How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on February 14, 2018

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Questions & Answers

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      • profile image

        Lenee 

        2 days ago

        I lost my mom in November 2017. Seems like so long ago but feels like it was just yesterday. I have gotten to a place where I don't cry every day or with every thought of her. Time does help with that. What I am struggling with now are stressful events in my life. The stressful events make the pain of losing her return in a crippling manner. I just think about how much I miss her and need her and how I know she would have been there for me if she was here. I guess this will keep coming up as I go through life.

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        Debra 

        4 days ago

        My mum passed away 5 weeks ago after a 3 month diagnosis of cancer. I feel worse than i did before the funeral. I just want to hear her voice i cant believe whats happened. We spent a lot of time together mostly weekends shopping. I dont feel right most of the time i have gone back to work just for dome routine. Will this pain stop i feel choked when i tnink about her and in pain when i realise i will never see her again

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        Mrinmayee P 

        7 days ago

        I lost my mum, in December 2018, She was 83 and had Alzheimer for 10 years and by the end she had stopped talking. The only communication we had was recognition in her eyes. Her eyes shined when she looked at me even in her last minutes. I am just glad I was with her then. The funeral and the activities there after kept me busy. I got back to work and I thought being busy and working would get me over the pain, but it doesn't work that way. The memories come back suddenly, and I find tears rolling down my eyes, when I least expect it. As you said, its part of the grieving process. I am waiting to see, when I will come to terms with the pain. In my youth, she was my best friends, we shared long walks and talks. I guess we live with the pain.

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        Susan 

        9 days ago

        To all that come to this post,

        It has now been about 3 weeks and I feel worse than I did two weeks ago. Is it that shock has worn off? Maybe the shock protected me for a while? Anyway, this is far worse now. Reality setting in I guess. I know I will think of my mom and be happy some day but for now it is absolutely shattering. One thing that seems to help is to take deep breaths and go into the pain. It amazes me that people have had to go through this since the beginning of time and yet here we are. Proof that we do get through it somehow. Love and peace to all at this difficult time. We're gonna make it.

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        Felice 

        12 days ago

        Dear Gary,

        My mom was 95 when she died in Nov. 2017. I know exactly what you’re going through. I continue having weekly counseling and attend a group grief support. I am still so much in pain and devastated. Not a day has gone by without me crying sometimes screaming. So much memories of wonderful times that I don’t have now. My life has been altered for the rest of my days.

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        gary 

        12 days ago

        Dear Graces Boy my darling sweet mum passed away.in.May 2017 at 98.I am deep grief even to this day I just cant come to terms with.Dont let anybody tell you she lived a long life you should be happy not sad. The fact that I had.till 98 doesnt ease my pain.I love her and miss her very much my darling.To all of you who have your beloved mothers seek professiona counselling cry if you feel dont hide your emotions its very devastating love

      • profile image

        Clelia 

        13 days ago

        My mum passed away March the 4th.. 4 days ago, and I can not realize she is no longer here by my side.. everything seems so unreal. I was on vacation in Iceland and my dad called me and told me mummy had an heart attack.. I was in shock and suddenly went back to Italy and I could not believe when I first saw her sleeping with her sweet face.. she is my light and my sun.. I don’t really know how to keep going without her, my guide, my heart, my everything

      • profile image

        Jeps 

        2 weeks ago

        I lost my mama February 23, 2019. I can’t explain the pain, it’s really painful. my heart is heavy, i’m vulnerable, i don’t want to talk to people. What’s next? Why and what my next step? Help.

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        Missy8c 

        2 weeks ago

        I lost my mum yesterday. I can't stop crying. Hoping and praying for the strength to get through this horrible time.

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        Sandraharley 

        2 weeks ago

        I lost my mum 19 this month,i feel lost like i shouldnt be here while shes not ,i have kids and my partner is very supportive but im numb,cant bear to carry on its killing me,she bein laid to rest thursday ,i see her in chapel of rest .I know shes gone but still her bodys all i have left when shes buried il have nothing.I question everything i did i had to put her in nursing home when she came out of hospital because i didnt want her alone at any time,now i regret it i hate myself she deteriorated in ther i keep seeing her so thin just bone cant bear it.

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        Mary 

        2 weeks ago

        i lost my mum 25/02/2019 I’m over the blurr and living in deep pain.. I find myself questioning everything, did she suffer, did she think of me, could something be done to save her.. it’s so raw .. so painful I loved reading your article

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        Michael Reyes 

        2 weeks ago

        Well, at current time of this post, my mother is in the ICU brain dead and almost no chance of recovery. My mother suffered renal failure for the past 3 years and dialysis thrice a week. March 1 2019 after her 57th birthday, she was attacked by stroke in between her session. The stroke was the type with bleeding in the right corner of her brain. The neurosurgeon couldn't operate on her brain because her blood pressure is low and would be risking death during surgery. She is still in a coma right now and brain dead. The family decided to let her go and rest in peace. I am her eldest child and i feel devastated to what is happening to my mother right now. I can only wish that she will be happy of where she is right now. I will always remember you mom for what you have done. You raised me well and you deserve more years to your life, the ups and downs we faced together and as a family. I will always cherish you. I love you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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        Susan 

        3 weeks ago

        My mom died Saturday unexpectedly. What I'm dealing with now is I might have a moment when I smile at something that gives me joy. Then I feel guilty. How can I smile when my mom is gone and will never return? But then I know she would want me to smile and be happy. I don't know what to feel from moment to moment. Help.

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        Grace's boy 

        3 weeks ago

        day 500 the other day. Tomorrow, Mum's 98th birthday. We have to lose to really experience love.

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        Nikki 

        3 weeks ago

        Karen,

        I lost my mother unexpectedly right before Christmas in 2017. I know the exact feeling of hopelessness and losing purpose you are experiencing. You will be changed forever, but eventually you will smile, laugh, rediscover your purpose. I did not think I would be able to go on without my mother, but with a lot of prayer, journaling, talking to friends and family, and making sure to honor her by continuing to be the best person and representation of her I could be, the hopeless has dissipated. Stay prayerful and you will regain your footing.

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        Karen 

        3 weeks ago

        I lost my mom 19/01/19 and the pain is unbearable.sometimes i think whats the reason to go back to school and that i have no purpose in life.the pain is just too much.she was my best friend and i dont know what to do or how to live without her.life is so different now.

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        Shekinah 

        3 weeks ago

        I lost my mother 3 days before my baby brother's 16th birthday, in February this year, a week after I left home for university, I didn't know that the last time I had with her my signature quick (see you in a few months as usual and I'll WhatsApp you soon) hugs. I wish that I had hugged her longer and tighter and told her that I loved her like no other. She didn't get to us graduate or have us spoil her rotten with the life she never had. The morning after the night she died, I woke up with the worst excruciating pain in my heart and I didn't know why, I couldn't breathe or move for those few seconds/minutes as I lay in my bed.

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        Lisa 

        3 weeks ago

        I lost my Momon February 10, 2019 and the ache in my heart is so bad I can barely stand it. She was my best friend and I miss her everything! Even though I took care of her for the last 5 months of her life and knew her time was short I am still struggling.

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        Philly 

        3 weeks ago

        I lost my mom on 10 January 2018 it's so difficult bcz me and my mom have been together since my father divorce my mother.

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        Felice 

        3 weeks ago

        Thank you Tom.

        It’s so difficult because my mom and I have been together since my dad’s passing in1997. We were partners and best friends. We did everything together. Now I am alone feeling that she took a part of me when she died on Nov. 9, 2017. I took care of her all those years. I was her caregiver. I stayed with her whenever she was hospitalized, which was often in the last 3 years of her life. I was her main caregiver at home under hospice. I know she loved and I made sure she that she knew I loved her very much. The day before she died, she was having difficulties breathing so I asked her if she’s ready to join to join my dad and she said yes. So, I told her she can go. The next afternoon she looked at me so lovingly then shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I have been devastated eversince. It’s so painful. If only I can hug and kiss her.

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        tom 

        4 weeks ago

        to felice and patrick and shell676 and sakhi and tee and everyone else-there is one thing to remember, and that is our mothers became our friends. from my past post my past on jan 19 of 2019. she was living with me for 4 years. prior to that i was still helping her with her beginning dementia. the one thing we all have in common is our mothers were more than just a mother to us, they were were our best friend to most of us. i believe that is one key thing that can differentiate our severe grief over others grief under the same circumstances. some people never had the same relationship with their mothers as we have experienced and therefore will never experience the personal loss we feel now. im feeling a tad bit of light reach me now. and ive pondered and and am beginning to accept that on the night my mom passed, she chose the light to go to. she chose that source that we all come from to return to. she let go and went home. the time had come. right now its helps me at times. i will go back and forth with emotions and everything i have just said might not provide solice for a long period of time, but i am returning to it quite frequently now. lastly, what helps me is i talk to her as im going to sleep. i dont analyze it, i just do it. i say to myself no matter what it helps me and i will keep on doing it. take care everyone. tom

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        Felice 

        4 weeks ago

        Patrick

        I’m feeling exactly like you. My mom died two months after yours. I am so lost without her.

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        Humanity 

        4 weeks ago

        Whenever your dear is in the serious level of cancer and doctors has disshoped her this maybe ignite a little hope in you search and read about "cryonics"(cryonics means synonymly freezing body just after death to save body and cells for stopping rot of them in the hope of resurrection him in future by that times technology and science .

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        Patrick 

        4 weeks ago

        I am so sorry for anyone who is too going through this. I feel like everyday I am on the floor looking up at a ceiling I'll never get over. I lost my Dad early in my life, so I could at least take solace I had my Mother. But when she died on Sept. 3rd, 2017, I guess I lost that. Everything that could have been okay with her there, soon wasn't. I wake every day knowing she's gone and how the best thing I know to do would be to call her. I miss her voice, her cheerfulness even through all her pain. I wish there was a way to believe it gets better. Right now, it's hard, and everyday just hurts.

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        Shell676 

        4 weeks ago

        I lost my mother feb. 12th 2019...its only been a week tomorrow since i lost my mom...my best friend...my other half....its been harder than anything ive ever had to face...ahe dies suddenly and unexpextedly of a heart attack brought on by her having a panic attack she called me on her way to dialysis one morning saying she couldnr breathe. And that her car was stuck in the snow awaiting police to come and help move her...i told her to calm down itll be okay...i hung up not knowing thatd be my last time ever being able to talk or hear her voice...im in so much pain...

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        Sakhi 

        4 weeks ago

        Lost my mother on 31st Jan 2019...even I thought I was strong and will overcome this grief. This is the way my mom had raised me...But I was wrong.....My nights and mornings are terrifying..just one last hug is all that I want...reading through the comments makes me feel that I am not alone...and all that you wrote is exactly what I am going through...feeling so disoriented

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        Tee 

        4 weeks ago

        I lost my mom on June 18th of 2018. I remember seeing her as she had passed away, it has been devastating. I have my children, my husband, but they just don’t understand. My sisters have stopped talking to me . They all left with my father to go on vacation after she had just passed and I have stayed here and dealt with all the pain of my mother’s loss. Everyone thinks my sister is a good person .In reality she only watched my mother for money. My father paid her lot’s of money to look after her and I am know the bad person. We took turns watching my mom while my dad worked as I was going to school and my older sister mad my life hell. And now that my mom is gone I feel lonely and very sad. I miss my mom so much I was her baby.I feel empty without her .

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        jim 

        5 weeks ago

        I lost my mom Dec 28,2018,I miss her so much every day.I find my self feeling lost and not having the words to explain it.I am the old's in the family so i feel that all eyes our on me now for answers to what we should do now or how we get threw this.

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        Felice 

        5 weeks ago

        My mom has been gone since Nov. 2017. The pain of losing her is so intense, I have a hard time breathing. I find myself sobbing all the time. I read that if you loved a person deeply, that’s how much harder it is to mourn and grieve. I think we’re all in that category. I have a safe place for sharing my feelings without being judged. I attend a grief support group weekly where we can talk and just be heard. No cross talking allowed. I feel so much better getting my pain out. We just sit and listen and cry.....all we can do is pass the tissues around. No advice. Then most of us hug after each session. We’re all going having the same feelings. I recommend trying this. My life is incomplete without my mother and will never be the same for the rest of my days.

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        Paul 

        5 weeks ago

        Motherless daughter. I always did the same with my mom on every valentines day. I would always buy her several valentine cards and write somerhing different from my heart for her in each card. I'd get her flowers and dozen roses and box of candy and a gift. We would go out to breakfast or dinner or I would go bring something home most of the time I would cook us a special dinner. I bought my mom valentine cards in January and candy before she passed I didn't get to give them to her this year but I did write something in each one and put them and her box of candy in her casket with her along with other things I wanted to go with her. Last night I bought her a dozen red roses that I will take to her on Valentine day. Today was one of the rough days. Lots of tears. See what tomorrow brings. The rest of this year will be first every things without my mom but I know she is up above watching over me. Luv always mom

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        Demetra 

        5 weeks ago

        I lost my mom in August 2018 I had spent every day with her for the last year before she died taking care of her. We had a great relationship not perfect but it was great. I miss her so much I have never known pain like this. It has been 6 months and i cant seem to move on. I feel like im dying inside i mourn her everyday. She taught me alot of things in life but she never taught me how to live without her. I am 50 years old & this is the first time in my life ive been without and it is so painful. i would never wish anything like this on my worst enemy. Not one day has passed that i havent bawled my eyes out. I dont do it in front of people but when im alone its horrible. Im trying my best to move on but i dont know how as of yet.

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        Maureen 

        5 weeks ago

        I lost my Mom suddenly 1/6/19 my life will never be the way it was. My Mom was my best friend, she could tell by the tone of my voice what kind of day I was having good or bad. I have lost all of my faith and honestly people offer condolences and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make me feel any better. I’m tired of people telling me to “be strong because your mother would want you to be for dad”. I don’t want to be strong, I’m not ready to be strong and right now I want to be selfish and do what I want. I am just so empty and sad.

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        Rosa 

        5 weeks ago

        My moms funeral was today it was a beautiful service. I will miss her very much. I find myself sobing here and there. I found your article helpful. As I am too letting myself feel the pain when it comes. I couldn’t stop crying when I left her at the hospital Wednesday when she passed away. It was the saddest day of my life.

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        Motherless daughter 

        5 weeks ago

        Good morning everyone. Paul I too was at the cemetery 01/10/2019 . It was also raining here in Ventura California .i sat in the car for a bit until rain sliwed down. I usually come every other weekend and made sure I came yesterday since valentines is this week and by the time I’m off work it’s closed. I use to spend valentines with mom after work take her dinner candy and flowers. I played her memorial video as I have it recorded on my phone . I cried so hard my heart hurted so bad. March 30 will be a year I just can’t fathom the day of her passing , I guess when she passed I was still in shock and making sure everything was perfect for her services. Now it’s all hitting me

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        Paul 

        5 weeks ago

        Sunday 1-10-2019 at cemetery came to leave flowers at my mom and dads crypt. Sang and played my moms 2 favorite songs ans the one I wrote for my mom. It's cold today here in Dallas has been raining past 2 days. For Debbie and Tom ,mauquachae atgmail.Miserable cold wet day but it is another day almost gone without my mom. I prayed rosary at their crypt and said the prayers my mom and used to pray each night or morning whenever she finally went to bed. I'm still trying to breathe and keep looking up today is another day without anyone. I sincerely wish everyone that has post on here comfort peace and pray your heartache and pain eases a little each day ahead.

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        tomone 

        5 weeks ago

        hi paul-please share your email. ill pass on my contact to you. i took care of my mom for over 4 years. she lived with me. prior to that i still had to assist her over the years with her stages of dementia. what helps is to talk to others i have found. grieving is a complicated process. our society it seems doesnt even want to deal with it except for a short period. one thing someone told me was that there is no closure-there is only acceptance. the other thing i read was this:

        There’s nothing good that comes out of the death of someone you love, but I have learned this:

        the magnitude and bottomlessness of the pain you feel is a testament to the love you shared. And while I don’t ever expect to arrive at a point in life where I’m alright with the fact that my mother is gone, I know that I am so, so lucky to have loved and been loved that much by anyone.

        That pain you’re feeling is directly proportional to how much you loved and were loved.

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        Debbie Barre 

        5 weeks ago

        Paul my hear gos out to you i feel the same i loved my mom so much i also say the rosary. Paul if you would like to talk you can give me your email .

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        Paul 

        6 weeks ago

        It's been 26 days now since my mom passed away. Nothing has changed. Nothing has gotten any better. Everyone keeps saying it will get better it takes time. All those people have someone either spouse, other family members, kids sisters n brothers etc. I don't have anyone else. It was just my mom and I left in our family now it is just me. I've never felt so all alone before. Tears don't stop and pain only increases. People that have said call if you need anything or just need to talk haven't answered phone calls. So I won't bother any of them any more. I pray the rosary everyday some days several times a day but I still don't feel any better no matter what I do .It isn't getting better for me I seriously believe it never will .

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        NOREEN MC BRIDE 

        6 weeks ago

        Beth

        I agree with the other comment... Go be with your mother now. You won't regret it. But if you don't go you may do in the future?? My mum just passed away a week ago. She had dementia and was in a nursing home. Me and my sister where with her when she died and we are so glad of that. Like you we were waiting and praying for her suffering to end, but we felt the need to be with her to help her move on as she fought it with everything she had left. She always maintained she was one of life's survivors and my God was she ever!! We were able to hold her hand, talk to her, tell her we loved her and reassure her it was OK to let go. Our hearts are broken for now. But we are strengthened by the fact that we loved her until the end and she knew it ❤️

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        Mother’s Girl 

        6 weeks ago

        My mom died last month! I just feel like my world is upside down. We had so many plans for the new year, especially since I had gotten a better job. She was everything, it feels like your heart hurts all the time. I know she’s not suffering but rejoicing and dancing away I heaven. There’s no one like Mom.

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        Felice 

        6 weeks ago

        It’s almost 6 am, Feb. 3rd, and haven’t slept yet. Been crying all night missing my mom. It’s her birthday, the 2nd one since she died. I wish I could hug and kiss her. It’s so painful. I love her so much. She took a part of me and the other part is having difficulty coping. My life will never be the same.

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        Suzanne Catrysse 

        6 weeks ago

        It'll be 23 years October 3rd 2019.

        The thing that I just can't come to terms with are how things were before my Mom's passing. I was living with my now ex husband. Neither of them liked each other.

        If I only knew then what I know now.

        As a result of my relationship with my then boyfriend I didn't have the same relationship with my Mom which was just short of being attached at the hip prior to meeting "him".

        My Mom had prescription drugs addition and my last conversation with my Mom was on the phone and she was high, (again) and I said to her she needed to get her addiction under control or she would lose her family. She cried and that's basically how the call ended.

        3 days later I went over to her place, because her phone was busy the days before, the first day I just thought she must of bumped it off the hook and didn't relise it, the second I was worried so the next morning I drove over to her place and the closer I got I knew she was gone, was hoping I was just being silly, but I wasn't she was gone and the things that really gets me about the whole thing is I didnt go sooner and more importantly I didn't say I Love You to my Mom when we had what ended up being our last conversation, our last anything....

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        Carolyn 

        6 weeks ago

        I lost my mum before my eyes, so sudden and unexpected, she was my best friend and my life, I now have severe anxiety and ocd, I can't cope, need help

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        Diana Felix 

        6 weeks ago

        My mom passed away on June 13 2016 and I am still feeling depressed there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her it seems to me that when I try to move on my Depression creeps up I miss my mom so much that I wish that she was here with me anyway whoever is going through this we have to keep our head up because nothing takes the place of our mom God bless you

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        Debbie Barre 

        7 weeks ago

        My mom died on nov28 2018 yesterday was her birthday i feel horrible .places we have gone to together i cant go to i knew i would feel this way i always told her my whole life. i cry so much my heart has been ripped out of me its seems to get worse.bless us all who are going through this horror.

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        Paul 

        7 weeks ago

        Tom I am so sorry your mom has passed and for everyone who post on here that have lost their moms. I don't know what to say to ease any of the pain your all going through. I don't even know how to deal with mine. I finally got to have my mom's funeral yesterday after a long delay. Every one present said it was beautiful 2 day ceremony. I keep telling myself that she never has to feel pain again and she is no longer suffering and she is finally with her mom and dad and rest of her family. It usually don't help me much but I know it's true. Maybe all our mom's are together up above sharing stories about us and looking down watching over us pointing out to each other saying there is my daughter and there is my son. Keep believing and keep looking up because that is where it's all at. I miss you mom.

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        Monica 

        7 weeks ago

        I lost my mum last week Thursday. 24 Jan. I feel so sad to read of all the pain. Mum was 77 and had her aches and pains. She went into hospital for a minor heart attack and had an allergic reaction to some meds. This Christmas was the first really happy one since our dad died 5 years ago. I received a call that she had collapsed at the hospital they said they were trying to revive her but they could not get a pulse. I loved both my parents but they both died without me being able to say goodbye. I am so sad for all your losses especially the lady who lost three members of her family. Everyones lose seems so recent.

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        Motherless daughter 

        7 weeks ago

        As I read your entries tears come to my eyes for you and then for me. I miss her soooo

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        Sunshine 

        7 weeks ago

        I lost my mum due to a sudden illness a month ago she was 48 iam only 23 its good to know someone understands since i lost the only person who understood me God and His word sustains me knowing we are not in this world to stay but some days are the worst when u miss her to the point were u just want to die i wish i dd better as a child i miss her but she is safe now i should b hppy for her right

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        Kim 

        7 weeks ago

        I lost my mom unexpectedly on Jan. 2, 2019. I feel like I'm going to wake up from this nightmare and she will be here. I've never experienced grief like this.

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        Dara 

        7 weeks ago

        I lost my mom 4 days ago to Ovarian Cancer that metasticized to her brain. She was diagnosed 8.5 years ago after the birth of my daughter and I truly believe it was my daughter who got her through some of the worst times with this terrible disease. The last year was rough, she could walk, her hearing was starting to go, my daughter would ask if grandma would ever be able to play with her again. The last few weeks she was in hospice, there were beautiful moments of clarity that I’ll never forget. She told my daughter that she is the most important person in her life and I know that was her way of saying goodbye to us. She didn’t say anything coherent after that. I stayed up all night watching her struggle to breathe, but the the next morning she went peacefully after being given more medications to ease her pain. NOTHING can ease the pain of living without her. I have a persistent ache in my soul, my body hurts from crying, the skin under my eyes is raw from all the tears. It doesn’t even seem real. My mom was an amazing and selfless soul. I know she is in heaven but it still hurts so badly. She taught me everything...except how to live without her.

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        Felice 

        7 weeks ago

        Dear K......Find a grief support group. I joined one two months after my died and it’s been a blessing. It’s like a haven for grieving persons. You can talk freely a out what you’re truly feeling without being judged. I go every Saturday morning. I leave the group feeling good. I’ve cried and just don’t hold back.

        I pray you can find a support group in your area.

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        Thabile 

        7 weeks ago

        I lost my loving Mom on the 9 January 2019, at the age of 71. I feel like nothing makes sense...I still stare at the bed she would sleep at when she comes to my place, the cream I would massage her burned arm... I cry and cry though some days are not the same most days are heart breaking...

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        7 weeks ago

        I lost my mum on 7th January 2017 she was 58 I miss her so much I have lost all interest in anything nothing means anything to me, I put a brave face on in front of people but I’m wounded inside holding back my tears nobody should have to go through this noody understands unless ur going through the same situation no body wants th hear your sob stories it’s all lies wot people say I’m here for you if you need anything I’m here for you no your not it’s just words and that’s the truth hurts so much.

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        Fiina 

        7 weeks ago

        Hi.. in 07/11/2018 i lost my mother, my small sister and my niece in one day they died in a horrible car accident. None came to tell me what really happened and what caused the accident. How do i get over this pain? Its so painful to loose a mother and my sister again, my niece aslo

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        Marilyn 

        7 weeks ago

        My mom died on Sun. Oct 14, 2018 at 7:30 am. Every Sunday since I wake up at or around that time. I’m wondering if that is a sign that she’s OK. I know she is with my dad, family and all her friends since she was the last one to pass. I hate this feeling of grief. In the past I’ve grieved over different things that have happened but the pain in my heart seemed to subside faster than losing my mom. My Dr. says everyone is different and it will get better. I don’t know. My dad passed in 1989 and I was there for my mom since then. I have a younger sister who had a love hate relationship with mom and now she has turned on me. I just pray everyday that I’ll snap out of this. God Bless all of you who are missing your mom, dad or whoever touched your life.

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        Felice 

        7 weeks ago

        My mom died almost 15 months ago and her birthday is coming up on Feb. 3rd.

        It’s still so painful not having her around anymore. I continue to love her so much and miss her. I remember when she looked at me as if to say she loved me but she had to leave then closed her eyes and stopped breathing. I took care of her for 20+ years after my father died. She was my best friend. My life will never be the same. The grief I feel is overwhelming. It’s helpful to be able to share how I truly feel in a grief support group where I am not judged as I sob. This also is a good outlet especially late at night when not able to sleep.

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        LlamaMama 

        7 weeks ago

        Christine, So sorry for your loss. It's been 3.5 years since my mom died (my son had just turned 1 yo) & her birthday was this week. Every milestone of my child's makes me both thrilled/proud/joyful and sad that she's not here to celebrate with us.

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        Olatunji Isaac 

        8 weeks ago

        I am 21, i lost my mum 23rd of june 2018, i guess i made the mistake of acting strong after her death but lately i have been battling with this grief which i dont know how to get out of it because ever since she passed away i have been completely useless and sad plus i have been feeling this heartache that wont let me be. I have completely lose interest in living. There is more to what i am going through. I dont knw if there is a way by which i can get help. i need it. I really now know how much i love my mum. I feel i am the only one that love her because my dad and kid sister are actually cool and act like nothing happened.

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        Jimena 

        8 weeks ago

        Hi I lost my mom on December 13, 2018 just before the holidays and her birthday was on December 25th.She was my rock and I miss her terribly.I am from South America and when this happened I was in the usa while she was in SA so no time to say bye.

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        Jessica 

        8 weeks ago

        My mom passed away September 9th 2018. It’s been 4 rough months without her. I miss her so much! I cry almost every night before going to bed. What hurts the most is that she passed 2 months after I had my daughter. All she ever wanted was a granddaughter. It was her first granddaughter and it kills me that she’s not here to watch her grow

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        Christine 

        8 weeks ago

        I just lost my mom on the 16th of January 2019. i am still in shock, it was completely unexpected. I have many regrets but what's done is done. I loved her so much, and I know she loved me. I know the pain will never go away, but I do look forward to being able to think about her without breaking down.

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        tom 

        8 weeks ago

        hi-paul-i know your pain. ive been taking care of my mother for 4 years. she lived with me. she passed saturday night. i feel exactly the same way you do. thanks for posting. its good to know im not the only one who feels the way i do.

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        Paul 

        8 weeks ago

        Beth. Dont sit and wait for the call. Go be with your mother hold her hand talk to her tell her you love her. Dont let her final hours minutes be spent all alone. If at all possible. I know it is very hard but you will be glad that you were there with her when she takes her final journey that we all must take someday.

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        beth 

        8 weeks ago

        My mother is currently in hospice sleeping. We are waiting for her to pass. I feel like I can't breathe waiting for the call, but wanting the call to come.

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        Gail 

        8 weeks ago

        I lost my mom October 26, 2018. I’m having a hard time functioning these days. Sometimes I drink just to mask the feelings I’m having. I’m missing out on my kids because I miss my mother so much. I just want the pain to go away. I wish she would come down and tell me she is alright.

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        Paul 

        8 weeks ago

        My mom died Monday evening 1-14-2019 6:25pm. I devoted the past 6 years to taking care of my mom 24/7. I feel like my whole world has been taken away. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me and I can't get it back. I feel like I have a big hole in my chest. Everyone else in our family has died. It was just my mom and me left for the past 6 years. Mom celebrated her 95th birthday party in Sept. 2018. I'm so sad heart broken can't stop crying and calling out for my mom. I know she is not suffering anymore and will never feel pain again. Now I'm the one feeling pain like I've never felt before. I miss my mom soo much it's only been 1 week I don't want to be on this planet anymore.

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        Victor 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom on 11/18/18. I missed her so much. Like the article said,I have my good days an bad days were I start crying uncontrollably. I tried to keep myself busy. Sometimes I wonder if is normal the way I feel. I know things will get better, as of now I will cry whenever I need. Thanks for the article.

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        Christine 

        2 months ago

        I’m 57 and my mom passed away suddenly at 77. It’s been 2 years and 2 months. I’ve been losing family members almost every year since 2008 and right now my Aunt is in hospice, maybe another couple of weeks.

        This has blown me out of the water! I’m still trying to find myself after losing my mom. This new death in the family has given me high anxiety, I just want to run away and crawl into a hole. When mom was here I was able to deal better with these things, but now there is no one I can lean on. The loss of mom is still excruciating, I have good days, but when something hits like this new loss, it just floors me! I will always miss her terribly and can only take one day at a time, sometimes I’m not sure how I will go on.

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        Deborah 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mum my best friend my sidekick September and it feels like yesterday

        In fact I wish I was still in shock as she passed away very suddenly and I was the one to find her and I tried my best to resuscitate her

        The loss I feel is immense and I think everybody who has lost their mum feels this

        I hope I can someday think of not feeling so sad

        As I miss her deeply

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        Mbali 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom a week ago i just cant go over it, i miss her dearly i feel like the part of has been ripped out i cant move on i just want her back

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        Felice 

        2 months ago

        I just heard the song by the Platters, Great Pretender. The lyrics absolutely fit how I have been since Mama died on Nov. 9, 2017. Oh, yes, I’m a great pretender, pretending that I’m doing well........

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        Reekii 

        2 months ago

        I miss my mom so bad. I try not to let anyone really know, because I've always been the strong child. My heart is so broken. She died of pancreatic cancer 7 months ago.

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        Lynn 

        2 months ago

        Thank you, Resh. I'm so sorry for your loss, too. It's a long road ahead but, we forge on, I suppose. Today I will go visit my mom at the cemetery.

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        Motherless daughter 

        2 months ago

        Thinking of you all, god bless

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        Motherless daughter 

        2 months ago

        Walt , you have lost soo much and yes you are still here. The dream , I don’t think you can get it anymore beautiful then that. I yet to have a dream . My mom passed March 30 2018 also being my half sister her step daughters birthday. I believe my mom came to me two weeks after her passing on tv. I was watching a program. Half way in the mom went inside the house and came out with her child. Her name was Norma , my moms name. Then the name Norma flashed across the bottom of the screen. I started to cry something awful . I’ve been told it’s her letting me know she’s ok . But I feel I need something more to make me believe she is .I miss her soooo , she was also my best friend & she loved me sooo. The things she did I now know she was my greatest fan. She was my mom & dad and it hurts something awful . I cling to everything I can , if I see an elderly I gravitate to them more than before to say hi or talk . I also feel sad or bitter when I hear a mom and dtr talking or laughing or just hanging out because I don’t have mine. I’m 54 my mom was a young and vibrant 81. We came especially close the last 4 years . I’m happy we did . I made a promise to her and even though I’ve had my bad days of feeling so sad I’ve managed to keep moving forward, i talk about mom all the time it’s natural for me & I don’t want anyone to forget her .I have kids and grandkids and although my family understands my time grieving they say they need me too, so theirs another reason to move forward . I work so that’s good , and I recently got a promotion and I don’t know what I’d be doing now if I didn’t have a job I went to church Sunday it was an out of the blue decision my plan is to go every Sunday , mayb it’s God’s plan for me and I’m thinking of joining a gym or doing something for myself. I still have many days of unhappiness about mom but now she is my my special angel watching over me. God bless.. motherless daughter

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        Jen 

        2 months ago

        My mother died 1 1/2 years ago, but the trauma for me has not stopped. She was my rock, my home-base, my best friend and a second mom to my daughters. The loss was huge, but immediately became "complex grief" when 3 days after the funeral my father insisted I help get rid of her clothes, purses, shoes, while he announced that after 57 years of marriage (in which she placated his self-centered self) he needs me to know that he hasn't been happy with her. He aggressively started a relationship with her best friend, who'd given the eulogy, and proceeded to blow the rest of the family up, marrying this woman a year later. Now mom never got buried and my siblings and I are barely speaking since no one can figure out a way to get through this pain and trauma. He harasses my family through constant texts and emails to demand we "get over it". I am not sure where to start in all of this grief.

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        walt 

        2 months ago

        I'm 64 and I have lost a few family members. My grandpa died 1973, my father-in-law 1989, stepmother 1986, my grandma 2000, my dad 2003, my mother 2010, my mother-in-law 2014, my sister 2015, my father figure 2018, and now my step dad at 91 is going to leave- he will be the last of that generation.

        Each time a loved one past away, it took a piece from me until I thought there was little left, but here I go on. I'm thankful for the kids and my wife and I try and focus on them, but from time to time, a smell, an event, an object or even a sound will remind me of one of them and I cry for the lonesome feeling and say; "If I could just hug you one more time". I hear Gods voice replying; "And then what? Then you would want another hug then another........."

        I miss my mother and father so very much, and I had a realistic dream not long ago. My mom was standing 6 feet from me in a beautiful field of tall grass waving in the wind and in the background beautiful mountains - the sun was bright and the air cool and clear. She had the most beautiful and content smile on her face as if to say; I am very happy and I'm fine and I love you. In the background, my dad was walking in the tall grass and a dog was bouncily jumping and running around him (He loved dogs)- both were content. It was so real, I saw details and colors and could feel the breeze- I awakened feeling so content and happy.

        We are separated only for a while I know, but it sometimes doesn't help to know that. Do not forget those you still have now- tell them you love them and spend as much time with them as possible. Time heals some things and other things it doesn't, but you must go on- that's what you would want them to do.

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        Babs 

        2 months ago

        I’m reading your article in bed crying it’s 4 years since Mom passed , yes I do have regrets but she was my best bud , Always there to listen to me good and bad , She always made me feel better no matter what , sometimes I cry and talk to her wishing she was here . I know she’s at peace and yes sometimes I go to her grave and talk to her maybe some people would say I’m nuts , but it is what it is . I can always remember when dad died mom would say you never forget you just learn to live life differently. To all those people out there when you have a sign and think that is your loved one believe if it gives you peace , God Bless

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        Marilyn 

        2 months ago

        To all of you who are having a really hard time just know even if we don’t know each other we are all feeling the exact same way. I’ve alwsys been a crier so that helps me. Whatever helps do it. My moms been gone 3 months and it’s a tiny bit better. My mom always said we all have to go so don’t worry. That’s part of life. I believe she is watching over me and I’ll see her again. I’m starting to become angry because my sister has totally dumped everything in my lap and the worst part is to come. Cleaning out my moms house, that I was raised in, snd selling it. So I’m still grieving and angry at the same time which turns into anxiety attacks. I pray “This Too Shall Pass”!!!

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        Maya 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom on December 7th,2014... The pain becomes weaker by time, it's true... But it never goes away. There are still nights that I spend crying and feeling huge hole inside of me. Of course life goes on and you learn to live without her, but mother is a mother, and it's true that nothing is ever the same... To all of you who lost your mothers not long ago- you are not alone! Talk to people you love, cry, walk, look at the things and people you love, enjoy your kids if you have them... Good luck!

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        Resh 

        2 months ago

        Lynn i can totally relate as i also lost my mom on christmas eve to a cardiac arrest

        She was healthy and fine and just 57 yrs

        Makes me realise that god has better plans for all of us when its time to go you need to.

        He chooses his angels and gives them a chance to be our gaurdians .

        To all those in pain of loosing their mom

        Its ok to cry its ok to feel lost and lonely

        Life may not be the same

        But thats just how it is .

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        HUNTER 

        2 months ago

        I held my mama's hand as she took her last breath Dec. 31, 2019. I had been her primary care giver for 2 years, my brother had passed in 2010. She was all i had and now my life is so empty. I feel lost, im not crying much. I am more confused of why im not grieving and falling apart, why cant i cry, why cant i scream, why am i not angry... i feel so guilty for doing anything because mama cant do whatever with me, shes gone.

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        Lynn 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom on Christmas day, 12-25-2018...15 days ago. The pain is immense...it's not getting any easier, but harder. I feel so lost, lonely and sad.

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        Angie 

        2 months ago

        My mom passed away on Christmas day 2018 due to kidney failure from ovarian cancer recurrence. My mom was 83 years old but full of life. Even while she was in the hospital she kept telling doctors that she was not going to die and they had no idea what they were talking about. Somehow I believed her. If course I believe my mom she is ALWAYS right. She always made things better and always comforted me. Few days later she went into hospice and died 2 days after going into hospice. My heart is extremely broken, I am an only child, never left my mom's side in my 37 years of life and now she's gone. I miss my mommy. I know she's with the Lord now but I sure wish that I could feel her presence. I don't know that I will ever move past this. This is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.

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        ASDespain 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom unexpectedly 12 years ago- she was 59. We had really only become close in a few years before that (for very complicated reasons) and in those few years, she became my best friend. The night before she passed away, she called me at work- in that conversation, she told me how proud she was of me. There is no monetary value for that.

        When I think about her, it's getting hit in the gut hard, every time, but I'm actually grateful for that. It's a reminder of how important she was, is, and always will be.

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        Samaneh 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mother 14 years ago.I was only 14. every day I think her and never forget her.

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        Judy P. 

        2 months ago

        today my mother was advised that cancer has returned to her body, in several areas. How long she has is not (yet) known,, but I'm starting to grieve already....not necessarily for the impending loss of my mother, but for the loss of myself....as I was 5 hours ago. :(

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        Brittany 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom 12/17/18 unexpectedly due to an aneurysm. This article is exactly what I've been experiencing. I'm 28 years old. My mom was my everything. Christmas and New Years I was very sad. I tried to keep it together for my 5 kids. I'm also pregnant, my childrem were very close to my mom. This article has comforted me in so many ways. It's still very fresh, some days I don't wanna move. No appetite, no desire to interact. Other days I'm a little better. God has gotten me through though. I will continue to lean on him. Thanks so much for this article. Finally someone who understands.

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        Donna 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mother, my best friend and kindest person on 6/19/18 and I am not dealing with it good at all. I lost a huge piece of my heart I will never get back, I am crying everyday and night and struggling to get into life. It feels like this should be against the law losing them. I pray to all of us who lost our moms and dads cause it definitely is life changing.

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        San 

        2 months ago

        To all if you people that are suffering the worst pain in the world. Don't let anyone tell how you should feeling or telling you to "just get on with it", these people don't know what it's like, or they just don't know what real love is. Let the tears come and don't fight it, it will make you feel worse if you do, they will flow for a long time, and it's normal, so stuff everyone else and do what is right for you. And Rick i think your neighbour is in serious need of some proper help. They should be supporting you not yelling at you. God bless you all. I totally feel your pain.

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        lisa 

        2 months ago

        Thank you for this article. I just lost my mom 5 days ago. She has been battling Alzheimers and Dementia for about 10 years now. Even though we knew this day was coming, it’s still been very hard on me. I find myself breaking down and crying out of nowhere.

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        Barre 

        2 months ago

        It should of been my name Barre to felice sorry

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        Felice 

        2 months ago

        Thanks felice i will look into grief therapy at the end of this month jan 31 would of been her birthday she is dead 5 weeks now first christmas first new year now first birthday coming its horrible . As you all know how hard it is and i get panic attacks on and off my whole life and my mom knew and helped me . Now my rock is gone.

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        Vuyo 

        2 months ago

        Today last year I lost my mom. It's been a year now; there are days I hope it is just a lie.. It hurts, the pain is too deep

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        Naomi 

        2 months ago

        Lost my mom on the 5th of January 1985 as a baby, the pains is still very fresh n severe in my heart

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        Rick 

        2 months ago

        I just lost my mom and my neighbor stated yelling at me what are you going to do now with out your mom, how are you going to get by, next morning when leaving to work the neighbor screamed I'm going to get blank blank drunk today, what is wrong with this person?

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        Felice 

        2 months ago

        Barre and San, I’m feeling your pain. The thing that helps me is attending weekly group grief meetings where you can say how you feel and not be judged.

        We just listen to each other and no comments allowed. I have friends and relatives I stay away from because they are so judgmental.

        This is my 2nd NewYear without my mom. Next big day will be Feb, 3rd, her birthday.

        I pray a lot.

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        Sherie 

        2 months ago

        Thanks for writing this article. I lost my mom 17 days ago. So I have already went through a few firsts, Christmas and New Years. THE WORST ! My mom was also under Hospice at my home and I was her primary caregiver. I too was by her side in the end. I told her I loved her and she told me and my brothers that she loved us. She was 63 years old. This is the worst pain ever, i just want it to be over so i can get through a day with no tears. My mom struggled a long time with her health and was on oxygen fulltime with a full face mask she hated it. She told me she was tired and i knew she was about to leave us. Being her caregiver i knew it was going to be hard but I thought knowing she is in a better place and no longer struggling would give me comfort but i cant seem to find it. She was a birthday coming in about a week, I am definitely not looking forward to that...another first I guess. Not looking forward to all the "firsts" coming my way.

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