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How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on November 18, 2015

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My Loss

How I miss this.
How I miss this.

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Find the Support of Others

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      Belle 4 years ago

      My mother died Easter Sunday 2013. Thank you for writing your thoughts. You are on point with the greiving process. The first week, and it's only been two weeks today, I felt numb. I feel like crying now and sometimes it just happens when I'm out in public. That is very concerning to me because I don't like wearing my feelings on my sleeve.

      I miss her I took care of her until the end she was very ill it was her kidneys but she died of heart failure. She wanted to go and wanted to stay for me. On the day she died my brother and I told her It was alright to let go, we would be alright. However it just seems that I'm falling apart.

      So, thank you for your written words. They somehow allow me to cry and not feel bad about tears. And it will get better in time. Bless You

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      Jeff 4 years ago

      Thank you for this article . We buried my mother today . She passed 5/26/2013 after a long illness . So many things from your article have already happened in this short time . It's almost like my story . It's going to be a rough road for my family . I hold on to that she is in peace now and in a better place where she is the happy / healthy mom I grew up with. She truly deserves to be remembered and missed. Thank you and god bless

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      Susan 4 years ago

      I feel like I wrote this story myself. I too lost my mother almost a year ago to Lung cancer. I was there for all her treatments and appts. Hospice came to our rescue the last week of her life and I don't know what we would have done without them. I never left her side, and I let her know everyday if she was ready to go it was okay I would make sure my dad would be well taken care of. She lasted barely a week and on that Saturday morning in July the chaplain from Hospice started to sing Coming Home and with my sister, father and myself she suddenly opened her eyes and looked at each one of us an took her last breath. It was a beautiful death. My life forever changed that day. She was my best friend. I think of her daily and miss her tremendously. Each day does get a little easier. I'm trying to remember the good times not the ugly last six months. Thanks for sharing your story, I'm going to save this so when I have a bad day I can read your story. Thank You!!!

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      Sarah 3 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this. It has been difficult to find someone who truly understands how difficult it is. You said it very accurately. I lost my dearest mother seven months ago to ovarian cancer. Even as I write this, I cannot seem to control the tears. Being the youngest daughter and the closest this has been the most trying time of my life. Thank you and God Bless you abundantly.

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      Anne 3 years ago

      I lost my mom in November 2013 to lung cancer. and I can relate to your article, especially now. that i am supposed to act all "normal" and "go on with my life". and when i have bad days, people ask me "why, what happened?" and i look at them and don't know how to react....

      what also pains me is going to my parents house to see my dad. it literally kills me to enter that house when she is not there... I know that everyone deals differently with grief but I can't help but feel angry with him for getting rid of all of her stuff. not a book or a handkerchief left. only a blown up picture... I feel that losing a mother is like losing "a parent and a half"...

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      Melissa 3 years ago

      I'm 22, I lost my Mum less than a month ago. She was on prescription drugs for a bad chest and they sent her mad in a week and she took her own life. I didn't get to say a proper goodbye. I genuinely don't know how I will ever get on with my life. Right now, I don't particularly want to.. I just want to live in my bed, curl in a ball and look at pictures of her. Sometimes the physical pain is so bad I think I'd prefer to have my foot cut off, it would be less painful. Reading this confirms I'll never feel 'ok' again, there will always be a mental scar that feels incredibly physical, like a fist squeezing my heart. We have yet to have the funeral but I am terrified. I'm not who I was and I don't know how I'll ever cope. But it's comforting to know I'm not completely alone.

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      Karen 3 years ago

      I lost my Mum 7 months ago August 2013...I just miss her there is simply no other words to describe it. It hurts. Everyone goes on with their lives and I go on too but with this pain that never goes away. My Mum went suddenly unexpectedly and I never got to tell her anything so I feel robbed, robbed of the chance to tell her that she was just the best Mum, she did everything for me in every way she could for all of my life and it was rare that we had a cross word with one another...I just miss sharing things with Mum my best friend.

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      antiquestars 3 years ago

      I'm 19, and just lost my Mother today. We're not entirely sure what caused it (which has caused me to order an autopsy), but it was quick and painless-- doesn't make it hurt any less, though.

      I've just begun the grieving process with my close-knit family. We feel as though the biggest chunk of our lives was taken from us, but at the same time we're slightly relieved, as we learned from my Father that she only had 7 months to live, beginning in December, and told no one except him and my oldest Niece.

      Bouts of numbness then random bursts of emotions have left me feeling tired, scared, and alone. I'm scared that everyone will pretend as if everything's okay even a week from now, but my family has been with me so far and I can only hope that they continue to do so, and give them the same comfort they've given me.

      I'll love and miss her always. She was my best friend, and understood me best.

      Thank you for this, as it's helped me realize that I SHOULD allow myself to feel grief, that it's okay to go through the motions, as bottling them up will only spell for disaster.

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      Shoreham lad 3 years ago

      I lost my beloved Mother unexpectedly in August 2013. Mum had a major stroke and heart attack 15 minutes after I arrived at her flat to visit her. I had bought her shopping and some extra treats for her. It's approaching eight months now and I'm still devastated, I'm single and have no children myself so arriving home after work for the evening is so tough. Mum and I were best friends and she was my world. I have also had to deal with people saying you should be over it by now and it's time to move on. I'm starting to accept that I'll never get over it however I need to start looking at ways of managing the grief. Keeping busy and mentally occupied helps to a certain extent and I am volunteering for two charities in addition to my full time job. Make Mum proud is what I keep telling myself. The trouble is, I can't forget the sad little face looking at me when she had the stroke, poor Mum was unable to talk or let me know how she was feeling. The journey in the ambulance with Mum looking terrified and the hospital staff trying to keep her alive in casualty. Sadly, Mum didn't make it. I'll never get over it, I truly believe that.

      Please hold onto to the fact that you're not going mad, there's no time limit ,right or wrong way to grieve

      You only have one Mum and when they've gone the pain is excruciating

      A sign of your love and the dedication for your Mums.

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      Jennifer 3 years ago

      I lost my beautiful mother 7/9/2013 to liver failure which had put her in a coma that she wouldn't come out of. The doctors gave me and my family the option to stop the machines which were the only thing keeping her alive. My brother and sisters didn't want that to happen. Our mother clearly told us before she became ill this was something that she did not want. So I had to be the strong one and make the decision to end her suffering. I spent the next few months staying as busy as I could. At that time I thought if I stayed busy and kept it at the back of my mind I could stay strong and keep it together for my Dad and my sisters and be there for them. Never allowing myself to actually grieve. I did everything from working extra hours at work to major home improvement projects. I could handle the crying phone calls from my sisters and making dinners for my dad almost every night. Until one night while trying to remove wallpaper that would not come off. I was thinking to myself how to make this work. Then I thought I'll just call my mom and ask her. Then looking up at the wall and realizing I couldn't, at that moment I realized I lost my mother. I sat there in the mess of wallpaper scraps and really cried for her. After months of what I thought was being strong and keeping it together I cried my eyes out for over 3 hours. I know now that I needed that breakdown. I needed to start crying for her in order to grieve properly. Now I can sing the little songs to my son that she use to sing to me as a child, and talk to my family about her.

      I don't think anyone would "get over" the loss of their mother.

      You learn to go on with her in your thoughts and your heart.

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      Nitin (India) 3 years ago

      Don't know what to say but it's not easy to accept this truth. Everyone is emotionally attached to their parents or family that we can't think of losing them forever , though we know that one day it will happen to every one :(

      I have been a support to many of my friends at their bad times but after losing my mom I felt like blank and observed there is no one to support at my bad phase of life.. It's been 3 weeks now .. I still not able to accept this and want to be in her remeberence .. Cry for her .. May God bless everyone of us and give strength to deal with this phase of life.

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      df611 3 years ago

      I'm 20 and I just lost my mother a week ago. She died on her hospital bed after suffering from liver cancer which was only diagnosed 2 months before her death. The most painful part of this process is that she was only 50. She always had a very healthy lifestyle , she looked young, she was energetic , beautiful and very kind, basically the ideal mum. This event unfolded so rapidly and I would say that her death was such a brutal and sudden blow to the entire family. 'Surreal' is the best word to describe this whole experience. I've always wanted her to be present for my graduation at university , wedding and to see my children if these events were to occur. From a scientific standpoint, I always thought that dad would go before mum as he's in his sixties and he's diabetic. There are so many sources of the grief which I feel at the moment: losing my own mother, seeing my poor dad lonely after losing his best friend , the love of his life and the possibility that my dad can go at any moment because of his illness. I try to strong for the rest of the family , in front of my dad especially. I think I will be able to cope with it in the long term as I have a life ahead of me to live. But I'm afraid that the psychological impact of her sudden loss will remain in us for a very long time

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      Susan 3 years ago

      Thank you for writing this article, I shared it with my brothers as well. I could really identify with what you said, and it seems like your experience somewhat parallels what I am experiencing. Just wanted to let you know that reading about someone else going through the same things really helped me. Thank you. My Mother @ 92, died February 21, 2014, after me having me in my life for a wonderful 62 years. She was perfect to me.

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      Chris Giannamore 3 years ago

      Thank you so much for sharing,my mom who was my rock my world my best friend my biggest fan my everything passed away 12/4/12 from lung cancer,the worst day of my life was the day she was diagnosed I felt helpless. I took everything a day at a time,this was my biggest fear facing me head on,I do believe Gods grace sees me through and that we will again meet and have life eternal it is what sees me through. Miss her everyday and look forward to the reunion .

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      Lauren Schachter 3 years ago

      I just lost my mom 6 weeks ago to stage 4 breast cancer. She was my entire world, my dad died 18 years ago at 62 and I am an only child and not married. I was the sole caregiver of my mom for 8 years and feel as if I lost my soulmate, not only were we best friends but we were connected in a way that is difficult to explain. It has been 6 weeks and the pain gets worse each day. Not better. I was dating someone who said "he doesn't do well with sad." So I broke up with him. My mom was originally given a few months to live and fought the cancer for 8 years.

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      Diana 3 years ago

      I lost my Mum two months ago from heart failure and kidney failure and I miss her every day. I love her so much. Thankyou for your article because everything you say is so true. No one can understand the pain of losing your Mum. She was my world and always will be.

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      Charlotte Cummings 3 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your story, it has really resonated with my me. My mum passed away on the 18/04/14 aged 58. My mum had been diagnosed in June 2011 with early onset Alzheimer's and she also had Crohn's disease my mum suddenly passed away due to sepsis as her bowel had ruptured. My mum has always been an anchor to the family beautiful inside and out, gregarious with an infectious smile and wink. Her zest for life and to help her friends and family will remain an enduring memory if her spirit and love. It is approaching 5 weeks and memories continue to bring a smile to my face, but when darkness falls my thoughts turn to the reality that I shall never experience a kiss or cuddle from my mum again or see her beautiful smile if hear her shout my name. My mum will never see me become a parent, get married or by my first home she was my confidant, my counsellor, best friend My Mum xxxx

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      RustyStar 3 years ago

      So, so, so tough to live your life without your Mom. Just doesn't seem right somehow. Even after seven years, I still can't really believe that she is gone. Such a basic and profound loss. My only comfort comes from believing that she is with angels and that she continues to be my angel..never forsaking me and watching over me still and mothers do.

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      Jullia 3 years ago

      Thank you for this article. I lost my mom 2 months ago at the age of 50.And Im 18 years old. She was battling with chronic kiney failure for 10 years. And people expectme to get over it because I had 10 years to prepare myself. But you will never be prepared to lose someone so dear to you. I have been holding back, trying to put a brave face but in reality Im lost and my heart is broken into pieces. I miss my mom everyday, I miss taking care of her, having little arguments with her, our long conversations and just simply seeing her. Celebrating my 1st mothers Day without her was really hard. I may no longer see her but her memories and my love for her will forever stay.

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      gdg 3 years ago

      just lost my mom 2 weeks ago and I feel your pain. I feel like im suffocating. she was all we had. she was mom, dad and friend to me and I can't believe shes gone. I have to pretend shes on a trip sometimes just to keep sane. :(

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      Michelle 3 years ago

      I lost my mom 3/13/13 due to pneumonia she was only 65, she had suffered with constant tired and sickness due to leukaemia for a few years and didn't get a lot of time with her grandson due to not wanting my son to give her a cold ( which could be detrimental in her case) and my toddler was always sick.

      I am an only child and my mom was divorced, I picked her up at her condo to take her to a weekly princess Margaret hospital check and noticed she was breathing horribly so I called an ambulance and within 2 days she was gone, thankfully I was by her side.

      Sometimes the images of her lying in the bed not being able to talk was heartwretching she was trying to tell me something....I'll always wonder

      It's been 1 year and 2 months and I am still as distraught, I agree not to bottle up your feelings let them out and bawl your eyes out, it helps. I still cry for her and think of her and wish she could have been in my sons life longer (as well as mine)I have never accepted death nor will I, but I do believe that your spirit never dies , and when it's my turn I will see her again

      But now i have severe depression and can't stop worrying about my only son when I go. The pain he will have to go through is tormenting me

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      liz 3 years ago

      I feel guilty that I am dealing with my Mother's death as well as I am. She passed away on April 10th from cancer, which she battled for 20 years. We had a close, but terse relationship, most of the time we didn't get along. I miss my mom a lot, but mostly I just don't think about it very much. Thank you for your story, I hope everyone here finds peace.

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      Eric 3 years ago

      My mom died sept.14,2012 worst day of my life nothing can hurt me like that again my mom has been sick since I was 6 years old with lupus in out of hospitals for years it's 2014 in I am still hurting over it I was crying today about it I made my situation a lot worse I gain a lot of waight lost my job haven't did a tax return since 2012 I was thinking about suicide block out all my friends in family I hate doing things with anyone everyone gets on my nerves my car has 4 flat tires not running stop taking my heart meds I stay in my bedroom most of the time I don't know what to do I dig my self a hole in it just keeps getting deeper

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      Eric 3 years ago

      Eric you sound like you have deep depression sweetheart.

      You really should see your Dr about CELEXA or another type. IT REALLY WILL HELP YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE MANAGEABLE and one day put a smile on your face!

      Believe me I know (I'm the story 2 above you) I have suffered for quite awhile with depression, nothing makes you happy and you feel you will never feel that again... Trust me , get on some meds. And believe that you will see your mom again when it's your turn to go....the world and everything in it is energy which never ever ends.

      Try to find a reputable psychic, I truly believe your mom is with you! And hates to see you suffer

      Good luck to you darling! Stay strong

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      cat black 3 years ago

      I lost my mum in march 2012. I had no idea that she was as sick as she was until she went to a and e with stomach pains and we got the diagnosis. Cancer. 58 days later she was gone. Nothing in your life will prepare you for the pain you will feel. The first few weeks I was alternatively numb when I was on my own and putting on a front to be strong for other people who needed me. Now 21 month later I have moved on, but sometimes the pain will ambush me. Sometimes I dream of her dying and I'm right back there and the pain is staggering. All I can say is that there is no timeframe. You will heal in your own time whether that is a year or 10. Don't listen to people who tell you to move or man up. If they have not lost their mum, they have no right to judge you. Best advise I was given? Get through the next hour, before you think about tomorrow.

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      Usha 3 years ago


      I lost my mother today she was 84

      I lost my dad 7 yr back

      At that time feeling of pain was there but my mother holding my hand..wiped my tears... I am here for you...

      Things were difficult but my mom was great strength .. Sometime we talked about dad..

      Every month in 2nd or 3rd week of the month I used to visit her and such visit had become the part of my routine

      Sometime if I call her after 20 th of she will say when

      R u Coming I was thinking of you

      In her old age she was mentally active

      Asking about my kids people of my husband family very much involve

      We had so many things to talk about..sometimes

      She used to miss dad very much

      She was living with my brother

      She was not sick she took her dinner

      And passed away in early mining

      In her sleep peacefully

      But I am feeling blank I do not know

      How I will I face that house

      Without her something is so ... So painful and different from the death of my father

      Only thing I can think is that she has become angle ..a star ..she will always be part of my heart buy in my life's ill not be the same

      Her absence will always be felt


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      Sarah 3 years ago

      Thank you for this article. I was just sitting here thinking there must be something wrong with me. My Mother passed away, not even 4 months ago yet & I feek like i'm not functioning this week. I thought to myself, will I ever feel balance again, will I feel happy again. I think I've been afraid to face things, even though I have been. I miss her very much & I'm sad she will not see my children grow up.

      Your story has helped me this morning & has made ney feel encouraged. Thank you again.

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      marchae 3 years ago

      Hi I lost my wonderful mother September 8, 2012 after battling 7 1/2 years of metastatic stage 4 breast cancer. I was 23 she was 62 her grandson was 1. Prior to that in November 2010 I lost my grandma (her mom). I helped my mother grieve the lost of her mom, while becoming a mom, while losing a mom. The hardest thing ever. Hardest thing is hearing her say she'll miss me. We were with her till the very end. It still hurts. My son won't probably remember her but I'll make sure he knows her. I am her only child and she was my everything. I feel robbed I wanted more time with her. But to know my dear lord does everything for a reason I know he needed her. At a time when I should be the one so concerned (which I was) she was more concerned about me and my son who is such a blessing. She fought to the very end with 8 days in hospice at home. It was peaceful. I love her so much she was a true mom. She got joy thru seeing me happy and successful that made her smile because that let her know she was doing a great job as a mom. And thru all of this she never tried to make her illness a burden on anyone. She always used to tell me "go live your life u have a new baby. .I'm fine." She just wanted to see me happy and I am forever thankful for her. Your story was so touching. I miss my best friend. Love you Ms. Brenda lee

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      patricia 3 years ago

      My mum died 25 years ago when I was 12 and the pain is here always. To live without a mothers love is truly awful. The pain just hit me again this week

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      liz 3 years ago

      This was so true im having a good cry now im 31 lost my mum 6th july 2012 she had 7heart attacks they kept her alive for 7 weeks but then she sadly passed away she was my best friend miss her so much then 4 weeks ago my dad lost his battle to lung cancer he was never the same without mum they was married 45 years at least there both happy and back together again so im grieving for both so hard the only good thing to come out of all this is that i've just found out im pregnant something positve and to smile about they do say when one goes another one comes i believe they sent me my little baby to help me through my grief bless them both fly high mum and dad love you xxx

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      Honey Purkait 3 years ago

      I lost my lovely mummy to heart and kidney failure though she died from an infection she was in hospital and having antibiotics but she got worse i cared for mum for 8 years and she had type 2 diabetes.

      She was my best friend we lived together and loooked after each other I only had her as there is no other family

      It's so hard I miss her her voice her face her funny ways I miss making her porridge and soups as this is all she liked. She always said she is hanging on for me but I just let her know I am also there for her. I did everything for her and it was my world I felt so rewarded and loved back. What do I do now I feel lost no friends really.

      She was so cute the night before she passed she said to me what I was doing for her is not fair to me I said I love this and love her.

      In the morning the hospital rang me to say mum had become unresponsive and she wouldn't make it. I was with her until she took her last breath.

      I love my mummy so much and so does our little Chico doggy he misses mummy and sits with her cardigan.

      I love mummy so much no one will ever love me like my mum did and she always knew what was best for me she was the perfect mother

      Xxxxx love my mummy xxxxxxxx

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      Honey Purkait 3 years ago

      My lovely mummy died 13/1/2014 she was 73 nearly 74

      She is entered in the book of Remembrance at princess Alice hospital Esher surrey

      Honey Xxxx

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      randir14 3 years ago

      I lost my mom yesterday morning, she had been diagnosed with stomach cancer that spread to her lymph nodes, and kidney failure which dialysis failed to help.

      I think one of the worst things is that it happened so fast. One day she went into the ER complaining of stomach pains then two weeks later she was dead. Another person in the comments said their experience felt surreal, and that's exactly how it feels to me. My family visited her an hour after her death and she looked so peaceful, I kept wanting to believe she was asleep and would wake up to greet us at any moment. Even now I keep thinking "this isn't really happening, she'll come walking in the front door any moment". I never thought she would die at only 63 years old, especially since my grandmother (her mother) is 93 and still alive and healthy. And that's another horrible aspect about this situation...yesterday was my grandmother's birthday. She must be feeling absolutely awful.

      It is such a devastating experience and it's true nobody can know how you feel until it happens to them. However I take solace in the fact that she passed away surrounded by love. She had a constant stream of friends and family visiting her through her ordeal, and my dad was with her nearly 24/7. Goodbye mom, I love you and will miss you so much.

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      bulldogfan 3 years ago

      I want to thank you for this. I just lost my mom 6 days ago. It's been absolutely horrible, I lost my aunt (her twin) just about a year ago, lost my gran (their mom) in September, 2 weeks after my gran was my uncle then 6 days ago was my mom, I learned today my other aunt has a mass in her lung and they are continuing testing on it, I haven't had time to grieve over any of this and I feel myself like you Vicki, just about ready for my chest to bust. I have lost 3 of the most important people to me within a year's time and I'm alone, no gran, no aunt, no mom. I do have a husband and 2 great kids but it's not the same. I'm currently seeing a physicist and psychologist and on all kinds of meds that I don't like, but after reading this I just want to thank you Vicki because it helped me to realize that it's ok to grieve and I don't always have to be the strong one for everyone else. THANK YOU!!

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      chris d 3 years ago

      First, I feel for everyone who has written on this..we all share the same loss..I am a 52 year old man who shares this immediate loss with a dad and sister, though neither are my blood. I was adopted by dad and my sister is my half from him. The first 4 years of my life it was me and my mom, this created a bond that was always there. She was always my best friend, my confidante, my rock. Sure I have had a normal life-married,divorced, now a strong 15 year relationship but she was always my #1, and she knew it.

      7 years my mom and dad moved away to provide daycare for my sisters child, mom's only grandchild. Sure I understood but instead of weekly visits they became every few months. We talked every second night.

      She died 2 weeks ago with me only knowing she was terminal the 3 weeks before. I was there the last 2 weekends for multiple days by her side with many others. Most of you know what that is like seeing your most important human, the woman who bore you and raised you wasting away. When it was time for her to go, she waited for a time when it happened to be just me and her late one night..yes I do take and will take more comfort from that knowing that she waited until it was just her and her little boy when she left...but the pain when it happened, and the pain since is more than I imagined. I do not have a son or daughter to hug,hold,love,raise...for those of you that do feel lucky in that..

      I am mad,sad,frustrated, all of you are or have been. I will carry on and I will be happy because that is what she wanted...may we all feel their strength is us.

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      Monde Vuso 3 years ago

      I recently lost my Mother, she had gallbladder cancer and the loss I feel i can not describe, it's a feeling i never felt before.

      reading you articles some what brought comfort, it was like someone telling my story. i now know that I'm not the only one going through these feeling and that is ok to feel the way i feel.

      Thank you

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      Eva Sandoval 3 years ago

      My mother is ill with brain cancer and she's going to die within a year. I know that when the time comes, it's going to be brutal, the pain, unbearable. It is already excruciating to see her suffer right now.

      Now, I am 100 % sure I will never, ever have children of my own. Whatever doubt I might have had in the past has disappeared. I wouldn't want them to suffer because of my death. I absolutely refuse that any child of mine go through this pain, this unbearable cruel pain. I wonder if my mother ever thought of that when she conceived me.

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      Chloé Barnett 3 years ago from Maumelle, Arkansas

      I am 17, and I lost my mom about three weeks ago. Me and my mom had a very negative relationship. She was very sick and in a lot of pain. But even so, she was my mom, and I loved her dearly. Everyone around me seems to be moving on, and I feel like they feel as if I've moved on from it as well. But I haven't. I think about her 24/7. Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking about her. Tonight was especially bad for some reason, and I needed to hear words of wisdom and relation. I am glad I found your blog, it made me feel like I'm not abnormal for still grieving my mother's death. I just wish people could understand the same way you do. :(

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      Becca 3 years ago

      I lost my Mum on 2nd April 2014. She passed away in her sleep from Cardiac Failure caused by hypertension heart disease and COPD....we knew she had asthma but we didn't know that deep down she was really ill and neither did she! Just a couple of hours before she died she was on the phone to her best friend. Absolute shock. My only saving grace was the fact that the last time I saw her was 13 weeks ago today (Mothers Day) and I gave her a card, a Big bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates and a huge hug and a kiss and told her I loved her. Not every day did I do that so I feel fortunate that those were the last words I said to the face of my mother. She died surrounded by flowers, chocolates and cards from me and my 2 brothers telling her how much she was loved by us all. I can honestly say the pain I feel right now is just as strong and as deep as it was the day I got that call from my Dad. The heart of our family has gone and we are all struggling to come to terms with what has happened. This is why I have come looking for answers as to how you are supposed to deal or cope with this kind of grief. I'm so sorry to read about everyone on here's grief, I'm in it with you all and even though we all have a different story to tell we have all suffered the same loss, our mums xxx

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      Tammy Shepherd 3 years ago

      I lost my Mom 25 days ago. The article was completely correct. At first after Mom passed away, life was a blur. I took a week off work to help my Dad make the funeral arrangements. It didn't seem real. My Mom died after being in and out of the hospital and nursing home for initially falling and breaking her hip. She suffered two mild strokes and a full blown stroke at the base of her neck. She was doing better and better with physical therapy the last 17 days of her nursing home stay.

      She was planning on go home on Friday. She did go home but it was home with The Lord. The last words we exchanged that day on the phone was I Love You!

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      carlo 3 years ago

      This is a great piece of article, thank you for sharing your story and giving tips on how to move on after the loss of a Mother.

      I was about to turn three (3) years old when my passed away because of cardiac arrest which left me very little memories of us together.

      Just because your article is so good that inspired me to write my own story about how a two year old boy able to remember his Mother.

      See it here:

      By the way I also featured your post on my site. :)

      Let me know what you think :)

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      Louise 3 years ago

      I totally understand everyone. I lost my mum Nov 2013, everyone expects me to act normal, then I will have a day when I just collapse, I have two teenagers and my partner, no one understands what this emptiness is like, or the unbearable feeling of realising that you will never see your mother agin. I really can't cope but pretend to everyone that I can

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      Grieving Daughter 3 years ago

      My mama was my bestest friend. I never allowed myself to imagine my life without my mom. My mama and I had been through so much together. In 1997 I lost my brother. In 2001 my dad passed away. In 2008 my niece died. My mom was my rock. She was my shoulder to cry on. Dealing with this without her is unbearable at times. My mama went to heaven on May 24, 2014. So, it has been a little over a month. I am married, however my husband has no idea the pain I feel. Some days are good. I can smile and talk of my mom without heartache. But other times I just want to cry. My mom and I had an very close relationship. I saw her 1-2 times a day or talked to her 3-4 times a day. I have a brother that is 13 years older than me. He is dealing with loss of a mother. I am dealing with the loss of mother and best friend. My husband doesn't understand me just wanting to cry at times. He told me today to cheer up, you don't have anything to be sad about. I know this was spoken without thought. But it still hurt. No one can understand the pain you feel unless they have lost their mom. It is really unimaginable. I cling to the truth, in knowing I will see her again.

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      Anne 3 years ago

      Just, thank you.

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      William Walls 3 years ago

      I just want to say that I am so sorry for everybody who has lost their mom, even though I have not lost my mother I can feel everyone's pain. Just tonight I thinking about if, what if I lost my mom, it would be the most hardest thing in my life to handle I have been crying about thinking just today she could have died and while at work and I didn't even know. I am so grateful that I have mother even here, and I am so sorry if you have lost your mother or anybody special to you.

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      Linda 3 years ago

      Thank you so much, I thought I was abnormal as hurting so much since my mums death in May, still cry and sob uncontrolably but so glad to know I'm normal

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      Alexa 3 years ago

      Thank you so much for writing this article. Most people (even my close relatives) can't understand what I am going through. I can completely relate to you and your experience.

      I lost my mother five years ago from cancer. It has been really hard for me because she was my best friend. I have good days and then I have really bad days. The holidays and birthdays are the hardest. On my birthday my mom would bring me balloons, a cake, and a big smile. She would hug me and kiss me on my forehead. I stopped celebrating my birthday.

      I thought that I would have more time with her. I will not have my mother to support me when I get married and have children. My birthday is approaching and it is so hard for me. I would give anything to see her smile, hear her laugh and just hug her.

      You had the hummingbird experience and I had a similar experience with a butterfly. At the cemetery a butterfly landed on the coffin an flew up. When I see a butterfly, I know that my mom is still here is spirit.

      Good luck and stay strong.

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      Janelle 3 years ago

      Thankyou for writing this piece as I read it I cryed as my mother passed only a couple of days now, the funeral hasn't happened yet and its the longest time of my life, this is a bad day for me can't stop crying and feeling like I am just existing. I know life is going to be different and I tell you I am scared of the unknown without my mother, I miss her already so much and wish I could just utter a few words to her one more time. I know in time it will get better but it wont be the same, I feel like since mum died my family has already divided which is probably how things roll but I tell you I am feeling the pain.

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      Udain 3 years ago

      My mom passed 23 days earlier due to sepsis, heart faliure and multi organ faliure. Since my birth, I am very attached to my mother, She is suffering from COPD from last 10 years. I made every effort to be close to her, never went out of town, was working from home from last 6 months but could'nt save her eventually. I have even taken debt to take best care of her and was close to being financially broke and provided the best medical care to her. Her smile was priceless for me. Even though she was ill, I never ever thought she could die. I wanted to do so much for her in my life, planned so many things for her and wanted to give her all pleasures of her life but unfortunately, there is no tommorow. I miss her like crazy now. Could'nt eat and sleep properly now. Wake up every now and then during sleep. I felt like robbed of having a chance to spend some more time with her. Just recollating what she ever wanted in her life, to make sure everything I can do it now.

      One suggestion to whoever read this. Mother is the most beautiful thing which can ever happen to one's life. It's only the time she is alive we can do whatever we can do for her. Once she pass away, no matter even a trillion dollars can't even bring her back for a second. If your mother is still alive, take best care of her emotionally and financially, If she is ill provide her the best medical facilities and if possible move close to her house or live with her in same house if she is quite ill. It will give a chance to interact, see and talk to her daily. Trust me it will be the biggest thing you can do for your mother.

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      della54 3 years ago

      I lost my mum 3 weeks ago

      It was my fault whi h makes the loss worse to bear due to self hatred

      I took her home against advice from her nursing home and under pressure from my sister

      I know she deteriorated as a result of being home

      She suffered

      She got an infection and was admitted to hospital

      A month later she had gone

      Had a massive stroke

      I will never work again and cannot bear to live

      I was a nurse which makes it worse

      I hate myself beyond comprehension

      Have been to Gp and on list for counselling for all the good that is

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      Terra 3 years ago

      Della54, I do not know you, but your mother's death was and is not your fault. I know it hurts. I lost my mother on my birthday last year. I came across this blog because I was feeling really sad and crying. I miss her everyday and all day. She was my best friend, and rock. She always knew how to make me feel like everything was going to be ok. You need to hold on the fact that there is nothing anyone could have done to prevent her passing. Take comfort in the fact that she knew you loved her. You are going to have your good and bad days. May GOD keep you and bring you peace in this time of need and forevermore, in Jesus's name, Amen.

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      Tracy 3 years ago

      I lost my mother 2 days ago. It wasn't unexpected, and I know she is at last at rest, but I feel so lethargic and depressed and cried all morning the day she died to the point i became physically ill and needed a sedative. I can't talk with people, including my own family, as i immediately start to cry and Ive bearly gotten out of bed. I try to eat and take my meds, and try to do a few things around the house, but not much more. Thank you for your column. It helps tremendously.

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      cheryl 3 years ago

      Oh my word. You have just summed up everything. My mother died 5 months ago, I thought I was losing my mind a while back. Grief is physical. Many times ive curled up in a ball and fell apart. Today im having a good day. And feel even better after reading this. Thankyou x

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      Eric 3 years ago

      My mom died in life I died with her I don't know how to live anymore I pray to god to let me die pain never gos away

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      Vicki 2 years ago from Tennessee

      Eric, you need to seek some sort of professional help. Losing a mother is devastating, but you seem to be more than sad. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? I know from experience that not everyone understands the pain, and if you're dealing with depression as well - I'm sure it's difficult to find someone to listen. PLEASE know that your mom would not want to see you this way. She'd want to see you smile and laugh and live your life. If depression is keeping you from doing this, you may need extra help - through meds and/or counseling.

      If you can't make that phone call yourself, call someone you trust and tell them to "help you get help".

      Hang in there, Eric!

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      Maurina 2 years ago

      Thanks so much for your heartfelt story. I lost my mom 4 weeks ago. Like many others have mentioned it is quite similar. I lost my mom on Friday, 6/27/2014. I was in shock that it actually happened as I couldn’t believe I was going to lose her. I actually thought she was going to get better, even after being admitted to the hospital for 10 days and transferred to Hospice for another 7 days before she passed. I just didn’t want to believe that my mom who had so much life in her before this, who had so much luck in life, and helped many, and who had so many plans was dying at such an age where our family’s life’s span was much older.

      I prayed to God for a miracle to heal her, as I have witnessed and heard of many miracles. I am an only child with no children of my own, and my mom and I went through battles in life together to make it. She was my soldier, my confidant, my advisor, my one and only true love. My mom was only 68 yrs old who was vibrant, energetic even with arthritis and was very independent. In December she had a high fever as the house was very cold, and she became sicker as time went on. I was with her, took time off and assisted her but there’s only so much I could have done as I was no hospital. She looked very weak and breathed heavily and I was in tears while I told her I’ll take her to the hospital that night. This was February 2014. It’s a good thing I did, as she was diagnosed with Pleural Effusion (left lung). While there the docs found that she had masses in her liver, and they could not see her lymph nodes and told me she had stage 4 advanced cancer. They did many tests and could not find the primary source, but said it came from an organ. As they worked on draining the fluids from the lungs, she became stronger and could walk around but with assistance. She was discharged after being in the hospital for 10 days. I followed all advice and the oncologist wanted her to go for chemotherapy early April before he went away. She said she would think about it and when we went back the end of April he scheduled the sessions. Every time the chemo was scheduled she had body pains which caused me to reschedule. First week of June 2014 I noticed her not eating or drinking the way she was. She was sleeping a lot and when I called her she was forgetting and not hanging up the phone. I figure something was definitely going wrong that’s when I took her to the hospital again. The doctors there told me she had days to weeks to live due to her unresponsiveness and mental confusion. She knew who I was though, as I promised her every moment that I’m not going to leave her and she responded “uh ha”.

      I couldn’t understand it, how could it be? Four months after being diagnosed with this dreadful illness? This couldn’t be happening? When she passed I felt numb, I felt confused, alone and abandoned. I have many crying spells which happens on and off. It can be very painful; I feel it in my stomach. Sometimes when I think of her that I can’t call her anymore while I’m at work I feel like I can’t breathe and need to get outside. I miss her so much and no one, nothing can ease this pain. Nothing to buy to make me feel better, but to go through this tear inside of losing my mother. Friday’s will never be the same…Life will never be the same… I miss her so so much. God Bless everyone!!

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      Daughter 2 years ago

      My mom lies in a bed with Cardiomyopathy clinigng to life on a ventilator with massive infections and organs failing. Tomorrow we make the decision to remove support. SHe went in the hospital weeks ago to get on the transplant list because she wanted to live. Since then its been downhill and infection after infection. I live far away and i got here to see her last day of consciousness and she could write to me. Before I left for the night she threw her arms open for a big hug. I had no idea it would be the last. I know it will be a hard road ahead. I urge people to do research if they need a transplant. Don't just go in any heart hospital and wait. Go to the centers that do many of them. I had no idea she would deteriorate so fast in a place that is supposed to heal, The guilt I feel is horrid and she is still here. I love you Mom , Im sorry I couldn't protect you more.

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      Anne 2 years ago

      Thank you so much for this article. I don't even know how I stumbled upon it, but it was definitely a Godsend. I lost my Mom 8 months ago. She was my best, best friend. Was she perfect? No. But, no one understands or loves you like a Mom. I'm finding it hard to find that "new normal" without her. I am trying to get used to not having her to talk to. I could talk to her about ANYTHING! I'm not sure who can take that place. I miss her.

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      angela 2 years ago


      I lost my mom today. She passed away from a ruptured lung. she had started out with lung cancer, its spread to her liver,kidney,bone marrow and then her brain. I can't sleep and came upon your article. It helped, I am so scared though. I can't live with out her. I am only 28 and she died at 56. I need her so much. I don't know if I can go on without her. I don't know what to do.

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      Cassandra 2 years ago

      Hi, I lost my mom on February 15, 2014 she was 61, She had been in the hospital for 6 months following a massive stroke that morning I can remember looking at her knowing she was perfectly fine we joked around as usual and than I left to get her food when I made it back home I rembered I forgot to send my fax off while I was out so I told my mom "I'll be back, I have to fax off my letter" in which she replied "Ok, hurry back". When, I came back in the door I never would've expected to find my mom unresponsive I immediately called 911 I was rocking my mom in my arms the entire time begging God for her life and telling my mom not to leave me she stayed with me for 6 more months but she couldn't talk she only ate food through a feeding tube every time I would see her I would sing to her "You are my sunshine" I got the call on Feb 15, at 5:45 that she had went into cardiac arrest and she passed away. I remember my heart feeling like somebody had just hit it with a hammer my best friend was gone I didn't know how life would be for me after that I've cried myself to sleep every night , everything reminds me of her sometimes the pain feels unbearable to ease my pain I like to think she's at our old house with my oldest brother( who passed away in 2003 from a massive heart attack) and there having a good time with each other I just can't see them now one day I know we will all be reunited but I can't help but feel like I could've did more please keep me in your prayers and I will keep you all in mine I thank you for this article

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      Vicki 2 years ago from Tennessee

      Angela, I'm so sorry. This is one of the hardest things you'll ever go through, but you can survive it. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Don't push it away. One thing that helped me was to imagine my mom urging me on and giving me strength. I'll be praying for you.

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      Heidi 2 years ago


      So sorry for your loss. I am currently worried and stressed about my mom. She was diagnosed a few years ago with lung cancer. She had surgery and had it successfully removed. And this past November she became sick and started with a cough and her nurse practictioner treated it as if it was phenomena. Well that wasn't the case. Found out it spread worse, she had 2 doses of radiation and is too weak and wont be able to get chemo. I am devasted, she has lost so much weight and getting weaker by the day. She is in the hospital now, so weak and my dad is exhausted from taking care of her. I live so far away, I feel helpless and lost. Im not able to talk to her because she looses her voice and she gasps for breath. I love that woman so much and she means the world to me and I don't know if I can live with myself if I forget to tell her everything. I don't want to think, I should have or could have told her this.

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      Suzy 2 years ago

      I lost my mother not quite a month ago. Growing up, there were many times I felt like a ghost that only my mother could see or hear, only my mother would acknowledge. Now she's gone. For a few days, I did hear the "if you need anything" comments, but they quickly faded away. It's as if the world has forgotten Mom had TWO daughters, not just one because the outpouring of sympathy continues for my siste rand father, but I'm only noticed when someone needs something or wants support. I'm ashamed of my selfishness in that I'm feeling jealous of the love and attention being shown to the rest of my family, because this should be about Mom, not about me. I don't know how (or even if) I should speak up and remind them that while it's great they feel they can come to me to help them with the aftermath of losing Mom, I lost someone very important to me too.

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      Abhishek 2 years ago

      I lost my mom 6 months before, she was best person i ever known , she died in an accident , I can't focus in anything I am thinking about her every time , I an in high school and I can't focus towards about my studies please suggest me something

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      Vicki 2 years ago from Tennessee

      Abhishek, I'm so sorry about your Mom. Six months is not a long time. The loss is still very fresh for you. You have to allow yourself to grieve, but you also need to be able to function in your day to day life. Do you have anyone to talk to? One thing that helped me focus on work, being a mother to my kids, etc was to think of my mom urging me my own personal cheerleader. Your mom wants you to live your life. Have faith that this will get better. You'll always think about your mom, but it won't hurt quite so much. In the meantime, stay strong. Take it one day at a time. Don't push yourself. ((Hugs))

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      Abhishek 2 years ago

      I have many friends but two of them are my best and they can't talk to me about my mom topic because this is a very hard part for them too, and I am spending my usual life but I feel a big part is missing, and I feel a confused too and I am of 16 and it is very difficult to perform as usual as i was , things are getting more and more complicated ......

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      Patricia 2 years ago

      My mom died on July 10, 2014 at 86. She had COPD. I miss her so much and I still ask, 'is this real, maybe if I drive to her house, she is there'. This is so hard. I thank God that He steered me to this site because we all share the same feelings of grief, disbelief, pain, etc. and reading has helped comfort me..thank you for this site...God bless everyone..

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      Stephanie 2 years ago

      My mother and I were so incredibly close. I haven't worked in the last few years and I was able to spend a lot of time with her. She got sick April 30th of 2013 and had some up days and a great deal of bad days. She asked us to let her go. I was incredibly selfish and didn't want her to go. I was in denial of the pain she was going through and how much she actually was suffering. On July 4th of this year, with the urging of family and hospice, I told my Mom that I would be okay. A few hours later, with my sisters and I by her side, she passed. I am going through all those very things and I am thankful to have this to read. I don't think anything in my life can be as bad as losing my mother.

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      malcolm 2 years ago

      My dear Mum died three days ago of bowel cancer eight months after the diagnosis back in January. I still cannot get my head round the fact that she is gone. She was 79 (I am my twin brother are 43) and my Dad is 90. We had always as a family accepted that Dad would go first and both he and the rest of us had planned for life without him and how Mum would be looked after. I am so angry with the doctors that it took for Mum to be in agony prior to having to go through an emergency operation for them to diagnose cancer even though Mum had complained of stomach problems and pains for months if not years. Perhaps if she had been diagnosed correctly much earlier I would still have her with me.

      Me and my brother were by her side at the hospice when she died which I was determined to do even though it was painful and traumatic because I loved, and still do ,love her so much. Her death was not easy and even though she was on morphine anti biotics and steroids in her syringe driver she was clearly suffering which was very traumatic to watch. I held her hand in mine as she slipped away.

      The world seems different to me without her, some how emptier, stranger. I am still numb. ( It has only been three days). Me and my brother are arranging the funeral and repatriation of Mum's body to Spain to be buried in the village where she was born and brought up which is what she wanted. This has its complications, not least of which is my absolute fear of flying, but Mum would have wanted us to be there when she is buried. (Unfortunately our Dad is too old and frail to travel).

      Any way that's my situation right now.

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      Dena Marie 2 years ago

      I lost my mom on June 22, 2014. This article Is spot on. I'm glad I found it because I really thought something was wrong with me. I still cry daily. I go to sleep thinking of her and I wake up thinking about her. Some days are better than others and I'm slowly very slowly able to talk about it, remembering our good times. My best friend always said "the pain of losing your mom will be unbearable" I too thought I was ready, I even told her it's time to go mom, don't fight this pain any longer, I'll be ok! She passed 20 minutes later in my arms. My life will never be the same, she was my best friend and a wonderful mom. I miss her so very much. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. Our memories will live forever in our hearts.

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      Smiley 2 years ago

      Thank you for writing this article! I was just thinking about my Mom and thought of searching over the internet about what to do when you lost your Mom. Then I saw your article! Your article is a blessing for me. All you said are true. I am a nurse so death is not a new thing for me. But I realized that the feeling is different if you lost a loved one, not to underestimate how I felt every time I consoled families or relatives who lost their loved ones, my empathy is always there for them. It's still fresh to me since she just died 1 1/2 months ago. What hurts me more is the truth that I won't be able to hold, hug, kiss, talk, or eat with her anymore. I love her so much! She she is my best friend, who really gave an unconditional love!

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      Cass 2 years ago

      I'm 16. My mom died over two months ago from stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. We dealt with the cancer for about four years but it didn't become so aggressive until about five months before she died. It was devastating when I heard the docs say that the cancer had spread to her brain, bones, and lungs and it was even more devastating when she died. I loved her so much. Every day is a struggle. School only started a few days ago and yet I've managed to almost have a breakdown in every class. And even though my mom died two months ago, it feels like in just now coming out of my numbness and into a state of terribly sick heart wrenching grief and depression.

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      rehana 2 years ago

      My mom passed away on 12th july 2014 and it was sudden and unexpected. I am a single mother with my 7yrs old kid and my mom was my only support. I was already in pain due to my separation from my husband for his tortures. But my mom was there to supoort and made me stand again. Now she has gone for ever, so it feels like its an end for me also. I become nervous especially when I am alone . Whenever I go to sleep, I become nervous and I can't sleep. My life has become dull as my mother was only support. I am trying to normalise but I am unable to do it as I am alone. I really require support from people and good hearted groups who will understan and help me in that way.

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      Smiley 2 years ago

      Rehana, I cannot imagine how difficult it is not to have your Mom beside you. I used to be a single Mom too with a child just like you. For me, my strong faith in God and prayers helped me tremendously. You are very fortunate that your Mom was with you during your difficult times, although she won't be with you anymore (physically). Try to reach out to your church for support and always surround yourself with positive people. I know it will be tough but keeping your optimism and strength is very important for your son. Be strong for your child. Your Mom will be very happy if she will see you facing all the obstacles in life with courage. Pray, pray, and pray! Take care of yourself and give all the love you can give to your child. I will pray for you. God bless you!

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      Mandymoomoo123 2 years ago

      I lost my mum to lung cancer just under 2 weeks ago. I'm. To quite sure it's sunk in at all yet. When she was diagnosed, I thought about it, but she had 3 rounds of chemo and whilst she was Ill a lot for the first 2 years she just lived with it and did well. The last 4 or 5 months she has got worse and been in the hospice 3 times, but because the first 2 times were only respite, I never believed this time she wouldn't. In fact, 2 days before she died they were talking about sending her home. Anyway. Me, my dad and 2 brothers were there when she passed and although the previous 36 hours were awful, her passing wasn't scary. I've been so busy since, because we are jewish and bury quickly so there has been lots to do. Then sat shiva. I'm now having a rest with my husband and 3 step children in a hotel and every so often I remember. I'm a bit scared about when it hits me, because whilst I've cried a bit, I feel I've been trying to stay strong for all those around me.. I'm typically a really emotional and sensitive person. I'd really like to call my mum right now and tell her all this but I can't

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      Lee Hansen 2 years ago from Vermont

      Thank you for sharing your experience and advice over the loss of your mother. My Mum is still with us, but my husband lost his mother 9 years ago and still has those emotional moments when he feels the pain of her passing. It's helpful for me to understand his responses on her birthday, Mother's Day and his birthday. Take care.

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      busy bee "andrew" 2 years ago

      i don't know what to say i don't have the energy to go into detail but my mother passed away 2 days b4 my 29th birthday it was very sudden. i am the youngest of 4 children. its been just over 3 weeks and ive kind of been numb for awhile and went straight back to work after only 1 week of. i thought keeping busy would help but im slowly starting to get more and more depressed ive been very short with my 4 year old son and trying to keep strong for the rest of the family. i feel like im falling apart and trying to juggle all these things at once. being a young father with work and interacting with many different people. im just sitting on my laptop in bed watching videos of my mother. i miss her laugh and smile and cuddles. it feels like shes just gone on a trip somewhere and i think she will be back soon. its hard to accept. im really hard on myself i just want her to be proud. i miss you mum i love you xoxoxo

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      Chris 2 years ago

      Thank you for posting that my Mother passed away Aug

      12,2014 I too am having delayed reactions there was the good and not so good things my mom did

      I love and miss het so

      We used to talk for hrs on the phone at the end of each conversation I would say I LOVE YOU MOMMA I say I love yoy Mom my heartaches for you

      I'm the type of person who

      Flight or fight I flight if.I can

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      faith 2 years ago

      I lost my mother when I was 4. It was devastating. I was not permitted to speak about her. Would cry myself to sleep holding an 8x10pic of her. It was the only physical item I had of her.

      One night, when I was about 8 or 9, I was lying in bed suddenly; an angel in white appeared at the end of my bed. The angel simply said, "fear not". Then in a moment, I was in a meadow and to the left was an arched bridge over a river. Again in just a moment I was standing by the bridge and I looked across the river and there was my mother jumping up and down smiling and waving @ me. She was beautiful no sickness her hair was blowing in the breeze. Her mouth was moving but I could not here her words.

      Then I heard a voice on the bridge I turned toward the voice speaking to me it was Jesus, he said you must go thru me to get to her.

      This simple line brought me great comfort from then on. Because I knew that I would be able to see her again be with her again. I just knew and it was so comforting. Life is hard and I am not saying after this it was easy. Only comforted. After reading thru the post and the replies my heart hurt for you. I wanted to share what comforted me in hopes that it would comfort you too. If not today maybe someday.

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      Karrissa 2 years ago

      To the author: I never have connected with a stranger's words so much until today. I truly feel like I wrote this story myself. On a Tuesday last year, my mom dropped me off at the train , kissed me goodbye and I could of never, in any wild nightmare have known I would never see her again. I feel sorry for women who don't have a close bond with their mother. I'm so sorry for the pain you went through with her cancer. Thank you for writing this birthday is approaching and it's a very painful time.

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      ratnaveera 2 years ago from Cumbum

      Loss of Mother is really a great sorrow not only for the children and also for adults. I think she is the first tutor for every baby and helpful to learn many things before going to start a school life. I hope one can meditate the picture of mother and has the habit of watching videos of her to overcome the sorrow. Thanks basicallyme for presenting this wonderful and sensible Hub. This would be a great article for ones who are loving their mother even after her death. Awesome!

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      Lauren 2 years ago

      Thank you thank you thank you to the author and all the comments. My mum died 2nd July 2014 from lung cancer. 48 hours before she died was awful. She was so very scared. All she could say was 'help me, help me'. There was nothing beautiful about her death. I will live with that for the rest of my life. She died in a morphine sleep. I washed her body and clothed her for the coffin. I will never be the same again. The pain of not having my strong, clever, talented mother will never go away.

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      Vicki 2 years ago from Tennessee

      Lauren, my mother didn't die peacefully either. She choked to death - her biggest fear. The hospice nurses promised her they wouldn't let her choke, and they would heavily sedate her when she got to that point. The night before she passed, she could feel the fluid filling up her lungs and was terrified. I slept in bed beside her that night and held her hand. I'm thankful for that, because she died the next day. The nurse tried to sedate her, but it didn't work. It took many months for me to get the image of her choking out of my head. Blessings to you. You'll get thru this.

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      Sb 2 years ago

      I have not mourned the death of my mother. My mother was brutally murdered in late 2011. I started nursing school and found myself to be "too busy to mourn," at the time I was thankful for the distraction. I have a tendency to compartmentalize, meaning I put my feelings in a box and shove it closed. Rarely I allow myself to feel my emotions. I have had counseling, taken medication and so forth. I feel numb inside and I don't know if I will truly ever feel "normal" again. I miss her so much. Thank you for posting, first time I have allowed myself to cry in awhile...

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      Tracey Mason 2 years ago

      This is Awesome and very cool to know that whatever we're feeling is okay!! Really needed to hear this, Thank You and God Bless!!!

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      Kristie C 2 years ago

      I am 41 and I lost my mother earlier this year. I feel like a child. I hurt. I miss her so much. I do not feel like anyone understands how bad it hurts. And although I've tried to go back to "normal", I feel bitter that everyone expects you to just move on.

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      kim 2 years ago

      My mom died aug11, 2014 of acute myeloid leukemia. She was diagnosed mMarch 25,! 2014. Dhe suffered at the end and was very much ready to go. Tomorrow makes it 4weeks. I am beyond devistated. Sbe was my very bestfriend. I promised my mom I would take care of my father. I have been staying everynight with him since her death. My huaband ks is beyond supportive but I am afraid he is getting used to me being here. He misses her so much and I am so sad to leave him. I know I can't stay forever but just alittle while longer. I know people are talking in my community how I am neglecting my family and how they don't understand why I am still here, but I promised. Im not sure how I will go on in this world without my mama.

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      mukesh 2 years ago

      I lost my mother on 23rd aug 2014. I am still in disbelieve. She was all fine until she got infected by disease. She fought with the illness for 5 days and finally gave up while she was in the icu. I had met her last 10 months back as I work abroad. I never expected to see her lying dead next time. She has struggled so much for me . I can't imagine life without her. She was the best mom in the world for me. Will always miss you mom....

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      mukesh 2 years ago

      I am 23 . I have Lost my mom at the start of my career . I have liked your article very much. Can you suggest me som ways to get over it?

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      Preeti saluja Gupta 2 years ago

      Dear friend thank u for expressing ur feelings for ur mom openly. It has helpled me . My story is similar to urs. I am third daughter of my mom 32 yr old. I lost my mother this July (2014). She was also a cancer patient. She was fighting with this disease since 17 yrs but since 5 yrs cancer had matestised from breasts to bones . She suffered a lot in her last months that I prayed hard to God to take her away from us. I too felt that I was prepared for this as I could not see her in pain .. Bedridden.. Extreme suffering ... Imbalance of body electroits.. Finally God came to take her out of life which was greater than hell. So that. She could be free from this pain and misery. But even being prepared with the idea of losing her I can't help missing her. I love her and miss the moments which I spent with her.. I and my mother used to sing bhajans( Hindi prayers) with her .. But now mom is not there who used to sing with me .. But one day will come when I will make her portrait and I will make and exhibit many big paintings with HER NAME written on each of my paintings NEELAM .. Mama I love u

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      Felicia 2 years ago

      I lost my mother February 19/14 and my dad 11/13/13. I had taken care of them since June of 2010. We had some great times and I did my best. I am the youngest with one of eh slightly older than me. my siblings left me.for dead. Someone had to step and and take responsibility for.the parents. Their needs overtook my life and my vulnerable adult son. I did all I could. Surprisingly my siblings are.outraged after all this concern for what they will inherit. I have thought today that I am not ready to return to work. Not many are interested in hearing me talk about my feelings and the family. I am going to see a psychiatrist. I do have Celera and wellbutrin in use. I am going to take a hair braiding class for therapeutic enjoyment. God is planning and arranging things. I get a.bit impatient waiting for things to fall in place. Before they became ill.God said I was needed at.home. I was puzzled because I had bills to pay. While I cared.for them everything fell into place. I am not having an easy.grieving process but am grateful that we had some lovely times prior to their deaths. These stories have been very uplifting. People die. The love we have for them never dies.

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      Estella Saenz 2 years ago from Roscoe, Texas

      Thank you so much for writing this!! I was 15yrs old when the doctors 1st started telling me that my mom had 6mos to a yr to live. Diabetes is what took my mother's life! I never took it seriously until my Freshman yr in college. After a kidney specialist told us her kidneys were failing. I dropped out of college to care for her. 10yrs later, I lost my mother January 2014. She was my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my advisor, my everything!! She got the flu and didn't bounce back from it. I miss her everyday!

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      justin haney 2 years ago

      My mom just died. September 14 2014 I dnt know how she died. But she was my best friend. In the world I'm 5wenty I lost my dad october 14 2009 I was 15 I miss them both a lot we had a saying me my mom and my dad could take on the world now I don't know what to do I'm al alone I know I've got other faimily but it ain't the same. I pray that /od will help me in my time of need

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      Heather 2 years ago

      I lost my mom one year ago this past May. She had lung cancer and passed one day before my son's birthday. I'm an only child and my dad has already moved on. His new gf already moved in and changed the only home I've ever known. I never see my dad anymore. I feel so alone. I miss my mom more each day. I laughed when I read that your mom's sign was a hummingbird, . . . My mom's is too. It's like I was meant to read this. Thank you for making me feel a little less lonely. I hope you find solace as the months go on.

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      Donna 2 years ago

      My mum was my best friend. I never realised just how much my heart needed her until she was gone. Now my heart has a piece missing and I know it will get better over time and may even be whole again though deeply scarred. I said goodbye to my mum just before midnight on 07/11/2013 and watched her take that last breath, finally free from that awful cancer which she had battled for 6 years, the last year having no real quality of life. To say I miss my mum would be the understatement of the century. She was the best mum but an even better nanny to her beloved grandson, who adored her in equal measure and who too is suffering. Between May 2012 and November 2013 I was told my mum was terminally ill, I bought a home that needed gutting, lost my grandad, became pregnant again and had my Miracle baby 6 months before I lost my mum and then my nan. I have tried to keep myself busy but you are right when u say that the grief will catch up with u as it has just been this last month that I have found I am not really coping. Not sleeping, have a permanent nervous feeling in my stomach , am short tempered and feel like I have a weight on my chest that will not budge. I am, after battling with myself, off to the doctors tomorrow to hopefully get some help. There is no shame in admitting you are lost. Thank you for all your stories and I hope it gets a little easier over time for all of you. God bless.

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      rashida Namulondo 2 years ago

      i just lost my mum two months ago, its hard for me because i didn't even bury her, i was away in New York and found out on a telephone on the metro station that mum had passed on and was burried in my absence,it is so hard for me to deal with. i had only been away for a week. Mum was my best friend she is all i ever knew in my life, i feel guilty for not being home to support her when she had the heart attack, its an empty world for me all my life plans were for my mum, am stuck now. i drew a bit of comfort from your words thanks for sharing.

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      klaudia 2 years ago

      thank you for you post and your comment.. i lost my beautiful mother and my best friend in one person unexpectedly a month ago. She went to do sport and never came back. To be honest I still don't believe she is gone. How could I, the funeral and the condolences were just like a film. All I am thinking of is this is so not fair. She was only 55 years old. I know most of you had it even worse losing your mom at a young age. I had her for me for only 35 years but still I think I still need her advice, her love , her being here.

      I was surprised at first that I am doing ok, but I think I am just very busy with getting divorced, moving and organizing. My daughter and I were ill with some cold for a week and maybe I am just too exhausted to think what really happened. ITs so surreal, It doesn't matter what I think it contains memory of her and her wonderful being with me. I wish this could be just a bad dream and I will wake up and this is not true. I miss her so much. I think i still don't believe that I won't see her again. I somehow refuse believing that. She was at my place for a month just a month before her death and I am still in a state of disbelief. I miss her so much. Thank you for sharing your experience, it is sad but I feel comfort in not being alone with that terrible sadness. I send hugs to all of you.

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      malcolm 2 years ago

      My name is Malcolm ans I posted about two months ago following the death of my Mum from bowel cancer. Today I lost my dear Dad who hadn't come to terms with Mum's death. He had a fall on Tuesday and broke his shoulder and wrist and last night he had a heart attack and passed away relatively peacefully in the hospital. I shall miss my dear old Dad immensely. May God bless him.He was a lovely kind gentleman. A great man and today I am bereft at losing both my parents in two months.

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      Christine cole 2 years ago

      My mother died in 1984 at 65, I was 23. She died of lung cancer, fighting for approx 7 years. I was with her in hospital when she died, I was young, alone and confused. I have never gotten over her passing. Today is a bad day and I'm reaching out like all of the other people posting on this page. Tears just drop now, I can't even wipe them away. I also lost my father the year after, sister the year after that, two brothers 3 years after that and only a few years ago my other sister. I have one surviving sister and me. We live across continents and I feel like an orphan even though I am an adult, married with three children, two step children and a grandchild. All of my family died of cancer or related to it. I had a breast cancer scare nearly 2 years ago and all I could think of was "oh I see, this is how I'm going to go" I was lucky and was cleared. This time! I will be driving down the road and start crying over the loss, showers are the worst. So much still reminds me of her, yet I can't remember what she sounded like. She was so special. I never really told her that. I always thought I would have a tomorrow...... I believe I will see her again, that keeps me going. But I'm going to be selfish and say I want her back now. Mum I need you.

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      Carol Houle 2 years ago from Montreal

      My mom is in the hospital after vascular bypass surgery and after 10 days it seems she's not going to survive. The grief you speak of scares me a lot, but I needed to read your article. ThanX

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      Linda Ennis 2 years ago from Rockland, Massachusetts

      I lost my mother just over 23 years ago. The pain never goes away and not a day goes by that I don't miss her, grieve for her,and think of her. Its a loss like no other. Thank you for your caring article.

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      sheila 2 years ago

      I lost my mom on September 28, 2014 from Leukemia of the blood. I saw her take her last breath and it hurt me so bad. I miss her every day. She was also my best friend. I am an only child and we did everything together. I am not looking forward to the holidays or my birthday on the 29th of November. I wish everyone the best and God's blessings. I cry throughout every day. I hope eventually this will subside.

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      Sharon 2 years ago

      Hi, I lost my wonderful mother 3 weeks ago and I'm relly struggling on a daily basis.

      I am the youngest of 3 sisters and have always been the "baby" of the family. But I was also the one that felt the closest to my Mum.

      The strange this is that I knew she was going to die and my family

      ignored my concerns.

      She was in The Royal Brompton hospital London for an operation to reapair leaking heart valves. She had been receiving treatment for 15 years before eventually being told she was on the "urgent" list. My mum was 72, a tiny lady in every sense of the word but with a heart bigger than a whale.

      She text me at work on October 21st to tell me her op was scheduled for the 27th. I imediately left work to spend time with her as my gut instince was that this would be our final days together and I had so much I wanted to say to her still. We went for dinner, sat around the house drinking copious amounts of tea but all the while I kept my awful feeling about what would happen to her to myself. I even asked her to tell me that she loved me and captured it on the voice recorder on my phone.

      As she had travelled to London with my dad the day before her operation, I called her that evening and we chatted for a while. My last words to her through my tearful voice were " I love you " and she reciprocated.

      I text her on the morning of her op and told her then that she was the most amazing mother and Grandmother anyone could ever wish for and we would love her always.

      Sadly, due to complications caused by the longevity of her condition she did not make it through surgery.

      I remember entering the surgeons office where he explained what had happened. It was that exact moment that my own heart stopped beating, I feel all it does now is rummble along like a broken wheel. The pain, the sort you can't describe but you know there's nothing else like it. It's hard to breathe, it now takes work to do this simple thing because it feels like a chore instead of a natural instinct. I too feel afraid, anxious, alone, sad and broken. I guess I feel " lucky " in the sense I took the recording of Mum and can listen to her all day if I so wish...but the truth is that I don't. Because my Mum was my world and kindest, sweetest and loveliest person I have ever known and she deserved so much more. I miss her more and more every day and my life will never be the same without her.

      Fi Cariad Mam Chi

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      m e 2 years ago

      found your story so comforting and very very true I lost my dad aged 58 years old he died sudden that was 14th of june 1991 hurts me so much. I had my mom and we where very close then from nowhere she had alyzhymers the thing is my mom and dad lived in jamacia my mom passed away 9th of december 2009 I am. Not copeing I found your page helpful I am sick and in pain every day I know god is real. My mom told me to trust in god. Hope evryone who lost their love ones find peace I kmow how hard it can be god bless xx

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      pseudocode13 2 years ago

      My mom Zdenka died this morning. She was suffering in pain with reumatoid artrytis for 20 years. Last few days she felt enormous pain in her back and we called paramedics who just gave her some medicine and left. It got worse this night and we called paramedics again after she collapsed. I was holding my mother's arm and thinking everything will be ok. They drove her to the hospital and after we waited there they told us she passed away. As I am almost unable to cope with the pain I feel I started to search the net and came across this page where I read many of your posts, doesn't help too much but at least keeps me focused on something and not feel alone. My mum meant everything to me, I'm 33 years and mum was my best friend. She was also unable to speak at the end as the paramedics were taking her to the hospital so I am writing this post in hope she can read here that she meant a world to me and that I love her so much and would give anything for one more day with my mum.

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      Bridget Shayna 2 years ago

      Thank you for this article and for all your comments. My mom passed away 6 years ago when I was 18. She battled with breast cancer for 10 years and died shortly after my 18th birthday . My family has fallen apart ever since. Dad got remarried, while my siblings and I are just trying to live up to all the expectations that our relatives have for us. I have always thought I was prepared for her death, but it seems that no amount of time could heal this void in my heart and I look forward to the day that we could reunite forever.

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      Ibo 2 years ago

      My mom had a stroke a year and a half ago and never really got better. She had to go into an assisted living facility. I visited her there every day. I know she hated being unable to walk and speak, but she was hanging in there until she broke her hip and had to have surgery. A light went out in her eyes. She died unexpectantly from an infection last week. It has been a very stressful year and a half, both emotionally and financially, and I expected to almost feel some relief when it was over. But that is not how it has been. The grief comes in little bubbles throughout the day, sometimes I feel fine, laugh with my kids and husband, and then suddenly the grief strikes. It is just such an unreal situation to not have a mom. I have always had a mom, it's who I am. Now suddenly everything is different and so empty. My dad is gone and I am an only child, so any forgotten childhood events are gone forever. I not only miss her, I feel bad that she can no longer be a part of us, partake in vacations and birthdays. My grandparents lived well into their 80's and my paternal grandmother lived until she was 100, 25 years longer than my mom. I almost feel angry when I see older people, why did my own parents not get to live longer? Sometimes I wished I was religeous so I could believe I would see her again, but that is not what I believe. I know with time this will get better, but she will never come back and that will always leave an empty spot. I helps to share this with others who are going through the same thing. Thank you to everyone who has told their story on this page.

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      What now 2 years ago

      I can't believe how many people are feeling this way... My mum passed away unexpectedly from a brain aneurism- in her healthiest, happiest time of life. 2 months ago is not a long time and I feel for the phone, the voice, the hugs, the words. She was my best friend as I'd told her again that night it happened. It's surreal to say the least. Shock- when it was all finally good in life for her. Sad days, many uncontrollable tears and a forlorn outlook. Early days but still unbelievable. Think of her, love those around you and be thankful although it hurts.

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      Emelia 2 years ago

      To everyone who has posted and the Author of the article, thank you. I lost my Momma just under 3 weeks ago, on Thanksgiving afternoon.

      She had some health issues that I had been trying to help her through this past year. Everything came so rapidly. The beginning of November, we took her to the ER. She was admitted and they began poking at her, getting blood tests, MRI, CAT scan, etc. She was there for a week, but the Doctors were very unhelpful or informative. She was so weak, could barely walk without pain, and they sent her home. Three days later, my Dad took her back. The next couple of weeks were the fastest of my life. Since I am the oldest daughter, contacting family and friends fell on my shoulders. Again, the doctors didn't give us much information as to what was going on and my family and I felt amiss. I made plans to stay with Momma at the hospital through Thanskgiving, to make her favorite dish, and spend the day with her. Four days before, a doctor told us we had 6 months with her. The next day, he changed it to a month. After that, it was days. We moved her to Hospice, and tried to stay as positive as we could at her bedside so she could see us strong. Momma was a very lively, positive person who would dance around the house with us when we were little. We didn't want her last hours to be of us crying at her bedside. My Grandmother and Dad were at her bedside for her last breath. My sisters and I couldn't bare to see her in such pain, breathing.

      The hardest part about this is that my Momma and I had a plan to get her health back. She had lost a lot of muscle mass, and I was worried. She hated the doctor, but I convinced her to go so she would be healthy for her future grandchildren. I told my husband I didn't want kids until we knew we were healthy and our parents were, too. Momma and I had a plan. But we didn't have the time. And thinking that, just typing that, hurts like hell.

      Everyone is right about the numb feeling. I kept myself busy planning Momma's memorial and getting things together. It worked, until after the memorial. Then we went through her belongings, and that seemed to help as well. It was hard to bring myself to my parent's house to do it, but once we started looking through everything, we could feel her with us. It was a great warmth, and we smiled as we talked about all the memories we had.

      I believe there is a time to mourn. It was short for me. I spent a couple days in bed, not able to really get out into the world. The Grief is what never leaves you, and that's something you have to always remember. When Grief comes to visit, let it come. Don't push it back, or else it will hurt more the next time it comes. Spend a crap ton of time with your siblings and Dad. Your strongest memories with your Mom will be with them, and it's relieving to cherish all those moments with them. Don't be afraid to break down, even if it's in a public setting.

      To everyone who has posted, or read this, Merry Christmas. Remember all those holiday memories you had with your Mom. Start a journal and write letters to her when you want to talk to her most. But most of all, know that she is right beside you, celebrating the holidays as well. Feel the warmth of her hug and make new memories with your family as you remember the special moments with your Momma. And smile.

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      Mandymoo123 2 years ago

      Hi everyone,

      I posted here 4 months ago just a couple of weeks after my mum passed away. At the time I wrote 'wondering when it would hit me' well it is hitting me now. The last couple or few weeks I have missed my mum soooo much. I'd been fine up until now. I think I'd been strong for the rest of my family organising thug s etc. I've just had a second failed round of IVF so feeling emotional.

      It's also holiday time, so I suppose that is making it worse. But I've cried every day for the last few weeks.

      When she first passed away, it was a relief as she was ill. Thigs were tough. My poor dad had been looking after her.

      But now. WOW. It's hard. I literally can't believe she is gone. Everything is upsetting me. The thing is. It has been 4 months, so no one else cares. They do at first, but not now. I've just had a difficult family evening and possibly too much wine, but sending lots of love to those going through the same


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      Tanya 2 years ago

      Thank you all for posting your experience with losing your mom. It definitely makes me feel as if I'm not alone in my grief. I lost my beautiful, amazing mother 6 days ago to metastatic lung cancer. She had been battling the disease for 9 months and was doing well. I knew the reality of thus grim diagnosis, bit still never grasped that she could and would die. Your mother is your rock, the person who has always been there to wipe your tears and fix your issues, whatever they may be. So now that's she's gone, I'm lost. I'm 34 but have always needed my mom and still do.

      I just had my second son on Nov. 5, and I know she was fighting and hanging on to see him. I feel happiness and peace in the fact that she did live to see him. But dealing with both postpartum and losing my mom is always too much to bear. I cry thinking of all the things and moments I won't get to share with her, and I feel cheated. She was only 59.

      The numb feeling you all talk about is so true. I alternative between feeling numb to feeling extreme grief and anxiety. My husband has been very supportive, but he can't possibly understand the turmoil I'm experiencing; he still has his mother. Remember, people are mortal and will leave this world. Make sure you express your love and appreciation to your loved ones. You will not always have a tomorrow and it may be too late. I regret and am struggling to cope with the fact that i didn't let my mom know how much I loved and saw all she did for me. I look around the house and everything reminds me of her and I get choked up. As sick as she was, she always thought of everyone else first ahead of herself.

      I love you mom and would give anything to have just one more hour with you. This is goodbye for now, but not forever.

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      azizamnunna 2 years ago

      I lost my mother on 17th july 2014. She took away all the colours ,the joys,the music,the tastes in my life with her. I used to think that my happiness lies in my hobbies like gardening ,running,my favourite 70's disco music . All these activities now don't have any taste and pleasure for me. All the time i am overwhelmed by deep regrets that i could have done more for my sweet innocent mother.since she never asserted her on any of his children all of them taken her for granted .although all her children loved her but they did not give her the comforts and happiness she deserved. I am exteremly guilty that my extra care could have prolonged her life which i didn't give her. Now it seems that this guilt will kill me and i also don't wish for life.i appear to be composed and calm but nobody can imagine that my life is heading towrds an abrupt ending.

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      Tanya 2 years ago


      I can totally relate to what you are going through. My story is the one above yours. I don't feel any pleasure from life right now. I have two sons, 3 and 6 weeks. These boys are my pride and joy. What should have been such a joyous time, with the birth of my son, whom we tried for so long to have and had experienced many losses of babies along the way. However, it was overshadowed by the stress of dealing with my mom's disease and her erratic behavior. She had cancer everyone, including her brain and I suppose this is what made her so caustic, abrasive and mean. She would also accuse my father and I of doing/ behaving in manners which we weren't. This caused me to be nasty back towards her, especially when she started being cruel to my three year old. I should have known better, should have been more understanding with what she was going through, but unfortunately at the time I did see it that way. I knew she had cancer, but I didn't think she was really dying. She was taken to the hospital to be treated for her dehydration and lack of nutrients. Three days later we learned she had days, possibly hours to live. By the time I saw her in the hospital, she was on morphine and so I'll she couldn't open her eyes and I don't even know if she knew I was there. I have deep regrets for the way I treated her in the weeks before her passing. I was never able to make up with her and tell her how much I loved her. This is tearing me apart, and despite what my husband tells me that I can't blame myself or feel such regret, it doesn't help. My most precious gift in life, my boys, aren't even enough to snap me out of it. They have been staying with my in laws, as I'm unable to care for them at this time. Everything seems so overwhelming, even getting out of bed. The pathetic part of it is that I almost don't care to try. It's too much on me right now, and I'd rather just stay in bed and away from the world. Christmas is in a few days, yet I don't even have desire to prepare a nice holiday for my children. I want to do nothing, not even eat. There's no joy anymore; that's how I feel. I cannot function to take care of myself, let alone two small children. I don't know if I'll ever feel differently and it scares me. I even told my husband that I don't want the bots back, that I cannot possibly be a good mom to them. The depression is also making me so lethargic that it takes everything I have just to shower. I hope these feelings go away and allow me to function, but I honestly am not sure if life will ever return to normal.

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      Shelly 2 years ago

      Tanya, strange how i feel the same way today. My mom passed away 3 years ago on April 2nd 2011. It was the worst year ever in my life, with me struggling with architecture school and my brother on bad drugs. Mommy died from cardiac arrest after sufficated from asthma attack right after her spine surgery. Last year, i thought i have finally moved on. This year i have graduated with an art degree and a job at teaching art to children, my sister happy with her new job, and my brother who is going to college next month. But this month, i fell apart. I would wake up with anxiety attacks, stay awake for the rest of the night and lay in bed all day. cried every night this past week, begging God to let me hear my mommy that 'everything is okay'. Going to church helped me get through last year. But on sunday, it was very diffult for me to leave the bed even though it was christmas sunday and everyone, except me, was merry with food and friends. I was miserable person in the building, and was socially awkward. This morning, i was very depressed with all kinds of negative thoughts. My Dad didn't understand. He thought im overstressed from work or someone broke up with me. Everyday this past month i become disorganised, and i feel bad for the students because i been putting off ideas for great art projects. But i can't seem to keep myself together.

      After reading this article, i let myself grieved like it was the day mommy passed away. I feel better now, knowing that im not alone.

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      jessir 2 years ago

      My momma passed away Nov 25 2014 after battling stage four lung cancer at the young age of 48 she suffered the last four weeks I thought as well that I was prepared for this and let me tell u it hit me likes Ton of bricks I hardly remember that day at all.I fall apart all the time I feel as throw I'm going crazy she rock my best friend my everything we spoke every day many times and I still find myself picking up the phone to call her.she passed at 333am and I can't.sleep now until after 4am?I feel like every day is a new challenge I refuse to talk to anyone I like being alone.I.also found comfort sleeping with her urn the first three weeks I slept the best when she was.with me I since the got a necklace and put that is this normal?if any focus on tv movies or anything I do try it don't work I'm so lost with out her I don't feel like the same person I was

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      Sweta 2 years ago

      Your reading has made me cry a mum passed away 5 months back. Mum had pulmonary fibrosis and she suddenly got an infection and pneumonia and died in the hospital. She was practically gasping for air as she left her physical body. I can still have the image of her last moments and it haunts me daily. I'm 29 so I don't really have chance to focus elsewhere...I try to block it out but then end up crying for hours every 2/3 days not a day goes by I don't miss her. I feel so lost without her. I was super close with my mum and feel like I have no one left to talk to.

      I feel like I have no desire in anything in life.

      I relate to your article no one quite understands what I am going through including friends who were there during the 1st couple of weeks.

      I just want my mum to hold me right hug me and tell me everything will be ok

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      azizamnunna 2 years ago

      Although i loved my mother dearly but eversince she had gone and i look back my role in her life, i find myself guilty in bringing her closer to death. The primary reason for this self verdict is that i didn't give her the quality medical care and proper attention which she needed. This was all due to my mean and miser nature. My conscious is now constantly piercing my soul . I am responsible for her early death . I could have done much more to make her life longer. May God give me an early death since i can't live any longer with this burden and also forgive me. I also request everybody on this forum to please pray that my this wish comes true since every moment of life has become painful for me. My tattered soul can find peace only in death.

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      Clarence 2 years ago

      My mama went to Heaven 11/13/14. I am broken and I don't know how I can live. My mama had liver cancer and I was her primary caretaker. I am the biggest mama's boy ever and I found myself wanting mama to go at the end. Now, almost 2 months after mama leaving, I'm consumed with grief and also guilt. Things got so terrible for mama that I wanted her to go. I knew I couldn't save her or stop her leaving...I gave up. So, my feelings of guilt come from this. I don't know how to cope with all my feelings and I need help..this is why I'm posting this.

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      Cory Zacharia 2 years ago

      Thank you for your poignant and meaningful piece. I've read it and the comments numerous times and I feel like it's my personal support group. My precious mother passed away 10/20/14, ten days past her 81st birthday. That may sound like a ripe, old age, but my mom was one of the youngest octogenarians around, going to the gym for Silver Sneakers workouts, volunteering at a shelter for children, going to concerts, painting in watercolor, and most of all, doing thoughtful things for my sisters, nieces, nephews, husband and me. I see that some of your readers are experiencing feelings of guild and so am I. Of my sisters - we are four - I lived the closest to my mother and step dad, about 40 minutes away. My sisters live in other cities. In the past, I would see her every week or two and talk on the phone a few times a week. In later times, I would try to see her at least once a week. Not out of a sense of duty, but because I genuinely missed her and knew that I wouldn't have her forever. Earlier last year, she mentioned to me that she had a hernia. I asked her how she knew and she said she went to see her primary MD (she and my stepdad were quite independent and turned down my offers to accompany them to medical visits.). She said he palpated the mass she had in her groin area, told her to jump up and down a few times (yes, he did) and said, "You have a hernia. Let's wait until it's bigger to decide whether you need surgery." He didn't send her for imaging. She had digestive issues that seemed to indicate IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). At a later point, she mentioned that her clothes were not fitting the same and her doctor told her it was the 80 year old spread. I had twinges of worry that she might have a serious condition but didn't want to scare her. I knew she was seeing various specialists to rule out different conditions. It wasn't until she couldn't keep any food down and was feeling more run down than ever that she decided to go to the emergency room. My husband and I met her and my step dad at the hospital and I had called one of my sisters to tell her I needed her and she was here in a few hours. There are no words to describe the shock we felt when the doctor on call came back to discuss her MRI results. Ovarian cancer. We able to go to one of the most highly rated gyn oncological surgeons in the world. He and all of us hoped she could have a laparoscopic surgery, but once they went in, he realized it was going to be a much bigger operation. A nurse came out to explain that they needed to do a laparotomy (open surgery) for which my mother had already signed her consent. The surgery was successful in a much as the surgeon was able to remove all the visible cancer which was in an advanced stage 3. She had a lot of pain at first, but healed well. But she was never the same after that. She spent her last several months at my sister's lovely home as well as in the hospital and hospice. At the point which the doctors couldn't or wouldn't do anything more and turned to palliative care (pain control), even our close, warm relationship changed. Maybe she was pushing me away to spare me grief afterwards or perhaps there were buried resentments that surfaced with the pain medicine, but for me, it was extremely difficult knowing that not only would I lose my mother, I already had. But two days before she left her body, still quite lucid and able to stand up, we embraced and she told me over and over that she loved me. We told her we loved her almost constantly. Most every day, we were with her - or at least one of us was - round the clock, including the day she passed away. I was pressing a sponge lollypop with cool water against her lips. She opened her eyes. I made sure my sisters knew that and we held her and chanted the "Shema," a Jewish prayer. She looked at us, turned her head and stopped breathing. I have been able to take a spiritual approach to her death and look for her, see and hear her in nature (and sometimes inside my own head). I think about her the moment I wake up and am fairly tormented throughout the day with thoughts of what I wish I had done differently before and during her illness. Sometimes I douse myself in the perfume she wore so that I can recollect her essence. Looking at her pictures comforts me and the best is talking about her with my sisters. When friends of mine have lost a loved one, I've often said, "I hope time brings you peace," but now I know that time is not always the best healer. I just miss her more as time passes. I think only peace brings peace and that's what I'm hoping to attain. - Thank you again and my sincere sympathy to all.

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      Cory Zacharia 2 years ago

      PS: I missed correcting a typo in time. I meant "guilt" rather than "guild."

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      Stuck 2 years ago

      Thank you for your sharing your journey of grieving. I now realize although I feel stuck, it's ok because in actually in a process. Feel what I feel. U suppose,after the emergency room visit and the two weeks of seeing my mother fading away, I actually was sleeping walking. I went to work and went to see my mother every day after work- so it was on the day she passed away. I told her it was ok we would be ok, but forgot to tell myself the same thing. Now 4 months later I have this feeling of being stuck, I can't cry, can't move on, I've gained so much weight, I'm so tired. Maybe going back to work 4 days later was too soon. I think I wanted to act "normal" in order to not feel. I trust God to heal my heart. Thank you to all of you who have shared your experience and helped me to not feel alone. I'm grateful.

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      Tanya 2 years ago


      my mom also died from stage 4 metastatic lung cancer on 12/15/14. I also felt as like I was prepared for her passing, since I knew the diagnosis 10 months prior, and I was very aware of the average time progression of the disease. Also, I found out I was pregnant with my second son just a few days prior to finding this out. I had lost a few pregnancies in a row after the birth of my first son, and was determined not to allow myself to feel stressed out or depressed upon this grim prognosis, since my 2 year old and my unborn baby needed me. So I remained upbeat and hopeful her entire illness. She was having great results from her treatments. The radiation on her brain shrunk the tumor and the chemo significantly shrunk the tumor in her lung to the point when the oncologist said she could just go on maintenance chemo or stop altogether. I convinced her to continue and she did. My son Dylan was born 11/5/14 and it was a happy time. My mom got to hold him and it actually seemed to snap her out of her depression and she seemed to have a surge of energy and hope. However. She declined so quickly thereafter, and I was left stunned when she passed away. The first day or so I was numb, content even, because she wanted to die and I was glad for her sake since she had no quality of life. Bur, then it really hit me like a ton of bricks like you describe. I became incapacitated and unable to do the most simple life things, like get out of bed. Taking care of my 3yeat old and my newborn became impossible. I have no desire for life really, and I just kinda stare into space. My mom also was my rock, the only person I could count on in my entire life. She was the only person who really understood me.

      I also suffer from postpartum depression and its so compounded by this tragedy. I feel as though I can't/ do not desire to care for my boys, as the depression leaves me so wiped out that I only desire to lie in bed and everything seems so overwhelming. My husband doesn't get it even after I have attempted to explain how I feel and show him articles related to postpartum depression. He and my dad tell me to 'suck it up' as I have two boys dependant on me. But they do not get that despite intellectually knowing that I need to step up and be a good mom, I cannot simply will myself better. My mom and I were very close and I long for her to be here to have an understanding, sympathetic ear to express my feelings. But instead I'm surrounded by two people who think I'm weak and pathetic and they make me feel resentful and just want to turn within myself and be alone. So people need family or friends to be around and talk to but id much rather just be alone. I also have the necklace with my moms ashes in it! You aren't weird, it comforts me to bring my mom with me whenever I go. Sounds creepy, but I love and miss my mom and so deeply long to feel her presence and talk to her. nothing in life seems to give me pleasure any longer. I am going to the doctor next week to get on medication and I really hope it helps.

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      Adam 2 years ago

      My mom Patrica Mears , passed away back in the year of either 2011 or 2012 , she passed away due to Colon cancer , It's hard for me to 'move on' to me chores are nothing but a mere distraction . I'd rather be alone and away from everybody it's much easier that way , I just don't want to be around anyone not even my own father nor stepmother I just can't do it no matter how hard I try every day of Every morning , it's just the same routine every morning , get up , and just sit at the computer , watch youtube videos , or read fanfiction or both . I just feel like I'm stuck like I couldn't even save her , all I have of her to remember her by is her Alice cooper and KISS VHS tapes it's just hard to move past that.

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      lebo 2 years ago

      I lost mom on 31 dec 2014-car accident. I feel I struggle to breath sometimes

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      NIKKI 2 years ago

      I lost my wonderful mum on 18 Sept 2014 and I still cry everyday - your article is just so true the grief I feel is like a physical pain that cuts so deep - my life will never be whole again - my mum's passing has left a huge piece of jigsaw missing. I am so lost and I hope one day I can find the path back to so sort of normality.

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      Adriane 2 years ago

      My mother passed away September 16, 2014 from lung cancer she had only been diagnosed 1 month before and seemed totally fine until that point. She was 54. I'm 25. I didn't think she would die up until the day before she died. During those moments I knew I would be traumatized by it. I haddly leave my bed. I do nothing. My boyfriend takes care of my kids I feel like I don't even know them anymore I feel like I'm not even a mother anymore I just lay here. I try not to sleep cause I have sad dreams of her and wake up crying. Up until recently I had hidden my pain I knew it the whe time. I kept asking why haven't I cried? I cried hysterically 2 days before she went and the night before from then on till about a couple of weeks ago I did not cry. Maybe shed a tear here or there and I knew it was going to catch up to me and hurt terribly. I lay in bed so much that I'm getting weak as in walking around hurts my ankles and makes me short of breathe. I got insurance money and could do anything i want but I just lay here instead. Seems like as time goes on the memories of her death are more and more painful I guess cause I was so in shock. It's almost unbearable and is definitely debilitating to me.

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      devin 2 years ago

      I really appreciate this page and post. I'm 15 and will be turning 16 in about 2 weeks. I Lost my mother 2 1/2 months ago. She was a breast cancer survivor and was dealing with bipolar disorder. It was very hard to get along with her, but she was still my mom and I loved her. My father and I are dealing with like anyone else would, but it's still very tough. My mother passed away in her sleep and I can honestly say that I find comfort in knowing that she passed on Gods terms as apposed to hers because she was becoming very self destructive. I really do appreciate this page once again & I hope that everyone who's dealing with a loss of a mother will find peace and comfort.

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      siddhantkar 2 years ago

      My mom died a week after my 18th birthday(25/09/2011). I thought that just like others I'd be able to move on with life. But it isn't easy at all.

      It's been more than 3 years since she's gone and I miss her more everyday. I am 21 years old and my mom was just 46 when she passed away. She had endured lung cancer for over a year and sometimes I'd feel optimistic that she will recover soon. But somewhere something went wrong and just abruptly she was gone. Now life seems so paused as if there's nothing more to do. I do have a bachelor's degree in business administration, but I just don't feel like doing anything. I hope I get my strength back and propell in life and make my mom proud.

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      Linda 2 years ago

      I lost Mum 6 months ago after her autoimmune diseases caught up with her & she could no longer fight it. She was 72 & had suffered for a long time with pain from it & we knew it would eventually kill her even though she tried so hard to beat it. I never had a relationship with Mum because of abuses I suffered from my father as a child & I felt she did not protect me, 12 years ago I had to move in with my parents because of a situation with my X husband & it changed the relationship we had. My father turned to alcohol again while I was living there with my 2 young kids, I blew up right up because I feared for the safety of my children & all the things my Dad had done to me as a child came out. She never knew..... She said she was sorry & accepted it but she swore she never knew. I could accept that & we finally started to have a close Mum & daughter relationship, finally I had a Mum I could talk to & do things with but I knew it would not be for long because I was 40 & she was 60 with many illnesses that would kill her. We enjoyed the time we had together & she called on me to go with her to appointments that required a long drive as she became tired easily, I was to oblige & we would go shopping after or just have lunch together. Something we never did when I was a child or even as an adult until 12 years ago. The last 18 months of her life she started to become ill enough that she required hospital care & because she also had a highly contagious bacterial infection that drugs would not kill she was in isolation. I was at the hospital most days she was there to ensure she was comfortable & had some extra TLC because Dad was unable to visit regularly, he has Dementia which was diagnosed about 6 years ago. Nurses had to gear up with extra PPE so it was easier to hand over what was needed at the door to her room & having to do that made our relationship become much more personal which I did not regret. I urged Mum to talk about what sort of acre she wanted for Dad when she passed because we thought he would go first but Mum's illnesses progressed rapidly in the final year. She was secretive about it & said it was organised so not to worry.. Yeah as if I am not going to worry since I am the eldest & only daughter living nearby. Anyway in the final weeks we accepted she would go soon & that she wanted no life support in the end which I accepted with no argument, my sister flew in with her 2 teenager kids & she took over completely excluding me. Mum was ready to go knowing that everyone was nearby & early one morning I got the call from the hospital asking me to call the family in for a final goodbye, that Mum had asked for us so she could go after saying good bye. We all gathered & my sister insisted that her kids be there (not appropriate for boys who were suicidal already!) I took up closest to her on 1 side of her bed & dad on the other side because I knew she would struggle at the end with breathing. My sister had not a clue what death was like. When the nurse came in to tell us it waas time to turn off the oxygen & medications keeping her alive my sister carried on so I stepped in & told her Mum has a living will with instructions to turn it off & confirmed that earlier in the morning. Thankfully she shut up & sat down sulking but Mum went fairly quickly so it was over & I sent the family home while I dealt with the rest of it. My sister quickly took over & excluded me from everything to do with the funeral & care for Dad which really hurt but I stayed quiet for Dad's sake, I found out later she was made POA for Dad & it was kept from me for reasons unknown even though I lived close & cared for her for the past 18 months. I did not understand because my sister also lives in a different state to me & Dad, even now it hurts because our GP is concerned about Dad & keeps asking me what to do. I tried a week ago to talk to my sister about Dad & she said she will sort it out, I asked sort what out & she told me it has nothing to do with me. As you can imagine that really hurt & now I am feeling very isolated from my family as my last child moved out at Xmas so he can attend Uni. My only company is an old dog who is on borrowed time & I am just starting the painful grieving for the loss of Mum because I was numb for the 6 months since she went trying to stay strong so my son could finish his HSC, now my kids have grown up & gone on their own journey of life. Dad & I had made peace over the childhood abuse a few years ago so I sort of had a relationship with him which was how a Dad should be towards his daughter & he swore never to drink again. But now he is not really there now due to the Dementia & I have lost him already, added to that I am out of work due to an accident 3 years ago that required rehab so living on disability & am at risk of losing my house if I don't find a job soon. I live in a town with high unemployment but moving is not affordable even if I sell my home, too many stresses & I am not sure how to go on or if it is even worth it. The only thing keeping me going atm is I know how much pain my kids would go through if I ended it all but the pain I am feeling with everything has finally caught up with me & I fear I won't be able to go on much longer.

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      Andrew 2 years ago

      My mum was 91 and was my world and my inspiration. I was on the way to the states this week and got news that she had unexpectedly been taken to hospital. I flew back all night and went straight to the hospital. She was on a drop but very perky and seemed to be ok. After a scan it seemed that she had a blocked bowel and as they wouldn't operate they suggested palliative care at home. I didn't like or accept that news but thought that there may be a miracle if we pray and get her home.

      Sadly this was not to be and yesterday she went into a deep sleep and literally drifted away holding my hand and my sisters. Awful.

      Yes she was 91 but that means I had her for 59 years. We had a special bond and wherever I was in the world we would always speak on the phone several times each day. She was my rock and my inspiration.

      I can't believe she is gone. The day before I left for the states she was her usual busy self , doing chores and going to the supermarket. A remarkable lady.

      The grief is nasty and unbearable. I can't sleep , don't eat much and have no interest in anything. I was a total mummy's boy all my life and all the success I ever had was down to her motivation and encouragement .

      I don't know how to deal with this. There is only me and my sister now and I feel alone and adrift. It's worse for my sister as she lived with her in a big house and she is now rattling around in there with all my mums things around her. I just can't bear to be in that house for more than 1 hour . Thanks everyone for sharing your words as I stumbled across this site trying to go asleep and failing miserably as usual. Night times are the worst. Alone, dark and feeling vulnerable. I know I should be strong but it's hard.

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      Mel 2 years ago

      my mum age 77, died on the 10th December 2014. Pulmonary fibrosis. So not unexpected, but it all happened very quickly. I miss her more than words can say, I just want a hug from her. Outwardly I am coping very well, getting on with life, but inwardly I feel so alone. I am an only child, although at age 52, I feel very much like a child that suddenly has to grow up. The practicalities of dealing with the "estate" are overwhelming. Only people who have lost their mums really understand. My heart goes out to all of you who have made comments on here, reading your stories gives some comfort, not sure why but it does. Our mums would have wanted us to be strong. X

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      Charlene 2 years ago

      I lost my Mom on December 21, 2014. She had liver cancer and been diagnosed for 1 1/2 yrs. the last 6 months I helped take care of her with help of my dad. We had a night Cna that came, but, it was me during the day. I miss her so much. She was 81. Her and my dad had been married 64 yrs. I am the oldest girl. My mom listened to everything that I've been through for 56 yrs, she always had time for me. She was bedridden the last 6 months and it was hard on her to be "took care of" by her child, but it was an honor for me to take care of her for a change. It's been 2 months and for the first 6 weeks I was ok, now I think it's starting to really sink in that she's not coming back and the grief is setting in. Is that normal? I don't know, I think just taking it one day at a time is all that I can do now. For the last 6 months,I moved To take care of my mom, took care of my 5 yr old grandson, had my youngest son move 6 hrs away and my other son start serving a federal prison sentence for 6 yrs. Now my Mom is gone and my life is turned upside down by not taking care of no one. I'm glad that my oldest son has come around and has took over taking care of his son, my middle is serving his sentence and youngest is still working way out of town. I am still keeping an eye on my dad and visiting with him often. So I know I've rambled on, but thank you for letting me have site to vent. To everyone out there who has experienced this kind of loss, take care and know that you are not alone in any of this.

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      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      As I started to read your hub, I began to cry for my own mom. I spent ten short years with her. We too prayed that God would take her because she was suffering so much. She had cancer too. Those were the hardest days of my life. I think that every child has a fear of losing their mom, only my fear was realized.

      I'm so sorry about your mom's pain, suffering, and death. Your pain is probably still fresh in your heart. You learn to deal with it, because it's the only way you can go on. It's been twelve years since she died, and now when I think of her I can smile as I remember all the good thing about her, which is a lot

      Thank you for sharing, I voted your hub up

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      Amy 2 years ago

      My beautiful mother just passed away Feb 19, 2015. I am devastated by her loss. She had COPD for the last 10 years of her life. She was only 61 years old. I feel like I'm in a fog, like it's not real. I lived with her and took care of her for the last 8 years. I don't know what to do without her. Even though she was sick for a while, her death came suddenly. The end of January she was in the hospital for 10 days. Then she came home on hospice. I was still thinking she would be ok, she was so strong. Less than 2 weeks later,my brother and I were holding her in her bed,as she took her last breath. I want her back . It's not fair. She didn't want to leave us. She told me she would talk to me everyday. She told me to be strong and that she will see me again. I want to be with her. I love her so much, more than anyone in this world. Come back to me Mom. It's so hard, harder than I thought. No one will ever LOVE you like your Mother. God Bless

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      Nellie 2 years ago

      My beautiful mother Nellie B. Atkins passed November 25, 2014 she was 81 years young:):).....I'd like to thank each of you for posting your stories it's been so helpful & I feel as though I can breathe now. At 49yrs of age I miss my Mom soooooooooooo much she was my best friend.......♡♡♡

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      Lynda 2 years ago

      Hi my mum passed away July last year of a massive heart attack but also suffering ryhmotoid arthritis since she was 40 (died at 64) my mums choice she took herself off all her pain n other meds a few years ago n lived on voltarin a anti-inflammatory's Mum told us it was the side affects n of course we said to her that's selfish mum what your doing, if you can't do it for yourself do it for us kids,dad,the grandkids but no she said its my life not yours so in other words piss off that was my mum stubborn,funny,beautiful soul never complained of the pain she was in but us as a family would have to watch her deteriorate in a big way, dad n me n my brothers would say oh mum come on let's take you to the doctors/hospital on a number of occasions n she'd refuse every time n her fav saying to us all 'if you don't like what your seeing'' don't look' Bloody hell how can you not look,she just kept getting worse n worse n I lived 11hrs away with my hubby n lil boy n visited All the time when we could otherwise on the phone everyday talking n now I still go n get the phone to ring her but I no I can't n now that mum has gone n what's getting me thru is she is out of pain n suffering which she had been for many years. Now it's my dad who mum did everything for is suffering ringing me on daily if not every second day crying wanting mum back n dad has even said he wants to end his life, I want to be there for my dad n brothers n I love them very much but I can't take much more of there constant complaint about each other it's affecting me it's affecting my husband n our little boy 5 but if I tell my dad n brothers this they will not understand n turn on me n say well I've got no one to talk to anymore your my sister or they'll blame my husband which my hubby only wants to protect me cause I haven't grieved for my mum i haven't had time I have random little cries but I have been putting up with dad n my little brother the most with, dad moved in with my brother n his two kids which he couldn't live in the house him n mum lived in cause that's where mum had her heart attack so temporarily he moved in with my brother as I said, but that's not working out so dad is moving into his own unit which is for the best but I'd get phone calls from both brother n dad whinging n complaining about each other n it gets me down like I said above my dad n little brother if they don't like what you've got to say doesn't matter if that's what I'm feeling they'll get really shitty n abusive n I end up hanging up n then I feel guilty!! but I am slowly thanks from the support of my hubby n his family I'm starting to not take there shit anymore I either don't answer the phone or I'll ring them back when I'm feel ready... I hope this makes sense... Anyhow thanks for listening n I no at the end of the day mum is at peace....It's everone else in our family that are not!!! L x

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      Methuselah Yuson 2 years ago from Cebu City, Philippines

      My mother died on the New Year's day of 2003. It was very sudden and unexpected even though we knew she already had heart illness. You are right it was very hard on the following months and even years. And eventually we were able to cope up with her loss. But things are really different without a mom in the house.. thank you for this article.

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      Vaishnavi 2 years ago

      Very nice article.

      I am going through the same pain.

      I'm 20 years old only daughter of my parents. I lost my mom on 5th February 2015. She was suffering from kidney failure but died of heart failure. I miss her so badly. I get feelings of suicidal. But I have to live my life for my mom. She gave me birth at the age of 49! I am test tube baby. My mom risked her life to give me birth. So I have to live it for her.

      But it hurts a lot. That my best friend/my love/my baby my mom is no more. But her soul is with me only. .

      I wanna tell all you people who lost your moms that nothing can seperate us from them not even death!!! Because pur souls are connected to them. And when we pass away we will be reunited.

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      stacey 2 years ago

      My mother passed 12/6/14, I held her hand and told her it was ok. But it really wasn't. I feel like I've been suspended in this strange reality of sadness and missing her. I long for the days I will feel normal again.

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      Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

      I can totally relate to this. My Momma died in 1995 and I miss her every single day . She was such an amazing woman. And like you say you knew your Momma was going to die but no one is EVER really ready.

      Thanks for sharing Your thoughts will offer some insight to others.

      Voted up+++ and shared

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      Peggy Woods 2 years ago from Houston, Texas

      My dear mother died in January of 2010 and not a day goes by that I do not still miss her. I was holding her hand as she passed away into the next life. I was also with my dad when he died in 1985. The pain of loss has lessened and smiling and laughter does happen again after a time. I can't wait to see them again when it is my time to make that transition into eternal life. All up votes except funny. This is a wonderful hub to honor your mother and to help others understand the meaning of that type of loss.

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      Kristen Howe 2 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      This was so beautiful. I can relate to losing your mother. It's been a year yesterday since she passed away. Last year was a rough one for me. I still miss her. She had COPD, Emphysema, CHF and other smoking-relation illnesses for a year, until she had a fatal heart attack and passed away, when we took her off life support. That was her wishes. What an useful hub to those who've lost their mother. I've honored my mother yesterday with a memorial walk and swim with meditation and prayer. Voted up!

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      Krzysztof Willman 2 years ago from Parlin, New Jersey

      Really touching piece. I am still fortunate enough to have my mother in my life, but I know it won't last forever. Any loss in your family is awful, but losing a mom has to be one of the worst things to go through. I'm sorry about your loss as well as all the people commentating that have lost their own mother or another family member. I wish you the best and thank you so much for sharing your story.

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      Lisa Marie 2 years ago

      Sadly, my mom just passed away on Monday morning. I also want to share with you about my mom coming to me that morning (around 5am) before I knew she died. She woke me with her voice calling my name. I never opened my eyes but we spoke. She said, "Lisa, I just passed and wanted you to know I am out of pain and so happy. I am with grandma. I am going now. Take care of each other. I love you." I believe we talked more but cannot remember. I was engulfed in the most beautiful blanket of love and I remember feeling so happy for her. It was beautiful. I just thought I had an extremely vivid dream. That's it. Then my sister called me about 3 hours later saying mom wasn't picking up her phone. I then knew. I told her what happened and I thought she had passed. I made her call the manager of her apartment to check on her. I then called my other sister and told her what my dream was and told her she was gone. Sadly it was confirmed 15 minutes later. The only thing that seems to be keeping me afloat is knowing that it really is true, There is something more to this life. The love I felt was unlike any other and the pain I am feeling now (as you know) is unlike any other. I just am trying to remember how blessed I am that she came to me. Truth is, if she didn't , I probably would be in the hospital Right now. She lived with me, my husband, and my 7 year old daughter 80% of the time. She also kept her apartment 25 minutes away. She had insisted on being home last weekend. Was very adamant on not coming over. I actually begged her to come over and she just wouldn't. I think she knew something subconsciously was going to happen. Now I just have to learn to get through this enormous pain and learn how to cope. I am so sorry for all of your pain. I hope you can all take some solace in knowing that God does exist. He let her come to me. I am so grateful for that.

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      Michelle 2 years ago

      I lost my mother May 17, 2014. I feel like it was yesterday, I dint have much time to grieve... I am a single mother of two so I had to get right back to work and act like nothing ever happened. This story sounds a lot like mine. Even though I know it has been almost a year, she is still the first thing think about every morning. I still sometimes grab my phone to call her for advice etc. I keep waiting to feel normal again, to feel happy and I wonder how long will this last and when will I be Michelle again. I question myself self every day, I don't believe in myself anymore... I feel so alone and lost, it is just a feeling I can not explain. Everyone thinks I should be over it, I feel it gets harder. My mother died without giving me a warning or getting prepared for it. I don't have anyone to talk to, I cant find help because I have no insurance and everyone is scared to talk about her to me. I keep everything inside and I have been finding myself running away from everyone with a bottle. That bottle only makes the pain go away until you wake up in the morning and realize how many I love the most, I hurt... I keep searching for someone to help me because I have found I can not do it alone and I am scared, I feel like I will never be the same and I always think that there is one way I can stop this pain and stop hurting everyone but I love my kids so much that I keep this all bottled up in my heart and I have never felt anything like this before, it is the worst pain I have ever felt. I keep praying that something will come along and I can find the help I need or a friend to really listen and not just say everything will be ok because since I have lost my mom, my world has gone to shit but I try to keep hope. Thank you all for your posts and I wish you the best...

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      Sah 2 years ago

      Thank you for this article. It has been a month since my mother died. I've felt sad and in physical pain since but this article finally let me sob. I needed this article. God bless!

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      Alan 2 years ago

      I lost my mum tonight. Sudden death. Im numb. Cant think.

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      Eris 2 years ago

      I lost mum this morning I'm numb always lying down on the bed. Thanks God I still have my boyfriend that can help me I love you John and thank you helping me through this harsh time ♡

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      Tammy 2 years ago

      I just lost my mom two days ago It is so hard i can't seem to try and snap out of it i was with her when she needed me the most now that it is over and she is gone i feel numb i just want to get back to normal i just feel empty inside just want to be able to hug her again and tell her i love her...i cant even seem to stop crying i just keep wondering if she was in pain she went late in the evening so no one was around but have been very sick and now cant even go to her funeral. ..

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      Nikki 2 years ago

      Thank you so much for this article. My mother passed 6 years ago when I was 19. It was so sudden! She was very healthy and very vibrant so it was a complete shock to my family. Tonight I sat in my bathroom and my cries came from deep in my soul. The pain does not go away and I am learning to be ok with having a breakdown once in a while. My mother was and still is my best friend. I keep these breakdowns to myself because I don't want my father or the rest of my family to worry about me. Thanks again.

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      fortunate 2 years ago

      I lost my mum when I was only8,and she was22,that was1999.I don't really remember the kind of relationshp we shared because she left me with my grandma when I was a baby only to come home to die.I cry everyday becoz I neva had a chance2have proper love from her and I'm turning23 and have issues trusting people and I usually feel suicidal because nothing seems to be working,and I can't stop blaming her for leaving me so soon and I know I would be in pain and have lots of questions for her for the rest of my life.what really hurts the most is I don't have the courage to talk about her with my relatives,yet I have so many questions.I am sorry to those who lost their mothers,just wish I had good memories about mine,I am so bitter

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      pramalkumarsamanta 2 years ago

      I lost my mom when I was only 17. I cherished the memories of my mom till today. I fully agree with the views expressed in long sharing article.Thanks for it.

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      Neetu M 2 years ago from Pennsylvania, USA

      I lost my mother after a very extended period of illness and suffering - 30 years - and the pain she suffered was, to most people, unthinkable. When she finally died, I could not even be with her, as she lived far away. I missed seeing her by 10 days, as I had planned to go see her one last time, but somehow, her death came sooner. I have never been able to reconcile to the grief, even after 14 years. It seems as though I was cheated of that one last time to hold her hand, to hug her goodbye. It remains unfinished. No, you never get over it. You just carry your mother in your heart always.

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      Rabiey 2 years ago

      I f my mother died I feel there is something missing in my life , she is my soul

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      Courtney Danielle 2 years ago

      I lost my mother/best friend in may of 2011. We were not speaking at the time of her death so i did not get to say "I'm sorry" or one last "I love you". Four years later i still miss her deeply. I have actually cried several times today. My mother was the most talented and sophisticated woman I've ever known. She was wise beyond measure, funny, a great cook/baker and had superb style. She made tremendous sacrifices throughout her life which provided me the luxury of having a strong black family. We had homecooked meals daily eating as family, my dad helped with homework & went to every tennis/track meet. I had the best childhood imaginable so her death left a large void that is impossible to fill.

      Time does help ease the pain but your heart will seemingly stay somewhat broken until you two meet again. Please take time to reconcile with loved ones for this time here is very short. I love you to the moon and back bobbi joyce.

      Prayers for health and happiness to everyone that has suffered great loss. Live love, give love.

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      Sondra 2 years ago

      Reading this article and the comments has moved my very heart and soul. I lost my mom March 22 2015 after a brave 6 month battle with bladder cancer. I was lucky enough to be by her side every step of the way. I'm still very numb, but knowing someone else truly understands is definitely nice to know.

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      Tanya 2 years ago

      Hi everyone. I am so grateful for this Web page in that I can relate and see that I'm not alone in my grief. I need advice and guidance with a situation I have been presented with. My mother passed away less than 5 months ago, but yet for the pass 2 months my father has been with a woman, (11 years his junior) and it literally makes sick. He, my husband and two sons live together and I'm exposed to this behavior on a consistent basis. I feel it's extremely disrespectful and childish for him to behave this way and I'm at at a point in which I want to write him off and withhold his grandchildren from him. I feel as though he is heartless and disrespectful to my feelings. I am disgusted and want him to realize how messed up his actions are and for him to disregard this supposed relationship he has conjured up. Yet despite my feelings I have been unable to confront him and not entirely sure that my feelings aren't self-serving. Can anyone offer me advice on how to approach the situation. Am I being overly possessive and concerned due the fact that I'm in

      situation, or am I'm valid in my feeling a

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      Quishandrea 2 years ago


      This article just really helped me. My mother passed on May 6, 2015 and we will bury her today. My mother was only 46 and I am the oldest of 4- age 26. My mother died in her sleep from unknown heart disease and a mild hear attack. I requested a full autopsy and receive some information from it but not the total report yet (toxicology and other reports are still being concluded). However, although my mother was not sick they found heart disease so I'm just waiting to see what kind and how it happened. My mom's sudden death is unbearable, she was everything to my siblings and I. My mother always said she wanted to go in her sleep and it happened, I just didn't think she'd go this early and of all the months my wedding month. I will have a wedding 2 wks from the date that I bury my mother which is why I'm no longer excited about my wedding. My mother was so excited and some days I feel like I can't breathe and other days I can laugh and smile but I know its still very fresh. I am Christian and I belive that God makes no mistakes but my human side also feels like there are so many other mothers who aren't good mothers that could have been taken instead of mine and I pray that God shows me His purpose. I also wrestle with why God allowed my 7 year old son to discover my mother. There are just a lot of thoughts that run through my mind both negative and positive. Trying to start life after my mother is something I didn't imagine I'd be going through at this age. She was my sister and I's best friend. We did everything together. My mother was our 24/7 babysitter (my son 7 and my nephew 1), she was our encourager, greatest supporter, my traveling buddy and driver, our own personal chef and most importantly she was the person who loved us unconditionally! I'm thankful for the memories we made, my sister always talked about how spoil I had my mother and now I know that God knew I wouldn't have her long. I'm sorry for everyone's loss on this page- I know how you all feel. I Pray that will all find some comfort.

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      azizamnunna 2 years ago

      Hello Quishandrea

      Its been a little less than a year that i went through the same painful experience as you do. Although i am not yet fully recovered from this trauma but a few facts have made me regain my peace of mind quite a bit. May be these facts also help you control your emotions in this difficilt time. First, it is undeniable fact that we all have to die and there is no age restriction for death.Now you are sobing your mothers death and sometime after other people will be doing same on your death. Second, human life span is so short but most of us dont realize it. Reading history for example history of USA , it was liberated in 1776 and see how many presidents came one after another,you realize that life is just a bubble which burts soon after its thrown into air.Third,the human death doesnt kill the human spirit . Death just transfers human soul from the human body and from this world to another form of body and another world. Everyone has to shift from this world to the other world. Human body is like the clothing of human soul for this world . For us to enter the other world the souls clothing has to change and death does just this.God is most most beneficient and most merciful , He will allow us to be with our dear ones in that world too. So think yourself on a railway platform waiting for the train which will carry you to your mother.

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      Andrea 2 years ago

      I just lost my mom this morning. She died suddenly of a blot clot after knee surgery. I think I am numb. My mother was the biggest part of my life and I am stunned. I googled "my mom died today" and this article came up. Thank you for writing it. I know that I have a tough journey ahead of me, but reading this gave me some peace. God bless you.

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      Kebnabi 2 years ago

      I'm so glad to have found this article. My mom died of metastatic cancer 4 days ago. Got the diagnosis only a month ago. Now she's gone. Having trouble processing this. She was 69. I find myself thinking of terrible people I know who are much older, wishing they could have taken her place, wondering why they didn't. If I weren't already an atheist, this would set me on that path.

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      evenarac30 2 years ago

      I could really relate to this article. My mum passed away nearly 5 months ago from lung cancer just two days short of her 70th birthday and the day before my daughter's birthday. It still feels completely unreal and I can't believe I won't see her again. I just have a deep overwhelming feeling of sadness especially for my dad as they were just an amazing couple who loved each other very dearly, it was clear to see. After mums diagnosis (a year before she passed away) we made a pact, as a family, to celebrate every occasion possible together. We even went on a family holiday together all 14 of us. I will never forget that holiday it created special memories that none of us will ever forget.

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      Bill C 2 years ago

      What a poignant article. I lost my dear 89-year-old mother a week and a half ago after 5&1/2 years of taking care of her 24/7. As the "baby" of the family and being male, I did things I never dreamed I'd ever have to do to and for my mother. During those last 5&1/2 years she was given 6 months or less to live 4 different times and always pulled through with me pushing her and pulling up the rear too. Two weeks before her passing I had her sitting in a chair at her favorite casino playing her favorite slot. She's been my life for so long and now it's gone and I am completely lost right now but it has been a tremendous help today to read this article and more importantly the comments afterward. Thank y'all so much. It is comforting to see so many people have experienced all the emotions I've been having for the last week and a half and to know I'm not alone. God Bless you all and please wish me luck. Her funeral is tomorrow.

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      Seriously Hurt 2 years ago

      I want to thank u all hu have been taking part in this website. I want to share mi memories with you guys because it seems like you are the only persons hu are understanding me. Here is mi story: I lost my mom on 07 july 2014. She suffered from diabetes n high blod preasure. Mi mother was a fighter she has been sick for the past 15 year but she was a fighter. For the first 3 years of her illness I was ther for her each n every step of the way but she was ohk the thing was she should take her medication as directed by he GP n she wil be fine so she was fyn cause I make sure of it by that time I was only 19 years old. We were very close me and my mom. So I met mi prince charming n we get along just fyn and I continue to look after my mom and she was fyn too. So the problem started when mi prince charming ask me to move in with him as happy as I was I said yes So I move in with him not realising I'm hurting mi own mom. I told mi mom about mi moving in and she doesn't seem to have a problm with my moving in with my prince charming. I think she didn't wanna hurt my feelings seeing how happy I was. I move in with mi prince charming but I made sure she visit all her check ups n call her to take her medicine but little I know that she is hurt. We all know that our moms are doing anything in their powers to protect their children. At first I was visiting my mom each and every week and we talked and we laugh. When time goes by I pay her a visit at fortnights. Time goes by again I only see my mom once a month. Before I knew it I was visitin my own mother once in three months but she seemed ohk. It was not me it was love. I love this man not realising that I'm hurting the one who loves me dearly. In 2010 I got pregnant so I went home and my mother take good care of me n she was strong. In 2011 may the 12th I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and again my mother take good care of me and my daughter and she was stiil the stronger mom I knew n she fell in love with her granddaughter. They looked so happy together. In december 2015 we go back to the father of my child my prince charming. Again I didn't know how my mother was feeling and she was strong. We pay her a visit twice a month. So her blood preasure became high and diabetic too. And everytym when she became sick she ask for my daughter and we go home and after seeing my daughter she became ohk. She became sick now and again so when she became sick I took my daughter and we go home and when we get home she would be healed that was around 2012. 2013 I get job so it was very difficult of me to go home more often. So sometimes when my mother want us to visit her I was busy at work so it was difficuld for me to go home each and every time my mom calls. 2013 around december my mom get in and out of the hospital and I was there for her. Mi daughter was atteding pre school at 2014 so me and my mother made a deal that she wil visit her each and every school holidays. During easter holiday my child pay her grandmother a visit and they were both happy. Winter holidays my daughter pays her grandmother a visit. During her my daughters visit an aunty from the side of the father of my child dies so I had 2 go home to take mi child for the funeral cause she was close to that aunty. So I call my mom and told her I wil come to fetch the child before pre school opens. She agree with me it was friday morning when I get home but my mom was not there I call her and she said she is coming with my daughter and she told me I must bring back her granddaughter back on monday and I agree if only I knew that it was the last time I saw my mother breathing. So we went to the funeral but I was busy on monday so I didint have a chance to send back my daughter. At about 3am tuesday morning I got a cal frm my father and he told me that mi mother has passed away I crie for almost an hour. I just pack my bags n go home. When I got home she was not even there the motuary have already taken her I cried n cried and cried. We prepare for the funeral and we bury her. Sunday morning relatives and families pack their bags n go. Only the children of mom and our father left. On tuesday I went back to my prince charming and on wednesday I go to work as if nothing has happened. I keep on with life like normally. A week later my father and my sisters said they have bad dreams about my mom they say my mom spirit is not resting so they want to consult a traditional healer so they found a healer and they do their things. I don't believe in the tradition. I guess that was their way of healing but I didn't do anything I just go on like nothing had happened. My prince charming and my daughter kept me busy so I was happy. Until last night when me and my prince charming started to fight. Someguy from work called me and he answered my phone and that guy asked for me and she gave me the phone and that guy just say he was greeting me and we say our goodbyes after that the same guy send a cal back I just ignores it that's where our problem started he ask me who is that guy wat relation do we have I told him that he is my collegue and he was just greeting. We started agueng and he started beating me up. I was shocked that just a mere phone call can lead someone to be beaten up that's where I started to think of my mom that when I remember that I didn't mourn my mom I just keep on with life like nothing happened. That's when I realised I have never gave my mom the attention she deserve and the daughter love. To tell the truth I luv my mom and I miss her very much if only I can turn back the hand of time I will ask for the time I didn't spend with her. I want to tell people out there who still have moms make use of your time with them. There is no love like mothers. Once gone never regain

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      andrea 2 years ago

      My mom went home to be with the Lord eight days ago. I miss her so much and I cry a great deal and nobody on this earth seems to understand what I am feeling. People want me to check in on my dad who was verbally abusive to me practically all of my life. I do call him but it is just too hard to go over my moms house at this point. Some people say I just have to get on with my life. My mom was part of me and I of her. How can I just go on as though nothing has happened. I asked God to take her home because she was suffering but I want to hold her hand again and tell her I love her and hear those words back.

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      Kristen Howe 2 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      This was a beautiful hub, my friend. It's been a little over a year since my mother died after a year with COPD, CHF, Emphysema and other smoking-related conditions after being a smoker for 5o years. Ironically, she died on St. Patrick's Day, a holiday she hated. I still miss her and remember her, talk to her in Heaven, started memorial walks/swims this year, and have a Pinterest board decided to memories of my mom like elephants and hot air balloons.. things to remember her by and keep her alive in my heart. Voted up!

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      Oluwakemi 2 years ago

      I lost my mother on the 16th of June,2015. She just walked out of my dreams. I can't imagine my wedding without mum. The world seems so lonely. Am still mourning my mum and I think this is a good article to learn from.

      Thanks for sharing your experience

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      Patti 2 years ago

      Thank You for writing this it helped me so much. My mother passed on May 16th. I can't cry in front of my husband he doesn't understand. Nice to read I'm normal. Again Thank You

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      Isabel 2 years ago

      I lost my beautiful mother on 6-20-15. I feel so alone and empty. I am 43, single, no kids and I just feel lost. She was my best friend and I took such good care of her. Everything I did was for my mom. I don't know how I will go on or how I've managed to get this far. I miss her so much. This article helped me knowing I am not the only one going through this. Thank you & God Bless Everyone!

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      Ivan 2 years ago

      Thank you for writing this. I lost my mom on 5-1-15. Yesterday was a rough day for me. I have my good days. Then I have days I feel lost without being able to hear her voice. It still seems unreal at times. It does comfort me to know that what I feel is normal and there are people that understand. God bless you all.

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      Rajneesh Anthwal 2 years ago

      Tomorrow is my deceased mom birthday. 19/01/2013 we had lost her. She is since last 2 years and 6 months not with us. But till today also I feel there is something missing in my life. This gap I had never been filled in my life till now. Second thing which I felt is where would be she after her death and I always pray for her well being. She had suffered lot of pains in her last days. But the thing which we learned from her is that she always keep patience in her worst days of her life too and in her last days also she had gone very peacefully. I would like to wish her Happy Birthday in advance. She was very affectionate lady. She had never hurt anyone in her life mistakenly too. May everyone be happy and live peaceful life.

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      Mandy 2 years ago

      I lost my mum on21/6/2015 I'm not really sure how I feel she died of C OPD also she had a massive stroke two months before leaving me I have had a month now of of work but need to go back Monday I'm a bus driver but still not sure if I'm ready

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      Holly 24 months ago

      Thank you for defining the process. Im 51 and had my mom up till 21/2 months ago. I could not have said anything better than you did. I to go to my room and cry, and sometimes just driving down the road i just burst into tears. Ive not been able to go to her house, or talk to some of my sibling, there is times i feel gulty because i was given a time 2years to be there with her and i took that time forgranted, too little to late now she is gone. I know she loved me and I loved her but there is thing and words I wished I had said, so this being said if anyone reads this that still has a mom I urge you to please spend as much time with her as you can. Take care and god bless.

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      Sulabha Dhavalikar 24 months ago from Indore, India

      Very nice. It is the best tribute you could have paid to your mother.

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      Kristen Howe 24 months ago from Northeast Ohio

      Since I commented on this twice, awhile back, (forgot I did it 4 months ago), congrats on the HOTD, Vicki!

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 24 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I lost my dearest beloved mother on July 3, 2015. My mother was my dearest friend. I truly miss her. I felt crippled by her death at 91. I went through the funeral arrangements and everything. I am still neither here nor there. I really cannot believe that my mother is .....GONE. Yes, there are going to be some bad days; however, I will always remember the beautiful days we had together. I am crying now as I write this.

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      Kathleen Cochran 24 months ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Someone said grieving is the last act of love you do for a person. Look at this list of comments. Most of them begin with, "I lost my Mom , , ,"

      When I lost mine, I felt like I owed an apology to everyone I knew who had already lost theirs, because I'd said things like, she had a full life, or no one lives forever, or she's at peace now. All that may have been true, but losing your mother leaves a hole in your life that nothing can fill.

      I lost my Mom January 13, 2013. She was 88. I'll never stop missing her. There were bad times, but I somehow don't remember them now.

      I'm amazed HP selected this hub for HOD. Good for them.

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      Mary Norton 24 months ago from Ontario, Canada

      Although my mother passed on when she was in her late 80's, it was still hard not to have her around. Even when we know eventually she will no longer be with us, we still wish she lives on. I am sure she still is with us though we don't see her. Congrats on your HOTD.

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      Sheri Pardini 24 months ago from Florida

      From all the comments on your article it's clear that none of us are immune to grief. I lost my dad 13 years ago & know exactly what you mean by grief being a physical pain. I too, thought I was prepared, but now I know nothing can prepare you for that kind of loss. What I do know is that I never wante to experience it again. If only life was like that, but there is no escape from grief. I found your article spot on. Everyone must find their own way through the darkness. 13 years and the sharp pain has moved on, but the pain of that loss is not over, it is only different. Sometimes I still breakdown and curl up in a ball. I know I must one day face that intense grief again when I lose my mom. The only thing I can do is my best to have few regrets by staying in touch as much as possible. You said it best. Our parents are not perfect. Neither are we. Remember them for who they were. Not perfect, but special like none other. I am sorry for your loss and wish you strength on your journey.

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      moonlake 24 months ago from America

      Very sorry for the loss of your mother.

      I woke up this morning thinking I need to call mother and talk to her about my husband, but I remembered she was gone. She died April 29, 2015. My husband passed away Dec 2014. I know for sure how suddenly grief can come on. It seems to happen in places you don't want it to happen.

      My mother also wasn't perfect, but she was always there she raised 5 good children. I miss her and my husband so much.

      I try not to get too upset in front of people because they lose patience very fast.

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      FlourishAnyway 24 months ago from USA

      What a wonderful choice for HOTD. This will eventually happen to all of us. I think about it and even the thoughts bring tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your story has prompted me to reach out again to a long distance friend who lost her mother months ago just to let her know I am still thinking about her. I am sorry for your loss.

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      Liz Elias 24 months ago from Oakley, CA

      Congratulations on HOTD! What a well-done and insightful piece! My sincere condolences on the loss of your mother, and kudos for your bravery in putting it all out there to share your thoughts and offer helpful suggestions to others.

      I do know that pain, and I'm still dealing with it, these nearly 17 years later! I can't believe she's been gone that long.

      My mom died quite suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of only 76. I did not see it coming. If she had not been feeling well, she hid it; it was how she was raised; always keep a smile on your face.

      I when I left the hospital with my husband (then fiance), I howled like a wild animal. I was inconsolable. My mother was, indeed, my very best friend. I am an only child. Even as a writer, I have no words adequate to describe that level of hurt.

      I was literally in shock, just going through the motions of life for the next full 3 YEARS! Even now, there are things of hers that I struggle to think of getting rid of, because, even though I no longer remember the stories of which family member to whom the items originally belonged, and even though I don't actually care for some of them, (not my taste), it feels as if getting rid of things she liked would somehow dishonor her memory.

      Mother was a talented poet; she wrote in rhyme; my style is blank verse. We used to read each other our latest pieces at least twice a week. I have binders-full of poems I wrote way back then. I have written fewer than 4 poems in all the years she's been gone. It feels as if my muse died with her.

      Voted up and across, pinned and shared.

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      Karen 24 months ago from U.S.

      Wow, wow, wow, this made me cry. I just lost my mom less than a month ago. Similar to your mom, my mother was very sick for awhile -- not with cancer but with a lung disease that made it impossible for this once very vibrant, active, outdoors woman to live how she wanted to live. She was ready to go. Rationally we knew that she wouldn't last much longer, but I couldn't believe it emotionally until the last week of her life. It is physically painful right now to read your article and other people's comments here, recounting of the loss of their mothers, because it resonates so strongly with me right now. But it is also cathartic for me to do so. I am grateful that she was with us as long as she was. She was 83.

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      Ms Quick 24 months ago from Fayetteville, NC

      Very well put, that our Mother is our first friend. Many of us do not realize that until it's too late. My condolences to you. I understand how you feel, I been there too - 2012. RIP Mama!

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      Paola Bassanese 24 months ago from London

      Sorry to hear about your loss 4 years ago - how are your friends and family behaving around you now? Do you reminisce with them about those wonderful moments you shared with your mother?

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      lambservant 24 months ago

      Today my mom would have been 80. I miss her more every year. No one will ever take her place. Great job.

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      sabra 24 months ago

      My mom passed away on July 19th.I'm also 3 1/2months pregnant.I'm a mess to say the least. I have 2 kids and normally Im strong but I'm so sad. I struggle to be happy. I feel so empty

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      Roger 24 months ago

      My mother died about 9 months ago, and it was very sudden which I don't know is good or bad. She had a "catastrophic" stroke and died 24 hours later. She was only in her early 70s and had never even been in hospital before, she was so healthy. And then this happened.

      I spoke to her a day before she collapsed so I am thankful I did that, it was a nice conversation. I was very close to my mother and she was the only person in my life that would just listen to me and not pass judgement. I miss those chats deeply. People that say "time heals all wounds" aren't telling the truth. I grieve for my mother every day.

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      Cynthia 23 months ago

      Today is the 7th day since I've lost my mother. I just dont know how I feel, it hurts, im numb and miss her terribly. just had a bout of crying with not being able to feel much due to tje funeral arrangements. I wonder if the pain will ever go away. a lot runs through my mind oh its just difficult.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 23 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Yes, it is very difficult. On August 3, it will be a month since the passing of my dearest mother. Yes, it hurts a lot. You think about the times you have spent with mother from childhood until passing. You remember the wonderful things mother has done for you. You remember her voice and kisses. Nothing will ever be the same again. There are two parts, before mother's passing and after mother's passing.

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      Tonya 23 months ago

      My mama died 4 days ago on July 29th, 2015. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a few months ago. She was reacting Well to chemo, until they changed her chemo treatment a bit. 8 days before her death, she was admitted to the hospital bc the new chemo reacted badly and her legs were blistered and infected to the point she couldn't walk. Shebwas set to go home the day she died, too. She was sitting in a chair in the hospital room, waiting for discharge papers, when the doctor called my grandma to the hall. He was telling her my mom needed to go straight to hospice when she left the hospital. That he had found a tumor in her hip and multiple broken bones in my poor mommy's leg. Suddenly, they saw nurses run into the room, and my mom died in that chair. I live in a state 1000 miles away from my home state where My mom lived. I have built a life with my husband and 2 young children. I texted mama everyday (we are both hard of hearing, so no talking on phone). When I got the call, it was complete shock. She was supposed to make it! My dad was absent in my life since I was 5 years old, so my mom was all I had. The guilt of not going to see her is eating me alive. Now, I'm going to her funeral on Saturday and It's killing me that the last time I see her, she will be dead. I have a 1 yr old and a 5 yr old. Nothing helps the pain, not even them. I've been trying to fight the grief so that my kids don't see it, but I can't make myself do anything burning the bare minimum for them. I feed and bathe them. That's it. My outlook on life is now bleak, as I see living as a waste of time. One second, ill be able to put on a good face and the next, I fall apart, missing her. Trying to come to grips with the fact that my mom us gone. Forever. I never understood or tried to understand what grief was like when people I knew were going through it. I honestly always thought they were being a bit overdramatic. I was wrong. My heart goes out to everyone here. And this article captured how I feel perfectly. Thank you for writing this. You've helped many people.

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      DIANE 23 months ago

      I lost my mom on July 17, 2011. She was my best friend and my only relative in town. I lost my job one day before her birthday, two months after she died. I found another job but I work afternoons and nights and am quite isolated. Even though it has been over for years, it still feels like yesterday. She lived with me. And was sick for 8 months with kidney failure. I have lost most of my friends due to my crazy woek schedule, so I feel like I am concentrating more on my losses than blessings. It is so hard to be all alone. I still see her everywhere in my home. wish I could say it gets easier, it hasn't for me. I suppose if I was married or had children, it would be a little easier, but that is not the case. Unfortunately, I am working a job that's makes me miserable, so I have no hopes, dreams, or plans. I just take each day as it comes and hope something turns around. Since, I have not been Ble to control or change anything in my life, I would like to offer my sympathy to anyone and everyone who is in a similar situation. God did not put us on this earth to be totally alone, and yet this seems to be the case for many of us.

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      Mandy 23 months ago

      Thank you for that. My mum passed away on the 9th January 2015 and I thought I was dealing with it ok. My mum had dementia for 2 years before her death. Over this weekend I have been thinking of my mum and have been in floods of tears. Today has been extremely hard i have spent most of the day in tears but as my husband has said it is ok to grieve for my mum. My mum was always a very happy lady and everybody who met her loved her. Thankyou for putting all that down it really helped.

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      Annie Howard 23 months ago

      Thank you for this excellent article - so heartfelt and sincere. I am concerned for some of the comment-makers here. There are a few that would definitely benefit from grief counselling. Every person is different and every instance of grief is different. Please, anyone struggling to the point of being debilitated with grief that is more than a year old - seek help. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means that you need some support which may not have been forthcoming adequately for you, to date. XX

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      Stephanie 23 months ago

      My mom was the healthiest person I knew. Exercised every day, ate well, took amazing care of herself, never smoked or drank, weighed in to weight watchers every month for 4 years straight (her weight was the same for the last 3 years, between 115-118 pounds). She ran 3 miles the day before she visited the ER due to what she thought was gallbladder pain which had been going on for a week or so. Three weeks later we took her off of life support due to breast cancer that had caused multiple organ failure. She was a nurse and had found cancer in other people, but not herself. Two mammograms and an ultrasound didn't find the tumor (which was determined to be a little over a centimeter). It was only found in an MRI. I'm a wreck. Everyone keeps asking if there were any signs, and I just get upset because I just want to shout do you think she wanted to die in her early fifties with four children, the youngest of which was 20? Did she want to die 3 months before her 30th wedding anniversary? She took better care of herself than anyone else I knew. She had so much living left to do, and it's just been so upsetting. I know that living and moving forward is the best way to honor her memory, but that's the hardest thing to do sometimes. It would be so much easier to just shut the doors and draw the curtains and cry, but then everything she sacrificed for us would be in vain. Mom, I love you, and I'm going to keep going and living, and I am going to miss you every day. You will always be my best friend and we had 26 amazing years together and if my only regret is that we didn't have more time, well that's not too shabby. I am so proud of you. Now it's just me, Dad, and my three brothers, but you are ALWAYS with us. To all of you men and women, remember, the best way to honor them is to keep living life to the fullest!! Seek help if you need to because it's ok to grieve. XO to you all!

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      Stacey 23 months ago

      My mom died on May 1, 2015 unexpectedly. I am 43 and have never known my mom to be sick. My mom was one of my very best friends and we talked multiple times per day and saw one another a couple times a week. She had only been retired from her job for one year and we had become garage sale buddies etc spending more days together since she wasn't working. She didn't answer her phone or call me back so I went over to check on her and found her in her bed. It was the most horrible experience of my life. Everyone keeps telling me that it was the best way it could have happened, but that makes me mad because there is no "best way" for my mom to die. I understand what they are saying, but it doesn't make it better. My mom taught me to be kind and honest and responsible and that there are consequences for actions and to never hurt someone's feeling on purpose and to follow rules and etc etc but she didn't teach me how to be without her. I miss her so badly every single day and I have never felt such physical pain in my heart in my life. My husband and three children are wonderfully supportive but they keep telling me they miss my smile and they miss me, but I don't know how to be me. I don't know how to wake up each day and know that my heart is going to feel broken and that I now have the rest of my life to feel this pain. I am still here for them and I love them and I still see the beauty in the world and I don't need medication or a doctor, I just need to somehow figure out how to be me without my mom. I feel like she just disappeared and doesn't know she left. I also feel like everyone thinks that I should be over it by now after four months, but they all still have their moms. I know my mom knows I loved her and I know I was a good daughter to her so I don't have any of those regrets. I just have an all consuming sadness and pain in my heart that won't go away. The worst part is that it has been 117 days and every single night when I lay down to go to sleep and close my eyes, I picture the night I found her. It is like it is burned into the backs of my eyelids and it won't go away. I know that in theory it gets better because I used to cry every day and now I have days that I don't cry at all. But it isn't that each day gets easier it is simply that some days are easier than others because I will have several good days in a row and then I will have a day like yesterday and today that I just cry and hurt all day long. I miss my mom. I miss her more than I ever thought you could miss someone. I just wanted to say all of this. I don't expect any real answers, I just needed to say it all. Thank you.

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      Johanna 23 months ago

      My mom died on July 21, 2015. My mother middle name was Teresa with this said we called her mother Teresa because she was just an amazing women inside out my mother was my best friend, my counselor, my diary, my strength, my everything. My my was the motor that keep me going and going I'm the oldest of 6 kids 36 years old. I miss my mother every hour of the day people tell me that I should let her go but I honestly can't stop thinking of her and missing her voice, hugs, smell, smile, her lovely looks at my eyes. I have 3 kids and a wonderful husband that has supported me to the fullest.. I know that what she wanted was for me to move on and be what she was to us for my family. I ask god and my mom to give me strength to keep going and going. Thank you

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      Shirley. South Africa 22 months ago

      I found your wonderful article today. My mother passed away August 2010. She was my Best Friend, I spoke to her every day, travelled with her (and sometimes my Dad joined us) to the corners if the earth. We loved travelling together to India, Bali, Egypt, Namibia, Savuti, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Kruger Park and so much more. We both loved exploring new countries and both have a passion for wildlife and birds. She was healthy and played a mean game of golf. Joan passed away at age 85 and I was so privileged to be with her when she went to her next journey. For 2 years I wrote to her each and every night as if we were having one of our daily conversations. Was able to lovingly say goodnight to her every day. Remembered both good and sometimes not so good times. Was able to feel the deep pain of not bring able to hear her answers or advice she always had wisdom to share. I know that deep pain but the writing gave me time to love and nurture my feelings and now the diaries are in a special place of care. I have never needed to ever read what I have written. Writing definitely was my safe place to share all with her and to heal the pain. I talk about her often with friends who knew her and loved her. She is always and will be a part of my daily life. Sending loving thoughts and care to all who have lost their Mother and Best Friend. God does give us strength to heal and care to move forward. Time is all it takes to move from the pain to loving memories.

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      Robert Stevenson 22 months ago

      Thank you so much for your article on losing your Mom. I lost my Mom just 16 days ago and I'm a wreck. As I read your article much of it sounded as if I'd written it when you spoke about your grief. My Mom was my best friend and my whole life. I can't figure out how to live without her. Your article has given me help and plenty to think about. God bless you.

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      Randy 22 months ago

      Thank you so much for sharing your mom with us. I am so very grateful I found this today, as I feel I could have written it myself (even down to the hummingbird story). The third year angel-versary of my mother's death just passed. My mom made her transition on 09.05.2012 after a three year battle with stage IV breast cancer. I was blessed to be holding her hand when she left this planet. However, like all the others here, I miss my mother deeply everyday. As a Licensed Professional Counselor that specializes in grief and bereavement counseling, I feel like I have many "tools" in my self-help bag; however, it does not change the fact that life has forever changed. Three years on...and most days I get along okay (it's always "lurking" - but not always as prominent as it was in the days/weeks/months after her passing); however yesterday was a tough one. I made it through the 5th...but all day yesterday I just kept remembering all the things I had to take care of after she passed (i.e. funeral arrangements, etc.)...and of course the loss I have felt since that moment that changed everything in my world. As I have done before, I allowed the grief and loss to flow (as I strongly feel going through grief is the best course of action for me), but it was bit stronger than I had anticipated. I cried (sobbed) several times yesterday...but each time I asked myself..."what would mom say to me right now?" That always helps me, as I could imagine her clearly saying, "I know you miss me; just as I miss you. But you have to keep on living, son. And live well. That's what life is about." As I awoke this morning, I felt different; better. Time to get on with living life well. :) To each and every person who's mother has transitioned to the greater somewhere - I extend my heart and love.

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      Aziz Ahmad 22 months ago

      Randy thankyou so much for using the word transition instead of d... just because of this word i feel somewhat less grief for my loss.

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      Laura Camuso 22 months ago

      I lost my mom a week ago. Im numb. I am an only daughter, and dont have alot of supports. She's my best friend my everything she's the only person in this world that love me unconditionally and had my back I've always taken care of her and she's taking care of me but when she got diagnosed in April with stage 4 lung cancer and devastated me I fell apart she kept up such a brave front for me. She wouldn't talk about dying with me she I'm a nurse but that goes out the window when it's your mother. I did everything with her she was awesome I don't know how to live without her I'm just hurting so bad

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      22 months ago

      It's been 18months since my mum passed away aged 49 and my heart is still weeping. She was my everything; mum, dad, big sister and best friend all rolled into one. These past months I've been going through the motions and staying strong for my family as I didn't want them to worry about me. I feel like I'm cracking now and so very tired, I'm tired of grieving and staying strong, I just want my mum back. So so so much, this world is a very lonely place without her.

      Thank you all for sharing your stories, and as one person just said look never mind the day just look at getting through this next hour and that's what I'm going to do because I promised my mum I'd never loose my joy for life, oh she was a wise one getting me to promise to that! Xx

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      sandee 21 months ago

      Searching to make sense of the tremendous feeling of loss; like the earth is off it's orbit and things will never ever be "right" again; it just a deep dark sadness that flows over your entire being and defies rational thought. I go about my routine and pour myself in work and family responsibilities, but the loss is always there like an infection, eating away. I try to re-focus my thoughts throughout the day, reminding myself what a blessing to have the mother I did and that she is at peace now, and home in heaven with my father, but my thoughts won't rest there, they keep reminding me that she's NOT HERE, and I just miss her, every part of her. She was my biggest fan, my biggest cheerleader, the one who always cared about my day and helped me through everything. I know that God will get me through this pain and that I will survive, but I believe I am forever changed and I'm not sure what that will look like, but I'm okay with it. I don't think I can walk through this dark journey of grief and not be changed. I want to prepare my children for their loss after I die so that they have more skills than I do at 54 to cope with my death. Knowing you aren't alone is a reassurance that you are going crazy, so I guess the blog has a healing component. My heart does break for all of you who are walking down this dark road. May the God of peace reach out and comfort us all with the blessed hope of heaven.

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      Prefer to be Anonymous 21 months ago

      I DREAD the thought of losing my mother.

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      Bibbala 21 months ago

      I lost my mum 2 weeks ago. I have 1 year old daughter and the last time I saw her alive was a wonderfull day just the 3 of us.

      I'm devastated but I can't fall apart I have a baby to look after. It was sudden at 69 and I felt to soon. She was my go to everything. I just feel it's all a little unfair. I haven't finished having children and she was so excited for the future grandchildren. She wasn't ready to leave and I wasn't ready to let go.

      I feel like I want to move away now... Even tho u have other family. Maybe I want to run away. I'm angry and sad and fine all at the same time.

      Thank you for your article. I think I needed to know this pain may fade but it won't ever go away. But also thank you for all the comments I don't feel alone in this pain anymore. I know death is a fact of life and this has reminded me we all have or will go through this.

      Thank you also for reminding me to remember her for who she was. She wasn't perfect and not was I. But out relationship was 100% real and full of love

      Xx thank you

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      Raaj 21 months ago

      I lost my loving caring lovely mother on 24th September this year. She was 79, healthy, witty and chatty. She loved watching serials on TV and passed away peacefully and just suddenly while watching TV sitting in a chair. I miss her voice, her laughter, her calling me - my name - I could touch the love and care in that voice when she called me and spoke to me over the phone...oh...what I wouldnt give to have her back! The fact that she is within me - in my blood and DNA makes me feel good that she is not gone completely....i have her in me....But i want to hear her voice and laughter and tell her a lot of things i had wanted to share with her....thank you for the posts, I feel better reading some of those

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      Anonymous 20 months ago

      My mom died four months ago and I barely turned fifteen a week ago. My mom had a relatively rare cancer for ten years. I remeber the day she died like if it was yesterday. She was gasping for air and thrashing in her bed, and she didn't recognized anyone. The thing is that when she died... she seemed relaxed. Even though I still feel torn in the inside, I can't help but also feel happiness that she stopped suffering. Obviously, I will always miss her dearly. My last words to her were, "I'll see you again someday." The thing that always makes me cry is that after I said this, she stopped thrashing and looked at me. A tear rolled down her eye, and I knew that she recognized me. I grabbed her hand, and gasped as she gave me a small squeeze. I let go of her hand and went outside to get fresh air. 10 minutes later, my dad cried out, yellimg that she was gone. When I saw her corpse, my eyes widened in surprise. She was looking down, and there was a small smile in her face. She is happy to be with God now, and one day I will be with her forever.

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      kim 20 months ago

      My mom died when I was 26. I just turned 56 three weeks ago. It hurts today just as much if not more because I had no idea just how much I would need her guidance throughout my adult life. So appreciate your mother today, right now and don't waste any time ever not speaking, or spending holidays with he. Spend as much time as you can. And if in the past your communications with her have been to extract $$ from her not asking her how she is doing, SHAME ON YOU! Stop it right now. Any child over 18 and for sure over 21 yrs of age can figure out how to survive without help from mommy and daddy. Give them a much needed break. They get a short time to shake off the PTSD of parenting, decide if they even like each other after that whirlwind of chaos where their identity was lost and replaced with MOM & DAD. Brad and Cindy? Who is that? You catch my drift I think on that? parents are people too. Mom's are your dearest truest best friend once you turn into an adult and have kids of your own. If they leave when you are young. I'm so sorry. I know how much down the long road of life you will have needed her and she not there. It's messed up. But try to remember all she was about. Be thankful for the years you did have her.

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      Dollie 20 months ago

      I lost my mum alost a year ago to cancer and i feel so bad as i held it in now i fid day to day things so hard and my fmily have fell apart so non of us realy speak. sonow its just me its semes to feel harder now its comeing to a year of her death and non one i know feels or understands how i do this article is so true and helps open up your eyes too how you feel and what you go through wish id have shared and had someone there miss you so much mum and always will.

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      Janet 20 months ago

      Thank you for a great article. My mom passed in August 2015. It still feels like a dream. she had been battling Leukemia and lymphoma. I miss her so much. I am a very emotional cryer and find myself thinking of her while doing dishes or driving to work. she was my rock, I called her about everything. She enjoyed needle work and sewing so I'm trying to pass those things on to my daughter in remembrance of her grandmother. I think there will always be good days and bad days as far as me crying. I just gave to keep my chin up and know that these feelings are ok and know she is at peace and no longer suffering and that I will see her again. I just want my dad to be happy and be able to move on in his own way. They were married 52 years.

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      missjanebond 20 months ago

      Thank you for your post. Your words and all of these comments have comforted me in knowing that I am not alone. I am so blessed to have had 44 amazing years with my mother. She passed July 14, 2015 from breast and lung cancer. She was my everything. We talked every day, I told her absolutely everything. The day before she passed she touched my face and said, we're not only mother and daughter, we're friends. And we are. I have a huge hole in my heart that feels like it will never go away. I think I've been pretending the last 2 months that everything is normal, and in some way was avoiding the real grieving. Well, it has exploded tonight in the form of tears! I am blessed to have 4 nieces, a nephew, 5 god children and so many family members that love me. She gave me this wonderful gift. A friend said, I am her legacy. She touched so many people's lives with her love and faith, always putting others before herself. What a wonderful example to have in my life. I hope to live my life the same way. The bravest thing I've EVER seen in my life was her telling me that it was her time to go. I said you know I don't want you to. She replied, "we don't have a choice honey". She didn't shed a tear, she was so strong for ME. I'm so thankful we had a heart to heart before she moved on. She was truly ready to meet God. God help us all as we embrace the holidays without our moms this year. But I do know that they ARE with us, and reveal themselves through us. God bless you all and thank you for sharing all of your experiences.

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      Leigh 20 months ago

      My mum passed away 3 months ago, she was 79. Stage 4 ovarian cancer that had spread and overwhelmed her in 2 and a half very quick months. At first we couldn't believe it was happening to us. She was so stoic and philosophical in her outlook. Being strong for me . I couldn't talk about it without ending in tears at the thought of life without her. She sacrificed everything for me being a single parent and brining me up in the 60's. The least I could do was be there for her when she needed me at the end. I was fortunate enough to nurse mum st home and was there when she passed away. By then I was willing her to sleep away as she was exhausted. Before she died she told me she loved me and was sorry she hadn't said it out loud more often....I said "me too mum'. I miss her every day. Arranging the funeral and her affairs was really hard as I would start to cry when I was dealing with strangers. Usually I am quite together and organised and not having control over my feelings was alien to me. I keep her picture on my table beside a vase with white or yellow roses in....her favourites. I listen to her music....I hear myself saying the same things she used to say....I dream about her as if it's real life and I've had a second chance with her..Life is not the same without her ..,I dread Xmas , birthdays, anniversaries ....but I also know she wouldn't want me to be sad and depressed but to make the most of what I have. Maybe easier said than done but I've started to try at least . I'll never ever forget her. I've started to be able to talk about her and her funny ways and stories that make us smile. I don't know if she sees me now..,I don't know if I believe in that although I think it would be a comfort . Not a day goes by nor will go by that I won't think of her .

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      Avril - South Africa 20 months ago

      My darling mom passed away a year ago today. I try all the time to accept her passing but today is very hard for me. She was my everything, she even witnessed my son's birth 30 years ago. She was 86 years old, and died from cancer in the bones, which ate her frail body away until her heart gave in. I nursed her over the last few weeks prior to her passing, changing nappies, feeding her, so what, I loved doing it , that is how much I loved her, and still do. She passed away ten minutes before I arrived home from work. The maid found her gone in my bed. So many people have asked me how on earth I can sleep in the same bed? Quite easily, as she died in comfort, and I am so grateful I saw her earlier in the day before she passed on. So often, I run to get my phone to call her, then realise I cannot do that. I know she is in a better place right now, but I wish I could hug her one more time. I told her all the time how much I loved her, so there are no guilt feelings with me at all, but it would be great to see her one more time. A few days before she died, I walked around the house, and all of a sudden I heard these words :"Yeah though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, the rod and staff will comfort me". I just knew then the end was near, as my mother told me that same day, that it was the first time in her life that she was not afraid to die. Then she was gone. I am so grateful to have had 59 years of my life with the best mother God EVER created. Bless you mom xxxxxxx

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      margot 19 months ago

      my mom died last week, november 20th. She was my favorite person in the whole world. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to move on from this.

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      kibrom 19 months ago

      The pain I have been through for loosing my mom is triggered again now after exactly 4 years when I see my best friend loosing his mom just 3 days ago. Four years apart, basically both of our moms died on two day difference in the month November. We both didn't say proper goodbye as we were not physically present in their last minutes.

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      Chandra 19 months ago

      My Mommie went to My Lord & Savior on Nov 22nd 2015.Everthing zoomed by after that. I HAVE A MISSING PART IN MY SOUL. Everthing happened just as it did for you.I cry I laugh and I cry cry cry.I miss her .Even so soon after Ive been told its okay but I have to get it togather.I didn't listen because I loved her I have to let it out and my love for her deserves it.Praying helps a lot because I Truly Know God understands if no one else doesn't. Thank You For Letting The World Know That This is Real .Grieving is a real Process so go at your own pace. THANK YOU

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      Farzana 19 months ago

      I lost my mum on the 27th September 2011. I was 29 years old, and I had no idea I was pregnant that time. She was in hospital for 2 months, 2 long, difficult, exhausting and draining months. I miss her more than words can say. Although it's now 4 years later, it feels like yesterday. My daughter was born 4 months after my dear mum passed on, and I think that was Gods way of distracting me from falling apart because my mum and I were so close. Reading this article is so true in so many ways, you will only know the loss when you experience it yourself. Most days I'm not curled up in a ball crying, but today is one of those days. The only motivation I used to have before was that one day I would close my eyes -when my daughter is all grown up and settled- and be with my darling mum. My husband doesn't understand because his mum's still alive. Although wrong, hearing him say the words "i'm sorry" when im crying gets to me, sort of like don't be sorry, do something, even though in my heart I know there's absolutely nothing that can be done. I feel so alone sometimes raising my daughter without her guidance and support. I feel empty and alone on the bad days. Thank you for this article, it made me cry and I think I needed that to continue with the day.

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      Al 19 months ago

      Thank you for this article. I will bookmark it. I lost my mom earlier today. :hug:

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      vampirerme 19 months ago

      Thank you so much for your story. I lost my mom a month ago. I still feel very numb, like its not real. My mom was my best friend. We spoke all the time on the phone and I have even caught my self going to call her then I remember. I have been pushing the pain away. I say to myself if I dont think about it then uts not real. I am a nurse and of course I know that does not make any sense but for now that is how I am able to cope. My mom was the most loving person in the world. I keep telling myself, if I had only stsyed with her longer in the hospital she would of not passed. And oh god all the things I wish I would of said to her when I had a chance. In your story you said that pain is a real physical thing, I never looked at grief that way.

      Im finding it very hard to even get out of bed not to mention being a wife, a mother and working. I know I cant push the pain away, I need to feel it, grieve my loss because I know my mom would not want me to sink into a depression.

      One of the hardest parts for me is not knowing where she is, is she alone, is she cold and sad. I know it sounds crazy. I keep waiting for my mom to give me a sign that she is ok. God This is the hardest thing I have ever been through and the pain of knowing she is gone forever is so great at times I curl up in a ball and sob. I miss you mommy forever.

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      Ian burrows 19 months ago

      Thank you to all above storys of the pain on losing their moms. My mom passed today I thought I was prepared for it.I was wrong I've never experienced emotional pain like it ,it's so bad I feel sick at the thought of not see'ing and hearing my dear mom again is beyond words

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      sergey proychev 19 months ago

      There is so much pain on this Earth!

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      Bertha 18 months ago

      Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my mom very recently. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow. Suddenly and unexceptedly. She passed 3 days after my Uncle- who was like a 2nd Dad to me.

      The lost of my Mom who was also my best friend has been so hard for me.

      At first I was focused on my Dad and my brother being ok and getting all the arrangements done. I feel like its getting harder. Everyone keeps saying once you get back in your "normal" routine it will be easier. Well nothing will be normal again. Not to mention my mom was a very much apart of my daily routine. We talked in the phone several times a day AND we worked together. The thought of her not being here is crippling and I have a physical ache just thinking about me. I just dont know how to process this. She was fine ine minute then gone the next!!

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      anju 18 months ago

      how true you never get over a loss of mother ... my mother passed away almost 8 yrs ago today while visiting her siblings oversea and just before due back to usa ... wasn't with her at her last moment ... at 1st i used to count days then months and now in yrs but i still miss her alot ... it took me over 7 yrs to stabilize myself for being called crazy ... i used to go crazy at the beginning of every month and my kids learn to stay away from me on the 9th of every month ... one time i was so bad, passed out that i end up at the hospital without any knowledge ... after that day i promised myself to keep busy on this day to avoid hurting myself ... my mother is still on my mind and i miss her alot ... she was always there for me and i hope she is happy up in the sky. i never said good bye to her or saw her thru her last journey before she met her maker but hoping that she feels no pain just happiness.

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      Shivam Kharga 18 months ago

      I lost my mom 20 days ago on 01/09/2016.

      She had been struggling with lungs cancer for about a year and a half. We all knew that she was going to die but never expected this soon. It had been just 5 months of me schooling in the States and everything was going good, a good semester and daily talk with her. And suddenly one night I got a call that my mom was critical. After 2 days of journey, I reached home (Nepal) and met my mom. She was totally weak but was conscious and responding to some stimuli. She recognized me, saw me, passed tears from her eyes and later passed away the same afternoon.

      During her last breath, a sort of accident took place and I got scar in my hand which reminds me of her evertime I see it.

      As the days are passing, it's being more difficult to move. A moment I feel I have moved on and another I automatically miss her. It just feels like she's in the for chemo and will return soon. But then she's never gonna...

      Everyone expects me to move on and take the responsibility of my family. At first well they behaved that we had a loss but then they even don't care that I have aave lost my "MOM". How can they expect me to move on the 20 years of her in just 20 days?

      It just feels like that I have got a tagline for entire life in my mind that I don't have my Mom and Noone else can take the position of what she had annd still has.

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      Lisa 17 months ago

      I lost my mum on Wednesday morning she wasn't ill or anything she had a massive heart attack .my whole family is in shock and don't quite know what we are Suposed to do now .

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      Patty Briand 17 months ago

      My mother's funeral was today. Thank you very much, this is an excellent article and one worth sharing. Grief is such a personal journey and this article allows us all the freedom to heal in our own time

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      Julie 17 months ago

      I lost my mum very suddenly 5 weeks ago today, on Boxing Day morning. She'd cooked dinner for all of us on Christmas Day and was fine when we left at teatime but then got phone call from my dad 11.00am Boxing Day to say he thought my mum had had a heart attack. My Dad and paramedics did CPR but she was gone when I got there - my dad had only gone out for half an hour and said she'd gone when he came back. I'm lost, my mum was the best ever, always there for me and everyone else, the best Nana to my 2 girls. I can't accept she's gone and not coming back. Keep writing things down to try and get it out cos struggling to talk about it with my Dad and Brother. And don't want my girls to keep seeing me upset. I've not faced work yet as funeral was only last Friday and I still didn't even feel like that was for my Mum. I know she's watching us because she'd never want to leave us but I just want her back. She was only 67, 1 week away from being 68 and never complained about anything. One day I feel numb, and then the next I can't stop crying. Just don't know how to cope without having my mum to turn to

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      Marcel 17 months ago


      I read your article.

      I lost my mom last year!

      idk what to say!

      My Mom broke up with my dad 3 months before she dies.

      She fought against Cancer for almost 3 years.

      In the last couple of weeks before she left,my dad wouldn't buy food for her anymore,instead he would always come drunk home.

      He even forced her to stay,but eventually with the help of the authorities she was able to go.

      At that time,my older sister who was also injured by a terrible accident took care of her.

      I had 2 older brothers.

      The oldest one didn't cared much about her but rather about her money,and he only pretended to care.

      He own all the propeties she had!

      After her death,he even makes jokes about her death!

      He even got angry to my mom,when she once called him to help her go to the bathroom.

      My sister had to come in and brake up the uprising fight!

      Unfortunately I wasn't there at that time!

      The other one has it's own family already and he didn't gave a fuck about her.

      He wouldn't even come to check with her,even after she cried out of pain on the phone!

      You ask why pain

      Cuz that's Cancer,and when she broke up with my father she lost the medical insurance policy!


      people say and you can see it in their eyes,that they think I don't care about her death,because I don't show it off and sometimes I can be very happy(It's a show I put,so nobody gets more fucking depressed than they already are)

      The truth is that I'm not happy.

      Since my mother died,There hasn't been one day,one day in which even for a second I haven't thought about her!

      Every day I think about her!

      I can escape the pain!

      I went through denial,grief,anger and now I'm stuck between depression and aceptance!

      Me and my mom,were very close friends!

      I helped her through most of the stuff in my family!

      I was the one who searched a Medical Center online for her cancer,and I was the one who found the doctor!

      I was the one who would always protect her from my father!

      And Now,I'm stuck!

      I live with my father,and I also got a young 8 year old brother!

      My father got his shit toogther.

      Too late!

      I try to understand him,and even show some love regardless what he did!

      He's a son of a bitch,and I fucking hate everything he did.

      But Idk,I just don't want to loose another parent and regret that myabe I didn't do all that I could!

      I want to be there for him,even if he wasn't there for my mom!

      It's painful,but I'll do it!

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      naureen 17 months ago

      My mother, paragon of motherly deeds, departed on valentune' gave words to my feelings...... nothing helps you.... you, yourself help your wound to heal.... a wound that is always fresh and painfull deep down....

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      Miranda 17 months ago

      This article really hit home. It has been only a little over a week since my Mom passed away. I think my expectations of myself to move on have been too strict. I have tried to be tough and strong for my family and even cited a eulogy at her funeral. Family said that must have been hard for me to do. It was but not as hard as I thought it would be because I was still numb and wanted to make her proud. Now one week later I am feeling the loss of her hitting very hard! I feel guilty for feeling weak because I am supposed to be the strong one in my family and strong in my profession as a mental health therapist. She was my first love, my refuge when I had a bad day, and my best friend. She was a strong single mother who did everything she could to provide for my brother and I and still had lots of love and laughs to go around. I have a large aching hole inside of me and hurts now. I take comfort that she is no longer in pain. I feel better knowing my daily crying spells are normal and its okay not to be the strong one all the time. Thank you so much for this article!

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      Suepj 17 months ago

      My mum died suddenly on February 8th and I am in pieces. Being the eldest of 4 sisters I am trying to sort everything out from the funeral to the finances. When all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. Mum was carer to our father who is very ill with heart, liver and kidney failure as well as dementia and our younger sister with Down's syndrome. I just don't know what to do for the best or what mum would have wanted. Just when we think our youngest sister understands she says she thinks mum is on holiday. I'm having to be strong for everyone but I'm just such a mess. We have all been prepared for dad to go so this has been awful. It is a comfort that my sudden attacks of crying is normal. I just have so many regrets and feelings of guilt that we let her down. I'm dreading the funeral. This has been a time I've been dreading for years. It's so hard. I've never been so tired in my life. My mum was only 66. They say she wouldn't have felt anything. An anurism ruptured in her sleep. She didn't even know she had it. I just can't stop shaking. Nothing feels real or like it will ever feel normal again. I'm lucky I have an amazing partner who has lost both his parents. If it wasn't for him I think I would have crumbled completely. Thank you for this article and all the comments.

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      Tracey 17 months ago

      I lost my mum on Jan 10th this year. She was 89 years old. My dad is 91 and they lived independently in their home, but fought getting old and taking advice about safety. My mum fell backwards in the hallway and smashed her head on the concrete wall. I got to the house and helped lift her up, she was talking normally but felt in pain with her head. She had a bleed to the brain and later that night the hospital told us she wouldn't make it through the night. Well she did but died two weeks later with me by her side. Did really well for dads sake, protected him from any emotion, but picked her ashes up last week and it really finally hit me she wouldn't be coming back. It is her birthday today and I am a wreck. After reading all the comments I know I am not going mad. Thank you for making me realise this. I think I just need to cry when I need to and only speak to some of my dear friends who have also lost their mums as they understand the pain. Thank you for the article.

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      Sue Anne 17 months ago

      I lost my mom on February 6, 2016 to stage 4 gallbladder cancer. I feel lost and I wish it was a dream. She was my true parent and I wish I had her for a long time.

      I miss her so much I sometimes wish that I was never born to have this experience. I am an only child and my mom and I were close. I never dreamt of having this experience especially at a time in my life when I'm unemployed and still pursuing my first degree.

      I really don't know what else to say but I have a solace in the fact that I'm not alone in the world without a mother's physical presence.

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      Deepa 17 months ago

      I lost my beautiful mum aged 64 on February 4th 2016 ... It was an unexpected death due to a respiratory failure after a viral fever and I still cant accept that shes gone.I live away from hometown and went home this time to celebrate my xmas holidays with my papa and mummy .It was a special holiday for all of us. We got a new member to our family and I got a good job...Mummy was sooo happy and was thanking god that she was healthy at that time.we spend our few days together shopping , visiting grandma and relatives..I never realized that those were going to be the last days of my happiness...after few days she got a fever.But still it was just a viral fever and we consulted doctor .But after 3 more days ,symptoms got worse and she got breathing difficulties .Her lungs stopped working and she was put to ventilation. Doctors were not able to identify the exact infection that caused her breathing failure and they tried all powerful medicines which didn't work.By the time they found the infection causing microbe it was too late and her body was completely down.No words can describe our situation during that period...All our happiness came to an end and all my dreams were shattered.I was away from her when she passed away..My papa and my brother are too depressed .They were there with my mum when she passed away and they saw all her sufferings and pain. My mummy was so kind and affectionate towards everyone.I lost all my faith in God and I'm thinking why he is so cruel. Why he took my mum so early and when we needed her the most. She worked so hard for us all through out her life and was about to enjoy her life with her grand kids and family.I feel so angry at times,so numb and depressed sometimes.I have no motivation to work now. I'm sure life wont be the same again without her presence.Wish she just came once and hugged me!!

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      Todd 16 months ago

      My mom died on February 1st 2016. That day and date will be with me forever. My mom had Alzhiemers for 13 years. The last 3 months were filled with infection after infection. Three days before her passing she seemed normal, or at least normal for her.

      she passed of a bacteria infection of the lining in her stomach. She was moved from one side of the hospital to the other side. I received a call from her caregiver that the doctor wanted to talk to me, a doctor I have never met.

      I walked in to her room and the doctor said" Your mom is dying". Even after all these years of caring for my mom, I never thought this day would come. I wept as this doctor, whom I'd never met stood in front of me. The words " Sterile, Non caring and Casual" come to mind of his attitude.

      I took care of my mom for 13 years, with no help from the rest of my syblings. Promise broken by ever one of them. I am a business owner, but I took pride in knowing I did everything in my power to keep her safe and comfortable.

      This doctor, without knowing my mom's life story was telling me "SHE'S DYING"! I have my company, girlfriend and friends, but I'm having trouble finding purpose. I miss my mom. Hugging her everyday. Telling her I love her. I find myself waking up and asking her if she's alright.

      I lost my dad when I was 11 yrs. Old. At 53, th8s is so much harder.

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      Fay 16 months ago

      I'm 16 and lost my mum three months ago last week and I can't even begin to explain the pain I feel every moment of everyday. Some days I'm fine others I don't want to see or speak to anyone but her and I know it's never going to happen, I just find myself bursting into tears at stupid things and I just get frustrated. I think all the time how it's so unfair that she has gone with no warning or anything, I just get a not in class saying don't go home your sister will pick you up I instantly panicked didn't know what to think at first I thought it was grandad as he was ill and In hospital but it couldn't have been as why would that effect me going home I never imagined anything would have happened to my mum. I got taken to my mans house where my sister met us and told us the worst news I could ever hear in my whole life "mum had past away" I just remember screaming no no no I don't think I will ever feel that much pain again it was like someone had just ripped out my heart and trampled on it. When ever m sad now all that goes through my mind is that second that my whole mine changed with two words I think how did my sister manage telling us that cus my dad was away and we couldn't get hold of him. i have my exams in two months how do I cope with all this shit and grieve for my mum at the same time I just can't do it.

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      Anna finks 16 months ago

      My mom pass away about 4 months ago I miss mom everyday wishing she was with me and have our good times together. I wish I went see her more, but I did not. I wish I went see mom before she pass away I kick my butt everyday. And now my sister find out today mom pass away sis go on she was not good daughter I told my sis yes you are she ask me do you think mom knows I told her yes she knows you had trouble at home. so mom for give you. I wrote a note to my mom and put in the grave with her it helps me to let me know mom for give

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      Patricia 16 months ago

      hi my darling mum died 8 August 2015 (888) today is 7 months since she passed over. God bless you for writing this article I totally get everything you wrote. The pain is unbearable. I will never get over the loss even though I was blessed to have such a wonderful mum until 89 and a half (half very import) May all our mums RIP and god willing we find rest and peace in this life and the next. YOUR FRIEND WAS VERY WISE A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

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      luis vargas 16 months ago

      my mom passed away two days ago I've never felt something like this before it feels like something inside of me died with my mom i know i have to be strong for my kids but its just so hard to know I'm never gona hear her voice again or see her I'm not ok i just want to be alone

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      Dee 16 months ago

      I cry, miss, and think of my mom last thing at night and the first thought when I wake. It has only been 18 days and it feels like an eternity. She was an amazing friend and special mom. Today is her birthday which makes the hurt run a little deeper. This hub was very helpful. Bless all of you that cared for your moms.

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      Sonja 15 months ago

      My mom died 8 days ago. I am in so much pain and feel that I can't go on. I feel empty inside and all broken up. It was just me and her and now she is gone. When I saw her about to die I screamed out: No mamma No mamma. I wailed over my mom's lifeless body and wishing that she come back to life. But she didn't. She was silent. My life will never be the same. I am lost, angry at the hospital and at myself for not taking better care of her or bringing her to a better hospital. She was my life and my best friend. She loved me and protected me and worried over me all the time and it did not matter how I treated her, she was always there for me. Every time I cry I ask her "where are you, mommy". I want to know where she is. I miss my mother terribly.

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      Liz 15 months ago

      I'm so glad I found this article, my mum sadly passed away a month ago at a hospice as she had kidney failure. She had multiple myeloma for 5 years and fought so hard to combat it. I cried when I read this as what you said is so true, I miss my mum terribly and feel upset today that some of my friends have stopped asking me if I am ok when I'm not, like you said they do not understand as they haven't lost a parent. I will email a copy of this article to my brother and dad as I'm sure they will find comfort it it too. I'm glad I found this to read, thank you very much.

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      JulieMoore11 14 months ago

      My mother was buried yesterday and the loneliness I feel is devastating. As her only daughter, she and I were so close. She loved unconditionally and I just cannot imagine having a day without having her with me or a day when I won't feel this pain. She is in almost everything I see around me and for now it's painful. I only hope and pray that with time, these daily reminders will be a comfort. Thank you for this article that so simply sums up key points in dealing with grief pain management. I will return to it for frequent reminders. It's at least nice to know that these random attacks are normal and I've been given an idea as to what to anticipate and how to handle it.

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      Mandy 14 months ago

      This is a wonderful article. As I lay here in my bed crying and it's just late afternoon. Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day for me and I feel alone because most of my friends, in fact all of them, still have their mothers. My best away in October 2012. It's painful and it hurts and often times I feel hopeless and I just want someone to call to say just listen to be garage because I miss my mother so much and I just need someone to cry too but it's impossible to do that to someone who's never had to experience this type of loss. My heart is with everyone who have lost a parent, especially a mother. Love to you all.

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      Mimsy 14 months ago

      Thankyou so much for posting this my mummy died at age of 67 lung cancer I truly loved her and still in shock 10 months later !!! It's overwhelming !! My beautiful mummy my darling mummy where have you gone love you !!!! Thankyou to everyone who has wrote their own personal feelings it has comforted me !!!

    • profile image 14 months ago

      Life is lifeless without you

      Whenever i think about you

      My heart bleeds as it only longs for you

      Holding tight when lying with you

      Feels a part of my body burried with you

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      Kim Iona Davis 14 months ago

      Lost mum on 20 April 20 16 so lost without her after years of us

      Being more than mum and daughter

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      Cheryl 14 months ago

      My beautiful and beloved mother entered her eternal rest on April 10, 2015. Although it has been a little over a year now, there are times that my eyes start to water and the tears began to form sometimes out of nowhere or when something makes me think about her. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my dear mother. I learned a lot from her and will carry those lessons until I die. Thank you God for allowing me to care for my mom ; I am so grateful to have had her for 52 years of my life. Thank you for being there for me for 52 years of my life Mom. Love you Always! Everyone here, I feel your loss but you will get better as you keep preoccupied and remember the happy times that you shared with your beloved Mom. Peace and Blessings to you all!

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      Earl 14 months ago

      My sweet mother is lying on ICU. Bleeding internally. The doctors don't know why. She is on a ventilator. It looks very bad. I just feel lost. Last night before the ventilator I was stroking her hair. She told me I am the very best son and I am such a comfort. I lost my sister in October. I lost my son. The losses keep coming. Thank you for this article. My mother always believed in me and to her I could do anything and could do no wrong. That is irreplaceable. Everything I am is because of her.

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      Gay's Daughter 14 months ago

      My Mom left March 8, 2016. I was her caregiver, and advocate and all that comes with managing life for someone with Alzheimer's. It started 10 years ago. My Mom was one of the happiest people I have ever known. besides her Alzheimer's she also had a lung disease which ultimately took her life. I guess the thing I miss most is that whether she knew me or not, she was always so happy to see me, and we had wonderful times together. I could always make her happy, and bring joy to her. I cannot think of another soul that is true of. In caring for her, she gave me value, purpose. The past year of her life, it was one infection or pneumonia after another. It was obvious that death was approaching, and I diligently made sure all that she needed was done, keeping my siblings informed. Soon, I started waking up with dread each day. I could not overcome it. Once we started her on Hospice, that helped- I made the decision that every day that we had was going to be a celebration. Thinking up ways to cherish her and pamper her was very healing and hope filled. But then, at the end, seeing her suffering, it crushed me. We had 3 beautiful, sweet, peaceful hours together at the very end, and then she just slipped away to Heaven. The funeral was very helpful- grieving together with family and friends who also loved her dearly. It felt so good to honor her, to stop the world for a few days to just express our love and honor for this beautiful woman. But then, the reality and permanence of it started an ache. How can the world just go on without her in it? The only way I can describe how I feel now, 3 months out, is almost like I have PTSD. I wake up in the night fearful, dread filled, like I can't recalibrate to not worrying about what's coming anymore.

      It feels like safety is gone. I keep waiting for this feeling to subside, and perhaps it will. Nothing I do gives lasting relief. I have never felt this way before. I don't think anyone can fathom what life feels like after losing your Mom. I didn't. Anyway, sometimes I stumble upon something like this online, and it helps. You all know this journey- each of us has different expressions of the same loss. Thank you for letting me talk about things I can't seem to tell anyone in my life.

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      Bill 14 months ago

      I lost my wonderful mom on May 13. I lost my best friend, and the light of my life, to a variety of medical issues at age 89, ranging from cancer to blood clots.

      I am just paralyzed. I can't make it through a day without these intense crying spells, and I am not a cryer. I am an only child and was her caregiver for the last three years. She lived with me for 20 years after the death of my father.

      I believe everyone is put on this Earth for a purpose and mine was to make sure Mom was cared for. Instead, I had to make the call to end treatment and put her on pain meds into a hospice to make her final hours comfortable.

      My first memory of Mom is walking down the street with her as a little boy, my hand in hers, and that's kind of how we went through life, hand in hand.

      And now, her hand is gone and I am just shattered. I have never felt pain like this before.

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      Matt 14 months ago

      It won't change a thing. My mother was everything stated about and then some especially to my father. I will be turning 30 this year without my mom. All I can say for grieving for a mother is, you'll breakdown. It happens. A song. A bird. A photo. Maybe even a road sign. It has been 3 months and 19 days. I am a strong son. I've had my second meltdown. It happens. This happened a lot for me when my grandmother passed. I don't know how I will be going forward but I go forward. If you need to break down? Break down! Shit happens.

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      Will 14 months ago

      I lost my mother on April 3, 2014. She lived with me for 9 years after my father died. She was 75 years old. She is my angel. I still grieve almost every day. She is my best friend and the only person that truly loves me. The hardest thing for me is that she died in her sleep and I found her in the morning and was unable to revive her. I never got the chance to say goodbye and that is what hurts the most. I miss the hugs.

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      Anne 14 months ago

      My mum died in September,due to cancer.She was my best friend and companion.She suffered a lot,she wanted to stay for me and for all the dreams she had that went unfulfilled.But she also wanted to go,because she couldn't bear the pain much longer.After she passed away,I felt nothing for a while,the realisation hadn't hit me yet.And then,the pain and grief came,I would just collapse and weep my heart out,I could literally feel the pain in my body.There are times when I just wish I could hear her voice again,see her laugh,see her smile and her most of all,I miss the times we used to joke around or go out together.My mother was the most wonderful person in my life,and she wasn't perfect,but that is why I love her so much.My dad's all I've got,I love him to bits,and I hope he will be there to guide me through my life.But wherever my mother is ,I hope she's happy and that she remembers me.And thank you for writing this article,it has helped me many other too I'm sure.And for anyone else who has lost their mother or father,I hope you find happiness and peace.I love you ma.

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      Louise 14 months ago

      My mom died in 2009. I have been lonely ever since.

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      slondile 13 months ago

      my mom passed last month, the pain is so hard, I am number 3 of 4 it seems like im the only one who is still feeling so hurt and hopeless

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      Lydia 12 months ago

      Thanks alot.

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      Trace 12 months ago

      my mum has been gone for 4 months now. was wondering when the pain would end and i would normal again. glad to have found this article and all of these wonderful stories.

      i'm never gonna feel normal again, at least not how i used to be. i have find my new normal.

      i miss her with every fibre of my being, every moment of the day. many days i just want to sleep the day away. no one here understands. how could they? they haven't lost their mother.

      i will save this page and come back here often for the comfort all of your words bring, even if i cry while reading them. it's good to know i am not alone in my heartache.

      blessings on all of you.

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      yanncarol 12 months ago

      Thank you so much. I am feeling lost. Mum died 10 days ago, her funeral a few days ago. I think only those who have been through this pain can relate, yet everyone is different.I don't know what I need or how to go on. Right now I scrape through each day. The wave of pain hits like a tidal wave and then recedes.

      We are all different in our grieving journey yet we are all the same. Mum was my best friend and the one person in the world I was confident loved me unconditionally and always has. I have lost my anchor and I'm drifting.

      I just thank the author for writing this as is resonates with brutal honesty and truth. It is not like a cold you can "get over". Thank you so much for helping me not feel so alone.

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      Laura 12 months ago

      Thank you for this. My mom passes away 4 days ago. I am in so much pain. I miss her terribly. She was my best friend. I am an only child too. She was my rock with everything. I don't know how I can continue on without her. My mom died on an infection caused by lymphedema she had for 4 years. She couln't walk and was in constant pain. She's not suffering anymore but I miss her. My dad and I decided to remove her respirator and she passes comfortably. I miss her so much. I have been so angry the past 2 days and my poor husband has been feeling the brunt of this. He has been great and loved my mom too. I am trying to be strong for my dad but this is hard. I don't want to return to the life I had before she passes. It's too hard right now. I hate the constant texts and calls asking how I am. My mom died how good could I be. Do they want me to say I wish I died too or instead of her because that's the truth. I will get through this I have to bat least for her I have to try to continue, your article made me feel less alone.

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      Chris in Webster Fl 12 months ago

      My mom is nearing the end. Hospice said yesterday morning, days to weeks, but last night they said hours to days. I am headed there in a about an hour. She does not live far from me and my Uncle has been there for a few days. Anyhow, I managed to talk to her on the phone last night and it hit me, I am going to loose my mom soon. She has been my best friend for so long, I don't know how I am going to do this. I know its one foot in from of the other, but moving that first footfall is going to be so hard.

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      Anna Mary 12 months ago

      I lost my mother in 2013 and still have not coped up with it.I feel so lonely and down even now , as though the world has come to a stand still.This has affected my entire self and have lost my mind towards everything i like,provided undergoing a divorce too.I as a mother of 3 kids have gone through a lot in my life and still am going through that phase of eternal disaster.But my mother while alive ,was there for me whenever i wanted but bow things have changed and i dont have a single soul who can understand my feeling or even stand beside me in my toughest times. Only a mother can fill that lonely space of mine.I don't know what to do,without a job or anything but 3 beautiful children i don't wanna let go.I put my burden unto Jesus and my mother who is heaven right now,to bless me for a successful future.

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      Sandra 12 months ago

      I lost my mum in 2010 and it seems like yesterday and is so painful. We had our ups and downs but I seen her most days during my adult life so now iam lost . My mum was my best friend and also the person I fought the most with but she was also the person who helped to make me strong. The world is not the same since she left and I still find myself looking for her.

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      Lermusik 12 months ago

      Anna, maybe I can relate to you, and maybe not. My mom died March 22, 1968. She was beaten to death by my father. The anger I feel in my heart will probably never go away. I spend time in isolated places as Christ did but it doesn't seem to help much. I hope the people of France are more forgiving than myself.

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      Helen-Ann Elizabeth Wilkinson 12 months ago

      My Mother in Jamaican creole "Tun Duppy" Feb 22, 2013. July 18, is her birthday. It gets tougher, "memories don't leave like people do".

      The quote "The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her"

      is awesome.It's a rough road, that is all I can say....

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      Sheri 11 months ago

      My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in January and died exactly 60 days later in March 2016. She suffered greatly. I stayed strong for my boys and father but now it's 4 months later and I have not let go and cried hard. I don't know what I'm afraid of. I know it's what I need to do. I miss her so much and every single day I'm hurting. This article helped because so many people tell me how to feel but they really have no clue what it is like. I keep my grief to myself because like you said, people make their own timetable on grief. I feel what I feel when I feel it and that is okay! Thank you for that. I needed to hear that there is no timetable for grieving!

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      Rene Martin 11 months ago

      Mom died just one month ago and I miss her more each day. Since I've lost both parents, I realized that no one will be calling me daughter anymore and I miss Mom even more!

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      Glenda 11 months ago

      Rest In Peace Momma (Feb 17, 2016) I Love you & miss you SOoooo Much.

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      Marilyn 11 months ago

      My mom died three weeks ago at the age of 85. I too have tried to be strong in front of others, but I have moments when I just can't hold it in. My father died 35 years ago and I had to step up and help my mom. She was diagnosed with RA about 12 years ago and it basically took her life. I ran my life around hers. Habits that formed over the years, like calling her everyday, picking up her meds, buying her food every weekend, cleaning for her, are all proving to be my triggers for crying and pain. I have cried everyday since. Like one of you said before, she was there when I took my first breath and I was there when she took her last. I lay on the bed with her as she slipped away and cried like never before. It is a physical pain. It took years for me to be able to talk about my dad without crying, I'm not sure that I have that I have that much time left to grieve for Mom. I also prayed for her release as she was so sick the last few weeks. She suffered so much. I am glad her suffering is over, but I miss her so very much. I still hear her voice in my head all day. I hope I can always hear her.

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      Raymond McKay 11 months ago

      I lost Mum on Sunday,I found her in the morning and she was my world my everything I left home a couple of times but always comeback,and was living with her at the age of 37,But we were more like mates than Mother and Son,Post Mortem revealed she had Cancer in the Bladder and I just know she would have had months of pain and suffering ahead of and as hard as it is for me to say I find comfort I found her in the morning as she passed away in her sleep,Yes I want her here with me,but watch her suffer is something I could never do,Im glad she never new she had this dreadful ruthless disease,But I can honestly say I don't know how the hell Im gonna get through life without her,Love you Mum always and forever Xx

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      veronica 11 months ago

      thank you

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      William 11 months ago

      I lost my dad on August 11, 2015 to lung cancer, and now my mom on July 25, 2016 to colon cancer. I feel so lost. I loved them both dearly, but losing my mom is literally killing me. I cannot eat - I just cannot function anymore. How do you deal?

      I know this may sound weird, but I would have rather gone first. Right now I flood this keyboard with tears trying to deal with the pain. Dad was 67 - mom was 69. Just don't know what to do anymore!

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      Lynn 10 months ago

      I lost my mum on my birthday this year. Reading this article helped me, as I seem to miss her more as the weeks and months pass by.

      My dad died 13 years ago and even though that was very hard nothing could have prepared me for how u feel when both parents have gone.

      Thank you for sharing this and as you say unless u lose your mum you can't understand the deep loss and hole that she leaves behind.


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      Mehdi34Algeria 10 months ago

      Thank you so much for your article, it Made me cry...i lost my lovely and adorable mother 3 months ago, and i miss her like crazy, i cant stop thinking about her ...i miss her voice, her smile, her temper, her smell. I sometimes feel like i can may be call her and she will respond and talk to me ...she died in my house and in my bed after a long fight against breast cancer ...healling from this pain is Just impossible..true i go to work and try to act normal, do my things as if i am fine ..but deep down there is this unbearable pain and you Just fall into thoughts and souvenirs and then the pains gets Bigger ...crying helps a lot..spending Time with my children helps too ..but i think we Just learn to live with IT we never really grief

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      Sue 10 months ago

      My Mom passed on July 8, 2016 at 92 years old. I lived with her since my Dad passed 20 years prior, and over the years as she was less able to do things, I was happy to be there to do more. She gave me an ocean and I was able to give back a drop. Thank you, Mom, I miss you so very much.

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      Blessed 10 months ago

      This post is so beautiful, thank you. I am going through a very difficult time in life with depression grief loss. My mom is still alive but we are at odds and I have not seen her in a couple of weeks. It is so painful and makes me realize what it would be like to not have her on this earth as she is aging. Life can be so hard. I pray for God to intervene and heal us. I pray that God will give you comfort and peace. One of the things I've realized is that we have to have many sources of deep comfort. That is tricky for me because I do no not have a spouse or children. So I am seeking sources of comfort. Please pray for me those who feel inclined to do so. Thank you.

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      Len Nolasco 10 months ago

      Thanks for this. My mom died on September 1, 2016, very recent and very fresh still in my mind. I thank everyone for sharing his/her grief because it helps me process things in my head and come up with a good perspective to anchor on mine. Although I know, it would never be that easy to put everything in practice because of the emotional rollercoaster a griever like me experiences.

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      Ivelisse 10 months ago

      Thanks for writing this, I lost my mom 8/14/2016. No one understand unless you go through it. We celebrated her 80th birthday on 8/13/2016 and she passed unexpectedly the morning after the celebration. I am devastated, it will never be the same.

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      Stephanie 10 months ago

      My mother has been gone for 9 months and the grief has changed my life dramatically. When she first died I felt like I was floating. Like the umbilical cord of my life was suddenly not there and I realized it had been there and I didn't know it. I felt (feel) so stupid not to have known it was always there. I wept constantly. I quit most of my work as I just couldn't handle conflict anymore. I need most of my strength to just modestly get by and try to put a smile on my face. I need some joy. Then I must have started to create things to keep me busy or to engage in things that normally were exciting to me to make me feel like I am living. My body seems to be doing those things and moving somewhat forward but my soul has stood still. I feel like an imposter walking around to myself because a huge part of me is just plain gone. I am not wallowing. I am just not me anymore without my mom. I cant tell anyone this because it is just too profound and the words I can barely choke out make how I feel sound so foreign and incomprehensible because it cant come close to expressing the pain that is there. So I remain speechless and alone in my sadness without her.

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      DebCHR 10 months ago


      I read your article, and the comments, and was deeply moved.

      It's been going on two years now since I lost my Mom, and if anything, the pain has gotten worse.

      For the first year or so I was positively numb. I thought I was doing unusually well and was somewhat proud of myself, because I remembered my Mom telling me, when my dearest childhood friend died, "I guess I'll have to live forever, because you couldn't handle it if I died!"

      I cried almost 24/7 for the first week after my beloved friend died. I actually was in worse shape than her Mom. Her Mom told me that is was because I hadn't seen her suffer, as she had (I lived several states away from both of them).

      Several times, I said - in my heart - to Mom since her death, "You were wrong. I'm doing well, Mom. You taught me how to be strong. We're tough cookies, you and me."

      Then, about a year after Mom died, the enormity of my loss actually hit me one day, and life hasn't been the same since.

      If I see something beautiful, I cry. If I read something provocative, I cry.

      Sad movies make me sob so hard, my nine year-old niece was trying to comfort me one day. I reassured her that it was just a movie, that I was moved by it and would be fine.

      Whew! I felt terrible to upset a little girl like that. She was concerned for me, that little angel. I think she truly "got" what was going on because she had seen me and my sister (her grandmother) taking care of Mom during the last 6 years of her life. We both live in different states and alternated months, caring for Mom and Dad. My little great niece lives in the same town as my late Mom and Dad. This child was a joy to my Mom in her last few years. She has compassion far beyond her years.

      We lost Dad almost 2 years before we lost Mom. We tried to keep life for them as it had always been. Mom lost her memory due to Alzheimer's disease. She forgot what our relationship was, but she never forgot me, or the love we had for one another.

      She'd often say to me, "You're a nice lady. I bet you have a wonderful Mom." I'd always say, I have the most wonderful mother in the world." She say something to the effect of, " Do I know her?" and I would say, "Yes you do." She's say, "Well, who is she?" and I'd reply, "It's you! You're my Mom." She'd always look surprised and happy and say Really? I didn't know that!" We'd always hug after such conversations, sing together, makes jokes and enjoy life, best we could, with her memory complications. Those days were far more precious than I realized, at that time...

      Sometimes, she'd call me her best friend. She'd say, "That lady who comes to see me is my friend (one of my sisters)." She'd mention my other sister or a friend and say "(name) is my good friend, and then she'd say to me, "You're my best friend." She was my mother and best friend, too, always, and when she lost her memory, I became almost like her Mom to her.

      No one will ever love me in the unconditional way that she did, and that is an enormous loss.

      Until Mom's dying breath, part of the mantra, schtick, or whatever in he world you would call her frequent delusions and/or confusions due to dementia were of missing HER Mom and wanting to go home.

      I have no doubt in my mind that my Mom is now with her Mom, and I can't wait to join them, because I miss them both so much.

      I got off on a tangent, lol... The emotion hits me so strongly, at times, than I'm unable to control my tears, so that I've almost stopped being embarrassed about it. If it happens, now, I simply tell people that I'm going through an emotional time, that I'm, okay, lol.

      I'm not depressed. I'm truly just grieving my Mom. The pain comes and goes, but when it hits me, it's just as strong as it was the first time I ever realized my loss.

      Lately, it's been more difficult, I believe, because I've been having dreams that she's still alive - nothing provocative or earth shattering, just chatting with her, or something ordinary, and then I wake up and realize she's dead, and the pain of her loss washes over me and overwhelms me as though it were the first time experiencing her loss.

      Thanks for sharing, everyone, and allowing me to express my grief. I wish the best for all of us in coping with our losses. Blessing to you all with love. It;s comforting to know I'm not alone, but disturbing, at the same time...

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      bastille1 10 months ago

      I am very appreciative of this post and find myself reading it again 9 months after my mother died as I periodically search for some recognition from others I'm not going crazy. This was helpful but I did get to the part about realizing the author still had her father, a husband, children. My story, only daughter, an older brother with psychosis, another in another state who visited her before her death and wrote her a prescription without telling anyone that made her psychotic ( he is an MD), a younger brother who showed up but has a wife and children. The profundity of this loss is beyond words. Blessings to all unmothered women. May we be kind and open to each others suffering and grace.

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      Donna 10 months ago

      My Mum died on the 23rd July 2016,

      the morning after my Dad knocked her over in the driveway of their home. My husband and I were on a much-needed break 300 kilometres away when we got the phone call to say the accident had happened.

      We drove home immediately, getting a call halfway back that there was no hope of recovery; she lost consciousness before arriving at the hospital and never woke again. I felt her loss immediately, and no matter how I begged God and the universe "not my Mum, please not my Mum", it is my Mum that is gone from me forever. I spent her last night with her, and my sister, playing Nat King Cole and talking to her... but I really did feel she had already gone. She took her last breath at 9.43am with my Dad and husband arriving in time to share that awful event.

      I rang my Mum every day, saw her most days... helped her "manage" my Dad who we knew was having memory problems but who had been cleared to drive just two weeks before the accident. Five days after Mum's death, before her funeral Dad was admitted to hospital with sepsis; he was in hospital for ten days, being allowed out to attend the funeral. His dementia has spiralled alarmingly quickly (though how much my Mum hid from us I don't really know) making him needy and consequently not allowing us (my sister is caring for him, she lives 400km away and has basically put her life on hold until we can sort Dad out) he weeps almost constantly and resents that we don't... while we resent that he has the luxury of not looking after a demented 87 year old while trying to "clean up" all those loose ends that are really the threads of someone's life and keeping a business going and juggling looking at nursing homes he doesnt' want to go into...and doesn't mind telling you, loud and long and spitefully

      I have no illusions... my Mum was very straight talking and you didn't want to get on the wrong side of her, but truly, I never did. We were really the very best friends, I have few friends as I work from home and my daily chats with Mum kept me sane. Now I feel rudderless and bereft at her loss and overwhelmed with what is to come with my Dad. My husband has been great, my kids have been great, but they ARE moving on while I just tread water emotionally while achieving amazing amounts of practical stuff. My youngest son is feeling her loss keenly (we were the Three Musketeers) and while this means he is the one that is most likely to know how I'm feeling, it also means he is least equipped to help as he's just treading water too.

      I know this will end, but I keep thinking it may just be easier and more pleasant for those around me if I ended my life and they didn't have to be subjected to this miserable woman anymore, I just cant' see me ever being out from under this weight - especially while needy-greedy-life sapping Dad is here. I've never wanted my parents to die, now I just want Dad to go in his sleep so I don't have to go through all the pain of putting him in a home only to have him die and have to go through all this pain again anyway

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      Kathleen Cochran 10 months ago

      Someone said grief is your last act of love for a parent, spouse, child, friend. I love that. They deserve to be missed and remembered. My mom passed away 3 1/2 years ago. I can remember her and smile now - but some days I still cry. I will always miss her - she deserves it.

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      Chunchin 10 months ago

      I'm 13 and my mom died a few months ago from colon cancer

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      Bret Hirschfeld 10 months ago

      My mother died her hand in mine on April 7, 2015. At 56 I have become well acquainted with death. The sad truth is when we lose a loved one we never fully recover. When someone we love dies part of us dies with them and we live with this diminishment the rest of our lives. For those who lost family members in their youth, as I lost my father, there is an added burden you must bear. Yes you'll laugh again but you'll never be young again. At least not on the inside where it counts. May God have mercy on souls here who's hearts are broken.

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      Gopal 9 months ago

      I was not with my mom when she died three weeks ago,even though I was her best friend and she was mine... I had prayed to God.. Cried hours.. And hoped a lot good about her when she was put in the icu.. And then I recieved the sad news. I ran and found her lying lifeless.. Yes the same person I used to sit beside and talk hours, caring about nothing else. Being an introvert, I could only connect with my mom in my life and my world was surrounded around her.. I was completely devoted to her. It is a difficult thing for a boy of 21 to lose his mother who was just 54, all of sudden. I have had many thoughts of suicidal attempts. Every second seems like a nightmare.. It has made me very hard and emotionless.. And I dont if I'll ever recover.. But thanks for the article.. I am not all alone in this situation I know.

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      karen 9 months ago

      my mother passed on 0ctober 4th while getting out the deeds to the grave which I am the deed holder .I found a letter from the prepaid funeral plan people on it my mother has wrote on it my daughter my name will be handling my funeral arrangements I'm the eldest .and she lists all her hymns and readings ect she wants .howere she also wrote 2 letters after this 3 years later 1 to me and the other to my sister .both letters were to be read if she could no longer look after herself she had just been diagnosed with cancer the first time in my letter it was about putting her in a home no mention of funeral arrangements now my sister is saying in her letter that she told me she destroyed as my mother lived another 16 years she I snow saying were her funeral wishes .I have shown my letter and the other one addressed to the funeral directors ,my dad said its long time ago and is dismissing my mums wishes as my sister is also a curate and dad is arrangeing the funeral through her and just excepting that is was in her letter .no one has seen this letter why ??were is the evidence I don't know what to do ?? the hymns and readings are not was in written down and signed by my mother its just what they want please advice

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      Katie C. 9 months ago

      I lost my mom 3 months ago to lung cancer as well. I still don't think I've truly accepted it. I miss her dearly and today has been a rough day. I feel angry that she's not longer here. But sad at the same time. Thank you for sharing your story.

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      Michelle Mee 9 months ago

      I lost my dear dad on 20th June 2016 and was so sad. He passed away as I held his hand 2 weeks after being admitted to hospital...he was 84.

      3 months later I lost my beautiful 79 yr old mum although she suffered with COPD and heart failure and had 2 recent stays in hospital she came out and went home looking much brighter and better but passed away 11 days later suddenly at home on 21st Sept 2016.

      I feel so lost and empty....It is so hard to describe.

      My family home of 57 years will have to be sold, I am struggling with this as well.

      The emotions are like a wild rollcoaster ride and Im having trouble sleeping as I have anxiety. I am trying to be happy as I need to put on a happy face for my 17yr old daughter who is doing HSC exams. Any tips? I just want to curl up in a quiet place but I can't.

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      Dave 8 months ago

      I lost my mother 3rd Jan 2011 she fought cancer for 15 years and even now I still have bad days today in particular hence stumbling on your story. As an only child it was tough and still is as I find very few people to talk too about it, but I wanted to thank you for your story .. It has helped today.

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      Lau 8 months ago

      I have found solace in reading these stories and from the original blog of course. Today I am having a bad day, like Dave, I looked to the internet and also stumbled across this article. I lost my mum to lung cancer 24th June 2016 and I miss her terribly. As each and every day passes, it hurts more. I miss her smile, her love, her advice, her voice, her laugh... everything. Nothing and no one can make it better. I am an only child and I have to keep tough for my grandma, my mums mum, who now relies on me for her care, which can only be a good thing as it's keeping me going. I can relate to a lot people have said on these comments - it still feels surreal that she's no longer here and I doubt I will ever get over this heartache.

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      Divine 8 months ago

      I lost my mum six months ago but it still feels like yesterday i have read so many articles on how to cope with grief but this one just placed me in your shoes am fine sometimes then a times I just burst into tears.. I thought it was going to be easy but it's not....I hope this hole in my hrt heals and all this pain I feel goes away. .

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      Larry ferguson 8 months ago

      I lost my mom 10 years ago it don't seem that long she was my best friend I went to her house every morning for coffee I was a mammas boy and the youngest of 5 I have only cried a few times I swallowed a lot of my feelings my mother was the glue that held everything together my life has been hell without my mom I'm crying now as I am remembering how it was today is day two of reading how to deal with the loss of my mother I only talk to my full flooded broth the other 3 are half we have different dads but it was good when she was here she wasn't barred with her mom dad and brother it is just a bad dream but your story is helping me hell who knows what day 3 will be like

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      Jessica Ryan 8 months ago

      I lost my mom 3 months and 3 weeks ago, at the age of 15 and needless to say I miss her like crazy. I thought I was going fine, only cried every now and then, tried putting it off. But the last few days have been dreadful, I sit in class at school and my mind wonders off to my mom and I hold back the tears until I get home and cry in private.

      Im afraid to tell people how I feel, and how I don't know how to cope because I want to stay strong and show people how brave I am.

      Its like no one understands how it feels, I feel like everyone thinks just because 3 months have passed im somehow suppost to have moved on, and that im not grieving anymore because they cant physically see me crying anymore.

      But after reading tis article its shown me I should be afraid to grieve, and I shouldn't be ashamed to show that im still in pain, I lost my mom, my bestfriend and I cant just get over that. it takes time.


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      Parker 8 months ago

      i lost my mom this year...Oct. 30 2016. I feel Halloween is ruined forever. Life is not as important to me without her. She was not the best at all times but she was my mom and made me who i am today. I miss her...she was dealing with illness for a year. I knew i was lose her sometime but i did not want her to leave us until i had a family. I need my mom. She kept me sane. Everyone wants me to act like im okay but i am not. My family got close again but i, now, feel like an outcast. i feel like im nothing. i miss her. i get scared to talk about how i feel to anyone because i feel they wont understand. i just want to be okay.

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      For frances 8 months ago

      My mom passed this January will be a year ...there are no words only loss and sorrow

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      Annetteodessa 8 months ago

      My mom passed away, suddenly, 7 weeks ago. The sudden loss is too painful to even describe, but I know most here understand. The fact I cannot say goodbye, or tell her how much I loved her and love her, or any of the thousand things I want to share is tearing me apart. The pain, which I feel in my gut at most times, is almost unbearable at times. I have a 1 year old and cannot share or ask my mom anything about motherhood. I miss her more than I can possibly describe and nothing, nothing anyone says makes it better. I pray someday we all feel better and can move on but I mostly wanted to share with others like me because it's just been awful. Feeling sick to my stomach has become the new normal. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts here, it is the only place I feel like I'm not truly alone. Much love and strength to all.

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      NEELE VENI A/P A.PACHIMUTHU 8 months ago

      My mom also passed away 2 months back and I didn't have the chance to say how much I love her ... it was sudden attack and could not save her . I keep blaming myself for not able to save her . I feel so useless n so helpless at the moment ..

      she is the biggest part of my life . not my dad or brothers ... my mom is everything for me and now im alone alone in the presence of my stroke dad and brothers .

      I have lots to share with her and to ask her but she is not here . the pain is too much to bare . I have thought to end my life several times but I so much pity my bro and my stroke dad as im the only girl in the house and to take care all .

      i had very bad n rough days ..i take it as punishment for me as didn't able to save my mom and go thru the days patiently .

      i don't know whether i will ever laugh loudly or be happy as i used to be with my mom ..

      i miss her so so much and the most happiest day in my life will be the day i let go my breath in this world .

      thanks for let me share my feeling here as only u all will understand me better .

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      Katelynn Rogers 8 months ago

      My mom died when I was 4 it's been 10 years without her I miss her so much since she died I've been quite I don't speak at all in school only two my closest best friend other than that I barely talk but when I'm home are out of school I'm loud and won't be quite.I miss her so much it's hard for me and my sister to live without her and I made myself strong for I can protect my sister from the danger in the world I will do anything for the people I love and care about.

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      Kenwon Tate 7 months ago

      Thank you for this article. My mother Josephine passed away last year in August 2015. I've been going through all of these things all in one.

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      Naomi Elikem 7 months ago

      Its almost 3 months since my mother passed away from cancer. Her pain was unbearable. Even in coma at least she was there. I agree with all what you said. Only someone who has lost a mother can understand this grief and i realize i have been insensitive to friends who had lost their mom's before by rushing them through their grief. I should have sat on the floor with them and helped them to cry. Thoughts about her made me look for this blog in the first place. There is not a single day i don't think about her. I feel the grief gets better, then it gets worse then it gets better again. I have to cope with grad school without her as she died first week of my academic term.

      I really miss her.

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      Peter 7 months ago

      My mom passed away 3 days ago after a long illness , I still don,t know how I am going to get thru the funeral in 4 days time .

      The last few days have been exactly as you described , I fell to pieces when I received the news from my brother that she died , I,m considered to be the big tough guy in my family but this has just torn me apart , I have times when i,m doing not to bad and then there are times like yesterday where I suddenly broke down and was curled up on the floor of my home office sobbing uncontrollably and calling out for her , the pain of it all is so intense .

      It happens when I,m on my own and I think I prefer it to happen that way rather than have other people around .

      My wife is of a mind that I should get on with life straight away but she still has her mom and doesn't understand my wild mood swings at the moment , one day she will understand it's a given .

      I have been missing mom ever since she became unconscious several weeks ago and even before that as she wasn,t able to communicate at all for the last year or so .

      I loved her so much , she was my rock , I will miss her forever .

      But I have found this page useful

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      Valerie GA 7 months ago

      August 6th, 2016, my world crumbled down, my heart, my soul and myself disapeared in a blink of an eye. My happiness, joy, laughter basically any emotions have just vanished. I am in pieces, broken and as for now, I truly feel unfixable. My mother passed away from pancreatic cancer... 28 days after her diagnosis she was justs.....GONE

      The pain is unbearable and her loss is humongous, not an hour passes by without me thinking about her...missing her, talking to her, calling her wondering where she is. Its been 4 months and I still can not beleive she is gone..the feeling of bluriness is still there for me. I feel trapped, I want to call her and i can not, I want to see her again and I can not, I want to hear her and I can not.....and the list goes on and on and on...

      The pain is physical and emotional, I have not vosited her grave yet, I do not feel strong enough or maybe I do not want to come with the real terms of reality. In a bizar way I feel confort in my pain ...

      I feel as if ..even though i would cry for the rest of my life it would be worth the while, cuz she deserved all the love and suffering I am feeling. I am selfishly talking about myself only while i have 3 other siblings, nieces, and a father , who suffers the same way I do.

      My mother has kept our family tightly knitted and have made sure love between us was felt, shown and respect among each other was main key. She has always accomplished everything she's done with grace and love. She was the foundation of our family, she was our everything.

      My phone will never ring again with her name on it, her house does not smell the same anymore. I'll never have the chance to eat a bite from her hands no more. The smell and taste of her food will never lingers in the aire no more. The smell of her hair or skin will never be anymore. Her sound and her smile wont be heard nor seen no more.... How to survive such a loss??

      My daughter is my only relieve, she is almost 3 and Ive had the chance to have her stayed and been raised by my mother the first years of her life.

      We talk about her everyday ...even though my baby girl seems to believes that her grandma is gone on a long trip... I have a strange feeling she knows exactly where she is and is just playing me into i dont cry.

      I can not thank you more for this blog as i was looking for confort tonight while crying my life off. i read every single message before mine... I have been reading all of you for 3 hours now....

      My mother was my queen and her name was Venus

      Peace and love to all of you motherless children.


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      Maria 7 months ago

      My mum died last October from lung cancer. She died a month after diagnosis. We had our moments but I loved her and she loved me. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I have asked her to send me a sign and just wish I knew she was ok. The run up to Christmas brings a lot of memories. Last year I coped better but think was still numb. No one gets you like your mother and I miss her honesty. If she didn't like my hair a certain way she told me without beating about the bush! I miss this closeness and the casualness of our relationship,and most of all the unconditional love. How I miss choosing her Xmas present and her asking me to buy boxs of liqueurs for her friends. Mum suffered o much I could hardly bear to watch. She couldn't swallow food which was distressing and just wasted away. As she took her last breath my heart beat so fast and so loud. Mum died to unchained melody which we had played at her funeral. I cannot grasp that I will never see her or be able to call her again. Grief has no cure and even a year on it still seems so unreal. You never thnk one day you will be in the Chapel of Rest placing your hand over your mothers heart and saying goodbye. Your stories have moved me so much. Wishing everyone a peaceful and happy Christmas. God bless all those not here with us ths year. I miss and love you mum xx

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      Patricia 7 months ago

      I just read your article, and it truly hit my heart. I was googling why I feel so much anxiety and depression. My mom died 7/5/15. She was 80. I had been her lifeline for years as my father died in 1989. I am stuck in the 2nd stage of grief, and everyday seems like the worst. She was not perfect, but she was my very best friend, and would protect her children to the ends of the earth. She was the most loyal person I have ever known. I really wish I could stop missing her, just a little. I never dreamed that it would be like this! I found myself thinking what it would be like when I didn't have to do all those tasks over and over. I miss them now, and would give anything to have to do all her ridiculous errands. It has been a long year and a half. I feel guilty for every time I got mad, or tired of going to the hospital or rehab. I wish that I would have brought her home to my house, or something. I just want to say I am sorry to her. My heart always seems to ache, and you are right, it is hard for people to understand. Especially a spouse that really wants your efforts spent on them. I just wish I could move on. If I could just get over this enormous hump, things might start to look bright again. This never ending tunnel of sadness is exhausting. Thanks for letting my get it out.

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      Susan 7 months ago

      Your article was beautiful! It has been 5 years and I am still struggling. My mom was my best friend and my biggest fan always. We spoke 5 times a day about nothing and saw each other several times a week. Nothing can fill that! I try so hard to be happy and live my life and count all of my blessings, however the void is so huge, it seems impossible. My heart is always aching. I look around at others who have lost their mom and it seems that they have moved on and are able to enjoy their daily life. They seem so happy. Patricia's comment that it feels like a never ending tunnel of sadness describes it well for me. Thank you for sharing this article.

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      Lynda 7 months ago

      My mum died almost two weeks ago, her funeral is tomorrow

      I miss her, I miss hearing her voice, I miss having her there for support.

      My mum was diagnosed with secondary cancer of the liver 6 weeks ago, no one knew she had cancer at all, the primary cancer was never found, my sister had already been diagnosed with bowel cancer this year so hearing mum was going to die from cancer was a huge blow. I nursed mum from her diagnosis to death which was 6 weeks, she died on the 6th December, my birthday was on the 10th, my first without her and now already my first XMAS without her,

      your article describes everything I feel,

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      Gayle 7 months ago

      Thank you. I feel like I am normal after reading your article, that it was ok to grieve. People would say you've got to remember where she is. She's with God but she isnt physically here with me and that grieves me. She was my best friend when I was lonely, there for me when I miscarried. Always there and the grief comes in waves and when I least expect it even after a year. I will always miss my mum she was such a big part of my life

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      Vijay G 7 months ago

      Thanks for this article. This is exactly depicting what I am going through. I lost my mother three weeks back...These three weeks appear as a bad dream to me.. I am feeling that I am going to wake up any moment and go back to the previous day of Mother's death.. She was one person I could talk to any time, any day, anything without being judged. No one else can take up her position. I feel like I have lost part of me.. Your article is giving the right perspective on things and how to deal with the grief in a practical way. Thanks for that.

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      Freeda Peter 7 months ago

      I lost my mom...its easy to write by very difficult to feel and realize the fact.i was 19 years old when i lost her..she was on dialysis just because her kidney was not working.. we had lot of financial issues

      for getting her treated and even she knew it... the worst part is at times we did not even have 100 bugs

      to buy fruits.Today i earn more than my expenses bt some time i think its of no use.. i can buy anything i want but still not happy.What ever i like i do but there is a huge pain and unhappiness in some part of my heart.i dont know how to come out of it.when ever i just think for a moment about her there is

      a tear in my eyes and lots of pain that can never be explained.i want her back.i cant live without her

      I lost all confidence in me, i pretend to be strong but inside im so weak no one knows.. i feel so lonely

      My dad is so big but his mother is alive and im only 20 years old and i dont have my mom, infact i need the most.. some time i ask god if u had or have so much powers cant you just give my mom back thats the only thing i want..

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      Lola 6 months ago

      Thank you for your help. My mother died November 11, 2016 and all of the things in your story am I experiencing. I feel so much pain in my body and I don't think people understand not even family. I try to remember the good times and it makes me feel worse right now. Sometimes I can't breathe. All I want is my mother and I know it is not possible.

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      Hannah 6 months ago

      I am 10 years old last year 2015 December 13 my mom died at 5:07. I had spent the night with family that night. My dad came and got my her told me what happened. I cried so hard I was only 9 years old. The day before her death my dad called and asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and see her I said no because it made me too sad and I was hurt to see her in pain. The day before I had made her a card saying I loved her and everything and I thank her and dad for adopting me. I could not bare to look at the card because I was to sorry to go and see her and hug her and tell her how much I loved her. At the time I hated my self. This is my story I am in tear right now but this is true and it hurts me I know how you feel if you have lost your mom :'(

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      Rita Caliboso 6 months ago

      Wow I'm so glad I found this in my search. Everything you wrote I could of wrote to (not nearly as good as you) tomorrow is 1 week and I was thinking there is something wrong with me cause like you I prayed for my mom to go and I was there when she took her last breath and told her "it was ok to go" and I'm mad I said that cause it doesn't feel Ok and I feel out of sorts. Can't even explain it to my husband but I lost my dad 9 years ago and I thought I could handle my moms passing but this is totally different but now I will look for others who know what I'm going through. Bless all our moms.

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      Jaeill 6 months ago

      I lost my incredible mother on Christmas day 2016. I will forever love her and miss her. I honestly do not know how I can move forward and live my life. She was my best friend. The pain is indescribable. I am devastated and heartbroken.

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      Rosalie 6 months ago

      Wow....I couldn't have written this better myself. I lost my mom four years ago and I am still grieving. My dad and my brothers find it ridiculous that a woman my age, 53, can't "get over it and move on!" Even with having a loving husband and three beautiful sons, the loss of my mom is such a physical pain that can pop out at any moment, especially during the holidays.

      What has given more life to my grief during the past two years, is that my dad has found a lady friend. This is has been so tremendously difficult for me. Seeing him with her just gives me a visual reminder that my mother is gone.

      He's been with her for two years, but I only met her recently because he was going to bring her to an engagement party with many family members. I did not want to meet her there. I resisted meeting her and explained to my dad how painful it is seeing him with another woman, but he says he's doing nothing wrong (which he's not), but it hurts me, like a dagger through my heart.

      I have asked him to keep her separate from me but he wants to have her intertwined into our family....just as if mom were still alive.

      I have poured my heart on soul to him, but he only sees it that I want to see him alone and lonely. This is not true. I only see him once per week with the kids and I can't understand why he can't just give me only him on that day. His friend is not my mother, nor the grandmother of my children. She only represents my incredible loss.

      In reading articles like yours, it makes me feel less crazy to have certain feelings. I don't know if I will ever get over the loss of my mom, who died after a five year battle with colon cancer.

      She was everything to mom, my confidant, my therapist, my guiding light, my shopping buddy, my teacher, my inspiration....she was an incredible woman!

      Like you said, no one understands the pain of this loss unless they have experienced it. I have yet to find any comfort from my dad or my brothers in dealing or accepting my grief. I am going to try to find a grief group....maybe I can find others who feel like I do and who will make me feel that I am not alone!

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      Carolina 6 months ago

      This article speaks volumes to me. My Mom passed away 4 weeks ago and it has been the most traumatic experience of my life. I can't get over the fact of how much I miss her, how I wish I would have spend more time with her, how lucky I was having her as a Mom. I wish she would still be here with me and let her know one more time how much I love her, how proud I am of her, how much I want to follow her example. You truly don't know what you have until you lose it and I feel I will never be a complete person, I will always have rain in my heart and a void in my life. I will forever miss her. Thanks mamá for everything, I love you with all my heart.God bless you always.

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      Brianna72 6 months ago

      I lost my beautiful and wonderful mother on December 13, 2016. This article described everything I have been feeling the last few weeks. She had fought several months through several different issues. It started the end of June beginning of July with the heart issues and yeah she had a restriction of fluid intake which was 1200 mL. Then she was finally able to leave the hospital come home but only to go back in a week. Not this time she was going in the hospital for kidney failure and had to be on dialysis for 4 to 5 weeks. Then she was transferred to another hospital and then suffered a mild stroke and she's also had three urinary tract infections. Those times were bad because she was she was out of it mentally answers constantly screaming at us and yelling names and kicking us out of her room. But then she thought through all that and Finally got transferred to a nursing home. This nursing home treated her very badly and she ended up having another major stroke couple days later and the nursing home wouldn't believe us that she had a stroke and get her transferred to a hospital near the nursing home. When she did finally get transferred to a hospital we found out she had another stroke but this time it was a major one and was in the hospital for about two weeks. Then she was transferred to another nursing home. This time it was a much better one. Then it was a miracle because then it seemed she was returning to us. She was fighting so hard to come back mentally and physically. It was like my mother was coming back to me as the strong mother I grew up with and suffered the great loss of my father when I was 16. She was my rock, my best friend, and my world. We had looked together and did everything together like shopping and watching TV or going to the movies. I could talk to her and tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me, but advise me and help me out of any issue. Then it was November and she wanted to come home so badly but she still need more therapy physical and speech. She wanted to be home for Thanksgiving. Luckily my brother came from California with his two daughters and we were able to bring my mother home for the day. That that was the best Thanksgiving we ever had, because everybody was trying to make that day so special for my mother. So everybody helped out in making the dinner and even made sugar cookies with fo so everybody helped out in making the dinner and even made sugar cookies. Then my mother can also came home the next day since Thanksgiving went so well. I am so happy that God blessed us with the Thanksgiving. Because that following week was my mothers last with her loving family. My mother ended up having another stroke and a heart attack and fell, but we don't know the order of these event. Then she was unconscious and not responding to pain and then put on a ventilator and then eventually she took her last breath. I don't know how I'm going to go on without her in my life anymore. I have two brothers and nieces and a nephew but I feel all alone now today is her birthday. Yesterday and today I've been very rough days like you mentioned in your article. I don't know why but it's hitting me harder than It did at Christmas. I know how everyone of you feel and this pain is so unbearable I feel like I'm going to die. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this year without her especially since she was almost back home. God bless you all because reading your stories helped me on this rough day.

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      pearl 6 months ago

      Thanks for sharing this article with us..I even shared this article with my little brother,I lost my mom when I was 9years and my brother was 6 months it was I have 10 years without mom,love,caring and a shoulder to cry on,,,DEATH BE NOT PROUD

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      kayla 6 months ago

      my mother passed away in October 2016 her birthday just passed in december she would have been 55. then christmas I have really just not let myself have my moments of grief. the past few days I have hated the world. not cared about anything and i know it has finally caught up to me.... this is a decent article and Im trying to take it into affect

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      Tia. 6 months ago

      I found this article exactly when i needed to. My heart feels like its shattering at this moment but your words and reading all the comments really comforted me.

      I lost my mother on April 21st 2016.

      My birthday is tomorrow and ill be 20.

      I still have the rest of my life to live without her and it terrifies me.

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      KATY 6 months ago

      My Mother died December 6, 2016 I cant with my pain she went suddenly unexpectedly I found her in the floor when I got out of work called 911 they got there 8 min she never woke up I cun't tell her she was the best mom and how much I loved her I just wish I could of spent more time with her she will all ways there for me and my kids love you mom why why is my question to god shell will allways be in my heart love you :(

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      lori 6 months ago

      Thank you. my mom passed away less than 2 months ago. and personally i feel crazy half the time. i cant seem to get control of myself or my feelings. she lived less than a mile away and it was not uncommon for me to be at her house helping her or visiting 3 or 4 times a week. her passing was sudden, or sudden for me. she got sick on Nov 4th and passed Nov. 28th. we had a strong love but we argued at least once a week about something stupid. she was very spoiled by me and used it to her advantage to get her way alot. it used to make me so angry. but now the silence is deafening. i feel guilt and shame. but then i remember her antics and then i feel angry. i was put in charge of everything. from being her medical voice, to funeral, to church, to closing up her home. i am still closing up the house. i cry everyday and i feel like i cant breath most of the time. my father passed away when i was little and all i had was my mom. i am an adult with children and grandchildren of my own yet i feel like a scared small child. i am an orphan. i have no safety net any longer.

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      Cindy 6 months ago

      Hello I just read the article on the web about grieving your mom. I am 57 years old and my mom was 86. I feel like most people are thinking but she was 86 years old, she had a wonderful long life. No... its not long enough, my mom passed away 5 days ago. My sister and my brother and I was having a rough time. Honestly, I feel the nursing home in Texas had alot to do with her death. They didn't take care of her like they are suppose to. I blame myself because I didn't go and see her everyday. I am 57 but I have a 20, 21 and 25 year old kids. I run myself ragged but I try to be just like my mom and do everything. I am sorry I am rambling, but I really am glad I read your article and I agree with everything you wrote. As long as I am busy I do pretty good. BUT when I am alone I fall apart, can't sleep. I know my mother wouldn't want us to do this to ourselves. Most of the time I am lost for words, I feel so bad now not spending more time with my friends that lost their mother. Anyways, once again it is 2:20 am in Texas and I am still awake. I think I have had 8 hours of sleep every since she passed away.

      I will make sure I print your story out and give it to my sister and brother.

      P,S. I have had a 18 year old sister to die of cancer when I was 15 and my dad passed about 8 years ago. I grieved too, but this is so different just like you said. God Bless and thank you !!!

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      Ruben 6 months ago

      Wow I

      Lost my mom dec 18 2016 it's been tough but after reading ur article wow thanks for writing this it helps me exactly what u wrote is happening to me I thought I was alone ➕

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      Belinda 6 months ago

      My mom passed away March 25, 2013 and I have had alot of unresolved feelings until today. I had a sense of emotion that was like no other. I could not stop crying earlier today. I finally let the emotions come and at my desk today I just started crying and could not stop. I think Im beginning to start the next step of the grieveing process!

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      zamzam 6 months ago

      my mom is alive and well...(alhamdulilah) thank god...but i fear the day she dies..i use to pray that i die before her or with her but now am not so sure of that because i wanna live long...i can't imagine what your going through but i only fear it soo much..i too have regrets...but sometimes i remind myself that i will too die..and hopefully be with her in heaven does give me comfort..better than believing that i will never see her again...btw i like your article...may allah (swt) bless u!! am a muslim so ya :D

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      Kevin Pruitt 5 months ago

      Thank you.. I lost my mom 3 years ago can't seem to get over it I guess I really won't it comes in real heavy and then I feel lighter for a while I miss her smile and her laughter

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      Laura 5 months ago

      My mom died some days ago from lung cancer - medical negligence happened and she died 3 mo after diagnosis, she had a 15 months prognosis

      Thanks for the article, I'm in the numb stage but I do feel very sad at times, It's hard to imagine that it will always hurt but I guess it's good to know that it's okay to have bad days and grieve.

      I'm sorry for your loss

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      Rhonnie Cohen 5 months ago

      I just loss my beautiful mom less than 3 weeks ago to lung cancer and I feel like a hole is in my heart and soul. She was 92 but anyone who says oh she had a long life they are right but there is never enough time no matter what age.

      I have been living away in San Miguel for the last 4 months and missed her by one day. The guilt is overwhelming but I will remember her alive and smiling.

      I talk to her all the time but I would give anything to really hear her voice and her daily affirmation of her love for me.She taught me what a sense of humour is and that it is ok to chose a different path from the rest of the world.

      She will forever walk in my soul.

      Thank you for the beautiful article that I will read many many times going forward without her.

      Here's to all of us who have lost our mothers, and that we can reach out to one another thanks to Vicki

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      Barbara 5 months ago

      My mom passed 13 months ago, I'm the older sister by 13 years of my sister and she is not handling moms passing very well, she wont let me or our father touch or get rid of anything, i tried to talk too her but get told I'm fine i know shes not fine. My husband passed away 13 years ago from a battle with cancer it took me befor seeking help 1 year of pain, but i was 48 and he was 50 when he passed…im not sure what too do for my sister too help her before our dad passes, if she dosent deal with our mom how will she deal with our Dad…anyone have a suggestion for me?

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      SHARON 5 months ago


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      depressed soul 5 months ago

      mom died yesterday.

      i want to end my life as well. i want to cuddle up to her like a small child. which i used to do all the time. I cannot go as well because I have my wife .

      honestly , if my wife is ok to re-marry someone else.....i want to end my life soon and join my mom in heaven

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      ann 5 months ago

      my mother died a month ago because of brain aneurysm.... when we saw her in her bed unconscious we rush her in the hospital & not less than an hour she was in a coma & her doctor declared that my mother was "brain dead". surgery is no longer helpful & they cannot revive her. we gave her the needed medicine/life support to prolong her life but unfortunately she didn't survive. God gave us only 28 hours... we whisper her how much we loved her..... i'm still grieving & missing her.... how can i survive without her....

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      Sallie 5 months ago

      It's five days since mum was buried. It still feels like a dream. Am to report back to work tomorrow and I am confused. I loved mum,we were so close that I would spend time calling her even when I didn't have anything to say. I would insist she tells me something. It is going to be hard, but I pray to God for strength. My father is broken,God kindly show him the way.

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      ROMEO 4 months ago

      I lost my mother to breast cancer and before she past on 18th feb,2017 she was really in pain and i thought to my self her passing on will be better and i will be ok, but i guess i was lying to my self because the pain is damn bad. Am having flash backs of how everything happened and whenever i see anything she loved am breaking down...nice article by the way it has really helped.

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      rekha 4 months ago

      hello, even my position is the same , i lost my mother a month ago, it is right to say that i didn't lost my mom, but my basic instinct of life, my reason of life.... just i wish [if possible] no body should face this day [including me] in their entire life time...


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      4 months ago

      My husband lost his father 2 years ago. This was shortly after our son was born and we have a daughter since then. I got here as I was searching for answers as to how long grieving should take. You see, since the death 2 years ago of his father from cancer which was diagnosed 10 years ago, he has decided that he will not smile or laugh with me. He has also become curt, critical, and moody, and blaming everyone around him for whatever is wrong in his life. I have accepted it so far as a result of his mourning and I have tried to be supportive as much as possible. But at what point is it enough? While I am learning that grieving takes time, sometimes forever... where does it leave the ones still alive?

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      Stephanie 4 months ago

      My mom passed away three months ago today. I miss her every waking and sleeping moment I have. I was born on her 29th birthday (March 5), so this is the first year of my life, I celebrated without her. She was my birthday buddy.

      Your article is stop-on to every emotion and more that I am feeling. I feel like I died when she died.

      My dad passed away over 30 years ago and that about killed me, but my mother's passing is more than I can endure. Besides God, she is the only being/person who will love you unconditionally and now I have no one who can love me like that and never will again.

      Thank you again.

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      Kristin 4 months ago

      Thank you for this article, it is helpful. My beautiful mother died two months ago. I feel lost, like a boat untethered in the rough seas of life, alone and without direction.

      This is the first challenge or hardship in my life where my mother was not there to comfort, support and guide me. It is so lonely, the loss. The hole is so large and so permanent. All I can do is try to forge ahead and keep her memory alive, and try to make her proud.

      I don't think we will ever get over this tremendous loss, the hole will always be there, we just learn to live with it?

      Blessings to you all, and be well. Life is for the living.

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      DanAlabam 4 months ago

      My mother passed away September 3rd 2016, Indeed thank you for this hub thread, it's been over six months and the pain is not going away. it seams to be getting worse because I am remembering everything leading up to her death. I shouldn't but I do have regrets, I could have done things differently to better care for mom. I have been my mothers primary care giver for 10+ years, the last eight she had COPD/CHF, it was difficult holding a job and caring for mom, but there is very little I would change if I had to do it all over again. My mom was my life, my everything. I am a 53 year old man who has been crying nearly every day since my mom past. Mom lived with me, I have not been able to touch anything in her room other than clear out all of the medical equipment and medicies, I just keep her room dusted and the plants fed. Anyway, I have read a great deal of these post, I now know that I am not alone, I was beginning to feel as if I have a major mental problem, the real issue was that my mother was totally awesome and was my best friend. Mom died in my arms, she said I love you turned her head and took her last breath, I closed her eyes....that image and event will never leave me. It's going to take me years...thanks everyone.

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      Laura Pauga 4 months ago

      It will be one week tomorrow that my mother passed. I know I am still very much in the numb phase and will think of what I just read here for support.

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      Tapan 4 months ago

      :( i am not able to come out of it... I thought i am spiritual, Knows soul and body. Used to be like a person who see life n death as part of cycle... But wen i lost her... I get exposed..

      i lough out side..., but when i home... I cry.... feels like why i became success, it has beenmore than year, still the wonds are fresh :( why i do hard work... who will be happy seeing me even i won the world one day ?

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      DanAlabam 4 months ago


      I hear ya, it's only been six months since my mother passed, I am 53 and have cried everyday (at home morning and evening) since mom passed. I am pretty sure it will take me a few years. Today is very tough because my mother was from Ireland....St. Patrick's Day will never be the same....never drank, we always went to Mass and ate good.

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      Matthew Osterloh 4 months ago

      My mom and I had always had a close relationship. We were each other's protectors of the world and always available to each other for a vent session. My mom was my everything and I couldn't believe how life would go on if even she left. But she's my mom, of course she's going to be around for ages.

      I recall a few months ago, everything was great and I prayed to God to say thanks. I also had a feeling to ask God for strength should the day come where my world is turned upside down. 24/Feb/2017 that day arrived.

      My mom had been battling illness and it eventually won. The first day or two was actually ok. I was just glad she wasn't suffering anymore and almost relieved that my parents wouldn't be arguing anymore. As much as my parents loved each other, their bickering was quite common and exhausting.

      I got through about a week and a bit without really feeling sadness. It was surprising. Isn't my world supposed to feel gone? All the funeral arrangements and contacting friends and family had been a massive distraction.

      I finally broke 2 weeks after my mom's passing. Everything that I was hoping would stay locked away came rushing in full force. All memories of my mom hit me like a sledgehammer. That vacant hole in my heart where my mom had been was sucked away unapologetically, like a space-vacuum. The lingering cloud of sorrow filled my entire body and I couldn't breathe. I could see in front of me but nothing seemed real, nothing mattered. My chest and stomach had the feeling of a thousand tons of pain and sadness. I couldn't think. The tears streamed and intensified by the second. She's gone...she's really gone...I kept thinking. She was never supposed to go, she was supposed to be there till the end and be there for me every time I lost someone else...but now she really is gone.

      3 weeks after my mom passed, I know she's gone, I can feel it, but I still cannot believe it. She was always the survivor, the last man standing, the rock to everyone. It feels like the main character in a movie died, it's wrong, shocking, incoherent.

      Friends, those of you who feel similarly, let us take comfort in that our mom's are indeed in a better place and are smiling down upon us, so proud of the son/daughter that they raised. I have no suggestions or advice but just wanted to express my experience to possibly give similar-experiencers a little comfort to know you really are not alone.

      All the best. God bless.

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      jesus cortez 3 months ago

      I lost my mom when I was 20 I still can't over come it I tru my best to live my life but I can't I just need help to find a way to overcome it

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      Brenda 3 months ago

      My mother died four weeks ago today. The pain within me is getting worst by the day. I was numb in the beginning now the grief is hitting me full force. I miss her more than words can say. My mother had health issues, however her death was sudden. She was going to spend the week-end with me .I was to pick her up the afternoon that she passed.We were going to celebrate her 75th birthday. I read what others say about the passing of their mom and I agree with each one of you,it the pain is greater that one can imagine. I would like to thank each one of you for writing of your experience. I know that I will feel joy again one day but for the moment I only feel pain and sadness.

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      Azee 3 months ago

      I am a student in my 1st year . Iam struggling to cope with my studies . I just failed my 1st block of the year because of the same thing losing my mom. I lost my mom on the 5th of January 2017 this year . The day when I received my matric results. She didn't even see them. We found her lying on the floor . I was so shocked. That day,that second my life just stopped. I think Iam a living ghost . I just can't wait to die and meet my mom. I no longer see the purpose of living . I think my life is falling apart. I Think Iam now alone with nobody to turn to. Iam just living life because Iam still alive. Life for me now is hell. Because iam away from my family . I stay alone in the city . Nobody cares about me . Sometimes I feel like killing myself. And they are all depending on me . To work hard and pass university. But don't offer any support . I don't want to let them down but I can't concentrate I can't seem to do anything right . I can't seem to remember things we do in class the day before

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      DanAlabam 3 months ago

      Azee, live for your mom, I would imagine han anything your mother would want you to be happy and healthy. an education is worthless if you are not well, grief takes time. I think the school thing is asking way too much of you, it's not my place to say but I would take six months to a year year off to grieve. Thoughts and prayers ` Dan

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      Mark 3 months ago

      My mother is suffering from kidney cancer and she has had it for 10 years. She's in terminal now , I'm sitting with her, she is asleep, anyone have anything to help me make her last few days the best ones?

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      danka 3 months ago

      My mama passed away a little over three weeks ago. As I type these words on the page, it feels like someone else is typing them. I do not understand at all what is happening, it feels like living behind a thick glass wall. I can sort of see what is on the other side but don't quite know it is real. I lost a brother and a father already and it feels like I am not able to feel more pain anymore. Like everything is an odd surreal story that makes no sense. I took care of my mom for the past 9 years, with a couple of months off. I lived with her and my brother and took care of them every day for the first 5 years, then my brother passed away and my mom had to move to a nursing home because I was no longer able to provide the care she needed. She had a good two years after that, I saw her almost every day and we did something together all the time. In the summer 2015 her health started deteriorating until she could not move from her bed. I was with her during the last week most of the day but somehow, in spite of clear signs of dying which I was aware of, I could not believe she would ever go. I was there for her last breath and am here for the odd life without her, my dad or my brother, until I myself go. I don't have human children, but have a very loving husband and three dogs and a cat. When my dad and brother died, I grieved intensely and deeply. Right now it feels like I am shell shocked. I don't know how to grieve or what to do. My mind is somehow not allowing or embracing the shift in reality. I know it will come and I welcome it. I know how to deal with pain. I don't know how to deal with shock and numbness. I really appreciate this article and all the responses people posted which make me feel I am not alone. Thank you and may we all have strength and love to get through this odd, unbelievable time.

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      Michelle 3 months ago

      My mom will have been gone 4 years this June. I cried the entire time I read your article. So on point. I have been blessed as i had a couple people who had lost their moms and gave me the honest truth. This sucks. You are changed forever. No matter the day or time or how you try to go about your life, after you lose your mom, you are never the same.

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      Christopher 3 months ago

      Thank you for this article

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      Tracys sad 3 months ago

      I too lost my mother. She passed away on Easter Sunday of last year 2016. It hurts just as much today as it did 1 year ago. Your article is so on point. You are so right when you say that no one truly knows how you feel until your own mom passes on. We all know we all will die someday. I knew my mother was dying, but the pain is so much more than u can even imagine when it happens for real. I cry at the drop of a hat. My world will never be the same. I miss her so much! Thank you for the article. Also thank you to the others who posted their own experiences. At least we know we aren't the only ones in the world feeling this gut wrenching pain.

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      Gemma 3 months ago

      My treasured Mum passed away 2 weeks ago and already it feels like a lifetime. She was diagnosed with MND a week before she passed and it has been a total total shock for me and all the family.

      To watch her deteriorate and lose all independence and dignity was one of the worst memories that I have of her. She was such a proud person and I honestly felt so useless and just wanted to swop places with her so she didn't have to suffer.

      She past away in hospital 5 minutes before I arrived and I will never forget that feeling when I practically stumbled into the hospital ready to collapse when they told me she had gone. It's like my whole world has torn apart and I was all alone.

      I remember when my Nan has died 4 years prior and she passed away before I got to her too because I mentioned that I wouldn't want to see her last breath. So I'm finding comfort in the face that my Mum just didn't want me to see that, just like my Nan.

      Her funeral is next week and my stomach and heart hurts so much just thinking about it. Knowing that this will be the last goodbye and I will never see her again.

      It's not properly hit me yet and like your article mentions, as soon as the messages stop after the funeral and people begin to head back to their normal lives, that's when the waves of grief will hit at its hardest.

      Thank you so much for sharing this and I'm sorry to hear of everyone else's pain in losing their best friend. Until we meet again Mum, I love you to the moon and back.

      Love always

      Xxx Gem xxX

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      debbie 3 months ago

      I just lost my beautiful mama last night. She was diagnosed with lung cancer less than 9 months ago.

      I was with her through all the horrible chemo. All the other stuff that goes along with it.

      I have three brothers who lived out of state. I told them it was time to come. Mom was so excited to have all four kids in the same room, first time in 33 years. She has always been a talker and she talked non stop for three days to all of us. Telling us where to look for things we might want.

      The doctors thought she was so lively that the gave her another two to three months to live. Hospice Home wouldn't even accept her yet. So two of my brothers, my sons and I went and cleaned out her house to makebit safely navigated for her.

      The ambulance brought her to her house and my son spent the night with her. My daughter in law took the morning shift. She was much quieter that morning she said. My brothers relieved her at noon. I was making arrangement for meals and a bed so the night shift had a place to sleep.

      Then my son called and said I should come. My mama was leaving us. I didn't know how long I would have to watch her gasp for breathes. It wasn't long. She left us early that night. The hospice nurse was with us all.

      I was relieved that she didn't go to hospice and instead passed in her home that she was so proud to have bought after her divorce from my father. I was amazed at how fast she went. I am so sad and empty feeling. I can't stop crying.

      My mother and I had been very close years ago. In my heart I felt it was a love/hate relationship. Looking back I can see I was the center of her universe. I didn't want to be all she had. When my dad died 3 years ago to this day, my mom didn't respect my feelings of grief. She had never moved on from her divorce in 1991, and instead became a very bitter woman. We could not have a conversation that didn't involve her negative stories about him. He about and I were estranged about do the time of his death. He died alone.

      After his death I couldn't bare to hear her talk about him anymore. I tried so hard to convey that to her. That seemed to only make her double down, like she feared I would side with him.

      Those last three years with my mom have had me filled with anger aboutndtnd resentment toward her. We had some really bad times where I know she felt unloved.

      I wish I had a do over. With both parents.

      Thank you for your article. It is son on target. Last night articles I said my final farewells, I held my mom's chin up so her mouth was closed. In that relaxed state of death, I relaxedealized how beautiful she articles till was without the ugliness of bitterness etched across her features. I love you mom. Always will.XOXO

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      Nicola 3 months ago

      My Mum died last November and i feel so alone, its like noone cares now we have had the funeral and time to grieve. Its like people want you to move on but its your Mum, your first friend. Its so hard

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      Arunsagayaraj 3 months ago

      I lost my lovely mother before six months......Miss her very much she is always with guiding me...Love u ma

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      DanAlabam 3 months ago

      I was not aware that the gut wrenching pain is worse after 3 to 6 months, the pain subsides a little more often, but it seams you think/remember more. memories, then BAMM Dear God do I miss my mother.

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      Keeley 3 months ago

      What a beautiful article. I related to many points that you mentioned. My mummy passed January 2017 from lung cancer. I'm still constantly crying and craving for my mum that there really is that physical pain. And I totally agree that people do seem to think you should move on after a few months.

      I miss my mum so very much, at times I wish I was with her but I then look at my beautiful daughters who I don't want them to feel that ache/pain I'm feeling from the loss of my rock.

      Thank you for writing this article....was almost refreshing to hear someone say things that I'm feeling

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      Grace Lyons 3 months ago

      I am 12, my mother died when I was 10 at age 45 from brain tumour. My mum was my best friend and helped me with absolutely everything. Before she had a wheelchair she would coke up to my room in the evening and we'd sometimes talk until 23:00. She was a strong, amazing woman who could never be replaced. Considering the stuff she had to go through and the fact she kept going stunned me, she inspired me throughout my life. When she died in August 2015 I was left distraught, I still am. She was my everything abd she'd been taken away just like that. Just knowing; she was gone, I'd never be able to see her again and I didn't even get to say goodbye breaks my heart. I miss you mummy :(❤️❤️❤️

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      Jeffrey Imm 2 months ago

      I am grateful for this article, because I know many people don't know what it is like to have their mother die. They don't know how those of us in grief will seem like we are OK, and then a moment will happen when we are not. It was particularly difficult because I saw my mother dying all along with dementia. Some people think I should be used to it, but... no, not really. My mother's funeral was a month ago. She died after years of struggling with Alzheimer's Disease, and died in the End Stage of Alzheimer's. For nearly 4 years, I was her daily caregiver every day at our home, where she had her own room down the hall. She needed more and more help with every aspect of life. In the last six months, she could not walk at all, and in the last month, she could not even stand. Her loss, both as a son and as her caregiver, has been heartbreaking to me. Even after her funeral, when I came back home, if I would hear a noise, even last night, my first thought would be, "is Mom OK?" and then I remembered. It was snowing the morning she died, as I held her hand. I was always trying to keep her warm and comfortable. After her funeral, we got back home, and it was cold and windy the first few nights, with the wind howling outside my window. I kept waking up, thinking I have to go to my mom's room and give her a blanket, and then of course, I would remember. There was little mourning time, just work, work, and other crises in life. As a son, I have had to carry my father and my mother to their grave these past 7 years. I have worked hard to not let our lives be defined by suffering and struggle. For my mother, with her memory and cognitive abilities constantly fading away, I tried to stay in touch with her with music. To the end, she remembered some of her hymns and God Bless America. But since the loss of my mother I cannot, I guess I don't want to sing anymore. I know someday I will, but not yet. Thank you for listening.

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      Missing my mommy 2 months ago

      I lost my mom 4 days ago. It's hard, sometimes I don't want to talk at all, I'm tired of talking! I keep thinking this will end and I can go visit her or call. I was her caretaker, so I saw her everyday during my lunch time and after work. She had pancreas cancer and eventhough I knew it was coming and I wanted her at peace. I did everything I could, I know I did, but I keep thinking about the what ifs... I tried to save her when I found out about RSO. I guess I don't care about any of that I just want her back. I miss her...

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      Harper 2 months ago

      I'm 10, I Lost my mother when she was 29. She was hit and killed by a car late at night. She had no food, no home, and home... I missed her terribly I grief everyday with no one knowing that I do... I don't know how to get over this. I feel that the person who hit my mom should be sent away! Even if it WAS an accident.. I didn't want to leave before she did.. I was on spring break, my grandmother lives in Utah, I was in Arizona at the time, she came all the way from Utah to tell my straight to my face that my only loving source was dead... I want to kill myself because no child should be without their own birth source.. Why does the world hate me? Why did I have to leave my mother when I was 6, she loved me when no one else did..

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      Madeline 2 months ago

      I am grateful that my mum passed at a time when the apple blossom is in full bloom in the back garden. To her, the humbles of dandelions was a glorious shade of sunshine. She loved the garden. She was often saddened when i mowed the lawn, decapitating the unfortunate daisies and asked me to mow around them.

      So when i remember my mother, i will think of the radiant pink beautiful blossom on the apple trees in our back garden

      She was a happy contented joyous person and I would like her memory to remain that way.

      Our grief will fade, but the memories of my wonderful mother will live on in our hearts.

      So when i remember my mother, i will remember the beautiful pink radiant blossom on the apple trees in our back garden.

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      Maggie 2 months ago

      My Mom died in hospice/March 2011 from alzheimer complications..

      It's April 2017 and I still can't accept her death..

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      2 months ago

      I'm the oldest of 6 and my mother died a couple months after my youngest brother was born. I'm only 19 and have to help my father raise my other siblings who are all younger than me, I pushed going back to school so I can be with them. My mother died in August, and I tried to be strong for my family. At my mother's viewing I was laughing at my uncle, cause I didn't like his beard (Uncle on Mother's side), and I heard another one of my uncles (Uncle on Father's side) ask his wife why I was laughing. Does that make me a bad daughter? My mother was laying right there dead, and here I was laughing.

      After everything was over, I pulled away from my family. I spend most of my days upstairs in my room, by myself. Is this normal, do I need help? I know a lot of people problem never went through my situation, but I need someone who won't tell me "everything will be okay" or "it's okay to be sad".

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      Amber855 2 months ago

      I sent you a message about a 19 year old who lost her mother, this is my account, I just made it after I posted my comment

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      Amarie15 2 months ago

      My mother just passed away on Good Friday, 4/14/2017, after a 5 year battle with ovarian cancer. I am 26 years old. She was my number one supporter and best friend. I miss her every second of the day.

      Thank you for your post. I have caught myself many times trying to push the pain away beacause it doesn't feel bearable. I don't think it'll ever stop hurting. I wanted to seek others who could relate with how I am feeling as it can't be put into words to those who haven't experienced it.

      I always think of how lucky I am to have had such an amazing mother who I miss so dearly. The grief is so intense because the love is so strong. I was blessed with a wonderful mother and for that I am greatful for the time I was given with her.

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      Joey. 2 months ago

      I lost my mother 7 months ago she was diagnosed with lung cancer back in 2015 she underwent chemotherapy and radiation which made her very weak and tired. I remember when I first got told she had cancer I completely broke down into tears I sort of knew she didn't have much longer left she stayed in hospital for a couple of weeks I thought she just had a really bad chest infection but that wasn't the case as the next year and half went by I was caring for mum seeing her take all these different medications always had my stress levels high watching her struggle to get out of bed the last 5 months she was alive completely tore me apart I hated the whole experience she got admitted into hospital on the 8th of October 2016 and passed 2 weeks later on 21st of October 2016 we were best friends we never hesitated to speak our minds we were so much alike in so many ways she taught me everything I know I will never stop loving and missing my wonderful beautiful mum she was only 43

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      Ric 2 months ago

      Thank you for writing this article, I feel like so much of this describes how I've felt in the last 2 months since my mom passed. She had fought lunch cancer since early 2014, and COPD since a few years before. She suffered for so long and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Actually, I'm crying now. I held her hand as she took her last breath. She was my rock. And now she's gone.

      I went back to work in April, after being away for about a month to be with Mom (she was in the hospital for awhile, and came home on hospice). And just as you said, everyone would always give their condolences, with the obligatory "if there's anything I can do...". But after I'd been back for a few days that was it. Not a soul has even asked how I'm doing. It's gone so far as to me feeling excluded from a lot of things. Even the few people I considered friends, who were happy and upbeat before have become extremely quiet around me, and purposely avoiding me. It's incredible, when you need people the most, they disappear. Guess I know who my friends are: ∅

      I don't think I'll ever "get over" this. Every day is a struggle, and I think of her all the time.

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      engie 2 months ago

      i cant say much i lost my mom last year my life changed so much i knew she wont make it but hope and believe kept me going that she will make it she was an strong woman a best of them all she made sure we are taken care of no matter what for me to go on with out her its pain full as she was my best friend i shared so much with her i cant let go my heart don't want to i cant face life its been 5 months still it feels like she will come back to us m the oldest and one girl and boys after me we grieve in different ways as we try to go on with out her she was our mother father as we lost our father years back we didn't feel that our father he's not there as she was there today its bad for me i miss her so much my heart mind are with her its like she will be at home when i get there i have been crying for days but today its worse

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      Malcolm 2 months ago

      My Mom passed away in 1996,she was well one day then died the following night in hospital following a heart attack,following a hospital mistake,I have never recovered totally ,and never lived up to what she wanted me to be,but she was a loving and very generous person,it changed my life for ever.

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      Kristal from Detroit, MI 2 months ago

      I swear this article is my life, I found an abundance of comfort knowing that I'm not alone. People portray me as always being the strongest and asking me how I'm dealing with it. But I've started taking these steps 1 month before I read this article and I have to admit, I've been doing a little better. This article only exemplifies my truth. Thank you because I needed to hear that there is someone out here with emotional similarities like me.

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      Issey 2 months ago

      Thanks I just found out my mom died and this helped

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      Alison 2 months ago

      Thank you for sharing this. My Mum died very recently and I am struggling. This helped me and I am grateful to you.

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      Jami 2 months ago

      I have never read an article where i felt so attached. So many things in here i have aaid myself a million times. There is one line in this article that stuck out to me, "there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering". My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was told she had 3 months to live and I was a few weeks pregnant . My mother made me a promise to live to my babies 1st bday on 6 16 07 the day after she was born. Well she lived to see my baby turn one and died hours later. (My daughter's bday 6 15 07 the day my mom passed 6 16 08) There was more nights then I'd like to remember that I would beg, plea, pray for god to take her home. She was no longer living , no quality of life , and suffering.

      I, as you wrote thought I prepared myself but there was no actually preparing I was 24, a single mother to a beautiful 1 year old and still needed my mother. But life did go on, and will never be the same. I hate mother's day, I hate her bday, and celebrating my oldest bday bc that was the last thing we did hours before she passed away.

      As you said at the beginning I always praised the good times, to tell you the truth everything else was a blur. 2 3 years later I remember the good the bad and everything else. We would fight, and yell and everything else but her love is something I will always miss..

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      Jasmin 2 months ago

      I'm 16 years old. Last summer on July 18th my mother passed away. I had pushed most of my feeling aside. I started acting out. I started skipping class. Wearing inappropriate clothes to school, etc... I got caught not to long ago. And everything has fallen apart. As I got into deep trouble all of those feelings I had suppressed came rushing back. And now I dont know how to deal with it. I keep suppressing them but they keep coming back now more and more often. And I'm completely falling apart. I feel so many emotions. I feel anger, guilt, sadness, remorse, etc... I just there are so many things running through my head and i dont know how to deal with it. Im not one to really talk to adults about problems. And i dont think my friends would truly understand what its like. I dont think theyd be able to help me...

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      Melissa Clarke 2 months ago

      My Mother passed April 21st. Last month. I am a very strong and independent woman, but I have cried every other day since the funeral. This article made me cry but also made a world of sense. I couldnt have written it any better if I tried. Thank you so much sister. Love Melissa Clarke.

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      DanAlabam 2 months ago


      No one will know or understand the gut wrenching heartache and other thoughts and emotions you are experiencing, your friends can only try to help you, however, as you know all of the platitudes in the world are of no help, that is unless someone has experienced the same or similar loss. All I can say is that is sucks beyond anything that has ever sucked before. It would be most helpful for you to possibly find others your age that are currently experiencing such a major loss as yourself, only they will understand what you are going through and only you will understand what they are going through. We all are different and we all deal with loss in our own unique way.

      I am very blessed to have had my mother for the majority of my life. All the best to you.

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      Susan 2 months ago

      It's been about 8 years I can't even go down to my dads cos he has the char there what do I do

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      8 weeks ago

      Thank you so very much. This article was great. My mother died when I was 19 just about 10 years ago and today is a very rough day. I miss her so much I dont see a reason to continue living like this. So alone and without her unconditional love, the pain is unbearable. And yet here I am. Still alive. Somehow. She was the kindest most loving beaitiful individual i ever met. She taught me compassion and generosity. She was my everything. And to lose that feels like the end. I agree with everything you said. I also thought I only needed to grieve shortly because thats what everyone insinuated. Because of that I had no one to talk to who understood and felt even more alone. Thanks again for the article. Sending love and positivity your way :)

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      Sue 7 weeks ago

      Hi I lost my mum 3 years ago of overian cancer. I was with her till she took her last breath. Then 18months on I lost my brother, which was sudden. I lost my dad 23 years ago. Am now 46. The loss of my dad mother an brother have all just hit me again. The anxiety is horrible. Maybe I tried to block it all out. I haven't been able to look at photos of my brother or mum properly...till the other day and it has set it all off. How do u deal with this thanks!

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      Douglas Murphy 7 weeks ago

      I just recently lost my mom a week ago. I held a memorial service given her wishes were to be cremated. I could not imagine not doing anything which is what mom wanted. She had done so much for so many and was such a great friend to so many. They all deserved to say their goodbyes I thought. I nearly fainted a few times with all the hugs and handshakes and people telling me how well I was doing. I wanted to tell them you have no idea how devastated I am and no words could explain how I feel. Her memorial turned out beautiful and I think she would have been pleased or I hope she was. I keep thinking what could I have done,what could I have said,how should I have looked,what didn't I say.what didn't I do. It's an outer body,insidious,defining,numbing,sticking pain where you pray that if you scream loud enough someone will wake you up like it was all a horrible nightmare but it's not. I was by my moms side when she passed and I am so thankful I was. With time,activities,work,friends,family,letting myself grieve I hope to god this gets a little easier.

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      Rachel 7 weeks ago

      I lost my mom on 20/05/2017...she died for womb heart is very painfull en i miss her...i will always remember her...she was my evrything..she did evryting she coulf for me.. i love her so her soul rest in peace

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      momanddad1 7 weeks ago

      My Mother passed away May 10th 2017.

      I think about everything related to My Mother.

      When I was studying at the U of O in 1981/82 I contracted Menieres Disease...I have been living abroad for almost the last 40 years. I went to see my parents every year but still live with the guilt of living abroad.

      My relationship with My Mother was weird when I grew up. She was so strict. I likened her to a witch! I thought she was empathetic. It took me years till I matured and understood My Mother and at least our relationship got better and better.

      Last summer I arrived at my brother's on Bainbridge Island after coming in from abroad...we got a bad call...My Mother fell and broke her hip in three places. I was the sibling who stayed with her at rehab But when she went back to her home for the elderly she went downhill. She was less and less active. Slept. The new gerintologist in Feb told her she had till July 2017(Dam these doctors. There is absolutely NO NEED for telling anyone this!) My Mother said, "I"ll see you in August"...but hospice was called in beg of May. She lived only two weeks after they were called in.

      What I would like to know, if you are in a coma or state when your brain is "out" would you have any feeling of dying? After My Mother's death, I am obsessed with death. I am obsessed with the Jewish beliefs about what happens after death.

      The article on grieving is helpful. Hearing from others continually is helpful. Not being alone is helpful. I don't think that others need to talk with you about your parents. A person needs to be with others and NOT to think 24/7 about the death otherwise a person will turn into a basketcase. Think of them grieve but think about youself too! Take care of you! Be good to yourself. Love yourself, be good to others. Your parents live on with you....I find myself cussing much more and saying things My father used to say since he passed. This is what helped me with My Father's death. We burried him on my birthday and then I had to fly back to my abusive husband and daughters. That was not easy!

      Again, great article. Find what helps you keep your parent in you....

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      Kimberly 7 weeks ago

      Hi my mom passed about on my 2 year old birthday November 13, 2016. She died from ALS....something we were not aware hurts sooo bad. She was my back bone and my best friend. I don't even know how I will get through life . I'm trying to stay strong for my son but I have no idea how. I'm overwhelmedwith worrying about him and making sure I'm there for him the way my mom was there for me but it is so hard. This pain feel unexplainable. I miss my mother so much. My son only got to be with his grandmother for 2 so sad and depressed. I can barely get up in the morning. Some days I just dnt imagine still being here without her. It's just me and my son. The family has shin me. Theygo on walks and do things without me. I don't understand I'm her only child. They say they loved my mom but .... how could you say you love and honor her but treat me like this. My 2 year old doesn't fully understand but he's my best friend ... the only one I can talk too. But Lord know i miss talking to my mom. I have no one now.

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      Maureen 7 weeks ago

      Lost my mom 2 weeks ago am 2 weeks ago..before that kept praying to God to give me one last chance with her but unfortunately she did make it ...I have been crying ever since ...I look at her pictures and I can't help it..the worst part is the memories we shared they break me every time I rem ..thanks for the article I now know it's OK to mourn and to breakdown..loosing a mother is like losing a part of you

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      momanddad1 7 weeks ago

      Maureen,you're spot feel that part of you is gone but your Mother lives on in you.

      My G-d so many msgs of our Mothets having passed in this article. Everyone with different things to say. It's kinda like being in a support group...

      Hello to all who have sent their msgs and to all will be sending their sad messages.

      Let's be strong...get out, grieve, but do what you love to do. GET out and be with others. In the Jewish religion, we have a seven day mourning period. You are not allowed to cook, take a shower, go out! This starts right on the day of the funeral. A piece of your shirt is is a time when family, friends and all who can, come to visit you. They all bting food because you are not allowed to cook.

      Unfortunately I didn't make it to the funeral. Americans I know where I live abroad and others came every day for the seven days with food for an army! . Bless them. But I HAD to take a shower!!!!

      Wishing you all STRENGTH and happinees...Laurie

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      Lésley Woolfstein 6 weeks ago

      I lost my mum 20th of April she was 84 years old ive livéd with my mum all of my life im finding it so hard im constantly crying all the time I just need help with coping with this

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      terrance walker 6 weeks ago

      my mother died 3 hafe years ago l still greaving pain is terrible no one care hoiw l feal broyh sister hafe familyes turn to l no familey turn to

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      Maggie 6 weeks ago

      My mom passed away seven weeks ago. Thank you so much for writing this article. I have my good and bad days, right now is emotional one.. I call her phone just to hear her voice.. I took care of through her cancer battle and I feel totally lost without her. My husband and kids don't know how to take me some days or what to even say to me.. I know this weekend will be extremely difficult. It will be my first birthday without my mom. Then her birthday follows.. I don't know how to get through this

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      william 5 weeks ago

      my mum died today, looked after her for 20 years ever since my dad died, she was special, I know everyone says they have the best mum, but she really did give everything away that she owned to less fortunate people, j have great memories of her and we did so much, I feel proud to have been her son.

      that Saturday was just like any other Saturday, picked her up placed her in the wheelchair and we went down to the coffee shop, I always held her hand so she knew I was close, she squeezed my hand which she does on many occasions, I continued to talk but I got no response, I thought she had fallen asleep, after about 10 mins , I noticed her hand was cold, she had died.

      I feel very privileged to have had her go this way, she was out in the sunshine with blue sky's with her son who dearly loved her.

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      Karen Livingston 5 weeks ago

      Thank you so much for writing this. My mother passed away just over a month ago. Your article hit home. I find myself balled up crying often. My mother was my hero. She faced many obstacles in her life and taught me to tackle MY obstacles head on. She was the strongest woman I have ever met. She was truly my rock. And now, it doesn't seem real that she's gone. I knew she was ready to go. And in turn, I forced myself to also be ready. I didn't want her to go, but I knew she was at peace with leaving. So, I gave her my blessing and told her to have a safe journey. What I got out of this article is that it's okay to miss her. Let yourself miss her. She was your mother. I miss you so much Mom. Watch over us. I will forever hold you in my heart.

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      Coretta 5 weeks ago

      Thk u for yr article my mom went to be with the lord may 18 2016 its been 1 year now i miss & luv her so much i have good & bad days i cry a lot this was 1 of my biggest trial in my life thk God for my Husband im a only child my mom & i were very close but im keeping trust in God that i will see her again when christ comes back God bless every 1

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      Leath 5 weeks ago

      I love my mum

      Because I very much

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      Lucy 5 weeks ago

      My mom died last night I cried a lot I don't think I will ever get over it

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      SRW 5 weeks ago

      It's been 6 years and it still hurts. Thank you for this article. It helps to know that someone else understands. That helps a lot.

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      Christine M. Lynch 4 weeks ago

      My mama died 5-13-2017 of brain cancer. I miss her so much. I am in such excruciating pain. Each day, even each moment is a struggle without her. God Bless Dianne Marie Sanlorenzo.

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      Kathy 4 weeks ago

      My mother passed away on November 21st 1994, and to this very day I miss her terribly, I know that I will always miss my Mother till the day I die, it's a very cold, lonely world without my Mother!

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      Dirk 3 weeks ago

      Thank you. My mother passed away 9 days ago. I needed to read what you wrote. I feel this immense guilt that she now knows everything about me. All the good and all the bad. Your article was very helpful and it is my hope to find the peace for which have written about.

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      Hannah 3 weeks ago

      My mum died suddenly three weeks ago. The pain is something I cannot describe. Thank you for this, it has helped me.

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      Thank you!

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      Robert Radcliffe 2 weeks ago

      The Doctor asked me if she should be made aware of her cancers and how long she had to live, due to her confusion I requested that she should not. Days later the Doctor informed me that she would be told the following day, I agreed that she had a right to know, unfortunately I received a call at 4.30 the following morning telling me that my mam was very poorly and I should be at the Hospital, naturally I went to the Hospital and was informed that my Mother was unresponsive so I said goodbye and waited for the call.....

      There is such a void that is impossible to fill and I feel so lost without her..

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      Joy 2 weeks ago

      That was very well written thank you! My Mom passed in November 2016. I didn't realize what I did until I read your article, I stayed really busy. Now 7 months later I can't seem to pull myself together to go on. I always looked to my mother for guidance and she's the only one that every really understood me and how to give that information to me so it's will received good or bad. I'm really not sure what to do I'm not working can't find work. My brother through undu influence got my mother to change the trust removing me as the trustee and put him in charge. I've had to hire an attorney but nothing seems to be happening. meanwhile my brother gave my sister anything and everything she wanted but will not offer me anything. He's selling and getting ride of the two things my mother said I could have and refuses to give me any of her ashes. This makes things so incredibly hard and much worse than they really need to be. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. And I want to sincerely Thank you for your article it helped me not feel so bad for missing her so dearly it was and is an indescribable pain you feel throughout your entire soul.

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      Lesley Woolfstein 2 weeks ago

      My mum passed away 20th of April 2017 im 56 years old how do I stop crying as its making me ill as im constantly crying day after day I doñt want to keep crying any one else like this

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      JAmie 2 weeks ago

      My mom died last Wednesday morning early morning at 145 am. And I am functioning with all the preparations. And cried couple of times. I am in the verge of hopelessness and hopeful at the same time. I felt like I am climbing on a hill and couldn't get a grip.

      The pain especially at night is extremely horrendous. I felt that my heart is going to explode from sorrow and grief.

      I spoke to couple of my family members on how my mama used to protect me all the time and never realized that she did protect me very well. So well, that i hardly even noticed that she's doing it.

      Her kindness and love let me stroll life as if I am living in a rose colored glass and every time I think of it, I am grateful that she shielded me from all the pain and all the sorrow and she's there when I needed comfort and to hear her voice once again will be like an angel singing or perhaps a gorgeous bird that sings just for me.

      I don't know when I will be able to get over my mother's passing and I don't think I even want to. But, all i know is that I am hopeful that someday I will meet her or she will meet me once again. All I can do for today is passed on the kindness that she shown to me. So that her death and her legacy of kindness will never be forgotten.

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      2 weeks ago

      My precious mother died on July, 21, 2013. She died in Texas. I took her there for treatment.

      She was the very epitome of motherly love: compassionate, empathetic, quietly sacrificial, wise, gently encouraging, smart, accomplished, funny, and kind.

      So kind.

      She was light.

      Her name was Lucia (pronounced to rhyme with the color fuscia).

      It is a Scandanavian / Nordic name that means light. In fact, one of the biggest celebrations in Sweden, Norway and Finland is St. Lucia's Day, a festival day...a day of lights.

      How apt that her name conferred this.

      She was light.

      She is light.

      The problem is that I am just a soul, limited to my feeble human body who cannot see her light anymore.

      But I will.

      In time, I will. No one escapes death.

      Her extraordinary light was not extinguished; rather, her physical form died and her beautiful soul--that radiant light--lives on.

      Her light bathes heaven in resplendant glory.

      I know it.

      And in the meantime, I must remember that life is a gift. I must remember to live my life.

      I need to remember that I also have a light.

      Grief is hard. Four years later, my grief remains. There is a chasm in my heart. It aches. It hurts. It bleeds.

      The missing part never leaves, as I will never stop missing her or loving her. Never.

      But I must push myself forward. She would want that. She would also be patient with me and understand my devastation, my grief.

      But, ultimately, she would tell me to move forward in my own way. And that was the thing about her: she would respect me enough to do it my way, on my terms. She would help me but also step back and let me heal.

      I miss you with all of my heart, Mommy. I love you. And I miss you. My heart aches for you and it always will.

      You were extraordinary. I will always love you. Always.

      ... thing I noticed about grief is how utterly lacking in empathy most people are. They mouth bromides and platitudes that are not helpful. When someone is in the throes of pain, shut up and listen! Empathize. Try to understand the enormity of their pain. Loss is devastating. Thank God for my wonderful man. He is a gem. Without him, I could not have coped with my mom's death. It felt like the whole world deserted me, but he did not. Grief can be a great teacher. It taught me empathy. It also taught me loneliness and a depth of sorrow I never knew. It has changed me.

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      Missy 13 days ago

      My Mom was killed in a car accident when I was 22, four days before Christmas. I am her only child. It is going 15 years since she died, I can't let her go, the pain gets harder for me. I've never been able to move forward with my life. Thank you

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      Megan 10 days ago

      It's been 4 months and 2 days. I've been to one funeral and one visitation, but didn't go to the cemetery. I have visited my mom twice at her grave though. I think the worst part is she will never see me get married or have kids if either happen. Everything else I read is very true. It just sucks. Sorry for your loss. :-(

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      Charlotte Brewer 10 days ago

      I just can't get over of losing my mom she passed away September the 18 of last year she was payed out and brief on my birthday September 21 is my birthday

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      Deb 9 days ago

      Hurting so bad today. Miss my mom. All I can do is cry.

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      Mustafa 8 days ago

      My mother passed away at the age of 57. I am now 32. My mother will not see me get married. Will spend time her grand kids. Will never see my life accomplishments. The day she passed was April 28th 2017. I find myself have so many memories of her all the time. It is not easy. I am sure that their is someone out there that knows exactly what I am going through. Life is going to be hard without her. She was the glue to our family. She is survived by 4 sons me being the eldest of the 4. And my father.

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      birdlynn 7 days ago

      Thank you for this mother passed away on Sunday, July 9th, 2017. Almost 84 years old. She gave me the best last two years of her life, her pure love. I too, loved her so much, and so dearly. I don't like being without her, she was my mom. Nobody else like her, I knew her every move, thought, feeling, so it seemed. She made me smile and laugh so much. I still feel spaced out.

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      Rheda 6 days ago

      Thank you for writing this. My mom has been given 2 weeks to 2 months to live. My heart is broken…. and I feel I will surely die when she does. She is the love of my life. Your article touched me deeply. Thank you so much!!!!

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      trudi 6 days ago

      i lost mum 3 weeks ago and i cant make sense that i will never see her again . Why didnt she see a doctor earlier , why didnt i do something when i noticed her legs getting thin and i just thought it was her anxiety . i just want to know shes safe .

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      meme 4 days ago

      Think happy and try to get your mind of it and do something to get your mind off of it

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