The Silent Suffering of Parent Abuse: When Children Abuse Parents

Updated on May 3, 2018
Reviewed By
Alicia Bradley, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC)
Source

What Is Parent Abuse?

We have all heard of child abuse and how children are damaged by this terrible behavior, and you only have to Google "child abuse" to find page after page of information, support groups, and advice on this subject, but, how many people have heard of parent abuse? Especially at the hands of teenage children with serious social interaction and violence issues? Google it. You won't find much, except on a few support sites.

Parent abuse occurs when the child commits an act or acts against the parent through manipulation, control, and intimidation in order to exert control and have power over the parent. According to Barbara Cottrell in the book When Teens Abuse Their Parents, parent abuse can be defined as "any harmful act of a teenage child intended to gain power and control over a parent." Though it should be noted that children of any age (whether pre-teen or adult) can commit parent abuse, not just teenagers.

It's a growing problem for parents who share their home with abusive young people, and there is virtually no support. In both the UK and the US, the law is on the side of the child, not the parent, and that along with the stigma attached to it, make it difficult for parents to come out and admit abuse.

Parent abuse can take on many different forms, from physical, emotional, verbal, to financial abuse.

Spotting the Signs of Parent Abuse by a Teenager

Parent abuse is a form of domestic abuse and it is a serious problem which results in physical harm, depression, damage to property, job loss, and family breakdown. It is usually perpetrated by a child in their teens displaying the following behavior towards you and members of your family. Signs include:

  • Threats of and/or physical violence including hitting, punching, kicking, pushing, slapping, biting, hair pulling with or without weapons or objects.
  • Swearing and name calling
  • Intimidation
  • A constant refusal to do what has been asked (going to bed, coming home, asking friends to leave, cleaning up after themselves, not attending school/college/work) or contribute to the household or participate in normal family activities.
  • Bullying by text or phone
  • Stealing money or property or misuse of parents credit cards/phones/computers
  • Deliberate damaging of property
  • Threats of or actual violence to pets or other children of the household as a way of intimidation
  • Emotional blackmail
  • Drug/alcohol abuse in the home
  • Belittling parents in front of friends/other family members/public.
  • Willful drug abuse in front of family/friends
  • Other illegal activity

Many parents may recognize some of these signs as "normal" teenage behavior, but those suffering from parent abuse have experience physical harm resulting in medical treatment or even death, damage to property, theft, and bullying at the hands of their teenage children. This causes parents to lose confidence in themselves and it is debilitating for the child as the parent loses complete control over them.

Quite often, the child who is abusing the parent does it wilfully and for enjoyment, since the ability for empathy and compassion is not well-developed in the teenage psyche as they are dealing with anger management issues, psychological disturbances, and hormones. Not all teenagers turn on their parents, but there is an increasing number that are.

Since children have been made more aware of their rights as a child, it has prevented parents from administering chastisement and punishments traditionally used to control rowdy and unacceptable behavior. The law is always on the child's side, through legislation in child protection, but there is very little to protect parents from children who abuse their parents, and in the UK, as a parent, you are legally responsible for that child. In the US there is a similar system in place. This abuse expands into the realm of schooling as well, where students abuse their teachers and in other situations where an adolescent abuses an adult.

In most cases, Social Services are not interested, unless the child has a long history of repeated offenses of violence involving the police. Schools often permanently exclude teenagers with behavioral issues, but since there is virtually no support for these kids or their parents, they quickly turn to drugs and crime.

Parent abuse is not restricted to certain social groups; it can affect single and two-parent families equally. It is usually the mother (or the main caregiver) who is most affected, but other children in the family and fathers suffer too.

Source

What Causes Teens to Abuse Their Parents?

Many people consider parent abuse to be the result of bad parenting, neglect, or the child suffering abuse themselves, but many teen abusers have had a normal upbringing and have not suffered from these issues. Other factors contribute to children abusing their parents, such as undiagnosed mental illness, which can cause the child to be unable to control their emotions. Additionally, if the child sees domestic abuse happen in the household, they will be more likely to continue such behaviors.

My personal belief is that as a society, we are not teaching our children respect, love, and care. We are allowing them to be subjected to violence on TV, film, and music, and violence is considered "normal." Drugs and alcohol can play a huge part, as can gang culture. Social deprivation is another factor, as is many teens not having adequate role models or enough input from male members of society. The breakdown of the family unit and the increasing number of children who have poor or nonexistent relationships with an absent parent, debt, unemployment, and parental drug/alcohol abuse are also contributory factors on parent abuse.

Psychological Effects of Parent Abuse

Parents who are exposed to abuse from a child are affected in many different ways, with many psychological issues as a result of the abuse. They can lose their ability to control the household and feel trapped with nowhere to go. Taking more serious measures against the child could result in Social Services taking the child away.

Loss of control and the inability to parent effectively are two major effects of abuse. This loss of control can bring up feelings of inadequacy as the parent feels that they have let down the family and that there is nothing they can do to remedy the situation.

Blame

Many parents feel that they are to blame for the child's behavior and are thus reluctant to seek help from anyone. Giving into the child's demands and abusive tactics only make the situation worse.

10 Steps for Dealing With an Abusive Child

Do not allow yourself to suffer in silence, take back control. You do not have to give your power away, and you can put a stop to this abuse.

  1. If you are suffering from parent abuse, you must recognize that you are not at fault and do not deserve this, as with any form of abuse. Speak to a friend, or contact a domestic abuse support group. Seek professional help.
  2. Calmly confront the child about their behavior and tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate it anymore. Explain that what they are doing is abuse ( be prepared for them to turn the tables on you and abuse you further) and explain that they need professional help. Re-assure them that you still love them, but this is the end of the line. Remove all privileges, rights to cell phones, computers, video games, money, etc. and refuse to be a taxi service. If they refuse to come home, report them as missing to the police and get them picked up in a squad car. Sometimes police intervention is enough of a wake-up call for them. Be careful, set boundaries and punishments and enforce them. If the child makes homicidal threats don't hesitate to call the police and get them a psychiatric evaluation.
  3. If you feel that you can still communicate with your child, seek mediation, and explain that you will not tolerate this behavior. Lay down some ground rules, and regain control of the situation. Take a hard stance and tell your child that if you are hit again, you will call the police and have them arrested. Don't call their bluff, do it. They need to see that you mean business. If your child physically harms you, steals from you, or damages property, involve the police immediately and PRESS CHARGES! It's tough love we are talking about here!
  4. Try not to retaliate by hitting back unless in absolute self-defense, and disarm them if they come at you with a weapon. Many abusers will ring social services to claim you have hit them, and the law comes down on their side every time. You will be prosecuted for hitting your child, and your child will be placed on an "at risk" register as will any other children in your household. They may even be removed, which can be good news if the offending child is removed but unfair for the siblings or for you. If in doubt and under threat of violence, call the police. Invariably, Social Services will not be interested at all, unless you are yourself a drug abuser/alcoholic or violent towards your child, in which case, they will put the child on the "at risk" register, and seek to remove the child for its own safety. See? No support for parents who suffer from appalling behavior from teenage children who are often physically bigger and stronger than the parent.
  5. Seek help from extended family and friends, and see if they can offer to give you respite by taking the child from you for a few days.
  6. Get in touch with Parentline Plus, a UK organization dedicated to helping parents with their issues. You can call them on 0808 800 2222. Visit their website and look on the message boards for help and support groups in your area. They often run groups which offer practical support and tips for parenting difficult teens. You can meet with other parents who are in the same boat as you and find support there. Additionally, in the US you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  7. Approach your child's school and have your child referred to child and adolescent mental health services, or refer them yourself, informing them that you are suffering parent abuse.
  8. Keep a journal of events, with dates, times, etc., or a video diary, and film your child when they are abusing you (you can use your mobile phone or digital camera). Often, when faced with media of their own behavior, it can shock them into accepting help from professionals.
  9. Get therapy for yourself and your family.
  10. If none of these work, then the last resort is to do what is termed a "lock out." This is where you lock the child out of the home and refuse to allow them to enter. It's tough love, but you cannot continue to allow this behavior to go on without resolving it. You owe it to your child to teach them that abuse is unacceptable and that they will be excluded from the home if their behavior continues. This will cause Social Services to get involved so be prepared for that if you decide to take this step.

Resolving Parent Abuse

Hopefully, you found some strategies in this article to help you deal with abuse from your children. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and there are solutions that can stop the violence from continuing. Just stay strong and be vigilant.

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    • profile image

      Marley Carroll 

      3 weeks ago

      My son was abusing me well before he was a teenager. He is adopted with a whole host of emotional and psychological issues. I have called the police so many times. I have brought him to hospitals for psych evals. One time I brought him and he looked so small and cute that they sent the psych/social worker out for me. I have even had him arrested for assaulting me with my own bed. Of course, he got off. He is now emboldened. I can recall me driving him to the hospital and him saying, "They'll never believe you, mom. I know just what to say. They will think you are crazy. I did think at that point that I would lose my mind. I am with others who have posted in saying there is no solution to this problem. I tried everything, except the obvious. My son is now 15 and is going to live with his dad. I should have done it a long time ago. The other day he called me a f*&@ing retard. He does not physically abuse me now but he continues to lie, manipulate, gaslight, etc. I love my son but I am glad to see him go. He leaves me with sad memories as well as holes in my walls and doors off of their hinges.

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      Sad Mother With A Faithful Heart 

      3 weeks ago

      My child is verbally, physically, emotionally And financially abusive on a weekly basis her blow ups seem to stem from mental and substance abuse issues....she is 24 refuses to move out pays a less than minimal amount of funds towards living with me, expenses, utilities etc. she physically harmed me, destroyed multiple items of property both sentimental and otherwise. Destroyed residential property, doors,blinds. I am so defeated at home but so happy at my job and that is why I continue to turn the other check never engaging in physical altercations always keeping God in the equation and conversation I am terrified of police and what they might do to my daughter if I called them during one of her fits of rage. She takes my tablet and charger etc to eliminate me from communications and documenting her acts of rage and destruction of my personal property. Pray for me, and give me sincere advice p,ease

    • profile image

      carlie 

      6 weeks ago

      my son beat me down yesterday , I have a swollen groin bruises on my arms and swollen cheek. he has the right to refuse help, howver he says he will tell them i hit him and said i pulled a knife on him .he threatens me with cps and he is 16 he works out all day refusing to go to school and terrorizes my household...someone please help in 2 days i plan to off myself!!!!!!!!

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      Lost mom 

      2 months ago

      Parents your are wrong, I spent 30k dollars a year to send my son to catholic school. I bought myself nothing and gave everything thing to him. He dropped out of college and now just smokes weed and plays video games. My husband was murdered when he was 10 months old so yes I drink but I am never mean or abusive. But he thinks it’s okay to push me around whenever he wants my credit card to buy weed. Oh yes and done acid twice that cost me 10k dollars in hospital bills. But I get up everyday and go to work. Do his laundry clean his house and also take care of his boyfriend. So how am I abusing him? By coking for them or buying their groceries? Taking care of their animals? Don’t speak on shit you don’t understand. I never hit my son. I attended every football,baseball basketball and hockey game. I was on the ptg board similar to pta in public school. Don’t dare accuse me of abusing my son!

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      Rose 

      2 months ago

      We have not been allowed to discipline our children, thought we knew better than previous generations, the pendulum has swung too far the other way. We cannot touch our children, but they can touch us. They have been told all their rights, they have called adults by their first names as soon as they could speak, no respect for elders. The parents have no rights and the children have all the rights and society does not support the parents against the children and so the children win and they know it. I never thought that I would be treated the way I have been by my own children.

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      Val Heike 

      2 months ago

      How can I protect and stop the abuse my intelligent 90 year old mom forced to live with our families abuser in Granbury Texas ? Does no one care, is this the kind of world we live in?

    • profile image

      Tracey Shafer 

      2 months ago

      My daughter is physically abusing me. She has come to live with me in July with my oldest grandson, and is going through a divorce. She has beaten me up 5 times since July, and breaks things and calls me horrible names. She does this in front of my grandsons. She waits until my husband leaves town. I can’t say anything to her or she explodes, because she takes it offensivey. She is like a Jeckyl/Hyde. She is suffering from MS and Lupus, as well. Her father was abusive to me, and I divorced him for it to break the cycle, when she was 12. She is way more violent than he ever was! I have never laid a hand on her. She believes things that are not true about not being loved and was not wanted. It’s insanity. She says if I call the police, she will throw herself down the stairs and say I pushed her. It’s escalated and I fear she may actually kill me. She chokes me, puts her knee on my throat, takes my keys, phone, computers. It’s almost like a demon possession, she is not like herself at all when this is going on. I am 52 yrs old. She tells my grandsons to say I hit her, if I even think about calling the police. They are 7, 8 and 13. I cannot believe this is going on.

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      Chad H. 

      2 months ago

      Yup. My son. He assaulted my daughter. Harassed me online for years. Constantly lies. Tries to scam me and others for money. His own mother applied for a restraining order to protect herself from him. Willful drug abuse in front of family and friends. Prostitutes his body for pleasure and attention. Blame everyone but himself.

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      Connie 

      3 months ago

      My 26 year old was hurting me a lot I even pu my love seat in my room he still broke it open he would push me hold me down even squeeze me until I couldn’t breathe. Cops come I got arrested. In April he got arrested, and got out. Every time I asked for help from the woman’s shelter they refused me and said I was a perpetrator. I finally tried getting away to another state women’s shelter, he found out and came with, well while there he crushed 4 ribs, I made it back and the women’s shelter said they still can’t help me.

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      Leslie 

      3 months ago

      Help wife abuse by teen every day. Daughter uses CPS against us.

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      Teisha Guillen 

      3 months ago

      Sense my daugther was age 16 until 18 now she will be 19 in nov graduated from high school now and in college sh alway threat me and she would start fight with me when i tell her do her chores and she even lies on me and false accuse her stepfather of things to people that his never even did she move out my house almost year go i had alot thiny plane that day for her 18 bday she got out car told me she grow now she go live with her father mother and i run into her a couples time and briefly talk to her she had this people who try control my life and degrade me and belittle me and this people now turn my child against me this emotional mental abuse what my oldest daugther is doing to me her baby sister she never answe her baby sister call or text messagae and i went to her graducation her father side of family come over and push me out again they made. Me feel unwanted. Like you didnt belong here im her only parent that still alive. She treat me like im a monster and she didnt invite me and her baby sister to her graduation party I was so hurt now she need me to sign something for her College but she only come meet me in public she won't meet with her own mother alone this is how she treats me and her sister because our father's side are toxic people and I kept her away from those narcissist people but she hates me I'm the one always protecting her

    • profile image

      laura knight 

      3 months ago

      my older sisters husband died 2 years ago he was a vet and set her up with a life insurance policy and vet benefits, she is a alcoholic she is 66 years old her husband took care of her to the point she never had to do anything as far as what one would need to do on her Owen, bank accounts ,paying bills house repairs so she turned to her children which are taking full advantage of her situation I tried to make her a wear of what they are doing but she is so afraid of her son that has full control over her account and spends her money at will and when she ask what happened to the money he yells' at her and gets violently ! don't know how to help if there is any!???

    • profile image

      David 

      3 months ago

      It starts at an early age. A parent might feel sorry for the child for what ever reason and so disciple is lax or soft. Then the roles slowly switch and the child believes they know better and they run the show. And they do thanks to the state and schools telling them that. The state and school should be held liable for the break down of the home and society. Give parents back their rights to raise their kids as responsible and respectful young adults or watch it all come crashing down and nobody will want to have kids, prisons filled, drug use up, etc. We are raising many generastions of kids that have no idea what respect means. God help us all.

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      Rockrose 

      3 months ago

      It is about time this problem was bought out into the light. It is the most neglected area of domestic abuse l know of. I suffered abuse from my son he now lives in Canada. Even so the effects remain l am afraid of anger especially in men. I have bad dreams that he is come back and demanding to be let in. I have no relationship with him now l was told by the refuge l might have to put him out of my life and l have done. I have no other family noone really knows .much about what l went through. Mosr domestic abuse help lines /charities focus on abus betwen men and women. Once the abuser has gone its not the end of the story there are pyscologial scars that remain. When l was being abused l didnt know l could have gone to the police. I didnt know it was abuse till some time later. I recieved no help during or after it occured. Were is the help for us parents? not those currently being abused only either. You only talk of how to deal with the problem but there is the after effects what about those?

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      Maria 

      4 months ago

      I’m crying here. I literally thought I was alone. My daughter never had to respect me growing up because my mother and father would over rule me every time I disciplined her. Years later, I am engaged, move in with my fiancé, bring her with me - thinking this will be good for us, and one day - she did not listen to an instructive I gave her, my fiancé and I were going back and forth. She started saying I’m going to my grandparents, I wanted to talk it out and get a dialogue going, and she starts hitting, pushing, digging her nails in my arms, ultimately biting me so hard, I have a huge dark purple bruise on my arm. My fiancé grabbed her and slammed her against the door and my daughter cried abuse. My parents came, blamed me and my fiancé, and my daughter has yet to apologize for biting me but did say “I’m sorry for ruining your relationship” because this was a manipulation tactic to get her way. I struggled with whether I should go with my 18 year old daughter who abused me or stay with my fiancé who protected me. Everyone I know says to stay with my fiancé. I need help. This literally happened 3 days ago. I’m completely shattered. This is not what I wanted for my daughter.

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      Cassidy combs 

      4 months ago

      I'm 16 years old and live in Trenton ga, I'm living with an emotionally abusive father. I can't take it anymore it has been this way for years and I want out. My mom refuses to help me or stand up for me. I have /friends and a boyfriend willing to help me. I have had a job for 3 years and I have my permit. I can't take it anymore and I need advice. I was looking into becoming legally declared and adult but since my parents are foster parents it would be almost impossible to do. I need help

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      Savanna 

      5 months ago

      Hi,what can you do when you can’t take anymore from your 16 years old daughter,abuse every single day and now my youngest is picking up on it,I have literally tried everything,social services can’t even help her!

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      5 months ago

      It’s disgraceful that they can abuse us and get away with it.

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      Mahesh Shah 

      5 months ago

      I have a daughter who has been living with me since 5 years ,when i took custody and she was then 9years old./now at 15years she is absolutely impossible to control and i control freak and as knocked me twice.She is a dangerous girl and will not listen and keep demanding money all the time and I am on state pension and cannot afford monies.I am a heart patient and cannot take it any more.Please I need desperate help.I need to get rid of her from my house.I also have a brother who has learning difficulties and I am his carer.All I and my brother want is to live in peace.I am 65years old.Please can soeone help and advise.

    • profile image

      NewNana 

      5 months ago

      My 24 year old daughter keeps threatening to keep my brand new (and only) grandchild from me. Even before the baby was born, if we had any kind of argument, no matter how severe she would threaten to block my number and I'd never see her or my unborn grandchild. Now that the baby is here, it has gotten worse. My daughter lies, twists everything I say, and focuses on part of conversations thus distorting my words and telling the story to people like my son, my sister and her partner so that they think I'm the bad guy in all this. If I try to explain to my son (who I am close with, for now!) that it's all distorted, he tells her off and then I get abused for hours over the phone, accused of "playing the victim". I allowed her and her partner to move into our rental property to help them out (rent free) and although she has just moved in, is now angry with me because she feels it is her home and refuses to acknowledge that it is only temporary (we agreed verbally 3 years) which we felt was more than generous! She is so horrible, any attempt to get close to her, and she accuses me of only doing it because of the baby, and so she tries to hurt me by threatening to take that from me. Please help! I'm shattered.

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      Going Nuts 

      5 months ago

      My daughter is 26yrs of age. She has chosen to do a Masters. She lives with me and all she has ever done is blamed me for everything that has gone wrong. Her relationship, her life and just about anything that makes her feel bad. She is highly intelligent, beautiful to look at and generally can be very kind. However, there are times when you are having a discussion and if you do not agree with her she just lashes out and starts name calling. "You're pathetic" "Sad" "A joke". She swears and compares me to her dad, who is the better parent, as I am a "shit mother", why can't you be a normal mother. Last night I stayed quiet and it upset her even more. I am tired and exhausted mentally and physically. She tells me that I have depression and I need help. She is so abusive, I told her she is being a bully and she then screamed at me and said I'm affecting her self esteem, making her feel more anxious and affecting her health, making her want to commit suicide. Sometimes she can be sweet and kind but when she turns it is so horrible. I have found solace in knowing that I am not a bad mum and she has a health issue. I understand that she is not well and I do care, however, the buck stops now. She is 26, chose to do a Masters and is not working. It's not my fault her dad and I did not work out. I am a kind, caring and loving mother to both of my children and I will always love them, but it's time to cut the apron string and allow them to experience life without me for a bit. I have a life to live and will not allow anyone to abuse me anymore. Thank you for all of your stories it has helped.

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      Colleen 

      5 months ago

      I see a lot of comments but is anyone getting help? This article is amazing. I love my 15 year old so much I tolerate his physical (I was just thrown down on the ground for taking Phone I didn’t get), mental , & verbal abuse. I have been all over my state out of money in testing, counselors, And crying out for help. I’m not a drug therapy mother. My oldest is in military but my youngest sees this daily and I adopted my nephew. My heart hurts so badly. I’ve not been in a relationship since my divorce in 2010. I can’t be. I give him all my love and support. I want him to know my children will always be most important. I have so much more but want to know someone will speak to me.

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      Seekinginfo 

      5 months ago

      I love to investigate any thing that interest me and abuse of parents will be my next topic. Hope that what I find will open many peoples eyes. To me abuse of a parent starts at a very early age.

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      Parents 

      5 months ago

      Most of the time if you think your kid is abusing you your abusing them and there scared

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      5 months ago

      Ive been mentally and physicaly abused by my daughter 15 for the past 2 years ive been hit , spat at she causes damage to my house and car , she refuses to go to school , belittles me infront of her friends even tho they tell her to stop , demands everything if she doesnt get it she flips , has hit me in the car as im driving and dragged my head to the floor as im driving you name it shes done it , ive got no control and my partner doesnt help me i feel like ending my life at times just to escape the abuse , i cry myself yo sleep most nights

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      Rebecca McInroy 

      5 months ago

      My son my youngest who I love with all my heart they all know this, I haven't seen in months I miss him terribly he has told me many times that he will come by for a hour visit never shows up he calls me names is cruel he is a complete different person it's killing me with worry I feel like my son is dead I'm very sad and upset

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      Hopeless 

      5 months ago

      I have a 24 yr old son that treats me so bad. , He has called me everything from a worthless cunt to a f ing b tch and everything is always my fault every time I try to talk or defend my self I am told to shut up. I would move him out but a few yrs ago I got a divorce and bought my place and put it in his name thinking it was the right thing for us and now I'm constantly reminded that he is not moving out and I used everything I had and now I live pay check to pay check paying the bills as that's my purpose in life for living there. He screams out in front of my friends and neighbors and belittles me about what a fat lazy bit h I am .I'm always on pens and needles wondering what he will do or say. I feel sometimes it would be so much better if I wasn't here. I'm a Christian but I constantly pray for help and it seems like this is my he'll on earth.please help me understand

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      do the world a favour DIE 

      5 months ago

      my son has been trying to destroy my happiness he made an accusation against his father leading me to flee to protect them...successfully he won in . 2014 I fleed our home as my husband was domestic violent , after beginning again with 2 liitle kids our son 16 came to live withus 2 .2014 and 3mths later he had me fleeing again, I had to leave him he wanted the kids to go to docs . he tried to set me up after I called the police for his rage on my knew tv and windows …. he put his pipe in my room, the police were clever enaccountough to get him to slip up and so he was charged for that and for 4 counts of willful damage, he stole 1000 from my bank . in order to protect the little kids , I had to pick up and go to refuge 2x in 1year [my husband& son] I fully left . kept paying the rent so I could return after he had returned back to his dad...….. well there was not much to return to ,the kids rooms wer perfect, my room ,all my clothes and things bleached egged flour cornflakes etc the rest of the house graffiti and personally sighned ,they took anthing and everything I had.what they didn't take they destroyed evry wall smashed after we cleaned and scrubbed graffiti . I still owe public housing 4000$...… after all this I despised him ,hes putrid ,no son of mine. my brother mad us cuddle and try, we family so now after beginning again again and now again in 2017 he needed me so im a mum[biggest sucker] I hear his change , gotta hope for the best chance, its 2018 now its been bad since my brother left. things have been escalating doors being broken from smashing them , verbal assaults . disciplineing his sibling by terror , and smacking, i have to protect them from him, he lives under neath our lounge so they tippeetoe everywere , he is addicted to the game fortnight 4 mths now ,ive seen big change, and sleeps when hes dead …its peak hour 6 pm [dinner time] kids might of skipped and woke him up and he got physical threatened to punch me twice ,rained abuse at me then started throwing my furniture, for nearly 3 years i haven't felt fear and terror ,most of all he made me a victim ….superheroe is what i thought i was VICTIM,im sick of being the victim just at the end of my healing , he wants to bak plot destroy he wants my chi ,our safe,home is gone he wants us to live in fear for he is GOD almighty1 its been 2 days since i no we have to flee again, this time i have house and contents insurance , an eviction notice, local country cops[great blokes]and a nice holiday to lay low.....hes the kicker have the electricity switched off from your supplyer …… TOUGH LOVE people may call it , i despise the despicable bludgineing grub, i do not have an adult son ,my children love me and would never hurt me. im ashamed of him, i really don't give a @#$# ill be actually greatful if i never ever here his voice or see his grubby face...…. 1 shame on mu 2 shame on me 3 no 3 hes great at sabotaging other peoples lives up...… put the joystick down and go hard alone finish destroying all the good u ever had and honestly before i go to refuge i will make it clear lose my number your dead to me. done dusted. my boy max he died.

    • profile image

      Athurnall1 

      5 months ago

      My step daughter has been using drugs, hurting herself, yelling and hitting her parents and now falsly accused her dad of child abuse. It has hurt my whole family in so many ways and we cant even start healing till this court crap is done. I never would have thought to hit my parents as a child and definately wouldnt try to ruin there life by acvusing them of child abuse . I never thought i could be so mad at a child.

    • profile image

      Lana Torres 

      5 months ago

      I'am his legal guardian by law. He's only 11 my grandson. He has ADHD behavioral out of control. he's controlling, manipulates, lies always, steals money from us. when don't get what he wants he yells, screams, lies shouts so the neighbors here him saying not true things he makes up about us. he throw stuff at me and hurts me. i was asleep he cut my hair. he destroys my property. when hes in his delemas saying NO he'll hurt our dogs. I have to go into the bathroom with our 2 dogs and lock the door turn on the bathtub water just to get him away from him. he blames everything that he's mad about on me and he gets so angry he'll stand up to me. he takes everything out on me know matter what it is. he tells me he hates me wishes I was dead. his grampa is at work always he gets home about 10:30pm nightly except Sundays his day off. he'll wait for his grampa to get home then start manipulating him asking to use his grampas cell phone when told No he'll stand up to his grampa and try to hit him. constantly asking for money every night and lies about what it's for constantly bothering until his grampa gives it to him just to get him out of his space. We Love our grandson and got him help he was going to Valley Mental Health for Behavioral issues, he refused to go and his therapist was intimidated by him. refuses to go to any of his Dr.s appt. often in trouble at school hes in Special Ed and IEP/504 plan. Believe this he's a good kid that we love and refuse to give up on him. he knows he needs help and recently told me he wants to get bad on his ADHD PILLS. as his Biological grandmother its unconditionally love.. hes my life. and I will not GIVE UP ON HIM like his Mother and Father did. God sent this angel to me for patient's and I'm still learning to be patient. God's plan you go with it. God bless y'all... Utah

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      5 months ago

      Thank you for this article. It tells a painful truth. Many teenagers would be locked out if parents could find support rather than blame from social services.. We live in a world that allows childen to rule, and this damages all of us.

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      ohio parent 

      6 months ago

      me too. abusive language, disrespect, damage in the house,attacked us numerous times. if i put a mark on him i'm in trouble, i can't be there for the rest of the family all the time. he's been in counseling, detention home and places like that. it's all a joke to him. we can't do anything about it and he knows it. the system looks the other way instead of facing the problem. you're not alone.

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      Mori 

      6 months ago

      I have taken physical and mental abuse 4 many years and watch my husband just bury his head even went to jail for something I was falsely accused of and now the youngest of 7 has started physically abusing and falling in the same pattern of her siblings not sure I can take it any longer I don't know where to turn to other than I know God sees all hears all I feel like just giving up and ending it

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      Kat w 

      6 months ago

      Outstanding resource thank YOU

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      Www 

      6 months ago

      Please !!! How can I help my friend . She is being beaten by her two boys 15 and 13 . The beating is bad !

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      Gilly Bettridge 

      6 months ago

      My daughter was showing these signs at 13.. she became controlling and wouldn't go to school.. since then she met a guy and gave birth to a little boy, social services removed my grandson and is now placed with my eldest daughter. Now she has become pregnant again and her violent behaviour has returned. I had to kick her out of the house as she attacked me again. My partner witnessed the attack and told her no violence in the house so now she is claiming that he is controlling etc.

      I am very concerned that social services will remove this baby from her care too but this time we can't save it due to her saying to professionals that I am a alcoholic . She is trying to convince people that I'm the abuser. It makes me feel guilty and I do live in fear from her as she is very threatening towards me even infront of others too. People are shocked by this. I want to get her some help and do not know what to do or go to for help.

      I know social services will be watching her , she lives in complete denial and diverts all the blame onto others.

      So please any advice would be helpful

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      mary dean 

      6 months ago

      endured years of abuse from son eventually diagnosed as autistic.one neighbour made our life hell by constantly phoning up social services every time he kicked off so we eventually let him attack us especially myself usually when my husband was at work and damage our house to stop any involvment of socias sl ervices who accused us of all sorts of abuse eventually when an adult son went to London where given somehelp On one occasion when

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      6 months ago

      You know what they say - they learn from the best

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      no name, please 

      6 months ago

      I have a 54 year old daughter who verbally abuses me & has used the f ---word. She doesn't live with me. She never did this when her father was alive. He would have hung up the phone when he heard me crying. She is a coward. She never yells at me when anyone is around. She is a coward. She knows I'm not well but for 3 months hasn't called me. When I tried to reconcile our situation, she said she needs space. I'm ready to let her go. Enough is enough , but it breaks my heart. It's difficult to unlove your child, but for my health , I have to.

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      AR 

      6 months ago

      My son is 13 and I am 33. I just noticed this I was searching for something

      Or some help. I was just beat up by my son so bad and I am so scared to call the police on him. I love him but I am so scared-

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      Victoria 

      7 months ago

      Ive been suffering for over a year now and im at my wits ends with my soon to be 16 year old he has zero respect he belittles me infront of his mates he steals he does drugs and stays out never comes home on time police been called many times he has carried knifes im so ill from all the stress

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      Tee 

      7 months ago

      Is there a place shelter for abused parents I need to get out of my house my 18 year old is completely abusive to me the law states I can't put her out would have to evict her. She curses me destroy my home fights brother pulls knives out steals do drugs. Cut my mattress, sheets broke tv medicine cabinet. Turn over furniture and the police say i can't put her out I'm afraid she's going to try and kill me has wish death upon me please someone help me I need out of this house until I can get her out.

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      Christine Wynes 

      7 months ago

      My son is 35 and he’s forever crazing for money if I don’t give in he’s really nasty so in the end I give in its easier but I’m sixty five and only have my state pension ... I’m getting to the stage where I want to kill him he’s making my life a misery Regards Christine Wynes

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      SiFifi 

      7 months ago

      My 20 year old son demolished his room and his door because I woke him up at 11.30am, 30 mins before he wanted to wake up. He has an important exam on Tuesday. He also told me to f -off approx 50 times, called me a f-ing c__t the same number of times. This isn't the 1st time.

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      Rachel 

      7 months ago

      Where is the help??

      My mums is mentally abused by my younger brother it's awful nobody seems to want to help

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      Michael 

      7 months ago

      My nephew gets abused by my parents he gets hit in the back of the head name calling and gets hit with a wooden spoon to his back and behind have proof of it as well and turned into cps and they didn't do anything he is only 10 and will not speak out about this for he is terrified of them.

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      SPENT 

      7 months ago

      I have an high functioning Autistic son...diagnosed @ 2.5 yrs of age we have had early intervention with Drs..social workers..mental facilities etc....be through it all! No support for parents....he is now 21 lives @ home goes to Jr College...has a weekend job....however...he is so mentally abusive towards me...which is from day one...always hatred...cussing....saying I'm a piece of shit...a slur a white u name it in been called it...we pay for everything...even the police say we can't kick him out because he has legal residency in our home...I'm just seeking other parents that they too have an adult child that are abusive...I thank u all for reading this...

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      Marie Mary 

      7 months ago

      To all of you suffering, i have ben through this mysellf. It only gets worse if it continues. First it is not your fault and you dont deserve it. I have been looking for help for a long time and not found much. My son started this abuse of me as a teen, he is know 25, and it has gotten so bad i left my home when he turned 18 just like one person said, but I let him back when he was sorry and promised he would never do it again. I let him back. I have a restraining order now, which he ignores, I thought about ending my life also. I ended up writing it all out, and am trying to heal. I had my own son arrested. Now he uses drugs, steals from me, puts things in my name and doesn't pay them. I pray for all of you that somehow you find help and peace.

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      Sam 

      7 months ago

      Thank heavens someone sees the situation from the parents side. We have been dragged through courts,social services and youth offenders for the past 3 years !! But all the law wants to do is support the child and blame the parents. Our son is almost 17 and a complete nightmare !! No control no respect and very verbally aggressive.cant wait for him to leave home or worse go to prison !! At least we could get a good nights sleep and a reprieve from the anxiety and panic attacks .

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      Melund 

      7 months ago

      I need help with my grown daughter hitting me

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      Vicki 

      7 months ago

      Sitting here with an aching swelled skinned knee and bruised hand from a metal gate being thrown at me. I'm elderly and the grandma raising this 16.5 year old male, widowed, and getting ill. If I call cops I have to deal with juvie who don't do much but make it tough on the parents. I'm packing up, moving, and leaving my home empty in 18 months when he's 18. He can work and make it on his own afterward.

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      Linda 

      8 months ago

      I called the police and I was the one that they arrested. My Son is so good at lying that I can actually understand why the police believed him over me. I am extremely depressed and feel like I have to give in to whatever he wants so I don't get hurt anymore because the last time he pushed me so hard that I can barely walk.

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      Mama Tucker 

      8 months ago

      I have been in silence for so long. I have not called the police for fear of losing all of my children. I have a 16 year old who is the culprit. And his 11 yeast old is following in his footsteps. My 8 year old autistic twins are suffering too and they are learning the things they see too and repeating their older brother's behaviors. I'm at the end of my rope. I am at a loss of what to do.

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      Mom of misery 

      8 months ago

      I have a 14 yr old son who has been in extensive therapy since 4yrs old. He is suicidal, physically abusive, verbally abusive, mentally abusive to me his teachers and siblings. My life has revolved around him i love him so much but i cant help him anymore im tired mentally tired i have no family to help and his dad tought him this behavior. He is taller and bigger then me now and he hites me, pushes me, calles me names pulls weapons out on me but has not pulled a knife out on me since he was 11. He walks and talks in sleep so i dont sleep. He blames everything on me and tells me what a horrible parent i am and he would never torture his kids like i do him because i took his videogames and phone. He tells me a lot of things actually. I have always been by his side, talk to him, help him catch up on school work, he saved me. But at the same time im so mentally tired i want to die i think about it all the time. How can i love somebody i almost died giving birth to and would do it again in a heart beat so much i cant imagine life without him, hate me so much put his hands on me disrespect me make me feel like a bad mom, person worthless. I just want to kill myself get it over with maybe he would do better without me.

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      mary 

      8 months ago

      I wont give my name but l two duffer from my 18year old daughter. I know she is goong through a lot. I have to sell up as l am not with her dad anymore. I had to make a choice which was the best one for myself and my two teenage girls. But now l feel she is blaiming me. I cant take it anymore anf l have to look after myself. I have told my youngest of 18 it is not right the way she treat me. This only makes things worst. What can l fo l havebtold her she will gave to move out. But she wont and my ex wont help. I dont know where to turn for help. No ones wants to listen saying they cant make her do something she does not what to do. Its mad l left my husband to get away from abuse now here it is again from my daughter and apart from putting her on the street there is nothing l can do.

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      E and As mom 

      8 months ago

      Well I guess I’m one of the lucky ones who has TWO abusive children one 5 one 9! So I’m not looking forward to the t”teenage years”. Is there help for us anywhere????

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      Richard Shellenberger 

      8 months ago

      I need help I get abused by my daughter every day I need help

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      hunter foster 

      8 months ago

      i am 48 with two young sons of my own,one eleven the other nine.i have been in a relatioinship for three years with a woman that i love dearly.

      she has a son 16 yrs old that has some serios issues,and has ecused me of hitting blacking his eye,breaking his arm and throwing him down the stairs.he also went to the sherriff dept.,dhs. and his probation officer and tryed to sale the up as a victim of abuse.

      HE never mentioned he had attack his mother and caused bodily harm...stand and fight for self

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      Bjorn smith 

      8 months ago

      This has been a bit of a relief finding this post.

      I have been struggling with my daughter since she was 13-14

      She’s abusive violent does pretty much what she likes and shows no empathy or remorse!

      When reading the information above it totally resonated

      I will never give her the satisfaction of lifting my hands to her, but she literally battered me, punching kicking pulling my hair, then at school alleged she was assaulted by my partner and I.

      She was taken into care during a police investigation. From there I did everything asked by social services etc all the meetings. The police investigation ended and they said that we had shown incredible restraint in difficult

      Circumstances.

      I begged with her to behave just so she could come home. She assaulted me every single time we met.

      After a few months she said she’d kill herself if she didn’t get to live with her gran. As she shouted and swore at me in a busy cafe whilst Social Work congratulated her for not losing her temper, I agreed.

      Since then the guilt is crippling. She emotionally and mentally abuses me, and since then, assaulted me at Christmas time and whilst I was driving the car.

      Everyone is just concerned about her welfare and I don’t feel safe to be with her. The judgy ness by education in particular is also difficult to bare!

      It’s her 15th birthday in a couple of weeks and she doesn’t want to see me and says it messed with her head seeing me.

      I don’t know what to do, but I long for her to be 16 so I don’t feel so responsible

      I’d love someone to talk to who is in the same situation

      This is not a child (just to counter the above stuff) who is socially deprived, in fact probably towards the side of being spoiled. I’ve always worked to make sure she has what she needs.

      I have been single parent with no financial support from dad, and I have had 3 partners in 15 years.

      So I am clearly to blame because of that . The guilt is quite profound..... when do I draw the line??

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      alone 

      8 months ago

      ive felt so lonely for so long killing myself seemed the only way to be free of the abuse and the hurt im generaly a happy person try not to get down try and smile but recently my 30yr old son has moved in its worse than ever he say im stupid everything that goes wrong is my fault embarasses me in front of guest by belittling me i.let him move in with hopes things would be different there worse i cry everyday all day and ask god what i did to deserve this. as much as i try to make him love me he doesnt he has no respect for me he would stick up for a complete stranger before ever takn myside before i end my life i will try cutting him out which makes me so sad cuz i love him so much and he hates me lonely and deperate

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      K SANTHOSH KUMARI 

      9 months ago

      Hi! I am a parent of 17 year old son. I am very much frustrated with the way he is behaving, he doesn't respect us, abuse with foul languages, through the things here and there, addicted to cigarattes, roaming with friends and always with mobile.

      If we question him, he will respond so rudely and misbehave with us. We are feeling very bad and unable to handle the situation. We are not in peace of mind and unable to control him.

      We pampered him and made him relaise about the facts of life. only for certain period of time he will listen and misbehave again.

      I literally need help to handle the situation. We are deciding to stay away separately from him.

      We are facing this situation since 3 years.

      Pls advise in this regard.

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      Caring Daughter 

      9 months ago

      Both me and my sister have been watching our younger 17yr old brother mentally abuse our parents for the last year and a half. It breaks my heart to see my parents treated this way considering how loving they where raising all three of us. My sister living next door with her boyfriend has tried to talk to my brother on countless times and it only ends in him never trying or changing. Even on Christmas me and my sister tried taking with him and all he does is cry or not talk. Then after that my dad gave him 4 cigarettes and he left for the rest of Christmas Day. He’s called my mother disgusting and useless when ever he doesn’t get his way. It’s always there fault when his car they bought for him breaks down because he drives it like its meant for a destruction derby. Countless times my parent have tried to get him a job but everything is always to hard or isn’t perfect so he doesn’t apply or talk the offer. School is something that maybe he goes for 20min a day otherwise he’s driving around town wasting there gas. If they don’t give him his way the house feels it and he punches holes in the wall. His room is full of stolen road signs to hide the 12+ holes in his walls. My mother father and I where in a serious car accident about 3yrs ago and my father couldn’t do his job as a painter anymore. Money is very low and he drains any penny he can get from them or steals from there room or wallet.

      Also nothing is ever his fault. Last night his car got broken into when he left it somewhere full of valuables in a shady town and that was my parents fault??? It breaks my heart because every time I come down to visit they’re fighting or my mother is crying. All she says is she hopes it will go back to normal because some days he good. But he won’t change...... I’m seeing the man my brother is becoming and on this path he’s taking he won’t have his family with him. My parents don’t deserve this and just because he’s my brother/ there son doesn’t mean he can get away with abusing them. I’ve read lots of the story’s here on this page and they all sounds so familiar. I’m scared the stress on my father will put him in the hospital from a heart attack or when my brother finally snaps on either on of my parents. I want my brother out of there house and I’m done letting this happen to them no parent deserves this from there own child. I’m not saying I understand %100 what you as parents go though or your situation but what I know is your child is becoming and adult and starting there life and if they treat you like utter shit you need to let them go.

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      coastalvixen 

      9 months ago

      I made the mistake of asking my daughter to help me when I had been warned for years to stay away. And I even told her that I was putting my house up for sale because things had gotten so difficult for me. I didn't realize that she wasn't even my daughter anymore, that her illness had completely taken over any morality or sense of fairness or rationality that she may have ever had. I have clinical depression, agoraphobia and PTSD. I had had a restraining order against a very dangerous person who the day after the 3 years were up showed up behind me at the corner store. This wasn't a new experience, it was the culmination and the worst of a string of bad experiences. I hadn't seen her in years, there had been periods where I had been able to just be alone and live quite well within my own world of rescues and other interests within my agoraphobia. But I always gravitated to painful men. And I had several years of very good psychotherapy. And some very bad disturbing mind controlling therapy manipulated by a psychologist and my 2nd ex-husband. That's enough for now. But I don't have a lot of time. But I was warned. Over and over.

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      Nobody 

      9 months ago

      I don't know where to start.im at lost of words why my daughter hates me SOOO much.. My daughter will be turning 18 in couple days .we have a really bad relationship.I have tried to bond with her and won't let me treats me like shit .she will only be nice when she wants something but when she does it's like I can't be smiling or in a good mood because she just always arguing me !! I can't even ask her anything cause she said I annoy her I get her sick .it's always something .I have no control at all .she is the type that will want to fight me if I try to disapline her so I just try to avoid her now ..I have tried and tried to fix our relationship for Soo long ..I have told her sorry for anything that I have done to cause her to hate me so much .But I'm to the point that I'm sick of kissing her ass and giving her everything and letting her walk all over me..I'm a single parent and I also have 3boys ages 14,11,3...There father isn't around and get Noo help from him so I'm also dealing with my 14 yr old son feeling hurt ect because of his dad not being around or has no contact with him . There father and I separated 3 yes ago And has moved on ..I'm just at a point right now feeling overwhelmed and Sad that my 18year old girl can be Soo mean and not care to see how much I try and do for them !!!!I can be in a good mood and she will just change all that..She literally bringing me down and it affects the rest of my kids...

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      jane 

      9 months ago

      My daughter is 15, she got into the wrong crowd at the age of 13, kids who smoked, took drugs and stole, their parents for whatever reason allow this sort of behaviour in their homes, let the kids flock around and take drugs and drink and smoke.

      My husband and i are not like that. I will not condone smoking weed in my home, if i find it and i usually do because it is skunk and stinks i flush it down the toilet. She tells us she is staying out at weekends and the mum she is staying with condones drinking and smoking.

      If i report her missing the Police bring her back and then she waits till they go and starts again, in fact the last time she went missing the Police found out where she was, my daughter, her friend and the mother where she was staying asked the police to meet them at the local shop, the police agreed and met them, then turned up at my house to say she was clean and happy and wanted to stay out again that night....this is the Police, so i have no power!

      Last night she came home and admitted that there had been a party at this house and she had got drunk, this resulted in her being sexual, the other mother condoned all of this.

      We have children's services on our backs because she is always late for School, she turns up at School smelling of weed and we are the ones under suspicion.

      My daughter steals money from us when she can, she swears and abuses us and even when we lock our home she breaks in and invites others in who look around our home, steal our things and abuse our life.

      I am at the end of my tether, i lie in bed on my days off work trying to sleep away the worries.

      She on the other hand is having a great old life taking drugs and drinking, what can we do.

      Well today i have made my mind up, i will be reporting the friends mother to childrens services, i will be making sure childrens services know that the Police condone such behaviour and i will be making it my mission to get her taken away from our family home.

      I will always love her but i hate her with a passion, and why should i be abused in the home i have been making for the last 20 years, why should i be stolen from and swore at.

      I am in the UK, here they make sure the emphasis is placed on the child, no help for the parents, in fact you are looked badly on if you state that you cannot cope, as i told the social worker, drugs are against the law, she smokes them in my home, i will not break the law, his only advise, compromise and allow her to only smoke drugs at the weekend....WHAT THE HELL!!!!

      NO i will not compromise on drug use, i tell you what you take her into your home and compromise with her, no i didn't think he would.

      The next time she does anything illegal she will be reported to the Police, i then hope she will get taken away and then i can at least relax in my own home without fear of being abused.....failing that i will kick her out at 16 so she can make her merry way in life, maybe then she will realise just how easy she had it at home.

      This abuse needs to be stopped, children know the way it all works and they know how to play the system, and if they don't they soon learn how to play the system from the other wayward children they mix with.

      I never imagined when i looked into my newborn daughters eyes with utter love and devotion 15 years ago that one day i would hate her and wish her gone, that she would become an abuser and a drug taker and that she would destroy everything she touched, that reality is soul destroying and has placed me to a point where i want to end my life, so i don't have to watch her destroy herself.

      THERE IS NO HELP FOR DECENT PARENTS LIKE US, THAT IS WHY OUR STORY WILL END IN TRADIGY.

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      Anomunious utah 

      9 months ago

      I have been verbally abused from my son he's in his 20s and I have tried telling hI'm to leave on his own since he graduated. He should be able to leave on his own since he has a big mouth..he's starting to abuse alcohol now and he's getting worse..I really want to move away from him since he won't leave our place..what do I do in a situation like this .I really need help talking to someone who would guide me through this..

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      Jakki 

      9 months ago

      I have read these parents cry for help.

      I thought I should share my experience in hopes of saving just one mom. Everything said has happened to me. Except hitting me. My son now 22. I took everything I had and sold it. There Just things. I then Co signed a apartment put food in refrigerator and moved him. In one day. My life is so beautiful now. I think its not real.

      He has 2 months to get a job or I will break the lease and he will be evicted. His choice. There is public transportantion. He's in a place he could walk to a job. I will also put him on public assistance. I also made a list of government agencies. The food bank. The shelters ect. I got him a cheep cell phone. He breaks it. His problem. Why did I do this? I love him so much I can't bare to see him not try in life because I did nothing. Every Sunday he comes to do his laundry and we talk. If handicape people can work and live on there own so can a young vibrant healthy strong man. God bless take your life back! I will not let anyone move in my home and abuse me or my husband.

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      fiona 

      9 months ago

      my son has got progressively worse - we have a lovely home - one of 4 kids - second eldest - he very lucky we have everything we need and they are taught to appreciate it . Over the last 18 months unknown to me hes started smoking weed and just turns into somebody I don't know - last week I battled to get them to let hims to stay in school after being found with cannabis. On Sunday - he broke 2 of my ribs and punctured a lung after being licked across the living room after repeatedly asking him to go to bed at 1045 . I do and don't want to call the police but I am so HURT and so ANGRY and whats overwhelmed me more is now hes saying its my fault - and said I need to apologise . My ex husband is clueless on what to do this is part of the issue - I am the discipline - but hes 6 foot 2 now and size 11 feet . One of his smaller siblings would not have got up from that punch . Im scared of him and he is absolutely not scared not me on any level .

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      Bandit 8 

      9 months ago

      My son has been hitting me calling me every name in the book while he demands money for pot he doesn't work or take care of himself at all no shower lo g nails long unkept hair and has no friends outside his drug connections. I live in San Jose area what help is there in my area

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      MrsX 

      9 months ago

      My 14 year old daughter has just started hurting me. She thinks she is above the law now. I’ve rang the police, they take her and then bring her back!! I’ve rang social services and they aren’t doing anything. I’m sat here with a bald patch and a bruised cheek because I took her phone for sneaking out of my windows at night. I don’t know what to do

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      anon 

      9 months ago

      This isn't just a problem with teens. I know a family who was afraid of the own adult child who stole from them, cursed and screamed at them and threatened them when they didn't give them enough money. They even tried to get control of their assets by trying to declare them incompetent, which went no where because everything said was a lie but it cost a lot of legal fees and emotional distress. They ultimately had to cut this child off as they refused counseling and the relationship just became more and more toxic.

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      RMD 

      9 months ago

      I am the mother of 14 year old abusive daughter living in India. We had a normal middle class family...until my daughter started acting up 3 years back...mu husband and me treated this as a normal teenage issue at first. She staryed throwing tantrums when we would refuse say no to getting some new gadget or going out with friends. She started getting verbally abusive and would hit me occasionally. And now three years on we are in a the worst possible situation. She now not only abuses me but also my parents using the worst possible base abuses in our native language. She threatens to kill me, hits me if i react to her abuse, has beaten me up om 3 to 4 occasions. We don’t seem to have any forums for abused parents in our country. Every minute of the day is torture. She treats us like servants ordering us around and we do things to keep peace but there is no peace. She is completely the opposite in front of outsiders. She hates most of our relatives. She has this fake superiority complex because i sent her to an upscale 5 day week boarding school to get her away for sometime. I had no other boarding school options at that time. Instead of improving things have gotten worse since then because she has chosen the worst possible friends...hell

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      Terence Bolton 

      9 months ago

      this government is absolutely pathetic,they have taken away most of a parents rights to discipline their children,i am a single parent,my daughter is out of control,there is no support for me,i am not listened to,i am being abused by my daughter,what about my rights?

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      Long Lasting Effects 

      9 months ago

      Am I suffering from PTSD? This is the question that runs through my mind as I read this article. I have reread it several times today, I am finding solace that others have been though similar traumas as myself with their own children. I love my child, we have cared for him and gotten him the proper help when necessary, and now this Young Adult Child is now continuing the abuse but in rather different ways. He is thriving into adulthood and this fact I am proud of. It's a shame really, for your own off spring to turn against you like a ravenous fox with rabies. Especially when you give this child love, care, understanding, and so forth. There seems to be a lack of respect when respect was taught, a lack of emotion when emotion was taught, and a lack of relationship, when relationship was always most desired. I was not the best of parents, but I tried incredibly hard to be the best parent that I knew how to be. In fact with him, I tried even harder because of the early tantrums he exhibited and my oldest child suffered because of it. I sought parenting class, parenting books, and many more things to make sure that I helped develop a child that was responsible and respected us. I often ask myself, Where did I go wrong? I can't pinpoint a particular instance or time that caused the rift between us both, but at some point he must have thought I no longer protected him. I miss the relationship that we should have. We as parents are supposed to guide our Adult Children into the next Chapter of their lives. Yet, I do not have this luxury. I have other children, they are unabusive and well adapted. Our relationships are beautiful relationships with our other children. I think all the children suffered at his abuse, not because he abused them but because they watched him abuse us. I wish things were different with him. We have extended family members too, that influenced his thought patterns. Many of those damaging words from extended family have unraveled over the past few years. I am baffled at how it affected his relationship with us. People he admired spouted off lies that he believed about me. Then he lost all respect for me along the way. Somethings he has admitted to us about certain events that happened, but they did not happen at all or they did not happen the way he said. Once we confronted that to him and he stated that it didn't matter because this is his reality. This is confusing to me, and it seems like created lies to make him forget all the times he was horrible to us. To be honest, All I truly desire from this young adult is a true relationship, and honor and respect for being the best parent I could be, that I strived to be, Love, and to be able to pour into his life the stuff I learned from rather he takes it or leaves it behind I do not care. I feel like he has stolen my ability to mold him as a child, to guide him as a teenager, and to love him as an adult. A parent is supposed to love their child with a deep affection, unfortunately I feel a lot of misery from his attitude towards us. I often grieve the missed opportunities that was stolen from us as parents. Thank you for your bravery to write this post. Is there a Facebook page as mentioned before? How is your relationship now with your child? Are they adults as of yet?

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      grandma 

      10 months ago

      This is so helpful, I thought I was the only one, I get abused by my granddaughter.

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      Unsure 

      10 months ago

      I am married to a wonderful man. Between us, we have 6 boys. We have 3 teenagers. 13, 17, & 18. The 13 and 17 yr olds F-bomb me a lot. The 17 yr old won't go to school the 18 yr old dropped out. We can't get the 3 to even clean their rooms without them yelling at us. The 13 yr old has self-medicated with weed. He has stolen money, the liquor that we keep in our bedroom. He will climb to get it. Every time we confront him we get F-bombed like we just did something wrong. We barely touch the liquor that we have put up. I bought it 3 days before Christmas and still have some left. I don't know what to do or how to help my 3 teens. Sometimes I feel that we are being held hostage because the 17 yr old will start others step-siblings when he is told no. Unsure what to do

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      vicki 

      10 months ago

      my sister isn't well and she is a single mum with a 10 year old girl,the girl is escalating from verbal abuse to physical abuse over the past two weeks , her mother is currently being diagnosed with a rare not terminal brain condition,her child only yesterday started messing up her meds seemingly trying to overdose mum then takes all meds out of boxes mixes them all up!!! can my sister get help anywhere ss or schools? just yesterday girl hit head teacher aand expelled,what can they do?

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      Help me please 

      10 months ago

      My 22 year old son bullies me and has done for approx 6 years now.i am a single mother with no other children.he constantly talks to me like I'm shit I don't even get out of bed anymore.i really want to throw him out but he has no friends and no where to go.he won't go to work or sign on and asks me for money constantly.he never leaves the house.im scared of him and have no idea what to do about it,I'm nearly at the end

      My heart is broken.anon uk

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      April 

      11 months ago

      I have two kids that have put me threw hell since elementary age. There father does help at all not even financially. They punch holes in my walls in my home, throw and break thing, scream and yell at me even have hit and kicked me. One child is 13 sneaking out the window being sexual active. My 15 year old sneaking around smoking cigarettes and weed. They are both go to mental health services. It doesn't work. I can't handle it. I call the dad and all he says is what do you want me to do about it?? I asked could he take one and he said no. I have raised them in a good environment. They are out of control. I'm on the verge of signing them over to the state.

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      Matth321 

      11 months ago

      Some of the comments here relate to a situation I am trying to understand and resolve on behalf of a parent.

      Have a look at Borderline Personality Disorder.(BPD)

      Many of the comments and situations may be due to a child having this condition...

      I’m readind a book walking on eggshells ... it is making a lot of sense and is helping...

      Good luck be strong !

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      Krisfa 

      11 months ago

      I need help my 4 year old boys are dangerous and has tried killing their baby sister how do i get help

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      Anonymous 

      11 months ago

      I have adult boys who have hit choked and put me down for years but they grew up around domestic violence toward me and them. But they also beat and control girlfriends too. I am afraid of my kids and my boyfriend. I tried counseling for my kids before they turned 18 but it didn't help. I love my kids I want them to get help. I just don't know what to do.

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      Karen 

      11 months ago

      I have been emotionally and verbally abused by my daughter since she was 12. She’s 21 and continues to hurt me emotionally and really brings a lot of negativity into our family. I keep hoping for a change but it never happens. I’ve been trying to get her the right kind of help she needs for years but have had no luck with therapy. And now I’m crying incidents she’s an alcoholic. I’m so depressed. She’s so resentful toward me and ironically I’m the one who worries about her the most. I feel this is going to be my life... will never change. I come from a loving family and my other three girls are so loving. I just don’t understand this.

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      Tammy 

      12 months ago

      I’m writing this with blurry, tear filled eyes. I had my daughter arrested tonight for abusing me. My heart is so heavy right now. It’s been going on for years. I blamed myself for not having a back bone but, I tried to help her with counseling and I even took a parenting discipline class, to learn how I might do things better for both of us. I told her time and time again that, This was the last straw and I would call the police if she did it again. Well, tonight was the last straw. She’s 19 and this is not how I seen her future to be. I’m so damn torn right now. I always swore I would be the parent that protects and helps her children. I feel like such a damn failure. Thank you, for the article. I get it about everything you wrote, it just doesn’t make it any easier.

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      Melinda 

      12 months ago

      My daughter is 23 I put my ex husband in prison for 20 years for getting my daughter pregnant she miscarriages they got the baby out of the toilet and buried it in my back yard my daughter has had 2 babies with a sex offender she left dec6th 2016 just came home in October she has told me she has a drug problem she has lied to me so much I can't believe anything she says everything that comes out of her mouth is so hard at times I go to court soon for full custody I pray that they don't give her the kids back I just feel like she is trying to get clean but no professional help as a parent I feel like I don't know her anymore I was always scared of drugs so therefore I don't know any thing about them she tells me I need to learn I tell her I don't have time her kids keep me busy tonight got bad and she tried to blame me for what happened to her but at the same time it's very hard for a parent to sit in a room full of cops and detectives and watch your child make porn movies for your husband not to mention ever since I had him locked up she talks to me the same way he did it's very hard being a parent really bad when you teach your child if anyone touches you improperly you have to tell me I really thought my daughter and I was so much closer the everyday pain is so bad she did come to my house breaking things I did call the law went to court they gave her 10 days I just don't know what else to do

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      Lucia Cardoso 

      12 months ago

      My oldest son verbally abuses me and calls me names which make me sick to the core. My younger son instead of saying this is not how you should talk to our mother instead has told me I’m dead to him and has spent the past week ignoring me. They stay with a family member who perpetuates their behaviors by always telling them they are right and that she will support them. Both refuse to sleep at home and despite my efforts they keep judging and criticizing me for everything. Hatred in its deepest form is manifesting in my family and I don’t know what to do. My husband is no help and shies away from confrontation and feigns off my heartache with “not again”. I’ve cried so many tears the heartache shows on my face. I’m glad for this article and to know that I am not alone. Thank you for your words of inspiration.

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      LeAnne Leblanc 

      12 months ago

      Hi ,my boys one age 30 and youngest is 26yrs old ,first I like to mention the primary yrs of their life’s I was there but at the ages of 11 and 15 I ended up being have gotten an addiction and lasted 10 yrs from start to finish and now with 10 yrs sober and I have repeatedly apologize for this as they ended up living with their abusive father and being mentally and physically abused,I have regrets about my life that drive me suicide but my boys have been back in my life and seemed well until now my youngest is now mentally abusing me and not physically but mentally although I sometimes feel I deserve it, I have spoken with other ppl who say lock him out it’s been happening for 5 yrs now and I have let him live with me until it’s so bad I do nothing but cry . I no longer let this go on .but he just showed up and stays until I loose it then abuse all over and he works and pays nothing and I’m on fixed income ,I can’t do this anymore but I have managed to stay sober and don’t get me wrong I don’t think by any means my problem of parenting I am responsible for this but what can I do

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      J. Wynder 

      12 months ago

      My 13 year old has threatened to kill me and pulled a knife on her respite worker. She is incorrigible. She had a waiver for 2 years and the State canceled it after I complained about her assigned social worker. She has destroyed countless items in my home and other family members home. I feel trapped in my own home as I have to sleep with my bedroom door locked. Parental abuse is Real!!!

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      Dieumene Limage 

      12 months ago

      Please tell me what I should do. I am in fear of my 15 yr old. She has became very rebellious and violent. She busted the windows to my house. I've called the police but they refuse to help me. She's made false accusations towards her father regarding abuse. They now gotten dcf involved and to tell you the truth I want them to take her because she's made threats that she is going to kill me. I have 4 other children to raise. I don't want to hurt her and go to jail and I don't want her to kill me. I am begging fir some answers please

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      Terrence R. Kiellman 

      12 months ago

      FIRST: When did congress or the senate for that matter enact a child constitution? I didn't get that memo. What rights? They have no freaking rights! Its LIBERAL RAG papers like the Huffington Post who make these kids believe they are some kind of adults.

      OK... My daughter Shaina is a master manipulator, a savant in mind f... she is a narcissistic sociopath just like her mother and their entire family. Biggest bunch of lunatic criminals on the planet. They care nothing for the law, rules, order, nothing. My daughter has seen this and treats me the same way my ex wife does. Extremely verbally abusive, physically abusive, (I mean I could throw this kid through a wall, along with her mother and grandmother) I am just not going to jail for her. I control my mind not my mind controlling me. Trust me, I SNAP in my mind lol. She recently turned 18 and you have to really thank the wanna be governor, and the entire liberal NYS Legislation for their MORONIC ways at looking at taking care of children. These people are the biggest DUNCES... I mean really. 18 you can do whatever you want, you don't have to listen to your parents, you can come in the house any time you wish, (hows 4 am)? in the streets of Brooklyn, NY. I mean we SHOULD RISE UP and take these bastards on! If you are 18 years old and REQUIRED to live with your parents, then there should be some LAWS involved don't you agree? How do you make a kid listen to you when they don't? That's insane. Oh, you whoop their ass you go to jail. Oh yeah in feminist NY a man hits a woman he is going to jail. I do not condone touching women but these kids they need a SMACK! The state should have a place that if your kid misbehaves you call them up and they take them away. Bring them to the filthiest disgusting worst food on the planet place, that in 30 days, they are MODEL children. Liberals are ok with KIDS having sex at early ages, and its disgusting how we allow this pedophile pimp Mark Zuckerberg to pimp out our children on his disgusting site allowing them to post disgusting vile pictures of themselves and us fathers simpy have to eat it! How many fathers reading this would love to see Mark and all his other peds snap chat, reddit, hung by a lamp post where we could beat them like a Pinata!

      Then you have these degenerate parents. The mother of my daughters boyfriend permitted her to be in her sons basement apartment for 90 days, 90 days of not telling me, talking to me, make me aware, or anything. The woman drove my daughter up to my front door and never asked to meet me! 90 days of this little pervert having sex with and OMG so much more in his private F den! Oh but you have to hand it to her, she finds a boy who's father is a detective in the SVU. NYS Penal law Article 130 130.20 ASK any father in this state they know it like the bible! You should read it... How its written, like I said MORONS! and his son has my daughter at 16 in his basement! I ORDERED this woman to keep my daughter OUT her house and she absolutely refuses!

      For liberals... Yes my daughter is 18 but she has the mentality of a 12 year old! She watches Hannah Montana and Comfy Couch! She is 18 years old and still in 10th grade! She does absolutely NOTHING like an adult, and mental is key not physical.

      I have an 18 year telling me to go F myself on a daily basis, walks in ANY time she chooses, 4am, 3am 2am on WEEKDAY! I won't lie I want to STRANGLE this kid! Especially, when I am mad at her and she is EXTREMELY nasty!

      Just to show you how this state is, FEMINIST... My daughter was physically hitting me, throwing things at me, smacking me in the face, calling me the most vile names, and she went to punch me in the face and restrained her. She told a social worker this and they called ACS on me. So, I was supposed to allow this kid to hurt me...

      As for calling the police? LOL! I called the police and they said there is nothing they can do, she is 18 she can do whatever she wants, and I can't throw her out.

      Ever since she met this little bastard out relationship has been eviscerated. He cheats on her left and right and she still goes back to him! He is a little freaking pervert who has sex with girls on school stairs and films it! If this kids father wasn't a cop I would have broke his face a long time ago, and put the mother in therapy!

      We as parents have allowed the system to STEAL our children away from us, making us POWERLESS to do anything, we need to STOP being AFRAID and MAKE THEM ACCOUNTABLE!

      PS: It doesn't help when I have NO support, especially, from the sociopath other side... They tell her she can do whatever she wants. They tell me she should have no rules! I have had ACS CPS in my life for 13 years. My ex is a child abusing and heroin addict, and with every complaint these bastards come after me! I do not do drugs, drink, smoke, nothing. Heres a fun fact. My daughter (youngest) when she was 7 years old was raped and molested by a man my ex wife had orgies with, 7 years later we found out through a diary. When Shaina addressed it with her mom and grandmother they said this " Oh its no big deal, he just put it on her! " No big deal some fat pedophile 45 year old freak put his C**ck on a 7 year old!!! You ever see Shameless? My inlaws The biggest bunch of low life degenerate criminals. ALL protected by SC and its agencies!

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      Dave Goodrich in Iowa USA 

      13 months ago

      I am 66 and my wife is 63. She had a stroke a few years back and lost a leg last year. After reading your posts I knew I was not alone. Out 17 year old son has been abusing us for years . He is our grandson and we adopted him when he was 10. He has lived with us since he was two. He hits me, calls us everything in the book and refuses to do anything we say or ask. It is so good to know that we are not the only ones suffering.

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      Diane 

      13 months ago

      I am 66 years old and have guardianship of my now 18 year old niece. She has stolen my credit card and used. She steals money from me and is verbally abusive. Tonight she said to satay awake because she will slit my throat. No one will help. She says I have to evict her from my home which she has destroyed. Why do I have to live like this?

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      Jamie Roberts 

      13 months ago

      My son is 14 y ars old and suffers from oppositional defiant disorder and autism. I try everything I can as a parent to help my son but have medical issues that have been making it harder to handle him as he has gotten older and bigger then me. He has a social worker and is on a waiting list for crisis services. He has other workers that come in my home and try and help him also. With all of this it doesn't stop him from beating my younger son as well as myself when he gets mad. I have reported bruises and bite marks from him and no one cares. Well last night he was threatening to kill my younger son and make me watch and then kill me before he kills himself. I called the police and they came to my home to get him, they called his social worker and hospital he goes to and I was told they had a bed for him there. It took 2 police officers to get him out of my home as he fought them (not as bad as he does me though) and they put him in the police car. The officer said because my son was 14 I had to follow them to the hospital to have him admitted. While there with him the headache I had been dealing with all day turned into a full blown migraine! I was light headed and ready to pass out, my fiancé went to get me the nurse who said they wouldn't help me because they were there to help my son and if I needed to be seen I needed to go out front and check in myself for medical attention. My fiancé got me a wheelchair because I was so dizzy I couldn't walk and wheeled me out to front window of the ER. While waiting this nurse comes out and tells me that they don't have a bed for my son so I need to take him somewhere else! Mind you the police brought him there because they had a bed for him there when crisis called them! I said I can't do that cause I couldn't even bring him there and now I need medical attention myself. The nurse then said if I do this that they need to call Child protection on me because I will be in a different room from my son so I better choose what I want to do and I said call CPS! I can't do this anymore! They made me wait in the waiting room in pain hyperventilating until I finally just said I want my son I'll just take him home and if we all die we die! Well then they brought me back and asked me what do you want us to do we don't have a bed for him, at this point I screamed that they needed to treat my fuckin migraine because my head hurt so bad I couldn't stand all of this. They had police come to stay with my son and took my blood pressure finally which was 190/106! The dr came in and said I see you suffer migraines regularly what can I give you to help so I told him and that's what he gave me and the pain got a bit better. Well the nurse asks your history and also if you are being hurt or threatened but anyone in you home and do you feel safe there? I said NO I don't because of my son and what he does to us all! The police came in and said well he has to go home and you can't drive him so the police took my homicidal suicidal son home to my 21 year old daughter and younger son while I was still in the emergency room! I got home an hour later and he was sleeping and everyone was safe for now. I didnt sleep well worried we would all be dead by morning. The worst part was that they were willing to charge me with child abandonment if I had left him at the hospital so instead they sent him home knowing he could kill us all and himself. I'm so lost right now I don't know where to turn.

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      Lori 

      13 months ago

      Excellent article with excellent support links. Thank you so much. I am not writing personal details here but this sensitive and empathetic article helped me if only to totally make me feel that someone understands what I am going through.

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      Neva for my friend Carrie 

      13 months ago

      Idk what to do for my friend who's 11 and 10 yr old sons abuse her daily. The 11yr old physically hits kicks bites pulls her hair tells her to shut up and calls her nasty names. He the 11yr old has cursed at me and threatened to hit me and I dared him to! I so wanted to tell him go ahead and make my day! I wanted to beat his ass for seriously hurting his mom my friend who asked for my help making it my business. My man doesn't want to get involved nor do many others. Well I am one of those who will not stand on the side lines! Idk what I or she can do. This is horrible to witness and feel so helpless. What can I do for her? I fear for her safety. Yes they all get useless counseling as it seems. They attend church too. This is a serious matter please help me help her. Ty

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      Charlotte 

      13 months ago

      My 15 year old Stepdaughter steals (money, clothing, my car-no, she's not licensed, etc.), she lies regularly, smokes pot in the house, has friends over at all hours, leaves trash all over the house and ignores me or refuses to be in the same room unless she wants something. My husband (married two years) has had full custody of her since she was eight and for whatever reason, he will not tell her no or hold her accountable for any of her actions. I don't want to leave my marriage (Other than her toxicity, we are happy together). Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

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      A sad Mother 

      13 months ago

      I am so happy that today, I finally decided to use Google and found this page. I thought truly I was the only one being abused in so many forms. I had to get a restraining order and have my daughter removed from my home and I have not see her in 4yrs, BUT, I still am the brunt of her now thank God verbal abuse. 3 days ago I put my foot down and my wall of self preservation up, we have not had any contact. I feel finally like I can breath, that maybe my life will have some meaning and I will have happiness, the weight is gone. The lies she has spun about me are mind boggling !! And now she is close as to chums can be with her bio father, whom she has not had an ounce of contact with during her entire childhood due to his drug and alcohol addictions , other than the countless times he sued me for silly things. Sadly, she was passed down his fuck up mind trait. He is now sober, or so he says, really I could care less. Well, it felt good to get some of this out, my story is long and horrid, as are many of yours. I am grateful that I have had this chance to "get it out" and will return. Thank you all, you are all loved and mean something to someone and deserve to love yourselves. Peace for now.

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      steph 

      13 months ago

      i have suffered as well at the hands of my daughter i too thought i was alone thats why i started a webpage on Facebook to try and raise awarness of this issuse i have not posted as much as i need to do to life situations i am trying to get better at it the webpage is called "Parental Abuse" feel free to look at coment post pictures what ever need a place to sound off i will try to get better at getting back at people

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      Jane Cook 

      13 months ago

      My 14 year old son has attacked me and hit me im devastated what do i do ive never felt this pain

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      MaggieMay 

      13 months ago

      My son is 23 years old, hasn’t worked for 18 months, pays nothing towards the bills yet everyday he is verbally abusive to me, demanding money and unless I give it to him he will shout and call my names, I’m always vile, that’s his favourite word for me, sometimes I’m a fat ugly disgusting vile but normally vile is his word to describe me. His verbal abuse is daily now from money to food to this or that Infact anything can kick him off. He has my house a disgusting mess, sleeps on the settee and when I get in from work at 8.20pm from a 13 hour shift at work I creep upstairs just so I don’t wake him. He will at some point wake me up when he wakes up, it may be 11pm it may be 2am, often I’m lazy he says because I haven’t done any house work even though I enter the house in darkeness because putting a light on will awaken him to start the abuse towards me. I kicked him out once and 4 months later he was back I was stupid to believe he had changed but within days the abuse was back, sometimes not as bad, but 2 years later he is worse than ever. I really don’t know how I function, how I get through those 13 hour shift on limited sleep, sometimes it’s a blessing to be at work because there he can’t insult me or cause me upset. I need to get away as my health is being affected by him, I’m 52 years old. I feel all alone in this dark abusive world, yes I tell close people what’s happening but I’m just so alone in the suffering.

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