Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.
Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.
No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.
"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."
— Author Unknown
My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.
I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.
The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.
Coping With Grief
• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel
• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief
• Remember Your Mom
• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days
• Find Your Peace
• Smile and Live Your Life
The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.
After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?
For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.
After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."
But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?
Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel
Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.
After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.
Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.
Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.
Remember Your Mom
That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.
I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.
Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.
Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days
It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.
Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.
Find Your Peace
People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.
There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.
Smile and Live Your Life
At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.
On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."
© 2013 Vicki
Find the Support of Others
Suhas on August 16, 2020:
Thanks for writing in! That sadness will forever remain with us, i am sure. I was just looking at my selfies with my mom, she loved getting clicked with me and rest of the people, especially she loved it when i took selfies with her. And i miss it, i miss everything about her. It's like someone has taken away my soul from me, a part of me that has been taken away and i have to live with this constant feeling of incompleteness and emptiness without her. Without her, i don't enjoy anything i used to enjoy before. She was my life, i used to treat her like my own baby. The pain is the same as you would have when you lose your baby and it's very difficult to live with this pain. I am seeing a therapist but that's not helping and i really don't know what will help. All i know is that all i can do is efforts, which too i agree are not 100% right now but i hope some day all of us are able to smile again, whole heartedly, feel complete again, live our lives the way our mom's would want us to live. I am missing her terribly right now, i hope god helps us all.
Jo's Thom on August 16, 2020:
I lost my sweet mom Jo almost 2 years ago. I miss her so bad every day. Grief has no time limit for me!
Hi Gary, on August 15, 2020:
I concur with you. The pain eases but I still have my occasional moments when I’m crying for my mother. It has been three years going on four in September. The pain of missing her is real. Ignore insensitive comments. Maybe those individuals did not have a strong loving relationship as you did with your mom. I miss her daily and continue to thank her in spirit for all her sacrifices and unconditional love!
Gary on August 15, 2020:
Dear Suhas I am saying this to you with the greatest respect and ill will whatsoever because you too have lost your mum too but I hate it when someone says remove the negativity and be positive.There are meaningless words commonly used by people who have never experienced such a significant loss as we have.
I am sure these people live in fairyland with with butterflies and chocolate flowers.How can you possibly be positive after losing the most important person in your life.We know it is a catastrophic event of which the pain remains with us forever although it will ease in time.It has torn a hole in my heart which will never heal. The emptiness and sorrow will affect me for the rest of my life. Nothing positive will come out of this.
Suhas on August 14, 2020:
Seeing a therapist is a good idea, i am myself seeing one. Having said that, till now i have had 1 session and honestly it didn't help but let's see. Certain things you mentioned that i think everybody would be able to relate to like getting angry and remembering those things causing you to weep, but i just want to tell you that we are all humans, sometimes we don't know what's going to happen next or some times we make mistakes or we all have fights with our parents do, that's a part of life sometimes...what's imp is your mom is in a happy place now and that's all that matters, forgive yourself for things that disturb you and love yourself because you are a good person who loves his mom and will forever love her. Pray for her happiness and health, that ways you will still be doing every bit you can to ensure she is in a happy place, it will help get over the negative thoughts that disturb you and instill more positivity.
Myron on August 13, 2020:
My mother passed 8 months ago. I lived with her all my life. She has been in bad health for years. One night she looked at me and fell over. And she was gone. I have two grievance councilors i see. But nothing seems to help. Now i sit here day in day out. Hoping i can see her again. I have no ambition. And dont want to associate with anyone. I try to carry on with life. But just cant. Thank you for what you published. And you are correct, unless it happens to you no one knows just how painful this is.
Gary on August 13, 2020:
Thank you darling Jus.I am seeking specific clinical treatment for my prolongued grief and am I trying to maintain friendships and make new ones.I would love to have a lady friend as a companion. The virus here even though its not as horrific as it is in other countries nevertheless makes socializing extremely difficult.love and peace to you Jus Gary Sydney Australia
Gary on August 11, 2020:
To all you dear ones who have lost your darling mums.My sweetheart left me three years this may past and my grief is more intense then it ever was.I am waiting to receive apecialist treatment for my prolonged grief and pain but its being disrupted by the tragic corona virus. A day never goes by when I dont cry and weep for mum.I lived with her for a big part of my life we were not only mother and son but friend and confidente mates and we supported each other.
I looked forward every day to coming home and see her her smile was captivating she was warm kind and consoling.I miss her voice on the other side of the phone.
From 2015 until she left me in 2017 her was deteriorating she was rapidly losing and interest in most things.She wouldnt get out of bed wouldnt dress up or go out. I had arguments with her about this on a constant basis particularly about not sleeping all the time and not eating.I read articles saying this is what happens at the end of life. Something that was inevitable but something I could not accept.I saw her like this everyday and I didnt know what to do.the mother that I once knew as a vibrant independent woman was bedridden and I couldnt reverse it.There were times when i couldnt face coming home.
I feel so guilty for things said and done and beg of my darling to forgive me but I loved her very very much and I am so shocked at her passing.
Some people recover quickly which makes me think that perhaps they never a close relationship with their mums in the first place.My grief is strong and lasting because I lost my best friend who is irreplaceable.
I am sorry deeply sorry for all you and I understand the terrible pain and sorrow you are going.Hopefully we will find peace in our hearts one love Gary
Suhas on August 08, 2020:
Dear Jus Jase,
Sorry to hear about your joining this group. I too am single and i too lost my mom..I just want to say that don't feel you are alone & never ever loose hope...all of us here are going through the same pain, until we meet our mom's again. Till then, find somebody who can share your pain, a girlfriend or spend time with friends but try not to be alone. Unfortunately, we can't avoid the grieving process, all of us have to go through it but going through it with a hope that you will see them again when it's the righ time, helps. I hope you find your peace.
Jus Jase on August 08, 2020:
My mom died on July 30, 2020 after battling vascular dementia for 5 years. I am her son and was her caregiver for the last 5 years.I used to look at my mother who had become bedridden and used to ask God silently why my mom had to experience this horrible and debilitating disease. Sad to say she was was not the person I knew while growing up. She did not recognize me on many occasions and I had to show her photographs of both of us together for her to recognize me. I am single and my mother and I lived in the same home for 32 years. Now that she has gone, and while my head tells me she is in a better place my heart cannot accept her death. Every time I look at something belonging to her, be they be her dentures or her walking stick or her clothes I just begin to weep uncontrollably.There are moments I would be strong but a simple memory of her doing something would trigger off these emotions. Sometimes I wonder if I moved to another house if it would be less painful as I wont see memories of her around but I feel that may not work for too long. The sad thing is I feel lonely being in the house and if I go out and come back in the evening, I would still burst out into tears when I enter the empty house as I know she is not there. To ease some of the pain temporarily, I keep her bedroom door closed and in my mind I tell myself she is sleeping on her room. If I go to the grocery and I see the things I used to buy to prepare her meals, I would shed a tear or two in the grocery and then when I get into the car I would begin to cry uncontrollably. No one who has not experienced the loss of a parent or child or close relative can't really understand the pain one feels deep down.Sometimes I wonder if I can continue to live with this loss from my live. I asked myself if I was married and had a family ,if things would have been easier but from the comments that I have read that still does not make the pain and emptiness go away. I know I have to go through a grieving process as everyone says but I don't think I would ever overcome this loss while I am alive.
Nondumiso on August 05, 2020:
I recently lost my mother last parent on the 20th July 2020 from corona. Its hard to move on, my soul is lost my future plans have stopped. How do I move on .... i miss her daily calls and text messages. Those of you who still have both parents , please love and appreciate every moment with them . I find myself crying from time to time.
Hillary on August 05, 2020:
I lost my mom one month and 2 days ago, unexpectedly and suddenly. I was with her when she took her last breath. She was only 59. I too feel sad, and angry when I see people with both parents or grandparents even who are much older, and my mom is gone. I even have trouble playing with my 4-year-old because he constantly does cute and funny things that I want to tell her about and I know she want to be with us to see and hear.
I truly did not understand how tremendously hard it is to lose a parent. It is not something you can imagine, and I cannot imagine the pain ever going away.
It is the most unfair. I wasn't done needing her, and I know she wasn't done wanting to live.
Suhas on August 03, 2020:
Today was the first Rakhi when my mom was not present..it's a festival in my country. Usually everyone gathers at my place to celebrate this festival, today also everyone was there, everyone came, only she was not here. It break's my heart to see that people around me, my relatives, friends, colleagues, all of my age and much more older than me, still have both their parents alive & healthy. The only one who was missing on this festival was my mom, she was too young to go...there was so much that i had to do for her, all the plans have destroyed. It was heartbreaking today to see the world enjoying the festival and only mom missing. She wanted to live, she loved this festival. Out of all of us she would be the most excited about it. I wish the best of health and life for everyone, i don't wish bad for anyone but i just feel bad myself & my mom.
Clinton Fernandez on August 03, 2020:
Today makes 3 years since my mom went home to her heavenly Father. We all miss her. The love is ever strong never ceasing. The grief is a little lighter now and we have wonderful memories that will last forever. She will always be deep in our hearts. God Bless You mom. Look over us with God's blessing.
Kim on August 01, 2020:
I lost my mom 17 months and 8 days ago. I’ve ALWAYS been a tough cookie. One to keep the emotions tucked deep way down. So much so that I lived in denial after her death for quite some time, pushing it deep inside. I got pregnant 6 months after her death. My baby just turned 3 months. I’m in bed crying right now. The loss of a mother is the worst thing in the universe. No one can ever prepare you or console you or fill the permanent hole in your heart. Time doesn’t heal anything. That saying is like time is just a bandaid until it gets ripped off again and you feel the pain as if it just happened one moment ago. You learn to keep breathing and keep moving but god it’s there everyday 24/7. The pain. The anguish. The hole. I don’t have words of wisdom as I’m still battling many demons from denial in which I still really haven’t been able to live normally. I keep moving and smiling for my baby. She will never know the most amazing women in the world. That hurts the most.
Cveta on August 01, 2020:
Thats how all of us ended up here unfortunately, hoping to find someone going through the same emotions and maybe find some advice on how to live with this grief.
I understand totally how it feels finding something left by Mum. Sometimes looking at her things helps a bit and brings back nice memories, but sometimes smallest thing can trigger a flood of tears and pain. This grief is the hardest thing ever...
Jess on July 31, 2020:
Just lost my mom a couple weeks ago from the horrible worldwide virus. Buried her days before my birthday. She lived with my husband and our children. She was an amazing Nana, truly gave her all to our babies . I’ve been avoiding memories, videos and seeing pictures because of how immense the pain is. Her viewing and funeral seemed like a horrific nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Despite the outpour of love and the beautiful pink roses she loved everywhere. While deep cleaning the house today, I came across a birthday card she had picked out for me before she was admitted. Broke my heart, I was flood and filled with so much emotion.
I googled Grieving the loss of a mother and read this article. I’m heartbroken for us all! & feeling anything but that seems very far from my reach.
Jo's Thom on July 31, 2020:
I lost my beautiful mom JoAnn 23 months ago today. I miss her so much every day of my life now. She was such an amazing person and will always be with me in spirit. I know that my mom will live on in my heart forever!!!!
Suhas on July 30, 2020:
All the best to you too! :)
I really hope we find our lost happiness and peace in something.
Suhas on July 27, 2020:
I just randomly checked to see if someone responded to my question to help and i found your answer posted 7 mins back. May be its a sign that guided me to check this page at the right time. :)
Thank you so much for your advice, i'll definitely enroll for a dance class now, something that i enjoyed my whole life before falling into depression and losing mom. Your words are very encouraging. Thank you for all the help! God bless you with the best life!
Suhas on July 26, 2020:
Some of you might be familiar with me, i keep writing here. For those of who are not, i lost my mom, my best friend, my everything to cancer on 5th feb this year. She was my everything, like literally. Ever since then i have been trying to deal with the anxiety and depression that has come with it but i am unable to help myself, nothing seems to help. I meditate everyday for an hour in a group so that i don't feel lonely, i have tried antidepressants but none of them suit me and that's the only solution pshyciatrists have. They counsell as well during meditation sessions but that's not helping either. When i meditate or do relaxation exercises at night alone before sleeping, i keep getting flashes of her illness, the worst time for us. I keep getting flashes of her suffering. After doing all the efforts, here i am at 4.30 a.m. writing to this group. I know it's a fact that one day we all have to go, noone's here forever so we might as well enjoy our time here but irrespective of whatever i do, my mom's memories, losing her, her love, attachment with her, her care, everything is at the back of my mind, always and i really don't know how to go on in my life without her. I am not married so i don't have a partner either. People tell me that give it some time, time is the biggest healer but till now mothing has helped even little bit. I don't know what to do, can someone suggest something? I know people here themselves are struggling with living their lives without their mom's, i am not sure if anyone will be able to help me.
Japheth igyurah on July 25, 2020:
I lost my mum on the 28 of October 2009,i.e 9years with 9 mouth now. Mum is a side thing missing you but God knows it most. Rip.
Jo's Thom correction on July 25, 2020:
All of us that post here now have a special angel to guide and watch over us always and forever....
Jo"s on July 25, 2020:
Every person here now has a beautiful angel to guide and protect them always....
San on July 24, 2020:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful Mum and best friend. I miss you so so very much. I love and miss you every second of every day. Till we meet again my beautiful angel. XX
Emmpea on July 24, 2020:
I’m mum died on the 20th May this year in the middle of the world pandemic if coronavirus. It has been so hard, harder than I could ever have thought. None of her grandchildren, family, friends could be near or see her before she died, luckily we managed to keep her at home and fulfill hers and my dads age 91 wishes to stay home.
The pain is searing. Every day I wake up and feel the same, every night I try to go to sleep and think I may feel better tomorrow, but I don’t. Mums funeral was tough. Just limited to 10 family members, others had to watch on a webcast-horrendous. The closure just isn’t there, the normality just isn’t going to be normal anymore. The human who gave birth to me is no longer here with me, and although it is now 2 months ago, the pain is raw. My mum was such a big part of everything I am today, I truly feel I’ve lost my right arm. I My son died 27 years ago, and I feel his loss every second of every day, so I am sure my Mum will follow this and I will never feel as I did before again.
Suhas on July 23, 2020:
I lost my mom to cancer this year, so i know how this pain feels, she was & will always be my best friend. Try to find a good relationship, a new suppory system, it'll help.
Angel on July 20, 2020:
I lost my Mom 5 years ago and I still feel the pain. She lived close to where I live and I called her so many times during the day. We did so many things together and she lived to be 100 and a half. At the end, she was still very healthy, but she contracted pneumonia and died ten days later, which was very unexpected! Even after such a long period of time, I still want to talk to her and tell her about something happy or sad. I want to share things about my life with her still! So sad without her!
Lungelwe Mhlongo on July 20, 2020:
I lost my mom on the 3rd of July and buried her on the 8th. It was so unexpected and very cruel. Which is why I'm still struggling with this pain on my chest each time I think about her. I have been numb, have cried hopelessly. I have tried to be strong for my kids who are experiencing a loss for the first time. Going back to work was not easy. Days are not the same anymore, each day feels empty and heavy. I'm taking it one day at a time, i trust that as time goes on I will be ok.
Lindiwe on July 19, 2020:
I lost my mom on the second of this month... She died in my eyes, in my brother's hands, we just came back from the earsten Cape. The house is just full with memories, which am so trying to avoid but am failing. I just do not know how I feel on the other side I think am doing fine.
Looking at her pictures and videos we used to do together it's like am dreaming she's not dead. I last cried on her funeral, I do have that thing to cry but I don't feel like. Yeah it's really not easy we were not prepared for her death.
I so bealive that the article will help me heal, although I know I won't heal now but I will
Moleboheng on July 18, 2020:
I lost my mom 21 March 2020,..I cried so hard reading this artical cause I miss my mom so much it's been almost 4 months and when am alone I feel so sad and I cry for hours I lost my best friend my ancor I miss her smile...thank you for this artical it has help me a lot thru my healing
Kathy on July 18, 2020:
Lost my mom in May of this year. Thank you for this article
Chef md on July 17, 2020:
I lost my mom Dec 11, 2019 i cared for her for almost 7 years in my home she had dementia. I miss her she was my best friend even before she lived with me. but i feel happy she is in a better place, I feel blessed that she is no longer a shell of the vibrant women she was, I am so happy she is back with my dad after being a widow for over 30 years,
it is hard coming home to an empty house, no mom, no aides, no all consuming purpose to advocate for her and keep her safe, so now i am working to find the new normal and find myself again, and look forward to a next chapter.
Karen on July 15, 2020:
I lost my mom unexpectedly 3 days ago. I feel wrecked. As she progressed through her dementia journey I came to feel it would be a blessing. I was not expecting this magnitude of grief.
Lebohang on July 14, 2020:
I lost my mom last year on the 11 August 2019. It was a moment I never wanted to experience in my life especially when my siblings are still young.it is 11 months now but it feelings like it happened yesterday, I can get over losing my mom
Ilsa on July 13, 2020:
My mother is no more
Jo's Thom on July 12, 2020:
The luckiest people on earth are the ones that still have their moms!!!!
Marilyn on July 11, 2020:
I lost my Oct 14,2018. Right after her funeral my sister, BIL and nephews snd his wife moved away. They said they would help me with everything that needed to be done but they left everything up to me and haven’t spoken at all since. I miss my mom terribly and wish I had someone to talk to about how I feel toward my sister. I feel she abandoned me when I needed her help the most. She never got along with my mom and it’s almost like she happy she’s gone. How do I snap out of thinking about my sister and what she did to me? How she treated my mom ?It’s causing such anxiety and depression.
Liza Herbst on July 09, 2020:
I lost my mom in May 2020....a few days after my birthday and a few days before her 70th birthday. My mom was a healthy active person and she was always with me over almost every weekend and over the lockdown period as well.Two weeks after she returned home she fell a little sick and became short of breath. ...and then one morning she just did not answered my call....she passed away that morning. I felt robbed of someone I dearly loved and I am angry. I miss her every single moment of my life. Not a day passes without me bursting in tears and sorrow....I talk to her every day....and I wish I could be able to communicate with her....I want and need to know if my mom is fine....if she is ok....I feel like I'm loosing control.... .
Susan on July 07, 2020:
I lost my mom on April 15th 2020. The pain I'm losing my mother is so horrible. She put an addition on my home 5 years ago because she wanted to come live with me she want to be alone anymore. Things at that time were good It just happened about a year ago she started not feeling as well. Last year this time she had a pacemaker and defibrillator put in and she got through the surgery of flying colors and felt wonderful. This past December 2019 she came down with pneumonia and he told me she was going to pass at that time and to her being strong she made it through. She said needed rehab instead of the hospital and they tried working with her I had to get her out and move her to a home for more rehab. She couldn't walk so upon her transportation to the home the nurses trapped her leg in the wheelchair. Well we got you the way you support home she said her leg burned And I looked at it she had a massive long black and blue mark which was given to her from the treatment in the chair. After that I watched it grow and grow into this major huge hematoma. needless to say they had to rush her back to the hospital since she got that as a result of their negligence she said nothing but stress and back and forth to the hospital. Who last trip was because she got a bacterial infection through the wound even though it was healing ended up being on really harsh antibiotics in the hospital and they came home with them. She got excruciating stomach pains couldn't eat and I got frustrated and told her please You got to try I don't need to go to the hospital at this time due to the virus. Make a long story short nurse came reported it to her doctor right away never heard I called back and reported it again by that time it was 1:30 a.m. in the morning and she was so weak and had severe colitis from the antibiotics. At this time I was unable to go with her due to the virus so I kissed her on her cheek and said Mom I love you I'm sorry I can't go she said I love you too. After that's a longer story but she died 6 days later I wasn't able to be with her at all and she died without me there. So I can't tell you what the pain feels like but I'm sure some of you know what the pain is just losing your mother. I pray for all you others out there that are feeling the same pain as I am.. It's a pain nobody wants to go through. Thank you for letting me talk.
Andrew on July 07, 2020:
I still think to call her everyday like I would when she was still here. Every time I have good or bad news. Or just to talk about our day. She was the kindest woman I knew. A staple in our family. I still tell her I love her before going to bed every night. I live on like she would want and continue trying to better my life, but not a day goes by without thinking of her. She went down hill fast after granny passed.. I can't do that. This article really made my day.. i'm not the only one.
Mo on July 04, 2020:
I justnlost her Thursday, its still so surreal.....not sure how this is going to work out. I thought i prepared myself but i I didn't really. Even though you watch them go, its hard to accept. Dying from lung cancer sucks! She drowned:(
Linda on July 02, 2020:
I can’t get over the loss of my mom. I was looking for help and this article came up. It’s heart wrenching and painful to loose your best friend, your number 1 fan and the only person on earth that knows you inside and out.
I pray one day it will get easier. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me. It’s been over 2 years! When will it get better I keep asking myself. I look around everyone seems to have moved on and handling life. But I’m stuck and feel so alone. And no one understands. Some say they do. Thank you for this article it’s the closest thing to how I been feeling .
Rhiannon on July 01, 2020:
My mom had a stroke two days after mother's day and died on May 28, 2020 I feel like this pain will never end. We were best friends and I don't know how to live my life without her
Jo's Thom on June 30, 2020:
My dear mom JoAnn passed 22 months ago. I still feel so lost without her. I know that I will always miss my mom immensely forever. She will exist in my heart for eternity.
Helaina on June 29, 2020:
Long live my mommy. 01/20/20 the day I gained my forever angel.
Valerlie on June 29, 2020:
Tears roll down my face right now .. I have no words .. I miss u mum ❤️
Sonia on June 27, 2020:
My beautiful gorgeous mother passed away 6 weeks ago. Mom was almost 90 years old. I took care of my mom till the end. No one in the world knows the devastating pain and sorrow and mourning that I'm going through.y beautiful gorgeous mother and I were inseparable more like twins. I cry
My gorgeous beautiful mother passed away 2 days before mother's day in 2020 on June 27, 2020:
My beautiful gorgeous mother passed away on May 8 2020. I will never get over my mother's passing. It's so hard. I cry all the time and I am so depressed. I love and miss my mom so much.
Sonia on June 27, 2020:
My beautiful gorgeous mother
Suhas on June 26, 2020:
Don't worry, she will never be forgotten..she will always be alive inside your heart. I have learnt from people who post here that the best way to honour your mom and keep her alive is to remember everything she taught you and do it and to live the life she always wanted you to live, happily...fulfill all her dreams. I think that's the best way to keep them alive as we long live.
Fabrienne Walton on June 26, 2020:
I lost my mom May 16, 2020 I am devastated she was my best friend we did everything together. She was in a nursing home and they didn’t care for her good. I did everything human possible to make sure she had. I just wish I would have taken care of her myself.
London on June 26, 2020:
I lost my mom less than a week ago. All I feel is loss. My mom may have had slight kidney problems but ultimately Covid19 was the result of her death. The fact that her own illnesses didn’t even take her out but a pandemic did angers me. I try to talk to her everyday and the funeral is something I don’t look forward to. I want to move on , we still lived together and I have the urge to hurriedly for through her things and give away some of her old clothes... yet I don’t want her to be forgotten or feel as if I’m ready for her to be forgotten. I cried for days straight, but it all just feels like oh she’s just in the hospital like she was a month before she passed. Pray for me as I pray for everyone who’s in the comments and just coming to this article to get insight from having lost a patent. Be blessed
Clinton Fernandez on June 25, 2020:
It will be 3 years in August. Miss her very much. There were days when I felt down and depressed but you get by with those feelings expecially when you have friends and family that understands. I felt comforting knowing that Dad is beside her. She is not alone. Everytime I cook a meal I say thank you Mom for teaching me all these things especially cooking. I know that you are in a better place. Keep watch over us with Dad by your side. Love you.
Sandile ndlovu on June 22, 2020:
Lost my mom to multiple myeloma on the 25th of April this year. I get extremely sick when I think of how she just left after I spoke to her just three days before... And tryst me she was doing better than in February when she was diagnosed. The pain never ends... The memories, her voice, her smile. Her presence was felt. I pray so hard to God to just take me as well. I never imagined my life without her. It's sad that there's nothing I can do to bring her back.
My heart is slowly dying
Alicia on June 21, 2020:
I lost my mom 6/18 of lung cancer COPD and I can’t function. I have good and bad moments that it just hits me. I never would have thought it would of been this hard without her.
I read everyone else’s comments and I’m so sorry to hear there are others experiencing the same pain:(
Ken Dilday on June 21, 2020:
I lost Mom on Friday almost 2 days ago I loved her so much and she loved me to. it was so hard to see Mom that way I'm shaking and crying even as I type this.
Jacqueline Becklo on June 20, 2020:
I lost my mother today. Yesterday she was smiling at me and combing her fingers through my hair. Today I was holding her lifeless hands trying to keep them warm. I'm not sure how the following days, week, months, or years will be. All that I know is she is the love of my life - my first love. I love you momma
Lori on June 20, 2020:
I lost my mom 3 weeks ago 0n may 29,2020.I feel so numb and lost without her,I cry all the time and cant sleep and have no desire to eat. I constantly want to call her just to her voice.My mom was my go too for everything in life I feel so lost.I"m dreading the holidays without her.My family has been great and Im so thankful for my grandkids they keep me going.It helps to know that Im not alone.I will keep you all in my prayers.
MJW on June 20, 2020:
My beautiful mommy met Jesus on the evening of May 6, 2020. The world became a different place in an instant. The pain is so raw and intense that it’s numbing. Every day is a reminder that I can’t see her beautiful smile or hear her voice.
God be with you all. I know how you feel, and I’m praying for each of you.
Valerie on June 19, 2020:
Emptiness ..Sad.. heartbroken...lost.. scared..
That’s how I describe loosing mum..
I miss her so much and living with that loss is hard ..
Kaneha on June 19, 2020:
I just lost my mother 3 days ago... from lung cancer it's one of the hardest things I had to endure ..I am having a lot of trouble coping with her passing ....I'm trying to be strong but at the same time. All Feelings is pain... And alot of hate for people ...I have no appetite... I can't sleep... I took my blood pressure and it was 177 over a 100...it never was that high before...my chess hurts...and my arm hurts...and i have to go to the funeral....but the pain i have i cant go...my mom was the only one i have other then my husband in this whole world that i feel understands me in a way words cant explain...and im having a hard time coping
keith on June 17, 2020:
my mamma passed away 30th march and because of this virus we was not even allowed to go to her funeral or flowers or anything , then the following week they changed it all ,
i feel like im in a trance since my mum passed away, i dont feel good and my life will never be the same.
i cry lots especially at night, all i want is for her to come through the door or call my phone just to hear her voice once again, but i know this cannot be,
The pain that causes me i just cannot describe , nothing in my life compares to this.
and for me. life now means nothing at all
Brenda on June 17, 2020:
We buried my Mom yesterday, she was 96 yrs old. Intellectually I know she had an amazing and long life, even though the end was a long fight after a great deal of care from me and my sister. I nod my head when people say she had a long and wonderful life But it doesn’t diminish my pain, even though like you, I thought I was ready
I’m glad it’s ok to feel this way I feel like it will hurt very badly for long time
Yuyi on June 15, 2020:
I lost my mom 2 days ago. It felt so unreal. When i woke up in the morning and thinking i cant call my mom anymore. When my kids still not knowing/understanding their belove grandma is gone, they kept talking about their grandma. The great time they had with her. It just so heartbreaking. It is very hard to overcome the pain to lost mom.
Carolina Umali on June 14, 2020:
Thank you for this article.
I lost my extraordinarily brave mom 10.5 years ago, yet it feels like yesterday. The physical and mental pain is still overwhelming at times. I miss her so much! Some days when I can’t get out of bed, I just close my eyes and think about the words she said to me when she was dying, “be strong”.
God bless all of you who have lost your moms. Just know that she would want you to be strong right now. Take solace in knowing she is no longer suffering.
Ana on June 14, 2020:
My mom Ana Elena died yesterday in Mexico, she was 70 years old and she was on a wheel chair for 34 years of her live. She had a bedsore but then had a pulmonary situation .She end up on a covid hospital but they released her, she got home fall sleep and didnt wake up again. I cannot go to Mexico due to the covid, im having a very bad time
Laura on June 12, 2020:
My mum died less than 12hrs ago i definately feel numb we were supper close and all i want to do is ring her it feels so strange that i cant. My lil girls are keeping me going but out of the blue its hit me a couple of times that shes really truely gone and i crumble. It hurts but im relieved she is no longer suffering. Her name is Barbara and she had a smile that lit up the world.
Vandy on June 11, 2020:
I can feel all of you & what you are going thru. I lost my healthy mother suddenly on 30th April, 2020. She was taking a nap in the afternoon & never woke up. I am so lost & don’t know what to do about this immense pain. Due to Covid there’s nobody to hold me or give any kind of solace ....
pgill on June 11, 2020:
Thank you for this...with Covid19 we are still awaiting some closure...my mom loved hummingbirds; I have planted a plant in my yard and a feeder to bring them to our home...thank you sharing this...
Jo on June 11, 2020:
I lost my mum on 24th May 2020. Its her funeral tomorrow. I dont think i have the strength to get through it. I feel so alone and lost without her. I lost my dad when i was 18. The pain was unbearable then. But now words cant explain how much it hurts. I just hope god gives me the strength to get through this.
Jason on June 09, 2020:
Hi Anita,I lost my mom too.
Anita Sherer on June 09, 2020:
I just read your article it was very nice I just loss my mom on May 28 2020; she had a bad blood infection bin her body her kindey fail me and my brother couldn't he there when she passed away due to the virus bi miss her so much I have 5 brothers but I can't talk to them about our loss of mom it's very hard on me I wasn't that closed to her like a daughter sure be she never approved of any of the men in my life she wanted me to herself my was very control of me no matter what I do thank you for reading my letter
Sergio on June 08, 2020:
I appreciate the article very much.
I lost my mum on 28th may 2020. I was not able to be with her during her last days or go and attend the funeral in person unfortunately due to covid-19. She was in a different country and I tried my best to be with her on a phone camera or with an audio message of support, she was proud of her son and knew it was not under my control the situation or not being by her side physically. We used to talk every weekend on Skype and these last two weekends after her passing have been the worst, I missing her so much and the need to listen to her voice increase every day. My wife and I we both are sad.
I love you Mum! you will be always on my hearth forever.
Haya on June 08, 2020:
Its been 2 years since I lost her, not a single day passes without remembering her.I am missing her more by each passing day.
Shanda on June 07, 2020:
This site really help me. My mom passed on May 20, 2020. My biggest worry, how do I move on without my mother, the holidays her birthday etc. I try to put on a brave face in front of friends and family but when I am all alone that empty feel reappear. I know with time I will become more tolerable with my new norm a motherless daughter
Ramisa on June 06, 2020:
Well… I am just a kid of 10yrs old she passed away today and I couldn’t stop crying so I searched this up I can’t believe this happened but nobody knows what will happen I this world but it made me cry thinking my mother was to young to pass away too soon
Anshwan Shukla on June 04, 2020:
My mom died because of 4 th stage ovary cancer and acute liver failure I loved her so much she died in my arm and it is so painful
elizabeth hatter on June 02, 2020:
the pain since i even found out my mum had cancer broke me an when she passed 6 months later she took apart of me with her
Vimbai on June 02, 2020:
Many thanks for the article.
I lost my mum on Tuesday 26 may 2020. I still remember the gross pain I felt when I was told over the telephone. She was in a different country and unfortunately due to covid-19, I was not able to go and attend the funeral in person. I spent the whole of last week making funeral arrangements virtually which kept me numb. The weekend after and this week have been the worst. I cannot sleep, I struggle to meet my son's needs and I just want her back. Indeed, this is the first real loss without my mother strengthening me.
My mother died of stage IV cancer.
Let us please celebrate these amazing women who once graced our lives. We were blessed and did not realise it.
Lulu on June 01, 2020:
"Everything must come to an end" I muttered to myself one hour ago..
Today is the 20th since my Mom's death..
My mom died on 2nd. May. 2020
due stage 4 overian cancer. She was diagnosed back on April 2018 with stage 3 overian cancer. She made a great development through her cemo therapy. And she got through a hard major surgery.
For the last 2 months her health got worse since she had a testimonial obstruction..
She wasn't able to eat or drink water..
Still I feel devastated.. Sad.. How people and friends left me after few days of her death..
That vain may never go away..
I miss you Mom..
Jo's Thom on May 31, 2020:
My Dear Mom JoAnn passed 21 months ago today. I miss her so much every day. My mom was such a wonderful person. She truly made life worth living. I know that no matter how much time goes by, I will always miss her terribly forever.
Shefali on May 30, 2020:
Thank you Paula for your beautiful message about your relationship with your mom.
My mom passed away in April 14 2020 and we had her service in April 17 2020. As you can imagine with only a few people and a service her own sister could not attend because of covid.
She and I did everything together we went to musicals, shows, lunches all her appointments . I had been with her through everything. What breaks my heart is the last time I saw her before she went to the hospital. I didn’t think it would the last time I would see her sitting up or looking at me with her kind eyes. It haunts me that at the very worst moment of her life I couldn’t be with her in the hospital to comfort her or hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be ok. When I did see her for the last time she was wasn’t awake but she we knew we were there. I have blamed myself since she passed away that I could’ve done more for her. I kept praying that if she would just come home I would take of her but sadly it was not to be. Sometimes I’m fine I feel like she’s just gone away but she will come back and then the reality hits me like a truck and this intense sadness overcomes me. Other times I’m numb and almost feel guilty that I don’t feel anything but mostly I just cry when I see a photo or have a memory or even just sit in her bedroom. It’s hard to go on without your your mother the person who loved you who nurtured you and championed you as you got older, but I know she would want me to. I hope that she can still do all those things for me from where she is, right now that’s the only comfort I have.
Aviwe on May 29, 2020:
My dearest mother left me on the 8th of March. I came back from work and I walked into my younger brother crying not knowing what to do. My mom was lying on the couch struggling to breath. But I noticed on that day was that immediately she saw me she just smiled and as I came closer to her we held hands and she refused to let go of me. When an ambulance took her I didn't know that I will never see her alive again. I'm so brocken, during the day I can't function and at night I can't sleep. Everytime I sleep I dream of her and I would be crying in my sleep till I wake up with my eyes full of tears. There's no life without her. She was my everything: my best friend, my equal, my cheerleader, she always put a smile on my face. She was so special to me, she loved me so much and I loved her so much. Mom how I wish you could come back to me. The thaught of having my first child without you in my life drives me nuts. You were only 56 I don't understand the rush to the grave. I love you mom, you were the best you are beautiful always.
Jason on May 24, 2020:
Hi Nicole Murrah,sorry to hear about your mom. I know the feeling.
Kevin Jones on May 23, 2020:
Thank you. Today has been one of those hard days:)
Paula Fonder on May 23, 2020:
I just lost my mother on April 25, 2020 and I buried her on May 16, 2020. On that note Mother's Day is pretty rough. Everyone ask me, Oh, did your mother have Corona and I tell them no. It is the other way around Corona had my mother. I took my mother everywhere I went, we were called Lucy and Ethel no matter what I was doing she would gather up her things and go. I feel my husband does not understand this hurt I'm feeling when I'm crying he leaves. I stay away from him because I am always crying I can not help it. I blame myself because she has passed on. What could I have done to prevent her from dying. Everywhere she needed to go I took her, she stop cooking so I would cook and bring it to her. The day I put her the ambulance keeps playing over and over in my mind like a movie. Not knowing that would be the last time I saw her (March 28th). She tried to prepare 3 days before her departure but I would not listen I just closed my eyes and prayed. The morning of her death I was feeling sick all day like we were twins while she is transitioning I was feeling ill. That is how close we were. Yes we had our good and bad days but the good out weighed the bad. I prayed to God to just give me my mother back in what ever condition she was in I would take care of her. I guess I was not specific enough he gave her back her the condition was more than I can bare. My daughter tries to keep me laughing but I go back into my mourning state. The way I feel right now is I am out in the middle of the ocean now mind you I am not a great swimmer but I can make it. In a plastic bag with a cable tie on the top but I am not drowning or suffocating. I can not get out and this numb feelings I want to unleash a world of hurt on somebody. "I am a woman without the phenomenal woman"
OzBloke on May 23, 2020:
Reading all your comments here, it is indeed a painful experience to lose your moms especially in the middle of a crisis.
I lost Mom at a tender age of 14. Sixteen years later, the pain is still here. Like the author, she lost the battle with stage 3 lung cancer and within a year, she was gone. I still miss her dearly and the grief has finally caught up to me in my adulthood. Please take all the time you to get through the grief as repressing the memories will only make things worse.
Stay strong people. The pain will never go away but it can always be managed. Cherish the good times and celebrate her the life she's lived.
River Nomad on May 23, 2020:
Loving Came So Naturally To Her
Looking at pictures of Mom
Each one a link to memories
I am transported to times and places
Of sights, sounds, and fragrances
Feeling the warmth of love and sunshine
As my tears silently fall, I am grateful
And profoundly affected in so many ways
Tomorrow, May 24th, will mark one year since Mom took her last breath on earth. She was at home, surrounded by flickering candles, with classical music softly playing in the background. I was holding her hand.
My sincere appreciation to Vicki for her essay, and to all the sons and daughters who have lost their Moms and contributed your innermost feelings about what for many of us, will forever be the most devastating experience of our lives.
All of you have my heartfelt and knowing sympathy.
cyndi on May 21, 2020:
I losss my Mom
I did not know when she left in the ambulance, she would never return.
She had Pneumonia. ? After treatment at the hospital she went to Rehab, because she was weakand need therapy to regain ADL'S
We were not able to visit. because of Covid Restrictions
Mom was never left alone, i was her caregiver .The 2 weeks she was at the Rehab we Video chat and talk on the phone.
She expressed she just wanted to come home to be with her family.
My mom April 20th , f
died in her sleep
I feel.loss. im angry. She died in the Rehab, alone without her Family.
She was the best Mother ever.
I'm still in Denial, just cannot accept she in eternal life .
I feell my life is over.
My family is wonderful i just cannot move forward. My was 87 and lived a wonderful life.
I just miss her so much.
Pray for me and everyone who lost the best gift in the world
Nicole murrah on May 20, 2020:
My mom died may 7th.i got to the hospital and she raised her head up and gave me the biggest smile and that was it, she laid her head back down and I held her hand as she took her last breath. I was actually praying to god to take her.now I am completely lost. I feel like I'm not her baby girl as she called me. I am crushed.
Valerie on May 20, 2020:
I can relate to everything you wrote and yes not only was it hard seeing your mum and best friend become weaker and more ill the vulnerability with my mum hoping it was the nice nurse that was in that night not wanting to burden anyone but suffering with pain and the fear of am I ever going go home or get better Or even do the things she enjoyed the most ..Will she do then again
I miss her very much and everyday I think about her and wish she was still here .
It’s good to talk to someone that understands and that’s why I regularly check in here just to get comfort from knowing that I am not alone x
Valerie on May 18, 2020:
Thank you Cveta for your kind words they mean a lot because you know exactly how I feel right now .. My lovely mum must of passed away around the same time 25th Jan as you mum .. My mums last few months haunt me I try and not relive everything or think Maybe I could have done more or challenged the medics . The outcome was always going to be the same and that’s what the hardest thing Is accepting that you have no control ..
My mum was a bright happy optimistic lady and your right she wouldn’t want me to be sad and unhappy .
It feels so strange without her..
Thank you for your reply It’s much appreciated x
Valerie on May 17, 2020:
The tears fall , the heartbreaks the dreams she is there and when u wake up the stomach churning reality of another day without mum .. all you have is the memory of holding her hand, her eyes looking into yours with that soothing smile that always made everything ok again her laugh her kind words when things just got too much..
it’s definitely hard to go on after the loss of mum ..
I just know that I am
Proud to be her daughter and everyday that she is not here she is in my thoughts always ..
Suhas on May 11, 2020:
I echo ur pain. Honestly, I was just thinking to myself the same thing, crying thinking that this pain is too deep heal & i checked out this page for my answers. I miss my mom like hell, she was part of my everyday routine in every little thing, i feel a part of me has been ripped apart. I try but honestly even i don't know how i am going to live with this loss.
Jo's Thom on May 11, 2020:
My second very lonely Mother's Day without my sweet Mom JoAnn.
River Nomad on May 10, 2020:
May 10, 2020
My first Mother’s Day without Mom
A Sunny, warm afternoon at the Pioneer Cemetery
On the way here, I passed a nursery with two large greenhouses filled with hanging baskets loaded with flowers. If Mom and I had been traveling together we would have stopped and bought at least two of the colorful baskets to hang in front of the patio at home.
The first thing I like to do when I arrive at the cemetery is tend Mom’s grave and talk to her about memories of shared times and how much I miss her. On May 24th it will have been a year since cancer stole Mom away from me.
Later, the calls of mourning doves, robins, and blue jays drift on the breeze as I write in my journal. A fresh bouquet of sunflowers were placed in a vase, filled with fresh water, and recessed into the ground after I finished tending Mom’s grave.
The past year has been the most difficult period in my life. I just can’t adjust to not having you physically present. You have always been essential in my life. Your love, encouragement, support, guidance, generosity, and teaching by example are the reasons I am so lucky and grateful to be your son.
You will always live in my heart.
The sun has gone down, cooling the air in the early twilight. The scent of nearby lilacs in bloom gently fills the air. A single deer, a young doe, browses less than thirty feet from me. A solo robin sings out the half dozen or so notes reserved for just this time of day.
Standing next to her grave, I read out loud from my journal, and tell Mom that I love her very much, before heading home.
Cindy on May 10, 2020:
I lost my mom 3 weeks ago unexpectedly. The article is so true about how friends and people around you react and fade away.
It's always been the three of us, my Dad, my Mom and me. My dad passed 3 years ago and now my mom left too. I am staying all alone in this house.. Too much memories, good & bad. I feel I dlfell short as a daughter and I hv lots of regret. I have not stopped crying for 3 weeks. I miss my mom so much and never told her I love her. She died in her sleep, the v Sunday after Easter. I wish this is all a dream. Reading this article and some of the readers stories shows I am not alone in my emotional state. How can I get through this alone.. I see her everywhere, I miss her smile, her scent, her presence, her voice. This pain is too deep to heal.
John on May 09, 2020:
I lost my mom on April 19 at the age of 55. I lost one of the most important women in my life. I prayed to God if it is possible I am willing to sacrifice my life of ten year to her. I miss her from the deep of heart.
Ozarks on May 08, 2020:
Lost my best friend .. my mum