How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on February 14, 2018

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Find the Support of Others

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      Unmothered girl 2 hours ago

      I lost my dear mum two months ago. I have never experienced such pain before. It is sad to see people forget your loving mum so fast. My dad is already talking about getting a wife. This hurts me to the core. How can my mum be replaced this fast? Surely, how am I supposed to cope with all these brutal change? Sometimes I have no self esteem. I feel dead. My heart goes out to you all who have lost their mums. Take heart and know that the journey is the same for all of us. I miss the days when I was a young child, receiving lots of love from mummy.

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      TRACY 8 hours ago

      The money spell worked perfectly well for me, i have a job that pays me

      $758 per month, and my family smiles again after so many years of not beem

      able to put food on the table, what will I have done without you, you are

      most trusted.Your email is left on this forum. kahunahelp@yahoo.com

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      Jethica 14 hours ago

      My mother passed away in January this year. Just over a week before I had to fly to China and work there for a year. I had to arrange the funeral myself and it was so crazy. My sister didn't bother to come to the funeral or the burial two days after. A few days after the funeral we were off to China. We were conned there and had to come back home after two months. You see, since China was so busy I used it as my great escape from everything. Now that i'm back home where I can't escape the memory of her i'm shattered. I felt so stupid, not having taken one step toward feeling better. And no one understand that I still feel the same as I did the second she passed away. Thank you so much for this article. I was so frustrated with myself too, thinking that I had to get over it because it's been so long. It feels like forever, I constantly have to remind myself that it's okay to still be this sad, to still feel this lonely and still miss her so much. My fiance often tells me that his family is mine too (i don't have close family), but it doesn't make up for the pain. I now realize that I still have a lot of people who are willing to be a mother to me and be family. I also realize that the amount of pain that i'm feeling shows me how much she meant to me and everyone around her. So every time I feel like my chest is going to burst and I start crying in front of strangers because it's too much it reminds me of how much I love her. Of how much she did and gave, I will always mourn her like it's her first day away. But i will also always love her like she never went.

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      Mary 24 hours ago

      Our mother passed away 12 days ago. I have 7 siblings. The grief is sometimes unbearable. I'm numb some days, and it doesn't seem real.

      People used to wear black and mourn for a year out of respect. Nowadays, a few days off work and back to so called "normal" or whatever that may be.

      People fear mentioning our mother so as to not upset us. We are already beyond "upset". We have suffered the most excruciating loss one could ever have, other than the loss of a child, family member or spouse.

      Our mother is our first love, first friend, our first home. I will never stop speaking of her.

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      Bonnie Scotland 25 hours ago

      The last few posts have really touched me.

      Wairimunimo -- you speak of almost sharing a soul with your mum. That description was so similar to my relationship with my mum. I have actually said to people that if your mum can be a soul mate then my mum was undoubtedly mine. It's like a huge part of me has went with mum .you mention just wanting to phone your mum .OMG I have said that so often and if there was Face time in heaven life would be so much easier. I think that is why I have had to attend spiritualist churches (sorry to anyone who is opposed to the idea)just to get a message that my mum is happy and with her loved ones in heaven.

      Melanie - I feel so much for your feelings regarding the pain of knowing your mum won't see your children grow up. My parents lived in the same street as me so my kids and I basically saw my mum every day. Albeit she was sick for many years she was still their funny loving gran who they treated like a second mother. My children are older than yours now ages 11 and 7 but I still fear they lose memories of what a special strong loving wonderful gran they had.this sounds ridiculous but when they don't speak of mum as much I feel they are betraying which is ludicrous but it's just because mum adored them so much. It's a year next week since we lost mum and I love it when my kids bring up things mum said and done.i suppose I am just desperate to keep part of mum here. She was so important o us all

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      Laura 38 hours ago

      Just wanted to say thank you for this post. My mam passed away 2 months ago and I've been broken and starting to feel like it's not normal. Your post has been a great comfort.

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      Melanie 42 hours ago

      My mom died from lung cancer less then two months ago. She had just turned 50. Her youngest child is still only 13. Sometimes my heart hurts so bad I can hardly stand it. My own two children are only 2 and 4 but they loved their grandmother so much. They always wanted to go see her. Now that she is gone I want to cry at the thought my two year old is going to compleatly forget about her. This is the only time in his life he is going to know his grandmother and remember things about her. I know the memories of her are fading fast for him, and I'm sick at the thought of the day talking about her brings no personal memories of his own. He always wanted in her arms, and her lap. He would run off looking for her the moment we got to her house, and now she's gone. He isn't sad or even seems to miss her, but i feel like I'm carrying the sorrow of his loss for him, and it is even harder to bare then my own. Maybe it is just because I'm his mama and I am heartbroken that he is being horribly wronged by such a loss and the fact that he is too young and innocent to even realize it makes it so much worse.

      My 4 Year old does miss her a lot, and even though I took days leading up to it, and broke it to him as slowly and gently add I could, the way he froze in his tracks and the shock on his face when I told him will forever haunt me. He quickly recovered as I went on to explain how happy "mum" was now, and how she was all better and with God, but every time he comes over and curls up in my lap and says... "I miss mum" My heart feels like it is being ripped open. I hate that my boys are facing this so young, and I hate that my baby will never have a single memory of someone he loved so very very much. If I could have just one wish, I'd wish that he could keep just one singe memory of her. Even if it was just a tiny moment cuddled in her arms. Just one moment of how she had been his most favorite person even if it was for such a short time in his precious life. I hurt so bad for my babies that my own pain is nothing compared to what I feel for them.

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      Enaid 2 days ago

      Hi all-

      I was reading through these posts and I can't continue to read them, it pains me deeply to keep reading them. My mother died on 10/19/17. She had an aneurysm and never recovered; she was in a nursing home for 3 years before she passed away. I thought I prepared myself for her death, I had 3 years to prepare for god's sale but the day she breathed her last breath, I felt so much pain. It is unlike any pain I ever felt before. I remembered everything was a blur and I had to move on for my daughter. My husband at the time tried to be supportive but whatever issues we had before surfaced to the top and I felt like it was unbearable. I felt like I didn't have time or room to grieve for my mother. We ended up getting divorced and now I live with my dad and my daughter. My dad is still coping with my mother's grief in his own way. I get angry at myself sometimes because I think I should be over this grieving process, I say to myself, what is wrong with you? Why are you still crying about your mom?! I didn't allow myself to grieve or cry, I tried to suppress it as much as I could/can. But after reading these posts, I think I will allow myself the time to grieve. When I get angry, I lash out at the people closest to me and that is not fair to them. I know I will push people away who care about me. But at the moment, I don't care. I care about nothing. I don't think that is healthy. I do miss my mom dearly and I am not sure how to cope with it. Reading this article and these posts do help though. Thank you everyone.

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      WairimuNimo 2 days ago

      Not sure if to say that am so sad that so many have posted comments about the death of their moms because I know this pain and wished no one experienced it OR if to say that am glad that am not alone in this unpredictable emotional roller coaster.

      Mom passed on 3.5 months ago. Am still waiting for a day I will be tear free. Doesn’t matter how much I try to push this pain at the back of my mind so that I can be a happier as a Mom to my children (or happy looking), but it hits me unexpectedly any time and any where. I’ve become one who can start crying and almost hyperventilating any time anywhere.

      Like all posters, I miss her very much. I remember the good the bad and the ugly. But mostly, the neutral. We started crotcheting a blanket when I was 15, am over 40, and we did not finish. It was larger than her living room but we still did it. We used yarn from any old sweaters or any yarn. It has every possible color and yarn. It’s beautiful. Still in her house.

      Mom and I loved hymns. We sang each other hymns and sent as we lived in different continents. We almost shared a soul. She knew what was happening with me before I told her and vice versa. I just always felt how she was. When I knew that she was going to die, 3 months before she died; I got extremely sick and prayed that she didn’t. But she still did. At some point, I thought that I was ready for her death. She felt ready and I believe she was ready. But like the writer of the above - I am still not ready for a life without her. I don’t know how to live without Mom. But my biggest concern is - how can I ensure that my children don’t feel the same pain I do when my time comes. I hope that I love for a very very long life, but in the end; I know what awaits me. Death. How may I protect my children coz I never want them to feel this kind of pain.

      This pain is intense. Gets tougher and more drilling as time goes. Hurts deeper the longer she’s gone. Everyone claims that it gets better, I wonder when because I feel that the only thing that could make it better is a phone call from Mom. Which will never happen.

      Being unmothered is like taking every foundation of Home, love, laughter and everything from us. It’s raw and brutal - but we must face it. Those who are parents must still be the best parents they can be. I lost a Mom, my children still have a mother. How can I be that Mom they need when in so much pain and give them the best.

      Moms should be immortal. Mine felt immortal. I visualized my death and worried how she would manage if, God forbid something happened and I died. But never thought Mom would die. I felt she loved us so much to leave us. And am a grown up woman, very educated, intelligent and successful. But the loss of a mother doesn’t care for all that.

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      Prince 2 days ago

      Hello,

      I really needed to read this.

      My mother is dying of stage 4 ovarian cancer. She is near the end.

      Yesterday I visited her in hospice and I broke into tears.

      I keep thinking I'll be able to deal, but sometimes I don't know if I can.

      But it felt good to just cry.

      Thank you for writing this. I don't feel so alone.

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      Tyler 2 days ago

      I needed to see this. I relate to like everything you said. I lost my mom last July. Reading this brought a tear to my eye.

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      Steve 3 days ago

      This sounds just the same, I lost my mother on 3/31/18, due to small cell lung cancer, she had quit smoking prior about 8 years. I've been quit for 9 years, but I was the only siblings of hers that smoked, and me and my mother would share a smoke together on occasion. Her oncologist told her the smoking caused her to have cancer. Smoking was enjoyable with her back then. If I knew this would have made her suffer like she did for only a short time probably less than a month before her passing, I would have never picked them up myself. She is gone from my love, conversations, and my own happiness. I hope this finds and helps someone who loves there mother who smokes or is having difficulty quiting.

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      Nick 3 days ago

      I lost my mother today. She was gone for a lot of my life but she was finally doing better and being the best mother in the world that she could be. I'm lost and still can't believe it.

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      Courtney 3 days ago

      Today, two months to the day after my mother passed, I woke up from a dream where I was at a memorial service for my mother. The pain was searing as I woke up to a world without her. All I could do was lay in bed and cry for I don't know how long. My husband is very supportive, but it is impossible to comprehend the depths of grief losing a mother brings on unless you've experienced it. My mother used to always get choked up whenever she starting talking about her own mother who had passed away and now I know why. Oddly, in understanding her grief, I feel like I am learning something new about my mother and our relationship is continuing to evolve, even though she has transitioned on.

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      Kathy Horan 4 days ago

      My mom passed away on Easter Sunday just two weeks ago today... the waves of grief are overwhelming . I cared for her ,her last two weeks of life. She was on hospice for alzheimers and took a very quick turn. Thank god my sister is a hospice nurse and helped me care for our mom... I feel lost my anxiety is terrible and I cannot focus on anything

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      Audrey 5 days ago

      I lost my mum in February 2018

      The pain in incredibly the worse days are when I no longer want to breath this air any more ...I miss her dreadfully ...the swept of panic when I realise I will never see her again ...if I walked around this world forever I will never find her ..

      It's has been two months now ..my emotions are all over the place ...I have said aloud "when will I stop crying and the pain subside.

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      Jannie St.Pierre 5 days ago

      I lost my mom on Feb23 at 5:13 am We have been with her for a good 12 hrs. I live 2 hrs. away and have come to stay with her for a week. My sister lives two houses away from her so I thought I would come out and give her a break. My sister had been taking care of her and my dad for a couple of years. I really didn't know how bad is was till my sister told me that mom may have only a couple of weeks. It was hard cause I just wasn't used to how she was. She was very miserable, defiant, combative, unreasonable, and just unhappy with everything. She didn't like any food, it all tasted to her, like it was garbage, even though my sister brought fresh food and veg and fruit to the house everyday. One day mom would like something, the next time it was gross. She would go off on all of us trying to help her! That was the hardest part. If only she could have said once, I love you and thanks for trying! But she was gone and not herself at all in those last months. She was mean to everyone. She didn't know why God was allowing all this bad health to hurt her in so many ways and she was angry. Very angry! And I don't blame her! She was in pain and she hurt way too much. She had heart failure and kidney failure and had just gone through cancer the year before .Me, my sister, my nieces , other relatives and my dad were all there , holding her hand when she took her last big breath! She put up a fight. She had been up all night calling out to her mother and father and her deceased brothers, and my sister who had been there for her for many months as her caregiver. She did not want to go to a home. So thank you to my sister who took care of her at home for so many months before she passed. I love you mom and miss talking to you on the phone and coming out to see you. I think of you always and will love you forever. You are my mom and always will be till we meet again.

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      San 6 days ago

      Jessica....my thoughts and prayers are with you. I think I can safely say that everyone who has written on this site knows how unbearable your pain is.

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      Jessica 6 days ago

      I came to this site to read other people's stories about the loss of their Mother. I have not lost my Mom...yet, but she was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer several weeks ago and just a few days ago she had an MRI which showed that the cancer has spread to her brain and spine. The doctor says there is not treatment option left, so not Mom is at home on Hospice care. My sisters and I are aware that Mom does not have much time left (doctor and Hospice estimate around 2-4 weeks or less). I have always thought that the death of my Mother would be the undoing of me as we are very close, but the reality of these feelings of grief and doom are swamping me. So much worse that my abstract expectations.

      While I certainly do not want my sweet Mother to suffer for a long period of time, the idea of her taking her last breath makes me want to throw myself off of a roof. The pain is so unbearable watching this happen to my Mom. It is difficult for me to properly discuss my "real" feelings with anyone...even my husband, who is wonderful.

      I don't care if the death of my Mother is a natural part of the life cycle. That doesn't make this any easier. Thank you to everyone for your stories. I hope that I can follow up this post in a few months with some happier feelings and memories of Mom but right now I am swimming in an ocean of grief and shock.

      Jessica

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      Melanie 6 days ago

      My mom passed away 8 months ago from leukemia. She was my best friend and the absolute best person I have ever met. The pain is worse today than the day she passed. I have 3 small children who she loved dearly and who are missing their grandmother. I am broken and feel like I am drowning some days. Today is one of those days. I would not wish pain like this on anyone.

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      Mike 6 days ago

      Thank you for your wonderful story. My mom died yesterday of lung cancer. So much of your story of you and your mom resonates with me. I too thought I would be ready to face the inevitable. How wrong I was. Emotion beat out logic and intellect, it wasn't even close. The sadness and emotions of being with her during her last few days are nothing that I could have comprehended prior. While it hurt me to see her suffering, I came to see that if she was going through it, the least I could do was go through it with her. We were all there when she breathed her last breaths. There was great relief her suffering was over. This is an emotional roller coaster like I've never imagined, sobbing uncontrollably one minute to laughing the next and back again. I've actually chuckled to myself between my tears at just how fast my emotions change from minute to minute. Then add to this watching my dad grieve the loss of his wonderful wife and my heartbreaks at the sorrow he must feel at losing the love of his life. I loved my mom, she was perfect (wink), and I will always miss her. I look forward to the time and place where you are. In the mean time, I really like what you said about living my life like my mom would have wanted, I'm going to work towards that to honour her memory. She was an amazing person it is the least I can do.

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      rand123 6 days ago

      My mother died 8 months ago and I am having a terrible, I mean TERRIBLE time with it, but I've also decided that I MUST face this head-on. My mother definitely would have wanted me to be this way. To be brutally honest, there's a part of me that has considered suicide because I love(d) her THAT much, but I guess because of my biological wiring, or perhaps the belief system instilled by her, I'm just incapable of it even though I'm in so much emotional pain. The whole topic of mother-loss is ridiculously under-discussed, even NOT discussed in our society. Why? Are we sufferers somehow 'weaklings' because we're not 'accepting', and 'coming to terms' with something that society has deemed as 'normal?'... as normal as childbirth? To be frank, I'm really po'd in a BIG way at how our culture in general deals (or should I say avoids) death, but it also doesn't surprise me. Here we are, in places like this, on some internet site where we can't even INTERACT with one another, suffering in our own horrible ways and it's all hush, hush, like the only place we're supposed to even mention all of this is to a priest. Well I think we should start up a damned discussion group and stop suffering on our own. From what I've read here, we obviously all feel the same love for our mothers and are suffering the same pain. I'm not internet savvy but I'm going to try and find a way we can interact with one another and if anyone has any ideas how to best do this, please email me at the address below. Also, until and (if) we get a site up, email me if you simply want to chat. This is how we're SUPPOSED to be - we're supposed to be discussing how we FEEL! We've somehow sadly lost all that.

      temprk23(at symbol)protonmail.com

      Cheers,

      Randy

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      Jianadaren 6 days ago

      My mom died last July and I still feel empty at times. My dad was never there for her and now feels sorry for himself, saying "I wish it had been me instead of her.' I tell him we're glad he's here but - sigh - she gave everything and went so fast. He gave nothing and is still here, wondering why we don't wait on him hand and foot.

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      sad and missing her 7 days ago

      I lost my mom December 26, 2017 at 6:30 am. My husband and I live in another state and stayed at his parents place (3hour drive away) for the week, staying at my folks place on the 24 and 25. My mother had been diagnosed with a rare form of vaginal cancer the year before and the doctor had only given her 6 months to live. After her surgery to remove the cancer we were more hopeful as it seemed like she would beat it, then they placed her on chemo and radiation therapy. The radiation badly burned her insides and the chemo completely destroyed her blood and then we discovered that the cancer had spread to her lungs. The chemo was not helping and they could not put her back on radiation. There new diagnosis was 6 more months. We had stayed with my parents for Thanksgiving and I was beginning preparations to go and stay with her and help take care of her. Then in one weekend, Xmas weekend her health started rapidly declining even faster. We thought she was just catching up on sleep as the pain had been keeping her awake, and my brother had gotten her a new chair and she was finally sleeping. I discovered that they were feeding her ensure through a syringe. She woke up only long enough to know that I was there on Xmas morning, before my husband and I had to leave. I held her while she peed in a portable toilet and she laid her head on my shoulder. I tried to wipe her but I couldn't. She was in too much pain to stand and my dad was struggling to keep to her up. When I tried to give her a hug and kiss goodbye she cried out in pain and I made plans to go back with my husband during the car ride home. On the 26th, my husband woke me up and told me that she had passed away.

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      Sam 7 days ago

      I lost my mom on my birthday 2018, April 3

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      Trish 7 days ago

      Lost my mum may 2012 I still full of grief , it got worse for me the more time that passes . The more I miss her my life as not been same since she died . I’m not the same person I was . Losing my mum is worst thing that ever happened to me . Was lung cancer that took her just 23 days she lived from doctors finding it .

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      Joe Bridges 7 days ago

      My mom died March 29 2018. I got the call from work to come home. I have never felt this alone and empty. I feel sometimes I can’t go on with out her. She was battling cancer and it had come back. We were taking care of her from bathing, and changing her. I have pictures, and videos of her I look at daily. I find myself in my car crying wishing I was with her. This pain is deep and unbearable.

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      Lee 8 days ago

      Thank you for this article. You have summed up what I have felt. My mother passed a week ago and though I have had a few moments, I found that for the most part, it does not feel real. The past week has felt like weeks, We have been very busy with arrangments and taking care of my dad. It feels to an extent like I am going through the motions and as I mentioned earlier like it is not real. Now after a private family service at the cemetery I find that the reality of my moms passing is starting to make it's self-present through brief but painful moments. I find myself in disarray at the mere recognition of the reality that she is no longer here and that I will never see her again.

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      Kayko 8 days ago

      My mom passed away this morning. I have never felt such sadness. I am an only child and the bond between us was something I have always been proud of. We have always been extremely close. In fact I can’t remember a single day that we didn’t at least talk. She was my best friend as well as my mother in fact I only moved away for a couple of years in my late thirties when I got married. When my marriage failed my mom told me that I could always come home but that she understood that once you leave most people would find a roommate. She really wanted me to come home that’s when I talked to her and told her that it didn’t make any sense to try to find someone that might be a good roommate (if I was lucky) when I already knew that my mom and I have to same likes and dislikes, we enjoy the same types of food, movies and hobbies. We enjoyed each others company. Of course we had some arguments at times but never anything that we didn’t resolve with communication. I think that one reason we have always been so close is because we talk about everything. I have been sitting here in our house trying to figure out how the rest of my life will be like without her here with me. It all seems overwhelming and unbearable because I have to somehow find the strength to be able to cope with the loss of my mom along with the loss of my best friend. It just doesn't seem humanly possible. I feel like a huge part of me is missing and I'll never be whole again for the rest of my life. I really don't know what I'm suppose to do now, all I can do is cry.

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      Fa 8 days ago

      My sweetest mamma passed away two weeks ago. She had been fighting cancer for very long. The cancer was ‘under control’ and she was doing ok considering as she was a true fighter and loved life and to live! But in january she felt weak and said felt flu type symptoms. I contacted the doc many times. He didnt do anything but only said ‘well she does have that bad disease doesnt she’! Like blaming the cancer for everything. I said to the doc that i could hear her lungs squeek and she felt heaviness on her chest and rattling too. After a while when it got worse and worse i called the doc and said she cant even breath properly. The idiot then said that it was probably nothing and she was just panicking. I said my mother never complains or panicks she is very strong everyone knows that. This is serious. The doc would come after 4/5 hrs he said as this was not urgent. So i called the ambulance they came and said my mothers sodium level was extremely low and so was her oxygen. They gave her 5 liters of oxygen and a sodium drip straight away and risee her to hospital. In the hospital she was examined and was indeed suffering from pneumonia. They took her in and would give her antibiotics. They would send her home after 5 days. They said this should have been treated long ago. She had become very weak. Unfortunately she passed away on the 5th day :( leaving me behing shattered and alone. I am lost without my sweet mother. She dis not deserve this all the pain and suffering and passing away coz of this while she had been battling cancer since so long succesfully. The doctor has failed big time and has robbed my mother from life and from her family. I am devestated. How can someone do this and be so heartless?!! :(((

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      gary feller 9 days ago

      This is my third post since my darling mum passed away in May 2017.I am grief stricken and in terrible pain and I think about her and what she went through in those months leading to her leaving me I have never experienced so much hurt and pain in my life.Nothing ever prepare you for this. Dont let anybody judge you or tell yoy how to grieve. Keep away from them.Mourn your.mother cry grieve dont let anybody stop you.

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      Kim 10 days ago

      I lost my mother Dec. 1, 2017. Just a few months ago to cancer. She was ill for the past 2 years. She would have good and bad days. her only sister and I took care of her. She fought a great battle several times and won some that the doctors didn't think she would. How little did I know the last battle would be to much. I truly thought she would win again and it crushed me. I have honestly been a mess since she has passed. Playing it over and over again. Asking why. The hardest thing I ever had to do is go on without her. I was one of her biggest cheerleaders and feel so lost without her. Everyday I still cry and there is a part of me missing. I have children and I am pretending to be ok for their sake, I am their mother. But I know I am not ok without her. I read other stories for hope.

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      Paromita Mukherjee 10 days ago

      Everyone loses their parents..but very few of them..search platforms..where they can ventilate their grief.We are not emotionals...but every word.every action, every loss goes straight into our hearts....that makes us different human beings altogether

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      hope this helps 10 days ago

      It doesn’t matter how much time passes. Unfortunately time doesn’t take away the pain, time will only allow you to get through the toughest of days a little more sain. I’ve been in the funeral business for over 15 years and I NEVER tell a person it gets easier with time.. because that a lie. My mother passed unexpectedly almost 1 year from today and I have dreaded this months for 3 months. I deal with death everyday, out until it tour iwn soecial oerson you have no clue what your talking about. My sister went in with her life and I doubt she even calls me on the 15th. We can’t control how other people grieve, but those 5 steps are very important! So do them at your own pace, even if it takes 10 years. I have nightmares of what I saw and had to do. And I did it for my sister,, and she has no clue that’s my last image of my mother, my protector! She doesn’t know I see that image burnt into my head everyday! Several times a day. I’ve yet to get abthank you. Because I’m in the business I should be able to do it. I do for everyone else’s family,,, OH HELL no!! That was my mother and I cleaned her up for you and drive 7 hrs to pick her up because that was my last thing I was able to give her. I didn’t do what all I did for me! I did it for you because I love you. I wonder if my visions and memory will fade after time..?? But you don’t ever stop caring that your mother passed away! Not a year and not 20, gonthre your stagesbif grief and I can recommend some food books to bring you a little comfort. Hang in there, even stranger ms care about you! Cry, scream donwhat ever you want it the pain never goes away, it just becomes livable again!

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      Sandy Sullivan 10 days ago

      I lost my best friend my my angel my mommy on j une of 2017. I feel like I don't want to live I miss her so much I just want to see her again.. I have 3 kids and I know I have to be strong but I feel I have nothing without her when will the pain ease.. My God help me and all of us goiing threw this. Cancer took my mom in a matter of 8 month's I saw walking and shopping to the point I had to change her diapers and I can't get these images out of my head. She was such a beautiful soul the best mom a kid/ person can have. I hope the pain eases soon because it's unbearable.

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      Mark 10 days ago

      Im here again because its a place that I don't feel alone, I know its only been a week but I am far from pulling myself together,, I have only read the last few posts ... but Kerri and linda -- if you feel like you might feel some comfort in chatting directly with someone in the same dark place you are in then feel free to email me and just maybe we can find some comfort in one and other, I'm not sure but maybe it will help me too ? If you think it might help I'm at limitedaxess @ gmail and if you choose to go it alone , god bless you and stay strong as I am sure one day we will all be okay, I keep telling myself that knowing that I have experienced this grief before but for some reason with mom it seems to be different, more unbearable.

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      Linda 10 days ago

      My mama died March 5,2018 at 9:15pm. I can’t seem to pull myself together. I talked to her every day and saw her all the time. After a fall on Feb 12th she developed pneumonia. She was hospitalized again on Feb 28 and died of sepsis and pneumonia on March 5th. She prayed for God to end her suffering. She said many times... I don’t know why God is letting me suffer like this. She said she was ready and told us God was taking her on... and he did. I’m so relieved that she’s not suffering anymore...but my heart is broken. I have her pajamas and some other items that still smell like her... I can’t bear to wash them. I’ve got lots of old voicemails from her that I listen to just to hear her voice one more time.. I visit then cemetery probably far too often. I don’t know how I can ever get over this. When she would get stressed out or feel overwhelmed she’d always smile and say “‘I’ll

      gets through it “. She always did... I know things will get better with time ( I’m told that on a daily basis anyway). Maybe they will but I’ll never be them same again. I miss her almost more than I can bear.

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      Mark 11 days ago

      My mom died 6 days ago, I am sad , I am lost, and very scared that i will not find a happy place again... this pain is so deep and I don't know what to do :(

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      Sad 11 days ago

      Kerri I know exactly how you feel it's been almost a year since my mom passed. I sometimes think is this really real. I talked to my mom every day several times a day. Just try to remember the good times and hold that close to your heart. I often wonder WHY?????? I miss my mom and cry for her every day. We just have to pray and lean on our love ones and friends. The selfish part on me was not ready for my mom to leave but she's no longer in pain and your mom isn't either. I pray God give us all the strength to make it though this grief process. There's no love like the love of a mother.

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      kerri 11 days ago

      My Mom passed away on Oct 27, 2017. She was in so much pain for so long. She could no longer walk or go to the bathroom by herself. She had rheumatoid arthritis so bad that her hands were completely deformed. She got shingles somehow and then a kidney infection. She was rushed to the hospital with in septic shock. She was in ICU for a few weeks and then the doctors told us there was nothing else they could do for her and that we should move her into hospice care. She died within a week. My Mom was my very best friend, I talked to her literally multiple times a day, EVERY day. How am I supposed to go on without her?? How do I cope with not having a Mom anymore? I feel so alone and empty. I go to the cemetery and just want to crawl down into the ground with her. I am 44 years old, everyone loses their mother and they move on and cope with it. Why can I not seem to cope with it? I have voicemails on my phone from her and I listen to them often just to hear her voice. She knew she was dying and she knew how much I loved her but I wish I could just have five more minutes with her. Just to touch her face and hold her hand. Five more minutes to just see her and talk to her. I can't seem to pull it together. Most days I have a hard time getting out of bed. I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to see anyone. I just want my Mom back or to join her. I have three older children and I know they love me but I just want to be with my Mom. She was my entire world. I loved her so very much. How do we go on? How do we learn to cope with this pain??? I cry so much, I'm so depressed and I don't know what to do.

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      San 11 days ago

      Hi , I've also written a few times on this post, as I find telling you people that really understand what this dreadful pain and emptiness is like. Today has been a hard one, it's not really any different from all the other days but I just don't seem to be able to stop crying and snapping at my lovely family who are being so supportive. I know it's only been four months since my beautiful, precious mum left me, but I don't know how I can go on for God knows however many more years without her.

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      Bonnie Scotland 12 days ago

      Have posted a few times.its nearly a year since I lost my previous mum. Coping with the emptiness of losing her is heart breaking but selfishly I miss her for being there for me too. Life is so much harder all round now .my young kids fight constantly and there is no let up no matter what I try and do .any problems with my husband have just magnified and I feel he hasn't supported me the way he should in my loss. Mum's loss is unbearable enough but miss her all the more with all the added problems .tonight I just want to lay on my bed and block out the world because every aspect of life is just too hard right now .

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      Bernadette Dreyer 12 days ago

      My mother died on the 16 September 2017 .I read the comments and realised that I'm not weird, missing my mom every single day, wishing I could hear her voice and just be in her presence because it made my feel safe . Sometimes I don't know how to continue being the strong one for my own family

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      Megan 13 days ago

      My mom died almost 3 years ago may 20th 2015 when i just turned 21. She died of a massive heart attack when she was 44. It was shock to my whole family. It still hurts at times. There are times where I really want my mom here,she was my best friend and my main support. Some days it's easy but some other days its so hard. I think of her every day & the days I'm struggling I know she is with me,I can feel her.

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      Rita 13 days ago

      I lost my mom 4 months ago and I cannot believe it yet. I feel like I buried a big piece of my heart with her. The bad memories of the day she passed away keep replaying themselves in my mind.

      The last few months of her life, I was going through a hard time dealing with depression and I wasn't quite myself so I mistreated her most of the time. I feel sooo guilty thinking that she died not knowing that deep deep in my heart I loved her dearly and losing her was my biggest fear in life, I fear that she might have felt as if she was a burden to me! I cant excuse myself EVER! I feel lonely and desparate and scared of living a life without her. I miss her so much. I dont have anyone to talk to about all this and it sucks. I wish I was never born!

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      MH 13 days ago

      My mom died four weeks ago. It was a shock to us all. She had a stroke eleven years ago and the doctor saved her life. For eleven years she worked on learning to walk again, to drive and write. She went through a broken foot, a broken hip and finally hydrocephalus. This last time she got a drain.

      Then suddenly one day she just dropped. That same drain that saved her not 8 months ago was the same drain that was keeping her body alive. She was already gone. The same doctor who saved her life all those years ago, walked us through a very painful hell that was pure torture. We all said goodbye while they took her off the respirator. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, sleeping in the hospital for four days just to be there in case. Then finally the day came and we had to watch as she struggled to breath and then finally fail and fade away. These last few weeks have been agony. I lost my very best friend and mother. She was my everyday, the one I called for everything. After her stroke we were always together. I visited her daily in the hospitals, helped her walk, took her places, choose her over friend activities. I don't need pity for being too close to her, I pity others for not having what I have. I loved her dearly and deeply. Now I have to pretend I don't just want to join her, always the strong daughter who cares for everything...yet again I have to straighten up and be there for others. I cry in the shower, listening to music and barely eat. I feel so desperately lonely and afraid. I won't get to have her at my wedding, watch her be a grandmother to my future children, she won't be there to annoy me and cuddle me. I don't know how to keep on living in a world without her. Was she really even here? Was it all real? Is this real? How can it be? HOW CAN IT BE????!

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      TN 13 days ago

      I lost my mom on March 8, 2018. My mom was battling breast cancer for 17 years, since I was 4 years old and I am now 23. Through time the cancer spread to her lungs through her body and tumors throughout her brain. I knew her time was coming. I have always been a strong girl, the pain that I am feeling is indescribable. I think about me being this age and God's willing, if I live a long life, how am I going to manage without having my mother. my graduation, my first child, my wedding?? She was my best friend, I would do anything to kiss her again. All I can do is keep my dear memories of us close to my heart forever and ever, and know I will see her one day again.

      For those having suicidal thoughts, I know this is 90% of one of the worst things that WE could feel, or ever go through in our lives. But we all have to go one day and we never know when our time is. Everything happens for a reason, especially timing. Our moms are watching over us. I know she is right next to me, not physically but she's there. My journey ahead of grieving will be long, and feel never ending. All I want to do is make her proud

      God bless you all,

      & remember we are ALL grieving together. I am so happy I came across this article and all these comments of people going through exactly what I am right now.

      Goodnight

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      Un-mothered girl 13 days ago

      Two months have passed since I lost my dear mum on 6th of February to Pancreatic cancer . I think about her every time. The pain is lessening though I have those bad moments. I love you mum, till we meet again.This is the best forum ever. No one on earth can replace mothers.

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      Krystal 13 days ago

      I lost my mum in 2016 and my father 2017,and now my grandfather is not well.When he is gone I will literally have no one left but my three teenagers,at least have n this country.My mum was mine and my children’s everything.When she died,the happy go lucky,feisty version of me got replaced by a woman that jewels constantly guilty because I adore my kids,but most days I want to die to.

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      KASIA 2 weeks ago

      My Mommy... she died 6 weeks ago, 28/02/2018. She was 57. She was fighting for last 3 years with breast cancer and finally complications after chemotherapy killed her. She was my best friend, the strongest women that I've ever met, she was my everything. Part of me also died and went with her. I love you Mom and miss you so much every minute of my life !!!! The grief after the mother's lost is the same all over the world....Take care!

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      Gone 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mother in 2015 we were so close. My dad was abusive I'd get between um in fights and they divorced and then I realized all the pain she had been threw. My daughter was always wanting to go with her and spend the night. My mom was like the only fam I had left after my separation I could always count on her coming by my house and brining things for the house right before I knew I needed them like food or toilet paper right when we were running out . We'd jam Journey or Tom Petty or my fave REO put together the last of our change just to put gas to cruz and drink a beer singing lyrics to the songs crying or laughin like it was our way of releasin the pain I guess she lived a life so much like mine alota loss like she lost her sister which was my favorite aunt and I lost my cousin which was her favorite niece. Then my Grandpa...me and her would always chill outside with him. After her dad passed she was lost like I am now, without her. She drank her self to death I guess she hid it from me. I mean I saw her getting bad with drinking. I didn't think I could lose her to drinkin. I didn't think it was bad I thought she was just getting too wasted when she said her legs hurt or she couldn't walk.. I didn't see her for day's I was mad thinking she just dissed my calls to take me to appts cause I didn't have a car. They found her in her truck 2 day's after she passed. My older sister identified her by her arm tattoo. I was the last sibling to hear they all came to my door when I saw them all and she wasn't there and they had eyes that looked cried out I just knew. I had to say goodbye to my mom in a closed casket after not seein her for so long I see a box a fuckin box and they say she's in there and they cremate her and that's it. Now I gtta deal with my pain my best friend my mom my kids grandma is gone. Now my daughter talks about death and suicide I just feel like I gotta stay in one piece and I can't I can't do it I need a personal day like every week most days I wanna break down I need days alone I needa get my daughter right I need I need and then I post shit like I need someone to help get my mind right and this bitch who has a mom who even works with her babys her tells me put on ur big girl panties and gt over it. Crazy the one's who have their mom can speak so freely on my depression and say I'm what gttin by on peoples sympathy idgaf for I just miss my mom nothings the same we hav no family now that she's gone my sisters moved on my fam we have left is like the ones who looked down on our family. So fuck I gotta be everything and more to my daughter while breaking down and keeping myself together

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      Lenee 2 weeks ago

      I regularly read through the post here and it seems as if we all are experiencing the similar relentless and utter pain. For me even though my family is experiencing the same loss as well it's just hard to express these feelings to them. Seems like everyday I function being a mom and wife appearing as if I am coping well, but every night I sob and weep. Just so hard

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      Lenee 2 weeks ago

      Just wanted to say that I am very grateful to have a forum/outlet to express thoughts and feelings. I lost my mom the day after thanksgiving. Was the worst day of my life. I regularly read through the posr

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      TM 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom 3 months ago, and I'm still wondering if the cause of her death was an accident or caused by a family member... I miss you so much I hope God does justice and I wish you were here to hold me and wat h me graduate. I miss your smile, and hearing your voice and those endless talks. I will always love you. And I hope God takes me with him soon so I can be with you.

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      Jacqueline Smith 2 weeks ago

      Nickle dont give up, take care of your mom. God does hear us, but its not what we want but what he knows is better. I also prayed that God wouldn't take my mom who had Alzheimer's for almost 20 years but you know what it was her time, she lived her life. Its been 2 months and I still cry I miss her so much. I know one day i will see her again. Please comfort your mom let her know how much you love her. Its not easy but dont lose faith. God really does love you and will give you the strength you need.

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      Paromita Mukherjee 2 weeks ago

      This is for Nickle...

      I can relate to you as I have undergone through the same trauma..three months back.l prayed and begged her life each and every moment...but all were in vain...Mom left us within 15 days after detection of malignancy.God doesn't listen to anybody...He does what he wants to do.I was so attached to her and still now I am unable to cope up with this unbearable pain of loss.I love you Mom and miss u every moment.

      Thanks to Vicky..as sitting in India...I never thought of sharing my pain through writing.The author has given us a platform to share our feelings

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      Un_mothered girl 2 weeks ago

      @Nickle I can relate with you. My mother prayed to God for healing for a whole year but she wasn't healed. She prayed till the last day. This is so annoying. I will not lose faith in God but I wonder why he let's people who believe in hom to suffer so much.

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      Nickle 2 weeks ago

      I prayed for god to ensure that her tumors won't cancer but he failed. I prayed for god to ensure that it didn't spread to her lungs but he failed. I then prayed for god to ensure that she was going to live for a long time in remission but again he failed. He could of easily fixed it if he wanted too but he didn't. I can't even stand the sight of a cross nor the idea of praying. The next pray will simply result in the end.

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      Nickle 2 weeks ago

      We found out that there's a strong chance that my mother is going to die, she has cancer. I remember the dishearten expression of my father's face and the sinking feeling I had before he even utter the words out.

      I didn't feel anything for the first couple of moments as we waited in the hopsital to recieve her treatment plan. I struggled to hold back the tears in the waiting room - didn't wish for anyone to see or worry my already stressed parents but failed anyway.

      Later that night my mother cried and I attempted to comfort her. But didn't know what to say. I simply hugged her and told her that we would seek additional treatment besides the public hospital system and at least we can control that. It's action, it's something. I know she will cry even more during the next following weeks and i'll do the best to comfort her but I dread it - it slowly kills me every time I see her like that. But that's selfish - who cares about what I feel. It's about what she needs.- that's how I feel.

      Cruelly I have a bad feeling that she will not make it. I started to attempt to write her eulogy today, without anyone's knowledge - didn't get far. The starting point will maybe help me later... I added a short poem to it as well, thought it would be nice.

      But my thoughts turn to afterwards...I worry about my grandmother, she will need to be comforted, god knows her other children won't. And what about my father?? He is a emotional man, he will need help as well. How can I help both? If she does not make it, if this does come to pass. I have to decided to ignore my needs and help the others. I can attend to my wounds during the night.

      This is not an admission or feeling of guilt. I just had to write this down somehow, for myself. No needs to know that i wrote this.

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      Jay 2 weeks ago

      My mother, my best friend, died three months ago. I will never forget that fatal day on December 28, 2017 @ 2:22 am.. it was actually the last time/day that I told my mother, that I love

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      Heartbroken 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mummy on my 8 year old daughter'so birthday 29-12-2017...I didn't manage to go to her funeral because I had just had a c-section 3 weeks earlier after giving birth to my 4th baby..my mum had suffered from breast cancer that had spread to her lungs and bones since 2015...I travelled to go and see her in October 2017 after I had been called saying that she was unwell...I spent a month with her whilst I was 6 months pregnant...I helped her bath and dress up each day and spent time with her talking about life and how she wanted me to have more grandchildren for her..we laughed and cried about it all...I came back and gave birth and promised her I would return to look after her in January but sadly she passed away 4 days after Christmas..I am going for her memorial but I don't know how I am going to cope seeing her empty bed and her grave...she was only 48 years old...I cry every day cause I miss talking to her...I still can't get my head around the fact that I am never going to see her when I arrive back home.she was my friend..I had so much I wanted to say to her...I would really love just to hold her in my arms and kiss her forehead once again and tell her I love her...but I guess she is gone already..I am in physical pain whenever I think about her...I miss her sooooo much I don't know what to do.

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      Sad 2 weeks ago

      It's almost been a year since my mom passed. She was a strong beautiful woman. I miss her so much. Why do bad things happen to good people? When will this pain ease? I think about you every day mom I have so much to say. I pray God give each and every one of us the strength to make it though this grief process. There's no love like mom.

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      broken 2 weeks ago

      i posted over a month ago. it has been over a month since my mom's passing and at times it feels odd... as if this person never existed. not sure if some of you feel the same way? like she was part of our imagination? because the world continues to move... others don't bother bringing here name up anymore and i am the only one to think of her. seeing her stuff sometimes brings up feelings of sadness and other times as if it doesn't matter anymore. she is gone.

      time flies by so fast. one month. for some, one year. it did make me sad when it hit the one year mark. not sure if it feels any diff after a yr?

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      LP 2 weeks ago

      Mum had a fall with dad still managing to hold her, as she stepped out the house to go shopping for my disabled brother. She'd broken both her legs above the knees and died in hospital 6 days later on March 10th 2018, the day before Mother's Day.

      I only found out by chance she was in hospital after the 4th day, cos my daughter popped by my parents house and dad told her, so she rang me.

      I managed to see my mum the Thursday and Friday and she passed early Saturday morning. She was 72, in absolute pain plus a dialysis patient for a good few years. Her cause of death ironically had nothing to do with her medical ailments.... So being told she had a gastric bleed was a shock to us!!

      I am the youngest of 3 (44yrs) and a mother of 3 but feel like a lost child.

      I am angry dad didn't let me know the day mum fell, I am angry my brother wanted the bloody noodles from the supermarket, I am angry dad couldn't stop her from falling. I've never told anyone these feelings.

      We're or rather I seem to be the only sibling making an effort to make the funeral arrangements. I've bought her burial clothes, secured and paid for the venue, sourcing the caterers.. I'm not printing money.

      The fact mum named my son and I as Executors of her Will already caused resentment between my siblings and I.

      I cry at the most random of moments... fine one minute, then a choked up mess the next.

      Barely slept, practically moved in with dad to help out but at night I quietly cry, so as dad and my brother won't hear.

      Wrote my eulogy last night. Don't know why, I know the words won't come out on the day of the funeral.

      I miss mum's weird, dark sense of humour. Her food. Never learnt her recipes. Our odd conversations. Our sitting in the kitchen in a comfortable silence.

      The lump in my throat, the tears streaming down my face tires my already tired body.

      My children took the news surprisingly well but not my son (24), his Nan was special to him. She practically raised him when I went back to work when he was born. My daughter (20) lived with my parents for a few months up until few wks ago and saw the pain and meds mum had. Her outlook when mum died was "At least Nan's not suffering anymore!"

      I know she's right but a selfish part of me wants to be able to talk to mum, touch her, smell her scent.

      Trying to keep busy helps but then comes bed time.... where sleep is a myth and my thoughts run riot.

      I pray to God these feelings of despair fade... one day.

      Stumbled on this forum by accident... a BLESSING in disguise. Thank you.

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      Shannon 2 weeks ago

      My Mom passed unexpectedly in her sleep on Dec 13th at the young age of 61.My heart breaks everyday and I cry at random times. My Dad is devastated. They have known each other since they were 14. I feel so helpless for him and want to make his pain go away. I can't. Her mother has outlived 6 of her 7 kids. I am trying to grieve myself, but still raise my 9, 12 & 13 year old. Sometimes I just find myself staring into space reliving that day when I got the call while I was working a at a school. She passed in her sleep and we had to wait for more than 4 hours for her to be taken away because my brother lives and hour and a half away and he wanted to see her. I replay this everyday in my head. Sometimes I just don't want to go on anymore and wish I could turn back time. We had just had a 61 huge 61st birthday party for her at the end of November. Then my Dads 62nd birthday was Dec 8th. She passed Dec 13th. I cried all of Christmas. She had her Christmas shopping done and presents set in piles. I had her presents wrapped and under the tree already. It was the worst Christmas ever, then New Years. January 14th was their 42nd anniversary. We had a little party for my mom and dad. It was heartbreaking. Then Valentine's Day. My Dad is so lonely. I feel like I never want to smile again or go on. I wish I could just have one more conversation with her to say everything I needed to. It's just so hard to understand I have so many questions.

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      Jane Maie 2 weeks ago

      It is the first Easter without my mom and I am feeling especially sad today. Mom passed away right before Christmas 2017. We were so busy with everything that Christmas came and went and I did not have time to dwell on how much I will always miss celebrating holidays with my mom. Today is the first major holiday without her and I am really upset and crying. Hoping it gets easier with each passing holiday. Today I just want to remember her and grieve for my loss of the most wonderful mother I could have asked for.

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      Bonnie Scotland- message for Geo 2 weeks ago

      Geo what beautiful words you gave your dad.im sure he would be smiling down at you bursting with pride .it must have been so hard to write that but therapeutic at the same time.i felt the same with my mum. Unfortunately our own priest was on holiday for mum's funeral so I wrote up some notes for the priest doing the service. It took me 4 hours but I knew I had to cover her whole life and do her proud .your dad was a good age and yes people will think that comforts you.it annoys when I hear of folk passing and people commenting like "oh they had a good long life" yeah that may be the case but it doesn't ease the pain.the longer you have someone the longer you love them is what I think,so the pain is still there.im glad you have your faith and the knowledge you will meet your own superhero again some day. It makes the prospect of our own deaths less scary when we know those we have adored are there to greet us .take care

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      Vickie 2 weeks ago

      Very strangely I have the same name as the author of this post and the day it was written was the day I took my mum into hospital. I also lost her to lung cancer so I feel a connection to this article.

      My mum died only 12 days after going into hospital and been given the devastating news.

      It has now been just over 4 weeks since she died and I seem to be getting worse.

      My mum had been diagnosed with lung cancer late 2016 where she was treated with radiotherapy. The scans at the end of last year all showed clear so when she became poorly over Christmas cancer was not thought about.

      I took her to a&e on February 14th. The following day she was told that her lung cancer had spread on to her liver and was very aggressive. She was told it was terminal and had a matter of weeks only to live.

      12 days later she was taken.

      I can not bear about thinking the torture that she must have gone through trying to digest this news. I tried to stay strong for my mum ( we sadly are a family who do not speak about our emotions) when all I could think about was I am soon going to loose my mum.

      Her funeral has taken place 2 weeks ago and I have tried to get some normality back in my life.

      I have a successful career along with other full time commitments and, to the outside world I seem to be coping well. I put on a brave face however, when I get home on an evening, I just break down!

      I regularly dream of my mum and I talk to her everyday but I am worried that i can not cope without her. I can't believe that I will never are her again nor, hear her voice, I know its still early days but boy, does it hurt like hell!

      I find it hard to speak about my feelings to my friends and family but am finding forums a way of release for me so.......thank you for listening!!

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      Mark Cooper 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mum a week ago she battled 12 months with lung cancer. We were really close and I miss her so much she was 67. My body is full of sadness and I still can’t believe she’s gone.

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      Carmen 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mum, who I took care of her for seven years. We lived together and more so lately, I have been hurting and missing her much more. There is a void and loneliness that I feel that no one can seem to help me with. Where is everyone now? They are living their hectic lives. Just as one person stated below, often I feel I don’t want to be here anymore; what’s the purpose? My mom was my confidant, buddy and friend. We laughed together and watched Perry Mason and now my company is gone. She was a lovely woman, very lady like. She wasn’t perfect but she someone who I knew I could depend on, as she knew I was for her. She was the heartbeat of my home and I long so much to see her greatful face in the mornings before I left for work. I was her superwoman and saved her ion many occasions but this time , I failed. I could see her decking but I was not prepared for the emptiness I feel without her.

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      Andrew 2 weeks ago

      I just lost my mom a few hours ago. Im so numb and yet so hurt. I can't believe this

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      Bree 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom on her birthday July 18, 2014. She died of ovarian cancer which she had battled for 18 years. It's hard to believe that she actually left sometimes, and one of the saddest things is that I never actually got to say a goodbye. I didn't know at that time that it would be the last time I would get to see her. I just wished that I could've gotten one last goodbye.

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      Geo 2 weeks ago

      I lost my father, who is just like a mother to me, on Monday. Today was his funeral and burial ceremony. I wrote this for him:

      My Super Hero.

      Many People like Superman, Batman, or other superheroes. But, a true superhero does not have to be special or have super powers. A super hero can be made of flesh and bones, it can be human. It can be a person who loves, works hard, suffers, laughs, cries, lives.

      Marco Santamaria, my hero, was a man who fought and defeated a terminal cancer for 11 years. Now, the Lord has called him to His presence so he can rest, as he lived his life for 81 years. He has taught us, his children, to love people, respect people, make sacrifices in the name of love, help the one in need, feed the one who is hungry, help the one who is thirsty, but the greatest of all his lessons was to believe in God above all things and find the true purpose of life while we are here, in this world.

      We can all like a science fiction superhero, but the true heroes might be right next to us. And they live for us; they will not stop fighting for us.

      Now, I say: “SEE YOU SOON” because I believe we will be together again.

      “See You Soon” my best friend, my counselor, my protector, my teacher, my chef, my instructor, my mentor, my coach, my provider, my artist, my poet, my hero.

      SEE YOU SOON DAD.

      This is what I wrote for him, and I just want to finish saying this: no one in this chat is alone, death is not something people can prepare for, but we can make a decision of being the best human beings we can be in memory of our loved ones, in the end, our loving mothers or fathers want us to be contributors of good things in this life. Don't be afraid, God is with you if you allow it.

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      Jim (UK) 2 weeks ago

      I was on the train to see her as my Bro' had called to say the hospital had told him she didn't have long left, I missed her passing and was devastated. I gave the eulogy at her funeral but don't feel I have properly grieved... my wife and I have a young daughter who my Mum fortunately met, loved and cuddled, but I don't feel like I have grieved properly for my Mum.. I'm coming up to 50 years old this year and feel like things are tearing slightly at the seams with my marriage and daughters education and wonder if I need to break down and grieve "properly".......

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      san 2 weeks ago

      This is for Leylani I also lost my mum on 5th December 17. I also feel exactly the same as you do, one minute I think I'm ok and the next I'm crying so hard that I feel as though I'm going to explode in grief and misery. I don't think I will ever be the same person again and sometimes feel I've turned so angry, I keep getting these feelings of not wanting to be here, but then I think about how she kept going for me and my siblings when her mum died and how she coped with her unbearable pain and I feel if I ended this life before I'm ready, I would just be throwing it back in her face and she really doesn't deserve that. I just think every day that I will be with her again soon and until that day comes I will honour her memory as best as I can. I hope you can find some peace of mind soon, and think about what she would really want for you. God bless

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      Leylani 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mother on Thanksgivings .. November 23 2017..until this day I have cried every day missing her ..I can't believe she's no longer with me.. at times I feel like she's on a vacation and I'm expecting her to come back, I get angry also asking why .. I've tried to stay busy but it gets me ..I could be fine and in a split second I'm crying ..missing her so much..the pain is excrutiating it's hard for me to breathe sometimes..I don't know what to do to ease this pain.. they tell me don't cry.. your mom is no longer in pain , she's not suffering anymore she's in a better place.. even tho I know they are right Im still in pain..I don't know how to not miss my mom ..I don't know how to cope..my pain is same as the day she passed.. I also have thought of committing suicide to be with her n be done with this pain..but I know that is something my mom would be very upset with .. I just don't know what to do..I miss my mom so much.. reading other post here has made me realize that I'm not the only one dealing with a loss and if at times I felt like I was loosing it for still feeling what I feel ..i know I'm not alone and that it is ok to cry..I love you Mommy n I'm missing you terribly.

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      Mimi 2 weeks ago

      I lost mine too,

      I wish I could go with her

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      Un-mothered girl 3 weeks ago

      There is no greater pain than that of losing a mum. Oh God why do you allow this to happen?I wish my mum lived longer. I call her every day but she is gone forever. My dear mum rest in peace. You will forever be in my heart.

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      For Max... 3 weeks ago

      I want to tell you that I too have felt the same feelings that you are having. I also lost my mom on January 23, 2018. There have been many times I sit on her bed and yell out for her also to have felt like committing suicide to be with her. The pain is just that strong. What is hardest is having to lie or pretend that your grief is not that deep because you have others relying on you. They can empathize but just do not understand the deep pain you are having. I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better, but I hope that me sharing my raw emotions with you make you not feel so alone. Thinking about you...

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      Bonnie Scotland- message for Tasha 3 weeks ago

      Dear Tasha

      I can relate so much to what you have said.i lost my darling mum 11 months ago and it still hurts like crazy.my mum was ill for years and twice critical in the last 2 years before she passed. I used to think I had already grieved in a sense for her (before her passing) because she had been critical already. NOTHING on this earth prepares you for the grief when the worst finally happens . We too prayed to god to take mum quickly as at the end we were told it could be two days or two weeks to happen .thankfully for her it happened that day .albeit mum was delirious then semi conscious for a day or so before her passing we told her not to hold on for us and that it was ok for her leave us .it ripped my heart out saying that but at that point we had to be selfless not selfish .I too am desperate to tell mum about my kids achievements. When all other aspects of life are hard I so want to talk to mum because she always made it better .I feel childlike in a sense I still need her to help me.she was my best pal and the person who loved and knew me best .some of the things that happened in the last hours at the hospital are a bit blurry .It's almost like being drunk and not remembering but I think it's the brain and hearts coping mechanism .I pray for you that the horrible memories ease and make room for the nice ones. Life is definitely emptier now and I think it always will be but for our mum's alone we must carry on. They struggled to bring us Into the world so we must do them the honour of carrying on and trying to live as they taught us best . Take care x

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      Nicole 3 weeks ago

      My mother died Feb 18 2018 after a 7 year battle with a rare cancer. It started in her tear duct and bony orbit of eye. It would respond to radiation and then return a couple years later. We thought it would finally just stop coming back but it came back with a vengeance this past summer and spread to her hips, spine, and eventually to her brain. Like many of you, I mourned the eventual reality of her death. Took family leave time to spend with her in hospice and knew it was coming. She was so confused and hadn't eaten in weeks. My sister and I watched as she opened her eyes and looked (seemingly at us) as she breathed her last. It was a beautiful moment. The first week was indeed a blur and constant friends made it manageable. Now--I am still in utter disbelief that she is gone. I have such anxiety and anticipate hearing from her that I feel crazy. I check my messages as if she may have called. It's so hard. I never thought I would grieve this badly. My grandmother passed away 2 weeks ago which exacerbated the pain. I'm glad to know there is a place to share where people understand that you can't just push it aside and "get over it."

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      Max 3 weeks ago

      I just googled How to live after your mother passed away. My mother passed away last week. I'm so far, I couldn't be there to attend the rituals. Also my wife is expecting a baby. So couldn't go. They said it's not good to keep the body for a long time as the soul will have a hard time getting peace.

      I don't know how to live anymore.. without her.. Crying always.. I sometime shout MOM when I'm alone let it be at work or home..

      She had a kidney transplant 10 years ago. She survived almost 10 years. There was a negligence from us for her treatment in the end which stopped her heart. Which kills me thinking I killed her though I was living far away. I couldn't be there with her in the last days.

      I felt like suicidal also. Don't know.. Now I've a wife and expecting a baby.. Oh God.. Please why do you do this..?

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      MommasGirl1206 3 weeks ago

      This article was very helpful and hopeful for me. My mother passed suddenly on March 18,2018, and I am REALLY going through it

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      Shirley 3 weeks ago

      My Sweet Mom passed away on November 28 2016 and I still cry for her just as I did after her burial. During the funeral of my mom, all I felt was numbness and anger and regret. I was very close to her. I was her caretaker. I feel angry because she was doing good. She was 86, and doing good. Doctors took her down for a colonoscopy, and it was there she suffered a heart attack. No one was in the room with her as she went thru this terrible ordeal. Others saw her on the monitor from upstairs, and began racing down. I feel hurt, regret, guilt, and all kinds of different emotions. They placed her on a Ventillator after giving CPR, which to no avail. Her organs started to shut down. All we could do was look b into her beautiful brown eyes as she tried so desperately to talk. I told Mom I loved her and she mumbled the words back to me. They asked thst we consider taking her off the ventillator, but I refused. I didn't want her to go. I blamed the doctor's for leaving her alone. I feel she would have still been here. After a couple of days my mom closed her eyes while on the ventillator. I was told she had died the day before, but I still refused to give them the permission to take her off the ventillator. Early one morning as I waw sleeping mom called my name twice. She said Release me twice. I jumped up crying and running to my siblings to tell them what had just happened. I knew I had to give the permission to take her off the ventillator. But today I still cry for her. I cry as if she just died. Lord help me. Am I suppose to keep crying and feeling this sad after all this time? Please reply

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      Nicole 3 weeks ago

      My mother died Feb 18 2018 after a 7 year battle with a rare cancer. It started in her tear duct and bony orbit of eye. It would respond to radiation and then return a couple years later. We thought it would finally just stop coming back but it came back with a vengeance this past summer and spread to her hips, spine, and eventually to her brain. Like many of you, I mourned the eventual reality of her death. Took family leave time to spend with her in hospice and knew it was coming. She was so confused and hadn't eaten in weeks. My sister and I watched as she opened her eyes and looked (seemingly at us) as she breathed her last. It was a beautiful moment. The first week was indeed a blur and constant friends made it manageable. Now--I am still in utter disbelief that she is gone. I have such anxiety and anticipate hearing from her that I feel crazy. I check my messages as if she may have called. It's so hard. I never thought I would grieve this badly. My grandmother passed away 2 weeks ago which exacerbated the pain. I'm glad to know there is a place to share where people understand that you can't just push it aside and "get over it."

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      Byron Thomas 3 weeks ago

      My mom died last week. I made all the arrangements and the funeral has come and gone. I consoled my brothers and sisters during this time but I held on strong. I still can't believe this I loved my mom so much but I'm scared I haven't accepted her death that is why I was so composed during the funeral. I feel numb now and hope she is okay.

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      Tasha 3 weeks ago

      My mom died on March 2nd. She battled cancer for almost 2 years. The entire time we knew that the day would come, but she didn't get very sick until the last 2 months when it started to spread rapidly. There were many times that I thought maybe she won't die because she's doing so well, maybe they got it wrong. She moved in with me when they took away her licence because the cancer had spread to her brain, that was 2 months before she died. When they told us that I cried so hard, right in front of her, that was the last time I openly and freely cried in front of her. I knew that the end was coming soon. I took care of her everyday, and cried to myself or to my husband almost every night. She was my best friend. We used to talk on the phone all the time, and she loved her grandchildren so much. She was the best cook I've ever known and was always willing to make anything you wanted to eat. She was a great knitter and an even better gardener. She taught me everything I know.

      On Monday before she passed, she was asking God to take her because the pain was too much. She stopped eating weeks before and the cancer in her bones was getting worse by the day. She was admitted to palliative care. Thursday morning she was practically comatose and when she did wake all she would say was "ow ow ow" repeatedly. I stayed for every moment that I could. Listening to her raspy breath, not wanting to let her go, but wanting her to be at peace all the same. I went for lunch with some family members on Friday in the cafeteria downstairs, and I had a feeling that I needed to get back, so I went back before them. And when I went into the room she was gone. I sobbed on her chest and put her arms around me. I've never felt that much pain in my life. I really thought I was prepared, I thought since we knew it was going to happen and my brother and I talked about it so much I would be fine. But nothing could ever prepare you for the longing of her voice, for her to answer the phone when you called, to hear her praise her grandchildren, and to just have her there, ready to talk anytime you needed it. She was the only person who knew the most about me, she knew everything, and no one knew her like I did. I don't cry in front of my kids. I don't cry at work, or when I'm spending time at her house. I sob when I'm alone at night, at the end of the day when we would usually have talked together. That's my time to mourn.

      Nothing will ever be the same. Thank you for the article, and for the posts, it feels better knowing that you are not alone.

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      tim 3 weeks ago

      lost mines to cancer last week...tough

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      snowstormsef 3 weeks ago

      Lost my mother to cancer last week and Im living in her home that we lived in together for 5 yrs while I helped take care of her and give her comfort Everywhere I look in the house Im reminded of her I cant bring my self to change anything All her thing are where she left them I feel like Im losing my will to live Ive heard of others not wanting to live But didnt understand Now I do Im crying at the drop of a hat Im lost alone and scared may God have mercy on my soul

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      Lisa 3 weeks ago

      I lost my beautiful mum only 2 days ago and I feel so lost and empty

      I miss her so much

      I’m an only child too and she was my everything

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      ADaughterOfALostMom 3 weeks ago

      10years on April12 and it still hurts. I was 21 with two younger siblings. so much sadness so much anger. but I am a mother and thats how i keep her alive i raise my girls like she raised me. only issue is my siblings havent ler anything go. they still mourn like it happened yesterday. my brother was 18 my sister 16 and now we are all 10 years older. i feel as if i am the only one that has been able to continue to live as our mom would have wanted. however my siblings have been trapped in a decade of endlessness. a decade of memories from the past that remain present. i feel as if im not over my mother but I am able to remember her as she wanted and show my children who she was to me and my siblings. my sister especially has a hard time with the passingnof our mom. she still relives the pain of it everyday and with every bad day or bad life situation thag happens to her she blames me for it. she is blamming me for having more time with her than she did she blames me for her passing. our mother was very sick our whole life. she feels like i am to blame. how is it my fault i was born first? how is it my fault i was 21 and she was 16 at the timw of her passing. how can i help her cope ???

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      Mijo 3 weeks ago

      It's been a year and 7 months since my mother went with the Lord. She was a strong Christian and it's because of her I was introduced to Christ. Knowing someday I will see her again brings me peace. I took care of her during her illness and It was very hard but I was honored to be there for her, she would have done the same for me and much more.

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      Porchemia 3 weeks ago

      Just buried my mom and nephew 8 days ago , still doesn’t feel real for me . We all feel like she’s coming back home , I’m trying so hard to tell my mind that she’s no more but I cannot believe it still ! She was involved in a car accident, I spoke to her on Monday then Tuesday she’s gone ???!

      It just feel like a bad bad dream!

      I don’t know maybe I’m lossing it, I don’t know because it feels like a bad dream and someone will wake me up. I’m scared to face this directly !

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      Paromita Mukherjee 3 weeks ago

      Lost my Mom on 20th December

      Still fighting with this unbearable pain... don't know how to survive

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      Zonash jamil 3 weeks ago

      I lost my motger 10 days before i cant move on the horrible truth for me that my mother is not with me i feel alone i haveno desire to live more i have lost every thing getting down with every passing hour i think i will be die soon

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      Caroline 3 weeks ago

      My mum died in Feb, this will be the first Easter holiday without her. This is so painful. I wonder how and when the pain will ease. I fear going home because I will not find her. The loss of a mum is the worst phase of life.

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      Sad 3 weeks ago

      I miss you mom. I think about you ALL the time. There's nothing like the love of a mother. I pray God give each and every one of us the strength to make it though this

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      Abbas khan 3 weeks ago

      GOD

      why you created her when you are going to take her back???????????? !!!!!!!!

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      kersidra 4 weeks ago

      I just wanted to add. This is the Best site for people who have lost their Mom. For all those who still have your Mom Listen. This is the Most precious person on earth you will ever have. Take time to hold her hand, kiss her. sit and talk. Tell her as many times as you can how much you love her. This not only helps her it will help you once she has passed. I was lucky i knew my mom was going to die

      but still like this article says nothing and i mean nothing prepares you for the pain and sorrow that will come. Remember the song Al Green sings "How can you mend a broken Heart" . ONLY those who have experienced it will understand.

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      kersidra thompson 4 weeks ago

      I am very happy i found this support page. My Mom died January 29th and just like Vicki the authors post said is exactly how i feel and how it is. I took care of my Mom to the very end and saw her take her last breath. This was a very very special moment in time. I am glad i was there for her everyday, every moment to the very end. This helps ease my pain. Man there is no greater pain. When the road got too tough i prayed to God to have his will and thats what happened. He answered my prayer but that like you said does not make it any easier to bare. Its March and still i am grieving. I even talk to her pictures. Its not crazy as she will always be with me as long as i have breath in my body. She was cremated and we put her ashes in a lake. A spot i visit often. It seems her spirit is there. I can not explain it. It just is. She let me know she is still here for me.

      My Mom and i were so very close even though she had other children she was my very best friend. She never waviered on her love for me. Even though she is not hear in body she is still my anchor. She was not perfect but the closest thing to Perfect i will ever know. She was Smart in wisdom and love beyond this World.

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