How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on February 14, 2018

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Find the Support of Others

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      LostDaughter 

      4 hours ago

      I also just lost my mother on August 30, 2018 to Lung Cancer. We only found out she had stage 4 on August 11. It took her so quickly. The last four days I couldn't even talk to her anymore because she was struggling to breathe in a bipack. My mother and I had a particularly close relationship. I had a hard life with many ups/downs. Private relationships, work relationships, finances and family problems . My mother was the only one who always had my back and listened and helped me. I can never truly explain to anyone how close we really were. Even my two sisters cannot understand it. I am having a very hard time missing her. I don't know how to push past the crying stage. I just miss talking to her so much.

    • profile image

      classeydiva 

      26 hours ago

      First,

      I want to say my deepest Condolences to you all, I lost my Mommy to Metastatic Brain Cancer, On Feb 26, 2017 my Mommy had 11 Tumors and the Oncologist told me there was nothing they could do she was not strong enough for Chemo or Radiation. It took me 4 days to get the courage to tell my Mommy she was going to die. When I told her due to getting her home together for Hospice I was Scared I cried out to God how do I do this and when I told my Mommy she screamed so loud in the hospital and said " Why did God do this I told him I didn't want CANCER? I was trying to be strong and I broke in tears and held her told her God is not doing this Cancer is only take your Body not your SOUL. They told me she may live a couple months. I could think of what to say cause I knew one day will be the last I made sure she had the best transition of her life. We looked forward to each day I watch slow death before my eyes I saw this Strong Beautiful Woman become a Beautiful Bab, I ask God WHAT DO I DO I NEVER DONE THIS?? I HEARD OBEY YOUR PARENT! I DID IT! I would literally pick up my Mommy put her in the shower bathe her and feed her clothe her and nurturer her. My Mommy birthed me life on earth and I got the Best Opportunity to Birth her back to God She became my Baby. I did everything I could and she was the BEST MOMMY I made sure to tell her as much as I could. I felt like I was going to get into a car accident it was so heavy on my chest like one day this is going to be it. On May 16 she had a massive seizure for an hour and was rushed to the ER the Dr told me that the CANCER completed spread on her Brain she may live 2 weeks. My Mommy hated hospitals with a passion so I knew I had to make sure she would be home, even when family was telling me to leave her in the hospital I am not capable of handling this I was being obedient to Gods Word. My Mommy knew my determination she was not able to speak after that I got my last Mother's Day to each other. On May 25, 2017 I had a talk with my Mommy telling her just life and I told her she did all she could and I was proud of her Attributes and Strengths she was trying to talk but couldn't and had a tear in her eye and I said once you have peace in your heart and I will be okay you will go home. I didn't know this was going to be my last day She passed @ 11:19 I felt my HEARTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS SO UNBEARABLE PAIN!!! I SCEAMMMED My HEART OUT!! I have a Signature smile with my Mommy where I kiss her cheek and she has this glowing smile and I said this will be our last and She had that Smile on her face. I DID IT!!! SHE HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL TRANSISTION of LIFE.. Now, the hard part is living without her physically I only knew her she was my only parent. IT hurts my soul my bday is next Tuesday and I won't get that phone call or get spoiled. I pray she comes in my dreams.

      I read you all comments and TEARS flowing CAUSE I FELT SOOO ALONE my Mommy was on 65 and my other families have their Mommies and mines had to be the youngest and I don't know why. SO YES IT HURTS I WANT My MOMMY!! I have to be strong for my KIDS cause ONE DAY Will be my turn and they have to be Strong like me.

      Never be afraid to die, We all have to go one day. Just THANK GOD FOR EACH DAY and LOVE YOUR HEART OUT

      BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL:)

      Thank you for healing you all. I needed to not feel alone :)

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      Danielle 

      27 hours ago

      I’m crying. I’m so scared. I still need my mom and this cancer is not only killing her but me as well. I’ve been shaking every since we found out. I’m just so scared, I’m not ready yet. She’s too young, I’m to young! How can I cope with this?

    • profile image

      Thando 

      2 days ago

      I lost my mother 3 weeks ago on the 26 of August 2018 at 59.She had a stroke on her right side of the body which got her hospitalised for a month and she also had a problem with her heart which was not pumping blood well.I miss her so much everyday and i feel like a part of of me left with her that day,i feel so lost and sometimes i dont believe that she is really gone.I remember the first time when i went to visit her at the hospital,i stood next to her and I said mommy its me your daughter and she couldn't recognize me and that hit a part of my heart that i never knew existed,the stroke also caused her memory loss...It hurt so bad to know that i will have to live the rest of my life without her,she was everything to me and she taught me so much..The other part of me is at ease that she has rested because she was in so much pain however the other part of me still need her so much...I don't think i was ready for this and one thing i have realized is it doesn't get better with time like they always say,we just learn to live with the grief and pain.

      The only way is to trust God and ask him to give us strength,.

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      Louise 

      4 days ago

      Thank you Bonnie Scotland and Jazzy. I’m so glad I found this site, it’s good to find somewhere that people completely 100% understand how you’re feeling. People do think they understand but they really don’t as they haven’t lost their Mum. I’m so very sorry for your losses too, it’s so very sad for us all.

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      Varghese Mathew 

      4 days ago

      I lost my mom nearly a month ago. It was all of a sudden when she contracted severe acute pancreatitis. She was in the hospital only for 7 days before her passing. She had no symptoms prior nor was she ever seriously ill before. Because of this, I feel I was never ever prepared for what happened. She was only 66yrs old, I look around and see everyone else who is older and iller than her still here. Her elder sister and siblings are still alive. My dad is all alone now in a big house. I and my brother work in different countries.

      I feel helpless, shocked and confused. I grieve, get angry at times, but what am most is extremely tarnished. I did not even get a chance to say i love her or that i wish i could do more for her. I did not get a chance to say thank you for being the best mom ever. I wish i could hear her voice just one last time. But all that i could do was speak to her at her grave.

      I miss you a lot mummy. Vicki i feel you completely.

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      Jazzy 

      4 days ago

      Louise, my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I lost my mother in February and of course still trying to cope. You are right, we are all member of a club i wish never had to be formed but thats life. The last text message from your mom is something will definitely treasure for life. That was definitely a gift to you directly from mom. We have to just hold on to all the wobderful memories we had with these special ladies. We were blessed with some of the most special people on this earth to be our mothers. I am grateful everyday that Joyce was my mommy. I miss her terribly. Your post made me cry because it made me remember how much I still miss mom. I wish you all the best. Remember, mom loved you and your family so much and now she lives on in your heart. Take care and God bless you.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      4 days ago

      For Louise

      I am so very sorry for your loss .i read all your message and so much of what you said could have come out my own mouth. Honestly.From your relationship with your mums/hers with you and your family., how she wanted to see the kids grow up, the desperation at the next god knows how many years without mum,the constant contact and even how your mum loved Christmas. My mum loved the Christmas deccies. When mum was still able to get out the standard joke was that mum would buy yet another decorative stuffed Santa Clause (she was mad for them) at the garden centre and when we would bring her back dad would moan oh no not another one.

      What you said about expecting your mum to wake up.i totally get that. We were with mum when she passed but still i sobbed at the foot of her bed telling her that she had left me, she had left my dad; brother and grandkids too but at that minute in time all i could think was that she had finally left me and the moment i had dreaded for most of my adult life had actually happened. The worst moment of my life.

      When i saw mum in tbe coffin i too felt as though she should be waking up and talking to me.my mum would have moved heaven and earth to be with me and her family for evermore so why was she leaving me and not coming back?? It didnt seem possible that she would go because she loved me enornously. Yes i have had all these thoughts so please dont feel you are alone in them. All i can offer you is some advice not to think of a long future without your mum. It is too agonising and unbearable. You need to deal with one day at a time as that is the only way i believe you will get by without driving yourself crazy.

      Please take care x

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      Louise 

      4 days ago

      I lost my Mum very suddenly and unexpectedly on 8th August 2018. I didn’t just lose my mum that day, I also lost my very best friend, and a piece of me also died that day with my mum. I spoke to my mum twice sometimes more a day and seen her twice a week at least, I loved spending time with her. I have 4 children with my husband, my mum was there for each of them when they were born. She loved us all dearly. She was looking forwards to having a hip op on 31st July, I rang her when I finished work and she told me she didn’t feel well. She didn’t really feel better till the 4th August. I was very happy when I seen her in the hospital and she was a lot brighter than when I’d previously seen her on the 2nd August. She came out of hospital on the Monday even though just as she was about to leave she came over feeling unwell. She rang me and told me she couldn’t wait to get home as she felt so unwell. I went to see her on the Tuesday 7th August and she was still poorly, my dad rang the ambulance, they checked her over and did tests and said she was fine just keep going with painkillers. My dad called them out again, this time they didn’t check her over they just said she was fine and left. I rang my mum in the morning before leaving for work to see how she was, she answered the phone, little did I know this would be the last time I spoke to her. I told her I’d ring her when I finished work to see how she was doing but when I got home I received a call that would change my life forever, in a split second. My Dad told me he had some bad news, I just thought he was going to say my mum was in hospital, unfortunately his words were your mother has passed on. I went straight there and I seen my mum, for some reason I thought If i told my mum to wake up she would as she loved me so much, and I dearly loved her, she didn’t and I felt my heart break and my world crumbled, Horrific. I am completely lost without my mum around, she truely was an amazing mum and a massive part of my life, she was so excited for the future and seeing the children grow up, we were all excited to share it with her and my dad. My dad received a parcel for Mum the other day that she’d ordered. It was Christmas stuff. She thought she’d be here and she should be. She loved Christmas and it’s never going to be the same again.

      The pain is unbearable. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming I’m not sure how I can go on. I am only here because of my husband, children and the rest of my family.

      I’m 37 years old and the thought of never seeing or having my mum in my life again is awful, to think I could possibly live my life longer without my mum than I had her is heartbreaking. I’m so thankful that every time I saw her and spoke to her I told her I loved her.

      I received my first and last text from her on the 26th July, she said she was very proud of me and she will love me forever, it ended from your very proud mum, I am going to treasure that text forever. I am only really writing this so I can get my feelings out, hoping in some way it helps. I still don’t feel like I’ve properly come to terms with everything that’s happened, it sort of feels like she’s gone on a really long holiday and she going to come back. I wish this was the case. I will never forget my mum, I loved her so much, she was my idol in a way. I hope I am the same mother to my children that she was to me.

      I’m also so very sorry for everyone else on here, and people are right, it is like a club you don’t want to be a part of, however I’m glad I found this site, it doesn’t make me feel so alone, but at the same time I’m sad for everyone on here as we’re all here for the same reason, and that is sad. You never truely realise how bad it is to lose a parent till it happens, I used to think I understood when it happened to my friends but I really didn’t.

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      NikkiNarcisse 

      5 days ago

      For AJAI PETERS:

      My sympathy and condolences for you. I think that I hear the numbness being set in. We are here for your support. It is not okay, you are not okay and you don't have to be. Just know that you are not alone.

      *hugs*

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      Ajayi Peters 

      5 days ago

      My mum was on life support for 6 days, and she just died.... Less than 20 hours ago.....

    • profile image

      NikkiNarcisse 

      5 days ago

      I am praying for all of us tonight. Honestly, without God and my faith, I know that I could not go on. This is the club that no one wants to have a membership to and if we could, we would revoke it and unsubscribe. '

      *hugs*

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      NikkiNarcisse 

      5 days ago

      For LORI ORRICO:

      I don't know where to begin with this. First, my deepest condolences. I don't think you were supposed to be there. And I get that you would have really liked to have been, trust me, I do. But I have to believe that even when we can't see it (in times like this), God and the Universe knows what is best. If you were giving birth and having trouble, your mother more likely would have been by your side. And she'd have it no other way for you with your grandchildren. Yes, it is tough knowing that you were not there, but it would be tough even if you were. Your mother was alone in the home but not at heart. She undoubtedly, knew that you loved her. And she knew that her granddaughter & great grandchildren were okay.

      The house will feel different because it is different. I understand that it feels hard to remain in the same home. There is no guarantee that moving out will make it better, either. Think about this: To move would mean packing up everything without her and moving somewhere that she has never been and her presence is completely absent (except from your heart). And that is not a bad thing if you are ready for that. But as long as you stay in the house, you can still touch her because of where she has been. Just something to think about.

      Your mother would not want you beating yourself up over not being home. She loves you and would want you to cling to that. Please forgive and be kind to yourself. Be encouraged.

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      Lori Orrico 

      5 days ago

      Well, I lost my mom who resided with me for the past 8 yrs.’ in June. I was 5 hours away that week welcoming to the world my two grandsons on 6/25 & there were a few complication's with the birth and just as my daughter was well on Wednesday. We received news that, one of the babies was having heart issues so; I decided to stay until I could get them all home safe and sound in which was that Saturday. I had texted with my mom through everything but, for some reason and I do not know why, I did not call her and that will bother me the rest of my life.

      On Saturday June 30th, I was to head home after a long week with the birth and I text my mom that morning as I normally do to let her know that, I would be heading home and she did not respond. I gave it a sometime as, I thought maybe she had left her phone in her room etc. I continued to try and there was still no response. I had no one local to go and check on her so, I called the local PD to do a wellbeing check, and she had always answered my text in the past. They called me back to let me know that, they had found my mom. They let me know that she had passed. They said there was nothing that anyone could have done to save her as; she had a heart attack that morning. I have been kicking myself for not going home that Wednesday. That is when I was supposed to go home. I asked my mom if it were ok if I stayed, she said sure that she too wanted them all to be ok and safe at home.

      Many people tell me she stayed until I told her that, I was heading home and all was good with my daughter and grandsons. My home is completely different without her there and I am not sure that, I can stay there. I should have been there for her. How do I go on, my mom died alone just like my dad did and I do not know how to forgive myself? How does one cope my dad has been gone for 21 years and now this and I just don't know how to keep going...

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      Kayla 

      6 days ago

      My mom passed away tonight after being on life support for 12 days she suffered alot the past year with her heath but I was awfulI thought she was being ridiculous because it was one health issue after another and one day shed be fine the next shed be walking and shopping. My last conversation was me yelling at her because I was angry. My last conversation was mean and disrespectful. I have to tell my kids their grandma died and idk how to do that when I hate myself right now. I hate myself and I hate all the doctors even though I want to think they did everything they could it just doesnt feel that way.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      6 days ago

      For NikkiNarcisse

      Oh Nikki my heart hurt for you reading your message .your description of your mum was lovely. What you said about her being your best friend and your constant is so like my relationship witu my mum.

      Sometimes its just the simple things like you say the mornings greetings that you miss so much. Mum would text me every morning usually something like "morning sunshine" and we always sent each other a good night text. A very hard habit to break after she left us.

      Im married with 2 kids and albeit i didnt live with my parents our house is directly opposite theirs so i saw her daily.i hate their house now as mum was the heart of it .she made the house a home.dad doesnt put the TV on until the evening as he usually reads etc during the day so the house feels so empty.

      You describe your mum as your everything. I totally get that.i adore my kids but i was so in tune with mum. She loved me more than anyone and always had my best interests at heart. If she text me late at night she would always know if i was upset about something even if i gave her no indication or deliberately tried to hide my feelings

      There was no one else like her (to me anyway) and that sounds like you with yours.

      Take care Nikki

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      NikkiNarcisse 

      6 days ago

      For WANDA:

      I lived with my mother too and I was home with her, holding her hand until she took her last breath. I still live in the home and assumed the mortgage. She was the one constant in my life besides God, my heart, best friend, support and my hero. I looked up to her more than anyone in the world. I miss EVERYTHANG about her. The house is not the same without her. We have 2 cats and even they miss her. The morning greetings and evening well wishes are gone. The texts of her asking me to bring her something from the store when I was out are gone. But I can feel her. She loved coffee and could really drink it all day (even though she shouldn't). Lol But it's something about the way she filled the house with the smell of fresh coffee brewing every morning. It's everything. Hey, I will even say that it's also the way she nagged me sometimes. I'd give anything to have her to nag me about something now. My mother passed in February of this year. I kept a lot of things the same way as she had them.

      And the things that I did change, I made sure to have something of hers in every room of the house. Seems like yesterday....

      The house feels lonely and empty? Try sitting in her favorite chair for a few minutes a day. Watch one of her favorite TV shows are just put the TV on that channel for a little while.

      There was a lot of love and laughter shared in this house and you can still feel the love here. Try to be present to that for yourself. Yes, you will still hurt but for those few moments, you might find peace and feel her. I hope this helps. Be encouraged.

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      Cara 

      7 days ago

      Nikki and Bonnie:

      Thank you. I'm barely hanging on. I never reach out on these types of things but glad I have. I like your idea Nikki, I will try that....when I can. I just get so overwhelmed when I think that she's gone forever. And yes, the idea of not having her here for the next 20/30/+ years is …. well I can't.

      My sincere condolences to you both and everyone else on this site.

    • profile image

      NikkiNarcisse 

      7 days ago

      For BONNIE:

      I too cry randomly when things have nothing at all to do with death. My mother also had lung cancer and it was heart wrenching watching her personality change and her struggle with breathing etc. And YES, a part of me has died too and so many times I keep that feeling to myself because vain words of comfort (though with good intentions) doesn't make me feel better. Thanks for sharing.

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      NikkiNarcisse 

      7 days ago

      For ALEXA: One thing that I want you to understand is that MOM'S know EVERYTHING. They even know that when we are frustrated with them and at odds, that we still love them just like they still love us. Don't beat yourself up over that. How do you go on when you feel like your world is crumbling? One MINUTE, BREATH and STEP at a time. It's a roller coaster ride minus all of the fun. But focus more on the good times, even though they too will make you cry sometimes. And be honest with yourself about the bad times. And forgive yourself for those, as she (I assure you) has already forgiven you. Face the future with confidence that she wanted you there and celebrate in her absence as though she were present.

      There were so many things that I wanted my mom to see me accomplish. And she was MY BIGGEST WHY for it all. So as I make another progressive move, I talk to her and say, "SEE".

      Be encouraged and remember that it is one MINUTE, BREATH and STEP at a time. You are not alone.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      7 days ago

      For Cara

      I read your post and couldnt help but think there are some similarities between us .my mum passed away in april 2017 some 10 weeks before she would have been 70. My mums birthday is 10th July i.e the day after your mums . I was 42 when i lost mum . My mum died of chronic lung problems which originated over 40 years ago but my mum wasnt a smoker .following research by my mum she reckoned there was perhaps some occupational links to the onset of her conditions.mum was on oxygen 24/7 for the 8 years or so of her life and was hospitalised frequently ( 7 times in the last year) so i know what it is like to watch the most special woman in your life suffer with her lungs .it is agonising.

      I would agree that with NikkeNarcisse about writing something down. I did that too and put it in mums coffin. I also got my two young kids to write down a list of words they could use to describe the gran they adored and who adored them. When it was mums 70th .i put a banner and balloon at her grave .i also got everyone in the family to write a wee note on a card, tied them to helium balloons and let them go. My little boy then aged 6 asked me if his gran might catch the balloons in heaven. I still cry just thinking of that .i got a small tattoo with a heart and mum on it and the word always because that was the last word she ever whispered to me . I have got a couple of things that i am going to put in a memory box .a lock of her hair, silly notes she sent, cinema tickets etc.

      What i can say to you is that i too have felt i dont want to be here at times. Sometimes i still do and feel ashamed because i have young kids who i adore but thats just how much i loved my mum.ive saif often that the only way to cope with this indescribable pain is to live one day at a time because you then start to panic if you think of the next 20/30/40 years without your mum.

      The last couple of nights have been extra painful.i watched a sad scene in a programme last night that wasn't even related to death. I thought of mum and suddenly was inconsolable. I just sat alone with everyone else in bed sobbing.

      The pain becomes a bit more managable. You learn to live but there is a part of me that has died too .you will laugh at things in time but for a while you will probably just function.

      Just talk to who ever you can trust and whoever you can relate to you. This site has been like therapy for me and to many of the good friends i have made on here. This may sound silly but if someone has felt comforted by anything i have shared then its help to in some small way to know that.

      Finally talk to your mum. She is there in your heart and soul and in some more devine place .mum used to say to me that when they time came for her to leave me i would always know what sbe would say if i were to ask her a question and as always she was right.

      Take care and love to all on the site x

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      NikkiNarcisse 

      7 days ago

      For Vikki: Cherish these last days and moments for however long that they are and make the most of each moment. There's no way to prepare but honey, love on her and on you. We are here.

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      Denis 

      7 days ago

      It’s painful to live everyday without my mother.

      I think about her everyday. I find comfort knowing that the Lord has a purpose. She was a warrior and worked tiressly to raise us well. Thank mom.

      I pray for all that have lost their moms. May God strengthen you.

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      NikkiNarcisse 

      8 days ago

      For Cara: I can only imagine how you feel having not been able to say goodbye as so many others. Here's something that you can do. WRITE her a letter in faith that she can receive it. Whatever is in your heart, try to put it on paper and seal it in an envelope, send it in a balloon, or place it in a memoir box. Just some ideas. Not feeling like you want to be in this world without her, many of us can relate. Yes, it hurts like HELL. The pain is indescribable and unbearable. There is no way of getting around that. But I am sure that your mother would want you to go on. Practically everyday, I have to tell myself that because I know that it is true. And I often tell myself that from behind the tears that I am shedding at that moment, even NOW. Be encouraged.

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      Vikki 

      9 days ago

      I am losing my Mother & Best Friend I head & neck cancer scared to death. I brought her on Hospice August 31 2018

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      9 days ago

      For Charles Wilkins

      Thank you posting that quote .my mum was my world and you have just summed up my heartache in a couple of lines. I have tears in my eyes literally because those words are so poigmant and real .thank you

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      Cara 

      9 days ago

      My mom just passed away September 1, 2018. She just turned 70 on July 9. For the past 5 or 6 weeks she had several tests which were all linking to lung cancer. She had smoked for close to 50 years but had quit nearly 5 years ago when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had her second mastectomy in January 2018. She was doing great.

      The week before she passed she was having a lot of difficulty breathing and was in a lot of pain. I booked a one way flight to arrive on September 2 to spend some time with her and help her any way I could. She was officially diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer August 30. As I was packing for my flight the following day, I got a call from a paramedic who was dispatched to my mom's house that my mom was found on the kitchen floor by a family friend and had passed away. I hadn't really talked to her much that week because she was in so much pain and I knew I was coming soon to take care of her. I'm so lost. The sadness is so overwhelming. I'm 42 in October. I just can't express how bad I feel. I don't want to be here without her. I never got to say goodbye or anything. I thought I'd have time.

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      Debbie 

      9 days ago

      My mother was 95 year of age when she passed away on July 31, 2018. it has been almost six weeks but the pain is still so raw and I keep having waves of crying spells. I had my mom for 67 years; numerous memories and now I cry/weep remembering. I love you forever, MOM......butterfly kisses till we meet again!!!

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      Salina 

      9 days ago

      I just lost my mom yesterday to serious influenza. It is by far the worst pain I’ve experienced. She made it to 60 years old. I miss her so bad

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      Wanda 

      10 days ago

      Hi everyone, as I sit here just sobbing alone cause I don't feel like being around anyone I found this article. I just lost my Mama this past Wednesday September 5th, 2018. We lived together after my divorce and she was my rock, my safety net, my best friend. As my adult son said "Grandma seemed to give off this peaceful warm feeling no matter what you were going through." She had a big heart and full of compassion. My heart feels so broken and I feel scared of what I don't know. Every night I would kiss her and say I love you Mama. My siblings and I watched her take her last breath as we held her hands. I don't know how I'll bear this pain. I feel so raw. My home is lonely and empty without her presence. Oh God I just miss her.

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      Charles Watkins 

      10 days ago

      "To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world."

      Bill Wilson

      A quote that becomes all too defintiive in the loss of a mother.

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      Alexa 

      11 days ago

      I'm 25 and my mom passed away unexpectedly on Sept. 17th at 48 years old. We think it was an accidental overdose, but havent gotten the results back. You really don't understand the pain until it actually happens to you. Even worse is that we were arguing and she told me she was dying and i didn't listen. My mom had Trigeminal Trophic Disease and Trigeminal Neuralgia for 3 years which caused a lot of physical and mental issues. She was also an RN in the past so she was quite intelligent and always thought she was smarter than her doctors (sometimes that was the case) and everyone else. We didn't have a perfect relationship, my dad worked out of state and came home on weekends and my little brother was in college so I was the only person in the house with her. My family is having a hard time considering her brother died 10 years ago due to overdose and I feel silly for complaining about my pain when my grandparents have lost 2 children now. She was my mother and i loved her. I feel guilty for growing so frustrated in her last months because i wanted her to get better so badly asit was taking a toll on me also. I remember being in her room and her looking up at me saying she couldnt do it anymore and that the disease was unbearable. I haven't been able to cope as the pain of loosing her is too unbearable too. It hits me at random times of the day resulting in panic attacks and sometimes i feel as if it will never go away. I can't imagine living another 50 years without her. I have so many things I still need her for. I haven't even gotten married since we have been waiting for her to get better so she could attend. I had to start OT school two days later and I can't focus.I feel as if my whole life is crumbling around me. The guilt and shame is a feeling I can't describe. I'm just going through the motions at this point. It is truly surreal and I'm still in disbelief that I will never see, touch, hold or hear her again. How do you find the strength to go on when you feel as if you have lost everything?

      Take care to all in pain on this site

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      Enzo 

      11 days ago

      Exactly 9 months ago at this time of the day as I am writing this comment my mother had just 1 minute left in her life, a surreal moment for me when she went, one moment she was still here the next she was gone. I have not written messages in here for a long time because my life too feels surreal since my mother passed away.

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      Marilyn 

      11 days ago

      Hi Everyone I buried my mom last week Saturday 1st September 2018-.I am 55 and i never thought the pain would be so unbearable .In the last few months of my moms life she became so close to me i still hear her following me around in the house as i was busy cleaning .from room to room she would follow me .i also thought mom will pass on and i will be okay .but oh my did i imagine myself .regards Marilyn

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      Rachel Wyatt 

      11 days ago

      My mom, my very best friend (only friend at that) just died on July 30,2018 of lung cancer. I'm thirty two years old and I've lived with her my whole life. Until January when I left to a new state to finish my college degree.she found out she had cancer in March. I felt so guilty that I had moved and I couldn't afford at the time to come back. I was trying to save money to get back for her birthday because we are one day apart in August. She went on life support July 25 and died July 30. I hadn't talked to her in two weeks because I just couldn't handle what was going on and how out of control I felt with the situation. . She woke up miraculously for one day the day before she died and I got to tell her how much I loved her.it was almost like she wasn't even sick and everything would be fine. At least that's what I tried to tell myself. I don't really even remember the last month because I've been so out of it and in denial . I miss my mom so much and I don't know how I will ever go on without her. If anyone else shares in my grief and needs someone to talk to, you can email me because I need a friend too. (Rachelzito29@gmail.com). To everyone who has a lost a parent, I'm sorry for your loss and keep going. Our moms would want us to!

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      11 days ago

      For Ami

      I read your comments with interest as some of what you say has mirrored what has came out my mouth and been in my mouth.

      I too have had people ask how my dad is but not really ask me .i dont begrudge my dad any such concern in the least.they were married nearly 50 years and never apart save for hospital admissions. In my head there is this part of me that thinks what about me ? I saw mum daily and mum and i were best friends .two peas in a pod.she described me as the light of her life. I grew inside her but for some reason you think my loss is less. Yes my parents house is obviously emptier now whereas mine isnt (husband and 2 kids) but i am still so lonely without mum, my go to person and miss the most important woman in my life.

      Please dont think i dont adore my dad .i trully do but i am just trying to explain how i have felt the same feelings as you

      It doesnt matter if your mum is old or young , the love you feel for them is the same.

      Take care and love to all in pain on this site

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      12 days ago

      For Alex T

      I felt so very sad reading your story. Dealing with an illness such as your mum's is agonising. You will no doubt trying to be brave in front of your mum and inside feel as though you are falling apart. Your mum is still very young and you so young to deal with all this.

      If the worst happens you will get on with it. The hurt is indescribable but you will carry on for your loved ones and for your mums memory . You know it is what your mum would want and expect .i dont where you will find it but you will find the strength from somewhere. A part of your mum will live on through you.

      I lost my mum 16 months ago. We were as close as two people would be .the hurt and pain is still there .as is the longing for mum especially when i have another life crisis to deal with. You learn to carry on and laugh at life again but the longing for your mum never leaves you.

      I will keep your mum and your family in my prayers.

      Take care

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      Camille 

      12 days ago

      Hi everyone i post a week ago my bestfriend on this earth my soumate my Mom passed on June 11 2018 it is almost 3 months i am more broken and i cannit control crying most of the day i m8ss my Mom so very my heart hurts it is broken i dont really know how to live without her i am 58 i dont have kids but in a relationship me and my sister go for Mom to the cemetery every week. We both go to breavement meetings weekly it helps a tiny bit to get it out and hear other people storys. Right now i am sad lost depressed i talk to my Mom hundreds a time a day and i know she listens. I am sorry for all you you loss its heartbreaking. I love you Mommy more then life itself you have my heart until we meet again

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      Alex T 

      12 days ago

      Hello guys,

      My mother is diagnosticated with long cancer in terminal fase. Im not so good at english but im trying . She is alive, she just had a brain surgery but we all know she is gonna die soon. She is 57 and i am 26 . Im verry scarred of the future , and im overthinking about the day when it will happend. We really never had a fight or missunderstanding . We always helped eachother . Im affraid that i wont be able to survive without her . I dont know what to say and im sorry for your loses . I read almost all the story on this section and i hope i will be strongest like you guys . I love her very much but we cant be greatfull cuz we both are focused on treatments and solution . We are very poor too and in our country without money u cant do very much . I hate cancer so badly . Please pray for my mother s health and tell me that i wont die when my mother will eventualy pass away.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      12 days ago

      For Paromita

      I havent had a chance to check into the site or read the comments for a couple of days .on checking late tonight i have just saw your comments.

      Albeit your message was brief and your heartache so evident, it is so so very good to hear from you. We are all so worried about you. Your darling daughter kindly updated us .we were so relieved but to see a quick post from you. Thank you for that. You are such a kind, brave and generous soul. We are all thinking of you and i echo what San has said.

      Please know we are here from you and sending a big cyber hug your way

      Take care and love to all

      B x

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      San 

      12 days ago

      Dear Paramita it's such a relief to hear from you. I understand that you have been totally depressed, i understand that pain and level of misery. I would be so lost without this site, please don't feel you are on your own with this, we are all here for each other. Keep talking sweetie. Take care of yourself xx

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      Carol Fell 

      13 days ago

      Thank you for this article. I don’t recall how I came across it but I really needed it and it hit home.

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      Amy 

      13 days ago

      Thank you San, It is comforting having a post like this to seek some support. I'm trying with dad and as you say its only been a few weeks - my parents were childhood sweethearts and only ever had each other - I'm trying to take comfort and tell him that they had the love story, instead of the focus that shes no longer here.

      Its the nights that seem to be the worst for me, I try during the day and can function, I surprise myself, then its all of a sudden out of no where I get a realisation that shes no longer here. I relate also to what others have put on here. I'm 24 and cant bear to think of the years I have without her ahead. People tell me about others that have lost before my age and I try to rationalise that I've been lucky to have had my mum in the first place, but whether your in your teens, 20's, or 70's your mums your mum and I don't think it makes it easier at any age. Just one day at a time. xx

      Tom, I hope you have the strength and support around you during this time xx

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      San 

      13 days ago

      Dear Tom... my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your mum. It doesn't matter how old the person who is dying/died or how old their children are, we cry like babies when something happens to our mums, and it doesn't matter, we are allowed. Let the tears flow it could save you a whole lot of problems later. Don't feel alone, keep posting and take care

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      Tom 

      13 days ago

      My 99 year old mom is dying with dementia. I have hospice coming in, but they can't do everything. Mom takes off all her clothes and diapers and can't eat and drink, although I was able to get a little soda in her today. I have been the sole caregiver for 13 years. and although I am a psychologist who has worked with Alzheimers patients much of my lie, I am weeping and have such a sense of loss already. All I can say is "my poor little mom." I pray and thank God for having had her this long, but I am losing my mom, my best friend, my first Valentine. She worked 3 jobs as a single mom before being a single mom was a title. I simply cannot stop weeping and dread when the inevitable happens. Please pray for her, that she doesn't suffer, and for me that I can handle what is to come. Thank you

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      San 

      2 weeks ago

      Hi Elma... i am not doing too well at the moment, i still feel so lost without my mum, but it's like you said it doesn't get any easier for any of us. One day i think I'm doing it, I'm just about coping with the normal daily life and chores and the next day i don't even feel like getting out of bed. I hope you are as ok as you can be and coping. Take lots of care Elma xx. Hi Amy i notice that you said your mum was only just in her 50's, so i get the feeling that you are only very young yourself. Life can be so cruel, there seems to have been a lot of very y o ung people posting on this site recently. Although your dad must be grief stricken at the moment, you must not keep your emotions locked away inside otherwise you yourself will be ill. Have a good cry together, and no matter what let our grief take its course. Take care of yourself, and remember it's only been a few weeks. Xx

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      Elma 

      2 weeks ago

      For Angel

      Thank you for letting us know about your mom. I am so sorry to hear that she is not doing well, but I am not surprised. We are all going through hell and I wish this ‘going through’ is true, that would mean it would pass and end. But no, it gets worse, the pain is getting worse, even thoight I thought it can not be worse. Sometimes, I find myself smiling at something...and then I think...life goes on...even I can smile again and my mom is gone. Then it hurts even worse.

      Please tell your mom that we are all thinking of her...she is in our thoughts...hopefully we will hear from her soon again. We miss her here. Lots of love

      Also many regards to my dear Bonnie and San...I see you visit here and give support to others...hope you are doing fine...

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      Amy 

      2 weeks ago

      This article speaks volumes to me, I lost my mum 4 weeks ago, and it feels so raw still. I have struggled to grieve as due to the practicalities of sorting the aftermath out (funeral/relatives) - her passing was not anticipated and she only just in her 50's - my father has taken her passing very badly, and there is my added struggle, a fear to grieve, a fear of crumbling and his opinion of my right to, there is an undertone that it is worse for him as hes lost his wife. How do people manage the parent that is left behind following a passing of their mum/dad who they saw every day? I'm suffocated by his grief, unable to address my own.

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      Pam 

      2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom 6-7-18. She had Alzheimer's for 10 years. The last 6 months she was in a nursing home. I can't stop seeing the image of her taking her last breaths. I feel like I'm going crazy. I am afraid my husband and kids will get tired of my grieving. I'm so scared for anyone I love to have to have to face this kind of sadness.

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      Mim1237 

      2 weeks ago

      My mom died Aug.22, 2018. My heart physically hurts and I cannot put into words the unbearable pain I feel. I can relate to many things in this article. People ask is there anything you need and all I can think to say is “yes I need my mom back”. But instead I say no I’m ok.

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      Ben 

      2 weeks ago

      My mom died august 10- nearly a month ago. She had dementia for nearly 10 years. My father died 12 years ago. My siblings seem to be adjusting to the new reality but I feel completely lost. I don't know how to "move on". When my dad died, I stayed busy and didn't really grieve until about a year after he passed. I took a beach vacation and cried the whole time. It was great. Right now I don't want to work or think about the future or do anything. I am f-ing sad. It's debilitating. I am single and have no kids and I really feel alone. Thanks for letting me share this experience. I know I will get through it. It's just so hard.

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      deborah 

      2 weeks ago

      my moms funeral is Wednesday i am a grown woman with grandchildren and i feel the same as you... life suddenly seem like it could never be the same and i will never be the same. the pain washes over me like a wave and the panic if what to do is erased by a forced acceptance.... i always imagined the day would be really hard but never imagined this. i know people that have lost presents they seem to have handled it better i know its fresh but i cant imagine ever getting to a safe place

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      Deborah 

      2 weeks ago

      I lost my mum 5 days ago, the Funeral is on Friday and i feel pysically sick when i think about it...i dont know how im going to get thru it. Iv never felt pain like this in my life, this has been the worst week of my life. I have 3 children who depend on me but i am struggling every day just to do the basics , its taking every ounce of strengthI have just to function without crumbling. My world feels so much darker now and i cant see a way out the darkness. Xxx

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      Louise 

      2 weeks ago

      Please don’t add this comment, I can’t remember if I put my surname on my previous comment, please don’t add it.

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      Louise 

      2 weeks ago

      I too have unfortunately suffered an unexpected sudden passing of my Mum. I took for granted that she’d be around till she was in her 80’s because my mums parents did, my mum was 67. The post mortem has came back as inconclusive, we are going to have to wait weeks, possibly even months to get an answer as to why it happened, I question I find myself answering everyday. I didn’t just lose my mother that day, I lost my best friend and my children lost their favourite nanny. We’re all gutted, the children are coping so much better than myself and my dad, he is lost like myself and feeling completely broken inside.

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      San 

      2 weeks ago

      Palzi..... i am more than double your age and i lost my mum 9 months ago on the 5th, and i am still a complete mess and crying every day. Don't be so hard on yourself, it is a great pain to bear for one so young especially as you have two younger siblings to care for. Bless you all that you can get through these very hard first months and take it day by day and try not to think too far into the future as it will cause you to panic. Your mum will be so proud of you. God bless xx

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      Palzi 

      2 weeks ago

      Hi,

      My mom passed recently, just a week after I turned 23. I'm the eldest among my siblings. Two younger sisters to take care of. It's been less than 4 months she's gone.. But there's not a moment I don't think about her. Earlier I thought I would somehow cope up with the sorrow because she wasn't keeping well since a few months before her demise. But everyday seems like a suffering to me. I cry all the time almost. I try keeping myself busy but it doesn't work much. I'm just surviving somehow because I have two younger sisters to take care of. It's difficult. Each day I tell myself another day getting close to meet mom.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      2 weeks ago

      For Fiona

      I am sorry hear your story . Birthdays without our mums are gutwrenching and so empty. On reading your words i think it sounds like you lost confidence also when you lost your mum. Im sure you havent really went from disaster to disaster but are just being overly critical of yourself. How can you be a disaster? You have just said that you need to be here for your son as he has problems he has to deal with . A "disastrous" person would not have the logic or the heart to handle such issues ,yet here you are admitting your son needs you. To me that strikes me as a caring and responsible mother. Dont you think maybe your mum installed such values in you. Your mum may not be here in the physical world but she will always be in your head and your heart. Let her try and guide because if you relied so heavilly on her in life then her guidance will always be there deep inside you. Take care and love to all who post x

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      Fiona 

      2 weeks ago

      Hi all i lost my best friend in the world 7 years ago,today wouldve been her birthday since her death my life has been the same as me " a mess " ...im 50 years old and at one time was successful and happy and slim and pretty,now im old,fat ugly and poor,and if my mum was still here none of these things would matter,since her death i cant seem to get anything right in life,i go from one disaster to another,i really wish i wasnt here but i have a son of 27 who has Tourettes and needs me,why oh why does life have to be so difficult.

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      mia 

      2 weeks ago

      my mom recently passed and i couldnt fing the words to express my grief. this helped me a lot and it brought me comfort and ill read this over and over again. thank you so much

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      San 

      2 weeks ago

      For Angel... thank you so much for posting about your mum, we have been worrying about her as she hasn't posted anything for several weeks now. Please tell her that i am thinking about her and missing her. Sending great big hugs her way xxxx. For everyone who has posted recently, please accept my sincere condolences x

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      Camille 

      2 weeks ago

      My beautifil bestfriend my Mom Anna passed on June 11 2018 i am broken i feel lost not a whole person. My mom is the strongest inspirational woman i know and even though she gave me her strength sometimes i think i am so weak i dont know how to live i cry every day several times every day i know my Mom helps me she comes to me in my dreams almost every night and i am so thankful and grateful to her for this i miss her so much she has my heart forever until we meet again

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      2 weeks ago

      For Angel

      I am so so very sorry for what your mum is suffering. She is such a warm caring person who deserves some respite from the heartache is is suffering . I wish i could do or say something to help her .your heart will be broken with worry for her .please send her my love and if possible can you please update as when you have the chance and feel strong enough to do so . Take care x

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      FRANK 

      2 weeks ago

      MY MOTHER FRANCES PASSED AWAY 8-8-18 JUST SEVERAL WEEKS AGO.She was bed ridden for over three years with Alzeimers Disease.Although we knew she was going to pass, no one is really prepared when it happens.I find myself lost at times.She was the matriarch of the family as my Father abondoned us as infants.

      Many people came to the funeral and wake.My Mom was a good woman who helped many people.Surely she is in heaven with the saints.I still feel her presence.They say that if you believe in Jesus you will not die.My mother is still alive in spirit but just in a different world.Honor a past loved one by doing good for people.

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      Angel 

      2 weeks ago

      To all of my Mama"s friends

      Hello....I am Paromita"s daughter. Want to let you know that my Mamma is not well and has undergone severe depression.Hope she will be able to overcome this situation and join you soon.

      Best regards to you all...

      Mama mentioned the names... Bonnie,San and Elma.I also found that you all are worried for her.This is really nice to see.Thanks and Mammaa loves you all.

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      Robert DeAngelis 

      2 weeks ago

      Just sitting in the gym where I work in Boston. And the past few days have been thinking about my mom who passed in 2007 from a hospital infection. I think sometimes my happiness is gone. It all anger agitated all the time. A lot of times tears just flow out of nowhere Who knows guess a void that will never be filled. Have no clue how I even found this website. Guess a good place to vent. Thanks for listening

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      Erryynne 

      2 weeks ago

      Where has Why been?? Why, please email me at erryynne@gmail.com. Just let me know you’re ok.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      3 weeks ago

      For Elma

      I was really touched by your kind, warm and thoughtful comments .thank you Elma.it means a lot to think that someone feels ive been of some help to others. We all have different family relationships and circumstances but are united in that we all have this ache and yearning for our mums .that unites us .in these situations sometimes a kind word/thought/gesture can make a world of difference.

      I read your comments about the sea and can see where you are coming from .i suppose its a bit if escapism and allows you to be alone with your thoughts/tears and conversations with your mum without fear of being judged by anyone.

      I think from reading your posts there are similarities in our lives (albeit i dont have a career such as yours) but from things you have said about your husbands coping mechanism for your grief and about feeling outnumbered by males at times in the family

      We can be surrounded by people in our lives but still feel lonely.

      Really quite worried about Paromita now and hoping she checks in soon.

      Take care Elma and thanks once again. Love to all x

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      San 

      3 weeks ago

      For Krystena.....for someone so young you have been through such a terrible time. Someone once told me that g o d will only send to you what he thinks you can cope with, but i think he sent you far more than your fair share. Such heartache for one so young. Your family will be there to guide you on your way, and your mum will be head of that mission, because thats what mum's do. They're the last people in the world to let us down because they are just so so amazing. Like Bonnie said, you really do deserve to look like your mum. Don't forget it's her that gave them to you....... take lots of care special friends, my thoughts go out to each and everyone of you.xx. PARAMETA Bonnie is right, are you ok? We are worried about you. Please just post and let us know you're alright. Hugs xx

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      Elma 

      3 weeks ago

      For Bonnie, Sam, Paromita, Diane Maxwell and all the other new members..

      Dear Bonnie, yes, your mother is very proid of you. Your words on this forum and the support you offer are so important. Even though you did not sign your name below in the post to Kristina, after reading it I knew it was you. Your offer tremendeous help to everyone. I had collegues telling me I ‘look better’. I hate when I hear it. I am not better, I am worse. It has been long five months without my mom, but the pain is getting deeper and havier and sometimes I just want to die. Take care and stay strong.

      For San, I am glad your brother’s condition is stable and I agree with everything you said to the new members. This is not going to get easier definitely, I am sure about it. We need miracles, we need our moms back! The only time when I feel that the pain is more bearable (not easier) is when I am at the coasts on holiday. I swim a lot, cry in the sea, talk to my mom...somehow, sea is healing for me..unfortunately, there is no sea where I live, I need to travel four hours by car...that is the only thing that makes this pain more bearable...sea

      Paromita, as Bonnie said I hope you are doing fine..let us know..

      For Diane Maxwell, I feel exactly like you described. I am also the only girl now in my family. My mom is my best friend. I still talk to her all the time. However, I did not notice that my father and my family members don’t like to talk about what happened, while I want to talk about it all the time. This forum is tremendeous help.

      Love to all

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      3 weeks ago

      For San

      Oh San how kind and thoughtful you are . Your warm and caring ways truly touch my heart and i genuinely mean that . You have so much to cope with San but you still have time for others .thank you for that. Albeit my mum passed away 16 months ago im always aware of the 27th date in every month just because thats the day we lost her .sounds daft i know. I was over talking to dad tonight about something and the words were nearly out my mouth to say "i will need to ask mum about that" .Its a hard habit to break when that was sure Go to person. I am sure you have experienced that too.

      My mum was wonderful, brave, intelligent, loyal,funny and so loving. Mum however thought nothing of herself. She would have been gobsmacked at the compliments people have paid her since her passing. From her personality right down to her looks. Our family have so much admiration with the way she fought to stay alive. So so brave .even when i nearly died giving birth to my son it was mum who got me through the many months afterwards of trying to recover. My husband and dad didn't really know what to do when they saw me on the ventillator but mum apparently was so strong she was up whispering in my ear that i had two lovely kids to get well for . One of the anaesthetists later told me she had her and a colleague in tears listening. Mum just told me afterwards she refused to believe i would die .

      Mum was a member of several forums for people worldwide who suffer with lung conditions. As well as receiving support herself she gave so much comfort to so many on the sites .when people were notified of her passing the messages of love for mum were in abundance .

      Thank you for saying my mum would be proud of me .that means the world to me .it goes without saying that your mum would (i Will say will as she is still watching over you) be enourmousy proud of you. I can never fill my mother's shoes but if we can help just one person by sharing our stories and offering comfort then that at least that brings something good out of our hurt.

      Take care dear friend and love to all (Paromita please let know you are ok as you havent posted for a while) x

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      San 

      3 weeks ago

      For Bonnie... my thoughts are with you at this particularly hard time, your mum's anniversary. I hope you are alright and try to stay strong. Your mum will be so proud of you, you are a credit to her the way you help everybody. I bet your mum would be the same, two of a kind. Any mother would smile down at her daughter if she was anything like you. Sending you big hugs. Xx

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      For My Mystery Writer 

      3 weeks ago

      Omg thank you whoever you are that wrote me that special message. You definitely made me cry happy tears. Thank you for the virtual hug. It means alot even though its not physical.

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      For Krystena 

      3 weeks ago

      Dear Krystena

      I had a pain in my heart and a tear in my eye reading your story. To lose your mum on your birthday and so young seems inconceivable, then to lose your dad and grandparents so soon after must have been unbearable. There are some people who basically do not know how to speak of death or grieving like the people who give you the pained not talk about it look. You talk about it as much as you need to and im sure there is someone in your life who will listen and allow you to talk. If not a friend or family member, then maybe a friend of your parents or a support group . You have had the most enormous amount of heartache to endure and it would not be healthy to bottle it up. If you do you may make yourself ill in the long run. It might sound silly but i wish i could give you a big hug. Ive said before on this site that we are an extension of our parents (and grandparents too) so remember part of them is living on through you and your brother.trust me you will never forget your mums voice .you are trying too hard to remember it and that is your brain just going into panic mode .if you sat blindfolded and your mum walked into a room merely saying hello you would know in an instant she was there. You have survived so much loss in such a short time and so young an age, i believe if anyone is worthy to look like your darling mum then its you. Be proud because im sure your mum is proud of you and in a more devine place smiling at her special girl.

      I lost my darling mum,best friend and soul mate 16 months ago tomorrow. I still miss her desperately. A part of me died with her and i will never get that back. A girl in work actually commented that i seem like the same old me now that i am not constantly fretting about my mums long term poor health. She had good intentions but i really wanted to tell her she hasnt a clue.that i paint a smile on my face and joke with my co workers but she doesnt see me when i am all alone yearning for my mum and crying speaking to her begging her to come back.hugging her clothes and desperately needing that cuddle that you speak of.fathers are wonderful but in my experience a bond between a mum and her child is so special and unique. Our mums nurture us from the womb and beyond and love us unconditionally. No one will ever love me like my mum and sadly that is something we just need to cope with no matter how painful it is.when we lose them we must ensure we carry on for our mums if not for ourselves . Take care and feel free to message any time x

    • profile image

      Diane Maxwell 

      3 weeks ago

      My mom is my best friend.

    • profile image

      Krystena 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you for writing this article. I lost my mom 9 years ago on my 20th birthday and life has never been the same. Today has been rough. I miss my mom so much it hurts my entire being. I really hate missing her so much because I dont have anyone to talk to about it. My dad passed 8 months later, my grandfather 8 months after that, and my grandmother 8 months after that. I would talk to my brother but I dont want to bring him down or anyone else that knew them. I still get the same sad pained "lets not talk about it" faces when I bring her (or them) up so I dont bother. It hurts all the time especially when holidays come around. I try to be brave but my heart is still shattered and I fear I will be this weepy unconsolable mess forever. I miss my mom everyday and nothing helps. I have been put on meds evaluated and all but nothing will soothe me like a hug from my mom. And thats the one thing I will never get. It kills me all the time. Nothing in this world can prepare you for that moment of disconnect and you are totally alone in the world.

      I am forever grateful for pictures but I fear I've forgotten her voice. And I'm ashamed.

      Please forgive my rambling. I'm hurting today.

      Ps. Is it weird I dont feel worthy when people say I look just like her?

    • profile image

      Diane Maxwell 

      3 weeks ago

      On September 27 it will be two years since my Mom died. I am still doing really badly. I am the only girl in the family and still feel so alone without her. My Dad and brothers have never let me talk about her. I guess that’s their way of grieving, but I NEED to talk about her so much!!! She & I talked on the phone every night. Since she died it’s been one bad thing after another, and getting through these times without her has been excruciating. I started seeing a therapist and went on medication, but I still feel heartbroken. I used to be a very strong woman, but now I’m just a mess. I don’t know what else to do.

    • profile image

      Caroline 

      3 weeks ago

      It’s been two and a half years since Mum went. I found a lot of similarities. Thank you for sharing. X

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      Ernestine Smith 

      3 weeks ago

      OMG, Thank you so much for this article I just lost my mom a month ago and the pain is so unbearable, one minute I'm fine the next minute I'm falling apart .I'm experiencing everything that you wrote in this article. And I so needed to hear you say remember the good and bad times. I've been praying to God to let me hear from my mother so I can know she's alright Friday I had a wonderful dream about my mom. Me and my mom had a pretty good relationship but we also had a couple bumps in the road nothing major just minor things . I had a very good childhood I'm the youngest out of 12 kids and I was the closest to my mother .So it's very very hard for me . I thank you so much for this article and your wise friend is so right

    • profile image

      Michelle Caldwell 

      3 weeks ago

      My mum ......bearly can type the words died on 8th July this year.

      I am living away from home while my family live in the UK.

      I made it home to sit and hold my mums hand. My mum was a fighter and had fought COPD for so long seeing her gasp for every breath was heart breaking. Whilst sitting and basically watching I wrote myself an email telling myself to remind me of the battle she was fighting to stay but the pain of watching every single breath and the reality of I knew she would pass away.

      I just couldn’t believe it when we were all reminiscing sitting at her bedside about the good old days .I left her bedside to go home to have a shower before I left I noticed her fingers nails were tinged blue I asked the nurse who said it was fine .Apparently normal for someone who is so poorly. Just got home when my son Received the dreaded call.

      Then the guilt hit. I had moved to Australia for a better life, my mum had said I had made her Sick by moving away with her granddaughter. I used to Skype my mum and dad every morning at 6 AM and was always changing the subject when she was complaining of how sick she had been . I thought if I gave her any attention it would make her more sick. I used to check out with my sister what was happening and she alwaysssid if she thought I should be home she would tell me.Thelasttime I spoke to my mum she was complaining about her sore arm so I talk d to my dad only to hear a snore later where she had fell asleep.i said to my dad I had better let you go to put my mum to bed.

      I feel angry that I acted the way I did towards her , guilty that I hadnt spoke to her about her illness instead of brushing it under the carpet because I didn’t want to see it .guilty that I had missed that time with her .

      My sister said to me while I was home that she thought I was acting like I ruled the roost and what did I know I wasn’t there. It was never my intention ever to act like my feelings where any more important than anyone else’s.My mum was the back bone of our family and was loved dearly by everyone.

      I just don’t know how to cope with the thought of never hearing her voice talking to her seeing her spending time with her when I’m home. Part of me is saying you know mum im going to make you proud to not waste them 8 years I’ve been away to do something with my life.

      My dad seems

    • profile image

      Michelle Caldwell 

      3 weeks ago

      My mum ......bearly can type the words died on 8th July this year.

      I am living away from home while my family live in the UK.

      I made it home to sit and hold my mums hand. My mum was a fighter and had fought COPD for so long seeing her gasp for every breath was heart breaking. Whilst sitting and basically watching I wrote myself an email telling myself to remind me of the battle she was fighting to stay but the pain of watching every single breath and the reality of I knew she would pass away.

      I just couldn’t believe it when we were all reminiscing sitting at her bedside about the good old days .I left her bedside to go home to have a shower before I left I noticed her fingers nails were tinged blue I asked the nurse who said it was fine .Apparently normal for someone who is so poorly. Just got home when my son Received the dreaded call.

      Then the guilt hit. I had moved to Australia for a better life, my mum had said I had made her Sick by moving away with her granddaughter. I used to Skype my mum and dad every morning at 6 AM and was always changing the subject when she was complaining of how sick she had been . I thought if I gave her any attention it would make her more sick. I used to check out with my sister what was happening and she alwaysssid if she thought I should be home she would tell me.Thelasttime I spoke to my mum she was complaining about her sore arm so I talk d to my dad only to hear a snore later where she had fell asleep.i said to my dad I had better let you go to put my mum to bed.

      I feel angry that I acted the way I did towards her , guilty that I hadnt spoke to her about her illness instead of brushing it under the carpet because I didn’t want to see it .guilty that I had missed that time with her .

      My sister said to me while I was home that she thought I was acting like I ruled the roost and what did I know I wasn’t there. It was never my intention ever to act like my feelings where any more important than anyone else’s.My mum was the back bone of our family and was loved dearly by everyone.

      I just don’t know how to cope with the thought of never hearing her voice talking to her seeing her spending time with her when I’m home. Part of me is saying you know mum im going to make you proud to not waste them 8 years I’ve been away to do something with my life.

      My dad seems

    • profile image

      Michelle 

      3 weeks ago

      My mum ......bearly can type the words died on 8th July this year.

      I am living away from home while my family live in the UK.

      I made it home to sit and hold my mums hand. My mum was a fighter and had fought COPD for so long seeing her gasp for every breath was heart breaking. Whilst sitting and basically watching I wrote myself an email telling myself to remind me of the battle she was fighting to stay but the pain of watching every single breath and the reality of I knew she would pass away.

      I just couldn’t believe it when we were all reminiscing sitting at her bedside about the good old days .I left her bedside to go home to have a shower before I left I noticed her fingers nails were tinged blue I asked the nurse who said it was fine .Apparently normal for someone who is so poorly. Just got home when my son Received the dreaded call.i had made it home but wasn’t there when she took her last breath.

      Then the guilt hit. I had moved to Australia for a better life, my mum had said I had made her Sick by moving away with her granddaughter. I used to Skype my mum and dad every morning at 6 AM and was always changing the subject when she was complaining of how sick she had been . I thought if I gave her any attention it would make her more sick. I used to check out with my sister what was happening and she alwaysssid if she thought I should be home she would tell me.Thelasttime I spoke to my mum she was complaining about her sore arm so I talked to my dad only to hear a snore later where she had fell asleep.i said to my dad I had better let you go to put my mum to bed.

      I feel angry that I acted the way I did towards her , guilty that I hadnt spoke to her about her illness instead of brushing it under the carpet because I didn’t want to see it .guilty that I had missed that time with her .

      My sister said to me while I was home that she thought I was acting like I ruled the roost and what did I know I wasn’t there. It was never my intention ever to act like my feelings where any more important than anyone else’s.

      My mum was the back bone of our family and was loved dearly by everyone.

      I just don’t know how to cope with the thought of never hearing her voice talking to her seeing her spending time with her when I’m home.

      Part of me is saying you know mum im going to make you proud to not waste them 8 years I’ve been away to do something with my life

      My dad seems to be coping ok. I Skype him everyday and breaks my heart to see him getting older and then it hits am I making the same mistake again.

      My heads in bits I just don’t know what to do how to cope am I loosing the plot

      I carnt talk to anyone

    • profile image

      San 

      3 weeks ago

      To everyone who has wrote recently i am so sorry for your loss. I would like to be able to tell you that the pain does get easier but i can't. I lost my mum 9 months ago just before Christmas, but to be honest it feels like last week. A really good thing about this site is that you never feel alone,although you wouldn't wish this pain and grieving on anybody, its comforting to know that there is people out there who understand because unless you have been through this, you really don't. For Bonnie.... i hope your doing ok and things are working out better for you. My brother is not too bad at the moment as long as he rests a lot of the time. I havent had any emails recently , though i look forward to hearing from you whenever you need a chat. Take care everyone xx

    • profile image

      Carmel Datin 

      4 weeks ago

      I stumbled upon this article while googling on how to cope with the loss of a loved one or a mother. I can relate on what you feel as I lost my mother three months.ago. Even if she is already old at 88 but still she was still healthy with no maintainance, only vitamins but she was under medication because of severe osteoporosis since Sept 2017 until she lost her appetite after seven months. Since then, she didn't get back her appetite. She was hospitalized for three weeks and the doctors found out that she her brain was swelling because of a tumor.

      The pain of losing her is much intense now. I can't get enough sleep because I always remember her. I always pray for her but I can't move on yet.

    • profile image

      MikeMillz 

      4 weeks ago

      I will never forget the day that I lost my mother. It’s been 1 year 5 months 2 weeks and 3 days. I am 28 years old and this has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with. March 7th at 345am my phone was ringing uncontrollably. My older brother was sobbing on the phone and could barely for a sentence. “Mom died Mikey”

      Before I knew it I was speeding to the other side of town to get to her. The place was a mob scene. Police everywhere. I parked my car on the sidewalk and ran up to the house. The police were probing me for info. “ Can you tell us why a 50 year old woman would pass away in her sleep” one of the cops asked. I replied, “I’m a nurse not a doctor”. I walked inside to see my younger brother and my grandmother hysterical. I couldn’t cry. Not 1 tear would come down my face. I had to be the strong one again. My mother was on the sofa where she often slept and she was slumped over. I immediately fixed her hair in a ponytail and sat her in a less awkward position. I sat right on that couch with her and prayed. I prayed to my lord above that her soul would be accepted into the kingdom, and one day we would be reunited. I have bad days and good days. More bad than good. I have changed. I am less social and I snap at people more often. I know this is a journey and I have to pull it together but I miss her. More than anything. When my mom was sick I would make her lunch everyday and bring it to her in the hospital. She rushed me and called me back to back to make sure I had everything she wanted. She could always depend on me. Tamara Berkey. My mother and my Angel.

    • profile image

      Ekaterina 

      4 weeks ago

      My mom passed away on June 6th..cant believe that i still went to qork as nothing happened next day and nobody even realized that smg happened. Work keeps me busy but before i sleep i just cry bcs i miss her

    • profile image

      Bonnie Scotland 

      4 weeks ago

      For San

      I sent you an email a few weeks ago but not sure if you will have saw it as ive only noticed that my son has changed my email title to his name .

      Ive just emailed a link to you today that i think you may feel is relevant. I hope your brother is doing as well as possile just now San x

    • profile image

      Elena 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my mom on June 2nd 2018. She was my closest best friend to me. She died suddenly and I don’t know how to cope with losing her. Could someone help me?

    • profile image

      Mirna Pinto 

      4 weeks ago

      My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer. Tomorrow will be a month from her passing. She died July 21, 2018. It still feels surreal. I miss her so much that it hurts. I miss our daily phone calls. I have my ups and downs. I had lost faith and asked God why my mom. I’m glad I read your article.

    • profile image

      Andrew Ibrahim 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my mom yesterday. I'm happy I read your article. Beautiful words. I don't even know how live goes on, but I'll try. Thank you.

    • profile image

      Kristi Reed 

      4 weeks ago

      Thank you for sharing this. At 44, I lost my mother just 3 weeks ago. It is still very surreal. Not only did I lose my person, my go to, but both my parents are now gone. I find myself rushing through the guilt so I can get back to "normal," but as you stated nothing will be normal again. I have to create my new normal. Thank you again. I'm moving on, through the good and the bad, hoping to make my mama proud.

    • profile image

      Gayathri Ganesh 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my mother 2 weeks ago. I'm the most ultra sensitive person, I have come across. Surprisingly, I feel I am holding up myself well, except for a few outbursts here n there. I feel I am brave and as I write this, I feel my mother has not gone anywhere, she is with me, watching me and supporting me in my endeavors. Thanks for the post, I agree that it's important to let it out what you feel. It's okay even if you take months to get over on what just happened.

    • profile image

      Bonnie Scotland 

      4 weeks ago

      So many heart wrenching stories have been posted recently. So many people in so much pain .Jessica your description of how your mum just "got" you was exactly like mum and i . Its nearly 17 months since i lost my wonderful mum but still when i have news or something has happened the words in my head automatically tell me to let my mum know . Mum's qualifty of life was so poor due to her chronic health problems but still she fought to stay with her family when others might have understandably threw in the towers.

      I have mums old face book on my phone so all her posts and memories pop up which is wonderful but gut wrenching also . Just yesterday i saw two years ago she posted the most loving message about my cousin fighting cancer and how he would pull through (he did) .then last week there was a memory from a couple of years ago of my kids or her "babies" in their school uniforms going back to school following the summer holidays. It just feels nothing will ever have the same meaning again but as you say jessica we need to carry on as our mums would want expect.

      Love to all on this site and hello to Paromita, San and Elma x

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      Mark Fusco 

      4 weeks ago

      My mom died one week ago. I am a 56 year old man who never married and had no children, my mom lived with me and was my entire life. We did everything together, eat, vacation, watch T.V. She was my constant companion and my best friend. We would watch T.V. on a Saturday and she would smile at me and me at her. It didn't matter what program it was, as long as we were together, that was our happiness. I wake up and go to bed sad and lonely, with no one to talk to, and no one to say I love you to. The day my mom died I prayed to the lord for a miracle. I honestly believed if you prayed hard enough and was sincere, God would answer your prayer. But I was meet with only silence and my moms passing. Everyone says I have to move on, that I have no choice. I just want to crawl up and die. How do you move on when the only thing that gave your life meaning is gone. Right now crying and tears are my only companion. People say you knew you wouldn't have her forever, but knowing that didn't help dealing with the reality once it happened. In three years I will be 60 years old, and the only good thing in my life was ripped away. The hole in my life can never be filled. I go to church, struggle through the tears and ask God why, but again, am only answered with silence. We are born to die, and to have hearts broken when loved ones are taken away. God, please tell my why?

    • profile image

      Philip Addington 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my Mom 2 weeks ago. The depth of this pain.... I sometimes have trounle just breathing. I miss you so much Mom. I love you

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      Charmion 

      4 weeks ago

      Hi Jessica,

      I definitely agree that grief comes in waves. I try to be upbeat; but when those waves come, it is hard to get a grip. I lose it emotionally. I truly understand. I’m sorry for your loss. It will be 2yrs next month that my mom has transitioned. Those waves come hard and go. I pray that God will send peace to you.

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      Misty Thompson 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my mom a week ago she was my baby i took care of her 9 yrs sje was in paim for yeras in amnd out of hosptails its killing me noone cares i have autism.son isaiah je so lively and loveing but i am numb angery and hurt and so depressed she die here in her bed like she wanted i cant do anything

    • profile image

      Jessica 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my mom 3 months ago. She was my closest friend and confidant. We just “got” each other. Our relationship was probably the most important and meaningful of my life. I feel lost without her. She died relatively young. She was only 71 and I am 41. Sometimes I wonder how I will live so many years, God willing, without her in my life. Thank you for this article. It helps to know others are feeling the same way.

      Someone once said to me that grief comes in waves. That’s a very good way of explaining it. Sometimes I feel ok. Happy. I can have fun and enjoy myself. And sometimes, out of nowhere, I feel like I’m falling apart. Like a wave has crushed me and I can’t recover. I pray that all those who are reading this and suffering find strength to get through those tough days. I know that’s what our mothers would have wanted.

    • profile image

      rochking 

      4 weeks ago

      Thank you for your article. I lost my mum a few weeks ago. I cared for her in her last months and went to my daughters graduation, I asked Mum to wait for me to come home from graduation but she passed away while I was there. There were two empty seats next to me , perhaps my mum and Dad were there. I just wished she had waited. She wasn’t on her own I just wanted to be there with her. Feeling very low at the moment .

    • profile image

      kay tonks 

      4 weeks ago

      Lost my mom three months ago im gutted

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