Family RelationshipsParentingAdoption & Foster CareEducationHaving a BabyYouth ProgramsChildcare

Jealous Family Members: A Family Relationship Problem

Updated on June 9, 2016
Source

Jealous family members do exist, and they can cause a problem within the family overall. They are not an urban legend or a strange delusion. Family and all of our interactions with them are supposed to be a blessing. But if you have a jealous family, you feel absolutely cursed.

There’s a saying that goes, “Blood is thicker than water." In my opinion, blood is more jealous, too. It’s so sad to know that jealousy might motivate your aunts, cousins, or even your siblings to hurt you. And when it comes from family members, the hurt is deeper than if a stranger had done it to you.

Strangely, I’ve had horrible luck in dealing with jealous relatives in my life. It could be worse, but it’s still a shame that jealousy occurs in the family. I suppose that we can say it’s just human nature, but it’s so unnecessary.

How to Deal With Jealous Family Members

Keep Your Mouth Shut

While you cannot remove yourself from the family tree, you can easily manage any jealous family members that you have. The most important step is to keep them out of your personal business. They do not need to know that you are purchasing a new home, awaiting a promotion, or even dating a new partner.

You do not want your goals or current events to be the main discussion at their dinner table. They will simply devour it and speak negatively about your life. Do not fuel the fire for their gossip and their negative talk.

Stop Feeling Guilty

Do not feel guilty that you are pulling away by not sharing your life story with them. Sometimes, you just have to love people from far away. It’s easy to feel that you are being the bad guy when you are simply trying to protect yourself.

Manage Family Gatherings

If they invite you to family functions, you can still attend. You just have to be mindful about what you share with them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying their company.

However, in most cases, you will find that certain relatives who harbor jealousy will usually not invite you to their events. You should not despair, and do not force your way into their world either. It is probably best that you limit your in-person interactions with them.

Avoid Confrontation

Some say that a person should call a family meeting to discuss the jealousy issue, but a lot of times it only makes the drama last longer. Stay away from all-out confrontations or Dr. Phil-style interventions.

The most important thing is to remain a loving, caring individual and not allow the antics of jealous family members to make you bitter. This may sound weird, but become the peace that you seek from your family.

It Is Not Your Problem

Sometimes, these same jealous relatives may feel conflicted on the inside. They may actually be proud of you but are simply jealous that they were not able to achieve what you've been able to.

While that is sad, it is not your problem. You shouldn’t have to be overly humble and be ashamed of your milestones so you don’t offend your family members.

In time, you will either find that your absence has made their heart grow fonder for you or that nothing has changed. Search your heart to forgive them so that you're not consumed by bitterness.

Forgive them so you can ultimately release their hold over you and your emotions. You can only control your own actions. This is the only way to find peace.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      LovelySoup 2 days ago

      My problem is I have a brother in law who has a girlfriend of a year and my mother in law is nicer to her then me. I have been married to her other soon for 12 years. It's so maddening! Help!

    • profile image

      Tammie 3 days ago

      Thank you so very much for the helpful article. I think jealousy is a sickness and this arrival helps me deal with my jealous sister

    • profile image

      vickie.hines2011@gmail.com 3 days ago

      dent my entire family a letter from the lawyer saying we are forbidden to come to his and my step moms funeral .. my step Mom had already died . My step Mom was a nightmere..go figure.

      It has caused so much hurt ... I cannot finish the story because it so evil. My family has now broke the chain of jealousy and bitterness ..we have grown closer to each other . Praise God! We will not revisit that day we received that letter . We have mov on ..oh forgot to mention my younger sister is the only child my dad will see. Thats another story.

    • profile image

      unicorn 3 days ago

      my mother in law was so jealous of my children she banned us from her granddaughter's wedding . I now have kept my distance from the whole family.

    • profile image

      Neicy 11 days ago

      You all are not the only ones dealing with crazy siblings! It's been going on soo long, that I've decided it's healthier to just walk away. I'm the middle girl and was the favorite on both sides of the family. The only reason, I was the only child in our family to go and spend summers with them.

      They get mad about any progress that I and my two kids make. It's exhausting because I' always congratulating everyone on everything they do. I was obviously my dad's favorite because the night died, his friends called me instead of the other siblings.

      I've always been the one who would protect anyone in my family. Always fighting everyone else's battles, this also kept people from bothering my siblings.

      I think I'm more disappointed in my behavior because I've started to do things I don't like to protect myself.

      My siblings don't think I'm supposed to have anything. No transportation, no housing, no degrees or a decent mate.

      To me, it's not worth trying to fix, when I wrote a letter to say we should all respect each other, things took a turn for the worse! The youngest sibling decided to tell the oldest sibling something I said out of anger, just so she could get a loan from her.

      I'm not the oldest but the oldest sibling won't step in and take charge of the situation because she has self-esteem issues. Nobody cares, so I've taken matters into my own hands. I'm walking away until they decide to act like humans.

    • profile image

      Mrs williams 2 weeks ago

      Ive have always been close to my father... but the moment my father passed away my oldest sisters jealousy came out and my aunts as well i felt like they been jealous the whole time and had to find a way to throw that at me so now we dont even speak. they tried blame me for everything ... so i can stress out so now i realize people love to see you down....

    • profile image

      Ally 3 weeks ago

      Wow, amazing stories. I never thought I would find people with similar issues. Me and my sister have been estranged as I adopted some of her kids. It has been awful hard on my health and my heart feelings. So many things weighed down and made it hard to do best I can. Thank u all for the insight. I feel for u too. God bless and keep us from these chains of pain.

    • profile image

      Kayleigh 4 weeks ago

      My father hasn't been in my life for 29 years and after 6 weeks he has started seeing my cousin who isn't like a sister to me he has said it's going to happen weather I like it are not but I just can't deal with it he hasn't bothered to try and spend time with me are nothing to me it says their it the wrong but who knows

    • profile image

      Sherry Davis 4 weeks ago

      I have a sister who has always spoke bad about me behind my back. She accused my mom of taking up for her precious baby. Mother got to the point that she started defending me because my sister would constantly put down my dob. And me. I was a single mom for 9 years and my mom helped me alot because my son stayed sick alot

      She would go with me to take him to the doctors and keep him for me so I could go to work because I couldn't take him to the daycare. My sister would make comments about her keeping him and not keeping her little girl. Her daughter was very hyper and my mom couldn't handle her. I never said anything to my sister because I didn't want to cause trouble. But her jelousy started when I was small. I was the middle child and was born after her. I was sick alot. I think that had something to do with it. I also graduated from high school and got a college degree. Both of my sisters, got married when they were 16 and 17 and quit high school. The issues continued off and on but we did get closer later on after I got married and even took trips together to the beach. My husband and I actually paid for the condo be cause they never had enough money. Later in years, we lost our dad and mom ended up with ALZ. I quit my job and moved her in with me. Needless to say it got very hard because my husband worked still send so I had no help when she got really bad. My brother was helping and getting myim once every two weeks but it was still hard because I had mom 24 by 7 . My brother and I asked her to get in a rotation to keep mom some on the weekends and she fought us about it. That's when I'd had enough so to speak and told her what I thought about her not wanting to help out. We ended up putting mom in memory care and her and her girls didn't like the place and caused so many scenes, that the place called a meeting. Anyhow, the director of the place got on me and said I needed to get them under control so I told them if they kept making trouble we would have to ban them. Needless to say, neither of them are speaking to me. I have apologized to my sister to try and make peace. I feel like I did wrong by speaking up and I try to live s Christian Life. I was told that one of her friends said she needed to forgive and my sister said she reckoned she'd go to hell before she would forgive certain people, meaning me and her ex husband. That's another story. She couldn't stand his kids and things didn't go to good so they didn't work out. I know I've gotten long winded but it really bothers me that she can't forgive me. O feel she has always had a problem with me and my other siblings say she does and it's over my success in life. My question is should I keep worrying over her not speaking or just walk away. She want answer my phone calls or texts. Same with her girls.

    • profile image

      Alma90557@gmail.com 5 weeks ago

      That's exactly what im going through with my man he's always going out with his sister and leaves me behind

    • profile image

      Sad in Bethlehem 5 weeks ago

      i appreciate everything i have read. My sister has treated me wrong so many times and she always does it when she has others to agree with her. She spreads rumors and lies about me and gets the rest of the family to agree with her. It hurts, no lie. But i realize now that i have to cut off all ties because now it is affecting my family.

    • profile image

      6 weeks ago

      What do you do when somebody makes you sad all the time then when you make them sad (just a little bit) you get in trouble?

    • profile image

      JJ 7 weeks ago

      Thanks, I have lost one of my grown children to a childless group of aunt's. They want her to take care of them in their old age. It's difficult and one day she will see what her children missed. The rest of the family knows the truth. These are the last days.

    • profile image

      7 weeks ago

      I hate it because it's keeping me from my nieces and nephews and I leave in a month. Help

    • profile image

      Penny 7 weeks ago

      This article really nailed it. So true and so insightful. Thank you. It has opened my eyes of why I feel so beat down by my sister and brother. I'm the youngest , as if that was not a problem in itself. It has been a constant put down all my life. Love them from a distance may be the remedy I need. Again I say, thank you.

    • profile image

      catia 7 weeks ago

      My partner is going away with her sister for a weeks holiday as she says she needs sister Time.. but there is nothing stopping the sister from visiting us. We haven't been on a holiday yet. I'm a little cranky that I wasn't invited to go. Am I wrong??

    • profile image

      B.E. 7 weeks ago

      Thank you so much for this awesome article. Also thanks to those who posted there stories. I was very very sad and rejected by my family members. I went on google and saw this article. This has helped me so much. I want to live in peace and not feel guilty about staying away from jealous family members. Thank you!!

    • profile image

      Cleo 8 weeks ago

      Thank you for the information and this is very good

      Thank you

    • profile image

      HC 2 months ago

      My in laws had to be begged to see our house when we added our extension. They are very bitter people.

    • profile image

      John Batchler 2 months ago

      I disagree with one and that is avoiding confrontations. In my case it works until they filed false police report and false imprisonment over property.in the end the state is bringing all kinds of nasty charges on these families ie multiple

    • profile image

      Loly 2 months ago

      My MIL showed her true colors this past weekend not only to me - also to my mother and to her son, my husband. She was visiting our new home for the first (and now last) time and I noticed she was comparing herself to her own son, saying 'she can get a bigger house and have the rest of the family live with her - you don't need all this room!' This is coming from someone who lives in a run down apartment with 1 room!

      Then Hurricane Irma came into town, so we all had to go to a shelter for protection. While everyone was complacent, MIL made a huge show in front of everyone, as she is a chronic smoker and 'needs her cigarettes to survive this hellhole of a family.' She just kept complaining about everything my mom did for my daughter and that I'm a horrible mother. Once everything was cleared out, we checked our home and we sustained no damage and we had electricity and water, too. (Thank God!) but my mother's home didn't have electricity. So we all went home and I let my mother stayed with me in the guest room, and let MIL and FIL stay in the other room. They had a fit about thier room being smaller and needed a bathroom next to them (we have 2 bathrooms....) MIL went out of her mind and called me a 'difficult bitch' and my mother a 'stuck up gold digging whore like her daughter!' in front of our faces! On top of that I caught my MIL stealing a very expensive item from me, red handed and got everyone to see! My DH had enough, called her out on it, and MIL and FIL stormed out of our house! MIL said "GOOD! I didn't want to be here! I wanted to go home from the beginning!"

      They went home, thier apartment was flooded, they have NO electricity and NO sewer! They also have very little food left from what she was texting husband. My DH said "she's been using me long enough, I see why none of my brothers help them." and hung up the phone on her.

    • profile image

      honey 2 months ago

      My unti is so rude behaviour;always she hate me too but i really don't care about her because she is very bad please always belive only mom and dad and i belive only god i trust god always,god bless me to upcoming my new life

    • profile image

      ,why does she behave this way? 2 months ago

      Sister is jealous angry ,thriving attention,bashing me,competing with me,she's attacking me verbally emotionally why doesn't know how to be polite or conform with people,splits people,comparisons,lies cheats and manipulates me and family,has borderline traits,hates me,uses me,and family

    • profile image

      gee 3 months ago

      My uncle and his wife Hates me to that extend where they told me face to face... I really don't care about their hatres all matters is that I feel cursed since this problem has shown up

    • profile image

      Amelapa 3 months ago

      We enjoyed our 50th wedding anniversary so much with a lot of well wishing friends! Mother-in-law and sisters playing it down. Why would "family" want to play it down??

    • profile image

      Alice 3 months ago

      What about the opposite. When your loved one has a relationship to someone who practices exclusion. Where u love them so much and u miss them so much but because u r excluded from their get together and it's posted everywhere and u feel so left out. It hurts so bad and u feel so jealous and u can't share it with anyone. What do u do.

    • profile image

      Buddy 4 months ago

      Absolutely amazing information.It can help us to out of our everyday life depessions

    • profile image

      Sister, Mother 4 months ago

      I wish jealousy didn't have eyes, but it does and it seems like those jealous eyes make me want to run for cover yet the answer is really just love and understanding. At first I would just try to give everything I had that the person was jealous about but came quickly to understand that there was always another thing they were jealous about. Now I seem to always ask myself what is more important today, dressing like a slave or being happy stuck with constant protection of others like me.

    • profile image

      A1 4 months ago

      Guys agree with everyone sometime family hates you well if a person he is the one who is afraid to lose you and deeply love you inside but they always fail to express but if they still hate still to agree you feel like there is shelter on head but what if you ask a guy who never had family or lost a family well he will tell you what family really means because we don't know the pain until it itself happen to our-self!!!!!

      Try to go to your Mom and Dad once and just say I LOVE YOU and just hug them tight they you will feel that feeling but HUG for long time tho!!

      Try it Well i don't have any family i am orphan (they all died when i was 12) and i know that pain!!!

      But try it :)!!!

    • profile image

      Patricia 5 months ago

      My sister in law is mean. I was bullied as a kid but she cut the cake. Everyone tolerates her arrogance. She's a psychologist. I asked in the most respectable way not to be hugged. Because I don't want to let her continue bullying me i confronted it. I know longer talk to my brother who hates me or see the kids. I would love a conversation but she is evasive and knows it was her. Why does my brother hate me? I do not impose on his.wife but to let your wife be cruel??

    • profile image

      Natalya 6 months ago

      I am so heart broken, I just wish we could all be one big happy family and love eachother, but my cousin is overly jealous about having the attention of a particular family member, if you even make this family member laugh or have a fun time without her in the picture then my cousin will get very jealous and do horrible selfish things, she's a horrible person and I can't believe Shen would hurt me, I've been crying myself to sleep most nights and I don't think I can hold my grudge any longer.

    • profile image

      Hope Anne Cole 6 months ago

      I told my uncle,who is facing eviction that he cannot live with us because he is very jealous of my sons,who are in College. He resents everything my husband gives them because my grandfather never wanted him to have anything. I feel guilty, but can't have that toxic person in my home commenting on my life.

    • profile image

      Natalia David 6 months ago

      I have a problem with my uncle a blood brother to my mum...he is jealous of my man and doesn't want me to get married...how should I handle him?

    • profile image

      Saina 6 months ago

      It's so difficult to deal with it. Everyday a task. It's from my husband side and to see my husband face all this jealousy feels heartbroken, he has the sweetest heart and love everyone, no Mater even if they hurt him. Will definitely make him read your article . Thank you.

    • profile image

      Saina 6 months ago

      In so much pain right now, felt a little better after reading this article.

    • profile image

      Tory 6 months ago

      Wow I thought I was by myself with jealous bitter envious family members. I cut em off, they say I think I'm better than them. I have learned to reply I'm taking the love boat instead of the Titanic with you people

    • profile image

      Julianne 6 months ago

      I am in middle school and recently made the cheer team and also a captain. I always knew my cousin was jealous but wasn't always sure. She now makes fun of me because she says I am only captain and made the team because of my mom being the coach. I got so fed up with her I finally told my mom. She told me what to tell my cousin and she said I was allowed to look at my scores. I did and I got the highest of all the "contestants". My mom is also a middle school teacher, one grade above mine. I will tell her next time she makes a comment that we will go to my mom and ask her why I made the team. I will also post a comment on this on the aftermath of this

    • profile image

      Fran 10 months ago

      I couldn't agree more the person who is the center of this jealousy needs to stay strong and realize they are not at fault. My eldest son & wife are very jealous of his younger sister. Even though all my four children have been treated as equally as possible, my son is constantly making sarcastic and negative remarks towards her, which I am totally fed up with, as she has done nothing to warrant this treatment. My daughter has always been a loving and supportive sister to him, so really can't understand his behavior. I am only assume it is jealousy. I try to stay out of it as much as possible and be neutral, as certainly don't want to add fuel to the fire. My daughter has taken the stance that she is just going to continue to live her life as normal and treats her brother well, despite the fact that his behavior really hurt her feelings. As said the person who is the object of the jealousy needs to stay strong and continue living life to the fullest , as they are not the ones with the problem. It is a shame in this instance, as we feel that we can't share any milestones or good things in my daughters life with her brother and wife. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't have a sister as I just don't feel like I can talk about her in front of him. This is such a shame as they could be the best friends and support for each other, if he only let it. Sometimes I feel like giving my son a good talking too but honestly feel this would only make the situation worse. What do others think?

    • profile image

      Got a be different I yahoo.com 10 months ago

      Excellent article.Exactly what I was looking for.

    • profile image

      Grams 12 months ago

      Wow, I have been trying to pinpoint my feelings on this topic for years, can't believe how many are experiencing the same things. Was feeling so isolated until now. Thanks to all for sharing on such sensitive subject. Hope and solutions restored for this Thanksgiving!

    • profile image

      Hanan Alshameri 13 months ago

      I love this article i wish my family reads it

    • profile image

      Dorothy 13 months ago

      What a brilliant article. Thank you.

    • profile image

      SoDone 15 months ago

      this article and comments have been so helpful. I have been so frustrated with both sides of my family (mother and fathers). I feel like I'm the outcast since I have chosen to take a healthier path and better myself. I don't drink anymore, and have been working on myself for almost 10 years. I don't care what they do as it is there choice, and who am I to judge. I am now 30 and have a solid grip on who I am, and it's like the more happy and clear I get, I am being jabbed at, and/or left out. Certain family members have cliqued together, and I know they bitch about people. I live away from my hometown, and I can sense the weirdness when I am around some of them. (like when you've been talked about). Even when I come into town they dodge me or don't even make an effort when I reach out to try and see them or make plans. Going home used to be my favorite thing in the world, but I have no desire to go home anymore. All I have been doing is living my life and I haven't even seen them lately. Yet its like some of them secretly hate me or something. My mothers side doesn't even talk to each other since my grandmother passed away. My dads side is so screwed up since my other grandmother passed away. I am so done with all un-healthy behaviors, and gossiping. I have learned my father does not have my back and has treated me like shit the last 2 times I seen him and never apologizes for anything. (Last straw). I watch the unhealthy patterns, and am asked for advice, yet they act like nothing has happened. My dad had a heart attack last year, and is not even supposed to be drinking or smoking, and chooses to continue basically on the daily. he gets ugly when he hits a certain point and I have spoken to him about this. I have set the biggest boundary in my life and have solidly chosen to not take part in any of it anymore. I choose love and to be peaceful, and don't need to feel like this to feel like I have a family. family is who you choose, and you have a choice where you put your energy and who you choose to be around. if they want to speak to me fine, but I am not going out of my way anymore. So much harder with family. It's like the older I get the more insane people are lol.. if that makes sense, and bigger choices you need to make for your self. Aside from Family BS I am happy every day and its like they don't like it. they want me to be happy but mabe not happier than them? I don't get it.

    • profile image

      MiddleChild312 15 months ago

      Hi Ikanony,

      I have the same sister-in-lw I think! Lol! Very judgmental and aloof but because she has a school counselors degree - not a full Clinical Psych degree by any means - has decided she understands everyone's behavior and has these odd pat phrases in response to everthing like, "I'm very sorry that happened." But you don't get the sense she has even really heard what your said. Very held, very cold, vet always making sure she does and says what she things is the right thing, whether empathetic or not. Almost robotic. Very uncomfortable to be around. I don't think she would ever admit to jealousy and I have noticed she doesn't ever say, "I'm sorry." That's a big alert for me. My feeling if someone can't actually connect with you or admit to their own feelings and take some responsibility for them, even with humor, it's not your responsibility to make up the difference because they are family. A relationship is a two way street. It takes effort, caring and commitment on both sides. I would say just don't waste to much time because nothing you do is likely to change who she is or how she behaves.

    • profile image

      scooter 15 months ago

      In my case, it is my only sibling and even my parents. It has caused me lots of sadness throughout my life and your article was very helpful. Thank you so much!

    • profile image

      lkanony 19 months ago

      I find this article very interesting and intriguing. Would you happen to have any insight on handling/dealing with aloof/jealous in-laws? Sister-in-laws to be exact.

    • profile image

      vasha33 19 months ago

      Mustbeheard please let me know how it goes. I just seen my sister the other day. I just waved and went on. She didn't acknowledge it tho. Lol but hey I could have just cussed her out. Ur right we do get jealous but dang we leave it at that! I fix credit and offered my service to her and she didn't respond, she know I know her sh*t jacked up! I been doing for her kids and grand kids and she still have a problem with me. Oh well My God is bigger! Take Care!

    • profile image

      mustbeheard 19 months ago

      The strangest thing about jealousy,(am I have been jealous of others, but not in a vicious way), is that once you acknowledge it, it just disappears. It's like a cancer that keeps on growing inside, if you hide it, and once it is released it dissipates! I think in the future, I will tell my jealous relatives that I know they are jealous of me, I am going to put it out on the table. Hopefully, once they acknowledge it, it too will dissipate; and we can become the family we were meant to be. I will tell you how it goes

    • profile image

      MiddleChild312 19 months ago

      Yes, very mature response. I do love my jealous family members but, since their jealousy seems to dominate our relationship, I can't help nudging them a bit sometimes. They treat the members of the family they aren't jealous of very differently from me and my spouse and kids so I just sort of point this out with gentle ribbing. It relieves any small lingering hurt feelings that could develop. I love them and they will have to live with their jealous/selfish actions, not me. But we are all human and I don't and can't always "rise above." I'm ok with that. I don't do anything I would ever feel regret or shame about but I don't not acknowledge either. It's a loving balance. And I definitely don't hide it when I or my spouse or kids have good fortune or work hard for something that we are excited about or proud of. I sing to the hills - on FB anyway - and let the chips fall where they may. I figure it's good for them to deal with their own feelings - not my job! I love my life. I shout about that. And I think that's OK.

    • profile image

      vasha33 20 months ago

      Hey Craig. You keep doing you brother. That's all that matters. I don't have inlaws yet. But I can image the b/s that they can bring. I'm sorry your mum is gone...didn't seem like you had the time to mourn her correctly. Start you a business. It can be home-based. Then you could really focus your time and energy on that. Your sisters are dumb. I wish my family cared as much as you did. I stop buying presents a log time ago. I got tired of getting nothing year after year. Don't let that brother in law trip you up either. He is definitely hating and that's a shame. Keep doing you and think about the home based business. If you have time go to my website www.mycreditvictory.com It may be something your interested in. Its sad that we let ourselves get down behind acceptance from others. But that's the only we go up. Is by going down. However, we can't stay down. Staying down is how they want us. Lower than they are. But I read that anyone who is trying to keep you down is already below YOU! Find it in your heart to release any pain. Its hard but you will find away. I've done it alot. Ive been so mad that my face would hurt the next day from frowning. But the "good news" is there is always a way out! Stay Blessed! Here is my Instagram @castlevee

    • profile image

      Craig 20 months ago

      I too have experienced the poison of having jealous family members.

      I am a single childless male. I have two sisters. One married with two adult children and another single sister who is also childless. I own my own place and two others. They know this. My mother died recently and after the family house was sold, we each inherited equally (myself and my two other sisters). That's when the comments from my sister's husband started. Comments like: you are lucky to have what you have at your age, Craig will give you a few thousand (he said this in front of my sister's children - my nieces), he talks about my apartment and guesses how much it is worth. He has made comments about me being in steady employment too and how lucky I am to have a well paying job whilst completely ignoring that I work hard and am a valued employee.

      I am a non-drinker and when we go to restaurants they would order expensive wine. When I indicate that I am only paying for the food I had, I get snide comments, like "Thanks Craig."

      My niece told me that she thought I was someone to be jealous of, and when I acted surprised she said "What don't you think so? You own your own place and have seen the world!" That is a reference to me travelling - obviously it must have bothered them.

      My sister asked me to give money for her adult child's (she is 22 and working) overseas holiday, I told her that if people travel they should make sure they have the money to go before they leave. Fair comment - I certainly haven't asked people to pay for my trips.

      Up to last year I bought they kids birthday and Christmas presents each year - I got nothing in return. Now I do what they do for me, a text message wishing them a happy birthday.

      My sister's husband has often been mean to me over the years and I think that me inheriting money as a single person has really gotten to him and gotten to his wife (my sister) as well. I am gay and he is also a homophobe. I think he has gradually been poisoning my sister and her children against me.

      We have never had a big argument as such but it is just the general vibe I get from them, plus the comments too make me think they are very resentful and jealous of me.

      One of my nieces told me that her mum (my sister) says I am selfish and yet I paid for my mum's aged care facility while they did nothing. They rarely visited her.

      At my niece's 21 birthday party, my niece made a speech. In the speech she acknowledged dead relatives, friends and even neighbours but I was ignored.

      I think they are jealous of me and resent me having my own place plus others but I bought those places and went travelling before any inheritance. They would love to say I owe them something but I don't and they know it.

      My other sister who is not married, kind of wants to be popular with them and let's me know when she sees them but I have kept my distance the last few months and I am putting them on the back burner and limiting my communication with them. I don't need their negative energy. I just get on with my life and enjoy my friends. When I hear from them, I let them know I am well and wish them all the best. My guess is that just fuels their resentment.

      It is disappointing but I am keeping my distance as for me, that is the best thing to do.

    • profile image

      Deepti 21 months ago

      Thank you...

    • profile image

      Cena 21 months ago

      Hi T, I feel your pain, I've been there.. I'm seriously tired of my family. If we had a choice to walk out of one family and into another I'd take it, that should say a lot! God has to have a lesson for us to learn from this situation. I don't understand what it is, but thats how I deal with it for now.

    • profile image

      22 months ago

      All I can say after reading these posts is, Bless The Lord that someone understands. I've been dealing with aunts, cousins and friends being jealous practically all my life. Though, I'm a child of God I still get very, very sad over how I've have been and continue to be treated by them. I'm 42 years old, soon to be 43 and I still cry just like a young child. I cry at night and wake up to swollen eyes in the morning. I'm so hurt and feel so alone. I want so much for my aunts and cousins (especially) to love me and see me for who I am and stop hating me because of what they "think" I have or see me as. I have no more than the rest of them and have even less than some of them. It just hurts so much.....

    • profile image

      anonymous 23 months ago

      Great website. Im going through alot right now and my mothers sister does not help. She calls everyday and complains about something and when she calls us at times and were not home she will say things like where were you thought you were out of town etc. I dont want her knowing my business at all. I live with my mother. She never learned how to drive and im unemployed and my father died a few years ago. I am an only child. And i am thinking of relocating to florida my mother wants to stay for her sister who never comes over to see her and lives a half hour away and is also unemployed if this isnt nuts i dont know what i . I could goo on and on but i cant live my life because i half to make everyone else happy misery loves company

    • profile image

      Vasha33 24 months ago

      Hi Shireen. Maybe there is nothing to fix. They are the way they WANT TO BE WITH YOU. I bet $20 that they only act like with you. I've learned so much about fixing. Maybe this is the fix. Get out of their way and your own way. Trust that it's difficult but whatever is going to happen will happen. Them being crazy is normal

      to them. Not to you. They don't think anything needs to be fixed.

      Be Blessed!

    • profile image

      Shireen 24 months ago

      Thank you so much @mustbeheard i like your advice .. Do you think that deleting our cousins and aunts from fb really helps .. I feel bad sometimes for not controling emotions n overreacting in depression.. Do you think its best to be away or trying to fix things back to normal ?

    • profile image

      Mustbeheard 2 years ago

      @Shireen- The first thing you need to do is, realize that you do not need your cousins, aunt and uncle to be happy! Celebrate your immediate family's love, mother, father and brothers! Know that your cousins know they are hurting your feelings, that is why they do it! Once, you show them that their actions do not hurt you they will quit! Its tough to pretend, but YOU can do it! Or just remove yourself from any time with them whatsoever!! Love your life be proud of your accomplishments, and appreciate and treasure the people who do love you, and forget about the rest as it is their problem not yours. Best Wishes, and Good Luck!

    • profile image

      Shireen 2 years ago

      Just need more advice from u .. So pls help me what else i can do to be happy

    • profile image

      Shireen 2 years ago

      Hi i just love ur hub this is so true .. U have given so many wonderful examples ..i want to read more from ur side .. This is a great article.. iam going through the same problem since many years .. And im just tired of some of my family members my aunts and cousins who are always jealous of me in everything ,what i buy what i wear where i go,who i meet ,and they just be so irritating and involved in my life .. It really sucks and i just hate ppl getting involved unnecessarily in my life.and they just copy me and do competition with me just to get better and expensive things than me and they spend alot of much money in comparing and buying stuff tht i buy ..Apparently i got married 3 years ago and it was an arrange marraige and i think im very blessed to have a wonderful , caring and loving husband who is always with me in my ups and downs even my parents and siblings loves me the most .. And i have a loving 4 younger brothers who love me and care about me and did so many things for me and they are always with me and im the only daughter so my mom dad and brothers loves me like anything ..But still there are some of my dads sides relatives n my cousin sisters who just hate me n imagine 2 of them are younger to me n 2 cousins r of the same age..they Hate me so much that they just show it on their faces and give negative comments ,and when i go to their place they just dont talk to me and just give me weird looks and show attitude.they always ignore me and they leave me alone n hang out . they are younger but still misbehave with me and when i tell their parents about their behaviour they dont believe me rather they encourage their kids to misbehave with me n their children do it in front of them.when i ask them what the hell they r doing they dont accept it.n just show as if im being aggressive and simply telling n i try to ignore them and cut them off from my life many times but they still disturb me through fb whatsapp by putting weird senseless comments and status indiectly about me.. I just want to go far away from them..so i just deleted them from fb n whatsapp.. But i know that they will not accept if i ask them about the abusive and mean status tht they hv been putting .. Im very glad that i remove them from my fb so i dont stress so much now.. I have done my mbbs and im officially a doctor now and i completed my studies 2 years back .. Im 25 .. And my parents, siblibgs and my husband are really proud of me and they encourage me in everything i do n they are happy from inside.but my cousin sisters didnt study anything great in life .. Rather doing gossip cheating people ,laughig at minors ,being mean to others and being disrespectful to elders n poors and just wasting life in hating people , spending money spoiling others life and being jealous .and they parents earn a lot of money that is why they think the are rich enough n treat everyone as no one has nothing in life if theres no money.they are money minded what matters them is just money nothing else ..But my parents made an effort and did so many sacrifices just to make me a better person in life and a doctor .. But these cousins and my aunts just cant take it.. They dont appreciate my success and my good things and they just be mean with me .. And they have always created a drama in my life and whenever i tried to fix it and be very nice to them n sometimes i miss them but they have ruined every effort that i made and hurt my feelings..and their parents support them in being disrespectful.. So i thought these people wont change so i should just keep going forward and shut my mouth n keep away..because im not like them n i dont want to get to their level.. i was just ruining my career my profession n going away from the people who love me the most by thinking about them n i think they dont worth it.. They dont worth my attention n love and ppl just try to stop u and pull u down when u r doing so much better in life .. So i decided to love my parents ,siblings , friends and husband the most rather than wasting my time in entertaining my relatives who just cant be happy .. And love the ppl who love u the most, who was always with u in ur difficulties and in ur success and happiness .. Y to waste ur single minute in just thinking about losers..and since 2 months i started keeping distance with my cousins and aunts and just want to be happy ..and live happily and make ppl happy around me ..

    • profile image

      Antoine 2 years ago

      I choose to stay away from them as much as possible. If you're for me then you're against me. If you're against me then you're an enemy, not family.

    • profile image

      vasha33 2 years ago

      Im still tired of all the BS myself! Trust me Mustbeheard it gets worse! Try having friend who was ur coworker and became ur boss be jealous of you! I've never experienced anything like it. Until now! Jealously has no fu#king mercy!

    • profile image

      Mustbeheard 2 years ago

      My mother, sister and brother are jealous of me! My husband family are jealous of him and I! So, it feels as though we are on a island. It's really hard, and emotionally devastating that both of our families are so much against us that none of them attended our wedding! I even had a group of them plan a event that literally almost killed me! I really hate the advice of you should not say anything about your personal life, which means you have to be on guard! Personally, I just cut them out of my life! It hurts, but sometimes a person needs to respect themselves first, as you have to live with yourself! As of late, my husband and I have been trying to make new friends and make our own family!

    • profile image

      Sanjeev 2 years ago

      I used to feel guilty for my success. I found that some family members were jealous inside of my success but in the outside they were not showing it. It is sad to hear from third person that your own family member are jealous of your success. Now, I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business.

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 2 years ago from Texas

      It's possible that your sister uses your mom's 'favoritism' of her to anger you and employs it as a way to inflict pain on you. In this case, I simply wouldn't entertain both of them at the same time. Work on your relationship with your mom one on one without your sister present. I've seen parents simply take sides with the brat kid to calm them down and hopefully end the squabble. This may not be the situation that you're facing. However, I'd stop giving the jealous sister the opportunity to use your mom as a pawn in her game to belittle/destroy you. Wishing you the best!

    • profile image

      sush 2 years ago

      well said words. but dear what to do when your mother only take side al the time to the sister who is always jealous from me...on nasty things even??? And then she always look for chance to put me dwn infrnt of mom...whyy??? She even md hell on my wedding day but still mom forget tht and tk her side alwayyysss. what to do???

    • profile image

      Priscilla 2 years ago

      My mother told me that she did not need any of her children's love, because she has her self to love. She abandoned me & my brother when I was 5 years old. I did not even know where she or my father who is a deadbeat was half the times growing up. By the grace of God my grandmother was there to raise us & give us the love & care that we deserved. My mother collected child support & welfare for us even though we were not living with her. She took $2,000 of my child support checks & took herself & my brother's father who is also a deadbeat to Jamaica, while I am helping my grandmother raise her 2 other children while she is partying with him & her friends over the years, as she treat us like crap. She belittled me & still does to this day at 29 years old. I have 2 careers, never been in trouble with the law, happily married, no children yet, & she still can't be proud & happy for me, no matter what I do. She is a very disrespectful & unkind person & likes to start trouble with people. I can go on & on about her, but I'll leave it at that.

    • profile image

      mrsunderstood72 2 years ago

      I am a total outcast within my family. My parents have died more than 13 years ago. I took care of both my parents when they became ill. My other siblings didntnhave or make the time. My older sister will invite me over but if her kids or friends show up, i become a bother. My sister next to the oldest is hellish to the core. She has turned two of her kids into drug users and has turned her other daughter against me. We don't speak. She is.also sleeping with our older sisters husband. For years. She has talked about me around town. She throws in my face that i can't have children. I disown her. She is rotten. Thw only one, thus far is sheila. She lives out of town but we speak daily. I have a wonderful husband who.loves me morw than i could ever imagine. I adore him. My blood family..well its few and far in between.

    • profile image

      Robin 3 years ago

      Wow, you're right on how we SHOULD behave toward family members who are jealous or does us wrong. My whole life, my cousin who is a year older than me (I'm 44 now), has been jealous of me and done everything in her power to make me look bad. I always felt like a sucker because I always IMMEDIATELY forgave her and would then AGAIN open up to her on things that she would use against me. This was repetitive until I turned 18 and said, "no more". Anyway, I moved and we didn't speak for 12 years, THEN out of nowhere, she called me, we began talking again, I forgot ALL ABOUT how she use to do me, and then when our Grand-dad died, as we were all heading for the funeral in another state, I MESSED UP and told her that her and her mom should move to the same city we live in. I KNEW I messed up when at my Granddaddy's funeral, the man doing the service mentioned MY NAME FIRST, then all the other grand kids - and she immediately got mad AT ME! I didn't tell that man to mention me first! I had no control over that. HOWEVER, she DID end up moving to the same city as I live in, and since then my life has gone DOWNHILL FAST. FIRST, she turned my mother against me by telling her blatant lies, and instead of my mother asking me about the lies she was telling her - she just cut herself off from me, my husband, and my two sons. It has been four years since me, my husband, and sons have been invited to ANY family function, NOT EVEN holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas. When I've tried calling my mom, she don't answer. And then the last straw - when I COMPLETELY lost it with my cousin - was the night she called MY CELL PHONE at midnight while I was asleep in bed with my husband, and she started moaning into the phone, "OH RICH, YOU'RE SOOOO GOOD IN BED, OOOOOH YEAH, DO IT LIKE THAT..." in other words, she was acting like she was having sex with my husband! She had blocked her number because she THOUGHT in her half wit little brain that she could disguise her voice and I wouldn't know WHO was calling - what she didn't plan on me doing was recording the vile crap she was spewing out - and she definitely didn't count on me taking that recording to HER HUSBAND and asking him if he thought that was her - JUST LIKE I DID. And sure enough, when he heard it, HE WAS LIVID at her! He didn't leave her because he knew she was just doing it out of being mean, and HIS exact words were, "she's being evil toward you! She TRYING to piss you off!" He also went on to say how ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT is destroying ME and how my mother and grandmother always saw ME as their perfect little angel and HER as the black sheep! She also told him SEVERAL TIMES that one day I was gonna be where she's been placed her whole life, which was in 2nd place to me. She said I was gonna SEE how it felt to not have anyone believe you, let alone LIKE YOU! I've never done A THING that would warrant ANY of what she's put me through EXCEPT for my being stupid enough to believe she'd changed. I won't fall for it again though. And what's even worse is my mother, AND NOBODY, realizes that my cousin is a drug addict. A friend of mine who works at the Sheriffs Department told me that my cousin has been arrested more than three times for DUI's and drugs, and she's NOT suppose to be driving, BUT SHE IS. But I stay out of it now. If they don't want to talk to me because they believe HER LIES, then I'm not gonna offer them any information on HER secret life that I KNOW she keeps from them because if they knew - they'd cut her lose JUST LIKE THEY DID ME, and I WASN'T doing drugs and have NEVER been arrested! She's also been arrested for shoplifting and theft, and nobody knows about THAT either. Again, I'm not tellin em. They deserve EVERYBIT OF HELL she's about to rain on them with her drama, mischief, and criminal activity. SO THAT alone makes ME feel justified with them cutting me out of the loop. Matter of fact, it was when I told my cousin I couldn't be around her anymore because of her negative behavior, that two weeks later she called my mother and told my mother that I was mad at her (my cousin)BECAUSE she wouldn't get me any drugs! And again, I'm NOT, NOR WAS I on drugs! My brother was the one who told me my cousin said that to mom. My brother said we have so much drama down here that he's not coming here for a while. He lives in another state and has actually not EVER liked our cousin.

    • profile image

      Kingstreet 3 years ago

      I thought my husband I were the only ones who have had to endure this. For us it started after we built a new house 20 years ago. The home was built for entertaining and hosting relatives when they visited. My youngest sister has said some very hurtful things to me and my daughter. She is evil. The last time I spoke with her she said, " I am about to tell you something that I know l hurt you. That you l not speak to me every again in life." I have a cousin who visited us and we threw her a surprised birthday party. When we went to visit her for Christmas she was so vicious I could not believe this was a person I grew up with. As for my husband, he had the same problem with two of his brothers and their wives as well as his sister! The irony of this is that we introduced his brother to the woman he later married. This brother refused to set foot in our home. Needless to say my husband was hurt. Later that brother became ill and his wife moved her ex-husband into the spare bedroom. She then put him in a nursing home and refused to pay the bill. The state forced her to take him back home. She did not want to because her ex was living with her. It was at that time he wanted to re-establish a relationship with my husband. He was bedridden. My husband would not go to see him due to his wife and her living arrangement. My brother in law has passed away and the wife of my other brother in law has also passed away. Now whenever my husband sister calls, she is forever asking by I never call her. I tell her that our relationship is fine just as it is. I cut these folks off years ago! It took my husband a hike longer to finally see who they truly are. I prayed to God to remove my husband's blinders and he did!!

    • profile image

      Christy777 3 years ago

      My Mom as a child needed a lot of attention. One time while her and her four siblings were walking home from school she fell. Her siblings kept walking. Because they didn't pay attention to her she pretended she was blind for nearly a month until my Grandma took her to a Doctor who told her that she was just trying to get attention. She had me when she was 18. While she was in labor the person who gave her an epidural made a mistake that caused her to start having seizures. We were both in the hospital for a long time. When she brought me home she expected to get a lot of attention. Both from having had seizures and also from having had me, but I was the one who got the attention. I was the first baby in the family and in the neighborhood. So I guess you can say her jealousy of me started nearly at birth. After she had my sister a year and a half later she would use her to hurt my feelings. She would hold her and not me. Telling me that everyone held me but no one held my sister. My Aunt and Grandma tried to tell her it wasn't true but it didn't matter. From there many horrible things progressed to the point of physical child abuse. When someone found out that she was hurting me I was promised that I would never have to live with her again, but she tricked her brother into not calling the police on her so I grew up in her household. I remember times where she quit buying my sister and I school clothes, once when she purposely gave me a bad hair cut when I was 15, and her giving my middle sister and I away twice. After the Step-Dad who raised us died she remarried and told her new husband and his family horrible lies about me. Both of my sisters were not allowed to be around me. Every time I would go over they were sent to their room and my Mom would go to her room so I would be sitting in the living room alone. Then one day as I sat there alone I looked up and saw a family picture taken without me. After that I moved away. I thank God everyday that He gave me a loving Grandma and that He watched over me that whole time. When my Mom's new husband passed away my sisters would have nothing to do with her. She had no money, no food, and was stuck in a small town away from everything. I brought her to live with me. She lived with me for five years before she moved away. She is nicer to me now but she still tells lies about me to others. I made the decision when I was little that I would never be like her. My sisters would have let her starve but I love God and I know He wanted me to help her. So I did and I would again. Sometimes the hurt resurfaces and I pray about it. Mostly I feel sorry that she feels so badly about herself that she had to feel jealous of her own child. I have other family members who are jealous of me as well. They exhibit the same sickness my Mother has in their own lives. I keep them away from me because I don't want that drama in my life and I don't deserve it. To quote what my Grandma told me as a child, "You don't have to like your family but you do have to love them.". Loving your family doesn't mean that they are allowed to treat you badly. If you have a family member who is jealous of you keep them at arms distance and say some prayers for them. They must feel really horrible about themselves if they have to work so hard to try to make you miserable. Thank God that you don't.

    • profile image

      Vasha33 3 years ago

      @mzindependent thank for saying those nice things about me. It was really sweet. I don't have a problem with him. I was just saying that I didn't feel as if I gained anything. They're both in the military. So they should be well off. They were only dating a yr. But they got along and she never said anything bad about him. I was just adjusting to her being gone for almost 2yrs. Then she gets married. So its like double empty nest. I guess. I really wanted her to put her career and goals 1st. But she didn't feel the same way.

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 3 years ago from Texas

      @Vasha33 I hope things have been improving for you since the recent developments. But, trust and believe that you raised a phenomenal woman even if her marital plans were executed long before you hoped. I guess the better question to ask is: do you believe the man that she married is worth her time? Honestly, I love how self-aware you are because a truly selfish, jealous person would never admit to have these feelings. They'd just become passive aggressive. You are a loving, selfless individual who is in the process of grieving the separation from your daughter as she unites into one union with another. It's truly okay... Trust the process and all will definitely work out :)

    • profile image

      vasha33 3 years ago

      Battling a lot right now. My daughter just got married. I think I would be happier if she would have waited, like I asked. But hey, who cares about how I feel these days. And the fact that we're only 14 years apart is a part of why I wanted her to

      wait. I worked hard for her to have a life that was not related to the statistics that

      we were supposed to be tied too. And

      maybe she is living that way. However, it

      doesn't change the way I feel. Just saying. Somehow, it hurts me and deep inside, I don't feel that I've gained a son in law, only that I've lost my daughter. I was

      young and always working hard. So I

      didn't get to honey baby her 24/7. Maybe

      that's why im hurt. Not sure....or maybe

      now im on the jealous side.

    • profile image

      Lupe 3 years ago

      It is so sad for family members to be so envious of us doing well in like but we worked very hard to have a better life made good choices and God has Blessed so much we never wish bad on anyone and pray for them who are so unhappy for they will never get ahead

    • profile image

      Star 3 years ago

      I'm here to tell you firsthand of marriage destroyed by a jealous sister-in-law. From the moment my former husband and I started dating, she would be on his case telling him not to be a gentleman to pick me up, saying i should drive to his place (mind you, I had just gotten a car at that time so I was not family with highways and roads). Once we got married, she nitpicked at everything I did and say, it was like she was his mother. What made things worse was that my former husband listened to her bs. She would roll her eyes when I gave her family gifts. She would tell him that porn and gambling are healthy when I complained about his addictions. She would tell him to stay home when I said to go on vacation to help with his addictions. One time, she accused me of standing in front of her house with a club when we lived like 2 hours away from her. He believed her. She secretly wanted our marriage to get destroyed and it came true. Of course, the fact that my husband believed her bc blood is thicker shows he's not a husband material for me. So I count this as a blessing. I was able to get an annulment bc of his hidden addictions.

    • profile image

      Agreewithyourarticle 3 years ago

      Hey Vasha33,

      I know exactly what you are talking about. My mom's side of the family hates my guts and I hate their guts also. I never did anything to these people. These people are supposed to be christian, but yet they are the most hypocritical, racist, judgmental and gossiping folks that I have ever came across and I don't ever want to see them again. I don't want they around me or my son because they don't mean me or my son well at all. They use to try to talk to my parents to try and get in my business. They would question my mom and dad about what kind of car I drove, where I lived and what I was doing in life. The reasons behind asked those questions was to have something to talk about and to try and compare their lives with mine. They would always accuse me of being jealous of them, when the truth is, I wouldn't change my life for theirs, even if I was paid to and every time when I would decide to be around them, they start with their talking behind my back about every little thing about me and my son. Ever since I decided that not to have anything to do with them, I been just fine. They accept my cousin's wife into the family and I don't like her because she joined to crew of talking about me behind my back when she don't even know me. She looks her nose down at everybody but they are too dumb to see it. They are so blinded by their hatred for me and my son, they can't see when someone is not geninue. She accuses me of always staring at her when the truth is, I always catch her staring at me and she is nothing to look at. I call it the looking her nose down at me stare, she is looking at my clothes and how I have my hair styled. I definitely don't want nothing to do with this family, It's pathetic how these people act but yet I'm suppose to be the jealous one, when I don't simply like or deal with you. I can't be around fake people.

    • profile image

      sekapa 3 years ago

      I think the issue of cutting-off and also distancing yourself from them comes with a relief in your life but sometimes you guilty.

    • profile image

      vasha33 3 years ago

      Hey? Has anyone experienced ur family showing love to strangers, but treat you like a stinky baby that no one wants to change? I really need this explained to me. Some of my family members do this ALL the time. When I was talking to my sister, she needed to borrow my extra car. Of course I let her use it. However, she kept it a few days more than we agreed only to drive her prefabricated sister in law around??? Wtf! And this is just a lil thing. So the girl went to jail and when she got out my sister threw her a party?? But when my birthday comes she doesn't even tell me Happy Birthday? Sometimes I just want to send her a text and say "B!Tch" lol just too pizz her off! Sorry guys it gets real in the field!

    • urstrulee profile image

      urstrulee 3 years ago from Midwest USA

      And the church said...Amen!

    • profile image

      vasha33 3 years ago

      I had a birthday party and invited everyone except my ugly a## sister. I invited her crew (my cousins) because I knew they would report back to her. It's so disgusting to have to deal with all the hoopla. I will say this...Jesus said "if they hate me, THEY WILL HATE YOU". P.S. I know they also told her about my new Camaro. #reportthat

    • profile image

      sheena 3 years ago

      I have the same experiences, sometimes its jealousy and other times you have relatives that just don't like you for some reason. I cut people off that are jealous, or don't treat me right. It is better to not include them into your world, especially if they are always talking negative about you

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 3 years ago from Texas

      Thanks for the wonderful comments @Questgiver, @Vasha33, & @Topsy-Turvy. (See Below)

      @Questgiver

      I'm so glad that you were to get some piece from the content/comments on this topic. I must stand in agreement on the lack of respect for progress in our community. Sadly, I have witnessed the competitive spirit that some parents have that allows jealousy to creep in and dissolve their relationships with their kids. Everything is available for ANYONE to attain. It's so simple.. they need to be happy for their kids and feel blessed that their equipped them to these great things. When you succeed, it means they succeeded, right? That's at least the way I like to look at it. Just slowly back away and see if a little distance helps before you go completely cold turkey. Just take it one day at a time. Wishing you the best and praying for reconciliation in your family.

      @Vasha33

      Smdh .. I'm finding my list keeps getting longer as well but it's nowhere hard as it was when I first distanced myself. As always, thank you for your insightful comments and for sharing your experiences.

      @Topsy-Turvy

      I love what you added to the discussion regarding the 3 things about jealousy. I've witnessed projection and competition as being the major culprits with family members. Since a lot of people are so consumed with emulation, it makes sense that it would set them off to see someone genuinely succeeding and being an authentic person. You made an excellent point on that. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!

    • profile image

      Topsy-Turvy 3 years ago

      I have read that jealousy is really about 3 things: Projection (someone projecting their inferior feelings on you; Protection (trying to protect a perceived threat); or Competition. We really are living in a time of massive competition. Notice whenever a trend comes out of Hollywood (white teeth; big boobs; plastic surgery; fake hair; toy dogs as asscessories; etc.) people clamour to emmulate these things. I have also heard it said that MOST people do not want to see another have any more talent; success; beauty; money; adoration; popularity than they have. Sadly, this truth is also common in families. Whenever I deem someone "un-safe", I keep my distance! Good Advice in this post!

    • profile image

      Questgiver 3 years ago

      @vasha33 Thank you so much for actually understanding; which most people cannot seem to do, or they think I'm delusional. But I'm not at all. Someday when I have a son I know I he'll be the best because there's nothing in the world that would ever bring me to hate on him the way my whole family did me. Most people don't understand how economics and self hate in the black community in general contribute to issues like this. Again thanks for sharing and encouraging.

    • profile image

      vasha33 3 years ago

      @Questgiver. I know what you mean when you say "not you too"! My list keeps getting longer! I'm realizing that hate is just hate. My daughter gets like that sometimes. How can you be jealous of the person who would give you anything you ask for? I haven't spoken to my sister for 2 yrs, now. 2 of my cousins for 1 yr. My mom for about 8 months. As u can see its not getting any better. They only thing I can say about this situation is that you are not alone. Best of luck!

    • profile image

      Questgiver 3 years ago

      Reading this post and the comments collectively bring me peace of mind that I've been looking for for so long. I come from a priveledged upbringing and there is jealousy in SO MANY of my family members it's like I don't even have a family at all. Except for my grandmother who is surprisingly very happy with me. I think one of the main things is that for black people and the things that we've endured as a group in this country it's hard for us to accept our past and respect progress when it exists.

      My parents made it from the bottom to a very respectable living and have been hated on since the early 80s but now my own parents are jealous of me and my blessings. Not to mention everyone else. Sometimes I just feel like "Wow, not you too...". It hurts cause I care so much for them and this is what they give me. Pulling away from them is def the hardest thing I will have to do but I have to do it to keep my sanity.

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 3 years ago from Texas

      Hi Lisa! I wish my article could have been a source on your paper. :( However, I definitely appreciate your feedback and suggestion. Hmm.. I may consider it. Wishing you the best and hope your paper turned out great!

    • profile image

      lisa 3 years ago

      You should really right this on a normal web page one that has your name on it. I wanted to use this information in a reflection paper but can't because your name is nth posted for references and the web site isn't "Professional enough" but I really like whAt u had to say

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 3 years ago from Texas

      Sorry to hear that you're also enduring this drama, Agree. It sounds like it you made the right decision to maintain your distance. You don't need to hang around and be their punching bag. You're worth far more than that. It's disappointing to know that people simply do not know how to love their own flesh and blood. Yet, they will treat a stranger like a king. Either way, I wish you the best in this case. You'll be stronger and have a bit more peace in the end. Thanks for sharing!

      @Vasha33 You're so right on the point about missing the younger family members. They were truly innocent and didn't participate in the rude behavior of their parents. However, it's just too toxic to deal with the drama that comes with hanging around. Like you said, missing them won't change them. Thanks for commenting!

    • profile image

      vasha33 3 years ago

      Hey Agree, being distant is tough. I know because that's what I did. You'll miss them. However, missing them won't change them. The hard part for me was missing the young kids and the babies of the family. Be sure your ready to walk away. Good Luck!

    • profile image

      Agreewithyourarticle 3 years ago

      Thank you for this article, I'm going through this with my mom's side of the family. They have always treated me and my brother like outsiders and I got into a confrontation with my cousin years ago and she accused me of being jealous of her (which is not true) when every time I see her, she starts talking negatively about me, it's unnecessary and the rest of my cousins and aunts follow behind her in their little clique. I feel that my aunts are jealous of my mom because of the way they treat her and her children and it's unnecessary.

      My brother has not seen them in over 15 yrs and I'm going to get smart like my brother and cut them out of my life as well. I feel that I'm better off and they intentional try to hurt me. My mom and her sisters grew up in a small town and it's dumb of them to act that way. I came to the conclusion that they don't mean me or my immediate family well at all. So, I will continue to keep my distance.

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 4 years ago from Texas

      Thank you so much for your comment, Danielle. You are really good at reading between the lines and caught how they really felt about your purchase. It's sad that their attitude alone will keep them stuck at the same level as you continue to climb upwards. As they say, favor isn't fair. Enjoy your blessings, sweetie!! :)

    • profile image

      Danielle Days 4 years ago

      Thanks so much for this, it is so close to home for me...my siblings are upset with me and we had the same options coming up (some parents, same upbringing). It is sad...I feel like a victim. This article helped me. Each time I get a different vehicle (not new ...different!) The minute they see it...they are rolling their eyes...not one comment on the car, not that they have to, but its noticeable that they are jealous of every blessing that I receive, they only call when they want something...never to see how I'm doing. I just needed a place to vent, thanks again :)

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 4 years ago from Texas

      Thanks so much, Omska! I love how you likened jealousy to fire's destructive nature. Couldn't have said it any better. Appreciate you stopping by!

    • Omska Kaiser profile image

      Omska Kaiser 4 years ago

      A very good article, I must congratulate the writer for his indept analysis

      of jealousy....

      Jealousy destroys good deeds, the way fire destroys wood...AbuDawood

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 4 years ago from Texas

      Wow, Vasha - thanks so much for sharing your story! I'm glad to hear that you put your daughter first and gained so much in the long run. You have the right attitude already, and I know you'll be just fine. It just stings 10 times more because it's your mom and sis. They're truly missing out. However, as you said, keep on keepin' on!

    • profile image

      vasha33 4 years ago

      This is a great article. I been using all the advice given. It still hurts a lot though. I was working so hard, I never seen it coming. And when others would bring it to my attention, I refused to believe it. I had my daughter at 13. So that was my concern from then on. Little did I know that everyone thought my life was over, except me. Lol! It wasn't until my daughter and I both

      became successful,

      that I was made a believer. The family members that I loved the most don't love me the most. This includes my mom, sister and 2 of my closest cousins. I'll just keep on keeping on! Great article!

    • mzindependent profile image
      Author

      mzindependent 4 years ago from Texas

      Thanks so much, Leslie! I appreciate you reading and sharing!!

    • profile image

      lesliebyars 4 years ago

      This hub rings so true thanks for sharing it. Voted up and pinned.