applied to she critized, saying a fast food job or a retail job won't pay the bills. I graduated from college a month ago and she promised she would take me back down to evansville once I got approved for an apartment but once I got approved she tried to guilt me into not going through with it, saying I need a concise plan before I move out because moving out without a job is ass backwards, saying I could easily get an apartment closer to home, saying I could stay home and work to pay off my student loans. I told her I wasn't changing my mind. She drove me down (she never let me drive her cars alone which is why I wasn't able to get my first job until this year at 23, tiny town plus no car equals no job). I've only been moved out 4 days and I've already been called in for an interview. The restaurant's down the street. I can smell the independence already. Not that I don't love me mom, she just makes mole hills into moutains, she always goes straight to thinking the worst case senario.

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        a girl 

        6 months ago

        im in my teenage years,so my friends always have the idea to eat out or go to mall.but its not the same for me,my mom is okay if i wanna go out with my friends(WHICH ALWAYS HAVE GIRLS ONLY),but my dad is the one who never let me go out.all i do at home is on my phone,on my computer, go to school and my tuition class.thats all.i have such a boring teenage years tho

        i gradually starting to hate my father more bcs i followed everything he told me to do and not to do but he still very strict to me,he told me to change school,i follow it,he used to mentally and physically abused me when i was a kid,when my mom wasnt home and all my sisters and brother could do is watch and remain silent,me?i was crying like river,but he keep cursing and say awful things to me,all i did was a very small mistake,thats all,and he told me to remain outside which was raining and lightning was stiking the ground non stop,i was drenched in rain yes i was 12,and now i think he still holding grudge to me,thats why he never let me go outside,bcs my brother and sisters start to hang out with their friends starting from 12 years old,me?heh so in order to escape all of these shits,i planned to go farrr away when i enter college,far away that i can have my freedom,thats all(sorrry for the out of context things)

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        Jennifer Haynes 

        6 months ago

        I’m 43 years old and my mom treats me like I’m a kid. She keeps telling me how to do my little girls hair. She won’t even let me pick my own clothes.

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        No name 

        7 months ago

        My mother is over protective with me it's sad because i'm 23 and she never let me hang out with friends go anywhere have fun I never been to a party heck I've never been to a sleepover

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        Anonymous 

        7 months ago

        My dad keeps thinking I'm trying to sneak out and/or trying to meet up with my boyfriend - even though I don't have one and all I asked was to go to the park with my guy friends. What do I do and say?

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        Morgan Bowens 

        7 months ago

        I feel like my mom and dad are giving on me and I don't know what to do if they do I will still my boyfriend ( Joesph) and I am not sure like last night they yelled at me and cussed at me they were definitely pissed and they were surely giving up!!!!!

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        Reese 

        7 months ago

        I'm so tired of being cooped up my parents think it's fine for them to always be with me wherever I go. When I walk to and fro high school (5 mins) they always tell me I need to walk with my mum. They even said that they'd walk with me for high school and college. My friend's mum thinks it ridiculous they won't let me walk alone. I'm so tired of them. I've talked to them a lot of times before but dad always takes mum's side and gets mad at me. I don't know what to do anymore.

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        kalani 

        7 months ago

        im 14 yrs old and my parents are divorced so i only live with my dad . i started talking with a boy and we became best friends . suddenly we fell in love and became a thing . we texted all the time but i never acknowledged my dad about it because i knew he wouldnt approve but i really love this guy . my dad is mexican so hes very strict . i kept it from him until he unexpectedly checked my phone and found out . my life endedddd. he took my phone away and i wasnt allowed to go anywhere . my dad then gave me my phone back but only if i didnt have a boyfriend anymore . i was literally in love with my boyfriend . it had been around 5 months that we were dating and it was way too late to end things with the boy i love . this boy made life a million times easier but my dad didnt care . i lied and said i had broken up with him . i was allowed to go out like once or twice a month and then he found out again that i was still dating him . now i have my phone taken away and i cant go anywhere at all . i absolutely cannot break up with my boyfreind , we're going on 11 months . im stuck and dont know what to do

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        philipclark101 

        7 months ago

        The best way to do this , i will advice younger girls not to rush into anything that might hurt you, it is always better to find some moral justice fro parents advice, now i know some parents can be a really huge deal but when you try all you can just a the period when you're almost free to live apart you need to learn through to your freedom.

        I have a younger girl too and i try as much to let her see the danger in living with out the proper monitoring of a parent

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        Ruth 

        7 months ago

        Jacqueline,

        Stand up and be the women you were meant to be. Tell your mother what you need to do to be happy and successful in life, and let her know she did a terrific job and you love her very much but now shes teaching a very worped insecure emotion and threatened feeling of oppression only a third world country would do.

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        Matthew 

        7 months ago

        My overprotective parents say i can't have a phone till I'm 18 and all my other friends have a phone!?!? Please Help.......

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        abbey 

        8 months ago

        this realy helpt me I'm ten

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        Jacqueline 

        8 months ago

        Am 19,second yr in college and after loosing my dad life is just so hectic with my mom.... She's so overprotective and doesn't want me hanging out with friends she says that she ain't secure when am out. After joining college i promised myself to enjoy my youth life with friends since it was something i didn't do back then not until my mum discloses me in the house and tells me to remain in there..... Am so tired and even thought of running away from home and killing myself since no one understands me..... What should i do before the worst happens to me

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        Lucette 

        8 months ago

        Im 14 years old.My mother is a control-freak,overprotective and VERY strict. Im not allowed to go on ANY social media nor listen to the music that i like because its "bad for me and its gonna make u less smart".im not allowed to visit anyone that my mother hasnt met their parents and made sure they are "good people"(i think that this is unfair because she judges my friends by their parents) i see that there is someone else on this sight that has the of the same problem as me...My father wants me to make me more friends and be more social while mt mother is doesnt let me have any friends...im depressed right now,but i dont want to tell my mother because she will say something like "stop being a drama queen! i bought u this and u are still sad!?"my mother and father are divorced and i live with my younger brother.Id love to go stay with my father but im to scared to ask mt mother.What should I do?Can some pls give me an opinian please.My mother puts a lot of stress on me too.I dont get time to relax at all.Please tell me what to do...

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        Irrelevant 

        8 months ago

        My girlfriend wants me to come over. I always feel bad when I tell her "idk" when she asks if I can. Believe me, I want to. Sadly, BOTH my parents are strict as shit. I live in the same neighborhood as her and can't even visit.. It really sucks and I wish I could. I have friends that live in my neighborhood and I can't even walk to their house that is literally a couple of blocks away because I'm not allowed to walk by myself. They always want my little brother to be with me or something when I go out. I can't stand it, my parents always want to meet my friends' parents and what not and call them to make sure it's okay. I can't even lie and say I'm going to my friend's house 'cause they'll just call to make sure. My neighborhood isn't even a bad one and I've always been a good kid making good grades. Even lying won't work, since me and my brother go to different schools (I'm in HS and he's in MS) my spring break is at a different time, I decided I was going to my friend's house but they wanted to drive me and I asked why I couldn't walk alone. My only mistaken then was that I gave in to "no" too quickly. It sucks..

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        Unknown 

        9 months ago

        I’m also battling this. My mom makes me her “baby boy” and I fu*king hate it. She never lets me hang out with my friends, I can’t even walk/bus to school without at least 10 phone calls and I can never be free from her, she’s always needs to know where I am and what I’m doing. Meanwhile, my dad encourages me to be more social but my mom is holding me back. Thanks for posting this, I’m gonna at least tell my mom not to treat me like a 5 year old.

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        Anon 

        9 months ago

        I am 21 years old, about to graduate college and am unable to move into my own place. I am about to buy a car during my final spring break but my dad wont let me drive myself back to school, instead I have to AGAIN take an 8-10 hour bus ride which is exhausting. I understand he wants to keep an eye on the car for problems, but like with everything I'm not allowed to take a chance. Does anyone know how I can convince him to let me have the car that I paid for and am paying insurance for?

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        Secret 

        9 months ago

        my mom keeps checking my social media and phone, i hate that,

        she always tries to warn me about my friends being bad,its anoying and i need freedom

        however if i tried any of theese my next google search will be how to espace from your mom

        im scared to tell my mom about me being depressed for other reasons

        how do i tell my mom i cut myself?

        NO WAY

        i guess things will be as they are

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        Presha 

        9 months ago

        I dont know where to start..it's being 2 years that i had been trying to get my freedom..but it's all in vain. I dont have any social life which includes fb, IG and real life too....i am not allowed to go out with any of my friends, i am not allowed to attende any b'day parties ..my frnds have also stopped asking me for anything...usually i do not tell them if i would like to go out or not and in RARE cases when i tell them the answer is as expected "NO" ....i'm just asked to study and be like my mom and her siblings coz they all were not interested in socialising when they were younger and even got good grades..today she shouted at me at a social gathering thrice ..she shouted at the top of her voice just bcoz i was with one of my frnd (of the same gender ,coz i am not allowed to make male frnds) and chatting with her..!!! What should i do i dont get it...how can i cope up with it...i dont have my phone...i have my PC which has never been connected to internet...ya i know it's just gross...what can i even d

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        Katlyn 

        9 months ago

        in my case my dad things im going to get kidnapped if i go anywhere alone. im a 16 year old girl that just wants a job to feel more independent and not so depressed all of the time.. but when i mention it to him he just automatically blocks it out. idk

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        ellie 

        9 months ago

        I'm almost 16, and my parents still don't let me go out with my friends. every time I ask them they yell at me and tell me I should be grateful for what I have. how can I be grateful if I live farther away from my friends and only get to see them at school? I have always been the "odd one out" because everybody knows that my parents don't let me do anything, so nobody really asks me anymore, which is part of the reason I've been bullied before. I'm not allowed to date, I'm not allowed to join any organizations or clubs at school, I'm not allowed to take certain classes because of ten dollar fees, and I'm not even allowed to see one of my friends because of a minor fight that my parents had with her grandma three years ago. I can never stand up for myself because of how they respond to me, so I'm afraid to stand up for myself. What should I do?

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        awesome 

        9 months ago

        my mom said I can't even go to West Virginia with a Christian band my mom is so strict

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        Haven 

        9 months ago

        My parents are super strict. They don't let me have social media, go out with friends without an adult, or let me date.

        Right now, they aren't letting me get my hair cut shorter when it's already a pixie cut. I told them I would cut it shorter after deciding I liked having short hair. Now they're claiming they don't have enough money the day after they had enough money to buy a new car, which they decided not to get anyway. None of these will work, sadly. I've already tried all of these. All they do is get mad at me and blame every single argument on me. I've been crying for hours now over this subject, it just hurts my feelings and makes me depressed because I'm constantly worrying about my appearance and expressing myself. It's really putting me in an unhealthy state of mind and they just can't seem to understand.

        Any help for this?

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        Desiree 

        10 months ago

        You know you’d think it doesn’t matter that much. But then you see other people your age doing whatever they wanna do, but you’re still there at your parents house doing nothing. I’m not a pessimist, I’ve learned to accept that my parents are good people despite having such limitations on me. But it still has effected my personality, the way they’ve raised me. And I don’t like it, but at this point in life (20) only way I can change things is by moving out. I’m currently in college, but after I graduate you best believe I’ll be out of here in no time. I’m not sure if any of you have watched the movie Everything, Everything but metaphorically I feel like I can relate to that movie. You know the good thing about life is that it never stays the same. And I’m just waiting on my good time to arrive. Looking around makes me somewhat furious that I cannot do what I wish at times, but I tell myself someday I will & that makes everything just as better. One thing I hate is when people say you’re 20 yrs old just tell your parents your staying out late, they won’t say anything right? Lol no all hell will break loose. I love my parents, but they’re toxic with the way they think sometimes and I wanna break free from that mentality. I hope everyone reading this knows that you are strong no matter what you think, just gotta keep pushing forward.

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        Yorii 

        10 months ago

        Honestly, this is helpful. but i wish it was so easy. My mom wont let me go out alone, she has to be with me wherever i go. which is really embarassing cuz i'm almost in high school now. she makes me wear clothes i dont want and follows me everywhere. she always asks:what are you doing, what are you laughing at in your phone... she doesn't know a thing about privacy. she even put the only TV in the house in her room, i have to go to her bedroom to watch TV. i dont even know anymore...

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        Hailey 

        10 months ago

        I'm about to be 18 soon and that's a time for me to be free. My dad was always super overprotective but things kinda changed over time. Now that I am wanting to move out it's like no matter what I say he makes an excuse for me to stay like free rent, come in whenever but he doesn't understand that I don't want to live with him because his perspective of everything is doing it his way or he cuts you off and he really pushes people, people he doesn't even know most of the time. How do I get my true independence without losing my dad?

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        Kira 

        11 months ago

        im almost 16 and i have no talent at all to speak of, i want to try out different things and figure things out about my self and what i want to do in life before its to late, i dont want to live a life where no one knows me i want to be famous for something, and not for the money which i could care less about. i want to be famous so people will know who i am, so i wont feel unwanted in society as i have always felt. My mom has kept me inside all day every day for years, i've told her after she found out i have depression, that the isolation i have to deal with is a major cause of my depression yet she has refused to let me go out because and i quote "i don't want some man trying to kidnap you or worse". even after she bought me pepper spray and that she knows im pretty strong and am capable to protect myself. she has agreed to let me get a job but only if its in walking distance and im only ever allowed to hang out with a friend if she meets their parents in person which cant happen because of her work hours, by the time she has a day off they dont have time to hang out, i have a brother who is only 1 year older and the only reasons he doesnt hang out with people is because he is extremely anti-social and is slightly special ed ( he is getting in some regular classes), if those reasons didnt exist he be able to go anywhere anytime. im not very confident when talking to her about my freedom which i feel like i need. (Also HAPPY NEW YEARS (which literally just happened where im at)

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        11 months ago

        I am a 19 year old woman in college as a freshmen. Every time I come home, I have to fight with my parents to even go out and do anything. If I decide to do anything slightly irresponsible like go to a party, they flip out but when my brother does it, who is only two years older than me does it, it's perfectly acceptable. They hold my tuition over my head to make me do what they want. I work two jobs, apply to tons of scholarships and rarely slip up in anything. I've been called the perfect child by my friends yet I'm still not good enough for my parents to make any decisions on my own. It's about the time where I get a good job and move out of the house completely. I still love my parents dearly but when I'm at home without a car (we live in the country) I cant do anything without asking to borrow a car or get a ride. I'm tired of arguing to go to the movies or go out to eat. I'm just done with the drama.

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        11 months ago

        I am 22 now.. completed M.sc ... am not allowed to go out with my friends..my friends should not come here to have an get together... i must not talk with boys even though i give them an assurance that i wont fall in love. i must not use my phone,lap .. even i don have rights to dress up how i wish to be dressed up... everything should be of there own choice.. then y should i live and whats the purpose for me to live....??? i must not attend my friends birthday party ,wedding etc..

        If i ask fa.. that's it am the worst person in this world.. i have suicidal thoughts.. even that's an offence ... i must not express how i feel..am i a rebel..? if i express my feelings then they will say that am acting just to create sympathy..WTH just hate this life..

        Am sure about one thing that i cant change them.. how i feel is am not able to change myself for them at the same time i cant be myself as how i was before... i totally lost all my interest towards everything which i used to love.. i can understand their love towards me...if they try to understand me it would be better.. i still love you mom and dad but in this mission i started to hate myself.......

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        12 months ago

        Thank you. This was brilliantly written and really helped :)

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        Nikole 

        12 months ago

        I am 27 now, still living with my overprotective parents. My grandmother, too, is overprotective. I do not have a job, did not finished college yet and have no experience in life overall. I don't have money to hangout nor do they have money to give me to hangout.

        Since puberty I began being an insecure person, socially incapable of befriending someone, I often think I am stupid, can't decide certain things in my life on my own, am still infantilized by them. They still forbid me to go out, mostly because I am the weaker sex (it is their excuse). If I were a boy things would be different.

        When I was younger I had sometimes suicidal thoughts.

        I realized that nothing will change their minds even if they are wrong.

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        mirabel 

        12 months ago

        I am 22 graduated 3years ago, with no job. I try to do little jobs to earn me money, like contract jobs in other states for a week or two. My dad is the oveeprotective parent that doesn't want me leaving the house, but will not give me a penny to take care of myself. He would say i completely forbid you from going for that jobor that training. You must sit home and get your masters degree. Yet he doesn't even give me money to go to school for my masters classes. I have tried all the steps written here it doesn't seem to get any better and i am sincerely tired and fustrated. Sometimes i wish he isn't my dad.

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        Sabrina Charles-Vincent 

        12 months ago

        I was raised by my aunt and uncle. My uncle was the chill one most of the time but my aunt kind of ran things. I couldn't go to sleepovers I couldn't hang out with my friends as much as I wanted to. I couldn't watch TV during the week. I was not allowed to date. It was to the point that even when I was a little older I was too afraid to ask because its hard to face strict parents. I'm 18 now and still don't have control over my life well maybe I do but i'm too afraid to do things because of the fear that was placed in me at a young age. But I'm in college now and I always told myself you have to stand up for what you want you can't be afraid to speak up. So I'm going to start living because I deserve that.

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        GRACE 

        14 months ago

        I'm 22. Just graduated college. Still can't do shit. I had figured long time ago, that my parents are just plain unreasonable. Nobody believed me, until now. Anyway, i went against their order recently, and my dad is currently not speaking to me. I should be getting a permanent job in a couple of months and trust me, i have plans to move out.

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        ... 

        16 months ago

        "For me, my mom was always super-protective-how-dare-you-want-to-go-out-you-must-hate-me, while my dad encouraged me to go out."

        This is exactly how it is for me.Being 19 now I can only think about everything I couldn't do because I wasn't allowed.

        Whenever I ask to go out my mom almost insults me.And now I'm always too anxious to even ask to do something.

        Thing is, I gave up on going out, getting friends, a boyfriend, (you know, normal things) because I can't stand arguing anymore.I can't stand feeling deeply insulted and having nobody by my side.

        I am alive, but I am not living.

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        Otaku 

        18 months ago

        there's only one explaination. Parents are dicks

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        MissE 

        3 years ago

        I can so identify with your brother, Charito1962. At 27 I am finally making my move. After my sister had moved in with someone who my mother did not approve of, and when I contemplated taking a similar route a couple of years later, my mother said she wasn't having another one going down that road. I was unable to stand up to her as my sister did before me, I was punished by the permanent removal of a privilege and felt like I was wrong. My sister is now professionally and socially successful and looking to spread her wings further with travel as I while away my time in the parental home. Not anymore! I agree about the baby steps in this very helpful article, one thing at a time or it can get overwhelming to break out of the comfort zone.

      • Charito1962 profile image

        Charito Maranan-Montecillo 

        3 years ago from Manila, Philippines

        Hello, my dear. I'm now 52 years old, and I can very well relate to your situation. I also grew up with overprotective parents, and I can say it was really a pain!

        I am the fourth of six children (a boy followed by five girls). My late mom was the more overprotective parent. She forbade me and my sisters to have boyfriends when we were teens. (We all hated it whenever she'd say her "I completely forbid this and that..." line.) Sad to say, this caused 2 of my rebellious sisters to have babies out of wedlock. It was only then that my late parents came to their senses and became more lenient.

        I must admit that my late mom was narrow-minded and short-tempered. Many times, I would give her the silent treatment. Yes, I also resented her for so many things, like when she berated me once in school, and always made me feel like I were second best. (Two of my sisters, you see, are now achievers in their chosen fields.)

        My overprotective mom has also caused my brother to become what he is now - a man with low self-esteem. He is unmarried, insecure, withdrawn, and professionally unsuccessful. He leans on my older sisters for support.

        But how did I fight all this? Simply by showing my parents that I was capable of achieving my professional goals. When this happened, they finally shut up and I gained their trust.

        I enjoyed freedom when I married and moved out of the house. Luckily, my late parents liked my husband. But now, I'm a widow with an adolescent son, and I make sure to let him be and enjoy his freedom. I also try to be a friend to him so he can open up to me about anything that concerns him. Likewise, I give him a lot of encouragement when it comes to his skills, talents, or interests.

        I do believe it's essential for us parents and you kids to keep our communication lines open. This fosters understanding, respect for the other, and forgiveness. Just imagine what a bright and cheerful home there would be!

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        hadil 

        4 years ago

        very good article :)

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