Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.
Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.
No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.
"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."
— Author Unknown
My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.
I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.
The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.
Coping With Grief
• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel
• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief
• Remember Your Mom
• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days
• Find Your Peace
• Smile and Live Your Life
The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.
After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?
For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.
After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."
But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?
Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel
Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.
After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.
Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.
Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.
Remember Your Mom
That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.
I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.
Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.
Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days
It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.
Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.
Find Your Peace
People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.
There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.
Smile and Live Your Life
At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.
On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."
Find the Support of Others
Suhas on August 16, 2020:
Thanks for writing in! That sadness will forever remain with us, i am sure. I was just looking at my selfies with my mom, she loved getting clicked with me and rest of the people, especially she loved it when i took selfies with her. And i miss it, i miss everything about her. It's like someone has taken away my soul from me, a part of me that has been taken away and i have to live with this constant feeling of incompleteness and emptiness without her. Without her, i don't enjoy anything i used to enjoy before. She was my life, i used to treat her like my own baby. The pain is the same as you would have when you lose your baby and it's very difficult to live with this pain. I am seeing a therapist but that's not helping and i really don't know what will help. All i know is that all i can do is efforts, which too i agree are not 100% right now but i hope some day all of us are able to smile again, whole heartedly, feel complete again, live our lives the way our mom's would want us to live. I am missing her terribly right now, i hope god helps us all.
Jo's Thom on August 16, 2020:
I lost my sweet mom Jo almost 2 years ago. I miss her so bad every day. Grief has no time limit for me!
Jus Jase from TRINIDAD and TOBAGO on August 15, 2020:
Thanks again for reminding me that as humans we all get angry and make mistakes especially when one is a caregiver as in my case where I was the caregiver for my mom. As you rightly suggested that I need to forgive myself for all the times I might have acted irrationally towards my mom.Gradually, I find that I am beginning to accept my mom's death and as you rightly suggested she is in a better place.However, at times and at odd moments, I will remember her and there is a bit of sadness but I know this will not go away soon and I have to learn to accept it
Hi Gary, on August 15, 2020:
I concur with you. The pain eases but I still have my occasional moments when I’m crying for my mother. It has been three years going on four in September. The pain of missing her is real. Ignore insensitive comments. Maybe those individuals did not have a strong loving relationship as you did with your mom. I miss her daily and continue to thank her in spirit for all her sacrifices and unconditional love!
Gary on August 15, 2020:
Dear Suhas I am saying this to you with the greatest respect and ill will whatsoever because you too have lost your mum too but I hate it when someone says remove the negativity and be positive.There are meaningless words commonly used by people who have never experienced such a significant loss as we have.
I am sure these people live in fairyland with with butterflies and chocolate flowers.How can you possibly be positive after losing the most important person in your life.We know it is a catastrophic event of which the pain remains with us forever although it will ease in time.It has torn a hole in my heart which will never heal. The emptiness and sorrow will affect me for the rest of my life. Nothing positive will come out of this.
Suhas on August 14, 2020:
Seeing a therapist is a good idea, i am myself seeing one. Having said that, till now i have had 1 session and honestly it didn't help but let's see. Certain things you mentioned that i think everybody would be able to relate to like getting angry and remembering those things causing you to weep, but i just want to tell you that we are all humans, sometimes we don't know what's going to happen next or some times we make mistakes or we all have fights with our parents do, that's a part of life sometimes...what's imp is your mom is in a happy place now and that's all that matters, forgive yourself for things that disturb you and love yourself because you are a good person who loves his mom and will forever love her. Pray for her happiness and health, that ways you will still be doing every bit you can to ensure she is in a happy place, it will help get over the negative thoughts that disturb you and instill more positivity.
Myron on August 13, 2020:
My mother passed 8 months ago. I lived with her all my life. She has been in bad health for years. One night she looked at me and fell over. And she was gone. I have two grievance councilors i see. But nothing seems to help. Now i sit here day in day out. Hoping i can see her again. I have no ambition. And dont want to associate with anyone. I try to carry on with life. But just cant. Thank you for what you published. And you are correct, unless it happens to you no one knows just how painful this is.
Gary on August 13, 2020:
Thank you darling Jus.I am seeking specific clinical treatment for my prolongued grief and am I trying to maintain friendships and make new ones.I would love to have a lady friend as a companion. The virus here even though its not as horrific as it is in other countries nevertheless makes socializing extremely difficult.love and peace to you Jus Gary Sydney Australia
Jus Jase from TRINIDAD and TOBAGO on August 11, 2020:
Gary I am so sorry for your loss and no one can really feel the pain and loss that you still feel for your mum even after three years I too was close to my mum and lost her on July 30 this year.The thing is grieving is part of the process when someone dies but when those persons in our case our mums, it is extremely difficult to move on . Some people grieve for years and some never stop grieving. I don't know if you have a relationship with God or you pray but for me I get some relief when I pray and ask Almighty God to help take away this pain of loss. You need to fill that space that was occupied by your mum. What about a girlfriend or a best friend who you can freely confide in and express the loss you feel. I too feel guilty about things that I have done or not done and that is a normal part of grieving. It is not an easy road to travel but you have to go on living. Take up a new sport or travel when its appropriate but dont stay at home and grieve alone. I wish you all the best and take courage. You have friends on this site to support you.
Gary on August 11, 2020:
To all you dear ones who have lost your darling mums.My sweetheart left me three years this may past and my grief is more intense then it ever was.I am waiting to receive apecialist treatment for my prolonged grief and pain but its being disrupted by the tragic corona virus. A day never goes by when I dont cry and weep for mum.I lived with her for a big part of my life we were not only mother and son but friend and confidente mates and we supported each other.
I looked forward every day to coming home and see her her smile was captivating she was warm kind and consoling.I miss her voice on the other side of the phone.
From 2015 until she left me in 2017 her was deteriorating she was rapidly losing and interest in most things.She wouldnt get out of bed wouldnt dress up or go out. I had arguments with her about this on a constant basis particularly about not sleeping all the time and not eating.I read articles saying this is what happens at the end of life. Something that was inevitable but something I could not accept.I saw her like this everyday and I didnt know what to do.the mother that I once knew as a vibrant independent woman was bedridden and I couldnt reverse it.There were times when i couldnt face coming home.
I feel so guilty for things said and done and beg of my darling to forgive me but I loved her very very much and I am so shocked at her passing.
Some people recover quickly which makes me think that perhaps they never a close relationship with their mums in the first place.My grief is strong and lasting because I lost my best friend who is irreplaceable.
I am sorry deeply sorry for all you and I understand the terrible pain and sorrow you are going.Hopefully we will find peace in our hearts one love Gary
Jus Jase from TRINIDAD and TOBAGO on August 10, 2020:
Thank you Suhas for your consoling words of comfort. I do feel better when I am around friends and I forget about my pain and loss temporarily. I agree with you that one cannot avoid this grieving process as this process is a part of life that follows the loss of a loved one I plan to talk to a therapist because at times I feel guilty about things that I have done or haven't done.I always think back at the times I was angry with her for spitting out the medication for her health condition or allowing her dentures to fall on the ground and break. When I reflect on these things it causes me to weep. The thing is I am alone most of the times as my deceased mother and myself lived in the same house for 32 years.I plan as the days go by to keep myself busy visiting friends and family that live away from home.
Suhas on August 08, 2020:
Dear Jus Jase,
Sorry to hear about your joining this group. I too am single and i too lost my mom..I just want to say that don't feel you are alone & never ever loose hope...all of us here are going through the same pain, until we meet our mom's again. Till then, find somebody who can share your pain, a girlfriend or spend time with friends but try not to be alone. Unfortunately, we can't avoid the grieving process, all of us have to go through it but going through it with a hope that you will see them again when it's the righ time, helps. I hope you find your peace.
Jus Jase on August 08, 2020:
My mom died on July 30, 2020 after battling vascular dementia for 5 years. I am her son and was her caregiver for the last 5 years.I used to look at my mother who had become bedridden and used to ask God silently why my mom had to experience this horrible and debilitating disease. Sad to say she was was not the person I knew while growing up. She did not recognize me on many occasions and I had to show her photographs of both of us together for her to recognize me. I am single and my mother and I lived in the same home for 32 years. Now that she has gone, and while my head tells me she is in a better place my heart cannot accept her death. Every time I look at something belonging to her, be they be her dentures or her walking stick or her clothes I just begin to weep uncontrollably.There are moments I would be strong but a simple memory of her doing something would trigger off these emotions. Sometimes I wonder if I moved to another house if it would be less painful as I wont see memories of her around but I feel that may not work for too long. The sad thing is I feel lonely being in the house and if I go out and come back in the evening, I would still burst out into tears when I enter the empty house as I know she is not there. To ease some of the pain temporarily, I keep her bedroom door closed and in my mind I tell myself she is sleeping on her room. If I go to the grocery and I see the things I used to buy to prepare her meals, I would shed a tear or two in the grocery and then when I get into the car I would begin to cry uncontrollably. No one who has not experienced the loss of a parent or child or close relative can't really understand the pain one feels deep down.Sometimes I wonder if I can continue to live with this loss from my live. I asked myself if I was married and had a family ,if things would have been easier but from the comments that I have read that still does not make the pain and emptiness go away. I know I have to go through a grieving process as everyone says but I don't think I would ever overcome this loss while I am alive.
Nondumiso on August 05, 2020:
I recently lost my mother last parent on the 20th July 2020 from corona. Its hard to move on, my soul is lost my future plans have stopped. How do I move on .... i miss her daily calls and text messages. Those of you who still have both parents , please love and appreciate every moment with them . I find myself crying from time to time.
Hillary on August 05, 2020:
I lost my mom one month and 2 days ago, unexpectedly and suddenly. I was with her when she took her last breath. She was only 59. I too feel sad, and angry when I see people with both parents or grandparents even who are much older, and my mom is gone. I even have trouble playing with my 4-year-old because he constantly does cute and funny things that I want to tell her about and I know she want to be with us to see and hear.
I truly did not understand how tremendously hard it is to lose a parent. It is not something you can imagine, and I cannot imagine the pain ever going away.
It is the most unfair. I wasn't done needing her, and I know she wasn't done wanting to live.
Suhas on August 03, 2020:
Today was the first Rakhi when my mom was not present..it's a festival in my country. Usually everyone gathers at my place to celebrate this festival, today also everyone was there, everyone came, only she was not here. It break's my heart to see that people around me, my relatives, friends, colleagues, all of my age and much more older than me, still have both their parents alive & healthy. The only one who was missing on this festival was my mom, she was too young to go...there was so much that i had to do for her, all the plans have destroyed. It was heartbreaking today to see the world enjoying the festival and only mom missing. She wanted to live, she loved this festival. Out of all of us she would be the most excited about it. I wish the best of health and life for everyone, i don't wish bad for anyone but i just feel bad myself & my mom.
Clinton Fernandez on August 03, 2020:
Today makes 3 years since my mom went home to her heavenly Father. We all miss her. The love is ever strong never ceasing. The grief is a little lighter now and we have wonderful memories that will last forever. She will always be deep in our hearts. God Bless You mom. Look over us with God's blessing.
Debbie Barre on August 02, 2020:
hi i lost my mom nov 28 2018 i still
miss my mom so much.Today was a bad day for me just could not stop crying she was the love of my life her name was Doris she was a great mother . i always dreaded that day my whole life and now here it has been. she was sitting in my kitchen on thanksgiving and had a stroke. i feel my life will never be the same there is a hole in my heart so bad . so i feel for everyone on this site.
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on August 02, 2020:
To all of you who are still feeling the immediate anguish and heartache of having lost your mother very recently, please remember there's a big group of us out here who know what you're going through and are with you, supporting you in spirit. If you hadn't experienced such strong love, you wouldn't be feeling such strong pain.
My mother was my rock. When she died, my heart was broken, and I actually felt the pain in my chest. It was horrible. For 3 days, I could still smell her scent in her bed's sheets. When I could no longer smell it, I felt heartbroken again. It was just too much.
I have often wondered how my mother survived the death of her mother, my grandmother, my other favorite woman in the world. But, the women in my family are strong. I think we give our strength to each other. Please allow me to pass on some of this strength to you.
You are NOT alone. You WILL survive. Yes, life is different without one's mother. But, one can carry on, I have to believe, FOR one's mother, and WITH one's mother in their heart and soul.
You may not even want to hear this right now. It's strange, how in the beginning you don't want to move on. You just want to remain in the freshness of your memories. I don't think that moving on means having to let go. I will never let go of my mother. I will always take her with me.
JenniferLK on August 01, 2020:
Thank you lord for this group and blog. I feel each one of your stories and pain And I am so thankful I found this to read and feel support. It’s true, until you lose a mother, you have really no clue.
My Mother Charlotte, died this past Jan 11,2020 on her birthday at 92 years old She had a stroke the year before on feb 3 I had gone to her house to have lunch with her and while making us coffee, she fell backwards and suffered a massive stroke I relieve that memory over and over - the months following are a blur of hospitals, rehab ,home care, a nursing home and eventually hospice back in her own home I moved into her home , well actually the home I grew up in a 55 year old home that my parents lived in their entire lives I was with her when she took her last breath and even though it’s been 6 months I still have intense grief and longing for her. I have flashbacks of being a child with her in this home, a teenager, extended family holidays and wonderful parties. Flashbacks of the stroke when I sit in the kitchen. I struggle with looking at her beautiful garden, the hallway , and even the cutting board so many things were made on. I am realizing I haven’t processed this grief and this is a first step. Thank you for letting me share. Jenny
Kim on August 01, 2020:
I lost my mom 17 months and 8 days ago. I’ve ALWAYS been a tough cookie. One to keep the emotions tucked deep way down. So much so that I lived in denial after her death for quite some time, pushing it deep inside. I got pregnant 6 months after her death. My baby just turned 3 months. I’m in bed crying right now. The loss of a mother is the worst thing in the universe. No one can ever prepare you or console you or fill the permanent hole in your heart. Time doesn’t heal anything. That saying is like time is just a bandaid until it gets ripped off again and you feel the pain as if it just happened one moment ago. You learn to keep breathing and keep moving but god it’s there everyday 24/7. The pain. The anguish. The hole. I don’t have words of wisdom as I’m still battling many demons from denial in which I still really haven’t been able to live normally. I keep moving and smiling for my baby. She will never know the most amazing women in the world. That hurts the most.
Cveta on August 01, 2020:
Thats how all of us ended up here unfortunately, hoping to find someone going through the same emotions and maybe find some advice on how to live with this grief.
I understand totally how it feels finding something left by Mum. Sometimes looking at her things helps a bit and brings back nice memories, but sometimes smallest thing can trigger a flood of tears and pain. This grief is the hardest thing ever...
Jess on July 31, 2020:
Just lost my mom a couple weeks ago from the horrible worldwide virus. Buried her days before my birthday. She lived with my husband and our children. She was an amazing Nana, truly gave her all to our babies . I’ve been avoiding memories, videos and seeing pictures because of how immense the pain is. Her viewing and funeral seemed like a horrific nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Despite the outpour of love and the beautiful pink roses she loved everywhere. While deep cleaning the house today, I came across a birthday card she had picked out for me before she was admitted. Broke my heart, I was flood and filled with so much emotion.
I googled Grieving the loss of a mother and read this article. I’m heartbroken for us all! & feeling anything but that seems very far from my reach.
Jo's Thom on July 31, 2020:
I lost my beautiful mom JoAnn 23 months ago today. I miss her so much every day of my life now. She was such an amazing person and will always be with me in spirit. I know that my mom will live on in my heart forever!!!!
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on July 31, 2020:
Thank you, Suhas
Suhas on July 30, 2020:
All the best to you too! :)
I really hope we find our lost happiness and peace in something.
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on July 28, 2020:
I am so happy to hear your response! A dance class. . . what a great idea. I may do the same!
For our mothers,
best wishes to you!
Suhas on July 27, 2020:
I just randomly checked to see if someone responded to my question to help and i found your answer posted 7 mins back. May be its a sign that guided me to check this page at the right time. :)
Thank you so much for your advice, i'll definitely enroll for a dance class now, something that i enjoyed my whole life before falling into depression and losing mom. Your words are very encouraging. Thank you for all the help! God bless you with the best life!
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on July 27, 2020:
You might want to try to do something more physical. I taught myself to roller-blade when I was going through something else very hard. Since I had to totally concentrate on what I was doing, I couldn't just sit steeped in my sadness. I HAD to FOCUS on the physical activity, and it helped me enormously. It became my break from sadness and I would look forward to it. I know physical activity affects your hormones, and I think that's why it can be such a help when one is depressed or out-of-sorts. Maybe roller-blading is not for you, but maybe even walking, bicycling, an exercise class. You never know :) I know one thing: your mother would want you to be happy.
NikkiNarcisse on July 27, 2020:
It has been about two years since I have posted here. My mother passed in February 2017. My world was shattered. She was the best! If I had the ability to choose the woman to mother me, I'd choose her all over again. I understand fighting to live daily because the grief is so overbearing. I was there. It was my grief that led me to this very comforting and ongoing post. It doesn't get easier with time, you cope better over time. But it has to be intentional. You may need to remind yourself from MOMENT to MOMENT that she would want you to live your life and live it FULLY. For me, I choose to live my life in a way that would honor my parents. I still talk to her and I talk to God about her. I wear some of her clothes, I carry her handbags, I reflect on the things that she has taught me through both her words and actions. I consider her when making some decisions as if I am seeking her advice. I keep flowers in the house for both she and I. I bought a memorial box for notes, cards, gifts and mementos. I acknowledge her daily at a set time (intentionally). I started a YouTube channel. I still talk about her. I still buy gifts and cards periodically for her but something that I can also use. I read her journals. I write in her journals. I communicate with family, several of her friends, former coworkers and others that loved her. I still cry and it still hurts but I can breathe. I still reside in the home that we shared together and I find myself doing many things that she used to do. I find myself understanding things that she said I would only understand when she is no longer here. And everyday, I know that unless I am intentional about living, I absolutely will not.
I really hope this helps someone. One MOMENT at a time. God bless you all.
Oh and I got off SOCIAL MEDIA! I have a pretty solid and big following on my social media, and I recognize that I have influence. I couldn't handle that and I couldn't handle seeing others post about their mother. That is a little better now but in the moments that I can't, I am honest with myself about it. Sometimes, I cry in public places because the feeling and memories rush in on me..... I get it and you are allowed to breakdown. The breakdown will eventually be your foundation for being built up. Please lean on God.
Suhas on July 26, 2020:
Some of you might be familiar with me, i keep writing here. For those of who are not, i lost my mom, my best friend, my everything to cancer on 5th feb this year. She was my everything, like literally. Ever since then i have been trying to deal with the anxiety and depression that has come with it but i am unable to help myself, nothing seems to help. I meditate everyday for an hour in a group so that i don't feel lonely, i have tried antidepressants but none of them suit me and that's the only solution pshyciatrists have. They counsell as well during meditation sessions but that's not helping either. When i meditate or do relaxation exercises at night alone before sleeping, i keep getting flashes of her illness, the worst time for us. I keep getting flashes of her suffering. After doing all the efforts, here i am at 4.30 a.m. writing to this group. I know it's a fact that one day we all have to go, noone's here forever so we might as well enjoy our time here but irrespective of whatever i do, my mom's memories, losing her, her love, attachment with her, her care, everything is at the back of my mind, always and i really don't know how to go on in my life without her. I am not married so i don't have a partner either. People tell me that give it some time, time is the biggest healer but till now mothing has helped even little bit. I don't know what to do, can someone suggest something? I know people here themselves are struggling with living their lives without their mom's, i am not sure if anyone will be able to help me.
Papillon1947 on July 25, 2020:
I just lost my mom three days ago. She had cancer and other complications. She and I believed, despite her diagnosis, based on representations by the doctors she would be home by now. I bought groceries including fun snacks for when she came home. We even had certain shows recorded we were looking forward to watching together. Instead, I am writing a note to a bunch of strangers because I am part of a group for which I don’t want to be a member (no offense).
I have absolutely no advice on how long the emptiness exists and continues to hurt. I lost my dad and I know I was able to accept his death, although I do miss him and still cry for him. But my mother ... we were supposed to travel to Paris and do so many other things together. It is unfair, unkind, and just down right sucks.
I’m am taking care of her funeral arrangements due to her death. It’s hard to grasp that she is not here. I’m in the middle of a bad dream I cannot wake up from. The phone rings and I expect to hear her voice. So many things have happened over the past few days I wanted to tell her but I can’t. It is horrible. I don’t want to speak with anyone about it, the less I talk about her passing the less time I have to spend dealing with the pain.
I wish everyone luck. I’m sure our mom’s would want us to miss them but to also be happy and enjoy life. Easier said than done, I know. Regardless, I have to keep reminding myself until I feel like I have my feet securely planted on the ground.
Japheth igyurah on July 25, 2020:
I lost my mum on the 28 of October 2009,i.e 9years with 9 mouth now. Mum is a side thing missing you but God knows it most. Rip.
Jo's Thom correction on July 25, 2020:
All of us that post here now have a special angel to guide and watch over us always and forever....
Jo"s on July 25, 2020:
Every person here now has a beautiful angel to guide and protect them always....
San on July 24, 2020:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my wonderful Mum and best friend. I miss you so so very much. I love and miss you every second of every day. Till we meet again my beautiful angel. XX
Emmpea on July 24, 2020:
I’m mum died on the 20th May this year in the middle of the world pandemic if coronavirus. It has been so hard, harder than I could ever have thought. None of her grandchildren, family, friends could be near or see her before she died, luckily we managed to keep her at home and fulfill hers and my dads age 91 wishes to stay home.
The pain is searing. Every day I wake up and feel the same, every night I try to go to sleep and think I may feel better tomorrow, but I don’t. Mums funeral was tough. Just limited to 10 family members, others had to watch on a webcast-horrendous. The closure just isn’t there, the normality just isn’t going to be normal anymore. The human who gave birth to me is no longer here with me, and although it is now 2 months ago, the pain is raw. My mum was such a big part of everything I am today, I truly feel I’ve lost my right arm. I My son died 27 years ago, and I feel his loss every second of every day, so I am sure my Mum will follow this and I will never feel as I did before again.
Butterfly4040 on July 23, 2020:
I lost my mom to cancer last November. I miss her every day. She was a strong woman who lived for her children and grand kids. She taught me about music (my passion for the Beatles) and movies and was the driving force that inspired me to finish my career. A few weeks before her passing, a beautiful Monarch butterfly flew into my hand. I showed the video to my mom and we cried together thinking of my grandma Abi in heaven. The day my mom passed, I looked out of the window and saw two big Monarch butterflies flying away. I knew there and then that mom was with grandma, in a better place. Today has been a particularly hard day for me. I've cried several times and call her name, I miss her that much. My only consolation is that I know that mom is in a much better place and will always watch over me and the kids from heaven. Mom I love you--you'll forever be in my heart...and like you always told me: "Don't worry be HAPPY" I'll do my best mom. Until we see each other again.
Suhas on July 23, 2020:
I lost my mom to cancer this year, so i know how this pain feels, she was & will always be my best friend. Try to find a good relationship, a new suppory system, it'll help.
Loboviejo on July 21, 2020:
I lost my mom a little over a week ago. While it wasn't a surprise, I thought that I had a few more weeks with her at the very least. I am thankful that I was able to care for her and be with her the last few months of her life. We watched lots of TV together and we were watching The Flash the night before she passed. I am fortunate too, in that my son was able to hold her hand the night before she passed and tell her he loved her. I also told her that night I loved her and kissed her forehead a few times,and caressed her eyebrows to straighten them for her. With all that said, I didn't tell her what an amazing mom she was, or take another selfie with her. Now that she's gone I miss her so much. I cry outta no where, I lay on her bed and remember how she took care of me when I was little, and even when I was an adult. She always told me "no matter how old, big or tall you get, you will always be my baby." I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but the house and aspects of my life have emptiness in them that I have never known before. I miss you with all my heart mom.
Angel on July 20, 2020:
I lost my Mom 5 years ago and I still feel the pain. She lived close to where I live and I called her so many times during the day. We did so many things together and she lived to be 100 and a half. At the end, she was still very healthy, but she contracted pneumonia and died ten days later, which was very unexpected! Even after such a long period of time, I still want to talk to her and tell her about something happy or sad. I want to share things about my life with her still! So sad without her!
Lungelwe Mhlongo on July 20, 2020:
I lost my mom on the 3rd of July and buried her on the 8th. It was so unexpected and very cruel. Which is why I'm still struggling with this pain on my chest each time I think about her. I have been numb, have cried hopelessly. I have tried to be strong for my kids who are experiencing a loss for the first time. Going back to work was not easy. Days are not the same anymore, each day feels empty and heavy. I'm taking it one day at a time, i trust that as time goes on I will be ok.
Lindiwe on July 19, 2020:
I lost my mom on the second of this month... She died in my eyes, in my brother's hands, we just came back from the earsten Cape. The house is just full with memories, which am so trying to avoid but am failing. I just do not know how I feel on the other side I think am doing fine.
Looking at her pictures and videos we used to do together it's like am dreaming she's not dead. I last cried on her funeral, I do have that thing to cry but I don't feel like. Yeah it's really not easy we were not prepared for her death.
I so bealive that the article will help me heal, although I know I won't heal now but I will
Moleboheng on July 18, 2020:
I lost my mom 21 March 2020,..I cried so hard reading this artical cause I miss my mom so much it's been almost 4 months and when am alone I feel so sad and I cry for hours I lost my best friend my ancor I miss her smile...thank you for this artical it has help me a lot thru my healing
Kathy on July 18, 2020:
Lost my mom in May of this year. Thank you for this article
Chef md on July 17, 2020:
I lost my mom Dec 11, 2019 i cared for her for almost 7 years in my home she had dementia. I miss her she was my best friend even before she lived with me. but i feel happy she is in a better place, I feel blessed that she is no longer a shell of the vibrant women she was, I am so happy she is back with my dad after being a widow for over 30 years,
it is hard coming home to an empty house, no mom, no aides, no all consuming purpose to advocate for her and keep her safe, so now i am working to find the new normal and find myself again, and look forward to a next chapter.
Karen on July 15, 2020:
I lost my mom unexpectedly 3 days ago. I feel wrecked. As she progressed through her dementia journey I came to feel it would be a blessing. I was not expecting this magnitude of grief.
Lebohang on July 14, 2020:
I lost my mom last year on the 11 August 2019. It was a moment I never wanted to experience in my life especially when my siblings are still young.it is 11 months now but it feelings like it happened yesterday, I can get over losing my mom
Ilsa on July 13, 2020:
My mother is no more
Jo's Thom on July 12, 2020:
The luckiest people on earth are the ones that still have their moms!!!!
Marilyn on July 11, 2020:
I lost my Oct 14,2018. Right after her funeral my sister, BIL and nephews snd his wife moved away. They said they would help me with everything that needed to be done but they left everything up to me and haven’t spoken at all since. I miss my mom terribly and wish I had someone to talk to about how I feel toward my sister. I feel she abandoned me when I needed her help the most. She never got along with my mom and it’s almost like she happy she’s gone. How do I snap out of thinking about my sister and what she did to me? How she treated my mom ?It’s causing such anxiety and depression.
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on July 09, 2020:
Dear Liza and others,
Hang in there. The loss is devastating, unfair, excruciating, and you think you can't go on. But, we do, perhaps because our mothers have made us so strong. I believe that our deceased loved ones become part of the universe again, their bodies and souls free from earthly pain, and wonderfully joining that vast pool of energy which gives life to everything from flowers to stars. We are all part of the Circle of Life. I know it hurts too much right now. But, you will get through this, and sharing your pain with others helps, I think. It takes time. I understand this. Life without my mother is different now, but to get by, I try to carry my mother's love outward and forward. Again, it takes time.
Liza Herbst on July 09, 2020:
I lost my mom in May 2020....a few days after my birthday and a few days before her 70th birthday. My mom was a healthy active person and she was always with me over almost every weekend and over the lockdown period as well.Two weeks after she returned home she fell a little sick and became short of breath. ...and then one morning she just did not answered my call....she passed away that morning. I felt robbed of someone I dearly loved and I am angry. I miss her every single moment of my life. Not a day passes without me bursting in tears and sorrow....I talk to her every day....and I wish I could be able to communicate with her....I want and need to know if my mom is fine....if she is ok....I feel like I'm loosing control.... .
Susan on July 07, 2020:
I lost my mom on April 15th 2020. The pain I'm losing my mother is so horrible. She put an addition on my home 5 years ago because she wanted to come live with me she want to be alone anymore. Things at that time were good It just happened about a year ago she started not feeling as well. Last year this time she had a pacemaker and defibrillator put in and she got through the surgery of flying colors and felt wonderful. This past December 2019 she came down with pneumonia and he told me she was going to pass at that time and to her being strong she made it through. She said needed rehab instead of the hospital and they tried working with her I had to get her out and move her to a home for more rehab. She couldn't walk so upon her transportation to the home the nurses trapped her leg in the wheelchair. Well we got you the way you support home she said her leg burned And I looked at it she had a massive long black and blue mark which was given to her from the treatment in the chair. After that I watched it grow and grow into this major huge hematoma. needless to say they had to rush her back to the hospital since she got that as a result of their negligence she said nothing but stress and back and forth to the hospital. Who last trip was because she got a bacterial infection through the wound even though it was healing ended up being on really harsh antibiotics in the hospital and they came home with them. She got excruciating stomach pains couldn't eat and I got frustrated and told her please You got to try I don't need to go to the hospital at this time due to the virus. Make a long story short nurse came reported it to her doctor right away never heard I called back and reported it again by that time it was 1:30 a.m. in the morning and she was so weak and had severe colitis from the antibiotics. At this time I was unable to go with her due to the virus so I kissed her on her cheek and said Mom I love you I'm sorry I can't go she said I love you too. After that's a longer story but she died 6 days later I wasn't able to be with her at all and she died without me there. So I can't tell you what the pain feels like but I'm sure some of you know what the pain is just losing your mother. I pray for all you others out there that are feeling the same pain as I am.. It's a pain nobody wants to go through. Thank you for letting me talk.
Andrew on July 07, 2020:
I still think to call her everyday like I would when she was still here. Every time I have good or bad news. Or just to talk about our day. She was the kindest woman I knew. A staple in our family. I still tell her I love her before going to bed every night. I live on like she would want and continue trying to better my life, but not a day goes by without thinking of her. She went down hill fast after granny passed.. I can't do that. This article really made my day.. i'm not the only one.
Mo on July 04, 2020:
I justnlost her Thursday, its still so surreal.....not sure how this is going to work out. I thought i prepared myself but i I didn't really. Even though you watch them go, its hard to accept. Dying from lung cancer sucks! She drowned:(
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on July 03, 2020:
Dear Linda, Believe me - you are not alone. Life is different post-Mom. There's no doubt about it. Every night I go to bed, and every morning that I get up, I think of my mother. And it's been 17 months since my mother died. And, now that I'm retired, and home most of the time, I think about her constantly, it seems. She had lived with me here for the last 30 years. But, if it helps, remember your mother's love, and carry it forward. There are certainly people out there who could use some kindness and love.
Linda on July 02, 2020:
I can’t get over the loss of my mom. I was looking for help and this article came up. It’s heart wrenching and painful to loose your best friend, your number 1 fan and the only person on earth that knows you inside and out.
I pray one day it will get easier. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me. It’s been over 2 years! When will it get better I keep asking myself. I look around everyone seems to have moved on and handling life. But I’m stuck and feel so alone. And no one understands. Some say they do. Thank you for this article it’s the closest thing to how I been feeling .
Kedaros on July 02, 2020:
My Mother died the day before Mother's Day which was also the same day as my Father's birthday. But she was only 59, and died from the Coronavirus. I was around 1500 miles from her so I couldn't even be with her when it all happened. My family was near there, but the whole hospital wouldn't even allow any visitors because of the virus. I miss her immensely so. You never know just how horrible it feels until you yourself have lost your Mother, and that's the truth.
Cveta on July 01, 2020:
I agree with you, only people that have lost Mum understand the pain. I lost my Mum 5 months ago, people keep saying how time flies but for me its still January when she died.
TommyDuke on July 01, 2020:
My mom was my first and best friend. I was a sickly child, and she was always there for me. It was bitter sweet that I cared for her in her final illness. I don't feel I did enough for her, even though my sister and loved ones tell me I did, and mom herself did. She passed May 9 2020 in a hospice house. We lived together; I got us a house back in October. By January she was becoming ill. She didn't get to enjoy the home we moved to, or the furniture I bought her very long. I still live there; I still have the furniture. Her purse is still on the end table by the couch. I have moved her coat to closet, as its now mid summer. I looked through her purse and saw the receipt from the last time we ate out and cried like a baby. Her purse always had a minty smell as she kept gum or mints in there. She died of perforated bowel resulting from tumors abdomen. 3 hospital stays and a half dozen scans didn't reveal this 6 months ago.
Family doesn't understand that is hurtful to see their posts on social media stating how they are "So happy and thankful they still have their mom's to call and confide in." Such things really hurt.
Mom loved to sew. I walked past the sewing dept at wal mart and had to run to the bathroom so strangers wouldn't see me break down. Of course, the restrooms in that store have a terrible echo.
There really are no words for the pain; the worst is having relatives trying to push me to move on, and appearing uncomfortable with my grief. I want her back. I want to go to heaven to be with her. I stay for my siblings and Nephew. They love and need me, and mom would want me to hang around for them, but its so painful finding the energy to put one foot in front of the other. I'm a nurse, so I see sickness and death all the time... different when its your mom. Work now is a drudgery. ok that is enough..... My condolences to all who have lost their mom. Only those who have lost their mom can ever understand this pain. God bless you. may you find comfort. May WE find comfort.
Rhiannon on July 01, 2020:
My mom had a stroke two days after mother's day and died on May 28, 2020 I feel like this pain will never end. We were best friends and I don't know how to live my life without her
Jo's Thom on June 30, 2020:
My dear mom JoAnn passed 22 months ago. I still feel so lost without her. I know that I will always miss my mom immensely forever. She will exist in my heart for eternity.
Helaina on June 29, 2020:
Long live my mommy. 01/20/20 the day I gained my forever angel.
Valerlie on June 29, 2020:
Tears roll down my face right now .. I have no words .. I miss u mum ❤️
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on June 28, 2020:
My mother was 90 years old when she died 16 months ago. She was my best friend and, living together, I "tucked her in" every night, and made sure I kissed her good-bye every morning when I left for work. I realize I am a very lucky person to have had that much time and happiness with my mother. Not every one who loses their mother is this lucky. I hope you have many happy memories of your mother. But, I know that right now, you probably just don't want to believe what has happened. There are many good, strong people who write here. I hope you will find comfort in their willingness to share their grief, and their love, here.
Sonia on June 27, 2020:
My beautiful gorgeous mother passed away 6 weeks ago. Mom was almost 90 years old. I took care of my mom till the end. No one in the world knows the devastating pain and sorrow and mourning that I'm going through.y beautiful gorgeous mother and I were inseparable more like twins. I cry
My gorgeous beautiful mother passed away 2 days before mother's day in 2020 on June 27, 2020:
My beautiful gorgeous mother passed away on May 8 2020. I will never get over my mother's passing. It's so hard. I cry all the time and I am so depressed. I love and miss my mom so much.
Sonia on June 27, 2020:
My beautiful gorgeous mother
Suhas on June 26, 2020:
Don't worry, she will never be forgotten..she will always be alive inside your heart. I have learnt from people who post here that the best way to honour your mom and keep her alive is to remember everything she taught you and do it and to live the life she always wanted you to live, happily...fulfill all her dreams. I think that's the best way to keep them alive as we long live.
Fabrienne Walton on June 26, 2020:
I lost my mom May 16, 2020 I am devastated she was my best friend we did everything together. She was in a nursing home and they didn’t care for her good. I did everything human possible to make sure she had. I just wish I would have taken care of her myself.
London on June 26, 2020:
I lost my mom less than a week ago. All I feel is loss. My mom may have had slight kidney problems but ultimately Covid19 was the result of her death. The fact that her own illnesses didn’t even take her out but a pandemic did angers me. I try to talk to her everyday and the funeral is something I don’t look forward to. I want to move on , we still lived together and I have the urge to hurriedly for through her things and give away some of her old clothes... yet I don’t want her to be forgotten or feel as if I’m ready for her to be forgotten. I cried for days straight, but it all just feels like oh she’s just in the hospital like she was a month before she passed. Pray for me as I pray for everyone who’s in the comments and just coming to this article to get insight from having lost a patent. Be blessed
Clinton Fernandez on June 25, 2020:
It will be 3 years in August. Miss her very much. There were days when I felt down and depressed but you get by with those feelings expecially when you have friends and family that understands. I felt comforting knowing that Dad is beside her. She is not alone. Everytime I cook a meal I say thank you Mom for teaching me all these things especially cooking. I know that you are in a better place. Keep watch over us with Dad by your side. Love you.
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on June 22, 2020:
To those of you who think you can't go on or feel that life no longer has any meaning, I also felt those things. But the overwhelming grief does pass with time. Sometimes it takes a LONG time. And then, you can carry your mother's love forward. I think our moms would like that.
Sandile ndlovu on June 22, 2020:
Lost my mom to multiple myeloma on the 25th of April this year. I get extremely sick when I think of how she just left after I spoke to her just three days before... And tryst me she was doing better than in February when she was diagnosed. The pain never ends... The memories, her voice, her smile. Her presence was felt. I pray so hard to God to just take me as well. I never imagined my life without her. It's sad that there's nothing I can do to bring her back.
My heart is slowly dying
Cveta on June 22, 2020:
So sad to see so many people with this pain of losing Mum. So sorry for those experiencing those first days, you will get through this. Sorry to say it does not get easier with time, you just have to learn to live with this unbearable pain. Bless you all and may all of our Mums to rest in peace x
Alicia on June 21, 2020:
I lost my mom 6/18 of lung cancer COPD and I can’t function. I have good and bad moments that it just hits me. I never would have thought it would of been this hard without her.
I read everyone else’s comments and I’m so sorry to hear there are others experiencing the same pain:(
Ken Dilday on June 21, 2020:
I lost Mom on Friday almost 2 days ago I loved her so much and she loved me to. it was so hard to see Mom that way I'm shaking and crying even as I type this.
Jacqueline Becklo on June 20, 2020:
I lost my mother today. Yesterday she was smiling at me and combing her fingers through my hair. Today I was holding her lifeless hands trying to keep them warm. I'm not sure how the following days, week, months, or years will be. All that I know is she is the love of my life - my first love. I love you momma
Lori on June 20, 2020:
I lost my mom 3 weeks ago 0n may 29,2020.I feel so numb and lost without her,I cry all the time and cant sleep and have no desire to eat. I constantly want to call her just to her voice.My mom was my go too for everything in life I feel so lost.I"m dreading the holidays without her.My family has been great and Im so thankful for my grandkids they keep me going.It helps to know that Im not alone.I will keep you all in my prayers.
MJW on June 20, 2020:
My beautiful mommy met Jesus on the evening of May 6, 2020. The world became a different place in an instant. The pain is so raw and intense that it’s numbing. Every day is a reminder that I can’t see her beautiful smile or hear her voice.
God be with you all. I know how you feel, and I’m praying for each of you.
Valerie on June 19, 2020:
Emptiness ..Sad.. heartbroken...lost.. scared..
That’s how I describe loosing mum..
I miss her so much and living with that loss is hard ..
Kaneha on June 19, 2020:
I just lost my mother 3 days ago... from lung cancer it's one of the hardest things I had to endure ..I am having a lot of trouble coping with her passing ....I'm trying to be strong but at the same time. All Feelings is pain... And alot of hate for people ...I have no appetite... I can't sleep... I took my blood pressure and it was 177 over a 100...it never was that high before...my chess hurts...and my arm hurts...and i have to go to the funeral....but the pain i have i cant go...my mom was the only one i have other then my husband in this whole world that i feel understands me in a way words cant explain...and im having a hard time coping
keith on June 17, 2020:
my mamma passed away 30th march and because of this virus we was not even allowed to go to her funeral or flowers or anything , then the following week they changed it all ,
i feel like im in a trance since my mum passed away, i dont feel good and my life will never be the same.
i cry lots especially at night, all i want is for her to come through the door or call my phone just to hear her voice once again, but i know this cannot be,
The pain that causes me i just cannot describe , nothing in my life compares to this.
and for me. life now means nothing at all
Brenda on June 17, 2020:
We buried my Mom yesterday, she was 96 yrs old. Intellectually I know she had an amazing and long life, even though the end was a long fight after a great deal of care from me and my sister. I nod my head when people say she had a long and wonderful life But it doesn’t diminish my pain, even though like you, I thought I was ready
I’m glad it’s ok to feel this way I feel like it will hurt very badly for long time
Yuyi on June 15, 2020:
I lost my mom 2 days ago. It felt so unreal. When i woke up in the morning and thinking i cant call my mom anymore. When my kids still not knowing/understanding their belove grandma is gone, they kept talking about their grandma. The great time they had with her. It just so heartbreaking. It is very hard to overcome the pain to lost mom.
Carolina Umali on June 14, 2020:
Thank you for this article.
I lost my extraordinarily brave mom 10.5 years ago, yet it feels like yesterday. The physical and mental pain is still overwhelming at times. I miss her so much! Some days when I can’t get out of bed, I just close my eyes and think about the words she said to me when she was dying, “be strong”.
God bless all of you who have lost your moms. Just know that she would want you to be strong right now. Take solace in knowing she is no longer suffering.
Ana on June 14, 2020:
My mom Ana Elena died yesterday in Mexico, she was 70 years old and she was on a wheel chair for 34 years of her live. She had a bedsore but then had a pulmonary situation .She end up on a covid hospital but they released her, she got home fall sleep and didnt wake up again. I cannot go to Mexico due to the covid, im having a very bad time
Laura on June 12, 2020:
My mum died less than 12hrs ago i definately feel numb we were supper close and all i want to do is ring her it feels so strange that i cant. My lil girls are keeping me going but out of the blue its hit me a couple of times that shes really truely gone and i crumble. It hurts but im relieved she is no longer suffering. Her name is Barbara and she had a smile that lit up the world.
Vandy on June 11, 2020:
I can feel all of you & what you are going thru. I lost my healthy mother suddenly on 30th April, 2020. She was taking a nap in the afternoon & never woke up. I am so lost & don’t know what to do about this immense pain. Due to Covid there’s nobody to hold me or give any kind of solace ....
pgill on June 11, 2020:
Thank you for this...with Covid19 we are still awaiting some closure...my mom loved hummingbirds; I have planted a plant in my yard and a feeder to bring them to our home...thank you sharing this...
Jo on June 11, 2020:
I lost my mum on 24th May 2020. Its her funeral tomorrow. I dont think i have the strength to get through it. I feel so alone and lost without her. I lost my dad when i was 18. The pain was unbearable then. But now words cant explain how much it hurts. I just hope god gives me the strength to get through this.
Jason on June 09, 2020:
Hi Anita,I lost my mom too.
Anita Sherer on June 09, 2020:
I just read your article it was very nice I just loss my mom on May 28 2020; she had a bad blood infection bin her body her kindey fail me and my brother couldn't he there when she passed away due to the virus bi miss her so much I have 5 brothers but I can't talk to them about our loss of mom it's very hard on me I wasn't that closed to her like a daughter sure be she never approved of any of the men in my life she wanted me to herself my was very control of me no matter what I do thank you for reading my letter
Gigirosie from Hudson Valley NY on June 09, 2020:
Just wanted to say that my heart goes out to all of you who have recently lost your mother. I have not had computer access for the last month, and now that I am temporarily able to connect again, I am saddened by the pain you are sharing here.
It has been 16 months since my mother died. I still think of her every day, sometimes talk out loud to her, kiss her picture good-night, and choose to try to feel her here with me. But, the intense pain that was so difficult, the heaviness I used to feel in my chest because my heart was breaking, that physical sensation has passed. I suspect that's what happens with most people.
I still cry at times, especially when I hear certain music. When it's a beautiful day outside, I think of how much she would have enjoyed it. And, I remember how much she loved life. That was my mom.
I know it seems impossible, but the pain does subside over time. I think it's the natural process because one can't endure pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for their whole life. The physical body moves on, even when we perhaps just want to hold onto that pain, because even holding onto that pain, I think, is part of holding onto that loved one, if that makes any sense. I think this is normal.
But, for those who feel like they can't go on, like nothing matters anymore, please consider that your mother probably would have wanted nothing but happiness for you, that your pain WILL subside, your strength WILL return, and you can carry her love forward.
Cveta on June 09, 2020:
Finding every morning waking up and realising again and again that she is gone really hard. The whole life just seems pointless and not finding any purpose in it...
Sergio on June 08, 2020:
I appreciate the article very much.
I lost my mum on 28th may 2020. I was not able to be with her during her last days or go and attend the funeral in person unfortunately due to covid-19. She was in a different country and I tried my best to be with her on a phone camera or with an audio message of support, she was proud of her son and knew it was not under my control the situation or not being by her side physically. We used to talk every weekend on Skype and these last two weekends after her passing have been the worst, I missing her so much and the need to listen to her voice increase every day. My wife and I we both are sad.
I love you Mum! you will be always on my hearth forever.
Haya on June 08, 2020:
Its been 2 years since I lost her, not a single day passes without remembering her.I am missing her more by each passing day.
Shanda on June 07, 2020:
This site really help me. My mom passed on May 20, 2020. My biggest worry, how do I move on without my mother, the holidays her birthday etc. I try to put on a brave face in front of friends and family but when I am all alone that empty feel reappear. I know with time I will become more tolerable with my new norm a motherless daughter
Ramisa on June 06, 2020:
Well… I am just a kid of 10yrs old she passed away today and I couldn’t stop crying so I searched this up I can’t believe this happened but nobody knows what will happen I this world but it made me cry thinking my mother was to young to pass away too soon