Signs of Jealous Family Members and How to Deal With Them

Updated on August 9, 2018
Jealous family members can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself.
Jealous family members can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself. | Source

Jealous relatives do exist, and they can cause a problem within the family overall. They are not an urban legend or a strange delusion. Family and all of our interactions with them are supposed to be a blessing. But if you have a jealous family, you can feel absolutely cursed.

There’s a saying that goes, “Blood is thicker than water." In my opinion, blood is more jealous, too. It’s so sad to know that jealousy might motivate your aunts, cousins, or even your siblings to hurt you. And when it comes from family members, the hurt is deeper. Plus, they can cause a lot of unnecessary stress in your life. They can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself.

Strangely, I’ve had horrible luck in dealing with jealous relatives in my life. It could be worse, but it’s still a shame that jealousy occurs in the family. I suppose that we can say it’s just human nature, but it’s so unnecessary.

What Are the Signs of Jealous Family Members?

You may think it's easy to spot envy in others, but some people are very subtle in their actions or wording. According to Frances M. Bledsoe, a licensed clinical social worker at the Relationship Center Nashville, signs of a jealous relative can include things like, "Criticism, direct, or behind one’s back; passive-aggressive behavior (like “forgetting” to make good on a promise, deliberately sabotaging a plan); gossip; or outright lies." Here are some more tell-tale signs.

They're Never Impressed

Do you ever feel like your cousin or sister is never impressed with your accomplishments? Jealous relatives tend to downplay your accomplishments by telling you that lots of people can do that. They'll say things like, "Anyone can get a promotion if they just work hard enough. It's not that big of a deal." This is definitely a sign of their own insecurities.

They Try and "One Up" You

Every family seems to have that one person who is always trying to be the best. If your child said their first word at the 16 months, theirs did at 12 months. If you share news of your big promotion, they already got one six months after starting their new job. Try not to get caught up in their need to compete and focus on you.

They Get Angry When You Give Them Advice

Now, most people don't like unsolicited advice, but as I mentioned above, insecurity is the driving force of jealousy. People who are filled with envy get defensive quickly and don't like their "flaws" being pointed out. Even though your advice is well-intentioned, they don't see it like that. Instead, they think you're trying to show that you're better than them.

Seeing Them Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself

Seeing your relatives should make you feel good and loved. If you always leave a family gathering feeling worse about yourself than you did when you arrived, this is a sign that something's wrong. Your family should be supportive of your goals and proud of your accomplishments.

They Are Extra Critical

If your aunt or cousin is constantly calling out your flaws or saying negative things to you, this is a sign that they are jealous. People who are insecure about themselves try and bring others down to make themselves feel better. They will find fault in almost anything. Try not to let them get to you.

Did You Know?

About 1 in 3 siblings drift apart entirely in adulthood, sometimes describing their relationship as distant or rivalrous.

How to Deal With Toxic Relatives

Keep Your Mouth Shut

While you cannot remove yourself from the family tree, you can easily manage any jealous family members that you have. The most important step is to keep them out of your personal business. They do not need to know that you are purchasing a new home, awaiting a promotion, or even dating a new partner. Only share these things with people who are going to support you.

You do not want your goals or current events to be the main discussion at their dinner table. They will simply devour it and speak negatively about your life. Do not fuel the fire for their gossip and negative talk.

Stop Feeling Guilty

Do not feel guilty that you are pulling away by not sharing your life story with them. Sometimes, you just have to love people from far away. It’s easy to feel that you are being the bad guy when you are simply trying to protect yourself.

Limit Interaction

If they invite you to family functions, you can still attend. You just have to be mindful of what you share with them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying their company.

However, in most cases, you will find that certain relatives who harbor jealousy will usually not invite you to their events. You should not despair, and do not force your way into their world either. It's probably best to limit your in-person interactions with them. Why hang out with someone who doesn't have a positive effect on your life?

And remember, it's okay to set boundaries with certain people. You can still love them from a distance.

Avoid Confrontation

Some say that a person should call a family meeting to discuss the jealousy issue, but a lot of times it only makes the drama last longer. Bledsoe says, "Occasionally, a healthy relative may just need to say out loud how insecure or overshadowed she or he feels, and be met with compassion. However, not everyone who is jealous is willing and able to be honest and vulnerable."

The most important thing is to remain a loving, caring individual and not allow the antics of jealous family members to make you bitter. This may sound weird, but become the peace that you seek from your family. Compliment them and focus on being a positive force within the family. It's hard to be the bigger person, but it will be better in the long run.

You can acknowledge the good things happening in your life by attributing them to hard work and/or luck. Try not to come off as judgmental because most likely their jealousy is fueled by their own insecurities about not being good enough.

Take Care of Yourself First

It can be easy to dwell on the jealousy and negative feelings surrounding it. However, it's important to practice self-care to stay emotionally healthy. Try journaling or meditating if you find yourself starting to get angry or sad. Have compassion for yourself and be patient. It's okay to be bothered by their actions, but try not to let it consume you.

Why Do People Get Jealous?

Sometimes, these same jealous relatives may feel conflicted on the inside. They may actually be proud of you but are simply jealous that they were not able to achieve what you've been able to. They're dealing with feelings of inadequacy.

While that is sad, it is not your problem. This is an issue that they need to deal with on their own, so you shouldn't feel burdened by their feelings. You also shouldn’t have to be overly humble and ashamed of your milestones so you don’t offend your family members. Continue to be confident of yourself and proud of your achievements! Don't allow these people to affect your self-esteem and make you lose confidence.

In time, you will either find that your absence has made their heart grow fonder for you or that nothing has changed. Find it in your heart to forgive them so that you're not consumed by bitterness. Figure out what's driving their jealousy and try and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe they're jealous of your new relationship because they've been single for a number of years or maybe they envy your new job because they can't find someone they love. This can help you become empathetic towards their life situation.

But remember, you can only control your own actions. This is the only way to find peace.

If one sibling gets engaged first, this can create some jealous feelings and a sense of rivalry.
If one sibling gets engaged first, this can create some jealous feelings and a sense of rivalry. | Source

Causes of Sibling Jealousy

Sibling rivalry is extremely common, especially if you're the same gender or around the same age. They are one of the few people you've known your entire life, and you've shared every milestone together. However, childhood sibling rivalry can easily turn into jealousy in adulthood if it's not addressed. Here are a few reasons why this happens.

Parental Influence

Many parents place high expectations on their children, and it's especially difficult if one child lives up to those expectations while the other doesn't. Bledsoe says, "Sometimes families promote unhealthy competition between children. For example, a parent may lavish attention on a child who is more academic, athletic, musical, etc. than another." These jealous feelings can linger and cause problems in adulthood.

Hitting Milestones at Different Times

As you and your brother or sister reach adulthood, you'll start to accomplish different things and live different lifestyles. This could cause some competition as to who gets married first, who has kids first, who buys a house first, etc. Marriage can be especially difficult if you don't approve of your sibling's significant other or feel like that person is threatening your bond with them.

What If I'm the Jealous One?

Maybe you're actually the one who is jealous of a relative. It's okay to be envious of someone, but try your best not to let it show. Remember that this is likely stemming from your own insecurities and has nothing to do with the other person. Don't let these feelings ruin what is otherwise a really great relationship! And don't let them build up either—you'll only start to resent this family member and the relationship will deteriorate.

Here are a few healthy ways to manage your

  • Acknowledge your jealousy: Just recognizing that you're having these feelings opens the door to letting them go. Bledsoe suggests asking yourself the following questions: "What am I most afraid of in this situation?” “How did I learn to believe there is not enough (love, approval, etc.) to go around? Are those learned beliefs/feelings really relevant to the current circumstances? Am I willing to identify the old fears and let them pass?”
  • Open up to a friend or trained professional: It's important to talk about your jealousy with a friend or even a trained professional, like a counselor or therapist. They'll be able to help you determine the causes of your envy and how to deal with them.
  • Remind yourself of your positive traits: Just because someone else is better at something than you are doesn't mean that they better than you. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, so remind yourself of the things you are good at or the positive qualities you possess. It can even help to write these strengths on a post-it note and tape it to your mirror, so you can get a daily reminder of why you're awesome.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      no name 

      25 hours ago

      i have a sister and we both share the same freind and somethimes i just want to do things with her but my sister is offered to join or people want her there is there any thing i can do to deal with this in a helthy way?

    • profile image

      Michelle 

      11 days ago

      Very interesting helpful read. I have just walked away from my Family because of a Jealous Sister who is 5 years older than me. I left Ireland a long time ago, met my Husband and have 3 beautiful kids. My family have never forgiven me for leaving. My Sister has been bullying me for quite some time, so I decided to confront her and what a mistake that was, she tore into my Husband, and every aspect of my life with him. I’m very happily married for 32 years. Now my other siblings have austerised my Husband, so really I think there’s been a lot of harmful gossip going on. So 2 weeks ago after a visit home, I made the decision to walk away for good. It seems like they blame him for me being away, even though I left myself and met him whilst I was away. My Sister has done nothing but put me down about everything from my appearance, to where I live, how I raise my kids, to the Man I married. Sadly I think the whole family agree with her, they obviously spent many a Friday night at my Mums gossiping over drinks about me and my life choices. I know this because when I’ve been in their company, they’ve gossiped about each other. I think it’s jealousy and boredom. So I just walked away, feel like I’m going through a grieving process but I know I’ve done the right thing for me, my Husband and kids. Thanks for this helpful article and good to know I’m not alone.

    • profile image

      Liveyourlife3 

      6 weeks ago

      Families tend to be jealous when, there not accomplishing goals to stay stress free from drama or always complaining. You can ignore them stay quiet there will still be something wrong long term. Sometimes there in your business trying to snoop around into your things. Very unfortunate situations where families can be the worst. Pretending your jealous envious when, your the one who helped them. Experience is the best teacher. When you see them complaining just let go and let them deal with there own business. Never comment or get involved. There talking about everyone and once you leave them alone then, misery will defeat themselves. People can't use you then, they tend to never like you. The End

    • profile image

      lkanony 

      6 weeks ago

      I think to add to this, it seems that if the parents in law's own daughters don't have it or aren't living the same type of marriage as their daughter in law then it's like DIL shouldn't have it or attain it either. Seems the comparison is primarily towards my oldest sil and her marriage or marital situation(s). I remember my fil stating how there was no need for a wife and a mother to back to school. I smiled to myself because I earned a masters while being a mother and wife. Some time like maybe months later, while mil and the oldest sil were trying to be cordial and generally asked how things were going I enthusiastically mentioned that I was going to complete a second masters and the program I was enrolling in...they grew stone cold silent with sil glancing over at mil with an expression on her face that didn't reflect joy for me. They were not so cordial all of a sudden. They instantly switched to a dialect/language I don't understand, or speak. Now my oldest sil has a college degree but not a masters. Yet I see it was O.K. that my two younger sils earned a masters, one while married.

      There are a number of occurrences and comments they would make from the moment we got married 17 years and 11 months ago to this last occurrence about a year or so ago including judging or incenuating that I spend alot of money on my appearance or upkeep, or my children's upkeep and "looking expensive"...I have since managed to complete that second master's with distinction I must add ;-) Ironically, I received my diploma in the mail 3 days ago.

    • profile image

      Lisette Santiago 

      7 weeks ago

      Thank you for the stories. All my life I was confused about the abuse, jealous, and disrespect! These articles helped me to understand the cycle. I will take the advice for sure!

    • profile image

      Ubaid jarwar 

      2 months ago

      Very nice information for this chapter jealous family thanks

    • profile image

      Milly Beanfield 

      2 months ago

      I have a sister two years older than me who is extremely verbally abusive. Well, just abusive in general, really. We had not spoken for years yet we arrived at my mother's deathbed to spend a week together in our childhood home. Due to the reason for our reunion, I was actually quite shocked to receive the cold, cold silent treatment for the entire week. Strangely, my brother who is ten years older than me, decided to participate, which he had not been doing until she arrived a day after me. Then, after a week of nothing but bad vibes from her, silent treatment, mixed with one meltdown about the laundry, and lots of fake acting when friends arrived at the house.... I was about to leave for the airport to return home, the rage and storm of insults, accusations, leading to my dismissal... that she would never see me again. I later was informed that she has Parkinson's, early onset. At this time, we were both in our forties, but had a hot/cold sisterhood for many years, which I found interesting because we live on separate coasts and really rarely saw each other. I knew she was projecting her unhappiness upon me, yet I also was able to observe her behavior that week quite astutely, thanks to the silent treatment.... I watched and learned. It was really sad. She was mean, and seemingly rather dumb in many ways, which surprised me because she touts herself as identifying "not with my beauty, but with my intelligence." I was rather horrified that I had either had the wool pulled over my eyes for 44 years, or she had some form of degenerative prognosis happening. I don't say this lightly, because after a childhood of looking up to her in many ways I was stunned to see my sister behaving in a manner that one would only want to avoid. At any rate, it's all rather sad because she never gave herself a chance to know me as an adult being that she was either hostile or dismissive for twenty five years. Just sad.

    • profile image

      Tyeeee 

      2 months ago

      I have two younger brothers and two older sisters.. both of my older sisters are the jealous type but my second oldest sister is DANGEROUSLY jealous! She’s always been in competition when we were younger and she’s always been a bully... everything I accomplish or even talk about accomplishing she find a problem in it only to copy my exact idea... we both had a baby a year apart and she named her son exactly what I was going to name mine.. she mimics everything I do.. she watches my relationship like a eagle with my husband.. she wishes bad things on me! And she’s always trying to make things a problem.. she’s very dramatic and messy.. she’s in a fucked Up relationship and has been for the past 20 years.. maybe that’s why she’s so jealous.. literally everything I do she try to make it out to be bad .. then turn a round and COPY me.. I can see in her face hoe disgusted she be when I talk about the good things that are happening in my life... it’s so pathetic yet annoying .. cause it’s something I have had to deal with all my life ...

    • profile image

      Maria Elena Pineyro Rodriguez 

      3 months ago

      2 ants and 1 cousin my goodness,trust me it's best to stay away from these people.

    • profile image

      Maria Elena Pineyro Rodriguez 

      3 months ago

      Thank you, so much needed this advice i've dealt with jealous family members and trust me it's not pleasant at all.

    • profile image

      Anich10 

      3 months ago

      Sadly jealousy is in my family too. My mother and brother are very jealous. My mother was very manipulative and controlling in my younger years. She would fly off the handle for no reason if she didn’t get her way. She was verbally and physically abusive. Now my brother is in cahoots with her and he lies profusely to get money from her and my dad. All they do is gossip about my husband and I. What cars we drive, what we do, etc... I now tell them nothing, and give them zero fuel. If we go to the city for a day or weekend, they will never know. They don’t know what I do for a living, because it will be gossiped and talked about and picked apart. They are not encouraging, supportive or giving. My husband and I do all the holidays for my parents. My brother blows everybody off, and makes up fake medical conditions to get money from my parents. He has told my mother that I am well off financially (not the case at all), so that he will reap the benefits from their will, etc.. Any and all good things in my life does not leave my household. I have learned how to manage them and the best way is to share nothing. Keep my joy to myself, because they will destroy it. My dad is an angel of a man and sadly I can’t share my joys in life with him, because he will innocently say something to my mother, and it gets blown out of proportion and gossiped about.

    • profile image

      Mosh 

      3 months ago

      My cousin sister is jealous of us in every way.. Though v hv helped her financially before her marriage nw she got married to rich family she getting too jealous of us without reason. She invites all except us.. N tells our cousin

      Not to tell us. She does invites in one religious function from her behavior looks she doesn't like us coming... I found out she's jealous ....

    • profile image

      Loretta 

      3 months ago

      I have an older sister and a younger sister who are jealous and thinks they are better at all things. We have one sister that passed before 1 year old. I've tried to understand if my feelings about this for a very long time. Both of my sisters think they are better than I could ever understand. However, I know this is not true. God loves me just as much as he loves them. I feel both of my sisters act this way because I have two children and they have none even though one was always the beauty queen and the other married wealth.... I will pray for a better future. And I appreciate this information.

    • profile image

      lizzie51 

      3 months ago

      I can see that I am not the only one who has got issues relating to my family. Here goes, I have got 3 sisters and 2 brothers and as a family we have never been that close. It has always been a situation in my family where different siblings either get on with each other one minute then not the next its been like this for years. I have always been close to one of my sisters and one of my brothers but not the other three it has always been the same for the sister I am close to she always felt left out by our other 2 sisters who did everything together. Recently our Dad passed away there was a lot of arguing that went off it was a disgrace I wasn't involved and neither was the brother who I am not close to. My two sisters who were close and did everything together have fallen out so one of the sisters has now become close to the sister I am close to. They have been doing a lot of things together like going on holiday with my mum and meeting up at each others houses having sleep overs, I find out either after they have been somewhere or a day before, I don't now get invited. I have always been there for my sister through thick and thin as she has for me but it has changed so much, now when I ring her she spends ten minutes on the phone it use to be over an hour also she has stopped ringing me and stopped doing things with me. I am really hurt by this, I have asked her if I have done anything wrong but she says its all in my head. Anyone got any suggestions of whats gone wrong?

    • profile image

      bettybb 

      3 months ago

      My mother is jealous of me and always has been. She was abusive when I was a child and sees everything as a competition. She's extremely self-absorbed. I'm a successful artist and writer with many publications, and yet she never acknowledges my accomplishments, never even asks about my creative work. If it comes up, she changes the subject.

      I got a high-paying writing job last year, but when I told her about it, she was beside herself and quickly changed the subject. She hasn't mentioned my job since or asked how I'm doing.

      It hurts. I guess, no matter how old we are, we expect our parents, above all others, to take pride in our accomplishments and have an interest in our lives.

      An estranged niece also came into my life after my brother died two years ago--we had a falling out, and he wouldn't let me see her when she was growing up. I tried so hard to make the relationship work, but I started noticing that she too never acknowledged my accomplishments and wasn't supportive of my creative efforts. I suspect that she's also jealous of my success.

      I'm not really wanting my family to be impressed per se, but it would be great if they were more supportive and showed a little interest in my work. Working in a creative field is extremely difficult.We creative types always feel, on some level, that we're not good enough.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 

      3 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Read this insightful article. On my maternal side of the family, there is so much jealously. All the older aunts are jealous of the most successful aunt, who is the youngest. The most jealous aunt was a loser who got pregnant at 16 & had her life consigned to domestic service to a wealthy family. She was very embittered, she also took out her venom on me, a child. Yes, she hated me & was jealous of me because I had a middle class background & had opportunities that she wouldn't have. The bitterness eventually made her age fast & gave her an ugly appearance. Her children didn't fare well either. They both work in factories at low paid jobs. Since the maternal side of the family is woefully dysfunctional, I have cut all ties w/them.

    • profile image

      Karen 

      3 months ago

      I have a jealous Sil I’ve tried all these years to try and keep the peace for my husbands sake . We’ve been married 30 years this May.

      She’s relentulous she has been talking about me on fb ? I’ve tried to ignore her. She and I have the same friends or acquaintances from the old neighborhood. She started the night of our wedding causing problems , I let it go and then she and my husband got into it we didn’t see them for Four years . Then I forgave her ? Things were ok for awhile then she starts drama agian? Over nothing I basically commented on fb have a great time during one of her getaways she got mad said how would you like it if I posted something on your fb when you were away? Wow really ? So I blocked her right then she got mad wrote on fb your dead too me kmc!! Good I’m glad I feel the same way about her. Who’s the one being immature now?

      Basically for the last 5 years we aren’t talking.

      My father I law just passed a month ago and this weekend will be the first time I have seen her in 5 years.

      My husband will not speak up to her in my defense. For all these years she has done nothing but chase drama in the family over nothing?

      She talks behind my back it always gets back to me.

      I think my non responding is irritating her more . Sadly I don’t have a relationship with her 2 adult children whom she dragged into this whole thing.its crazy! She is almost 58 yrs old acting like a baby.

      I just want to get thru the memorial service for my father in law without a problem from her.

      I’m basically there to support my husband

    • profile image

      Toni 

      3 months ago

      I have an aunt who is behind all the chaos in our family...she constantly gossip and pit relatives against eqch other...shes also the loser in the family

      Maybe thats why shes so bitter.

    • profile image

      Minslife 

      3 months ago

      I think it's horrible to dilliberatly

      Hurt other family members..it can have life long effects on someone especially young children reason I distant myself from mine.. even wen they put others in danger and know it to.. that's absolutely not cool... and they call you names and drag you down or spread roomers about you that's just unacceptable.

      We need to make new friends not old toxic ones.kudose ladies..love the blog

    • profile image

      Minslife 

      3 months ago

      I agree with you ladies

      Having family troubles myself

      Jellousey is a curse

    • profile image

      Faye 

      4 months ago

      I think I need an personal psychiatrist that no one knows in my life. I've met half of my family members are insecure damn, even their uncles they do cussing on me. Well good luck to me.

    • profile image

      Nicole, 

      4 months ago

      That was very right on with relatives I enjoyed that. I'm doing my best to be kind and understanding. I now know what it is that makes them jealous and say not nice things so no guys stay with me or I get ahead in life. At least now I can move forward and be happy now. Thank you

    • profile image

      Bo Peep 

      4 months ago

      I used to be very close to one of my sisters. Then I retired and moved four hours away. She cannot seem to handle that I have moved and retired. I think its because she works so hard to just survive. She has turned against me. Believe me. I do not lord it over her. SI have no reason to. I did not retire rich. She just acts like she hates me now. I've tried making overtures,tried to take the high road time and time again. But I am getting tired. I fear I'm going to have to cut her off and it hurts.

    • profile image

      Anon 

      4 months ago

      I would like to make a correction to my prior post, thanks for posting my comment. In it, I said "jealousy is a form of betrayal". On second thought, I am not entirely sure of that, and I am still looking into what that could mean. I guess it could be meant a betrayal toward oneself.

    • profile image

      Anon 

      4 months ago

      I am not a psychologist, I have been jealous of people I don't know posting things on social media because they seem so much happier than me in those pics, and I can't help but feel like a failure in those cases. However, I have also been on the other side, and for this very reason have limited boasting on social media, and in general. What I can say is that, yes, it is horrible when family is jealous of you. It is always because there is something missing in their lives, not really your fault, unless you are purposely provoking them in some way to make them jealous, as a competition. I feel bad for people who were abused because they end up developing personality issues, and they only make it worse for everyone else. In the case of others coming on here criticizing someone who has it worse, I don't think it's fair. I think it shows the reason why these people behave that way. Something obviously happened in their lives to make them feel that way. It's a different story if they are abusing you in some way. I have been abused, and I can assure you that people who are jealous are the ones usually abusing others, and at the same time have also in some way been abused. I only tried to focus on myself in my prior years, that is the only way to overcome this. Unfortunately it's always the people who suffer the most from this kind of treatment who have to end up in therapy. We end up having to pay for other people's behaviors, when in fact it is them who caused us this negativity. Therefore, when it comes down to jealousy from others, it's really usually nothing to do with you. All you can do is improve yourself. I try not to take it personally, but it's not easy. I hope this comment helped someone like me, who has come on here this morning thinking about what have I done to get this treatment from my entire immediate family. It's really just abuse from my immediate family, I am talking about emotional, psychological and even sexual abuse. So, remember jealousy is a form of betrayal. I have been told by one of my psychologists that I am highly intelligent, yet the rest of the family abused me in multiple ways, and always tried to make me feel like a failure. Don't let these evil persons get to you. I truly hope that people who really have a good reason to envy others who mistreated them, they find a way to improve their lives. A child is not born bad, jealous or negative. I see myself and can see that I have never tried to be that way, and never was. I try do the best that I can

    • profile image

      joey 

      5 months ago

      i have a brother very jealous of me, this has been going on for a long time.

    • profile image

      Sad Brother 

      5 months ago

      we are 4 brother but there's one that is very jealous of his sibling. because he still live in the basament with mommy and is almost 40 years old while everyone else is doing much better than him. we all have houses, good jobs, better attitude. When we accomplish something, he doesnt show any sign of congrats, just stay quiet and try to change subject. But then just try to do what we do to success. he never want to ask for advice or take advice and blame us for not giving him advices of his failure. jealousy of this brother is extreme.. Sad Sad for him

    • profile image

      mr jonathan richardson 

      6 months ago

      my issues is my council has move my sister and brotherinlaw next close two close for one s cofort no iev no private live as fell iam being watch the brother in law I think its may be the jealous person everything iev got he has 2010 plate car so do I he has the same house the same street a garden hut the same as me he goes behide my back two see what iev been doing iam sick of it

    • profile image

      An Unknown 

      6 months ago

      I have issues like this. It is my younger sister who does nothing and is put up on a pedestal. She causes separations in the family and pretends like she's clueless. When I believe she knows exactly what she's doing. When my father was dying from cancer she left him home alone and I was lucky to make it home from the supermarket. It was my sons birthday and we were just going to take him to the park. Something told me to go home. Even though we were supposed to be taking turns , she yet again was selfish and left him. To do what? To get her nails done. He was at the end of his life. My mother is the worst. She left for California because she was tired and needed to go away. Upon her return she lied to everyone and said my sister took care of him and slept downstairs and massaged his legs. She did nothing. She does nothing. She comes home late and doesn't watch her child. My niece doesn't get help from her mother till almost 10 or 11pm. I had a stent put in my mother left me at the hospital and never came back to get me. I went home in a cab keeling over in pain. Yet she will, like my sister lie and say she did it all. My other sister just had surgery. I watched all the kids for 5 days, while my mom went running around shopping. I don't care what she does. It's that I heard her lying to my aunt and saying I haven't come downstairs. I have a 2 yr old niece who touches everything. I know she's a baby I'm not complaining I love her to death. She's a baby she doesn't know. But an adult has to be with her. I colored with her, played with her, painted her nails and if I leave her I either got lotion on the floor or glitter thrown everywhere. I had to watch her and let my sister rest. It's only right. But my mom told my aunt I did nothing and was talking trash. I yet again heard her. Yes did I need some time alone. To make calls to my doctors and I recently had my identity stolen so I am making calls. My mom needed to help out too. She told my sister to come. But she did minimum. And my little sister didn't even show up. And no matter how much I do I did nothing. I had to clean up make up cracked and thrown all over my room. I wasn't only watching my nieces I was watching my 2 boys. So did I sit down? No. I have a neighbor who she constantly put me down to, and he told me, no matter what you do she will never see it. She will give your lazy sister praise even though she does nothing, and will never care how much you do for them. Why she feels the need to lie to people and say I don't do anything, I can't understand. I snapped on her and told her you need to stop lying because I did help out and where were you? Out shopping again! So how would you know what I did. And was it you watching the kids no. Anytime I asked her can you please watch her I have to make a call or go to the bathroom. You got nothing but her telling my niece come downstairs I'm not going upstairs. Yesterday a 70lb Mirror almost fell on her. She knew I had to leave yet Gos knows what she was doing. She will leave and take off and have me stuck with my little sisters daughter when I have things to do. And she knows it. She intentionally leaves without saying anything so I'm doing what she said she would do. And I'm tired of it I'm tired of being made to feel guilty. I have a stent I don't need the stress. My little sister also runs back and talks my abusive ex things. I would never contact any of my sisters kids dads and have a belittling conversation. I am just so upset. I live with them and financially tied down to living here. I don't even know what to do.

    • profile image

      J Stephenson 

      6 months ago

      My girls both adults now have always been jealous ofv each other. This is because my in laws came to visit me when id had my first daughter - each and every day and spoilt her to the extreme whch i made known i wasnt happy about.

      When i had my 2nd daughter my mother made my mother in law come into the hospital to see our new baby.

      The day we brught the baby home our eldest daughter was in the garden playing when her grandparents walked past on asking were they coming in to see her new sister they said they didnt have time to see Rebecca today and

      said my sisters xalled Deborah!!!!!!

      They constantly played them off against each other which really got me mad!!!

      When my father in law passed away he changed his will from leaving his house to my husband and left it to our eldest daughter !!!!

      My daughter is manipulative and now her 10 year old daughter is equally manipulative which has been witnessed by impartial people - this is causing so kuch heartache its unbelievable!!!

    • profile image

      Tricki Nicki 

      6 months ago

      What a good article to explain the sensitive subject like this that so many face. My sister is a very toxic family member and this explains her exactly.

    • profile image

      Ashley 

      6 months ago

      I had issues with my aunt. During my graduation, I lived at her place with her adopted daughter. Yes, she is unmarried and adopted a girl child. Before moving to her house I was really excited and thrilled, about the next 3 yrs of college life. I started getting good grades in class and eventually managed to get a good rank in university. I noticed she got very insecure and never appreciated my accomplishments in front of me, but when her colleagues asked her about my success she was all sugar and spices. Her double-faced behavior was very annoying. Living with her and her daughter was quite stressful. She humiliated me before my little sister so now she disrespects me. All that stress started taking a toll on my health, I was diagnosed with initial Hyperthyroidism and was on medication for the next 6 months. After my graduation, I left her place to pursue a masters degree in a reputed university and decided never to come back. My health started improving and I felt free and relieved. A few years later when I cracked a national entrance exam and secured a high rank. I went to her house hoping to sew the gap with a box of sweets, only to hear the same reaction she had for all my accomplishments, NO APPRECIATION. Time does not dilute the poison in the heart, some people never change.

    • Babu Mohan profile image

      Mohan Babu 

      7 months ago from Chennai, India

      Hi Mzindependent. This is a touchy issue to discuss for someone facing this issue. You have given a balanced view on how to deal with jealousy from family members. While we all love to see the world as a perfect place, we need to accept and face reality at times like these.

    • profile image

      LadenZeile.de: Online-Shops für günstige Mode und Möbel 

      7 months ago

      These Smart HD Binoculars Will Work Day or Night and Live Stream Everything They See

    • profile image

      October 

      8 months ago

      I have a problem where my sibling isn't jealous of me; she's jealous of my parents, and my mom is jealous of her (my dad's pretty chill, doesn't care either way).

      The problem is, my mom and sister live in the same city, so every time I visit one of them, I have to visit the other, and both will get angry if I don't visit one of them first or for longer. While the advice on how to deal with a sibling jealous OF you is great, I can't find any advice on how to deal with a mom and sibling jealous FOR you. I feel like a toy two kids are fighting over. It's very aggravating and makes me not want to see either of them, sometimes.

    • profile image

      Beti 

      8 months ago

      I have 2 brothers they are my siblings since we were kids They gave me grief and shame I'm the only girl and the last child of my family and i'm my parents favorite. We were in z same school junior and high they gossiped stuff about me that aren't true all my friends stop hanging out with me i was treated like a psycho i never had a friend until i got in to college. At home they treat me like shit, criticize me my every move, disrespect me, in the morning they always have something to say that pisses me off i got stomach acne because of them they always mentally abuse me when they see me hurt they're so happy about it. after i graduated from college i thought things will be different i'm like we're grown ups. i'm now 21 one of them is 23 and the other is 25 but actually it is getting worse. We're still living in the same house i will move out when i find a job. oh i'm so tired and so exhausted of both. I will permanently shut them out.

    • profile image

      gordon 

      8 months ago

      I was hoping that this time around me and my sisters would get a long my mother died of cancer about 12years ago it was hard all of us me and my sisters was starting to get a long any way my father got ill we was going to the hospital and on this day my older sister had a cold and couldn't come so my younger sister give me a lift home but when I was in the car and we was driving along she started say to me that I was ugly I want get anyone lots of men like my daughter and yes I bit and said to her that her daughter was a ugly cow all the lads want her for is that she like her legs up in the air I was very angry so now is back to how is was because its all jealousy so now when my father dies hope not for a long time I will move right out of Hertfordshire for good I will never ever be back

    • profile image

      Theresa 

      8 months ago

      my older sister never invites me to her house without assigning me part of the meal to bring. I feel bad she doesn't just say come on over.

    • profile image

      Anthony Charnley 

      8 months ago

      I have a cuzin whos 30 and i am 32 and for as long as i can remember my cuzin has bin jealous of everything i do or have or acheive. But for the past year he has been so bitter with all good news i get or gains i have in life wether its new clothes new job new hair style or latest that i am getting married soon. He hates that i am happy and behind my back slags me off. If i dont leave my family to go out drinking with him he will block me on everything then unblock me. Find this very strange to say hes a grown man. Cant trust him at all or leave him alone in my home because of the sly things hes known to do. Extremely wierd and bitter. Thank you for giving me a better take on all this and now i understand abit better and that i will not let it bother me any more.

    • profile image

      kuku 

      9 months ago

      me and my husband have been going through these since 20 years. we are closely watched by all these 'relatives' and they bitch behind our backs. we are quiet and dont involve in drama much. the closer ones put up a drama every now and then some times really they may need money (but we are not their bank, we have our own family)and make us feel guilty, say bad things about us , entitle some one else to ask for help and force us to send a lot of money with the back up of other older family members who dont know the reality as we are being bad mouthed by them .it is hell to go through this. this article is an eyeopener

    • profile image

      Mark 

      9 months ago

      I'm the baby bother of two older siblings,a brother 2 years older,and a sister 8 years older,they both have giving me grief all my life,i love both of my siblings too death,but i didn't choose to be born,my parents choose this,so it's unfair that they pick on me,i'm 54 and it's still a issue,my parents are dead and i'm so tired of it,i'm really thinking about disassociating myself from them permanently,and i truly love and admire my older brother and sister.

    • profile image

      TRUPTI 

      9 months ago

      MY HUSBAND COUSIN & HIS FAMILY IGNORE OUR FAMILY & THEY IGNORE MY HUSBAND ALSO, BUT STILL IN ANY FAMILY EVENT THEY INVITE US TO SHOW THAT HOW MUCH SOCIAL THEY ARE, OTHERWISE THEY GO BY OUR SITE ON STREET LIKE STRANGERS

    • profile image

      Bojangles 

      10 months ago

      I do not harbor resentment or jealousy, but my MIL always talks about her favorite Grand daughter, and while my daughter is a granddaughter as well, she does not acknowledge her. She has hurt both of my children emotionally and while they have moved forward she has even hurt my husband - her own son. At some point we had to accept that through her behavior that is just the way she is. She has insulted me,and I have never disrespected her as I was raised, but I could no longer accept verbal, and mental abuse from her. This was affecting not only our family, but also our marriage. I am sure that my husband misses seeing his mother, but he also does not want to go through the same scenario he went through in the past. She only cares for those that will do as she asks, and when it is convenient for each one of them. She displays a lot of jealousy towards my daughter, and compares her with the favorite granddaughter. It is disgusting behavior for a 82 yr old mother that should be enjoying all her children, and grandchildren. She has a lot of self- complex issues regarding to her appearance,and self acceptance from others on how she looks and that she is not overweight, has perfect health and so on.

    • profile image

      Joan S. Voss 

      10 months ago

      Add to that, they act glad when something is going wrong in your life. You can feel it, it's very subtle. Author Danu Morrigan discusses this in her books about narcissism. Yes it's called gloating. Don't contact them anymore, they can't wait to find out more about your "bad" situation... it could be you had marital issues, but now it's fine. They don't want to hear it's fine, and they don't want to hear about the good stuff that's happening to you because it makes them jealous. They'll end convos that entail good news. You will never hear them laugh unless they're laughing AT YOU. If a family member isn't happy for you, they are worthless! Dump their sorry asses. It is not easy if you've been enduring this for your entire life. But I am thanking myself everyday that I made the decision! They are sending money now because they've lost control, what is that? Nothing more than manipulation! Where were they when you needed emotional support? All they wanted was to play the role of Barbara Walters and get the dirt! Hateful worthless people don't deserve you.

    • profile image

      francina richter 

      10 months ago

      unfortunately there is no quick medication for jealousy,from experience jealous relative grow old with it. I needed to read this article cause i use to feel guilty about myself and even feel guilty for limiting interaction with them. Thank you so much

    • profile image

      Faris B Khrais 

      10 months ago

      One of the best articles I have ever read! Every single word mentioned here describes what I was going through the past 6 Years I lived between my relatives. I kept asking questions and I had lots of doubts on whether my low social record with my relatives was because of myself not getting too much involved or was it really because I knew that jealousy was present among many of them? I have completely got the answer here! Thank you so much!!!

    • profile image

      Nelson. 

      12 months ago

      I needed to read this! Thank you.

      Going through similar issues. I’m the second oldest in a family of 5 and I’m the tallest of them all and the only dark skin one. When I was going through my hurdles in life, I only has my parents to help me overcome them. They were happy I was without a car, a cellphone and broke while I was focusing On school. After i graduated In the medical field, I started to Make more money than all of them, and been to many countries they never been. On top of that Iam gonna be the first one in the family with a masters degree. They all get along well, but when it comes to me I feel like Joseph (the movie). What’s hurt the most is that they glorify what their friends are doing, but downplay the same thing I do. It’s annoying to a point where their own surroundings always coming to me and ask why they hate me that bad. But however they feel about me wont stop me from achieving my end goals. Thanks for this blog.

    • profile image

      Wanda 

      12 months ago

      I have 2 sisters that want to control.

      They control their kids and thought they were going to controll my mom not happing.cant think what that word is. I need help cause both sisters have taken all my moms money,

      They will not take no more, They have been up to somthing but not sure what.

      I am the one that takes care of her and have for 2 yrs now. I will be homeless if my sistets keep their nonsence up.What can I do? They are both Narsasists

    • profile image

      Lisa 

      12 months ago

      Thank you for sharing this. My dad is elderly, mom has passed, a year now. And both of my brothers never help. Mom was hurt because they never came to see her. I expressed this to the older brother who is 2 faced. The other is jealous of me since birth. I carried on went to college after a divorce at 47 and thats their problem. One of them.

      I forfeited my life so they had time with their families. But i had one too. So now i have realized i am gonna have to forget about them and move on.

      Dad is elderly, wants to be independent, and I know what i have to deal with when its all said and done. There is no way I see for us to get along. And Im very sure when Dad passes we will not.Because I will be very busy. I guess. And i see the relationships as toxic and prefer to love at a distance.

    • profile image

      Lone planet 

      13 months ago

      One of my in-laws visited us recently from overseas this was only our 2nd meeting. The very same had expressed his feelings for my sis that he had never met. My sis was single back then and so was he. But when he came to visit us he was more interested in my sister's little daughter than his own cousin (our son 6yrs) to the point when he went back started asking for her pictures. Apparently he had made an album of her pics with effects and music and sent it to my sis. And my mum was over the moon about this and thinks I'm wrong to think bad of him. My husband told him nicely not to continue, and now we are bad and he calls mum now and then during his lunch break. What do you guys suggest?

    • profile image

      Candice 

      14 months ago

      I am a mother of 4. Three girls and a boy. All are above the age of 25. Our family has been extremely close. One daughter has been through a lot of misfortunes over the past 2 years. She has become very jealous of the one sister she is most close to. This has affected the whole family. As a mother can I fix this? I is tearing the family apart. Any advice is welcome.

    • profile image

      DORIs salar 

      14 months ago

      I need a. Advice I am working Ins same place with sister she younger than me but hunk i young one maybe because I looks. Young she don’t like that but it’s been a lot off gasiping at work cow workers. Say why your sister don’t talk to you don’t understand why she is different at work and home sometimes she different to us I told her that’s did not like this she acts like I am not her sister at work . She saw a client at work and she said to me the client say I saw your sister and she said Hugh discussed from me to the person like if I yo good for her I am not at her level

    • profile image

      Donna King 

      14 months ago

      La Quinta,

      It’s not your Sisters and Brotgers responsibility to support you. They have their own struggles and goals. Ask your parents or grand parents , and if that’s not possible , you’re on your own.

    • profile image

      LaQuinta 

      15 months ago

      I have siblings who don’t support, I need a car to find a job and I know 4 of them could co-sign but they won’t. Nobody calls to check on me. It hurts because I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers only 1 came to my graduation. I just don’t want to be around them. They barely talk to me anyways.

    • profile image

      KatieD 

      15 months ago

      Thank you for the advice. I wish that I had read this blog. My younger sister has always tried to be like me. She went to the same college and even dating a man with the same career as my boyfriend. Then, she would buy the same clothes, furniture, drapes and called me to tell me she was buying the same SUV, I was driving. At first, it was flattering but then it became a little scary. I purchased a house in a nice community and she was unable to buy one since she is a single mom now. I had an event at my home and her face said it all. Although, she had a single house with a pool, it was not good enough. What happened next indicates that there are some mental health issues. She contacted my next door neighbor's ex-husband and had him tell the ex-wife to say awful things to me. This was all an attempt to make me move. Keep in mind, this neighbor was very nice and friendly when we moved in. Then, we had a house warming party and needless to say she asked the neighbor to make a scene to embarrass us. Luckily, it didn't work and the party continued. I guess all of my sister's attempts failed and she was furious. One day, me mother was sick and was taken to the hospital. My sister showed up and didn't mention a word about or to my mother. All she kept saying was "why did you buy that house?" I kept quiet and I think my silence broke her. She was so furious that she also starting indirectly revealing all the attempts she has made to make me move. Even indicating they all of my neighbors likede. How would she know this. My brother pulled me aside and told me that my younger sister was very jealous of me. Needless to say, I don't answer of her calls or communicate with her. She has some deep rooted issues and it is best for us to no longer communicate. We recently had a family event and she tried to hug me, I was not receptive at all and it think it shocked her. I stayed away as if I didn't know her and I think this is best.

    • profile image

      Raymondtk 

      15 months ago

      I'm 22 and both of my dad's were disappointment why am I jealous of my neighbors daughters they have a big inflatable pool and a mother and father who swims with them

    • profile image

      Willow83 

      16 months ago

      This is a lot like my boyfriends family and protecting their bother too much from his bad and threatening behavior whenever I'm at the house, he starts to cause trouble while he's just sitting there watching tv all day long everyday, that's his life for 25 to 30 years or so from his health problems he caused himself and not spending time with his son. We ask his son to come over to see his dad and the brother/his dad doesn't want to take him out, or even make him dinner or spend money on take out. Instead we all pinch in and he never fully pays for any takeout instead he makes up excuses and blamed us for ruining his day! He than says he had to pay for his sons car insurance! Lol really? Wow! They watch tv most of the day and go to bed, that's it.. Every day this is how he acts, bitter, lazy, and takes advantage of peoples kindness and offering him to go out and do things instead of watching tv and getting mad over anything.

      He's threatened me many times while he plays the victim in the family and his neighbors are confused by the fighting so they protect him anyway. Him not dealing with his personal problems and health issues is causing friction in the family between me and his brother, my boyfriend that live with him. I visit every year from the US and I'm having to leave my home life and my job just to fly to see my boyfriend and wanting to have a life together, but its hard when his brother makes it difficult in the house when he doesn't have a life of his own except cleaning, complaining, being threatened the house will be taken away by me when I'm just visiting although I do want to have a life there, and all he does is damage my relationship with his brother and his family that overly protect him like a child and he's 49 years old! I flew home after finally being there for a year which never happens when we're financially broke now and I had high bills to pay when I got home! His sister was in the middle of everything and thinks I'm rich in reality she knows I fly there every year sacrificing my life for them while I'm struggling financially with not having a job there from not being a citizen! Its hard enough when you want to be one and work, settle down when my boyfriends family hasn't let go and moved on from their childhood and life at that house.

      I feel depressed just knowing how attached they are and its not healthy when its affecting me, the one who is wanting a life there. I know they need counseling and my boyfriend just wants us to have a life but the cost of a house right now is 500,000! How can we get that type of money? And not only that, how can i work and save money when I can't even live in that house until we can afford our own! Its selfish and I've never seen such jealous and selfish people in my life! Its like they aren't facing reality and how its affecting everyone else! Even my family and friends think they are being overly critical and controlling of me! I came in wanting a life there and all they want to do is be in charge of it! I don't understand it. I work in the US and getting tired having to fly back and forth for 8 years of things not ever changing! I'm like going backwards with them instead of forwards!

    • profile image

      Melissa 

      16 months ago

      Great advice! I wish I could have read this blog sooner and save myself the pain of processing the whys.

      I have the misfortune of being born into a family where my parents were arranged and therefore always fighting and never getting along. Thus, much of my childhood was spent trying to put out fires between my parents, where my siblings and I bore the brunt of their criticisms, which they spewed out of their own pain. They did not separate because of financial ties and cultural loyalty.

      I also have aunts and uncles who are super jealous for really no reason other than to maintain their pride and greed. My family doesn't make as much money as my relatives do, and they intend to keep it that way by not helping us in the worst of times When my dad was out of a job, his brother purposefully didn't let him know that his company was hiring. My dad fortunately saw a posting and applied and got the job lol. When my mom got into a major car accident, they refused to loan money when our family was at our all time low financially with medical bills and our house was being threatened. My dad still had a job, but the bills were stacking high. We fully intended on paying them back and all too, which we did pay back in full to other folks (not my relatives) that we borrowed money from. When my parents were on the verge of divorce, my aunt laughed instead of consoling me. I have many stories but I'll stop there. Sigh, I have strange "relatives".

      For years, I've grieved over the dysfunctional family that I was born into for a long time before I realized that I should just pursue my own life wholehearted and happily without them. I did eventually decide to create a lot of distance and I find myself much happier. However, the process of distancing yourself when you grew up with them for 20 years is a weird hodgepodge of emotions to sort through. Since then, I've made many great friends that have been family more to me than all of my relatives combined.

      It's unfortunate but if anyone is in a situation where, despite your many well-intentioned and loving acts and the passage of a lot of time, you find that your relationships with your relatives or family members are not improving... do what the blog says above, love from afar, forgive and make peace with your heart with them. It is very important to maintain boundaries with them so that you are not over-giving to the point where bitterness can come back into your heart.

      It may take a few really good cries, writing unsent letters, talking it out with a trusted friend, therapist, or significant other, etc. One thing I read on the web that helped me move past it is when I read a blog post on Thought Catalog that said that really awesome familial relationships are a privilege and not a right. It is quite the statement, but it has helped me to move on emotionally from being in emotional pain about the state of my family affairs for the last decade and a half.

    • profile image

      child 

      16 months ago

      My brother doesn't do anything and he is half my age. My mom loves him more and whenever I ask her why she loves him so much even though he doesn't do anything she ignores me.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 

      16 months ago

      I’m going to see my adopted auntie and I’m taking my closest friend so the another friend is jealous and she saying really nasty stuff like it’s fake

    • profile image

      francis quayle 

      16 months ago

      My daughter and i are stay with my sister Aunt and

      Cousin since last November be a long time but I say we need to move but there want us to stay Help please

    • profile image

      mb 

      16 months ago

      So recently my Sis & Bro in law came to visit. They are finacially strapped, so I kicked in extra $ to help make the trip funner.

      While we were out & about I started winning pretty good amts of $. They both lost. Its very uncommon, normally its me watching them win win win, and I stay up, tag along and cheer them on.

      This trip her husband was a complete whiner. Kept insisting he wanted to leave right during my win streak. The last night they both went to bed at 9pm! I was shocked at their behavior, and feel sick that I spent as much as I did for 2 ungrateful whinning brats!

      Lesson learned....Next trip I see them i wont be donating shit but maybe an hr of therapy for behavior modification!

    • profile image

      May 

      17 months ago

      I have a disability and I am on ssdi I can’t work anymore although I have worked for 30 yrs my cousin has 4 kids she is teacher although she is financially ok she seems mad at me that she works full time and I don’t even though I help with get kids and I love doing it

    • profile image

      Sabrina 

      17 months ago

      Very nice article. God bless you for taking the time to write share and post it

      This article has helped me tremendously when dealing with jealous family members

      God bless you and everyone dealing with jealous family members or friends

    • profile image

      Am 

      17 months ago

      Pauli...Some people need help, they can't get a job because they have a disability. Your the type who kicks people when thier down. Some day you will to need help,and nobody will be there,you will be all alone wondering why won't anyone help me. Good luck!

    • profile image

      JannieD 

      17 months ago

      This does help me. No one should feel ostrasized. I just hope the venom doesn't graduate to the young ones. Sad. Oh by the way I'm the one hated on. Oh well been there done that. It's a small town too..... I'm letting go and doing my own thing.

    • profile image

      This was helpful 

      17 months ago

      I'm so distraught. I'm dealing with my oldest brothers wife being nasty to me because i am closer to my youngest brothers wife. b/c of my bond with the youngest brothers wife, the oldest brothers wife claims i "love and spend more time with (youngest brothers wife and kids) more", therefore it is perceived i "love them more". she also has told me that b/c i post more of the youngest brothers wife and kid, that i spend "all" my time there. She blamed her kids acting out while i visited yesterday on the fact that i "never" visit when in fact its simply not true. i cried my eyes out today because of this. its gut-wrenching. its unfair as well. i knew my youngest brothers wife as a friend before she became a sister in law. i also worked with her for 1 year and lived with her for 1.5 years. She is younger and more loving and accepting and not judgmental- so naturally i get along with her better. oldest brothers wife is older, and when she entered the family- made very little effort to get to know me as a sister in law at all. she has admitted she is jealous, and i tell her i'm sorry she feels that way, however the passive aggressive comments DO come up often and i'm so tired of it. i don't know what to do.

    • profile image

      Candace 

      17 months ago

      My own middle sister won't let my niece go anywhere with out her own mother tagging along. I guess she is pretty much over protective & won't let her go anywhere at all. Well something is wrong with her & she won't let a family member get her daughter any clothes from her own Aunts & Uncle. I guess she doesn't want to be alone.

    • profile image

      Joanne 

      17 months ago

      TY for the advice. I've been torn for so long. I am a senior citizen, disabled and living alone on a fixed income. My family was always decent to me until I turned 60 then boom. They all turned against me. I feel when people see you're down they kick you even more (even family)

    • profile image

      Susie 

      18 months ago

      This is good advise. I have a younger and older brother that are both toxic and also putting me down. I believe there is some jealousy as they are not happy in their lives. I have done everything in my power to connect and maintain a relationship, but will no longer give them permission to put me down. I have blocked them from my life and it feels good.

    • profile image

      Rory 

      18 months ago

      That is very good advice. Talking to a jealous member is a waste of time. Only action which limits the ability of the jealous person to cause distress is what is effective. Stay away if possible and him/her/them nothing about your personal business.

    • profile image

      Sakesh 

      18 months ago

      My aunt is the biggest vamp(more likely bitch but can't use that word bcos she is elder to me) anyone can have she lives to make others life hell and destroy their happiness

      Don't understand how these kind of people sleep at night

      We have to suffer them because "they are so called family"

      Can't enjoy any family function peacefully because of them

    • profile image

      Pauli 

      18 months ago

      This is terrible advice and most people on here need mental help. I see people crying because someone won't buy them stuff? For God's sake, what happened to getting a job and buying your own? First problem is telling these people to take care of themselves when they already are taking TOO MUCH care of themselves. This is the liberal world, they are self-destructing and don't understand why. Look in the mirror!!

    • profile image

      Bethany 

      19 months ago

      "However, in most cases, you will find that certain relatives who harbor jealousy will usually not invite you to their events"

      This is so very strange! It is better to avoid dramatic jealous people and not invite them to your events!!

    • profile image

      Happy Living 

      19 months ago

      One Pastor said if you focus on how bad people are treating you,, or focus on how angry you are towards them, or how you wish you could be part of their lives or they be part of you, you are giving them rent free accommodation in your mind. They are happy or whatever they feel, you are not happy, you deprive yourself, your own family (spouse and children) and everyone who cares about you the happiness that you could be giving.

      You are not responsible for how people feel about you. Stop accommodating people for free in your live when they are not worth it, be it blood family or not. You deserve better.

    • profile image

      Confused & Hurt 

      20 months ago

      Need your advise. My brother got married for the second time, however, it could have been 3 times, since he lived like he was married to a another women for 7 years. We worked together in the same company, and it was a competitive industry and sometimes I was more successful than him at the Company. His children had problems, but he kept it secret. Christmas last few years, he would host Christmas parties and my husband and I were never invited, however, he invited my co-workers and my other two siblings and their spouses. I have been married to the same man for 35 years. I was not part of the wedding party, but my other two siblings were. His wedding rehearsal social was at his house and he invited loads of people, some not even part of the family. I understood I was not part of the Wedding party, but I was the only one not invited. My sister-in-law, not the grooms wife to be, but my other brothers wife makes it known that she attended the rehearsal, christmas party, BBQ's, and other get togethers, etc. I thought I had a great relationship with my brother - the groom, but I guess I thought wrong. Should I say anything to anyone? My sister-in-law of my other brother will reveal secrets by indiscreet talk. Should I say anything to my brother the groom, since his new wife is possibly terminally ill and I don't want to upset anything in his family. This really hurts me, but I have put up with this for years and have not said anything. Every now and then, I get from co-workers and people saying why weren't you at your brothers function. I am struggling with this. I don't want to complain or wine, but I never know there is a function. Few times a year, I have a functions at my house, I invite all my siblings. Just recently I had my brother & spouse and all my other siblings over for supper. My brother asked if his adult 30 year old single daughter could come as well. I never invited her this time, since she used to party a lot and would never make any other suppers due to be hung over. I gladly said it would be great if she could come. The daughter asked if I could prepare her meal separately from the rest of the meal due to some food reactions and I gladly accommodated. Four days after I had my family at my house, my brother has a Christmas party. All my family was invited, co-workers, and friends who I know. I don't want to go where I am not welcome, but it kills me. My husband says my brother and his new wife are jealous of us. But my brother has everything better, richer, than I could ever have and I am so proud of him. What should I do? I am a big girl, so I can take the hurt. Please advise what could I have or not done.

    • profile image

      Messie Girl 

      20 months ago

      I love this article. This is a beautiful way to handle a sad family situation.

      My story is one I have shed many tears over. I have typed many unsent emails. I have yelled at the air. I have rehearsed my attack over and over for 26 years. I agree with this article, as nice as it would be to snap and put them all in their place, I have a problem, why do I feel I need that?

      We are better than that. Look at the many blessings in your life and don't let anything distract you from them anymore. It is all a waste of your time. Don't let them distract you anymore. Don't think there isn't a little devil deriving pleasure watching you squirm.

      I have wasted so much time dwelling on the past and the present, fearing the future when right in front of me I have all these blessings.

      You are not alone, you are not being treated right, be your best friend and know you are AWESOME!

    • profile image

      20 months ago

      I have several family issues going on at the moment, but ill speak on one cousin. I moved to Atlanta to be with my boyfriend and closer to my family reevaluating on some life choices. I stayed with my aunt and cousin when I first got h

    • profile image

      Dawson 

      21 months ago

      Unhappy living with controlling Aunt in Texas. I want to live with my Dad in Florida which my Aunt works for the Government and lied so she could gain control of me and my sister. She put my Dad on Social Security because her and my biological Mother tried to kill him and got away with it. My biological Mother gave up her rights, but my Dad refused to but their is a twist to this mess is my Aunt has never been married, aunts men and she could never bare children of her own so she targeted my Dad and draws Social Security of him. She made sure he could never have visitation and tried to ruin his family over greed, selfishness and jealously. I feel she kidnapped us and got away with it. I don't want to wait until I'm 18. My mom tried to kill us along with my Dad and all she got was one night in a mental facility, plus she is not suppose to see us but that is another joke because she just pops in whenever she wants. I also released my Aunt is receiving money for fostering us now that is sick. Please help - IS ANYTHONE LISTENING!

    • profile image

      stacy 

      21 months ago

      i have this controlling brother who pays for all of the bills in my mother's house?

      he is always pissed about why me and my sister don't have jobs?

    • profile image

      Artist 

      21 months ago

      I am a pet portrait artist and I have an online business.Whenever I get requested to draw someone’s pet, my aunt will say I only got requested because I asked them to request me. She never believes that I don’t get people to request me to draw for them. It feels like she doesn’t even believe I can get requested by people to ask me to draw for them.My entire family believes I can’t draw well and that I can never be successful. In fact it seems like my customers believe in me more than my family members do. My dad even asked me why would people even want YOU to draw for them ? Your drawings don’t even look that nice. I really hate that their trying to pull me down and aren’t happy for me whenever I get more customers.

    • profile image

      ehh 

      21 months ago

      my dad always bought my cousin and aunt stuff but that was when they barely had money so i was cool with it but recently he started buying them a lot of stuff that they just wanted and not needed. Like for example my moms phone busted so she told my dad to buy her a new one so he did but then my aunt

      all of the suddnely she wanted a new phone so my dad got her a nicer one he gave my mom. And this thanksgiving he got my 65 year old grandma a apple tablet when he wouldnt give me more that 5 dollars. Or how if it where up to him he wouldnt even give me a birthday party or a christmas present. But now my aunt got married and they both make enough money but she still wants some stuff. Like if she doesnt pay the bills my dad pays them for her. And I do not a christmas where i got nothing and my cousin got the new iPhone x because she just wanted one, Im sick and tired of my dad buying them all they want and i go home crying seeing that literly every one around has the best childhood i then me. Or how they buy have the money to go to the store everyday with some money from my dad gives them and im forced to go to the thrift store to buy my outfits. My grandma is going out of country and my dad said i can go with you if you want for 2 days,. when he doesnt even have the money. And my mom has to borrow money from my sis because she cant work to buy us stuff. And also how he buys ridiculuosly expensive stuff and says when you have children you can buy them what ever you want like if he always buys me stuff and my aunt and cousins get it all from them

    • profile image

      person 

      21 months ago

      i have always felt like my extended family get jealous and think we are spoilt brats, just because we get expensive xmas prezzies and my brother had a few tantrums around them when he was only 5 and 6 years of age. i find that my aunty disagrees with everything i say, and just about everyone is really judgemental. they always catch up amongst each other and don't invite us to a single thing they do, so we only ever see them on special occasions when we have family gatherings. they do a good job of hiding all their hatred on the outside, so i have never known how to handle this or what to do about it. thank you, this advice was super helpful!

    • profile image

      Dj Ranx 

      21 months ago

      Just found out that I have been hated by 4 out of 7 family members after 51 years of faking. Luckily i'm not the suicidal type, but i'm deeply wounded to say the least. Plus side is I feel vindicated and can now move on with my God given life and trust in Him to see me through. Thanks for the comments guys, they really helped. Peace & Love!

    • profile image

      Solida 

      21 months ago

      I agree to what I have just read above about jealousi in the family, I experienced this 5 advices and I live it , it works well. But it hurts any way

    • profile image

      Shanta 

      21 months ago

      What can I do if I have a family member that envy me or jealous of me. Sometimes she copies my post and statuses on media. And I had to block her now. She disowned me and my mom.

    • profile image

      stacey 

      21 months ago

      What is you were born with a rare liver condition and your own flesh and blood resented you, cruel, hurt you for years emotionally and physicologically and has gone to great length including using your illness against you , humiliates and treat you like your garabage, deameans you in front of company and alone that were controlling judgemental rules that no child should have to follow , now putiing yor health at great risk and has put you in hospital all on purpose just for hell of it or has worked in healthcare industry and uses your children and co worker and even courts, gov against you . you have no one on your side no one helping or any reasource available can, no lawyer willing to listen or take on your case.

    • profile image

      Suzanne 

      22 months ago

      Great advise.

    • profile image

      LovelySoup 

      22 months ago

      My problem is I have a brother in law who has a girlfriend of a year and my mother in law is nicer to her then me. I have been married to her other soon for 12 years. It's so maddening! Help!

    • profile image

      Tammie 

      22 months ago

      Thank you so very much for the helpful article. I think jealousy is a sickness and this arrival helps me deal with my jealous sister

    • profile image

      vickie.hines2011@gmail.com 

      22 months ago

      dent my entire family a letter from the lawyer saying we are forbidden to come to his and my step moms funeral .. my step Mom had already died . My step Mom was a nightmere..go figure.

      It has caused so much hurt ... I cannot finish the story because it so evil. My family has now broke the chain of jealousy and bitterness ..we have grown closer to each other . Praise God! We will not revisit that day we received that letter . We have mov on ..oh forgot to mention my younger sister is the only child my dad will see. Thats another story.

    • profile image

      unicorn 

      22 months ago

      my mother in law was so jealous of my children she banned us from her granddaughter's wedding . I now have kept my distance from the whole family.

    • profile image

      Neicy 

      22 months ago

      You all are not the only ones dealing with crazy siblings! It's been going on soo long, that I've decided it's healthier to just walk away. I'm the middle girl and was the favorite on both sides of the family. The only reason, I was the only child in our family to go and spend summers with them.

      They get mad about any progress that I and my two kids make. It's exhausting because I' always congratulating everyone on everything they do. I was obviously my dad's favorite because the night died, his friends called me instead of the other siblings.

      I've always been the one who would protect anyone in my family. Always fighting everyone else's battles, this also kept people from bothering my siblings.

      I think I'm more disappointed in my behavior because I've started to do things I don't like to protect myself.

      My siblings don't think I'm supposed to have anything. No transportation, no housing, no degrees or a decent mate.

      To me, it's not worth trying to fix, when I wrote a letter to say we should all respect each other, things took a turn for the worse! The youngest sibling decided to tell the oldest sibling something I said out of anger, just so she could get a loan from her.

      I'm not the oldest but the oldest sibling won't step in and take charge of the situation because she has self-esteem issues. Nobody cares, so I've taken matters into my own hands. I'm walking away until they decide to act like humans.

    • profile image

      Mrs williams 

      22 months ago

      Ive have always been close to my father... but the moment my father passed away my oldest sisters jealousy came out and my aunts as well i felt like they been jealous the whole time and had to find a way to throw that at me so now we dont even speak. they tried blame me for everything ... so i can stress out so now i realize people love to see you down....

    • profile image

      Ally 

      23 months ago

      Wow, amazing stories. I never thought I would find people with similar issues. Me and my sister have been estranged as I adopted some of her kids. It has been awful hard on my health and my heart feelings. So many things weighed down and made it hard to do best I can. Thank u all for the insight. I feel for u too. God bless and keep us from these chains of pain.

    • profile image

      Kayleigh 

      23 months ago

      My father hasn't been in my life for 29 years and after 6 weeks he has started seeing my cousin who isn't like a sister to me he has said it's going to happen weather I like it are not but I just can't deal with it he hasn't bothered to try and spend time with me are nothing to me it says their it the wrong but who knows

    • profile image

      Sherry Davis 

      23 months ago

      I have a sister who has always spoke bad about me behind my back. She accused my mom of taking up for her precious baby. Mother got to the point that she started defending me because my sister would constantly put down my dob. And me. I was a single mom for 9 years and my mom helped me alot because my son stayed sick alot

      She would go with me to take him to the doctors and keep him for me so I could go to work because I couldn't take him to the daycare. My sister would make comments about her keeping him and not keeping her little girl. Her daughter was very hyper and my mom couldn't handle her. I never said anything to my sister because I didn't want to cause trouble. But her jelousy started when I was small. I was the middle child and was born after her. I was sick alot. I think that had something to do with it. I also graduated from high school and got a college degree. Both of my sisters, got married when they were 16 and 17 and quit high school. The issues continued off and on but we did get closer later on after I got married and even took trips together to the beach. My husband and I actually paid for the condo be cause they never had enough money. Later in years, we lost our dad and mom ended up with ALZ. I quit my job and moved her in with me. Needless to say it got very hard because my husband worked still send so I had no help when she got really bad. My brother was helping and getting myim once every two weeks but it was still hard because I had mom 24 by 7 . My brother and I asked her to get in a rotation to keep mom some on the weekends and she fought us about it. That's when I'd had enough so to speak and told her what I thought about her not wanting to help out. We ended up putting mom in memory care and her and her girls didn't like the place and caused so many scenes, that the place called a meeting. Anyhow, the director of the place got on me and said I needed to get them under control so I told them if they kept making trouble we would have to ban them. Needless to say, neither of them are speaking to me. I have apologized to my sister to try and make peace. I feel like I did wrong by speaking up and I try to live s Christian Life. I was told that one of her friends said she needed to forgive and my sister said she reckoned she'd go to hell before she would forgive certain people, meaning me and her ex husband. That's another story. She couldn't stand his kids and things didn't go to good so they didn't work out. I know I've gotten long winded but it really bothers me that she can't forgive me. O feel she has always had a problem with me and my other siblings say she does and it's over my success in life. My question is should I keep worrying over her not speaking or just walk away. She want answer my phone calls or texts. Same with her girls.

    • profile image

      Alma90557@gmail.com 

      23 months ago

      That's exactly what im going through with my man he's always going out with his sister and leaves me behind

    • profile image

      Sad in Bethlehem 

      23 months ago

      i appreciate everything i have read. My sister has treated me wrong so many times and she always does it when she has others to agree with her. She spreads rumors and lies about me and gets the rest of the family to agree with her. It hurts, no lie. But i realize now that i have to cut off all ties because now it is affecting my family.

    • profile image

      23 months ago

      What do you do when somebody makes you sad all the time then when you make them sad (just a little bit) you get in trouble?

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, wehavekids.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://wehavekids.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)