The Silent Suffering of Parent Abuse: When Children Abuse Parents

Updated on February 14, 2012

What is Parent Abuse?

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We have all heard of child abuse and how children are damaged by this terrible behaviour and you only have to Google "Child Abuse" to find page after page of information, support groups and advice on this subject, but, how many people have heard of parent abuse? Especially at the hands of teenage children with serious social interaction and violence issues? Google it. You wont find much, except on a few support sites.

It's a growing problem for parents who share their home with abusive young people and ther is virtually no support.

Spotting the Signs of Parent Abuse

Parent Abuse is a form of domestic abuse and is a serious problem which results in physical harm, depression, damage to property, job loss, and family breakdown. It is usually perpetrated by a child in their teens displaying the following behaviour towards you and members of your family. Signs include:

  • Threats of and/or physical violence including hitting, punching, kicking, pushing, slapping, biting, hair pulling with or without weapons or objects used as weapons.
  • Swearing and name calling
  • Intimidation
  • A constant refusal to do as been asked ( going to bed, coming home, asking friends to leave, cleaning up after themselves, not attending school/college/work) or contribute to the household or participate in normal family activities.
  • Bullying by text or phone
  • Stealing money or property or misuse of parents credit cards/phones/computers
  • Deliberate damaging of property
  • Threats of or actual violence to pets or other children of the household as a way of intimidation
  • Emotional blackmail
  • Drug/alcohol abuse in the home
  • Belittling parents in front of friends/other family members/public.

Many parents may recognise some of these signs as "normal" teenage behaviour, but those suffering from parent abuse have experience physical harm resulting in medical treatment or even death, damage to property, theft and bullying at the hands of their teenage children. This causes parents to lose complete confidence in themselves as parent and human beings, and is debilitating for the child as the parent loses complete control over the child, leading the teenager to be unsupported and in danger of losing out by not fitting into society.

Quite often, the child who is abusing the parent, does it wilfully and for enjoyment, since the ability for empathy and compassion is not present in the teenage psyche, and is a way of them dealing with anger management issues, psychological disturbances and hormones. Not all teenagers turn on their parents, but there is an increasing number that are.

Since children have been made more aware of their rights as a child, it has prevented parents from administering chastisement and punishments traditionally used to control rowdy and unacceptable behaviour. The Law is always on the child's side, through legislation in Child Protection, but there is nothing to protect parents from children who abuse their parents, and in the UK, as a parent you are legally responsible for that child. In most cases Social Services are not interested, unless the child has a long history of repeated offences of violence involving the Police. Schools often permanently exclude teenagers with behavioural issues, but since there is virtually no support for these kids or their parents they quickly turn to drugs and crime.

Parent Abuse is not restricted to certain social groups, it can affect single and two parent families equally. It is usually the mother (or the main caregiver) who is most affected, but other children in the family and fathers suffer too.

What Causes Teens to Turn on Their Parents?

Many people consider Parent Abuse to be the result of bad parenting, neglect or the child suffering abuse themselves, but many teen abusers have had normal upbringing and have not suffered from these issues.

My personal belief is that as a society, we are not teaching our children respect, love and care. We are allowing them to be subjected to violence on TV, Film and music, and violence is considered "normal". Drugs and Alcohol can play a huge part, as can gang culture. Social deprivation is another factor, as is many teens not having adequate role models or enough input from male members of society. The breakdown of the family unit and increasing numbers of children who have poor or non existent relationships with an absent parent, debt, unemployment and parental drug/alcohol abuse are also contributory factors on Parent Abuse.

What Can you Do?

Firstly do not suffer in silence and take back control. You do not have to give your power away and you can put a stop to this abuse.

If you are suffering from Parent Abuse you must recognise that you are not at fault and do not deserve this, as with any form of abuse. Speak to a friend, or your GP, or contact a domestic abuse support group. Seek professional help.

Confront the child with his/her behaviour, calmly and tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate it any more. Explain that what they are doing is abuse ( be prepared for them to turn the tables on you and abuse you further) and explain that they need professional help. Re- assure them that you still love them, but this is the end of the line. Remove all privileges, rights to mobiles computers, video games, money etc and refuse to be a taxi service. If they refuse to come home, report them as missing to the police, and get them picked up in a squad car. Sometimes Police intervention is enough of a wake up call for them.

If you feel that you can still communicate with your child, seek mediation, and explain that you will not tolerate this behaviour. Lay down some ground rules, regain control of yourself and absolutely stick to them!. If you tell your child that if you are hit again, you will call the Police, and have them arrested. Don't call their bluff, do it. They need to see that you mean business.If your child physically harms you, steals from you or damages property, involve the Police immediately and PRESS CHARGES! Dial 999 and report an assault. Its tough love we are talking about here!

Try not to retaliate by hitting back unless in absolute self defence, and disarm them if the come at you with a weapon. Many many abusers will ring social services to claim you have hit them, and the Law comes down on their side every time. You will be prosecuted for hitting your child and your child will be placed on an "at risk" register as will any other children in your household.They may even be removed, which can be good news if the offending child is removed but unfair for the siblings or for you. If in doubt and under threat of violence, call the police. Invariably, Social Services will not be interested at all, unless you are yourself a drug abuser/alcoholic or violent towards your child, in which case, they will put the child on the "at risk" register, and seek to remove the child for its own safety.

See? No support for parents who suffer from appalling behaviour from teenage children who are often physically bigger and stronger than the parent.

Seek help from extended family and friends, and see if they can offer to give you respite by taking the child from you for a few days.

Get in touch with Parentline Plus, a UK organisation dedicated to helping parents with their issues. You can call them on 0808 800 2222. Visit their website and look on the message boards for help and support groups in your area.They often run groups which offer practical support and tips of parenting difficult teens. You can meet with other parents who are in the same boat as you and find support there.

Approach your GP and your child's school and have your child referred to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, or refer them yourself, informing them that you are suffering Parent Abuse.

Keep a journal of events, with dates, times etc., or a video diary, and film your child when it is abusing you (you can use your mobile phone or digital camera). Often, when faced with media of their own behaviour, it can shock them into accepting help from professionals.

Get therapy for yourself and your family.

If none of these work, then the last resort is to exclude the child at 16 years old from the family home, and change the locks. Its tough love, but you cannot continue to allow this behaviour to go on without resolving it. You owe it to your child to teach them that abuse is unacceptable and be excluded from the home is their behaviour continues.


*******************************FEBRUARY 2012******************************************************

It seems to me that those who are suffering need some place to find each other and connect, so you can all help each other out. How do people feel about me setting up a facebook page where you can all connect and help each other?
If you are concerned about your anonymity, you can of course set up a separate account at facebook, just for this purpose. I would not want anyone to compromise themselves. If I get enough feedback, I'll set one up, and post the link here for you to follow.
sending you all a massive hug. I do know what you are going through. I have walked the walk myself, though these days, I realise that what I have been through may not have been at the level that some of you are going through, but the emotional outcome is just the same.
Be brave, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Sending huge love out there to all who are reading this and suffering in silence.

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I have tried to update the links section, but the Hupages Police will not let me put the links in that direct you to useful sites, and as such, Hubpages Police are actively preventing you from accessing them from this page stating that they contain pop ups, ads for viagra etc. I have checked all of the links personally and they do not contain any of them, so i suggest you clear off this site and google them yourself. Use the search "parent abuse" and you should find all of the ones I tried to add on the first three pages.

If I leave the links in they refuse to publish this hub, which attracts 1200 hits a month from abused parents, so I have removed them all, and left in the ones that you used to be able to access. By refusing to publish this hub, they are giving the impression that they do not want you to access information to help yourself out of the hellish nightmare you are in.

Allegedly, a "human" reads all hubs and they are monitored, so to the human reading this who sanctioned this hub after I tried to add more useful links, well done, you prevented me from helping people. Hope you are proud of yourself. If I have to pull every single link out of here, I will, just to keep this hub running for people who have nowhere else to turn to.

Since I wrote this article two years ago, more and more of you are coming forward and speaking out about this ever increasing GLOBAL issue. I have read messages from parents from all over the globe, heartbreaking stories and personal accounts of horrific abuse. It is time we all came out of the closet, together and shouted with one voice : STOP!

Do not suffer in silence. Suffering in silence condones the behaviour.
We rally for child abuse victims.
We rally for disabled abuse victims.
We rally for domestic abuse victims and battered spouses, both male and female
We rally for sexual abuse victims
We rally for abused gay people
We rally for abused animals
We rally for abused environments and the abused planet

WHY ARE WE NOT RALLYING FOR ABUSED PARENTS?

Because nobody knows of the abuse because its victims stay silent.
Speak out to help not only yourself, but those who do not have the courage that you have.

This article is rated 2nd in popularity in the google search "parent abuse"

As of Feb 2012, over 26,000 people have viewed this page.

It currently has 97 comments, read them, please. For those with the courage to tell there story, there are thousands who do not.
The key to escaping this abuse is to recognise that you are far from being alone, you are one of THOUSANDS who need help.

Its time we stood together, with one voice and one heart.
You are valued, and you are loved, if by nobody else, then by me, and all of the other people here, who have told their stories.

I am currently researching for a new article I am writing about how we deal with this as a society, and what the authorities, health professional and the judiciary systems should be doing to help abuse survivors.

You are not a victim.
You are a survivor, and you deserve respect and love.
Speaking out IS empowerment.
They only win, when you give up.

huge hugs to all,

Lou x

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      Linda 11 days ago

      I called the police and I was the one that they arrested. My Son is so good at lying that I can actually understand why the police believed him over me. I am extremely depressed and feel like I have to give in to whatever he wants so I don't get hurt anymore because the last time he pushed me so hard that I can barely walk.

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      Mom of misery 2 weeks ago

      I have a 14 yr old son who has been in extensive therapy since 4yrs old. He is suicidal, physically abusive, verbally abusive, mentally abusive to me his teachers and siblings. My life has revolved around him i love him so much but i cant help him anymore im tired mentally tired i have no family to help and his dad tought him this behavior. He is taller and bigger then me now and he hites me, pushes me, calles me names pulls weapons out on me but has not pulled a knife out on me since he was 11. He walks and talks in sleep so i dont sleep. He blames everything on me and tells me what a horrible parent i am and he would never torture his kids like i do him because i took his videogames and phone. He tells me a lot of things actually. I have always been by his side, talk to him, help him catch up on school work, he saved me. But at the same time im so mentally tired i want to die i think about it all the time. How can i love somebody i almost died giving birth to and would do it again in a heart beat so much i cant imagine life without him, hate me so much put his hands on me disrespect me make me feel like a bad mom, person worthless. I just want to kill myself get it over with maybe he would do better without me.

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      mary 2 weeks ago

      I wont give my name but l two duffer from my 18year old daughter. I know she is goong through a lot. I have to sell up as l am not with her dad anymore. I had to make a choice which was the best one for myself and my two teenage girls. But now l feel she is blaiming me. I cant take it anymore anf l have to look after myself. I have told my youngest of 18 it is not right the way she treat me. This only makes things worst. What can l fo l havebtold her she will gave to move out. But she wont and my ex wont help. I dont know where to turn for help. No ones wants to listen saying they cant make her do something she does not what to do. Its mad l left my husband to get away from abuse now here it is again from my daughter and apart from putting her on the street there is nothing l can do.

    • profile image

      E and As mom 3 weeks ago

      Well I guess I’m one of the lucky ones who has TWO abusive children one 5 one 9! So I’m not looking forward to the t”teenage years”. Is there help for us anywhere????

    • profile image

      Richard Shellenberger 4 weeks ago

      I need help I get abused by my daughter every day I need help

    • profile image

      hunter foster 4 weeks ago

      i am 48 with two young sons of my own,one eleven the other nine.i have been in a relatioinship for three years with a woman that i love dearly.

      she has a son 16 yrs old that has some serios issues,and has ecused me of hitting blacking his eye,breaking his arm and throwing him down the stairs.he also went to the sherriff dept.,dhs. and his probation officer and tryed to sale the up as a victim of abuse.

      HE never mentioned he had attack his mother and caused bodily harm...stand and fight for self

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      Bjorn smith 4 weeks ago

      This has been a bit of a relief finding this post.

      I have been struggling with my daughter since she was 13-14

      She’s abusive violent does pretty much what she likes and shows no empathy or remorse!

      When reading the information above it totally resonated

      I will never give her the satisfaction of lifting my hands to her, but she literally battered me, punching kicking pulling my hair, then at school alleged she was assaulted by my partner and I.

      She was taken into care during a police investigation. From there I did everything asked by social services etc all the meetings. The police investigation ended and they said that we had shown incredible restraint in difficult

      Circumstances.

      I begged with her to behave just so she could come home. She assaulted me every single time we met.

      After a few months she said she’d kill herself if she didn’t get to live with her gran. As she shouted and swore at me in a busy cafe whilst Social Work congratulated her for not losing her temper, I agreed.

      Since then the guilt is crippling. She emotionally and mentally abuses me, and since then, assaulted me at Christmas time and whilst I was driving the car.

      Everyone is just concerned about her welfare and I don’t feel safe to be with her. The judgy ness by education in particular is also difficult to bare!

      It’s her 15th birthday in a couple of weeks and she doesn’t want to see me and says it messed with her head seeing me.

      I don’t know what to do, but I long for her to be 16 so I don’t feel so responsible

      I’d love someone to talk to who is in the same situation

      This is not a child (just to counter the above stuff) who is socially deprived, in fact probably towards the side of being spoiled. I’ve always worked to make sure she has what she needs.

      I have been single parent with no financial support from dad, and I have had 3 partners in 15 years.

      So I am clearly to blame because of that . The guilt is quite profound..... when do I draw the line??

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      alone 4 weeks ago

      ive felt so lonely for so long killing myself seemed the only way to be free of the abuse and the hurt im generaly a happy person try not to get down try and smile but recently my 30yr old son has moved in its worse than ever he say im stupid everything that goes wrong is my fault embarasses me in front of guest by belittling me i.let him move in with hopes things would be different there worse i cry everyday all day and ask god what i did to deserve this. as much as i try to make him love me he doesnt he has no respect for me he would stick up for a complete stranger before ever takn myside before i end my life i will try cutting him out which makes me so sad cuz i love him so much and he hates me lonely and deperate

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      K SANTHOSH KUMARI 5 weeks ago

      Hi! I am a parent of 17 year old son. I am very much frustrated with the way he is behaving, he doesn't respect us, abuse with foul languages, through the things here and there, addicted to cigarattes, roaming with friends and always with mobile.

      If we question him, he will respond so rudely and misbehave with us. We are feeling very bad and unable to handle the situation. We are not in peace of mind and unable to control him.

      We pampered him and made him relaise about the facts of life. only for certain period of time he will listen and misbehave again.

      I literally need help to handle the situation. We are deciding to stay away separately from him.

      We are facing this situation since 3 years.

      Pls advise in this regard.

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      Caring Daughter 5 weeks ago

      Both me and my sister have been watching our younger 17yr old brother mentally abuse our parents for the last year and a half. It breaks my heart to see my parents treated this way considering how loving they where raising all three of us. My sister living next door with her boyfriend has tried to talk to my brother on countless times and it only ends in him never trying or changing. Even on Christmas me and my sister tried taking with him and all he does is cry or not talk. Then after that my dad gave him 4 cigarettes and he left for the rest of Christmas Day. He’s called my mother disgusting and useless when ever he doesn’t get his way. It’s always there fault when his car they bought for him breaks down because he drives it like its meant for a destruction derby. Countless times my parent have tried to get him a job but everything is always to hard or isn’t perfect so he doesn’t apply or talk the offer. School is something that maybe he goes for 20min a day otherwise he’s driving around town wasting there gas. If they don’t give him his way the house feels it and he punches holes in the wall. His room is full of stolen road signs to hide the 12+ holes in his walls. My mother father and I where in a serious car accident about 3yrs ago and my father couldn’t do his job as a painter anymore. Money is very low and he drains any penny he can get from them or steals from there room or wallet.

      Also nothing is ever his fault. Last night his car got broken into when he left it somewhere full of valuables in a shady town and that was my parents fault??? It breaks my heart because every time I come down to visit they’re fighting or my mother is crying. All she says is she hopes it will go back to normal because some days he good. But he won’t change...... I’m seeing the man my brother is becoming and on this path he’s taking he won’t have his family with him. My parents don’t deserve this and just because he’s my brother/ there son doesn’t mean he can get away with abusing them. I’ve read lots of the story’s here on this page and they all sounds so familiar. I’m scared the stress on my father will put him in the hospital from a heart attack or when my brother finally snaps on either on of my parents. I want my brother out of there house and I’m done letting this happen to them no parent deserves this from there own child. I’m not saying I understand %100 what you as parents go though or your situation but what I know is your child is becoming and adult and starting there life and if they treat you like utter shit you need to let them go.

    • profile image

      coastalvixen 5 weeks ago

      I made the mistake of asking my daughter to help me when I had been warned for years to stay away. And I even told her that I was putting my house up for sale because things had gotten so difficult for me. I didn't realize that she wasn't even my daughter anymore, that her illness had completely taken over any morality or sense of fairness or rationality that she may have ever had. I have clinical depression, agoraphobia and PTSD. I had had a restraining order against a very dangerous person who the day after the 3 years were up showed up behind me at the corner store. This wasn't a new experience, it was the culmination and the worst of a string of bad experiences. I hadn't seen her in years, there had been periods where I had been able to just be alone and live quite well within my own world of rescues and other interests within my agoraphobia. But I always gravitated to painful men. And I had several years of very good psychotherapy. And some very bad disturbing mind controlling therapy manipulated by a psychologist and my 2nd ex-husband. That's enough for now. But I don't have a lot of time. But I was warned. Over and over.

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      Nobody 6 weeks ago

      I don't know where to start.im at lost of words why my daughter hates me SOOO much.. My daughter will be turning 18 in couple days .we have a really bad relationship.I have tried to bond with her and won't let me treats me like shit .she will only be nice when she wants something but when she does it's like I can't be smiling or in a good mood because she just always arguing me !! I can't even ask her anything cause she said I annoy her I get her sick .it's always something .I have no control at all .she is the type that will want to fight me if I try to disapline her so I just try to avoid her now ..I have tried and tried to fix our relationship for Soo long ..I have told her sorry for anything that I have done to cause her to hate me so much .But I'm to the point that I'm sick of kissing her ass and giving her everything and letting her walk all over me..I'm a single parent and I also have 3boys ages 14,11,3...There father isn't around and get Noo help from him so I'm also dealing with my 14 yr old son feeling hurt ect because of his dad not being around or has no contact with him . There father and I separated 3 yes ago And has moved on ..I'm just at a point right now feeling overwhelmed and Sad that my 18year old girl can be Soo mean and not care to see how much I try and do for them !!!!I can be in a good mood and she will just change all that..She literally bringing me down and it affects the rest of my kids...

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      jane 6 weeks ago

      My daughter is 15, she got into the wrong crowd at the age of 13, kids who smoked, took drugs and stole, their parents for whatever reason allow this sort of behaviour in their homes, let the kids flock around and take drugs and drink and smoke.

      My husband and i are not like that. I will not condone smoking weed in my home, if i find it and i usually do because it is skunk and stinks i flush it down the toilet. She tells us she is staying out at weekends and the mum she is staying with condones drinking and smoking.

      If i report her missing the Police bring her back and then she waits till they go and starts again, in fact the last time she went missing the Police found out where she was, my daughter, her friend and the mother where she was staying asked the police to meet them at the local shop, the police agreed and met them, then turned up at my house to say she was clean and happy and wanted to stay out again that night....this is the Police, so i have no power!

      Last night she came home and admitted that there had been a party at this house and she had got drunk, this resulted in her being sexual, the other mother condoned all of this.

      We have children's services on our backs because she is always late for School, she turns up at School smelling of weed and we are the ones under suspicion.

      My daughter steals money from us when she can, she swears and abuses us and even when we lock our home she breaks in and invites others in who look around our home, steal our things and abuse our life.

      I am at the end of my tether, i lie in bed on my days off work trying to sleep away the worries.

      She on the other hand is having a great old life taking drugs and drinking, what can we do.

      Well today i have made my mind up, i will be reporting the friends mother to childrens services, i will be making sure childrens services know that the Police condone such behaviour and i will be making it my mission to get her taken away from our family home.

      I will always love her but i hate her with a passion, and why should i be abused in the home i have been making for the last 20 years, why should i be stolen from and swore at.

      I am in the UK, here they make sure the emphasis is placed on the child, no help for the parents, in fact you are looked badly on if you state that you cannot cope, as i told the social worker, drugs are against the law, she smokes them in my home, i will not break the law, his only advise, compromise and allow her to only smoke drugs at the weekend....WHAT THE HELL!!!!

      NO i will not compromise on drug use, i tell you what you take her into your home and compromise with her, no i didn't think he would.

      The next time she does anything illegal she will be reported to the Police, i then hope she will get taken away and then i can at least relax in my own home without fear of being abused.....failing that i will kick her out at 16 so she can make her merry way in life, maybe then she will realise just how easy she had it at home.

      This abuse needs to be stopped, children know the way it all works and they know how to play the system, and if they don't they soon learn how to play the system from the other wayward children they mix with.

      I never imagined when i looked into my newborn daughters eyes with utter love and devotion 15 years ago that one day i would hate her and wish her gone, that she would become an abuser and a drug taker and that she would destroy everything she touched, that reality is soul destroying and has placed me to a point where i want to end my life, so i don't have to watch her destroy herself.

      THERE IS NO HELP FOR DECENT PARENTS LIKE US, THAT IS WHY OUR STORY WILL END IN TRADIGY.

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      Anomunious utah 6 weeks ago

      I have been verbally abused from my son he's in his 20s and I have tried telling hI'm to leave on his own since he graduated. He should be able to leave on his own since he has a big mouth..he's starting to abuse alcohol now and he's getting worse..I really want to move away from him since he won't leave our place..what do I do in a situation like this .I really need help talking to someone who would guide me through this..

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      Jakki 7 weeks ago

      I have read these parents cry for help.

      I thought I should share my experience in hopes of saving just one mom. Everything said has happened to me. Except hitting me. My son now 22. I took everything I had and sold it. There Just things. I then Co signed a apartment put food in refrigerator and moved him. In one day. My life is so beautiful now. I think its not real.

      He has 2 months to get a job or I will break the lease and he will be evicted. His choice. There is public transportantion. He's in a place he could walk to a job. I will also put him on public assistance. I also made a list of government agencies. The food bank. The shelters ect. I got him a cheep cell phone. He breaks it. His problem. Why did I do this? I love him so much I can't bare to see him not try in life because I did nothing. Every Sunday he comes to do his laundry and we talk. If handicape people can work and live on there own so can a young vibrant healthy strong man. God bless take your life back! I will not let anyone move in my home and abuse me or my husband.

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      fiona 7 weeks ago

      my son has got progressively worse - we have a lovely home - one of 4 kids - second eldest - he very lucky we have everything we need and they are taught to appreciate it . Over the last 18 months unknown to me hes started smoking weed and just turns into somebody I don't know - last week I battled to get them to let hims to stay in school after being found with cannabis. On Sunday - he broke 2 of my ribs and punctured a lung after being licked across the living room after repeatedly asking him to go to bed at 1045 . I do and don't want to call the police but I am so HURT and so ANGRY and whats overwhelmed me more is now hes saying its my fault - and said I need to apologise . My ex husband is clueless on what to do this is part of the issue - I am the discipline - but hes 6 foot 2 now and size 11 feet . One of his smaller siblings would not have got up from that punch . Im scared of him and he is absolutely not scared not me on any level .

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      Bandit 8 7 weeks ago

      My son has been hitting me calling me every name in the book while he demands money for pot he doesn't work or take care of himself at all no shower lo g nails long unkept hair and has no friends outside his drug connections. I live in San Jose area what help is there in my area

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      MrsX 7 weeks ago

      My 14 year old daughter has just started hurting me. She thinks she is above the law now. I’ve rang the police, they take her and then bring her back!! I’ve rang social services and they aren’t doing anything. I’m sat here with a bald patch and a bruised cheek because I took her phone for sneaking out of my windows at night. I don’t know what to do

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      anon 7 weeks ago

      This isn't just a problem with teens. I know a family who was afraid of the own adult child who stole from them, cursed and screamed at them and threatened them when they didn't give them enough money. They even tried to get control of their assets by trying to declare them incompetent, which went no where because everything said was a lie but it cost a lot of legal fees and emotional distress. They ultimately had to cut this child off as they refused counseling and the relationship just became more and more toxic.

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      RMD 7 weeks ago

      I am the mother of 14 year old abusive daughter living in India. We had a normal middle class family...until my daughter started acting up 3 years back...mu husband and me treated this as a normal teenage issue at first. She staryed throwing tantrums when we would refuse say no to getting some new gadget or going out with friends. She started getting verbally abusive and would hit me occasionally. And now three years on we are in a the worst possible situation. She now not only abuses me but also my parents using the worst possible base abuses in our native language. She threatens to kill me, hits me if i react to her abuse, has beaten me up om 3 to 4 occasions. We don’t seem to have any forums for abused parents in our country. Every minute of the day is torture. She treats us like servants ordering us around and we do things to keep peace but there is no peace. She is completely the opposite in front of outsiders. She hates most of our relatives. She has this fake superiority complex because i sent her to an upscale 5 day week boarding school to get her away for sometime. I had no other boarding school options at that time. Instead of improving things have gotten worse since then because she has chosen the worst possible friends...hell

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      Terence Bolton 8 weeks ago

      this government is absolutely pathetic,they have taken away most of a parents rights to discipline their children,i am a single parent,my daughter is out of control,there is no support for me,i am not listened to,i am being abused by my daughter,what about my rights?

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      Long Lasting Effects 8 weeks ago

      Am I suffering from PTSD? This is the question that runs through my mind as I read this article. I have reread it several times today, I am finding solace that others have been though similar traumas as myself with their own children. I love my child, we have cared for him and gotten him the proper help when necessary, and now this Young Adult Child is now continuing the abuse but in rather different ways. He is thriving into adulthood and this fact I am proud of. It's a shame really, for your own off spring to turn against you like a ravenous fox with rabies. Especially when you give this child love, care, understanding, and so forth. There seems to be a lack of respect when respect was taught, a lack of emotion when emotion was taught, and a lack of relationship, when relationship was always most desired. I was not the best of parents, but I tried incredibly hard to be the best parent that I knew how to be. In fact with him, I tried even harder because of the early tantrums he exhibited and my oldest child suffered because of it. I sought parenting class, parenting books, and many more things to make sure that I helped develop a child that was responsible and respected us. I often ask myself, Where did I go wrong? I can't pinpoint a particular instance or time that caused the rift between us both, but at some point he must have thought I no longer protected him. I miss the relationship that we should have. We as parents are supposed to guide our Adult Children into the next Chapter of their lives. Yet, I do not have this luxury. I have other children, they are unabusive and well adapted. Our relationships are beautiful relationships with our other children. I think all the children suffered at his abuse, not because he abused them but because they watched him abuse us. I wish things were different with him. We have extended family members too, that influenced his thought patterns. Many of those damaging words from extended family have unraveled over the past few years. I am baffled at how it affected his relationship with us. People he admired spouted off lies that he believed about me. Then he lost all respect for me along the way. Somethings he has admitted to us about certain events that happened, but they did not happen at all or they did not happen the way he said. Once we confronted that to him and he stated that it didn't matter because this is his reality. This is confusing to me, and it seems like created lies to make him forget all the times he was horrible to us. To be honest, All I truly desire from this young adult is a true relationship, and honor and respect for being the best parent I could be, that I strived to be, Love, and to be able to pour into his life the stuff I learned from rather he takes it or leaves it behind I do not care. I feel like he has stolen my ability to mold him as a child, to guide him as a teenager, and to love him as an adult. A parent is supposed to love their child with a deep affection, unfortunately I feel a lot of misery from his attitude towards us. I often grieve the missed opportunities that was stolen from us as parents. Thank you for your bravery to write this post. Is there a Facebook page as mentioned before? How is your relationship now with your child? Are they adults as of yet?

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      grandma 2 months ago

      This is so helpful, I thought I was the only one, I get abused by my granddaughter.

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      Unsure 2 months ago

      I am married to a wonderful man. Between us, we have 6 boys. We have 3 teenagers. 13, 17, & 18. The 13 and 17 yr olds F-bomb me a lot. The 17 yr old won't go to school the 18 yr old dropped out. We can't get the 3 to even clean their rooms without them yelling at us. The 13 yr old has self-medicated with weed. He has stolen money, the liquor that we keep in our bedroom. He will climb to get it. Every time we confront him we get F-bombed like we just did something wrong. We barely touch the liquor that we have put up. I bought it 3 days before Christmas and still have some left. I don't know what to do or how to help my 3 teens. Sometimes I feel that we are being held hostage because the 17 yr old will start others step-siblings when he is told no. Unsure what to do

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      vicki 3 months ago

      my sister isn't well and she is a single mum with a 10 year old girl,the girl is escalating from verbal abuse to physical abuse over the past two weeks , her mother is currently being diagnosed with a rare not terminal brain condition,her child only yesterday started messing up her meds seemingly trying to overdose mum then takes all meds out of boxes mixes them all up!!! can my sister get help anywhere ss or schools? just yesterday girl hit head teacher aand expelled,what can they do?

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      Help me please 3 months ago

      My 22 year old son bullies me and has done for approx 6 years now.i am a single mother with no other children.he constantly talks to me like I'm shit I don't even get out of bed anymore.i really want to throw him out but he has no friends and no where to go.he won't go to work or sign on and asks me for money constantly.he never leaves the house.im scared of him and have no idea what to do about it,I'm nearly at the end

      My heart is broken.anon uk

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      April 3 months ago

      I have two kids that have put me threw hell since elementary age. There father does help at all not even financially. They punch holes in my walls in my home, throw and break thing, scream and yell at me even have hit and kicked me. One child is 13 sneaking out the window being sexual active. My 15 year old sneaking around smoking cigarettes and weed. They are both go to mental health services. It doesn't work. I can't handle it. I call the dad and all he says is what do you want me to do about it?? I asked could he take one and he said no. I have raised them in a good environment. They are out of control. I'm on the verge of signing them over to the state.

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      Matth321 3 months ago

      Some of the comments here relate to a situation I am trying to understand and resolve on behalf of a parent.

      Have a look at Borderline Personality Disorder.(BPD)

      Many of the comments and situations may be due to a child having this condition...

      I’m readind a book walking on eggshells ... it is making a lot of sense and is helping...

      Good luck be strong !

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      Krisfa 3 months ago

      I need help my 4 year old boys are dangerous and has tried killing their baby sister how do i get help

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      Anonymous 3 months ago

      I have adult boys who have hit choked and put me down for years but they grew up around domestic violence toward me and them. But they also beat and control girlfriends too. I am afraid of my kids and my boyfriend. I tried counseling for my kids before they turned 18 but it didn't help. I love my kids I want them to get help. I just don't know what to do.

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      Karen 3 months ago

      I have been emotionally and verbally abused by my daughter since she was 12. She’s 21 and continues to hurt me emotionally and really brings a lot of negativity into our family. I keep hoping for a change but it never happens. I’ve been trying to get her the right kind of help she needs for years but have had no luck with therapy. And now I’m crying incidents she’s an alcoholic. I’m so depressed. She’s so resentful toward me and ironically I’m the one who worries about her the most. I feel this is going to be my life... will never change. I come from a loving family and my other three girls are so loving. I just don’t understand this.

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      Tammy 4 months ago

      I’m writing this with blurry, tear filled eyes. I had my daughter arrested tonight for abusing me. My heart is so heavy right now. It’s been going on for years. I blamed myself for not having a back bone but, I tried to help her with counseling and I even took a parenting discipline class, to learn how I might do things better for both of us. I told her time and time again that, This was the last straw and I would call the police if she did it again. Well, tonight was the last straw. She’s 19 and this is not how I seen her future to be. I’m so damn torn right now. I always swore I would be the parent that protects and helps her children. I feel like such a damn failure. Thank you, for the article. I get it about everything you wrote, it just doesn’t make it any easier.

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      Melinda 4 months ago

      My daughter is 23 I put my ex husband in prison for 20 years for getting my daughter pregnant she miscarriages they got the baby out of the toilet and buried it in my back yard my daughter has had 2 babies with a sex offender she left dec6th 2016 just came home in October she has told me she has a drug problem she has lied to me so much I can't believe anything she says everything that comes out of her mouth is so hard at times I go to court soon for full custody I pray that they don't give her the kids back I just feel like she is trying to get clean but no professional help as a parent I feel like I don't know her anymore I was always scared of drugs so therefore I don't know any thing about them she tells me I need to learn I tell her I don't have time her kids keep me busy tonight got bad and she tried to blame me for what happened to her but at the same time it's very hard for a parent to sit in a room full of cops and detectives and watch your child make porn movies for your husband not to mention ever since I had him locked up she talks to me the same way he did it's very hard being a parent really bad when you teach your child if anyone touches you improperly you have to tell me I really thought my daughter and I was so much closer the everyday pain is so bad she did come to my house breaking things I did call the law went to court they gave her 10 days I just don't know what else to do

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      Lucia Cardoso 4 months ago

      My oldest son verbally abuses me and calls me names which make me sick to the core. My younger son instead of saying this is not how you should talk to our mother instead has told me I’m dead to him and has spent the past week ignoring me. They stay with a family member who perpetuates their behaviors by always telling them they are right and that she will support them. Both refuse to sleep at home and despite my efforts they keep judging and criticizing me for everything. Hatred in its deepest form is manifesting in my family and I don’t know what to do. My husband is no help and shies away from confrontation and feigns off my heartache with “not again”. I’ve cried so many tears the heartache shows on my face. I’m glad for this article and to know that I am not alone. Thank you for your words of inspiration.

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      LeAnne Leblanc 5 months ago

      Hi ,my boys one age 30 and youngest is 26yrs old ,first I like to mention the primary yrs of their life’s I was there but at the ages of 11 and 15 I ended up being have gotten an addiction and lasted 10 yrs from start to finish and now with 10 yrs sober and I have repeatedly apologize for this as they ended up living with their abusive father and being mentally and physically abused,I have regrets about my life that drive me suicide but my boys have been back in my life and seemed well until now my youngest is now mentally abusing me and not physically but mentally although I sometimes feel I deserve it, I have spoken with other ppl who say lock him out it’s been happening for 5 yrs now and I have let him live with me until it’s so bad I do nothing but cry . I no longer let this go on .but he just showed up and stays until I loose it then abuse all over and he works and pays nothing and I’m on fixed income ,I can’t do this anymore but I have managed to stay sober and don’t get me wrong I don’t think by any means my problem of parenting I am responsible for this but what can I do

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      J. Wynder 5 months ago

      My 13 year old has threatened to kill me and pulled a knife on her respite worker. She is incorrigible. She had a waiver for 2 years and the State canceled it after I complained about her assigned social worker. She has destroyed countless items in my home and other family members home. I feel trapped in my own home as I have to sleep with my bedroom door locked. Parental abuse is Real!!!

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      Dieumene Limage 5 months ago

      Please tell me what I should do. I am in fear of my 15 yr old. She has became very rebellious and violent. She busted the windows to my house. I've called the police but they refuse to help me. She's made false accusations towards her father regarding abuse. They now gotten dcf involved and to tell you the truth I want them to take her because she's made threats that she is going to kill me. I have 4 other children to raise. I don't want to hurt her and go to jail and I don't want her to kill me. I am begging fir some answers please

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      Terrence R. Kiellman 5 months ago

      FIRST: When did congress or the senate for that matter enact a child constitution? I didn't get that memo. What rights? They have no freaking rights! Its LIBERAL RAG papers like the Huffington Post who make these kids believe they are some kind of adults.

      OK... My daughter Shaina is a master manipulator, a savant in mind f... she is a narcissistic sociopath just like her mother and their entire family. Biggest bunch of lunatic criminals on the planet. They care nothing for the law, rules, order, nothing. My daughter has seen this and treats me the same way my ex wife does. Extremely verbally abusive, physically abusive, (I mean I could throw this kid through a wall, along with her mother and grandmother) I am just not going to jail for her. I control my mind not my mind controlling me. Trust me, I SNAP in my mind lol. She recently turned 18 and you have to really thank the wanna be governor, and the entire liberal NYS Legislation for their MORONIC ways at looking at taking care of children. These people are the biggest DUNCES... I mean really. 18 you can do whatever you want, you don't have to listen to your parents, you can come in the house any time you wish, (hows 4 am)? in the streets of Brooklyn, NY. I mean we SHOULD RISE UP and take these bastards on! If you are 18 years old and REQUIRED to live with your parents, then there should be some LAWS involved don't you agree? How do you make a kid listen to you when they don't? That's insane. Oh, you whoop their ass you go to jail. Oh yeah in feminist NY a man hits a woman he is going to jail. I do not condone touching women but these kids they need a SMACK! The state should have a place that if your kid misbehaves you call them up and they take them away. Bring them to the filthiest disgusting worst food on the planet place, that in 30 days, they are MODEL children. Liberals are ok with KIDS having sex at early ages, and its disgusting how we allow this pedophile pimp Mark Zuckerberg to pimp out our children on his disgusting site allowing them to post disgusting vile pictures of themselves and us fathers simpy have to eat it! How many fathers reading this would love to see Mark and all his other peds snap chat, reddit, hung by a lamp post where we could beat them like a Pinata!

      Then you have these degenerate parents. The mother of my daughters boyfriend permitted her to be in her sons basement apartment for 90 days, 90 days of not telling me, talking to me, make me aware, or anything. The woman drove my daughter up to my front door and never asked to meet me! 90 days of this little pervert having sex with and OMG so much more in his private F den! Oh but you have to hand it to her, she finds a boy who's father is a detective in the SVU. NYS Penal law Article 130 130.20 ASK any father in this state they know it like the bible! You should read it... How its written, like I said MORONS! and his son has my daughter at 16 in his basement! I ORDERED this woman to keep my daughter OUT her house and she absolutely refuses!

      For liberals... Yes my daughter is 18 but she has the mentality of a 12 year old! She watches Hannah Montana and Comfy Couch! She is 18 years old and still in 10th grade! She does absolutely NOTHING like an adult, and mental is key not physical.

      I have an 18 year telling me to go F myself on a daily basis, walks in ANY time she chooses, 4am, 3am 2am on WEEKDAY! I won't lie I want to STRANGLE this kid! Especially, when I am mad at her and she is EXTREMELY nasty!

      Just to show you how this state is, FEMINIST... My daughter was physically hitting me, throwing things at me, smacking me in the face, calling me the most vile names, and she went to punch me in the face and restrained her. She told a social worker this and they called ACS on me. So, I was supposed to allow this kid to hurt me...

      As for calling the police? LOL! I called the police and they said there is nothing they can do, she is 18 she can do whatever she wants, and I can't throw her out.

      Ever since she met this little bastard out relationship has been eviscerated. He cheats on her left and right and she still goes back to him! He is a little freaking pervert who has sex with girls on school stairs and films it! If this kids father wasn't a cop I would have broke his face a long time ago, and put the mother in therapy!

      We as parents have allowed the system to STEAL our children away from us, making us POWERLESS to do anything, we need to STOP being AFRAID and MAKE THEM ACCOUNTABLE!

      PS: It doesn't help when I have NO support, especially, from the sociopath other side... They tell her she can do whatever she wants. They tell me she should have no rules! I have had ACS CPS in my life for 13 years. My ex is a child abusing and heroin addict, and with every complaint these bastards come after me! I do not do drugs, drink, smoke, nothing. Heres a fun fact. My daughter (youngest) when she was 7 years old was raped and molested by a man my ex wife had orgies with, 7 years later we found out through a diary. When Shaina addressed it with her mom and grandmother they said this " Oh its no big deal, he just put it on her! " No big deal some fat pedophile 45 year old freak put his C**ck on a 7 year old!!! You ever see Shameless? My inlaws The biggest bunch of low life degenerate criminals. ALL protected by SC and its agencies!

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      Dave Goodrich in Iowa USA 5 months ago

      I am 66 and my wife is 63. She had a stroke a few years back and lost a leg last year. After reading your posts I knew I was not alone. Out 17 year old son has been abusing us for years . He is our grandson and we adopted him when he was 10. He has lived with us since he was two. He hits me, calls us everything in the book and refuses to do anything we say or ask. It is so good to know that we are not the only ones suffering.

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      Diane 5 months ago

      I am 66 years old and have guardianship of my now 18 year old niece. She has stolen my credit card and used. She steals money from me and is verbally abusive. Tonight she said to satay awake because she will slit my throat. No one will help. She says I have to evict her from my home which she has destroyed. Why do I have to live like this?

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      Jamie Roberts 5 months ago

      My son is 14 y ars old and suffers from oppositional defiant disorder and autism. I try everything I can as a parent to help my son but have medical issues that have been making it harder to handle him as he has gotten older and bigger then me. He has a social worker and is on a waiting list for crisis services. He has other workers that come in my home and try and help him also. With all of this it doesn't stop him from beating my younger son as well as myself when he gets mad. I have reported bruises and bite marks from him and no one cares. Well last night he was threatening to kill my younger son and make me watch and then kill me before he kills himself. I called the police and they came to my home to get him, they called his social worker and hospital he goes to and I was told they had a bed for him there. It took 2 police officers to get him out of my home as he fought them (not as bad as he does me though) and they put him in the police car. The officer said because my son was 14 I had to follow them to the hospital to have him admitted. While there with him the headache I had been dealing with all day turned into a full blown migraine! I was light headed and ready to pass out, my fiancé went to get me the nurse who said they wouldn't help me because they were there to help my son and if I needed to be seen I needed to go out front and check in myself for medical attention. My fiancé got me a wheelchair because I was so dizzy I couldn't walk and wheeled me out to front window of the ER. While waiting this nurse comes out and tells me that they don't have a bed for my son so I need to take him somewhere else! Mind you the police brought him there because they had a bed for him there when crisis called them! I said I can't do that cause I couldn't even bring him there and now I need medical attention myself. The nurse then said if I do this that they need to call Child protection on me because I will be in a different room from my son so I better choose what I want to do and I said call CPS! I can't do this anymore! They made me wait in the waiting room in pain hyperventilating until I finally just said I want my son I'll just take him home and if we all die we die! Well then they brought me back and asked me what do you want us to do we don't have a bed for him, at this point I screamed that they needed to treat my fuckin migraine because my head hurt so bad I couldn't stand all of this. They had police come to stay with my son and took my blood pressure finally which was 190/106! The dr came in and said I see you suffer migraines regularly what can I give you to help so I told him and that's what he gave me and the pain got a bit better. Well the nurse asks your history and also if you are being hurt or threatened but anyone in you home and do you feel safe there? I said NO I don't because of my son and what he does to us all! The police came in and said well he has to go home and you can't drive him so the police took my homicidal suicidal son home to my 21 year old daughter and younger son while I was still in the emergency room! I got home an hour later and he was sleeping and everyone was safe for now. I didnt sleep well worried we would all be dead by morning. The worst part was that they were willing to charge me with child abandonment if I had left him at the hospital so instead they sent him home knowing he could kill us all and himself. I'm so lost right now I don't know where to turn.

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      Lori 5 months ago

      Excellent article with excellent support links. Thank you so much. I am not writing personal details here but this sensitive and empathetic article helped me if only to totally make me feel that someone understands what I am going through.

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      Neva for my friend Carrie 5 months ago

      Idk what to do for my friend who's 11 and 10 yr old sons abuse her daily. The 11yr old physically hits kicks bites pulls her hair tells her to shut up and calls her nasty names. He the 11yr old has cursed at me and threatened to hit me and I dared him to! I so wanted to tell him go ahead and make my day! I wanted to beat his ass for seriously hurting his mom my friend who asked for my help making it my business. My man doesn't want to get involved nor do many others. Well I am one of those who will not stand on the side lines! Idk what I or she can do. This is horrible to witness and feel so helpless. What can I do for her? I fear for her safety. Yes they all get useless counseling as it seems. They attend church too. This is a serious matter please help me help her. Ty

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      Charlotte 5 months ago

      My 15 year old Stepdaughter steals (money, clothing, my car-no, she's not licensed, etc.), she lies regularly, smokes pot in the house, has friends over at all hours, leaves trash all over the house and ignores me or refuses to be in the same room unless she wants something. My husband (married two years) has had full custody of her since she was eight and for whatever reason, he will not tell her no or hold her accountable for any of her actions. I don't want to leave my marriage (Other than her toxicity, we are happy together). Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

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      A sad Mother 5 months ago

      I am so happy that today, I finally decided to use Google and found this page. I thought truly I was the only one being abused in so many forms. I had to get a restraining order and have my daughter removed from my home and I have not see her in 4yrs, BUT, I still am the brunt of her now thank God verbal abuse. 3 days ago I put my foot down and my wall of self preservation up, we have not had any contact. I feel finally like I can breath, that maybe my life will have some meaning and I will have happiness, the weight is gone. The lies she has spun about me are mind boggling !! And now she is close as to chums can be with her bio father, whom she has not had an ounce of contact with during her entire childhood due to his drug and alcohol addictions , other than the countless times he sued me for silly things. Sadly, she was passed down his fuck up mind trait. He is now sober, or so he says, really I could care less. Well, it felt good to get some of this out, my story is long and horrid, as are many of yours. I am grateful that I have had this chance to "get it out" and will return. Thank you all, you are all loved and mean something to someone and deserve to love yourselves. Peace for now.

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      steph 5 months ago

      i have suffered as well at the hands of my daughter i too thought i was alone thats why i started a webpage on Facebook to try and raise awarness of this issuse i have not posted as much as i need to do to life situations i am trying to get better at it the webpage is called "Parental Abuse" feel free to look at coment post pictures what ever need a place to sound off i will try to get better at getting back at people

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      Jane Cook 6 months ago

      My 14 year old son has attacked me and hit me im devastated what do i do ive never felt this pain

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      MaggieMay 6 months ago

      My son is 23 years old, hasn’t worked for 18 months, pays nothing towards the bills yet everyday he is verbally abusive to me, demanding money and unless I give it to him he will shout and call my names, I’m always vile, that’s his favourite word for me, sometimes I’m a fat ugly disgusting vile but normally vile is his word to describe me. His verbal abuse is daily now from money to food to this or that Infact anything can kick him off. He has my house a disgusting mess, sleeps on the settee and when I get in from work at 8.20pm from a 13 hour shift at work I creep upstairs just so I don’t wake him. He will at some point wake me up when he wakes up, it may be 11pm it may be 2am, often I’m lazy he says because I haven’t done any house work even though I enter the house in darkeness because putting a light on will awaken him to start the abuse towards me. I kicked him out once and 4 months later he was back I was stupid to believe he had changed but within days the abuse was back, sometimes not as bad, but 2 years later he is worse than ever. I really don’t know how I function, how I get through those 13 hour shift on limited sleep, sometimes it’s a blessing to be at work because there he can’t insult me or cause me upset. I need to get away as my health is being affected by him, I’m 52 years old. I feel all alone in this dark abusive world, yes I tell close people what’s happening but I’m just so alone in the suffering.

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      carol 6 months ago

      My neighbors son is about 10 years old.he loves saying the f word.his mother doesn't say or do anything about it.plus,I haven't seen him go or come home from school.i know the mom doesn't homeschool.ii don't talk to them but they r sure loud.everybody on our street can hear them.what act can I take and still be the unknown person?

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      Susan Rankin 6 months ago

      Finding this page has helped me calm down. My son is an adult. If he leaves my house, I will be forced to pay bedroom tax on 2 bedrooms. He gets so angry and verbally abusive. I have called the police a few times but my son told me, they told him I was wasting their time ! I am in a horrible trap.

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      Gina R. 6 months ago

      I am ddrd

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      Suzie 6 months ago

      My 28yr old daughter has emotionally & verbally abused me for yrs,it has been a constant very exhausting battle for me. 5yrs ago very 1st time she physically abused me, which left me very broken & hurting deep inside. But I would just act as normal in front of pple. Abt 2,mths ago she moved into our home with my 2 grandkids. My daughters name is also on house title. The day she moved in,it's been pure hell with her continuous emotional & verbal abuse at me. Her name calling & always putn me down. Her threats on my life telln me she will slice my throat,put me 6ft under n telln me to go kill myself. Then she is ok for abt 1wk or so then bang it's on again. It's like she turns into another personality. Which has contributed to my depression n suicidal thoughts more severe. Then other day she physically attacked me,u cld see it in her how much she wanted to inflict pain on me. I finally had enough n got enough courage to go to the police n filed a report. Im exhausted protecting my abuser n suffering in silence. I can't bring myself to file charges. She is my daughter. Good thing is Ive stood up for myself & no more suffering in silence ☺bad thing is I can't live in my own home no more ,need to find new home & that's not easy. Like I said to my friends that I'd rather live our on the streets than keep living the everyday hell that i live.

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      Kristi 6 months ago

      I have a child with many diagnoses and need help..IS there a website on fb we all can talk on so we can exchange stories and maybe get some kind of he p or relief..TY

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      Alex 6 months ago

      Have you considered including links as text, where the "." is replace by the word in brackets (DOT):

      Eg. xyzwebsite(DOT)com

      Another useful way to lead folks to sites that might help is to share specific search terms that flag sites on Google for instance.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and support.

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      Lucy 6 months ago

      My son is 25 and I have suffered first verbal and bullying and it turned to physical abuse. I have start fighting back with the law. I got me an protection order. I had to pray and ask God to take my child off my heart and start thinking about myself. He has always said he hated me wish I was dead, constantly threatening to kill me and I believe him. You think everything is okay , but he will turn on me. I have to watch what I say or do.

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      Nicole 6 months ago

      I have a autistic child qith aggression i am always there for her . But she is nice until u say no. I have been pushed In front of a car .hit while driving called a bitch she says fuck you. Excuse my language i have had dislocated fingers hair pulled.i have bought so many things for her out of love but i feel she doesn't care . she demands things .there is always something if i don't do what she wants i will get struck . she is 211 pounds and i weigh120 i love her i take care of her basic needs . I feel unappreciated. She is 15 .

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      Marie sawdy 6 months ago

      I got punched in the face today,spit on, kicked, punched and called names. That was just today. I've been bitten multiple times to the point of almost drawing blood. I've been kicked in the stomach and repeatedly hit. I've had rocks thrown at my head. Pinched n clawed. I've been hit with objects to the point of bruises. This is just the last few weeks. This is being done by a 9 year old that has bipolar disorder, ADHD, extreme anger problems, verbally abusive and the list goes on. This is my boyfriend's daughter. His 10 year old son is in the process of being diagnosed bipolar and adhd. He is extremely verbally abusive towards me. I've been called a cunt, bitch, dumb ass, stupid, fuck face, lier, whore and more. I am strong but how much more do I have to take......

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      Dave M. 7 months ago

      I am 13-14 and after accidently back-handing my big sister, I can say I am an abusive child, I call people names when angry and are constantly paranoid maybe it's not as severe as the cases and comments below me,

      but thank you for showing me that I'm just a prick, not a normal teenager and need help. Cheers

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      Julie Whyte 7 months ago

      Dearest All, who are going through abuse at the hands of your children. I hope the information I have listed below helps you because it has helped me. Much love to you All.

      Luke173ministries.org

      Cutting ties, knowing when it's time to walk away.

      By Reverend Renee Pitteli

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      Looking for solutions 7 months ago

      Thank you ... it really helps just to hear I am not alone and to recieved a hug

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      Nat 7 months ago

      My 13 year old has been abusing me taking drugs I have had to leave two jobs due to coming home to a household of girls smoking weed eating all my food, I then got social services to put her in a rest bite for 30 days as I'm in Australia and all my family are in the U.K. And won't look after her and she even smashed their house up and still leaving and then getting high, I don't k ow what to do they have said I either bring her back home after 1 week or foster care! I love her so much and do t know what to do!

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      Mag 7 months ago

      My Son who is 19 will spit at me name calling hit me break my belongings will take no responsibility for his actions and I have suffer this since he was 14 I don,t think he will ever change to me we will go several weeks where we get along then he will go back he then tells me its my fault he was spoilt as a child and still likes to get his own way he will tell me I am not his mother only a birth mother these are very hurtful he will lie to me and then say I am the lair he will blame me for everything so he looks good he is just a bully and as a mother I cannot take it I have thought of throwing him out of my home but he as not where to go he is also very secret about his friends he will never bring them to my home when I read the comments I as a mother can relate to this and we do suffer in silence when I go out I put on a happy face but inside my heart is breaking.

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      Mi-Ly-A 7 months ago

      We went thru this with my oldest, who is now 20 and spending time in County for stealing a car.

      Many years of lying and stealing- he would/will steal anything not nailed down. Went through Psychologists, counselors, juvenile justice system.

      His younger brothers felt the impact as other families would not allow their children around...until he was sent to a residential probation facility. As soon as the younger children could trust that their things would not disappear, they began to flourish. They had friends- it was amazing. Once discharged from the residential facility, he came home and stole/sold video game systems, games, whatever he could get his hands on. Then decided we were "too mean to him" ( he was 18 by this point), and moved in with his father an hour away.

      He then was arrest for stealing from his job, broke into his disabled grandmother's house and robbed her ( she pressed charges), broke into the other grandparents home ( they did not press charges - " he's already in so much trouble"). Then he stole a car and went on a high-speed police chase.

      Somehow, he only got 6 months for this. I have had to make the tough choice to not allow him back into my home once he is released from jail. I can't put myself or my other children through it.

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      Lorraine 7 months ago

      My son who I am now 18 physically assaulted me in my home when he was banging on rented home walls after having had punched two doors in the home I have yet to repair. I am a single mom and during my sons 10th grade he had a girlfriend who lied and said she was pregnant because he broke up with her. He didn't know how to cope since people were treating him bad at school. I had to deal with his outbursts at home. His father answered I do not get along he has 6 kids going on his 4th marriages he never paid child support and never ever wanted to help my son. He turned my son agianst me k owing I am the only one who ever helped him. Well getting back to aug 14 2015 a day I will never forget my son banging on walls punching I had to make him stop I put him against the wall and yelled at him then like a monster he started punching me Amanda choking me out. I had to go to hospital my family urged me not to press charges and that was a huge mistake. I had internal ear bleeding black eyes my capillaries red from the assault. I had a nurse yell at me for not telling it was a horrible experience I was so alone and confused and the abuse didn't stop there it continues for the next year the bullying more house damage all because I listened to family members that never helped me. I had to get on medication and seek therapy while my perpetrator walks scot free. I'm the victim and I have to live this way with a person no one wants. Ive contemplated taking my life but I'm a coward and I worry for my daughter who I a kind. This is a horrible way to live and I pray the laws change because as more damage has happened to home and police comes he never gets arrested even now that I am willing to have him gone. I pray this generation gets help ans the media makes parental abuse awareness this is not the way anyone should live my son needs counseling and refuses to get it. All the policemen tell me to do is to evict him! Are they kidding with a Person who almost killed me!!! Insane!! I pray for all of us victims every day that these monsters leave us alone and may be gone to find their peace without us

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      Anabel1234 7 months ago

      My eldest daughter is now nineteen, been in care since 12 years old - adopted at 5, now knowing that the big problem with her was "attachment disorder".

      Now she is care for adult over 18 - she is now bored and wanting to be back home with her younger sister who is 17, me and dad. The motivation on her part is to rule the house, slob about, having me as the slave and to try to corrupt her younger sister, last I heard when she lived with us was her telling her little sister to hit me. Always looking for dramas and an exiting life. Her exitement being, argue, fight, throw tamtrums and get a big audience where ever she can find it.

      What a great lucky escape I had. Cannot immagine what my life would be now if I would have to have lived with her these past seven years. Very different, depressed, exhausted and possibly suisidal. The only reason I got a long awaited respite was because I am not married. I adopted the two girls and my partner did not. So thankfully, because he would no longer have her under his roof, bye bye. Bliss - thank god. Anyone out there considering adoption in Britain, be very careful, some of these kids can absolutley ruin your life. I was lucky with the youngest child, but only because she was not influenced by her big sister. She was in a home for 11 to 18 year olds for 7 years, causing mahem and thinking she was a big fish in a small pond. She now has a flat, has two very kind but strict carers, ex prison officers and is looking to hit base at my peacful home to cause havoc. Dream on, aint going to happen. Xmas is comming up, that will be a pub meal then, dont even will let her have our new address. The last one she new about, spent 2 days there and left stealing her sisters stuff and swearing ect. Resovoure is totally dry, not looking to refill, tired of trying to clear out the slime.

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      David 7 months ago

      Sick to death of being abused

      Sick to death of being Humiliated

      Sick to death of being thrown pushed shoved threatend

      Sick to death at being kind loving gental thoughtful. Iam always their for them .i took them in when they had nothing. I gave them everything i had..

      My reward is i hate kids now. Iam mean old tired of working my butt to the bone for young adults who never appreciated a fucking thing.

      Mostly iam 61 just had my birthday. AND I AM SICK TO DEATH OF BEING SHOVED AGAINST A WALL AND KNOCKED TO THE FLOOR. FOR DOOING NOTHING?

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      Annabel 7 months ago

      I have had a long respite from my eldest difficult daughter and really feel that I have had a very very lucky escape. I adopted 2 girls aged 3 and 5, they are now both 17 and 19.

      The eldest girl has been in care since the age of 12, kept running off, police and social services involvement. Not much help given either, offering temporary respite which would include short term foster care.

      However, the day she went into foster care, I felt that a backpack full of bricks was taken of my back and given to a dozen others - what a relief. When they talk about "disfunctional families" - my experience is that you take that One disfunctional person out of the family home -- you are Functional the very Next Day !!

      On visiting her in her care home, she was telling staff how she never went anywhere or did anything. So up went 20 hours of dvd footage regarding holidays, tenerife, lanzarotti, greece, Italy, spain, france, every birthday party she had, ice skating, swimming, camping ect. That was her first big lie uncovered.

      As this story unfolds, she never came back from foster care. My partner would not have her living under his roof and as we are not married and I was the sole adopter, that was basically our get out and keep our sanity clause !!. The youngest girl was constantly picked on by her big sister and she was beginning to becomme a real bad influence on her. I was totally exhausted and depressed, not really being able to look forward to years and years of monitoring her behaviour and having to deal with the unreasonable demands ect. ie: on the home phone all day, everything seeming more unsolvable because she has a low IQ, cannot even now read or write at 19 years old and not understanding the value of a pound coin.

      Forwarding to this recent past week, she has been placed in a care home for adults over 18 and has moved withing a 40 minute drive to where we live. She wants back in the house, recently calling me a bitch on a short caravan holiday and having to come home early from the holiday as she was fighting with her sister. We have just moved house and as a family we have decided not to let her have our address. Screaming obsenities outside the door and looking for a street audience is not far from what could happen and at a previous address whereby she came for a 2 day stay did happen. She has recently found and met her birth dad, she is now saying that in the past that I slapped her. What a joke, she did the slapping on around 3 occasions and I never slapped back. Because of this accustation - I have decided that if I ever do meet up with her for a meal or the park with the dog - that I don't really want to be alone in her company - as I do not wish to be further accused falsley of abuse. Given her history, she will try to instigate a scenario of self defence in order to make a confrontation happen.

      So for all the hard work you put in as parents over the years - this is your repayment. Thank god for the youngest girl. She is 17 now and has been a joy to raise. I do know for certain that if her oldest sister would have stayed and have been here since 12 years of age, my life would be nothing like it is now.

      Probably continuosly depressed, living in a constant pig sty, as she never cleanes up and considers others her personal slaves. Her younger sister would have followed suit and I would be looking at ways to vacate, sell up and leave them to it.

      The reality is that we have a great family set up, me my partner and Shannon. I am so greatful that I never married giving me a loophole to get rid basically. Sounds harsh, but hey, she had no consideration for this families feelings whatsoever. Years of help in a home which had the expertise to help her be socially acceptable and non violent failed, although every effort made. Now that she is 19 she is realising that no one cares anymore, not at the under 18 year old level of attention. She is bored where she is, finding it difficult to cause mayhem as no one is listening. So looking to restart it here with me. Her dreams are So Large !!

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      zn 7 months ago

      WOW... this article is spot on point! There is a normal amount of chaos associated w/ teenagers, you expect your boundaries as a parent to be tested...thinking "what does not kill you will make you stronger" is not the logic to have in this situation. At the first signs .. real signs that there is a problem get help.. get some counseling and not the state.. or police.. or schools. Try to find some resources they are hard to find.. if you have never had to look, mental and behavioral health care in the states is hard to come by.. its very costly and there are laws for minors that even prevent the police from taking action.. Your childs life is at stake.. you may think ...its no that bad, other kids act this way.. ect. The truth is the longer you wait to get help.. the harder it will be to reach them. I am speaking from 2 years of stay at home dad experience. Were a pretty typical home 2 parents 2 kids.. one 15 one 12... Our son the 15 year old has been on the steady decline for about.. the last 18 months.. it has all byt destroyed us.. running away, contantly.. started w/ normal stuf.. not cleaning room doing dishes chores..ect.. then school, then kicked out of school... then not going to new school then.. Breaking into cars.. which they got a hand gun from a backpack in a car.. .and robbed some 16 other cars.... he is now facing 14 felony charges of robbery with a fire arm... SO.. this kids went from xbox.. to robbing blocks in about 6 months flat or less.. the Progression was fast..fortunately Im only looking at upcoming court dates... not an coming funeral... im a step parent ... his mother has given up - she is at a total loss and devastated.. Everyday we end up fighting over his behavior.. and the results of his actions.. I have had to threaten to call 911 as my last resort when things escalate.. any damage to the house or threats of violence... CALL the police.. I hate to say that im not a fan.. of the cops but.. you cant do much else, they grow so quickly and in a world that is not forgiving ..stay steady w/your discipline.. DO NOT ENABLE there behavior.. remain calm.. and whatever you do.. respond to the REDFLAGS.. TRUST your instincts as a parent.. do research.. do your homework.. reach out to support groups ... No one else knows your child as well as you do.. and chances are if you stop fighting it...or feeding into it.. you can cope better. Loosing your cool.. your mind.. and your heart will not help the situation. Good luck.. many prayers one love! ~zn

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      rina 7 months ago

      I am 67 years and my son is on adult with children few years ago I suffered severe panic attacks I called my son because I was scared and I though I was going to die my son told me on the phone woman get hold of yourself, another time I called from the airport if he could pick me up and because I didn't say thank you he started to yell at me and told me that I should be thankful that he picked my ass from the airport I have helped with his own children on my day off I would go over his home and take care of my grandchildren and also when him and his wife go away for 3 days and day 3 children and they are well behaved

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      Dawn. 8 months ago

      Great article! Really hit home. I was consistently got, bitten,kicked, spat at. It was so hard my partner wouldn't believe his daughter was doing this. She is disabled and came to.live with us after traumatic experiece and after we found out a bad up bringing. I loved her and tried my best she became attached to me and obsessed. Even to the point she didnt want me sitting by or talking to her dad cus she said I should just be for her. My partner started believe once he saw the finger mark bruises on my arm and chest. She refused to do most anythings she was asked. Social services knew but they didn't care i was told to try to move out of the way! I'm disabled myself and needing an operation. Then the false allegations started first against at her dad then when i refused to leave him against me. Social believed her the abuse got worse. The allegations were investigated and were dropped but social still believed her. We had to place her in care partly for her as we cudnt manage, and to protect ourselves and our other child same age who saw it happening. 5 months on we still see her n I'm happier in some ways but the guilt I feel, the failure of not being able to help her, the family is so damaged we r clawing our way through this. I'm getting nighmares which I'm trying to work through. It really is awful that we have no support as the article says others get support for different things. I would love to have the strength to setup a self help group there must be so many people suffering in silence like i did. I was too embarrased to tell people except those so close to me. But when i finally did they were very supportive and reassured me it wasn't my fault. I hope you think about a fb page. I would be happy to be involved. Stay strong everyone.

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      Lacey 8 months ago

      I am a counselor and have been working with a mother/grandmother who is in crisis as her adult children choose to verbally abuse her. It is a very difficult issue when it's the children against an aging parent. This mother was verbally abused when she was growing up and her reaction to her own issues have spilled over on some of her children (not all of them). Her husband is not supportive of her and does not show any comfort to her. The only thing she can do is apply "tough love" and place the abusive children in the closet of her mind, and focus on the children who does respect and love her. We all go through estrangement of one kind or another with family, friends or co-workers. It is a human frailty to encourage us to feel better. Anyone can have a bad day, but when it becomes a constant in our daily lives, it is best to refocus our energies into something that we love to do. Issues usually tend to resolve themselves as they become like a stale slice of bread with no strong relevance for us, but can make a tasty treat for a bird. It reminds me of the quote of "time heals", but our own dislike/anger keeps it alive. You must heal yourself before you are worthy of trying to heal another. For everyone on here may God give you joy and a day worth living.

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      With held 8 months ago

      Last night I witnessed two of partners daughter one 14 years old the other 25 years bullied there mum so much that she ended up in the corner crying , I wanted to step in but she made me promise never to intervene. I was total shocked and felt physically sick listening and watching them . After what seem like ages ( about a minute ) I stood up and stood in front of there mum until they stopped .when they realised that they couldnt have direct eye contact with there mum they stopped. Problem i have is what to do ?. Her mum's say leave it everything is ok but I can't just forget what I witnessed . It makes me wonder do they do this when I'm not there .

      Any suggestions please PLEASE help me to do the right thing. As for her daughters I can't even look or even chat to them , as far as I'm concerned they don't exist.

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      Despert 8 months ago

      I have a huge problem both my kids have attack me and I don't know what else to do

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      I'm a teenager 8 months ago

      Some of it is right but calling the police can be a bad idea if It is not serious - like what happened recently ... i will now never talk to my mum again because she did that I will never trust her either -

      It was not serious and the police even said my mum over reacted and she was the one who actually caused the incident

      And yes I have problems but it's mainly to do with my mum neglecting me and my sister - dad was away when this happened - but if he was there it wouldn't have happened - anyway I'm willing to never speak to her again until I die because she betrayed my trust -

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      Caerl 8 months ago

      My son is now in his 20's and has grown into a really different person. I would not have believed he could become this man 8 years ago.

      I am a Parent Educator. None of my tools worked. From the time he was 6, I knew he was different and tried to find help. When he was in elementary school, I had so many bruises that my gynecologist asked me if my husband was abusing me!

      By middle school and high school it was trips to the emergency room to try to get a social worker to committ him to a psych hospital, or psych hospitals, or police at our house. He turned us in to CPS because we would not allow him to sleep over at a friend's house on a school night! And CPS investigated us--but by them I had a huge file of every therapist, every hospitalization, every medication, every police report, personal notes, school communication, etc. CPS recognized he was trying to blackmail us but in the meantime I was terrified they would take my daughter and I would lose my job in social services (not to mention professional embarrassment).

      His psychiatrist said it was not our fault and that we did an amazing job. He said it was our very good parenting that saved our son from jail or death and helped him develop the compassion he has now. He said our son was just "hard-wired" differently. I'm glad my beautiful boy is becoming a good man. I fought so hard not to lose him in the gaps of the system--but oh we paid such a high price. His dad and I are finally separated. We have health problems and Complex PTSD. I am disabled and in chronic pain. Our daughter is starting therapy.

      Parent Education curriculum is, indeed, unhelpful with these kids. I know--it is my field. I hate working with parents of these kids because they ask me for help and what to do and the answer is, I don't know. None of the experts we saw knew. None of the curriculum I've read knows. Truthfully, I am not sure there is an answer. Everyone agreed our son needed long-term psychiatric hospitalization to get off meds, restabilize, and let experts try to figure him out. Our health insurance would not pay for it. It was thousands of dollars a day. A loan would not cover it. Shortly after his 18th birthday he left home and has only been back to live for short times. We walked the line between helping him get foodstamps and a job but not enabling him. Now he does those things himself.

      I wish you all well and send you my love.

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      Mary Gib 8 months ago

      Can you please help

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      Jodie B. 8 months ago

      I know this post is from 8 years ago, but it is still relevant today. My family and I were a victim of our son, and he no longer lives with us. My heart breaks every day, I miss him so much, and I hope, as you say, the empathy and compassion will come to him one day. We have not been victims of abuse, either before or since, so it wasn't historical. It has been devastating; family have turned against us, blaming us for his behaviour (of course, he is perfect now he is living with his aunt) and cutting us off entirely. We were even accused of not being victims, despite his threat to kill me, constant damage to our home, my husband having two black eyes, and our younger children terrified of him. It's coming up to a year since it happened, and not a day goes by that I don't want to rewind, do something different, anything different, to prevent what happened. Thank you for your post, I will see if I can find your Facebook page.

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      Tracie Tyler 9 months ago

      I giving up my parental rights this child is 16 and does not listen to anyone. He needs to be removed from my home. I am tired of telling him the right road to choose. He got all of this from his father who is a marijuana smoker his self, he showed this child no type of respect and now he thinks he can get high in my home. I want him removed immediately.Too disrespectful and he needs more than I can offer.,

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      Pete 9 months ago

      Hi, just wanted to say as a father of a teenage girl who has completely gone off the rails now refusing to come home so is placed in foster care against my will, this is very traumatic as a parent that did so much for her, there is a clear feeling from social services that your in some way to blame, it is completely heart breaking, CAMHS are even saying the treatment she needs they cannot give but if she is in social services care they have the fund, wrong they say they haven't and cannot, you have to fight like a war to get any help, it's a joke, NICE guidelines for NHS is to provide treatment for PTS and they are simply passing the buck, which then ends with family's paying the price fighting for the help instead of working and children put in foster care at £££ per week when actually all they had to do in the first place was do there job like the rest of us, my daughter has broken me she's swares at me, pushes me and shouts at me, she punches her mother and shoplifts, all she's needs is treatment and love and not to taken away from her family cos social services think so, I call for all to lobby MP s and demand that NHS financial managers are made to demand the resources they need in order that the caring nurses and doctors can make our next generation better,

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      kid 9 months ago

      If a parent is being abused by their own child, the person who they've been given countless opportunities to change their relationship with, then they deserve it. If you can't stand up to this person, because you're afraid of losing them, then you deserve this life. If you can't stand to face your fear, then who the hell do you expect to stand up for you.

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      Mccshe 9 months ago

      My brother has been physically assaulted by his 26 year old daughter who has a son is unmarried and lives off of him. As a family member can I report her for abuse and who do I contact.?

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      Ken 9 months ago

      My 17 yr old son has scared everyone in our house the says he gonna kill himself.i have had to restrain him.the last time he threatened to cut his sister head off and spell her name in blood.he left the house and nasty calls and text started.we spoke to the police who told us get a ppo.i didnt.we decided as long as he was out of house all was good.police pic him up cause of suicide threats.cps called and the agent laughed at sin allegations.i thought that all was over 1 month from episode.cps dropped case I figured he now 18.he can live his life ..came home and found a letter that he has a warrant for telecommunication harassment..i feel like I have failed, I am lost.i want to run to him and help.it will be more of a scare thing for him w the warrant.but it will push our relationship even farther apart...please give me help or advice.thank you

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      Donna Whitener 10 months ago

      Hello

      I am a victim of abuse, (it's gotten worse over 4 years) by my now 17 year old. We were on Beyond Scared Straight in 2014 due to the abuse and bullying. I was once a strong, willed woman. A proud mom. But I've been beaten down, waiting and wandering what is next, how much longer, how much more? Sometimes I don't want to wake up, but I have a 15 who endures it as well. I must awake for him. I love them both, and I used to love me.

      I need support.

      DW

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      sue 10 months ago

      Well it started with my 14 y o son being groomed by an 18 y. O drug dealer at his school. No one listened to me. No i couldn't move him without his consent. Social services tried to get my to leave my partner and put son in group home. Fast forward to now. We got through this i thought he cleaned up got a job was doing well. All of a sudden ice. Total break down of my family. Sold the family home to force my eldest son to move because I was afraid he would be killed. Nightly rampages with swords through the house by ice fueled younger son. Split with my then partner and called the cat team who admitted my son. Ff to next year. Hospital will only keep them until symptoms of psychosis disappear. Now i have an out of work homeless som whom I have just had to call police on as he assaulted my in my home. Slammed my head into wall and muffling my mouth with his hand. He is 22 and the police let him go. This is Australia. Ps my eldest son happily employed since 18 and a good provider already. It cannot be all me! Support each other people's.

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      Stealthkitty 11 months ago

      I have been searching the net for anything, support groups, counseling groups, any information on an adult child abusing their parent. I can't barely find anything. I have a son who is 26 who has been verbally abusive toward me, and physically threatening as well as pushing, shoving me to the point I have fallen hard and busted my legs up. I am in a precarious situation where his father doesn't do anything about it. His father blames me, says if I hadn't yelled back at my son, or that I shouldn't have gotten in his face because I escalated things, therefore its my own fault if my son pushes me or hits me. I feel helpless right now. I lived in my room, barely coming out of it for 6 months when our son came and lived with us for a brief time. I finally called the police when my son pushed me down, and his father was there holding him back, but when the police came his father didn't want our son going to jail so he lied to the cops and said he never saw my son push me, and that I was the one who escalated things. The police gave us an incident report but after talking to my son and his Dad, the cops said that "its not that they didn't believe me, but there wasn't enough evidence to take my son to jail". even though I showed them where my leg was bruised and cut from hitting the floor! I just can't find anything online on this, and get some help, advice, something.

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      Crystal 11 months ago

      Wow. What a great article. Recently my dear elderly mum passed away. I was privileged to be with her at the hospital, holding her hand and stroking her hair. She was a beautiful human being. I do know my Mum is in heaven and for her I am happy and know in time the sadness for myself will become less and less.

      I suppose now, in light of this and appreciating more than ever, my Mum's love and the many things she has done for me, it makes the behaviour of my daughter, all the more shocking, although it is not new.

      My 16 year old, sometimes, I can hardly believe the things she says. So cruel and cutting it is almost beyond belief. In trying to come to terms with my Mum's passing, I find it now, more than before, so astoundingly cruel the types of things she says, that I feel I am becoming numb.

      At first I put it down to, it must be I am still recovering my Mum's passing. But, I believe the accumulation of the many absolutely cruel things my daughter says to me, are just taking their toll. From saying I look like an ugly whore to things like, ' I hope you have a car accident and get killed.'

      Sometimes she is speaking in anger, but it is just so unfathomable that any body could be able to say frequently such cruel things, and especially to your mum, who loves you so much. I am no saint, and have said my fair share of horrible things over the many years, but cannot remember, getting to the point, it was normal and that these things were ok.

      Mother's Day has become a huge sadness... I find my brain just cannot deal with this.

      I love my children more than anything on this earth, so am at a loss for words or feelings.

      The options.... take away her phone?? Not drive her places? Well, she is happy to walk and put herself in dangerous situations at night and other times....hitchhiking from strangers or strange people. Take away her phone?... this is actually something she bought with her own work money and pays for her own credit. On school nights I do limit it as much as I can, but as you can imagine how fun that can be.

      I believe this type of speech has almost become the norm with social media and movies, making it 'cool'.

      I am grateful to have this site, if nothing else, as a place to share what seems so bizarre and unreal, not something anyone should have to deal with on a regular basis.

      The fact that it is coming from someone I love so much is the hurtful thing.

      I am studying at University and am well aware of Domestic Violence among partners. To be able to have a handle on this issue is a way to get help, for as the author has said, it is a subject that not a lot has been said about it.

      I have had my son who has mental health issues, be aggressive, but it is these shocking things that my daughter says, that seem so much more cruel and unreal.

      My daughter who I love and have taught as best I can, to be a kind person, kind to people and animals and to feel others pain. I know this is a stage and try to remind myself, I was a real b at that age. I do feel for my dear Mum who put up with me, and wonder how she coped. It certainly can't have been easy. Did she feel numb like me? Did she have support?

      I hope anyone out there who may be experiencing something similar, can take comfort in what I have written that they are not alone.

      Keep up your site.

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      TamaraDodge 11 months ago

      I live in the United States, my husband and I cant' leave our home together, or leave the house un occupied....even when locked. Our one son will be 20 in less than 2 weeks. He has been violent, distructive, uncooperative, abusive, drinks, breaks all rules, steals from us and others in the house, screams no matter the situation to scare us into letting him have his way. Calls us every name in the book, has destroyed appliances, electronics, clothing, my home and my landscaping. He has blown out pilots on gas stove...and not told me. He has hidden knives in the house, he has baited us into altercations to the point where wnhen he gets us at the end of our limit of sanity...he starts recording as though we were the problem. He has started fires, busted water pipes that did 30k in damage to our home, He has destroyed his bedroom that I worked so hard to renovate, he's a complete slob. 3 weeks ago he told me if i put him out and his stuff. He will burn down my house. We have 11 kids, he and his twin are the only ones we've had trouble with, the other is trying to do better, but his issues were nothing like this one, and we didn't do anything wrong.

      They have always had, rules, but this one thinks because he has such a high IQ, he is above them all.

      I don't drink, do drugs, hang out with anyone, I have always been there for them. I've always tried to set a good example. Anytime I have ever attempted to have a job, they (especially him) has caused so many problems, I've had to quit so I could be home to try to stave off attacks on my property by a child that I have done nothing to!

      The police thow their arms up when i tell them and show them pics of where he has hit me and my husband and say "what do you want us to do?"

      I'm lost!

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      Joy Fisher 11 months ago

      I have been suffering from the most horrendous mental abuse from my daughter since she was 13, she is now 18 with a baby boy of 7 months and still living at home. The abuse erased off for a while but has returned. I'm at the end but to make matters worse my husband hasn't really stepped in and supported me which makes my daughter think it's ok to treat me like that. I cannot get through to him at all and it's hell, I just want to run away from it all.

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      Oceanskysky 11 months ago

      Well i hate tp say this but ive gone through this since my son was 15 he still lives at home and is 27 he can be a nasty piece of work if i asked him to leave he would smash the place up and i mean smash the place up so what am i meant to do i feel like killing myself

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      Jennifer 12 months ago

      I am a single mother in the state of Virginia. My 17 year old daughter got​ sent to detention today for two days. She turns 18 in three days. Her father is absent and lives in a different country. No child support-ever. I also have a nine year old son in my home. My daughter's court hearing's started when she assaulted me and I called the police. She continues to skip school, which she has missed 55 days this year, and is drinking and doing drugs. She lied on the stand about the drug use today, and that is the reason she is being detained. She comes and goes as she pleases, all hours of the night, curses me when she does speak to me, brings random "friends" into my home, stays gone for days, feels free to take or use anything she wants, doesn't clean up, and when I do say anything to her she calls me names and tells me to shut the f@# up. I want to protect my son from this behavior and remove it from our home, but for the life of me, I can't find anything on my legal rights. One says that I am no longer responsible once she is 18, one says I have to support her until she is 19, or graduates from high school if she is a full time student. Is she a full time student if she goes to school 6 days in a month? Do I have to give her written notice? If so, how far in advance? Can I get a protective order to keep her away from my son and I? Tried asking a lawyer and one said he didn't know any of my answers, and one said he would look into it for $150. She gets out on Thursday and turns 18 on Friday. It's Tuesday-please help.

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      Lesley 13 months ago

      I'm going through this and My child is only 5.

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      tj 13 months ago

      I fill so sorry for anyone that has to live through the abuse this boy has changed my life

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      renee 13 months ago

      What about teens who mentally, verbally, and emotionally abuse their non custodial parent and step parent?

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      peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      is swearing, cursing and name calling by children are considered as abuse too?

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      StepMomWhoCares 2 years ago

      I would like to start out by saying I love all my children.I have been dealing with what seems to be a direct dose of parent abuse. My partner of 8 years has a son.from day one I called him my son and treat him no different from the other children.He has in last 4 years started abusing me using manipulation,verbal abuse ,physical abuse ,even lies to try and sway his point.His teachers and school are having issues with him also. I spend lots of time with his teachers at the school trying to help.the facts are I'm asking them for help also I'm at a loss.I don't know what to do .His father works 7 days a week and he don't want to believe or see what's going on here. I moved my mother in when I was cornered with the idea that it's me.she has experience and very resourceful on abuse subjects.I almost felt I needed a second opinion but I'm very convinced it's not me at this point.my mother has witnessed his abuse to me ,her now ,and other children.I have taken many videos ,called cops numerous times .everyone is so set on ( children's rights ) that when faced with many videos of him hitting me in back ,hitting other children ,hitting my mother it's viewed as cute or normal.this disturbs me.yesterday he with his father witness on phone stood to me and said boldly he was going to go get a knife. I have removed knives from his room. When his father approceed the issue with well what did you do to spark him off ? Wait soooo,I sparked him !!! How does one spark someone to pull a knife and it be justified.he has pulled pencils on me also why he claims because I'm NOT his mom (Help Me) he also is on tape saying in his outburst he will go and report me for child abuse I feel I always have to have my record button on me at all times for my protection.I hate to think there's noting I can do for him and will have to walk away to protect myself my mother and other children.His father don't have issues from him as he's always ready to be his personal attorney. Someone's always the reason he does what he does. But I have to ask myself how many adults will it take to finally get his dad to admit he has some firm of problems and needs some help. More than I can give him because I'm not rightfully his mother.I feel tag teamed here.

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      Wolfsauge 2 years ago

      Great article, but a bit limited in perspective from my point of view. Shocking stories in the comments..

      Abuse of the parents by the children is an especially challenging kind of abuse, because as a parent you can't simply get out of the abusive relationship, as long as you're responsible for the offspring abusing you. You need a much more effective strategy of dealing with the abuse actively as a parent, than in most other cases of abuse, for example as in coeval partnerships or when you're the child, that's being abused. The strategies involved need to exceed the usual practical approaches, not only because you do not want to raise a future abuser, it's obviously in your own interest, as well.

      In the light of this I found it inspiring to follow the writings of Lisa Aronson Fontes, Ph.D., Senior Lecturer at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, who also wrote several books about abuse and controlling behaviours. On her website you can find a practical assessment checklist, which includes all those behaviours that often surround abuse.

      Her work does not only point out very practical possibilities for approaching the abuse in the form of simple defence against such behaviour, also it delivered me a new perspective on how the object of abuse (in this case: the parents) can contribute to the abuse and encourage the abuser (in this case: the child) to continue the abuse, which helped me greatly to understand more deeply what's going on. This was my first step in overcoming the abusive behaviours.

      Also, it helped me, by reflecting on the history of abuse during my own childhood and how it was a response to my own parent's neglect and abuse towards myself. Of course, understanding how abusive behaviour towards any person is usually a sign of insecurity and an attempt to control that insecurity using inappropriate measures deemed to be unsuccessful, does neither help to endure the actual abuse, nor does it help to overcome it or deal with the immediate abuse in the present of it happening to you. However, it can give the motivation to actually start going that long path towards a more satisfying relationship with your children.

      Please also do not forget that it requires the parent to be very thickly skinned, as it is usually required to address the abuse, once it has become a memory of the past, by talking to your more grown up children, in order to complete the learning. It's worth it!

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      desperate n confused 2 years ago

      Finally i dont feel alone. Ive had years and years of abuse crap and tears. Lost friends and had to walk away from people. Ive split 3 times from partner now am totally alone as family dont want to know. Social services have opened n closed my file more times than i have fingers just like cahms.

      The isolation that my home situation has resulted in has been unbearable. Its now at the stage where I've had a breakdown and who do i turn to.

      Typed in parent abuse snd your right there is NOTHING! !! Fingers will always be pointed at parents. My kid had therapy on and off for years and everytime i was told that sessions are confidential, all showing kids can be more empowered and basically encouraging secrets.

      Ive been hit kicked punched trapped and locked out of my own home. Swaren at demoralised belittled and had my things destroyed stollen and damaged. If it was a parent doing that there would be an outrage NoOnE is helping.

      Ive read the article and comments and at last i know im not going crazy its not just my home its not just me. Im writing this with so many omg tears im not alone. Im not the inly one whos had a broken bone hair pulled and verbally assaulted.

      I love both my kids but the teen has burnt every support network destroyed the family and at the end of the day almost lost me. But im still here as i know this cannot carry on forever

      Thank you for showing me hope i just wish the world would be more open to this last taboo

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      Carrie Medford 2 years ago

      I was recently assaulted by my 17 year old son and am only alive because my 25 year old daughter was able to break his grip around my throat. Living in the US, I find absolutely NO help for parents who are going through something like this. I invite anyone to look for me on Facebook ( facebook dot com / soshotout )or through my blog at CarrieAMedford dot com. Not having the support and resources there for us is NOT acceptable. In fact, I am required by law to bring him back into my home with his younger brothers with NO regard to our safety. Something must be done to change how instances like this are dealt with.

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      sunflower456 2 years ago

      hi things are getting better. there is hope. My daughter has had such a turn around. She is working, maturing and is nothing like she use to be. Nothing. I'll write more at a later time, but I just want to say there is hope....

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      kaytee 2 years ago

      i have beeen going through parental abuse for about 4 or five years now. it is one of the worst things i have experienced. My stomach stays in a knot because i never know whats going to happen from one minute to the next. I have had tv's, art work, statues , walls , furniture and more destroyed. on top of Physical and verbal abuse. It hurts to think that our own child can do this to you especially when you are the only one thats always in her corner even when she does wrong. it hurts so much but now its time for tough love. i have contemplated taking my own life on more than one occasion... its not healthy. God help me.

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