How to Deal With Jealous Family Members
Jealous relatives do exist, and they can cause a problem for the whole family in general. Family and all of our interactions with them are supposed to be a blessing, but if you have a jealous family member, you can feel absolutely cursed.
There’s a saying that goes, “Blood is thicker than water." In my opinion, blood is more jealous, too. It’s so sad to know that jealousy might motivate your aunts, cousins, or even your siblings to hurt you. And when it comes from family members, the hurt is deeper. Plus, they can cause a lot of unnecessary stress in your life. They can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad about yourself.
Strangely, I’ve had horrible luck in dealing with jealous relatives in my life. I suppose that we can say it’s just human nature, but it’s so unnecessary. Here's what I've learned from my own experiences.
What Are the Signs of Jealous Family Members?
You may think it's easy to spot envy in others, but some people are very subtle in their actions or wording. According to Frances M. Bledsoe, a licensed clinical social worker at the Relationship Center Nashville, signs of a jealous relative can include things like, "Criticism, direct, or behind one’s back; passive-aggressive behavior (like “forgetting” to make good on a promise, deliberately sabotaging a plan); gossip; or outright lies." Here are some more tell-tale signs.
They're Never Impressed
Do you ever feel like your cousin or sister is never impressed with your accomplishments? Jealous relatives tend to downplay your accomplishments by telling you that lots of people can do that. They'll say things like, "Anyone can get a promotion if they just work hard enough. It's not that big of a deal." This is definitely a sign of their own insecurities.
They Try and "One Up" You
Every family seems to have that one person who is always trying to be the best. If your child said their first word at 16 months, theirs did at 12 months. If you share news of your big promotion, they already got one six months after starting their new job. Try not to get caught up in their need to compete and focus on you.
They Get Angry When You Give Them Advice
Now, most people don't like unsolicited advice, but as I mentioned above, insecurity is the driving force of jealousy. People who are filled with envy get defensive quickly and don't like their "flaws" being pointed out. Even though your advice is well-intentioned, they don't see it like that. Instead, they think you're trying to show that you're better than them.
Seeing Them Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
Seeing your relatives should make you feel good and loved. If you always leave a family gathering feeling worse about yourself than you did when you arrived, this is a sign that something's wrong. Your family should be supportive of your goals and proud of your accomplishments.
They Are Extra Critical
If your aunt or cousin is constantly calling out your flaws or saying negative things to you, this is a sign that they are jealous. People who are insecure about themselves try and bring others down to make themselves feel better. They will find fault in almost anything. Try not to let them get to you.
How to Deal With Toxic Relatives
Keep Your Mouth Shut
While you cannot remove yourself from the family tree, you can easily manage any jealous family members that you have. The most important step is to keep them out of your personal business. They do not need to know that you are purchasing a new home, awaiting a promotion, or even dating a new partner. Only share these things with people who are going to support you.
You do not want your goals or current events to be the main discussion at their dinner table. They will simply devour it and speak negatively about your life. Do not fuel the fire for their gossip and negative talk.
Stop Feeling Guilty
Do not feel guilty that you are pulling away by not sharing your life story with them. Sometimes, you just have to love people from far away. It’s easy to feel that you are being the bad guy when you are simply trying to protect yourself.
If they invite you to family functions, you can still attend. You just have to be mindful of what you share with them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying their company.
However, in most cases, you will find that certain relatives who harbor jealousy will usually not invite you to their events. You should not despair, and do not force your way into their world either. It's probably best to limit your in-person interactions with them. Why hang out with someone who doesn't have a positive effect on your life?
Read More From Wehavekids
And remember, it's okay to set boundaries with certain people. You can still love them from a distance.
Some say that a person should call a family meeting to discuss the jealousy issue, but a lot of times it only makes the drama last longer. Bledsoe says, "Occasionally, a healthy relative may just need to say out loud how insecure or overshadowed she or he feels, and be met with compassion. However, not everyone who is jealous is willing and able to be honest and vulnerable."
The most important thing is to remain a loving, caring individual and not allow the antics of jealous family members to make you bitter. This may sound weird, but become the peace that you seek from your family. Compliment them and focus on being a positive force within the family. It's hard to be the bigger person, but it will be better in the long run.
You can acknowledge the good things happening in your life by attributing them to hard work and/or luck. Try not to come off as judgmental because most likely their jealousy is fueled by their own insecurities about not being good enough.
Take Care of Yourself First
It can be easy to dwell on jealousy and negative feelings surrounding it. However, it's important to practice self-care to stay emotionally healthy. Try journaling or meditating if you find yourself starting to get angry or sad. Have compassion for yourself and be patient. It's okay to be bothered by their actions, but try not to let them consume you.
Why Do People Get Jealous?
Sometimes, these same jealous relatives may feel conflicted on the inside. They may actually be proud of you but are simply jealous that they were not able to achieve what you've been able to. They're dealing with feelings of inadequacy.
While that is sad, it is not your problem. This is an issue that they need to deal with on their own, so you shouldn't feel burdened by their feelings. You also shouldn’t have to be overly humble and ashamed of your milestones so you don’t offend your family members. Continue to be confident of yourself and proud of your achievements! Don't allow these people to affect your self-esteem and make you lose confidence.
In time, you will either find that your absence has made their heart grow fonder for you or that nothing has changed. Find it in your heart to forgive them so that you're not consumed by bitterness. Figure out what's driving their jealousy and try and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe they're jealous of your new relationship because they've been single for a number of years or maybe they envy your new job because they can't find someone they love. This can help you become empathetic towards their life situation.
But remember, you can only control your own actions. This is the only way to find peace.
Causes of Sibling Jealousy
Sibling rivalry is extremely common, especially if you're the same gender or around the same age. They are one of the few people you've known your entire life, and you've shared every milestone together. However, childhood sibling rivalry can easily turn into jealousy in adulthood if it's not addressed. Here are a few reasons why this happens.
Many parents place high expectations on their children, and it's especially difficult if one child lives up to those expectations while the other doesn't. Bledsoe says, "Sometimes families promote unhealthy competition between children. For example, a parent may lavish attention on a child who is more academic, athletic, musical, etc. than another." These jealous feelings can linger and cause problems in adulthood.
Hitting Milestones at Different Times
As you and your brother or sister reach adulthood, you'll start to accomplish different things and live different lifestyles. This could cause some competition as to who gets married first, who has kids first, who buys a house first, etc. Marriage can be especially difficult if you don't approve of your sibling's significant other or feel like that person is threatening your bond with them.
What If I'm the Jealous One?
Maybe you're actually the one who is jealous of a relative. It's okay to be envious of someone, but try your best not to let it show. Remember that this is likely stemming from your own insecurities and has nothing to do with the other person. Don't let these feelings ruin what is otherwise a really great relationship! And don't let them build up either—you'll only start to resent this family member and the relationship will deteriorate.
Here are a few healthy ways to manage your
- Acknowledge your jealousy: Just recognizing that you're having these feelings opens the door to letting them go. Bledsoe suggests asking yourself the following questions: "What am I most afraid of in this situation?” “How did I learn to believe there is not enough (love, approval, etc.) to go around? Are those learned beliefs/feelings really relevant to the current circumstances? Am I willing to identify the old fears and let them pass?”
- Open up to a friend or trained professional: It's important to talk about your jealousy with a friend or even a trained professional, like a counselor or therapist. They'll be able to help you determine the causes of your envy and how to deal with them.
- Remind yourself of your positive traits: Just because someone else is better at something than you are doesn't mean that they are better than you in general. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, so remind yourself of the things you are good at or the positive qualities you possess. It can even help to write these strengths on a post-it note and tape it to your mirror, so you can get a daily reminder of why you're awesome.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Krishpush on August 20, 2020:
My husband sister jealous for me wt i will do
unknow on July 07, 2020:
I would like to share my thougth about my enimies so called famies of my mother and father etc.Me my mother and my son was encountering rejection of so called enimies a familiesthe harm has been done with me long time ago with the abuse rapist father when i was small.and rejection of my mother and whole of the family of my mother which includes me.it was worsen when and worsen every single day i think there plan is forever rejection.they sabotage me in my work which a performing artiste i singapore etc..they slowlly showing there behavior. i feel snicking and finding the truth and the trut hurts i found nothing . they only just want to fool me my mother son few other who die because of ther hatred on me my mother son. Now im just preparing for them to attack me and relax for everything that is going on like lies..and the worse is that after the job done in batan indonisia they try to full me around about it i think it was jealoses pushing theme to do the lies. And checking about my brain is still working good or not so that they can fool me. they try to give me disease depression. but i was very confident that i was in danger and fooled around with families whos my great enimies. not only that they try to get me a medicine the anti psychotic medice and for anti cancer for cervical. i cant do nothing i was crying and just go on.i later find out all my so called enimies families is behind all this.still hoping that a miracle to come to me not for the enimies called famielis but to me my mother my son and few police was die and relative because of that hared .and a long time secret of the abuse with the father to and to my mother. relationship.And i want also to share fraud that is going on to i hate it because i know the truth.
Sheila Bell Gilmer on July 04, 2020:
This is exactly what I already thought about this and I appreciate the advice and I am going to be prepared to keep positive and I will keep my mouth shut. Lol. At least the times i think that I should.
Wisdom Samat on June 25, 2020:
I like your advices. It's very helpful for me. Thank you!
DR on June 23, 2020:
My oldest daughter gets jealous when I spend time with my youngest daughter. I don't often spend time with my youngest one and when I do, I get the riot act when the oldest finds out. The other day I was suppose to spend time with the oldest, however, because of an unexpected car accident the younger one was involved with, I had to go to the doctor with the younger one and had to cancel my time with the older one. The oldest one got so angry and miserable for me and is still not talking to me. The jealousy and bitterness is more than I can bear. I spend time with the old and her children many times when I cannot with the youngest because the youngest work.
Sue on June 23, 2020:
My sister continues to be jealous- it had started in childhood, and it continues. It is so sad, as she controls the dynamics of the family, so I am not close with any of them. My parents- especially my mother- has always encouraged this. Believing that my sister is the most important because she is the oldest (just like my mother and father of their families), she was always allowed my sister extra privileges and given in to whatever she wants. I am married, have two wonderful children, a beautiful home, and a good career. I take care of myself, and it shows. She is one year older, yet everyone thinks she is a least 10 years older than me. She continually tries to put me down, and she even encourages her adult children to be rude and disrespectful to me. I have accepted that unless I become less, they will always treat me like less. However, I've worked too hard to become the person I am today. I continue to treat them with patience, tolerance, and love, as I know they are spiritually sick. I limit my interactions with them, as their abuse of alcohol gets to be old. My sister drinks and carries on as if she were in college. When I don't participate, she tells me I think I am too good for them. I try to explain to her that it's not that I think I'm too good, it's just that it's not a healthy lifestyle for me in which to engage. I keep praying for them. They're God's kids; I'm going to continue to step back and let Him deal with them.
Memaq on June 18, 2020:
Hi my sister in law has done so much ever since her brother and I have gotten together. Even though it was almost her that hooked us up. She has tried to be due with a baby at our wedding, she yelled at me at work in front of everyone and so much more. She lives next door with my in laws her and her husband have no jobs and don’t help my in laws. They act like they own the place. She yells at me at is mean to my kids and so are her kids but it’s always twisted around even when there’s proof that she or her kids were wrong. It’s almost impossible to avoid them. I truly don’t know what to do. I need to move. I just wish we had the money!
Dc on June 12, 2020:
All of my life my siblings and cousins and aunts always said bad things about for no cause at all and hurt me all of my life. Inspire of me knowing that they hate me I always say good things about anyway trying to live according how the Bible tells us how to live.
anonymous on May 23, 2020:
literally was like reading about my brother who is 10 years older. anything i do he has to belittle, anything i work for he puts me down about, always makes fun of me in front of family and friends and is always bitter about everything and god forbid our mother spends too much time with me! tried to speak to our mother about getting him help because think depression might be a part of it but he just blows off the handle, his rage and anger issues once he has had a drink and flashed money is out of control! any advice on this would be massively appreciated!!
anonymous on May 21, 2020:
Thanks for this blog. What you wrote resonates so much with my husband's family(his brothers and their wives). They belittle any of our success but want to boast the littlest of their good things. Especially when it got to our kids and started affecting us badly with their sarcastic belittling comments and kinda bullying, started keeping distance from them.
Middle child on May 07, 2020:
I'm the middle child and my entire family judges me except my little brother so my mum, dad, sister judges me on my appearance, like they would judge me on my outfit. So its good for me to know to move on and never loook back at your terrible past and stay in your pace
Ubaidullah on May 03, 2020:
I have 3 brothers and mother died in my childhood 2 brother are older thn me and one is younger, since childhood both trying to degrading me and showing disgrace, they always trying to create difficulties , i am trying since childhood to make understand to my brothers that jealousy isnt good but thy dont try to understand, i supported and helped in all walks of theirs lives , but they didnt saw my purity , and my symphathies, now my age 29 years and i couldnt married due to laziness of my brothers, i spend my life on my brothers and they dont say at least thanks or giving smile, that situation made me patient of hypothyroidis and depression, i lost my one testis due to hypothyroidism and depression, in this time i am in depression , what i do any one tell that? Any can give advice? Any one can help me?
LaToya on April 26, 2020:
I have a sister that's 2 yrs older then me an then there's my mom well neither of them r talking to me . Them both my mom and my sister talks shit to my kids an my mom will give them Soo much attitude.
Khadeeja on April 24, 2020:
Some jealous parents want to kill their kids WARING
Jaynemarie Styles on April 22, 2020:
Around age 60 I noticed that my handwriting was getting smaller and I was writing faster. I also noticed a small tremor in my right hand. The doctor went over my different symptoms and he suspected I'd either had a small stroke or the beginnings of Parkinson 's disease. After finding a neurologist and some testing I was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Parkinson’s disease. That was 4 years ago. I took Sinimet four times a day to control my symptoms, which include falling, imbalance, gait problems, swallowing difficulties, and slurring of speech, A year ago, I began to do a lot of research and came across Rich Herbal Gardenss (ww w. richherbalgardens. c om) and their Parkinson's HERBAL TREATMENT. After seeing positive reviews from other patients, I quickly started on the treatment, I experienced significant reduction/decline in major symptoms, including tremors, muscle weakness, speech problems, difficulty swallowing, balance problems, chronic fatigue and others, The truth is you can get off the drugs and help yourself by trying natural methods, i live symptoms free.
Dana on April 19, 2020:
Okay my brotther in law called after a year. They have deliberately not called my husband . I dont like them from years of metaling and one day I just stop communication and my hubb soon followed . It was to much for me to be around people that didnt value me. So I wanted to punish them for leaving me out of things for no reason. At least tell me if I did something wrong I didnt understand it . My husband is a push over so on so many occasions he didnt defend me.So Im bitter so any sign of them throws me into frenzy. I literally go into a panic attack
Mimi on March 11, 2020:
This is a really good thing for me to know because my sister has been throwing things at me since she got sick. But she would blame me for things I hadn't done. I'm so grateful you wrote this blog.
Lucy on February 17, 2020:
I have two sisters who appear to be jealous of me. At a recent family reunion they were both drinking heavily and started speaking really badly about me in front of my Young adult daughter. Saying all sorts of horrible things. My daughter was so upset and appalled and didn’t want to see them again. I did call them out on it but they both downplayed it. It’s a common occurence however. My younger sister in particular appears to go out of her way to be overbearing and bossy. I’ve lived overseas for many years and I get the sense theY think I haven’t done my fair share of family organizing or some such thing. Of course I’m very close to my parents and see them several times a year, usually at great expense. My sisters have never visited me in 20 years. I am sad because I know my mom is very upset about this type of behavior. That said I can’t do much about their behaviors . I used to enjoy their company but there have been so many instances of them exploding on me. I feel that the best thing is to just keep my distance. I can love them but I don’t want to be dragged into negativity.
the fourth sister on February 10, 2020:
I have elder sister, who is just over 9 years older than me. She's the second born and I'm the forth. I remember when I was a kid we were really close and when she became a mum when I was 12, we remained so. I have no idea when things started to go downhill, I couldn't pin point it but downhill they have gone. She seems to get jealous which manifests itself in either snide comments or completely ignoring something. She can never be happy for me though I am always happy for her when something good happens and have always been supportive of he life choices etc. She seems to be very big on trying to make other people jealous though I think this is mainly aimed at me. Always trying to get one up but it doesn't work because I can genuinely be happy for her. In 2018, I got engaged to someone I have been with for 14 years and we will be getting married this May. The same year, my sister's daughter got engaged and she was married yesterday. It was really nice because we could discuss dresses and wedding stuff together, really go through it together. My sister whenever I saw her would go on and on about my niece's wedding, never once asking me about my wedding plans. In 14 months, not one single sign of interest. At Christmas, we were all together and I asked my niece if she'd like to see my dress. My niece responded in the way I would expect, she was really enthusiastic. My sister on the other hand, who was the same room when I asked my niece could not of shown any less interest if she tried. I cannot tell you how hurt I felt. I wish I had confronted her there and then. Up until my engagement, I would just shrug it off, feeling sorry for her that she could harbour that much jealousy in her little sister but I'm really starting to feel bitter about it now and I hate that because it's supposed to be the best time of my life. I should be looking forward to it and feeling loved by my family not having thoughts of yelling at her about it and calling her out on her jealousy and insecurities. All my other sisters are supportive and excited for me. Why can't she give me this one thing?
Has anyone else been through similar? How did you get past it? I really don't want this to consume me but sometimes it even keeps me awake which is ridiculous!
Grace Marguerite Williams from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 02, 2020:
My maternal family in Wellford, South Carolina is like that. I have never liked them & as I got older, my dislike turned to pure hatred. I have cut contact w/them. I see them for the venomous people they are.
doobie224 on January 28, 2020:
I agree with “JP” (who posted 4 months ago). Don’t waste time on family who doesn’t accept you and only wants to find fault, gossip and criticize. I’m in my 50s and have a couple family members who treat me poorly.
I finally got it into my head that they don’t respect me and love me. Yes, it feels incredibly sad and even insecure, but I (and you) deserve so much better.
Find your mojo and get out into the world and meet people who are strong, secure and will show you respect and love. You deserve it!
Jennifer on January 13, 2020:
I too have sisters that are incredibly JEALOUS of me At first I didn’t realize why all a sudden they started hating me and finally people told me that these sisters are JEALOUS OF ME My one sister said she feels like “less of a person around me” I have never done anything extrodinary with my life but I did work out of the home as a secretary in a small town I knew everyone and everyone seemed to like me My sisters have never worked out of the home and have no self confidence to do so. A few years ago my husband passed away after a Horrendous Illness in which I looked after him at home. The recognition and support I got from friends and family was so nice but I believe this made them even more Jealous of me Then I was left financially comfortable and then that made them hate me even further I was upset for awhile when this first happened and now I only feel PITY for them . I lost my wonderful husband but they have no compassion for me but only hate me because I’m happy and I’m financially comfortable. Such is life. I am so happy in my life now.
john Stone on January 13, 2020:
wow so many comments I didn't realize so many suffer from the same thing I discovered is hounding me my whole life!
Sue on January 07, 2020:
How does one deal with a sil who is jealous of his wifes close relationship with her mother?
TT on December 29, 2019:
I absolutely connected with this post 100%. I have two cousins who are jealous. Now I’m taking a step back and taking care of my own life. It’s much healthier.
C u on November 16, 2019:
I used to be super broke and homeless living on friends floors finally got a good job doing well formyself i drive a bmw now and my family is wishing on my downfall i get treated like shit by my own mom i dont wish this upon anyone
Devansh jain on November 03, 2019:
My cousins are jealoused from me. And every time they make me feel bad about me.
Cornelis K on October 15, 2019:
Im currently dealing with this evil of jealousy with my brother and sister in law. We have no children of our own for more than 12.5 years (unexplained infertility) and i have become extremely close with my niece since she was a 1 years old. she is now 13. she would be extremely excited to come over to our place once every other week for 6 hours. we went swimming, bowling, walking the dog, feeding the animals etc etc. i took off work early to spend time with her. love was mutual between us and having her around filled the void of having having no children. she litterly was to me my own very own daughter in every way.
I have moved across country to be near her to keep my sanity. but slowly during the past year i was systematically taken out of the picture, we could no longer attend her or her two younger brothers birthdays, than no more swimming, than she stopped walking the dog and doing things with me, until she completely stopped talking to me and ignored me literally overnight and would trail my wife like her life was depended on it and i was treated like a child molester or pedophile. i have never ever done anything to her, so i asked her why she was dong this to me and she said she couldn't tell me. i approached her dad and he just lied and beat around the bush. story short she no longer wants to see me and literately shakes in her shoes when she is near me, they bribed her with getting her a horse to stay away from me. im so depressed and extremely sad about this and they go one like its all normal. it simply comes down that i love there daughter more than they do and spend a whole lot more time with her and her brothers than there parents, because of that i am back stabbed and banished from there children and there is nothing i can do about it! Im so terribly depressed
Nancy Perez-Fugere on October 10, 2019:
There was a lot of jealous women in my family. All of us girls where white Hispanic and they were dark. My aunt was a terrible alcoholic and very scarry when she drank but I loved her and had respect her inspite her bulling I felt sorry for her and her family
Kaye Green on October 09, 2019:
I have an aunt that is nice to my face but the moment I turn my back she says awful things about me. I love travelling and I don't see anything wrong with that since I use my own money and I work really hard for it. There was one time that she found out I was planning a trip to Japan and she told my other aunt that she thinks I'm trying to prove something. And the way that she said it was full of disdain. She would always say things like this whenever I travel. That is why I would only tell her about it a few days before I leave. (I leave next to her apartment) I just don't get it. When is travelling such a bad thing? I use my own savings my own money. I never ask anything from her and yet she
Karen white on September 22, 2019:
I have a sister she suppose to be my big sister but she doesnt act like it she is so self centern and mean ypu can feel the rage she carries in her heart and wnata tp be the ONLY one noitce and the ONLY one to be able to talk about her problems yet when someone needs her she complanins and doesnt have time to listen yet when it is her she wants everyone to listen to her sad stoires. I dont need this is my life . she treat me like this on purpose because she calls me her step sister. So hateful. Yet she should be blessed she has a sister who still wants to be around her after how she acts yet as i become more wiser i find that me making effort to be around her is dreadful because she complains about everthing and the conversation is always about HER. She was never in my life growing up and now that she is around what for? To make others misarrable like her to use to drag around and try to make fun of. Sadly i dont trust her. Anyone else can relate to a sister like that or relative.
buda on September 21, 2019:
i have a sister who is almost 50 and she been acting really mean and Jealousy. she thinks she the ONLY one who can say what she wants and when some trys to correct her OH MY. she is very selfish and only cares about her self she comes over only when she wants to cry wolf and then goes back to her ways she been like this my whole life and now that i am an adult she trys to run that game on me when put her on her place on social media she threw a fit. she is the kind of person that trys to make others looks bad so she can look good if, you ask me she is a bully and very selfish.
JP on September 21, 2019:
I'm old. Take it from me younger people out there - don't waste your life trying to get horrible siblings and other family members to love, appreciate or care about you. If it's not there for whatever reason, it's never going to be there. Get away and don't look back. My motto now, too late in life after decades of grief and abuse is, "spend time with those who love and appreciate you." What a novel (for me) but obvious concept!
troubled niece on September 21, 2019:
Good advice to take care of oneself first. It can feel really disheartening to come across theses toxic feelings from others. Good to step back and acknowledge the hurt and then deal with ways around it.
Unknown on September 21, 2019:
I have big brothers and all of them seem to be jealous of me. Am into personal development and whenever I try to help them they get angry. When I accomplish something they get upset.
Ramirez Daisy on September 20, 2019:
Thank you so much for your blog. It's really wonderful. It's happening to me (and my friends). It hurts but I just have to face the reality and my fate. Sorry. Thank you. Congratulation po and More Power and May god bless you more po. ~:)
no name on September 18, 2019:
i have a sister and we both share the same freind and somethimes i just want to do things with her but my sister is offered to join or people want her there is there any thing i can do to deal with this in a helthy way?
Michelle on September 08, 2019:
Very interesting helpful read. I have just walked away from my Family because of a Jealous Sister who is 5 years older than me. I left Ireland a long time ago, met my Husband and have 3 beautiful kids. My family have never forgiven me for leaving. My Sister has been bullying me for quite some time, so I decided to confront her and what a mistake that was, she tore into my Husband, and every aspect of my life with him. I’m very happily married for 32 years. Now my other siblings have austerised my Husband, so really I think there’s been a lot of harmful gossip going on. So 2 weeks ago after a visit home, I made the decision to walk away for good. It seems like they blame him for me being away, even though I left myself and met him whilst I was away. My Sister has done nothing but put me down about everything from my appearance, to where I live, how I raise my kids, to the Man I married. Sadly I think the whole family agree with her, they obviously spent many a Friday night at my Mums gossiping over drinks about me and my life choices. I know this because when I’ve been in their company, they’ve gossiped about each other. I think it’s jealousy and boredom. So I just walked away, feel like I’m going through a grieving process but I know I’ve done the right thing for me, my Husband and kids. Thanks for this helpful article and good to know I’m not alone.
Liveyourlife3 on August 03, 2019:
Families tend to be jealous when, there not accomplishing goals to stay stress free from drama or always complaining. You can ignore them stay quiet there will still be something wrong long term. Sometimes there in your business trying to snoop around into your things. Very unfortunate situations where families can be the worst. Pretending your jealous envious when, your the one who helped them. Experience is the best teacher. When you see them complaining just let go and let them deal with there own business. Never comment or get involved. There talking about everyone and once you leave them alone then, misery will defeat themselves. People can't use you then, they tend to never like you. The End
lkanony on August 01, 2019:
I think to add to this, it seems that if the parents in law's own daughters don't have it or aren't living the same type of marriage as their daughter in law then it's like DIL shouldn't have it or attain it either. Seems the comparison is primarily towards my oldest sil and her marriage or marital situation(s). I remember my fil stating how there was no need for a wife and a mother to back to school. I smiled to myself because I earned a masters while being a mother and wife. Some time like maybe months later, while mil and the oldest sil were trying to be cordial and generally asked how things were going I enthusiastically mentioned that I was going to complete a second masters and the program I was enrolling in...they grew stone cold silent with sil glancing over at mil with an expression on her face that didn't reflect joy for me. They were not so cordial all of a sudden. They instantly switched to a dialect/language I don't understand, or speak. Now my oldest sil has a college degree but not a masters. Yet I see it was O.K. that my two younger sils earned a masters, one while married.
There are a number of occurrences and comments they would make from the moment we got married 17 years and 11 months ago to this last occurrence about a year or so ago including judging or incenuating that I spend alot of money on my appearance or upkeep, or my children's upkeep and "looking expensive"...I have since managed to complete that second master's with distinction I must add ;-) Ironically, I received my diploma in the mail 3 days ago.
Lisette Santiago on July 29, 2019:
Thank you for the stories. All my life I was confused about the abuse, jealous, and disrespect! These articles helped me to understand the cycle. I will take the advice for sure!
Ubaid jarwar on July 12, 2019:
Very nice information for this chapter jealous family thanks
Milly Beanfield on July 05, 2019:
I have a sister two years older than me who is extremely verbally abusive. Well, just abusive in general, really. We had not spoken for years yet we arrived at my mother's deathbed to spend a week together in our childhood home. Due to the reason for our reunion, I was actually quite shocked to receive the cold, cold silent treatment for the entire week. Strangely, my brother who is ten years older than me, decided to participate, which he had not been doing until she arrived a day after me. Then, after a week of nothing but bad vibes from her, silent treatment, mixed with one meltdown about the laundry, and lots of fake acting when friends arrived at the house.... I was about to leave for the airport to return home, the rage and storm of insults, accusations, leading to my dismissal... that she would never see me again. I later was informed that she has Parkinson's, early onset. At this time, we were both in our forties, but had a hot/cold sisterhood for many years, which I found interesting because we live on separate coasts and really rarely saw each other. I knew she was projecting her unhappiness upon me, yet I also was able to observe her behavior that week quite astutely, thanks to the silent treatment.... I watched and learned. It was really sad. She was mean, and seemingly rather dumb in many ways, which surprised me because she touts herself as identifying "not with my beauty, but with my intelligence." I was rather horrified that I had either had the wool pulled over my eyes for 44 years, or she had some form of degenerative prognosis happening. I don't say this lightly, because after a childhood of looking up to her in many ways I was stunned to see my sister behaving in a manner that one would only want to avoid. At any rate, it's all rather sad because she never gave herself a chance to know me as an adult being that she was either hostile or dismissive for twenty five years. Just sad.
Tyeeee on June 27, 2019:
I have two younger brothers and two older sisters.. both of my older sisters are the jealous type but my second oldest sister is DANGEROUSLY jealous! She’s always been in competition when we were younger and she’s always been a bully... everything I accomplish or even talk about accomplishing she find a problem in it only to copy my exact idea... we both had a baby a year apart and she named her son exactly what I was going to name mine.. she mimics everything I do.. she watches my relationship like a eagle with my husband.. she wishes bad things on me! And she’s always trying to make things a problem.. she’s very dramatic and messy.. she’s in a fucked Up relationship and has been for the past 20 years.. maybe that’s why she’s so jealous.. literally everything I do she try to make it out to be bad .. then turn a round and COPY me.. I can see in her face hoe disgusted she be when I talk about the good things that are happening in my life... it’s so pathetic yet annoying .. cause it’s something I have had to deal with all my life ...
Maria Elena Pineyro Rodriguez on June 17, 2019:
2 ants and 1 cousin my goodness,trust me it's best to stay away from these people.
Maria Elena Pineyro Rodriguez on June 16, 2019:
Thank you, so much needed this advice i've dealt with jealous family members and trust me it's not pleasant at all.
Anich10 on June 13, 2019:
Sadly jealousy is in my family too. My mother and brother are very jealous. My mother was very manipulative and controlling in my younger years. She would fly off the handle for no reason if she didn’t get her way. She was verbally and physically abusive. Now my brother is in cahoots with her and he lies profusely to get money from her and my dad. All they do is gossip about my husband and I. What cars we drive, what we do, etc... I now tell them nothing, and give them zero fuel. If we go to the city for a day or weekend, they will never know. They don’t know what I do for a living, because it will be gossiped and talked about and picked apart. They are not encouraging, supportive or giving. My husband and I do all the holidays for my parents. My brother blows everybody off, and makes up fake medical conditions to get money from my parents. He has told my mother that I am well off financially (not the case at all), so that he will reap the benefits from their will, etc.. Any and all good things in my life does not leave my household. I have learned how to manage them and the best way is to share nothing. Keep my joy to myself, because they will destroy it. My dad is an angel of a man and sadly I can’t share my joys in life with him, because he will innocently say something to my mother, and it gets blown out of proportion and gossiped about.
Mosh on June 12, 2019:
My cousin sister is jealous of us in every way.. Though v hv helped her financially before her marriage nw she got married to rich family she getting too jealous of us without reason. She invites all except us.. N tells our cousin
Not to tell us. She does invites in one religious function from her behavior looks she doesn't like us coming... I found out she's jealous ....
Loretta on June 09, 2019:
I have an older sister and a younger sister who are jealous and thinks they are better at all things. We have one sister that passed before 1 year old. I've tried to understand if my feelings about this for a very long time. Both of my sisters think they are better than I could ever understand. However, I know this is not true. God loves me just as much as he loves them. I feel both of my sisters act this way because I have two children and they have none even though one was always the beauty queen and the other married wealth.... I will pray for a better future. And I appreciate this information.
lizzie51 on June 05, 2019:
I can see that I am not the only one who has got issues relating to my family. Here goes, I have got 3 sisters and 2 brothers and as a family we have never been that close. It has always been a situation in my family where different siblings either get on with each other one minute then not the next its been like this for years. I have always been close to one of my sisters and one of my brothers but not the other three it has always been the same for the sister I am close to she always felt left out by our other 2 sisters who did everything together. Recently our Dad passed away there was a lot of arguing that went off it was a disgrace I wasn't involved and neither was the brother who I am not close to. My two sisters who were close and did everything together have fallen out so one of the sisters has now become close to the sister I am close to. They have been doing a lot of things together like going on holiday with my mum and meeting up at each others houses having sleep overs, I find out either after they have been somewhere or a day before, I don't now get invited. I have always been there for my sister through thick and thin as she has for me but it has changed so much, now when I ring her she spends ten minutes on the phone it use to be over an hour also she has stopped ringing me and stopped doing things with me. I am really hurt by this, I have asked her if I have done anything wrong but she says its all in my head. Anyone got any suggestions of whats gone wrong?
bettybb on June 02, 2019:
My mother is jealous of me and always has been. She was abusive when I was a child and sees everything as a competition. She's extremely self-absorbed. I'm a successful artist and writer with many publications, and yet she never acknowledges my accomplishments, never even asks about my creative work. If it comes up, she changes the subject.
I got a high-paying writing job last year, but when I told her about it, she was beside herself and quickly changed the subject. She hasn't mentioned my job since or asked how I'm doing.
It hurts. I guess, no matter how old we are, we expect our parents, above all others, to take pride in our accomplishments and have an interest in our lives.
An estranged niece also came into my life after my brother died two years ago--we had a falling out, and he wouldn't let me see her when she was growing up. I tried so hard to make the relationship work, but I started noticing that she too never acknowledged my accomplishments and wasn't supportive of my creative efforts. I suspect that she's also jealous of my success.
I'm not really wanting my family to be impressed per se, but it would be great if they were more supportive and showed a little interest in my work. Working in a creative field is extremely difficult.We creative types always feel, on some level, that we're not good enough.
Grace Marguerite Williams from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 01, 2019:
Read this insightful article. On my maternal side of the family, there is so much jealously. All the older aunts are jealous of the most successful aunt, who is the youngest. The most jealous aunt was a loser who got pregnant at 16 & had her life consigned to domestic service to a wealthy family. She was very embittered, she also took out her venom on me, a child. Yes, she hated me & was jealous of me because I had a middle class background & had opportunities that she wouldn't have. The bitterness eventually made her age fast & gave her an ugly appearance. Her children didn't fare well either. They both work in factories at low paid jobs. Since the maternal side of the family is woefully dysfunctional, I have cut all ties w/them.
Karen on May 28, 2019:
I have a jealous Sil I’ve tried all these years to try and keep the peace for my husbands sake . We’ve been married 30 years this May.
She’s relentulous she has been talking about me on fb ? I’ve tried to ignore her. She and I have the same friends or acquaintances from the old neighborhood. She started the night of our wedding causing problems , I let it go and then she and my husband got into it we didn’t see them for Four years . Then I forgave her ? Things were ok for awhile then she starts drama agian? Over nothing I basically commented on fb have a great time during one of her getaways she got mad said how would you like it if I posted something on your fb when you were away? Wow really ? So I blocked her right then she got mad wrote on fb your dead too me kmc!! Good I’m glad I feel the same way about her. Who’s the one being immature now?
Basically for the last 5 years we aren’t talking.
My father I law just passed a month ago and this weekend will be the first time I have seen her in 5 years.
My husband will not speak up to her in my defense. For all these years she has done nothing but chase drama in the family over nothing?
She talks behind my back it always gets back to me.
I think my non responding is irritating her more . Sadly I don’t have a relationship with her 2 adult children whom she dragged into this whole thing.its crazy! She is almost 58 yrs old acting like a baby.
I just want to get thru the memorial service for my father in law without a problem from her.
I’m basically there to support my husband
Toni on May 26, 2019:
I have an aunt who is behind all the chaos in our family...she constantly gossip and pit relatives against eqch other...shes also the loser in the family
Maybe thats why shes so bitter.
Minslife on May 25, 2019:
I think it's horrible to dilliberatly
Hurt other family members..it can have life long effects on someone especially young children reason I distant myself from mine.. even wen they put others in danger and know it to.. that's absolutely not cool... and they call you names and drag you down or spread roomers about you that's just unacceptable.
We need to make new friends not old toxic ones.kudose ladies..love the blog
Minslife on May 25, 2019:
I agree with you ladies
Having family troubles myself
Jellousey is a curse
Faye on May 14, 2019:
I think I need an personal psychiatrist that no one knows in my life. I've met half of my family members are insecure damn, even their uncles they do cussing on me. Well good luck to me.
Nicole, on May 10, 2019:
That was very right on with relatives I enjoyed that. I'm doing my best to be kind and understanding. I now know what it is that makes them jealous and say not nice things so no guys stay with me or I get ahead in life. At least now I can move forward and be happy now. Thank you
Bo Peep on May 09, 2019:
I used to be very close to one of my sisters. Then I retired and moved four hours away. She cannot seem to handle that I have moved and retired. I think its because she works so hard to just survive. She has turned against me. Believe me. I do not lord it over her. SI have no reason to. I did not retire rich. She just acts like she hates me now. I've tried making overtures,tried to take the high road time and time again. But I am getting tired. I fear I'm going to have to cut her off and it hurts.
Anon on April 28, 2019:
I would like to make a correction to my prior post, thanks for posting my comment. In it, I said "jealousy is a form of betrayal". On second thought, I am not entirely sure of that, and I am still looking into what that could mean. I guess it could be meant a betrayal toward oneself.
Anon on April 28, 2019:
I am not a psychologist, I have been jealous of people I don't know posting things on social media because they seem so much happier than me in those pics, and I can't help but feel like a failure in those cases. However, I have also been on the other side, and for this very reason have limited boasting on social media, and in general. What I can say is that, yes, it is horrible when family is jealous of you. It is always because there is something missing in their lives, not really your fault, unless you are purposely provoking them in some way to make them jealous, as a competition. I feel bad for people who were abused because they end up developing personality issues, and they only make it worse for everyone else. In the case of others coming on here criticizing someone who has it worse, I don't think it's fair. I think it shows the reason why these people behave that way. Something obviously happened in their lives to make them feel that way. It's a different story if they are abusing you in some way. I have been abused, and I can assure you that people who are jealous are the ones usually abusing others, and at the same time have also in some way been abused. I only tried to focus on myself in my prior years, that is the only way to overcome this. Unfortunately it's always the people who suffer the most from this kind of treatment who have to end up in therapy. We end up having to pay for other people's behaviors, when in fact it is them who caused us this negativity. Therefore, when it comes down to jealousy from others, it's really usually nothing to do with you. All you can do is improve yourself. I try not to take it personally, but it's not easy. I hope this comment helped someone like me, who has come on here this morning thinking about what have I done to get this treatment from my entire immediate family. It's really just abuse from my immediate family, I am talking about emotional, psychological and even sexual abuse. So, remember jealousy is a form of betrayal. I have been told by one of my psychologists that I am highly intelligent, yet the rest of the family abused me in multiple ways, and always tried to make me feel like a failure. Don't let these evil persons get to you. I truly hope that people who really have a good reason to envy others who mistreated them, they find a way to improve their lives. A child is not born bad, jealous or negative. I see myself and can see that I have never tried to be that way, and never was. I try do the best that I can
joey on April 20, 2019:
i have a brother very jealous of me, this has been going on for a long time.
Sad Brother on April 14, 2019:
we are 4 brother but there's one that is very jealous of his sibling. because he still live in the basament with mommy and is almost 40 years old while everyone else is doing much better than him. we all have houses, good jobs, better attitude. When we accomplish something, he doesnt show any sign of congrats, just stay quiet and try to change subject. But then just try to do what we do to success. he never want to ask for advice or take advice and blame us for not giving him advices of his failure. jealousy of this brother is extreme.. Sad Sad for him
mr jonathan richardson on March 22, 2019:
my issues is my council has move my sister and brotherinlaw next close two close for one s cofort no iev no private live as fell iam being watch the brother in law I think its may be the jealous person everything iev got he has 2010 plate car so do I he has the same house the same street a garden hut the same as me he goes behide my back two see what iev been doing iam sick of it
An Unknown on March 19, 2019:
I have issues like this. It is my younger sister who does nothing and is put up on a pedestal. She causes separations in the family and pretends like she's clueless. When I believe she knows exactly what she's doing. When my father was dying from cancer she left him home alone and I was lucky to make it home from the supermarket. It was my sons birthday and we were just going to take him to the park. Something told me to go home. Even though we were supposed to be taking turns , she yet again was selfish and left him. To do what? To get her nails done. He was at the end of his life. My mother is the worst. She left for California because she was tired and needed to go away. Upon her return she lied to everyone and said my sister took care of him and slept downstairs and massaged his legs. She did nothing. She does nothing. She comes home late and doesn't watch her child. My niece doesn't get help from her mother till almost 10 or 11pm. I had a stent put in my mother left me at the hospital and never came back to get me. I went home in a cab keeling over in pain. Yet she will, like my sister lie and say she did it all. My other sister just had surgery. I watched all the kids for 5 days, while my mom went running around shopping. I don't care what she does. It's that I heard her lying to my aunt and saying I haven't come downstairs. I have a 2 yr old niece who touches everything. I know she's a baby I'm not complaining I love her to death. She's a baby she doesn't know. But an adult has to be with her. I colored with her, played with her, painted her nails and if I leave her I either got lotion on the floor or glitter thrown everywhere. I had to watch her and let my sister rest. It's only right. But my mom told my aunt I did nothing and was talking trash. I yet again heard her. Yes did I need some time alone. To make calls to my doctors and I recently had my identity stolen so I am making calls. My mom needed to help out too. She told my sister to come. But she did minimum. And my little sister didn't even show up. And no matter how much I do I did nothing. I had to clean up make up cracked and thrown all over my room. I wasn't only watching my nieces I was watching my 2 boys. So did I sit down? No. I have a neighbor who she constantly put me down to, and he told me, no matter what you do she will never see it. She will give your lazy sister praise even though she does nothing, and will never care how much you do for them. Why she feels the need to lie to people and say I don't do anything, I can't understand. I snapped on her and told her you need to stop lying because I did help out and where were you? Out shopping again! So how would you know what I did. And was it you watching the kids no. Anytime I asked her can you please watch her I have to make a call or go to the bathroom. You got nothing but her telling my niece come downstairs I'm not going upstairs. Yesterday a 70lb Mirror almost fell on her. She knew I had to leave yet Gos knows what she was doing. She will leave and take off and have me stuck with my little sisters daughter when I have things to do. And she knows it. She intentionally leaves without saying anything so I'm doing what she said she would do. And I'm tired of it I'm tired of being made to feel guilty. I have a stent I don't need the stress. My little sister also runs back and talks my abusive ex things. I would never contact any of my sisters kids dads and have a belittling conversation. I am just so upset. I live with them and financially tied down to living here. I don't even know what to do.
J Stephenson on March 08, 2019:
My girls both adults now have always been jealous ofv each other. This is because my in laws came to visit me when id had my first daughter - each and every day and spoilt her to the extreme whch i made known i wasnt happy about.
When i had my 2nd daughter my mother made my mother in law come into the hospital to see our new baby.
The day we brught the baby home our eldest daughter was in the garden playing when her grandparents walked past on asking were they coming in to see her new sister they said they didnt have time to see Rebecca today and
said my sisters xalled Deborah!!!!!!
They constantly played them off against each other which really got me mad!!!
When my father in law passed away he changed his will from leaving his house to my husband and left it to our eldest daughter !!!!
My daughter is manipulative and now her 10 year old daughter is equally manipulative which has been witnessed by impartial people - this is causing so kuch heartache its unbelievable!!!
Tricki Nicki on March 05, 2019:
What a good article to explain the sensitive subject like this that so many face. My sister is a very toxic family member and this explains her exactly.
Ashley on March 01, 2019:
I had issues with my aunt. During my graduation, I lived at her place with her adopted daughter. Yes, she is unmarried and adopted a girl child. Before moving to her house I was really excited and thrilled, about the next 3 yrs of college life. I started getting good grades in class and eventually managed to get a good rank in university. I noticed she got very insecure and never appreciated my accomplishments in front of me, but when her colleagues asked her about my success she was all sugar and spices. Her double-faced behavior was very annoying. Living with her and her daughter was quite stressful. She humiliated me before my little sister so now she disrespects me. All that stress started taking a toll on my health, I was diagnosed with initial Hyperthyroidism and was on medication for the next 6 months. After my graduation, I left her place to pursue a masters degree in a reputed university and decided never to come back. My health started improving and I felt free and relieved. A few years later when I cracked a national entrance exam and secured a high rank. I went to her house hoping to sew the gap with a box of sweets, only to hear the same reaction she had for all my accomplishments, NO APPRECIATION. Time does not dilute the poison in the heart, some people never change.
Mohan Babu from Chennai, India on February 01, 2019:
Hi Mzindependent. This is a touchy issue to discuss for someone facing this issue. You have given a balanced view on how to deal with jealousy from family members. While we all love to see the world as a perfect place, we need to accept and face reality at times like these.
LadenZeile.de: Online-Shops für günstige Mode und Möbel on January 24, 2019:
These Smart HD Binoculars Will Work Day or Night and Live Stream Everything They See
October on January 17, 2019:
I have a problem where my sibling isn't jealous of me; she's jealous of my parents, and my mom is jealous of her (my dad's pretty chill, doesn't care either way).
The problem is, my mom and sister live in the same city, so every time I visit one of them, I have to visit the other, and both will get angry if I don't visit one of them first or for longer. While the advice on how to deal with a sibling jealous OF you is great, I can't find any advice on how to deal with a mom and sibling jealous FOR you. I feel like a toy two kids are fighting over. It's very aggravating and makes me not want to see either of them, sometimes.
Beti on January 14, 2019:
I have 2 brothers they are my siblings since we were kids They gave me grief and shame I'm the only girl and the last child of my family and i'm my parents favorite. We were in z same school junior and high they gossiped stuff about me that aren't true all my friends stop hanging out with me i was treated like a psycho i never had a friend until i got in to college. At home they treat me like shit, criticize me my every move, disrespect me, in the morning they always have something to say that pisses me off i got stomach acne because of them they always mentally abuse me when they see me hurt they're so happy about it. after i graduated from college i thought things will be different i'm like we're grown ups. i'm now 21 one of them is 23 and the other is 25 but actually it is getting worse. We're still living in the same house i will move out when i find a job. oh i'm so tired and so exhausted of both. I will permanently shut them out.
gordon on January 05, 2019:
I was hoping that this time around me and my sisters would get a long my mother died of cancer about 12years ago it was hard all of us me and my sisters was starting to get a long any way my father got ill we was going to the hospital and on this day my older sister had a cold and couldn't come so my younger sister give me a lift home but when I was in the car and we was driving along she started say to me that I was ugly I want get anyone lots of men like my daughter and yes I bit and said to her that her daughter was a ugly cow all the lads want her for is that she like her legs up in the air I was very angry so now is back to how is was because its all jealousy so now when my father dies hope not for a long time I will move right out of Hertfordshire for good I will never ever be back
Theresa on January 01, 2019:
my older sister never invites me to her house without assigning me part of the meal to bring. I feel bad she doesn't just say come on over.
Anthony Charnley on December 30, 2018:
I have a cuzin whos 30 and i am 32 and for as long as i can remember my cuzin has bin jealous of everything i do or have or acheive. But for the past year he has been so bitter with all good news i get or gains i have in life wether its new clothes new job new hair style or latest that i am getting married soon. He hates that i am happy and behind my back slags me off. If i dont leave my family to go out drinking with him he will block me on everything then unblock me. Find this very strange to say hes a grown man. Cant trust him at all or leave him alone in my home because of the sly things hes known to do. Extremely wierd and bitter. Thank you for giving me a better take on all this and now i understand abit better and that i will not let it bother me any more.
kuku on December 20, 2018:
me and my husband have been going through these since 20 years. we are closely watched by all these 'relatives' and they bitch behind our backs. we are quiet and dont involve in drama much. the closer ones put up a drama every now and then some times really they may need money (but we are not their bank, we have our own family)and make us feel guilty, say bad things about us , entitle some one else to ask for help and force us to send a lot of money with the back up of other older family members who dont know the reality as we are being bad mouthed by them .it is hell to go through this. this article is an eyeopener
Mark on December 06, 2018:
I'm the baby bother of two older siblings,a brother 2 years older,and a sister 8 years older,they both have giving me grief all my life,i love both of my siblings too death,but i didn't choose to be born,my parents choose this,so it's unfair that they pick on me,i'm 54 and it's still a issue,my parents are dead and i'm so tired of it,i'm really thinking about disassociating myself from them permanently,and i truly love and admire my older brother and sister.
TRUPTI on November 23, 2018:
MY HUSBAND COUSIN & HIS FAMILY IGNORE OUR FAMILY & THEY IGNORE MY HUSBAND ALSO, BUT STILL IN ANY FAMILY EVENT THEY INVITE US TO SHOW THAT HOW MUCH SOCIAL THEY ARE, OTHERWISE THEY GO BY OUR SITE ON STREET LIKE STRANGERS
Bojangles on November 19, 2018:
I do not harbor resentment or jealousy, but my MIL always talks about her favorite Grand daughter, and while my daughter is a granddaughter as well, she does not acknowledge her. She has hurt both of my children emotionally and while they have moved forward she has even hurt my husband - her own son. At some point we had to accept that through her behavior that is just the way she is. She has insulted me,and I have never disrespected her as I was raised, but I could no longer accept verbal, and mental abuse from her. This was affecting not only our family, but also our marriage. I am sure that my husband misses seeing his mother, but he also does not want to go through the same scenario he went through in the past. She only cares for those that will do as she asks, and when it is convenient for each one of them. She displays a lot of jealousy towards my daughter, and compares her with the favorite granddaughter. It is disgusting behavior for a 82 yr old mother that should be enjoying all her children, and grandchildren. She has a lot of self- complex issues regarding to her appearance,and self acceptance from others on how she looks and that she is not overweight, has perfect health and so on.
Joan S. Voss on November 19, 2018:
Add to that, they act glad when something is going wrong in your life. You can feel it, it's very subtle. Author Danu Morrigan discusses this in her books about narcissism. Yes it's called gloating. Don't contact them anymore, they can't wait to find out more about your "bad" situation... it could be you had marital issues, but now it's fine. They don't want to hear it's fine, and they don't want to hear about the good stuff that's happening to you because it makes them jealous. They'll end convos that entail good news. You will never hear them laugh unless they're laughing AT YOU. If a family member isn't happy for you, they are worthless! Dump their sorry asses. It is not easy if you've been enduring this for your entire life. But I am thanking myself everyday that I made the decision! They are sending money now because they've lost control, what is that? Nothing more than manipulation! Where were they when you needed emotional support? All they wanted was to play the role of Barbara Walters and get the dirt! Hateful worthless people don't deserve you.
francina richter on November 13, 2018:
unfortunately there is no quick medication for jealousy,from experience jealous relative grow old with it. I needed to read this article cause i use to feel guilty about myself and even feel guilty for limiting interaction with them. Thank you so much
Faris B Khrais on November 08, 2018:
One of the best articles I have ever read! Every single word mentioned here describes what I was going through the past 6 Years I lived between my relatives. I kept asking questions and I had lots of doubts on whether my low social record with my relatives was because of myself not getting too much involved or was it really because I knew that jealousy was present among many of them? I have completely got the answer here! Thank you so much!!!
Nelson. on September 08, 2018:
I needed to read this! Thank you.
Going through similar issues. I’m the second oldest in a family of 5 and I’m the tallest of them all and the only dark skin one. When I was going through my hurdles in life, I only has my parents to help me overcome them. They were happy I was without a car, a cellphone and broke while I was focusing On school. After i graduated In the medical field, I started to Make more money than all of them, and been to many countries they never been. On top of that Iam gonna be the first one in the family with a masters degree. They all get along well, but when it comes to me I feel like Joseph (the movie). What’s hurt the most is that they glorify what their friends are doing, but downplay the same thing I do. It’s annoying to a point where their own surroundings always coming to me and ask why they hate me that bad. But however they feel about me wont stop me from achieving my end goals. Thanks for this blog.
Wanda on September 06, 2018:
I have 2 sisters that want to control.
They control their kids and thought they were going to controll my mom not happing.cant think what that word is. I need help cause both sisters have taken all my moms money,
They will not take no more, They have been up to somthing but not sure what.
I am the one that takes care of her and have for 2 yrs now. I will be homeless if my sistets keep their nonsence up.What can I do? They are both Narsasists
Lisa on August 30, 2018:
Thank you for sharing this. My dad is elderly, mom has passed, a year now. And both of my brothers never help. Mom was hurt because they never came to see her. I expressed this to the older brother who is 2 faced. The other is jealous of me since birth. I carried on went to college after a divorce at 47 and thats their problem. One of them.
I forfeited my life so they had time with their families. But i had one too. So now i have realized i am gonna have to forget about them and move on.
Dad is elderly, wants to be independent, and I know what i have to deal with when its all said and done. There is no way I see for us to get along. And Im very sure when Dad passes we will not.Because I will be very busy. I guess. And i see the relationships as toxic and prefer to love at a distance.
Lone planet on July 27, 2018:
One of my in-laws visited us recently from overseas this was only our 2nd meeting. The very same had expressed his feelings for my sis that he had never met. My sis was single back then and so was he. But when he came to visit us he was more interested in my sister's little daughter than his own cousin (our son 6yrs) to the point when he went back started asking for her pictures. Apparently he had made an album of her pics with effects and music and sent it to my sis. And my mum was over the moon about this and thinks I'm wrong to think bad of him. My husband told him nicely not to continue, and now we are bad and he calls mum now and then during his lunch break. What do you guys suggest?
Candice on July 25, 2018:
I am a mother of 4. Three girls and a boy. All are above the age of 25. Our family has been extremely close. One daughter has been through a lot of misfortunes over the past 2 years. She has become very jealous of the one sister she is most close to. This has affected the whole family. As a mother can I fix this? I is tearing the family apart. Any advice is welcome.
DORIs salar on July 10, 2018:
I need a. Advice I am working Ins same place with sister she younger than me but hunk i young one maybe because I looks. Young she don’t like that but it’s been a lot off gasiping at work cow workers. Say why your sister don’t talk to you don’t understand why she is different at work and home sometimes she different to us I told her that’s did not like this she acts like I am not her sister at work . She saw a client at work and she said to me the client say I saw your sister and she said Hugh discussed from me to the person like if I yo good for her I am not at her level
Donna King on June 29, 2018:
It’s not your Sisters and Brotgers responsibility to support you. They have their own struggles and goals. Ask your parents or grand parents , and if that’s not possible , you’re on your own.
LaQuinta on June 22, 2018:
I have siblings who don’t support, I need a car to find a job and I know 4 of them could co-sign but they won’t. Nobody calls to check on me. It hurts because I have 4 sisters and 3 brothers only 1 came to my graduation. I just don’t want to be around them. They barely talk to me anyways.
KatieD on June 01, 2018:
Thank you for the advice. I wish that I had read this blog. My younger sister has always tried to be like me. She went to the same college and even dating a man with the same career as my boyfriend. Then, she would buy the same clothes, furniture, drapes and called me to tell me she was buying the same SUV, I was driving. At first, it was flattering but then it became a little scary. I purchased a house in a nice community and she was unable to buy one since she is a single mom now. I had an event at my home and her face said it all. Although, she had a single house with a pool, it was not good enough. What happened next indicates that there are some mental health issues. She contacted my next door neighbor's ex-husband and had him tell the ex-wife to say awful things to me. This was all an attempt to make me move. Keep in mind, this neighbor was very nice and friendly when we moved in. Then, we had a house warming party and needless to say she asked the neighbor to make a scene to embarrass us. Luckily, it didn't work and the party continued. I guess all of my sister's attempts failed and she was furious. One day, me mother was sick and was taken to the hospital. My sister showed up and didn't mention a word about or to my mother. All she kept saying was "why did you buy that house?" I kept quiet and I think my silence broke her. She was so furious that she also starting indirectly revealing all the attempts she has made to make me move. Even indicating they all of my neighbors likede. How would she know this. My brother pulled me aside and told me that my younger sister was very jealous of me. Needless to say, I don't answer of her calls or communicate with her. She has some deep rooted issues and it is best for us to no longer communicate. We recently had a family event and she tried to hug me, I was not receptive at all and it think it shocked her. I stayed away as if I didn't know her and I think this is best.
Raymondtk on May 30, 2018:
I'm 22 and both of my dad's were disappointment why am I jealous of my neighbors daughters they have a big inflatable pool and a mother and father who swims with them
Willow83 on May 20, 2018:
This is a lot like my boyfriends family and protecting their bother too much from his bad and threatening behavior whenever I'm at the house, he starts to cause trouble while he's just sitting there watching tv all day long everyday, that's his life for 25 to 30 years or so from his health problems he caused himself and not spending time with his son. We ask his son to come over to see his dad and the brother/his dad doesn't want to take him out, or even make him dinner or spend money on take out. Instead we all pinch in and he never fully pays for any takeout instead he makes up excuses and blamed us for ruining his day! He than says he had to pay for his sons car insurance! Lol really? Wow! They watch tv most of the day and go to bed, that's it.. Every day this is how he acts, bitter, lazy, and takes advantage of peoples kindness and offering him to go out and do things instead of watching tv and getting mad over anything.
He's threatened me many times while he plays the victim in the family and his neighbors are confused by the fighting so they protect him anyway. Him not dealing with his personal problems and health issues is causing friction in the family between me and his brother, my boyfriend that live with him. I visit every year from the US and I'm having to leave my home life and my job just to fly to see my boyfriend and wanting to have a life together, but its hard when his brother makes it difficult in the house when he doesn't have a life of his own except cleaning, complaining, being threatened the house will be taken away by me when I'm just visiting although I do want to have a life there, and all he does is damage my relationship with his brother and his family that overly protect him like a child and he's 49 years old! I flew home after finally being there for a year which never happens when we're financially broke now and I had high bills to pay when I got home! His sister was in the middle of everything and thinks I'm rich in reality she knows I fly there every year sacrificing my life for them while I'm struggling financially with not having a job there from not being a citizen! Its hard enough when you want to be one and work, settle down when my boyfriends family hasn't let go and moved on from their childhood and life at that house.
I feel depressed just knowing how attached they are and its not healthy when its affecting me, the one who is wanting a life there. I know they need counseling and my boyfriend just wants us to have a life but the cost of a house right now is 500,000! How can we get that type of money? And not only that, how can i work and save money when I can't even live in that house until we can afford our own! Its selfish and I've never seen such jealous and selfish people in my life! Its like they aren't facing reality and how its affecting everyone else! Even my family and friends think they are being overly critical and controlling of me! I came in wanting a life there and all they want to do is be in charge of it! I don't understand it. I work in the US and getting tired having to fly back and forth for 8 years of things not ever changing! I'm like going backwards with them instead of forwards!
Melissa on May 15, 2018:
Great advice! I wish I could have read this blog sooner and save myself the pain of processing the whys.
I have the misfortune of being born into a family where my parents were arranged and therefore always fighting and never getting along. Thus, much of my childhood was spent trying to put out fires between my parents, where my siblings and I bore the brunt of their criticisms, which they spewed out of their own pain. They did not separate because of financial ties and cultural loyalty.
I also have aunts and uncles who are super jealous for really no reason other than to maintain their pride and greed. My family doesn't make as much money as my relatives do, and they intend to keep it that way by not helping us in the worst of times When my dad was out of a job, his brother purposefully didn't let him know that his company was hiring. My dad fortunately saw a posting and applied and got the job lol. When my mom got into a major car accident, they refused to loan money when our family was at our all time low financially with medical bills and our house was being threatened. My dad still had a job, but the bills were stacking high. We fully intended on paying them back and all too, which we did pay back in full to other folks (not my relatives) that we borrowed money from. When my parents were on the verge of divorce, my aunt laughed instead of consoling me. I have many stories but I'll stop there. Sigh, I have strange "relatives".
For years, I've grieved over the dysfunctional family that I was born into for a long time before I realized that I should just pursue my own life wholehearted and happily without them. I did eventually decide to create a lot of distance and I find myself much happier. However, the process of distancing yourself when you grew up with them for 20 years is a weird hodgepodge of emotions to sort through. Since then, I've made many great friends that have been family more to me than all of my relatives combined.
It's unfortunate but if anyone is in a situation where, despite your many well-intentioned and loving acts and the passage of a lot of time, you find that your relationships with your relatives or family members are not improving... do what the blog says above, love from afar, forgive and make peace with your heart with them. It is very important to maintain boundaries with them so that you are not over-giving to the point where bitterness can come back into your heart.
It may take a few really good cries, writing unsent letters, talking it out with a trusted friend, therapist, or significant other, etc. One thing I read on the web that helped me move past it is when I read a blog post on Thought Catalog that said that really awesome familial relationships are a privilege and not a right. It is quite the statement, but it has helped me to move on emotionally from being in emotional pain about the state of my family affairs for the last decade and a half.
child on May 12, 2018:
My brother doesn't do anything and he is half my age. My mom loves him more and whenever I ask her why she loves him so much even though he doesn't do anything she ignores me.
Anonymous on May 06, 2018:
I’m going to see my adopted auntie and I’m taking my closest friend so the another friend is jealous and she saying really nasty stuff like it’s fake
francis quayle on May 05, 2018:
My daughter and i are stay with my sister Aunt and
Cousin since last November be a long time but I say we need to move but there want us to stay Help please
mb on April 29, 2018:
So recently my Sis & Bro in law came to visit. They are finacially strapped, so I kicked in extra $ to help make the trip funner.
While we were out & about I started winning pretty good amts of $. They both lost. Its very uncommon, normally its me watching them win win win, and I stay up, tag along and cheer them on.
This trip her husband was a complete whiner. Kept insisting he wanted to leave right during my win streak. The last night they both went to bed at 9pm! I was shocked at their behavior, and feel sick that I spent as much as I did for 2 ungrateful whinning brats!
Lesson learned....Next trip I see them i wont be donating shit but maybe an hr of therapy for behavior modification!
May on April 21, 2018:
I have a disability and I am on ssdi I can’t work anymore although I have worked for 30 yrs my cousin has 4 kids she is teacher although she is financially ok she seems mad at me that she works full time and I don’t even though I help with get kids and I love doing it
Sabrina on April 12, 2018:
Very nice article. God bless you for taking the time to write share and post it
This article has helped me tremendously when dealing with jealous family members
God bless you and everyone dealing with jealous family members or friends