Which Comic Book Character Is Your Mother-in-Law?
You've always known that your mother-in-law is not entirely human. That kind of evil has to be superhuman, akin to supervillains and mutants from the comic books.
So let's play a game: which DC or Marvel comic book character is your mother-in-law?
She is a She-Hulk mother-in-law.
You're never sure what will set her off. But once she's off - watch out!
Her rage is sudden and deadly. You can't prevent it - but you can sort of see it coming. Her neck will thicken, her eyes will become smoldering sinkholes of fury, her skin will turn green, and she will grow to monstrous proportions. At this point brace yourself - there will be angry shouting, name-calling and possibly physical violence.
She will get so scary so quickly, you won't know what hit you. Well, it was probably her.
Ooooooo she is as cold as ice!
A Killer Frost mother-in-law will give you cold shoulder all day, every day.
God forbid you've challenged her in some way. She will freeze you out until the end of time. Seriously, her silent treatment has no expiration date.
One bone-chilling look can bring you to your knees and make you regret ever crossing her. But don't worry: a thaw will happen. When hell freezes over.
A Polaris mother-in-law is an erratic emotional mess.
Her superpower is wallowing in self-pity. She's needy, she's clingy and totally enmeshed with her children. She sees you as a competition for her son's heart, so she will pull on his heartstrings day and night.
I'm having chest pains, can you come over? Your father abandoned me, I guess you will too. The clerk at the store gave me a stink eye. Everyone is out to get me. I'm hurt. Blah blah blah. Poor me.
Run before you get sucked into her cesspool of complaints, misery and disappointment.
Remember the line from that song - "Anything you can do I can do better"? That's her! A Wonder Woman mother-in-law.
She can do it all - cook like the iron chef, keep her house spotless, throw tasteful dinner parties, crochet a fabulous afghan, have a lucrative career, raise overachieving children, and look great doing it. She is just perfection in human form. And she's compelled to let you know about it.
Did someone order unsolicited advice? No? Well, you're getting it! A Wonder Woman mother-in-law is filled with a sense of self-importance, and she always knows best. She will gladly point out your mistakes and share her authoritative opinion on just about anything - from treating genital warts to stuffing Christmas stockings.
So her superpower is being super annoying.
As far as supervillain mothers-in-law go, Granny Goodness takes the cake.
Her superpowers are brainwashing and racism.
On the surface, she is a marvelous grandmother. She showers your kids with attention, buys them expensive gifts and takes them on fun trips.
But this is just a facade. Underneath this conjured up image of a lovable babushka is a stone-cold manipulator who has found the perfect marionettes - innocent, naive, defenseless children. She worms her way into their hearts, then turns them into pawns she can use to hurt her enemies. Uhm, that would be you.
Don't think she can turn your own kids against you? Thank again. After spending alone time with Granny Goodness your kids might be unusually sullen or argumentative. They may be starting all their sentences with: "But grandma says..." They may be throwing tantrums if they can't see her. And before you know it, your precious baby becomes grandma's mouthpiece. They've been groomed.
MIL Super Alter Ego Poll
So which comic book character is your mother-in-law?
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© 2018 Lana Adler