I Hate My Dad—Trouble at Home

Updated on June 9, 2018
LongTimeMother profile image

With her children's ages spanning 22 years, LongTimeMother has 40 years experience in parenting - including home schooling and foster care.

Why Would I Hate My Dad?

Irrespective of their age, a child or adult who associates hate with their father has a real problem. Whether that problem is abuse, abandonment, or some other issue, the child who hates their father deserves to be heard.

The ideal emotions associated with fathers include love and respect. When a child says "I hate my dad," something is definitely wrong.

Over the past 30 years, I have heard a lot of children explain why they hate their fathers. Here are some of the main reasons, and a few thoughts that might help.

Reasons Why a Child May Hate Their Dad

1. Physical, Mental, and/or Emotional Abuse

Some dads abuse their children. No wonder their kids hate them.

I find it hard to imagine that any woman would deliberately choose to have a child with a man who would subject any member of his family to physical, mental, or emotional abuse, but you just have to look at the statistics to see how common abusive relationships are.

When a child says "I hate my dad," it is important to establish if the child is a victim of abuse.

Instead of simply assuming that the seemingly pleasant man we meet in the street or see at work or at church is a good father, we owe it to every child to give them the chance to tell us what their father is really like.

Many children are victims of abuse. Because they do not have the power, knowledge, or ability to resolve an abusive relationship, they require intervention to help resolve the conflict.

If you become aware of a child subjected to abuse or have reason to suspect a child is a victim in their own home, please arrange for intervention.

2. My Dad Makes My Mother Cry

When children see their mother crying, it can be instinct to hate whoever or whatever causes her grief.

You'll hear a child whose mother has cancer say, "I hate cancer." After watching their mother's repeated frustration with an unreliable car, a child will commonly say I hate our car."

Similarly, a child who witnesses their mother's distress during arguments or issues associated with their father is likely to announce that they hate their father.

When parents constantly argue and cannot get along, staying together for the sake of the children can be a mistake. If both parents cannot be happy, pleasant, or at the very least polite and civil to each other, the emotional outbursts in the child's home are likely to generate emotional responses in the child.

Hatred can be one of those emotions.

A father expressing frustration can be frightening for a child.
A father expressing frustration can be frightening for a child.

3. My Dad Is a Control Freak

Many fathers are genuinely surprised to discover their children hate them.

They worked hard to pay the bills, bought the essentials, provided gifts, and paid tuition, and yet, after all their effort and willing contributions, their child as a teenager or young adult announces, "I hate you!"

If you deny your son or daughter the space and freedom to explore, experience, and develop their own individuality in their early years, be prepared for trouble as they mature. Nobody likes a control freak.

Every individual needs a certain amount of space for personal growth. If you try to control every aspect of life, there's no room for a child to develop and discover who they are and what they are capable of.

Sooner or later, they will demand the freedom to be themselves. If they resent the restrictions you placed on them year after year—refusing to allow them to make their own decisions, pursue their interests, and have the power to reject the sports or school subjects they had no interest in but you insisted they pursue—don't be surprised if they hate you.

4. Constant Criticism vs. Supportive Advice

If your expectations are set too high for your child, you are setting your relationship up to fail. Don't confuse constant criticism with supportive advice.

It should be mandatory for parents to regularly tell their children:

  • "Well done"
  • "Good job"
  • "I'm proud of you!"

Every parent needs to learn to bite their tongue and resist the urge to always add "but..."

Over the past 30 years, I have attempted many times to explain to friends of my children that their father doesn't mean to be critical. On every occasion, I have had no option but to agree that the many examples they offer of 'fatherly advice' appear more critical than supportive.

I always point out that it seems inappropriate to hate a father who is trying to do his best, and that there are many other fathers who are more guilty of bad parenting. However, I can't rewrite history, and these kids have had many years of believing they hate their dads.

5. My Dad Makes Me Feel Guilty

Parents can often unwittingly place a child in a difficult position. For example, a child discovers their father is having an affair. This is a surprisingly common problem for teenagers. Do they tell their mother?

  • They feel guilty if they don't tell her. Mom's doting on Dad and clearly loves him, but he's cheating on her. She's keeping his dinner warm and making things nice for when he gets home, but all the while the child knows he is with another woman.
  • They feel guilty if they do tell her because all the tears and heartache somehow seems to be their fault.
  • Or they feel guilty because they didn't tell her when dad eventually leaves her years later, wishing they'd given her a chance to find a new partner when she was still young.
  • They feel responsible for the separation when the mother leaves the cheating father.

Either way, a child who suffers the pressure of keeping a secret about their father's affair or the trauma associated with revealing such a secret is likely to end up hating their dad.

A child's self-esteem can be directly linked to how they believe their father perceives them.
A child's self-esteem can be directly linked to how they believe their father perceives them.

6. Hating My Dad Is My Mom's Fault

If you are the mother of a child who rarely sees their dad, make every effort to keep dad alive and well in your child's heart. Their self-esteem can be directly linked to how they believe their dad views them, and a teenager with low self-esteem is more likely to get into trouble.

When negotiating a separation, insist their father send birthday and Christmas cards every year. Also, make sure they agree to accept any phone calls from your child and to always be loving and supportive.

Perhaps the most difficult issue to address is the knowledge that a child's father was violent, irrespective of the circumstances. Somehow the child must be helped to know any trouble was not their fault. Their dad, after all, was the grown up. He should have been able to control himself and make better decisions to protect their relationship.

Encourage your friends and family to resist the urge to speak badly about the child's father in front of them. Of course, it is important to answer their questions honestly, but don't be brutal when dealing with a child's feelings.

Be gentle and thoughtful in your response to a child who genuinely hates their father with good reason.

Sometimes you might just have to admit "It's okay to hate your dad. I'm sorry he wasn't a better dad to you because you deserved the best!"

7. Abandonment

When parents separate, there is no excuse for a child to feel abandoned. If you were actively involved in the child's conception, you have a responsibility to show an active interest in the child's development.

Fathers who are guilty of ignoring their children generally pay the price when the child grows older. Instead of having the company and support of their adult child in later years, it is Dad's turn to be ignored.

Mothers who stand in the way of a child having a healthy relationship with their dad simply because the adults have argued and are hurting are equally guilty of causing abandonment issues for the child.

Children need to feel loved and valued. I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give a child is to speak highly of their father—even if it is difficult to think of nice things to say. Mothers should encourage positive sentiments regarding a child's father, regardless of the parents' relationship status and level of friendliness.

"I'll bet your dad would be proud of you if he could see you today" is a wonderful gesture to a young child whose father lives far away. By hearing reference to their dad in positive conversations during their early years, a child can grow up feeling as though their father is interested in them even if they are not present or actively involved.

Of course, a phone call from dad or the chance to phone him after special events is even more helpful. When parents separate, they shouldn't "divorce" their child.

Don't Shut the Child Down

My first response to anyone who says “I hate my dad” is to ask the question “Why?”

It is wrong for us to assume that we know more about the situation than the speaker. Too often, a child who claims to hate their father is silenced quickly without anyone bothering to ask why.

Generally, someone interjects with, “No, you don't.”

Often it is the child's mother, trying to smooth ruffled feathers and prevent further conflict.

Bad Dad Compared to Other Fathers

Any father can give the impression they don't love or care about their child when:

  • other dads attend sporting events to watch their children play, but you don't
  • other dads spend time going fishing or playing ball with their kids, but you don't
  • other dads talk and laugh with their children, but you don't
  • other dads tell their kids they love them, but you don't
  • other dads seem like "real" dads, but you don't

If you don't express your love for your child both verbally and demonstrably, don't be surprised if they don't express love for you either.

If your child thinks, rightly or wrongly, that you hate them, there is every possibility they will mirror that emotion and hate you right back.

If you hate your dad ...

What is the main reason you hate your dad (or simply don't love him as you feel you should)?

See results

How to Be a Good Father

A Hated Dad Has to Redeem Himself

Cross your fingers and hope that your child grows into an adult who can see and respect your efforts to do the right thing. If your child hates you now but you honestly believe you don't deserve it, keep trying to reach out. One day they'll have a lot of questions, and you'll want to have the right answers.

  • If you are getting a divorce, address the specific ways you want to be involved with your child as part of the divorce settlement—and stick to the agreement.
  • If you're having an affair, admit it to your wife. Then tell your child you are to blame, and they have no reason to feel as though the divorce was their fault.
  • Send birthday cards and gifts even if you know your ex-wife won't pass them on. When they are older you'll want to be able to look your child in the eye and say, "I sent you a card and a present every year. I'm sorry if your mother didn't give them to you."

Let your grown child decide how they feel about you once they have the facts. But until then, don't blame them if they don't know what's really going on. You can't blame a child if they hate you. You have to earn their respect and deserve their love.

Planning structured activities is an excellent way to be a great dad.
Planning structured activities is an excellent way to be a great dad.

How to Be a Better Dad

If you want to be a better dad to your kids than you've been before, identify where you have been going wrong and take steps to change it—ask your children and listen to what they have to say.

Spend Quality Time with Your Kids

One of the most obvious areas for improvement for many fathers is the amount of quality time you spend with your child. First, you have to get your head around what quality time actually means.

Kids who hate their dads may have had a father who spent a great deal of time at home—but how much time did he actually spend paying attention to the child? Watching the television or entertaining your adult friends don't count just because your child was in the room.

Fathers who have to force themselves to set specific times aside when their child becomes the center of their universe (instead of genuinely being pleased their son or daughter wants to spend time with them) ask, "How do you do that?"

It is not so difficult, particularly if you have the right attitude. The hardest part might be turning your phone off, but phone calls are interruptions and should be avoided.

  • Read a book aloud from beginning to end.
  • Play a board game.
  • Play outdoors until a pre-designated time.
  • Set a task and complete it together.
  • Have fun together until their favourite TV show begins.
  • Go fishing until it is time to go home for lunch.
  • Play Paper, Rock, Scissors until the school bus arrives.
  • Dance like crazy people until it is time for you to go to work... and then dance out the door and out to the car. Kids love stuff like that.

The most important element of any of these suggestions is the natural completion point. Have you ever noticed how many fathers spend too much time trying to bring activities to an end? Then, because it is such a hassle, they don't bother starting another activity in the future.

Get Involved in Your Children's Lives

If you are a father who has disappointed your children too many times for them to even bother asking or expecting you to spend time with them, you are in serious trouble. Before you know it, your sons and daughters will be fully grown and they will probably leave you out of their lives, just as you are ignoring them now.

Reach out to your children and make a serious effort to be a better dad.

  • Suggest a game or activity (with a natural completion point) and make sure you both enjoy the experience.
  • Get to know each other.
  • Ask each child about their friends, school, and sporting activities.
  • Tell them about your childhood, and share jokes and fun stories.
  • Smile. Laugh. Play.
  • And don't forget to listen.

You should know the names of each child's best friends, what sports they play, which days they play them, the teachers and subjects they like most at school, any problems they have, and any challenges they face.

A good dad knows all about their kids' lives and gets involved in them.

If you haven't attended at least a few games each sport season, arrived early enough to watch your kids in their dance or karate class, and offered to take each child and a friend for a movie or a meal a few times in the past year, you'd better start doing those things now.

When Children Become Adults

I believe it is important to remind every child that the time will come when they can leave home and live without the fear of what mood their father will be in when he comes home at night.

Anyone who is able to endure their childhood years will have a chance at making a fresh start and deciding just where their father will fit in their future lives. Kids grow up.

If you want your kids to love you, not hate you, you need to make the kind of memories they'll remember fondly as they look back on their childhood. Spend time with your kids and enjoy each other's company.

Unless, of course, you know you can't be trusted near your children and they have good reason to hate you. In which case... stay away.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

  • My dad calls me names like fat, ugly and b*tch. I struggle with my weight, and I am very unhappy with my looks. When he talks to me this way, it makes me want to take more extreme measures to look what is considered pretty. My mom also struggles with her looks, and was diagnosed with depression. He says the same things to her, and I hate his effect on us. I tell him I hate what he says, but he laughs and starts to whistle to himself. How can I get him to stop?

    You might not be able to change how your father behaves, but you can change your own attitude and, in turn, change him a little.

    When he calls you names, ask him 'Would you like people to speak to you like that?' Sometimes say things like, 'Look in the mirror, dad' when he tells you you're angry, or "If I were happy at home, perhaps I wouldn't be," when he calls you a b*tch.

    I honestly think you should approach your father with an attitude of sport or a challenge, and make replying to him kind of fun for you. Don't let him depress you, and don't consider extreme measures to try and look 'pretty.' Instead, start building your confidence by standing up to your father. Not in fights, but with words.

    So when he laughs inappropriately, say "That's not funny, dad. By your age, I thought you'd understand that."

    Or, "You're the only one who is laughing. Can't you see how cruel you are?" Sometimes fathers need the obvious pointed out to them. So try pulling him up every time he makes you feel self-conscious. Tell him if he encouraged you, you'd be more likely to be able to lose weight. 'Meanwhile, I spend too much effort just trying to get through the day putting up with your rudeness.'

    As his behavior improves, start having some fun together. You don't want to remain battling with him longer than necessary.

  • I have a complicated relationship with my dad. So my dad is cheating on my disabled mom. I found out through his phone. I'm afraid and confused. Should I tell this to my mom? She's not independent, and neither am I. It hurts to act like everything's fine. I haven't told anyone because I think it will be a painful for everyone. Lately, my dad makes it really obvious, and I find myself kind of protecting him. I just don't want anyone to know. It will damage our family. But it hurts me. What can I do in this situation?

    You are in a challenging position, and I’m sorry there’s no simple solution. I don’t know why you were looking in your dad’s phone, but you should stay away from it. Here’s what I’m thinking...

    If your mom is disabled and can’t earn an income without your dad, what’s she going to do? If your dad treats her well (apart from cheating on her), she’s probably happy how things are. And if your dad doesn’t mistreat you, I’m not sure there’s anything to be gained from telling her.

    I want you to try and get your head around this, without messing with your sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ because you obviously have a moral backbone and that’s good. But life is complicated so here’s what I want you to think about.

    Your dad may still love your mother. But maybe she’s not meeting his emotional or physical needs, and so he’s cheating on her. But he hasn’t left her. Perhaps he’s just coping the best way he can.

    Your mother might already know your dad’s cheating. You figured it out, so there’s every likelihood she has as well. But it would probably break her heart if she knew that you knew.

    You’re the child. They’re the adults. They are probably both trying to protect you from harsh realities and keep life ‘normal’ so you can go to school and grow up without any more drama than is necessary.

    If you confront your mother or your father you will completely change the dynamic within your home. If you bring his cheating out into the open air, your parents will have no way to continue the way they are now.

    Should you ‘protect’ your father? No. Should you tell your mother? No. Should you touch your father’s phone? Never!

    I believe you should be concentrating on studying and having fun with your friends as well as being an active, helpful member of your family. Don’t get involved in the dynamics of your parents’ relationship. Just concentrate on staying out of trouble, so things don’t get any more difficult than they already are.

    I understand that you don’t trust your dad, but if he’s doing his best to support you and your mom, you have to give him some credit for that mentally. We don’t know what the future holds but you should not lose sight of the good parts of how life is in the ‘now.’

  • My dad is a total control freak. He controls everyone in the house. He targets me the most, and assumes that I do things that I don’t. He is always depriving me of something, physically, socially or emotionally. My father is very inconsiderate. He acts in such a condescending way, and believes that he should receive respect just because he is a father. I hate being at home with him, and I wish that he could just disappear or start being supportive. How do I cope with this?

    I’ve often written at length to other kids with the same kind of family problems. I suggest you read through the hundreds of comments at the bottom of this article. You’ll see I’ve given a lot of suggestions for coping with difficult dads.

  • Sometimes my dad slaps me when I’m cheeky. It hurts, and I cry myself to sleep at night because I feel like my parents don’t listen to my feelings. What should I do?

    I guess the first thing you could do is try not to be cheeky, but I know it is hard to be good all the time. You could tell your dad you’re going to do your best to behave, and would he please not slap you anymore. Tell him you get cross with yourself when you’ve done the wrong thing, and you don’t need a slap to make you feel even worse. Ask him to talk with you when he’s not happy about something, and you’ll work together to fix it.

    Now here’s something else you could try if you feel your parents aren’t listening to your feelings; you could write them letters (notes) and leave them somewhere for them to see.

    I know one child who sticks a note to his parents on the wall opposite the toilet, because that’s where he knows they should have time to read it at least once a day. He takes it down at the end of the day and keeps a collection of his notes in a folder. He says he’s going to read them all when he’s a dad himself, so he remembers what it is like to be a child.

    Of course, your parents might remove the note, and you might not get to keep it (unless you ask them), but your primary goal should be for them to ‘hear’ you by writing it in the first place.

    Your first note could be 'I know you’re both busy so sometimes I’m going to write you notes and stick them here. Why? Because I feel as though I don’t get the chance to explain my feelings to you, but I want you to understand me. I know we need to communicate, so here’s my first effort.’

    It would be nice if you write ‘I love you’ on the bottom, but if you don’t feel that way right now, don’t write anything more. Just wait for another day when you have something else to say.

    I had a beautiful foster daughter who had lots of things on her mind when she first joined my family at about ten. She used to write me notes, and would often ask questions in them with boxes for ‘yes’ and ‘no’ for me to tick.

    It might work well for you, too. So give it a try.

  • My dad always teases us, lays on us, lets my brothers verbally abuse me, and so on. My mom tells him to stop, but he refuses to listen to any of us. When we ask if he'll spend time with us, he'll say, " Ido spend time with y'all, I sit and watch TV with you!" He's either on his phone, or watching something none of us want to watch. He says he loves us, but he doesn't act like it. He's always hanging out with his friends, and doesn't hang out with his children or wife. What should I do?

    I think you might have to accept your dad is the way he is. Instead of trying to change him completely, I suggest you concentrate on getting his support for stopping you brothers’ verbal abuse. That’s probably the most significant single change he could make.

    Your brothers should be taught to respect women in general; you and your mother in particular.

© 2013 LongTimeMother

Please share your thoughts ...

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    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 days ago from Australia

      Satyapriya, you should follow your dreams. Lots of successful actors had no encouragement from their families ... but they still had success.

      Your dad will have less influence in your life after you move out. So keep studying and preparing for your new, happy, adult life!

    • profile image

      Satyapriya 

      4 days ago

      Very nicely said all points, as i see my dad, he abuse me, he cheated on my mom and he break my heart everyday. I wanted to be an actor, he called me humilated me badly. I just want someone to understand my feelings rather than devastating my abilities. Thanks,i am feeling nice after sharing my thoughts. He tilr me lies about leaving my mom i have seen his letter send to step fuc*ker mom,he really cheated on my mom. Now i don't like being with him,when i get graduate i will be leaving my home.

    • profile image

      Help please 

      6 days ago

      My dad complains about everything. He doesn’t clean, is selfish, doesn’t help my mum financially AT ALL! He does not work at all and sits at home all days and finds a way to talk shit on my mom and her aunt that lives with us. Her aunt earns money and spends it on us and he manages to verbally abuse her and tell her she shouldn't be there and talks to be about how much he hates her but when he is in a good mood he has monologues with her like nothing ever happened. He talks for hours selfishly as if people want to listen but nobody respects him anymore. One time he got angry at me for absolutely no reason and my great aunt defended me and he started yelling. I had a breakdown and she hugged me. He continued yelling and said why didn't you speak up earlier and she said I don't listen to you and he said well then why do you sit in the kitchen all day you have a room in this house. I yelled at him and said that she is my family and he can't talk to her like that he continued standing there talking as if nothing happened. My 7 year old brother started crying because of what was happening and my dad wanted to defend himself I said shut the fuck up you're disrespectful and ruining my family. I know it was harsh but he has been doing this for years and he is insanely disrespectful. My mum is struggling financially as she does with everything and he doesn't work but lives off of her money as if he is rich and buys cigarettes everyday . What should we do? What can we do? He angers me so much. He doesn't understand that I hate him and I wish that he did. He angers me so much no one gets it I just don't know what to do please respond to this:(

    • profile image

      insha 

      13 days ago

      because he hates me too..

    • profile image

      layaninaa 

      6 weeks ago

      My dad is a stranger . He dont have a job and always stole the money from my mom and he smoking with a bad small . He is kind with us but bad with mama so she kick him out from the home . He travel far to his family so everybody laughed at him cause mom has kick hom out and that hurt me hard . I talk with him but our relationship is so cold and that make me feel sad when i saw myfriends with they re dads . I dont know why i cant be close with him s i try but i cant and i feel so helpless since he is ill now

    • profile image

      Christina 

      7 weeks ago

      My dad, isn't my real dad. I know that sounds werid and it is. You see my real dad passed away when i was eight years old. I was at school during that time when he had a car accident. My parents were planning 5o pick me up after school, but seems like they had came a across with an argument. I never really found out what they were arguing about. My mom won't even tell specifically what happened. But later on I found her diary and read it. How He didn't have a cat accident, but an attempted suicide. He could've lived, only if those docoters at least tried to save him and not thought about the stupid money! He had a brian damage... The doctors had claimed that he wanted to donate his organs to an old lady that was about to die too. But of course i refuse to except any of this. I didn't want him to go, he promised me and my siblings that we'll go fishing. But here i am with another guy that isn't related to me, or even my bloodline. I wasn't suplose to go fishing with him! Not him! I want my dad! Not this man that replaces whoever he wants! My mom once thought it's okay to marry another man, she thought it would made us let's people to look down on us. She married him when I was 10. Literally 3 years after my dad's death. I knew this man wasn't my dad, but I was forced to accept him. I really didn't like him at all. He had abused my mother! He forced her to have sex with him even before they gotten married!! I don't wnat him but I must. If it makes her happy fine, but now and then I would do something to myself that I shouldn't have done... And I perfect not to say. Let's just say it leaves on marks/scars. I go to a all white school that he forced upon me. I didn't want 5o change schools, but I'll tell you he ain't making my life any better. I would have a school physiologist to talk to me about making "friends". Chay right, friends? I don't NEED them. I'll just blad about my stupid life, and then they'll just spread it among themselves. I just need to be okay for once. Just okay. It's been 5 years now, and here I am, just turned 15. And I will always hate him. I was told when I hate someone dearly to my heart, it means I had murdered them. And I don't mind. I just wanna grow up fast and live away from him. So yeah that's my story, it's not as bad as everyone else's but hey, we all suffer here and there flooding someone. Thanks for listening.

    • profile image

      Betty 

      7 weeks ago

      Hi. I am an 18 year old girl who still lives with her parents. I will be nineteen in December, which is the age of majority in my country (which is when I can legally rent a place or open my own bank account or get a credit card). I am still living with my parents even though I want nothing more than to finally escape. They are emotionally/verbally abusive. I have tried to take your advice on how to talk with them about stuff when they blame me for things and won't apologize, but they literally ignore any points I make if they don't want to accept what I have to say. I would have left right now, even if I can't technically get my own place or anything, but I am afraid because I have lived a pretty sheltered life (I only lived alone when I went on a trip for two months), and my biggest problem is that I am financially dependant on them. I have savings, but they own a bakery and this is literally the only place I have worked my whole life. If I were to leave and find a new job or apartment, they would be my only references, you know? How can I get away from them or at least get over my fear of doing something that will get me kicked out/my savings blocked (as my parent has to be on the account as well)? My dad especially is always talking about how I am naive and won't survive the 'real world'.

    • profile image

      athina 

      8 weeks ago

      my dad seems manipulative, whenever i ask him to do something, he always mentions him dying even if i just simply ask him to clean the dishes while i'm walking the dog. He also blames me for everything, i stay in my room most of the time unless i'm asked to help out, do some chores etc. other than that, i sit in my room and listen to music since i genuinely want to avoid him and if we ever have an argument, he brings it up to state a "fact" although its completely uneccesary. He calls me useless, manipulative, tells me to hang myself quite often and then acts like nothing happened. it's an everyday thing though, i'm used to it. there were some points where it got physical, he kicked me so i'd straight out "fly" into my room so he wouldn't have to see my "disgusting" face. he compares me to other children that apparently behave better, are more fit. i can't talk out to him because the last time i talked out about me having suicidal thoughts, i was called manipulative and a liar. the last time i've gotten a hug, an "i love you" from him (when he was sober) was about 4-ish years ago. Once i asked him why he didn't love me and as you guessed, i got called manipulative for that. it's the biggest thing that brings me down.

    • profile image

      Blue Gaves 

      2 months ago

      I hate my dad because he has anger management issues and stress management issues. He shouts at me (not everyday) about how i stay in my room all day. And honestly the reason why i stay here is because I'm afraid and scared of him. If he tells me to do something like wash his car i will do it. Then after i would go in my room again. I'm completely fine going outside when my dad isn't home or when I'm with my mom in the house. I just can't be with him in the living room or any room. I'm never happy around him but I'm always happy with my mom. She is the type that supports me. My dad isn't. We never had a real conversation or a dad and son moment. Maybe when i was a baby or a child. He doesn't even know my age. He just assumes it. And that is also why he gets angry. Assumptions. I took his groceries from the car because he told me to and i did. A box fell but he was not there then he just assumed a threw it on the ground. Then got angry at me saying i stay in my room all day. I really can't seem to talk to him about this matter. All he does is get angry. Sometimes i think why my mom chose to marry him. He is not suitable to be a parent. Probably why my sister stopped school and doesn't have a job. He the type to blame everything on someone else. I'd always cry in my room when he shouts at me or gets angry at me. Maybe because of that i feel comfortable in my room on not want to go outside when he's around. I always laugh and smile with mom around but not with him.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Sky, it must be very annoying for you. Perhaps you could say to your dad, “I’m not like that, dad. Are you worried about this kind of thing because that’s how you were as a teenager?”

      Establish with him if he believes he was trustworthy as a teenager. Develop the conversation from there. Hopefully you can help him see you deserve to be trusted.

    • profile image

      Naomi 

      2 months ago

      My dad always throws a pity party when I’m around. It’s all the time. Today, I walked into the kitchen for dinner and my dad was talking to me, and I was giving answers to all of his questions and I was being nice, just quiet because I’m on pms. He just asked why I was being so quiet and I shrugged. He then went on to say how I act like he’s the most annoying person ever and how he thinks I hate him. I will admit, I can be kind of quiet around my family members, but I still am kind and treat them with respect. Another example is when we were sitting at a bench on the forth of July waiting to watch fireworks when my dad said “Hey, look at the tree line, it’s pretty.” I told him I saw because I was focusing on the landscape while they were taking photos. He took that as me disrespecting him, and once again said that I hated him. He never gave me a chance to talk, he just assumed how I felt. He does it all the time and I feel like in my house I don’t have a voice to say anything without it being used against me. What do I do?

    • profile image

      Sky 

      2 months ago

      What ab when they never let u go anywhere or they don’t trust u even though u never did something for them not to and thinks you r going to go around and sleep with random ppl even tho u have never done anything like that

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Kit, I’m writing to you a second time (even before you continue your story). I’m particularly concerned you don’t feel safe at night. Plus I can see there could be big, unexpected problems with your sister, ‘B’.

      Because I will also be chatting with Alexis (and anyone else who writes here), I encourage you to scroll down every time you come back to this page. My answers to you might be jumbled in among posts to others. Okay?

      Now first, let’s talk about your sister. ‘B’ had the same difficult childhood as you, made even more complicated by being touched inappropriately by your stepdad. And even more complicated when CPS became involved. (She confided in a friend, and suddenly she’s in the middle of a big, emotional firestorm ... feeling as though she had to say she lied.) Geez. That’s a tough childhood.

      And now she’s a druggie, living in a trashy apartment with her boyfriend and his mother. Sadly, that’s quite in keeping with how life goes for many youngsters who have been sexually assaulted, and then faced with the emotional dilemma of not seeking justice for fear of upsetting their mother.

      I’m sorry, Kit, but my gut feeling is that your sister was telling the truth. And I believe you absolutely must heed her warning to ‘be safe’.

      Let’s talk more about her for a moment. (This is important, and will help you better understand my advice to you about other things.)

      You said you became aggressive, and that you are an animal person. I’m thinking your sister, B, is also aggressive and an animal person. That cat may be something she truly loves.

      I’m hoping you’ll say to her, “Don’t worry, B. I’ll look after the cat, and you can come and get it whenever you’re ready.” I want you to say it, and I want you to mean it. Here’s why:

      You need to let go of having any kind of ‘competition’ with B. You are both victims of your childhood. And even though it probably doesn’t feel like it, you are actually both on the same team. You might never be ‘close’ sisters, but you have a heck of a lot in common. In fact, many of the things you have in common are what drive you apart. Particularly the aggression. (If you’d had a younger sibling, I fear you also might have become a bully.)

      So please don’t compete with her about the cat. And don’t feel jealous that she’s your stepfather’s ‘favorite’. Believe me, it much less damaging to be yelled at by your stepfather, than to be touched inappropriately.

      B has big problems. But they’re not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to her, and you can’t blame yourself for the path her life is taking!

      You can’t blame her, either. She’s trying to cope/escape/survive etc. And unfortunately I don’t see how you can help her work through this process ... other than keeping yourself safe, and babysitting her cat.

      On the subject of giving her money, I understand what you’re saying. Yes, there is a danger she’ll buy drugs. And yes, there’s a real risk she might overdose again. It will be a real tragedy if she dies.

      So instead of giving her money, perhaps you could occasionally buy her a small gift, like (cheap) funky earrings, or a jacket from a secondhand store. She might seem rude and ungrateful, but don’t be discouraged. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your loving gesture, even if it is in the middle of the night, sitting by herself. To have her sister show love and caring, just might turn her life around.

      We hope she will work through her issues and successfully overcome her addictions. But if she doesn’t and tragedy strikes, you’ll know you tried to make peace with her.

      I’m trusting you not to make the kind of decisions your sister made. Being safe has a lot to do with your lifestyle choices, including staying away from drugs.

      You can talk with me here as often as you need. I want you to be aware of positive options for addressing problems.

      For now though, I’ll have to stop writing. We’ll talk again soon.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      I didn’t stop reading, Kit. I was with you all the way. If there’s more, please tell me. I will certainly write back to you with my thoughts, but it makes sense to have the whole story so I can give proper thought.

      Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your writing is not choppy, and I understand every word. I’m actually very impressed by the effort you’re making to give a full picture of what’s going on.

      So you rant, and I’ll read. Then I’ll give you my advice. Hopefully I can help you.

    • profile image

      Alexis 

      2 months ago

      Ok I'll do it Thursday when my dad gets off work and I would love to come back and talk to you more

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Alexis, you explain yourself and make your points very clearly. All you need is the confidence to talk with your dad. I’m sure once you accept you have a right to be heard, you’ll be happier to talk.

      Nobody else is going to speak up for you about this, Alexis. You have to do it yourself. So take a deep breath and go tell him. “Dad, I miss Mom. I really want to visit her.”

      Believe in yourself. I believe in you! So go talk to your dad, then come back and talk with me more.

    • profile image

      Alexis 

      2 months ago

      Thank you I will tell you how it goes and hopefully he lets me see her cause my brother gets to see her but he lives with his dad and step mom like me and another reason I want to see her is so my brother doesn't have to feel alone while with her I know how he feels about her so I want to be there with my brother and my mom cause I know their both going threw lonely times and my mother. Is engaged u also don't want to miss her wedding

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Muhammad, we all face challenges in life. I can see you have challenges including your health and your difficult father.

      You really must not do anything that makes things worse. I hope you will show love and support towards your mother and sister. I trust you will work hard to gain an education, and get a good job so you don’t need money from your father.

      Your father can make your home life unpleasant during your childhood. But he can’t stop you from being successful and happy as an adult.

      Create a good, strong future for yourself. Welcome your mother and sister to share your adult life and future happiness ... and turn your back on your father.

      You don’t have to see him when you are older. Unfortunately you have no choice now, so I encourage you to busy yourself with your study and other activities instead of concentrating on him. Keep your focus on the future. The years will pass and you’ll soon be an adult! I encourage you to be ready when the time comes.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Hexy, not every dad is a prince. It would be great if they were, but a lot of fathers are more like toads. Sadly.

      I know it doesn’t feel fair to have a dad who is a disappointment.

      I also know plenty of kids like you who have grown to be happy, healthy, successful adults ... despite having been disappointed by their fathers throughout childhood.

      Sooner or later you’ll have a prince in your life. No, he won’t be your dad. He’ll be some other fabulous guy who enters your life and makes you feel like a princess!

      Meanwhile, you just have to put up with the toads, including your dad. Finally meeting a real prince is worth the wait, I promise.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Alexis, I hear what you’re saying and I understand. But I’m not giving up on you working this out, and I don’t want you giving up either.

      I accept that you and your dad can’t talk without feeling uncomfortable. So the price you’ll have to pay is leaving your comfort zone and feeling uncomfortable for a while. Really, that’s not the end of the world.

      I want you to walk up to your dad and say, “I miss mom. I really want to visit her.”

      If you don’t say that to him, he won’t know. And if he doesn’t know, he’s never going to change his mind.

      Go on, Alexis. You can do it. By making the effort to actually say those words out loud, your father will see how important it is to you.

      You’ve told me you want to see your mom. Now it’s time to tell your dad. He’s the one who can make it happen.

      Let me know how you go.

    • profile image

      Hexy 

      2 months ago

      Hey! I dont feel any connection with my dad. Every girls prince is his dad. But, in my condition he's not my prince nor he's a good human being. He verbally abuse us in our family. He has no manners at all. This is the reason my brother is very non mannered right now because he didn't care him properly. Bad languages, meanest person who think about himself.

    • profile image

      Muhammad 

      2 months ago

      My father don't own me he always beat us I have health issues my height is quite small he beat my mother he don't care my sister is less than. 5 feet and now when people become old he will do second wife and do not give any share so I want to beet him and to never see him again

    • profile image

      Alexis 

      2 months ago

      Thank you long time mother for the advice but me and my dad we can't really talk to each other without feeling uncomfortable and when he makes up his mind he doesn't really change it and it would probably take a few years to change his mind so I really don't know what to do about my problem and also I would never make the decisions that my mother made but I guess my father thinks I hate her for it but I don't but if he suspects I hate my mom then he might also suspect I don't want to see her but that isn't true and I don't know how to communicate without actually talking

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Alexis, try telling your dad that you have to see your mom because it is important to you to continue having a relationship with her. Tell him that you can’t cope with never seeing her. Promise you’ll try to be calm and settled when you come home from seeing her.

      I wonder if he’s worried you might end up getting involved with drugs too, because of her influence. Maybe you need to tell him he doesn’t have to worry about that, because you have no intention of making the same mistakes she did, and ruining your life. If you remove his ‘fear’, he might be more willing for you to see your mom.

      Alexis, I don’t know what’s really going on with you and your mom. I trust you’ll be safe and not let yourself be put in danger. Please don’t fight to spend time with her if her ‘world’ is in any way unsafe.

      But if you believe there’s no danger, take the time to explain it to your father. I think you’ll be pleased you made the effort to help him understand.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Your father has no one to blame but himself if you and your siblings choose to ignore him when you are old enough to move out, OllieBoy. He is cruel to be attacking your self esteem by calling you names, and yelling doesn’t help anyone.

      Grounding you like that sounds like he’s trying to prove he holds the power. But you and I both know it is petty and stupid. I’m sad that your mother doesn’t stand up for you. I think you need to tell her how you feel. And maybe you can talk to your grandparents ... especially his parents. Maybe he’ll listen to them if they tell him he’s making big mistakes in how he’s treating you.

      Perhaps you could address the power issue directly with your dad by saying to him, “I know you’re the boss,dad. You don’t have to ground me or yell at me all the time. Couldn’t you just try being a nice, friendly dad to us for a while, please?”

      Be calm, not upset, if you decide to try that. And only say it if you think it won’t make things worse. He might need someone to ‘remind’ him his behaviour is inappropriate. But I don’t want you ‘challenging’ him, if you know what I mean.

      Please remember how unpleasant it is to have a dad who behaves like him. Never let your own children in the future feel that way. When your time comes to be a parent, be a good one.

      I’m sorry you’re having such trouble with your dad, but don’t let him influence your own personality. Feel good about yourself. It is not your fault he’s so awful. You’ll be so-o-o much nicer than him!

    • profile image

      Alexis 

      2 months ago

      My father took an important choice away from me and it has changed my life my mother had done drugs and we had visitation untill one day we had stopped and he told me that I can't see her anymore and my step mom is nothing like her she cares more about ice cream than her own step daughter but what I'm trying to say is that my dad is responsible for me being broken my mother could fix that but he says I act bad after coming home from seeing her

    • profile image

      OllieBoy7236 

      2 months ago

      I only hate my dad because he grounds me for no reason.I remember i got grounded because one day i woke up late and he said i had 5 min to get downstairs. (I have a 2 story house) so i went to the bathroom,came downstairs and he said that i was grounded and i was like Why? He said it was 6 min. So i was only 1 min late and he grounded me.He also calls me and my siblings Stupid,Dumb, and useless.He also yells like a crazy person when hes mad.Even if i spill something he will yell at me. And he always blames me for EVERYTHING

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      I understand what you’re saying, anon. I suggest you try accepting that your dad is like your dad is. Sounds to me like he’s worried.

      I don’t know if it will help, but maybe encourage him not to stress about everything so much. Tell him you’ll let him know if he needs to worry about you, but meantime you’d like him to let you enjoy life.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      2 months ago from Australia

      Don’t stress about it, Jack. I’m thinking your dad may well see that he was wrong to complain. First game with a new team ... of course it takes some time to settle in.

      I suggest you don’t mention it again. Accept the grounding, but don’t apologise to him. It won’t take you long to settle in and gain confidence with your new team. Don’t let your dad spoil your fun. Hopefully he won’t be complaining in the future, now that you’ve argued with him. Good for you, Jack.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      2 months ago

      My dad always just wants attention and it's always at the expense of others. My mom has cancer again, and he is always over dramatizing everything and I hate it. He gets everything wrong. He says everything like it's so much worse than it actually is. I have heart problems and he's always over dramatizing that too and then I have to explain to everyone how most of the stuff he said isn't true. He's always telling everyone. I hate it so much and I'm tired of people saying it's his way of coping. I'm the child, he's the adult. I shouldn't be responsible for all of this. He also doesn't believe in me at all. When I graduated from therapy he told me I wasn't ready and that I will always struggle with anxiety and depression. I'm just so tired. Tired of his mean, stupid jokes. Tired of having to be an adult. I just want to be a teenager.

    • profile image

      Jack camm 

      2 months ago

      After a basketball game my dad seemed very upset with me. He told me I was just walking and out no effort into the game. I didn’t want to argue at the moments becuase I didn’t want to have a all out war with him. But, this is my first game ever playing with a new team, I’m playing a position I never played before, and I work out 2 hours a day and my legs were sore from the workouts. I didn’t tell him this right away to avoid a argument. But then he complains later on the way back home and I tell him what’s going on. And he says none of that is a excuse and proceeds to tell me that I am grounded for a day. The punishment is not bad at all, but I got mad at the fact that I am getting punished for this reason. I told my dad he was being kind of ignorant and he yelled at me after this. I want to apologize to him but he doesn’t want to talk. What should I do?

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      3 months ago from Australia

      If you’re happier at your mother’s place, that’s a good thing, Vic99. I think it was a very wise decision to move out. Don’t give in to the guilt trips your dad’s side of the family dumps on you. Tell them you really want to have a good relationship with your father but now isn’t the time, for all the reasons you explained here.

      It is hard to know exactly why he’s being ‘better’ with your brother. Maybe he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes he made with you, maybe he’s trying to discourage your brother from also moving out ... or maybe he’s just trying to make you jealous.

      Unfortunately, even if you were to move back to his house, he probably wouldn’t be different. I suspect he’d feel like he’d ‘won’ and no longer have a reason to be nicer. I do hope your brother appreciates the difference in his life, thanks to you. It might not be until he is older and more mature, but I believe one day he is going to thank you.

      Europe is a great place to visit, but I suggest you go with friends when you’re older. It would be a tragedy to have beautiful places spoiled by your father’s attitude towards you. I’m not sure if he’s taking your brother or just leaving on your birthday. If he’s taking your brother without even inviting you, he’s just plain rude.

      I want you to make it your goal to let go of some of the stress, anxiety, depression. Don’t torture yourself over what’s happening with your dad. Concentrate on studying, and creating a bright future for yourself. There will be plenty of years to consider establishing a fresh relationship with your father once you’ve established yourself in the adult world and gained more confidence.

      I’m quietly confident your father will have no option other than respecting you for what you achieve in life. And if he’s honest with himself, he’ll respect you for moving out to live with your mom instead of putting up with his bad parenting.

      Again, it might take some years but sooner or later I think your dad will be thanking you as well. Particularly if it results in him having a better relationship with your brother. You may have provided him with the shock he needed to make changes in time to stop him from losing a second child from his home.

      Too early to tell exactly what will play out, Vic. But I am extremely proud of you for getting yourself out of an abusive home environment! I understand you’ve given up access to your dad’s cash flow, but waking up without money in a home where you don’t feel threatened is heaps better than money with fear.

      You’re going to be just fine. Don’t get swamped by the guilt and emotional blackmail. Smile to yourself, and be proud. You’re on your way to a brilliant adult life.

    • profile image

      Vic99 

      3 months ago

      Last July I moved out because I could not take my fathers abuse anymore when I was younger he used to hit and grab me he’s left bruises and I’ve had a sprained finger from the time he went to smack me and I put my hands up to defend myself in the last few years most of the abuse has been emotional and mental making me feel less than. I have a stress/anxiety/depression issue that I’ve been diagnosed by a doctor around the time I moved out anyway I moved out last year because I couldn’t take it anymore everything was always my fault or my mothers even though they’ve been separated for years I moved in with her, the only real reason I stayed with him is because he’s more financially stable and I was going to college I thought it would be easier, now that I’m with my mom things are better but my dads side is mad and they can’t seem to understand that what he’s doing isn’t good. I tried visiting every Friday which took a toll on my Friday night and one Friday I had a fever so I texted him saying I was just going to go home and go to bed he said to just come for dinner but I was exhausted and wanted to sleep was that so unreasonable and He turned around and said I didn’t need to lie even tho up till then I’d been keeping my promise so I stopped going bc I got mad and only went over on special occasions which in my family is at least once a month. My dads side keep saying things like he’s your father and he loves you and just make me feel guilty for leaving and I want a relationship with my dad he’s my father but I need him to understand what he’s done and he just wont he tries to justify it and doesn’t care that I’m hurt or that he continues to hurt me he gave my room to my brother even though he said I’d still have a home there and he’s been doing all these things with my brother that he’d never done before when I was there like skiing and tree top trekking and now what hurts the most is he’s going to Europe on vacation directly on the day of my birthday. I don’t know how to fix this any advice would be great because I’ve been trying to be the bigger person and forgive him but I feel like this is just ridiculous.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      3 months ago from Australia

      Cassidy, I want you to concentrate on developing plans to lead a very different life to both your mother and your father when you’re an adult. Don’t be abused ... and don’t be abusive.

      It sounds to me like your father’s behaviour hasn’t changed over the years ... only you’ve changed.

      Here’s the thing to remember right now. You’ve survived living in the house with him until now. Your sisters survived and moved out. Your turn to move out is coming. So work hard at your schooling and set goals for the future.

      I see no point in challenging him, although I do think it makes sense to ask others close to him why they keep making excuses for him instead of actively trying to get him to change.

      Perhaps you can turn to your sisters for encouragement. It sounds like they shared the same kind of problems you’re having. At the very least, I trust they can help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

      You’ll be free, one day. Then you can get out and become the best person you can be. So start dreaming! It will help carry you through.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      3 months ago from Australia

      Ada, you are 17 and nearly an adult. Your father doesn’t define who you will become. Free from his control, you can set yourself goals and achieve them. You can create your own happy home and in the future you can leave him behind you.

      You’re not alone. Lots of kids (and adults) are embarrassed by their fathers. Don’t worry, you’ll find people judge you for you, not who your dad was as you make your way through adult life.

    • profile image

      Cassidy914 

      3 months ago

      My father is an alcoholic and becomes very rude and angry when drinking. Since I was a kid, I can remember him waking my sisters, my mom, and I up at night to yell and tell us how much he hates us. My sisters are both out of the house now and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. He has zero respect for his family, constantly talks bad about my mom and I can't stand to hear it, and he acts like a crazy person. I hate my dad and everyone makes excuses for him when he's sober (he acts like nothing ever happened). Any ideas on how I can deal with this?

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      3 months ago from Australia

      Hello @No one. You shouldn’t have to apologise for sharing your snacks with kids who don’t have any. I think that says you’re a nice person, and I’m proud of you! And your dad is a fool if he thinks you write small to annoy everyone. (My writing is also small. I remember wishing I wrote larger at school when we were told to ‘write one page’ on a subject.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      3 months ago from Australia

      Venting is a good thing .... it relieves some of the pressure. Take heart in the fact you’ll be an adult soon, and your father will no longer be able to treat you badly. You’ll be old enough to turn your back and walk away from him. So just do your best to cope, my friend. Life can get so much better!

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      3 months ago from Australia

      @Name, I’m pleased to hear you are looking to the future. That’s the best thing to do. Yes, you will have the chance to leave and start afresh. Try hard to study and develop skills that will help you in your adult life. I’m sure you can achieve great things!

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      3 months ago from Australia

      I’m sorry, Ricardo. Hopefully you can watch and learn from those other happy families. When your turn comes to be a parent, I’m counting on you to be a good one!

    • profile image

      Name 

      3 months ago

      I hate my dad, he is the most jerk dad out of all he has physically abuse me, ALWAYS BEING CRITICAL instead of complementing me beside he never do, he must be thinking what kind thing i have to be proud with a child like you he always compared me to other family child saying that they were so what he think of his "role model child" he dont that he is the reason of making me stress what kind of thing of a bad dad that he hasn't do i really really really hate him i'm just waiting to be adult and get ready to moved up from this garbage family and house i ,its been thousand of year since i go out from this house beside to the school

    • profile image

      Ricardo Avery 

      3 months ago

      I feel like my dad doesn't love or care about me. I see other kids that are happy, and they spend time with their parents. To me, he was never a Dad to me

    • profile image

      .... 

      4 months ago

      I'm seventeen years old and since very young my dad has been abusing myself and my family both verbally and when I was much younger physically too. I grew up to fear him because he would always lash out at the smallest things and make it into such a big deal. That's why I have reasons that he is bi-polar, but I can't be too sure. Nonetheless, he's always enjoyed putting me down as a child. I grew up shy with absolutely no confidence or self-esteem, he made me feel weak and small and I grew up believing that I was never enough. The day I fully lost respect for him is when he put his hands on me for the smallest thing. He was angry at something else and so directed his anger on me. He stormed off and got his belt before returning a few seconds later. I sat there frozen and in shock as he repeatedly struck me Luckily my mother heard him and came out to stop him. That day he hit so that I had lines and lashes all over my body. He tried to apologize the next day claiming that he did it "for my own good". I've never seen him the same way since. My older brother suffered even more. He tore his confidence apart with so much verbal abuse as a child and even went as far as pinning him against a wall by the throat. When my brother told me about this, I was mortified and compeltley disgusted. How could a man who claims he loves us hurt us so much? My mother, of course, suffers the most. I wish that sometimes I could just end her pain. As I reached my teenage years I stopped fearing him and began to deeply resent him. Which has now turned to hate. I have absolutely no love or respect left for this man and sometimes my thoughts get so dark that I just wish he could die. Pray that he could die. So that we may be freed from this constant pain and suffering.

      sorry this is so long. I just needed to vent. I'll be fine.

    • profile image

      :"( 

      4 months ago

      my dad is the one who has the most income out of my parents. he is a seaman working abroad every six or more months. my problem with him, is that he has a short and explosive temper. my brother had troubles with his math work, namely adding fractions, and answered the whole worksheet wrong. my dad saw this and got angry quickly, loudly asking my brother how he got a wrong answer. my brother's lips quivered and he stayed silent. he was about to cry. my dad got annoyed at his silence and threatened to punch my brother, he flinched and shakily answered. he's only in the third grade. the worst part is, that also happened to me when i was his age. another thing, my family keeps on putting those things behind at all times. they never talk about it, my dad never apologizes and they just let it happen, they don't talk and face my dad's horrible behavior. what am i supposed do? i'm now scared of him, i hate him and i don't want to talk to him at all costs. if i express that, my parents will probably threaten to send me to an orphanage or guilt trip me for being a bratty child.

    • profile image

      :(( 

      4 months ago

      My father always gets uncontrollably mad over small things. He’s slapped me for yawning. He has made me feel guilty for hanging out with my friends. He has publicly embarrassed me for wanting to put soap in a gift bag, and no, I’m not exaggerating. I’ve told him he gets mad way too much, and I can go on.

      I get good grades and stuff but he ALWAYS finds a reason to make me feel bad. He says things to me like “other kids work harder than you, other kids are better than you, other kids deserve more than you”

      I can say a whole lot more.

      He wonders why I hate him! I don’t know what to do. Help?

    • profile image

      No one 

      4 months ago

      My dad is completely normal. He has a job, and he pays bills, and can get things a family needs and wants. He isn't like other people's dads, who are abusive or have secrets (?). My experiences are very childish compared to others. But sometimes he can be mean to me, and I hate it. I know that it's partially my fault, but in my point of view, I think it's his fault. He makes me cry, but I'm not sure if that's good enough, but he accuses me of motivations based on "expired evidence". He said that I gave some snacks because I don't like it, though I feel bad about eating it when others don't, and want to give it to them. Another example is that I write small, and it's just my way of writing. But my dad accused me of writing small on purpose to annoy everyone. I crumbled the paper from anger, and my dad came in and saw it. He got mad, and told me to get out of the house. When my mom told me to come back in and ask/beg for forgiveness, I had a cold, and was hyperventilating. So, that means if I show that I don't like what he's doing to me, he lashes out, yelling at me, sometimes hitting me, or kicking me out. So, that's why I don't "stand up for myself". I have to face him lecturing me about why I don't have manners, and how rude and disrespectful I am. Sometimes, he acts on mild favoritism. My brother has some faults, and my dad knows about them. Yet he gets less frustrated with my brother than with me. When my brother admitted to something, my dad looked at me and said I should be more like him. So one day, I did something, and my dad asked about it, and I admitted to it. My dad yelled at me.

      I don't like him, and I feel like he doesn't like me.

      P.S.

      I think he's rather hypocritical. He tells me to help fold the laundry, yet he doesn't do anything to help. He tells me to not leave a single mark, he leaves stuff. When I see stuff like this I just scream mentally and think of those cringy memes of people saying 'boi'.

    • profile image

      Couponbunny 

      4 months ago

      Get away from anyone who fills you with negative emotion and who themselves are unwilling to do their part in working on the relationship. If you are a kid, find someone you can trust; and tell them. If you are an adult, work on your part; and hold the other party up to their end...at a safe distance. Do not give hurtful persons access to you.

      My entire life, I pretended and alternatively swallowed what my insides and brains were screaming: I HATED MY FATHER! And get this, I am not Caucasian (kind of pisses me of, when I hear ignorant ass people say stupid crap like "that's some white folk foolishness". So AAs don't have a full range of emotions? No, that's what went down, when we weren't considered full fledged human beings. Yes, he passed away; and I hadn't seen him for years. And it felt so good not being there for an individual who was an utter failure as a parent. I was there for my most authentic, and honest self. And I made sure I gave him 0 honor; I had no children. The last thing I would want to give him was an opportunity to live on via me. With everything in me, even if it meant no me, I wish he had never existed. He was a monster; and to my siblings dismay, he gets no quarter from me. Whoever you may be out there, your life is yours and yours alone to live. And sperm or no sperm, no other person should get your love, and respect without giving the same to you. I am a Christian; blind honor is not what God teaches. Parents have a deep responsibility to their offspring. Wouldn't it be nice if producing another human life was about much more than responding to a physiological urge?

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      Aaron 

      4 months ago

      My dad just can't just stop comparing me with other people. Whenever he sees me not studying and being on my phone, he always tells me, "I bet that your friends are going to be more successful than you because you are on your phone doing nothing". And I always get upset why he needs to say that. I mean I did what I was supposed to do. I was on it for like 15 minutes! And plus, he never reads, and he says that I don't read enough like my friends.

      I just hate him. I hate my family members that are on my dad side. I get compared with my cousin. my cousin is an SAT teacher, he went to Boston University, which is a pretty good University. My dad always talks about him, "You need to work hard like your cousin, you have to read, study more than the normal kids". I wish that I had a dad who always encourages me, not comparing me.

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      Hoda 

      5 months ago

      My dad is somehow a successful person who hates to see me succeed.i feel like he is jealous and scared of my succuss.its like he sits and wait for me to lose,and then tell me "i told you so!"

      I hate him because as i wanted to gain a position or do something right i should done it all by myself,and he wouldnt be supportive of me.he is also a control freak who refuse to accept things can be done the way except his way.

      And when i need him,he would be all angry and critisize me all over again and again,which makes me regret why i even asked him to help.

      I hate my dad,i even hate my family name,you would'nt believe!

      I sometime even hate my mom when she defend him out of pitty.i think he deserve to die alone.i feel more angry everytime i see him around the house and i should think that i don't have father and his support,but he sits right there and could help me but he refuse to help to show me im nothing without him.

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      Kat 

      5 months ago

      My dad is in a midlife crisis.

      I’m sure everyone over the age of thirteen has heard of one: a man starts thinking of how little time he has left in his life and how many dreams he’s failed to accomplish and goes out to buy himself a new flashy convertible.

      They never mention that he usually cheats.

      And that he can abuse his wife of twenty-four years for months as she tries to forgive him for the kids.

      And that, even after he’s cheated on his wife for five months and she finally gathers proof of the continuing affair before she kicks him out, the kids still want to love him anyway.

      He’s your dad, after all.

      You get in a hysterical screaming match with your mother about how “he’s your dad and you want to love both your parents” and endure a summer of suffering: not sure how to act around him but wanting to forgive him even after everything he’s done, and incurring the guilt-inducing collapse of your mother for “choosing HIM over me” the entire time.

      You have a talk with him, where he says he “never meant to hurt you” and “didn’t realize you were upset when he missed your concerts and games,” and you promise to talk more.

      Then he tells your littlest brother, the one you’ve been sheltering since the night it all went to hell, that his dirty cheating girlfriend isn’t his dirty cheating girlfriend, but a friend who’s having a rough time but “saves birds” and has “a heart of gold” after your brother overhears her call him “honey” on the phone.

      You give him one last chance. You invite him to your senior day, to be there as your parent. It’s on a Saturday. But he “has to do something for work,” and “was not informed with enough time to cancel.” You know nobody has work on a Saturday, and any real father would miss a day of work anyway to be there for his child, especially when he’s in danger of losing her.

      So you stop talking to him. At all. And when he asks you to “at least say hi,” you tell him you know where he was two weeks ago on your special day. You look him in the eyes and tell him you know he’s a liar and can’t believe anything he says as he scrambles to justify his actions.

      You think on this exchange, and you realize you don’t even recognize this man you used to call “dad.” He has the same height, same hair, same face, but his eyes...his eyes are the eyes of someone you’ve never seen a day in your life. You think some more, and you realize your real father’s been dead for months, years even, dying since your sixth grade band concert - the first concert he ever missed. This new man is not your father. He has your father’s body, and he shares half of your DNA, but you don’t know him. He is nothing to you.

      He invites you and your siblings to watch the Super Bowl at his house. You go, because you are together. You think that together, nothing can really go wrong. Then he tries to play-wrestle your littlest brother, the one you’ve tried to protect since the day it all went wrong. It’s something he used to do with you and your other brothers all the time, but this time, something is fundamentally off. You feel like you’re watching a rape. Your little brother says he wanted him to stop, but he thought that asking would make him angry, so he decided to lay still until it was over.

      You don’t speak to him for months. You see him cleaning up his house. You see he plans to go to a concert nearby on the weekend of your birthday. You know he goes to concerts with his girlfriend. You know, then, his house-tidying can only mean one thing. She is coming. On your birthday weekend. And, after all of this, he thinks you’ll still invite him to your birthday dinner.

      You begin to plan exactly how you’ll lose it on them when she comes. What else would you do?

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      Abbi 

      5 months ago

      My dad said he wishes he had never had any children to me and my sister. This isn’t the first comment and I’m sure it won’t be the last. It’s just all building up and that resentment is growing. Just his voice makes me angry sometimes. We were sat having dinner and he randomly said he wished he’d never had children and started rambling on about all the things we do wrong. Why? What does he get out of upsetting me? Pride? Some sick thrill? I’m a very sensitive and emotional wreck and he tells me I need to grow up and get a life. I sometimes think that the only way to get him to see sense would be to kill myself.

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      Star-Dustship 

      5 months ago

      My dad is a control freak, i like certain things...my dad judges me for it and it's horrible. He usually calls me names and tells us not to imitate my siblings but he always imitates us and when I call him a hypocrite he tells us to stop being so rude. Not to be dramatic but I actually think that HE thinks I am the literal spawn of satan, he does everything he can to stop me from going to school assemblies and wants me to go to a different school that isn't Catholic, he says he doesn't want other people affected by satans offspring...I have made fun of this many times before in my head that my dad must be satan if I am satans offspring but I made the mistake of saying this to him once and he got very mad at me. He won't let me go out with my friends or have birthday parties with them and I am convinced I have depression, he hugs me on PURPOSE even though I have a fear of being touched, and yes, I have told him many times before. I cut myself and I'm probably a masochist, the sort that likes the feeling of pain, not anything to do with...'human reproduction' (it just feels awkward to say the actual word..sorry) and my psychologist gave my parents advice to congratulate me or buy me something I like when I don't cut myself, no I didn't tell them, they found out because they have no idea what privacy is and they unlock the door from the outside to 'check' on me, I think it's awkward and weird...I also have a fear of mirrors and because of this he likes to buy mirrors and put them in any available place, I also have a fear of white witch was a problem considering my room and the rest of the walls and ceiling is painted white expect for my brother and my parents room, and the movie room, witch is painted in a metallic-ish mauve grey-brown I don't mind the colour so I often stay in that room. This is a problem because I draw all over my school papers just to avoid my fear and my teacher gets me in trouble, assistant teacher hates me aswell and i told the school and I don't have her as a helper teacher anymore, I've had two mental breakdowns already....I'm only 12 and my birthday is in May so I'll be 13 soon, I'm somehow in grade eight and oops I got very off topic around somewhere! I have three different moods; sad and depressed. Angry, conceiving, tricky, toxic, hurtful (this is most of the time). And overly happy, just WAYY too optimistic and positive. I'm never around my dad when I'm overly positive, I'm usually in my second mood and I like fire and warmth and often set things alight and seem to be happy when people are mad, so my dad assumes I feed off their depression like some sort of demon...okay I honestly don't know why I'm happy around depressing things and depressed around happy things it's a real problem, I probably said this already but I can't remember, oh well! Okay and my friend flicked holy water on me once and a burn with burn marks around it showed up a few days Later the same place as the water, it was strange and painful but as a masochist I didn't mind the pain of course. Anything I can do? I read the comments already, may have laughed at the depressing side of comments and then tried to feel bad for it and ended up overly happy, oh- I'm probably bipolar then... Uhm, okay thennn! this is gonna be ignored! Because I am always ignored! Oh gosh I took so long to write this. Too many pun opportunities wasted.... How disappointing-

    • profile image

      Jason Zhang111 

      5 months ago

      My dad expects too much out of me. I'm just in elementary school and he expects me to do work 3 grades higher than my grades work. He would expect me to get A or he'll make me feel guilty. I was born a sensitive child and my dad still doesn't understand that. My dad would slap me, yell at me when I do a mistake especially when I cry. every time he would apologize to me and say it won't ever happen again. But every single time he would either forget or just ignore what he said earlier and just continue doing that. My mom and my grandparents understand how I feel and defend me and talk with my dad about but he won't listen. I usually hide what's inside me when I see my dad and be happy towards him but in the inside, I feel like I'm going to explode. I understand my dad is trying to be a good dad but he is failing hard. what should I do?

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      Real Stranger 

      5 months ago

      My dad just wants everything to be his way he doesn't want us to hang out or if we someone from opposite sex call even for for homework he starts doubting and if my rank even goes to 2nd from 1st he gets too angry. What should I do? I cannot talk with him because he is too strict

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      Hadley 

      5 months ago

      My problem is different, I think:

      1.) My dad has stated several times that he “has failed as a father”. So I’m a failure?? I’m a straight A student, I’ve never gotten in trouble at school, I try to be kind all the time... but none of that matters to me. If he thinks i’m a failure, I must be. I don’t want to be a failure.

      2.) There was this one time that I told him I loved him, and he just stared at me and didn’t say anything.

      3.) He has NO patience. None. He gets mad so quickly, and when he gets mad, he throws things and cusses me out and screams at me and threatens to throw away my personal belongings. He has no empathy. He doesn’t ever look at my side of arguments or think about how I’m feeling, but I promise that I think about his feelings all the time. I know that if I tell him that I don’t want to live with him anymore than he’ll cry, and I hate to see him cry.

      Look, I know that some kids have it terrible, and I know that I have it great compared to other kids, and I don’t mean to complain. I just need someone to talk to about it. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t like him to touch me really anymore because he has spanked me to the point of red marks on my back for days, which I know isn’t very terrible at all and that I should be lucky that he hasn’t done worse, but, I don’t know, every time he touches me, I just get reminded of that.

      4.) For years, I felt bad about myself because of him. For years, I told myself I was terrible, that I was the worst child in the world. I burnt myself with a hair-dryer when I was nine years old because I felt like I didn’t deserve that pretty, flawless skin because I was such a flawed, ugly-moraled person. I clawed my nails into my skin and left scars another time because I was so angry about myself. I never hated myself enough to hurt myself extremely, but I always thought I never deserved anyone and anything in life. I was convinced that I wouldn’t amount to anything, that I was unlovable to anyone but my mother. And, every time we get into fights, I instantly feel bad because he tells me about how much he’s hurt my feelings, and he explains to me that he doesn’t know how to control me.

      5.) That’s another thing. I hate being at his house because of who I am there. I’m constantly quiet there, and I never really know what to say to him. A lot of times, I don’t want to be there, so I’m sad, and he can tell. So when he gets mad, I get mad. And I don’t get mad like that anywhere else. I never, ever want to be mad like that again. I’m like a different person there.

      6.) He brought my stepmother into my life. They’ve been married for almost two years now, and I still can’t get used to her. She critisizes everything I do, and she tries to one-up me all the time, which is extremely annoying because i’m the child, so I’d love it if she’d act like an adult sometimes. And, also, she acts like she knows my mother all the time, and criticizes my mother when she doesn’t even know her. And my mom is my role model, and I don’t think that anything about my mother is bad.

      7.) My dad is so immature. During a fight when I was nine, he made me dinner, then threw my dinner on the ground, and then refused to make me more dinner. He refuses to be friends with my mom on social media, even though they have a daughter together and have been broken up for 11 years now. As well as that, all of my dad’s family follows my mom on social media, so they obviously don’t have a problem with her.

      I hate him, and I hate my stepmother, and I really hate to hate people. And I don’t want to hate them, but I do anyways.

      Well... that took a while. If anyone has advice, I’d love to hear it. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. Thank you so much!!

    • profile image

      NeedingHelp 

      5 months ago

      I need major advice. My dad is always critisizing me and being condescending and always gets impatient with me when I try to explain my views on things. I cant express how i feel to him because he gets angry and hits me. If I ask him if i can go out with my friends (since I havent done so in 1 and a half years) then he says no, and I explain to him that I really miss my friends and I ask him the reason why he wont let me. He calls me ungrateful and spiteful and gets angry for the rest of the day. Help?

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      Tonight I responded to a bunch of comments, yet there's still more waiting. If I've not yet answered your question, I hope to get to it in a day or two. :)

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      Hi Nick. You have angry outbursts. You explained that things your dad says sometimes 'freak you out' and you start yelling at him.

      Have you noticed that it sounds like your dad has the same kind of problem that you do? He seems to have that same kind of anger issue ... because when you say things (like asking him to leave you alone), he flies off the handle and starts threatening you.

      Wow. It must be very difficult to have a rational conversation if you both have anger problems. Can you see similarities in the way you both behave?

      Here's a link for you, Nick. It is an article I wrote years ago. https://hubpages.com/health/Why-Is-My-Child-So-Ang...

      I suggest you read my article, and then discuss it with your family. If you can't get the testing done, perhaps you can make some notes for yourself and see if it is relevant to you. You're 15 and old enough to think it through for yourself. Hope it helps.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      Toni, I know it is frustrating when people don't believe you could hate your dad. They don't know the truth so they don't understand.

      I think it might help you if you actually talk about the problems you have with him, instead of letting everyone continue thinking he's the nice guy they see outside your home. Choose a woman you trust, and talk to her.

      Your situation is made more complicated by your age. Every 13 year old wants to go out with friends, and wants to make their own decisions. Most don't get a chance to, so they feel resentment towards their parents ... until they are old enough to see they actually weren't old enough at 13 to be making particularly good decisions, and failed to see the dangers of 'going out' because they lacked experience that comes with age.

      If you lead any conversation with these as your major problems, I'm thinking you might be disappointed. So let me be the one to encourage you to focus on the issues that are clearly problems caused by your dad.

      Swearing at you is not acceptable. Your dad should have more self control (and respect for you) and should be challenged by another adult. Maybe you have a relative you can turn to for support and help to talk with your father about his behavior.

      I don't know how many adults know your father cheated on your mother. I'm hoping you can talk with one of them about how you feel.

      I understand you feel he's ruined your whole childhood. But your childhood's not over yet. I encourage you to figure out a way to distinguish between the things 'all dads do' (like not letting you do some of the things you think you should be allowed to do) and the things that do, genuinely, 'suck'.

      With a bit of perspective, I'm hoping you can hate him a little less. Then try to create 'rules' that allow you to have an 'okay' life while waiting to become old enough to move on with your adult life. You shouldn't be miserable all the time.

      Please find an adult who is kind and willing to help you talk through the issues.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      Yoda, it is okay to hate your dad. Millions of kids hate their dads. But there's good news. You can leave him behind you when you get old enough to take control of your own life. Being an adult and making your own decisions is a wonderful feeling. Even better for those of us who were desperately unhappy as children.

      Get ready to take your place in the world. It will be worth the wait.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      Kim, you have to look after yourself. And if you're having trouble coping, I want you to find someone who can help you.

      I'm not the only person on the planet who opens my home to kids in need. You have to reach out to someone you trust. And if they don't help you, reach out to someone else.

      Even if you don't move out until you're older, it helps to have a trusted adult in your life who you can talk to and feel safe with. Somewhere to run if you need to. Please find that person.

      You absolutely must stay alive because there's so much happiness waiting for you when you are old enough to get out of your father's house. And that happiness is worth the effort of surviving your unhappy childhood years. I promise!

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      Yolanda, your dad is just one man in this great big world that contains many, many wonderful men. Please don't think that your future partner will be like your father.

      Your dad broke your mother's heart, yes. Your dad is messing up your relationship with your brothers, yes. And your dad is shaking your confidence about your academic performance.

      But you can't blame every other man in the world for what one man - your father - did. That's not fair. (That would be like me blaming you for something some kid did to me years ago. You don't even know the kid ... so why would I blame you?)

      Your future partner deserves to be judged on his own actions, not your dad's actions. Choose a good man, and you'll be incredibly happy. You're kind of lucky, Yolanda. You certainly know the kind of man you DON'T want. So you won't make the mistake of getting involved with a guy who shows signs of future trouble. I'm confident you'll find a good guy to marry. Just hang in there until you get the chance to meet him. :)

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      Yes, Summer. You do deserve much, much more. I want you to find a mother-figure in your life who you trust and talk to them about your problems.

      Perhaps you could turn to the mother of one of your friends. A clever, compassionate woman who will help you see and consider your options.

      Don't give up, Summer. You can see you have problems. The next step is to find someone who can help you deal with them.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      6 months ago from Australia

      I'm proud of you, Dale. You managed to get a job and you've been there for three years. What an achievement!

      It sounds to me like you have a good reliable income, and working in retail at a place like Woolworths means you could be in line for a promotion as you get more experience. You might be a Manager by the time you're in your early 20's!

      Please don't let your father wear you down. Save your money. Don't waste it. You're 19 now and I encourage you to look for a room to rent in a 'share accommodation' arrangement.

      No need to go to the trouble of renting a whole house or apartment. Just look for a room. That way you can share the tv and the furniture and the cooking appliances. All you'll need to worry about is your own stuff in your bedroom.

      Your rent/board will be the same every week ... and you'll know if you can afford it with your current wage. Just make sure to find out what other bills you might need to share (like electricity) and make sure you put money aside to cover them too. Some places include a bit extra in your rent/board amount to cover the bills, but others don't. So make sure you know how much you'll need to budget to meet your responsibilities.

      If you don't like the other people in the house for any reason, you can just find another place and move out. Easy.

      Please stay away from trouble. No drugs, no stealing, nothing that could land you in trouble. If your new housemates are untrustworthy or disrespectful (like your dad), leave them.

      You are creating your new future, my friend. Make it a good, positive future. Get yourself on track for happiness. You deserve it!!

    • profile image

      Dale 

      6 months ago

      Now I know that dad’s can be a real pain but it can be a lot worse when you have a disability. I have ASD and everytime I did something wrong dad would go off his rocket and bring that up. That was around when I was 13. I wasn’t the sharpest around but you would have to understand that it’s hard enough just to deal with that. Now i’m 19, got a Certificate I in retail, got a job in Woolworths, been there close to 3 years now and love my work and have money to start a new life. Only reason I haven't moved on is because of rent is high. Now dad is a lot worse with me, everytime he gets angry he abuses me and say things like: you’ll never be successful, your not smart, d*** Head! I will admit, I can be cocky, smartass and annoying but I do try to get rid of those traits, better now because of him. One time I’ll thank him. Actually had another one last night, telling him a funny story about what happened at work and he looked at me and called me a D*** Head again. Again! Don't get me wrong everyone should love their dads and I do too but that's the old dad, when I was a little kid. I despise that dud so much now that if he were to have a accident I would ignore it. I never thought I would say this in my life but I wish I was an orphan, to all the other orphans you have my deepest sympathys and I hope you have great dreams to conquer. That's my life story and to all the other kids who hate their dads, just got to get to 18, move out with a friend and find a job. New life bam! Good luck and remember: tolerate him till you move because you won't EVER have to see him again. Be the better person

    • profile image

      nick 

      6 months ago

      So I am 15 years old, and I am currently undergoing medical treatment for my extreme depression and anger problems. I play a lot of video games as a release for that. Unfortunately, I am also hyper -competitive and can get worked up after losing sometimes. But recently, my dad has decided to a) limit me further than I already was, and b) get involved every time anything, even the tiniest of things, happens. The meds I am taking are working well, but my dad can't accept that and jumps on me almost every few minutes. For example, today I hopped on m computer for about half an hour, (I am limited to 1 hour at this point), and then my dad just freaks out on me, yelling that I have to get off and do something with my life. I almost never react well when he does this, and he knows it. So I got pissed at him and asked him to leave me alone. Instead of even listening to me, he immediately starts threatening all kinds of things, from the internet, to every one of my items and more. This freaks me out even more and I start yelling at him. He then says he's doing all this stuff for me, and a bunch of other stuff, but I feel like he hasn't helped me out at all this entire time and I have told him that. I suggested new ways- no. Instantly shut down every time and him going off about he knows whats best for me etc. This is turning into an almost daily occurrence, and it's not even me and the games anymore. It's him riling me up every single time, and yet he can't see it, even though I specifically tell him that it's him. How do I stop this?

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      Toni 

      6 months ago

      I understand everything you guys are going through. Really I do. I'm 13 the now and my dad:

      Swears at me all the time

      Never let's me go out with friends

      Doesn't let me join clubs I like

      Doesn't let me quit clubs I don't like

      Doesn't let me make my own decisions

      Cheated on my mum

      Yeh a lot of shit, so I hate my dad for all of that but the worst thing is, whenever I say "I hate my dad" people just say I don't. Because whenever we're outside the house he's nice but when we get back, I hate it!!!

      He can be nice sometimes when he tries but rarely. I just feel like he's ruined my whole childhood!!!!

    • profile image

      yoda 

      6 months ago

      i hate my dad

    • profile image

      Kim 

      6 months ago

      I agree With you guys I been in you shoe and today I almost kill myself.

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      Yolanda 

      6 months ago

      My dad always breaks my mother's heart, and the only reason she actually is continuing in this relationship is that she's scared of losing us. I hate him. He's the worst and it just feels so wrong to call him my dad because I never really felt like he's one. He broke our family's bond that my brothers don't actually talk to my mother and I don't talk to him. He feels very happy to make other people feel desperate. I've always been a class toper but he continually compared me to the other people that do get higher grades. I'm just very scared to get married or get into a relationship because I'd never want my partner to be a man like him! He fuckin makes me hate my life and my existence in fact, and I cant deal with it :(

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      Summer 

      7 months ago

      I have BPD and sexual disorder mainly because of him. I wish I could divulge everything but I can’t. Dads suck. Family sucks. I deserved much much more.

    • profile image

      Anonymous in desperate need 

      7 months ago

      My dad is constantly threatening our family and I don’t want anyone to get hurt. How do I deal with him?

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 months ago

      my dad and mom divorced when i was 8 my mom made a lot of bad mistakes like cheating on my dad, physically abusing us, etc. After she left and they divorced my dad started being an a**hole every day. i would do something minuscule like forget to take the trash out and he would blow up, although it was never physical. here am 17 and i did one bad thing the summer of 9th grade so he doesn't trust me at all. he thinks i'm sneaking out and whatever when i try so hard to be a good person, he says i'm gonna be exactly like my mom when n actuality i'm absolutely nothing like her. he wont let me have a boyfriend because he thinks i'm gonna do stuff with him. i'm just a normal teenage girl and want to have fun and experience things but i'm trapped inside my own house. i want to move out my birthday is in November. i sometimes wish he was dead.

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      Sungirl 

      7 months ago

      He always punish me. Yesterday I was speaking about politics and he was disagree with me , then he started to beating me and he said "I will kill you one day"! He's crazy. Now my body is so painful. This is ridiculous that a father beat his daughter just because of this reason

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      Greta 

      7 months ago

      I hate my dad. He constantly yells at me and my mother, I hate him. It has come to a breaking point which I will never love him again. Is this normal? I am 11 years old too.

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      my name is alfred10059 onsnapcht 

      7 months ago

      i hate my dad because he is abusive, he makes my mum cry and he is a freaking control freak. He dosen't buy me presents for christmas, he breaks promises and never lets me go anywhere with my friends. I swear he was dead cuz i really do hate him. if anyone wants to talk to me, please text me on snapchat. I really do need help in my life. I'm an indian but i live in the uk because i was born here. He abuses my mom and me but not my sisters. For my birthday, he cant even let me play in my back garden and he told me to study. He bullies me emotionally saying that im not going to succeed in life and more. Someone please help me.

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      8 months ago

      The main reason I hate my dad is because he cheats on my mom. He’s always on his phone and refuses to show his screen to us, he’s always stepping outside to take calls, and yesterday he took 2 hours to “get home from work” even though there was no traffic from our house to his job. The only reason I know is because I overheard one of his calls, and I accidentally ended up seeing some of the messages he’s been sending. I hate how selfish he is and how he seems to value this other woman more than his own damn family.

      Aside from being a liar, he’s just a bum around the house. My mom and I are supposed to do EVERYTHING, and the only reason he doesn’t help is because he’s “always tired”. We’re always tired and stressed too but I guess that doesn’t matter to him lmao.

      I told my mom about the cheating thing because I love her and she deserves so much better than him. Now she’s trying to get a better paying job so she can finally divorce his ass. He doesn’t know that we both know.

      I hate my dad so much. I can’t wait for my mom to finally split with him.

    • LongTimeMother profile imageAUTHOR

      LongTimeMother 

      8 months ago from Australia

      It is Christmas time again, one of the main times when kids feel particularly disappointed if their parents fail to create a happy, safe environment. I'm thinking of all of you who have visited this page. I'm sorry your home isn't happier.

      I notice that any answers I wrote to comments in the past six months have not been properly posted. Sorry, I'll try to keep a closer eye in the future and get things back to normal.

      I've been preoccupied by events in my own life. For instance, one of my grandchildren moved in for a while. She wasn't happy or coping at school and was reacting badly to the impending birth of another little brother. (She already has three younger brothers and desperately wanted a sister.)

      So her mother (my foster daughter) asked me for help. We don't live close to each other so my 12-year-old granddaughter moved in and my study became her bedroom. We enrolled her in the local school, helped her make new friends, and established a new routine.

      She returned home in time for her 13th birthday with a fresh attitude and improved coping skills.

      I'm sorry I can't open my home to each and every one of you who need some extra love and support. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who willingly helps kids in need.

      Please, if you need help, reach out to other family members like your grandparents or aunts and uncles. They can't help you if they don't know what your troubles are. So if you are desperately unhappy, tell people. Give them a chance to step up and help you.

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      Reid-a02 

      9 months ago

      I don't really like my dad. I think he is a control freak. Every time I will ask respectfully if I could go out with my friends, I would get nervous because he will usually yell at me and say all I wanna do is go out. Even though that's not true at all. My grades are very good, and I'm an A student. I don't drink or party. I do chores everyday at home. I try to do everything that pleases him. He won't even let me go out all the time. He accuses me things that I don't do. Like last time, he accused me of smoking just because I was sick and I was coughing for days. He would always make me feel guilty that he's the one that feeds me, pays all the bills, and all the things that I have came from him. He would sometimes say that he should've never worked hard for me when I was born and he should've just let me starve. If he sees me hanging out with a guy friend, he would accuse me that I'm dating him, and he would say to stop hoeing around. He won't let me make my own decisions. He expects to act responsibly because I'm 2 yrs away from being an adult but he still treats me like a child. He won't give me my personal space. He would tell me to get out of my room every time I'm in there for "too long" during the day. He'd go through my messages and yell at me if he sees something he doesn't like.Once I said that I'm stressed out because I had so much going on at school plus I was very tired because of dance (I'm a dancer), then he was like "You're stressed out? You wanna know what real stress is?" then he started comparing me to him and to all the work he's doing. I mean it's true that his job stresses him out too, but I can also feel stressed out as a teenager right? I love my dad because he's a good dad financially. And he did actually work hard to give us a good life. but he's not there for us emotionally. It hurts me that I hate him, but that's not my fault.

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      Ariana 

      9 months ago

      My father is a control freak, he does tend to abandon me, but another thing us he's not supportive of me. I am bisexual and he's not okay with it. he discourages me from talking to my gay friends, he bought me a fixing Bible, prays that I'll get through "the devils temptation" and always says "the media is purging the idea of gay in kids minds it's so sickening."

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      Su Shar 

      9 months ago

      I love my dad I feel like he don’t love me and that breaks my heart when I start to think he don’t love me or love me he hurts me if I do something wrong when I was younger I didn’t know much so he hated me more and now It don’t hurt how it used to hurt back when I was five and older now I’m twelve I miss the old times I thought me and my dad loved each other but then he hinted me saying when he sees he so ugh to my mom I’m asain I speak Karen sometime I wish he showed his emotion I think I might be like a annoying toddler he makes me feel sad if I grow up I would want to talk to him and be with him but I feel as if I am annoying he said the ugh thing today I feel bad for my dad too cause not a lot of his children loves him and I want to love him but I don’t know if he loves me sometimes I feel jealous cause I see mom and dad and children having fun what a happy family but then my hear break volume equal matter learned it in school I’m proud of myself in in sixth grade montessori middle school parkway I’m gonna go to Washington for seventh grade my mom said I’m like the only one who said I loved him but I really do he hired me cause I was watingch in my school ipad my dad is my life I don’t know I don’t want to hurt his feeling so I tell him I love him is that also annoying I want people to read this I love this site too I just wish I could make my dad proud I want my dad to be happy because he is probably sad he is probably like me a human same genetics I hope he knows I love him and not hate him and I hope he loves me :)

    • profile image

      sky4cats 

      9 months ago

      My dad is so mean to me and he treats me like he hates me.

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      Hopelessly lost 

      9 months ago

      My dad is constantly in a bad mood that the takes out on my mom, myself and my brother. He's drunk most of the time and it makes everything worse. He is almost constantly making my mom cry because he takes out his anger on her. He's physically, emotionally and verbally abusive and I dont know what to do anymore. My mom is the sweetest person you will ever find and I hate my dad for what he does to her. He is constantly telling her that she is a no good lazy b*tch who does nothing. But she runs the house. My dad is always clinical, judgemental and no one can ever do anything right in his eyes. He's also a major control freak and we cant do anything without him knowing everything about it. Most of the time he just refuses to let us do it. I can't be a normal teenager because he refuses to let me have sleepovers or just go to my friends house in general. He's extremely judgemental over who I choose as my friends and make a lot of racial comments about them. He constantly threatens us with violence and destroys our things. He keeps on saying he will divorce my mom, and my mom can go through with it even though she is at the end of her tether and can take anymore, because she need the financial support and has nowhere else to go. I hate him but I can even show it to him or it will get worse. I've tried multiple times to explain to him that I need more freedom or what what he's doing is wrong but he won't listen. Nothing is ever his fault in his eyes, he cant do anything wrong. It's always someone else's fsut or someone else's problem. I dont know what to do. I'm 17 but have no way out.He's hardly ever there and when he is he's too tired or doesn't want to deal with us. And quite frankly we dont want to be near him but he to act like everything's fine or it'll get worse or start again.

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      Roman 

      9 months ago

      My father is just shit, always scold my mom even is his own fault also what ever i said is wrong but his one is too (idk how to say). Also, my father is like face freak out when he was mad and i was looking at his face like you scold me idc how much you want to say i just watch like a movie and even he scold me in car and i just open my music as loud as i cant hear his voice and he doesn't realize. I just hope i won't be a father like my father. Also, his tablet charger is spoiled and he used mine for a hundred time and today is different, he used my charger and he told me to close before i go to sleep and i said sure then i said hwy dont you go buy a new charger then my dad said you are so selfish. Then he dont want to use my charger to charge then i said i just told you to buy a new charger and he just so mad at me then i just said only tell you to buy a new charger only, i mean i just recommend him then i just let him say whatever he want but i not listen to it, at that time i 100% focus into my game and open loud music so i wont hear him.

    • profile image

      sad 

      9 months ago

      mental and emotion abuse 5 days a week in sad and I hate him

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      A person who isn't special in anything 

      10 months ago

      I am a sophomore in high school and I hate my dad most of the time. He always gets mad at me for doing 1 itsy bitsy thing wrong. He also gets mad at me for wanting to go to my moms house. He's been with 4 women (excluding my mom) and he still doesn't know why even though its obvious. When him and my mom were still together, he used to argue with her even though he was wrong. One time me and my mom were talking about my friend coming over and my dad bursts into the middle of the conversation saying "Oh none of your friends are coming over because of your grades" even though I had an A in Science, a B+ in math, An A- in History, B in English, and an A in gym and german. Sometimes I look into the things he's done good for me and I find a lot of stuff. I still do not know why I have mixed emotions about him. One day he p*sses me off and the next day he makes me sad/disappointed in my life.

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      Frustrated 

      10 months ago

      In a schadenfreude way, I feel so much better about my situation when I read the comments. My dad is very frustrating sometimes, but he in no way is a manipulative, abusive asshole like what some of these poor commenters have to deal with. I'd like to say to everyone, especially those who are still living with their parents, that forgiving bad behavior and forgetting it are not the same. If your dad has wronged you, don't forget it happened. Just move on and take steps to protect yourself from the same hurt in the future. For me, that means avoiding emotionally charged conversations with my dad. If I'm depressing you, I won't share my feelings anymore. It still hurts, but I have protected myself from additional scars. I wish everyone the best in dealing with their difficult parents.

    • profile image

      Chloe 

      10 months ago

      I don't know if this is biased, but I feel like EVERYTHING my dad does is disgusting. I know he is cheating on my mom and me and my mom both want to divorce my dad but he's the breadwinner in our family. My mom has a job but her income would not be enough for two. He often threatens me and my mom with money like whenever he's angry with us he'll just be like "I wont give you guys money anymore" and me and my mom would feel so threatened and scared. Also my grandmother on my father's side is so mean to my mom. Whenever my mom talks bad about her, or even state the fact that the grandmother is kinda bullying her my dad would say that he will kill me and my mom and my mom's side of the family. My mom's side has always been nothing but kind to my dad's side but UGH. My mom gave up everything for that ungrateful selfish son of a biscuit and this is how he shows his gratitude towards her.

    • profile image

      Jamie 

      11 months ago

      My dad gets on my nerves he takes my phone for no reason, and claims im ungrateful, and gets mad over the dumbest things ever. Sometimes he would say some things that get me so sad that I want to cry and even think about committing suicide. He claims he takes care of my younger brother, but he really doesn't/ He spends more on himself than what he would spend on me and my brother , and he travels to places that he doesn't even consider on taking me. He is also strict on me like I can't even ask for a friend to come over or hang out with some friends because he's probably going to say no. There is a lot more things that he foes that makes me hate him so much.

    • profile image

      Rina-Franziska 

      11 months ago

      I have a really complicated relationship with my father. He is aware that I hate him and that I don't like spending time with him, but he keeps trying to make me happy and when he doesn't get the response he is hoping for he gets really mad. He always asks me why I hate him, but I don't really have an answer to it. He just makes me so mad, I mean he treated my mom like a piece of sh*t and still does and I've seen him hit and kick my brother multiple times even as a younger child. He keeps complaining that I'm always in a bad mood and don't appreciate the things he does for me, but I don't understand how he wants me to be happy around him when I just don't want a relationship with him. I can't tell him that though because I don't even want to know how mad he'll get. I'm so tired of always feelings unhappy every time I'm around him.

    • profile image

      Kevin 

      11 months ago

      The saddest thing I've learned is how easy it is to make a kid love you. It takes an incredible amount of effort to make a child hate you.

      I never had a genuine hug from my step-dad. He never told me that he loved me, even though I've lived with him for over 15 years. I still feel like he's just a stranger living in my house.

      I've created a stronger connection with kids in 15 minutes, then he managed to create in 15 years. That's so, unbelievably sad.

      Become the person you always wanted your dad to be.

    • profile image

      Random Person 

      11 months ago

      I will never forgive my stupid dad

    • profile image

      Frustrated 

      11 months ago

      I love my dad but he pisses me off. He gets on these political rants and becomes enraged if I don't parrot his opinions. He puts down my college education, even tho it was his idea. When mom or I are upset, he tells us to "relax" but if WE say it to him... ever seen an H-bomb detonate? Like throwing chairs and punching walls are good coping skills. I don't drink when I'm angry because I watched how it affects him. Whether intentionally or not, he makes me feel guilty for disagreeing with him. I have to remind myself that I am responsible for my own happiness and have the right to my own views. I am tired of confronting him when he pulls this crap, but I have become good at projecting a calm facade when I am screaming on the inside. I am in college. I can't wait to finish my degree and move out. I know that he loves me and wants the best for me, but the way he deals with anger wears me thin. I swear if a man I date shows a HINT of these tendencies I will drop him cold because I will NOT deal with that for the rest of my life. I must add to his credit, he admits (usually) the next day that he crossed the line and apologizes. I am a forgive but not forget Christian. I do not hold emotional betrayals over his head but I do not forget that they happened. Fortunately this doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it's hell. When I'm stressed I throw myself into my work and pray, I don't marinate in alcohol and hurl abusive names at anyone I disagree with. If no one reads this, it still felt good to share. I just discovered this site and I love it.

    • profile image

      Katherine Moss 

      11 months ago

      This is abuse. The right thing to do is report them to child services.

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      I wish he went away 

      11 months ago

      My father verbally abuses me by calling me an idiot, stupid, f*cker, etc. He also hits me whenever I forget to give something to him or when I made a simple mistake. He also tries to make sure my mom isn't looking so he can hurt me. My dad recently told me to find someone else to live with, and I'm tired of spending time with you, you're a piece of sh*t. What can I do so he can stop abusing me?

    • profile image

      EvaKoala 

      12 months ago

      My biological father doesn't do any work. He's wearing a Rolex watch where he doesn't even know how to open an email, and don't even mention income. Every penny that he spends comes from my mother, who is working endlessly every single day. He is so embarrassing when we go out, for example he strips his shirt in Starbucks.\We attended events as a family and he will always touch other ladies and give an excuse of taking care of the atmosphere. I don't like it when he touches other women, so I'll react to that, but he'll just point and scold me in public. He makes my mother cry, and every time he is angry, he'll just walk away and treat our family like air. My sibling and I don't even mind him leaving our family, but my mother is still hanging on to this marriage just because of us, the 'children'. My biological father and I just had a fight just now... and I really hate it. I tried to communicate with him but nothing worked. I'm grateful that he doesn't physically abuse us.. but is mental abuse any better? I don't mind if he doesn't care about our lives.. I just want a father who can set a good example for his children.

    • profile image

      Input 

      12 months ago

      my dad is always opening my door, and more than often leaving it open, making food i tell him not to, and then yelling at me for not wanting to eat it, saying i wont get nothing else, forcing his schedule onto me, saying to go do this before you do this, such as brush your teeth before you get dressed, and i just hate it when he does that, or does stuff his way when someone told me to do it this way. if i need help with math, he'll start doing something completely different like saying, oh i was taught like this, and instead of helping he hinders me and tries to teach me old methods of how we do things to day and i just want to die but im afraid of dying

    • profile image

      NarcFree 

      12 months ago

      Prismonic,

      What qualifications do you have that make you a reliable source of parenting advice?

      You should buy yourself a time machine and move to the dark ages, you'll fit right in.

      And if you have children, they are saddled with heavy baggage of your doing. Your kids will spend years reading articles like this one, to try to heal from your parenting.

    • profile image

      Prismonic 

      12 months ago

      This is advice, not a question. Far too many women try to force their children's fathers to be very involved in their lives. That is not natural. Men do not relate to babies and young children like women do. Mother's should be doing most if not all of the child rearing and the children will be healthy and happy. Men should be relating to adults only including their own children when the children are older. They can, however, set a good example by living a good honest life so the children can see how they should be, but proper discipline comes from a woman. Mothers who allow their children to be abused in any way should have their children removed from them and in some cases go to jail.

    • profile image

      Kira Sinne 

      13 months ago

      My dad who I really don’t want to call dad is rude, selfish and mean. He has abuse me but hitting me, Threatening me and using unkind words. He always says I’m Retarded, Stupid and a no brainer, It bugs and hurts me and it make me think about my life, some thoughts I have is -: I wish I had a new father.- : am I really stupid and nobody loves me. I would love to be shown love and support in life for what I’ve done or did in past or present. I feel like I’ve done some much that I’m proud of like graduating and making friends from my personality. The only people who seem to love me is my brother, sister, Mom , and dog. That’s the family I want or I want a dad, a new dad. What should I do in my life when this happens??

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