How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on February 14, 2018

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Questions & Answers

    Find the Support of Others

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      • profile image

        Steve T 

        37 hours ago

        Mum passed on February 9th 2020 after a late cancer diagnosis. She didn't even start any chemo.

        Everything happened within a 4 month span while I was constantly tired from work. And then it was over.

        Posts like yours around the internet are my only comfort.

      • profile image

        Anne J 

        38 hours ago

        I thought the pain would leave instantly after my mom left us 10yrs back but no.... the wound is still fresh,its that thing that hits you up and leaves you helpless and nothing you can do.am happy am turning 24yrs old soon.hope to forget her one day.

      • profile image

        Anne J 

        38 hours ago

        I thought the pain would leave instantly after my mom left us 10yrs back but no.... the wound is still fresh,its that thing that hits you up and leaves you helpless and nothing you can do.am happy am turning 24yrs old soon.hope to forget her one day.

      • profile image

        Puja 

        46 hours ago

        I just lost my mother. I am functioning and doing all routine work without any interest at all. There is this strong stabbing pain within that won't heal no matter how much time passes by. She was a part of everything and will continue to be. The saddest part is it is always a one-sided communication with my Mom.

      • profile image

        Pamela Brown 

        2 days ago

        Right now ..the only comfort I have is reading all your posts ...

        They make me feel as if I belong ..

        My precious mum, best friend and dotting gran to my 2 teenage children ..

        My mum has been fighting CLL a type of blood cancer.. the Doctors said was not aggressive.. she had a bad fall which left her with a broken hip and shoulder 3 years ago .. since that frightful day my mums illness has been a domino affect .. one thing after another .. she was such a happy optimistic and loving lady and really had a heart of gold ..

        the cancer became more aggressive and she endured the chemo that was tough they eventually stopped it as it was aggressive but also remarkably the cancer too ..

        Unfortunately.. the affect left her with no immune system so the past two years it has been constant hospital admissions and recurring chest infections ..

        They said she was going to be fine .. I knew better .,and after this past year of clinicians and nurses telling her ..come on you don’t need oxygen.. come on you can walk ..come on you need to move.. she sadly lost her battle .,and it was a battle !! I watched her suffer and fight but on 25 th Jan 2020 she lost her fight as I sat there watching her last breath .. actually thinking .. really am I actually sitting here doing nothing !!!

        My dad was going through his battle .. he fell while mum was in hospital and had to get surgery at the same time for a bleed in brain ..

        yeah I know !!

        He is back at home at I suppprt him in loosing mum and at home ..

        Two days ago .. I just realised .. my wonderful mum is not coming. Home .. no she isn’t in hospital .. who am I going to go to when life gets hard .. who going to say .. your amazing like she did ., who will just think you are perfect the way she did .. who do I phone every night that your not there ..

        What I do .. is look after dad .. be the mum she was but to my own children and be the wife she was to my husband ..

        Grief .. it’s a funny feeling ..well not just one feeling ..lots of them and some days all at the same time ..

        One day at a time they say .,

        I am grateful for what my mum has taught me .. and hopefully when I find that time I will embrace the life she fought so hard to live ..

        Thank you all for all your posts .,

        I have never actually posted anything like this before ., I hope my long !! Post helps someone like your yours

        helped me xx

        We are not alone !

      • profile image

        Valencia 

        2 days ago

        I lost my mom on the 19th of february 2020 to breast cancer

      • profile image

        Rebecca 

        3 days ago

        I lost my mum four weeks ago very suddenly.had no idea she was so ill nor did she! Instead of feeling stronger feel so more worse as reality sets in. I have a big family of my own but nothing can relpace her. It is a physical pain that i cant see going. Life is suddenly not the same and i dont see how will ever return to normality! Yet i know i have to for the sake of my kids....you never think its going to happen to you

      • profile image

        Dhiraj Singh 

        3 days ago

        I lost my dearest mother on 30 January 2020.

        I was with her till the end, and she died in my arms with me telling her that I love her.

        It was the most soul destroying instant of my entire life

        I miss her intensely, and there are moments when I feel totally overwhelmed with my grief.

        She was the most living, caring , forgiving , person I was ever blessed to know

        Life will never be the same without her

      • profile image

        csjordan 

        4 days ago

        I just lost my mom to dementia and hemorrhagic strokes on October 14, 2019. She lived with my family and me for the past 3yrs. She had 5 hemorrhagic strokes which caused vascular dementia. I was with her until the end. I saw her take her last breath. When you have a parent with dementia, it's like losing them twice. The first loss is that they are no longer the parent you knew all your life, and you become the role of the parent. And the second loss is when they die. My mom ended up not being able to swallow, and when she was in the nursing home for rehab after the last stroke, she developed a stage 4 bedsore. She was neglected in the nursing home even though my family and I took turns to make sure one of us was there to visit her daily. I had sensed something was wrong and had them take her to the ER. That's when we found out she had sepsis and a UTI. We thought she would die, but she recovered and came home under hospice. She had lived for 2 months.

        I am glad I was with her most of the time because I work from home. It's really hard to see someone you love waste away. I was able to tell her how much I loved her, and that she would have the funeral that she would be proud of. My mother always wanted to have tons of flowers and a beautiful ceremony. I bought her flowers every weekend so she can admire them while she was alive. The last time I brought her flowers she cried. I haven't seen my mom cry for years due to dementia. She died 2 days later.

        My mom and I were best friends and talked every day, sometimes multiple times a day. What makes this hard for me is that I am the only child and my father passed away in 2005. My mom's brother passed away in the 70s and never had children. My father was the only child too. So I have no immediate family except for my daughter. It was always just my mom and me.

        I have good days & bad days. Out of nowhere I just start crying. I even lost communication with my "friends" once my mom had passed. It's weird because these were friends I would hang out with all the time. I feel extremely lonely even though I have my husband and my 20yr old daughter. I even lost communication with some family. I wish I knew why people just disappear. It makes coping even harder.

        Thank you for this article. I was in tears reading everyone's comments, which was helpful to know I'm not alone, but painful at the same time.

      • profile image

        Chris Harwood 

        4 days ago

        Hi all

        I dont normally comment on things like this but with the pain im going through i feel i needed to write on here and try and speak to others for help and reassurance.

        Im 35 years old and lost my amazing mother only 2 days ago Feb 20th 2020

        She had emphazeimia and COPD of which she had lived woth for years , come the last couple of years being bed stricken and finding it hard every day to even get up and walk to the living room.

        Mum fought hard everyday and i know she did it for us to give us more time with her.

        I feel guilt in that in my busy lifestyle whilst knowing she wasnt well i didnt spend enough time with her or made enough of an effort. My wife and i have an 18 month old son and both run buisness,s so in the busy rush of life time was always tight but we tried as muchbas we could to get over with Mum. It eats me alive now as the guipt i feel is unbearable and hope Mum didnt think less of me for this. Watching my mum take her last breath sat by her side almost killed me and i didnt know if it was right or wrong spending those last few moments with her as the sight will haunt me forever but i know if i didnt go to the hospital it would of also killed me that i had not been there to tell her how much i love her and she could now rest easy and be with her loved ones in heaven.

        I pray to god she is still with us all and at this minute less than 48 hrs of her passing i dont know how i can or will go on. I remember the goid times and it makes me cry and refuse to try and remember any bad times possibly due to any guilt from my side.

        My mum was my hero and without her i feel so lost , as i write this i see the tears drop on the keyboard. Seeing all the comments and thread helps me realise im not alone but that still doesn't help the pain or ultimately bring my Mum back.

        Its nice to be able to voice comment with others who have experienced the terrible loss of a Mum.

        My family are broken and i hope we can all get through it. Losing Mum is hard enough but seeing my Dad broken is just as hard.

        I love you Mum and always will. Life will never be the same again and im so proud and lucky to have had such an amazing and caring Mum.

      • profile image

        Cveta 

        5 days ago

        It is 4 weeks today since my beautiful Mum died. I am not coping too well. I found some old letters she was sending me few years ago, it feels good to read them, it is as if she is talking to me now. So I started to write a diary, addresing it to her as if I am writing her letters. I am hoping it will help me as it feels like I am talking to her...we will see...

      • profile image

        Laurie Yair 

        6 days ago

        I lost My Mother in 2017. She fell over her walker. She was 89 but I never forgot the words she said abiut the fall: "it was stupid I fell". Her sister agreed. Falling has nothing to do with stupidity.

        Betty White, who lost her husband, remarked..."You can never be a professional mourner"...

        But I feel a tremendous amount of fear-like feelings for those who have lost their moms from Cancer.

        My short summary to life: Try not to put yourself down...REALIZE all the uniqueness about yourself. Each of us is able to do something that another can't do. One is great with the computer. Or one is an artist...another is good at something else but everyone is good at something. Find the uniquess about your body. The most important thing about lufe: Try to help when you can...even a little bit goes a long way. Smile! When you help others it helps US just as much or even more!

        My Mother used to complain about everyone. I told her to see the good things in everyone. We've ALL got something good about ourselves that others can feel. Ignore the rest but stay away from those who treat you like shit!

      • profile image

        Munami. 

        7 days ago

        Am sitting in my livingroom midday, i feel like everything around me is moving except me. Right now i dont want to. I want to sit in my pain and feel how much am craving my mother. Reading your testimonies makes me feel less alone. Like a combined virtual hug. Thank you.

      • profile image

        Jo's Thom 

        8 days ago

        I never knew real pain until the day that I lost my dear mom.

      • profile image

        Rodriguezjose82 

        8 days ago

        Your article is something I needed to read thank you ,my mom passed away on February 11 2020 it's been hard and it still feels like a dream

      • profile image

        Cveta 

        10 days ago

        Moira unfortunately I know how you feel.

        My Mum died January 24th 2020, she was 71.

        The pain is unbearable.

      • profile image

        Moira 

        10 days ago

        My mum died 20th January 2020 she was 99 and I feel so sad and miss her terribly.

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        Sue 

        11 days ago

        Mum died on Sunday. It had been just me, mum and our dog Lola living in my childhood home for the last 18 years since Dad died.

        My dog had to have an operation in the vets yesterday. The pain I feel is unbearable but I have to keep going for Lola's sake. I have a brother and sister but they both have families of their own. They are visiting and helping when they can but I feel that they cannot comprehend just how lonely and frightened I am feeling at present.

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        Cveta 

        11 days ago

        Michelle I feel you, I wish I had more recordings of my Mum, just need hearing her voice. Not being able to phone her every day is the hardest ever...

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        Michelle m 

        11 days ago

        My heart aches for my mothers touch and what I would give to hear her words again. I lost my mother oct 5 2019 and everyday is a struggle the pain never stops and memories overflow my mind! She passed in her sleep and that thought just runs through my mind all the time. Listening to her voicemails helps and reading posts from others lets me know I’m nit alone. God bless everybody during this horrible journey through life with out your loved one.

      • profile image

        transAtl.baby 

        11 days ago

        life is strange. who could have guessed as mum and childhood me made fun of 'mcarthur park' that one day it would be cutting me to pieces

      • profile image

        Vicki 

        12 days ago

        My mom passed away November 11th, 2019. She was in a memory care facility and had Alzheimer’s and dem. I thought I was prepared as I had been asking god to take her for a few years to end her suffering. I miss her so much she was my best friend. I go to work everyday and put on a happy face. But alone I am a wreck. I already battle with depression but this has brought on a whole new kind of depression. I am the youngest and only girl in my family. I live alone and have two adult children who don’t like to see their mother hurt so I hide my pain. I have no support or even know how to grieve. Everyone has just kind of ditched me. Does this pain ever end... I hate who I have become. I have a long of anger towards family members who have spouses to lean on. I have always had abandonment issues but this is at a whole new level.

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        Jo's Thom 

        12 days ago

        My sweet mom passed 17 months ago. I feel like it was yesterday. I miss her more and more every day. I still talk to her all the time.

        I sense my moms energy is always with me. I hope somehow that we can be together again like before. If tears alone could only bring her back!!!!

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        MikeofDorset 

        12 days ago

        I am approaching the first anniversary of my mum's death. I have no idea where her remains are. My dad who had diagnosed memory problems will not talk to me. In his mind, we have stolen my mum's jewellery. He actually gave it to my daughters, his grand daughters. They wore my mum's jewelery at the funeral and chatted about it after her funeral. Everyone thinks we have been bad. My dad phoned the police about us and told them we had stolen all these items. The police were actually fine about it all, they did not want to press charges. My dad was not a nice guy ever, left us many times during my childhood, left us in poverty, he also was a compulsive gambler. I am valued less than anything because he actually admitted that he had a problem but, the day after, I caught him filling a slot machine with money and spent all his weeks wages. He is a complete ass. I want to put some flowers on my mum's resting place and I have no idea where that is. I am confused about stuff, marriage vows are until death. Does he still have control of her when she has died? Surely the contract of marriage ends at he moment of death? How come her bank let him empty her account. She owed me money. So much seems wrong.

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        Gary 

        12 days ago

        Dear Felice my darling adorable mum passed away in May 2017 and still to this day I am in deep grief.She was my best friend she made me happy when I saw her she gave me purpose.Now that she has left me there is no purpose.I am devastated. What also kills me is the fact that my older brother abandoned us when mum became sick and after she passed away. He didnt visit ir talk to her he didnt come to the hospital in her last hours and didnt come to the funeral.With no explanation or reason for his actions.He hasnt talked to me since mum left me. He was cruel and mean and disrepectful and treated mum who loved him very dearly like garbage. The way I feel about him cannot be included in this post but I hate and revile him his behaviour is disgusting evil and inhuman.I cant forgive or forget.

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        Heart broken 

        13 days ago

        Tom, what a beautiful quote. I am sure everyone who posts on this site would agree with that.

      • profile image

        Tom 

        2 weeks ago

        I visit the this site all the time because it helps me. I thank the owner for it. To all the recent posters I know how you feel. Nothing more can be said other than I hope you have some moments of peace. I found this quote I like regarding my mom Adelma: If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.

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        Devastated 

        2 weeks ago

        My mom passed away 5 days ago. I have to remind myself to breathe. I want everyone to leave me alone so I can scream, cry and process. Harriet, my heart goes out to you. My mom didn't know me for several days and it hurts and makes you angry. Here I am at your ICU bedside, doing everything for you, loving you until it hurts and you don't know me?! Please know that I'm sure she doesn't mean it and is talking out of pain and fear. Thank you for this website. You can be in a room full of people and still feel alone, but reading what others who are going through this at this moment makes me feel better.

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        Felice 

        2 weeks ago

        I have posted here before. I am so lonely for my Mama’s company. She has been gone for 26 months and I still look for her. I need her so badly. I want to be with her again. I have so much love to give but only to her, my very best friend.

        She would have been 98 this month but I don’t care. My life has been so incomplete since she left me on Nov. 9, 2017. I will grieve until we are reunited. So much pain.

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        Ricky John Parker 

        2 weeks ago

        My mum passed away less than a week ago suddenly whilst in hospital,so many things I wanted to say but couldn’t as I didn’t want to tear up in front of her,her only son When will the pain go ?

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        Hurts so bad 

        2 weeks ago

        My mom just passed away five days ago. I am one of four sons, my sister is the only daughter. We are all so very devastated. Wish I could hug her one more time. Thank you for this article and the comments that follow, I connect with each one. I'm 42 years old and feel as though I'm 12, I miss her so much.

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        Hope Garcia 

        2 weeks ago

        I was 8 when my mom died she was 33. She died of blood clots in her lungs. The pain of loosing my mom 32 years ago never went away. Love your mom cuz once she is gone, you will never get another. RIP mom gloria Garcia, RIP all the other moms who have lost their lives.

      • profile image

        Broken hearted 

        2 weeks ago

        Its been 2 years 2 months and 5 days since my mum/best friend passed away, i am still totally devastated and cant think of anything other than being with her again. I miss you my dearest mum.

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        Harriet 

        2 weeks ago

        My mum is in her last hours of life

        I have looked after her for years she has lived with me for 3 years

        She has accused me of murdering her in this last week

        I can't even see her or hug her with out her calling me names

        I a devestated I just want to hug her & tell her how much I love her

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        Toniegh 

        2 weeks ago

        New orphan I totally understand. My mom only has 2 daughters and we are states away but my sister made it here to be with me I am so grateful. Our mom passed 01-11-2020 it’s very hard to process but you stay strong and only please your mom nothing else matters right now. People were upset with me as well but I wasn’t putting on a show or front for them. Mom was cremated and my sister and I will share her ashes along with 3 of her grandchildren do what your mom said and find peace in knowing that You did right by her not them. God will give you what you need. I totally understand. I don’t know you but I love you and I pray that you find comfort I’m in your shoes just know you are not alone even when you feel like you are God Bless You and your Family. Continue to talk to your Mom and God

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        Karen F. 

        2 weeks ago

        My mom passed away Feb.6th 2016, 4 years ago. I am still in pain and her passing left me lonely and lost. I do not have friends nor do I have family, oh I do have one daughter but have no one else I cannot stop thinking about her...reading all the comments below put tears in my eyes...I hope to see my mom again. I feel sorry for my daughter when I pass, it is such terrible pain that does not leave me :(

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        Cory J 

        2 weeks ago

        I just lost my mom to dementia 4 days ago. I was with her, at the end, held her hand, and told her how much I loved her. It was a peaceful and serene ending to an otherwise awful disease; a disease that wound up taking her ability to swallow - an awful side-effect that would wind up being her undoing.

        To say that that I am utterly lost and devastated is an understatement. My mom and I talked every day, sometimes multiple times a day, for the last 20+ years. I lost count of how many times she "saved" me from a crippling (and seemingly inherited) anxiety disorder. I lost count of how many times she was there for me when nobody else was. We became close friends and not just 'parent and child'. How can I ever begin to replace that? I already know the answer is that I cannot.

        To make matters worse, I am an only child and my father, whom I was not close with, passed away in 2014. It was me and my mom vs the world from the time I was born. I feel untethered and utterly, completely alone; the best efforts of my friends aside. To be orphaned, without siblings or any extended family to speak of, is an experience I was simply not ready for and I have no idea how I'm going to get through it.

        Articles like this one are helping - at least I know that, ironically, I'm not alone.

        But wow...I was not prepared for pain like this. I'm not sure how anybody ever could be. :-(

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        Lisa 

        3 weeks ago

        This article resinates with me and I get it. I lost my mom suddenly on September 16, 2019 due to a pulmonary embolism. She was 77 yo. I jumped on the first flight to get the hospital as quickly as I could. But she passed before I could make it home to say good-bye. She is one of my best friends. Someone who I could laugh with and get advice. She supported me through the good and the bad. She definitely didn’t have any problem telling me when I was wrong.

        I miss her every day. I started a journal as a way to bridge our conversations and process her loss. However, the waves of grief come and go frequently like crying in the car on the way home from work. But the tsunamis of emotions are so painful. It’s as the author describes, the pain is so unbearable and yet I know I need to embrace it.

        At her funeral, someone said to me “I’m so sorry you have to join this awful club....losing your mother. It’s the worst club to be a part of”. She is absolutely right. Thank you so much for this article and everyone’s posts.

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        Grace's boy 

        3 weeks ago

        day 854. Love to all the mumtorn. Something tells us, even beyond our natural denial, that the horror of the final days is not a fitting end to a lifetime of love.There has to be something more.

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        Terri Gill 

        4 weeks ago

        Im having a hard time losing my best friend

        My momma

        I cared for her for 4 months as she surprisingly died of cancer we knew nothing about .

        I saw her get better and decline with many e.r. visits and doctor appointments .

        Hoping and praying for a miracle .She was 74 and was gardening the day before a fall at her home which sent her to the e.r.

        Thats where they found lung cancer stage4

        Which mastesticized to her brain.

        We all noticed her decling as far as we thought she was developing dementia .

        Her lungs had been checked as she was checked and diagnosed with copd in January 2019

        Her fall was in May 2019 and she died in September 2019.

        As I cared for her and did things i never thought i would be doing , i became my mommas mom .

        I did my best but have questions in my heart about what i could have done better or differant .

        I am grateful to have the time with her

        There were alot of blessings in all the devastation .

        I held her hand the whole night until I just had to lay down .

        I woke up a hour later .

        She was gone .

        A smile on her face .

        Hospice had been brought in before for a couple of weeks because she could no longer handle the trip to the e.r.

        After she could no longer get her pills down ,she started liquid morphine and razapan .

        I still in my heart wonder if she may have had the miracle if the liquid had not been given .

        I will never know .

        I am now in the same town now after leaving my home town and everything i owned in the rent house i was in .

        I am working and living here but not sure i like here.

        I am grieving off and on .Mostly when my days off come .

        I dont cry everyday now but when i do .it hurts and i dont feel like getting dressed or doing anything.

        I havent showered in days and cant seem to get back to me .

        I talked to my mom more than anyone my whole life .

        I have a new relationship in my life a month after mynmoms death .

        Its the best blessing i have ever had but getting through this is tough at the same time .I should be enjoying my new relationship more and feel God sent this person to me for this time .

        I pray I can get back to me soon so I can go on to my happiness which i know my mom prayed for and is answer to my own prayers

        HELP

        Love Denise

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        Denise 

        4 weeks ago

        Tom, Thanks so much for your hope of peace at this very sad time., equally thanks to every one who has posted comforting words, well wishes etc to all of us who have lost our beloved mums.

        I look ftorward to hearing words of comfort.Every glimpse of peace though it last mere seconds, I long for.Its still very early days (Dec 12th 2019) since I lost the queen of my heart, this beautiful lady ..my mum...I love her from the depths of my soul, I think of her every minute of my day.The tears still flow freely, the hurt, the sadness, the pain consumes me, but it's all because she is no longer on this earth physically with me.She will always live on in my heart , in my mind, in my soul and in spirit.I miss her so much.

        Thanks again Tom for mentioning not making decisions in the first year at least, because already in my mind, I started wondering if I should change jobs,I am already thinking to pack up things and move back Barbados to be with my family and also to be near mum's place of eternal rest, that's how I feel.But the heaviness of grief and all the heartache and sadness that is a part of grief lays heavily on my chest, it burdens me and my heart is so shattered I haven't a clue of what I should do next.

        I keep grabbing at everything to bring comfort to bring peace, may be it works for second but then I go back to that unhappy place.

        I found a short video I took sitting on my mums bed on my last holiday in May 2019, seeing my mum, hearing her laugh in that video made me cry and it also comforted my aching heart.But I don't know which of these two emotions will eventually win over ....And I have watched that video over and over and over and over again, and I still don't know if to be sad and cry or if to be happy and smile, but I'll keep watching it.

        I hope one day for all of us meeting here, we will find happiness and peace.I pray the beautiful memories of our beloved mothers will give us the strength to live our lives the way our mothers would want us to live, as hard as it is to tell ourselves our mum won't want us to live our lives fill with heartache tears and sadness, as hard as it is, I'm going to keep praying for peace, good health and happiness in our lives.May our mums sleep in eternal peace.

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        SURESH KALAVOOR 

        4 weeks ago

        Hi I am from India.

        This Comment is very belated. I lost my Mother on 20th August 2018 during the time of severe Flood situations at Kerala, India. She had a history of BP and had been on medication. Although 84 she was very healthy but without BP medicine everyday, she used to have vomiting. A week before this, she had to be evacuated due to rising water level and during that hurry and worry forgot to take her BP medicine and had to be put up without medicine for almost 2 days by that time she had developed vomiting and uneasiness and at last on the way on a small boat she collapsed and after a long treatment 10 days in ventilator she couldn't make it and passed away.

        I was away during that time and came to know about this a little late.

        However, once she gone then only I felt the wide void she left in my life and the bondage of siblings when she was there is no more. It was a strong link between relations once she go all broken.....and I am feeling it very difficult to go back to that house where she is no more to wait for me, doing things for me, sharing the love......it can never come back......its the biggest loss ever.....

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        simplycriisz 

        4 weeks ago

        My mother passed away January 18, 2020. She had battled diabetes since the age of 12. Her death, though suspected it would happen this way, was unexpected. I spoke to the mother the night before and I wish I had known this was going to happen so I can remind her how much I loved her. We had just returned days before from Disney world where she celebrated my daughters 10th bday with me and my younger son. She was all I had and it was always us 4 (mom, me and my kids). When I lay with my children it breaks my heart that it’s now only 3 of us. I will forever miss her, and though I had never experienced a loss before this, I now perfectly understand this is a pain I will have to get used to living with.

        I’m still not used to her death and with things of her arrangements or petty family disputes, I want to call her and vent to her about it. See, my mother and I would speak on the phone about 8-12 times a day, everyday. I would work with my mother on the phone hearing each other breath, without anything else to say but we still wanted to be on the phone with each other.

        I am sorry for every person who enters this page because I know the reason this page popped up in your search engine. You lost your mother and you miss her. I know and I am with you. For those before me who have lost their mother and for those to come and read this, my heart is with you and I understand. As the article finished it said “Our mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed”. I think that is so true and beautiful. I will miss my mother every single day. In Jesus May he comfort our pain.

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        Terry 

        5 weeks ago

        My Mom passed away February 10, 2019. Suddenly. I didn’t get to say good bye or tell her I loved her. I miss her. I stay strong for my younger sister because she is still having a very hard time with it. My eldest sister was with Mom when she passed away but she never called myself or my younger sister to tell us Mom was in the hospital or that she was sick at all. We found out 12 hours after she passed away. We were not able to view her or say our good bye or anything. It was terrible and we were so very angry about it. I’m trying not to be angry anymore but I have my moments. I miss her.

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        prasanna 

        5 weeks ago

        i am from india. my mother passed on 21 dec 2019 . it was sudden shock. She got some heart issue 10 years back and she is no more now due to same reason. there was no any sign of her heart weaking or blood pressure or high or low sugar but she is gone and it is reality. I am single child so my attachment with her was very much. She was my whole support and confidence. I'm 30 years old but not well financially settled but she never complained but supported me on every adventure. Her absence is still unbelievable sometime. But I know every night ends and morning will bring new ray of light. May god rest her soul in peace.

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        New Orpan 

        5 weeks ago

        I just lost my mom Monday January 20, 2020. Mom was cremated yesterday and there will be no service. My family of five sisters is very dysfunctional and the last 8 months of mom being sick have fallen solely on me. My niece is planning a memorial at her church where her husband is pastor. My family and I will not be attending. It is very sad we all can not be together without fighting and spreading hatred.

        I have five sisters, but I’m grieving by myself. I have to distance me and my family from them as they only cause grief. Actually, they are downright angry, mean, spiteful and pitiful humans who suck the life right out of you.

        Knowing all of this, my mom left everything to me. With what little she had, I’m trying to make a beautiful exit for her. I’ll be taking her cremains and burying with her mom and dad. My mom did not want buried with my dad, her husband. They did not get along and she despised him. I’m trying to honor her wishes the best way I can even though my sisters are against this whole thing.

        I cry because I see these big families like ours weeping together. Sisters loving each other and being there for each other. We should all be together now hugging each other, crying together, eating food that was brought from friends and family.... But here I sit with none of that, by myself, protecting my sanity trying to honor mom. Actually, I really don’t think my sisters would be capable of doing any of that.

        I’m going to write moms obituary this morning. I want it to be the most beautiful story of her life! I know I’ll have numerous drafts written, but that’s ok, she deserves it.

        I miss her terribly.....

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        Richierich11 

        5 weeks ago

        Hello I was on my way home and I stumbled across this site firstly, my condolences to all its hard to loose your mom, my mom passed November 20 2019 on her birthday.

        It’s been two months now I am still numb inside, I just came back from my doctors and they recommended I see a therapist because I have too much inside that need to release.

        Mom and I had a a special bond, we drove each other crazy and would bicker like an ole couple because we have been through so much together, but I loved her more than life. My mom got divorced from my dad when I was 11( I am 51 now ) and my only brother went to live with my grandma and I stayed with my mom through a abusive marriage to my step dad. Eventually we came to the US and mom left her husband leaving everything she worked so hard for for over 25 years to start over. Mom lives alone in the city and lived 30 ‘mins away , we spoke almost everyday and saw her on weekends. My brother migrated to the US with his family and lived an hour away from mom, they hardly called her and saw her probably 3 times a year , her only grandchild never got to truly know my mom because my sister in law / brother never wanted to spend time with mom.

        I Made sure mom had the best of everything and although her dream was to live with me I couldn’t because I am gay In a committed relationship and my mom being an old fashion traditional woman , well we could not live in the same house. Mom worked and was pretty independent however we,my partners and I would made sure mom was well taken cared of. Five years ago mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer.

        The next five years was really tense , mom did chemo and stopped working so I made sure she had all she needed. took her for chemo and doctor visits .Over the past 5 years my brother and his family never made a effort to change their attitude towards mom to the extend that mom went into depression. I quarreled and cursed my brother to change but nothing worked. Four and a half months ago mom had a slight heart attack and had to be rushed to the hospital little did we know the cancer was spreading. Mom condition deteriorated daily to the point that she was in icu with a breathing tube. The doctors told us we have to make a decision to take the tube out which I did the day before her birthday, mom breath 100% on her own and I left the hospital late that night to make make preparations for her birthday, 5.23 in the morning I got the call that she had passed.

        I greave because I feel if I probably done something different mom would have recovered. I am now in the process of finding homes for her treasures and clearing her apartment, this is really hard because everything I touch I can give you a history.

        Everyone is telling me that mom will always be there , being a spiritual person I should believe this but somehow I only feel numb .

        My anger towards my brother and his family and turn to hate and even though I am trying to work through it I am not getting anywhere. I hope that these daily headaches and sleepless night work itself out soon.

        Apologies for being so long winded

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        Susan Tan 

        5 weeks ago

        Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings. It helped me. My dearest Mom left me about 2 years ago. She is the dearest and most important person to me. The first 3 months were pure torture. I felt like my whole head n body were hurting everyday. Now about 2 years later, its more bearable. I still cry mostly at night and before i sleep, because I miss her so much. There is a void in my heart and life that can never be filled. I often wonder if I will continue to experience this grief (because I miss her so much everyday) and sense of emptiness for the rest of my life. It doesn't seem to get better. It doesn't help that I live alone because I'm single. The holidays and festive seasons are especially painful. Even though I know everyone goes through this, I still feel so alone whenever the grief hits me and when I miss my Mom so much.

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        Jannettehoeksema 

        5 weeks ago

        I wrote a book titled Without Words. My book takes you on a journey of the heart through the ordeal of my mother's stroke and the 19 days until her death.

        I share my story, my feelings and my intimate Faith with the hope that this might bring solace to others who may be grieving the loss of their mother or loved one.

        My book is available in paperback or kindle on Amazon. God bless and I am sending love, light and strength to the reader.

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        Trudymagnolia83 

        5 weeks ago

        I lost my mom 3 months ago to the day and it has been a struggle. I have my dad and my 2 brothers and my girl's. I love my family and I try to do everything I can for them. But I have really hard days I and a lot of people don't understand that they think that I should be in a better place by now. However, some say I'm doing incredible because I just keep pushing the grief aside. My mom was my best friend she was my rock she has been my everything she helped me through divorce twice and we survived the flood together. And I honestly just do not know how to do life without her and I'm trying but to day has been a very hard day. I don't trust anyone anymore I don't know how to be in a relationship anymore I shut people out I try to pretend like I'm OK that I smile when I think of a happy memory and I don't completely feel debilitating everyday but the pain is still there every day the hole is still there. She died of a massive heart attack while doing something that she loved doing . She loved to fish and be near the water and when she died she had just got done fishing. Thank you for letting me get some of that out any words of wisdom or advice would be great.

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        Pearl 

        5 weeks ago

        I lost my mom on the 3rd January 2020, after a long illness. we had a burial service on the 11th January 2020. Its been a week. I dont know how I feel. The past few days, I know i miss her dearly,we were extremely close. Its possible am in denial of her death.....

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        Carla 

        5 weeks ago

        My Mom passed away January 2 2020. Having a hard time coping. Every day & work is a struggle. My husband has not given me any support through this difficult time. Not sure where to turn to.

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        Darlene 

        5 weeks ago

        My mom passed away January 8, 2020 at 7:25 AM. She had a long struggle with dementia. She wasted away before my eyes. I took care of her for 10 years and lived with her for the last 46 years. The pain is so difficult. Night time especially. I have no one. I haven't had a hug or an invitation to go get a cup of cider, nothing. I do go out but am by myself. I come home to an empty house save my four dogs. One of which is my mothers' dog that I now take care of. He misses her too. I am having to deal with my attorney and financial guide as my mom had no will. I am so tired. I cry a lot. I feel alone and bewildered and worried. I have no peace over anything right now. I just spoke with my aunt and realized just how much I did helping my mom through this dreadful dementia. I don't know how I did recalling just what I did do for my mom. I'm crying again so I better hit send...

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        Carleine 

        5 weeks ago

        I feel you.. my mom died 6 yrs ago. And i am alone now with no relative or patent to hold on too. Maybe that is one factor why my MIL is so awful to me.. because she knew I have no where to go and no one will help me if she's being ridiculous to me.

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        Lanney27 

        5 weeks ago

        Hi all my mam passed away 13 yrs ago she was 48 breast cancer,still hurts to this day x

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        michelle smalley 

        5 weeks ago

        my mom passed january 4th, 2020 at 11:55 am

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        Julie corrigan 

        5 weeks ago

        I lost my mum last year in March she died of stomach cancer I find it hard Every day grief is so painfully just put on a brave face In front of people do the only thing that helps me is my grandkids .she was in the myton hospice the day she died I was not there ,I see that morning and my mum two sister turned up and they said come with us to take my mum sister to work to get you out for a bit and to do a bit of shopping .on the way back I got a phone call from the myton to ask if we were on the way back and I new that she passed away and I was not There It hurt so bad that I was not there when my mum pass away the myton nurse was with her .but I did not have chance to say goodbye to my mum before she died

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        Tom 

        5 weeks ago

        jeffrey and denise and everyone else i feel for you and the pain you are going through and i hope you have some moments of peace in time. its been one year this coming sunday the 19th that my mom passed. i can tell you at times it still seems like yesterday when i watched her take her last breath. ive posted several times since my mom passed. helps me to read other peoples stories of how they feel and seeing that im not a nut for the way that i feel when others feel the same way as me. one thing i wanted to pass on is the large mistake i made after her passing that i wanted to share with others. i always remember hearing from others over the years that when someone passes in your family or etc not to make major decisions the first year. let things settle down so you can learn to adjust to the new reality. my mom lived with me for the last 5 years as i took care of her. we lived in san diego, north county area. all of california is outrageous for rent. for several years i had planned to move to utah and stay with a friend after my mom had passed. i had planned this because i knew i could never afford the rent of the apartment we were in on my own. after my mom passed i moved from san diego to utah about a month and a half later. i have one sister in san diego but i didnt want to stay with her and her husband so i went forward with my plans. what a mistake. i dont like it here in utah for various reasons. i hate the weather and i do not like the culture. plus the feelings of grief. i lived in san diego for 40 years. dealing with my moms passing, then moving, in a new area, no major source of emotional support moving was the worst thing i could have done. i should have figured something else out to stay in familiar surroundings during this first year. i cant begin to tell others how miserable i have been at times. but you all know the feelings and emotions that come with all of this. but i just wanted to pass on my experience regarding how i should have listened to the advice that professionals say regarding no major decisions the first year. and lastly, even after it being one year, i still say to myself at times, i cant believe my mom who was my best friend is not here. i still at times just cant believe it. thanks for listening and as always i appreciate this website. there is no other like it. thanks-tom

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        Denise 

        6 weeks ago

        On December 12th 2019, I lost the queen of my heart ....my mum.Loosing my mum was the biggest fear in my life.I tried my hardest to reach her bedside, I pleaded with her please mum hold on for me I was coming to be by her side. I had 3 hours to find and book a flight pack a bag and get to the airport...but it was a dreadful 8 hr flight.I wanted with all my heart and soul, before she took her final breath to hug her one more time, to kiss her one more time, to touch her one more time and certainly to tell her one more time "I love you mum" I didn't get that chance, and my heart is shattered. My mum was my world, she was everything to me,we spoke often, we always ended our calls with "I love you". Every visit back to Barbados was made specifically to see and spend quality time with my mum.We went everywhere together whenever I was there.My life is now overwhelmed with sadness, heartache and tears , and I have no idea how to cope with the devastation of not having my beautiful loving mum around. I have not been able to return to work as yet, I am overwhelmed and I don't know what todo. I cry daily , several times a day, I've lost myself and my happiness, I've lost interest in the things I love to do.I miss my mum dearly, and find comfort only in being with my siblings , being at her house, being with her friends, unfortunately these are all over 4 thousand miles away from me.I am lost , I am broken , the love I have for my mum is just immeasurable, I love her infinity x ( times) infinity, every night I sleep with her photo on my chest .How do I live my life without her. I just do not know how to even take the first step forward in life without my mum.

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        CILLE 

        6 weeks ago

        MY MOM DIED LAST JANUARY 24,2019 EARLY IN THE MORNING ,WE ARE NOT READY FOR THAT

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        Jeffrey Popple 

        7 weeks ago

        My Mom died last night. She was 80 years old. She had been living with COPD and had received radiation for lung cancer in 2018.

        On Saturday she developed a fever. I had her transported to the local emergency room. After a C scan we were told that her cancer had spread and the tumors were impeding

        the air flow into her lungs. She also had pneumonia. After consulting with several more doctors my mother decided not to pursue any more treatment and turn to hospice. She was incredibly brave and dignified in her decision. We had many conversations with each other about her passing over the past 2 years. I thought I was ready to accept it in a stoic and rational manner. Wow was I wrong. I am completely devastated.

        Her Christmas decorations are still up and lit by their timers every night. If someone had told me that my mom would go to the emergency room on Saturday and pass away the next Tuesday I would have never believed them. I cannot wrap my mind around it.

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        Branden Keplinger 

        7 weeks ago

        Our Mother, Wife, Grandmother, recently passed on January 2, 2020 from a massive heart attack that shook my whole family. Our father gave CPR to her while waiting for the ambulance and got her to the hospital where they were trying to put stints in her main arteries and stabilize her but ultimately my mother passed on to be with GOD.

        She was only 61 years old and she was the greatest mother to walk the earth. She was loving, caring and had so much blind faith in GOD that even I knew I could never reach that level of love and commitment.

        The love and support has been so great from the neighbors and social media platforms but there is a loss so deep right now it will never be filled, only bridged over. Please find it in your heart to laugh, love and tell stories about your mom as we will.

        Remember them how they lived and keep their mementoes alive through stories. Mothers don’t want their babies to be sad or cry. So it’s alright to cry and feel grief but nobody can take away the love and caring you felt for all those years.

        I love all of you and my heart breaks for each one of you who’ve lost a loved one and is suffering through this difficult time. GOD bless you and may your angels watch over you until it’s your time.

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        Paula Ann Albert 

        7 weeks ago

        Today we buried my mom. She passed away last Saturday in the hospital due to infections that led to sepsis. She was 86 years old and lived with my husband and I. Tonight I sit here and her chair where she sat to watch TV with us every is empty. Every time I look there I think of her and my heart is breaking. I have all the beautiful flowers around my home that family and friends gave to comfort me. The tears are flowing and I know I will be grieving forever for this special woman I called mom.

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        CatherineAR 

        7 weeks ago

        My beautiful mom was killed in a car accident on Christmas Day 2019.... the pain is like a bag of concrete on my chest, she was my best friend & I truly can’t imagine life without her... my daughter gave birth to my 1st grandbaby 3 days later... she was very close with mom too, to have experienced the worst day of my life & the best in 3 days.... beautiful & so broken, no 4 generation photo or experience for us.... it’s been 9 days & I still can’t eat... My heart is so broken, my kids & brothers are broken... I’m usually ridiculously positive.... my happy positive self is gone.... my heart aches for each of you sharing your loss & pain.... & also myself knowing it doesn’t get much better. Love & broken ~Catherine

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        Giorgia 

        8 weeks ago

        I've lost my mom two days ago...she was 66, i'm only 30 year old and I still had so many things to learn from her, so many moments to enjoy with her...this article helped me understand this process and I found many similarities, even if the grief's just started for me. Reading your story made me feel a little better. I think that the fact that she's always gonna be by my side is what gives me the strength I need to go on. Right now I'm avoiding the pain, I'm trying to be strong until the funeral is over, I'm being strong for my dad... I'm scared about the pain, it just is unbearable at the moment and I'm afraid I'm not ready to deal with it now. But I also know I have to do that sooner or later, I don't have to force myself to feel or not feel something, it's ok to feel what I feel whatever it is...i have to allow myself to feel lost and overwhelmed, and maybe I could start telling myself, at the end of the day, "you did good today, well done" to help me remember I have to be proud of myself. Cause my mom would do that if she was here. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, I bet it was hard for you...I really appreciated your honesty. I wish you the best, be happy ❤️

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        Charm 

        8 weeks ago

        Words cannot explain the loss of my mom. I lost my mom 3 yrs ago. The pain comes in waves. When It comes... I’m completely overwhelmed without her love, guidance, support, and unconditional love. My life is completely different without my mom. At times I’m overwhelmed with sadness. I rely on my faith to get me through. I hope I said enough “ I love you and thank you “ to her when she was alive.

        Blessings to all....

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        Ljf 

        8 weeks ago

        I lost my mom 11 years ago. We had one of those relationships where we spoke 100 time’s a day, we drove each other crazy but we loved each other beyond words. When she was diagnosed with cancer, I was young and naive and never really believed it. She died 12 weeks after my first daughter was born. I now have 3 daughters. I need her every minute of every day. I need her advice, her support, her encouragement, her help, her humour, her guidance and most of all her unconditional love. Time has not made things easier, in many ways even harder. Most days I want to give up.

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        Waymar81 

        8 weeks ago

        modi100 I’m so sorry you lost your mom. The pain is horrible especially if you have no close family or friends. You are not alone because you have everyone on this site to help you through it. Vent any time you need to...we’ve all been through it. The sadness will come in waves, out of nowhere, but then you’ll go on with your life. Your mom would want you too.

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        Tricia Stotler 

        2 months ago

        My mom passed away November 29, 2019. She found out she had cancer and was gone in two weeks. She lived with me the last 5 years after my passed. I took care of her those last two weeks and im heartbroken.

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        Sue63 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mother Dec 21 of this year and I am a mess. Yes she was 97 yrs old and ready to go-didn't hear or see well and had congestive heart failure. She was doing okay until she fell on a neighbors icy sidewalk in Nov of 2018 and went down hill after that having suffered a smashed disc in her vertebrae. We lived together and I worked full time 45 minutes away but she wanted no one coming in to help, so I did everything. There were times I was impatient and I regret it now. I wish I would have said things I didn't and regret some of the things I said and did in the past-but it's too late. I will always miss her. Reading what others have wrote has helped some what. Thank you

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        Shirri 

        2 months ago

        It has been 10 years. It took me that long to heal inside. However healing never goes away. My friend just lost her mother and I have no strength to go because it stirs the pain of it all over again. I tell people that the umbilical cord is cut twice and you feel it both times. You cry coming in and you cry when they go out. You feel it both times.

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        Tammy Newman 

        2 months ago

        First off, I would like to say Thank you very much for this article. This has touched nearly every day of my life for this past year. My Mom passed away last year Christmas Day at 5:22 pm. Lung Cancer. I am the youngest of 4 and I was her caretaker for the last year of her life. I thought that I had prepared myself, however that is the furthest thing from the truth. I would daily try and tell her everything was going to be just find in order to see her smile and comfort her. I have this hug empty space within my soul. Its really as if my soul hurts and there isn't anything that I can do to fix it. I continuously keep busy, currently working two jobs and when not working shopping or just trying to stay occupied. I sometimes feel guilty because I have distanced myself from other loved ones and family members, people do call , email, text, however I'm never in the mood to communicate. I function daily however very quietly. I try and take solace in telling myself that She is in a better place, but Gosh I miss her terribly. " Christmas just aint Christmas without the one you Love " as the song goes...:0(

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        Joanne 

        2 months ago

        My mom just died December 8th 2019. COPD. I can't breathe. I don't think i can go on without her. She was my best friend. She was my rock. I want to lash out, the pain is unbearable.

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        syl 

        2 months ago

        I lost mum on 16 December, 2019. I really don't see myself moving on easily. I've taken care of her for two months thinking she'll get better but all in vein. From hospital to hospital she still rested. Family member tell me to move on but every thought of her makes my heart beat fast. Don't know if am going to ever forget the memories we had. Am in much pain!!

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        Madeleine 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mother December 8th, 2019. She was a beautiful lady inside out who touched many hearts. I miss her very much. Since she passed, I’ve been dealing with headaches and body aches. I became my Alzheimers dad caregiver which I thought it was going to help me ease the pain but, it made it worst. I’m open for any suggestions. God Bless

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        Margy Feigelson 

        2 months ago

        I was reading many of your posts and can only say that we have a lot of company in this situation. My mother passed last April. I spent about 10 and a half years, with increasing time and effort as her main caregiver. Even with help, the stress of the situation was intolerable. She was lucky to have long term care policy and with a reverse mortgage and help, we were able to keep her at home for a long time. But the hospitalizations became more often and then the rehabs and finally, we were unable to lift her at all. I felt terrible about having to put her into assisted living and even then, had private help because her needs were overwhelming the staff. When she died, although it felt a little like relief for her suffering, it was still like a wave of grief and I am still drowning in it. We had such a close relationship...she sacrificed a lot to help me live a better life. I was deaf and she gave up so much for my speech and lip reading lessons....for years. I function in the hearing world, thanks to her. She was always there for me, to comfort and to cheer on, depending on circumstances. This is the first time in my life I do not have her support in sadness. She is so missed and the holidays feel pretty empty. I try to carry on for our daughters and their kids, but it feels like I am acting. Even though it has been 6 months, the hole in my heart remains...like a pain. Yes, keeping busy can help temporarily, but the grief will take over many days. So any tips you all can give me would be most welcome.

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        Shonda 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom on November 25th 2019... I am just lost without her. She was only 56, we are still waiting to even find out how she passed, all we have been told so far is some type of "natural cause" :( I feel a constant pain in my chest, and I barely eat anymore I am just devastated. I am so sorry to all of you who are feeling this pain whether it happened yesterday or 10 years ago I believe the pain will never be less

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        Ree 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom in September 2019 l am still in shock… l feel numb and wishing l wake and it’s just a dream lol pray she’s watching over me and my siblings l pray she is resting in paradise with her love ones that has gone before her l love and miss you so so much mommy

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        Jo"s Thom 

        2 months ago

        My beautiful mom passed on Aug 31st 2018. There are no words to describe how much I miss her everyday!! For everyone that post here I can honestly say that I feel your pain!! My mom's birthday would be on Dec 16th. I always planned something special for this day but now it is just another day. The holidays now seem to not exist for me!! I feel like that I am living in a different world now! Nothing is the same. I can't even explain what it feels like . I find myself reliving the past more and more!! I just feel like that I can't move on!! My mom was my world and nothing can change that!! I'm so tired of people acting like that I should be over it by now!! My mom was one of a kind and I will love and miss her forever!!!!

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        Hm 

        2 months ago

        Hm unfathomable pain. A part of life gone for ever. Hm

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        Emmy's Boy 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom two days ago and we are currently on wake. I still feel pain of loosing her and will not be able to do things with her in the future. I do not know how to live a life without her. I will take note of your list on how to cope on on this situation. I really love my mama and I do miss everything about her.

        No words from other people or family can ease the pain. However, I know that Mama is watching me do not want me to be stucked in grieving forever. I will always remember her and let my feelings flow.

        I am sure that my Mama is in God's loving arms now in Heaven. I love You Mother Dearest.

        Thank you for hearing me out and God Bless us all.

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        Grace's boy 

        2 months ago

        modi100. You aren't alone you've become a member of this new family - The Only Ones. Everything you feel will have been felt by us so we can help you carry it

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        modi100 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom yesterday, the pain is terrible, i am pacing up and down wildly, crying and screaming, i am alone, family is not close and much travel has lost me any local friends.

        It is difficult to function.

        She passed a few days after a successful cancer operation from infections, I believe it was hospital negligence, I feel like i am dying.

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        Rod 

        2 months ago

        Just over a year on and the pain still comes back. I don't think you get on with life in the same way afterwards, there is always this huge gap.

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        San 

        2 months ago

        Its thursday 5th december. Its 2 years to the day that i lost my beautiful mum and best friend. It feels like yesterday and i think it always will. I love and miss you so much mum. God bless you all on this site

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        Waymar81 

        2 months ago

        Queen B70 don’t listen to anyone who thinks you should have moved on by now. I don’t care if it’s 20 years from now. You do what makes you feel better. You will miss your mom till the day you die. It might get easier where your not thinking about it all the time but I guarantee something minor will trigger your loss again and again. I lost my mom in Oct. 2018 and there isn’t a day goes by where I don’t think of her or even cry. This was my 2nd Thanksgiving without her and felt worse than the first. I hope you have family and friends that understand. I have one sister and she moved on the second the mortuary picked my moms body up from her house. I never saw her drop a tear and she didn’t speak at her funeral. She moved away 2 months later and hasn’t spoken to me since even though she said she would help with my mom belongings. Yeah, she took what she wanted and split. You hang in there. We all go thru this hardest feeling losing our moms but I feel my mom around me and lately I’ve been dreaming of the good times we spent together. Praying for everyone going through this right now.

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        Queen B70 

        2 months ago

        If 1 more person tells me, she's in a better place. Or its time to move on, i think i will screen.

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        Grace's boy 

        2 months ago

        day 789.

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        Charmion 

        3 months ago

        Hi everyone I lost my mom September 18, 2016. It’s been 3 yrs. Everyday I think of her and say aloud “I miss you mom and I love you “ My life has forever changed. I miss her calls, text, and seeing her daily. I miss my friend who loved me unconditional. Although I have few acquaintances my life is still Lonely.

        I pray for all that God will give you strength, love, and peace as you heal in your time. God bless y’all.

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        Deborah 

        3 months ago

        The reason we have all come here is the same... we miss our mom’s and somehow in the most minuscule way, we are finding comfort in our collective pain with people we have never met.

        My beautiful Mom passed away from cancer on Nov 10, 2019 at 2:15 am. I am officially changed forever and as much as I want it, no one can help me. Well, except my Mom and she is never coming big back.

        This article was so bang on in so many ways about how I have felt this past two and a half weeks. The numerous calls and texts have already stopped.

        My Mom was my only female. I have 3 brothers, no sisters( my sister died), no Aunts or female cousins in this city, no real close female friends and I am not close to my sisters-in-law. They are wonderful people but my Mom was my Alpha female and I followed her everywhere. I am lost, lonely and my heart is beyond repair.

        The author is right when she said that no matter what, a person who has not lost their mother will NEVER understand. I had anticipatory grief for a year leading up to her death and thought this would prepare me... it didn’t...not even close.

        I keep wishing for one more day but knowing that one more day will never suffice, it just turns into wishing for even another.

        My knee and only solace through this all is my unwavering faith that I shared with my Mom. Knowing that she is in Heaven with the Lord and knowing that I too am headed that way one day, makes my heart smile. I know that I will spend eternity with all my family that believed in Jesus Christ and out their faith and hope in Him. I will have nothing but time with her because there, time does not exist. Neither does sadness, pain, tears or cancer.

        I love you forever Mom.

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        charlenebuys 

        3 months ago

        I just lost my mother on the 15th November, and its by far the hardest pain i have ever felt, i dont know how to deal with it, she was my everything, being a single mother, she looked after my one year old, my one year old was basically her life, she did so much for us, going home to that empty space, i feel like im about to go in a depression, i find myself crying every night, i lost my father 8 years ago, the pain was not so much, but to loose a mother is by far the worse experience, watching the coffin go down, its like a part of me left with her, a part of me died inside honestly, waking up in the mornings have become so difficult, cause i use to make us coffee in the morning, and she fought to die, her last words were 'Lord i cant go now what about my son (which she refers to my boy) even though she was a prayer warrior and she lived for the Lord, i know where her soul is, but i still needed her and wanted her here,

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        Jeanie 

        3 months ago

        Thank you for writing this article. My mother died suddenly none of our family was expecting it but my grieving experience is like yours

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        Marsha 

        3 months ago

        My mother passed on November 9th and every morning I wake up and cry. I am trying to be brave but to be honest I am scared shitless. My mother was the number one person in my life that helped calm me motivate me and let me know I am ok. She battled pancreatic cancer for 10 months and my only brother is fighting rectal cancer and they are my ride or die people now that moms passed I can’t image what I will feel when I lose him. I know I need to get help bc my thoughts and anxiety are all over but not really sure where to go for support groups.

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        Amanda 

        3 months ago

        I lost my mom October 13, 2019. Thank you. Thank you for writing this. It's like I wrote every word myself! My sister and I both needed to hear this. I hope you are well today. -Amanda

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        Chamaka U Young 

        3 months ago

        Lost my mom last year November 17,2018. She lost her battle with Stage 4 Colon Cancer and Stage 4 Liver Cancer. My entire year been an emotional wreck for me. I’m the only girl out of 4 boys. She was my best friend. People tell me to move on, but they don’t understand how close we were. I miss her calls and we would talk for hours. I want never forget that early morning at 3:44am she took her last breath. That pain is still with me. What advice someone who lost a parent can give me?

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        James 

        3 months ago

        Just lost my mom on November 15th it has been unbearable and the funeral hasn't even happened yet I'm the oldest and only son she had

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        Rachel 

        3 months ago

        I’m only 20 and i lost my mom yesterday afternoon. She was my biggest supporter and loved me so unconditionally and i know i could live another 80 years and still miss her every day. It was so sudden too so we weren’t able to be with her on her last breath in the hospital, and i really wish i could’ve. At least i got to tell her i love her but i didn’t know it would be the last time i would. Everything just hurts i still NEED her advice and wisdom she was so smart, and now i just feel so lost and empty.. sooo so empty and i cant stop crying. Mom i promise i’ll tell my future kids all about how amazing you were and how well you raised me with so much love. I’ll miss you forever, sincerely your lil boo x.

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        Sue 

        3 months ago

        I feel for you all and the love you have for your mum's is the reason it hurts so much. I hope everyone finds comfort in any way they can and each day that passess means you never forget but you find worth in your own life. Bless you all and I wish you a way through this. XXX

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        susan 

        3 months ago

        I lost my mom on November 3, 2019. I did not know that losing someone could hurt so bad. I keep thinking that I need to call her..then I realize my mistake. When I go grocery shopping, I see items that would help her get better....then I realize..... I feel lost. She was the person that knew me best. I told her everything.

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        Gary 

        3 months ago

        Dear Clinton I am in the same boat as you.My darling mum also passed away 2 1/2 years ago and I think about my sweetheart everyday.I too am grieving very intensely.Some days are worse than others.The sorrow the guilt the sense of hopelessness and loneliness.The numbness and the anxiety.This journey is our own and no one can tell us which journey to take or how to behave. I cant accept my mums passing and why should you if you dont feel comfortable with it.I will never stop grieving because my best friend and to me to loveliest person in the world left me and that really hurts me with very painfully.Every day I have this black ball of sadness in my chest and I am heartbroken.I will never be the same again .Rgds Gary

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