How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on February 14, 2018

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Find the Support of Others

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    • profile image

      Jojomary 

      17 hours ago

      I lost my mother on January 7,2018 she had lung cancer but a stroke took her, at the age of 68. Im 42 yrs old i feel so alone at times i feel like an orphan. Yes ! I know it sounds so silly but i feel like this. On my good days i give thanks to God for giving my sisters and I the privilege on taking care of her till her last day at my sisters house. Not a day goes by that my sisters and i think about her or cry for her. Most of the time i feel a big heavy pain on my chest i kniw our lifes will mever b the same. I miss u mom ❤️ I dont know how to go on

    • profile image

      Jenny 

      20 hours ago

      I lost my mother last May 2018 after a short battle with cancer. She was diagnosed only last January 2018.

      I was the one who took care of her, even when she was admitted for 16 days in the hospital. I was the one who signed the consent for intubation, and ICU. I was the one who signed to hold all the pressors and intubation after she came out of ICU (after discussing it with my family) It is true that the first days were like you are programmed to do those things in the funeral.

      I really miss my mom, I don't think anyone who haven't loss their mother can understand.

    • profile image

      Niamh 

      33 hours ago

      My mum died when I was nine I am 10 now I live with my dad and sister and my cat she had a frozen shoulder but when we went to the doctor's well I was at school so I don't know what happened then a couple of days later we had to go to the hospital at three o clock in the morning and she was lining in the bed I dryer so much I had to leave then I had an really sore eat at 1 in the middle of the night .

    • profile image

      Bonnie Scotland 

      36 hours ago

      For all new posters and Elma

      Im so sorry for your loss and the pain you are suffering .there is no answer to rid you of what you feel but as time goes on you learn to manage your feelings. Your life will never be the same again but you adjust to your new life . Even as time goes by there are occasions where you think "i need my mum and i cant cope without her". What you need to think is that you need to go on if not for you but for her, as in you she lives on .

      Elma i hope you are doing as well as possible at the moment . Ive not seen any posts from you for a while and just wanted to check in with you xx

    • profile image

      Daughterless 

      40 hours ago

      Hi everyone, I’m home alone watching xmas hallmark movies because mom and I did this together, as I’m watching these movies I feel sad because she’s not here and I find myself crying off and on. I’m also reading recent losses here and I feel so bad for you as well and I know what your feeling at this time it’s been a lil over 7 mos for me. I miss and love my mom , I miss and love my mom❤️

    • profile image

      Anthony Webb 

      2 days ago

      I lost my mother October 1, 2018. My mother was 94 and had lived a whole life. I took care of her for over 20 years. Since I retired 3 years ago we spent a lot of time going over the past. I miss her so much because I am in the house alone. The family that didn't come and see her when she was alive, have not been to the house since the funeral.

      I will get through this because I know she is watching over me just like I watched over her. I needed to read these wonderful stories. life can be hard but I will say this I was really fortunate to have my mother for 94 years and she was in sound mind before she died she gave me a look in the hospital that I will always remember.

    • profile image

      Anthony Webb 

      2 days ago

      I lost my dear mother October 1, 2018. I had just taken my mother to see her doctor a few days before her death. She was 94 years old. i

      took care of her for over 20 years. She was able to do for herself. But mom was tired and I could see she was slowly falling apart.I called 911

      at 6:00am

    • profile image

      Hansen Warndeh 

      2 days ago

      My mom died on November 8 2018. I was told by my elder sister by 6:00am. I can't feel myself. This pain is unimaginable, everything seems different. Worst thing is she didn't stay to hold my first child. I'm 19 and I was the only and last boy for her along with 9 sisters. She always plan to see my future wife and how she'll be eating my money all the time. I didn't know my mom will die because I couldn't imagine myself without my mom.

    • profile image

      neeraj 

      2 days ago

      My father went to Heaven In Year 2000 & my mother went to heaven in December 2017 . I strongly feel that I had not given good medical care for my Godess Beautiful Mother & that was the reason of her going to heaven . I literally weep all day inside my heart . I miss my Godess Mother too too too much .

    • profile image

      Jack 

      2 days ago

      I just lost my mom yesterday, november 9th..found her on the floor the way no one ever should find their loved ones...guilt is what i feel..if only..... she is the best part of my life and i simply have no idea how will i cope...

    • profile image

      Jim 

      2 days ago

      My beloved Mom passed in April. I miss her so much. Not a day goes buy without thinking of her. It’s the year of firsts without her. First birthday, mother’s day, thanksgiving, Xmas and many others.

      Gonna be a tough holiday season. I take comfort in knowing that our family will be together and honor her memory during these difficult times.

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      Marisol Zahynaichenko 

      3 days ago

      My mom went to be with the Lord on November 5th. I will miss her so much. I will have to learn to live day by day without her. I have peace knowing that we will be together again.

    • profile image

      Veronica 

      3 days ago

      My mom just died October 31 2018 and this article helped me! Thank you! The pain is so intense I can’t even describe it and the fact that my half brother and sister treated me as a stepchild at the funeral didn’t help! I was even questioned if I really loved my mom. It was devasting to me

    • profile image

      Mimi 

      3 days ago

      My mom also best friend and sister passed away on 3rd sep 2018. It is so ever unbearable painful. My mum was my world

    • profile image

      Lisa Hann 

      4 days ago

      Thank you so much for this. My mom just died, October 30, 2018. It is the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life. I thought I understood grief, but i certainly did not.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 

      5 days ago

      I so needed to read this and I feel so much of it ..My mom passed on August 25, 2018 .. it’s all so new and how to cope with the fact she’s gone ..Knowing her diagnosis wasn’t good being stage 4 gallbladder/liver cancer she fought with aggressive chemo and we were hopeful, but saw what it did to her .. she was strong until she couldn’t be .. The thought of all without her , the holidays and any memories we planned on making is heartbreaking for us ..it’s all so true no time limit to grieve or how to grieve we all have our own way . I can’t see how this will ever be any easier .. my life has changed forever & I’m broken hearted.. ..

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      6 days ago

      I lost my mom Sept 30th 2018 after a short 6 month battle with stomach and pancreatic cancer. In March she seemed 100% healthy. In April she felt ill, like the flu, and it didn't go away so she went to the doc. By June, and after much struggle just to get timely appointments for scans not a year into the future(Canada), the diagnosis of terminal was given. She went from 165 to 80 lbs in 4 months.

      It's been a month now and the daily, sometimes hourly, pain is in full swing. After a month it has really sunk in that you won't hear from someone again because by that time you haven't seen them in a month which is not the routine anyway. I don't have any advice, it's almost midnight as I write this and I can't catch my breath or see the letters I'm typing very well.... one day at a time right?

      Every time my kids(ages 6-8) did something at school or if we went on a family outing she wasn't there I would always call her to tell her about it, she loved us all dearly as we did her. Now little things trigger intense pain, the realization that her email will never be read so I can't send one. The number is disconnected so I can't call. The places we enjoyed together are now mine alone and I don't like it that way. Honestly, this pain hurts more than any physical pain can... and it is physical too. My god it hurts.

      Thank you for your advice, life is definitely different now. Unexpectedly so. I don't have a father in my life, nor other family, and we lost a few other key people in our support circle last year incl the kids pediatrician... Home has gone from feeling like a place we belong to just being a place, we lived where we do because it was good for the kids and it was near mom. There are better places for the kids than here so a move feels imminent now.

      I'm rambling... I'm a grown educated hardworking man and it's like I'm looking at my own body go through the motions while my mind has taken a break as it reals in shock... nothing feels real. Wake me up please I beg... one day at a time.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      6 days ago

      I lost my mom on April 6th 2018. At first, I felt I will not make it because of the pain. I've felt like I didn't have a roof anymore. No one to protect me. The pain is still there but thanks God it faded. I can smile, laugh again but I think of her minimum 10 times a day. Think about your kids or your beloved ones, they need you and they don't deserve to loose their mom too. Hope this helps a bit

    • profile image

      Sandy biren 

      6 days ago

      My mom passed away october 12, 2018. She passed away with family at her side. We loved her so much. I miss her voice, laughter and her nightly phone call before bed. Her stories of her and dads life together. My dad has dementia and in a memory unit. My heart hurts every day. I a was so fortunate to have had this sweet loving women in my life for 63 years. She was 90 years old. She told us not to cry for her, she lived a long life.

    • profile image

      Linsi 

      7 days ago

      My mom died July 8, 2018. I took care of her for 6 years. She became my baby. My heart screams in pain for her. She was my whole world for 61 years. Thank you for saying I can grieve for her because I do with everything within me.

    • profile image

      Waymar81 

      9 days ago

      It’s been three weeks since my mom passed on Oct. 14, 2018. The hardest days for me are Saturday because since my Dad died in Oct. 1989 I’ve spent every Sat. with my mom shopping, lunch or whatever she needed. She never drove so I took her to all her appts. too.

      Friends are still asking how I am. That doesn’t bother me because I know they care. Some say She’s in a better place, which I know but I miss her so badly a better place would be here with me. I didn’t know I could cry this much and it doesn’t make me feel any better knowing others are going through the same thing because I cry for them too. In a few months I’m going to have to really find courage because she stilled lived in her house of 67 yrs when she passed and I will have to sell it. My sister wants her share so she can move to Vegas. That’s another side drama I don’t need.

    • profile image

      Dani 

      9 days ago

      My best and only friend was my mother. She passed away October 13th, 2018. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. The pain is so painful sometimes I feel like Im not going to make it. Im trying to read every blog and article I find to try and ease this pain. I loved my mother so much and miss her dearly.

    • profile image

      sanbad 

      9 days ago

      Thank you for the article.

      I lost my mother on 14th October 2018. The grief of the loss is enormous. I dont think i could ever stop grieving. There was much more i could have done for her to make her happier.

    • profile image

      Brit 

      9 days ago

      Thank you for this. I just lost my mother yesterday from stage 4 ovarian cancer that spread to her lymph nodes and I'm bawling my eyes out right now. There are moments when I think I feel fine because I'm laughing with some friends and then the pain just hits me when I remember I can't call my mom and tell her how my day is and I feel like I can't breathe. I was the only child and we did almost everything together. She was my best friend.

      I hate how people ask if you're okay. No. No, I'm not okay. Why does everyone like to ask that question? Of course I'm not okay. She just died.

      I found this angel without it's wings on her bed. I have no idea how it got there and I've never seen it before. I like to think it's a piece of her watching over me, so much so that I start to panic when I misplace it for a moment. It's comforting to know that one is not alone. Now, I just have to figure out how I'm going to get past her birthday which is coming up two weeks from now.

    • profile image

      Laila 

      10 days ago

      I lost my mommy, my best friend on October 17,2018. My world is upside down. Mommy raised me as a single parent. We had so many wonderful times together, but our time together was too short. I’ve spent 40 years loving her and being loved by her. She had the most beautiful freckles on her nose and cheeks. I cry everyday. I miss my freckle faced beauty. We talked daily....I still talk to her voicemails. I’m gasping for air.

    • profile image

      Daughterless 

      12 days ago

      As we all know holidays are upon us , all I can feel is I don’t care. Nor do I care who understands. My dtr says it’s part of my grieving which at this stage is bitter about life. All my life I thought I was strong but losing Mom has really tested me and I don’t feel strong because I can’t pull my self together and not let this affect my life . I have 3 grown children and grandchildren who I love however I feel that ray of sunshine is gone. Lord I’m grateful for another day I just want my mom back . I don’t know how much longer this can go on , my life has forever changed. MotherlessDaughter

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      Emenbensma 

      13 days ago

      Thank you for your essay. My mother died 2 years after being diagnosed with stage four lung cancer, four months after her twin sister died, presumably of the same disease, and six weeks after I went on a leave from my teaching job to care for her at home on hospice. Being her primary caregiver both helped and delayed my grief process in different ways. I'm preparing to return home to work and family, and I'm at a loss. Folks have been very supportive, but I'm nervous.

    • profile image

      Felice 

      13 days ago

      I am having a very difficult time processing the loss of my mother almost a year ago. Not a day has gone by without crying for missing her. Mama was my best friend. She and I were inseparable since my father’s death in 1997. We loved to travel specifically when we don’t plan and just take off usually on road trips. I keep her favorite purple cane on her seat in my car and talk to her. Sometimes I forget that’s that she’s not there and I drive in the carpool lanes. My heart breaks when I realize she’s gone. I have been through all the “firsts”...she died before Thanksgiving last year, birthdays, Christmas, all the holidays. Mother’s Day was the worst because that’s a very busy day for us. I felt like a little girl wanting her mommy. I just realized that I am now an orphan. I now live alone in the home we shared. I cannot touch her things. Sometimes I wear her clothes just to feel like she’s hugging me. Thank you for letting me to vent my sorrows here. I feel so much caring and understanding by posting my true feelings here.

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      Vanessa 

      2 weeks ago

      My mom passed Oct 24th. She had dementia to which I struggled with her over 4 years. I had to quit my job, lose friends bc I had no help. She was in a facility but the incompetence of the staff made it more my responsibility to ensure good care for 3 of those years. I watched mom deteriorate and fade away. I grieved during those years but mostly the last 9 months. Depressed, feeling alone and crying frequently. When she passed I have never been happier and the joy I feel of her no longer suffering and the burden lifted off my life is like we both got out of prison. People are surprised at my happy demeanor but they don’t realize the hell I went thru as did mom all those years. I’m free as Mom is now in Heaven and I can have my life back w my spouse and grandchildren. I think we both are at peace and beginning a new journey. I have never felt better in such a long time. :)

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      Jamee 

      2 weeks ago

      To mrf. I am truly sorry for your losses. I just lost my mom October 9,2018. I lost my dog of 12 years on October 8th. I am so so sad. My mom died suddenly, she wanted to live. She had a short stinted illness that began the week before. When we talked about her high calcium levels thst I researched online, she asked, is it serious? I SAID, yes mom, it could be serious. I know she worried but no one expected this. She is not my first loss, including my dad and brother... but, she is my closyand hardest loss. She was 82. I am 54, a grown woman. But, I feel like a little baby needing her mama. I miss my dog too, but can’t allow myself to feel toon much for him- over my mom. This is so so hard.

    • profile image

      mrf 

      2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom on September 24, 2018 after 15 long months of battling health issues and defying death numerous times. My mom was 80 years old. The saddest part was that many of her complications were a result of gross healthcare negligence and incompetence. Mom didn't want to die. She fought so hard to live. On September 25th my dog passed away. I miss my mom and my dog terribly and wish I could be 100 percent certain that they are together in heaven and happy. There are many days that I just feel like checking out of this world to travel my mom's path in spirit to find her and my dog. Can't however because I have a child and a husband that both need me. So do my 85 year old sick father and my siblings. Sometimes the emptiness is just so debilitating. I want the grieving process to be over quickly because I don't like feeling caught between two worlds.....one of death and the other filled with life. I am sorry for all of you out there you have lost someone. Different people grieve differently. I just need a clear answer to the burning question of my mom's eternal life. Is she happy? When one has a strong background in the sciences coupled with a Roman Catholic faith, the two worlds collide and creates more questions than answers.

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      Waymar81 

      2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom Oct 14 2018. She would have been 92 on Oct 21. She had her gallbladder removed in July and went down from there. Thankfully we brought her home for the last 6 weeks of her life with two wonderful caregivers. I really think before her operation she was giving up. Her body was failing and she just wanted to sleep all the time. I prayed everyday that the Lord would take her but when he finally did I was unprepared for the gut wrenching feeling I’m having. I cry all the time but I know I have to take care of business. My mom was a strong woman and kept going after my dad passed 30 yrs ago so I try and remember if she could do it so can I. It’s very tough. My sister seems to want to move on too fast. Planning to move to another state and starting over when the thought of doing that myself isn’t even a thought . I’m really dreading the holidays. I don’t care where I cry, I just do it and if people see me so be it. I know I’ll start to feel better, I did after my dad’s passing. I have friends who keep reeling me to get some drug to help ease the anxiety. No thank you., I’m not getting strung out on something that only masks the pain temporarily. For now I’ll keep praying and hope the Lotd and my mom keep me standing up.

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      Tamara330 

      2 weeks ago

      This article is so accurate and I'm grateful for it as well as the comments. I guess I knew that I'm not the only one who is going thru these feelings but somehow reading about others experiences makes it a bit better. I think the worst part is feeling so lonely. Seriously I spoke to my mom almost everyday, sometimes 3-4 times a day and now that there's no one there to fill that void I'm truly struggling. I know mom was ready to go, she was tired and it was hard for me to accept that I had to let her go. Its just that things went from "regular" to her being gone so quickly that its been hard adjusting to my new normal. I know as time goes on I'll be okay but sometimes after the house gets quiet and I start thinking about her and missing her and its just me. Maybe when the memorial service is over and I'm done with all the details that have been a result of her passing it might get a little easier but still having to be in the midst of it all keeps it too fresh.

      Oh well just being able to let some of that out really helps....GN

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      james381980 

      2 weeks ago

      it really is so comforting to read these articles my mums been gone exactly a month today at 132am .i was with her when she took her last breathe still dont feel real still cant except for aslong as i am breathing i will never see her again everything still feela so pointless and still wish i could be with her all my life ive beleaved whole heartidly no one could possibly love there mum like i do mine .but im kinda starting to beleave people do and it brings me a bit off comfort as the pain i feel is torture i am going insane serious my head is just completly gone i have lost my life my everything and just have no clue off how to comprehend mums even gone it just cant be real .she was so kind loving generous beautiful helped so many people in so many ways she would giv u her last penny mum was selfless she really was she loved making other people happy was only 72 .ive beleaved in god my whole life but my faith is just completly gone i feel so alone in this world right now i have 2 young kids 2 siblings and yet feel like im the only person here i no i will never be ok and people say time heals and all that stuff but nothing could heal this pain an god ive had my fair share off pain in life but this is unbearable iff i wasnt such a coward i would just join her right now but then what ruin my kids and wife and siblings life NO WAY .i just wish there was a easy way out but there aint will just have to sit with this pain for anova 30/40yrs or however long i live every nite i close my eyes i say out loud 1 day closer mum .and no she would be furious but is just how i feel i always hoped id go b4 my mum im sorry people have to read this but there is no one that understands and buy reading everyone post i no you all do .i am sorry but is just how i feel 1 month today mum been gone and i no is only 1 month but i beleave 10 yrs time ill still feel lile this i am going mad this pain is out off this world ..

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      Lindsey Gallimore 

      2 weeks ago

      I lost my mom, September 1, 2017. She passed a few short hours before my 31st birthday. I’m a RN, with tons of experience and sat at the bedside of my own patients that passed. Nothing ever prepared me for my Mother. I did the nurse things and checked the list of her care. I watched over her daily with my family. But..when the days passed and she disappeared....I was never prepared.

      Part of me died that night with her. I have struggled to find me again. She was my best friend. I get better then bitter. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

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      Tamika Studemire 

      2 weeks ago

      I want to say you so much for your article. It brought me peace late-night when looking for comfort from somewhere anywhere. I lost my mommy July 19th of this year. Late-night, I feel apart so badly when 1 of my moms favorite songs was playing. I then realized that I hadn't allowed myself a chance to grieve. I needed that as crazy as I may sound. I needed to empty this out, I needed to grieve instead of being so "TOUGH". I needed to realise it. Granted I had a migraine afterwards but I feel so much better. I woke up crying

      I shouted at GOD asking why why why.. Why my mommy? Within moments of screaming at GOD an enormous amount of peace came over me. I say that my mom heard me in Heaven and said Tamika I'm OK and it's OK as well. I'm not gone say that going forward I'm not gone fall apart again at some point but TODAY. I'm OK

      Respectfully,

      Tamika

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      Katie Rolfes 

      2 weeks ago

      I just lost my mom on Oct 8. She was diagnosed with advanced stage lung cancer a few months ago. She was going through treatment. I thought God was going to perform a miracle and she was going to be cured. Heck, if he allowed her to have cancer, I thought the least he could do was cure her on this earth. But he didn't. She had a stroke a few weeks ago...which left her side paralyzed...and she couldn't swallow much. I wish we would've given it more time...but we put her in hospice..as she always said that she didn't want to be hooked up to tubes (but what if we would've just given her a g-tube and she could've done rehab)? But then again, the big picture is that she had this cancer. She wouldn't be able to get treatment while going through rehab for the stroke. But maybe she wouldn't have to go through rehab. Maybe she could've had cancer treatment first. I am so sad. I am devastated. I lost my dad last year (March 2017). They were divorced, but my mom was my constant and she lived with me. I miss her so much. I suffer with panic, generalized anxiety, OCD, and major depression. This is just making everything that much worse. I can't change medications until after her memorial (which is next weekend). I am afraid of the memorial because of my panic attacks. I'm a mess. And all I want to do is cry. I'm afraid that all this stress is going to kill me. It hurts so bad. Thank you for this article.

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      Kelli P 

      2 weeks ago

      Within the past year, I’ve gotten married, moved, and had my first child. My mom has been going through cancer treatments and unexpectedly took a turn for the worst just in the past three weeks. It’s been about five days since she passed. I miss my mom more than words can say. The pain really is crippling, as my mom was my best friend. I crave her guidance. I miss being able to send her photos of my baby, going shopping with her, telling her about all the good AND bad things happening in my life. Like you said, very few people understand...I’d say most people avoid bringing my mom up. Each night I cry myself to sleep and wake up hoping that this was all just one big nightmare. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me feel less alone through all this.

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      Laura B 

      2 weeks ago

      This is so accurate for me. Thank you for sharing.

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      Shelly 

      2 weeks ago

      Hi Bonnie,

      Tears coming down my face it sound just like my story!!! I have serval people in my family with sarcoidosis!!! I know how you feel!!! I was in mom room monitoring her oxygen level. Yes she had to be on oxygen and keep have to be hospitalized was so painful because it was nothing I could do to make her better!!! Thank you for sharing your story I can’t stop crying!!! My mom had sarcoidosis of the lungs and eyes.

      Vicki your article is truly a blessing!!!

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      Lostwithoutmom 

      2 weeks ago

      Just lost both my mom and step dad in a car crash only a few weeks ago. I spoke with my mom daily. She was my best friend and was always there for me. I feel that for the first time in my life my life I am alone and isolated. No more calls, No more smiles, No more I love you.

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      Gilda Ann Cianciuli 

      3 weeks ago

      This is a wonderful and comforting article! Thank you.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      3 weeks ago

      For Shelly

      I try to read this forum daily although recently i havent had the same opportunty to digest every posters comments. However i saw yours tonight and it literally jumped out at me

      My mum too had Sarcoidosis which she developed in her very early 20s. I know Sarcoidosis can develop in other parts of the body but in my mums case it was Sarcoidosis of the lungs .Poor mum was hospitalised for 3 months and made to keep away from my older brother who was just a baby as at that point they suspected tuberculosis and not Sarcoidosis.

      Mum went onto develop Pulmonary Fibrosis, Aspergillus and Bronchiectasis as the years continued. Despite developing the Sarcoid from her early 20s she fought the good fight and we lost her in April 2017 just a couple of months before her 70th and after wearing round the clock oxygen from around 2009.

      On reading your comments i had tears in my eyes . My mum wanted to keep fighting for her family alone. Even when the doc told her she was so poorly that she wasnt going to get better, she was so brave .she didnt cry (but i know how scared she would have been inside and it rips me apart that she never shared this at that point for fear of upsetting us) but said she would still continue the medication and "fight for the family" . I read what you say about not wanting to leave your mum .i totally get that. I live across the road from mt parents house and mum used to joke that i was always looking for an excuse to pop in just to check on her.

      Mum was regularly hospitalised with serious chest infections and at times acute bronchopneumonia for which sje would need hospitalised for usually 2 weeks with intravenous antibiotic treatment. Twice in the last few years before she passed she was critically ill or on the brink as her chest specialist said .there were several nights i would spent bent up on a hospital chair monitering her oxygen levels and terrified i might fall asleep for even 30 seconds.mum bravely fought back and each time it felt like i had won the lottery a million times over.

      When mum passed away i remember sobbing her at the foot of her bed telling her (ever so selfishly) that she had left me . She had fought so hard for so long that this nightmare didnt seem possible. 18 months down the line i still question if it is a nightmare .even viewing her in her coffin part of me was saying in my head why are you not waking up for me.

      I totally get what you mean about the so called special occasions. Yes you gain a little strength to cope as time goes on and you can laugh again (i feel i have turned into mum with some of her mannerisms) but there is always that part of you inside that feels it died with your mum.

      I truly believe our mums live with us. On mums last day there was a point where she was heavily sedated (to make her comfortable) that it was just her and i in the room . I couldn't bare the thought of her suffering so had to to whisper to her that it was ok if she had to leave us (killed me saying that) and that i know she would "always" be with me . I didnt even think mum could hear me but she managed to whisper back "always" and for that i am eternally grateful.

      Im convinced i have felt mum's presence, especially when i am upset.

      Finally my brother was diagnosed with Sarcoid of the lung about 10 years ago .mum was distraught feeling like she had "given" ny brother this horrible illness. Thankfully with a year of aggressive steroid treatment he was told his Sarcoid had burnt itselr out. The chest consultant told my family that it can happen and that mum was one of the unlucky ones.

      I hope you dont mind me sharing my story but it is the first time i have been made aware of someone who lost their beloved mum to a sarcoid/or a condition that arose as as a direct result of Sarcoidosis.

      Take care x

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      3 weeks ago

      For Vicki the author

      I too would like to thank you for your article .it has been so therapeutic to read what you said and to share with others our experiences. As i always say if me sharing my pain helps someone else with theirs, for even 2 minutes, then at least something positive has came out my horrible situation.

      I check this site almost daily. I totally understand you are not a grief counsellor, but what i would say is that you writing your article has allowed many people who have loved and lost their mum the opportunity to vent their feelings anonymously and reach out to others .Whilst everyone's pain, circumstances and relationship with their mother differs, there is so much understanding between many of us who have felt the desperation of knowing that they cant just stop grieving within a limited timescale, as some people would deem appropriate.Every time i read over your article i can relate to so many of the feelings and situations you document.

      As a result of your article i have found very good friends that i know genuinely care for me and i them .There are things i have said to them and at times on here, that i havent even shared with family and close friends . Before i read your article i really was at a point of desperation. Not knowing what i was supposed to do and what i should consider "normal" really. On the first Mothers Day (March 2018) after i lost mum i was devastated . i couldnt go out anywhere except mum's grave. That evening i started searching desperately online for help .i just wanted something or someone to make me feel a little better .Anything to ease the pain if just a little. Then i found your article. It was that and the people on this forum who have helped me avoid counselling and antidepressants. For your help I am eternally grateful.

      I really hope God continues to help you in the loss of your mother and also hope your hummingbirds continue to visit you.

      Take care x

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      Shelly 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you this article have help me I thought I was the only one feeling this way!!! My mom passed in 2016 it still felt like it was yesterday how we both felt it was different this time when she went to the hospital for her last days!!! I didn’t want to leave her side!!! Once she passed I was upset because she said she was not ready and she still left me!!! I know she is in place where she suffering no more from Sarcoidosis!!! I still have those moments when I cry, laugh, sing, reminisce good/bad times and listen to her voicemail just to hear her voice!!!! It is still hard for me to go to her grave site!!! Especially on her birthday, holidays or special events it hard to cope with her not being physically here!!! I know she is my angel and she still lives in all of our hearts

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      Charles Watkins 

      3 weeks ago

      Indeed Vicki, This is a place of "hallowed ground" on the internet for all [us]who've come here in sorrow on the loss of their mother. This is a place we can plant our grief and light our candle. I hope this has given you some solace as a lasting tribute towards your mother.

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      Paromita Mukherjee 

      3 weeks ago

      For the author..

      Dear Vicki,

      First of all,I would like to thank you from the core of my heart for writing this priceless article and of course for allowing us to ventilate our griefs through this common platform.Though expression of grief is quite a relative term, many of us got almost similar note as what you wrote in this article.You are very right in saying that you are not a grief counselor as article is not about the grief management.The article was written to make us feel that we are normal people but with different sentiments for our parents.(Losing of parents happen in everyone's life but all of them don't search for mental peace and solace in Internet.)

      I am specially thankful to u because I have got three friends here with whom I can talk without any fear of criticism and judgement.One of them has proved herself an indispensable writer on this site.(Bonnie-Scotland)

      I turn up on this site almost everyday and I feel that I am not alone in this world.Though in a negative way,it consoles heart and soul and feel for others automatically comes within.

      My best regards for you.

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      Terri 

      3 weeks ago

      I have lost both my parents in the passed 2 years. They had both been ill for the passed 9 years. It’s a blessing for them to be be together again, they had been married for 64 years. I am so grateful to have a loving a supportive husband and 2 wonderful grown children. But Mom just passed on September 25th and I thought -I can do this because they are in a better place now but they were my best friends growing up. My siblings are much older than me and don’t have the memories or know the stories that I grew up with. I miss they so so very much!!!!!!

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      Vicki 

      3 weeks ago from Tennessee

      Dear friends, I share in your pain. I'm so glad that so many of you have found a place to come and share your grief...and also find comfort in others. I get lots of emails from people asking for help with their grief. Some of these people are expressing the desire to end their lives. Please know that I am not an expert or a grief counselor. I am simply a woman who lost her mother and wrote an article about it...as a sort of therapy. If you feel that you are struggling more than what is being talked about in this article and by the commenters, PLEASE seek professional help. Your mother wouldn't want you to be in this much pain and would want you to get help. ((Hugs)) and love to all of you. Do something for yourself today - in honor of your mom. Indulge yourself with one thing that would make your mom smile. Peace.

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      San 

      3 weeks ago

      Lynn Hall....I feel so sorry for you, and my thoughts and prayers go out to you. We are here for you x

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      Lynn Hall/ slh112066@gmail.com 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you for writing this. I came looking for something, how to deal with my mom illness. She has stage 4 lung cancer and her time on earth is getting shorter by the day. After she’s gone I will have no parent on this earth. Lost my dad 26 years ago to a heart attack.

      I truly don’t know how I am going to deal with her death. We have always been so close . She the one that I always done things with. Always together.

      My best friend.

      What you wrote I understand but pray that I can get through it.

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      Doreen Henson 

      3 weeks ago

      Lost my mother July 25, 2018- it’s a horrible experience. Lots of people have reached out to me but no one has really said how to deal.

      I think about her all day. I’m super sad she isn’t here with her 18 month old grandson. Life goes on and I have to be strong.

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      Janet 

      3 weeks ago

      I was just crying for a while lost my mom March of 2017. I looked up on my phone just a little while ago and ran into this started reading and crying again agreeing with everything and then when you said your mom passed away from lung cancer I cried even harder cuz that's what my mom passed from 8 months later my father will pass away from heart failure he had cancer as well but it was the heart that gave out. I am 39 years old and lived with them all my life along with my daughter now it's just down to me and her and everytime I think I'm going to be okay I sink into a deeper hole

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      kriz 

      3 weeks ago

      I just lost my mom 3 weeks ago due to sudden cardiac arrest. I still couldn't believe it. We were still chatting the night before it happened and when I received thee phone call, I was just in total shock. That was the worst phone call I ever received. See, I am thousand miles away from my mom and I have to get to the earliest flight I could take to be there on her wake. I didn't know how I reached home in one piece but I believe it was my prayers that helped me. Although I wasn't the religious church goer type but my faith is strong. And because her death is too sudden, there were no goodbyes and it is just killing me! There are so many questions running in my head that will never get answered. I don't know about the others but on my mom's 4th day of wake, there was a big brown butterfly towards me and stayed in my room for 3 days which I took pictures of everyday. On her 5th day of wake I received a phone call with an unknown number but the first 4 digits are her birth date and year. And the day after her burial, she hugged me in my dreams which felt sooo real and I woke up very light hearted. I thought I will be okay as I didn't cry much after that hug but there are still moments that it will hit me. Tears just flow without me realizing it even when I'm at work or just walking. Thank you for this article it made me feel better and that I'm not going crazy. My prayers are with you that you may find strength. Just keep the faith!

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      maverick2018 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you for writing this. My mom died suddenly last night and I am a total mess. I can't stop crying. I miss her so much. This is so painful. I had no idea I would feel so lost and unconsolable. I flew to her to celebrate her birthday together. It was so nice. I flew back on Sunday and she died yesterday. It's too quick. I feel so alone. I have my husband and children but there is like a hole in my heart.

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      james381980 

      3 weeks ago

      marcus and andre ..THANK YOU and i am so sorry for your pain also i really am .

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      Andre marcano 

      3 weeks ago

      james381980 I feel your pain I'm 29 years old just lost my mom on Thursday 11th I feel your pain and I know whta your going Thur the pain is unreal I have a 5 year old with autism and he dosent understand what is going on so I know he is always going to be looking for his silly grandma but family is key to getting Thur the hump of wanting to give up trust me I know my mother was the best mom with flaws and all my birth mom gave me up when I was 6months old mom raised me since then best mom ever but you have to be there for your family wife and kids they will help you with that hump mom would love to see you do that remember there is a a piece of her in you I know you can get Thur this but don't do it alone my prayers are with you

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      Marcus Willis 

      3 weeks ago

      James381980, As I sit here thinking of the night mom passed unexpected, the pain that I felt and still feel no words can describe. I have a wife and 3 kids and the be honest, if it wasn't for them, it's no doubt that I would have tried to go with her. I can relate to you brother and I know the pain that you are going thru. My mother was the love of my life! It has been 6 years and I am not at a point where I can look @ her pictures or hear her voice. I can't talk to my kids about her. I'm just not at that point yet. My heart goes out to you and your family and I pray that GOD gives you the strength to get thru this unbearable pain. One thing that I can say is if something happens to you, your wife and kids will go thru the hurt and pain that you feel now. I know that you wouldn't want them going thru that. One thing that I have learned during these worst years of my life is that, I will never get over it, I had to adjust to live with the pain and know that she is in a better place. Keep your faith and let GOD guide you. May GOD bless you!

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      james381980 

      3 weeks ago

      23 days now mum been gone pain is getting worse every single day i have a wife 2 young kids loving family and in my heart i cant wait to be with my mum again everything seems so pointless an irrelivant i just dont think i can do this thing called life without my mum i truly dont we was both 1 person and i dont see the point anymore i no i am in a deep dark depression at the minute the only time i feel a bit ok is sitting here in mums bouse in the room were she passed wearing her pyjams and smelling her close im a 38 yr old man and sitting here in mum pyjamas iff she could see me now .. im at the cemetary allday then straight back here iff i could sleep at the cemetary i would the tears are literally 24/7 theres no rest biye everything is just to much me an the wife as just moved house and i just cant go home i been at mums every day an night for the last month on my own i just wanna be away from every1 ..i no is selfish off me but my wife really has no idea no clue off what i am feeling expects me to go home do some painting an play happy familys ill never be able to do that i adore my kids and and do love my wife but nothing will ever ease this ive lost the real love off my life my mum .i no i need help asap as im going insane in jer room constant talking crying begging for a sign i feel physically ill the greif is to much and im having such dark thoughts it scares me i just dont wanna live anova 40 years i really dont i envy everyone and am angry constantly ..is just to much i no is only been 24 day since mum gone but i just wanna giv up now i wish to god there was a button i could push and be with her i dont drink i dont take drugs so im stuck with such raw feelings i need to turn my head off ..sorry but is so my truth i worship my mum i adore an love her with every part off me i just cannot live without her .....thank u to everyone that has left me a few messages and i no u are all feeling this pain aswell but i dont no iff coz im so self centred but i just feel no one can be feeling what im feeling and deep down i no thats crap but my head is gone right now sorry

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      Philly Matt 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you for allowing me to post this here. My Mom passed on 10/21/17 and I'm 8 days from that date. I won't say anniversary because to anyone who's lost a parent it's not date we want to remember. We belong to a club that no one wants to join but we all do. I found your post very poignant as a man because men are treated to be tough and show no weakness. However I can say that losing my Father in June in 2017 and then my Mom in October of the same year pushed the limits of who I am. I dealt with depression and anxiety in the past which I treated successfully for, however losing them both took me to the edge. There is no playbook on losing your parents and to the author's points that after they past, it is a blur are so true. It's hard enough to lose your parents while trying to plan their funeral. The honest hardest part is after the funeral and honestly life goes on. You can't take things personal because life goes on no matter who you are and want it to slow down. My Mom was my best friend and we talked every Thursday like clockwork. She was my confidant my supporter and my ball buster. But most important my friend. So the hardest part isn't the service and the funeral, it's simply realizing that you'll never speak to them in person again. That is what tears you apart from time to time. Some days or weeks go by without any issue until a sound a smell or a holiday comes and you realize that they aren't going to be there. That my friends is simply the hardest. If I can say anything in hindsight, if you are having a hard time go speak to someone or a group. I hid for months my pain by working on getting my Mom's place ready for sale but once it sold, the walls came crashing in. So don't beat yourself up if you ask for help because it takes more of an individual to ask then it does to refuse it. I hope what I've written here helps in some way and thank you more importantly with the opportunity to share. All the best.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      4 weeks ago

      To the Individual posting under the name "Ur parents dead".

      Seriously is that your best attempt at humour ?if i was you i wouldn't give up the day job, if you have one, as it doesn't seem likely you will make it as a Comedian. You are probably lucky enough that you still have your mum or perhaps you are just the type of individual who has no real depth of feeling. If so i actually pity you as you will never experience real love in your life.

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      San 

      4 weeks ago

      Dear Felice, the way you have just described the way your feeling and thoughts you are having, you have also described me. I lost my mum on the 5th of December last year, and i feel that the pain is intensifying with each day that passes. I cant sleep, not bothered about eating that much either. Some days i just want to stay asleep then maybe life will go quicker. I feel so selfish, when people are suffering from horrible disgusting illnesses and here's me wishing my life away. I am so sorry if I've upset oor offended anyone. I am so very sorry for everyones huge losses. Take care

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      Felice 

      4 weeks ago

      Dear Paromita,

      I am so lost in my grief. I just had my 1st birthday without my Mama. Next month on November 9th, she will have been gone for a year. I’ve been crying everywhere I go. I would just like to sleep my life away and have her in my dreams. I know she doesn’t want me like this. My friends tell me Mom won’t visit me unless I’m happy. But I have felt her presence. I wish I could her and kiss her even just one more time. I want so much to be with her. Only then will this pain go away.

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      Rebeca 

      4 weeks ago

      My mom died on November 2017 of stomach cancer, I find myself here reading your post and thanking that I’m not the only one feeling the pain, feeling that physical pain of remembering how much she suffered and thinking that one day I’ll get to see her again. But mostly being thankful to God of the time he gave her to my family as the most wonderful treasure we could have ever had

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      Edgar Kwena 

      4 weeks ago

      My mom passed away November 2017, she had stage IV lung cancer, she was 55 years, and I was 20. The attachment a mother and her son can develop is so incredible. The memories of the splendid times we spent together cut like knives.

      No words can describe the experience that it was, watching her fade away, day by day and all I could do was watch, pray and somehow believe, against all odds, she still had a chance to life. I feel somehow disillusioned now that all the prayers I made to God were not answered, and It feels like I am losing my faith.

      I do have random spasms of overwhelming grief, but when I connect to the part of me which sits still and observes everything play out I feel some sense of calm.

      I know this feeling of great loss will never leave me, just like someone who lost an arm, I was 'de-mothered', but I trust that with time, my mind will do what minds do best,, rationalize.

      It's almost a year since she passed, I think that the main task I now have is to channel this grief into something productive, it would be better if I do something to honour her life. It will need great determination since living without her is in itself a Herculian task.

      Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

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      mary hayes 

      4 weeks ago

      my mom passed away sept:6-2018, and I miss her so much ,I have my good and bad days ,I read your post and now I reliaze that I am not alone, people tell me to move on it will be ok she will want you to be happy, I try but it is hard.my heaart is broke a piece of me is gone and will never get it back.

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      CJ 

      4 weeks ago

      To Dave, Sandy and all,

      My Mama died on September 20, 2018. Was holding her in my arms with my face tucked in her neck. She was in pain.

      I have fallen into he bottomless pit of grief.

      Until today... reading your posts... I have been living in my world with people who think I need to “let it go...move on.... Mom would want us to be happy......”

      Thank you for sharing your posts. Now I understand that I am not the only person in this all consuming anguish of such an immeasurable loss.

      Dave... It is my believe that God never intended us to experience death. When he created this world we were not supposed to die. He went through the agony of losing Adam and Eve... his own children. And then he sent his son to die to save us from our sins so that when he comes back he can take us to live in heaven with him. We will no longer experience sorrow, sickness or death.

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      Carmen 

      4 weeks ago

      Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for you your families loss. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how you should feel. No one knows what you are going through but you and her.

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      NikkiNarcisse 

      4 weeks ago

      For DAVE381980 and all others:

      It’s hard man, we know. Sorry to hear about your loss and the difficulty of moving on but you can do it. It’s going to take some time to sink in and feel like you can live your life but it’s honestly one difficult moment at a time. To feel like you don’t want to live, is a natural feeling for most of us because the pain that we feel is killing us. It’s earth shattering, unbreakable, unreal and more. It’s been 8 months since I’ve lost my mom and it feels like yesterday. I can not tell you how many times I’ve felt like I don’t want to be in this world without her. It’s unfair & seems cruel. At 48 years old, really I feel like the biggest baby without her here. Whatever small thing I accomplish from day to day is to be celebrated for just that because I moved and I lived.

      Please, though, if you feel unsafe with yourself, don’t stay alone. Call a family member or friend and ask them to come over or if you can go to them. Our parents want us to live. They want us to move forward & they understand the challenge. So we all have got to live out our purpose because we all have one as they had theirs.

      We’re in this together.

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      Dennis 

      4 weeks ago

      Sam and Sophie, I am sorry for your losses. I know how tough it is, especially knowing that your mothers won't be around physically for big life events.

      However, I feel my mother around me in a weird way and I am sure it is the same for both of you. It sounds cliche, but your mothers are always around in spirit. I wasn't a big "god" guy, but something has clicked inside my in a spiritual way. It is actually very eerie.

      Know that you both aren't alone and that there are other people, such as myself, who are going through the exact same thing. Though it won't bring your mothers back, it does help knowing that you aren't alone in the struggle.

      I just lost my mother on Tuesday to a heart attack and things will never be the same. I know that I will see her again and for right now, I will try to be happy because that is what she would want.

      Let's all try to focus on the good in our lives, even though it is hard to be happy.

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      Sophie 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my Mum a month ago now. She died unexpectedly and I received the phone call from the paramedic while at the front desk where I work in customer-facing role. The shock and pain is unreal and instant and the words "You're mum has passed away" didn't quite enter my mind properly. I dealt with the funeral arrangements as my father couldn't manage it and my siblings live quite far away. I would give anything for one more hug because next week it's my birthday and as the day grows closer the sadder I get. I will be 24 and the person who brought me into this world won't be there. Miss you Mum

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      samann29 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my mom to lymphoma cancer tomorrow will be three months. Thank you for this post. Nobody really knows what it feels like if they still have their mother. I am 26 years and didn't get to experience everything that i wanted to with my mom. Like having kids and getting married. I wish I had more time. I am thankful for the times we did have and those I will never forget. Some days I feel alone that was a big part of my life taken away.

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      Dennis275 

      4 weeks ago

      I loved reading this, great article. I lost my mother yesterday from a massive heart attack. She was only 56. I am having a difficult time, and just like you said, I am completely numb and in disbelief, feeling as if I am in a bad dream all the time.

      Though your mom died of lung cancer and you got to say goodbye, I didn't have the chance and it hurts. However, knowing that she went quick is comforting because knowing you are going to die isn't the best either.

      I feel as if I will have a void in my heart for the rest of my life, and my heart goes out to those of you who have experienced the loss of your mom.

      I am having a hard time knowing that she may be sad that she will be missing things moving forward, such as birthdays or sleepovers with her grandchildren. I am also hoping that she didn't suffer when she was dying.

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      KT 

      4 weeks ago

      I lost my mom in fall of 2011 too. Also of lung cancer. I found this post because seven years later it hurts just as much and just as big... And I miss her just as much... Just not every day and just not all the time... I'm ok with that... I wouldn't want to not be sad... for forget... And she wouldn't want me to be sad all the time... so it's a balance I think...

      It does still sneak up on me sometimes...

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      dave381980 

      4 weeks ago

      my mums been gone 17 days now i go cemetary every day and stay at her house ive made a shrine im kinda scared to go out as i cant stop sobbing is killing me is lile people expect u now to just crack on with life ill never be ok and this pain aing going no were i just cant see ever being happy or smileing again mum was my life my whole world and nothing comes close no one im so worried about going on im not suicidal or nothing but iff i could be with her now i would in a blink off a eye i loved/love my mum far to much our relationship was unhealthy we were that close i think about mum 24/7 everywere i go i see places we have been together an cry i just wanna run so far away but no wereva i go ill be taking myself with me i sit in her bedroom day an night cant stop thinking off when she took her last breathe .this must be a dream this cant be real .. my biggest fear all my life is if my mum died and she has and for as long as i breathe i will never eva see her again is just to much to accept i feel physically sick the thought off it .people say time heals but really ? .i no is only been 17 days but i just no im one off them cases that will never heal from this im tryn to keep as busy as i can but i feel paralysed i have never in my life felt anything like this i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy i no is cruel but i always kinda wished i went b4 my mum life will never be the same again ever ive lost mum and myself im going insane sitting in here talking to her begging for mum to show me any sign i dont even no iff i beleave in god and heaven and all that stuff i have all my life but now i just dont no anymore god it hurts so much id giv my life to just hug her one more time to hold her smell her kiss her bring her out shopping although she would have me waiting around for hours i would give anything i cant beleave a low grade curable cancer lymphoma got her they said is just watch an wait and that she will not die and may not even ever need treatment and within no time atall spread to the brain an she gone i hate doctors i hate hospitals chemotherapy all that crap she was treated like a fuxxing guinea pig and was always so scared off dieing its not fair is not right im 38 and my world is finished im so angry i wanna really hurt something or someone im sick off everything life is so cruel my mum helped so many people she was 30 years sober from alcohol and dedicated her life into helping people and this is how god repays her ..i think i need to go doctors or something coz the rage is to much im so sorrg hope i didnt upset anyone i just feel so lost alone scared and just dont wanna do life no more .SORRY ..

    • profile image

      Daughterless 

      4 weeks ago

      Sandy, you are not alone in your loss, you have been through so much . May your memories bring you comfort & later bring you smiles. Take care & god bless. Motherless Daughter

    • profile image

      Daughterless 

      4 weeks ago

      Robert , their are no words for your loss and the pain you are feeling , just know I am so very sorry & we are here for support. God bless & take care

      Motherless Daughter

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      Robert 

      4 weeks ago

      Just lost my mother today. It's still sinking in..

    • profile image

      Sandy 

      4 weeks ago

      My Momma passed away August 5 2018. It’s hard some days I’ve been though grief before though my son died in a wreck when he was 18... that was November 27,2012. Losing Momma is hard losing a child is awful! I know that I just need time and ride out the waves of grief

    • profile image

      Daughterless 

      5 weeks ago

      Motherless Daughter//Thank you Bonnie S. No not at all , I wish it were on other circumstances, but I welcome yours and others story.im not so much numb but I feel now it’s shock , I look at her pics and say why? Although I know why it still doesn’t lessen the pain. Yesterday , I was driving in the Ralph’s shopping center and it hit me , again. A week or so after Mom passed I was laying in bed watching tv and her name came across the bottom of the screen . I jumped up and took a picture. I shared it with my son and friends and they told me it was Mom letting me know she was ok. The day we laid my mom to rest it was not windy , family was bringing Mom out of mortuary and their was a gust of wind that lasted at least a minute or two, my sisters law stepped back but I stayed there because I truest felt my mom was there. I miss her so much , help me Jesus .You all understand . Take care and god bless

    • profile image

      firefly 

      5 weeks ago

      i lost my mom, my best friend 3 years ago, and still to this day, the pain of loosing her, has been the worst feeling in my life, to go through. Random momemts where i am okay, i can feel happiness and then, her loss hits my heart, like a ton of bricks and i am left sobbing and crying. I feel every second of her loss and then, i can manage my life again.

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      Marie ireland 

      5 weeks ago

      I lost my mother suddendly 21st june this year. She was only 61. Im a 27 year old who is completely lost without my best friend. I crave to hear my mams voice and hear her laugh.

      I miss her terribly.

      I taught i was getting on ok last few weeks but tonight i am remembering the few days where she passed and hw she passed. Those days wer a blurr before.

      I have been in denial and slowly taught i was doing ok and coming to accept. But i feel tonight i have thrown myself back to the very begining of the grief process.

      I have had big changes since my mam passed. I have moved back home to mind my father who is in retirement age and i too have transferred jobs.

      I am very lost in myself most days but try and keep my mind active.

      I know there is many of you out there that has been through this horrific pain. Can anybody please give me any bit of guidance?

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      Paromita Mukherjee 

      5 weeks ago

      Dear Felice,

      I was going through your post and cried loudly for both of us .Yes....I also living her life and unable to cope up with this new version of life.U r right....with every passing day,the pain is becoming intense.I feel I don't need to stay here without her.It is so unbearable and unbelievable too.Dont know what to do.Councelling , Medication didn't work for me.

      I gave up and allowed my life to go where it wants to go.

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      Felice 

      5 weeks ago

      I lost my mom, my best friend, almost 11 months ago. Tonight I have been sobbing and calling out to her to come and get me. I continue to be devastated at her being gone. We were each other’s companion 24/7 since my father died on May 27, 1997. I am lost without her. It’s as if she took a part of me when she died on Nov. 9th last year. I miss her so much. If only I can hug, kiss and tell her I love her. I look for her everywhere. She loved going for long drives so I go for long drives so I can feel her in the passenger seat. I keep her favorite cane in the car to touch her. I go to places she loved. I’m living her life to be close to her. The longer she’s been gone, the more intense the pain of losing

      her. I am in grief therapy and also in a group where I can express my feelings and cry without being told that “time heals.” I try to keep busy but there’s so much memories etched in my mind. I like posting here when I’m really down like I am tonight. Somebody once told me that my grief is deep because of my deep love for the loss of Mama. I cannot cope.

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      Bonnie Scotland 

      5 weeks ago

      Dear Elma

      I keep thinking about you. i did post you a message but it never appeared .if you ever want to email me direct its Bonniescotland1234@gmail.com

      Tak care xx

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      grace's boy 

      5 weeks ago

      day 364. Birds - Neil Young.

    • profile image

      Kerry 

      5 weeks ago

      I lost my a month ago to bone cancer the worst cancer I think you can get I am trying to keep myself busy and not think about it but it is hard I am struggling at times but my daughter and hubby keep me busy but I miss her terribly thing I want to tell her about granddaughter and I can't but somewhere I she find peace just not sure when and how

    • profile image

      Bonnie Scotland 

      5 weeks ago

      Dear Daughterless

      From your description i strongly believe you have been feeling your mums presence . My lovely mum has been gone 17 months but at times im sure i feel her presence. Last night my friend from work and i were texting about a work thing. She lost her mum 9 years ago so understands the pain.when texting i wasnt thinking of mum at that time but all of a sudden i felt this really intense warm glow round my neck and shoulders which lasted several minutes. That friend never met my mum when she knew the battle my mum bravely fought with her health and would always describe her as a "strong woman" when i would tell mum what my friend said she would always smile. I really felt mum was just saying hello last night. A few weeks ago i had a health issue. I went to see a medic and on examination she put the fear of god in me saying i could have a serious health condition and wanted me checked at the hospital the next day .i walked outside feeling terrified and all of a sudden i thought look at mums Facebook (which i keep on my phone) .maybe once a week one of mums Facebook memories pop up.sometimes it will be games,jokes, or poems she would share .very occasionally it would be family photos . I said to myself if i see one of mums facebook memories i will be ok. I clicked on mums FB and straight away a photo of my mum smiling away appeared straight in front of me. Needless to say when i went to the hospital for the checks all was fine!!

      Sometimes i sit up really late at night even during the week .this always annoyed my mum and she would tell me off saying that i had to start looking after myself. The other night i did the same thing i felt my eyes starting to get heavy and tired and all of a sudden in my head i heard a firm voice saying my name very clearly.It may sound silly but i really believe it was my mum still trying to look after me even now as she was the person who worried about me more than anyone.

      I read your last couple of posts and so much of what you said is similar to my relationship with my mum. She was my "go to" person for everything. She loved me more than anyone in this world ever could. We were best friends and she always gave the best hugs.we saw each other every day even on my working days. We would speak on the phone every day and always text each other good night. All this time later i think oh i must tell mum when i receive news whether it be good or bad. I still automatically look at clothes/gifts thatvi know she would love.

      Sorry for the long winded message but sometimes i think it helps to know other people have experienced feelings where they believe the have felt the presence of their darling mums.

      Take care x

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      Daughterless 

      5 weeks ago

      Motherless Daughter. Yesterday , I was taking a walk on my break at work and a song came to mind “to sir with love” i don’t know why that particular song but it made me think more & feel close to my mom. Today, while I was in the store before work the song came on. I thought omg , mom ate you here with me . I wanted to cry so hard but embarrassed too . So I had instead dropped

    • profile image

      C.R. 

      5 weeks ago

      I lost my mother in August 12th of this year to lung cancer and it hurts every single day. I'm having difficulty coping with her death; it's unlike anything I've felt throughout my life. I try to be strong for my wife and father but I haven't had my moment to mourn. Yesterday was very hard because I celebrated 4 years of marriage, yet it was a day I barely could function and needed to mourn. I'm still in the grieving stages.

    • profile image

      Melissa 

      5 weeks ago

      I too lost my mom 3 years ago on Oct 7th, She was a brave, loving, amazing mother and grandmother, I wish i could have told her that to her face....

      I would do anything to be able to say that to her...

      She found out she had lung and brain cancer and 8 months later she passed away.... it was quick!

      Dont take life for granted, tell your mom you love her and do as much as you can!

    • profile image

      Sarah 

      5 weeks ago

      james381980, my heart breaks for you. The feelings you describe are so very real to me. I feel that same anger you described of seeing other adults with their mothers. It’s maddening and unfair. I feel the hopelessness inside, too. I have also had the dark, scary thoughts of wanting to join my mom now. You are not alone, James. We feel what you’re feeling, though not precisely, of course.

      You described a wonderful relationship you had with your mum; I felt I had the same. I wonder if it makes it all that much harder now. Perhaps, it does. I am 39 y.o., and like you, I cannot imagine living another 40 years without her either. The pain is brutally agonizing. People who don’t know us have know idea that the person they see on the outside is on the constant verge of breakdown inside, with a clenched chest, flooding thoughts of our dear mothers, and so much pain. I understand because I feel it, too. I will think positive thoughts for you and hope you can find peace.

    • profile image

      Bonnie Scotland 

      5 weeks ago

      To all new posters

      I am sorry to read all your stories. It is horrible to read that so many people's lives have been torn apart by the devastation of losing the most important woman in their lives. Nothing prepares you for the pain even if your Mother was on the brink of death previously or suffered very poor health in the days/weeks/months/years prior to her passing.

      The pain is so so very bad.Excruciating, agonising and shocking no words can trully decide it.l

      Take care.x

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      james381980 

      5 weeks ago

      i lost my mum 10 days ago to brain cancer burried mum yesterday im at her house now on my own im 38 and cannot and dont wont to live anova 30/40 years without her my heart is crushed the pain is unbearable and i cant see it ever going mum was my everything i loved her far to much theres not a person on this planet who comes close to my mum i worshiped her i feel so empty the tears are constant im so angry with every1 people that laugh an joke people with there mums older people everyone i feel so jealous so alone me and my mum was 1 person shes gone and i feel im gone im going insane i need help so bad sitting here now thinking i just wanna be with her werever that is no one understands ..ive got no real regrets never disrespected mum or hurt her in any way and she hasnt me iff there was ever a perfect mum an son we were it i do t think i wanna live anymore how can i ever smile again or laugh or be happy or do anything my whole world is gone from me theres nothing left please anyone help me ..SORRY

    • profile image

      Sarah 

      5 weeks ago

      I read this article right before my mom died on Sept. 6, 2018 and again today, nearly a month later. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It hurts so very badly. I never knew pain like this until now. It’s indescribably lonely feeling this way; I cannot stop crying. It’s the worst when I’m alone or driving. It swallows me up and consumes my every thought. I would give anything to be with her. I hope she is not lonely in heaven or wherever souls go. My heart is shattered.

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      Un_mothered girl 

      5 weeks ago

      Dear all, My heart goes to you all. I lost my dear mum 7 months ago. It's been a very hard time for me. I feel so low sometimes. I would encourage you all especially those of you who lost your loving mummies recently. ..just allow yourselves to mourn. ..it shall be well. Love you all.

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      Angelene 

      5 weeks ago

      My Mother Passed away on Sept 19th 2018. She died of pulmonary fibrosis. I was there when the end came. It was not a easy death and a very hard for myself. It haunts me everyday. We had a visitation for my mother. My father cant take the irn out the back of the car because the grand kids are having a hard time. He had me come over and go through her drawers and clean out her clothes. We still have alot more to do. There is so much confusion going on right now. Making sure dads ok, he relied on mom alot. His best friend of 43 years. Every day is a struggle. I am the oldest child and trying to be there for everyone. I am thankful for you. This has helped me cope . It is still very new to me and real.

    • profile image

      Paromita Mukherjee 

      5 weeks ago

      For Bonnie, Elma and San

      . Since long I have not written on this site, though i kept on connecting with Bonnie and San through E-mail.Today I was going through Elma"s post...then San's....I was wondering how we have the same feelings..how could it be possible? Elma,my life is not only suffering from hell,I myself have become hell.You are very right in saying that we don't need these changed version of ourselves.. neither we want it nor live with it.

      San,I also don't know how and from where these tears come to my eyes and Mom always pops up in my mind.i just long to hear her voice for one more time and want to tell her how much I love her...I don't know really how I will go ahead or how will I survive.

      I stopped writing here as I feel like every time I write..I cry loudly.i really didn't know that I love her so dearly....her departure will make so much deep Dents on my every day life.

      I totally gave up and have allowed my life to go where it wants to go

      Thanks to all of you..as you three awesome friends have shown so much of love and concern to me....I am thankful to all of you.

    • profile image

      San 

      5 weeks ago

      Hi to everyone, i have not posted for a while as i have been on holiday, and since i have been back (a few days ago) i have hit a low again and spend most of the days just sitting and crying.God what is happening. I never thought a human being could go through this pain and survvive. My husband took me to a garden centre yesterday, and they were doing their Christmas displays, well, that was it i just broke down, because that was mine and my mums and my thing every year, we would go and look around at the decorations and have lunch out. People keep saying that it gets easier with time. I'm not finding any evidence of that. You people are all going through the same emotions, so i don't want to blag you guys. Take care everyone. It was good to hear from you Elma, Bonnie and Paromita i will email you very soon. Xx

    • profile image

      Daughterless 

      5 weeks ago

      Yesterday made 6 mos & I miss my mom so much & still can’t believe she’s gone. My mom and I were very close . I feel I can talk about my mom all the time even in my daily life. Like “ mom did u see that” or Mom I know you would of done this. Whenever someone needed something, tools , gorilla glue ,batteries I mean seriously I would say call nana I know she has it. I feel like I’m picking up her ways. I look at my hands , my face , smile oh and her beautiful legs I got that too. I have moms and I picture on my desk at work and another with my daughter and her. I also have pics st himebon her shelf I kept , which has all her pics of the kids , her Elvis memorabilia & her antique record player. I still have her clothes too. I think to myself I know someday I have to let some things go , but I know it’s not now. All I know is when that pain hits again and again to my heart it doesn’t change and feels the same on the day she passed. Me and my grown kids have lost so much.they had no grandpas growing up, lost their stepdad ( my husband) 2007, their dad and his mom in 2015 and now their (our) rock ( my mom)2018. They have me left (Mom)and each other 3grown kids. And their young kids. I had my friends when Mom passed but but I haven’t had a male companion give me support to hold me and help me through this, even if I had it I will never be the same . My life has 4ever changed , I tell my mom everyday and night I love her sometimes more . I cry when I’m home watching a movie when it’s sad or someone is sick in the hospital everything just plays back. I was not a bad daughter growing up but I had a couple of mean moments to my mom when all she did was work and raise us after dad left . I will live with that regret 4-ever. I read the entries and Not to take anything from you but I feel your pain . Thank you for this site. I know I can come on here as often as I like to express my loss. I feel people only want to hear it for as long as they can bear but they don’t say anything. I have two brothers but they don’t talk about it , & I don’t see much of them , one is always training in military so he can’t respind right away , so I feel alone. I’m not much of talking about god but I can honestly say I didn’t know how I would make it daily and he has been One of my biggest supporters to get me through this. Take care everyone

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