I Hate My Dad—Trouble at Home

Updated on June 9, 2018
LongTimeMother profile image

With her children's ages spanning 22 years, LongTimeMother has 40 years experience in parenting - including home schooling and foster care.

Why Would I Hate My Dad?

Irrespective of their age, a child or adult who associates hate with their father has a real problem. Whether that problem is abuse, abandonment, or some other issue, the child who hates their father deserves to be heard.

The ideal emotions associated with fathers include love and respect. When a child says "I hate my dad," something is definitely wrong.

Over the past 30 years, I have heard a lot of children explain why they hate their fathers. Here are some of the main reasons, and a few thoughts that might help.

Reasons Why a Child May Hate Their Dad

1. Physical, Mental, and/or Emotional Abuse

Some dads abuse their children. No wonder their kids hate them.

I find it hard to imagine that any woman would deliberately choose to have a child with a man who would subject any member of his family to physical, mental, or emotional abuse, but you just have to look at the statistics to see how common abusive relationships are.

When a child says "I hate my dad," it is important to establish if the child is a victim of abuse.

Instead of simply assuming that the seemingly pleasant man we meet in the street or see at work or at church is a good father, we owe it to every child to give them the chance to tell us what their father is really like.

Many children are victims of abuse. Because they do not have the power, knowledge, or ability to resolve an abusive relationship, they require intervention to help resolve the conflict.

If you become aware of a child subjected to abuse or have reason to suspect a child is a victim in their own home, please arrange for intervention.

2. My Dad Makes My Mother Cry

When children see their mother crying, it can be instinct to hate whoever or whatever causes her grief.

You'll hear a child whose mother has cancer say, "I hate cancer." After watching their mother's repeated frustration with an unreliable car, a child will commonly say I hate our car."

Similarly, a child who witnesses their mother's distress during arguments or issues associated with their father is likely to announce that they hate their father.

When parents constantly argue and cannot get along, staying together for the sake of the children can be a mistake. If both parents cannot be happy, pleasant, or at the very least polite and civil to each other, the emotional outbursts in the child's home are likely to generate emotional responses in the child.

Hatred can be one of those emotions.

A father expressing frustration can be frightening for a child.
A father expressing frustration can be frightening for a child.

3. My Dad Is a Control Freak

Many fathers are genuinely surprised to discover their children hate them.

They worked hard to pay the bills, bought the essentials, provided gifts, and paid tuition, and yet, after all their effort and willing contributions, their child as a teenager or young adult announces, "I hate you!"

If you deny your son or daughter the space and freedom to explore, experience, and develop their own individuality in their early years, be prepared for trouble as they mature. Nobody likes a control freak.

Every individual needs a certain amount of space for personal growth. If you try to control every aspect of life, there's no room for a child to develop and discover who they are and what they are capable of.

Sooner or later, they will demand the freedom to be themselves. If they resent the restrictions you placed on them year after year—refusing to allow them to make their own decisions, pursue their interests, and have the power to reject the sports or school subjects they had no interest in but you insisted they pursue—don't be surprised if they hate you.

4. Constant Criticism vs. Supportive Advice

If your expectations are set too high for your child, you are setting your relationship up to fail. Don't confuse constant criticism with supportive advice.

It should be mandatory for parents to regularly tell their children:

  • "Well done"
  • "Good job"
  • "I'm proud of you!"

Every parent needs to learn to bite their tongue and resist the urge to always add "but..."

Over the past 30 years, I have attempted many times to explain to friends of my children that their father doesn't mean to be critical. On every occasion, I have had no option but to agree that the many examples they offer of 'fatherly advice' appear more critical than supportive.

I always point out that it seems inappropriate to hate a father who is trying to do his best, and that there are many other fathers who are more guilty of bad parenting. However, I can't rewrite history, and these kids have had many years of believing they hate their dads.

5. My Dad Makes Me Feel Guilty

Parents can often unwittingly place a child in a difficult position. For example, a child discovers their father is having an affair. This is a surprisingly common problem for teenagers. Do they tell their mother?

  • They feel guilty if they don't tell her. Mom's doting on Dad and clearly loves him, but he's cheating on her. She's keeping his dinner warm and making things nice for when he gets home, but all the while the child knows he is with another woman.
  • They feel guilty if they do tell her because all the tears and heartache somehow seems to be their fault.
  • Or they feel guilty because they didn't tell her when dad eventually leaves her years later, wishing they'd given her a chance to find a new partner when she was still young.
  • They feel responsible for the separation when the mother leaves the cheating father.

Either way, a child who suffers the pressure of keeping a secret about their father's affair or the trauma associated with revealing such a secret is likely to end up hating their dad.

A child's self-esteem can be directly linked to how they believe their father perceives them.
A child's self-esteem can be directly linked to how they believe their father perceives them.

6. Hating My Dad Is My Mom's Fault

If you are the mother of a child who rarely sees their dad, make every effort to keep dad alive and well in your child's heart. Their self-esteem can be directly linked to how they believe their dad views them, and a teenager with low self-esteem is more likely to get into trouble.

When negotiating a separation, insist their father send birthday and Christmas cards every year. Also, make sure they agree to accept any phone calls from your child and to always be loving and supportive.

Perhaps the most difficult issue to address is the knowledge that a child's father was violent, irrespective of the circumstances. Somehow the child must be helped to know any trouble was not their fault. Their dad, after all, was the grown up. He should have been able to control himself and make better decisions to protect their relationship.

Encourage your friends and family to resist the urge to speak badly about the child's father in front of them. Of course, it is important to answer their questions honestly, but don't be brutal when dealing with a child's feelings.

Be gentle and thoughtful in your response to a child who genuinely hates their father with good reason.

Sometimes you might just have to admit "It's okay to hate your dad. I'm sorry he wasn't a better dad to you because you deserved the best!"

7. Abandonment

When parents separate, there is no excuse for a child to feel abandoned. If you were actively involved in the child's conception, you have a responsibility to show an active interest in the child's development.

Fathers who are guilty of ignoring their children generally pay the price when the child grows older. Instead of having the company and support of their adult child in later years, it is Dad's turn to be ignored.

Mothers who stand in the way of a child having a healthy relationship with their dad simply because the adults have argued and are hurting are equally guilty of causing abandonment issues for the child.

Children need to feel loved and valued. I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give a child is to speak highly of their father—even if it is difficult to think of nice things to say. Mothers should encourage positive sentiments regarding a child's father, regardless of the parents' relationship status and level of friendliness.

"I'll bet your dad would be proud of you if he could see you today" is a wonderful gesture to a young child whose father lives far away. By hearing reference to their dad in positive conversations during their early years, a child can grow up feeling as though their father is interested in them even if they are not present or actively involved.

Of course, a phone call from dad or the chance to phone him after special events is even more helpful. When parents separate, they shouldn't "divorce" their child.

Don't Shut the Child Down

My first response to anyone who says “I hate my dad” is to ask the question “Why?”

It is wrong for us to assume that we know more about the situation than the speaker. Too often, a child who claims to hate their father is silenced quickly without anyone bothering to ask why.

Generally, someone interjects with, “No, you don't.”

Often it is the child's mother, trying to smooth ruffled feathers and prevent further conflict.

Bad Dad Compared to Other Fathers

Any father can give the impression they don't love or care about their child when:

  • other dads attend sporting events to watch their children play, but you don't
  • other dads spend time going fishing or playing ball with their kids, but you don't
  • other dads talk and laugh with their children, but you don't
  • other dads tell their kids they love them, but you don't
  • other dads seem like "real" dads, but you don't

If you don't express your love for your child both verbally and demonstrably, don't be surprised if they don't express love for you either.

If your child thinks, rightly or wrongly, that you hate them, there is every possibility they will mirror that emotion and hate you right back.

If you hate your dad ...

What is the main reason you hate your dad (or simply don't love him as you feel you should)?

See results

How to Be a Good Father

A Hated Dad Has to Redeem Himself

Cross your fingers and hope that your child grows into an adult who can see and respect your efforts to do the right thing. If your child hates you now but you honestly believe you don't deserve it, keep trying to reach out. One day they'll have a lot of questions, and you'll want to have the right answers.

  • If you are getting a divorce, address the specific ways you want to be involved with your child as part of the divorce settlement—and stick to the agreement.
  • If you're having an affair, admit it to your wife. Then tell your child you are to blame, and they have no reason to feel as though the divorce was their fault.
  • Send birthday cards and gifts even if you know your ex-wife won't pass them on. When they are older you'll want to be able to look your child in the eye and say, "I sent you a card and a present every year. I'm sorry if your mother didn't give them to you."

Let your grown child decide how they feel about you once they have the facts. But until then, don't blame them if they don't know what's really going on. You can't blame a child if they hate you. You have to earn their respect and deserve their love.

Planning structured activities is an excellent way to be a great dad.
Planning structured activities is an excellent way to be a great dad.

How to Be a Better Dad

If you want to be a better dad to your kids than you've been before, identify where you have been going wrong and take steps to change it—ask your children and listen to what they have to say.

Spend Quality Time with Your Kids

One of the most obvious areas for improvement for many fathers is the amount of quality time you spend with your child. First, you have to get your head around what quality time actually means.

Kids who hate their dads may have had a father who spent a great deal of time at home—but how much time did he actually spend paying attention to the child? Watching the television or entertaining your adult friends don't count just because your child was in the room.

Fathers who have to force themselves to set specific times aside when their child becomes the center of their universe (instead of genuinely being pleased their son or daughter wants to spend time with them) ask, "How do you do that?"

It is not so difficult, particularly if you have the right attitude. The hardest part might be turning your phone off, but phone calls are interruptions and should be avoided.

  • Read a book aloud from beginning to end.
  • Play a board game.
  • Play outdoors until a pre-designated time.
  • Set a task and complete it together.
  • Have fun together until their favourite TV show begins.
  • Go fishing until it is time to go home for lunch.
  • Play Paper, Rock, Scissors until the school bus arrives.
  • Dance like crazy people until it is time for you to go to work... and then dance out the door and out to the car. Kids love stuff like that.

The most important element of any of these suggestions is the natural completion point. Have you ever noticed how many fathers spend too much time trying to bring activities to an end? Then, because it is such a hassle, they don't bother starting another activity in the future.

Get Involved in Your Children's Lives

If you are a father who has disappointed your children too many times for them to even bother asking or expecting you to spend time with them, you are in serious trouble. Before you know it, your sons and daughters will be fully grown and they will probably leave you out of their lives, just as you are ignoring them now.

Reach out to your children and make a serious effort to be a better dad.

  • Suggest a game or activity (with a natural completion point) and make sure you both enjoy the experience.
  • Get to know each other.
  • Ask each child about their friends, school, and sporting activities.
  • Tell them about your childhood, and share jokes and fun stories.
  • Smile. Laugh. Play.
  • And don't forget to listen.

You should know the names of each child's best friends, what sports they play, which days they play them, the teachers and subjects they like most at school, any problems they have, and any challenges they face.

A good dad knows all about their kids' lives and gets involved in them.

If you haven't attended at least a few games each sport season, arrived early enough to watch your kids in their dance or karate class, and offered to take each child and a friend for a movie or a meal a few times in the past year, you'd better start doing those things now.

When Children Become Adults

I believe it is important to remind every child that the time will come when they can leave home and live without the fear of what mood their father will be in when he comes home at night.

Anyone who is able to endure their childhood years will have a chance at making a fresh start and deciding just where their father will fit in their future lives. Kids grow up.

If you want your kids to love you, not hate you, you need to make the kind of memories they'll remember fondly as they look back on their childhood. Spend time with your kids and enjoy each other's company.

Unless, of course, you know you can't be trusted near your children and they have good reason to hate you. In which case... stay away.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

  • I have a complicated relationship with my dad. So my dad is cheating on my disabled mom. I found out through his phone. I'm afraid and confused. Should I tell this to my mom? She's not independent, and neither am I. It hurts to act like everything's fine. I haven't told anyone because I think it will be a painful for everyone. Lately, my dad makes it really obvious, and I find myself kind of protecting him. I just don't want anyone to know. It will damage our family. But it hurts me. What can I do in this situation?

    You are in a challenging position, and I’m sorry there’s no simple solution. I don’t know why you were looking in your dad’s phone, but you should stay away from it. Here’s what I’m thinking...

    If your mom is disabled and can’t earn an income without your dad, what’s she going to do? If your dad treats her well (apart from cheating on her), she’s probably happy how things are. And if your dad doesn’t mistreat you, I’m not sure there’s anything to be gained from telling her.

    I want you to try and get your head around this, without messing with your sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ because you obviously have a moral backbone and that’s good. But life is complicated so here’s what I want you to think about.

    Your dad may still love your mother. But maybe she’s not meeting his emotional or physical needs, and so he’s cheating on her. But he hasn’t left her. Perhaps he’s just coping the best way he can.

    Your mother might already know your dad’s cheating. You figured it out, so there’s every likelihood she has as well. But it would probably break her heart if she knew that you knew.

    You’re the child. They’re the adults. They are probably both trying to protect you from harsh realities and keep life ‘normal’ so you can go to school and grow up without any more drama than is necessary.

    If you confront your mother or your father you will completely change the dynamic within your home. If you bring his cheating out into the open air, your parents will have no way to continue the way they are now.

    Should you ‘protect’ your father? No. Should you tell your mother? No. Should you touch your father’s phone? Never!

    I believe you should be concentrating on studying and having fun with your friends as well as being an active, helpful member of your family. Don’t get involved in the dynamics of your parents’ relationship. Just concentrate on staying out of trouble, so things don’t get any more difficult than they already are.

    I understand that you don’t trust your dad, but if he’s doing his best to support you and your mom, you have to give him some credit for that mentally. We don’t know what the future holds but you should not lose sight of the good parts of how life is in the ‘now.’

  • My friend and his wife were in a bad accident, and his wife died in his arms. His older kids in their 20's are blaming him for her death, but it was the semi’s fault. Now his kids won't have anything to do with him. What should he do?

    The kids are grieving the loss of their mother. Maybe they think their dad is responsible somehow for being on the road at the time of the accident, or for some other obscure reason. We all know grief messes with logic, and perhaps it is messing with the dad’s logic as well.

    Perhaps the older kids don’t actually their blame dad for mom’s death. It might just be too ‘hard’ and painful to see him right now, particularly if they’re not used to seeing him broken and crying. Or perhaps they need to be ‘holding it together’ while dealing with their own work or studies.

    If you’re a family friend, try to gently remind the adult kids that dad has to live with what happened. If he’d died, they’d be grieving his loss, but he didn’t. It seems unfair to make him feel guilty for surviving.

    However, don’t lose sight of the fact the kids are in an emotional whirlpool right now. Everybody’s hurting; there’s no right and wrong. With time emotions won’t be so raw and hopefully, the dad and kids will be able to talk and understand each other better.

  • My dad just told me that he wouldn't care if my brother or I died. Should I do something?

    I don’t understand how any father could say such a thing. Was he drunk or on drugs? That makes no sense to me.

    You ask me if you should do something. Yes, I think you should. I think you need to discuss this with your mother and your grandparents and anyone else you can think of who has an interest in your father’s mental health because that doesn’t sound normal at all.

    I can’t tell if you are frightened or just disappointed. If you are frightened, tell people and ask for help.

    Please talk to adults who know you and your dad. If you think you and your brother are unsafe around him, insist you be allowed to stay with other family or friends.

    You need to take care of yourself.

  • My dad is a total control freak. He controls everyone in the house. He targets me the most, and assumes that I do things that I don’t. He is always depriving me of something, physically, socially or emotionally. My father is very inconsiderate. He acts in such a condescending way, and believes that he should receive respect just because he is a father. I hate being at home with him, and I wish that he could just disappear or start being supportive. How do I cope with this?

    I’ve often written at length to other kids with the same kind of family problems. I suggest you read through the hundreds of comments at the bottom of this article. You’ll see I’ve given a lot of suggestions for coping with difficult dads.

© 2013 LongTimeMother

Please share your thoughts ...

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    • profile image

      :"( 

      3 days ago

      my dad is the one who has the most income out of my parents. he is a seaman working abroad every six or more months. my problem with him, is that he has a short and explosive temper. my brother had troubles with his math work, namely adding fractions, and answered the whole worksheet wrong. my dad saw this and got angry quickly, loudly asking my brother how he got a wrong answer. my brother's lips quivered and he stayed silent. he was about to cry. my dad got annoyed at his silence and threatened to punch my brother, he flinched and shakily answered. he's only in the third grade. the worst part is, that also happened to me when i was his age. another thing, my family keeps on putting those things behind at all times. they never talk about it, my dad never apologizes and they just let it happen, they don't talk and face my dad's horrible behavior. what am i supposed do? i'm now scared of him, i hate him and i don't want to talk to him at all costs. if i express that, my parents will probably threaten to send me to an orphanage or guilt trip me for being a bratty child.

    • profile image

      :(( 

      8 days ago

      My father always gets uncontrollably mad over small things. He’s slapped me for yawning. He has made me feel guilty for hanging out with my friends. He has publicly embarrassed me for wanting to put soap in a gift bag, and no, I’m not exaggerating. I’ve told him he gets mad way too much, and I can go on.

      I get good grades and stuff but he ALWAYS finds a reason to make me feel bad. He says things to me like “other kids work harder than you, other kids are better than you, other kids deserve more than you”

      I can say a whole lot more.

      He wonders why I hate him! I don’t know what to do. Help?

    • profile image

      No one 

      13 days ago

      My dad is completely normal. He has a job, and he pays bills, and can get things a family needs and wants. He isn't like other people's dads, who are abusive or have secrets (?). My experiences are very childish compared to others. But sometimes he can be mean to me, and I hate it. I know that it's partially my fault, but in my point of view, I think it's his fault. He makes me cry, but I'm not sure if that's good enough, but he accuses me of motivations based on "expired evidence". He said that I gave some snacks because I don't like it, though I feel bad about eating it when others don't, and want to give it to them. Another example is that I write small, and it's just my way of writing. But my dad accused me of writing small on purpose to annoy everyone. I crumbled the paper from anger, and my dad came in and saw it. He got mad, and told me to get out of the house. When my mom told me to come back in and ask/beg for forgiveness, I had a cold, and was hyperventilating. So, that means if I show that I don't like what he's doing to me, he lashes out, yelling at me, sometimes hitting me, or kicking me out. So, that's why I don't "stand up for myself". I have to face him lecturing me about why I don't have manners, and how rude and disrespectful I am. Sometimes, he acts on mild favoritism. My brother has some faults, and my dad knows about them. Yet he gets less frustrated with my brother than with me. When my brother admitted to something, my dad looked at me and said I should be more like him. So one day, I did something, and my dad asked about it, and I admitted to it. My dad yelled at me.

      I don't like him, and I feel like he doesn't like me.

      P.S.

      I think he's rather hypocritical. He tells me to help fold the laundry, yet he doesn't do anything to help. He tells me to not leave a single mark, he leaves stuff. When I see stuff like this I just scream mentally and think of those cringy memes of people saying 'boi'.

    • profile image

      Couponbunny 

      2 weeks ago

      Get away from anyone who fills you with negative emotion and who themselves are unwilling to do their part in working on the relationship. If you are a kid, find someone you can trust; and tell them. If you are an adult, work on your part; and hold the other party up to their end...at a safe distance. Do not give hurtful persons access to you.

      My entire life, I pretended and alternatively swallowed what my insides and brains were screaming: I HATED MY FATHER! And get this, I am not Caucasian (kind of pisses me of, when I hear ignorant ass people say stupid crap like "that's some white folk foolishness". So AAs don't have a full range of emotions? No, that's what went down, when we weren't considered full fledged human beings. Yes, he passed away; and I hadn't seen him for years. And it felt so good not being there for an individual who was an utter failure as a parent. I was there for my most authentic, and honest self. And I made sure I gave him 0 honor; I had no children. The last thing I would want to give him was an opportunity to live on via me. With everything in me, even if it meant no me, I wish he had never existed. He was a monster; and to my siblings dismay, he gets no quarter from me. Whoever you may be out there, your life is yours and yours alone to live. And sperm or no sperm, no other person should get your love, and respect without giving the same to you. I am a Christian; blind honor is not what God teaches. Parents have a deep responsibility to their offspring. Wouldn't it be nice if producing another human life was about much more than responding to a physiological urge?

    • profile image

      Aaron 

      3 weeks ago

      My dad just can't just stop comparing me with other people. Whenever he sees me not studying and being on my phone, he always tells me, "I bet that your friends are going to be more successful than you because you are on your phone doing nothing". And I always get upset why he needs to say that. I mean I did what I was supposed to do. I was on it for like 15 minutes! And plus, he never reads, and he says that I don't read enough like my friends.

      I just hate him. I hate my family members that are on my dad side. I get compared with my cousin. my cousin is an SAT teacher, he went to Boston University, which is a pretty good University. My dad always talks about him, "You need to work hard like your cousin, you have to read, study more than the normal kids". I wish that I had a dad who always encourages me, not comparing me.

    • profile image

      Hoda 

      4 weeks ago

      My dad is somehow a successful person who hates to see me succeed.i feel like he is jealous and scared of my succuss.its like he sits and wait for me to lose,and then tell me "i told you so!"

      I hate him because as i wanted to gain a position or do something right i should done it all by myself,and he wouldnt be supportive of me.he is also a control freak who refuse to accept things can be done the way except his way.

      And when i need him,he would be all angry and critisize me all over again and again,which makes me regret why i even asked him to help.

      I hate my dad,i even hate my family name,you would'nt believe!

      I sometime even hate my mom when she defend him out of pitty.i think he deserve to die alone.i feel more angry everytime i see him around the house and i should think that i don't have father and his support,but he sits right there and could help me but he refuse to help to show me im nothing without him.

    • profile image

      Kat 

      4 weeks ago

      My dad is in a midlife crisis.

      I’m sure everyone over the age of thirteen has heard of one: a man starts thinking of how little time he has left in his life and how many dreams he’s failed to accomplish and goes out to buy himself a new flashy convertible.

      They never mention that he usually cheats.

      And that he can abuse his wife of twenty-four years for months as she tries to forgive him for the kids.

      And that, even after he’s cheated on his wife for five months and she finally gathers proof of the continuing affair before she kicks him out, the kids still want to love him anyway.

      He’s your dad, after all.

      You get in a hysterical screaming match with your mother about how “he’s your dad and you want to love both your parents” and endure a summer of suffering: not sure how to act around him but wanting to forgive him even after everything he’s done, and incurring the guilt-inducing collapse of your mother for “choosing HIM over me” the entire time.

      You have a talk with him, where he says he “never meant to hurt you” and “didn’t realize you were upset when he missed your concerts and games,” and you promise to talk more.

      Then he tells your littlest brother, the one you’ve been sheltering since the night it all went to hell, that his dirty cheating girlfriend isn’t his dirty cheating girlfriend, but a friend who’s having a rough time but “saves birds” and has “a heart of gold” after your brother overhears her call him “honey” on the phone.

      You give him one last chance. You invite him to your senior day, to be there as your parent. It’s on a Saturday. But he “has to do something for work,” and “was not informed with enough time to cancel.” You know nobody has work on a Saturday, and any real father would miss a day of work anyway to be there for his child, especially when he’s in danger of losing her.

      So you stop talking to him. At all. And when he asks you to “at least say hi,” you tell him you know where he was two weeks ago on your special day. You look him in the eyes and tell him you know he’s a liar and can’t believe anything he says as he scrambles to justify his actions.

      You think on this exchange, and you realize you don’t even recognize this man you used to call “dad.” He has the same height, same hair, same face, but his eyes...his eyes are the eyes of someone you’ve never seen a day in your life. You think some more, and you realize your real father’s been dead for months, years even, dying since your sixth grade band concert - the first concert he ever missed. This new man is not your father. He has your father’s body, and he shares half of your DNA, but you don’t know him. He is nothing to you.

      He invites you and your siblings to watch the Super Bowl at his house. You go, because you are together. You think that together, nothing can really go wrong. Then he tries to play-wrestle your littlest brother, the one you’ve tried to protect since the day it all went wrong. It’s something he used to do with you and your other brothers all the time, but this time, something is fundamentally off. You feel like you’re watching a rape. Your little brother says he wanted him to stop, but he thought that asking would make him angry, so he decided to lay still until it was over.

      You don’t speak to him for months. You see him cleaning up his house. You see he plans to go to a concert nearby on the weekend of your birthday. You know he goes to concerts with his girlfriend. You know, then, his house-tidying can only mean one thing. She is coming. On your birthday weekend. And, after all of this, he thinks you’ll still invite him to your birthday dinner.

      You begin to plan exactly how you’ll lose it on them when she comes. What else would you do?

    • profile image

      Abbi 

      5 weeks ago

      My dad said he wishes he had never had any children to me and my sister. This isn’t the first comment and I’m sure it won’t be the last. It’s just all building up and that resentment is growing. Just his voice makes me angry sometimes. We were sat having dinner and he randomly said he wished he’d never had children and started rambling on about all the things we do wrong. Why? What does he get out of upsetting me? Pride? Some sick thrill? I’m a very sensitive and emotional wreck and he tells me I need to grow up and get a life. I sometimes think that the only way to get him to see sense would be to kill myself.

    • profile image

      Star-Dustship 

      5 weeks ago

      My dad is a control freak, i like certain things...my dad judges me for it and it's horrible. He usually calls me names and tells us not to imitate my siblings but he always imitates us and when I call him a hypocrite he tells us to stop being so rude. Not to be dramatic but I actually think that HE thinks I am the literal spawn of satan, he does everything he can to stop me from going to school assemblies and wants me to go to a different school that isn't Catholic, he says he doesn't want other people affected by satans offspring...I have made fun of this many times before in my head that my dad must be satan if I am satans offspring but I made the mistake of saying this to him once and he got very mad at me. He won't let me go out with my friends or have birthday parties with them and I am convinced I have depression, he hugs me on PURPOSE even though I have a fear of being touched, and yes, I have told him many times before. I cut myself and I'm probably a masochist, the sort that likes the feeling of pain, not anything to do with...'human reproduction' (it just feels awkward to say the actual word..sorry) and my psychologist gave my parents advice to congratulate me or buy me something I like when I don't cut myself, no I didn't tell them, they found out because they have no idea what privacy is and they unlock the door from the outside to 'check' on me, I think it's awkward and weird...I also have a fear of mirrors and because of this he likes to buy mirrors and put them in any available place, I also have a fear of white witch was a problem considering my room and the rest of the walls and ceiling is painted white expect for my brother and my parents room, and the movie room, witch is painted in a metallic-ish mauve grey-brown I don't mind the colour so I often stay in that room. This is a problem because I draw all over my school papers just to avoid my fear and my teacher gets me in trouble, assistant teacher hates me aswell and i told the school and I don't have her as a helper teacher anymore, I've had two mental breakdowns already....I'm only 12 and my birthday is in May so I'll be 13 soon, I'm somehow in grade eight and oops I got very off topic around somewhere! I have three different moods; sad and depressed. Angry, conceiving, tricky, toxic, hurtful (this is most of the time). And overly happy, just WAYY too optimistic and positive. I'm never around my dad when I'm overly positive, I'm usually in my second mood and I like fire and warmth and often set things alight and seem to be happy when people are mad, so my dad assumes I feed off their depression like some sort of demon...okay I honestly don't know why I'm happy around depressing things and depressed around happy things it's a real problem, I probably said this already but I can't remember, oh well! Okay and my friend flicked holy water on me once and a burn with burn marks around it showed up a few days Later the same place as the water, it was strange and painful but as a masochist I didn't mind the pain of course. Anything I can do? I read the comments already, may have laughed at the depressing side of comments and then tried to feel bad for it and ended up overly happy, oh- I'm probably bipolar then... Uhm, okay thennn! this is gonna be ignored! Because I am always ignored! Oh gosh I took so long to write this. Too many pun opportunities wasted.... How disappointing-

    • profile image

      Jason Zhang111 

      5 weeks ago

      My dad expects too much out of me. I'm just in elementary school and he expects me to do work 3 grades higher than my grades work. He would expect me to get A or he'll make me feel guilty. I was born a sensitive child and my dad still doesn't understand that. My dad would slap me, yell at me when I do a mistake especially when I cry. every time he would apologize to me and say it won't ever happen again. But every single time he would either forget or just ignore what he said earlier and just continue doing that. My mom and my grandparents understand how I feel and defend me and talk with my dad about but he won't listen. I usually hide what's inside me when I see my dad and be happy towards him but in the inside, I feel like I'm going to explode. I understand my dad is trying to be a good dad but he is failing hard. what should I do?

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      Real Stranger 

      5 weeks ago

      My dad just wants everything to be his way he doesn't want us to hang out or if we someone from opposite sex call even for for homework he starts doubting and if my rank even goes to 2nd from 1st he gets too angry. What should I do? I cannot talk with him because he is too strict

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      Hadley 

      7 weeks ago

      My problem is different, I think:

      1.) My dad has stated several times that he “has failed as a father”. So I’m a failure?? I’m a straight A student, I’ve never gotten in trouble at school, I try to be kind all the time... but none of that matters to me. If he thinks i’m a failure, I must be. I don’t want to be a failure.

      2.) There was this one time that I told him I loved him, and he just stared at me and didn’t say anything.

      3.) He has NO patience. None. He gets mad so quickly, and when he gets mad, he throws things and cusses me out and screams at me and threatens to throw away my personal belongings. He has no empathy. He doesn’t ever look at my side of arguments or think about how I’m feeling, but I promise that I think about his feelings all the time. I know that if I tell him that I don’t want to live with him anymore than he’ll cry, and I hate to see him cry.

      Look, I know that some kids have it terrible, and I know that I have it great compared to other kids, and I don’t mean to complain. I just need someone to talk to about it. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t like him to touch me really anymore because he has spanked me to the point of red marks on my back for days, which I know isn’t very terrible at all and that I should be lucky that he hasn’t done worse, but, I don’t know, every time he touches me, I just get reminded of that.

      4.) For years, I felt bad about myself because of him. For years, I told myself I was terrible, that I was the worst child in the world. I burnt myself with a hair-dryer when I was nine years old because I felt like I didn’t deserve that pretty, flawless skin because I was such a flawed, ugly-moraled person. I clawed my nails into my skin and left scars another time because I was so angry about myself. I never hated myself enough to hurt myself extremely, but I always thought I never deserved anyone and anything in life. I was convinced that I wouldn’t amount to anything, that I was unlovable to anyone but my mother. And, every time we get into fights, I instantly feel bad because he tells me about how much he’s hurt my feelings, and he explains to me that he doesn’t know how to control me.

      5.) That’s another thing. I hate being at his house because of who I am there. I’m constantly quiet there, and I never really know what to say to him. A lot of times, I don’t want to be there, so I’m sad, and he can tell. So when he gets mad, I get mad. And I don’t get mad like that anywhere else. I never, ever want to be mad like that again. I’m like a different person there.

      6.) He brought my stepmother into my life. They’ve been married for almost two years now, and I still can’t get used to her. She critisizes everything I do, and she tries to one-up me all the time, which is extremely annoying because i’m the child, so I’d love it if she’d act like an adult sometimes. And, also, she acts like she knows my mother all the time, and criticizes my mother when she doesn’t even know her. And my mom is my role model, and I don’t think that anything about my mother is bad.

      7.) My dad is so immature. During a fight when I was nine, he made me dinner, then threw my dinner on the ground, and then refused to make me more dinner. He refuses to be friends with my mom on social media, even though they have a daughter together and have been broken up for 11 years now. As well as that, all of my dad’s family follows my mom on social media, so they obviously don’t have a problem with her.

      I hate him, and I hate my stepmother, and I really hate to hate people. And I don’t want to hate them, but I do anyways.

      Well... that took a while. If anyone has advice, I’d love to hear it. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. Thank you so much!!

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      NeedingHelp 

      7 weeks ago

      I need major advice. My dad is always critisizing me and being condescending and always gets impatient with me when I try to explain my views on things. I cant express how i feel to him because he gets angry and hits me. If I ask him if i can go out with my friends (since I havent done so in 1 and a half years) then he says no, and I explain to him that I really miss my friends and I ask him the reason why he wont let me. He calls me ungrateful and spiteful and gets angry for the rest of the day. Help?

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Tonight I responded to a bunch of comments, yet there's still more waiting. If I've not yet answered your question, I hope to get to it in a day or two. :)

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Hi Nick. You have angry outbursts. You explained that things your dad says sometimes 'freak you out' and you start yelling at him.

      Have you noticed that it sounds like your dad has the same kind of problem that you do? He seems to have that same kind of anger issue ... because when you say things (like asking him to leave you alone), he flies off the handle and starts threatening you.

      Wow. It must be very difficult to have a rational conversation if you both have anger problems. Can you see similarities in the way you both behave?

      Here's a link for you, Nick. It is an article I wrote years ago. https://hubpages.com/health/Why-Is-My-Child-So-Ang...

      I suggest you read my article, and then discuss it with your family. If you can't get the testing done, perhaps you can make some notes for yourself and see if it is relevant to you. You're 15 and old enough to think it through for yourself. Hope it helps.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Toni, I know it is frustrating when people don't believe you could hate your dad. They don't know the truth so they don't understand.

      I think it might help you if you actually talk about the problems you have with him, instead of letting everyone continue thinking he's the nice guy they see outside your home. Choose a woman you trust, and talk to her.

      Your situation is made more complicated by your age. Every 13 year old wants to go out with friends, and wants to make their own decisions. Most don't get a chance to, so they feel resentment towards their parents ... until they are old enough to see they actually weren't old enough at 13 to be making particularly good decisions, and failed to see the dangers of 'going out' because they lacked experience that comes with age.

      If you lead any conversation with these as your major problems, I'm thinking you might be disappointed. So let me be the one to encourage you to focus on the issues that are clearly problems caused by your dad.

      Swearing at you is not acceptable. Your dad should have more self control (and respect for you) and should be challenged by another adult. Maybe you have a relative you can turn to for support and help to talk with your father about his behavior.

      I don't know how many adults know your father cheated on your mother. I'm hoping you can talk with one of them about how you feel.

      I understand you feel he's ruined your whole childhood. But your childhood's not over yet. I encourage you to figure out a way to distinguish between the things 'all dads do' (like not letting you do some of the things you think you should be allowed to do) and the things that do, genuinely, 'suck'.

      With a bit of perspective, I'm hoping you can hate him a little less. Then try to create 'rules' that allow you to have an 'okay' life while waiting to become old enough to move on with your adult life. You shouldn't be miserable all the time.

      Please find an adult who is kind and willing to help you talk through the issues.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Yoda, it is okay to hate your dad. Millions of kids hate their dads. But there's good news. You can leave him behind you when you get old enough to take control of your own life. Being an adult and making your own decisions is a wonderful feeling. Even better for those of us who were desperately unhappy as children.

      Get ready to take your place in the world. It will be worth the wait.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Kim, you have to look after yourself. And if you're having trouble coping, I want you to find someone who can help you.

      I'm not the only person on the planet who opens my home to kids in need. You have to reach out to someone you trust. And if they don't help you, reach out to someone else.

      Even if you don't move out until you're older, it helps to have a trusted adult in your life who you can talk to and feel safe with. Somewhere to run if you need to. Please find that person.

      You absolutely must stay alive because there's so much happiness waiting for you when you are old enough to get out of your father's house. And that happiness is worth the effort of surviving your unhappy childhood years. I promise!

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Yolanda, your dad is just one man in this great big world that contains many, many wonderful men. Please don't think that your future partner will be like your father.

      Your dad broke your mother's heart, yes. Your dad is messing up your relationship with your brothers, yes. And your dad is shaking your confidence about your academic performance.

      But you can't blame every other man in the world for what one man - your father - did. That's not fair. (That would be like me blaming you for something some kid did to me years ago. You don't even know the kid ... so why would I blame you?)

      Your future partner deserves to be judged on his own actions, not your dad's actions. Choose a good man, and you'll be incredibly happy. You're kind of lucky, Yolanda. You certainly know the kind of man you DON'T want. So you won't make the mistake of getting involved with a guy who shows signs of future trouble. I'm confident you'll find a good guy to marry. Just hang in there until you get the chance to meet him. :)

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Yes, Summer. You do deserve much, much more. I want you to find a mother-figure in your life who you trust and talk to them about your problems.

      Perhaps you could turn to the mother of one of your friends. A clever, compassionate woman who will help you see and consider your options.

      Don't give up, Summer. You can see you have problems. The next step is to find someone who can help you deal with them.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      I'm proud of you, Dale. You managed to get a job and you've been there for three years. What an achievement!

      It sounds to me like you have a good reliable income, and working in retail at a place like Woolworths means you could be in line for a promotion as you get more experience. You might be a Manager by the time you're in your early 20's!

      Please don't let your father wear you down. Save your money. Don't waste it. You're 19 now and I encourage you to look for a room to rent in a 'share accommodation' arrangement.

      No need to go to the trouble of renting a whole house or apartment. Just look for a room. That way you can share the tv and the furniture and the cooking appliances. All you'll need to worry about is your own stuff in your bedroom.

      Your rent/board will be the same every week ... and you'll know if you can afford it with your current wage. Just make sure to find out what other bills you might need to share (like electricity) and make sure you put money aside to cover them too. Some places include a bit extra in your rent/board amount to cover the bills, but others don't. So make sure you know how much you'll need to budget to meet your responsibilities.

      If you don't like the other people in the house for any reason, you can just find another place and move out. Easy.

      Please stay away from trouble. No drugs, no stealing, nothing that could land you in trouble. If your new housemates are untrustworthy or disrespectful (like your dad), leave them.

      You are creating your new future, my friend. Make it a good, positive future. Get yourself on track for happiness. You deserve it!!

    • profile image

      Dale 

      2 months ago

      Now I know that dad’s can be a real pain but it can be a lot worse when you have a disability. I have ASD and everytime I did something wrong dad would go off his rocket and bring that up. That was around when I was 13. I wasn’t the sharpest around but you would have to understand that it’s hard enough just to deal with that. Now i’m 19, got a Certificate I in retail, got a job in Woolworths, been there close to 3 years now and love my work and have money to start a new life. Only reason I haven't moved on is because of rent is high. Now dad is a lot worse with me, everytime he gets angry he abuses me and say things like: you’ll never be successful, your not smart, d*** Head! I will admit, I can be cocky, smartass and annoying but I do try to get rid of those traits, better now because of him. One time I’ll thank him. Actually had another one last night, telling him a funny story about what happened at work and he looked at me and called me a D*** Head again. Again! Don't get me wrong everyone should love their dads and I do too but that's the old dad, when I was a little kid. I despise that dud so much now that if he were to have a accident I would ignore it. I never thought I would say this in my life but I wish I was an orphan, to all the other orphans you have my deepest sympathys and I hope you have great dreams to conquer. That's my life story and to all the other kids who hate their dads, just got to get to 18, move out with a friend and find a job. New life bam! Good luck and remember: tolerate him till you move because you won't EVER have to see him again. Be the better person

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      nick 

      2 months ago

      So I am 15 years old, and I am currently undergoing medical treatment for my extreme depression and anger problems. I play a lot of video games as a release for that. Unfortunately, I am also hyper -competitive and can get worked up after losing sometimes. But recently, my dad has decided to a) limit me further than I already was, and b) get involved every time anything, even the tiniest of things, happens. The meds I am taking are working well, but my dad can't accept that and jumps on me almost every few minutes. For example, today I hopped on m computer for about half an hour, (I am limited to 1 hour at this point), and then my dad just freaks out on me, yelling that I have to get off and do something with my life. I almost never react well when he does this, and he knows it. So I got pissed at him and asked him to leave me alone. Instead of even listening to me, he immediately starts threatening all kinds of things, from the internet, to every one of my items and more. This freaks me out even more and I start yelling at him. He then says he's doing all this stuff for me, and a bunch of other stuff, but I feel like he hasn't helped me out at all this entire time and I have told him that. I suggested new ways- no. Instantly shut down every time and him going off about he knows whats best for me etc. This is turning into an almost daily occurrence, and it's not even me and the games anymore. It's him riling me up every single time, and yet he can't see it, even though I specifically tell him that it's him. How do I stop this?

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      Toni 

      2 months ago

      I understand everything you guys are going through. Really I do. I'm 13 the now and my dad:

      Swears at me all the time

      Never let's me go out with friends

      Doesn't let me join clubs I like

      Doesn't let me quit clubs I don't like

      Doesn't let me make my own decisions

      Cheated on my mum

      Yeh a lot of shit, so I hate my dad for all of that but the worst thing is, whenever I say "I hate my dad" people just say I don't. Because whenever we're outside the house he's nice but when we get back, I hate it!!!

      He can be nice sometimes when he tries but rarely. I just feel like he's ruined my whole childhood!!!!

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      yoda 

      2 months ago

      i hate my dad

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      Kim 

      2 months ago

      I agree With you guys I been in you shoe and today I almost kill myself.

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      Yolanda 

      2 months ago

      My dad always breaks my mother's heart, and the only reason she actually is continuing in this relationship is that she's scared of losing us. I hate him. He's the worst and it just feels so wrong to call him my dad because I never really felt like he's one. He broke our family's bond that my brothers don't actually talk to my mother and I don't talk to him. He feels very happy to make other people feel desperate. I've always been a class toper but he continually compared me to the other people that do get higher grades. I'm just very scared to get married or get into a relationship because I'd never want my partner to be a man like him! He fuckin makes me hate my life and my existence in fact, and I cant deal with it :(

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      Summer 

      2 months ago

      I have BPD and sexual disorder mainly because of him. I wish I could divulge everything but I can’t. Dads suck. Family sucks. I deserved much much more.

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      Anonymous in desperate need 

      3 months ago

      My dad is constantly threatening our family and I don’t want anyone to get hurt. How do I deal with him?

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      anonymous 

      3 months ago

      my dad and mom divorced when i was 8 my mom made a lot of bad mistakes like cheating on my dad, physically abusing us, etc. After she left and they divorced my dad started being an a**hole every day. i would do something minuscule like forget to take the trash out and he would blow up, although it was never physical. here am 17 and i did one bad thing the summer of 9th grade so he doesn't trust me at all. he thinks i'm sneaking out and whatever when i try so hard to be a good person, he says i'm gonna be exactly like my mom when n actuality i'm absolutely nothing like her. he wont let me have a boyfriend because he thinks i'm gonna do stuff with him. i'm just a normal teenage girl and want to have fun and experience things but i'm trapped inside my own house. i want to move out my birthday is in November. i sometimes wish he was dead.

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      Sungirl 

      3 months ago

      He always punish me. Yesterday I was speaking about politics and he was disagree with me , then he started to beating me and he said "I will kill you one day"! He's crazy. Now my body is so painful. This is ridiculous that a father beat his daughter just because of this reason

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      Greta 

      3 months ago

      I hate my dad. He constantly yells at me and my mother, I hate him. It has come to a breaking point which I will never love him again. Is this normal? I am 11 years old too.

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      my name is alfred10059 onsnapcht 

      3 months ago

      i hate my dad because he is abusive, he makes my mum cry and he is a freaking control freak. He dosen't buy me presents for christmas, he breaks promises and never lets me go anywhere with my friends. I swear he was dead cuz i really do hate him. if anyone wants to talk to me, please text me on snapchat. I really do need help in my life. I'm an indian but i live in the uk because i was born here. He abuses my mom and me but not my sisters. For my birthday, he cant even let me play in my back garden and he told me to study. He bullies me emotionally saying that im not going to succeed in life and more. Someone please help me.

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      4 months ago

      The main reason I hate my dad is because he cheats on my mom. He’s always on his phone and refuses to show his screen to us, he’s always stepping outside to take calls, and yesterday he took 2 hours to “get home from work” even though there was no traffic from our house to his job. The only reason I know is because I overheard one of his calls, and I accidentally ended up seeing some of the messages he’s been sending. I hate how selfish he is and how he seems to value this other woman more than his own damn family.

      Aside from being a liar, he’s just a bum around the house. My mom and I are supposed to do EVERYTHING, and the only reason he doesn’t help is because he’s “always tired”. We’re always tired and stressed too but I guess that doesn’t matter to him lmao.

      I told my mom about the cheating thing because I love her and she deserves so much better than him. Now she’s trying to get a better paying job so she can finally divorce his ass. He doesn’t know that we both know.

      I hate my dad so much. I can’t wait for my mom to finally split with him.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      4 months ago from Australia

      It is Christmas time again, one of the main times when kids feel particularly disappointed if their parents fail to create a happy, safe environment. I'm thinking of all of you who have visited this page. I'm sorry your home isn't happier.

      I notice that any answers I wrote to comments in the past six months have not been properly posted. Sorry, I'll try to keep a closer eye in the future and get things back to normal.

      I've been preoccupied by events in my own life. For instance, one of my grandchildren moved in for a while. She wasn't happy or coping at school and was reacting badly to the impending birth of another little brother. (She already has three younger brothers and desperately wanted a sister.)

      So her mother (my foster daughter) asked me for help. We don't live close to each other so my 12-year-old granddaughter moved in and my study became her bedroom. We enrolled her in the local school, helped her make new friends, and established a new routine.

      She returned home in time for her 13th birthday with a fresh attitude and improved coping skills.

      I'm sorry I can't open my home to each and every one of you who need some extra love and support. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who willingly helps kids in need.

      Please, if you need help, reach out to other family members like your grandparents or aunts and uncles. They can't help you if they don't know what your troubles are. So if you are desperately unhappy, tell people. Give them a chance to step up and help you.

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      Reid-a02 

      5 months ago

      I don't really like my dad. I think he is a control freak. Every time I will ask respectfully if I could go out with my friends, I would get nervous because he will usually yell at me and say all I wanna do is go out. Even though that's not true at all. My grades are very good, and I'm an A student. I don't drink or party. I do chores everyday at home. I try to do everything that pleases him. He won't even let me go out all the time. He accuses me things that I don't do. Like last time, he accused me of smoking just because I was sick and I was coughing for days. He would always make me feel guilty that he's the one that feeds me, pays all the bills, and all the things that I have came from him. He would sometimes say that he should've never worked hard for me when I was born and he should've just let me starve. If he sees me hanging out with a guy friend, he would accuse me that I'm dating him, and he would say to stop hoeing around. He won't let me make my own decisions. He expects to act responsibly because I'm 2 yrs away from being an adult but he still treats me like a child. He won't give me my personal space. He would tell me to get out of my room every time I'm in there for "too long" during the day. He'd go through my messages and yell at me if he sees something he doesn't like.Once I said that I'm stressed out because I had so much going on at school plus I was very tired because of dance (I'm a dancer), then he was like "You're stressed out? You wanna know what real stress is?" then he started comparing me to him and to all the work he's doing. I mean it's true that his job stresses him out too, but I can also feel stressed out as a teenager right? I love my dad because he's a good dad financially. And he did actually work hard to give us a good life. but he's not there for us emotionally. It hurts me that I hate him, but that's not my fault.

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      Ariana 

      5 months ago

      My father is a control freak, he does tend to abandon me, but another thing us he's not supportive of me. I am bisexual and he's not okay with it. he discourages me from talking to my gay friends, he bought me a fixing Bible, prays that I'll get through "the devils temptation" and always says "the media is purging the idea of gay in kids minds it's so sickening."

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      Su Shar 

      5 months ago

      I love my dad I feel like he don’t love me and that breaks my heart when I start to think he don’t love me or love me he hurts me if I do something wrong when I was younger I didn’t know much so he hated me more and now It don’t hurt how it used to hurt back when I was five and older now I’m twelve I miss the old times I thought me and my dad loved each other but then he hinted me saying when he sees he so ugh to my mom I’m asain I speak Karen sometime I wish he showed his emotion I think I might be like a annoying toddler he makes me feel sad if I grow up I would want to talk to him and be with him but I feel as if I am annoying he said the ugh thing today I feel bad for my dad too cause not a lot of his children loves him and I want to love him but I don’t know if he loves me sometimes I feel jealous cause I see mom and dad and children having fun what a happy family but then my hear break volume equal matter learned it in school I’m proud of myself in in sixth grade montessori middle school parkway I’m gonna go to Washington for seventh grade my mom said I’m like the only one who said I loved him but I really do he hired me cause I was watingch in my school ipad my dad is my life I don’t know I don’t want to hurt his feeling so I tell him I love him is that also annoying I want people to read this I love this site too I just wish I could make my dad proud I want my dad to be happy because he is probably sad he is probably like me a human same genetics I hope he knows I love him and not hate him and I hope he loves me :)

    • profile image

      sky4cats 

      5 months ago

      My dad is so mean to me and he treats me like he hates me.

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      Hopelessly lost 

      5 months ago

      My dad is constantly in a bad mood that the takes out on my mom, myself and my brother. He's drunk most of the time and it makes everything worse. He is almost constantly making my mom cry because he takes out his anger on her. He's physically, emotionally and verbally abusive and I dont know what to do anymore. My mom is the sweetest person you will ever find and I hate my dad for what he does to her. He is constantly telling her that she is a no good lazy b*tch who does nothing. But she runs the house. My dad is always clinical, judgemental and no one can ever do anything right in his eyes. He's also a major control freak and we cant do anything without him knowing everything about it. Most of the time he just refuses to let us do it. I can't be a normal teenager because he refuses to let me have sleepovers or just go to my friends house in general. He's extremely judgemental over who I choose as my friends and make a lot of racial comments about them. He constantly threatens us with violence and destroys our things. He keeps on saying he will divorce my mom, and my mom can go through with it even though she is at the end of her tether and can take anymore, because she need the financial support and has nowhere else to go. I hate him but I can even show it to him or it will get worse. I've tried multiple times to explain to him that I need more freedom or what what he's doing is wrong but he won't listen. Nothing is ever his fault in his eyes, he cant do anything wrong. It's always someone else's fsut or someone else's problem. I dont know what to do. I'm 17 but have no way out.He's hardly ever there and when he is he's too tired or doesn't want to deal with us. And quite frankly we dont want to be near him but he to act like everything's fine or it'll get worse or start again.

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      Roman 

      5 months ago

      My father is just shit, always scold my mom even is his own fault also what ever i said is wrong but his one is too (idk how to say). Also, my father is like face freak out when he was mad and i was looking at his face like you scold me idc how much you want to say i just watch like a movie and even he scold me in car and i just open my music as loud as i cant hear his voice and he doesn't realize. I just hope i won't be a father like my father. Also, his tablet charger is spoiled and he used mine for a hundred time and today is different, he used my charger and he told me to close before i go to sleep and i said sure then i said hwy dont you go buy a new charger then my dad said you are so selfish. Then he dont want to use my charger to charge then i said i just told you to buy a new charger and he just so mad at me then i just said only tell you to buy a new charger only, i mean i just recommend him then i just let him say whatever he want but i not listen to it, at that time i 100% focus into my game and open loud music so i wont hear him.

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      sad 

      5 months ago

      mental and emotion abuse 5 days a week in sad and I hate him

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      A person who isn't special in anything 

      6 months ago

      I am a sophomore in high school and I hate my dad most of the time. He always gets mad at me for doing 1 itsy bitsy thing wrong. He also gets mad at me for wanting to go to my moms house. He's been with 4 women (excluding my mom) and he still doesn't know why even though its obvious. When him and my mom were still together, he used to argue with her even though he was wrong. One time me and my mom were talking about my friend coming over and my dad bursts into the middle of the conversation saying "Oh none of your friends are coming over because of your grades" even though I had an A in Science, a B+ in math, An A- in History, B in English, and an A in gym and german. Sometimes I look into the things he's done good for me and I find a lot of stuff. I still do not know why I have mixed emotions about him. One day he p*sses me off and the next day he makes me sad/disappointed in my life.

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      Frustrated 

      6 months ago

      In a schadenfreude way, I feel so much better about my situation when I read the comments. My dad is very frustrating sometimes, but he in no way is a manipulative, abusive asshole like what some of these poor commenters have to deal with. I'd like to say to everyone, especially those who are still living with their parents, that forgiving bad behavior and forgetting it are not the same. If your dad has wronged you, don't forget it happened. Just move on and take steps to protect yourself from the same hurt in the future. For me, that means avoiding emotionally charged conversations with my dad. If I'm depressing you, I won't share my feelings anymore. It still hurts, but I have protected myself from additional scars. I wish everyone the best in dealing with their difficult parents.

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      Chloe 

      6 months ago

      I don't know if this is biased, but I feel like EVERYTHING my dad does is disgusting. I know he is cheating on my mom and me and my mom both want to divorce my dad but he's the breadwinner in our family. My mom has a job but her income would not be enough for two. He often threatens me and my mom with money like whenever he's angry with us he'll just be like "I wont give you guys money anymore" and me and my mom would feel so threatened and scared. Also my grandmother on my father's side is so mean to my mom. Whenever my mom talks bad about her, or even state the fact that the grandmother is kinda bullying her my dad would say that he will kill me and my mom and my mom's side of the family. My mom's side has always been nothing but kind to my dad's side but UGH. My mom gave up everything for that ungrateful selfish son of a biscuit and this is how he shows his gratitude towards her.

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      Jamie 

      7 months ago

      My dad gets on my nerves he takes my phone for no reason, and claims im ungrateful, and gets mad over the dumbest things ever. Sometimes he would say some things that get me so sad that I want to cry and even think about committing suicide. He claims he takes care of my younger brother, but he really doesn't/ He spends more on himself than what he would spend on me and my brother , and he travels to places that he doesn't even consider on taking me. He is also strict on me like I can't even ask for a friend to come over or hang out with some friends because he's probably going to say no. There is a lot more things that he foes that makes me hate him so much.

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      Rina-Franziska 

      7 months ago

      I have a really complicated relationship with my father. He is aware that I hate him and that I don't like spending time with him, but he keeps trying to make me happy and when he doesn't get the response he is hoping for he gets really mad. He always asks me why I hate him, but I don't really have an answer to it. He just makes me so mad, I mean he treated my mom like a piece of sh*t and still does and I've seen him hit and kick my brother multiple times even as a younger child. He keeps complaining that I'm always in a bad mood and don't appreciate the things he does for me, but I don't understand how he wants me to be happy around him when I just don't want a relationship with him. I can't tell him that though because I don't even want to know how mad he'll get. I'm so tired of always feelings unhappy every time I'm around him.

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      Kevin 

      7 months ago

      The saddest thing I've learned is how easy it is to make a kid love you. It takes an incredible amount of effort to make a child hate you.

      I never had a genuine hug from my step-dad. He never told me that he loved me, even though I've lived with him for over 15 years. I still feel like he's just a stranger living in my house.

      I've created a stronger connection with kids in 15 minutes, then he managed to create in 15 years. That's so, unbelievably sad.

      Become the person you always wanted your dad to be.

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      Random Person 

      7 months ago

      I will never forgive my stupid dad

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      Frustrated 

      7 months ago

      I love my dad but he pisses me off. He gets on these political rants and becomes enraged if I don't parrot his opinions. He puts down my college education, even tho it was his idea. When mom or I are upset, he tells us to "relax" but if WE say it to him... ever seen an H-bomb detonate? Like throwing chairs and punching walls are good coping skills. I don't drink when I'm angry because I watched how it affects him. Whether intentionally or not, he makes me feel guilty for disagreeing with him. I have to remind myself that I am responsible for my own happiness and have the right to my own views. I am tired of confronting him when he pulls this crap, but I have become good at projecting a calm facade when I am screaming on the inside. I am in college. I can't wait to finish my degree and move out. I know that he loves me and wants the best for me, but the way he deals with anger wears me thin. I swear if a man I date shows a HINT of these tendencies I will drop him cold because I will NOT deal with that for the rest of my life. I must add to his credit, he admits (usually) the next day that he crossed the line and apologizes. I am a forgive but not forget Christian. I do not hold emotional betrayals over his head but I do not forget that they happened. Fortunately this doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it's hell. When I'm stressed I throw myself into my work and pray, I don't marinate in alcohol and hurl abusive names at anyone I disagree with. If no one reads this, it still felt good to share. I just discovered this site and I love it.

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      Katherine Moss 

      7 months ago

      This is abuse. The right thing to do is report them to child services.

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      I wish he went away 

      7 months ago

      My father verbally abuses me by calling me an idiot, stupid, f*cker, etc. He also hits me whenever I forget to give something to him or when I made a simple mistake. He also tries to make sure my mom isn't looking so he can hurt me. My dad recently told me to find someone else to live with, and I'm tired of spending time with you, you're a piece of sh*t. What can I do so he can stop abusing me?

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      EvaKoala 

      8 months ago

      My biological father doesn't do any work. He's wearing a Rolex watch where he doesn't even know how to open an email, and don't even mention income. Every penny that he spends comes from my mother, who is working endlessly every single day. He is so embarrassing when we go out, for example he strips his shirt in Starbucks.\We attended events as a family and he will always touch other ladies and give an excuse of taking care of the atmosphere. I don't like it when he touches other women, so I'll react to that, but he'll just point and scold me in public. He makes my mother cry, and every time he is angry, he'll just walk away and treat our family like air. My sibling and I don't even mind him leaving our family, but my mother is still hanging on to this marriage just because of us, the 'children'. My biological father and I just had a fight just now... and I really hate it. I tried to communicate with him but nothing worked. I'm grateful that he doesn't physically abuse us.. but is mental abuse any better? I don't mind if he doesn't care about our lives.. I just want a father who can set a good example for his children.

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      Input 

      8 months ago

      my dad is always opening my door, and more than often leaving it open, making food i tell him not to, and then yelling at me for not wanting to eat it, saying i wont get nothing else, forcing his schedule onto me, saying to go do this before you do this, such as brush your teeth before you get dressed, and i just hate it when he does that, or does stuff his way when someone told me to do it this way. if i need help with math, he'll start doing something completely different like saying, oh i was taught like this, and instead of helping he hinders me and tries to teach me old methods of how we do things to day and i just want to die but im afraid of dying

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      NarcFree 

      8 months ago

      Prismonic,

      What qualifications do you have that make you a reliable source of parenting advice?

      You should buy yourself a time machine and move to the dark ages, you'll fit right in.

      And if you have children, they are saddled with heavy baggage of your doing. Your kids will spend years reading articles like this one, to try to heal from your parenting.

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      Prismonic 

      8 months ago

      This is advice, not a question. Far too many women try to force their children's fathers to be very involved in their lives. That is not natural. Men do not relate to babies and young children like women do. Mother's should be doing most if not all of the child rearing and the children will be healthy and happy. Men should be relating to adults only including their own children when the children are older. They can, however, set a good example by living a good honest life so the children can see how they should be, but proper discipline comes from a woman. Mothers who allow their children to be abused in any way should have their children removed from them and in some cases go to jail.

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      Kira Sinne 

      9 months ago

      My dad who I really don’t want to call dad is rude, selfish and mean. He has abuse me but hitting me, Threatening me and using unkind words. He always says I’m Retarded, Stupid and a no brainer, It bugs and hurts me and it make me think about my life, some thoughts I have is -: I wish I had a new father.- : am I really stupid and nobody loves me. I would love to be shown love and support in life for what I’ve done or did in past or present. I feel like I’ve done some much that I’m proud of like graduating and making friends from my personality. The only people who seem to love me is my brother, sister, Mom , and dog. That’s the family I want or I want a dad, a new dad. What should I do in my life when this happens??

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      NarcFree 

      9 months ago

      In addition to being abusive, absent, and perpetually angry, he failed to protect me from my psycho mother. He failed to have a relationship with me, to know me. My psycho mother threatened to kill herself about once a week, and he got himself a traveling job where he wasn't home for 3 weeks at a time. There were no cell phones, and no other relatives I could turn to. Just me, the child, and my psychotic mother screaming that she'll kill herself because of me. I had no one to turn to. I had nightmares regularly, about my mother being dead and it being my fault. I'd wake up in the morning, and my pillow was soaking wet, from crying in my sleep, and my eyelids so swollen my eyes wouldn't open. They just sent me to school. The sooner I'm out the door, the better. He never once asked why I cry in my sleep, just occasionally yelled at me for crying.

      He had no balls to stand up to his wife when she bullied him, and he did not grow a pair when it was needed to protect his child from his psycho bully wife. He told me once that if they are going to get divorced, it's going to be because of me. He only said that once, but it's kinda hard to forget.

      His most common response to any of my requests or needs, was "I owe you nothing, you deserve nothing, you are not old enough to have rights". And his other gem, "I am not going to do anything for you, because nobody did anything for me".

      But most of all, I hate him for not protecting me from the raging psycho that gave birth to me.

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      cluwy 

      9 months ago

      I hate him I have this burning hate for him he treats me like dirt calls me names like satanic how do you call your child that and of all he has his favorite I'm just like an outsider I feel like I don't belong at all I hate him and that will never ever change I'm mentally traumatized I see other dads with their children and wonder if it was me how was I going to feel like I sleep on a pillow soaked with tears everyday I cry myself to sleep sometimes I feel like God is far away from me I hate him

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      Dongo 

      9 months ago

      My dad emotionally abused me for as long as I can remember. When I was little (5-7) I would call my mom when I was upset, which was usually because he was being a dick from screaming at me. After he caught on to this he ran around and took all the home phones so I was stuck crying in my room while he would curse me silently from the other room. He would curse at me and mirror shitty behavior constantly and is a constant source of stress in my house. This other time he just left my mom at an abandoned gas station, then drove home. There was a drive-by shooting at that spot literally the next day. I fucking hate him.

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      Leon Gids 

      9 months ago

      My father always beat me when i did some mistakes.If i does not get A Grade in school,he shout on me and beat me.

      I hate this.When i was age 8 and i got Grade C in school ,i was so scary to go home.

      I hate my dad because he dont give respect to my mom.I have so many reasons why i hate my dad . I always want a good family :(

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      Areej 

      9 months ago

      why fathers expect that we remain good with them through out our lifes and take care of them when they're old, when they ignored us completely during our childhood for work, always beated us in anger, acted like we didn't exist, always imposed their decision thinking on us, acting like a control freak, then why should we respect and love them?????

      I absolutely don't want to live with my father who has done all this to me, I would move out after i completing my education, money can buy everything but not love/daughter/son..... that's a thing that every man should know before becoming a father, that he has got to devote his love and time to his child, if won't then don't expect them to be good.... they are not slaves

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      Alishba 

      9 months ago

      I’m a teenager and I beated from my father only for simple things for example I am detained for not completing my class work my father not came to pick me from school I called my mother on teacher phone and said who will pick me she said that dad is very angry with me I tell her ok I will come by myself she said no dad will come ... after 5 min dad camed angrily and I was scared of my dad then he said that why you detained I want to talk with your teacher I said she is goned ok I sit on bike and go home when I reached he said loudly why you detained today I said because my work is not completed then he say why and started beating me then I started crying then he said I don’t scared that you are crying then I literally thought that I m leaving home but I scratched my hand I don’t want to leave home at that time because at that time he can easily see me that where am I . I don’t want to see my father

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      Shaydie 

      9 months ago

      I hate it when father's abuse there children it is not ok and I will not except that in my house

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      Haindhdhf 

      10 months ago

      So....... My dad verbally abuses me all the time, it's like every time he opens his life he makes me cry. Its because of my attitude and tone problems. Please give me advice.....

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      Anon 

      10 months ago

      I'm a kid from an early divorce, back when I was three years old. From there, I've gotten two stepmoms, one which was my mom's but is no longer, and one from my dad. At first when we lived together, everything was fine. The parenting for my dad and his wife was always, "I'll deal with disciplining my kids and you discipline yours." It worked well, but as I am finally the remaining child, the last of seven, I just get so much more, well, "attention" then I'd like. Most of these feelings of hatred, for both parents at home, really, began to really show their colors the first time when I tried to talk to them about being depressed but was told that I was just in an attention-seeking phase and that I didn't actually have depression at all. I received no support until I had a breakdown in the car, because I missed the bus, and admitted to having suicidal thoughts and everything else. After I was in the hospital and returned, things were okay, but now we get down to the second problem that made me hate my dad. One of my siblings off of my stepmom's side was stealing my underwear and following me room to room when we were home alone, and he was just looking at me in a way that made me uncomfortable. Once I woke up on the couch and found him lifting up my shirt so he could look at my breasts. I just kept feeling more and more insecure and anxious about him, and I mentioned it to my dad and all he told me was that he was Lynn's responsibility and that if he tried to do anything to me, I could hurt him. But nothing was ever done to stop or discipline him and when I asked Lynn, all I was told was that she couldn't control him. And when my discomfort with my step-brother acting like he was and saying things to me came out in the form of me snapping or acting rude to him, I was yelled at and I felt like I couldn't stand up for myself until he actually tried to rape me or touch me. Once again, I also became depressed and I tried to mention it, but was told not to talk to a doctor because if I mention how I was feeling, they were going to send me back to the hospital. It eventually got to the point where I almost committed suicide and my dad yelled at me about being ungrateful and a bitch and a huge brat and I eventually went to the hospital and told them not to tell my dad because I was afraid of him getting angry at me. Now we're here and my main problems with my dad is that my stepmom now runs the house, and no matter what she calls me or says to me, he's always on her side about everything. He doesn't care about me and doesn't care what she says and it hurts my feelings to know that he doesn't care enough about me to protect me or at least try to understand how I feel. And I can't talk to him about my depression or anxiety because every time I do, he just yells at me about how I'm just acting like I am and how I'm, again, ungrateful for the food and home he provides for me. I just feel like he hates me, and he's somewhat engaging in and letting my stepmom verbally and emotionally abuse me, and I hate it so much and I hate him too, and I honestly want to cut him out of my life as soon as I get out of high school.

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      Not saying 

      10 months ago

      He use to hit Mum but hasn’t hit her in a while but still argue like every day feel like I can’t do anything he doesn’t let me do anything and it’s summer controls everyone in the house and scares my wee bro

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      dino 

      10 months ago

      my dad is very angry and shouted like an volcano.

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      mago 

      10 months ago

      my father never talk in a normal way he compare me with other he abuse me when I was young till I reach 15 never let me study what I want in the university till me all u make bad im hurt and I cant forget what he said or what he done he will insult me in puplic infront of everyone never helped me in anything he the worst dad of all time and that's why I hate him

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      AAmicah 

      10 months ago

      I really don't know what to do. But, I need to talk about something that I feel is wrong with my dad.

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      A.A 

      10 months ago

      My father is worse than any other dads. He have been drinking for 15 years and he even make trouble in our house. He punches and he even punched my mum in both her eyes and she had a bruise in both eye but now it's better. He tries to take a knife and kill us and would talk about how he wants us dead and he is so violent. He would complain when the internet is slow and would blame hs children and he said if he sees us using internet, he would beat us to death and he brage and swears so uch that even my 2 year old brother is now saying the f word. My dad even make trouble at night and it's hard for us to sleep. He haven't work or earned money for his family and he is so embarrassing in front of people. He's eyes gets red and it's not even like he cried it's because he drank alchohol and he have made all 4 of his children cry. He said he doesn't care about us and he said just die and he uses really bad words. He would pull my mum's hair and try to punch her and he have even try to punch my sis and me. He didn't get me coz I dodge but my sis and my mum didn't. He is so rude and would blame everything on my mum and he would be like play my laptop to my brother who's 10now and afyer he would complain about the virusand all that. He is unbelievably rude and careless. Sometimes he's fine but he drinks so much and would make trouble infront of our cousins who are still very young. Once he wanted money to buy alchohol so he brang 2 big knifes with him so my mum would give the money to him. My cousins were there and I felt bad for them. He is always yelling so loud whenever and te worst part is he did Karate so he knows how to fight and he could do really bad damages. But I'm not scared of him and would just stand there when he trys to punch me. Ge have made me cry 5 times and even when I cry, he still tries 2 hit me. He is very rude and he loves the internet and alchohol more than hs family and he won't live any longer. He makes exuses to drink and he litterly wont ever stop. I dont careif he dies and I just hope he's not alive or in my sight on my birthday. I hate him!

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      Jr 

      10 months ago

      I hated my dad he always judge me when I do something

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      A crippled guy 

      10 months ago

      I’m 16 now, and my father is a control freak. His way of teaching me is supposedly good for me. He mostly talks about his mistakes in the past and fix them now. He often tells me to work hard now, for the family. I don’t see a major fucking point as to how I can work hard. IM 16!!! I will have and will learn responsibilities in the future. He blocks my ability’s to hang out with my friendship, saying it’s a waste of time. Now, I know there’s are bad guys in the world, but the world itself is constantly changing, evolving. He blocks my own time, and rather make me hang out with him. I want to train my social contacts with my friends, but it’s making me look and sound stupid. I can’t even say anything to my friends cuz I nearly failed my way of socialising, in which I WAS good at, till he just HAD ato block my ability to socialise.

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      Silent no more 

      10 months ago

      A cheating, lying father should not be forgiven. He has a duty to his child(ren). Bear and accept your responsibilities. Children are gifts from God. You are a weak cheating lying narc bastard. Go away and stop afflicting more pain.

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      Amrosed 

      10 months ago

      My dad emotionally and mentally abuses me, when I have mood swings, imapologise after come in and then he says something about me which forces me to run out crying and when I say sorry again he says he doesnt want to talk to me.

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      Nat 

      11 months ago

      I am an adult and my father has been verbally abusive all of my life. Example - tonight: My mom and I were talking and he rudely talked over us to scold my mom for putting the coffee pot in the dishpan. I pointed out that he interrupted us and our conversation. He tells me that he doesn't care. He's a horrible horrible man. This is just one example.

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      Yep 

      11 months ago

      I'm in my 30's and my dad still tries to mess my life up in any way possible. He's just a real jerkoff. Everything he says to me is negative. I'm never good enough unless I do exactly what he wants. Then he'll throw money at me like it's supposed to buy respect. He makes sure everyone knows about it too. He's a sociopath. His oppressive attitude has destroyed my ability to have normal relationships and he has my whole family tricked into thinking he's a great guy. Scumbag.

      I'm not going to his funeral.

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      11 months ago

      My dad roams out with a girl and he lies to me and my mom that he is at work. He replaces my quality time with that girl. I'm 12 and i dont know if this is normal or is it something to worry about. He also yells at me whenever he is tensed or angry and somrething else. He comes late from work. If that girl asks for money he just gives the money. But if i ask him something like a shoe or a good vacation the first reply is that we don't have enough money. He and that girl roam to beaches, hotels etc. What should i exactly do at this point?? I am not sure. Can someone help me?

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      Japjeet 

      11 months ago

      My dad is always fighting with my mom and I know that he is wrong and he never shows me or my little brother any love he always tells us to stop annoying him he doesn’t show respect to anyone he is an alcoholic he drinks a lot and gets out of control soo I hate my dad

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      nobody special :/ 

      11 months ago

      My mom use to beat my mom up. And tried to make her life miserable I use to see my dad beating my mom up till the age I think 7 years have past and now I am 10 my father tries to use me as an spy and uses me to get what he wants he use to hit me also (it's my culture where I come from parents hit their chilldren ) but it was with an wire though I don't wanna share too much personal information so I will leave it from there

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      Eli 

      11 months ago

      My dad cheated on my mom. Period.

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      Harvey 

      11 months ago

      My dad is very strict, When we’re eating dinner and I’m full, he would always tell me to eat more. Once I almost threw up, he also yells and shouts at me when I make the smallest mistakes, and I’d cry silently in my room.

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      ANIVESHA TIWARI 

      11 months ago

      can't say anything about him but he would be the worst man i ever met in my life..hope i would not have dad rather then the person like him so.pls god give the best parents to the children because they are the whole world for a small kid .

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      Anonymous 

      11 months ago

      I just wanted to say that my mom died,and afterwards, my dad started yelling at me even more and I have had to cry in silence in my room and completely clear my face of any sign that I was crying,just so that he won’t ask if I’m ok. I have been hoping that I can’t make myself feel better by: playing games,trying to make jokes, and looking at things like memes. I don’t want to tell my dad about how I cut myself,or how he makes my depression worse by yelling at me,because it would make him feel guilty,and I don’t want to be responsible for my dad regretting so many things. I hope that nobody minds me posting this,or how I said I don’t want to be responsible for it,and I would also like to say thank you for reading until here.

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      Roy 

      11 months ago

      My dad always tells me to go out when i’ve been excersising the whole week and doesn’t even let me have a snack anytime, even though i’m kind skinny, he keeps telling me to go out everyday even on the days we go to the mall and such.

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      Britney 

      11 months ago

      Thank you so much draith for making (we have kids ) it has helped me a lot thx!!!!!

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      sana (not my real name) 

      11 months ago

      can you please reply to my comment...i think you missed it .. i have been waiting for your support..

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      11 months ago from Australia

      Draith, I suggest you start motivating yourself with the goal to leave your father behind you. Don’t do anything to please him ... do everything to create a new life and better circumstances for yourself.

      Good grades, good jobs, good friends and an independent life away from your father should be your goals. As you start enjoying life and your successes, you’ll become more motivated.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      11 months ago from Australia

      I’m sorry your father treats your family so badly, Anonym. The rest of you will have to stick together and support each other emotionally. Please don’t let your father drive a wedge between you and your other family members.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      11 months ago from Australia

      One good thing that will come from all this hard work. Rahul, is you will be well primed to perform well in the workplace when you’re older. Compared to kids who grow up being lazy,you’re going to shine.

      However I do understand your frustration. Perhaps you could ask your father how old your younger brother has to be before he starts sharing the workload so you can have some time to relax. If you had tasks at your brother’s age, remind your dad of that.

      Is it wrong that you feel like you hate your dad? Well, to be honest, I think you’re just frustrated by him at this stage in your life. I doubt you’ll always hate him. As you get older you’ll hear some real horror stories about other dads .... and you might decide your dad, while expecting you to work hard, probably wasn’t too bad after all.

      I might be wrong, but I very much doubt you’ll hate him forever.

    • profile image

      Draith 

      11 months ago

      Critical, hypocritical and formerly physical abusive, but that doesn't negate the fact it happened at a tender age of 10 being thrown into a fully metallic table headfirst.

      And as far as my lacking research in psychology went, it seems to be also the same reason why I've developed more to be anti-social and completely unmotivated.

    • profile image

      Anonym 

      11 months ago

      i hate my Dad...i don't know how to start!!! He does not only make my mom crying but also he makes our family suffering!!! he is chronic of alcohol, he is verbally abusive!!! he makes the shame to the family outside at the extent can't even greet him on the way going!!! he never cares about us though he paid school fees but i never known his Love!! he buys basic needs to outside houses while i am in need of it...he calls us snakes from our Mother who is one, he says!!!!! he calls mum a whore, he points my brother to not be his biological son!! to describe him i can make a whole year explaining the pain he causes to our family!! he godamned..etc...

    • profile image

      Rahul 

      11 months ago

      My dad always makes me do work ALL THE TIME. He does a traveling job and isn't home on the weekdays and when he's home on the weekends he makes me do so much work and gives me no freedom. For my younger brother, it's a different story and he has the freedom to do what he likes. I already have good grades and I have lots of homework on the weekdays and when my dad comes home I have no time to relax. He pays all the bills and does things what I like but I still hate him. Is this wrong?

    • profile image

      Celia 

      11 months ago

      My dad is verbally abusive but I believe it is due to his severe bipolar disorder, not that that excuses his actions because he screams so furiously he basically speaks in tongues. He also compares me to my childhood friend who has always had good grades and always, without fail, undermines all of my academic achievements.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      12 months ago from Australia

      Yonci, I’m sorry your father beats you. Please ask a trusted adult friend to help you. Do you have relatives you can turn to? Perhaps grandparents? If your father can’t behave properly and stop beating you, might there be other relatives you could live with?

      There’s lots of people in the world who are willing to help kids with troubles. You won’t know if your friends or family willl help you unless you ask. So please tell those around you what’s going on ... and ask them for help.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      12 months ago from Australia

      I think I get what you mean when you say 'I'd rather not' and I want to assure you, you definitely shouldn't. Don't harm yourself because that's never a good solution to a problem.

      You say you want to kill yourself, but that's not true. All you really want is for your father to stop humiliating you and making you feel bad. There's a lot of different ways you can address the issue of your dad being a disappointing father and we'll talk about them in a moment.

      First let's talk about the concept of suicide though, because it is something I've discussed with a lot of people over the years. I want to share a few thoughts with you.

      Nobody actually knows what happens when we die. Different religions say different things. Some people think if they kill themselves they'll go to some kind of 'heaven' and everything will be great. Others think if they suicide they'll go to some kind of 'purgatory' and get stuck there. Others reckon that suicide takes a person straight to 'hell'. And I've heard some say they believe everything will just end and they won't have any problems any more.

      I'm not sure what you think will happen if you kill yourself, but one thing you should definitely know is that it will create a whole lot of different (and much worse) problems for other people in your life. Think of your mother and how she'd feel. Think of your friends at school. You'd really mess up all their lives because they'd blame themselves for not spotting the problem and stepping up to help you.

      I don't believe you'd want to do that to people who love you, would you? Even if your dad continues being a crappy father and making you feel miserable, it would only be until you're an adult and old enough to leave home and exclude him from your life.

      As an adult, you'll have unlimited chances to have fun and success and feel happy all day every day. You'll leave your unhappy childhood behind you.

      Unfortunately you'd deny your mother and your friends that same sense of fun and freedom. They'd be stuck with the sadness of your passing every year of their lives, and I'm sure you can see that's selfish. So for the sake of those who do love you, I'm trusting you to be a bit more resilient when it comes to problems with your father.

      Besides, I don't know what really happens when we die ... and neither do you. I don't believe you can be certain everything would be 'great' for eternity if you opt out of life. So please, let's agree that's a bad idea.

      Now let's look for solutions to the real problem, shall we? The real problem is your dad humiliating you and how bad you feel when your dad says what he does.

      I'm going to tell you what I want you to do. And I don't want you make any kind of excuses about not being confident enough or anything like that. Let's face it, you risk having your mother and your friends angry at you forever with your other idea ... so it makes much more sense to follow my instructions.

      I want you to sit at a table with your mother and father. Make sure you can all see each other. And then I want you to say ...

      'I have something really important to tell you. I've been so unhappy I've been thinking of killing myself. I know that would be really unfair on you so I'm asking you for help. I need you to listen to my problems and take me seriously, because I'm in a really bad place right now. And if you can't help me, would you please get me a counselor.'

      Then explain how you can't cope with the things your father says. You need him stop. Say you understand he probably doesn't understand what kind of effect it has on you, but after so many years you're finding you just can't cope any more.

      I also want you to try and get a counselor who can help you become more resilient. You need to learn how to bounce back more effectively from disappointment.

      I honestly believe your father will try to change his behavior and be more willing to meet your emotional needs. Of course we both know he's only human and may mess up every now and then, but you have to give him a chance to try.

      I'll always have time to listen to you if you want to write to me again. I'm more than happy to help carry you through the difficult times ... so stay in touch.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      12 months ago from Australia

      Stacy, your dad shouldn't be hitting you. Nobody should. Please don't ever accept that as 'normal' and don't ever get involved with a partner who treats you badly like that. You deserve to be treated with respect.

      I want to gently remind you that your friend was a witness to your father's abuse. That means your friend could support your story if you choose to report your father to the authorities. I like to think you have some trustworthy adult in your life who can advise you and help you make a complaint about your father so he doesn't hurt you again.

    • profile image

      Yoncl 

      12 months ago

      I don't know what to say! My papa always beat me. I need help. Cant take it anymore

    • profile image

      I’d Rather Not... 

      12 months ago

      My dad is annoying and doesn’t care about how I feel. He puts me in school groups I feel uncomfortable in. If I have a bad grade he tells it to everyone and it makes me mad. He always yells at me when I mess something up. I feel better at school around my friends and it feels like a safe place. My mom is not harsh but does try to encourage me but my dad brags about me failing in a class and I want to kill myself. He never lets me have alone time and asks ridiculous things. Can someone please help me? I am scared he will say something and it will be too late...

    • profile image

      Stacy Chavez 03 

      12 months ago

      I hate my dad and the way he is. I have so many reasons but I don’t know how to talk about those reasons. I can never word them right. About 6 months ago, I did something to myself and was sent to the hospital. My dad was there but not with me, he was outside of the room I was in. He was cracking jokes and flirting with the nurses outside. I didn’t like him anyways but it still hurt at that moment when he didn’t comfort me. I honestly didn’t want him to comfort me to begin with because I don’t like him. He hasn’t hit me since that day but just the way he is still makes me hate him. Whenever it’s that time of month for me, I have a hard time controlling my feelings and I end up giving him attitude. I don’t bother telling him I’m on it anymore because even if I did, he wouldn’t change himself. The best way I can explain one of my reasons is that he would humiliate me in public or in front of my friends. A month before I was hospitalized, I brought one of my guy friends over to my house which is gay so I didn’t think my dad would get mad. I was feeling down that day so that’s why he came over to my house. But Before my dad got home, I asked him if he could give my friend a ride home. I can’t remember what he texted back but I know it wasn’t anything scary because I don’t remember panicking when he responded back. A couple minutes later I hear him pull up the driveway and so my friend and I came outside. I was getting ready to introduce him to my dad And before I could say anything, my dad spoke. He said somewhere along the lines of “I know you didn’t know so this Isn’t you’re fault..” he didn’t say this to me, he said that to my friend. Calmly he told me to go inside the house. Then he followed me in after. When he closed the door, he hit my face and told me that I’m not allowed to bring people in my houseboat without his permission. Then he kept on hitting me. He only closed the screen door so my friend heard the whole thing. The next day at school, I felt so uncomfortable around by him because I was embarrassed. There’s so many more reasons why I hate my dad but this message is getting too long. I know this isn’t a question but I just feel saying this here because I can’t tell anyone in person. By the way, he’s not like this all the time. When he gets mad at me, like 10 minutes later, he would act like nothing is wrong and would talk to me normally. And he expects me to do the same. He says it’s better than him staying mad longer.

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