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How Marijuana Addiction Affected My Marriage

Jaime's husband was a marijuana addict, but together, they were able to overcome his addiction and remain a united family unit.

My husband's marijuana addiction nearly derailed our marriage . . . here's how we got through it.

My husband's marijuana addiction nearly derailed our marriage . . . here's how we got through it.

My husband had a problem with addiction—he was smoking marijuana in our garage on a regular basis and inviting his relatives to join him. After spending some time in denial about his addiction, I grew concerned that our children would be affected, and I felt the need to set boundaries. One day, I offered him an ultimatum: the pot or our family.

In response, my husband packed his bags and left, which made me feel like his addiction was stronger than his love for our family. I was devastated, but I knew setting boundaries and preventing my children from being affected by his addiction was my priority, and I was willing to put my marriage on the line to protect them.

My husband returned shortly afterward, willing to put aside his love for marijuana and work on overcoming his addiction to save our family. To my knowledge, he has completely stopped smoking and turned his focus to recovery.

While it's not always possible to resolve addiction issues and save your marriage, it's certainly worth a shot. Here are some ways you can save your family and help your spouse overcome their addiction.

My Husband's Smoking Was Ruining Our Marriage

I grew concerned about his behavior because it was affecting our family in a few important ways:

  1. I was worried about the impact his smoking was having on our kids—did they know about his habit? Would they grow up to think Daddy's smoking was cool? Would they take up smoking pot themselves?
  2. I felt betrayed, and my trust in him was destroyed—how could he choose marijuana over his children, his family?
  3. I was afraid to ask him to give up his addiction because I wanted to keep our family together, and I was afraid that he wouldn't be willing to change his ways to save our marriage and family.

It took a lot of courage to move past my denial about the gravity of his addiction and take a risk by confronting him and making an ultimatum to protect my children, but it needed to be done.

Finding out your spouse is addicted to marijuana doesn't have to mean your marriage is over.

Finding out your spouse is addicted to marijuana doesn't have to mean your marriage is over.

5 Ways to Help Your Spouse or Loved One Overcome Addiction

Confronting your spouse or loved one's addiction can be a challenge; here are a few measures you can take to help them move past addiction and keep your family intact.

1. Move Past Any Denial You May Have About the Addiction

To successfully address your spouse's addiction, you need to confront it head-on. You may not know how to do that if the situation has been ongoing for months or years, and you've been in denial about the problem from the beginning. Remember that there's no time like the present; if you continue to deny the problem, it won't go away on its own.

2. Educate Yourself About Addiction

Read all about the scientific causes of addiction and resources for helping yourself and your loved one through this difficult time. Understanding the root causes will help you feel less guilt and anger about the situation and give you the tools you need to move past it together.

3. Join a Support Group

Being the spouse of an addict is challenging, but you don't have to do it alone. Look for support groups in your local community or online. There are others who have gone through or are going through the same problems, and they can help and advise you during this difficult time. Whether you need a shoulder to cry on, a voice to tell you the tough realities, or just someone to lend an ear, a support group can be a helpful tool.

4. Don't Enable the Addict

Don't give your spouse money you know they'll spend on weed, give them a ride to a party where you know they'll be smoking, or let friends come over if you know they're bringing pot. While you may feel guilt and have good intentions about "letting them do what they want" or "letting them take the lead in their recovery," the reality is that anything you do to facilitate their use is enabling, which will only prolong their drug use and allowing their addiction to thrive.

5. Stand Up for Yourself and Your Family

There is only so far you can go when helping an addict, and sometimes, you need to draw a line in the sand. Remember that you need to take care of yourself and your family first, and if your spouse refuses to get the help they need, and the situation doesn't appear to be improving, you shouldn't feel guilty about removing yourself and your children from the situation.

Resources for Addicts and Their Families

There are ways you can help your spouse or loved one who is suffering from addiction, and there are also resources available for you.

A few options for an addict:

  • If you are in danger of harming yourself or have overdosed, call 9-1-1
  • Seek medical help (contact your physician)
  • Seek out local Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings
  • Seek out an outpatient and/or inpatient treatment center
  • Seek out a local therapist or counselor
  • Seek out a minister or pastor

A few options for family members of an addict:

  • If in immediate danger, call 9-1-1
  • Seek out a local therapist or counselor
  • Seek out a minister or pastor
  • Seek out a local co-dependents anonymous (CoDA) group

Life is what we make of it. If we choose to let addiction consume us, our children, and our entire lives, it is as if we confine ourselves to lives of imprisonment. Hope is only but a footstep away. Admitting there is a problem and asking for help is the first step toward recovery.

Marijuana use can destroy families—but can habitual use lead to addiction?

Marijuana use can destroy families—but can habitual use lead to addiction?

Is Marijuana Addictive?

Marijuana has long been touted as a drug with medicinal benefits that doesn't share the same addiction risk as other drugs, such as cocaine and heroin. While it's true that marijuana is far less addictive than many other street drugs, it's still regulated as a Schedule I substance federally, despite being legalized in some manner in more than half of the American states. The National Institute on Drug Abuse estimates that 30% of marijuana users have some degree of "marijuana use disorder."

Studies have indicated that repeated and prolonged cannabis use can result in users developing a tolerance and needing to use more and more to achieve the same "high" as before. In addition, the THC content of street marijuana has more than tripled in the last 30 years. So despite the overwhelmingly casual cultural attitude toward marijuana, there are plenty of reasons to be concerned about your loved one's usage.

Marijuana and Kids

Your spouse's addiction may not just affect you and your spouse—if you also have children, they can pick up on this and become more likely to use the drug themselves and to have more positive perspectives on marijuana. Interestingly, children of parents who had a history of marijuana use during adolescence but didn't continue using into adulthood were also more likely to use the drug than those whose parents had never used marijuana. However, children of parents who were ongoing consumers of cannabis were at the highest risk.

Children are increasingly believing marijuana has little risk and beginning to use it at younger ages and on a daily basis, despite the fact that numerous studies have suggested cannabis use under the age of 25 can result in neuropsychological decline.

Marijuana Use and Underlying Issues

If your spouse or loved one is addicted to marijuana, chances are that they have an underlying psychological condition such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, or anxiety. Studies have also suggested that drug addiction is genetic.

When confronting addiction, it's important to remember that it isn't your fault, and it isn't their fault. Addicts continue to use a drug even when they know there will be negative consequences; intense cravings and a need to consume the drug are caused by changes in the brain's wiring, according to the American Psychiatric Association.

Divorce and Addiction

Even if you want to try all avenues before considering divorce, sometimes, it's inevitable. Don't beat yourself up for choosing to divorce an addict; you're not abandoning them or hurting them—you're doing what you need to do for yourself and your family.

Remember that children's safety comes first—there are ways you can facilitate a relationship between your children and your addicted spouse through mandated drug tests, supervised visitation, or court orders regarding inpatient treatment requirements.

Drug addiction does not mean that the addicted parent doesn't have to pay child support if you are divorced. Support is typically calculated based on custodial timeshare and both parents' income, so if you gain full custody of the kids due to your spouse's addiction, they're be obligated to pay child support depending on their earnings or earning capacity.

If your spouse engaged in reckless spending or domestic violence, that may also affect the financial settlement and custody arrangement. Contact a family law attorney for more information.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for families affected by addiction.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for families affected by addiction.

Remember: Recovery Is a Journey

My husband's recovery journey is just that—a journey. He regularly struggles with cravings, hot flashes, irritability, restlessness, and insomnia. Our marriage is not perfect, but it is a work in progress; hopefully, that progress will continue to be drug-free.

I still worry that my children will eventually be affected by my husband's addiction or his lax attitude toward marijuana, and my paranoid thoughts are another devastating effect of my husband's addiction. Dealing with addiction is emotionally taxing and affects your ability to trust your spouse. I am thankful that I could summon the courage to confront the situation, protect my children, and save my marriage, but I recognize that not all families are as fortunate as mine.

Many parents are raising their children in homes that are impacted by substance abuse—I plead with these parents to seek help for themselves and their children. Remember, even though the situation may sometimes feel hopeless, it is not. There is help available for you, your children, and your addicted significant other (if he or she will accept the help).

It's important to remember that you shouldn't feel guilt or shame about seeking help or even ending your marriage due to your spouse's inability to move past their addiction. Substance use disorder is very serious and can have detrimental effects on the families of those affected—in the end, no matter what course of action you decide to take, always do what's best for you and your family.

Further Reading and Resources

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Comments

O on July 30, 2020:

My husband has been smoking weed since his early teens, he is now 45. When we were both young we used to smoke together, but I never took a liking to it and have stopped for many years. He has told me that he has stopped smoking, but I found a huge stash of weed in his cupboard this morning. He always tells me about how clean he is living now and that he is doing it for our 6 year old daughter. I believed him until this morning, and am devastated that he would lie straight faced to me. He is shorted tempered and gets easily irritated with all the other signs of using.

I am so hurt and really thought that je values our family more than his drug. I am two months pregnant with our second child and am at loss what to do. I have not told him of the pregnancy because he does not want a second child and he gets very rude with me.

Suzie can do on July 17, 2020:

Hi I’m new to this forum ,

My husband of 13 years smokes dope everyday .

I’ve seen him chuffing at 7.30 am .

He suffers from severe anxiety but tells me smoking dope helps him .

He’s obviously been doing this since he was in his early twenties.

Now he’s in his sixties and still doing the same .

He totally believes it helps him.

He’s very argumentative, unsociable and fixated on how right he is.

It’s made my life hell .

I’m in total limbo hell.

I fully believe his addiction to marijuana has fried his brain .

Appreciate any helpful comments

brenna88 on March 19, 2020:

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J on February 16, 2020:

Hi I am also in a similar situation. I love my husband so much but when on pot the paranoia is too much. He follows my every move if I leave work to go to another place he rings to see why I left. I also discovered a video cam in our room. He has started to get aggressive and has put holes in a few walls. Every time we have a fight he says he regrets the last 15 years. Even though I pay for pretty much everything, mortgage, bills etc. he is now constantly broke and when I took my kids to ireland to see My family. I refused to pay his fare as he had been smoking all his wages. I don’t get back often and could not afford 4 fairs. When I was away he smoked lots and called me up to 23 times a day. I love him but cannot handle the stress of it all. I go to work conferences and If I don’t call him he absolutely freaks out. I get a guilt trip. It’s all too much .i am definitely not perfect and I am a bit cold sometimes, to try and remove myself from the situation. Am I totally mad this behaviour is not acceptable?

Jane doe on February 07, 2020:

Hello,my husband smokes weed every day,i dont see him much,and he has a very quick temper since smoking daily,i cant say anything, he just snaps all the time!what do i do???

iamsad123 on January 22, 2020:

My wife smokes pot every day. It has ruined our lovelife and she doesn't help me when I am having problems with some of our kids. It is always my fault she say's and it is not my fault I need help.

iamlonely123 on December 19, 2019:

i dunno...if in a marriage the one spouse cannot respect the others wishes...or sacrifice...there is always a question of what "god" is being worshipped in their home....

Sam on October 30, 2019:

Seems like you chose the outcome. You can’t give someone an ultimatum. ESP once y’all already have been married. You have to come to some kind of agreement and understanding. Just because someone smokes doesn’t make them addicted. And they are also an adult. If they want to smoke cigarettes or have a drink a night or smoke everyday. Then that’s what they gunna do. Just sounds like you didn’t like what they were doing.

Trina K on April 28, 2019:

I am married to a heave pot smoker. He pretended he smoked pot very seldom before we moved in together when I found out I was pregnant. It was a rude awakening. He smokes pot all day. He’s spending $100s of dollars a month. We found out through several blood tests that my kidneys are starting to fail for some reason and he won’t let us spend money to get the CT scan of my kidneys but he keeps buying weed.

John on March 04, 2019:

I was married for 14 years to a woman that smoked weed every single day.... she is a 35 yr old surgical assistant, and would smoke a joint on lunch break, and then go back and do surgery on people.

At night, She would go into our garage and smoke weed and cigarettes, and talk in the phone with her pothead friends for hours.

Then, she would come inside baked, and stare at the TV, and totally ignore me when I tried to talk and connect with her.

When she would run out of weed and her connections were dry, she would scream at me to help her find more. She made $1000 a month at work, and would spend ALL OF IT on ciggerettes and marijuana.

I DO NOT smoke WEED OR CIGERETTES. but I had friends that did. And she would literally fight with me to go meet my friends to buy her weed when her connections were dry.

I drove a company car, and had. To pass strict background checks for my career. I would tell her it was too big of a risk for me to go in a company car and buy ounces of weed. My income was 95% of our household income (she worked part time) And I could lose my career if I was arrested for possession.

My ex, has a stoner best girlfriend. The stoner friend is 35, and she lives with her mother.

2-3 days a week, my ex would goto her stoner friends garage, and smoke weed until 2 am, while some single guy friends where there snorting cocaine.

On Saturday, or Sunday morning, I would ask my Ex to come to our kids softball or soccer game, and my ex would be hungover from the drinking and smoking weed until 2 am and would not show up to our kids sporting event.

I cannot describe the loneliness and heartbreak I have felt In this marriage.

The worst part for me, is that my EX swore that her behavior is completely normal, and acceptable for a mother and wife in her 30’s.

She said marijuana addiction is IMPOSSIBLE.

And she said I am a controlling “psychopath” for asking her to reduce her weed smoking.

She ended up leaving he marriage because she wants the freedom to get stoned and hang with her girls.

Is this healthy, acceptable behavior? Was I being to “controlling” by expecting her to cut her smoking down?

David on December 08, 2018:

Hallo everyone peace be with you.im david 34.i have 2 kids and with my wife together we live.but we are still fighting because of weed.untill I read this web i was always fiight her and aginst her.i do not know this much feel my wife.thank you for all comments but never give up.all the mothers are very right we mans are like donkey we don’t know what we do.instead happy with our wife and kids we chose always bad habits weed and friends.i promise here I will not even touch it I confess now.becouse I understand how u feel it.i know both we need happy but life is mans are from Mars and girls from venus no one can solve our problems only us.we humans have a great power to invent and creat things and life I use it to revenge my wife and kids.untill totally I clean I will separate on Wednesday from my wife for help my life and kids.becouse when we fight our kids copy it and they will have proppabley chronic diseases so better to separate with agree really it’s better no need to afraid I told her she accept my idea.in short day when I read this page I decided to do that.all my sisters and brothers love means accepting as we are.if not help by agree not fighting.i swear it’s better to us and our kids.I decided in short with actions it’s long time battel I will help my kid and wife to become totall addiction only I will drink water and food and sport.i love you all God bless you.Love your enemies.

Curiousity on November 08, 2018:

I missed seeing a couple of details in your article. The first thing I missed was when your husband first started to use marijuana. If this was a newly developed habit after you had children, did you discuss with your husband why he started smoking pot at that point in his life? What changed? Have you offered to help him address the underlying issue? If this was an existing habit he brought into the relationship, did you tell him in advance that you would not be with a pot smoker? If you knew he was a smoker and married him anyway, did you expect him to change? It sounds like somewhere along the way, one of you changed the rules of your relationship without consent from the other; and that's not fair. The other question I didn't see answered is why his addiction is a problem for you or why you think it's a problem for your children. Addictions come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees of harm. My husband is fully addicted to coffee. He drinks it all morning and he is quite irritable if he has to skip it for a day. At night, he switches to decaf but he keeps drinking coffee. But he enjoys it and, other than the added cost to our grocery budget, some occasional coffee rings, and some coffee breath, it doesn't really affect me or harm our children. So I don't care that he enjoys his coffee. What is it about your husband's pot use that's a problem? I know several pot smokers who use pot like my husband uses coffee. He uses it to help him become alert in the morning. The first thing he does after waking up is make coffee. Many of the pot smokers I know use pot to unwind, relax, and help them sleep. I see no harm in that nor would that be anything I would "protect" my children from seeing.

Acely on August 23, 2018:

I've been married for just under 2 years and am seriously thinking of leaving my husband. I married him knowing he had quit smoking pot, and believed him when he said he would never do it again. Now in just 1 month he has done away with his paychecks each week, spending them on pot. We have an 11 month old child but that seems to be just my responsibility because it hasn't stopped him from doing this and he can't even interact with our son sometimes because he's so high. I too had a wild streak in my youth but I understand now that I have to put myself second now as a parent. In the mean time he's still childishly blaming me and everyone else for "stressing him out" and nagging him. If he didn't act like a child I wouldn't have to nag. I have tried talking to him about what may be the deeper issue only to find that he's just doing it selfishly for fun. I find myself incredibly angry as he has smoked before driving the baby and I somewhere. He's also smoked before work which could cost him his construction job. I used to feel compassion for him but he's used that and destroyed our marriage by living in his own pot filled world. My view of addiction in his case has changed. If he would rather be without us and high then I cannot respond with love and compassion. Sad to say they told me so.

TwoWayStreet on August 05, 2018:

I have lived with a pot smoker for 27 years. Never did I think when we were smoking for fun in college that he would still be using. I quit smoking in my mid-twenties as it started to make me sleepy and unmotivated. My husband continued to smoke, and I put up with it, but once children come into the picture, it change things. For those men who have commented here that putting kids first is an issue, then you should not have become a parent, because parents DO put their children's well-being first. I now have impressionable teenagers and my husband's pot usage is a problem. Our agreement is not in the house, but he has violated that agreement too many times that I am now thinking of leaving him. I make a good salary and can support my kids on my own. I love my husband, but his addiction to pot has made his word worthless and once trust is gone, then the love starts to diminish. For those men on here who have called you a bitch for asking your husband to stop, well all I can say is that they are so addicted themselves, that the only way they can feel good about it is to put others down. Marriage is a two way street, and compromise is often the key. But when the addict cannot stay true to the compromise, over and over, then it is clear the drug is more important to them than their family. This is my reality and my time to leave this marriage.

ExhaustedandTired on July 03, 2018:

I’ve been married to a chronic pot smoker who has smoked for 20 years. It has destroyed him. People better do their homework. It use to not be any big deal and never had any negative impact. After years and years, it has hurt his mental state. When he is out of it, he is a loose cannon who verbally emotionally and mentally abuses us. He freaks out and goes crazy until he finds more pot. It’s a vicious cycle. If I knew back when he just smoked to chill would turn into this, I’d have never gotten married

Priya on June 17, 2018:

My husband smokes pot a lot. It makes me tired. He constantly looks me in the eye and promises he'll stop for sure "this time" but lies and goes behind my back and smokes with his co-workers and friends before he gets home. He thinks i don't know and notice this but i do. He blames his stress of work and stuff on it. But even in our best moments he goes back to smoking. How can i help him? Some recommendations? Or should i leave my husband because he won’t stop smoking? Any help would be highly appreciated

lalaflo on June 14, 2018:

For me as a wife the problem is not the "weed" that my husband smokes everynight..the problem is how he disconnects when he is high and even after. He has trouble communicating, being present and being open when he is high! Everything slows down, nothing is important and his motivation is a zero because he is a chronic marijuana user. I have never been anti-weed (I used to smoke before I got paranoid) but I am anti-feeling alone. In many cases being married to someone who smokes weed daily leads to loneliness.

doubtingnate on May 31, 2018:

I've been smoking since before we met. She's smoked with me on rare occasions. I've gone through phases.. a few years with little to no usage, but more recently it has become part of my evening ritual. It helps with stress, anxiety, sleep, etc. I don't advertise it but i don't try to hide it either. I go out and walk the dog, and then shower int eh dark with some music. It's the best way ever to wind down, and take the edge off - I highly recommend it. If you hate weed.. do some research on the various medicinal benefits. It's not just about getting stoned and feeling silly. With a good indica strain, I feel calm, relaxed and balanced for hours after the buzz wears off. One thing that's changed in the US is price - quality weed probably costs about as much as a 'good' beer (think Newcastle-price) with dinner every night. Outside of operating heavy machinery or driving when I'm REALLY BAKED, I don't believe there is much harm in it whatsoever, aside from the other person not liking it.

Gradually my wife has gotten more irritable about it, and after some other completely unrelated events, I am now being given an ultimatum. I believe this is unfair and manipulative, to change the rules (for a long time the agreement was 'not in the house) suddenly because she's decided wants to change something about me she decided she doesn't like. I work my ass off.. I've been promoted twice in four years.. our finances aren't great but I am providing the best I can. She knows I would jump in front of a train for our two kids and I don't believe that my use has affected them adversely in any way, outside of us fighting about it.

Ultimatums are bullshit, and will lead to rejection or resentment. Any relationship deal-breakers should be discussed far, far in advance. Marijuana is borderline because it can have legal consequences, but that's a political problem and not a moral or ethical one.

Miranda on May 20, 2018:

What if your boyfriend is always broke because he spends al of his money on weed and then complains everyday that he has no extra money. I don’t that he smokes. I mind that he’s always broke and I have to hear him complain about it everyday. When I tell him to cut down on the weed and then he will have extra money he flips out on me, tells me I’m a horrible person and that he’s going to leave me on the first of every month and then never does bc he has no money

Weaselina on May 14, 2018:

Okay, so there are a lot of issues being rolled into some kind of anti-marijuana frenzy.

Sounds like a lot of these people with problems with addiction, as you say, actually have other problems that are much, much bigger.

I believe if you marry or commit to someone who is a certain way, you have that talk at the time of committing, or you are agreeing to accept them as they are, weed smoking, cocktail drinking, cross-dresser, whatever.

If there are other problems, maybe work on those? I know a lot of people who are off dangerous pharmaceuticals because of medical marijuana, and I feel that alcohol is a very serious issue for a lot of people, but rarely do I encounter someone who is a "pot addict" where the real problem is not something else.

I am with a chronic smoker, and I use marijuana for insomnia and anxiety, and it is legal and I would not care if it wasn't.

But, I also run a business and am a high functioning person who does not abuse others or expect anyone to take care of me.

So, no one gets to dictate my life choices. And you should to dictate life choices unless you are willing to be open and honest and maybe discover some things you yourself need to change. Just saying.

If all you care about is your kids and you paint your partner (male or female) as some sort of loser, or some sort of abusive type, I can tell you that you are part of the problem. If the person you love is depressed or in pain or having a hard time in life, you should love them enough to help them try to sort out what is going on. But if you just decide to put it all on smoking weed and think that stopping that is some magic cure then you are delusional. Your relationship is already over if that describes you. Just finish it off.

But know that people on anti-depressants, which do not "cure" depression, are just as much addicts. And it kills their sex drive and they are still often sullen, moody and have issues. So, would you tell them to get off that shit and sort it out, or would you be more compassionate and try to help them to find a way to be healthier and more content in their lives?

You don't own your husband or wife. But YOU made a commitment to be with them in sickness or in health, 'til death do you part. So are you a liar who bails when things are not exactly how you want them?

Sounds like it.

Jeff on May 07, 2018:

Wow, poor guy. He was right to leave, but shouldn't have come back to a whiny demanding bitch like you. By now your marriage is probably done anyway, forcing someone to want and think like you never works. Also there is 0 reason why your husband smoking weed would have a negative effect on your kids.

heidi Martine on April 27, 2018:

me and my husband separated because he cheated on me and went to go live with his mothershouse after 8 years of our relationship when I decided to finally take him back little did I know that he came back with a recreational weed use stating that he needed to use it because he had feet problems at work and his feet were always hurting this is just a cop out to me because in the forties my great grandpa was in the Navy and long hours in the shipyards and lied about his age was 14 who saw many young sailors perish in fires and tragedies when ptsd wasnt even invented yet. and never used drugs or cigarettes or alcohol to cope with everyday life situations to me I just think that it is a sign of weakness and a poor excuse for a man to be high on pot when I come home after working 12 hours he sits on the sofa checked out and I can always tell when he smokes because he has a dumbfounded look on his face that he's not all there with red eyes how can I have respect for a man who has to check out and can't emotionally spiritually and mentally take the same type of crap that's handed to me everyday I have scoliosis and rod in my hip and I and am a strong resilient person who does not need to rely on this crap to get through a day I think that today's Society is so lazy and a at i need it now basis where everything is not earned no honesty and people treat their lives like fast food I know that this is wrong for my family and im choosing my family over this person im constantly worried that the kids will find out and he will be called out because he is so messy when it comes to him trying to hide it and what would they say about me that i would condone this thinking that it's okay to check out on life's high-stress situations he has now turned very secretive from his purchases to when he disappears and I can't find him it's almost like he's going to hide this for me at this does not bring anybody closer it's just another thorn in my side

James Downing on April 21, 2018:

My wife and I smoke every night and our relationship is not effected by it what so ever. In fact it might make our relationship stronger. We live in a state where recreational marijuana use is legal so we do not have have to hide.

GodsTruth6 on April 15, 2018:

Ingrid, I'm sorry to hear about your son's addiction . I pray that God will move in his life with sobriety and peace from all his worries. And that he chooses marriage over pot. God can do that and will do that ,All you need to do is pray and put your trust in God and he will began to work in yours and your son's lives.

Ingrid Brumer on April 15, 2018:

My son is 46 and he is addicted to marijuana. He is changed man. He is in good mood only when he is high. His wife says quit pot or divorce. I believe he will chose marijuana over his wife and kids. We are in constant fear that he will do some bed thinks since he has some paranoia, depression, anxiety ...

Just A Person on April 04, 2018:

I feel bad for your husband.

Billy J. on April 03, 2018:

Such tough stories. My wife is addicted to weed. Divorce is such a tough call because it's "only weed". It means I get up with the kids every day, she needs a nap every day, and she does to bed when they go. But she is nice, functional, and in a good mood when she is high throughout the day. The downside is that I know all her feelings and excitement is fake and we're never "on the same level", and I'm constantly lied to about when she is buying, when she is smoking, etc. But is it worth tearing a family apart over an weed addition? Time will tell.

purdey on February 26, 2018:

My 53 year old husband has been smoking since the age of 16. In recent years he has attempts at cutting back...resulting in a beautiful soul turning into a monster with vile mood swings. To keep my sanity I will stop fearing social rejection and seek out emotional help for myself. And then they say its a harmless little weed. Good luck to all of you, peace and strength.

Rom on December 25, 2017:

I love how all these articles about spouses and pot smoking are about the husband. My wife just started smoking pot daily after 10 years of a drug free marriage ( she bullied her dying 85 year old mother into getting medical pot for her.) She now makes it clear that she hates that I do not do drugs and refuses to discuss it. I am seriously thinking about divorce.

Rejenna on November 23, 2017:

If your partner thinks his/ her addiction to weed is more important than you and your family.. get rid of a loser...

Jaime Dawn Thompson (author) from Oregon on April 19, 2017:

It has been years since I wrote this article and a lot has happened in my life. I am doing well, my children are older, my husband continues to struggle with his addictions periodically. I am so thankful you all have taken the time to read my blog post and share your own life situations and struggles. You are all in my prayers. I know life can feel so very overwhelming, and at times hopeless.

Megan, you sound like such a strong woman. In hindsight we can see the disfunction, and sometimes abuse, that was directly impacting us.

The bible passage that carries me through tough times is Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me."

Megan on April 18, 2017:

My name is Megan and at six months pregnant my husband grabbed my wrist and said "never make me choose between you and weed." He had misplaced his stash and was furious with me, because anything bad was always somehow my fault.

I didn't make him choose for five years. I was conditioned to listen and not to argue.... Years went by and it was ok because I knew the triggers that would upset him and how to redirect his attention, protecting the kids and myself. His habit of smoking weed was everyday: before he got out of bed smoking a bowl, he'd smoke all day and the last thing he would do before bed was load another bowl and smoke. Often, he would wake up in the middle of the night, smoke, then return to bed.

We never had money and lived without a great deal of essentials. His drinking increased that fifth year too. Everyday around four he would buy a bottle of gin and/or a six pack of 8. + beer. A year of this and me asking him to stop (without upsetting him because I would be punished in a number of ways but usually via isolation, or sexual acts)...but I felt helpless by this point. He had punished me, isolated, down-talked, and controlled every aspect of my life. I was scared of what he was likely do. I was scared for myself and my children.

I am a pretty girl. I am healthy, fit, freckled and have a pretty smile. I found joy still each day playing with my children. I am quite normal. I don't know how this became my life. I continued to be unaware of my situation for years.

Until I met a wise, compassionate and powerful woman. At first my husband was excited and invited her to be a part of our lives but two months in he realized she was strong and not going to be manipulated or controlled. She was a threat to all he had done. She was standing up for the kids and I and helping me realize this was sersioysly wrong. He got angry one night after many heated/aggresssive arguments (not hitting me but the wall right next to me) and the kids and I were kicked out of our apartment. With this exceptionally caring and brave female badass, she gave me emotional support I had so desperately needed, and I was able to get back on my feet. I had to start completely over, him having kept everything and giving no finincial support.... We were Ok. Good even. It was challenging... But I was doing it and we were healing.

It's been a year, and now he is fighting for "his rights" as a father. He has publicly humiliated me, Facebook included, and is claiming parental alienation. He has come at me in every way to bully me, threaten me, stalk me, harass me....and bring me down.

I've been in counseling for many months now and have learned finally that we were in a mentally abusive relationship. I can't believe I DIDNT KNOW! I'll forgive myself eventually.... I'm working on it piece by piece. I've learned he hunted me and knew exactly what to do to get what he wanted.

Sometimes, I want to find a corner and sleep for a long time. But I won't. I am dertermined and resilient for my children.

I've saved my dimes and am battling for custody. I pray that I am heard. That I am supported. That against what he has always said, that I WILL be believed. I am going to share this expierence and more once I have full custody. No one should ever have to live this way.

godstruth6 on February 23, 2016:

Pray and ask God if he thinks you should leave him or not and he will answer you and then lead by example all things all possible through Christ who gives me strength, just be patient and all things will work out for the good

Cristina Sulzener on February 22, 2016:

My husband smokes pot a lot. It makes me tired. He constantly looks me in the eye and promises he'll stop for sure "this time" but lies and goes behind my back and smokes with his co-workers and friends before he gets home. He thinks i don't know and notice this but i do. He blames his stress of work and stuff on it. But even in our best moments he goes back to smoking. How can i help him? Some recommendations? Or should i leave my husband because he won’t stop smoking? Any help would be highly appreciated

godstruth6 on September 28, 2015:

reply: Me Too I will be praying for you and your family,Please do not give up hope, Jesus Loves You and Your Husband and Kids too, Anything is possible threw Christ who gives you strength pray with your husband so he knows how you feel, find support outside the home and stay strong peace and love to your family My husband quit after 18 years Praise God!!! :)

Me Too on September 23, 2015:

I know this is an old article, but I found it because I am experiencing the same thing. My husband uses marijuana pretty much every day. He vaporizes, so he thinks I don't know. I do. I know because when he hasn't used, he is irritable. He retreats outside to smoke for hours a night, neglecting me and our kids. He has lost almost all interest in sex. When we do have sex, he can't always perform. Come to find out ED is a common side effect of chronic marijuana use. He has become very detached from us. My kids can tell him about something that happened, and he doesn't hear any of it or will forget it the next day. But he claims it it not hurting anyone. It is. It hurts me and it hurts our kids.

godstruth6 on August 27, 2015:

Attn: Kris my advice is to pray ,pray,pray and never give up hope ! :) also find yourself some family or friends who can support you because you need that right now, I will pray for you guys and Pray that God will bless your marriage :)

Kris on August 23, 2015:

My wife smokes weed EVERY night, our relationship is on the brink. I have tried talking to her about it, but she doesnt think there is anything wrong with it. I have tried to compromise with her and she has promised to cut back to once or twice a week but that has never happened. We havent been communicating at all, and I blame it on her addiction. I find it hard to talk to her when she is stoned so I have completely shut down. I want to get her help but its very difficult to help someone who doesnt think they have a problem. I am beyond stressed out about this.

godstruth6 on August 23, 2015:

Praise God!!! After 18 years of heavy marijauna use my and lots and lots of prayer my husband quit his addiction!! :) We spend more time as a family , we still have our ups and downs but overall we are so much more happy, and I thank Jesus for bring him through this. So never give up hope or prayer Im living proof it works!!! :)

Bert on July 12, 2015:

Help me please. I cant do this on my own and despite prayers God is ne where in sight. You woyld thibk after 26 years i could do this but i cant.

godstruth6 on April 13, 2015:

re: michelle you are not alone we all feel like we are alone at times but that is when we must reach out to talk with someone else to get help . Or pray is the most powerful thing to do it can change your life if you just trust in God and pray for whatever it is you need him to do for you :) I will pray for you as well and there is a really awesome radio station called Air One that has a website you can put prayer request in there to plus they play really positve music :) Remember Jesus does Love You and that will never change :)

Michelle on April 13, 2015:

Hi, in my marriage I have been battling with the issue of weed. I met my husband and he smoked it very occasional many years ago when we had no kids. Although now older not in our twenties exploring life the last 5 years has been a night mare it has become constant thing constantly rolling up 5 -8 splifs daily it driving me crazy and destroying our marriage. He always gets angry when I say anything keep being told its his thing he does I need to stay out of it then critizes me weight, snorting and fitness( reverse psycology) or makes comparisons with other guys who cheat who are doing much worst. I feel hopeless it's like I have to choose either to accept it or end our marriage. The kids no we argue about the issue of smoking but they don't know its weed (they think it Tabacco ) recently started lying as he said he was going to stop but the one night he must of missed placed it and turn our bedroom upside down. I then realised hadn't stopped and the extent of his addiction. No one to talk to as it's embarrassing feel realy alone at times. Reading the last post made me cry as it says Jesus loves me and I know this but it's so hard to deal with.

godstruth6 on April 12, 2015:

reply to Kate :) Please reach out and get help from church groups , counsling , self help web sites , anyone, physical abuse is never ok, I was in a physically abusive relationship and I truly believe he was going to kill me one day, so please TRUST in GOD and get help don't wait, Jesus loves you and is with you every step of the way even in difficult times :) There is hope for you :)

kate on March 10, 2015:

husband smokes pot, when he's out of pot he is very abusive physically and mentally I don't know what to do, no one to turn to ?

Amber on January 29, 2014:

i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady who en charm him with her beauty, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I complained to my friend and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Saibaba. who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. she ask me to contact Dr Saibaba. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two days my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness and that he never knew what came upon him that he will never leave me again or the kids. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Saibaba on any problem, he is very nice, here is his contact templesaibaba@yahoo.com

Keisha on January 17, 2014:

Hi Selina

you are very right i have came across this man i was in a big problem in my marital life so i contacted Priest UTILA for help two weeks ago and now my problems are over am so happy his really i great spell caster.

Selina on January 17, 2014:

Hello to all, I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line.I’ve been married to my alcoholic husband almost 15 years now. For about 3 years, he was sober from alcohol, but turned to heavy marijuana use. During our marriage, he has cheated, been irresponsible with finances, sold drugs, grown marijuana, videoed naked girls on his cell phone, forgotten my birthday, watched a lot of porn, used my cell phone to text other women, 3 DUI’s, and accidentally burnt a sofa and rug, while drunk, as well as start a fire in the kitchen causing $1500 in damages. I cannot stand breathing the same air as him any longer. I have been alone in this marriage for so long. at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of UTILA temple help her to stop her husband from alcohol and marijuana so i contacted the email of priest UTILA i told him my husband problems and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self and my husband which i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my husband problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their UTILA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him. sense then my husband has been a good and caring husband to the family.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give priest UTILA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via ( utilasolutiontemple@gmail.com ) or ( utilamagictemple@outlook.com ) Thanks priest UTILA i will forever be grateful

Dan on December 08, 2013:

I have a family, make good money, and smoke pot regularly. I don't do it around my kids. Its safer than alcohol and I find it to be therapeutic. Why can't your husband smoke pot in the garage outside of the presence of your kids? Maybe you should change. By the way he probably still smokes and hides it from you. This is a classic case of someone (You) being a product of government propaganda.

emack from Sydney Australia on April 01, 2012:

I work with families struggling with addiction and see every week how wives, mothers and children are caught up in the toxicity. I must add though that it is the most uplifting and powerful experience to be able to travel with these families as they recover - it is possible for all to become empowered by the journey so never lose hope. Mack

OnixJ on March 18, 2012:

Been there done that and same as you my ex husband chose Marijuana instead of me and our (then) two year old son. I am happy now, his addiction was a cause of constant torment as I dont believe in drugs and I was very opposed to him smoking in our house just a few feet away from our baby boy. He too invited friends and he too said he was done with me because i was trying to change him. Its sad but as mothers we must think of our children first and if there is no other solution simply walk out. After the divorce he decided he didn't want to be part of my son's life either I guess is easier to just get high all day without any responsibilities. Shame on him and men like him... Please check my blog out I wrote a Book about this in the hope many other women out there don't have to suffer what women like you and me have... onixj.wordpress.com

ruffridyer from Dayton, ohio on June 29, 2011:

A good hub. I am glad your husband choose his family over the drugs. I wish you all the best.