How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on November 18, 2015

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My Loss

How I miss this.
How I miss this.

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Find the Support of Others

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      Beth 5 hours ago

      To write these words still have me shaking in disbelief, My wonderful Mom Left me on July 25, 2017 at the hosptial. Im beyond pain still and forever will be Im not sure what stage im but I know it hurts like hell and even more when you have no one to lean on, everyone says the are here for you but thats just an nice of tring to make you feel good cause in realty they're hoping with those almost 7mos you have reached a place where you dont need to talk anymore. Smh I watched her take her last breathe I was the last person she kissed while alive & told me she loved me, she was my girl & I was her Sista (which was her moms nick name) my mom had 6 kids 5 boys 1 girl (im the baby) , we was fair from perfect but even when she got on my nervis I enjoyed her. Ive read many of your post and it hurts my heart that we all are in so much pain and realy have an out let to express our truly feels. As a mom my self i hide alot of my feels because i know my teenagers are sad they where very close to they grandma, but sometimes I feel so low & empty i just wanna go hide in a dark place and scream . losing the person you are most connected to isn't like any other loss, (I mean i loss my father 2011 & i was so hurt) but losing my mom & going through the things I did during making agrangements it thought me that the one person who loved me just because is gone forever, when I get to a very low point I listen to me VM and hear her say sista call me and remember I love you more then anything. Fact is In dec 2016 I almost lossed her & I asked god for more time and he gave it to me & im forever greatful, I told her in march 2017 I was gonna lose her & it would ruin me forever & I feel like my loss is eating me alive & I know that all she wanted me to do is Be happy , Smile more & be healthy. When 31yrs of your heart has been destdestroyed. The one person who belives in you even when your down to you lowest thinks your an amazing gift how do you pertend that your heart didnt just blow up.. I have cried everday for 6 mos & 26 days I miss my mommy so much it hurts like no ther pain. Losing A Parent is hard , But losing You mom is an pain the will forever be there I dont feel like time heals all I do believe time will show you how to live with pain. There is always gonna be that song, Smell, food, picture, vm, home video, saying, momery , sweater, Note, movie, storie that will have your heart sikp over the loss of losing our moms and we will never get what we looking for to stop the pain . holding her hand and i told her in her ear it was ok she can going and that I would be ok at that moment I knew i could be selfish any long she wanted to be free and I need her to know id be ok in time (but A week later I told her I lied cause I wanted her back.) forever miss my mommy & my heat prayers goes out to everyone who is going through the loss of they mom I dont know you all but I feel like i do & I love you guys wish oneday we all will cry a little less then we did the day before

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      My moms daughter 2 days ago

      My life changed forever Oct 25, 2017 when my mom left to Heaven. 4 wks earlier we were having a garage sale and planning a dinner with my siblings, then she’s gone.

      I’ve read so many of your stories on here and so many are similar to the pain I am feeling. One minute you’re OK, the next you’re curled up in a ball crying uncontrollably. We’re angry that our moms are gone, doesn’t make sense to us, what will we do without her, how does life go on?! I don’t know if anyone really does have the right answers, one thing I do know and agree with some that have said it, is that we all grieve in different ways. Grieve, however it is... grieve!

      I just got through crying my eyes out (it’s 3am here), second time today and I feel just a tad better, not a whole lot but at least a tad bit. I’m realizing that my pain will always be there, Until the day I take my last breath.

      But I do believe the pain will be different as each day goes by. And my crying and pain will ease up. I will let it happen on its own, whenever that may be.

      I’m a believer in Christ (my mom instilled that in me) therefore I’ve drawn my strength through him, even though there was a time I felt angry with him, but because he’s a forgiving God he understood. It’s only because I had no answers, I still doubt and question why? Why is my mom gone?!

      I just know that my mom is in a very happy place, a place she talked about when she was alive.

      When my mom knew she was close to leaving, she told my sister and I 2 things that I’ll never forget.

      She said so softly “I hate to leave you “ and when we asked her “Mama, what do you want?” She said “I want to go to Heaven “.

      That was the hardest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and will probably be the hardest thing I’ll ever here. But knowing that’s what she wanted, I find a slight comfort in knowing she is where she wanted to be.

      As I read all of your stories I have said a prayer for all of you. Take comfort in knowing you miss and hurt for your mom because she was a wonderful mother, and you were blessed to have her. My heart and prayers are with you all, alway!!! ❤️

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      Sa 3 days ago

      Thank you Nikki for your wise and comforting words. My sympathy also goes out to you San x

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      Nikki 3 days ago

      San, we all know your pain. I lost my mother unexpectedly before Christmas. I am an only child, but talking to family members and talking to other friends who have lost parents has helped. All my friends who have lost loved ones say grief counseling really helps. For me daily prayer and mediation, talking to her when I am alone, not being afraid to bring her up annnecdotally in conversation (for example, "my mom used to say...."), looking at pictures, and realizing that if I don't live a life of HOPE all of her love and hard work raising me would be in vain. I am told by friends that have lost mothers that one day the numbness does go away, but you will think of your mother everyday --- when you think of your mother, let it bring a smile to your face because you are so blessed for the time you had with her and the memories that you got to build with her.

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      San 3 days ago

      The pain seems to get worse not better, I am really struggling, I know it's only been six weeks but I can't see a way forward. Me and my family placed my mum in the centre of our world she was our queen, what am I going to do without her, I can't think straight..... please help

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      Canuck 703 3 days ago

      I lost my mom on Oct 25th just 5 days after my 50th B-Day. I'm coping pretty well & seeing a councilor once a week. Usually I'm ok but there are still times want to ask how she is doing, She died of cancer so I knew it was coming especially after the last week or so before she passed. I really don't know what to expect now that some time has passed. A few friends are still there for support which is nice but I have one friend who has basically ignored me & the subject since it happened, He is usually a very nice guy but I still find it somewhat obnoxious. Just wonder what's going to happen over the next year. We still have to get her gravestone made up in spring & I know that will be tough but I want to be part of it.

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      Bobbie 4 days ago

      I'm just hollow inside, there are no words. I lost my mum in August 2017 and it feels like yesterday. Sarah my story is so much like yours. I don't believe she was ready to go, and I struggle with that everyday....silently.

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      gary feller 4 days ago

      my darling mum passed away in may 2017 and the sorrow is horrific. Some days you are number others you breakdown alot.Mum was part of my life her passing has torn me apart.I will never be the same again.

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      Sarah 5 days ago

      Brandon, I lost my mum too on January 4th 2018 after a harrowing four weeks of her being in hospital. One minute I was at a Christmas market with her and a month later she was dead. I feel like someone has chopped my insides up into little pieces. I feel so sad for everyone who knew her because she lit up the room when she walked into it..but I feel so, so, so, so sad for my lovely mum who had so much life left to live and she was desperate to stay with us. Life can be so cruel.

      I am just at the beginning of this miserable journey like you. x

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      May 5 days ago

      Does it go away

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      Emily 6 days ago

      I lost my Mom August 2017 I think of all the same things the hope, is heaven real, will I see her again. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her or remember her the pain I feel is the same as day one! Not doing very well! There are good days and bad days and I think I will never get over loosing my mom!

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      Brandon 6 days ago

      I lost my mom on Jan 4th 2018 I was with her at the hospital when she died . This has been the toughest week of my life I’m not sure how your supposed to feel but I feel like there’s a huge hole in my life. I wish I had spent more time with her before she died I’m really regretting it now. When I left her yesterday it was the toughest walks away from her I’ll ever feel. If anyone has any suggestions on how to cope with the emptiness I’d like to hear them.

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      vee 6 days ago

      My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer and died 2 months later. We buried her 2 days ago. I miss her so much. I have no motivation to do anything. I feel numb. I feel lost.

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      Nathan 7 days ago

      I lost my mom when I was 17-18 near my birth and hers as well it was a very sad moment but I tried my best to cope and that was last year August 2017 up to today I kept on remembering every time I vist her at the hospital things she say to me some times I sit down and think about things I want to say to my mom

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      Karl 7 days ago

      I lost my mother November 5th 2017. I miss her and think about her all the time. I have searched for answers. Does God exist? Does Heaven exist? Will I see her again? The hope that she lives on in other realm gives me hope and strength. It keeps me going.

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      Gladys 7 days ago

      @carol...I lost my.mom on new-year too as the rest of the people were celebrating entering 2018

      I know how you feel but keep strong and let yourself grief I believe time heals all wounds

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      Ashe 7 days ago

      I lost my mom on December 27th, 2017, which is also my birthday. I lost my sister the day before to a long battle with cancer.

      I've never felt so lonely in my whole life. No one brought me comfort like my big sister and mother. I have family who thinks their pain is greater than mine like it is some kind of contest. I feel like I have no one in my corner anymore. No one on my side. I only had one sister and one mom. Now I have no one.

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      Carol 7 days ago

      My mom passed away on New Years Day while the whole world celebrated, we were grieving. I feel lost. I resent life. I feel jealous of people who still have their moms. Its not fair......

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      Gary Phillip 8 days ago

      I lost my mom January 6th 2018 last Saturday. Anything i remember of her makes me cry the good and even the bad . suddenly nothing around me makes any sense . This hurts so much .

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      G. 8 days ago

      This is the hardest thing ,

      I feel like I'm five years old again and I just want my mom.

      Sad days.

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      Beebee2115 8 days ago

      Hi I lost my mum Dec 2 2017- it still does not feel real, but today I got annoyed about something totally different and then broke down into tears - I am struggling as I still don’t know how I feel. I feel there is a big empty space in my life

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      Jonathan a Yslas 8 days ago

      I lost my mom 3yrs ago and I lost a piece of me when we lost her. I lost who I am and I can't seem to get it back. Still haven't morned her yet.

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      Danielle 9 days ago

      I️ lost my mom six days ago the 1st three days I️ couldn’t eat I️ could barley move all I️ did was sleep it’s getting easier not better at all everyday I️ play her last voicemail she left me and I️ sleep with her picture I️ don’t know what I’m supposed to do she was all I️ had in the world she was my first and last best friend there’s a pit in my stomach that will not go away I’m so lost alone and need my mom to help me thru this

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      Pelly 9 days ago

      Thank you for the post. I lost my mom on the 13 Sep 2017, I was numb and in denial i could i arrange the funeral and even give a speech,I was just to strong. But now after 4 months i am breaking down everyday.Life is not the same anymore.I miss my mom so much she was my best friend .

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      Christina Fanning 9 days ago

      Thank you for this... my mom passed October 19 2017... I was numb for a bit ... then I drowned in wine. Now Im sick of wine and I just hurt all the time. I miss my mom. 54 years old I still need her ... I dont want anyone but her. I cant control myself anymore. My brain and body are forcing me to deal

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      San 10 days ago

      I lost my mum five weeks ago, I have never felt so lost as I do now, I can be in a room full of people but I still feel lonely. I have cried every single day and feel like i'll carry on forever. My mum was my best friend and was always there for me and my family. My heart goes out to all you people who have lost your beloved mother's, and I am sending you all heartfelt hugs x

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      Barbara Gale 10 days ago

      I lost my mother on Monday this week and for most of the time I seem to be in denial even though I am sorting out her funeral it. I thought the pain of losing my dad was bad but the hole losing a mother is indescribable .im hurting and who do you want your mum but she has gone why am I seeming so calm about it all

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      Clarekeogh725@gmail.com 10 days ago

      Thank you x

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      PTilli 11 days ago

      Dear Vicki, My mom died last May, 2917 at the age of 98. She was a wonderful caring woman and mother, but had a hard life. I loved her dearly and still find myself crying because I miss her so much. Thank you for sharing,

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      NK Chew 11 days ago

      Dear Vicki, I'd like to thank you for this wonderful article about your mom.

      By the way, I am a doctor and aged 51.

      I lost my mom on 8 Oct 2017. But today, three months after losing my mom, I am still missing her a lot.

      People tell me to "go on with life", and "death is the only certain thing in life" and "you just have to accept it".

      People think that after just three months, the grieving process is over.

      But as you have correctly stated in your article - "But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

      I guess that i am a kind a person who loves to look back in time and cherish old memories with mom. Everynight I dedicate abut one hour watching the nice vidoes and picture of her, in order to constantly remind her that I will never forget her forover. In a way, I am paying a special tribute her (which she deserves.)

      Almst everynight I a shed tears and cry when I see the old pics / videos of my mom and family. And I dont think that i will stop looking at my mom's pictures everynight until the day I die.

      I will miss my mother lot everyday in my life.

      Thank you again

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      Jay 11 days ago

      Live like your mother would want you to.

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      Mo 11 days ago

      It's exactly three months today that I lost my mum and I could relate to everything in the Vicki. I looked after my mum during the day and evening and my sister was there for her at night. Feels like we lost mama twice. The first time when her character changed after dementia and then when she died in three months ago from a combination of illnesses. She'd endured so much and never complained apart from the pain in her final days. I miss her terribly and the pain of losing her is increasing everyday. My father is also ill and the family are just trying to keep things together. I'm just in bits and I can't see through it.

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      Stephanie Hunsaker 11 days ago

      I lost my mother on January 3, 2018. She was in a Skilled Nursing Facility and graduated from Hospice on December 1, 2017. She got some kind of infection and sent to the hospital on January 2nd. I still can’t believe she is gone. My heart aches for her and my heart breaks for each one of you who are grieving the loss of your mother.

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      Martin McConnell 12 days ago

      Hello everyone.

      I will post tomorrow, as very upset and also very grateful that this platform is here.

      Feeling so down but not so alone now.

      Thank you all for your personal experiences.

      Xx

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      Neha arora 13 days ago

      I lost my mom 2 days back due liver liver battle was long for 8 years but never regretted. She had weekly chemotherapy but we never took it as pain .l was there throughout infact while writing this I have tears rolling. Cancer was never painful expect the last 3 months .I am not even write further but want to just end saying she is there in my every breath I inhale her voice does not leaves me alone her teachings are reciting in my ears all the while She was first person I knew in this world and last person to be forgotten

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      Bolanle 13 days ago

      Tomorrow will 1 month since my mom died and today I am falling apart. I got all the way to work, then I turned around and went back home. As prepared as I thought I was, I really wasn't. I don't think I'll ever me the same again. Thank you for your article. Now I don't feel so alone.

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      gary feller 13 days ago

      I also lost my darling mum in may 2017 from pneumonia and since that time till.now I am deep grief and sorrow because I lost my best friend. I am lost and stunned and still cant believe this has happened.I am heartbroken.When she went a part of me died. So all those dear ones who have lost their mums I am so heartbroken for you.

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      Noel 2 weeks ago

      I just lost my mother on December 28th to ovarian cancer , she was 69 . she found out about it in November and they didn't do anything to help her pain as she had so much fluid build up in her abdomen and couldn't eat . 911 took a while to get there as I held her an talked as she passed in my arms . I've been a mess for a while and now I don't know how to feel or think anymore as I haven't cried in a few days . my mother was my best friend and she was always there for me . I don't have time anymore as I have to take care of my dad an my kids along with my husband . everything I do half the time now I don't remember .

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      Rachel 2 weeks ago

      Thank you for making sense of how I am feeling. My mum had been suffering from lung disease for the last 4 years and finally gave up the fight on the 2nd Jan at the age of 67. Making the arrangements for the funeral kept me going for the first few days but it is now that I feel numb. My mum was my best friend and we spoke every day. I desperately miss her and you are right when you describe the pain as a physical entity. My 10 year old daughter asked my mum 3 days before she died whether she wanted to stay with us on Earth or be in heaven. My mum replied that although she loves us all with all her heart, she wants to be with the angels. X

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      Kimcb 2 weeks ago

      My mum my best friend died suddenly on New Year’s Day aged 64 , from the flu of all things , she was my hero who had faught cancer twice already and was now living with incurable secondary breast cancer in her hip and pelvis , never once has she ever complained she just got on with things , her father my grandad who was 94 and had terminal cancer passed away early hours of Christmas Day , he was my mums hero too we had cared for him in the weeks running up to his death , my mum was abit poorly with cough and cold but it wasn’t until lunch time Christmas Day when we went to her house and found her in a terrible state and unable to breath , that myself and my 3 brothers realised how our mum wasn’t indestructible , she was rushed to hospital where her condition deteriorated and she was taken to intensive care unit ( I still didn’t ever think my mum would die ) she was then put on life support but stayed stable for 3 days then out of the blue she took a turn for the worse and the doctors told us there wasn’t anything more they could do for her !! That moment my world came crashing down , my mum and I spoke or texted every single day she was the only person in the world who loved me unconditionally and always taught me to do what makes me happy , after I calmed down abit I went back into her she was covered in tubes and machines but looked peaceful and I said to her that if she was ready to go and see grandad in heaven then she can and that me and my brothers would be ok we would look after each other , my mum was amazing but the most stubborn women ever and she waited until me and my brothers had left her side room to go get some refreshments and her heart went into extreme AF then stopped , as soon as I pressed the intercom to be buzzed back in to ICU I just knew I said “ she’s gone “ and the look on the nurses face said it all !!! I have never ever felt the feelings I have been getting , I’m totally lost , I’m in autopilot at the mo , sorting things out , my 3 children were so close to my mum too , they are heartbroken which I don’t seem to be able to cope with , I don’t know what I’m going to do not ever being able to see or speak to my mum again I really don’t ,the only humble thing is we are having a joint funeral for my mum and grandad ( her father) they both idolised each other , I know she won’t be alone but I am alone and part of me now is angry with her for leaving me like this , reading this post did help tho it puts things into words I understand and can comprehend , i truly am heartbroken and it’s true until you lose ur own mum u don’t realise the trauma and grief it causes

      Much love to everyone

      Kim

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      Felice 2 weeks ago

      Juanita....I just finished reading your post as I lay in bed crying uncontrollably. My mom's name is also Juanita and she died on Nov. 9, 2017 @ 3:25 pm. She was at home under hospice care. Not a day has gone by without me crying for missing her. I loved her more than anything or anybody. I took care of her for 20 1/2 years. She was my best friend. We dud everything together. I lived my life through caring for her. Now I'm at a real loss. I don't know what to do. I talk to her picture and at the cemetery every day since she was buried. I don't know what to do. I am getting grief therapy and in a group of fellow grievers. They help because I can talk freely on how I am really feeling without comments from the others. No crosstalking. But then when I go home, I am lonely and lost again. Mom was 95 years old but I want her with me. Many times I've asked her to come and get me. The grieving pain doesn't stop. Today I learned that one only grieves because of the loving relationship that's now gone. God bless.

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      Ryan 2 weeks ago

      Hi everyone,

      What a lovely article to read and its true everyone handles grief differently. I know I am, and my sisters are handling so differently to me. I can't tell them how to grieve or what to feel as they have their own emotions. All I can do is be there for them and offer my support, share my tears and my hugs.

      I would pay all the money in this world to have another conversation with my mom and tell her I loved her before she died 4/1/18 suddenly. Unfortunately I will never have that opportunity again.

      She was only 64 and we all thought she would live until she was 100, so I guess we all expected she would always be there. Life isn't always so fair and sometimes feel so cruel.

      It's a roller coaster of emotions of tears, anguish, strength, laughter, crying, no sleep and nightmares.

      One thing that is helping me is knowing that my mum always wanted me to be happy and the keep continuing to be the best person I can be. She raised me to be this person and I want to keep her proud and honour her memory.

      I know she is looking over me know and I feel her walking every step with me by my side telling me to grieve but also cherish her memories.

      Unfortunately there is no secret recipe for success as the best thing for me is to take one day at a time. I can't worry how I will feel tomorrow or in a week as each day will be different.

      I might want to cry, go for a walk, scream, yell, watch a movie, all of which are perfectly fine but I have to let these happen as they come. And not fight it!

      Mum will always be mum for the rest of my life and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

      Yes, she was taken to soon from us too soon, but she will always live through me close to my heart.

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      Cheonsa 2 weeks ago

      My mother died last 22nd of December. We spent christmas with her funeral. I was so numb. To be honest, I don't know how to cope up life without her. I feel I was so alone. She is the person who always there to remind me of everything and now she's gone.

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      Homan 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom today. I don’t know what to do. I feel I am numb. I am afraid for days , weeks , months to come .

      Please help

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      lola 2 weeks ago

      Yes, it has been the hardest thing. my Dad dead two years before she did and I thought I felt it all with his passing.NO!!! losing my mom took apart of me deep down inside and I will never be the same. I thank God , I was a great daughter to her in life. So Please, if you still have your mom, keep her close and cherish every moment!!! once she's gone, there's nothing that can replace her........

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      JC 2 weeks ago

      I have really enjoyed your reading your article. I just lost my mom today and I can't control anything. I want to shout yell and cry soo much. Im 32 and she was only 66 years old. The doctors said she was strong and would live a long time. Out of no where she was lying on the ground unconscious and I didn't know what to do but call 911 and try to do cpr. Her last words today at 2:02 pm was get my sister, she died at the hospital at 2:57 pm.

      My grieving process has only just begun and I had to just type this after I read your article. I will never forget her. I can't stop crying and I am going to feel what I feel. She will always be remembered and missed.

      Thank you for the great read.

      ~JC

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      Tina 2 weeks ago

      Thank you for sharing your stories it's certainly gives you comfort knowing that it's normal to feel broken hearted to loose your mum at any age and situation. My mum passed on 24/12/2017 it was first a relief with all shed been through and it was at first busy being the only daughter sorting all the arrangements for a funeral. I didn't think that I would be so heartbroken at times and feeling empty. I can see im just going to have to give in to the grief so I can heal as hard as that is. Sending big hugs to all those that are also still working through their loss, mum is a hard word to loose out of your life.

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      James 2 weeks ago

      Lost Mom (and Grandma) on 12/29/18. It is the most heart-wrenching experience I have ever been through and just sharing is making me weep. So hard - she was my best friend and at times I took her for granted. She raised my son so my hubby and me could pursue our careers.

      So difficult, and I will always thank my Mom for letting me have my career along with a child. Thanks for the support, Mom. I love you and will never forget what you did for our family.

      Love,

      James, Mom, and Dad

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      Faye 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom on 12.27.17. She was home with Hospice, on morophine 4x/day. She had 4th stage lung cancer. She went peacefully and didn't suffer. She raised us in faith to believe that when you pass from this life, you go to a better place, you are whole again. It's that image that I want to remember, of her young, healthy and smiling. Although today I am feeling numb and just out of it, this article helped me understand that grief is a process, different for each of us. I have good days and bad, but regardless I carry a piece of Mom in my heart always. Life is forever changed, but life does go on and Mom would have wanted us to be happy, celebrate her life and take care of each other.

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      Jay 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mother on 12.28.17 @ 2:22 am.. she took her last breath in my arms.. that death look was not pleasant to watch.. I’m a wreck and I’m broken. I glad I came across this article because it helped me to know that there are individuals out here grieving the way that I am grieving.. thanks for posting your story

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      Tracey M 2 weeks ago

      I lost my mam 4 weeks ago, I was there when she passed and it was awful, because I can't that image of her dying out my head, I'm looking at her photo every day to blank that feeling out buyouts not working, I've not seen any of my family since mam passed and I just feel so alone, and I'm now having negative thoughts about not being here anymore, I'm going to get an appointment at Drs to try and get me through this before I get to deep into my own thoughts, I just can't cope anymore and I really want my mam back

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      Carleen 2 weeks ago

      Hi, my mum was murdered whilst on holiday June 2017. I am still trying to come to terms with it but it hurts too much. I will never be the same person I was and some days i feel im losing it. I'm trying to stay strong for my daughter but I know she's having difficulty coping also. First few days i couldn't focus then few months later it's hit me and 6 months later it feels like i got that horrible call yesterday i am sending my greatest sympathy to you all

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      roseivy 2 weeks ago

      its been barely 6months since my mom passed and i still feel it is so fresh.. she had a battle with cancer for years. before she died shewas soo strong and everyone beleived she was going to make it through.. i remember her praying and trusting in God to give her some more year. though it did not come to pass, i had soo many questions about her death. Only God can help one overcome this coz to date soo many things/ events are happenning that remind me of her presence and almost find myself regreting each time.

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      Isabella 2 weeks ago

      i am 12 years old and my mother is my best friend and the only person ive ever really been able to trust she has cardio vascular heart deseise and her nitro which is the only thing keeping her alive hasnt been working as well and her desiese has only gotton worse the doctors in cleveland said she probably wouldnt make it past 40 and she is now 42 all i want is for her to be at my highschool graduation and to see her in the croud and be able to wave and her wave back she is the most spporting parent i the world and luckily her and my dad are still married i have a 14 year old brother and an 8 year old sister and she still cant sleep with out mom i still crawl in bed with my mom when im scared at night and shes always there and cuddles me back to bed we watch movies and weve been to a spa twice together she gets so tired somedays because hernitro wont work that she cant even get out of bed since im the oldest girl i have to pick up on her work and its showed me how much she does im not trying to write a novel and i know there are a lot of typoes sorry but if you have any tips that could help me i will gladly use them because ive already had dreams waking up cying. thank you for reading i love my mom nd dont want to llose her and im sorry for anyone that has los there mom or is going to

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      Steve 3 weeks ago

      I lost my Mum three months ago. She died in my arms. She was aware to the last. Tears came down her face with her last breath. I felt so powerless. This pain is indescribable. Walking through life. I miss her so very much. She was my best friend.

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      Rashidat 3 weeks ago

      Thank you so much for this article. It really helped. My Mom passed away suddenly on Nov 1st, 2017. As silly as it sounds, i never thought my Mom would die. Yet here we are. It really crushed my Dad as they were quite close, and the rest of my siblings. Some days have better than others.

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      Stephen 3 weeks ago

      My mom died at 1am on the 29 of December 2017. Right now I can't even move I hurt so bad. If you read this and have lost your mom I am hugging you.

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      Maria 3 weeks ago

      I lost my mom 16 months ago and things are worse . I am not in greatest of health and my father is lonely to about 80 yrs.We live in queens , N.Y. And haven't been ab

      E to find any bereavement support groups . I am very worried about my father and myself. we miss my mother terribly.

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      3 weeks ago

      I was only 2 when my mom died from a illness since she died we stayed in Germany with our dad and our moms sister on weekends when me and my sister had a good relationship when we were with my aunt we use to visit the grave yard when I was still 2 I didn't know what was happening but when I turned 4 I started crying my eyeballs out. Then I got over it but it was like a circuit track that was infinite it kept on hitting me over and over again then we moved to america where I was crying because we were leaving my family for a long time so we moved to South Carolina and my dad got married and now I have a step mom and a step sister but now my step sister is taking my sister from me so i'm lonely then we moved to Germany again and visited the grave yard were I'm still crying but then after a month we left then we moved to Chicago were I'm still sad and had a little of friends then we went back to Germany when we went back to the grave yard I was still crying then we moved to South Carolina again and now i'm 11 and still crying so if you had a loss its okay i feel it to just let the crying out even if your over 20 or younger.

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      3 weeks ago

      My mom died when i was 2 i barely to see her she died from a illness i wish they never egsisted i'm now over 10 years old and still can't get over it i wish she was still here.

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      Arabella 3 weeks ago

      My mom died at 3:30 this morning. I tried to sleep in the room next to her but I did not want to crash so hard that I would not be able to respond if she needed me. My mom was a beautiful person with a kind and gentle heart but was also a pillar of strength. I feel her loss but have not begun to grieve. I suspect this will happen when I am thousands of miles above the earth as I fly back home.

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      Donna 3 weeks ago

      My mum passed away suddenly on boxing day 2017. I can't believe that I will never see her again, we had a great relationship that most of my friends were jealous of. I know she had her faults, but to me, she was perfect and I miss her every minute. Thank you all for sharing your stories they have made feel better about my crazy up and down emotions.

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      Darlene R 3 weeks ago

      I lost Mom Nov 1st 2017 and it was sudden and unexpected. Dad is in a nursing home for rehab, and now he can no longer go home. It’s like a double whammy. I am tired all the time, and I cry at odd moments. I have no one to share my pain since my brother lives in another state. My uncle lives alone now in their home ( it’s a mother daughter setup) and he has no other family

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      Tanya Harron 3 weeks ago

      My mum died on 29th Nov 2017. I am numb. Empty. Lonely. Angry. Fearful. Anxious. Depressed. Confused. I cannot "feel" normal. I try but I just cant. I want her to still be here. Nothing is important. I resent life

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      Another broken heart... 3 weeks ago

      It’s been four months since our mom died and I can’t stop crying. I loved her more than anything in this world. Our dad died three years ago from Alzheimer’s which was horrific by itself and also destroyed our mom because she was his sole caregiver but they wouldn’t of had it any other way. Mom was on a steady decline following his death and we couldn’t reach her. They were together over 60 years and the loss of our dad was more than she could bear. We did everything humanly and financially possible to help her and keep her safe and cared for in her home which is what she wanted, but we couldn’t save her from her broken heart. Now this is almost to much to bear for us, that we lost both parents and that we lost mom basically because she didn’t have the will to live without dad. She was so loved by so many people. I just can not accept this and can’t stop crying. We love you mom and dad, more than anything in this world and miss you both terribly.

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      Vicky 3 weeks ago

      My mum passed away 10th Dec 2017, I held her hand as she took her last breath, she had a short battle with lung cancer a game that she knew she would lose :( She never once complained and smiled through the pain, my mum was and always will be my hero, my relationship with my dad and sister has now broken down, although I have my brother and my husband, I feel so alone. I feel guilty if I laugh. Will this pain ever go away?

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      Cheryle 3 weeks ago

      My Mom passed away December 10,2017. Trying to ride the waves of raw emotions that I have never felt before. I appreciate everyone’s story - Thank You

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      Kristi 3 weeks ago

      My mom passed away late afternoon 12/23/2017. Finding and reading this article has already helped. Thank you so very much for sharing. ❤

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      Jackie 3 weeks ago

      My mom passed away December 8th 2017. This article is very helpful and really helps me understand how I'm feeling.

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      Nikki 3 weeks ago

      Thank you for this article. My mom died unexpectedly a week before I was to visit her for Christmas. I am an only child, she and I were extremely close. I can't believe this is my life right now. But I take comfort that others understand my pain and are able to continue living hopeful lives.

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      Diya 3 weeks ago

      I am with you all..lost mom 2 weeks ago..thanks for this article..god will guide us all..lets be strong the way our moms would have wanted us to be..

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      Human Humani 4 weeks ago

      WHENEVER your dear is in the serious level of cancer or hearth attack and doctors has dishoped her this maybe ignite a little hop in you search and read about cryonics plz for your dear put this massage in anywhere helpful

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      VKrishna 4 weeks ago

      My mom died on 21st of November this year. I just got up from bed in the morning and there was a call from dad. He said mom has passed away and her hands have become cold. I became half dead. It was the worst time in my life. Now dad is all alone thinking about mom every moment and he is leading a miserable life without her. One month is over and still Im still not able to come back.

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      Vinod 4 weeks ago

      My mom died

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      Scott's 4 weeks ago

      My mom passed 4 days ago while we cared for her at our home. Mom had suffered from cancer, chemo treatments, a broken ankle and being a diabetic. Mom was in and out of hospitals a lot during the past year. I decided early on I would take care of my mom so I quit my job to make this happen. It was a difficult journey but I wouldn't have it any other way. Mom and I laughed and cried many times but I think God we had so many wonderful times. I was blessed with so many great memories. I was with mom when she passed. The sting of death hurts but I was with mom at her last moment but I was also with her when she was welcomed into heaven. I'm blessed

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      Brenda C. Nichols 4 weeks ago

      My mother passed away September 26,2017, and I feel numb,and am trying to get through each day.I continue to cry each day although I am grateful the God kept her here for 94 years. She had physical challenges in the end the lose of her left leg above the knee due to

      negligence at a nursing facility,and and most recently the diagnosis of liver cancer. I had her at home hospice and my heart was breaking knowing and seeing how weak she was becoming. The day that she passed the CNA who was working for us saw how anxious I was, and suggested for me to go for a walk. During that time my mother expired, and I feel guilty that I wasn't home when she took her last breath. But she knew I did everything over the last 20 years to make sure that she went to the doctor, and had all her needs met. I miss her laugher and being able to give her hugs/kisses. I love you Mommy

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      Bambi 4 weeks ago

      My mom passed away a little over 3 weeks ago. Will be a month day after Christmas. Was very sudden. We thought it was food poisoning. Turned out she was having a heart attack. Also know if you are a woman especially diabetic woman that you may not have normal signs of heart attack. Please always go seek medical help if not doing well. Just 10 days later she passed away in hospital. She was my Mom, my best Friend, the light of my life. Did everything together. Both parents live-lived with me. Dad still does. They lost home after hurricane Wilma years ago. I saw her and spoke to her every day. We shopped (grocery, clothes, ect) even went to doctor appointments together and there was nothing we couldn't tell each other. We know how much we love each other, said it every day thanks to mom making that so important for our family to always tell one another. We even got to say it right before she went under and didn't come back again. She had ups and downs at the hospital. She put up a good fight for 10 days. I won't get into all details. I never left her side. Dad and I took turns sleeping on couch at hospital in her cv ICU room why other stayed up with her. They did her wrong and I think I may have nightmares for rest of my life of her in that hospital, but mom would've never left my side if it was me. I held her hand when she passed. She went after me whispering to her it was ok to go if she had to. Point is. I miss her so very much. Good day cry once or twice. Bad day cry 3-4 times a day. Terrible day I don't stop crying. I talk to her urn and tell her how my day is. Somehow that helps me, yet this is something I don't think I'm ever getting over. My grandma passed just over 9 years ago and I still have my moments of weakness. Is 3 generations were so very close. I found your article and did help. I was about to exit out and not share my comments when I noticed your name and brought a tear to my eye and though ok mom I hear ya and wrote comments after all. Her name was too Vicki so thank you Vicki for sharing. ((Big Hug))

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      Helen 4 weeks ago

      I’m four years on from my mum dying ....I still have really bad days...it didn’t help with my dad moving on in a matter of weeks with someone else...they were married for 40 yrs..how could he .I needed my dad and he wasn’t there...I still feel lost..i’m an only child..

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      Victorious-One 4 weeks ago

      It’s surreal ... my mother’s death . I feel as though I’m sleep walking . My tears are real but I cannot accept the circumstances . It’s too harsh . Too final.

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      Fr.Joseph 4 weeks ago

      I just lost my Mother few hours ago, and I am thousands of miles away from home. My saddest night.

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      Danalabam 4 weeks ago

      OnlyAngie, I did/do the same thing...

      Maybe it's weird, but I do not care.

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      Juanita 4 weeks ago

      I lost my mom this past September and I feel so lost. She was my mom, best friend , my everything. I am so angry and sad. I am striking out out my family and I don't know what to do. She was my person. We talked 3 or more times a day, we shopped together all the time, we were the greatest mom-daughter duo of all time . I just need to talk to someone who understands. This article helped me a lot. Its ok to feel what I feel.

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      Clinton 4 weeks ago

      When my mom passed away in August of this year, I wrote a comment about how I felt back then on this website. The holiday's are upon us now and I really don't know how I will be able to cope without my mom who was the steadfast matriarch of our family. The only thing that consoles me is the fact that I gave her a beautiful farewell. Everyone who attended the Mass (our family being Catholic), complimented me and my sisters on how lovely the service and luncheon was and that made me very happy. Yes, the holiday's are here but my faith has kept me strong. I decorated my Christmas Tree in mom's favorite colors. She may be gone in body, but she is the center point in spirit throughout this holy season. For those that are going through this ordeal like me, you are not alone. We all have this in common, the loss of someone (mom) that we dearly loved. It is hard to say "Merry" or "Happy" during this season but we must try and make it merry and happy. Mom would have it no other way. God bless you all.

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      InternetBubba 4 weeks ago

      Lost my mother a couple of days ago, we were her care giver for the last year. The last three months were dealing with the strokes she had. She was on hospice and was in the final stages, Her last full breath was a long and abrupt, not like the last hours followed by a few minutes of small light breaths. I had time to check her vitals I keep getting an error on the BP cuff and the O2 sensor was not reading. I saw the heart beat on the sensor dwindle to nothing in a matter of seconds.

      During that moment I felt the infrastructure just implode. I lost it. for the last 2 days I have been addressing things one at a time (i am a multi, multi, multi tasker) My eyes are dryer, but I am in disbelief that I fell like I did inside. Now I am just staring at the wreckage of me. I thought I was stronger than that and very much prepared.

      I think I am in the denial stage, I am not back to functioning as I once did, but just meandering around the house and the equipment that we used to care for mom. I am not denying my feelings or trying to busy myself to keep my mind off the passing.

      I am just non, not sure how to work through this.

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      OnlyAngie 5 weeks ago

      Has anyone else done this or am I just weird? As I have to go through mom's stuff I keep finding her hairs stuck in her clothing, coats, and blankets and it is the only part of her still here so I am saving them in a ziplock bag just because it seems wrong to not to. A friend told me she saved the hairs from her mom's hairbrush. Apparently my mom cleaned her brush after she used it each time because I found nothing. I lost her just 3 months ago of a sudden and unexpected sickness and while in hospital she contracted a hospital born infection and died. The pain of losing her is unbearable. Oh how I wish there was a phone in Heaven you could call your loved one and ask if they are okay and tell them you love and miss them. I found episodes of Afterlife TV by Bob Olson on Youtube and that has been helping me get through each sad and lonely day without her. I miss you mom!

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      Janie 5 weeks ago

      My Mom passed 7 months ago I am trying to go Christmas but I can't stop crying my first Christmas without my mom the pain is nearly unbearable.

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      Shona 5 weeks ago

      TERRA....i too felt like you do. The oain is over whelming, the hurt inside is so intense. Know that feeling all too well. It's been 10 weeks since my mum passed away. Believe me please when I say it will get better. It does not go away but things start to shall we say "settle down" a little bit. These emotions will still be there and the tears and random break downs for no apparent reason will still come but you will find your own way to cope. Cry when you have to regardless of where you are. I have never in myblife experienced the roller coaster of emotions I'm on just now. I miss my mum every minute of the day. The tears still come, the hurt still comes. You have to try to get used to this empty feeling I aide and readjust your life with out your mum. It's the hardest thing ever to do. You will find 1 day you will laugh at something then guilt will kick in and you'll think why am I laughing I shouldn't be happy? It's that moment you will realise you are coping. There's no time limit on grief for anyone. There's no rules. Each of us is different and copes diffrently. I thought I'd never ever be able to go on again. I cried until my eyes were swollen shut. The hurt inside was indescribable. Myblife has not and will not ever be the same again. But you have to fight your way out of it. And when you do it doesn't mean your over it or you've moved on it simply means your coping with it slowly. Each of us on this group have all felt exactly the way you do and still do feel this way. Thinking of you

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      Victor 5 weeks ago

      My mom pass away two weeks ago. It is very hard go to work and try to focus on my task. I constant remember and make me sad. She died of heart attach, nobody expect it not even she. She was waiting for me to see her. It was suppose that I was going to travel to her town for the holidays but she pass 19 days before. I went to the funeral in order to give her a last good bye (body was present) and to comfort my sisters. It is very hard so early but I am trying to remember that she loves her family and she made us lough a lot. I was driving every day in the last six months to work like 4 hours a day. I hated the drive but I was able to speak with my mom for 2 hours almost daily, it is ironic. Now I am thankful of it. I am catholic and I know my mom is on the heaven or she will be for sure. I hope one day be lucky enough to go there with her. I guess and the end my mom is not gone because she focused a lot on her family and her family was the best work she ever did and her family is here trying to rise more members like she did with us.

      I love you mom!

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      Deebee 5 weeks ago

      I lost my mom not even two days ago and this article has been helpful. I tend to be a person that stays strong for others but realize I need to just let go or this pain will eat me alive. I never imagined how hard it would be losing my mom.

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      Nat 5 weeks ago

      I lost my mother 2 days after Thanksgiving this year. She was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer last November and was told she had years to live. I'm still so angry at what happened although I knew her cancer was terminal, the doctor had reassured myself and mother that the new pills would help her live 5 to 10 more years and possibly more. My mom was doing so well until she started going to the Mayo Clinic that offered chemo, and she was gone after a week. I'm so angry and hurt, I only moved to Arizona to be near my mother, my best friend. Watching my mom go through the chemo and chemo pills and shots was horrible, I can honestly say that if I am ever diagnosed with cancer I will be going the natural route. I love you mom, you were a very brave and wonderful woman, and I know i'll see you again someday. Until then come and find me.

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      TERRA 5 weeks ago

      I lost my mom 2 weeks back i cant handle the pain anyone can help me please.

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      Rosa 5 weeks ago

      My mommy plead suicide two days ago...my hart is so sore and i cant imagine my life without her.I miss her so so much

      ..please help me

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      Stefania 5 weeks ago

      I lost my mum after she was ill with als just 2 and a half years ago at 64 years, just on the 30 november I lost my father after he was ill with a stroke after 11 years. My mum was my best friend not just my my mum, my father worked for us but i can never forget how many times he abused my mum and how many times I saw my mum crying. I'm trying to forgive him as once i was with her at hospital visiting my father and he asked her to forgive him and i'm sure she forgave him she was a very good hearted woman. I never tought I would lose my mother before father! Now I' m pregnant I miss her so badly my daughter will never get to know her grandma. My 6 year old boy still remember her. We ask her to bless us all. Everyday.

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      Brian Larmay 5 weeks ago

      First and foremost, thank you for writing this article.

      I too had just lost my mother to lung cancer.

      We found out last year, just after thanksgiving.

      I wasnt surprised due to her cigarette smoking, it was her vice.

      She tried numerous times to quit, but like many, had failed.

      My mom was a sweet person, and always tried to make people happy, but was a lonely person due to traumatic events in her childhood that prevented her from keeping long term relationships well, other than me, her only kid and son.

      Not many people in life have the fortitude and patience to extend themselves to go through life with someone who is insecure.

      One example of her early life trauma is when she was 6.

      Adopted to a german family, her adopted dad was a kind ww2 vet, that died early due to a brain tumor just after her adoption, he meant the world to her, as she always talked of him.

      Her adopted mom however was not so kind after his death.

      She told my mom that the only reason they adopted her was to help with work around the house.

      This was the theme.

      My mom growing up felt as though she was never good enough for anyone, but always tried to seek approval and love from everyone she met with a child like innocense, but with the baggage of what her adopted mother did to her.

      Not many knew her story, so this behaviour later on became too much for those raised by a functional family, and they distanced themselves from her leaving my mom at square one wondering why no one loves her.

      The only way to fix this in her is by medicating her right?

      Well that is what happened.

      Most of her life she was at the mercy of doctors who just medicated her to oblivion.

      In my mind, psyche meds are there to help you through a crisis, and are supposed to calm you enough to find a solution, not be the solution.

      So through all that, somehow my mom got married and had me.

      Then my dad left her, and she got custody of me.

      Growing up with mom was difficult to say the least.

      She was not the most grounded parent in the world.

      She did work and hold a job to support me while growing up, but I did sense there were things amiss, which made me insecure as a child into my mid 20's.

      I noticed structure in other families except for mine.

      I rebelled and didnt want to be there at all with her.

      Wed argue and fight, mostly because of her mood swings.

      At some point she decided to put me into a psyche ward due to my rebelliousness.

      I felt absolutley betrayed at that point, and turned bitter towards her.

      Being raised by her, the psyche ward thought I should be medicated too, but i refused to turn into my mom basically and rejected all forms of medication, and psyche help and moved in with dad.

      My dad accepted me with open arms, but his new wife with two kids of her own did not like the addition of me, and always compared me to her perfect kids.

      After 2 years of that, I had enough, bit the bullet, and moved back in with mom.

      I could tolerate my mom again, but I would not be as close until I reached the age of 40.

      Lots of things happened in life, a marriage, a divorce, and a girlfriend at the age of 28.

      Some people walk into our lives and have a profound impact, and that was my girlfriend after my divorce.

      Being an only child, a spoiled one at that, I had the fortune of meeting a girl that could see through the bs.

      She seen potential in me that I didnt know I had.

      She helped develope my confidence, and refined my natural human compassion, especially towards my mom.

      At the age of 40, I was ready to understand why my mom is the way she is, and how to reach to her.

      I had her up for xmas to the house, and decided to decorate the pine tree in the woods.

      I built a fire and we sat next to it as it lightly snowed.

      It was just her and I, and I had the full intention of making peace with her.

      I had my heart to heart with her, burying all hatchets, and told her no matter what happens, Im here for you mom until the day you die.

      She was pleasantly shocked, but it went well.

      I then surprised her with presents around the tree that I decorated.

      Imagine in the northwoods of Wisconsin, on Xmas, this perfect scene.

      It was the best Xmas we ever had, and one I'll never forget, or her for that matter.

      It was the beginning of the healing years.

      She opened up, I opened up, and I knew how to reach her like no psyche doc could.

      The most important thing she realized, was someone finally cared enough to see through it all, and to love her for who she was, baggage and all.

      Those were our best years, and we both knew it.

      Me at 46, last year on her birthday, her at 67, november 30th, she contracted pneumonia, and then found that she had cancer.

      This was yet another wake up call.

      During this time my dad got ahold of me after years of absence.

      I thought wow, this is really coming together, but I was in for one last lesson regarding my parents.

      I was going down to Milwaukee alot visiting my mom in the hospital and visiting my dad, and his wife, yes, same wife that compared me to her kids.

      It seems like some things never change, but then again, some things do.

      I found out both her kids died, one to suicide, the other to an accident, which I was sad about.

      I tried to show sympathy, but your only allowed to do so much.

      She never missed a heartbeat, always attacking me, looking for something in me to ridicule.

      She definetly had it out for me, and my dad did little to stop her.

      I overlooked it as i was mature enough to realize some people never advance past a certain point.

      What did change everything regarding my dad, was this particular night.

      I needed to be in Milwaukee for my mom regarding moving her out of the hospital into a nursing home.

      I asked my dad if i could spend the night, he said yes, but that i had a curfew of 9:30pm because thats when they go to bed.

      Um, ok. yeah.

      So after I moved my mom into the nursing home, i arrived at their house around 9:25pm.

      The next thing i heard from him, both actually, as they were both next to each other, was this; ""How do you ever expect to take care of your moms welfare if you cut things this close such as your curfew".

      Meaning they have no confidence in me.

      I realized then that my dad had no ball sack, and his wife and himself are the epitemy of douchebagery.

      I was left very hurt and angry, as well as worthless to him.

      Karma is a "b" though and he did pay the price, and will continue to do so, as the majority of his family wants nothing to do with him or his money after hearing what he did to me.

      The lesson learned here i believe was Gods intervention showing me what life could have been if my dad got custody, vs my mom.

      It shown me that life really wasnt as bad as I thought with my mom, and that i no longer had any regrets on what my life was.

      The last year of her life, i spoiled the heck out of her, taking her fishing, buying clothes for her, making the best meals, and basically just making her realize she was the best mom in the world to me.

      I have no regrets about the decisions i made for her in her last year.

      2017 glowed, and I think was the best year of hers and my life.

      She was there for my first breath, and i was there for her last, as it should be.

      I miss her immensly.

      I wish I could talk to her...

      I will see her again one day.

      She is my saving grace, but i dont think she knew on what level.

      It doesnt matter really though.

      Thank you for reading this short book. Its good to vent your story:)

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      Just me 5 weeks ago

      Lost my mom -April she was fine.....Aug gone... My world my best friend ...feeling left behind ...alone.... one day okay then bam hits me mentally and physically. Feel like my insides are being ripped out. Dad is left and depressed trying to take care of my 3 brothers too and i'm the only girl and the youngest in the family...world is all black now... I am trying so hard to just live and function. How do people do this... and everybody has to eventually loose their parents...its part of life.

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      OnlyAngie 5 weeks ago

      Wish there was some way to connect with others here to support each other. So many things I have read others are going through I have been going through also and after doing a lot of reading discovered it is normal part of grieving. It's been three months since I lost Mom and it has not gotten any easier. I keep recalling the mistreatment she experienced at the ER and hospital and despite doing my best to fight for her to get good care it wasn't enough. I look back and realize there were signs she was ill for months prior and wish I had figured it out sooner. She became very quiet and would not talk much in the past year; I think she knew she was dying. I still have nightmares and have not slept a full night since she died. People don't understand what it's like to lose a parent till they go through it themselves.

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      Matt 5 weeks ago

      I lost my Mom yesterday after a year long battle with pancreatic cancer. She was my rock, my foundation. My heart aches for her. I'll miss our early morning chats as she sees me off to work each morning. I'll miss our chats as we head to chemotherapy every week. No matter how old I am, she always looked after me with fierce love and devotion. Even when she felt sick from her chemotherapy, she always put her children first and tried her best to look after our needs. She is in a better place now as her final days were filled with intense pain. She is with God now. I love you always, Mom. Sonny.

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      Brie 5 weeks ago

      I lost my mom a few hours ago. It’s so hard to be prepared even when you know it’s coming. She had stage 4 brain cancer and yet her death doesn’t seem real. It’s so soon, I think I’m in a state of shock and grief. Very grateful that myself and all her loved ones got to be there as she took her final breaths. Have to say, it wasn’t pretty. I can’t sleep. This article and all the comments are comforting. Big hugs to all those who lost their moms too.

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      Laronda 5 weeks ago

      I lost my mom 2 days before thanksgiving 2017,my heart is so heavy .She was my best friend

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      gary 5 weeks ago

      I lost my elderly mother in may of 2017 and my grief is very strong. Life really will never be same again because we loved each.other and she was my best.friend.Anybody who hasnt lost a loved one regardless of age will never know what unbearable pain one suffers from the loss.