Miscarriage survivor and supporter of women who've been through this immeasurably, life changing event.
When the unthinkable happens, it is normal to feel helpless. You may feel as though your world has been turned upside down. Once you start scratching the surface, however, you'll discover miscarriage occurs quite frequently and is sadly very common. Remembering you are not alone can be of great comfort.
In This Article
- First Steps to Recovery
- Taking Time Out
- Coping With Hurtful Comments
- Providing Support
The First Steps to Miscarriage Recovery
Being able to talk with someone is vital, as the emotional part of recovery is just as important as the physical side. Don't underestimate the power of hugs and a good chat. It is comforting to know people are there when you need them and talking about your loss with others can be incredibly beneficial. I found this invaluable. Reach out when you need support.
If you don’t feel you can discuss your miscarriage with your family and friends, support services may be a helpful resource. They can usually be found through your local hospital and generally provide support for both men and women.
A chat with your doctor can also be helpful at this time, especially if you are struggling. They may even recommend you chat to a professional counsellor who can provide you with additional support and teach you coping mechanisms to navigate your way through this difficult time in your life.
Taking Time Out
It is OK to turn down invitations. You may not want to face people and only you can decide when the time is right to face the real world again. People may not understand, but you really have to look after yourself at this time.
If you need to, distance yourself from babies for a while until your heart heals a little. It took me some time for the sadness to ease. It will pass eventually, so take all the time you need to deal with these confronting emotions. Pretending you are OK and that it doesn’t hurt to see a newborn or another pregnant woman, can set you back and will cause you to bottle up your hurt which can be so damaging.
It is important to grieve and heal your heart. Remember to face the world only when you are ready.
Coping With Hurtful Comments
Some people’s comments can unfortunately be hurtful, even though that may not be their intention. They want to say the right thing and make you feel better, but it doesn’t always end up that way.
In other cases, it's thoughtlessness or simply a lack of awareness that causes them to say silly things.
Try not to take it to heart, as a lot of people simply don’t know how to act in these situations, especially if they have never experienced a miscarriage. Though the following comments were incredibly hurtful at the time, I look back and understand they were said with the best intentions.
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It is a good idea to touch base with your doctor after a miscarriage. They will not only answer questions and provide support, but also check you are OK physically. They may organise an ultrasound if necessary, to check the miscarriage has been complete and no traces have been left behind in your uterus.
It is also important to keep your iron levels in check, due to the inevitable blood loss that happens with miscarriage. Your doctor may recommend eating iron-rich foods or taking iron supplements to build up your stores, especially if you are tired and weak. It is always best to follow their advice. By keeping yourself well nourished, your physical strength will recover in time.
Improve Your Wellbeing
Grieving is a physically exhausting process and you may need to sleep or rest as much as you can. Take whatever steps are necessary to give yourself the uninterrupted peace to do this.
You may also benefit from yoga, massage, slow walks, warm baths and meditation to support your recovery.
Take some time out to relax and re-charge. Create a calm sanctuary to promote healing and inner peace, which can be beneficial and soothing through this period.
Simply putting the kettle on and allowing yourself time to put your feet up and indulge in a cup of tea, can be rejuvenating. Replenish your energy as you sip slowly, feeling the healing benefits of tea envelop you.
It is normal to feel helpless when someone close to you experiences miscarriage, but there are many things you can do to help. You'd be surprised how simple gestures and acts can mean a lot to someone who is grieving and how they will long be remembered and appreciated.
It is important not to stay away during this time or pretend the miscarriage has not happened. It may be an easy option for some people, particularly those who are uncomfortable with grief, but this may convey you don't care and diminish their painful miscarriage experience. Ignoring or avoiding the issue, can leave a grieving person feeling like an outcast. This particularly painful experience can unfortunately add to their grief.
Grieving parents need support and by simply acknowledging the miscarriage has occurred, is the first step in helping them. Ask them how they are and give them the time they need to grieve.
Hope For The Future
As you travel on your path to recovery, you may experience many emotions and loss of hope can be one of them. If you so desperately desire a baby and each month is passing without a pregnancy, you can be left feeling bereft of hope. Your feelings of great loss and longing, can also lead to great sadness. If you find yourself in this situation, reach out for support, as these emotions are not easy to deal with on your own.
While none of us know what lies ahead, we can be sure that without hope, life can be hard to bear. In time, you will heal emotionally and see simple joy and beauty again, in everyday life. Until then, hold onto hope and remember, you are not alone.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.
© 2012 SDB
This is a place for you to share how you are feeling or how you have dealt with miscarriage. You may want to express your sadness, grief, courage or hope.
norma-holt on November 09, 2012:
One can only imagine the pain of a miscarriage to parents expecting a baby. My sympathy goes out to all those who have experienced this horror. You don't say whether this is your own experience or why you are doing the lens. None the less it is now featured on Blessed by Skiesgreen 2012-2 and also on How to Baby
TransplantedSoul on September 14, 2012:
This must be a very tough thing to go through. Just remember you are never alone. Talk to those close to you.
WriterJanis2 on September 06, 2012:
You have such great advice on a very sensitive subject. Blessed!