How to Go on After the Loss of Your Mother

Updated on February 14, 2018

Your mother is your first friend and playmate. She’s the one who rocked you as a baby, patched you up as a clumsy kid, and eased your heartaches as a teen. She helped you plan your wedding and coached you on the ins and outs of being a first-time mother. In a sense, your mother is the biggest part of your life. This article is about dealing with the loss of this woman.

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked lasagna and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this article, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

"The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her."

— Author Unknown

My mother passed away on September 18th, 2011. She had suffered with lung cancer for the year and a half prior to her death. Her suffering was long and difficult for everyone. We all knew Mom was going to die. In fact, there came a point when we were praying for God to take her and end her suffering.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intellectual woman. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would be able to move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

The following is based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

Coping With Grief

• Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

• Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

• Remember Your Mom

• Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

• Find Your Peace

• Smile and Live Your Life

You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.
You are likely to receive a lot of support from friends and co-workers in the days immediately following your mother's death.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. The funeral will come and go, and so will the relatives and well-wishers.

After the burial, it’s time for life to go back to normal, right? Wrong! Life will never be normal again. It will be different, but it will never be as it was. How could it be?

For the first few weeks, your friends and coworkers will be wonderful. They’ll offer you lots of smiles and hugs. They’ll offer to take you to dinner and they’ll listen as you talk about how bad the pain is. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m here for you”, and “If there’s anything I can do” comments during this time.

After a couple months, it will seem like people have forgotten that you lost this important part of your life. They’ll stop asking how you are, and they might even look worried when you want to talk about your mom. You see, people who haven’t gone through this pain think there’s a period of grieving and that's it. After a certain time, you should be ready to move on with your life and "get over it."

But you will never get over it. The pain will lessen, and the moments of intense grief will be farther apart, but how can you ever get over losing your mother?

Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.
Allow yourself to feel just the way you feel.

Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

Well-intentioned people will try to speed up the grieving process for you. They’ll try to keep you busy, and some of them won’t mention your mother’s name for fear of hurting you. But you must allow yourself to grieve. If you try to stay busy and put it out of your mind, it will catch up to you. You’re going to feel it at some point. It’s best to let it happen when it happens.

After Mom died, I tried to push away the grief. Any time I felt like falling apart, I would take deep breaths and get busy with something else. This worked for a little while, but not for long. The pain was not going away, and I needed to feel it. One night—two months after Mom’s death—I was sitting at the dinner table with my husband and children. The kids were talking about their day, and I was trying to actively listen. I felt like my chest was going to explode. I knew what it was, but was trying to ignore it. You see, grief is a very physical thing. You literally feel physical pain. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I got up and ran to my bedroom. My husband gave me some time alone. When he finally came in to check on me, I was curled up on the floor sobbing uncontrollably. After that night, I learned to allow myself to feel the pain. I didn’t ignore it anymore.

Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.
Your feelings will move up and down in an unpredictable way.

Don't Put a Time Limit on Your Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no set time limit on the process.The old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not entirely accurate, but not entirely inaccurate either. I don't know if the wound of losing a mother is ever healed. The pain does get more bearable over time. But how long it should take? No one can say.

Five months after my mother passed away, the parent of one of my students died. I knew this man well, and I wanted to help my student. I planned to go to the funeral, but then the day before, I realized I couldn't do it. I hadn't been in a funeral home since Mom's wake, and I nearly hyperventilated just thinking about it. I told a friend I wasn't going, and she became aggravated. Her words were, "Your mom died in September. Don't you think it's time you moved on?" I probably don't have to point out to you that this woman's mother is still very much alive. I'll be honest, I felt like something must be wrong with me. Why wasn't I able to move on? Now, I realize that I was still grieving. I wasn't following any timetable, and it was okay.

Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.
Let yourself remember both the good and the bad things about your mom.

Remember Your Mom

That heading sounds silly. Of course, you're going to remember your mom. She was your mom! What I mean here is that you should remember your mom for who she was—the good and the bad.

I spent months remembering my mom as this perfect human being who was, by far, the greatest mother who ever walked the earth. Mom was a wonderful person, but let's face it, she's was human. After a few months, I started having memories of the real mother I grew up with. She wasn't perfect, and we didn't always get along. Mom had a knack for being negative toward me, and I wasn't always patient with her. Putting Mom up on a pedestal wasn't fair to her, and she would've hated it.

Yes, remembering the bad times isn't always easy. Regret may rear its ugly head, but there's nothing you can do about it now. You can't push it away, because like the grief, it will find you. As they say, it is what it is. My mom knew I loved her dearly, and I knew the same about her. We didn't have the perfect relationship, but in the end, I was there by her side. I watched as she took her last breath, just as she watched me take my first. She was my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly ... she was my mother, and I loved her.

Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.
Even long after your mother's death you will have days when you miss her dearly.

Allow Yourself to Have Bad Days

It's now been a year and a half since Mom passed away. I miss her dearly, especially when I go visit my Dad. I hold up pretty well, though. I can laugh and smile as I tell my kids something Mom used to say when I was a child. I can crank up her favorite songs and sing as loudly as she would. I would say, I'm doing pretty well.

Some days are tougher than others. One reason I wrote this article is that yesterday was a particularly rough day for me. I woke up craving my mother's voice. I wanted to call her and hear her laugh. I wanted her to make me laugh. Mom had the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever known, and I needed that yesterday. I cried several times yesterday, and it was okay. I let myself feel the grief again. Those days will come, no matter how long it's been. Let it come.

Do the things you enjoy.
Do the things you enjoy.

Find Your Peace

People find comfort in different things. For some people, taking a walk helps. For others, a long, hot bath does the trick. The important thing is not WHAT you do, but that you do something for you.

There may be songs, smells, or images that bring comfort to you as well. For me, it's the sight of a hummingbird. This was Mom's favorite animal, and she had several items around her house with the tiny creature on them. During one of the darkest moments of my life—Mom's funeral—a hummingbird flew to the window of the church and lingered there for a minute. I have caught glimpses of hummingbirds a few times since then, and it they have brought me great peace. Silly? Maybe, but you find whatever works for you. Don't let anyone diminish those moments. I truly believe they are meant to help us.

Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.
Let yourself smile when you feel ready to.

Smile and Live Your Life

At some point after your mother's death, you will find reasons to smile again. I think this is one of the greatest things we can do to honor our moms and the love we have for them. Find joy again. Laugh heartily. Love deeply. Live like your mother would want you to.

On those days when you just miss your mom, don't fight it. Allow yourself to miss her. A wise friend of mine said, "Your mother deserves to be remembered. She deserves to be missed."

Questions & Answers

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        Gary 

        7 days ago

        Tom thank you for your message.Dave you are human and are entitled to cry whatever age you are.It doesnt matter if you are 24 or 54 to lose your mum is the most horrible experience one can endure. What you are going through is normal for one suffering anticipatory grief and post mortem grief. I dreaded the thought of my mum leaving me even when she was alive and healthy.I would periodically breakdown in the car.Sob in a train even when I travelled I sob uncontrollably as I walked down London or Auckland Streets.I now cry nearly every day it gets too intolerable at time. Dont let anybody tell how to grieve or how to behave.Your experience and loss is unique to you.May your mother find peace may you find peace Gary

      • profile image

        Dave 

        8 days ago

        i am reading this because my mom is about to leave us and I do not know what else to do. I have lived away for so long that one would think it might be easier, but it is not. I do not know what else to write as I am scared and I so badly do not want this to happen. Maybe I am being selfish, but all I can think about is 1.15 as it is the time I call every because it is lunch time in Italy where I live.. I am a grown man who is so scared, but cannot share this. I cry in the bathroom at work, run home and hide..I am confused and scared..

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        tom 

        11 days ago

        hi-thanks gary for the helpful comments. my mom passed in january. she lived with me the past 4 and half years. she had dementia. in those 4 years i only had 4 nights off and those 4 nights off were spent going to check on my dad who was in another state. i have a sister who helped out as well but didnt ever do overnights except for those 4 nights. all of that time continually together also lead to some bad days and nights when we would fight too. things were said on both of our parts. as my mom always said it takes two to have a fight. i sit here and ponder at times regarding things said and behaviours in the past. thats our brain doing that to us as you probably know. one interesting topic i did find a few weeks ago was something called 'negativity bias'. if you search that and then add grief to it you will find some info that helped me regarding how our brains/mind function regarding guilt after someone passes and why we always focus on the negative. this is why i love visiting here every few days. people like yourself post things and i read them and i feel the same exact way. that in itself makes me feel a little bit more relieved at times regarding what we are going through. thanks again for sharing. take care. tom

      • profile image

        Gary 

        13 days ago

        Its been over two years that my darling mum left me and rarely a day goes by when I am not crying. Its still painful so excruciating I miss her so much All of you will understand my suffering.Its loneliness a longing to be with her gain a terrible feeling of guilt of how I behaved towards and some of the words I shouldnt have said. Psychologists have told me that I wasnt responsible for my actions because mum and me were going through some pretty tough times.I think desperation and despair came from the uneasy feeling that mum was preparing to leave. A change that I couldnt accept.I will never fully accept her passing because she was an important part of my life.She was kind considerate loving and really cared for me as I did for her.I miss her sweet smell her soft hair her lovely smile.Oh how I miss you mum.Life will never be the same again for me. Part of my height died that day when you left.I am so heartbroken mum.I love you and miss you very much.

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        Bree 

        2 weeks ago

        I lost my beautiful mother just hours ago. She was a young 49yrs old. I can’t type much because I am just a terrible mess. I’ve never felt so empty in my life and I’m very thankful to read everyone’s comments as to not feel alone and to know my mom is in a much happier place now. But this grieving process is going to be never ending I know and the pain is just unreal. Rest easy mama. I love you with every part of my being,you made me who I am.

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        Arleen Crawford 

        2 weeks ago

        My mom passed on August 15, 2019. It was my sister's birthday, which made it extremely even more difficult. Just like most people, my mom was the sweetest person I ever knew. I adore her so much. I'm having a difficult time reconciling my new life without her. although I live 15 hours away, we talked several times a day and I can honestly say she was both a mother and my best friend (in a respectable way) that I shared everything with. We prayed together, watched TV together over the phone and sang together. She was a great singer and taught me my singing skills. it's something that I shared with her that my other siblings didn't and it made me feel special. Right now I feel like there is a whole in my soul, I can't sleep and eating makes me nauseated. I feel emotionally and physically sick most of the day. I have cried every day and feel like life will never be the same. I put on a strong front for my kids because they are grieving too and as a mother, I need to be their strength. I am a pastor and counsel the bereaved all the time. I've always had great sympathy for them, but I believe my counsel will be from a different place. My theology allows me the license to grieve, not at the world, but to grieve as those who have hope. Nevertheless, it is a sorrow that is indescribable. I have resolved to let my pain be the cure for my pain without apology or explanation to anyone. I weep because my Savior wept. for those that pray, pray for me!

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        Juliet 

        2 weeks ago

        I lost my mom on June 8, 2019. At present i am just struggling with everything. I had everything when she was here now she is gone i have nothing. Its so hard and although i know it was coming i though i was ready to accept when God was ready to take her away but the actual fact i was not read, would never be ready. I am the last and the strongest of the family when she was sick. I would sing and prayed for her every night until she sleeps while my other sister would be the one crying but now that she is no longer her that strength has gone and i would be the one breaking down every hour of the day. She was ninery-four and was in bed for one month before she past away and even when she was in bed not saying anything i was still happy because i know she was there. I was able to tell her how much i love her. Now she is gone and i would give anything just to hear her voice, sit and talk, hold her hands. Oh God how i would cry day and night for my mother. Dont let anyone tell you that your mother lived her life and it was time for her to go. She was old because a mother can never be too old for a child wanting her. For those who still have there moms cheresh her, love her, care for her and most of all be there for her no matter what. One day like me you would wish if you can see that face, hear that voice, touch that hands but it might be too late then.

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        Mike 

        3 weeks ago

        My mother went to heaven on Sept 24, 2017. at age 92. I was her son, then her caregiver from 2016 till she left this earth. She was dealing with Alzheimer/dementia which got worse. I can relate to the feelings still of taking care of everything to all of a sudden it stopped. It left a huge void. Im glad I was there for her to take care of. I miss her dearly but know shes at peace. Coming up on 2 years and it seems like today. Some days I think, yes. Shes really gone. And others, is she really gone? Im doing good however. Taking it one day at a time. Grief counseling helps a lot. It really makes you appreciate life. Huggs to all.

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        Quinn 

        3 weeks ago

        2 years and it still hurts like it was yesterday I tired for so long to not think about it, working all these jobs and drinking heavy and now here I am with the pain still....but I think what’s hurts more is feeling alone and having nobody to talk to or family not evening caring or even reaching out to me! Loneliness is an understatement

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        Lynm 

        3 weeks ago

        My mom passed June 30 2019. I’m lost. I cry just about everyday. I get up everyday go to work and the gym. I do what I need to do but it’s a struggle. My siblings are handling mom death much better than I. We were all so very close as a family. I miss mom so very much. I miss everything about her. I hope this pain will ease with time.

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        Greg 

        3 weeks ago

        Thank you so much for your article. I lost my Mom in May and feel I have tried to move forward and outwardly look like I have but in reality

        I haven't. I pray to find peace and that she will lead me a path to get through this. Thank you again.

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        San 

        3 weeks ago

        Jackie i am so sorry for the loss of your mum. It hurts like hell. Ask your brothers to put any differences aside on the day of your mum's funeral. Your mum would want you there as much as she'd want them there, you need that closure. Put your foot down hun and tell them you WILL be there. Good luck.

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        Jackie 

        3 weeks ago

        My mum just passed away suddenly on Friday 23rd August. I feel the worst pain ever !! We hadn't had much contact over the years and I'd distanced myself from various family members. I sometimes think I'm coping ok and processing it all then suddenly it hits me like nothing I've ever felt ..... I'm dreading the funeral because both brother's have told me I'm not welcome.

        I can't risk them physically attacking me so it's unlikely I can attend.

        I seriously don't see a way of getting through this awful time.

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        cindy 

        3 weeks ago

        how do you get over feelin empty useless , etc i was a care take to my mom...??

      • profile image

        Donna 

        4 weeks ago

        I am having a really hard day today. Lost my mom May 8th 2019. This article helped so much, because it made me realize that I have to feel it when I feel it. I always try to keep it together and today it caught up to me. I have cried and prayed all day. My mom and I didn't always have the best relationship, but she was my mom. I miss her so much. Prayers to everyone who has lost their mom. Thankful for this article

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        4 weeks ago

        My mother passed away just 18 days ago. I was with her when she took her last breath. I spent the days before her passing sitting with her and talking about how much I love her and how I’m going to need signs from her to know that she is with me. She told me to look for butterflies

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        Missing Mummy 

        4 weeks ago

        My beloved Mother died on 3 June this year. Now I realise that life after two strokes is pretty b grim, but selfishly I miss her all the time. I want to hear her and make each other laugh like we always used to. She was my support team and I am lost without her.

        Do any other daughters and sons find the pain not only mental but physical? Everything hurts is that normal? I was grief stricken when my Father died in 2000 but this is different.Mummy

        My heart goes out to you all in your sadness. X

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        Jay 

        4 weeks ago

        This is awesome. Especially your mother’s connection to hummingbirds. I lost my mother last summer. Immediately after her passing it started to rain heavily. Then the biggest fullest rainbow I ever seen appeared. I saw the same rainbow for three days straight. I felt it was her way of showing that she was finally happy. I do miss her deeply and hope to see her again one day. Thanks for writing this.

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        sumanth 

        4 weeks ago

        My Amma died on october 2018 she is my everything of my life and forever she faced unexpected death due to bacterial infection. Slowly, things have become a bit easier. ive realized that not everyone is like us and it helps to read other comments knowing i am not alone in the thoughts and emotions that i feel regarding my mom. thanks-sumanth

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        4 weeks ago

        My deepest sympathies to all of you. My Mom passed away 17 months ago. Slowly, things have become a bit easier. The anniversary of her death was a mini turning point. The day after I felt like I could breathe again, lighter somehow. There are times when things will catch me off guard, a mug she liked, cards, a memory. I have learned to let the sadness happen. Sometimes it shakes me to the core but I am able to let it go afterwards. It is not easy by any stretch but it is easier. I wish all of you peace. K

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        Tom 

        5 weeks ago

        i am very grateful for this website. i come here every few days and it helps me to hear from others who consider their mom their best friend and not just a mother. ive realized that not everyone is like us and it helps to read other comments knowing i am not alone in the thoughts and emotions that i feel regarding my mom. thanks-Tom

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        Angela 

        5 weeks ago

        I lost my Mom on July 16. I am functioning but I feel numb. For days I was too numb to cry. I think about her constantly and the pain is so real. When I'm alone I break down and cry. I don't think I'll ever get past this. I think of her and think it can't be that she is gone. I am so so sad.

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        Grace's boy 

        7 weeks ago

        day 663. All this time , with the luxury of deep investigation, and still there are things to be learned.

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        Clinton 

        7 weeks ago

        It is going to be 2 years that Mom is gone on August 3. Holy Mass will be said in her honor along with my Dad (who passed away 21 years ago), this coming Sunday. This is the only way that I can cope, knowing that both are in God's hands. Missing you very much.

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        Brian Butler 

        7 weeks ago

        I lost my mom just a few hours ago. The pain is like nothing I’ve felt. I’m happy she found peace but selfishly it hurts horribly. I yearn for it to pass.

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        Js 

        7 weeks ago

        My Amma died on 18 may 2019.she is my everything of my life and forever she faced unexpected death due to heart attack. I cant able to live without her very hard time from her lost

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        Jo's Thom 

        8 weeks ago

        My Darling Mom passed almost 11 months ago. I miss my Mom more and more as time goes on!!!! I still cry every day for her. I just find it so difficult to exist in this world without her!!!!

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        Meera’s daughter 

        8 weeks ago

        My mum passed away last week on July 16, 2019 a week after my sons birthday. She was only 62 battling lung cancer for 4 years and man she fought and she fought hard right to the end. Last week was a blur this weeks been harder. I miss her she was my rock and best friend.

        I miss you mum until we meet again xoxoxo

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        Cherish 

        8 weeks ago

        My mom passed on July 15, 2019. Only a week ago. I am numb, I am in pain and I don't know how to cope. My mommy was my queen and I dont know what to do anymore.

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        San 

        8 weeks ago

        It's been 19 months now since i lost my beautiful mum/best friend. It would have been her birthday tomorrow, and we should be choosing where to go for tea, instead i am taking flowers to her grave. God this is like living in a nightmare. It just doesn't get easier, some days the pain is physical. Does anyone else cry all the time?

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        plasmichoneytrip 

        2 months ago

        To all who are here because their mothers have died either years ago or just recently, i'd like to support your grief. My mom passed away in 2014 and still heartbroken whenever I think about her. I would hear music during the time that she was alive (especially Christmas time) and would really miss the "good ol days". I know my life would never be the same again. There is no way to sugarcoat how grieving for a parent is but a lifetime.

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        Motherless Daughter 

        2 months ago

        Almost 16 months. Moms been heavily on my mind , I miss her sooo &

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        Brenda 

        2 months ago

        My mom passed this July, on the 1st.. and this article is the best i hve read so far.......❤️❤️ Thank u for this

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        Roni 

        2 months ago

        My Mom passed away on 15th April 2019, 3 days before my birthday. On the eve of my birthday, I have to send her off for her cremation. Is was the worst day of my life. Is already 3 months since she has left me, I can't accept that she was gone till today. The pain of losing her is so unbearable. I miss her love and her present and it hurt me so much. At times I got so frustrated and angry why she has to leave me so soon. She was my best friend. The closest family member I have. Now she has gone my journey and life without her is such a mess. The house I used to call home where my Mom has filled with all her love is now only a memory. Is so painful to see all her belonging has not moved a bit since she left. Is like the clock had just stop after she has gone. Each time I wanted to talk to her the only words I could describe was silent and empty in the air. I loved my mom so much and it hurts so much to be without her in this lifetime. Her warm and loving smile will always be a memory. I cry each time I think of her. I'm proud of her for being so brave to endure the pain and suffering until the last moment of her death.

        I wish God could have spared her life rather than took her back so soon. Miss you so much Mummy.....

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        Simone Fabre 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mother June 22, 2019. Although the death certificate says the 23rd, I know this because I was trying to call that Saturday all day and there was no answer. Finally at one point the phone clicked but hung up again. On was on my way to work and didn't put to much into it knowing she was on pain pills and was probably sleeping,she has done that before. I followed up with my brother who promised to stop by however he didn't go till Sunday morning at 11:00 and found her on the floor passed away with her oxygen tubes in her hands, she was in her last stages of COPD. They think she got up to go to the restroom and fell and hit her head, but I don't believe that, she never goes to the restroom with the tubes. I am feeling lost and guilty feel like I should have been there and I let her down the guilt is killing me can't move on. I too never believed that the pain would be so excruciating. I keep yelling out for her hoping for a sign that this wasn't my fault. I understand it wasn't but the guilt is still there

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        A grieving son 

        2 months ago

        Thank-you Vicki for writing this heartfelt article, and sharing your experience and thoughts following the loss of your Mom. I agree, the pain of not having our mothers with us is excruciating.

        If I had just one wish in this world, it would be to go back in time & spend one day with Mom, vibrant, healthy purely herself, and of course, with her beautiful, natural smile.

        I am so lucky to be her son.

        As I look at the pictures of Mom over the years, taken during many trips, adventures, and Life’s moments, I am struck by her beautiful smile and how it reflects the joy she is experiencing.

        Mom was one of the rarest of people who smile when no one is looking.

        The pictures, and the many wonderful memories they evoke, extend the depth of my loneliness. In 60 years, we never had the slightest estrangement between us. I am unable to comprehend how I will bear the rest of my life without her.

        Grief, guilt, regret, and despair overwhelm me: the result of experiencing three years of anticipatory grief followed by profound pain of loss like no other.

        I loved her with all my heart and was grateful to be her caregiver. Mom died at home as I held her hand, nearly two months ago on May 24th.

        Dark contemplations swirl in my head as I struggle to go on, and try to imagine life without Mom.

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        Sam 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mommy 20th June 2019, the pain is unbearable, I can not deal with losing my best friend, she was everything to me, I cannot cope, I don't know how, I miss her so much, she was my best friend

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        Marco 

        2 months ago

        My heart is aching i miss mom and want ro follow her

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        Heartbroken 

        2 months ago

        My mom passed away on June 2, 2019. She fell and hit her head, she was on blood thinners, and as a result of the fall, she had a acute subdural hematoma. Without surgery (craneotoemy) there's was nothing else they could do. We certainly wasn't going to put a 88 year old woman through brain surgery. once she went to hospice, i was there day and night. We said our goodbyes while she was still conscious , and early Sunday morning on June 2, my mother took flight. I am completely heartbroken, even though I knew it was her time. I lived and took care of her my entire life. I don't even want to stay in our coop anymore without her. It's no longer a home, its just an empty apartment, full of memories. So i will most likely be moving from here, but wherever I go, I will always take my mother with me. She was truly one of kind.

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        mind wonder 

        2 months ago

        Lost my mom on Jan 25th 2019.stugged with her in hospitals, rehabs for three months from a brain stoke that slowed everything else in her body.i heard her last breath.after months,it still hurts.trying to live and hide my fillings.live goes on.time will heal.sound familiar?waiting for that

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        Miambaek 

        2 months ago

        My mom died 19 days after my 15th birthday. She died April 22, 2019. Until now I cant still accept that she was gone. Early morning I was crying and then in the evening I was crying. I always keep myself busy so that I wont cry in our school so that my friends wont be worried.

        my mother was my bestfriend and K really loved her. She was the best mother on earth

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        Grace's boy 

        2 months ago

        day 630. To all the newly mumtorn, and some not so newly, you are like little birds that have fallen from the nest and need the tenderest care. Find someone who knows how to hold you and is not afraid of your pain.

      • profile image

        Roma 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mother 30 March 2019. I lived with her all my life. I’m 58+ years young. She was a good mother. In the whole universe you’ll never ever find a mother like mine. I miss her so much. She was the pillar of my life. She was kind, caring, loving and the list goes on. We were best of friends and she’ll always my best friend. She gave her life for me. The responsible mother did everything for my life.

        She’s part of me. Losing her is like losing part of me. I just don’t know how to go on without her. I love you mother. I’m blessed to be your daughter. I am what I am because of you.

        The lady of substance. Miss you so much.

        Mother please come back. Sorry I wasn’t there any of the nights when you were hospitalised. When you left to be with god I wasn’t there. I ask for forgiveness for all the mistakes I made and I promise to be there for you always.

        Miss you

      • profile image

        Beth 

        2 months ago

        I am so sad for all of us. Like many others, just lost my mom on May 23, 2019. Sad to see so many people lost their moms at the same time. I knew losing my mom would be so hard. I will miss her every day of my life. Take care everyone.

      • profile image

        Anne S 

        2 months ago

        I lost my mom May 2,2019 the most unbearable pain. I am always thinking what were the last seconds of her life was she scared..or did she know..

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        Amber Stallings 

        2 months ago

        Thank you for this lovely article. My mother passed on May 24, 2019 at 3:43 PM as my sister, father and I were looking on. She had brain cancer, fought it hard and gave it her all. I feel empty and so very sad. Your words hit home as that is exactly how it is for me; sometimes I'm fine and then days like today occur and I am an absolute basket case. I miss her terribly. Her smile lit up a room, her laughter was contagious, she was everything. Our lives are forever changed....oh how I wish they weren't.

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        Lyn 

        2 months ago

        Thanks for the article.I Lost my mother on May 6 2019.She was my everything for 51 years..Its all been like a dream from which im hoping to wake up .Constant reminders of the gap she left vacant surround me everywhere.We lived in different towns in her last 11 years but i would constantly visit or call.I still cant bring myself to deleting her from my contacts list.Its so painful that i cant call her any more,but i refuse to delete her fon numbers.Some days are really bad.I trust she is in a better place though.

      • profile image

        olemissheel 

        2 months ago

        My mom unexpectedly passed away on 4/14/19. The pain of losing her comes and goes. I miss calling her to tell her about events in my life and my kids' lives. The past month has been difficult as my kids have had so many school performances and events, which Mom always attended. My daughter's 18th birthday and her senior year of high school are months away. Mom and I had started planning her birthday. I feel that I haven't fully grieved her passing as I've been taking care of my dad - my responsibilities have increased. I have become extremely forgetful and make mistakes at work. Of course I want to talk to Mom about this but can't - it is a circle with no end. I keep pushing on but wonder when I will have a breakdown.

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        Antoinette Glass 

        3 months ago

        Life changed in May 2017 as we took our mother to the hospital for sudden gallbladder pain. Those were the words she told the young ER doctor. Finally, said, "No Surgery Please." My mom grew up in the hills of Italy and at 16 came to America. Yes, married young to my dad who passed in 2003. Mom never learned to read, write or drive. My mom could depend on me since I was a child. I loved her so much but that gallbladder surgery was not needed as she had bile duct cancer. Those will always be the worst words that broke my heart and life. We cried and she told me she would see me again. Eight months later she died from this horrible cancer in my arms. For all of you please remember this, "My mother taught me how to live but never taught me how to live without her."

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        Adam Williams 

        3 months ago

        I lost my mother, I was 8 and she was 47. I lost her to breast cancer, I knew she was goin to die after she was discharged and then while I was sleeping rushed to the ER, the next day I was in the library of the hospital and my dad cane in, my cousins were crying and distraught... I felt nothing except emptiness. I had one of those moments like ‘this has to be a dream.’ Sure enough, it wasn’t. It was really hard because the school gave me immediate counseling and everyone looked at me weird like I couldn’t stay alive, or that I was too different. But when the counselors talked to me they acted like the understood what I was going through, but they had their mothers/fathers die when they were older. The grieving is a bit different for younger people and if affects me more and more to this day after not getting enough help/therapy. I’m currently trying to deal with my severe anxiety, depression, and ADHD, I don’t know which one I should focus on cause I sure as heck can’t do them all at once.

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        Corey F. 

        3 months ago

        Thank you so much. I lost my mom a little over a year ago. She was only 61 and she was my best friend. So very painful.

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        Lost in a dream 

        3 months ago

        I do not know why my post was deleted but I had a few people off of here email me and it was a great help and my support ..,,after all that’s what this website is supposed to be for right?? people reaching out and helping one another!

        I lost my mom on May 28, 2019 and I really wanted to talk to people to see how they dealt with it and just to have somebody to talk to because I don’t have very many friends and now I come back on here to realize my post is gone and if anybody ...so of anyone wants to talk or be my friend because I don’t really have any my email is lostinadream@email.com

        I lost my mom may 28th she was supposed to come home the day before she died she had cancer and battled for three years it was not the cancer that killed her but one of the treatments and the side effects from it my mom fought really hard and I have been really depressed please do not erase my post that is so rude!

      • profile image

        Matt 

        3 months ago

        Lost my mum suddenly on 28/4/19, miss her more every day. Thankyou for this article

      • profile image

        rachel king 

        3 months ago

        need help with a death of my mom. feeling stuck though I got over this. not so.

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        Human 

        3 months ago

        Whenever your dear is in the serius level of cancer or heart attack and doctors have dishoped her it maybe ignite a little hope in you search and read about "cryonics"(cryonics means freezing body and tessues exactly after death by special method that tessues dont rot in the hope of revive human in the future by that times science and technology) plz for humanity put this message in anywhere helpful

      • profile image

        gary 

        3 months ago

        my darling sweetheart mum left me two years ago this may.Two days before mothers day and the pain.so intense.I cry most days because I miss her.friendship her love her.companionship.Its lonely without her and the house is empty.I love you mum I.am sorry you left me.When you went part of me went.It will never be the same again and why should I does it mean I must forget that I have lost.the most wonderful person in my life.I cant move on as I am totally heartbroken.Miss you darling your loving.son.Gary

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        Diane 

        3 months ago

        I lost my Mum on April 25, 2019 after a short battle with cancer and I’m finding it incredibly difficult to imagine life without her; she was my best friend. I never thought I could be so grief stricken. Thank you for this article.

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        Bubba56 

        4 months ago

        My mom was diagnose with Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis in 2005 and was given a second chance at life with a single lung transplant.

        I decided at that time that I would give all of me to take care of her.

        I had my own house, but I moved in with her and took care of her 5 days a week because I was single so you can say I was her caregiver for 14 years and so we develop a very good relationship as son and mom. My mother wanted to buy me stuff all the time to show me how much she apricated me taking care of her and would tell me every day she would not have made it this long with out me. In the last two years of her live she was in and out of Hospitals and rehabs for broken bone from all the medications she had to take to stay alive but my heart was always there for her and I was able to fix it.

        But on May 2nd 2019 she passed away which happen to be my sister Birthday and it hurt me so bad that I would think about if I had a million dollars I would buy her back from haven. My life feels upside down and a void that I can not fill and a lost in my soul that I might never find. It as been one of the hardest things that I have had to go thru. I pray ever night that god would help me find peace and help me grief the lost of a wonderful mother, that put everybody first but herself. The hurt is so deep that I feel like that it maybe a long time before I feel some what normal again and that is scary to me.

        But my mother would not want me to suffer, she would want me to find someone and settle down and be happy!

      • profile image

        Christina83 

        4 months ago

        Yhe words in Your article will save me more times than i even know

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        Heather 

        4 months ago

        Thank you for writing this.... my beautiful mom, my best and only truest friend died April 14, Palm Sunday 2019 . She was 71.. was with her in and out of hospital and living at my parents home since December 2018 never left her side..slept in office chairs on the floor, I just couldn’t leave her... now she’s left me... my dad ... I’m now with him...every day 2-9pm taking care of the business sides of death etc..and like a ton of bricks crushing me Mother’s Day came and I now cannot get myself together... the sadness heartbreak needing to hear her voice ... I am stuck in the deepest hole hoping it will stop hoping for a sign from her she’s alright I’m patient.. however I’m physically feeling grief my chest is heavy my mind won’t shut off so I can rest I am compelled to carry her ashes, my small portion of her wherever I go ...talking to her like she’s still here... your article brings me hope thank you kindly. Heather

      • profile image

        Grace's boy 

        4 months ago

        day 590. One day there will be new tears, without howling or sobbing. You let them gently explore your face and know it is the beginning of peace.

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        R.Smith 

        4 months ago

        My mom passed on Wed May 15, after mother’s day and before her birthday on May 22nd. I can’t put into words what I feel because the strongest person you know and the first person you loved is gone. My mom lived with me the last few months and there are many things here that are just like they were when she left. Her final room number was 2211, 22 her birthday and 11 is mine.

      • profile image

        Cp 

        4 months ago

        Tomorrow is gonna be my 32 birthday, the first one without my dear mummy by my side. I miss her so much, it’s been less than 3 months since she passed away due to cancer.. and my tears don’t stop running on my face.. for a few days I was about fine and I haven’t cried so much, but since mother’s day I can’t stop crying. I miss her terribly, I’d love to be waken up by her wishing me happy birthday like every year, and i’d Love to unwrap her present, but tomorrow will be very different and sad... I miss you mummy and I love you with my entire soul

      • profile image

        Susie 

        4 months ago

        my lovely mum died just yesterday. the pain is so intense. she was a kind lady loved by all.

        i just can’t imagine not having her here anymore.

        she had 82 wonderful happy years which is what will be my focus. but just cannot think or imagine her not being there for me.

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        Marilyn 

        4 months ago

        Mother’s Day was the first one since my mom passed on Oct. 14, 2018. I brought a bouquet of beautiful flowers to the cemetery for mom and my dad who are together. I thought that day would be the hardest but tomorrow is going to be the really sad when my childhood home where my mom lived till she passed away is closing escrow.. I’m going over one more time but I know I can drive by anytime to see it or visit the neighbors. It’s really tough trying to move on but it’s part of life. I will see my mom again and that keeps me going.

      • profile image

        Clinton 

        4 months ago

        This is my second Mothers Day without mom. I went to her grave site just yesterday to put flowers on her grave, along with Dad laying next to her which I miss dearly also. I couldn't go on Sunday due to bad weather. Two beautiful bouquets of her favorite color of flowers (Pink, White, Lavender and Purple Carnations and Roses). One for her and one for Dad. I wrote in before saying that time heals but oh how long will it be before I can feel the healing. I don't know, I just don't know. I love you Mom. You will always be close to me in my heart.

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        Missy Wilson 

        4 months ago

        I ran across this article (which was wonderful by the way) as I am also having a "bad day" today. Not all days are bad, but there is this nudging feeling in the pit of my stomach every day. I recently lost my mother to esophageal cancer. In addition she suffered a stroke on new years eve 2017. I had this connection with my mother than I cannot describe and miss her dearly.

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        Motherless Daughter 

        4 months ago

        Today I spent almost two hours at the cemetery with mom. Even though I have grown kids now For me Mother’s Day has always been about her , and since it’s my day too I chose to b with her. The other day my daughter told me mom we will never forget nana and everyone deals with grief differently. She said mom don’t lose yourself to keep nana alive .we will never forget her but she’s worried about me. Mom was very strong never wore her emotions on her sleeve . I’m different because I do. It’s true losing our moms changes us in so many ways and I do feel like I’m losing myself no matter how hard I try Today I woke up trying to change that even if just a lil , I put on something nice because I actually cared and i wanted to look nice for mom ,it helped. Took mom flowers and sat with her awhile. I cried so hard and I just feel so exhausted. But as heartbroken as I am life does go on for me even without mom . I love u mom Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day❤️

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        Shaishav Berry 

        4 months ago

        This is such a deep and well written article. I so much needed to be here somehow. I lost my mother in September 2018, just 13 days before my 24th birthday. And to be honest, I will never be the same person again. I miss her terribly and I completely agree to the point that grief is such a physical thing to feel. I cry in between work, whenever I’m alone and to be honest, no amount of people or work can bring peace to me. And, to our misfortune, I couldn’t do anything to save her. Now, I mostly write about her and remember her,that’s how I manage to do what my mom taught me to be, to become a good man for the society.

      • profile image

        Felice 

        4 months ago

        Dear Heather..

        I, too, am having a more difficult time on this Mother’s Day, my 2nd without my Mama by my side. It’s a very lonely time. There’s such a huge hole in my heart from her physical absence. Tears haven’t stopped from anticipation of this day. I don’t have her to spoil anymore. 20 years of just the 2 of us enjoying life. Now I’m alone even when there are others around. I am lost.

        It’s 4 o’clock in the morning and I’m unable to sleep.

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        Wayne 

        4 months ago

        I lost my mother on May 6, 2019...Mother’s Day is tomorrow and her birthday is Tue....she would be 81. She was my biggest supporter and cheerleader. I am heart broken, and shaking as I write this. I feel like I have entered a long dark tunnel with no light at the end. It’s suffocating me.

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        Debbie 

        4 months ago

        My Mom passed away two days ago. Mother's Day is tomorrow. How will I go through this??? Grieving so hard right now.

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        Paromita Mukherjee 

        4 months ago

        Today is Mother's Day. I miss my Mom terribly. Everybody thinks that I m normal. Only I know what is happening within me.I lost the charms of living a meaningful life.Waiting eagerly to meet her again....perhaps somewhere..in some other world.

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        Jo's Thom 

        4 months ago

        My 1st Mother's Day without my mom! I will try to spend the day remembering all the happy times we shared together throughout our lives. My emotions and thoughts are running wild. My wonderful mom was my life so this day will be tough to get through! I know she will be with me in spirit for sure. I will always love and miss my mom forever!!!!

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        Rebeca 

        4 months ago

        I lost my beautiful mom last year in October. At that time, I was preparing to bring her home after 7 long years in a nursing home when she had a fall that took her life. During those 7 yrs I cared for her the best I could in an impossible situation. She knew the core of me; how to get me to laugh, give me valuable advice and just love me. Everything in my life surrounded caring for her. A tsunami of sadness overtook me when she passed. Nothing is important anymore. I love my mom and miss her profoundly. I can relate so much to this article. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for writing about loss of mother.

      • profile image

        Heather 

        4 months ago

        This is my second mothers day without my mom..and i find it harder this time.. my heart is just broken. I havent stopped crying for days now..

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        Melissa 

        4 months ago

        I lost my beautiful Mum and best friend last October. I know some of my friends are fed up with my sadness. I’m not going to make it. She was my world and there’s no point in anything anymore.

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        Tom 

        4 months ago

        hi james-

        my mom passed on january 19, 2019. i took care of her for almost 5 years. from your post you sound like you definately need to talk to someone in person regarding your mom. if she has not passed yet talk to the professionals who are attending to her care. you need to let them know that you are not doing well at the moment. find whoever you can that can give you some time for you to let it all out. dont delay. most who post on here know exactly what your feeling. i know i do. i was having several good days when i felt secure with myself after my moms passing. things seemed to have smoothed out a little bit. then today i woke up at 4 am which is something i have not done since her passing and felt terrible about her passing. it was as though it was just yesterday. all those same feelings and emotions returned to me. the mind is so complicated. find someone in person to talk to james. start now. take care-tom

      • profile image

        Thom P. 

        4 months ago

        Gary

        Thank you so much for your comforting words of advice! I know our mom's meant the world to us for sure. I'm glad to know that other people feel the same as I do. Losing our Mom is the worst experience of our lives!!! Our love for our mom's are why we are in such deep sorrow and pain. My mom was my everything! I'm still so completely lost and lonely without her. I feel as if I am living in a totally different place that I do not know now! Every happy memory of us together for 57 years now hurts so much without her. I miss my sweet mom's voice and presence every minute of the day and night!! It is so hard for me to accept that she is not physically here with me. I still feel like I'm in a blur and nothing seems real. Hopefully our pain and sadness will lessen for us some day. Take care!

      • profile image

        T Johnson 

        4 months ago

        I lost my Mom recently on April 2, 2019. Her 42 birthday was April 10. It’s one of the hardest things to go through in life. It hurts physically and mentally. Grieving has no time frame. Mother’s Day is right around the corner lord help us all.

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        Motherless Daughter 

        4 months ago

        I am grateful for this sight . It’s true grieve as often as you need to and this sight has allowed me to do that. Thank you

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        Grace's boy 

        4 months ago

        day 578. James ,tell us what is happening ...

      • profile image

        gary 

        4 months ago

        Dear Thom P the loss of my.darling sweetheart mother in may 2017 is the most.n devastating event of my life.I miss her very deeply.I cry for her everyday. She is with us and trying to.communicate with us. Oh how my heart.aches with.such.pain and sorrow. We all.have to be strong .Everything you feel and experience.is what.I am experiencing.Hopefully for our sakes the pain will lessen. Talk to people that will listen tell them of your pain and loss. in doing so you are keeping your mother alive.She was a person. Express openly your love for her. If you cry in the shop the supermarket elevator in the train in the cinema anywhere. it matters to you do it thats how you wish to grieve grieve as much as you want and wherever you want.Dont worry what people think. I love ny darling mum very very.much .We will always be together. That is you what you.say I love you I am always with you. Please take care

        her everyday.

      • profile image

        Thom P. 

        4 months ago

        Felice, Our wonderful mom's deserve to be remembered, cherished, and loved forever!!!!

      • profile image

        Motherless Daughter 

        4 months ago

        These last two weeks for me haven’t been good , I went into the store and seen mom balloons , flowers I just felt I do not want to go back in until after Mother’s Day is over it’s just too hard and although I’ve been getting through the loss day by day it hasn’t been ez I’ve been crying and just work and go home , as I sat on my porch yesterday I started to think is this how my life is going to be like because mom is gone. I have kids and grandkids a lot to be grateful for and live for, grandkids who make me smile and keep me bz with sports. I still can’t believe it . We purchased a marker a year after her passing 03/31/18 & now I’m waiting on the cemetery to set it , I have been as strong as I can but that just doesn’t seem possible when you lose mom.i pushed to get the marker bcuz I didn’t want her in an unmarked grave where no one knew where she was , nope not my mom.i don’t know how I will feel when I see it , seeing her name , making it final that she’s gone . I just don’t know. I pray for all of you on this page & that may god be with you on mother’s day. Take care & god bless

      • profile image

        Felice 

        4 months ago

        Thom P.

        It’s as if I wrote your post except my mother passed in Nov. 2017. I’m feeling exactly like you. Mother’s Day is less than a week away and I’m missing her so much.

      • profile image

        Thom P. 

        4 months ago

        My sweet mother passed on Aug 31st 2018.I miss her more each and every day so very much!!! My life will never be the same as I feel my heart has broken into a billion pieces!!! I find every day now harder to exist without her. My pain and loneliness without my mom most days is unbearable because we were so close!!! Life just seems so meaningless to me now with out my mom!!! .It's almost seems impossible for me to get through because I feel she was my reason for being!! I know she is here with me in spirit but it is just not the same as her physical presence. She was my best friend and we were always together everywhere!!! Places we use to visit together I can no longer go. I grieve more each day now for my adoring mom that I miss so much and will love always and forever until we are together again for eternity!!!!

      • profile image

        San 

        4 months ago

        It is 17 months today since i lost my mum, best friend and soul mate. The pain is as intense today as it was on the 5th December 2017, the day i lost her and my heart shattered into tiny pieces. I love you mum. X

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        Charm 

        4 months ago

        Hi Anon,

        I definitely relate to your pain. It will be three years this coming September. I miss my mom terribly. There are days when the pain of missing her is unexplainable. I have family and friends but I still feel lonely without my mom. I enjoy my career. I laugh and have fun. At the end of the day sometimes I can’t wait to go home. To be alone. Sometimes it is hard to be on a front but I manage. The transition of my mom changed my life forever. I am grateful to be living but life is not the same.

        Stay prayerful for all that has lost their mom. Keep God first.

      • profile image

        JAMES 

        4 months ago

        MY MOM IS GOING TO DIE ANY DAY NOW, MY MOM IS 89 I CRY ALL DAY AND NIGHT.I MAY NOT MAKE IT.CANCER HAS TAKEN MY HOLD FAMILY BUT ME AND MOM,TEARS JUST KEEP ON FALLING NON STOP,I THINK THAT I AM IN TROUBLE AND NEEDS SOME HELP. SOME BODY PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE.

      • profile image

        Felice 

        4 months ago

        My mom died on a Thursday afternoon, 11/9/17, at 3:25 pm. Ever since that Thursday, every Thursday has been hard for me. The last loving look she gave me before she shut her eyes and took her last breath are etched in my aching heart. I miss her so very much. She was my best friend. For 20 years we were together enjoying our lives side by side. Now I have nothing but memories. I want to hug her, kiss her and tell her I love her. The hurt doesn’t go away. Today is Thursday, such a painful day.

        And soon it will be Mother’s Day and it will the 2nd Mothers Day I won’t have my mother around to spoil. My heart is forever broken.

      • profile image

        Anon 

        4 months ago

        Having one of those bad days today where I’m missing my mum terribly, I miss her every day but some days the pain is more Intense than others. I’ve found since losing mum the hole in my life and sadness in my heart has never gone away, I’ve just got so much better at putting on a brave face and front. She passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly August 2018 at the age of 67. I’ve been listening to a couple of songs, “supermarket flowers” by Ed Sheeran, and “Hurts” by Christina anguilera, I can relate to them and it sort of says how I feel if that makes sense. This article and other comments makes me realise I’m certainly not alone, it’s so easy to feel so alone when you lose your mum - I have a lovely husband and 4 fairly young children but it’s still a lonely world without my wonderful mum in it.

      • profile image

        Grace's boy 

        4 months ago

        day 567. I meant to add, 'because everything continues'

      • profile image

        Jane 

        4 months ago

        My Mum passed away on the 16th March 2019, aged 88, following a brain haemorrhage. Fortunately I was with her at the time and also at the end so was able to hold her and give her a kiss goodbye. I am missing her so much, more than I could ever have imagined but take comfort from other peoples comments and realise that my pain is normal, its what other people feel when their Mum dies.

      • profile image

        Grace Little Nimphy 

        4 months ago

        Thanks... Ur words helps me alot... I lost my mom on 14/06/2018... I have gone another place for my higher studies... The whole year i dnt feel the pain... My studies over i returned home i cant do anything everyplace every little things make me brust out... I dnt know when will i come out... When will i smile agai

      • profile image

        Melissa 

        4 months ago

        I lost my mother three years ago, I still cry, I still feel the ache. She suffer from dementia before she died. Feel like I lost her twice. Still have really bad days

      • profile image

        Grace's boy 

        4 months ago

        day 570. Hymn to Her - The Pretenders.

      • profile image

        Grace's boy 

        4 months ago

        Day 567. The promise of spring and the missingness of Mum were being a discord beyond words. Impossible antagonists. Cruelteasers. Then it clicked. All of nature is trying to tell us that the afterlife is another version of spring, even better than this one.

      • profile image

        Lisa 

        4 months ago

        Two weeks Now. Feel numb one minute then reality. Thank You for Your article. Miss My Mom.

      • profile image

        Jessica 

        4 months ago

        It hasnt even been a week... I feel like happiness is gone. Thank you for your article.

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