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My First and Worst Mothers Day of All

my-first-and-worst-mothers-day

Truth is stranger than fiction

I heard a radio announcer ask the question: What was the best gift you ever got for Mothers Day?” Frankly, I can’t remember, but I can certainly remember the worst Mothers Day I ever had. It was my very first one as a new mother.

My then-husband had really wanted our baby. He had begged for us to have a baby as soon as we were married. I was the one who wanted to wait until we were settled and more financially secure, and I had graduated from college. But as fate would have it, our little Junior was born about 10½ months after our wedding. The following year was my first Mothers Day. His father named him after himself, and we called him by that same name. Here he is appropriately called "Junior" because he really is a Junior.

I don’t know what I expected: a small gift, maybe going out to eat, at least a card, but most of all, respect and recognition as the mother of our son. We lived 800 miles from our families, and we would not get to spend the day with our own mothers, but I did expect a small celebration of our own. After all, he had wanted this son so badly. Here’s what I got instead.

Joy quickly faded

I was rudely awakened by my husband, George, shaking me and telling me to get up. I told him that I wanted to sleep in, but he kept on shaking me and telling me to get up. Finally, I asked why. He said to get up and fix his breakfast. That was odd because he never ate breakfast. It was always just a cup of coffee on the run.

“Well, it’s Mothers Day,” he said. “That means it’s mother’s day to do more work!”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, still thinking that he had a surprise for me. He had a surprise for me all right. Then the baby awoke and needed changing and his bottle. George had no problem with my giving attention to Junior, but as soon as I placed the baby back into his crib, he started again.


Mothers Day is mothers day to do more work

He kept shaking me and telling me to get up. He poked and prodded me all day long and would not let me rest.

Why are you doing this?

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, still thinking it was some kind of a joke.

“It’s Mother’s Day to do more work, now get my breakfast.” He shoved me into the kitchen. I could not believe what was going on. Was he really serious? Nobody in his right mind would be serious about this, but I cooked breakfast and we ate. He got up from his chair and began to shake my shoulders again. “Now do the dishes, it’s mother’s day to do more work!”

By now no gift or pleasant surprise appeared, and I was beginning to realize that he really was serious. What kind of mean-spirited joke was this? I tried to reason with him, but there was no reasoning. Here was a man that I did not know. The only answer I got in return was the same sarcastic repetition, “its mother’s day to do more work,” and more poking and shoving.

THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF A TORTUOUS DAY!

We had no dishwasher, so I washed the dishes and left them drying in the rack. Then I went into the living room and sat down. He came in and started shaking and poking me again, telling me to get up and work. I answered that there wasn’t any work for me to do. His answer was to “find some. “Get up, it’s mother’s day to do more work.” He told me to go start dinner if I didn’t have anything else to do. He would not allow me to sit.

I cooked our dinner. For Southerners, dinner is the main meal of the day and in many homes, especially on Sunday, is the noon meal. I did my usual chores and cared for baby Junior. George did not bother me anytime I was taking care of Junior, like feeding, diapering, bottling, or feeding him his baby food. However, any time I put Junior down for a nap, the hassling by shaking, shoving and telling me it was mother’s day to do more work started again.

This emotional torture did not let up all day. By late afternoon, I was in tears, but he was laughing. This was sooo funny! This went on into the evening hours until bedtime. I went to bed and cried while he laughed and thought himself so clever. The ugly phrase "it's mothers day to do more work" still rings in my ears.

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Why did I put up with this...

Why did I put up with this abuse all day long? Most older readers will understand; the younger reader needs to know that this was an entirely different era, the 1960s. Women then were taught that we were obligated to put up with our husbands’ bullshit. However, what I endured on Mothers Day went beyond the usual male BS; it was sadistic. I had never been emotionally bombarded before, and I had no idea how to handle it.

As I stated earlier, we lived far away from our families. Had we been in the same town, I would have gone to my mother with the tale. She would have called my mother-in-law immediately and told her what was going on. That sweet little mild-mannered lady harbored quite a temper. She would have been at our door right after breakfast and, in no uncertain terms, put the fear of God and motherhood into her son. Under our circumstances, I did not have that option.

That was before I learned to drive, so I could not leave the house unless I walked. I came from a family whose father was unreasonably opposed to his children learning to drive a car. When I was 15, my mother gave me one driving lesson and made the mistake of telling my father. After that, the lessons stopped, and anytime I asked for more, her answers were always evasive. Daddy did teach my brother to drive a car, but it was only after driver services refused to renew his motorcycle license at age 16. My brother depended on his motorcycle for his paper route, and Daddy grudgingly made an exception for him. Except for shoe-leather express, I was stuck.

Even if I had left, I had nowhere to go. I was too stressed out to think of an alternative, the truth be told.

The next morning, George was back to his old self, except for feeling pretty smug for the “cute” joke he had played on me. I was not. I had a big deep hole of hurt in my heart and a new attitude of distrust toward him. I hoped that day while we both had cooler heads, I could talk to him about how he had made me feel. I explained how hurt I was, but he just laughed and said, “well, it was mother’s day to do more work.” He could not put himself into my place. He had no empathy. I have since learned that the term for that type of personality disorder is "malignant narcissist."

I was still hurt, and I was not going to let him get away with it. Father’s Day was coming up in the next month and he was looking forward to it. Believe it or not, he actually thought he was going to get special treatment on Fathers Day. He was a Father! He had begat a son! He deserved special treatment! He got my best all right.

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Don't get mad, get even!

I awoke early on Fathers Day and shook him awake. “Get up, I said, it’s Fathers Day.”

“Yes, I know,” he answered smiling, still expecting the royal treatment. I began to give him the same treatment that he had given to me.

“It’s father’s day to do more work,” I said, shaking and poking him. I told him to cook our breakfast. He acted surprised, but I kept shaking and poking him until he got up.

“I don’t know how. I can’t cook,” he said, which was true.

“Then go take care of Junior. Change his diaper and feed him his bottle.” I went into the living room and sat down. I didn’t budge even when he came in and asked when I was going to pick up Junior from his crib and take care of him. “You do it, it’s father’s day to do more work,” I spewed.

It must have dawned on his little pea brain that I was getting him back for what he had done to me on Mothers Day because I stood my ground. He was still adamant that he didn’t know how to cook, and that I would have to cook breakfast. I went to the kitchen, and seeing that I was not going to take care of the baby, he went to take care of Junior.

He came in later, bringing Junior, to find me eating my eggs and toast. Where’s mine?” he asked looking at the empty range.

“Fix your own damned breakfast if you want some, it’s father’s day to do more work,” I retorted and continued eating. I did not budge toward the stove. He was bewildered. I do not remember whether he fixed a bowl of cold cereal or contented himself with coffee. Frankly my dear, I didn't give a damn. He was beginning to get the picture, but I don't think he thought I would keep it up all day long like he had done to me.

Any time he sat down all day long, I poked him or shook him and told him to get up, it was father’s day to do more work. Whether or not he got up, I gave him the same hell he gave me. There were few, if any, peaceful moments in that day for him. By the time the day was over, he looked as disappointed and hurt as I had felt on Mothers Day. He did not like receiving the same contemptuous treatment that he had dished out to me on my day.

When he mentioned how I was making him feel, I merely told him that he’d started the tradition, so he had nothing to complain about. He got no sympathy from me.

Now some of you do-gooders reading this will say to me that I lowered myself to his level. I say “good, that is what I intended to do.” A malignant narcissist doesn’t have the capacity to empathize with others. They do not understand the Golden Rule. They cannot or will not put themselves into another person’s place and feel what that person feels. The person cannot be told, this type of malignant narcissist has to be shown. Then if you are lucky, he or she will know how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot. In this particular instance, it worked.

I don’t remember much about the next Mothers Day except that he treated me with the respect and dignity that the mother of his child deserved. It was a very nice day for me. After that, all the Mothers Days and Fathers Days of our 10-year marriage were normal.

As I said at the beginning, this is my story, and it is the truth. I don't think I could have made this one up.

Update 5/16/2016

I really want to thank everyone who has responded so favorably to this hub. Not one of you, yet anyway, has chastised me for turning the tables on him. I had actually expected for some (do-gooders, as I call them) to tell me that I was behaving badly myself, and that forgiveness was the order of the day. Thank you all so much for your support.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Comments

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 11, 2020:

Allison, something went wrong on HP and my comment wasn't entered as an author comment. I'm going to try to correct that and delete the first one. Here's what I posted 5 weeks ago: "Thank you, Alison. That wasn't the first, nor the last of 10 years of having to stand up to him. Thank God and Greyhound, he's gone. (paraphrasing an old country and western song.) I appreciate your reading and commenting."

Alison Graham from UK on April 06, 2020:

Oh my goodness! That's a powerful story. I'm so glad you stood up to him.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 12, 2019:

Patricia, thanks for coming back and reading this article again. I think it should be required reading for all couples contemplating marriage. Hopefully, they could recognize real abuse when they see it. I really didn't. Took me years. And thank you for commenting again. I hope all is well with you and your family. Happy Mother's Day to you.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on May 12, 2019:

Sometimes we nail it by telling the story as it really happened It can be tough love for adults maybe I appreciate your candor---I believe I read it some time ago but felt today was a good day to revisit thank you for sharing Hope today is a lovely day for you Angels are headed your way this afternoon ps

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on July 11, 2018:

Thank you sooo Much, Shannon. I was so afraid I would get a lot of "well, you just lowered yourself to his level." So far nobody has said that to me. While that may be true, sometimes that's what it takes to teach a lesson. I appreciate your reading and commenting.

Shannon Henry from Texas on July 10, 2018:

That's a really cruel idea of a joke. You know, those who know me well. .. I'm all about forgiveness, but even I can't fault you for turning the tables!

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on July 10, 2018:

Thank you, Patricia. Sometimes people just can't relate to the hurt they inflict upon others unless they experience it for themselves. They are just "too cute" to ever do anything wrong. I hope things are getting better for you and your family. Thanks for the angels.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on July 10, 2018:

Sometimes you just have to turn the tables....it was a powerful lesson he learned for sure. I know someone who thinks everything is funny...this something that person would do....sad...not everything is funny for sure. I never can understand why someone would think it would be okay to treat another the way you were treated. Angels are headed your way this evening ps

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on January 14, 2018:

Thank you Audrey for your astute comment. I feel like he set the tone for our family, a tone that finally ended in the death of our youngest son. I just wish I'd gotten away years sooner. He remarried, and from some of the comments he's made, he's gotten his Karma in this life. I appreciate your reading and commenting.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on January 14, 2018:

@Nadine May. I duplicated a reply to your comment, and when I deleted mine, for some reason yours went with it. I loved your comment and did not delete it intentionally. Yours is the kind of comment that I love. Thank you for it, and I certainly wish it had not gone with mine. This particular niche site has given me problems from day one. Feel free to put yours back on if you wish.

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on January 13, 2018:

Well, I'd like to give old George a swift kick where the sun don't shine! Your 'pay-back' on Father's Day was brilliant!

Yes, those days women were expected to "know their place" which is why I've been divorced for ever. :)

This was a good read and this man certainly didn't deserve you. Glad you moved on.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on December 14, 2017:

Chris, thank you. I'm sure that one of us, probably me, would not be alive today if I had not gotten free of that bondage.

Chris Mills from Traverse City, MI on December 13, 2017:

Enabling this kind of inexcusable behavior, even if it is the result of mental illness, accomplishes nothing positive and a lot that is negative. Boundaries have to be constructed to tip off the poor, sick soul that he is entering forbidden territory. I'm glad you are free of that bondage. Thanks for sharing a snapshot of your life.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on November 26, 2017:

Thank you, Jackie. I'm still having trouble with this niche site, and my previous comment to you may eventually show up. But in the event it doesn't, I said that he is still a jerk and I'm relieved that I don't have to deal with him anymore.

Mizbejabbers on November 26, 2017:

Thank you, Jackie. I'm sorry to report that to this day he is still a real jerk. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with him anymore.

Jackie Lynnley from the beautiful south on November 24, 2017:

I'd say you did exactly as you should have. Glad it it brought you a few good Mother's Days!

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on October 06, 2017:

Kari, I'm sorry that your daughter's father is also an unloveable person. We married so young that I didn't have the chance to really fall in love with this narcissistic jerk. The divorce didn't hurt me very much because I'd wanted out for years. It bruised his ego so badly that he went from a grinning Pollyanna ape to a very hate-filled person who rarely ever smiles, at least not in my presence whenever I have to be around him. Thanks for your comment.

Kari Poulsen from Ohio on October 05, 2017:

The father of my daughter is like that. It has taken me several years to come to the understanding that he could not love me as I loved him. I bet he could be sooo charming when it suited him.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on October 04, 2017:

Kari, I'm so sorry that my reply to your comment didn't post. I sometimes have trouble with this niche site. I used to think he loved his family in his own narcissistic selfish way, but after the death of our youngest son, I changed my mind. I think he was just using us.

Kari Poulsen from Ohio on September 06, 2017:

I cannot believe how he treated you and I am glad that you turned the tables on him. I also would have been in tears by the end, wondering if this man actually loved me.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on August 05, 2017:

Kathy, apparently it takes awhile for it to register on a malignant narcisisst that the world is not in love with him. Can you imagine his surprise when I actually divorced him after he abandoned me with two kids and $10 in my purse? I'm too embarrassed to write that story. Thanks for reading and commenting.

KathyH from Waukesha, Wisconsin on August 01, 2017:

Incredible! Especially that it took him so long to realize that the exact same thing was being done to him. So glad you got out of that relationship!

Growing up with a mother who didn't drive, I know exactly what you were dealing with. I made sure that I learned to drive at 17 so if I ever needed to get out of a terrible situation I could do that! The 1960s and 1970s when I grew up was a very different time for sure!

I really do hope you've had many nice Mother's Days since this one!

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 22, 2017:

Nadine, you may have read it when I first published it for Mother's Day 2016. HP moved it to this niche site later. I don't know if the original comments move when a hub is moved. Anyway, thank you for reading it again and commenting. I treasure my readers like you.

Nadine May on June 22, 2017:

I seem to recall reading this story of yours before and loved the way you made him pay back on his turn on Father's day.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 01, 2017:

Savvy, I hate to say this, but I think that if there was anything worse than having to go through a divorce and supporting my children almost by myself, it would have been listening to my mother nagging me to go back to him. Her favorite expression was, "you made your bed, not lie in it." Sure enough, after the divorce, I had to go through that nagging from her. Our mothers helped to brainwash us.

Yves on May 31, 2017:

I am so sorry to hear that. But I understand that, back then, women usually stayed. It was humiliating to be divorced in the 60's. You did the best you knew how.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 31, 2017:

Savvy, I'm glad some good laughs came out of this article. Unfortunately, the jerk interfered with and ruined my relationship with one of my children in later years. I hate it that I stayed with him for 10 years. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Yves on May 31, 2017:

What a jerk. Thank goodness you've moved on. I think many of us have had to deal with a narcissist at one time or another, but to have to live with one, day in and day out, had to be torture. Really, narcissists are the most horrid people. But you figured that out and you sure showed him. Ha! I got a laugh out of that! Thanks for sharing your story.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 28, 2017:

Jean, my dad wouldn't allow any of us kids to learn to drive. Mother learned when daddy was stationed in Hawaii during WWII because she had to be able to drive. The one thing this emotionally abusing husband did was teach me to drive and insist that I get my license. Kind of an oxymoron kind of thinking for that kind of moron, wasn't it? And I agree with you. This kind of behavior is coming back. I'm a legal editor, and I see it in the laws they are passing in my state, and even some of the younger women legislators are joining in. Why? I certainly don't know. Thanks for reading and your comment.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 28, 2017:

Exactly what happened, Theskha, but we weren't taught to recognize abuse in those days unless it was extreme. While that was extremely emotional, he did stop, but then other things happened. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Jean Bakula from New Jersey on May 28, 2017:

Good for you MsB, I'm glad you gave him what he deserved, and finally divorced him. My Dad and most of the men I knew growing up didn't encourage their wives to drive, they needed a way to keep women dependent on them for some odd reason, even if she was the smarter one (as was often the case). I fear I see a lot of this kind of behavior getting allowed again now that we have Trump in charge. I'm sure Melania stays in NY just to get away from him. She knows how he is and it's a way not to involve herself.

Sissi Ravano on May 11, 2017:

The problem is that, most people with that kind of character will only get worse as they get older. I have witness a lot around me, among family and friends.

Nice and original hub written. Im sorry that you have experience that situation. Hope it will make you a stronger woman and mother and not the other way around.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on April 19, 2017:

Thank you, Shyron, he's gotten his in more ways than one. It's ironic that if we had not had the child to consider, our marriage might have ended that day. I appreciate your coming back and reading and commenting.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on April 19, 2017:

MizB. I had to come back to read this, because you are an amazing person and I love when people like your ex get their just deserts.

I hope you now have a wonderful life.

Blessings always

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on April 13, 2017:

It's kind of embarrassing, really.

Robert Sacchi on April 12, 2017:

Yes, I have been noticing on your Hub, and I think a couple of others, where I get a notification of a comment but don't find any new comments when I go into the Hub.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on April 12, 2017:

Robert, no, I'm already registered in and it acts like it is dead. It is logging out, logging back in several times, and then there is a delay of days before any comments show up. Sometimes it never appears. I answered your last comment recently, and it never appeared. Today I was notified that I have two new comments on here. I don't.

Robert Sacchi on April 04, 2017:

Is it the "you have to register the first time" routine?

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on April 04, 2017:

Robert, thanks. I seem to go through this each time a hub is moved to a niche site.

Robert Sacchi on April 03, 2017:

Hopefully the problem has solved itself and you will have no further difficulties.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on April 03, 2017:

Thanks, Robert. I was signed in already, according to it, and I even signed out and signed back in a couple of times. Apparently the last time "took."

Robert Sacchi on April 02, 2017:

This last one did. Silly question, the ones that didn't appear, did you sign in when you commented?

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on April 01, 2017:

Why are my answers to the comments not showing up as "author"?

Tamara Moore on March 31, 2017:

You are very welcome, my friend. Be well!

Tamara

Mizbejabbers on March 31, 2017:

Tamara, thank you for your nice comment. I will have to check out your poetry. I appreciate your reading my hub.

Tamara Moore on March 31, 2017:

Great story! I, also, have been in the trenches with a Malignant Narcissist, and unless someone's been there, it is very difficult of an abuse to describe! I have written several poems about Narcissists, and their Enablers, and it has been very healing for me.

Hugs,

Tamara

Mizbejabbers on January 04, 2017:

SYTL, thank you for your very nice comment. I appreciate your reading this article.

Say Yes To Life on January 03, 2017:

You did an excellent job of handling this situation! As the old saying goes, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on August 03, 2016:

Yecall, it did anyway. After five years I wanted out of that nightmare, but I stuck with him for the children's sake for another five years. By that time, I think we had fought so much that we both had lost control of the children. One son stood by me and the other stood by him. Everybody in the household lost some part of their lives.

MizBejabbers on August 03, 2016:

Yecall, he did anyway. He started to try to control not just my actions, but my very thoughts. I stuck it out for another eight years, but I had to get out after he threatened to give me a "truth serum" so he would know what I was really thinking. He could have made good his threat to drug me, so I knew I couldn't go back after a separation that he had instigated.

Yecall on August 02, 2016:

I truly believe that if you wouldn't have turned the tables on him, he would have grown to be a progressive nightmare all throughout the 10 years. I think it was a sort of test and you passed with flying colors.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on August 02, 2016:

Sanjay, sorry, but I've had trouble replying to comments on this hub. Maybe it's because it was being moved. I appreciate your insightful comment and the compliment.

Shyron, now that 's an amusing story, although it probably wasn't funny at the time. Thanks for sharing it.

Mel, you are right, he was a straight-up jerk. I was so shocked because I didn't think motherhood was something to be disrespected. But he later told me upon many occasions that he hated women.

Vespa, revenge was sweet, but so was teaching him a lesson. I don't think he had ever been denied anything in his life except his father said he was too young to learn to fly when they owned an airplane. His older brother got to fly it, and I never heard the last of that. Glad I gave you a laugh. Thanks for the comment.

Sorry I lumped these together, but I wanted to answer while I could. I don't know why I couldn't get into my own comments section a few days earlier.

Vespa Woolf from Peru, South America on August 01, 2016:

I´m sorry to hear about your narcissist ex and the worst mother´s day ever. But revenge is sweet! Your experience made me laugh!

MizBejabbers on August 01, 2016:

Thank you, Sanjay, sorry I didn't see this sooner, but moving it to a niche site may have had something to do with it. I appreciate your comment.

Mel Carriere on July 31, 2016:

Malignant narcissism is a mighty fancy word for being a straight up jerk. Mothers should be idolized, not abused. Great story.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on July 31, 2016:

Miz. B, you are stronger then most women, and you taught George by action what could not be taught by words. I would have been so hurt, I would have walked out, my ex found that out on our wedding night, when he found himself between the wall and the bed, but when he finally got himself free he went home to his Momma, unfortunately he came back.

Blessings my friend.

Sanjay Sharma (SANJAY LAKHANPAL) on July 15, 2016:

You didt he right thing and all is well that ends well. There are some people who do not understand the problems of others until they themselves face the same. But despite all these things, You are a marvellous story teller.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 15, 2016:

Missy, the reason I included the disclaimer about lowering myself to his level is because all too often I hear people say that, but I'm a firm believer in "it takes one to know one," and sometimes it works when you give a hard-hearted person a taste of his or her own medicine. Things got better for a couple of years, but believe me, they got a lot worse, including my looking down the barrel of a handgun over a $20 bill. I've never felt any guilt over anything I did to him.

That includes hexing headaches on him. What was funny about that was that I didn't believe in witchcraft and had no idea that I had those powers. When he accused me of hexing him with headaches, I laughed and told him they were all in his head. Thank you for not judging me harshly, and thank you for reading and commenting. I like it that women are actually coming out and talking about domestic abuse on HP.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 15, 2016:

Patricia, I was a trouper out of necessity. I wan't trying to be nice; I'd just never encountered anyone who couldn't be reasoned with. He still went right on thinking that I would love him no matter what he did to me because his parents gave him unconditional love. I had news for him, I wasn't his mother and I did eventually divorce him. Thank you for the angels, and I really pray that your grandson and daughter get better.

Missy Smith on June 14, 2016:

Well, I'm not going to chastise you, MizBejabbers. My first relationship was with a man similar to this, but so much worse. Even before you started talking about Father's Day, I was saying to myself that I hope you give it to him good on his day. I laughed, because like I said, everyone that does such mean spirited things should get what they give. I sure hope you have never felt any guilt for that. No woman abused or not will blame you at all for your actions in this matter. You should be proud, MizBejabbers, you turned a cruel memory into a funny one, and were nice enough to share it with the world and give those of us who know exactly how it feels to be mistreated a good laugh. Thank you!

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on June 14, 2016:

Miz B....all I can say is you were a trooper that first Mother's Day. I hope hope hope you have had many wonderful ones since then.

And as far as turning the tables on hubby, if it leveled the playing field and got your message across, that is all that matters....Good for you.

Angels are once again on the way to you this evening ps

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 11, 2016:

Stella, what I find horrifying is that some of the young women celebrate their freedom, but they criticize and sometimes lash out at the things we women had to do to gain that freedom for ourselves and the generations that have followed. I never burned a bra because I was so stomped down by this MCP that I could not have replaced it, but as soon as we were divorced, I entered and succeeded in the man's world of broadcasting. The pendulum has swung, and now some of them are even working to take these freedoms away. They just don't understand. Thank you for reading and, like you, thank God for divorce.

Stellla Vadakin on June 11, 2016:

I do understand the part about 1960, you were in a different world. I have had many younger people who do not understand this time period. I got stuck in that thinking. I like some of the things today one being women are free, this is a wonderful time for women. No marriage is being pushed on these girls. I thank God, for my divorce. Great Hub, Stella Thank you

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 10, 2016:

Shauna, thanks for the very thoughtful comment, but things did get much worse. Our first five years were touchy, but the next five actually got violent due to his alcoholism and drug habit. I stayed with him much too long. I should have left when he pointed that pistol at me and threatened to shoot me over a $20 bill he thought I had, but that's another story.

I don't think I've told this particular story to my son. He and I have had an off-again, on-again relationship because of his dad, and last year when he started to tell me what a bad person I was, I hit him in the face with my side of the story, which I'd kept from him all his adult life. I didn't think about this until Mothers Day was approaching. I do intend to send him the link. I'd rather he read it than to have me tell it to him because it does take gall to go public with abuse.

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on June 09, 2016:

MizB, good on ya for giving him a dose of his own medicine! You're a strong woman to keep it up all day long. I would have been afraid he'd hit me or worse.

I'm glad the next ten years were more normal than the first. I don't know if I'd had stuck it out that long.

And you're right - there's no way you could have made this up. Where in the hell did he get the idea that Mothers Day means more work?????

Has your son been told this story?

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 03, 2016:

Audrey, thank you. It is unbelievable that people treat each other this way and expect unconditional love in return.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on June 03, 2016:

Tara, what a terrible story! But I'm so glad that your little son was unharmed and that you are OK today, at least I hope so. But I believe that any time we spend our first Mothers Day in an unhappy situation, it does set the stage for years to come.

It really is not a good thing when a person has to leave the father (or mother) of their child because something is bad wrong with that person. It is even worse when we subject the child or children to years with a monster. By the time I left, my older son was so ingrained to his father's brainwashing that to this day we have not been able to establish the rapport that was lost. At least your son didn't have to go through with that, thank goodness. Thank you for reading my story and telling yours.

Tara Mapes from Cincinnati on June 03, 2016:

MizBejabbers, you have MOXIE! I love this story and I hate it.

My heart sank for you. While I thought my first Mother's day was depressing, yours....well, it was heartbreaking. I'm glad you have the spirit you do.

My first Mother's day my son was 6 months old. I left his abusive father when he was 6 days old.

I struggled with the internal dichotomy of not having anyone to celebrate my son's small accomplishments. First smile, first giggle, belly and bath time....But I was celebrating that I saved my son from a monster.

That day my son and I were at my mother's house. He crawled into her room and grabbed a pair of sewing scissors. If no one has handled a pair, they are not regular scissors. They are made sharp enough to cut through jeans.

He had made the quick turn around the corner into her room a few seconds before me.

She didn't realize she left them out.

When I made the turn, he had the scissors opened at a 90 degree angle positioned on the outer sides of both cheeks.

My body experienced that "I'm numb but I feel everything" moment. I imagined both of his cheeks sliced open by the blades. My precious little boy...

I threw my hand between the blades as his little hands clapped the scissors closed.

The scissor blades mercilessly sliced through the inner web of my palm between my pointer and thumb.

My son was unharmed.

I, on the other hand, had a modified hand. A gaping, bleeding, horribly painful hand.

I spent a few hours of that day in the Hospital getting stitches..and getting acquainted to Mother's Day...as a Mother, as a single Mother, and as a human. It set the stage for years to come.

My first gift as a mom....it was unforgettable :)

Audrey Howitt from California on May 31, 2016:

What a sad story really! I am sometimes shocked at how people treat one another--glad you are ok though!

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 31, 2016:

Larry, thank you. I appreciate your reading and commenting.

Manatita, hopefully this was one of a kind. I wonder where he got the idea. I don't think I could have stayed with him that long but I had such wonderful supportive in-laws. They helped me a lot, but I did keep the real truth from them. When we finally split, they were shocked that I weighed only 81 lbs. I'm small, but not that small. Love to you, too.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 31, 2016:

Thank you for your kind words, Vlad. This was mild considering what I endured and shielded the children from. I hate to say it, but this poison has continued for all the years after the divorce. Finally, last year, I'd had all I could take because "junior" confronted me about all my "terrible mistreatment and leaving his wonderful father" . He picked the wrong time; it was the day after my granddaughter's wedding. He learned the truth. He says we are good, but I still haven't heard from him these last two Mothers Days.

manatita44 on May 30, 2016:

New one for me, Miz. Never heard of this before. very Bizarre! You stayed with this man for ten years you say? Wow! Much Love, Miz. Much ...

Larry Rankin on May 29, 2016:

Upsetting, but well written.

ValKaras on May 27, 2016:

MizB - I don't know if he generally had similar episodes. but there was definitely something pathological in his personality - or is "toxic" a better expression. You are my hero for enduring so long living under the same roof with him, but I also understand that Junior must have been the main reason for it. Mother's Day is behind at this time of my commenting, but for all mothers like you EVERY day should be proclaimed Mother's Day, honoring your love and respect for your kid, which mothers keep proving in ways that fathers never could.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 16, 2016:

Thanks, Nell. Yes, we were divorced and I stayed single for another 10 years. Just about the time I became an empty nester and got used to being single, I met my present husband, and we've been married for 32 years now. That has been a real miracle because he had a heart attack while we were dating, and then less than a year after we were married, he had the big one that almost killed him. Neither of us expected him to live this long. He is being treated for congestive heart failure now and we are just taking it one day at at time. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Nell Rose from England on May 16, 2016:

Well done you! I would have done exactly the same thing! I just don't understand how those kind of guys can act like that, I see you are now divorced, good for you!

Mizbejabbers on May 15, 2016:

Thanks, Flourish. I am about 85% ready to believe her. After my experiences, I probably should be 100% because people do tell cover up stories and then have trouble sticking with them.

FlourishAnyway from USA on May 15, 2016:

That woman is probably facing similar circumstances. Terrible. Glad you are safe now.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 07, 2016:

Was? Flourish, he's still around but fortunately lives in another state and has another wife, but I don't think she's the type to put up with it.Thanks for reading and commenting.

FlourishAnyway from USA on May 07, 2016:

What a creep this guy was!

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 07, 2016:

Zulma, it wasn't just his only stupid trick. In some ways he treated me like Sharia Law, but we didn't know about such things then. Yes, our churches told us that the man was the head of the household and we were supposed to obey him. Many young women of today don't appreciate the women's liberation movement, but we had to do it to move away from society's approval of such treatment. Thanks for your comment and the good wish for Mothers Day.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 07, 2016:

Robert, I'll bet a lot of men wondered that, too. I was kind of meek then, but I wasn't going to take that lying down. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 07, 2016:

Alexis, you're right. Without the payback it would have been just another pathetic story of abuse. Thank you for recognizing that and for your comment.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 07, 2016:

Denise, I can tell you where he didn't get the stupid idea and that was from his own father. What a fine man he was! I saved this one up for years, but now I just don't care anymore. We all have our crosses to bear and it sounds like you might have an interesting story, too. I would be interested in reading yours. Thank you for reading and the interesting comment.

Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon from United Kingdom on May 07, 2016:

It's unbelievable how stupid some people can be. It's also unbelievable how society condoned this type of behaviour towards women.

Wishing you a very Happy Mother's Day. You deserve it.

Robert Sacchi on May 06, 2016:

I'm glad you mentioned your Father's Day payback. As I was reading the first part of your Hub I was wondering if you did the same thing to him on Father's Day.

Ashley Cogdill from Indiana/Chicagoland on May 06, 2016:

The payback was perfect, and it wouldn't have been a mother's day story without it. Have a wonderful weekend.

Denise McGill from Fresno CA on May 06, 2016:

I cannot imagine where he got such a stupid idea that that kind of treatment would make for a good marriage relationship. But you spoke the truth about some people lacking empathy and needed to be treated the same to SEE how it feels personally. I'm glad you didn't let up for a second too. I have a similar ex-husband who never got a clue, but I'll save that for my own story.

Blessings on Mother's Day,

Denise

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 06, 2016:

Ruby, I hope you giggled when I was paying him back. Seriously, I wasn't sure whether to write this or not, because I didn't know if anyone would believe me. We all have dirty linens to air. This, however, was so ridiculous that I hope I didn't give abusers any ideas. Thank you for reading...and giggling.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on May 06, 2016:

I thought I'd lived long enough that nothing a man did would surprise me. WRONG! What a horrible day you had. I'm glad you paid him back. It appears he learned a lesson. Thanks for sharing your story. I must admit that I giggled a time or two. lol..

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 06, 2016:

Thank you, Kaili, me too! I appreciate your reading and commenting.

Kaili Bisson from Canada on May 06, 2016:

Wow MizB...what a story. I'm glad you are now free to celebrate Mother's Day as you like, including sleeping in!

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 06, 2016:

Thanks, friend Bill, for your words and your good wishes. It's much better now that he's gone from my life. Normal men don't act like that.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on May 06, 2016:

Oh my....I have no words for that kind of behavior. No matter how long I live I simply will never understand the actions of my fellow man....ugggghhhhhhh....the good news is it's over and now simply a story to share.

Happy Early Mother's Day, MizB!

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 05, 2016:

Junko, you really get it. Thank you, dear heart.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 05, 2016:

Faith, I was just a scared little girl myself. We were just teenagers in college when we married. I had one year of college, I couldn't drive, I knew nothing of child support and didn't think I could support a child by myself by working at the Five and Dime, and he knew that. My parents were under pressure just trying to get my younger brother and sister raised and out of their small house, so I couldn't go back home. I had trapped myself into this situation. I really wanted to make the marriage work. Time were very different back then. My story is mild compared to what other women went through.

The time did come, though, when I hid the ball bat from myself because I was afraid I would use it on him, and I didn't want to go to jail for battery or murder. One lawyer told me that "the law doesn't take to kindly to women who beat up on their husbands." So you see how different it was before women's liberation. We women were very justified in fighting for our rights. Thank you for reading and your great comment.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 05, 2016:

Paula, you're right, he did have screws loose. His parents were very good, but they spoiled him rotten. He thought everything he did was cute. He couldn't imagine someone not loving him, so it was really a shock when I went through with the divorce after those years of awful emotional abuse.

And I shouldn't have married him in the first place, but we knew nothing of spousal abuse back then. Experts now say that one of the things to look for abusive behavior is when a person issues ultimatums. He issued me an ultimatum that I had to marry him right then or I would never see him again because he was moving out of state. I had two weeks to get the wedding planned and for our families to get over the shock. Today people are being warned of this kind of behavior. As I said, we women were very naive back then.

BTW I didn't cook his meals at all that day. I guess he ate baloney sandwiches because that's what I did to keep from cooking for him. Hit him with the frying pan...why didn't I think of that? Thanks, dear friend, for your kind comment.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 05, 2016:

Lana, yes it was bizarre. I don't know where he got the idea. It certainly wasn't from his own good parents. Thanks for the comment.

Doris James MizBejabbers (author) from Beautiful South on May 05, 2016:

Ralph, Thanks for your nice comment. Yes, the piece was original, all right. I hope nobody else experiences it.

junko on May 05, 2016:

Action speaks louder than words to someone with bad understanding and good sight. Happy Mother's Day! My Friend.

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