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How Marijuana Addiction Affected My Marriage

Updated on January 20, 2017

Addiction Affects Children

Family and Addiction do Not go Hand in Hand!

It all started on a sunny afternoon when I came home and told my husband that I did not want him smoking marijuana at our house anymore. I had come to a point in my life were family and addiction did not fit in the same category; I had to choose family or addiction.

This immediately threw my marriage into despair. He packed his bag, took a few personal belongings and left. His final words to me were, “I am done with you, done changing for you, and I’m divorcing you!” Because his addiction to marijuana was stronger than his desire to be a good influence on his children my marriage was in despair.

Family and Addiction Equal Devastation

My feelings were that of devastation. How could he choose this drug over my children, over his children, over our relationship?  I was done pretending that it was not happening. My husband was smoking pot in our garage on a regular basis. He also was inviting his relatives over to join him.

However my children did not appear to have any knowledge of his addiction (marijuana smoking) I was tired of putting them at risk. I had to put my children first and implant boundaries for my home even if it meant my marriage would be in despair or possibly destroyed.

My husband was gone for about twenty four hours before he came home to talk. He seemed to understand that my desire was to be a mother before all else. To my knowledge he has completely stopped smoking marijuana.In my household, family and addiction was about to focus solely on recovery.

The After Affects of Family and Addiction

His addiction to this substance continues to haunt him on a daily basis. He struggles regularly with hot flashes, irritability, restlessness, and insomnia. Our marriage is not perfect but it is a work in progress; hopefully that progress will continue to be drug free. Rather than being family and addiction, we are a family without addiction.

I continue to worry that my husband’s perspective on marijuana use and addiction in general will eventually hurt my children and contribute to the despair and destruction of our marriage. Two questions race through my brain frequently, “Would he ever smoke pot with my kids like his parents did with him?” “Do the kids know that daddy smoked pot?”

Addiction is very destructive; my husband, myself, my marriage, or my children have not been safe from the affects of it. I struggle with feelings of paranoia, my husband struggles with cravings, and our children just struggle to live with us (just joking, kind of) In my experience family and addiction combinded never has a positive outcome.

I realize that many families are affected by addiction. Multitudes of moms have attempted to keep their children safe from the effects addiction can have on them (including my mom). Thankfully I acquired the courage and strength to stand up and follow my moral compass (my mom never found this strength).

There is Hope that Family Will Triumph over Addiction

Though it has been difficult and emotionally taxing at times, it has been well worth the despair to keep my kids as safe from addiction as I can. Family and addiction may never have a positive outcome; but abstinence from substance use can result in many positive moments and changes.

Many moms (women in general) and some dads are raising their children in homes that are consumed by substance abuse. I would plead with these mothers and fathers to seek help for themselves and their children. Remember even though it may feel hopeless it is not. There is help available for you, your children, and your addicted significant other (if he or she will accept the help). Remember family and addiction do not go hand in hand!

Family and Addiction does Not have to be a Prison!

A few options for family members of an addict are:

  • If in immediate danger call 9-1-1
  • Seek out a local therapist or counselor
  • Seek out a minister or pastor
  • Seek out a local co-dependents anonymous(CoDA)group

A few options for an addict are:

  • If in danger of harming yourself or have overdosed call 9-1-1
  • Seek medical help (see your physician)
  • Seek out local Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings
  • Seek out an outpatient and/or inpatient treatment center
  • Seek out a local therapist or counselor
  • Seek out a minister or pastor

Life is what we make of it. If we choose to let addiction consume us, our children, and our entire lives it is as if we convict ourselves to lives of imprisonment. Hope is only but a footstep away. One footstep to say please, please help me today!

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      ruffridyer 5 years ago from Dayton, ohio

      A good hub. I am glad your husband choose his family over the drugs. I wish you all the best.

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      OnixJ 5 years ago

      Been there done that and same as you my ex husband chose Marijuana instead of me and our (then) two year old son. I am happy now, his addiction was a cause of constant torment as I dont believe in drugs and I was very opposed to him smoking in our house just a few feet away from our baby boy. He too invited friends and he too said he was done with me because i was trying to change him. Its sad but as mothers we must think of our children first and if there is no other solution simply walk out. After the divorce he decided he didn't want to be part of my son's life either I guess is easier to just get high all day without any responsibilities. Shame on him and men like him... Please check my blog out I wrote a Book about this in the hope many other women out there don't have to suffer what women like you and me have... onixj.wordpress.com

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      emack 5 years ago from Sydney Australia

      I work with families struggling with addiction and see every week how wives, mothers and children are caught up in the toxicity. I must add though that it is the most uplifting and powerful experience to be able to travel with these families as they recover - it is possible for all to become empowered by the journey so never lose hope. Mack

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      Dan 3 years ago

      I have a family, make good money, and smoke pot regularly. I don't do it around my kids. Its safer than alcohol and I find it to be therapeutic. Why can't your husband smoke pot in the garage outside of the presence of your kids? Maybe you should change. By the way he probably still smokes and hides it from you. This is a classic case of someone (You) being a product of government propaganda.

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      Selina 3 years ago

      Hello to all, I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line.I’ve been married to my alcoholic husband almost 15 years now. For about 3 years, he was sober from alcohol, but turned to heavy marijuana use. During our marriage, he has cheated, been irresponsible with finances, sold drugs, grown marijuana, videoed naked girls on his cell phone, forgotten my birthday, watched a lot of porn, used my cell phone to text other women, 3 DUI’s, and accidentally burnt a sofa and rug, while drunk, as well as start a fire in the kitchen causing $1500 in damages. I cannot stand breathing the same air as him any longer. I have been alone in this marriage for so long. at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of UTILA temple help her to stop her husband from alcohol and marijuana so i contacted the email of priest UTILA i told him my husband problems and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self and my husband which i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my husband problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their UTILA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him. sense then my husband has been a good and caring husband to the family.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give priest UTILA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via ( utilasolutiontemple@gmail.com ) or ( utilamagictemple@outlook.com ) Thanks priest UTILA i will forever be grateful

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      Keisha 3 years ago

      Hi Selina

      you are very right i have came across this man i was in a big problem in my marital life so i contacted Priest UTILA for help two weeks ago and now my problems are over am so happy his really i great spell caster.

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      Amber 3 years ago

      i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady who en charm him with her beauty, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I complained to my friend and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Saibaba. who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. she ask me to contact Dr Saibaba. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two days my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness and that he never knew what came upon him that he will never leave me again or the kids. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Saibaba on any problem, he is very nice, here is his contact templesaibaba@yahoo.com

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      kate 2 years ago

      husband smokes pot, when he's out of pot he is very abusive physically and mentally I don't know what to do, no one to turn to ?

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      godstruth6 2 years ago

      reply to Kate :) Please reach out and get help from church groups , counsling , self help web sites , anyone, physical abuse is never ok, I was in a physically abusive relationship and I truly believe he was going to kill me one day, so please TRUST in GOD and get help don't wait, Jesus loves you and is with you every step of the way even in difficult times :) There is hope for you :)

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      Michelle 2 years ago

      Hi, in my marriage I have been battling with the issue of weed. I met my husband and he smoked it very occasional many years ago when we had no kids. Although now older not in our twenties exploring life the last 5 years has been a night mare it has become constant thing constantly rolling up 5 -8 splifs daily it driving me crazy and destroying our marriage. He always gets angry when I say anything keep being told its his thing he does I need to stay out of it then critizes me weight, snorting and fitness( reverse psycology) or makes comparisons with other guys who cheat who are doing much worst. I feel hopeless it's like I have to choose either to accept it or end our marriage. The kids no we argue about the issue of smoking but they don't know its weed (they think it Tabacco ) recently started lying as he said he was going to stop but the one night he must of missed placed it and turn our bedroom upside down. I then realised hadn't stopped and the extent of his addiction. No one to talk to as it's embarrassing feel realy alone at times. Reading the last post made me cry as it says Jesus loves me and I know this but it's so hard to deal with.

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      godstruth6 2 years ago

      re: michelle you are not alone we all feel like we are alone at times but that is when we must reach out to talk with someone else to get help . Or pray is the most powerful thing to do it can change your life if you just trust in God and pray for whatever it is you need him to do for you :) I will pray for you as well and there is a really awesome radio station called Air One that has a website you can put prayer request in there to plus they play really positve music :) Remember Jesus does Love You and that will never change :)

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      Bert 23 months ago

      Help me please. I cant do this on my own and despite prayers God is ne where in sight. You woyld thibk after 26 years i could do this but i cant.

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      Sally 22 months ago

      First of all "Dan" who commented oh his regular use of smoking pot needs to crawl back under the rock he came from. My husband, soon to be ex used to smoke pot prior to our marraige. He could never hold down a job because he was always calling off or going in late. After 7 years of dating I finally had enough. He wrote me a 4 page letter professing his love and said he was done withbthe pot and hhe really was. We got married and I had to find him a job so he could contribute to our future together. This marraige lasted for 15 years. His job is stressful and when the drug became legal. Boom he was going back to his old ways. This time lying, manipulation, being a complete ass. It was like a desperation for him. Medicine he calls it. I say go for run or meditate or whatever. Prior to this he was drinking and taking anti anxiety drugs. He was even pushing me into taking meds I didn't need. I saw a different side of him. The addict. Now if he gets piss tested guess who loses their job and health insurance etc. My husband is loving and funny, but im not going to support his ass so he can play all day. It's sad but im not going to live with it. Oh and now hes smoking cigarettes as well after 10 years of quitting. I've cried and grieved over the husband I thought I knew but his pot is more important. So I guess he can slowly die from COPD and emphysema or lung cancer and when hes struggling to breathe he can cuddle with his budz or some other loser. Hope it is all worth it. For the other women dealing with this. Cry and grieve and get it out of your system. It is devastating for those of us who refuse to "accept" it. But we will prevail. God is in control and we need to focus on what God wants for us...and its not a pothead loser stoner asshole.

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      godstruth6 22 months ago

      Praise God!!! After 18 years of heavy marijauna use my and lots and lots of prayer my husband quit his addiction!! :) We spend more time as a family , we still have our ups and downs but overall we are so much more happy, and I thank Jesus for bring him through this. So never give up hope or prayer Im living proof it works!!! :)

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      Kris 22 months ago

      My wife smokes weed EVERY night, our relationship is on the brink. I have tried talking to her about it, but she doesnt think there is anything wrong with it. I have tried to compromise with her and she has promised to cut back to once or twice a week but that has never happened. We havent been communicating at all, and I blame it on her addiction. I find it hard to talk to her when she is stoned so I have completely shut down. I want to get her help but its very difficult to help someone who doesnt think they have a problem. I am beyond stressed out about this.

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      godstruth6 22 months ago

      Attn: Kris my advice is to pray ,pray,pray and never give up hope ! :) also find yourself some family or friends who can support you because you need that right now, I will pray for you guys and Pray that God will bless your marriage :)

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      Me Too 21 months ago

      I know this is an old article, but I found it because I am experiencing the same thing. My husband uses marijuana pretty much every day. He vaporizes, so he thinks I don't know. I do. I know because when he hasn't used, he is irritable. He retreats outside to smoke for hours a night, neglecting me and our kids. He has lost almost all interest in sex. When we do have sex, he can't always perform. Come to find out ED is a common side effect of chronic marijuana use. He has become very detached from us. My kids can tell him about something that happened, and he doesn't hear any of it or will forget it the next day. But he claims it it not hurting anyone. It is. It hurts me and it hurts our kids.

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      godstruth6 21 months ago

      reply: Me Too I will be praying for you and your family,Please do not give up hope, Jesus Loves You and Your Husband and Kids too, Anything is possible threw Christ who gives you strength pray with your husband so he knows how you feel, find support outside the home and stay strong peace and love to your family My husband quit after 18 years Praise God!!! :)

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      Cristina Sulzener 16 months ago

      My husband smokes pot a lot. It makes me tired. He constantly looks me in the eye and promises he'll stop for sure "this time" but lies and goes behind my back and smokes with his co-workers and friends before he gets home. He thinks i don't know and notice this but i do. He blames his stress of work and stuff on it. But even in our best moments he goes back to smoking. How can i help him? Some recommendations? Or should i leave my husband because he won’t stop smoking? Any help would be highly appreciated

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      godstruth6 16 months ago

      Pray and ask God if he thinks you should leave him or not and he will answer you and then lead by example all things all possible through Christ who gives me strength, just be patient and all things will work out for the good

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      Megan 2 months ago

      My name is Megan and at six months pregnant my husband grabbed my wrist and said "never make me choose between you and weed." He had misplaced his stash and was furious with me, because anything bad was always somehow my fault.

      I didn't make him choose for five years. I was conditioned to listen and not to argue.... Years went by and it was ok because I knew the triggers that would upset him and how to redirect his attention, protecting the kids and myself. His habit of smoking weed was everyday: before he got out of bed smoking a bowl, he'd smoke all day and the last thing he would do before bed was load another bowl and smoke. Often, he would wake up in the middle of the night, smoke, then return to bed.

      We never had money and lived without a great deal of essentials. His drinking increased that fifth year too. Everyday around four he would buy a bottle of gin and/or a six pack of 8. + beer. A year of this and me asking him to stop (without upsetting him because I would be punished in a number of ways but usually via isolation, or sexual acts)...but I felt helpless by this point. He had punished me, isolated, down-talked, and controlled every aspect of my life. I was scared of what he was likely do. I was scared for myself and my children.

      I am a pretty girl. I am healthy, fit, freckled and have a pretty smile. I found joy still each day playing with my children. I am quite normal. I don't know how this became my life. I continued to be unaware of my situation for years.

      Until I met a wise, compassionate and powerful woman. At first my husband was excited and invited her to be a part of our lives but two months in he realized she was strong and not going to be manipulated or controlled. She was a threat to all he had done. She was standing up for the kids and I and helping me realize this was sersioysly wrong. He got angry one night after many heated/aggresssive arguments (not hitting me but the wall right next to me) and the kids and I were kicked out of our apartment. With this exceptionally caring and brave female badass, she gave me emotional support I had so desperately needed, and I was able to get back on my feet. I had to start completely over, him having kept everything and giving no finincial support.... We were Ok. Good even. It was challenging... But I was doing it and we were healing.

      It's been a year, and now he is fighting for "his rights" as a father. He has publicly humiliated me, Facebook included, and is claiming parental alienation. He has come at me in every way to bully me, threaten me, stalk me, harass me....and bring me down.

      I've been in counseling for many months now and have learned finally that we were in a mentally abusive relationship. I can't believe I DIDNT KNOW! I'll forgive myself eventually.... I'm working on it piece by piece. I've learned he hunted me and knew exactly what to do to get what he wanted.

      Sometimes, I want to find a corner and sleep for a long time. But I won't. I am dertermined and resilient for my children.

      I've saved my dimes and am battling for custody. I pray that I am heard. That I am supported. That against what he has always said, that I WILL be believed. I am going to share this expierence and more once I have full custody. No one should ever have to live this way.

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      Jaime Dawn Thompson 2 months ago from Oregon

      It has been years since I wrote this article and a lot has happened in my life. I am doing well, my children are older, my husband continues to struggle with his addictions periodically. I am so thankful you all have taken the time to read my blog post and share your own life situations and struggles. You are all in my prayers. I know life can feel so very overwhelming, and at times hopeless.

      Megan, you sound like such a strong woman. In hindsight we can see the disfunction, and sometimes abuse, that was directly impacting us.

      The bible passage that carries me through tough times is Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me."

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