Signs of Jealous Family Members and How to Deal With Them

How to Deal With Jealous Family Members

Jealous relatives do exist, and they can cause a problem for the whole family in general. Family and all of our interactions with them are supposed to be a blessing, but if you have a jealous family member, you can feel absolutely cursed.

There’s a saying that goes, “Blood is thicker than water." In my opinion, blood is more jealous, too. It’s so sad to know that jealousy might motivate your aunts, cousins, or even your siblings to hurt you. And when it comes from family members, the hurt is deeper. Plus, they can cause a lot of unnecessary stress in your life. They can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself.

Strangely, I’ve had horrible luck in dealing with jealous relatives in my life. I suppose that we can say it’s just human nature, but it’s so unnecessary. Here's what I've learned from my own experiences.

What Are the Signs of Jealous Family Members?

You may think it's easy to spot envy in others, but some people are very subtle in their actions or wording. According to Frances M. Bledsoe, a licensed clinical social worker at the Relationship Center Nashville, signs of a jealous relative can include things like, "Criticism, direct, or behind one’s back; passive-aggressive behavior (like “forgetting” to make good on a promise, deliberately sabotaging a plan); gossip; or outright lies." Here are some more tell-tale signs.

They're Never Impressed

Do you ever feel like your cousin or sister is never impressed with your accomplishments? Jealous relatives tend to downplay your accomplishments by telling you that lots of people can do that. They'll say things like, "Anyone can get a promotion if they just work hard enough. It's not that big of a deal." This is definitely a sign of their own insecurities.

They Try and "One Up" You

Every family seems to have that one person who is always trying to be the best. If your child said their first word at 16 months, theirs did at 12 months. If you share news of your big promotion, they already got one six months after starting their new job. Try not to get caught up in their need to compete and focus on you.

They Get Angry When You Give Them Advice

Now, most people don't like unsolicited advice, but as I mentioned above, insecurity is the driving force of jealousy. People who are filled with envy get defensive quickly and don't like their "flaws" being pointed out. Even though your advice is well-intentioned, they don't see it like that. Instead, they think you're trying to show that you're better than them.

Seeing Them Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself

Seeing your relatives should make you feel good and loved. If you always leave a family gathering feeling worse about yourself than you did when you arrived, this is a sign that something's wrong. Your family should be supportive of your goals and proud of your accomplishments.

They Are Extra Critical

If your aunt or cousin is constantly calling out your flaws or saying negative things to you, this is a sign that they are jealous. People who are insecure about themselves try and bring others down to make themselves feel better. They will find fault in almost anything. Try not to let them get to you.

How to Deal With Toxic Relatives

Keep Your Mouth Shut

While you cannot remove yourself from the family tree, you can easily manage any jealous family members that you have. The most important step is to keep them out of your personal business. They do not need to know that you are purchasing a new home, awaiting a promotion, or even dating a new partner. Only share these things with people who are going to support you.

You do not want your goals or current events to be the main discussion at their dinner table. They will simply devour it and speak negatively about your life. Do not fuel the fire for their gossip and negative talk.

Stop Feeling Guilty

Do not feel guilty that you are pulling away by not sharing your life story with them. Sometimes, you just have to love people from far away. It’s easy to feel that you are being the bad guy when you are simply trying to protect yourself.

Limit Interaction

If they invite you to family functions, you can still attend. You just have to be mindful of what you share with them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying their company.

However, in most cases, you will find that certain relatives who harbor jealousy will usually not invite you to their events. You should not despair, and do not force your way into their world either. It's probably best to limit your in-person interactions with them. Why hang out with someone who doesn't have a positive effect on your life?

And remember, it's okay to set boundaries with certain people. You can still love them from a distance.

Avoid Confrontation

Some say that a person should call a family meeting to discuss the jealousy issue, but a lot of times it only makes the drama last longer. Bledsoe says, "Occasionally, a healthy relative may just need to say out loud how insecure or overshadowed she or he feels, and be met with compassion. However, not everyone who is jealous is willing and able to be honest and vulnerable."

The most important thing is to remain a loving, caring individual and not allow the antics of jealous family members to make you bitter. This may sound weird, but become the peace that you seek from your family. Compliment them and focus on being a positive force within the family. It's hard to be the bigger person, but it will be better in the long run.

You can acknowledge the good things happening in your life by attributing them to hard work and/or luck. Try not to come off as judgmental because most likely their jealousy is fueled by their own insecurities about not being good enough.

Take Care of Yourself First

It can be easy to dwell on jealousy and negative feelings surrounding it. However, it's important to practice self-care to stay emotionally healthy. Try journaling or meditating if you find yourself starting to get angry or sad. Have compassion for yourself and be patient. It's okay to be bothered by their actions, but try not to let them consume you.

Why Do People Get Jealous?

Sometimes, these same jealous relatives may feel conflicted on the inside. They may actually be proud of you but are simply jealous that they were not able to achieve what you've been able to. They're dealing with feelings of inadequacy.

While that is sad, it is not your problem. This is an issue that they need to deal with on their own, so you shouldn't feel burdened by their feelings. You also shouldn’t have to be overly humble and ashamed of your milestones so you don’t offend your family members. Continue to be confident of yourself and proud of your achievements! Don't allow these people to affect your self-esteem and make you lose confidence.

In time, you will either find that your absence has made their heart grow fonder for you or that nothing has changed. Find it in your heart to forgive them so that you're not consumed by bitterness. Figure out what's driving their jealousy and try and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe they're jealous of your new relationship because they've been single for a number of years or maybe they envy your new job because they can't find someone they love. This can help you become empathetic towards their life situation.

But remember, you can only control your own actions. This is the only way to find peace.

Causes of Sibling Jealousy

Sibling rivalry is extremely common, especially if you're the same gender or around the same age. They are one of the few people you've known your entire life, and you've shared every milestone together. However, childhood sibling rivalry can easily turn into jealousy in adulthood if it's not addressed. Here are a few reasons why this happens.

Parental Influence*

Many parents place high expectations on their children, and it's especially difficult if one child lives up to those expectations while the other doesn't. Bledsoe says, "Sometimes families promote unhealthy competition between children. For example, a parent may lavish attention on a child who is more academic, athletic, musical, etc. than another." These jealous feelings can linger and cause problems in adulthood.

Hitting Milestones at Different Times

As you and your brother or sister reach adulthood, you'll start to accomplish different things and live different lifestyles. This could cause some competition as to who gets married first, who has kids first, who buys a house first, etc. Marriage can be especially difficult if you don't approve of your sibling's significant other or feel like that person is threatening your bond with them.

*Parents can get jealous of their kids, too.

What If I'm the Jealous One?

Maybe you're actually the one who is jealous of a relative. It's okay to be envious of someone, but try your best not to let it show. Remember that this is likely stemming from your own insecurities and has nothing to do with the other person. Don't let these feelings ruin what is otherwise a really great relationship! And don't let them build up either—you'll only start to resent this family member and the relationship will deteriorate.

Here are a few healthy ways to manage your

• Acknowledge your jealousy: Just recognizing that you're having these feelings opens the door to letting them go. Bledsoe suggests asking yourself the following questions: "What am I most afraid of in this situation?” “How did I learn to believe there is not enough (love, approval, etc.) to go around? Are those learned beliefs/feelings really relevant to the current circumstances? Am I willing to identify the old fears and let them pass?”
• Open up to a friend or trained professional: It's important to talk about your jealousy with a friend or even a trained professional, like a counselor or therapist. They'll be able to help you determine the causes of your envy and how to deal with them.
• Remind yourself of your positive traits: Just because someone else is better at something than you are doesn't mean that they are better than you in general. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, so remind yourself of the things you are good at or the positive qualities you possess. It can even help to write these strengths on a post-it note and tape it to your mirror, so you can get a daily reminder of why you're awesome.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Comments

Krishpush on August 20, 2020:

My husband sister jealous for me wt i will do

unknow on July 07, 2020:

I would like to share my thougth about my enimies so called famies of my mother and father etc.Me my mother and my son was encountering rejection of so called enimies a familiesthe harm has been done with me long time ago with the abuse rapist father when i was small.and rejection of my mother and whole of the family of my mother which includes me.it was worsen when and worsen every single day i think there plan is forever rejection.they sabotage me in my work which a performing artiste i singapore etc..they slowlly showing there behavior. i feel snicking and finding the truth and the trut hurts i found nothing . they only just want to fool me my mother son few other who die because of ther hatred on me my mother son. Now im just preparing for them to attack me and relax for everything that is going on like lies..and the worse is that after the job done in batan indonisia they try to full me around about it i think it was jealoses pushing theme to do the lies. And checking about my brain is still working good or not so that they can fool me. they try to give me disease depression. but i was very confident that i was in danger and fooled around with families whos my great enimies. not only that they try to get me a medicine the anti psychotic medice and for anti cancer for cervical. i cant do nothing i was crying and just go on.i later find out all my so called enimies families is behind all this.still hoping that a miracle to come to me not for the enimies called famielis but to me my mother my son and few police was die and relative because of that hared .and a long time secret of the abuse with the father to and to my mother. relationship.And i want also to share fraud that is going on to i hate it because i know the truth.

Sheila Bell Gilmer on July 04, 2020:

This is exactly what I already thought about this and I appreciate the advice and I am going to be prepared to keep positive and I will keep my mouth shut. Lol. At least the times i think that I should.

Wisdom Samat on June 25, 2020:

I like your advices. It's very helpful for me. Thank you!

DR on June 23, 2020:

My oldest daughter gets jealous when I spend time with my youngest daughter. I don't often spend time with my youngest one and when I do, I get the riot act when the oldest finds out. The other day I was suppose to spend time with the oldest, however, because of an unexpected car accident the younger one was involved with, I had to go to the doctor with the younger one and had to cancel my time with the older one. The oldest one got so angry and miserable for me and is still not talking to me. The jealousy and bitterness is more than I can bear. I spend time with the old and her children many times when I cannot with the youngest because the youngest work.

Sue on June 23, 2020:

My sister continues to be jealous- it had started in childhood, and it continues. It is so sad, as she controls the dynamics of the family, so I am not close with any of them. My parents- especially my mother- has always encouraged this. Believing that my sister is the most important because she is the oldest (just like my mother and father of their families), she was always allowed my sister extra privileges and given in to whatever she wants. I am married, have two wonderful children, a beautiful home, and a good career. I take care of myself, and it shows. She is one year older, yet everyone thinks she is a least 10 years older than me. She continually tries to put me down, and she even encourages her adult children to be rude and disrespectful to me. I have accepted that unless I become less, they will always treat me like less. However, I've worked too hard to become the person I am today. I continue to treat them with patience, tolerance, and love, as I know they are spiritually sick. I limit my interactions with them, as their abuse of alcohol gets to be old. My sister drinks and carries on as if she were in college. When I don't participate, she tells me I think I am too good for them. I try to explain to her that it's not that I think I'm too good, it's just that it's not a healthy lifestyle for me in which to engage. I keep praying for them. They're God's kids; I'm going to continue to step back and let Him deal with them.

Memaq on June 18, 2020:

Hi my sister in law has done so much ever since her brother and I have gotten together. Even though it was almost her that hooked us up. She has tried to be due with a baby at our wedding, she yelled at me at work in front of everyone and so much more. She lives next door with my in laws her and her husband have no jobs and don’t help my in laws. They act like they own the place. She yells at me at is mean to my kids and so are her kids but it’s always twisted around even when there’s proof that she or her kids were wrong. It’s almost impossible to avoid them. I truly don’t know what to do. I need to move. I just wish we had the money!

Dc on June 12, 2020:

All of my life my siblings and cousins and aunts always said bad things about for no cause at all and hurt me all of my life. Inspire of me knowing that they hate me I always say good things about anyway trying to live according how the Bible tells us how to live.

anonymous on May 23, 2020:

literally was like reading about my brother who is 10 years older. anything i do he has to belittle, anything i work for he puts me down about, always makes fun of me in front of family and friends and is always bitter about everything and god forbid our mother spends too much time with me! tried to speak to our mother about getting him help because think depression might be a part of it but he just blows off the handle, his rage and anger issues once he has had a drink and flashed money is out of control! any advice on this would be massively appreciated!!

anonymous on May 21, 2020:

Thanks for this blog. What you wrote resonates so much with my husband's family(his brothers and their wives). They belittle any of our success but want to boast the littlest of their good things. Especially when it got to our kids and started affecting us badly with their sarcastic belittling comments and kinda bullying, started keeping distance from them.

Middle child on May 07, 2020:

I'm the middle child and my entire family judges me except my little brother so my mum, dad, sister judges me on my appearance, like they would judge me on my outfit. So its good for me to know to move on and never loook back at your terrible past and stay in your pace

Ubaidullah on May 03, 2020:

I have 3 brothers and mother died in my childhood 2 brother are older thn me and one is younger, since childhood both trying to degrading me and showing disgrace, they always trying to create difficulties , i am trying since childhood to make understand to my brothers that jealousy isnt good but thy dont try to understand, i supported and helped in all walks of theirs lives , but they didnt saw my purity , and my symphathies, now my age 29 years and i couldnt married due to laziness of my brothers, i spend my life on my brothers and they dont say at least thanks or giving smile, that situation made me patient of hypothyroidis and depression, i lost my one testis due to hypothyroidism and depression, in this time i am in depression , what i do any one tell that? Any can give advice? Any one can help me?

LaToya on April 26, 2020:

I have a sister that's 2 yrs older then me an then there's my mom well neither of them r talking to me . Them both my mom and my sister talks shit to my kids an my mom will give them Soo much attitude.

Khadeeja on April 24, 2020:

Some jealous parents want to kill their kids WARING

Jaynemarie Styles on April 22, 2020:

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Dana on April 19, 2020:

Okay my brotther in law called after a year. They have deliberately not called my husband . I dont like them from years of metaling and one day I just stop communication and my hubb soon followed . It was to much for me to be around people that didnt value me. So I wanted to punish them for leaving me out of things for no reason. At least tell me if I did something wrong I didnt understand it . My husband is a push over so on so many occasions he didnt defend me.So Im bitter so any sign of them throws me into frenzy. I literally go into a panic attack

Mimi on March 11, 2020:

This is a really good thing for me to know because my sister has been throwing things at me since she got sick. But she would blame me for things I hadn't done. I'm so grateful you wrote this blog.

Lucy on February 17, 2020:

I have two sisters who appear to be jealous of me. At a recent family reunion they were both drinking heavily and started speaking really badly about me in front of my Young adult daughter. Saying all sorts of horrible things. My daughter was so upset and appalled and didn’t want to see them again. I did call them out on it but they both downplayed it. It’s a common occurence however. My younger sister in particular appears to go out of her way to be overbearing and bossy. I’ve lived overseas for many years and I get the sense theY think I haven’t done my fair share of family organizing or some such thing. Of course I’m very close to my parents and see them several times a year, usually at great expense. My sisters have never visited me in 20 years. I am sad because I know my mom is very upset about this type of behavior. That said I can’t do much about their behaviors . I used to enjoy their company but there have been so many instances of them exploding on me. I feel that the best thing is to just keep my distance. I can love them but I don’t want to be dragged into negativity.

the fourth sister on February 10, 2020:

I have elder sister, who is just over 9 years older than me. She's the second born and I'm the forth. I remember when I was a kid we were really close and when she became a mum when I was 12, we remained so. I have no idea when things started to go downhill, I couldn't pin point it but downhill they have gone. She seems to get jealous which manifests itself in either snide comments or completely ignoring something. She can never be happy for me though I am always happy for her when something good happens and have always been supportive of he life choices etc. She seems to be very big on trying to make other people jealous though I think this is mainly aimed at me. Always trying to get one up but it doesn't work because I can genuinely be happy for her. In 2018, I got engaged to someone I have been with for 14 years and we will be getting married this May. The same year, my sister's daughter got engaged and she was married yesterday. It was really nice because we could discuss dresses and wedding stuff together, really go through it together. My sister whenever I saw her would go on and on about my niece's wedding, never once asking me about my wedding plans. In 14 months, not one single sign of interest. At Christmas, we were all together and I asked my niece if she'd like to see my dress. My niece responded in the way I would expect, she was really enthusiastic. My sister on the other hand, who was the same room when I asked my niece could not of shown any less interest if she tried. I cannot tell you how hurt I felt. I wish I had confronted her there and then. Up until my engagement, I would just shrug it off, feeling sorry for her that she could harbour that much jealousy in her little sister but I'm really starting to feel bitter about it now and I hate that because it's supposed to be the best time of my life. I should be looking forward to it and feeling loved by my family not having thoughts of yelling at her about it and calling her out on her jealousy and insecurities. All my other sisters are supportive and excited for me. Why can't she give me this one thing?

Has anyone else been through similar? How did you get past it? I really don't want this to consume me but sometimes it even keeps me awake which is ridiculous!

Grace Marguerite Williams from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 02, 2020:

My maternal family in Wellford, South Carolina is like that. I have never liked them & as I got older, my dislike turned to pure hatred. I have cut contact w/them. I see them for the venomous people they are.

doobie224 on January 28, 2020:

I agree with “JP” (who posted 4 months ago). Don’t waste time on family who doesn’t accept you and only wants to find fault, gossip and criticize. I’m in my 50s and have a couple family members who treat me poorly.

I finally got it into my head that they don’t respect me and love me. Yes, it feels incredibly sad and even insecure, but I (and you) deserve so much better.

Find your mojo and get out into the world and meet people who are strong, secure and will show you respect and love. You deserve it!

Jennifer on January 13, 2020:

I too have sisters that are incredibly JEALOUS of me At first I didn’t realize why all a sudden they started hating me and finally people told me that these sisters are JEALOUS OF ME My one sister said she feels like “less of a person around me” I have never done anything extrodinary with my life but I did work out of the home as a secretary in a small town I knew everyone and everyone seemed to like me My sisters have never worked out of the home and have no self confidence to do so. A few years ago my husband passed away after a Horrendous Illness in which I looked after him at home. The recognition and support I got from friends and family was so nice but I believe this made them even more Jealous of me Then I was left financially comfortable and then that made them hate me even further I was upset for awhile when this first happened and now I only feel PITY for them . I lost my wonderful husband but they have no compassion for me but only hate me because I’m happy and I’m financially comfortable. Such is life. I am so happy in my life now.

john Stone on January 13, 2020:

wow so many comments I didn't realize so many suffer from the same thing I discovered is hounding me my whole life!

Sue on January 07, 2020:

How does one deal with a sil who is jealous of his wifes close relationship with her mother?

TT on December 29, 2019:

I absolutely connected with this post 100%. I have two cousins who are jealous. Now I’m taking a step back and taking care of my own life. It’s much healthier.

C u on November 16, 2019:

I used to be super broke and homeless living on friends floors finally got a good job doing well formyself i drive a bmw now and my family is wishing on my downfall i get treated like shit by my own mom i dont wish this upon anyone

Devansh jain on November 03, 2019:

My cousins are jealoused from me. And every time they make me feel bad about me.

Cornelis K on October 15, 2019:

Im currently dealing with this evil of jealousy with my brother and sister in law. We have no children of our own for more than 12.5 years (unexplained infertility) and i have become extremely close with my niece since she was a 1 years old. she is now 13. she would be extremely excited to come over to our place once every other week for 6 hours. we went swimming, bowling, walking the dog, feeding the animals etc etc. i took off work early to spend time with her. love was mutual between us and having her around filled the void of having having no children. she litterly was to me my own very own daughter in every way.

I have moved across country to be near her to keep my sanity. but slowly during the past year i was systematically taken out of the picture, we could no longer attend her or her two younger brothers birthdays, than no more swimming, than she stopped walking the dog and doing things with me, until she completely stopped talking to me and ignored me literally overnight and would trail my wife like her life was depended on it and i was treated like a child molester or pedophile. i have never ever done anything to her, so i asked her why she was dong this to me and she said she couldn't tell me. i approached her dad and he just lied and beat around the bush. story short she no longer wants to see me and literately shakes in her shoes when she is near me, they bribed her with getting her a horse to stay away from me. im so depressed and extremely sad about this and they go one like its all normal. it simply comes down that i love there daughter more than they do and spend a whole lot more time with her and her brothers than there parents, because of that i am back stabbed and banished from there children and there is nothing i can do about it! Im so terribly depressed

Nancy Perez-Fugere on October 10, 2019:

There was a lot of jealous women in my family. All of us girls where white Hispanic and they were dark. My aunt was a terrible alcoholic and very scarry when she drank but I loved her and had respect her inspite her bulling I felt sorry for her and her family

Kaye Green on October 09, 2019:

I have an aunt that is nice to my face but the moment I turn my back she says awful things about me. I love travelling and I don't see anything wrong with that since I use my own money and I work really hard for it. There was one time that she found out I was planning a trip to Japan and she told my other aunt that she thinks I'm trying to prove something. And the way that she said it was full of disdain. She would always say things like this whenever I travel. That is why I would only tell her about it a few days before I leave. (I leave next to her apartment) I just don't get it. When is travelling such a bad thing? I use my own savings my own money. I never ask anything from her and yet she

Karen white on September 22, 2019:

I have a sister she suppose to be my big sister but she doesnt act like it she is so self centern and mean ypu can feel the rage she carries in her heart and wnata tp be the ONLY one noitce and the ONLY one to be able to talk about her problems yet when someone needs her she complanins and doesnt have time to listen yet when it is her she wants everyone to listen to her sad stoires. I dont need this is my life . she treat me like this on purpose because she calls me her step sister. So hateful. Yet she should be blessed she has a sister who still wants to be around her after how she acts yet as i become more wiser i find that me making effort to be around her is dreadful because she complains about everthing and the conversation is always about HER. She was never in my life growing up and now that she is around what for? To make others misarrable like her to use to drag around and try to make fun of. Sadly i dont trust her. Anyone else can relate to a sister like that or relative.

buda on September 21, 2019:

i have a sister who is almost 50 and she been acting really mean and Jealousy. she thinks she the ONLY one who can say what she wants and when some trys to correct her OH MY. she is very selfish and only cares about her self she comes over only when she wants to cry wolf and then goes back to her ways she been like this my whole life and now that i am an adult she trys to run that game on me when put her on her place on social media she threw a fit. she is the kind of person that trys to make others looks bad so she can look good if, you ask me she is a bully and very selfish.

JP on September 21, 2019:

I'm old. Take it from me younger people out there - don't waste your life trying to get horrible siblings and other family members to love, appreciate or care about you. If it's not there for whatever reason, it's never going to be there. Get away and don't look back. My motto now, too late in life after decades of grief and abuse is, "spend time with those who love and appreciate you." What a novel (for me) but obvious concept!

troubled niece on September 21, 2019:

Good advice to take care of oneself first. It can feel really disheartening to come across theses toxic feelings from others. Good to step back and acknowledge the hurt and then deal with ways around it.

Unknown on September 21, 2019:

I have big brothers and all of them seem to be jealous of me. Am into personal development and whenever I try to help them they get angry. When I accomplish something they get upset.

Ramirez Daisy on September 20, 2019:

Thank you so much for your blog. It's really wonderful. It's happening to me (and my friends). It hurts but I just have to face the reality and my fate. Sorry. Thank you. Congratulation po and More Power and May god bless you more po. ~:)

no name on September 18, 2019:

i have a sister and we both share the same freind and somethimes i just want to do things with her but my sister is offered to join or people want her there is there any thing i can do to deal with this in a helthy way?

Michelle on September 08, 2019:

Very interesting helpful read. I have just walked away from my Family because of a Jealous Sister who is 5 years older than me. I left Ireland a long time ago, met my Husband and have 3 beautiful kids. My family have never forgiven me for leaving. My Sister has been bullying me for quite some time, so I decided to confront her and what a mistake that was, she tore into my Husband, and every aspect of my life with him. I’m very happily married for 32 years. Now my other siblings have austerised my Husband, so really I think there’s been a lot of harmful gossip going on. So 2 weeks ago after a visit home, I made the decision to walk away for good. It seems like they blame him for me being away, even though I left myself and met him whilst I was away. My Sister has done nothing but put me down about everything from my appearance, to where I live, how I raise my kids, to the Man I married. Sadly I think the whole family agree with her, they obviously spent many a Friday night at my Mums gossiping over drinks about me and my life choices. I know this because when I’ve been in their company, they’ve gossiped about each other. I think it’s jealousy and boredom. So I just walked away, feel like I’m going through a grieving process but I know I’ve done the right thing for me, my Husband and kids. Thanks for this helpful article and good to know I’m not alone.

Liveyourlife3 on August 03, 2019:

Families tend to be jealous when, there not accomplishing goals to stay stress free from drama or always complaining. You can ignore them stay quiet there will still be something wrong long term. Sometimes there in your business trying to snoop around into your things. Very unfortunate situations where families can be the worst. Pretending your jealous envious when, your the one who helped them. Experience is the best teacher. When you see them complaining just let go and let them deal with there own business. Never comment or get involved. There talking about everyone and once you leave them alone then, misery will defeat themselves. People can't use you then, they tend to never like you. The End

lkanony on August 01, 2019:

I think to add to this, it seems that if the parents in law's own daughters don't have it or aren't living the same type of marriage as their daughter in law then it's like DIL shouldn't have it or attain it either. Seems the comparison is primarily towards my oldest sil and her marriage or marital situation(s). I remember my fil stating how there was no need for a wife and a mother to back to school. I smiled to myself because I earned a masters while being a mother and wife. Some time like maybe months later, while mil and the oldest sil were trying to be cordial and generally asked how things were going I enthusiastically mentioned that I was going to complete a second masters and the program I was enrolling in...they grew stone cold silent with sil glancing over at mil with an expression on her face that didn't reflect joy for me. They were not so cordial all of a sudden. They instantly switched to a dialect/language I don't understand, or speak. Now my oldest sil has a college degree but not a masters. Yet I see it was O.K. that my two younger sils earned a masters, one while married.

There are a number of occurrences and comments they would make from the moment we got married 17 years and 11 months ago to this last occurrence about a year or so ago including judging or incenuating that I spend alot of money on my appearance or upkeep, or my children's upkeep and "looking expensive"...I have since managed to complete that second master's with distinction I must add ;-) Ironically, I received my diploma in the mail 3 days ago.

Lisette Santiago on July 29, 2019:

Thank you for the stories. All my life I was confused about the abuse, jealous, and disrespect! These articles helped me to understand the cycle. I will take the advice for sure!

Ubaid jarwar on July 12, 2019:

Very nice information for this chapter jealous family thanks

Milly Beanfield on July 05, 2019:

I have a sister two years older than me who is extremely verbally abusive. Well, just abusive in general, really. We had not spoken for years yet we arrived at my mother's deathbed to spend a week together in our childhood home. Due to the reason for our reunion, I was actually quite shocked to receive the cold, cold silent treatment for the entire week. Strangely, my brother who is ten years older than me, decided to participate, which he had not been doing until she arrived a day after me. Then, after a week of nothing but bad vibes from her, silent treatment, mixed with one meltdown about the laundry, and lots of fake acting when friends arrived at the house.... I was about to leave for the airport to return home, the rage and storm of insults, accusations, leading to my dismissal... that she would never see me again. I later was informed that she has Parkinson's, early onset. At this time, we were both in our forties, but had a hot/cold sisterhood for many years, which I found interesting because we live on separate coasts and really rarely saw each other. I knew she was projecting her unhappiness upon me, yet I also was able to observe her behavior that week quite astutely, thanks to the silent treatment.... I watched and learned. It was really sad. She was mean, and seemingly rather dumb in many ways, which surprised me because she touts herself as identifying "not with my beauty, but with my intelligence." I was rather horrified that I had either had the wool pulled over my eyes for 44 years, or she had some form of degenerative prognosis happening. I don't say this lightly, because after a childhood of looking up to her in many ways I was stunned to see my sister behaving in a manner that one would only want to avoid. At any rate, it's all rather sad because she never gave herself a chance to know me as an adult being that she was either hostile or dismissive for twenty five years. Just sad.

Tyeeee on June 27, 2019:

I have two younger brothers and two older sisters.. both of my older sisters are the jealous type but my second oldest sister is DANGEROUSLY jealous! She’s always been in competition when we were younger and she’s always been a bully... everything I accomplish or even talk about accomplishing she find a problem in it only to copy my exact idea... we both had a baby a year apart and she named her son exactly what I was going to name mine.. she mimics everything I do.. she watches my relationship like a eagle with my husband.. she wishes bad things on me! And she’s always trying to make things a problem.. she’s very dramatic and messy.. she’s in a fucked Up relationship and has been for the past 20 years.. maybe that’s why she’s so jealous.. literally everything I do she try to make it out to be bad .. then turn a round and COPY me.. I can see in her face hoe disgusted she be when I talk about the good things that are happening in my life... it’s so pathetic yet annoying .. cause it’s something I have had to deal with all my life ...

Maria Elena Pineyro Rodriguez on June 17, 2019:

2 ants and 1 cousin my goodness,trust me it's best to stay away from these people.

Maria Elena Pineyro Rodriguez on June 16, 2019:

Thank you, so much needed this advice i've dealt with jealous family members and trust me it's not pleasant at all.

Anich10 on June 13, 2019:

Sadly jealousy is in my family too. My mother and brother are very jealous. My mother was very manipulative and controlling in my younger years. She would fly off the handle for no reason if she didn’t get her way. She was verbally and physically abusive. Now my brother is in cahoots with her and he lies profusely to get money from her and my dad. All they do is gossip about my husband and I. What cars we drive, what we do, etc... I now tell them nothing, and give them zero fuel. If we go to the city for a day or weekend, they will never know. They don’t know what I do for a living, because it will be gossiped and talked about and picked apart. They are not encouraging, supportive or giving. My husband and I do all the holidays for my parents. My brother blows everybody off, and makes up fake medical conditions to get money from my parents. He has told my mother that I am well off financially (not the case at all), so that he will reap the benefits from their will, etc.. Any and all good things in my life does not leave my household. I have learned how to manage them and the best way is to share nothing. Keep my joy to myself, because they will destroy it. My dad is an angel of a man and sadly I can’t share my joys in life with him, because he will innocently say something to my mother, and it gets blown out of proportion and gossiped about.

Mosh on June 12, 2019:

My cousin sister is jealous of us in every way.. Though v hv helped her financially before her marriage nw she got married to rich family she getting too jealous of us without reason. She invites all except us.. N tells our cousin

Not to tell us. She does invites in one religious function from her behavior looks she doesn't like us coming... I found out she's jealous ....

Loretta on June 09, 2019:

I have an older sister and a younger sister who are jealous and thinks they are better at all things. We have one sister that passed before 1 year old. I've tried to understand if my feelings about this for a very long time. Both of my sisters think they are better than I could ever understand. However, I know this is not true. God loves me just as much as he loves them. I feel both of my sisters act this way because I have two children and they have none even though one was always the beauty queen and the other married wealth.... I will pray for a better future. And I appreciate this information.

lizzie51 on June 05, 2019:

I can see that I am not the only one who has got issues relating to my family. Here goes, I have got 3 sisters and 2 brothers and as a family we have never been that close. It has always been a situation in my family where different siblings either get on with each other one minute then not the next its been like this for years. I have always been close to one of my sisters and one of my brothers but not the other three it has always been the same for the sister I am close to she always felt left out by our other 2 sisters who did everything together. Recently our Dad passed away there was a lot of arguing that went off it was a disgrace I wasn't involved and neither was the brother who I am not close to. My two sisters who were close and did everything together have fallen out so one of the sisters has now become close to the sister I am close to. They have been doing a lot of things together like going on holiday with my mum and meeting up at each others houses having sleep overs, I find out either after they have been somewhere or a day before, I don't now get invited. I have always been there for my sister through thick and thin as she has for me but it has changed so much, now when I ring her she spends ten minutes on the phone it use to be over an hour also she has stopped ringing me and stopped doing things with me. I am really hurt by this, I have asked her if I have done anything wrong but she says its all in my head. Anyone got any suggestions of whats gone wrong?

bettybb on June 02, 2019:

My mother is jealous of me and always has been. She was abusive when I was a child and sees everything as a competition. She's extremely self-absorbed. I'm a successful artist and writer with many publications, and yet she never acknowledges my accomplishments, never even asks about my creative work. If it comes up, she changes the subject.

I got a high-paying writing job last year, but when I told her about it, she was beside herself and quickly changed the subject. She hasn't mentioned my job since or asked how I'm doing.

It hurts. I guess, no matter how old we are, we expect our parents, above all others, to take pride in our accomplishments and have an interest in our lives.

An estranged niece also came into my life after my brother died two years ago--we had a falling out, and he wouldn't let me see her when she was growing up. I tried so hard to make the relationship work, but I started noticing that she too never acknowledged my accomplishments and wasn't supportive of my creative efforts. I suspect that she's also jealous of my success.

I'm not really wanting my family to be impressed per se, but it would be great if they were more supportive and showed a little interest in my work. Working in a creative field is extremely difficult.We creative types always feel, on some level, that we're not good enough.