Rham is vegan, married and child-free; she loves nature and wildlife, has two dogs and six, sometimes seven, other four-legged boarders.
Why Do People Want Kids?
This is a question many couples ask themselves, and there are many reasons for and against having children. In this article, I will go over some of the ways that having children can positively impact your life, and I will also go over some of the ways that having children can negatively impact your life.
Reasons for and Against Having Kids
|Reasons to Have Children||Reasons to Not Have Children|
They Want to Create a Family
To Carry on the Family Name and Values
You Love Babies and Small Children
To Give and Receive Unconditional Love
To Give Your Children the Chance to Enjoy Existence
Poor Eating and Lifestyle Habits
To Give Meaning to Their Life
To Create and Mold a Life
To Fix the Mistakes of Their Parents
Passing Down Physical and Mental Health Issues
Social Pressure and Expectations
Ten Common Reasons to Have Children
Here are ten common reasons my friends and other people I know tell me when I ask them why they want to have kids.
- They Want to Create a Family
- To Carry on the Family Name and Values
- They Love Babies and Small Children
- Human Biology
- To Give and Receive Unconditional Love
- To Give Their Children the Chance to Enjoy Existence
- To Give Meaning to Their Life
- To Create and Mold a Life
- To Fix the Mistakes of Their Parents
- Social Pressure and Expectations
1. They Want to Create a Family
People who were raised in a positive home environment with a stable family want to create that life with their significant other. They want to create a family that is full of joy and love where they can be affectionate towards their children. Essentially, they have placed a high priority on creating a family of their own like their parents before them.
2. To Carry on the Family Name and Values
There are plenty of people out there who want to carry on the family name and the family values. Of course, this tends to apply to the father's family name, but the point is that many prospective parents want to continue the historic family lineage. They find joy in knowing that their child will bear their last name and keep the family going. Again, this is all based around societal customs.
3. They Love Babies and Small Children
The idea of being around babies and young children might disgust some people but others love the notion of raising a little one from birth into adulthood. These people may want to relive the silly and fun parts of their childhood with their child.
4. It's Human Nature
The simple fact of biology is that we are hardwired to procreate and pass on our genes to the next generation. This biological imperative and drive are strong in many people, who feel the need to have and raise children.
5. To Give and Receive Unconditional Love
There is a certain type of bond between parent and child that is incredibly powerful. The unconditional love that a parent has for their offspring and vice versa is a motivator for some. They want to feel those strong emotions and share those emotions with their significant other and their children.
6. To Let Their Children (Who Don't Exist Yet) Experience the Joy of Existence
The idea of bringing another human into the world and the joy of seeing that person go through life is another powerful reason why couples want to have a child. Parents want to see their child grow up and become a productive member of society.
7. To Give Meaning to Their Life
While it may seem obvious to some, having a child completely changes your life, and it gives new meaning to your life. After having a child you become responsible for their life and because of that, your existence takes on a whole new meaning.
8. To Create and Mold a Life
Many people love the idea of getting to create and raise a child, one that they can share their love with. This concept is appealing because you get to determine how your child will turn out and what values they will have. Couples can find that type of experience exciting and gratifying.
9. To Fix the Mistakes of Their Parents
Not everyone gets to grow up in a stable home environment with good parents. Many people grow up with parents who have serious flaws and so they decide that when they become parents they will not make the same mistakes.
10. Social Pressure and Expectations
There is a lot of pressure on couples to have children, and this has been ingrained in society since the very beginning of time. Their mentality is that they have to have kids just like everyone else and be just like their parents. It has become an expectation that couples have children and start families.
Ten Common Reasons Why You Should Not Have Children
There are a lot of environmental, economic, and personal reasons that suggest having multiple children (or even one child) is not worth it in the long run. Here are ten of the most prominent reasons:
- Environmental Impact
- Economic Impact
- Stress Levels
- Poor Eating and Lifestyle Habits
- Passing Down Physical and Mental Health Issues
- Marital Issues
1. Environmental Impact
With the current state of the environment, having a child is one of the most environmentally destructive things you can do. According to a study done by Lund University in Sweden, not having a kid can save “an average of 58.6 tonnes of CO2-equivalent emissions per year”. That is a massive amount of CO2, and it easily outpaces other individual efforts to cut down on personal CO2 emissions.
2. Economic Impact
According to the USDA, the cost of raising a child amounts to around $233,610 from birth until age 17. For many couples, this type of economic commitment is not feasible and having a child would put a lot of stress on the parents to provide economically for the child. This number goes up the more kids you have as well.
3. Stress Levels
The amount of stress placed on the parents while raising a child are enormous, particularly on the mother as she tends to wind up having the biggest burden. According to a study conducted by the University of Texas at Austin, a mother's self-reported stress levels increased by 20 to 22 percent after having a child. This level of stress continued for years after having the child, and the impact of such high stress levels is poor health for both parents.
While many people claim that having kids has made them happier, there is a growing mound of evidence that suggests that is not actually the case. According to work done by the British Psychological Association, having children dramatically increases unhappiness. People delude themselves into thinking that feelings of unhappiness will not crop up when they have kids but that is simply not the case. Having a child is a stressful event that places parents in a tough position and it leads to feelings of unhappiness.
As one could imagine, parents do not get a lot of sleep, and this is not healthy for the body or the mind. There are a wide range of issues caused by sleep deprivation such as mood disorders, increased risk of heart disease, increased risk of diabetes, memory issues, high blood pressure, weight gain, and many others. The early years of raising a child are when this is the worst and having more than one child can make even more years of disordered sleeping pile up, which is terrible for one's health.
6. Poor Eating and Lifestyle Habits
Much like poor sleep quality, poor eating habits and poor health increase when raising a child. It is all too easy to fall into the trap of eating processed food that damages one's health and not getting enough exercise and outdoor time. Seeing as your free time is severely restricted when you are raising a child, it can be difficult to live a healthy lifestyle. In fact, many non-parents report they live healthier lifestyles than parents.
With the world's population now over 7 billion people, the competition for housing and resources is only becoming worse. The strain on the earth will only increase as the population does and we will get to the point where it is not sustainable for civilization to continue.
The logistics of two parents raising a child can be difficult to navigate. With the costs of childcare factored in and the growing need for both parents to work full time, it puts even more stress on the parents to find a way to make everything work. This gets even more difficult if it is a single parent raising a child.
9. Passing Down Mental and Physical Issues
Many individuals have mental and physical health issues that run in the family and could be passed down to future generations. Having a child born with these issues may be something that potential parents do not want to deal with. This is particularly the case with mental health issues, which have been increasingly shown to have a genetic component that can be passed down.
10. Marital Issues
Research has shown that parenthood tends to have a negative impact on marriage due to the restrictions and stresses that come with raising a child. This negative impact can lead to other fissures in the marriage and the more children in the family correlated with lower parental satisfaction according to a meta-analysis from the Journal of Marriage and Family.
What to Do?
When you decide to bring a new life into this world, think about it many times and think as if you are your unborn child. Ask questions and answer them in your unborn child's perspective and not in yours. Think about the ramifications and consequences of having a child and the impact it will have on your life and the life of your significant other.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: Are two children expensive for parents?
Answer: One child itself is extremely expensive for the earth. On top of that, not only is the earth paying the debts that humanity accumulated over centuries, children will be paying for the interests accrued over generations in the form of war, riots, conflict, food supply, water shortage, unbreathable air, etc. So, think about the children who will inhabit a world trashed with plastics.
Question: For what reason does someone take on other people's issues while NOT overextending the earth?
Answer: In today's overpopulation issues, it is always good to encourage those who want children to adopt and take care of those who are waiting to be with a family. People's issues affect everyone else in the world, directly or indirectly. When a farmer is sick, food production gets delayed; a road construction falls ill, road building will have one less worker to finish the job; when a husband beats his wife or children (and vice versa), their situation affects the neighbors and friends. When it comes to breeding one's own, however, it affects, not only other people's lives but everything on the planet (environment, wildlife, non-human animals, etc.) So the best way to take on other people's issues without adding population to the earth is to adopt children, adults, elderly, non-human animals AND educate people about the same.
Nat on August 09, 2020:
you missed one against:
A perspective that it is immoral to purposefully produce a consciousness with out it's consent
which runs contrary to the assumption that experiencing life is a privileged that no consciousness would refuse.
"Life is a gift" is true bullshit for a majority of the population.
Dana Jonynas on June 21, 2020:
There are over 7 billion people in this world STOP breeding like cockroaches! You give birth to a kid but do any of you say this is a miserable world where no one is happy (just look at our history). Life will take you on an emotional roller-coaster and then your just reward at the end will be you get sick and die. Lucky you you cute little baby! You want to give love rescue a dog it may not think exactly like you but it is made of the same material as you.
K on May 21, 2020:
As I read the comments, I thought about my daughter currently sleeping in her crib. She is not a useless mistake. Maybe bringing her into this world was selfish for my husband and me but I regret nothing. I am okay going without sleep if it means comforting her. I am okay with leftover peas and Cheerios as a meal here and there in the rush of caring for her. I am happy reading the same book 12 times in a row because she likes to laugh at all the characters. I am happy to help her learn about the world around her. I am so lucky to have this small person in my life and if that makes me selfish, then so be it
Many people have commented that Parents control a child into being a copy of them. If you know how to control a willful toddler, by all means please tell me your secret.
Each side is allowed to have their opinion but is it possible to be a little kinder in our words?
Umair on May 06, 2020:
Dear really helpful and useful information.
Umair Idrees on May 06, 2020:
Can anyone answer my question whether it is necessary to have children in Islam?
Anonymous on April 25, 2020:
Heres why I will NEVER have kids.
Kids are loud, abnoxious, rude, selfish, bitchy, whiny, they break everything and then lie about it, I dont get why people are saying they make you a " better " person, are you saying that people who don't have or want kids are not good enough? Kids are also disgusting little shits. Like I was, and theres already too many people in the world.
Dcanter on March 02, 2020:
children are a disgrace, People that have/want kids have to own the circus they created in their life, is not anyone else’s problem. You miss work days, don’t dump your nasty little critters on your parents lap, realize the rest of us don’t have to find your Small savages cute. You made a huge mistake or several mistakes, you pay for it, you suffer for it, you deal with it. Having kids is the dumbest thing you can do to yourself.
Kritesh on February 29, 2020:
One more reason for having kids is that people want to control someone fully.Want to mould a life.Children give then feeling that they are god and can uphold a life.But this all goes for 7-8 years atmost.so after the time they start questioning....
Ritami on January 04, 2020:
The author has at least 8 pets at home...no comment
Nikos Alexopoulos on December 02, 2019:
So basically there is no selfless reason for having kids. We have kids to satisfy our own desires. The argument that we offer our kids existence is not rational, as since they did not exist before birth, they did not need anything. It is their birth that brings all their needs and desires, and then if we manage to satisfy these (which we won't), we think we are offering them something. It's like someone starting a forest fire and then manages to put it off and he expects our congratulations. And what if our kids are unhappy. What if they become crippled, what if they have depression, what if they have lingering disease towards death, what if they become homeless, what if, what if? Having kids is the superior selfish act, to satisfy our petty desires and run from our fears, to load it all to our children's head. Humanity is funny and tragic all the same
shaun rosenberg on October 19, 2019:
I find it funny that people actually think they will have a positive impact by not having kids. If you are in a developed country, chances are your country isn't even having enough kids to replace themselves, let alone increase the world population.
All of the population explosion that is happening is happening in places like Africa and the middle east. So, if your in Europe or America where there is added stress to our systems because of the shrinking generations you're not really doing anything positive by not having kids.
Rham Dhel (author) from India on September 21, 2019:
You don't need to bring an unborn child into the world to show your love to someone who is completely dependent on you, though. There are already many orphans who would love to get that amazing love from you. Thanks for reading and commenting.
April on September 16, 2019:
Children make people better humans. It is very sad that so many people think that having children is pointless... Make me sad for children growing up around this generation of negative millenials who think only of their own autonomy, and not what they can ever do for another. The gift of parenthood, whether planned or unplanned by the way, is one of the few blessings in life that shows us what an amazing love you can have for someone who is completely dependent upon you. Kind of like how we are completely dependent on God, the Father.
Unknown on September 09, 2019:
If your thinking having a baby is useless look at your self you are a child to your mother and father that means your calling yourself useless.
Rosesbeauty on August 06, 2019:
Guys your so right with everything your saying and all your opinions make total sense to me and i also have a very similar opinion too but i wont really talk abot details now because i dont have time
Boriana on July 21, 2019:
I never understood the idea that not having kids is selfish, especially for a woman.
So, choosing not to let a man have *** with me, not allowing my body to expand and get deformed, and choosing not to be sick for nine months is selfish???
Why is that choosing to NOT have something that I don't already have is considered selfish?
Furthermore, people who have children are NOT more loving than those who don't. They are giving birth to someone whom they will control vigorously for eighteen years. It's easy to "love" someone who does exactly what you want and becomes a replica of yourself for eighteen years.
A married couple without kids is actually the most loving because they are choosing to love grown adults who are "set in their ways" and will not be controlled - yet, they love them whether they are wrong on right.
Finally, no one talks about the BAD part of a woman having kids. Here is the timeline:
1. Usually, the woman is coerced into unprotected *** by a husband or partner who claims to be there for the child.
2. While pregnant, doctors abuse her through tons of unnecessary pap smear and pelvic exams which are painful and violating. If she refuses, they threaten to call CPS because his molestation, er, I mean, vaginal and breast exams are "good for the baby".
3. She gains weight, ages, and is constantly sick for nine months.
4. When the baby arrives, it tears the vagina or a C-section leaves her in pain for months.
5. After a few months of the stress and dealing with an overweight wifewith limited libido and smelly diapers, the man leaves for a thinner, younger wife.
6. The single mother seek welfare, Focus Hope food, and other government assistance.
7. The mother is so stressed that she becomes emotionally abusive.
8. When the child grows up, he/she is expected to be indebted to the parent forever because she struggled to survive.
Billie LeTourneau on June 29, 2019:
I used to fantasize about having children when I was younger - what would I name them? What would they look like? Who would they be? As I got a bit older - I was involved in a high school sweetheart relationship and I just knew he was the one and we would have kids together. Reality hit, he found other partners and I was left in the dust. I was with for 8 years before reality hit. My 20's consisted of a few awkward relationships with men that I knew would not be good fathers. I protected myself and I did not get pregnant. One big reason, I was poor as a box of rocks and was damn near homeless for quite a few years. In my 30s - I pulled myself out of that situation, I got a great job in DC and I met a new boyfriend. I moved to DC and lived with him. The situation got bad pretty quickly, I needed to get away from him and he is now in jail for raping a teenager. NOT FATHER MATERIAL THERE - and I am glad that I was on the pill. Then in my late 30's I met a new man - he was in the Army. He was wonderful (at the time) - I thought to myself, wow - this is the guy that I want to marry and start a family with!!!! The relationship soured when he came back from a deployment and he had totally changed. He was abusive and cruel. It crushed me and I had to leave him. There was NO WAY that I could have had children with that man. I had given up on finding a husband at that point. I had just turned 40 and I was barely getting by. I live on the outskirts of Washington DC, where everything is super expensive and it is hard for even middle income people and families to survive. It was not until I turned 43 years old that I met my true love and at 44 - I finally got married. My husband and I talked about having children, but I felt that I was way too old to even consider it. So, now I am married and I have pets that I adore. I have a better paying job and we are in a good place. I wish that I would have met my husband back in my 20s, things would have been so much different now. I don't have kids, but I do not lose sleep over it. I have seen others with children that are very happy and I know people with children that are miserable. Each one of us has a life story to tell. Not everyone wants kids and then some actually do want to be parents. I will say that I have witnessed some lousy parenting in this area though. I am not saying that I would have ever been a perfect parent but my God - I have seen some really eye opening situations - where I felt really sorry for some kids. Then there are the parents that have everything right. Both parents work, they have a beautiful house and their kids are very well taken care of. They are lucky. LUCKY! Not everyone is lucky. There are parents that are miserable. So, with my own experience - I am okay with not having kids. I have seen too much happen and the pressure on women to be this perfect Mom is awkward. I have often wondered why my Mom had me. I think it was because that is just what women did back in the 60s and 70's. You graduate - and if you do not go to college, you get married and have kids. I do not think that I was planned but I do think that I was cared about.There was some obvious abuse as a child, but I will not get into that much because it is painful to talk about. My Mom was not a bad Mom but she did go through some bad times and I do feel like it was taken out on me at the time. My Mom was killed in a car accident when I was young - so I never got a chance to ask my Mom why she had me. I do have some wonderful niece and nephews and I am thankful for them. I do however fear for their future because this world is definitely a challenging place to live in! People are so cruel and judgmental. So before someone is so quick to judge why someone does not have kids, each of us has a past that contributes to that. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. Whether it be by choice or by circumstances, remember that not everyone is lucky and blessed, whether they have kids or not. As for having a 40 year old body? I celebrated my 40th birthday in a dojo at the time, because I was really into Japanese martial arts. It was wonderful. I was very fit then and I still look good now. Not because I did not have any kids, but because I was very active. I am now a professional folk dancer in the DC area and I dance with women half my age and that have children. They have become a whole new extension of my human family. I am thankful everyday for surviving what I have been through. Things could have been different yes! But I consider myself lucky now. There is so much misery out there, I really can't focus on why I do not have children all of the time. Life is too short to worry about things in the past - though I have learned a great deal from it. I live in the now and of course I worry about the future. That is only human. For all of you out there - whether you have kids or not. Please be kind to people. You just do not know what they have been through and what they deal with n a daily basis. I know it is hard not to judge. We constantly compare our lives to others and that is human also. But there does come a time when you just need to pay attention to yourself and your immediate loved ones to get through another day. It takes strength and it takes a little bit of faith. When and if you lose that, that is when things can go really bad, really quick. It is not hard to notice - if you look at the news headlines everyday. Stay Strong people! We have so much to deal with.
Nick on June 02, 2019:
In my opinion having a children is useless. Those who experience social pressure, be stronger and don't pay attention to their words. Because it's you who will be spending money, time and experiencing stress all the time. Just imagine. You are right now 25-30 years old. How old would you be when your child will become an independent adult? 45-50 years old. Don't you have your own dreams to fulfill? Why do you need to spend 2 decades to raise a child and in the end experience that your life was unsuccessful?
S on May 17, 2019:
Every person has his or her reasons for having or not having children. The worst reason to have a child is due to societal pressures. I'm sorry but unless you are willing to write me a blank check or sign a contract to agree to help raise the child you can keep your mouth shut.
Gerardo on February 12, 2019:
You are in a mistake, is not necesary to have someone of your same blood to feel and give unconditional love, you can find that feeling sometimes in people who dont have your blood, also there are lots of parents betrayed, hurted, and killed by their biological sons, in ancient times and now, stop telling the people that only blood parents or descendants can have unconditional love.
shaun rosenberg on January 31, 2019:
I wish people would stop with this "Environmental impact" thing. If you are in a developed country you are actually having the problem of people not having enough kids to replace themselves.
Developing countries have problems with people having 10 kids.
Developed countries have problems with people having 1-2 kids.
We need to all be 2-3 kids to maintain a stable population. That means developed countries need to have more and developing countries need to have less.
Emad on January 22, 2019:
I am an uncle, I'm not sure if I personally want kids or not. My wife wants kids but she doesn't know why. I think it's due to social pressure as she always mentions that theirs so many pregnant girls everywhere. I dont feel social pressure at all
LookhereU on January 20, 2019:
Very early in my teaching career (early 80's), I had an elderly lunchroom worker noticed that I did not have children after my fourth year of marriage. She was perplexed because the culture called for babies married, employed, or not. This was a Head Start program filled with unwanted and neglected children. Her comment to me was, "you better have you some babies so somebody will take care of you when you are old". My sociology professor said that was the main reason (at the time) people procreated. An old age insurance policy. I always thought both were profoundly wrong. I am 60. I have no children. I have two dogs and and a great husband. I never wanted children. I just didn't feel the tug of motherly instinct to nurture a child for 20 years of my life. Selfish? Probably. Thankful for my decision? definitely. I was financially able to retire 3 years ago,debt free. Could I have done that with children. no. Some of my friend's children are still at home with them. Many boomeranged. Some got sick. Some can't or will not hold a job of any kind. Some just don't want to leave.Their Moma is still cutting the crust off their bread and helping to raise their children. Hurray for those who did have children and they did well, with both parents who stayed together and Mom stayed home and all is well. I just don't know many folks like that.
The dynamics of society have changed since the 50's,in so many ways yet some still chase the Ozzie and Harriet lifestyle which Never existed in the first place. Am I happy I didn't have children? Ecstatic. Just short of smug. Too many children are born to people who can not, will not, and have no intention of raising children to become responsible adults. The cycle repeats itself generation after generation. I know this from my 30 years in public education. I know this from cousins in my own family. I know this from parents telling me they can not wait until school starts again or put my kid in special ed so I can get government money. Parents blame the bad kid down the street, TV, the school system, the government, pick your whipping boy, but somebody else is to blame for the failures and disappointments and that of their children. I could say a lot more but in short, too many children are raised by institutions not nuclear families. Two institutions that HAVE thrived over the past 20-30 years are indicative of 2-parent, financially responsible, mature, and spiritual families; daycare and the prison system. Both getting bigger all the time.
Ivetta on January 16, 2019:
No, no, no ! There are only negative side effects. Today we often do not have time for ourselves, we lose ourselves in everyday work, in communication with people... There is no time to think about ourselves. We become stressed, tired, both emotionally and physically. No time to travel, no money and time to do whatever you enjoy (yes, some may enjoy their children, but it is rare this case). Then why children? So nonsensical, pointless use of time and energy. And then you die.
Naomi on November 23, 2018:
Have them for the experience of having them - it happens naturally when you have sex so it’s as if it’s a gift of life to have the opportunity to have children if you can (maybe wasting a huge learning opportunity if you can have them but choose not to) - if you commit to doing the right thing, you’ll become a better person.
christabel on November 15, 2018:
It good to have baby's because your life becomes more episodes to leave when you have a baby
Marwa on November 10, 2018:
There is a whole perspective in life that you don’t understand in life until you have children. All the writers mentioned reasons aren’t generally the right reasons except maybe human nature. We have children because they make the world a better place, they make us & others happy with all their good qualities & hope in the future. They make us better by being selfless & remind us of what’s good in life. Not to mention other reasons. You have several dogs despite it being economically not good for example, we don’t think about those things when you have a loved one. You have kids almost for the same reasons you have partners. The writer just “doesn’t get it” because she never had any. If you ask any parent if they would have their kids again & again the majority will say yes for sure as their kids are the most beautiful thing in life for many parents despite all the “disadvantages” you mention. Having said that it’s fine if some people do not want any. It’s their choice. Just like some people do not want to get married. But the majority will naturally want to.
Jack on November 01, 2018:
It urks me that a bunch of people here say things like "If your parents chose not to have children, you wouldn't be here writing this article, exploring the world", etc.
I wish my parents chose not to have children. They abused and neglected me my whole life, I've spent most of my life in poverty, battling hereditary conditions. I have never been happy, and considering my age, I doubt I ever will be.
I would have preferred not to have been born. Life is not a gift. Something forced upon someone without their concent is not a gift. Some might like it, but that's coincidental. You're not making children for the children, you're making them for themselves.
And all the people who claim that they never wanted children, but then had one and now that's the meaning of their lives - yey for you, but that's also irrelevant. I'm glad it worked out for you, and I'm glad you're making the best of the situation, but that has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting to have kids, and with whether or not people should.
My parents wanted children. Because they wanted a toy. But they didn't want the responsibility, nor did they want something that would grow into a person. They were also in no financial, social, or personal position to have a child. They had one for fun. No one should do that. It doesn't turn out well for anyone.
fKids on October 16, 2018:
First time ever that I see someone listing reasons why people don't want to have kids and it isn't all just "become they are a shitty human being"
jewel on October 01, 2018:
why just why
Donald on September 19, 2018:
I have two kids and i love them for bringing them to the world.
GaryHobson on September 15, 2018:
I never had kids because of my wife's mental illness. After 30 years I never had a yearning for kids, nor any regrets. Sometimes I think what a burden it would have been financially but life is fine without them besides future generations will be subjected to the devastation of climate change. Who wants to live in year round heat?
Life with a Purpose on August 16, 2018:
Life without kids is BORING! There is no amount of travel, no career pinnacle, no material indulgence that can hold a candle to the joy of raising a family.
Here’s a reason the author of this article never considered: having children makes you a better person. Most people would never learn the importance of self-sacrifice and devotion to the needs of others without having children. Children also bind communities together, giving parents a communal incentive to stand against corrosive influences like crime and for amenities like parks and recreational venues.
As a previous poster also mentioned, kids are hilarious! My teenagers’ quick wits and silly antics keep me laughing.
Children also create a commitment to the future. I want the world to be a better place for my kids, for their kids, and so on. It’s not some abstraction to hope for a better world...it is an imperative to fight for their future.
And for all the Henny Pennys worrying that our planet is “overpopulated,” I offer the two points in closing:
1. Paul Ehrlich’s prognostications layed out in his manifesto, Population Bomb, were laughably wrong. Even Ehrlich has since had a child.
2. If the planet actually were “overpopulated,” it would be a self-correcting problem, fixed by the many woeful prognostications Ehrlich predicted were imminent. Alas, population bombs are about as credible as the former hysteria over peak oil.
Steph on August 09, 2018:
Hi Maria, I agree, but what is the solution?!
William on August 06, 2018:
The thing that always struck me as weird about this is that 9 out of 10 of these reasons are all ego based. ie. The adult wants the kid for their own reasons.
María Guadalupe on August 03, 2018:
While I really apreciate that not everyone wants kids and that's fine, tehre is small thing that bothers me: everyone talk about having keds sucking all your money and having to work a lot to support a family. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. This is the result of a terrible set of economic decisions. Working class families shouldnt need to have both parents working full time and having no time to themselves. And actually, the economy allowed families to subsist, own houses and a car, and take holidays on ONE source of income alone.
Of couse people need to make sure they want kids and that they want kids for the right reason. But to have built a society in wich only the people who decide to not have kids get to purse their interests, have valuable experiences and etc, is BONKERS.
It's BONKERS. It's an economical setting that makes sure that families are impoverished, children are raised by the tv, parents are stressed and alienated, and that the people who actually have free time to make questions and be critical and politically active are the ones that leave no children behind.
Let's make sure to point out that having to opt-out of parenthood to have the possibility of having free time and savings is a dilemma that capitalism invented.
Charles Wansings on July 27, 2018:
My wife and I are 42 yrs old, married for 11 years with no kids. Guess what we get to do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, for the rest of our lives? Whatever the heck we like!!!
And as a bonus, we’ve amassed so much savings from not having kids, we will retire early.
Sure I see people with kids and feel bad sometimes since they look so cute, but then again, I feel the same way with someone who has a dog (and we don’t want that responsibility either).
My theory is, we are both the youngest in our families and we still want all the attention on ourselves. Call it selfish, but thats the way it is....
Connor on July 17, 2018:
I definitely don't want to have children. Not now. Not ever. However the author comes off as very angry at her own parents/family and lots of others she's never met.
I spent most of my life raising my parents. I literally had to give up on a pursuit of my own life to make sure they survived. Now that I am nearly 30, I want to create a life for myself. If I had children, I would dedicate nearly 100% of my time to them and be eternally upset for never pursuing my desires.
It's possible to explain to people why I don't want to have children without being rude or trying to invalidate his/her joy in having children. What I tell them is a lot like the paragraph above. Folks are generally pretty understanding.
Do I think there are a lot of terrible parents out there? Oh yes! I wish my own parents were not allowed to have children. That being said I won't resort to blasting off on anonymous others with different viewpoints than my own.
Didn't this article begin with the author being upset about people criticizing her for not having children? Treat others the way you want to be treated.
Cat on July 17, 2018:
Preach girl! Everyone thinks you NEED to have a child but really? Its optional. People eally don't think about how much you have to give up when aving a child. Money, personal hapiness... Sometimes you have to cut connections with some people or even get over an addiction fore having kids. You have to be selfless when having kids. That's what makes these reasons invalid and the people saying them unprepared for having children.
J.ca on July 05, 2018:
It's good to promote thought on the matter rather than just everyone filling up the already overpopulated planet for the wrong reasons.
I personally feel that not enough people put time or energy into improving -- themselves ---, saying they don't have time etc because they have kids.
Truth seems to be that it's not your potential kids' job to make the world a better place, to contribute, and study - it's Yours! Don't be lazy & have kids saying 'they'll make the world a better place', it's everyone's responsibility to do this regardless of whether you have kids or not.
Irony on July 02, 2018:
Good thing your parents decided to have children... ;)
Brent on July 02, 2018:
This article reads like the author has a chip on her shoulder. Anger management might help you let go of the feeling that people are judging you when they ask you why you don't have kids.
Aside from that... People have children because it's the experience they want to have. Very simple. There are a million specific reasons to have kids just as there are a million reasons not too. Why do we have to boil it down to one... Or a list of 10? There's personal growth to be had, the same as starting a business, or a Ying a sport, or.... choosing not to have kids.
For people who don't want kids, they choose not to because that's the experience they want for themselves.
Thinking on June 24, 2018:
I suppose if this was the popular opinion we wont be here to read this article...but looking at every listed reason here to have a child they are all very selfish and egotistic..t.o be happy, reason for living , to experience the laughter.... we create life for our amusement? The more likely truth is that we are parasites driven to multiply until this planet and its beauty is totally void of everything. Yes, that's a sombre thought and sounds really pessimistic ...but think about it ...
Sociable on June 24, 2018:
Its only point number ten I consider reasonable not to just have children just because they want children. Please think of what your generation want to inherit from you not that you will invite people to come and suffer in this world
Butterwutter on June 21, 2018:
Tbs on June 19, 2018:
Wow why do people need to have kids not need want
DJ Hurst on June 14, 2018:
It stops you getting old and bitter like all the childless people I know.
Nimster on June 10, 2018:
AWESOME. I INTERVIEWED 100 PAREMTS AND ASKED WHY THEY HAD KIDS? AND 90 % WERE MAD,SAID WELL ITS TIME, EVERYONE HAS KIDS, ITS FUN. THEN I ASKED WHY WHEN KIDS GET TO 15 ,WE CANT WAIT TO GET RID OF THEM AND HOPE THEY PAY THEIR COLLGE AND GET A JOB?? THEY WERE SPEECHLESS. IT COSTS 300,000 TO RAISE A KID... PEOPLE DI IT CAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF CRITICSM AND WILL LOOK BAD AMONG FRIENDS AND FAMILY. ENJOY LIFE.. YOU HAVE KIDS TO GIVE THEM A GEAT LIFE AND TEACH THEM WHAT YOU LEARNT IN LIFE AND MAKE THEM SUCCESFUL IN THE COMMUNITY AND MAKE THE WORLD BETTER
LaLa on June 08, 2018:
So it seems you need a license or degree to practice anything except parenthood. It is a very serious responsibility and yet so many people don't think before bringing children into this world. The average person thinks that love is enough to sustain the life of child but let's face it, some people's idea of love is debatable. I believe that if you live a life that is less than anything that is fulfilling, then what makes you think that you have what it takes to enhance and support new life. People in general are selfish and don't put much thought into the quality of life they can afford an innocent child who didn't ask to be here. I believe in God and procreation. I also believe that it is sinful the amount of inconsideration that people have when it comes to it. If one in fact decides to procreate, it is no longer about you but instead putting all of your efforts and ability into nurturing that life that you are ultimately responsible for. Don't have kids for the sake of having kids. It is not a rite of passage. Kids life matter.
nobody on June 07, 2018:
The only and true reason to have children is written in the blible: "Be fruitful and multiply"
GoneCrazy on June 04, 2018:
Found this post trying to wrack my brain for an answer as to why people choose to have kids. To me it makes perfect sense that your life is basically over once you have a kid, I just don't understand what people don't understand about this. Kids are the ultimate money and time suck. Take any goal or value you have for yourself in life, and almost certainly, having a child in the mix will make it difficult if not impossible. I can't understand if the world's gone crazy, or I have.
wizard on June 02, 2018:
I have been with my partner for 7 years, and some of our friends are asking us about marriage and children. When I ask people of why they are interested I get the same answers as this article. I am not some one who is keen on becoming a mother. Recently I have thought of perhaps bringing a child or adopting one but for different reasons. I usually meet people who I feel should not have kids because they are either very unintelligent or narrow minded. It feels like the wrong people give birth to children and pass on very shallow views to them. It doesn't matter how educated some one may be, they can still see the world only from their point of view (the judgemntal view). I would like to see more feminists, environmentalists, and activists have children. I would like to bring a child and teach them about acceptance. I don't have to give birth to them. I live in a developed country and I want to help a child in a developing country. After all, the deveolped countries expoit the developing countries. Also, I feel that may be this child could contribute to the society and make it a better place because no matter how hard I tried, I feel that I failed at it. Of course, there is no guarantee that my child will turn out to be a non-judgemental human being or even become this very selfish human being. So, this reason could also be a silly one that coud be added to the list.
キャット on May 28, 2018:
I totally agree with this
Jasmine on May 27, 2018:
Really not a fan of children, I'm sick of seeing them on every bus and ever train.
I'd like to go out and NOT see kids everywhere I go.
That'd be nice.
There's over 7 billion of us, so eventually people need to calm down on the childbirth a bit.
Vik from Pune, Maharashtra on May 10, 2018:
great article, I would love to have a kid with my wife
but I cannot find a decent reason why I would want to - except that I would love to have a kid with my wife and that it would make her happy.
but i cannot stop thinking about the crazy financial and emotional factor involved, I dont want to dive in and think later. I want to count the cost before building my tower, even before laying the foundation
Why should I want a kid?
I just dont have a decent logical answer and maybe there isn't one anyway
Jus sayin on April 24, 2018:
I'm glad i came across the read. Very easy to understand, and as a person who is choosing to live the rest of her life childless, a supportive branch to climb up on. The more articles, blogs, opinions shedding light on lifestyles sans children and the potential joys to be experienced from doing so, just creates more of a safe place for people like myself to exist online.
Random dude on April 23, 2018:
this honestly feels like a sarcastic article bashing everyone that has decided to have kids. Good read.
Child-free on April 16, 2018:
1. New social life
By the time you reach the age of thinking about prospective parenthood, which, on average, is slightly over the hump of 30, you are tiring of a lot of your friends. Many you will have known since school or university and been heartily sick of them for years. I met most of the friends I have now at the school gates, or when accompanying one of my children to sleepovers. Gradually, you can edge out the old friends who have begun to bore you because now you’re boring them back about the difficulty of finding nursery places and they are going to run a mile.
2. Something to talk about with your partner
As with friends, so with partners. Those first few years giggling in bed, and sometimes even having sex there, are losing their allure. Puzzling over the meaning of life and the proper reaction to a piece of contemporary art is less of a rush than it once was. You start to realise that you are average and dull like everyone else. Having children means you can stop trying to be Simone de Beauvoir and Jean Paul Sartre and get on with the real meaning of life – wiping excrement from children’s bottoms. As the immortal PJ O’Rourke put it: “Don’t try and come on like Jean-Paul Belmondo/Aspire instead to two kids and a condo.”
A lot is talked about how children give you someone to love and how they offer a sense of purpose. What isn’t so often mentioned is that they are very funny. If I tried to explain how they are funny and the countless ways they have made me laugh over the years, the stories would sound lame. OK, I can’t resist it anyway. Here’s one off the top of my head. I was walking in the park and saw a rabbit. I said to my then seven-year-old, in an admittedly patronising fashion: “Look, darling, there’s a bunny rabbit.”
She shook her head despairingly and replied: “Daddy, I’m not a baby. Don’t call it a bunny rabbit.”
She glared disapprovingly, then snapped: “It’s a bunny.”
You had to be there. But believe me, I multiplied my laugh rate 10 times more than when I was childless.
4. You stop thinking about throwing yourself under a bus
Before you have children, you are quite likely to have a number of philosophical crises about life, death and meaninglessness. Is it all worth it? “There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide” said Camus. However, after children you realise there are other questions, after all – whether Beany Babies have souls and if there are fairies at the bottom of the garden, how can they stand the smell of the composter? These kinds of inquiries, which will be incessant, usually leave no room for thoughts of self-annihilation.
Children are not only funny, they are beautiful. Even ugly ones are thought beautiful by their parents. Simply surrounding yourself with creatures so visually pleasing makes every day an aesthetic delight.
So go ahead – do it. Have some kids. I won’t say you’ll never regret it. In fact, you’ll probably frequently regret it. But it’s a hell of an experience, and if you consider that you want to be brave and adventurous, don’t go on a canoe down the Orinoco, bin the condoms and starting stencilling the spare room with unicorns instead.
Dr. Mitsaras on April 10, 2018:
In the last 20 years of our existence we are trying to contradict the 'by experience' evolution of the DNA for the last 250000 years at least. My arguments:
1. Overpopulation: the real fact is that earth is not overpopulated as they describe. China is, India is, Bangladesh is etc. Germany is not, Russia is not, USA is not. So create a anti child propaganda to the overpopulating countries and not to the whole planet.
2. Meaning of Life: Earth is a life giver and a life taker. We are not here just to have fun, neither to be only For ourselves. A person without kids will just consume the resources of the planet ending up completely forgotten by history. Even the big career, the big success it's temporary. Even the company that works for or he owns will also be forgotten by history. Exceptions are people that really contribute to the real thing. See Einstein, Hawkings and other. By the way most of them they had children.
3. DNA: Nature mates the best possible genes. There is a reason for that. It's the reason of the quality of.the evolution.
My battery ends. I cannot write more.
Anonymous on April 09, 2018:
Never have I seen such a bizarre dichotomy in these comments where they're either an intelligently written introspection or where someone typed non-sequitur like a five year old. Seriously, spell check your posts before you make them. Backwater sites like this don't have an edit option in the comments. This isn't Youtube country.
I have been desperately looking for a good reason why someone would have kids because "hurr durr ima writer" and so far the only sound reasoning I can find is "I want to raise and take care of children, but for whatever reason I am unable to work in a field where I'm around kids." Maybe you get attached to baby Jake but one day he's adopted and you never see him again? As flawed an argument as this is, having your own kid lets you get attached to them without worrying about them leaving you (except for untimely death or running away from you for being bad parents). And anyone who's gone through the adoption process will tell you it is a nightmare. Orphanages are not "The Baby Store." They spot check the adoption process and stretch it out for so long because unlike most parents adoption centers actually have the child's future and best interest in mind and want to be ABSOLUTELY SURE you're serious about becoming a parent. It can take years to fully adopt someone. Having your own takes between 9 to 10 months. You also don't get to watch them grow up. I don't see the appeal of the messy infant stage, but to some people not having a veiny, 7lb wrinkly grandpa for a year or two is a deal breaker. Go figure.
I honestly believe you can't have children and be selfless in doing so. Choosing not to have children is technically selfish since you're focusing on your own needs, but to call it selfish invalidates the consideration put into the decision. Besides, taking care of your own well being is important in any adult, and condemning all selfish behavior as evil is not only misguided but unhealthy.
Having children is the same way. You may have an ulterior motive, but to argue against having kids because of said motive invalidates the commitment that parents make to give their kid the best life they could possibly ask for (that is assuming there was a commitment to begin with and the child is not a future "get out of an elderly home free card"). There is no 100% noble reason to have kids, and to think you're some paragon of nobleness for procreating is ego, pure and simple. You don't get a trophy for not being a terrible parent. That only happens when you're not just a good parent, but a great one, and even then you don't get a trophy for that; you get a great kid who genuinely loves you back. Using your position as parent to force a kid into loving you is not love no matter how you dress it up.
Also, all the comments about people getting offended by this article/other comments are HILARIOUS because you know they're by some middle-aged mom/dad feeling attacked because they're confronted about the possibility that maybe they might not be as great a parent as they think they are, can't stand the thought of it, and use passive aggressive vitriol and denial to protect their bruised ego rather than self-reflect and improve themselves like mature adults. The ad-hominen arguments they hide their hurt pride behind are as vapid as the supposed moral high ground they stand on.
My name is Anonymous. Welcome to the Internet. Enjoy your stay.
Erzbet on March 28, 2018:
I am currently thinking about this. I am the invalid 'child' mentioned earlier- I had to go back home at 29 due to debilitating fatigue and pain (I'm 32). I also have problems with depression. I am starting to wish I could start a family. I want to nurture someone, help them grow up, help them learn to think for themselves. Besides my inability to care for them properly, I would never want to pass down my illnesses and watch my child suffer. If it was just depression, bad as it is, at least it's identifiable and treatable. But depression AND a mystery illness? That's too much. My parents don't know how much I suffer, but I would know perfectly well.
I am fortunate that I never had baby fever or an intense desire or plan to have a family. But seeing children play and learn- I want to be part of that and it hurts that I have no choice. I do hope i get better. One of my dreams is to have a summer camp for disadvantaged urban children in Upstate New York. Maybe foster to adopt, but i will always fear my illness returning, and I know foster children need extra attention and love.
Gorre.ramesh on March 19, 2018:
I want one child
Rolo Cherveg on March 18, 2018:
This is a really resonating list. Probably the most delusional reason I've heard some parents give are along the lines of: "A child is the greatest gift you can give to the world, they're the future after all!"
As if these people never thought of adding something great to the world themselves. We live in a parental society where it's normalcy to 'pass down the torch' without having run the race at all.
Afterwards, I've seen parents attach words to their young children like "ungrateful" and refer constantly their own 'sacrifices.'
How is it a sacrifice if you brought a child into this world for your own pleasure? That's like purchasing a plant seed and calling yourself a hero for not letting it die. It is your responsibility to take care of the plant; you wanted it in the first place.
And then there's the ultimate fallacy of 'imparting wisdom.' Unless you are renowned throughout the world as a creative genius or hero, I doubt you have any more wisdom than the next guy, and probably shouldn't be spoon-feeding it to the next generation.
Gotta on March 10, 2018:
Having children is not my cup of tea. I don't understand why they make a big deal over my choice not to have any children. It's a very personal decision and is not for everyone. Wake up!
Oky on March 05, 2018:
Thank you. Great article. It makes me wonder, though, what *is* a good reason to have a child? To allow them a chance to experience life seems like the only decent one. Otherwise, I frankly can't think of anything?
Risa on March 01, 2018:
Some of these are awful reasons, mostly in the interest of the parent.
samantha on February 21, 2018:
At 32 I'm asking myself why do I want kids? And after reading this it made me realize I want a child for the wrong reasons. A person that will love me unconditionally
Jay on February 19, 2018:
When I got my hysterectomy and was depressed I listed all the reasons I wanted children... I couldn't find a single one that wasn't selfish. I wanted the permanent love and to add joy to my family. I realized that was a huge burden to put on such a little thing. And after problems with my own parent I found that it was highly unlikely that a child would want (or have the ability) to be the sole-source of my joy forever.
Diesel on February 13, 2018:
Every single answer to having children is " Selfish" plain and simple!
MIke on February 01, 2018:
Why spend your life raising another, you only get one life.
Elise Taylor on January 31, 2018:
@Ellie Paraham and Richards
It is an awful statements to say such a thing! This isn’t why there are so many single mothers.
chewgold on January 29, 2018:
To release the contempt and disdain for your mate/significant other. As in "you disgust me now get in there and let's try to make a baby and improve upon ourselves...we're presently screwed up.
Tom Chua on January 21, 2018:
I have no children and it has been the best decision ever.
SMG123 on January 18, 2018:
No mention of wanting to build family-others who are so close to you who you can share home and experiences with. Friends are great but there is a difference in my experience.
Rebecca on January 18, 2018:
I agree, to a point. I do not understand the desire to have children, other than its just what people do. As a group mentality, we follow society rules. But I see parents are always sleep deprived, cranky, have no freedoms. Everything becomes about the children. I actually read a study about couples with children were unhappier compared to couples without children. It's simply not something I think is a good investment of my time or resources. There are so many ways to contribute to society, getting fat and having no life is definitely not on my list.
Dw cuz on January 11, 2018:
Tanya, i don't understand how it's selfish to not want or have children??
SpiderMan on January 11, 2018:
I didn't want children - but I had them eventually and they have taught me more about life than anything else I've ever done. It's something that can't be fully explained until you have your own.
Jake on January 08, 2018:
Just been reading all the comments. Phew!
I am Glad so many shared their minds on the topics of not wanting, wanting, having, and giving. I believe life is a very, very serious matter since it is why we are all here(Obviously). I cannot judge what the author thinks or believes but I can say that I am glad that they said Something. How else would all this talk about life happen? It's great to see people communicate about it.
Some posts here were insightful and some were just opinion s. Just how discussion goes.
I WILL TELL YOU HOW I HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND LIFE MORE TRUTHFULLY AND THE QUESTIONS THAT COME WITH IT. FIRST LOOK AT THESE WORDS.
PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THESE ACTIONS.
What does all this mean?
Not much right?
ACTUALLY.. This means a lot.
Soooo... How do I know this and how did I learn more about LIFE?
I have read bits and pieces of a book that has been around for a LONG time. THE BIBLE. DON'T BE AFRAID. No matter who you are or what you believe, this book has a lot of life lessons and life facts for anyone willing to read it.
Unfortunately I cannot explain all this at the moment.
But, if you know someone who owns a Bible or knows about it you should really look into it by asking them about it. You don't need to be Christian to do this. I think it could really help.
I hope the BEST FOR each and every one of YOU.
*Gets into car; drives off into the sunset*
If you don't know anything about the Bible, you should research it a bit before reading. And really, talk to someone who knows about it. I would not want anyone to get confused or misinterpret something.
Paige on January 06, 2018:
Jesus. Warn readers before dropping your highly subjective anti-child rearing rhetoric..
Bubble on January 05, 2018:
I totally agree and relate with Amber N. I know that any child I would have had I would have loved too much to bring them into this cruel world.
I feel that I am blessed to have never had children.
Nonjabulo on December 24, 2017:
I like baby
Spirit on December 15, 2017:
Okay, so, I'm 15 years old, and I want to have a child someday. Of course, I have a lot to live before that. College, travels ... I do not know if I will ever marry, 'cause I will only do it if I fall in love, but I already decided that if I reach the age of 30 without marrying, then I would be a single mother. The reason I want a baby is because of the bond that exists between most mothers and their children.
My mother and I used to have a terrible relationship, which changed into my most precious bond thanks to lots of talks and understanding of both parts. Sometimes, I feel that she and I have met each other before, in another life. Because the connection I feel with her, the pure love that we have for each other ...
I'm not good with feelings. I do not care easily for people. So, my bond with my mom, the mutual love, it's very important to me. And, you know, I'm quite blessed, because no matter how much I mess up sometimes, she is always there for me. No judgments, just acceptance. So, I think about how much she does for me, and how much she loves me. And then I think about doing that for somebody. To care and die for someone if need be. To just put your whole soul in the hands of another. I think about being there for them, giving them what they need, creating them, seeing them grow brilliantly. I do not know if this is a selfish wish of mine, I want to have this little life to fully love and give myself entirely for, but I can not really care. Because I will do my best, he / she will receive everything they could ever wish for.
It will be difficult. Humans are complex things, and they will pass for difficult moments where tears will drop. Life has its bad moments, and I will suffer along with them, for I love them more then enough to do so. But I know, deep down my soul, that it will be worth it. Just knowing them, to hold them, seeing their smiles .. it's more than worth it.
And, detail: I still have to wait for at least 10 years before I met them. Because they deserve to have a proper home and a stable life, so I need to work for it. For those who are reading this: do not worry about me. I want to see the world, make use of my youth, and have lots of crazy but oh so good experiences to share with them. I also love myself, and will take care of myself, for I know my worth.
So, basically: I'm going to have a baby because I love them. And love is both a selfish and generous thing. It can make us do the unthinkable. So, yeah. Thanks for reading.
P.s.: I'm sorry if there are too many grammar errors. My first language is Portuguese, so .. yeah. Thanks again: Dp
Wondering it on December 09, 2017:
"Ask yourself whether you want children for their own sake or because you just want to experience pregnancy and childbirth."
How do you want someone unborn "for their own sake"? If you aren't allowed to want children for your own sake and aren't allowed to want them for their sake, are you allowed to want them at all and if yes then what's a good reason in your opinion?
Spy on December 08, 2017:
I think this article is not really well written... I am not a person who wants to have children and i am 35. i had this feeling since i was a little kid, i kind of knew i wont have children, but justifying or reasoning against that?
And your arguments against are (no personal offense, really) not rally convincing at all. What is bad about being selfish and therefore having children? why does it need to be so glorified, i mean if someone really believes in not having cancer because of his kids, what is wrong about it? Nobody wants cancer that is for sure.... if you think the reason is stupid, yea that is fine, they probably think the same of your reasons. And what is so bad about having children to they can take care of you when you become old?
I think your worst argument is the it's life thing, sorry this one sounds really stupid, just like those who want to force a child or marrige on you. What the hell? Of course you stick to a limited amount because you also have to take care of them and the woman is not just a baby machin... this is one of the most valid arguments because of the survival of the human race. Some peopel really think that with a baby they contribute to the society which is understandable, but i do not share it.
This article shows me that there actually no reasons at all, either for or agains havin kids..
Aj on December 06, 2017:
foley c kiatambe on December 01, 2017:
People love having children because of community advantage .
Khushi on November 29, 2017:
Nice article. Actually I am recently married around 8 months back and people have already started asking about my baby plan.
I don't understand this mindset of forcing someone to have babies either they are family relatives or friends, I am not against having baby but it should be a choice not a task. A person should have this freedom to choose if he/she want to have baby or not. My few female friends who are 2-3 years married they say that having baby is a task , as soon as you finish you are free and you can focus on other things in your life, because the in laws and relatives will keep on asking about the grand children , they want someone to play with. I was shocked to hear that.
I searched reason for people having baby and got this article, I asked the same to few people and actually people have these reasons, like to carry the family name or when you get older there will be no one to take care etc etc.
Nobody is against having kids(not even this article writer, I think...) BUT a person should have the choice to be child-free if he/she want.
Amanda on November 27, 2017:
Very well said!
Forcing life onto another living being (i.e., a child) *should* be the hardest decision a person can make. It *should* be one of those decisions that few can even bring herself/himself to do because it is literally the most important, life-altering decision you will ever make -- not only for yourself but also for the child you are forcing into this world.
Living a childfree life is *never* selfish, no matter what you choose to do, no matter why you've chosen to be childfree. You are just living the life you were given (or rather forced into, however you choose to look at it.) Life is just life. You didn't choose to be alive but your life is yours. Do with it what YOU want.
AmberN on November 22, 2017:
While I cannot speak to the issue of over population because I have enough research other than what is said in the media. What I would say is to help who is already here. I am in my late 20s, and since age 14, I knew that having children was neither here nor there for me. When asked, I would say I would only want one, and adopt the others because they are enough children who just needs assistance, and some to genuinely care about them. However, I would only have children if I had a certain amount if resources, which I don't. I say it is a choice but often time the people that have the most kids tend to be those who can't feed them. Surprisingly or not, I do not feel left out of the children mix. I can touch lives in other ways without procreating. On the point of the world not being the nicest place, the Earth is beautiful but humans aren't so beautiful, and that's the truth. Depending on where you are coming from in life, and your life experiences will determine your perception of this world. I have met both the vile and the good, and I will conclude that the world is not the easiest place to be in, and this has always been the case since we advance. I say it is up to us who is already here to make a collective effort to making this world a better place. Like for me, I am a woman, and I am black, and many humans of the world basking in their myopia hate me because of my hue, which was unsettling but now to my amusement since I rent space in their my minds. Having children is a choice but many are unplanned, and are brought forth for selfish reasons. I personally don't have this need to leave my DNA never mind I see myself as one of the better humans but whilst I am here, I will try to be as cool as I can be, and do something meaningful.. Mentally screwed up people create mentally screwed up adults often time. They may see themselves as good, and normal etc.but when you really look at it, they aren't all that nice. As I age, I am seeing less of a need to procreate, which will allow me to do other things in my some hard but interesting life experience. I would say I am a practising stoic so while I can handle the world, I don't need to prove that my offspring can because they might be unlike me, and truthfully I couldn't always handle the way the world was but not suicidal so I am purposeful until it is my time to leave.
Hadi on November 13, 2017:
I'm happy to see people who think like me, I thought I'm all alone in this , I'm a 30 years old man but not married cause I don't want to have children , I think I suffered a lot in this world and I can't do it to another person , Maybe I should do vazectomy to make sure, but I really don't want to bring any other innocent soul to this world and watch him suffering , nobody can say he/she totally enjoying the life, suffering comes to you one way or another , even if you live a happy life at the end you will die with pain, no I can't do that to another human being , I don't want to bring him/her to this cruel world.
Thomas Sullivan on November 11, 2017:
11. To know what it feels like to love unconditionally
Reposting A.M.A's interesting point of view on November 06, 2017:
"Well, selfish reasons are the only ones that exist, for better or worse. Selfishness is dominant and absolute in nature, it's observable, it's inevitable, it's a Darwinian fact.
Sadly (or not), humans, even with our super brains, our complex social structure and all cultural evolution, are not shielded from this, we too are absolutely selfish by nature.
That's not to say that acts perceived as "selfless" are not admirable. I mean, a firefighter that sacrifices himself to save a group of kids in a fire, a woman who takes care of abandoned animals, or a group of people who donate goods after a natural disaster... well that's all very praiseworthy, but not really selfless nonetheless.
Everything people decide to do in favor of others has a selfish origin, even the maximum sacrifice of giving your life in order to save other's. Why? Simply because there's always something you get in return, even if it is just a slight gratification or satisfaction of doing what you perceive to be "the right thing to do" (more on that later).
When people have children, whatever reasons they had for doing it are selfish, yes, but so are the reasons of those who prefer not to have children. If a couple wants to have a kid just for the sake of it, they are being just as selfish a a couple that don't want to bring another person to this world because of the risks of overpopulation, and they are being as selfish as this other couple that wants to adopt a baby girl to give her a better life than the one (they think) she was going to have otherwise.
They are all doing it based on their own perspective of what is right or what is wrong. There could be people, for example, that don't really care if mankind lasts 200 or 200,000 years more, as long as they don't break any laws and behave according to their society's moral code, their version of "what is right" is as valid (and selfish) as anyone else's.
So, what I really wanted to say with all this, just in case it isn't implied by now, is that whatever reasons you have are as valid and selfish as the ones you have so harshly criticized. You can obviously criticize whatever you want, in the end everyone is entitled to have an opinion on everything right? This is just mine, for example haha, I mean no offense, I just thought it would be an enriching take on this topic.
And yes, I just turned 30 years old, and my wife and I do want to have a couple of kids in the near future, we want them to be ours, look like us, to preserve our family names, to spend time with their grandparents, to dress them with cute clothes, to provide them stuff that we didn't have, to help them grow up in a better way than we did, to travel to places, to watch them make a family of their own (if they want to) and many other known and unknown selfish reasons that we consider to be "right". :)"
Answering for can on November 05, 2017:
Can, I actually searched in Google the question "why people having kids?", because I think it's really selfish of them to bring kids just to be able to love someone. Just for have a reason to keep living in this meaningless world. If you want to add some meaning to your life a child is not the solution. It's just selfish. Here you're saying that you never wanted children but when suddenly you got your child *you* love her so much. It's not about you. Its about the child. I think the only good reason to bring kids to the world is by mistake, if you didn't realise that your pregnant and then you can say to your child the truth that you bring him to the world by a mistake and there's nothing to do and it's life. I am 22 and I know that I'm not going to create any life on this pointless earth. I mean there too many people here why to keep bringing more and more and more humans to this dying world? If you want children, you should stop thinking about yourself and adopt some African or whatever kids that are already exists in this world but they're going to die in suffering. Just deal with what you already have on this doomed planet. It's make me sick to see a people who bringing kids for their "family lives" this is retard.
Can on November 01, 2017:
I never wanted children. Then my daughter came and changed my mind. I love her so much, I can't explain it. I think love for children is the strongest love you'll ever be feeling in your whole life. But if someone doesn't want children, it's their business. I'm entirely happy with my little princess and I would never ever want it to be different.
Dianna on October 30, 2017:
Excellent!! Now i need an exactly opposite article of this, i really do don't understand why people need to have their own biological child.
Someone with strong opposition of this mindset, please give your thoughts. With logical explanation pleasee. I really want to understand.
daddad on October 30, 2017:
maybe we become parents because it's in our nature. it's an instict! otherwise no one of us would exist today!!! probably,you don't believe in humans!
Marcus on October 29, 2017:
I agree with everything you have to say, and if you'd know me, that's not something that happens often!
Not only did you offer 10 "valid" reasons people give as to why they want to reproduce, but you also argued against each and every one of them in a concise, elegant and convincing way. And I like that!
Personally, however, I'm perhaps far more extreme in my decision to remain child-free.
I don't even have a sex-life because I don't want to take any unnecessary risks and "accidentally" impregnate someone, and I definitely don't trust in the safety of contraceptives.
So while it's not a happy life at night, I still think it's better to be safe than sorry for a lifetime. But that's just me, and I don't expect anyone else to share my view.
Sheler on October 23, 2017:
Also in my country elders say if you don't have kids you might end up getting cancers and also various biological issues. Even then I'm like seriously just because you don't to have diseases you want to have kids.
Allison on October 17, 2017:
Apparently some people are not understanding what this author is saying. They think she is hating on people having kids and that her outlook is bleak. She knows what she wants to do with her life, and having kids is evidently not a part of her plan. Many people have lame and selfish reasons for having kids. I am young, and not married, yet people ask me frequently if I want kids. I tell them no and they always ask "Why not??? Babies are so cute!"
Ummmm, no. That is a dumb reason to have kids. I have a niece and nephew. I get all the enjoyment of being around kids without the responsibility. And here's a little anecdote for you, I recently watched them and they had a complete meltdown. I was so glad their mom came home to handle them. Here you go mom, you can have your kids back now.
Also, western civilizations are extremely wasteful and having kids puts a huge stress on the Earth's resources.
Personally I have yet to find a solid reason for having kids besides "because you have a ueterus and they are cute."
behnam on October 15, 2017:
I think human soul or spirit or personality whatever you name it isnt separate from humans body.our child has created from our body.they carry our DNA (50% of DNA from each dad and mom)they are us but younger.I do believe in reincarnation.we are born more that once.and we may come back to this world after centuries as a descendant of our childs.our childs are our descendants but I do believe they are our ancestors as well.if you decide to live childless you kill your chance of coming back to existence after your death.we are same people that was living one thousand years ago.childs dont keep your name alive they keep you alive.on other hand they are outcome of our life without child we would see our life pointless as we look back at it in our old ages.yes being like Einstein or newton or Jesus can make ones life meaningful but having child is creating new life not one new life but all new lifes that will be created as a generation:our childs our grandchilds and ... that is far more precious(just think one of our descendants could be a prominent scientist).and after all of this things our childs love us as we love them.we can experience this strong love(a love immune of divorce diminish or sudden vanishing like we see in other typs of love between human beings) even after we get old and not very attractive in our appearance(and especially in this age our childs love us more).its not just about having somebody to take care of us its about having somebody care about us somebody that love us.its about love .real love.