When I told my parents I was moving out, my dad said, "No you're not." I did it anyway, and this is what I learned.
10 Steps to Tell Your Parents You're Moving Out
You want to move out. You want to make your own home. You're ready to live independently. . . but your parents might disagree.
How do you break the news to an overprotective mom or dad without risking an explosion or a meltdown? You could just pick up your stuff and take off without looking back, but there is a better way. This will be one of your first independent moves as an adult, after all, and you want to start off on the right foot.
When I moved out of my parents' home, it was not easy. Here's what I learned. Doing each of these things would have saved us all a lot of pain and suffering.
1. Think Before You Talk
Nothing is worse than setting off the parent bomb without thinking things through beforehand. You'll need to fully analyze your situation before you say a word. So before you make a move, be sure that you are able to move out and it's what you really want to do. It'll only make things worse if you end up changing your mind or returning home because you weren't really prepared.
2. Have a Realistic Plan
I told my parents that I was going to move out in one year. This time period would coincide with my internship. I gave myself one year to do everything I could to build relationships, network, and finish projects for my portfolio before I would move out.
Having a set plan helps you avoid getting stuck in a dead-end situation and also gives you the motivation you need to complete what you need to accomplish to achieve your goals. Things to think about:
- Boyfriend/girlfriend: How serious is the relationship? Can you trust him/her? Are you ready to commit to living together? What would happen if things went wrong?
- Pets: Are there any animals you need to find homes for before you leave? Who will take care of the pets you leave, or are you taking your animal with you?
- Illness: If either of your parents are sick, you should have an answer for the question of whether leaving now is the right choice. Think about what your absence will mean for your family and you would do if things got worse with them.
- Leftover junk: Will you take everything with you, or are you hoping your parents will let you keep stuff in their house?
3. Be Ready to Defend Yourself
If you're parents are like mine, you'll need to have a plan before you approach them. As soon as I broke the news to my dad, he immediately said, "No, you're not." I had to defend myself and tell him what the plan was, who I had talked to, and how I would utilize the support of my social network. You should be able to say if your job is going to be permanent or if it's merely a step toward your dream situation.
4. Don't Break the News Alone
If you're moving in with a roommate or a boyfriend/girlfriend, having them there for support when you break the news to your parents will demonstrate a level of commitment and show them that you're not alone in your decision. Having your future roommate(s) with you may help lessen some of the fear your parents are feeling.
Both you and your future roommates should be prepared with important answers for your parents so you will be able to respond to their fears. For example, your parents will probably want to know how you'll pay for a separate living situation, so you all might tell them about your earnings or of potential job offers and what you'll be doing to support yourselves.
5. Break the News to Your Parents Last
This might seem a little odd to some people, but for me, I found that it was easier and a little less daunting to broach the subject with my parents after I'd talked to my friends and extended family. You'll be able to talk about what you want to do and practice your words without fear of disdain or disapproval.
6. ...Or Tell Your Closest Parent First
If you're closer to one of your parents, it might help to tell that one before the other so that you can test the waters. You might also be able to ask for their help breaking the news to the other.
7. Ask for Advice
Your friends and family will be able to tell you how it was when they left their childhood homes and help give you the information and courage you need to make your decision.
If you're like me (someone who hates conflict), this is going to be a scary and new situation for you. You'll be glad to have the support and love of people you care about before you step into the ring with your parents. There's comfort knowing that you have the support of friends and family, especially if you know that your parents are not going to support your decision.
8. Have Realistic Expectations
Avoid fantasies and unrealistic expectations in your head. You should have a general idea of how your parents will react.
Will they forgive or do they hold grudges? Will they support you or give you the silent treatment? Will there be screaming? Is there a possibility they will kick you out of the house? Preparing for the worst will help keep your resolve strong.
As much as I wanted to still be friends and have my mom like me, I knew that telling her that I was moving out, out-of-state, and with my boyfriend to boot would make her furious. Knowing this, I was prepared for the silent treatment and knew that my name would be mud for a couple months.
9. Involve Your Future Roomate
If you are moving in with a roommate, it's a good idea to bring them by the house for your parents to meet so they at least will know what sort of company you'll be in.
Questions to ask yourself before you get a roommate:
One huge reason for moving out is to improve your quality of life and experience positive new things. You don't want to move from one negative situation into another.
If you're moving in with a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend, ask yourself if they're really trustworthy. Are they true partner or are they a burden? Are they someone you can function with and be around most of the day?
I advise you to first spend a few days alone together, in a hotel or at a family member's house, to see how it goes. Is your potential roommate clean? Were they courteous with their space and did they look after themselves? If you need some sort of an excuse to test the waters, try finding an event that is a distance away from your house so it will force you to stay with your potential roommate (like a film festival, concert, or mini vacation, for example).
10. Try to Understand Your Parents' View
As much as you want to move out and no matter how it goes down, remember to look at the situation from your parents' point of view. If you're the first child to move out, or the only one, it's no doubt going to be harder them to hear the news. The same is true if you're female, if you're moving in with a boyfriend/girlfriend, or if you plan to move far away.
Make an effort to alleviate their fears by having a plan and thinking things over before you act on your decision. Be sure to let them know that you still love them and they're welcome to come by and visit.
Advice I Would Give My Past Self
Don't wait too long to tell your parents. My anxiety and stress could have been reduced significantly if I hadn't waited so long. It's better to not picture every possible horrible outcome and just get it over with.
Growing up, I never felt close to either of them and didn't feel I was able to talk to them about big life decisions. But the truth is that now, after the move, I have a better relationship with my parents.
How to Say Goodbye to Your Parents When You Move Out
I don't feel like I picked the right words to express myself when I moved out. If I could do it over, I would suggest...
- leave a picture frame with a good picture of yourself in it
- write a nice letter expressing how much you'll miss them and thanking them for all they've done (if you're better at writing than talking about your feelings, this may be a good way for you to express your emotions)
- buy a webcam so you can Skype
- promise that you'll keep in touch.
After you finally move out, there's a possibility that one or both of your parents will need a little bit of a "cool down" period. Let them have their space and when you feel like you've given them some time, remember to try to be friends after the situation.
You can't choose your family, but they're important. They are your biggest support system. And, as annoying as it is, being overprotective just means that your parents care for you. It's a big life decision—not just for you, but for your parents, as well.
What's Your Moving-Out Story?
How were your parents when you broke the news? If you have a story, feel free to share it below. How you approached the situation may help someone else.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
YukiAlice on August 20, 2020:
I'm 23rd n my BF is 30th, we'v been tgthr for 2 n more years. His parrent already love me n recently (accidently) called me my bf's wife
Anon on July 24, 2020:
I just got approved for my dream apartment and I have to tell my mom I’m moving out next week...she has no idea that I was looking to move out.....wish me luck
Gabby on July 13, 2020:
I’m 21 and my boyfriend is 22 and I’m planning to move in with him at his parents house and I’m terrified to tell my parents of my plans. They kind of already know that I’m planning to move out as soon as I can financially handle it but my parents are super controlling and overprotective. I constantly semi joke with my dad About the fact that I’m gonna move out soon and every single time I say it he gets angry and serious and begins to explain that I won’t be leaving until I can pay them all my bills for a year straight as well as needing to be engaged for a year. My boyfriend and I are only deciding to move in with his family because his parents understand that we cannot afford living on our own just yet (we live in LA where rent for a studio apartment can run us anywhere up to 2000 a month) and his parents are being so Helpful that with the “rent” they’re gonna be charging us they will actually be setting the money aside into a savings account for us to use when we have enough money saving in our own banks to purchase our own house.
My mom on the other hand will most like not speak to me for about 3 months
Ensigntilly on July 01, 2020:
My parents were an utter nightmare. They had escalated the abuse they doled out my whole life whilst I was engaged, on the surface perfect parents paying for an elaborate day (we wanted simple) and I was a horrible ungrateful daughter because I had my own opinions and wouldn't starve myself to be prettier on the day. They wanted me to remain at home until the wedding day- I was not doing that. They couldn't prevent me from leaving but made my remaining time there awful- not letting me sleep properly and trying to go through my phone, making me late for work and trying to spark fights between me and my now husband. I started moving my things out- I kept my most important items in my everyday bag, got my winter clothes and a few summer items, ensured I had enough basic clothes in case it wasn't safe to come home and made sure sentimental items were out of the way. In the end I was ignored and my now husband was the one who made my final weekend there special. I've been married for nearly two years now and living in a supportive loving home is everything I ever wanted
Noms on June 20, 2020:
I just had turned 18 about a month ago and I am trying to move out of state with my boyfriend and we have been together for 1 year and 8 months And my parents are against it 100% they are threatening to ruin our relationship and coming after me if I leave. I can’t stand living with them but I love my lil siblings nd I know if I were to leave something major will happen and I probably won’t be able to see my sisters n brother. I’m leaving for college but in their eyes I’m leaving to just get pregnant and be a freeloader I have no friends that have left their homes and I certainly can’t speak with a family member I just don’t know how to speak to them.
star1111 on June 16, 2020:
I am LITERALLY so scared to move out of my dads house. I literally just turned 18 like 8 days ago and I've been wanting to move out for FOREVER like literally ever since I was 12. No cap. HE's SO OVERPROTECTIVE and every time I bring out moving out he tries to manipulate me to stay/ gets mad that I want to leave. And I've found a roomie on Craigslist- I'd be moving states. I've nvr met this person but they seem nice and they're SUPER close to where I'd be going to college so it would be really easy for me to switch over to the dorms in the fall. I'd like to get a job in that area that I can keep for like years, but the thing is, I don't want to hurt my dad, even though it's not like we even have the best relationship, and I don't want to be your typical naive/ stupid/ thinks the whole world is a bed of roses type of female. HOWEVER, there really isn't any point in me staying in my area and I'd like to just pull the trigger. I think I'm going to plan to leave then tell my dad a few days before, but I don't know. I'm scared and nervous, and I recognize that this would be a big step for both me AND him. I don't want to be selfish, but at the same time I want to look out for myself, you know.
Victoria on June 05, 2020:
I’m 22 going on 23 next month and on August I’ll be moving in with my boyfriend, he’s 24. It’s been almost two years of being together. Heres the catch tho, we’ve known each other for 9 years. We have a lot of history. But we want to really commit and take big steps. My parents are overprotective but they had stepped down a lot then before when it was really bad. My parents are really bad with communicating and still try to have control over me and forget that i can make my own decisions so they plan for me, and think for me. My dad says I'm irresponsible and lazy yet i contribute to bills in their house and the only person who does the chores when theres total of 5 people living in the house. Yet everything falls upon me...my dad doesnt even hang out or talk to me, hes also hardly home so he never sees when im busy but when hes here he sees me doing nothing since i already did my part and just assumes i do nothing all day. My mom is easy to talk to and I feel closer to her, my issue as well is that they both are negative and always assume the worst. I know its not going to go well once i tell them since its sudden and we were randomly offered by a friend of his since they are moving out and its cheap...im also my parents only baby sitter since i have two younger siblings so its easy for them to have me babysit. But they forget to see that i as well have missed out on a lot from baby sitting and have a life too. I also don't have any motivation living here with them since they have control over me, I'm too comfortable here that i feel i cant do anything and i want to be independent and do better for myself so i feel that moving out will be better for me and shape me as adult. Im looking forward in moving out but i want to skip the conflict part.. i know i still have to face them. At least they’re lucky im not running away or leaving because im pregnant, my boyfriend and i dont want kids at all till we really settle into a better housing and good financially. They like my boyfriend and know hes always there for me. But im planning on telling them sometime next month since moving in date is close.....wish me luck ....
Alexis on May 25, 2020:
What do you do if your parents dont approve of your boyfriend? And wont allow him to meet the family? I really want to move in with him but every time i mention his name my mother talks negative over him. It honestly upsets me because she hasnt given him a chance. We even have talked about me staying with him for a month but he worries about my mother and father. That they would try to cause a scene. How do you have a real conversation with your parents when they dont care how you feel or if your happy?
L on May 24, 2020:
My boyfriend and I are both 23 and have been dating for 3 years. We live way way way too close to his manipulative family. When I first moved in with my boyfriend we had to live with his family for a few months until I got a job. When I got a job we immediately moved out to be more independent, and that made his mother furious. I guess she expected us to live there forever(???). And now ever since we moved out, his entire family hates even the thought of me and have tried to get my boyfriend to break up with me, calling me names to my face as well as behind my back. Obviously we won't break up bc of his family. So for a while my boyfriend and I have been looking into moving across the country just because neither of us are happy with where we are living right now. I know his family is going to absolutely rip us apart when he tells them about our plan. I'm honestly terrified for the both of us. I've made sure to ask my bf multiple times if he will be mentally prepared to tell them knowing how they will take it out on us and he says he definitely is. But i'm really scared for him, I know how they treat him and I don't want it to take a huge toll on his mental health. Overprotective, manipulative parents are the absolute worst and do not deserve children.
Alexandra on May 11, 2020:
i am 22 years old and i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. and my parents have never agreed with my relationship and have always said means things that i don't like to this day. they are very controlling, overprotective, and are mentally abusive and i have planned on moving out for a while. we had a big fight today over my relationship and it made me realize that its time to get away from all of that because it has drained me so much. i'm just ready to leave from my house so i don't have to deal with all this anymore..
Hugo on April 30, 2020:
I'm from Portugal and I'm 21, I'm gonna turn to 22 in the end of this year, and I'm planning to move out in august, so in 3 months. My parents aren't overprotective, but my father has this idea of "perfect family" that i can't live with. He wants me and my siblings to leave near my parents FOREVER. He has a really good job and he is building 2 houses near each other so he can move out to there and bring the whole family there. When I was younger my father used to be overprotective and to be the shit out of me with no reason. If I don't agree with an idea of him, he gets angry and crazy and starts to abuse me emotionally. Once he threw to me this look in my eyes it looked like he wanted to kill me, I call it the "death look", it's when someone looks at you in your with a looking eyes like the wanted to just beat the shit out of you and kill you. when i was 12 years old i was bullied in school, had no friends, I told that to my father and he bullied me in our own house until i started crying, when i started crying he told me that I'm stupid, retarded, freak, ... Just because i couldn't handle the fuck that he was bullying me. Now things are calm, but he wants me to be super close to him, he wants me to hang out with me like shit never happened, and i can't stand it, I can't stand my brother and my mother either. 1 month ago, he told me that i don't belong in our house, I don't deserve to live with them, and that was when i decided to book an accommodation. But I have one problem, how and when do I tell them that I'm moving out by myself?
I'm studying in college, but i will start working on july and earn near 900/1k euros monthly which is really good in portugal for someone who is finishing college. And I will be able to have a stable life. I think that the first reaction will be very bad, he will be furious, maybe there will be an 1 hour discussion, but after that he will just accepts the fact that I don't like to live with them. I've always been on my own and I got used to the fact that I'm better on my own rather than with people who controls me. My idea of life is: 70% work 30% do whatever you want. People are complex and i consider my self a very simple person. I'm studying computer science, but i always loved with all my heart music and I know how to sing, but my parents never pushed me to go with it, they instead always pushed me to go for computer science instead. So my goal is, i work on computer science and then invest on my passions, that are Gaming and Music, which my parents don't like. In my house I'm not able to have my passions and that kills me. But my father can invest thousands of euros on classic cars and houses, and they can't invest 1k/2k on a little passion of mine. What is life without passion???
trinity on April 26, 2020:
I'm 18 and I am planning on moving in with my best friends family. My parents are extremely controlling and overprotective. I am terrified to tell my parents that I am moving out. I am waiting to tell them until its one week before I move. I am getting everything planned out so it is set in stone, so if they try to tell me "no," I won't let them hold me back. I have been praying literally non stop for the past week, it is helping with the anxiety that I am feeling about telling them, but I don't think I will feel better until I am out of this house.
sammi on April 14, 2020:
i'm 18 and planning to move to kentucky with my boyfriend because it's cheaper there (i live in new jersey with my dad and step mom currently, he lives with his parents as well) and i feel like it'd be a great idea for us to separate a little bit from our kind of strict and find our independence on our own, knowing we will have a few bumps in the way. i have everything planned out, even down to a monthly grocery budget, but the only thing is when (i am currently in the process of being able to join the army national guard, but i'm even having doubts about that). i've mentioned it to my step mom recently because she is not as judgemental as my dad is, but i'm terrified of telling my dad early on because i feel like he'll gig me for not having every single thing planned out. my boyfriend and i have been talking about living together for almost the entirety of our relationship (which could be considered a not-so-great thing, but we've been consistent), and i feel like his parents are worried about him being with me because they have a pretty rocky relationship, as did my parents since they got together young, moved out of state together young, and had a tumultuous time together. we're not our parents, but we've relied on them all these years and their opinions and feelings hold a lot of weight which makes it difficult for us to tell them anything so heavy albeit important. i plan on having a future with him. i plan on marrying him, and he's told me, and tells me, the same. i don't know, maybe i sound ridiculous, but i'm scared because i don't have every single detail.
aj on April 12, 2020:
I have not moved out of the house yet even though I want to. My parents are mentally and verbally abusive. Just a few days ago my mom got angry at me for simply stating an opinion and kept throwing punches at me. I hit back and my dad is angry about it too. My mom is super controlling and when it does not go her way, she does whatever she can to make it her way. Whenever I rebel she tells me I have had this hatred and the fact I hit back made her think it is time we should cut chords. She even literally beat me up when she found out I had a boyfriend. I am 23 now and she treats me like a 12-year-old. I plan to move to Hawaii from CA to be with my boyfriend whom I had to hide our relationship for almost 9 years. He is in the Navy and it has been a huge struggle for us without the approval of my parents.
HAC01 on April 12, 2020:
im about to move out of my house and live with my boyfriend because my mom is out of control i love her very much and i can feel the consequences that is coming towards me hard....i have 3 older brothers who i know are going to be mad at me after they find out im not home and ill never come home i know this is stupid but i honestly can't face my mom so i decided to leave her a note telling her all the things why im moving out and whats my plan and that im 20 years old she can't treat me like a baby anymore so i wanted this to show her that im much more than being used im responsible smart and independent so guys wish me luck on my move out....
Alex on March 31, 2020:
My parents are getting ready to move to Texas and I wanted to stay here and I told them that and they are mad and they’re saying that I’m giving up on my family because I want to stay here in Georgia I already have an apartment and everything already have some stuff in there I don’t know how to tell her that I’m leaving because they Are still under the impression that I’m still living with them when they move
belle on March 06, 2020:
I more or less ran away at 20 years old. My situation was ideal, given the circumstances in which I left. I packed all of my stuff into backpacks and trash bags, whatever I could carry, and I left. My boyfriend was the getaway driver. For a while, my cell data was off and I didn’t have a car. A coworker at the time had an extra room in her house, and I moved in there. I had a job, a roof over my and my dog’s heads, and I was living away from my parents. That was June 2019. Now, in March 2020, my once terrible relationship with my parents is now on a steep incline. I see them at least once a week, I call. I have my own phone and car, paying my own bills, and I’m doing what I’d dreamed of doing since I was little: not living under the thumb of abusive parents.
Moving out helped my parents realize I’m not their property. I’m not someone that can do their bidding without complaint. It showed them I’m an adult human with my own ideas about how I want my life to go. I could have definitely moved out in a less dramatic way; I’m still mending my family back together.
If you’re reading this, hopeful of moving out, please don’t leave in the way I did if there’s a better way. Talk to your parents. Open up communication. Be honest tactfully. You have control over your own life, never forget that. But always ALWAYS remember that your actions have consequences. I advise you to pick and choose your battles, your words, and your actions wisely. Never forget that your parents love you no matter what. Even if it ends in getting the cold shoulder, the silent treatment for a while, I can promise you this: they’ll come around. And it will get better!
Stay hopeful, you got this!! xx
Mandy Holman on February 04, 2020:
How do to tell my mom and my grandpa that i am moving out of my trailer into an apartment oh and I am 32 years old
Mandy Holman on February 04, 2020:
How do I tell my mom and my grandpa that i am moving out of my trailer into an apartment
Suzanne McFarland on January 21, 2020:
I just told my mom and she literally flipped and screamed to the point that I started crying.Hopefully everything will get easier
Marissa on January 14, 2020:
Im scared to tell my parents they are both emotionaly abusive any advice?
Tristyn Kennedy on January 13, 2020:
My parents are just very overprotective I can never leave the house and I’m almost 20, I know if I tell them in person I’m moving out it will not end pretty, so I am leaving a note. You story helped me a long and showed others feel the same I do, I’m just extremely scared
Makiilo on November 27, 2019:
So umm If there's anyone, who has gone through telling your abusive mother that you're going, how'd it go a d what did you do? What If there's an actual risk of her beating the shit out of me? I have four months to the move and I am terrified... I hope I'll get out as one piece...
shelly on November 05, 2019:
wow this worked and I'm out of that shity house and I'm only 13 years old and I'm gne
C on September 28, 2019:
So I'm 21. I'm currently in college so I'm away from my mom but me and my sister are living in an apartment together. However, I do not want to live with my sister anymore. One, no one does not come over meaning I can't have friends over. While we both agreed on it, she has had some people over while I never had no on over ever. Another thing, I'm in a relationship, I have a girlfriend (I'm a girl as well) and I would like for her to come to me rather than me coming to her all the time. I've never brought her over to my place and before she used to beg for her to be at my place, not only that, I see us having a future together we both want a future together. I don't like that, I always have to run around to find a way to get to my girlfriend but I want her to come to me. It's been difficult especially since my sister dose not like my girlfriend. Also, I have a job as well as other jobs lined up. I want to be able to be independent and handle my shit without my sis thinking I'm doing "drugs" (btw I don't do drugs but in her eyes I have because she smelled cigarettes scent even tho we literally have neighbors that smoke). Another thing, I can't fully be myself. I basically hold back a lot of myself back a lot because I can already tell if I am fully myself there would conflict. I'm tired of trying to keep peace while it hurts me. I'm tired of having to go to all types of lengths just to meet my girlfriend, I'm tired of every time I go to work and I come home, I get asked why I take long to come home even tho I keep telling her my shift ends late. I'm tired of being accused of weird shit etc. I've been planning this for some time, and now more than anything I want to move out completely on my own. I just want my girlfriend to visit me, me to start living my life while working, and start being the person I want to be.
A on September 18, 2019:
I'm 21 and live at home rn with my family. I got a job this year which I love and pays well. My bf and I have been together for almost a year now, but my parents have forbade me to see him for the last few months. I love my parents and know they just want what's best for me, but I can't stand being micro-managed anymore. I found a place near work for a good price and has everything I want. I'm all ready to move out in Dec but I have no idea how to even tell my parents that I want to move out- let alone that I definitely am and already have it all set up. My parents, although they care, won't let me make my own decisions and I'm scared about how they'll react when I tell them.
Jackie Estrada Perez on September 17, 2019:
I want to move out because I don have a great realtionship with my mother and my 2 sisters,i just can deal with them no more so i just want to move out and be with my friend that goes to my school and I just can finsih high school but idk if i want to go to college , i have a lot of reasons why i want to move out cause maybe my life might be different and not how it is now all just like bullshit
Adriana Juarez on September 16, 2019:
I’m 21, I’m Latina, I have Mexican parents, I been with my boyfriend for 3 years.. and we want to move out together.. but the only problem is, in order to move out. I have to get married first.. me and my boyfriend are not okay with that at all and my parents are extremely strict and iv been terrified of them especially my dad since I was little.. but my boyfriend is okay with telling them that we’re getting a house very soon and all that.. but if they say no and they both go crazy on me.. I’ll have to just run away.. and never in my life would I have ever imagined me running away and for the first time ever disobeying my parents like that
T on August 04, 2019:
I have supported my mother financially for years I am almost 23. My mom depends on me for a lot due to her severe anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. She absolutely hates my boyfriend that she tried to make me choose between her and him and so we hid our relationship for almost a year now but he wants to get our own place so we can actually spend time together and be a couple cause we both love each other and see this lasting a very long time. But my mother doesn't care and doesn't believe that I actually love him and said if I move in with him and eventually get married to him that I would be dead to her. I need advice on how to talk to her about moving out.
Grace on July 29, 2019:
I'm 23 and trying to move out with a really good friend (not even my boyfriend because he doesn't feel ready to mlve out). It's a toxic situation with my parents and while the summers aren't bad because my parents are not home it's gotten to a point that I only like myself in the summer and the rest of the year i don't like being me. Of course I'm not going to tell them that part and I and my friend are running our numbers.
We have the support of her family and while my boyfriend is neutral he just wants to see the numbers and sit down with both of us to make sure we can do this on our own. I'm probably going to be talking to my grandmother before I tell my parents as they give such bad anxiety and she usually is great with listening and helping me out with my confidence. If she doesn't think it's smart it's easier to talk to her than my own parents so i know talking to her will be a good test but also a reassurance for myself.
Dylan Mark on July 26, 2019:
I'm planning to move out in about a year, 5 months after my 18th birthday. My two older sibling are already moved out and it didn't go well for either of them as far as my parents go. My parents are super protective and strict, so im just now getting my driver's license in about a week. Which means I don't even have a job yet. To make matters worse, I'm moving in with my sister, which I know they will not be the slightest bit happy about. My sister moved out two years ago and her relationship only started improving about six months ago. And they're still not on great terms. I plan to tell them a few months before my eighteenth birthday so they'll have plenty of time to process and hopefully accept it. But I honestly have no idea how to break it to them. I feel like it really shouldn't be this hard. I've just been extremetly sheltered my entire life and I'm ready to finally experience what I feel like I've been missing out on for the last 17 years.
So, if anyone is dealing with something similar, just know there's someone out there who shares your pain. We'll get through it one way or another.
lilly on July 04, 2019:
i’m trying to move out of my moms house. i turn 17 in exactly a month. i’m a waitress at a restaurant that’s across the street from the place i’m going to be staying, which is at my friends house. she lives 20 minutes from my mom in another town. i only have to pay 30$ a month rent so money is no problem for me. my friend is very supportive and is so nice for letting me stay with her. i go to school in the town my mom lives, but i have a vehicle so transportation isn’t a problem either. i want to move out because my family and i don’t get along, and me and my mom dont either. my mom didn’t raise me. my mom was never around until i turned 14 and had to take me in because my grandmother died. i tried to move out once and she was more sad than angry. she said there’s nothing she can really do because she didn’t raise me, and basically said it’s my choice. but she was literally heartbroken. my sister moved out when she was 16, but instead of talking to her she just packed up and left when my mom wasnt home. i want to go about it differently because i feel that’s an extremely disrespectful approach. i want to talk to my mom and explain that i want a little independence and have plans for my life. anyway i can do this without hurting her feelings?
Angela on June 27, 2019:
I'm 32 and probably should have moved out when I was around 27 (this is just for me personally, others are ready earlier). Initially I lived with my parents after college because of financial reasons. I literally graduated from college the year of the recession and even though I had a degree in the medical field, I couldn't find a job. It was terrible because I spent a year looking for work but couldn't get a job without having prior experience (they usually wanted people with at least a few years of on job experience) and even in the medical field there were too few jobs for the amount of people applying (at least for my specialty at the time). I can't explain how disheartening this was for me at the time, I mean just to get into the education program at college required a 4.0 GPA and they only took the top 30 people that applied, and then for the three years within the program we had to maintain a high GPA and we couldn't fail any of the major written exams and we had to perform about 30 types of exams on real patients (some of the exams were so rare that you would only have one chance during your time as a student to perform on a real patient, so it was an immediate pass or fail situation), so out of the 30 that got into the program only 25 graduated. Then you had to pass the state exam to be certified. I had done all of that. But, because of the recession and the fact that there were still more students graduating than jobs available, it was difficult to find work. Eventually, I finally got an unpaid internship (literally working for free for an entire year!) just to get my foot in the door. So for two years I had no money and lived with my folks. Finally, I got hired and was making a decent salary, but to be honest I wasn't ready emotionally or financially until maybe three years after I was finally feeling settled in my career. But when I broke the news to my parents, my dad was completely against it and my mom also didn't think it was a good idea. Unfortunately I lacked confidence and really wanted their support, and didn't leave. I had some ups and downs on the job too during the years and time passed by. Finally I'm moving out and buying a house of my own, and I have been able to save enough that I should never need to move back again. But, if I were to do it over again, I definitely would have moved out sooner. So anyways, my message is, once you feel financially and emotionally ready go for it! I think it is important for some young adult's development to be on their own, even if it may not make sense to your parents. I know I tried over and over to get my parents to understand, but it always ended in arguments and hurt feelings. Sometimes it's better to act than just discuss.
Tai on June 25, 2019:
I’ve been wondering how am I gonna break it to my dad that I’m moving out, I am 23, I’m married and I want to move in with my husband, but we have to go to my parents house grab my stuff and my dog, how do I tell my dad? I couldn’t even tell them at start that I was married or getting married how do I tell him that I’m moving out? I need help!
Deja Pearson on May 06, 2019:
Thank you for this article! This is what I needed to see!
I am 28 and when I was a teenager I lived some summers at my dad's house. Each time was gruesome and my mental health suffered. He's always been overprotective of me because I'm an only child and a girl. I lived on my own from 21 to 26 years old and needed a breather of a year or two before moving back out. I moved in with him again because our relationship was finally healing. I was ready to go after a year and he started saying and doing everything he can to get me to stay, from yelling at me like a child to being submissive and crying and using his disagreements with my personal life to guilt me into staying. He's figured out that using my financial health is the only way to get me to listen, but I can more than support myself! It's been 2 years and I think I stayed too long here. I'm so miserable and I know this is going to be tough but it's been so inspiring to see so many other people going through the same thing!
For me, I'm going to tell him I'm moving after I've already signed a lease and beginning the move out process. I know he will be hurt but it's like breaking off a bad relationship - the other person is going to be hurt but they have to heal on their own no matter how gentle you try to let them go.
Brianna on April 26, 2019:
I've been planning to move out for a while. My parents are overprotective and I'm 18. I see their POV but its like they don't see mine. I've always been better at writing notes so i'm planning to leave a good picture of me and a letter and leave. I can't handle the pressure i feel from them plus im getting married without them knowing so i have a place to go.
Janet Chavarria on March 21, 2019:
I've been trying to convince my parents about myself moving into my boyfriend's place for a while, but if I bring up the topic the only thing they do is argue and they never have listened to me or been there for me ever since I was a little girl. It was always their way. I'm an adult now and they still treat me like I'm 9. I'm not going to lie, it's always been toxic with my parents. But even through that, I love them dearly. If I move out, my father said that he doesn't want to see me ever again and that if I come to see my sister or mother, he'll kick me out. I don't know what to do. Help, please.
Amber Garza on March 06, 2019:
Me and my boyfriend (we’ve been together 2 1/2 years) have been planningn to move out for a while. We’ve talked to my parents a while back and let them know we’ve been thinking about getting our own place and moving in together. Both my parents, didn’t agree on our decision, but they didn’t disagree ethier. They just told us, “we’ll see what happens throughout the time..” Unfortunately, my mom got really sick & i offered to be her caregiver (meaning taking care of her 24/7), so months passed by and moving out wasn’t an option anymore.. she’s doing so much better now, but i still help her from time to time. So me and my boyfriend started talking about moving in together again, it seems even more realistic bcuz were actually already looking for houses. My parents have no problem with my boyfriend, but they are very strict. He can’t be in my room without the door being open, we can’t sleep in my house, and of course they’ve never let him stay the night.
I really want to move out, me and my boyfriend are ready... but i don’t know how to talk to my parents, i feel like it would break their hearts & i feel like I’ll disappoint them. I’m very responsible and i know how to manage my money, but I’m also 18 years old, and I’ll be the first of my 4 siblings to move out.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Lydia on March 02, 2019:
I want to move out so bad with my bsf but I can’t tell my mom cause then she wouldn’t let me go she would put me one even more of a lockdown then she did before. My mom is way too overprotective and it’s really annoying.
Brianna on January 04, 2019:
help please yall. I have been with my fiance since high school I am now 20 and half way through my college. i have all of the financials and college switch figured out, however growing up i was always scared of my mom and doing something she wanted. she doesnt like my fiance and doesnt reconize our relationship. I am wanting to move to him across states next weekend but still dont know how to tell my mom, i even wrote up a paragaph to tell her but am worried how she will react. our last fight ended with her breaking a lamp.
on December 03, 2018:
I want to move out and i need help breaking it to my mom because shes very overprotective.
Alicia on November 27, 2018:
Hi, I'm twenty years old and want to move out of my parents house but I'm truly just to scared to tell them.
I have been engaged and lived with my ex fiance and his Mom and dad for 6 months +/-. my mom and dad got between us and we broke up.
Now I want to live on my own and try to find myself and make new friends but I just can't tell my mom and dad. I almost did it but I came with a diffract approach, I asked them what they would think of me moving out? They just belittled me and told my I won't make it.
In my mind I think I at least have to try?
I there someone that can give my some advice ?
Jae on November 05, 2018:
Hi guys. I'm 23 and have been with my bf for 6.5 years. The only thing that's stopping me is my strict stepfather. The last few times my older (3) siblings moved out it wasnt the best. The first one traumatized me (happened over 10 years ago but is doing well now) and the last two came back home. Ive told everyone else, but him and i'm trying to leave in a week at most. The thing that worries me the most is that he prevents me from seeing my mom and my sister and that's all i care about. Other than that i'm secure about my new home and the people I'll be with, I've just graduated from university and personally ive shown that i am responsible despite his doubts. I think that although he has doubted a lot about me, he still takes pride in me as a "good" daughter who has graduated and respects rules. I'm scared to tell him ad that it leads to i won't be allowed to visit my mom and younger sister and them vice versa for me. I'm hoping it ends well.
JBere on November 05, 2018:
I've told everyone but my father and i'm truly scared because I'd want to visit but i dont think i can win this one. I really want to move out but the outcome of telling him scares me.
Romanda H on October 22, 2018:
im 15 years old and is planning to move out when i am 18. how do i tell my mother?
Renee on October 05, 2018:
Hey I need help because I want to move away from my mom and with my dad but I am only 15 years old. What do I do?
Rose on September 06, 2018:
Hi I am 18 years old and I want to move out of home. I’ve tried running away from home and it didn’t go so well I came back the next day because I felt so guilty and it wasn’t the right time for me to leave my house and family. But now it is I’m graduating school in 40 days and I want to move out because my dad is really strict and I know if I stay at the house under his control I will end up leaving on really bad terms and I want to be more independent I already have a plan and sorted everything out but the only thing that is stopping me is confronting my dad. My dad and I are so close and I don’t want to break that relationship between us but when I tell him he will just look at it as I’m running away again any suggestions on how I can tell him without any conflict
Charles R on August 28, 2018:
I’m 39, single, and am just about to move out in a month. We got a packed house now that family has moved back in due to financial reasons. I’ve loved my parents every step of the way. There’s no such thing as a silent ultimatum... but the reality is, I’m old and alone. I’ve studied and worked and saved my way to this point. It’s easier for me to do this now that I’m way past the point of when I should have left the house. And, if I wasn’t motivated to do so, I wouldn’t have ever moved. I would have contributed half my check to keep this household afloat. But when you know you want more than to be a care taker, and when you get off your cross and see how much everyone else is pursuing thier happiness, you realize: only I can fulfill my hopes. It’s helps you stand up and make your life fully yours. Accountable to only yourself, and then you can continue your development to wherever your happiness lies. Plan. Save. Execute.
Santina Shrader, on August 28, 2018:
I have thought about moving out for about a year now and being scared to be disowned or a disappointment to my mom has haunted me...my dad is happy for me, him and my mom haven't been together since I was 2 and he was always easier to talk to, I always wanted a small home with animals in a certain part of Virginia and a few days ago I got it and I have 2 weeks to tell my mom its not far from her but she always told me I couldn't leave tell after collage, this is my senior year and to go to my collage and not pay out of state tuition I have to be a resident of Virginia and my family don't live far my grandparents, dad, aunts and uncles, friends, and great-grandparents live down the road. I have a job and all I have to pay is utilities. the woman moving out is a close family friend....I have asked so many people how I should do this or if I'm a bad person for leaving and everyone says you have to do it at one point yes she will be mad but she will come around but I'm so scared
Diana on August 27, 2018:
I'm moving with my boyfriend, we have been together six years now, and we do intend to get married but in a couple of years so we can have some money for the wedding. My parents are struggling big time with the idea that their eldest daughter is moving out and they don't think I have a serious relationship (but the truth is that I don't wanna get married before 25 because I don't want to have kids now and in my family after someone gets married everyone starts to insist on babies) and my boyfriend accepts that and is willing to wait. They said I could move out under the condition that we were to get married in a year time and they even offered to pay for a huge part of the wedding. I appreciate that but I don't wanna accept their money specially if it's a destino I didn't make.
S.Lewis on August 06, 2018:
So far its not going well, i live with my father, grand parents and aunt. I have a autistic brother, i just reminded them im leaving tomorrow. They are saying im running away but i dont see anything im running from. My dads neck and back have kept him from work, my younger brother is autistic, and we live in a small house...i figured theyed be happy that im trying to get out on my own...guess it doesnt help im moving to the other side of the country. I honestly wish i could just tell them im afraid i wont amount to anything if stay here...
Lucine Rawiya from S- on July 13, 2018:
I'm too scared of my parents to confront them. I can just see myself leaving to stay with a friend and then telling my parents I'm moving out. I feel like they'd lock me in my room otherwise.
Rebecca brown on July 09, 2018:
That's is a ungly picture and I hate that picture
ana on July 07, 2018:
sigh... just a read a few of these post and it just makes me sad. im on the same boat! i have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 yrs, i am 20 and he’s 22. hes a great boyfriend honestly and we go to the same college. i was doing community college until a semester ago when i transfered to the same college that my boyfriend goes to and i stayed at the dorms for that semester. however, not even halfway through the semester i was spending more time at my boyfriends apartment than i was at my dorm! and its been like that ever since. it just makes sense to move in together to save money and to help each other out. i mean, we are already doing it kind of. i havent even told my parents about me dating him because they are very traditional... no sex or boyfriends before marriage... and they want me to get my degree before i do anything with my life. i am a junior in college btw. plus they are kind of racist... and my boyfriend is black. i dont know how to tell them that i want to move in with him when they dont even know he exists. but i am just PETRIFIED of what they would do if i told them. i dont want them to stop talking to me or to forbid me from talking to my little sister (since i’d be a “bad” example for her). im tired of lying all the time and of them thinking so closed minded about my life and my decisions. i am more tjan ready to do this with my boyfriend. i have a job and i am doing AMAZING in school; im talking about 3.8-4.0 GPA amazing. im getting closer to finishing my degree and be someone for society. i just want to have my family on my side too... and to have my freedom. please send advice. firstname.lastname@example.org
Des on July 04, 2018:
Hi i’m 18 years old ,
And I am moving out and into my boyfriends and moms house. She recently got a divorce so she wants someone to help around the house while she is at work all day. We’ve been together almost a year and are far more mature than both of our ages. He’s also 18. We’re attending the same college. Right now I live with my dad and brother in a 1 bedroom where me and my brother sleep in the living room. It’s very cramped and at my boyfriends i will have my own room. I don’t know how to tell my dad who is extremely overprotective about me because i just started living with him two years ago for the first time in my life. Any suggestions are helpful.
Katelynn on June 30, 2018:
I can totally relate. I'm Haitian too and the only daughter. So I get the overprotective thing. I'm 28 and my parents have not gotten any better. So I set up a furnished apartment and plan to move out this Friday. I haven't told them yet. I plan on telling them the morning of and see how that goes lol. I didn't want them to try and talk me out of it. I'm scared as hell.
Sarah on June 26, 2018:
My older sister moved out when she was my age.. all because of mu father constantly yelling and blaming her for his faults. Now, years later, he's doing the same to me, mentioning me that I can leave if i ever "disrespected" him, and we sometimes argue, he gets so mad at every little thing that doesn't go his way. I wanna move out from him, but my passport hasn't been renewed.... help!!!
taken-cheerleader on June 20, 2018:
hi im 13 i know pretty young but i need help where i stay i get treated diffrent then other kids. My mom left me when i was 6 and gave me to my dad and i lived with him till age 11 so 5 years just me and him then my mom wanted me back but i didnt want to leave my dad so he gave me to my grandpa also know as papa so i went there it was so hard without my dad so 1 year past by i went to vist my mom in Alabama and my dad past away. Know i go home back to papas and then another school year past by and one day i went to the eldon pool and meet this great guy but he is 16 and im only 13 and he lives here and if i leave we might not get eatchother. I want to live with my mom tho. this is really hard i need help someone help me plz
Marzely on May 26, 2018:
I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 23. He just bought a condo and I plan on moving in with him ASAP. My parents are Haitian and are super strict about not moving in with someone unless you’re married. I don’t see it this way. I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years (on this Sunday) and I feel very ready to move in with him. My parents love and trust him which is great. I guess I just don’t know how to go about it. I want to move out because I’m ready. I just graduated with my bachelors and got a new job. I also plan on going to law school next year. My boyfriend works for national grid and so together we are financially stable to do this. Not just that I’m ready but my mother and I don’t have a good relationship. She has taken money from my account without my permission and even used my credit card more than once without my permission. Since then I’ve changed my accounts to avoid this from happening again. I feel like I’m a roommate in my own home instead of a daughter. I pay for all my bills myself, I buy my own groceries, I do my own laundry. I don’t count on my parents for anything. I can’t wait to build a life with my boyfriend. What I’m more so worried about is how to tell my parents and how they will react about it. I’ve always been so scared to tell my mom things and so this is going to be very hard for me. Feel free to email me with some advice!! email@example.com
Ikram on May 21, 2018:
Im 20 and I’m planning on moving out with my older sister before the next semester of college this year (end of summer) I live in an African household where women are not allowed to leave the house until marriage. Honestly my culture is very sexist towards women and hold them to a lower standard towards men. But besides that bullshit my family makes me feel suffocated all the time. Like I feel like I’m always walking on glass especially with my mother, she’s the type of person who doesn’t care what others feel or of the sort she makes me feel very depressed and sometimes to the point where I’m just like why bother existing when I can’t even be truthful to honest to her without having her belittle me and treat me like trash. I’ve had this mind set of moving out since high school im a sophomore in college, I don’t think I’ll have trouble bringing it up to my father as he has a more modern way of thinking (and believes women and men should be equal) my mother is the only rock I feel I’ll have to move in my path to adulthood. I just want to be able to experience life and make desicons and memories I’ll have for a life time, and wasting away in this hell hole until marriage won’t do me any good. How can they expect me to just sit here as a damsel in mf distress and wait for some man to be able to live my life to the fullest. Another thing is that my mother believes women shouldn’t go out to have fun with friends and that curfew is with the sun (df where they do that at??) she thinks as a girl I should only be able to go out once In the month and when I do I can’t be out past 5 o clock pm but at the same time she’s gone every weekend and that magically doesn’t apply to her. I’m honestly just fed up with this lifestyle I’m living right now I just wanna live a life where I won’t be filled with regret because I didn’t do something. I am scared to break the news to them but hopefully I’ll find the strength before then.
Please feel free to share your thoughts or any ways I can break the ice!
East on May 13, 2018:
Hi Im 25 and my family is a mess haha , it all begins when i was 14 and my parents split for the 1st time and then a year later they got back together and my father got a new house and my brother, mother and I moved in and here is where im living since early 16 so, we lived here together 4 years and then my brother (almost 3 years older) got his gf pregnant and they married and she moved in... yeah... and when the baby was born my parents split for good (didnt divorced just split and they didnt talk at all haha weird i know but thats how they want to live...) and my father moved out since late 2012. Until 2016 my mother decided to move out to our old house (like it seemed my brother and his fast expanding family didnt seemed to have plans to get their own house) and my father told me that i didnt have to leave this house (his house) that this was my room and all that. But you can imagine how unconfortable it was and since im not a conflictive person all that disconfort and awkwardness just got me to the level that I no longer get food on the fridge bc sis in law its like THIS IS MY HOUSE. And mheee i dond feel like fighting with ridiculous persons so since january i’ve been thinking to move out for fisical and mental healt. But i know my father its going to be like “move with your mom” and o dont wany that and I have already gave the deposit to the house im going to rent and the house is ready in two days and im just figuring out how to tell my father. The real problem its that i got tooooooo atached to my first nephew, this kid its like my son and when the sugestion of me moving with my mother came up last year he didnt like it and cried about it but since i didnt knew what i was going to do i just skeep the subject with him and now that is a fact im sad for him and i know he is going to be the same, he is 5 years old now, and thats is my story. Really more worried for the kid than my father now that i put the balance.
English its not mymother le guage in case i misspelled something.
Good luck to all.
Janet on April 11, 2018:
I am 24 and I'm thinking about moving out with a friend by August. I grew up in an African household with strict and traditional parents who believe that there's no reason for you to be living anywhere other than their home unless you're getting married. (This is very common in my culture. No matter how old you are unless you're getting married you're most likely still living at home with your parents.) I have 4 sisters and 2 brothers. 4 of them no longer live at home and that's only because they got married. I guess during their time, it never occurred to them that moving out as a single adult is a thing. I've always been the type of kid that follow everything their parents say due to fear of confrontation and not understanding that I can actually say no and have an opinion about my own life. (-__-)
Lately, I've been feeling the urge that I want to move out and just experience life on my own. I understand the hardship that comes with living alone/with roommates but I also feel like how will I learn about these things if I've never experienced them? I don't want to go from following my parents' orders from childhood to catering to someone else for the rest of my life (marriage.) I have a job that pays me more than enough for me to move out and I have savings.
I just want to give it a go and final commit to something instead of being so afraid of doing things that are "out of the norm" for my culture or at least my parents. I'm super anxious to have this conversation with them because as soon as the topic comes up, they get mad and loud and I get defensive and feel like I'm being shut down once again or my opinions about MY life doesn't matter.
Please feel free to share your thoughts!! firstname.lastname@example.org
bbydolldiana on April 03, 2018:
Kendra Email me Diana.email@example.com
Kendra on March 26, 2018:
Hi, i'm about to be 22, i'm single and i have recently got this burst of energy to start my life. It's always a back and forth thing of feeling very stuck and like my opinions don't matter. My parents have always sub consciously used scare/fear tactics on me growing up that gave me the worst case of anxiety that makes me feel suicidal a lot. It always results in very bad breakdowns every few years and me moving out, in the past they were not well thought out and i was back within 3 months but now i feel mature enough and ready. My parents harass me every day for my horrible attitude and its because of how bad i'm hurting inside and theres zero communication in my house. I had an accident a little over a year and half ago and was bed ridden and now suffer chronic pain and have found a passion and i'm ready to defy odds and start my life and get rid of this negative energy and bad memories in this town. I'm planning on moving to the next state over and i'm freaking out. My parents barely let me go on vacation trips, and go out with my friends without constant worrying. I can't imagine how it's going to be. My mom guilt tripped me into coming back home before so it's just really confusing because when i'm here they make me feel not good. I know they love me and maybe don't mean to have caused this burden so that makes it worse because i care about what they think TOO much. I don't want them to worry about me! It's caused me to worry about myself way too much and i can't even do simple things without anxiety. Also have come into recent drama with another family member that has been driving me insane feeling like people are going to betray me behind my back. Things are not okay in my mind and my parents will never get that because they never ask me how i feel. It's such a load of crap that has buolt up over the years. i'm 22! i need to start my life!!!
please email me!!!! i need support. firstname.lastname@example.org
Melissa on March 04, 2018:
Ok, so I am an 18 yr old girl and will be 19yr old this month. I am a Christian and come from a Christian home where my dad is the pastor. Roughly 16 years ago my parents started a hispanic church from nothing in the state of Ohio. The church is now established, and is left in the hands of another pastor almost two years ago.
My father felt the need to come to Texas to start a church here from scratch so we did. It was a long road for us to come here, and just many problems on finding a house to rent etc.
Flashback to Ohio I fell in love with a man there who is now 34 years of age. Although a man who you can tell loves God my parents didn't want to accept him because of the significant age gap.They forbidded us to talk for a time period. Just trying to control every aspect of my life I feel. Then, after a year of moving here my dad told me we can talk (since he saw my determination), he said if I marry this man though we would not have his blessing unless my bf moved here.
That is a huge move, and even more so difficult because he is an immigrant. I talked to him though and he was willing to come live here for me, because he knew I wanted the approval of my parents. So, my bf persued to speak with my father about the situation. He called once, and my father was ill and the second time he called my father already was asleep. So he talked with my mother for a bit asking about how the work is here and such.
My mother replied to him telling him he should really think about whether he should come or not with the difficulties we faced, it would be very hard for him as well. Now, my mother did not say that with the mindset of helping him out, but rather to keep us apart because the good Lord knows they would never approve of me moving there!
So with the feeling of rejection from my parents my bf has decided not to move here, but we are still together. Now, remember I said we moved to Texas starting a church? Well, I do the worhip songs, play the piano, and teach Sunday School. On top of that leaving would be devastating to my parents. I have tried previously, but they then tell me it isn't a good idea and this last time convinced me they would be supportive and that the harsh comments my mom has been making to me would stop.
So I spoke to my bf trying to convince him they have changed...and then the comments started again.
A lady called my mother from the church in Ohio asking if I had a bf. My mother replied no. Then my mother said idk if ******** has been saying anything, but sis. so and so has been asking me questions. I told her no you don't have a bf tho because he hasn't asked your father's permission. Anyway it is just a mess. I don't feel any support from them at all and have been depressed: I am always alone for the most part. My life consists of work, home, church, I really don't go out with friends seeing to as I don't have any close ones here. I would stay with my best friend if I were to move and my bf would pay for my plane ticket. I already told them I am coming, but I am terrified to speak to my parents.
I am so worried of rejection and disappointment they will have. I just want them to realize that this man I love is a very good man who loves me, and most importantly God.
So basically I have everything set for when I go, besides a job, but I would find one getting there. I have to give two weeks notice to my job here telling them I am leaving, and some notice to my parents concerning the church. I just feel very nevous about speaking to them, and am scared that from all the emotions when I speak to them they will sway me in my decision making. I never wanted to come to Texas, but we came anyway. I think my father may guilt trip me too, but maybe for once I need to stop thinking about what everyone else wants and think about myself. Also my grandmother on my mother's side passed two weeks ago. I want to be back in Ohio the 19th, but Idk if my mom can handle that stress right now. My best friend says I need to give my two week notice asap and have my flight booked bf I talk to them so I won't be swayed in the moment when I do talk to them. Any advice would be helpful as to when I should talk to them, and also how? I am a very emotional person when it comes to stuff like this, but I do feel they need to give me independency allowing me to make my own decisions; without making me feel uncomfortable/not supported. I know they are like this because they worry, and love me etc. It is just difficult. I also have the pressure of the Church here on my shoulders since I do about 50% of the things. Thanks for reading!
Shawna on February 27, 2018:
The goal is to move out soon after graduation. My mom is very emotionally protective while my dad is logically protective. She doesnt want me to go and he says I wont be able to unless i stay home and work for 2-3 years. What they dont know (and i wont be able to tell them till after i move) is that im going to live with my boyfriend. My friends question if i should trust the relationship, but i know i can. Its not like we are together for financial gain and we've been together for over a year now. I trust him and have been so cautious moving forward with him. It was his idea for me to even move out to him. I guess there is no "what to say to your parents when breaking their hearts" script, but it would be nice if there was. Im still totally lost on how to get out and away from my parents.
Wendy on February 22, 2018:
I am currently a freshman in college. im a girl, which i am also dating a girl for 2 years now. she recently came back from the navy but she got hurt and shes in recovery right now. she finished the recovery may 21. we are planning to move in together at the beginning of june but i have no idea how to tell my parents. my mom doesnt care much about what i do but my dad i so overprotective. He pays for my college which when i move out im gonna tell him its okay if he doesnt wanna help anymore, but i also dont want to stay in the same house anymore. I dont have an privacy or nothing anymore and it sucks, i love my parents but they also are a pain in my ass.
any advice on how to tell them ?? help!!!!
Taylor on January 05, 2018:
Hey! So, my moving out story is still in progress but I'm at the place I need to be. So, I turned 18 this past December and I planned a few months ahead about where I was going. At first, my family thought that I was just going on vacation. But things changed. I fell in love with someone, and I fell in love with the place where I decided I wanted to be. However, my parents weren't so happy. They said things along the lines of "you're an evil person, you're breaking our hearts, you're gonna die, etc." after hearing all of this I felt guilty because I knew I'd miss them but I had to do this for me. I needed to reinvent myself in a place far from what I've known. I understand it was all of a sudden but I did say goodbye. I feel free, I feel larger than life. And yes it's scary. Yes I do have regrets. But I've never been happier with this decision. I know in time they'll get over it and we'll see eachother. But, most importantly they'll see I'm capable and I have a game plan. I won't be a failure, and I will be happy.
Because now they did their job. They raised me for 18 years. They don't have to anymore. They can let me live my life now. So I guess the moral of the story is: do what makes you happy. You're not selfish for your decision. Because at the end of the day we all need to move on at some point. Make the most of this life, we only have one.
Sydnee on December 31, 2017:
I'm 17. And on my 18th birthday I am going to move out and in with my boyfriend. Right now things at home haven't been very good. My boyfriend is 21 and before we even got togeter my parents didnt want me seeing him but I ignored them. They found out we were together and took my phone and car. They decided he was controling and they believed rumors in my family that he beats girls. Yeah, to some people at first glance might thin hes controling but I ask him the same things he asks of me so everything is equal. He doesn't beat girls and my parents or family wont listen to reason. I've also always had a very strict life and so I haven't gotten to go do things most teenagers get to do but now it's worse. I couldn't go to homecoming and I might not get to go to prom or the senior trip because of the situation. Idk how im gonna tell them im moving out when the time comes. They are terrified hes going to hurt me but I have so much proof that he wont.
Ashley on December 19, 2017:
I'm moving out next month to be with my boyfriend (2 years), I'll be moving to a new state, from Minnesota to Nevada, and I'm scared to tell my mom. I'm an only child of a single parent, and my mom is super protective of me, she doesn't even want me to learn to drive, because than it'll be easier for me to leave. She has expressed dislike of my boyfriend because he is African American, and is a few years older than me. I almost don't want to tell her I'm leaving, but I feel I owe it to her even though she is the main cause of my Anxiety and Depression. What do I do? @email@example.com
Michelle on December 11, 2017:
My sister and i are moving out together next month. Keep in mind it’s just my sister and i that my parents have so we are basically they’re everything. We’ve always been good kids we help them out a lot. We love them but we want to experience living on our own and having freedom also to be closer to school. It’s only 20-30 mins max from our home. My mom would be really emotional but i feel like my dad might be understanding more. We have also thought on telling our dad first so he can cool off because he’ll probably be mad at first then tell our mom. We’re both scared to tell them but we want to get it over with so they have time to cope. We just don’t know how to tell them. If you guys can give me advice I’d appreciate it firstname.lastname@example.org
Brittney Roberts on December 11, 2017:
I am 20 years old and i am still living with my parents in a household that is unhealthy. I want to leave because of the unfairness, the mistreatment, the yelling and negativity. my life from the beginning of me remembering things, my life has changed. I just cant deal from the way my stepdad treats me as well as my sister. and my mom takes his side. I am 20 years old with a 10:00 pm curfew. i cant even spend time with my friends because everyone knows that the most exciting things happen after 10. Im not a bad child or in my case right now, im not a bad adult. all i want to do is have more freedom. Freedom in which i dont have to constantly ask to go out and i can stay out until i want to come home. i dont think that's bad but what im talking about for example is staying out late on New Years with out having to ask for more time.For me its always a mission for me to ask to go out. I cant even go a visit my own father because my mom hates him and my stepdad wants to control me and my sister by keeping us from going. I want to move in with my boyfriend and his family and he told me his parents dont mind if i stay. they just dont want any problems with my family. I want to and plan to move out this month and i dont know how to approach my parents.From reading this story i already planned on having my boyfriend by my side with i tell them i want to leave. the only thing is how do i still leave even though they might reject my decisions. I remember my father told me that i may gain something and lose something the only thing i will be losing in my dog, who i have had since i was 8, and i would be losing the person who helps me pay for my classes. but i have already decided to save my money (because i work and my boyfriend pays my phone bill) to pay for my own classes. so really leaving would be a change but it wont effect my so much to the point where im crying in the middle of the night. I have the support from my friends and my boyfriend and his family. i wish i had that from mine but i dont not even from m y own sister but i plan on leaving i jsut need advice. can anyone help me you can email me at Brittney1021@gmail.com
Marshon on November 27, 2017:
Thanks for this advice.
Im 19 and im tired of my mom treating me like im just some random person living here. She even tells me shes tired of me and that she doesn't like me. Shes bantered about me not having a job and now that I have an actual job, she was more upset than before. She took my phone (its technically hers, its on her family plan), and I've ordered my own with my own contract (my own money). Now im planning on taking out a loan for a car in my name (she took the one in her name away from me), and im planning on saving up for an apartment to be ready to move in January with my boyfriend (to cut down the cost for me alone). I was planning on not telling her and just leaving, I want to cut her completely out of my life. Any advice is welcomed. (email@example.com)
kanika on November 20, 2017:
Thanks a lot for this wonderful write up, in many cases it was quite related to me. I really think this idea will surely help me.
Ari on November 18, 2017:
Thank you so much for writing this article. I have to tell my overprotective parents that I’m movin out next month and they’re absolutely going to flip. However, I know that for the sake of my mental health it is absolutely the best decision. I love your idea of goodbye sentiments and will be sure to use it
Carli on November 14, 2017:
I do not get along with my family at all. I turn 18 in 16 days. I plan on moving into my boyfriends house with his parents. They are super sweet and support me in everything I do. I love them so much. My problem is that my parents will freak when I tell them. Im not sure how to tell them. Any advice is welcomed. Email me please at firstname.lastname@example.org
Nessa on November 13, 2017:
Okay so my parents have never approved of my relationship with my partner. He is ten years older than I am. We have been together for almost three years. I know that they will be incredibly mad when they find out that i am living with him. I plan on moving out soon, and I dont know how to do it. If he goes with me they will kick him out and lock me away somewhere even though i am almost 25 years old. I work, I help to pay the bills, i do my chores. I am pretty responsible. I know that my grandma would support me, but she sadly passed away two weeks ago. He and I have talked about it, and we are ready to make a life together. I have been thinking of telling them that I am moving out, or to leave them a letter and just be gone. Because I know how they will react to their only child moving out with someone that they dont like. They have never given him the chance to prove to them how good he is to me. We have been there for each other in the worse and best of times. We havent left each other alone. What should I do????
Anon on October 24, 2017:
I've been a good son all my life. I've also done a lot for my parents like help renovating the past 3 houses and helping them build a restaurant. I'm in the marketing and graphic designs area and have no desire to continue doing this labor. I already signed a lease to an apartment with my girlfriend and have been paying for the apartment since. It's been so hard to tell my parents that I want to move out because I'm an only child and I have a lot of responsibilities at home. It's difficult living a life as an "immigrant" and having all of these duties. I also don't have a solid relationship with my dad because he's been instilling fear since birth. I feel depressed and anxious everytime I drive home after work. I have a solid job and can afford to move out with my girlfriend but it's going to be in the city. I just recently told my mom about my unhappy situation living at home and even said I would come home on Sundays to help continue the renovations but she's been so upset and even told me not to dare tell my dad. I'm struggling so much with the pressure of being home and the pressure of my girlfriend wanting me to move out. I don't know what to do. Any advice would really help... email@example.com
zhy on October 19, 2017:
Hi, Im 26 this yr. A girl that loves a girl. In the month of July, I went for surgery and also I took a personal loan with my gf to pay her school and some of outstanding bills which that i didnt inform my parents. One day, they found out about it and went bonkers over it and spit out everything they are not happy. Starting to make me feel like shit and i was so stressed. That night, I packed my stuff and left home. I move out from staying in hotel for few days then I decided to crash over at my gf house. When i was staying over at my gf's crib, my mom and aunt came over create a scene. It made me feel stupid and ashamed for being confronted like a kid. That night i still went home but I decide that that's it. I can't keep running and come back. I have to decide what I should do as an adult. So the next day I left home again permanently, renting out with my gf. I did visit my parents for the past 3 months. Yet, they still asking me questions. I didnt tell my partner how stress i am, bcos she already hated my family for confronting me infront of her family which makes her to lose her pride. Sometimes I feel numb inside. I feel that I have to be fair to my family and gf. therefore I keep telling my parents that I want to live away from them. They still don't understand what I want to do in my life even though numerously i informed them. My family aren't happy bcos I am gay, in my country i couldn't get marry as it is not legal. My gf hates my family. My parents hates her. I am happy living by myself yet sometimes I do feel pressure when I receive text /call from my parents. I want to visit them but whenever I went over, they keep asking me when i want to go home? Till when I want to stay out? Why waste money to stay out? I dont know if im going through depression/stress.
please share ur advice to me: firstname.lastname@example.org
Me on September 21, 2017:
Hey Guys, so I'm currently 21 years old and I have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend (2 years). Anyhow I want to move out and I already got my apartment and everything. I just don't know how to tell my father because he's an overprotective man...and I resent him for trying to control my life and being so strict. I don't want to do anything to do with him but I don't want to lose contact with my siblings, who are younger than me. I feel so stressed out and worrying about it too much. I cant have a good conversation with my father because of how much I resent him. I want him out of my life. Any advice?
Blackqueenn on September 19, 2017:
Okay so I am currently 16 turning 17 in February and I am graduating early with class of 2018 instead of class of 2019. I've been with this amazing guy for 4 months now and I've known him as a good friend for a while before that. He is currently in a sophomore in college and wants to transfer with me to my college after I graduate in June. He's getting his applications together now to transfer. The housing plan is I'm originally from Miami, and we have property down there. So I wouldn't pay rent just bills. I am a very mature person and my mother has acknowledged that as well I will be fine on my own and will excel. However he's a SOPHOMORE in college. And to make things worse I have a friend that graduated a year before me and she wants to move with me as well. So it'd be my bestfriend, my boyfriend and myself. There's plenty of space to go around, if I take the 3 bedroom instead of the one bed room unit my mom originally stated she'd give me. He's taking me to prom in May, and in June for my senior week we're going to Haiti with some friends. I'm so unsure of how to handle this entire situation. I was thinking about waiting until after the college application process, and after my moms wedding (January). As I previously stated my birthday is in February so I thought I might wait until then. Once I get my mom on board I now have to get my (very Christian) old school grand parents on board bc they live in Miami so I'd be seeing them very often and I don't want to have that problem. (My grandma is cooler than my grandpa he's the pastor). If you even gotten to the bottom of this essay, any advice you have would help.
Xina on September 17, 2017:
I'm having a lot of trouble because I want to live with my bf but the problem is my mom keeps saying he's not good for you, your not ready, and u don't know anything. I really want to live with him so bad but my mom is way overprotective I can't stand it no more. How can I be with the one I love when I having trouble with my mom saying yes? I did everything that I could but either way she will always say no no matter what.
jay on September 14, 2017:
i came up here to live with my mom and her boyfriend but i don't like him he always yelling at me he don't yell at my brother are sister but he yells at me like who are u so that's why i want to go back and stay with my dad but i don't know how to tell her
Anonymous on September 12, 2017:
I told my parents I was going to move out to live with my boyfriend at the beginning of August. We both have taken time to plan our finances and get everything in order so we plan to move in together in early Oct. They were angry and not supportive. Mom didn't speak to me for two weeks. I told them we are moving in early Oct at the beginning of August and now it is Sept and they are acting like I am not moving out at all. They disregarded everything I said in August. Now, I have to tell them again.
bree on September 03, 2017:
my grandparents the same so overprotected cant do or go nowhere
Nancy on August 29, 2017:
I'm 17 years old and a senior in high school. My mom is probably the reason why I want to move out after senior year. She's a very strict mom. She tells us when my sister and I have to eat, she tells us when to sleep, when to wake up, and basically tries to control our life. I can't remember the last time I can go out at night without having to worry that she might call to bitch. Also did I mention my curfew is 12:00 AM every time i go out? The fact that I have to sneak out of my window which is two stories high tells you something about her. I want to be able to live freely without having to worry about a thing. Worst part is.. she yells. ALOT. and I don't mean once in a while, I mean every day morning AND night. You go crazy being in a house with someone like that you know? We've never been really close. We only talk at the dinner table. Anyways, my sister moved out three weeks ago and she is 22, but was forced to move out cause she couldn't handle my mom's yelling anymore. After my senior year, I am planning to move out, and I don't know how to break the news to her. She'll probably be devastated that her middle child is moving out... but honestly she makes up about 50% of stress in my life. How do i tell her without making it seem like i'm moving out because of her?
Afy on August 27, 2017:
I'm 21 I want to move out because my parents fight everyday I have a brother who is 11 and another one who's 17 .. they fight with each other and tell every problem to us. It's just annoying how they mess up our mind and make us suffer, my mom gets beaten up to death my dad says if you split up I won't let u live a peaceful life I feel bad for her my heart is just breaking , I hate living like this. I once loved a boy whom I dated for a good 3 years after I told my parents they hurried to take my wedding but now I'm not happy anymore I just don't love him anymore but my dad doesn't let me divorce him he forcefully tells me to be with that guy. I just hate my life I have so much problems .. I want to move out but my dad is VERY VERY STRICT I'm scared if I say him this and that he'll like "ok, go from now on I don't have a daughter" I'm just so scared but also tired of everything. Please someone advice me I'm dying I have no one to talk. I need to find a job first . Someone help me
Nikki S. on August 25, 2017:
Being bullied by my own parents, told to clean the house 3 times a day, being mistreated, and forced to pick a job in a month. Pushed me to move in with my bf over 600 miles away in 9 days. Still a senior and moving on my own will be rough. However, telling my parents will be even harder than moving. They are way over protective and stubborn.
Caroline Kiepe on July 30, 2017:
I tried to move out after my parents caught me with a guy in a motel and tried to drug test me. Mom called the cops claiming i was trying to hurt myself, and I would have had to hurt her in order to leave so I stayed until the cops came. Mom had my brother steal my bags and hide them from me so I couldn't leave. I told them what happened, but being 19, I didn't want my parents to have anything to do with the real story. Recently they've been keeping me locked up in the house. LITERALLY. I'd have to break open a window to escape, and they'd chase me and lie to the cops again to get me in their sights again, I'm certain of that much. My parents have always been over protective, keeping me from having friends or even going out to the lawn, but if you're anything like this please burn in hell. I have never not been depressed or anxiety ridden, all thanks to them. I envy the lucky fucks out there who have a happy go lucky fucking life, and I will never know the joys of that.
Tonyah on July 25, 2017:
I’m not exactly sure how to move out against my parents wishes. I plan to move to a college far away from them that they hate. They are very religious too so im scared they’ll say things like im being unbiblical and stuff.
Jay on June 04, 2017:
I wished my parents wanted me to stay lol my bags and clothes hamper were already packed on high school graduation day
Hailey on April 03, 2017:
Im moving out in two months and have absloutely no idea how to tell my parents.
Im moving in with my boyfriend, of whom they know and like well enoigh, but they are very conservative and i know they will object.
We went over budget sheets yesterday, and with our combined income we will have over 600 dollars left over from every month.
I just dont want to face my parents.
Nora Bean on March 07, 2017:
I'm 17. I told my parents I was bisexual in November and that I had a girlfriend. We're a Christian family and they believe that it's wrong and disgusting. It's been causing a lot of tension at my house. They threatened to keep everything they can if I try to move out; my car, phone, bed, clothes, etc. I can't tell other family bc it will make my parents upset. They've always been super overprotective and they get upset even if I tell them I decided to pursue something without including them in the thinking process (whether it's what school I wish to attend or what movie I want to go see with friends that night.) They also won't support me at all with college if i move out. This argument was a few weeks ago. I turn 18 in four weeks and for months I have been planning to move out and talking to friends and close family-like adults in my life about what to do. Lately they've been trying to plan a summer vacation and pretending like nothing is wrong when really it's still uncomfortable and tense. I hate being here. They don't believe I can make it on my own and I think they'll be very surprised and upset when I break the news to them about me moving out. I've been waiting to do it. I'm still planning to tell them about a week before my birthday or a few days even out of fear that they'll take my money and try harder to make it impossible for me. I've got everything set up, I work two jobs and am still an okay student. My counselor at the high school agreed on my birthday to change my status on my FAFSA to independent and send it to whatever school I plan to attend. I'll be moving in with my girlfriend and her father until my friend and I get an apartment over the summer before school starts. I'm set to go. I'm so excited too but my parents love to guilt trip me bc they know I'll feel bad and I'm not looking forward to that. So thank you so much for posting this because it's nice to hear that others have gone through this too and that this won't make me the failure my parents see me as.
Abby on January 19, 2017:
Looking to move out myself, I have my plan prepared, but the most unpredictable element is my parents. This article was so much more strait forward and warranted for keeping a relationship with your parents of they don't approve, which has been lacking in others I found. Thank you for the advice. :3
Kay on January 11, 2017:
I hope this does help. The only thing I'm worried about is my step-mom and father not letting me get my stuff from their house before I move out.
Maritza on January 03, 2017:
So today is the day I'm telling my mom, I'm moving out she is over protective, and I been planning this for 3 months, and never could, I been having alot of anxiety with everything that has been going on. And I feel like this will make my relationship with her better and stronger, I basically started to panic and so I looked online and came across this , and it helped so much thank you so much
-wish me luck
Ashley k on December 30, 2016:
So my boyfriend me and my 16 year old brother all want to move in together but my mom is very protective and though I'm just moving two towns away I know she's going to yell and me and I just don't know how to bring it up to her
Monica on December 08, 2016:
Hi guys, I never felt like I had a close relationship to any of my family members. Actually till this day I feel awkward with my sister even though we are suppose best buddies. The point I am getting at is that I have been with my boyfriend only 4 months but am already planning on moving in with him. We were together for a week at his house and things were magnificent but I am so scared of how my parents will react. sigh
Marielle on November 09, 2016:
I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. I currently live with my dad but feel as though I am beginning to overstay my welcome at his house. For the most part, my dad and I have a good relationship but a few months ago, he told me that I needed to find another place to live. I automatically turned to my boyfriend and his parents (whom I'm close with) and they openly offered to let me live with them. (My boyfriend lives in the "in-law quarters" within their house). A few days later, my dad revoked his request for me to move out. It is now that I have decided to move in with my boyfriend and I am nervous about approaching my dad with this idea. I feel as though it is the right move but I feel like my dad would disagree. I've asked a few friends and even my boyfriend's mom and my own mom for advice and have received various points of views and great advice. It's all a bit nerve wracking but I know I have to be mature about the whole situation... I just hope that I'm not crazy in doing this at my age.
Cassie on September 20, 2016:
Did i write this? Because this is my exact situation...Thanks for the advice! :)