Signs of Jealous Family Members and How to Deal With Them

Updated on August 9, 2018
Jealous family members can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself.
Jealous family members can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself. | Source

Jealous relatives do exist, and they can cause a problem within the family overall. They are not an urban legend or a strange delusion. Family and all of our interactions with them are supposed to be a blessing. But if you have a jealous family, you can feel absolutely cursed.

There’s a saying that goes, “Blood is thicker than water." In my opinion, blood is more jealous, too. It’s so sad to know that jealousy might motivate your aunts, cousins, or even your siblings to hurt you. And when it comes from family members, the hurt is deeper. Plus, they can cause a lot of unnecessary stress in your life. They can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself.

Strangely, I’ve had horrible luck in dealing with jealous relatives in my life. It could be worse, but it’s still a shame that jealousy occurs in the family. I suppose that we can say it’s just human nature, but it’s so unnecessary.

What Are the Signs of Jealous Family Members?

You may think it's easy to spot envy in others, but some people are very subtle in their actions or wording. According to Frances M. Bledsoe, a licensed clinical social worker at the Relationship Center Nashville, signs of a jealous relative can include things like, "Criticism, direct, or behind one’s back; passive-aggressive behavior (like “forgetting” to make good on a promise, deliberately sabotaging a plan); gossip; or outright lies." Here are some more tell-tale signs.

They're Never Impressed

Do you ever feel like your cousin or sister is never impressed with your accomplishments? Jealous relatives tend to downplay your accomplishments by telling you that lots of people can do that. They'll say things like, "Anyone can get a promotion if they just work hard enough. It's not that big of a deal." This is definitely a sign of their own insecurities.

They Try and "One Up" You

Every family seems to have that one person who is always trying to be the best. If your child said their first word at the 16 months, theirs did at 12 months. If you share news of your big promotion, they already got one six months after starting their new job. Try not to get caught up in their need to compete and focus on you.

They Get Angry When You Give Them Advice

Now, most people don't like unsolicited advice, but as I mentioned above, insecurity is the driving force of jealousy. People who are filled with envy get defensive quickly and don't like their "flaws" being pointed out. Even though your advice is well-intentioned, they don't see it like that. Instead, they think you're trying to show that you're better than them.

Seeing Them Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself

Seeing your relatives should make you feel good and loved. If you always leave a family gathering feeling worse about yourself than you did when you arrived, this is a sign that something's wrong. Your family should be supportive of your goals and proud of your accomplishments.

They Are Extra Critical

If your aunt or cousin is constantly calling out your flaws or saying negative things to you, this is a sign that they are jealous. People who are insecure about themselves try and bring others down to make themselves feel better. They will find fault in almost anything. Try not to let them get to you.

Did You Know?

About 1 in 3 siblings drift apart entirely in adulthood, sometimes describing their relationship as distant or rivalrous.

How to Deal With Toxic Relatives

Keep Your Mouth Shut

While you cannot remove yourself from the family tree, you can easily manage any jealous family members that you have. The most important step is to keep them out of your personal business. They do not need to know that you are purchasing a new home, awaiting a promotion, or even dating a new partner. Only share these things with people who are going to support you.

You do not want your goals or current events to be the main discussion at their dinner table. They will simply devour it and speak negatively about your life. Do not fuel the fire for their gossip and negative talk.

Stop Feeling Guilty

Do not feel guilty that you are pulling away by not sharing your life story with them. Sometimes, you just have to love people from far away. It’s easy to feel that you are being the bad guy when you are simply trying to protect yourself.

Limit Interaction

If they invite you to family functions, you can still attend. You just have to be mindful of what you share with them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying their company.

However, in most cases, you will find that certain relatives who harbor jealousy will usually not invite you to their events. You should not despair, and do not force your way into their world either. It's probably best to limit your in-person interactions with them. Why hang out with someone who doesn't have a positive effect on your life?

And remember, it's okay to set boundaries with certain people. You can still love them from a distance.

Avoid Confrontation

Some say that a person should call a family meeting to discuss the jealousy issue, but a lot of times it only makes the drama last longer. Bledsoe says, "Occasionally, a healthy relative may just need to say out loud how insecure or overshadowed she or he feels, and be met with compassion. However, not everyone who is jealous is willing and able to be honest and vulnerable."

The most important thing is to remain a loving, caring individual and not allow the antics of jealous family members to make you bitter. This may sound weird, but become the peace that you seek from your family. Compliment them and focus on being a positive force within the family. It's hard to be the bigger person, but it will be better in the long run.

You can acknowledge the good things happening in your life by attributing them to hard work and/or luck. Try not to come off as judgmental because most likely their jealousy is fueled by their own insecurities about not being good enough.

Take Care of Yourself First

It can be easy to dwell on the jealousy and negative feelings surrounding it. However, it's important to practice self-care to stay emotionally healthy. Try journaling or meditating if you find yourself starting to get angry or sad. Have compassion for yourself and be patient. It's okay to be bothered by their actions, but try not to let it consume you.

Why Do People Get Jealous?

Sometimes, these same jealous relatives may feel conflicted on the inside. They may actually be proud of you but are simply jealous that they were not able to achieve what you've been able to. They're dealing with feelings of inadequacy.

While that is sad, it is not your problem. This is an issue that they need to deal with on their own, so you shouldn't feel burdened by their feelings. You also shouldn’t have to be overly humble and ashamed of your milestones so you don’t offend your family members. Continue to be confident of yourself and proud of your achievements! Don't allow these people to affect your self-esteem and make you lose confidence.

In time, you will either find that your absence has made their heart grow fonder for you or that nothing has changed. Find it in your heart to forgive them so that you're not consumed by bitterness. Figure out what's driving their jealousy and try and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe they're jealous of your new relationship because they've been single for a number of years or maybe they envy your new job because they can't find someone they love. This can help you become empathetic towards their life situation.

But remember, you can only control your own actions. This is the only way to find peace.

If one sibling gets engaged first, this can create some jealous feelings and a sense of rivalry.
If one sibling gets engaged first, this can create some jealous feelings and a sense of rivalry. | Source

Causes of Sibling Jealousy

Sibling rivalry is extremely common, especially if you're the same gender or around the same age. They are one of the few people you've known your entire life, and you've shared every milestone together. However, childhood sibling rivalry can easily turn into jealousy in adulthood if it's not addressed. Here are a few reasons why this happens.

Parental Influence

Many parents place high expectations on their children, and it's especially difficult if one child lives up to those expectations while the other doesn't. Bledsoe says, "Sometimes families promote unhealthy competition between children. For example, a parent may lavish attention on a child who is more academic, athletic, musical, etc. than another." These jealous feelings can linger and cause problems in adulthood.

Hitting Milestones at Different Times

As you and your brother or sister reach adulthood, you'll start to accomplish different things and live different lifestyles. This could cause some competition as to who gets married first, who has kids first, who buys a house first, etc. Marriage can be especially difficult if you don't approve of your sibling's significant other or feel like that person is threatening your bond with them.

What If I'm the Jealous One?

Maybe you're actually the one who is jealous of a relative. It's okay to be envious of someone, but try your best not to let it show. Remember that this is likely stemming from your own insecurities and has nothing to do with the other person. Don't let these feelings ruin what is otherwise a really great relationship! And don't let them build up either—you'll only start to resent this family member and the relationship will deteriorate.

Here are a few healthy ways to manage your

  • Acknowledge your jealousy: Just recognizing that you're having these feelings opens the door to letting them go. Bledsoe suggests asking yourself the following questions: "What am I most afraid of in this situation?” “How did I learn to believe there is not enough (love, approval, etc.) to go around? Are those learned beliefs/feelings really relevant to the current circumstances? Am I willing to identify the old fears and let them pass?”
  • Open up to a friend or trained professional: It's important to talk about your jealousy with a friend or even a trained professional, like a counselor or therapist. They'll be able to help you determine the causes of your envy and how to deal with them.
  • Remind yourself of your positive traits: Just because someone else is better at something than you are doesn't mean that they better than you. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, so remind yourself of the things you are good at or the positive qualities you possess. It can even help to write these strengths on a post-it note and tape it to your mirror, so you can get a daily reminder of why you're awesome.

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    • profile image

      Bojangles 

      31 hours ago

      I do not harbor resentment or jealousy, but my MIL always talks about her favorite Grand daughter, and while my daughter is a granddaughter as well, she does not acknowledge her. She has hurt both of my children emotionally and while they have moved forward she has even hurt my husband - her own son. At some point we had to accept that through her behavior that is just the way she is. She has insulted me,and I have never disrespected her as I was raised, but I could no longer accept verbal, and mental abuse from her. This was affecting not only our family, but also our marriage. I am sure that my husband misses seeing his mother, but he also does not want to go through the same scenario he went through in the past. She only cares for those that will do as she asks, and when it is convenient for each one of them. She displays a lot of jealousy towards my daughter, and compares her with the favorite granddaughter. It is disgusting behavior for a 82 yr old mother that should be enjoying all her children, and grandchildren. She has a lot of self- complex issues regarding to her appearance,and self acceptance from others on how she looks and that she is not overweight, has perfect health and so on.

    • profile image

      Joan S. Voss 

      33 hours ago

      Add to that, they act glad when something is going wrong in your life. You can feel it, it's very subtle. Author Danu Morrigan discusses this in her books about narcissism. Yes it's called gloating. Don't contact them anymore, they can't wait to find out more about your "bad" situation... it could be you had marital issues, but now it's fine. They don't want to hear it's fine, and they don't want to hear about the good stuff that's happening to you because it makes them jealous. They'll end convos that entail good news. You will never hear them laugh unless they're laughing AT YOU. If a family member isn't happy for you, they are worthless! Dump their sorry asses. It is not easy if you've been enduring this for your entire life. But I am thanking myself everyday that I made the decision! They are sending money now because they've lost control, what is that? Nothing more than manipulation! Where were they when you needed emotional support? All they wanted was to play the role of Barbara Walters and get the dirt! Hateful worthless people don't deserve you.

    • profile image

      francina richter 

      7 days ago

      unfortunately there is no quick medication for jealousy,from experience jealous relative grow old with it. I needed to read this article cause i use to feel guilty about myself and even feel guilty for limiting interaction with them. Thank you so much

    • profile image

      Faris B Khrais 

      12 days ago

      One of the best articles I have ever read! Every single word mentioned here describes what I was going through the past 6 Years I lived between my relatives. I kept asking questions and I had lots of doubts on whether my low social record with my relatives was because of myself not getting too much involved or was it really because I knew that jealousy was present among many of them? I have completely got the answer here! Thank you so much!!!

    • profile image

      Nelson. 

      2 months ago

      I needed to read this! Thank you.

      Going through similar issues. I’m the second oldest in a family of 5 and I’m the tallest of them all and the only dark skin one. When I was going through my hurdles in life, I only has my parents to help me overcome them. They were happy I was without a car, a cellphone and broke while I was focusing On school. After i graduated In the medical field, I started to Make more money than all of them, and been to many countries they never been. On top of that Iam gonna be the first one in the family with a masters degree. They all get along well, but when it comes to me I feel like Joseph (the movie). What’s hurt the most is that they glorify what their friends are doing, but downplay the same thing I do. It’s annoying to a point where their own surroundings always coming to me and ask why they hate me that bad. But however they feel about me wont stop me from achieving my end goals. Thanks for this blog.

    • profile image

      Wanda 

      2 months ago

      I have 2 sisters that want to control.

      They control their kids and thought they were going to controll my mom not happing.cant think what that word is. I need help cause both sisters have taken all my moms money,

      They will not take no more, They have been up to somthing but not sure what.

      I am the one that takes care of her and have for 2 yrs now. I will be homeless if my sistets keep their nonsence up.What can I do? They are both Narsasists

    • profile image

      Lisa 

      2 months ago

      Thank you for sharing this. My dad is elderly, mom has passed, a year now. And both of my brothers never help. Mom was hurt because they never came to see her. I expressed this to the older brother who is 2 faced. The other is jealous of me since birth. I carried on went to college after a divorce at 47 and thats their problem. One of them.

      I forfeited my life so they had time with their families. But i had one too. So now i have realized i am gonna have to forget about them and move on.

      Dad is elderly, wants to be independent, and I know what i have to deal with when its all said and done. There is no way I see for us to get along. And Im very sure when Dad passes we will not.Because I will be very busy. I guess. And i see the relationships as toxic and prefer to love at a distance.

    • profile image

      Lone planet 

      3 months ago

      One of my in-laws visited us recently from overseas this was only our 2nd meeting. The very same had expressed his feelings for my sis that he had never met. My sis was single back then and so was he. But when he came to visit us he was more interested in my sister's little daughter than his own cousin (our son 6yrs) to the point when he went back started asking for her pictures. Apparently he had made an album of her pics with effects and music and sent it to my sis. And my mum was over the moon about this and thinks I'm wrong to think bad of him. My husband told him nicely not to continue, and now we are bad and he calls mum now and then during his lunch break. What do you guys suggest?

    • profile image

      Candice 

      3 months ago

      I am a mother of 4. Three girls and a boy. All are above the age of 25. Our family has been extremely close. One daughter has been through a lot of misfortunes over the past 2 years. She has become very jealous of the one sister she is most close to. This has affected the whole family. As a mother can I fix this? I is tearing the family apart. Any advice is welcome.

    • profile image

      DORIs salar 

      4 months ago

      I need a. Advice I am working Ins same place with sister she younger than me but hunk i young one maybe because I looks. Young she don’t like that but it’s been a lot off gasiping at work cow workers. Say why your sister don’t talk to you don’t understand why she is different at work and home sometimes she different to us I told her that’s did not like this she acts like I am not her sister at work . She saw a client at work and she said to me the client say I saw your sister and she said Hugh discussed from me to the person like if I yo good for her I am not at her level

    • profile image

      Donna King 

      4 months ago

      La Quinta,

      It’s not your Sisters and Brotgers responsibility to support you. They have their own struggles and goals. Ask your parents or grand parents , and if that’s not possible , you’re on your own.

    • profile image

      LaQuinta 

      5 months ago

      I have siblings who don’t support, I need a car to find a job and I know 4 of them could co-sign but they won’t. Nobody calls to check on me. It hurts because I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers only 1 came to my graduation. I just don’t want to be around them. They barely talk to me anyways.

    • profile image

      KatieD 

      5 months ago

      Thank you for the advice. I wish that I had read this blog. My younger sister has always tried to be like me. She went to the same college and even dating a man with the same career as my boyfriend. Then, she would buy the same clothes, furniture, drapes and called me to tell me she was buying the same SUV, I was driving. At first, it was flattering but then it became a little scary. I purchased a house in a nice community and she was unable to buy one since she is a single mom now. I had an event at my home and her face said it all. Although, she had a single house with a pool, it was not good enough. What happened next indicates that there are some mental health issues. She contacted my next door neighbor's ex-husband and had him tell the ex-wife to say awful things to me. This was all an attempt to make me move. Keep in mind, this neighbor was very nice and friendly when we moved in. Then, we had a house warming party and needless to say she asked the neighbor to make a scene to embarrass us. Luckily, it didn't work and the party continued. I guess all of my sister's attempts failed and she was furious. One day, me mother was sick and was taken to the hospital. My sister showed up and didn't mention a word about or to my mother. All she kept saying was "why did you buy that house?" I kept quiet and I think my silence broke her. She was so furious that she also starting indirectly revealing all the attempts she has made to make me move. Even indicating they all of my neighbors likede. How would she know this. My brother pulled me aside and told me that my younger sister was very jealous of me. Needless to say, I don't answer of her calls or communicate with her. She has some deep rooted issues and it is best for us to no longer communicate. We recently had a family event and she tried to hug me, I was not receptive at all and it think it shocked her. I stayed away as if I didn't know her and I think this is best.

    • profile image

      Raymondtk 

      5 months ago

      I'm 22 and both of my dad's were disappointment why am I jealous of my neighbors daughters they have a big inflatable pool and a mother and father who swims with them

    • profile image

      Willow83 

      6 months ago

      This is a lot like my boyfriends family and protecting their bother too much from his bad and threatening behavior whenever I'm at the house, he starts to cause trouble while he's just sitting there watching tv all day long everyday, that's his life for 25 to 30 years or so from his health problems he caused himself and not spending time with his son. We ask his son to come over to see his dad and the brother/his dad doesn't want to take him out, or even make him dinner or spend money on take out. Instead we all pinch in and he never fully pays for any takeout instead he makes up excuses and blamed us for ruining his day! He than says he had to pay for his sons car insurance! Lol really? Wow! They watch tv most of the day and go to bed, that's it.. Every day this is how he acts, bitter, lazy, and takes advantage of peoples kindness and offering him to go out and do things instead of watching tv and getting mad over anything.

      He's threatened me many times while he plays the victim in the family and his neighbors are confused by the fighting so they protect him anyway. Him not dealing with his personal problems and health issues is causing friction in the family between me and his brother, my boyfriend that live with him. I visit every year from the US and I'm having to leave my home life and my job just to fly to see my boyfriend and wanting to have a life together, but its hard when his brother makes it difficult in the house when he doesn't have a life of his own except cleaning, complaining, being threatened the house will be taken away by me when I'm just visiting although I do want to have a life there, and all he does is damage my relationship with his brother and his family that overly protect him like a child and he's 49 years old! I flew home after finally being there for a year which never happens when we're financially broke now and I had high bills to pay when I got home! His sister was in the middle of everything and thinks I'm rich in reality she knows I fly there every year sacrificing my life for them while I'm struggling financially with not having a job there from not being a citizen! Its hard enough when you want to be one and work, settle down when my boyfriends family hasn't let go and moved on from their childhood and life at that house.

      I feel depressed just knowing how attached they are and its not healthy when its affecting me, the one who is wanting a life there. I know they need counseling and my boyfriend just wants us to have a life but the cost of a house right now is 500,000! How can we get that type of money? And not only that, how can i work and save money when I can't even live in that house until we can afford our own! Its selfish and I've never seen such jealous and selfish people in my life! Its like they aren't facing reality and how its affecting everyone else! Even my family and friends think they are being overly critical and controlling of me! I came in wanting a life there and all they want to do is be in charge of it! I don't understand it. I work in the US and getting tired having to fly back and forth for 8 years of things not ever changing! I'm like going backwards with them instead of forwards!

    • profile image

      Melissa 

      6 months ago

      Great advice! I wish I could have read this blog sooner and save myself the pain of processing the whys.

      I have the misfortune of being born into a family where my parents were arranged and therefore always fighting and never getting along. Thus, much of my childhood was spent trying to put out fires between my parents, where my siblings and I bore the brunt of their criticisms, which they spewed out of their own pain. They did not separate because of financial ties and cultural loyalty.

      I also have aunts and uncles who are super jealous for really no reason other than to maintain their pride and greed. My family doesn't make as much money as my relatives do, and they intend to keep it that way by not helping us in the worst of times When my dad was out of a job, his brother purposefully didn't let him know that his company was hiring. My dad fortunately saw a posting and applied and got the job lol. When my mom got into a major car accident, they refused to loan money when our family was at our all time low financially with medical bills and our house was being threatened. My dad still had a job, but the bills were stacking high. We fully intended on paying them back and all too, which we did pay back in full to other folks (not my relatives) that we borrowed money from. When my parents were on the verge of divorce, my aunt laughed instead of consoling me. I have many stories but I'll stop there. Sigh, I have strange "relatives".

      For years, I've grieved over the dysfunctional family that I was born into for a long time before I realized that I should just pursue my own life wholehearted and happily without them. I did eventually decide to create a lot of distance and I find myself much happier. However, the process of distancing yourself when you grew up with them for 20 years is a weird hodgepodge of emotions to sort through. Since then, I've made many great friends that have been family more to me than all of my relatives combined.

      It's unfortunate but if anyone is in a situation where, despite your many well-intentioned and loving acts and the passage of a lot of time, you find that your relationships with your relatives or family members are not improving... do what the blog says above, love from afar, forgive and make peace with your heart with them. It is very important to maintain boundaries with them so that you are not over-giving to the point where bitterness can come back into your heart.

      It may take a few really good cries, writing unsent letters, talking it out with a trusted friend, therapist, or significant other, etc. One thing I read on the web that helped me move past it is when I read a blog post on Thought Catalog that said that really awesome familial relationships are a privilege and not a right. It is quite the statement, but it has helped me to move on emotionally from being in emotional pain about the state of my family affairs for the last decade and a half.

    • profile image

      child 

      6 months ago

      My brother doesn't do anything and he is half my age. My mom loves him more and whenever I ask her why she loves him so much even though he doesn't do anything she ignores me.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 

      6 months ago

      I’m going to see my adopted auntie and I’m taking my closest friend so the another friend is jealous and she saying really nasty stuff like it’s fake

    • profile image

      francis quayle 

      6 months ago

      My daughter and i are stay with my sister Aunt and

      Cousin since last November be a long time but I say we need to move but there want us to stay Help please

    • profile image

      mb 

      6 months ago

      So recently my Sis & Bro in law came to visit. They are finacially strapped, so I kicked in extra $ to help make the trip funner.

      While we were out & about I started winning pretty good amts of $. They both lost. Its very uncommon, normally its me watching them win win win, and I stay up, tag along and cheer them on.

      This trip her husband was a complete whiner. Kept insisting he wanted to leave right during my win streak. The last night they both went to bed at 9pm! I was shocked at their behavior, and feel sick that I spent as much as I did for 2 ungrateful whinning brats!

      Lesson learned....Next trip I see them i wont be donating shit but maybe an hr of therapy for behavior modification!

    • profile image

      May 

      7 months ago

      I have a disability and I am on ssdi I can’t work anymore although I have worked for 30 yrs my cousin has 4 kids she is teacher although she is financially ok she seems mad at me that she works full time and I don’t even though I help with get kids and I love doing it

    • profile image

      Sabrina 

      7 months ago

      Very nice article. God bless you for taking the time to write share and post it

      This article has helped me tremendously when dealing with jealous family members

      God bless you and everyone dealing with jealous family members or friends

    • profile image

      Am 

      7 months ago

      Pauli...Some people need help, they can't get a job because they have a disability. Your the type who kicks people when thier down. Some day you will to need help,and nobody will be there,you will be all alone wondering why won't anyone help me. Good luck!

    • profile image

      JannieD 

      7 months ago

      This does help me. No one should feel ostrasized. I just hope the venom doesn't graduate to the young ones. Sad. Oh by the way I'm the one hated on. Oh well been there done that. It's a small town too..... I'm letting go and doing my own thing.

    • profile image

      This was helpful 

      7 months ago

      I'm so distraught. I'm dealing with my oldest brothers wife being nasty to me because i am closer to my youngest brothers wife. b/c of my bond with the youngest brothers wife, the oldest brothers wife claims i "love and spend more time with (youngest brothers wife and kids) more", therefore it is perceived i "love them more". she also has told me that b/c i post more of the youngest brothers wife and kid, that i spend "all" my time there. She blamed her kids acting out while i visited yesterday on the fact that i "never" visit when in fact its simply not true. i cried my eyes out today because of this. its gut-wrenching. its unfair as well. i knew my youngest brothers wife as a friend before she became a sister in law. i also worked with her for 1 year and lived with her for 1.5 years. She is younger and more loving and accepting and not judgmental- so naturally i get along with her better. oldest brothers wife is older, and when she entered the family- made very little effort to get to know me as a sister in law at all. she has admitted she is jealous, and i tell her i'm sorry she feels that way, however the passive aggressive comments DO come up often and i'm so tired of it. i don't know what to do.

    • profile image

      Candace 

      7 months ago

      My own middle sister won't let my niece go anywhere with out her own mother tagging along. I guess she is pretty much over protective & won't let her go anywhere at all. Well something is wrong with her & she won't let a family member get her daughter any clothes from her own Aunts & Uncle. I guess she doesn't want to be alone.

    • profile image

      Joanne 

      7 months ago

      TY for the advice. I've been torn for so long. I am a senior citizen, disabled and living alone on a fixed income. My family was always decent to me until I turned 60 then boom. They all turned against me. I feel when people see you're down they kick you even more (even family)

    • profile image

      Susie 

      7 months ago

      This is good advise. I have a younger and older brother that are both toxic and also putting me down. I believe there is some jealousy as they are not happy in their lives. I have done everything in my power to connect and maintain a relationship, but will no longer give them permission to put me down. I have blocked them from my life and it feels good.

    • profile image

      Rory 

      8 months ago

      That is very good advice. Talking to a jealous member is a waste of time. Only action which limits the ability of the jealous person to cause distress is what is effective. Stay away if possible and him/her/them nothing about your personal business.

    • profile image

      Sakesh 

      8 months ago

      My aunt is the biggest vamp(more likely bitch but can't use that word bcos she is elder to me) anyone can have she lives to make others life hell and destroy their happiness

      Don't understand how these kind of people sleep at night

      We have to suffer them because "they are so called family"

      Can't enjoy any family function peacefully because of them

    • profile image

      Pauli 

      8 months ago

      This is terrible advice and most people on here need mental help. I see people crying because someone won't buy them stuff? For God's sake, what happened to getting a job and buying your own? First problem is telling these people to take care of themselves when they already are taking TOO MUCH care of themselves. This is the liberal world, they are self-destructing and don't understand why. Look in the mirror!!

    • profile image

      Bethany 

      9 months ago

      "However, in most cases, you will find that certain relatives who harbor jealousy will usually not invite you to their events"

      This is so very strange! It is better to avoid dramatic jealous people and not invite them to your events!!

    • profile image

      Happy Living 

      9 months ago

      One Pastor said if you focus on how bad people are treating you,, or focus on how angry you are towards them, or how you wish you could be part of their lives or they be part of you, you are giving them rent free accommodation in your mind. They are happy or whatever they feel, you are not happy, you deprive yourself, your own family (spouse and children) and everyone who cares about you the happiness that you could be giving.

      You are not responsible for how people feel about you. Stop accommodating people for free in your live when they are not worth it, be it blood family or not. You deserve better.

    • profile image

      Confused & Hurt 

      10 months ago

      Need your advise. My brother got married for the second time, however, it could have been 3 times, since he lived like he was married to a another women for 7 years. We worked together in the same company, and it was a competitive industry and sometimes I was more successful than him at the Company. His children had problems, but he kept it secret. Christmas last few years, he would host Christmas parties and my husband and I were never invited, however, he invited my co-workers and my other two siblings and their spouses. I have been married to the same man for 35 years. I was not part of the wedding party, but my other two siblings were. His wedding rehearsal social was at his house and he invited loads of people, some not even part of the family. I understood I was not part of the Wedding party, but I was the only one not invited. My sister-in-law, not the grooms wife to be, but my other brothers wife makes it known that she attended the rehearsal, christmas party, BBQ's, and other get togethers, etc. I thought I had a great relationship with my brother - the groom, but I guess I thought wrong. Should I say anything to anyone? My sister-in-law of my other brother will reveal secrets by indiscreet talk. Should I say anything to my brother the groom, since his new wife is possibly terminally ill and I don't want to upset anything in his family. This really hurts me, but I have put up with this for years and have not said anything. Every now and then, I get from co-workers and people saying why weren't you at your brothers function. I am struggling with this. I don't want to complain or wine, but I never know there is a function. Few times a year, I have a functions at my house, I invite all my siblings. Just recently I had my brother & spouse and all my other siblings over for supper. My brother asked if his adult 30 year old single daughter could come as well. I never invited her this time, since she used to party a lot and would never make any other suppers due to be hung over. I gladly said it would be great if she could come. The daughter asked if I could prepare her meal separately from the rest of the meal due to some food reactions and I gladly accommodated. Four days after I had my family at my house, my brother has a Christmas party. All my family was invited, co-workers, and friends who I know. I don't want to go where I am not welcome, but it kills me. My husband says my brother and his new wife are jealous of us. But my brother has everything better, richer, than I could ever have and I am so proud of him. What should I do? I am a big girl, so I can take the hurt. Please advise what could I have or not done.

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      Messie Girl 

      10 months ago

      I love this article. This is a beautiful way to handle a sad family situation.

      My story is one I have shed many tears over. I have typed many unsent emails. I have yelled at the air. I have rehearsed my attack over and over for 26 years. I agree with this article, as nice as it would be to snap and put them all in their place, I have a problem, why do I feel I need that?

      We are better than that. Look at the many blessings in your life and don't let anything distract you from them anymore. It is all a waste of your time. Don't let them distract you anymore. Don't think there isn't a little devil deriving pleasure watching you squirm.

      I have wasted so much time dwelling on the past and the present, fearing the future when right in front of me I have all these blessings.

      You are not alone, you are not being treated right, be your best friend and know you are AWESOME!

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      10 months ago

      I have several family issues going on at the moment, but ill speak on one cousin. I moved to Atlanta to be with my boyfriend and closer to my family reevaluating on some life choices. I stayed with my aunt and cousin when I first got h

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      Dawson 

      10 months ago

      Unhappy living with controlling Aunt in Texas. I want to live with my Dad in Florida which my Aunt works for the Government and lied so she could gain control of me and my sister. She put my Dad on Social Security because her and my biological Mother tried to kill him and got away with it. My biological Mother gave up her rights, but my Dad refused to but their is a twist to this mess is my Aunt has never been married, aunts men and she could never bare children of her own so she targeted my Dad and draws Social Security of him. She made sure he could never have visitation and tried to ruin his family over greed, selfishness and jealously. I feel she kidnapped us and got away with it. I don't want to wait until I'm 18. My mom tried to kill us along with my Dad and all she got was one night in a mental facility, plus she is not suppose to see us but that is another joke because she just pops in whenever she wants. I also released my Aunt is receiving money for fostering us now that is sick. Please help - IS ANYTHONE LISTENING!

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      stacy 

      11 months ago

      i have this controlling brother who pays for all of the bills in my mother's house?

      he is always pissed about why me and my sister don't have jobs?

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      Artist 

      11 months ago

      I am a pet portrait artist and I have an online business.Whenever I get requested to draw someone’s pet, my aunt will say I only got requested because I asked them to request me. She never believes that I don’t get people to request me to draw for them. It feels like she doesn’t even believe I can get requested by people to ask me to draw for them.My entire family believes I can’t draw well and that I can never be successful. In fact it seems like my customers believe in me more than my family members do. My dad even asked me why would people even want YOU to draw for them ? Your drawings don’t even look that nice. I really hate that their trying to pull me down and aren’t happy for me whenever I get more customers.

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      ehh 

      11 months ago

      my dad always bought my cousin and aunt stuff but that was when they barely had money so i was cool with it but recently he started buying them a lot of stuff that they just wanted and not needed. Like for example my moms phone busted so she told my dad to buy her a new one so he did but then my aunt

      all of the suddnely she wanted a new phone so my dad got her a nicer one he gave my mom. And this thanksgiving he got my 65 year old grandma a apple tablet when he wouldnt give me more that 5 dollars. Or how if it where up to him he wouldnt even give me a birthday party or a christmas present. But now my aunt got married and they both make enough money but she still wants some stuff. Like if she doesnt pay the bills my dad pays them for her. And I do not a christmas where i got nothing and my cousin got the new iPhone x because she just wanted one, Im sick and tired of my dad buying them all they want and i go home crying seeing that literly every one around has the best childhood i then me. Or how they buy have the money to go to the store everyday with some money from my dad gives them and im forced to go to the thrift store to buy my outfits. My grandma is going out of country and my dad said i can go with you if you want for 2 days,. when he doesnt even have the money. And my mom has to borrow money from my sis because she cant work to buy us stuff. And also how he buys ridiculuosly expensive stuff and says when you have children you can buy them what ever you want like if he always buys me stuff and my aunt and cousins get it all from them

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      person 

      11 months ago

      i have always felt like my extended family get jealous and think we are spoilt brats, just because we get expensive xmas prezzies and my brother had a few tantrums around them when he was only 5 and 6 years of age. i find that my aunty disagrees with everything i say, and just about everyone is really judgemental. they always catch up amongst each other and don't invite us to a single thing they do, so we only ever see them on special occasions when we have family gatherings. they do a good job of hiding all their hatred on the outside, so i have never known how to handle this or what to do about it. thank you, this advice was super helpful!

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      Dj Ranx 

      11 months ago

      Just found out that I have been hated by 4 out of 7 family members after 51 years of faking. Luckily i'm not the suicidal type, but i'm deeply wounded to say the least. Plus side is I feel vindicated and can now move on with my God given life and trust in Him to see me through. Thanks for the comments guys, they really helped. Peace & Love!

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      Solida 

      11 months ago

      I agree to what I have just read above about jealousi in the family, I experienced this 5 advices and I live it , it works well. But it hurts any way

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      Shanta 

      11 months ago

      What can I do if I have a family member that envy me or jealous of me. Sometimes she copies my post and statuses on media. And I had to block her now. She disowned me and my mom.

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      stacey 

      11 months ago

      What is you were born with a rare liver condition and your own flesh and blood resented you, cruel, hurt you for years emotionally and physicologically and has gone to great length including using your illness against you , humiliates and treat you like your garabage, deameans you in front of company and alone that were controlling judgemental rules that no child should have to follow , now putiing yor health at great risk and has put you in hospital all on purpose just for hell of it or has worked in healthcare industry and uses your children and co worker and even courts, gov against you . you have no one on your side no one helping or any reasource available can, no lawyer willing to listen or take on your case.

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      Suzanne 

      12 months ago

      Great advise.

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      LovelySoup 

      12 months ago

      My problem is I have a brother in law who has a girlfriend of a year and my mother in law is nicer to her then me. I have been married to her other soon for 12 years. It's so maddening! Help!

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      Tammie 

      12 months ago

      Thank you so very much for the helpful article. I think jealousy is a sickness and this arrival helps me deal with my jealous sister

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      vickie.hines2011@gmail.com 

      12 months ago

      dent my entire family a letter from the lawyer saying we are forbidden to come to his and my step moms funeral .. my step Mom had already died . My step Mom was a nightmere..go figure.

      It has caused so much hurt ... I cannot finish the story because it so evil. My family has now broke the chain of jealousy and bitterness ..we have grown closer to each other . Praise God! We will not revisit that day we received that letter . We have mov on ..oh forgot to mention my younger sister is the only child my dad will see. Thats another story.

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      unicorn 

      12 months ago

      my mother in law was so jealous of my children she banned us from her granddaughter's wedding . I now have kept my distance from the whole family.

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      Neicy 

      12 months ago

      You all are not the only ones dealing with crazy siblings! It's been going on soo long, that I've decided it's healthier to just walk away. I'm the middle girl and was the favorite on both sides of the family. The only reason, I was the only child in our family to go and spend summers with them.

      They get mad about any progress that I and my two kids make. It's exhausting because I' always congratulating everyone on everything they do. I was obviously my dad's favorite because the night died, his friends called me instead of the other siblings.

      I've always been the one who would protect anyone in my family. Always fighting everyone else's battles, this also kept people from bothering my siblings.

      I think I'm more disappointed in my behavior because I've started to do things I don't like to protect myself.

      My siblings don't think I'm supposed to have anything. No transportation, no housing, no degrees or a decent mate.

      To me, it's not worth trying to fix, when I wrote a letter to say we should all respect each other, things took a turn for the worse! The youngest sibling decided to tell the oldest sibling something I said out of anger, just so she could get a loan from her.

      I'm not the oldest but the oldest sibling won't step in and take charge of the situation because she has self-esteem issues. Nobody cares, so I've taken matters into my own hands. I'm walking away until they decide to act like humans.

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      Mrs williams 

      12 months ago

      Ive have always been close to my father... but the moment my father passed away my oldest sisters jealousy came out and my aunts as well i felt like they been jealous the whole time and had to find a way to throw that at me so now we dont even speak. they tried blame me for everything ... so i can stress out so now i realize people love to see you down....

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      Ally 

      12 months ago

      Wow, amazing stories. I never thought I would find people with similar issues. Me and my sister have been estranged as I adopted some of her kids. It has been awful hard on my health and my heart feelings. So many things weighed down and made it hard to do best I can. Thank u all for the insight. I feel for u too. God bless and keep us from these chains of pain.

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      Kayleigh 

      13 months ago

      My father hasn't been in my life for 29 years and after 6 weeks he has started seeing my cousin who isn't like a sister to me he has said it's going to happen weather I like it are not but I just can't deal with it he hasn't bothered to try and spend time with me are nothing to me it says their it the wrong but who knows

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      Sherry Davis 

      13 months ago

      I have a sister who has always spoke bad about me behind my back. She accused my mom of taking up for her precious baby. Mother got to the point that she started defending me because my sister would constantly put down my dob. And me. I was a single mom for 9 years and my mom helped me alot because my son stayed sick alot

      She would go with me to take him to the doctors and keep him for me so I could go to work because I couldn't take him to the daycare. My sister would make comments about her keeping him and not keeping her little girl. Her daughter was very hyper and my mom couldn't handle her. I never said anything to my sister because I didn't want to cause trouble. But her jelousy started when I was small. I was the middle child and was born after her. I was sick alot. I think that had something to do with it. I also graduated from high school and got a college degree. Both of my sisters, got married when they were 16 and 17 and quit high school. The issues continued off and on but we did get closer later on after I got married and even took trips together to the beach. My husband and I actually paid for the condo be cause they never had enough money. Later in years, we lost our dad and mom ended up with ALZ. I quit my job and moved her in with me. Needless to say it got very hard because my husband worked still send so I had no help when she got really bad. My brother was helping and getting myim once every two weeks but it was still hard because I had mom 24 by 7 . My brother and I asked her to get in a rotation to keep mom some on the weekends and she fought us about it. That's when I'd had enough so to speak and told her what I thought about her not wanting to help out. We ended up putting mom in memory care and her and her girls didn't like the place and caused so many scenes, that the place called a meeting. Anyhow, the director of the place got on me and said I needed to get them under control so I told them if they kept making trouble we would have to ban them. Needless to say, neither of them are speaking to me. I have apologized to my sister to try and make peace. I feel like I did wrong by speaking up and I try to live s Christian Life. I was told that one of her friends said she needed to forgive and my sister said she reckoned she'd go to hell before she would forgive certain people, meaning me and her ex husband. That's another story. She couldn't stand his kids and things didn't go to good so they didn't work out. I know I've gotten long winded but it really bothers me that she can't forgive me. O feel she has always had a problem with me and my other siblings say she does and it's over my success in life. My question is should I keep worrying over her not speaking or just walk away. She want answer my phone calls or texts. Same with her girls.

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      Alma90557@gmail.com 

      13 months ago

      That's exactly what im going through with my man he's always going out with his sister and leaves me behind

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      Sad in Bethlehem 

      13 months ago

      i appreciate everything i have read. My sister has treated me wrong so many times and she always does it when she has others to agree with her. She spreads rumors and lies about me and gets the rest of the family to agree with her. It hurts, no lie. But i realize now that i have to cut off all ties because now it is affecting my family.

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      13 months ago

      What do you do when somebody makes you sad all the time then when you make them sad (just a little bit) you get in trouble?

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      JJ 

      13 months ago

      Thanks, I have lost one of my grown children to a childless group of aunt's. They want her to take care of them in their old age. It's difficult and one day she will see what her children missed. The rest of the family knows the truth. These are the last days.

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      13 months ago

      I hate it because it's keeping me from my nieces and nephews and I leave in a month. Help

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      Penny 

      13 months ago

      This article really nailed it. So true and so insightful. Thank you. It has opened my eyes of why I feel so beat down by my sister and brother. I'm the youngest , as if that was not a problem in itself. It has been a constant put down all my life. Love them from a distance may be the remedy I need. Again I say, thank you.

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      catia 

      13 months ago

      My partner is going away with her sister for a weeks holiday as she says she needs sister Time.. but there is nothing stopping the sister from visiting us. We haven't been on a holiday yet. I'm a little cranky that I wasn't invited to go. Am I wrong??

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      B.E. 

      13 months ago

      Thank you so much for this awesome article. Also thanks to those who posted there stories. I was very very sad and rejected by my family members. I went on google and saw this article. This has helped me so much. I want to live in peace and not feel guilty about staying away from jealous family members. Thank you!!

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      Cleo 

      14 months ago

      Thank you for the information and this is very good

      Thank you

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      HC 

      14 months ago

      My in laws had to be begged to see our house when we added our extension. They are very bitter people.

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      John Batchler 

      14 months ago

      I disagree with one and that is avoiding confrontations. In my case it works until they filed false police report and false imprisonment over property.in the end the state is bringing all kinds of nasty charges on these families ie multiple

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      Loly 

      14 months ago

      My MIL showed her true colors this past weekend not only to me - also to my mother and to her son, my husband. She was visiting our new home for the first (and now last) time and I noticed she was comparing herself to her own son, saying 'she can get a bigger house and have the rest of the family live with her - you don't need all this room!' This is coming from someone who lives in a run down apartment with 1 room!

      Then Hurricane Irma came into town, so we all had to go to a shelter for protection. While everyone was complacent, MIL made a huge show in front of everyone, as she is a chronic smoker and 'needs her cigarettes to survive this hellhole of a family.' She just kept complaining about everything my mom did for my daughter and that I'm a horrible mother. Once everything was cleared out, we checked our home and we sustained no damage and we had electricity and water, too. (Thank God!) but my mother's home didn't have electricity. So we all went home and I let my mother stayed with me in the guest room, and let MIL and FIL stay in the other room. They had a fit about thier room being smaller and needed a bathroom next to them (we have 2 bathrooms....) MIL went out of her mind and called me a 'difficult bitch' and my mother a 'stuck up gold digging whore like her daughter!' in front of our faces! On top of that I caught my MIL stealing a very expensive item from me, red handed and got everyone to see! My DH had enough, called her out on it, and MIL and FIL stormed out of our house! MIL said "GOOD! I didn't want to be here! I wanted to go home from the beginning!"

      They went home, thier apartment was flooded, they have NO electricity and NO sewer! They also have very little food left from what she was texting husband. My DH said "she's been using me long enough, I see why none of my brothers help them." and hung up the phone on her.

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      honey 

      14 months ago

      My unti is so rude behaviour;always she hate me too but i really don't care about her because she is very bad please always belive only mom and dad and i belive only god i trust god always,god bless me to upcoming my new life

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      ,why does she behave this way? 

      14 months ago

      Sister is jealous angry ,thriving attention,bashing me,competing with me,she's attacking me verbally emotionally why doesn't know how to be polite or conform with people,splits people,comparisons,lies cheats and manipulates me and family,has borderline traits,hates me,uses me,and family

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      gee 

      15 months ago

      My uncle and his wife Hates me to that extend where they told me face to face... I really don't care about their hatres all matters is that I feel cursed since this problem has shown up

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      Amelapa 

      15 months ago

      We enjoyed our 50th wedding anniversary so much with a lot of well wishing friends! Mother-in-law and sisters playing it down. Why would "family" want to play it down??

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      Alice 

      16 months ago

      What about the opposite. When your loved one has a relationship to someone who practices exclusion. Where u love them so much and u miss them so much but because u r excluded from their get together and it's posted everywhere and u feel so left out. It hurts so bad and u feel so jealous and u can't share it with anyone. What do u do.

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      Buddy 

      16 months ago

      Absolutely amazing information.It can help us to out of our everyday life depessions

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      Sister, Mother 

      16 months ago

      I wish jealousy didn't have eyes, but it does and it seems like those jealous eyes make me want to run for cover yet the answer is really just love and understanding. At first I would just try to give everything I had that the person was jealous about but came quickly to understand that there was always another thing they were jealous about. Now I seem to always ask myself what is more important today, dressing like a slave or being happy stuck with constant protection of others like me.

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      A1 

      16 months ago

      Guys agree with everyone sometime family hates you well if a person he is the one who is afraid to lose you and deeply love you inside but they always fail to express but if they still hate still to agree you feel like there is shelter on head but what if you ask a guy who never had family or lost a family well he will tell you what family really means because we don't know the pain until it itself happen to our-self!!!!!

      Try to go to your Mom and Dad once and just say I LOVE YOU and just hug them tight they you will feel that feeling but HUG for long time tho!!

      Try it Well i don't have any family i am orphan (they all died when i was 12) and i know that pain!!!

      But try it :)!!!

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      Patricia 

      17 months ago

      My sister in law is mean. I was bullied as a kid but she cut the cake. Everyone tolerates her arrogance. She's a psychologist. I asked in the most respectable way not to be hugged. Because I don't want to let her continue bullying me i confronted it. I know longer talk to my brother who hates me or see the kids. I would love a conversation but she is evasive and knows it was her. Why does my brother hate me? I do not impose on his.wife but to let your wife be cruel??

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      Natalya 

      18 months ago

      I am so heart broken, I just wish we could all be one big happy family and love eachother, but my cousin is overly jealous about having the attention of a particular family member, if you even make this family member laugh or have a fun time without her in the picture then my cousin will get very jealous and do horrible selfish things, she's a horrible person and I can't believe Shen would hurt me, I've been crying myself to sleep most nights and I don't think I can hold my grudge any longer.

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      Hope Anne Cole 

      18 months ago

      I told my uncle,who is facing eviction that he cannot live with us because he is very jealous of my sons,who are in College. He resents everything my husband gives them because my grandfather never wanted him to have anything. I feel guilty, but can't have that toxic person in my home commenting on my life.

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      Natalia David 

      18 months ago

      I have a problem with my uncle a blood brother to my mum...he is jealous of my man and doesn't want me to get married...how should I handle him?

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      Saina 

      18 months ago

      It's so difficult to deal with it. Everyday a task. It's from my husband side and to see my husband face all this jealousy feels heartbroken, he has the sweetest heart and love everyone, no Mater even if they hurt him. Will definitely make him read your article . Thank you.

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      Saina 

      18 months ago

      In so much pain right now, felt a little better after reading this article.

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      Tory 

      18 months ago

      Wow I thought I was by myself with jealous bitter envious family members. I cut em off, they say I think I'm better than them. I have learned to reply I'm taking the love boat instead of the Titanic with you people

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      Julianne 

      19 months ago

      I am in middle school and recently made the cheer team and also a captain. I always knew my cousin was jealous but wasn't always sure. She now makes fun of me because she says I am only captain and made the team because of my mom being the coach. I got so fed up with her I finally told my mom. She told me what to tell my cousin and she said I was allowed to look at my scores. I did and I got the highest of all the "contestants". My mom is also a middle school teacher, one grade above mine. I will tell her next time she makes a comment that we will go to my mom and ask her why I made the team. I will also post a comment on this on the aftermath of this

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      Fran 

      22 months ago

      I couldn't agree more the person who is the center of this jealousy needs to stay strong and realize they are not at fault. My eldest son & wife are very jealous of his younger sister. Even though all my four children have been treated as equally as possible, my son is constantly making sarcastic and negative remarks towards her, which I am totally fed up with, as she has done nothing to warrant this treatment. My daughter has always been a loving and supportive sister to him, so really can't understand his behavior. I am only assume it is jealousy. I try to stay out of it as much as possible and be neutral, as certainly don't want to add fuel to the fire. My daughter has taken the stance that she is just going to continue to live her life as normal and treats her brother well, despite the fact that his behavior really hurt her feelings. As said the person who is the object of the jealousy needs to stay strong and continue living life to the fullest , as they are not the ones with the problem. It is a shame in this instance, as we feel that we can't share any milestones or good things in my daughters life with her brother and wife. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't have a sister as I just don't feel like I can talk about her in front of him. This is such a shame as they could be the best friends and support for each other, if he only let it. Sometimes I feel like giving my son a good talking too but honestly feel this would only make the situation worse. What do others think?

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      Got a be different I yahoo.com 

      22 months ago

      Excellent article.Exactly what I was looking for.

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      Grams 

      24 months ago

      Wow, I have been trying to pinpoint my feelings on this topic for years, can't believe how many are experiencing the same things. Was feeling so isolated until now. Thanks to all for sharing on such sensitive subject. Hope and solutions restored for this Thanksgiving!

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      Hanan Alshameri 

      2 years ago

      I love this article i wish my family reads it

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      Dorothy 

      2 years ago

      What a brilliant article. Thank you.

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      SoDone 

      2 years ago

      this article and comments have been so helpful. I have been so frustrated with both sides of my family (mother and fathers). I feel like I'm the outcast since I have chosen to take a healthier path and better myself. I don't drink anymore, and have been working on myself for almost 10 years. I don't care what they do as it is there choice, and who am I to judge. I am now 30 and have a solid grip on who I am, and it's like the more happy and clear I get, I am being jabbed at, and/or left out. Certain family members have cliqued together, and I know they bitch about people. I live away from my hometown, and I can sense the weirdness when I am around some of them. (like when you've been talked about). Even when I come into town they dodge me or don't even make an effort when I reach out to try and see them or make plans. Going home used to be my favorite thing in the world, but I have no desire to go home anymore. All I have been doing is living my life and I haven't even seen them lately. Yet its like some of them secretly hate me or something. My mothers side doesn't even talk to each other since my grandmother passed away. My dads side is so screwed up since my other grandmother passed away. I am so done with all un-healthy behaviors, and gossiping. I have learned my father does not have my back and has treated me like shit the last 2 times I seen him and never apologizes for anything. (Last straw). I watch the unhealthy patterns, and am asked for advice, yet they act like nothing has happened. My dad had a heart attack last year, and is not even supposed to be drinking or smoking, and chooses to continue basically on the daily. he gets ugly when he hits a certain point and I have spoken to him about this. I have set the biggest boundary in my life and have solidly chosen to not take part in any of it anymore. I choose love and to be peaceful, and don't need to feel like this to feel like I have a family. family is who you choose, and you have a choice where you put your energy and who you choose to be around. if they want to speak to me fine, but I am not going out of my way anymore. So much harder with family. It's like the older I get the more insane people are lol.. if that makes sense, and bigger choices you need to make for your self. Aside from Family BS I am happy every day and its like they don't like it. they want me to be happy but mabe not happier than them? I don't get it.

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      MiddleChild312 

      2 years ago

      Hi Ikanony,

      I have the same sister-in-lw I think! Lol! Very judgmental and aloof but because she has a school counselors degree - not a full Clinical Psych degree by any means - has decided she understands everyone's behavior and has these odd pat phrases in response to everthing like, "I'm very sorry that happened." But you don't get the sense she has even really heard what your said. Very held, very cold, vet always making sure she does and says what she things is the right thing, whether empathetic or not. Almost robotic. Very uncomfortable to be around. I don't think she would ever admit to jealousy and I have noticed she doesn't ever say, "I'm sorry." That's a big alert for me. My feeling if someone can't actually connect with you or admit to their own feelings and take some responsibility for them, even with humor, it's not your responsibility to make up the difference because they are family. A relationship is a two way street. It takes effort, caring and commitment on both sides. I would say just don't waste to much time because nothing you do is likely to change who she is or how she behaves.

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      scooter 

      2 years ago

      In my case, it is my only sibling and even my parents. It has caused me lots of sadness throughout my life and your article was very helpful. Thank you so much!

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      lkanony 

      2 years ago

      I find this article very interesting and intriguing. Would you happen to have any insight on handling/dealing with aloof/jealous in-laws? Sister-in-laws to be exact.

    • profile image

      vasha33 

      2 years ago

      Mustbeheard please let me know how it goes. I just seen my sister the other day. I just waved and went on. She didn't acknowledge it tho. Lol but hey I could have just cussed her out. Ur right we do get jealous but dang we leave it at that! I fix credit and offered my service to her and she didn't respond, she know I know her sh*t jacked up! I been doing for her kids and grand kids and she still have a problem with me. Oh well My God is bigger! Take Care!

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      mustbeheard 

      2 years ago

      The strangest thing about jealousy,(am I have been jealous of others, but not in a vicious way), is that once you acknowledge it, it just disappears. It's like a cancer that keeps on growing inside, if you hide it, and once it is released it dissipates! I think in the future, I will tell my jealous relatives that I know they are jealous of me, I am going to put it out on the table. Hopefully, once they acknowledge it, it too will dissipate; and we can become the family we were meant to be. I will tell you how it goes

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      MiddleChild312 

      2 years ago

      Yes, very mature response. I do love my jealous family members but, since their jealousy seems to dominate our relationship, I can't help nudging them a bit sometimes. They treat the members of the family they aren't jealous of very differently from me and my spouse and kids so I just sort of point this out with gentle ribbing. It relieves any small lingering hurt feelings that could develop. I love them and they will have to live with their jealous/selfish actions, not me. But we are all human and I don't and can't always "rise above." I'm ok with that. I don't do anything I would ever feel regret or shame about but I don't not acknowledge either. It's a loving balance. And I definitely don't hide it when I or my spouse or kids have good fortune or work hard for something that we are excited about or proud of. I sing to the hills - on FB anyway - and let the chips fall where they may. I figure it's good for them to deal with their own feelings - not my job! I love my life. I shout about that. And I think that's OK.

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      vasha33 

      2 years ago

      Hey Craig. You keep doing you brother. That's all that matters. I don't have inlaws yet. But I can image the b/s that they can bring. I'm sorry your mum is gone...didn't seem like you had the time to mourn her correctly. Start you a business. It can be home-based. Then you could really focus your time and energy on that. Your sisters are dumb. I wish my family cared as much as you did. I stop buying presents a log time ago. I got tired of getting nothing year after year. Don't let that brother in law trip you up either. He is definitely hating and that's a shame. Keep doing you and think about the home based business. If you have time go to my website www.mycreditvictory.com It may be something your interested in. Its sad that we let ourselves get down behind acceptance from others. But that's the only we go up. Is by going down. However, we can't stay down. Staying down is how they want us. Lower than they are. But I read that anyone who is trying to keep you down is already below YOU! Find it in your heart to release any pain. Its hard but you will find away. I've done it alot. Ive been so mad that my face would hurt the next day from frowning. But the "good news" is there is always a way out! Stay Blessed! Here is my Instagram @castlevee

    • profile image

      Craig 

      2 years ago

      I too have experienced the poison of having jealous family members.

      I am a single childless male. I have two sisters. One married with two adult children and another single sister who is also childless. I own my own place and two others. They know this. My mother died recently and after the family house was sold, we each inherited equally (myself and my two other sisters). That's when the comments from my sister's husband started. Comments like: you are lucky to have what you have at your age, Craig will give you a few thousand (he said this in front of my sister's children - my nieces), he talks about my apartment and guesses how much it is worth. He has made comments about me being in steady employment too and how lucky I am to have a well paying job whilst completely ignoring that I work hard and am a valued employee.

      I am a non-drinker and when we go to restaurants they would order expensive wine. When I indicate that I am only paying for the food I had, I get snide comments, like "Thanks Craig."

      My niece told me that she thought I was someone to be jealous of, and when I acted surprised she said "What don't you think so? You own your own place and have seen the world!" That is a reference to me travelling - obviously it must have bothered them.

      My sister asked me to give money for her adult child's (she is 22 and working) overseas holiday, I told her that if people travel they should make sure they have the money to go before they leave. Fair comment - I certainly haven't asked people to pay for my trips.

      Up to last year I bought they kids birthday and Christmas presents each year - I got nothing in return. Now I do what they do for me, a text message wishing them a happy birthday.

      My sister's husband has often been mean to me over the years and I think that me inheriting money as a single person has really gotten to him and gotten to his wife (my sister) as well. I am gay and he is also a homophobe. I think he has gradually been poisoning my sister and her children against me.

      We have never had a big argument as such but it is just the general vibe I get from them, plus the comments too make me think they are very resentful and jealous of me.

      One of my nieces told me that her mum (my sister) says I am selfish and yet I paid for my mum's aged care facility while they did nothing. They rarely visited her.

      At my niece's 21 birthday party, my niece made a speech. In the speech she acknowledged dead relatives, friends and even neighbours but I was ignored.

      I think they are jealous of me and resent me having my own place plus others but I bought those places and went travelling before any inheritance. They would love to say I owe them something but I don't and they know it.

      My other sister who is not married, kind of wants to be popular with them and let's me know when she sees them but I have kept my distance the last few months and I am putting them on the back burner and limiting my communication with them. I don't need their negative energy. I just get on with my life and enjoy my friends. When I hear from them, I let them know I am well and wish them all the best. My guess is that just fuels their resentment.

      It is disappointing but I am keeping my distance as for me, that is the best thing to do.

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      Deepti 

      2 years ago

      Thank you...

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      Cena 

      2 years ago

      Hi T, I feel your pain, I've been there.. I'm seriously tired of my family. If we had a choice to walk out of one family and into another I'd take it, that should say a lot! God has to have a lesson for us to learn from this situation. I don't understand what it is, but thats how I deal with it for now.

    • profile image

      2 years ago

      All I can say after reading these posts is, Bless The Lord that someone understands. I've been dealing with aunts, cousins and friends being jealous practically all my life. Though, I'm a child of God I still get very, very sad over how I've have been and continue to be treated by them. I'm 42 years old, soon to be 43 and I still cry just like a young child. I cry at night and wake up to swollen eyes in the morning. I'm so hurt and feel so alone. I want so much for my aunts and cousins (especially) to love me and see me for who I am and stop hating me because of what they "think" I have or see me as. I have no more than the rest of them and have even less than some of them. It just hurts so much.....

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