10 Most Common Reasons Why People Want Children

Updated on November 29, 2015
Astralrose profile image

She is a vegan, married and childfree; a lover of nature and wildlife; has two dogs and six, sometimes seven, other four-legged boarders.

Married with No Kids?

  • New neighbor: Are you married?
  • Me: Yes!
  • New neighbor: How long?
  • Me: Seven years.
  • New neighbor: Kids?
  • Me: None!
  • New neighbor: Seven years of marriage and no children?!

I have this conversation often, and it usually ends that way. My response is either a yes with a smile or a shrug with a smile. Seldom do I hear somebody asking "Why?" How do they look? Perplexed, confused, and without any ability to understand why we are taking this long to have a child or, perhaps, children.

They must have assumed two things: We keep it for later, or we just can't. The truth? We chose to be child-free!

The words "child-free" has many meanings but for us, we just do not intend to have children. It's voluntary childlessness. It's not about not liking babies or kids. It's much more than that. But this article is not about that.

Here are the the most common reasons I hear others give when asked "why have children?" along with its counter arguments.

Ten Common Reasons to Have Children—With Counter Arguments

  1. To have someone to take care of them when they get old. Old age is inevitable, and you don't need to create another human being for this purpose. It sounds so selfish and foolish. Children are not insurance that matures and is ready to use when you are old. You cannot guarantee that your children will take care of you when you reach that age. What if they won't? What if they die before you do or become invalid? What if you even die earlier before you could even take care of them? What now? You better save money for retirement. Make friends and be a good friend to them so that they'll take care of you. Most importantly, rather than looking for someone to take care of you, learn to take care of yourself and others around you.
  2. To carry on family name. Whose family name? The father or the mother? Has anyone considered the option of letting the kid use the mother's name? What is it about the family name to carry on, anyway? Christ never had children but his name is praised by millions of people all over the world more than he could have imagined. Einstein had children but he is not remembered because of them. Same with Gandhi, Buddha, or any other figures in history. What carries on in a name? Great, revolutionary, and enduring work or maybe a creation or invention that changes people's lives. Your children have nothing to do with carrying on your name. Do something remarkable or something great, then maybe your name will live and linger forever.
  3. Because they love babies. Babies are cute and adorable! So are baby pandas, kittens, puppies, tiger cubs, leopard cubs, chicks, and so forth. So if you give this reason, you must have forgotten that babies will eventually turn to children, and soon turn to adults. You might as well try a job in pediatric department, or apply for a job as a nanny, or become a toddler or nursery teacher. This way, you will not run out of babies in your care.
  4. It's human nature. Yeah, right! But stopping at one or two is definitely not human nature. So if you view procreation as human nature, you should continue creating children till you no longer cannot.
  5. Pregnancy and childbirth are life experiences. The world is full of wonderful things to experience. You might as well try a number of them. Being childless is also an experience. You should assess more carefully which life experiences you really want to achieve. Ask yourself whether you want children for their own sake or because you just want to experience pregnancy and childbirth. It's really important to think about your unborn children and not about yourself. People rarely do this!
  6. To let their children (who don't exist yet) experience the joy of existence. Existence could be enjoyable, but it also could be something else. Also, there is a big difference between existing and living. What if your child doesn't want to be born? What if he or she never finds enjoyment in existence? What if you just assumed that he or she would? What will you do? Just let your child suffer because he or she exists? As vhemt suggests, "Promote existence of joy rather than imagining joy in mere existence." Try it! You may find deeper joy without children.
  7. To give your parents grandchildren. What for? What if your children don't like visiting or staying with their grandparents? Is there some sense in that? Children should be brought into this world for their own sake and not for you, your parents, not even for your friends. You cannot please everyone (if you are doing this for that reason).
  8. To embody love for each other. Humans are gifted with imagination. Why not use it and do something more helpful that embodies your love for each other. Certainly there are so many other ways. You could plant a special kind of tree and watch it grow, for one.
  9. They want children of their own, with their own bloodline. By this reason, anyone who donates blood to another person should become family. Logically correct? This reason, for me, is really very narrow because there isn't really a word like mine or ours. Our body is not our own. Even our partner is not our own. I didn't even know my husband existed before I met him. But when I met him, I tried to find various ways to know him and he did the same. So, we make a person or a thing our own. The same applies to children. If you are really so eager to have one or two, you don't need to create your own. Adopt and provide an orphan a home that he or she has been wishing for.
  10. They don't know. Some people just say they don't know as if creating a new life is not a serious issue. They just don't think about it. Other people are doing it so I will, too. This is the kind of mentality they have. This has to change. Think what your unborn children would feel if they're brought into this world without thinking, that they just happen. It really matters.

When you decide to bring a new life into this world, think many times and think as if you are your unborn child. Ask questions and answer them in your unborn child's perspective and not in yours.

Comments

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      Tbs 45 hours ago

      Wow why do people need to have kids not need want

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      DJ Hurst 6 days ago

      It stops you getting old and bitter like all the childless people I know.

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      Nimster 10 days ago

      AWESOME. I INTERVIEWED 100 PAREMTS AND ASKED WHY THEY HAD KIDS? AND 90 % WERE MAD,SAID WELL ITS TIME, EVERYONE HAS KIDS, ITS FUN. THEN I ASKED WHY WHEN KIDS GET TO 15 ,WE CANT WAIT TO GET RID OF THEM AND HOPE THEY PAY THEIR COLLGE AND GET A JOB?? THEY WERE SPEECHLESS. IT COSTS 300,000 TO RAISE A KID... PEOPLE DI IT CAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF CRITICSM AND WILL LOOK BAD AMONG FRIENDS AND FAMILY. ENJOY LIFE.. YOU HAVE KIDS TO GIVE THEM A GEAT LIFE AND TEACH THEM WHAT YOU LEARNT IN LIFE AND MAKE THEM SUCCESFUL IN THE COMMUNITY AND MAKE THE WORLD BETTER

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      LaLa 12 days ago

      So it seems you need a license or degree to practice anything except parenthood. It is a very serious responsibility and yet so many people don't think before bringing children into this world. The average person thinks that love is enough to sustain the life of child but let's face it, some people's idea of love is debatable. I believe that if you live a life that is less than anything that is fulfilling, then what makes you think that you have what it takes to enhance and support new life. People in general are selfish and don't put much thought into the quality of life they can afford an innocent child who didn't ask to be here. I believe in God and procreation. I also believe that it is sinful the amount of inconsideration that people have when it comes to it. If one in fact decides to procreate, it is no longer about you but instead putting all of your efforts and ability into nurturing that life that you are ultimately responsible for. Don't have kids for the sake of having kids. It is not a rite of passage. Kids life matter.

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      nobody 13 days ago

      The only and true reason to have children is written in the blible: "Be fruitful and multiply"

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      GoneCrazy 2 weeks ago

      Found this post trying to wrack my brain for an answer as to why people choose to have kids. To me it makes perfect sense that your life is basically over once you have a kid, I just don't understand what people don't understand about this. Kids are the ultimate money and time suck. Take any goal or value you have for yourself in life, and almost certainly, having a child in the mix will make it difficult if not impossible. I can't understand if the world's gone crazy, or I have.

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      wizard 2 weeks ago

      I have been with my partner for 7 years, and some of our friends are asking us about marriage and children. When I ask people of why they are interested I get the same answers as this article. I am not some one who is keen on becoming a mother. Recently I have thought of perhaps bringing a child or adopting one but for different reasons. I usually meet people who I feel should not have kids because they are either very unintelligent or narrow minded. It feels like the wrong people give birth to children and pass on very shallow views to them. It doesn't matter how educated some one may be, they can still see the world only from their point of view (the judgemntal view). I would like to see more feminists, environmentalists, and activists have children. I would like to bring a child and teach them about acceptance. I don't have to give birth to them. I live in a developed country and I want to help a child in a developing country. After all, the deveolped countries expoit the developing countries. Also, I feel that may be this child could contribute to the society and make it a better place because no matter how hard I tried, I feel that I failed at it. Of course, there is no guarantee that my child will turn out to be a non-judgemental human being or even become this very selfish human being. So, this reason could also be a silly one that coud be added to the list.

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      キャット 3 weeks ago

      I totally agree with this

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      Jasmine 3 weeks ago

      Really not a fan of children, I'm sick of seeing them on every bus and ever train.

      I'd like to go out and NOT see kids everywhere I go.

      That'd be nice.

      There's over 7 billion of us, so eventually people need to calm down on the childbirth a bit.

    • Vikram Gamadia profile image

      Vik 5 weeks ago from Pune, Maharashtra

      great article, I would love to have a kid with my wife

      but I cannot find a decent reason why I would want to - except that I would love to have a kid with my wife and that it would make her happy.

      but i cannot stop thinking about the crazy financial and emotional factor involved, I dont want to dive in and think later. I want to count the cost before building my tower, even before laying the foundation

      Why should I want a kid?

      I just dont have a decent logical answer and maybe there isn't one anyway

      Still thinking...

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      Jus sayin 8 weeks ago

      I'm glad i came across the read. Very easy to understand, and as a person who is choosing to live the rest of her life childless, a supportive branch to climb up on. The more articles, blogs, opinions shedding light on lifestyles sans children and the potential joys to be experienced from doing so, just creates more of a safe place for people like myself to exist online.

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      Random dude 8 weeks ago

      this honestly feels like a sarcastic article bashing everyone that has decided to have kids. Good read.

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      Child-free 2 months ago

      1. New social life

      By the time you reach the age of thinking about prospective parenthood, which, on average, is slightly over the hump of 30, you are tiring of a lot of your friends. Many you will have known since school or university and been heartily sick of them for years. I met most of the friends I have now at the school gates, or when accompanying one of my children to sleepovers. Gradually, you can edge out the old friends who have begun to bore you because now you’re boring them back about the difficulty of finding nursery places and they are going to run a mile.

      2. Something to talk about with your partner

      As with friends, so with partners. Those first few years giggling in bed, and sometimes even having sex there, are losing their allure. Puzzling over the meaning of life and the proper reaction to a piece of contemporary art is less of a rush than it once was. You start to realise that you are average and dull like everyone else. Having children means you can stop trying to be Simone de Beauvoir and Jean Paul Sartre and get on with the real meaning of life – wiping excrement from children’s bottoms. As the immortal PJ O’Rourke put it: “Don’t try and come on like Jean-Paul Belmondo/Aspire instead to two kids and a condo.”

      3. Laughter

      A lot is talked about how children give you someone to love and how they offer a sense of purpose. What isn’t so often mentioned is that they are very funny. If I tried to explain how they are funny and the countless ways they have made me laugh over the years, the stories would sound lame. OK, I can’t resist it anyway. Here’s one off the top of my head. I was walking in the park and saw a rabbit. I said to my then seven-year-old, in an admittedly patronising fashion: “Look, darling, there’s a bunny rabbit.”

      She shook her head despairingly and replied: “Daddy, I’m not a baby. Don’t call it a bunny rabbit.”

      She glared disapprovingly, then snapped: “It’s a bunny.”

      You had to be there. But believe me, I multiplied my laugh rate 10 times more than when I was childless.

      4. You stop thinking about throwing yourself under a bus

      Before you have children, you are quite likely to have a number of philosophical crises about life, death and meaninglessness. Is it all worth it? “There is only one really serious philosophical question, and that is suicide” said Camus. However, after children you realise there are other questions, after all – whether Beany Babies have souls and if there are fairies at the bottom of the garden, how can they stand the smell of the composter? These kinds of inquiries, which will be incessant, usually leave no room for thoughts of self-annihilation.

      5. Beauty

      Children are not only funny, they are beautiful. Even ugly ones are thought beautiful by their parents. Simply surrounding yourself with creatures so visually pleasing makes every day an aesthetic delight.

      So go ahead – do it. Have some kids. I won’t say you’ll never regret it. In fact, you’ll probably frequently regret it. But it’s a hell of an experience, and if you consider that you want to be brave and adventurous, don’t go on a canoe down the Orinoco, bin the condoms and starting stencilling the spare room with unicorns instead.

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      Dr. Mitsaras 2 months ago

      In the last 20 years of our existence we are trying to contradict the 'by experience' evolution of the DNA for the last 250000 years at least. My arguments:

      1. Overpopulation: the real fact is that earth is not overpopulated as they describe. China is, India is, Bangladesh is etc. Germany is not, Russia is not, USA is not. So create a anti child propaganda to the overpopulating countries and not to the whole planet.

      2. Meaning of Life: Earth is a life giver and a life taker. We are not here just to have fun, neither to be only For ourselves. A person without kids will just consume the resources of the planet ending up completely forgotten by history. Even the big career, the big success it's temporary. Even the company that works for or he owns will also be forgotten by history. Exceptions are people that really contribute to the real thing. See Einstein, Hawkings and other. By the way most of them they had children.

      3. DNA: Nature mates the best possible genes. There is a reason for that. It's the reason of the quality of.the evolution.

      My battery ends. I cannot write more.

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      Anonymous 2 months ago

      Never have I seen such a bizarre dichotomy in these comments where they're either an intelligently written introspection or where someone typed non-sequitur like a five year old. Seriously, spell check your posts before you make them. Backwater sites like this don't have an edit option in the comments. This isn't Youtube country.

      I have been desperately looking for a good reason why someone would have kids because "hurr durr ima writer" and so far the only sound reasoning I can find is "I want to raise and take care of children, but for whatever reason I am unable to work in a field where I'm around kids." Maybe you get attached to baby Jake but one day he's adopted and you never see him again? As flawed an argument as this is, having your own kid lets you get attached to them without worrying about them leaving you (except for untimely death or running away from you for being bad parents). And anyone who's gone through the adoption process will tell you it is a nightmare. Orphanages are not "The Baby Store." They spot check the adoption process and stretch it out for so long because unlike most parents adoption centers actually have the child's future and best interest in mind and want to be ABSOLUTELY SURE you're serious about becoming a parent. It can take years to fully adopt someone. Having your own takes between 9 to 10 months. You also don't get to watch them grow up. I don't see the appeal of the messy infant stage, but to some people not having a veiny, 7lb wrinkly grandpa for a year or two is a deal breaker. Go figure.

      I honestly believe you can't have children and be selfless in doing so. Choosing not to have children is technically selfish since you're focusing on your own needs, but to call it selfish invalidates the consideration put into the decision. Besides, taking care of your own well being is important in any adult, and condemning all selfish behavior as evil is not only misguided but unhealthy.

      Having children is the same way. You may have an ulterior motive, but to argue against having kids because of said motive invalidates the commitment that parents make to give their kid the best life they could possibly ask for (that is assuming there was a commitment to begin with and the child is not a future "get out of an elderly home free card"). There is no 100% noble reason to have kids, and to think you're some paragon of nobleness for procreating is ego, pure and simple. You don't get a trophy for not being a terrible parent. That only happens when you're not just a good parent, but a great one, and even then you don't get a trophy for that; you get a great kid who genuinely loves you back. Using your position as parent to force a kid into loving you is not love no matter how you dress it up.

      Also, all the comments about people getting offended by this article/other comments are HILARIOUS because you know they're by some middle-aged mom/dad feeling attacked because they're confronted about the possibility that maybe they might not be as great a parent as they think they are, can't stand the thought of it, and use passive aggressive vitriol and denial to protect their bruised ego rather than self-reflect and improve themselves like mature adults. The ad-hominen arguments they hide their hurt pride behind are as vapid as the supposed moral high ground they stand on.

      My name is Anonymous. Welcome to the Internet. Enjoy your stay.

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      Erzbet 2 months ago

      I am currently thinking about this. I am the invalid 'child' mentioned earlier- I had to go back home at 29 due to debilitating fatigue and pain (I'm 32). I also have problems with depression. I am starting to wish I could start a family. I want to nurture someone, help them grow up, help them learn to think for themselves. Besides my inability to care for them properly, I would never want to pass down my illnesses and watch my child suffer. If it was just depression, bad as it is, at least it's identifiable and treatable. But depression AND a mystery illness? That's too much. My parents don't know how much I suffer, but I would know perfectly well.

      I am fortunate that I never had baby fever or an intense desire or plan to have a family. But seeing children play and learn- I want to be part of that and it hurts that I have no choice. I do hope i get better. One of my dreams is to have a summer camp for disadvantaged urban children in Upstate New York. Maybe foster to adopt, but i will always fear my illness returning, and I know foster children need extra attention and love.

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      Gorre.ramesh 3 months ago

      I want one child

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      Rolo Cherveg 3 months ago

      This is a really resonating list. Probably the most delusional reason I've heard some parents give are along the lines of: "A child is the greatest gift you can give to the world, they're the future after all!"

      As if these people never thought of adding something great to the world themselves. We live in a parental society where it's normalcy to 'pass down the torch' without having run the race at all.

      Afterwards, I've seen parents attach words to their young children like "ungrateful" and refer constantly their own 'sacrifices.'

      How is it a sacrifice if you brought a child into this world for your own pleasure? That's like purchasing a plant seed and calling yourself a hero for not letting it die. It is your responsibility to take care of the plant; you wanted it in the first place.

      And then there's the ultimate fallacy of 'imparting wisdom.' Unless you are renowned throughout the world as a creative genius or hero, I doubt you have any more wisdom than the next guy, and probably shouldn't be spoon-feeding it to the next generation.

      Sigh...

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      Gotta 3 months ago

      Having children is not my cup of tea. I don't understand why they make a big deal over my choice not to have any children. It's a very personal decision and is not for everyone. Wake up!

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      Oky 3 months ago

      Thank you. Great article. It makes me wonder, though, what *is* a good reason to have a child? To allow them a chance to experience life seems like the only decent one. Otherwise, I frankly can't think of anything?

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      Risa 3 months ago

      Some of these are awful reasons, mostly in the interest of the parent.

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      samantha 3 months ago

      At 32 I'm asking myself why do I want kids? And after reading this it made me realize I want a child for the wrong reasons. A person that will love me unconditionally

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      Jay 4 months ago

      When I got my hysterectomy and was depressed I listed all the reasons I wanted children... I couldn't find a single one that wasn't selfish. I wanted the permanent love and to add joy to my family. I realized that was a huge burden to put on such a little thing. And after problems with my own parent I found that it was highly unlikely that a child would want (or have the ability) to be the sole-source of my joy forever.

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      Diesel 4 months ago

      Every single answer to having children is " Selfish" plain and simple!

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      MIke 4 months ago

      Why spend your life raising another, you only get one life.

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      Elise Taylor 4 months ago

      @Ellie Paraham and Richards

      It is an awful statements to say such a thing! This isn’t why there are so many single mothers.

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      chewgold 4 months ago

      To release the contempt and disdain for your mate/significant other. As in "you disgust me now get in there and let's try to make a baby and improve upon ourselves...we're presently screwed up.

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      Tom Chua 5 months ago

      I have no children and it has been the best decision ever.

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      SMG123 5 months ago

      No mention of wanting to build family-others who are so close to you who you can share home and experiences with. Friends are great but there is a difference in my experience.

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      Rebecca 5 months ago

      I agree, to a point. I do not understand the desire to have children, other than its just what people do. As a group mentality, we follow society rules. But I see parents are always sleep deprived, cranky, have no freedoms. Everything becomes about the children. I actually read a study about couples with children were unhappier compared to couples without children. It's simply not something I think is a good investment of my time or resources. There are so many ways to contribute to society, getting fat and having no life is definitely not on my list.

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      Dw cuz 5 months ago

      Tanya, i don't understand how it's selfish to not want or have children??

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      SpiderMan 5 months ago

      I didn't want children - but I had them eventually and they have taught me more about life than anything else I've ever done. It's something that can't be fully explained until you have your own.

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      Jake 5 months ago

      Hi,

      Just been reading all the comments. Phew!

      I am Glad so many shared their minds on the topics of not wanting, wanting, having, and giving. I believe life is a very, very serious matter since it is why we are all here(Obviously). I cannot judge what the author thinks or believes but I can say that I am glad that they said Something. How else would all this talk about life happen? It's great to see people communicate about it.

      Some posts here were insightful and some were just opinion s. Just how discussion goes.

      I WILL TELL YOU HOW I HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND LIFE MORE TRUTHFULLY AND THE QUESTIONS THAT COME WITH IT. FIRST LOOK AT THESE WORDS.

      LOGIC!

      FREE WILL!

      LOVE!

      HATE!

      PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THESE ACTIONS.

      What does all this mean?

      Not much right?

      ...

      ACTUALLY.. This means a lot.

      Soooo... How do I know this and how did I learn more about LIFE?

      I have read bits and pieces of a book that has been around for a LONG time. THE BIBLE. DON'T BE AFRAID. No matter who you are or what you believe, this book has a lot of life lessons and life facts for anyone willing to read it.

      Unfortunately I cannot explain all this at the moment.

      But, if you know someone who owns a Bible or knows about it you should really look into it by asking them about it. You don't need to be Christian to do this. I think it could really help.

      I hope the BEST FOR each and every one of YOU.

      Peace.

      *Gets into car; drives off into the sunset*

      ((((BE WARNED))))

      If you don't know anything about the Bible, you should research it a bit before reading. And really, talk to someone who knows about it. I would not want anyone to get confused or misinterpret something.

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      Paige 5 months ago

      Jesus. Warn readers before dropping your highly subjective anti-child rearing rhetoric..

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      Bubble 5 months ago

      I totally agree and relate with Amber N. I know that any child I would have had I would have loved too much to bring them into this cruel world.

      I feel that I am blessed to have never had children.

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      Nonjabulo 5 months ago

      I like baby

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      Spirit 6 months ago

      Okay, so, I'm 15 years old, and I want to have a child someday. Of course, I have a lot to live before that. College, travels ... I do not know if I will ever marry, 'cause I will only do it if I fall in love, but I already decided that if I reach the age of 30 without marrying, then I would be a single mother. The reason I want a baby is because of the bond that exists between most mothers and their children.

      My mother and I used to have a terrible relationship, which changed into my most precious bond thanks to lots of talks and understanding of both parts. Sometimes, I feel that she and I have met each other before, in another life. Because the connection I feel with her, the pure love that we have for each other ...

      I'm not good with feelings. I do not care easily for people. So, my bond with my mom, the mutual love, it's very important to me. And, you know, I'm quite blessed, because no matter how much I mess up sometimes, she is always there for me. No judgments, just acceptance. So, I think about how much she does for me, and how much she loves me. And then I think about doing that for somebody. To care and die for someone if need be. To just put your whole soul in the hands of another. I think about being there for them, giving them what they need, creating them, seeing them grow brilliantly. I do not know if this is a selfish wish of mine, I want to have this little life to fully love and give myself entirely for, but I can not really care. Because I will do my best, he / she will receive everything they could ever wish for. 

      It will be difficult. Humans are complex things, and they will pass for difficult moments where tears will drop. Life has its bad moments, and I will suffer along with them, for I love them more then enough to do so. But I know, deep down my soul, that it will be worth it. Just knowing them, to hold them, seeing their smiles .. it's more than worth it.    

      And, detail: I still have to wait for at least 10 years before I met them. Because they deserve to have a proper home and a stable life, so I need to work for it.   For those who are reading this: do not worry about me. I want to see the world, make use of my youth, and have lots of crazy but oh so good experiences to share with them. I also love myself, and will take care of myself, for I know my worth.

      So, basically: I'm going to have a baby because I love them. And love is both a selfish and generous thing. It can make us do the unthinkable. So, yeah. Thanks for reading.

      P.s.: I'm sorry if there are too many grammar errors. My first language is Portuguese, so .. yeah. Thanks again: Dp

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      Wondering it 6 months ago

      "Ask yourself whether you want children for their own sake or because you just want to experience pregnancy and childbirth."

      How do you want someone unborn "for their own sake"? If you aren't allowed to want children for your own sake and aren't allowed to want them for their sake, are you allowed to want them at all and if yes then what's a good reason in your opinion?

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      Spy 6 months ago

      I think this article is not really well written... I am not a person who wants to have children and i am 35. i had this feeling since i was a little kid, i kind of knew i wont have children, but justifying or reasoning against that?

      And your arguments against are (no personal offense, really) not rally convincing at all. What is bad about being selfish and therefore having children? why does it need to be so glorified, i mean if someone really believes in not having cancer because of his kids, what is wrong about it? Nobody wants cancer that is for sure.... if you think the reason is stupid, yea that is fine, they probably think the same of your reasons. And what is so bad about having children to they can take care of you when you become old?

      I think your worst argument is the it's life thing, sorry this one sounds really stupid, just like those who want to force a child or marrige on you. What the hell? Of course you stick to a limited amount because you also have to take care of them and the woman is not just a baby machin... this is one of the most valid arguments because of the survival of the human race. Some peopel really think that with a baby they contribute to the society which is understandable, but i do not share it.

      This article shows me that there actually no reasons at all, either for or agains havin kids..

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      Aj 6 months ago

      Very good

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      foley c kiatambe 6 months ago

      People love having children because of community advantage .

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      Khushi 6 months ago

      Nice article. Actually I am recently married around 8 months back and people have already started asking about my baby plan.

      I don't understand this mindset of forcing someone to have babies either they are family relatives or friends, I am not against having baby but it should be a choice not a task. A person should have this freedom to choose if he/she want to have baby or not. My few female friends who are 2-3 years married they say that having baby is a task , as soon as you finish you are free and you can focus on other things in your life, because the in laws and relatives will keep on asking about the grand children , they want someone to play with. I was shocked to hear that.

      I searched reason for people having baby and got this article, I asked the same to few people and actually people have these reasons, like to carry the family name or when you get older there will be no one to take care etc etc.

      Nobody is against having kids(not even this article writer, I think...) BUT a person should have the choice to be child-free if he/she want.

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      Amanda 6 months ago

      Very well said!

      Forcing life onto another living being (i.e., a child) *should* be the hardest decision a person can make. It *should* be one of those decisions that few can even bring herself/himself to do because it is literally the most important, life-altering decision you will ever make -- not only for yourself but also for the child you are forcing into this world.

      Living a childfree life is *never* selfish, no matter what you choose to do, no matter why you've chosen to be childfree. You are just living the life you were given (or rather forced into, however you choose to look at it.) Life is just life. You didn't choose to be alive but your life is yours. Do with it what YOU want.

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      AmberN 7 months ago

      While I cannot speak to the issue of over population because I have enough research other than what is said in the media. What I would say is to help who is already here. I am in my late 20s, and since age 14, I knew that having children was neither here nor there for me. When asked, I would say I would only want one, and adopt the others because they are enough children who just needs assistance, and some to genuinely care about them. However, I would only have children if I had a certain amount if resources, which I don't. I say it is a choice but often time the people that have the most kids tend to be those who can't feed them. Surprisingly or not, I do not feel left out of the children mix. I can touch lives in other ways without procreating. On the point of the world not being the nicest place, the Earth is beautiful but humans aren't so beautiful, and that's the truth. Depending on where you are coming from in life, and your life experiences will determine your perception of this world. I have met both the vile and the good, and I will conclude that the world is not the easiest place to be in, and this has always been the case since we advance. I say it is up to us who is already here to make a collective effort to making this world a better place. Like for me, I am a woman, and I am black, and many humans of the world basking in their myopia hate me because of my hue, which was unsettling but now to my amusement since I rent space in their my minds. Having children is a choice but many are unplanned, and are brought forth for selfish reasons. I personally don't have this need to leave my DNA never mind I see myself as one of the better humans but whilst I am here, I will try to be as cool as I can be, and do something meaningful.. Mentally screwed up people create mentally screwed up adults often time. They may see themselves as good, and normal etc.but when you really look at it, they aren't all that nice. As I age, I am seeing less of a need to procreate, which will allow me to do other things in my some hard but interesting life experience. I would say I am a practising stoic so while I can handle the world, I don't need to prove that my offspring can because they might be unlike me, and truthfully I couldn't always handle the way the world was but not suicidal so I am purposeful until it is my time to leave.

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      Hadi 7 months ago

      I'm happy to see people who think like me, I thought I'm all alone in this , I'm a 30 years old man but not married cause I don't want to have children , I think I suffered a lot in this world and I can't do it to another person , Maybe I should do vazectomy to make sure, but I really don't want to bring any other innocent soul to this world and watch him suffering , nobody can say he/she totally enjoying the life, suffering comes to you one way or another , even if you live a happy life at the end you will die with pain, no I can't do that to another human being , I don't want to bring him/her to this cruel world.

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      Thomas Sullivan 7 months ago

      11. To know what it feels like to love unconditionally

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      Reposting A.M.A's interesting point of view 7 months ago

      "Well, selfish reasons are the only ones that exist, for better or worse. Selfishness is dominant and absolute in nature, it's observable, it's inevitable, it's a Darwinian fact.

      Sadly (or not), humans, even with our super brains, our complex social structure and all cultural evolution, are not shielded from this, we too are absolutely selfish by nature.

      That's not to say that acts perceived as "selfless" are not admirable. I mean, a firefighter that sacrifices himself to save a group of kids in a fire, a woman who takes care of abandoned animals, or a group of people who donate goods after a natural disaster... well that's all very praiseworthy, but not really selfless nonetheless.

      Everything people decide to do in favor of others has a selfish origin, even the maximum sacrifice of giving your life in order to save other's. Why? Simply because there's always something you get in return, even if it is just a slight gratification or satisfaction of doing what you perceive to be "the right thing to do" (more on that later).

      When people have children, whatever reasons they had for doing it are selfish, yes, but so are the reasons of those who prefer not to have children. If a couple wants to have a kid just for the sake of it, they are being just as selfish a a couple that don't want to bring another person to this world because of the risks of overpopulation, and they are being as selfish as this other couple that wants to adopt a baby girl to give her a better life than the one (they think) she was going to have otherwise.

      They are all doing it based on their own perspective of what is right or what is wrong. There could be people, for example, that don't really care if mankind lasts 200 or 200,000 years more, as long as they don't break any laws and behave according to their society's moral code, their version of "what is right" is as valid (and selfish) as anyone else's.

      So, what I really wanted to say with all this, just in case it isn't implied by now, is that whatever reasons you have are as valid and selfish as the ones you have so harshly criticized. You can obviously criticize whatever you want, in the end everyone is entitled to have an opinion on everything right? This is just mine, for example haha, I mean no offense, I just thought it would be an enriching take on this topic.

      And yes, I just turned 30 years old, and my wife and I do want to have a couple of kids in the near future, we want them to be ours, look like us, to preserve our family names, to spend time with their grandparents, to dress them with cute clothes, to provide them stuff that we didn't have, to help them grow up in a better way than we did, to travel to places, to watch them make a family of their own (if they want to) and many other known and unknown selfish reasons that we consider to be "right". :)"

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      Answering for can 7 months ago

      Can, I actually searched in Google the question "why people having kids?", because I think it's really selfish of them to bring kids just to be able to love someone. Just for have a reason to keep living in this meaningless world. If you want to add some meaning to your life a child is not the solution. It's just selfish. Here you're saying that you never wanted children but when suddenly you got your child *you* love her so much. It's not about you. Its about the child. I think the only good reason to bring kids to the world is by mistake, if you didn't realise that your pregnant and then you can say to your child the truth that you bring him to the world by a mistake and there's nothing to do and it's life. I am 22 and I know that I'm not going to create any life on this pointless earth. I mean there too many people here why to keep bringing more and more and more humans to this dying world? If you want children, you should stop thinking about yourself and adopt some African or whatever kids that are already exists in this world but they're going to die in suffering. Just deal with what you already have on this doomed planet. It's make me sick to see a people who bringing kids for their "family lives" this is retard.

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      Can 7 months ago

      I never wanted children. Then my daughter came and changed my mind. I love her so much, I can't explain it. I think love for children is the strongest love you'll ever be feeling in your whole life. But if someone doesn't want children, it's their business. I'm entirely happy with my little princess and I would never ever want it to be different.

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      Dianna 7 months ago

      Excellent!! Now i need an exactly opposite article of this, i really do don't understand why people need to have their own biological child.

      Someone with strong opposition of this mindset, please give your thoughts. With logical explanation pleasee. I really want to understand.

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      daddad 7 months ago

      maybe we become parents because it's in our nature. it's an instict! otherwise no one of us would exist today!!! probably,you don't believe in humans!

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      Marcus 7 months ago

      I agree with everything you have to say, and if you'd know me, that's not something that happens often!

      Not only did you offer 10 "valid" reasons people give as to why they want to reproduce, but you also argued against each and every one of them in a concise, elegant and convincing way. And I like that!

      Personally, however, I'm perhaps far more extreme in my decision to remain child-free.

      I don't even have a sex-life because I don't want to take any unnecessary risks and "accidentally" impregnate someone, and I definitely don't trust in the safety of contraceptives.

      So while it's not a happy life at night, I still think it's better to be safe than sorry for a lifetime. But that's just me, and I don't expect anyone else to share my view.

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      Sheler 8 months ago

      Also in my country elders say if you don't have kids you might end up getting cancers and also various biological issues. Even then I'm like seriously just because you don't to have diseases you want to have kids.

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      Allison 8 months ago

      Apparently some people are not understanding what this author is saying. They think she is hating on people having kids and that her outlook is bleak. She knows what she wants to do with her life, and having kids is evidently not a part of her plan. Many people have lame and selfish reasons for having kids. I am young, and not married, yet people ask me frequently if I want kids. I tell them no and they always ask "Why not??? Babies are so cute!"

      Ummmm, no. That is a dumb reason to have kids. I have a niece and nephew. I get all the enjoyment of being around kids without the responsibility. And here's a little anecdote for you, I recently watched them and they had a complete meltdown. I was so glad their mom came home to handle them. Here you go mom, you can have your kids back now.

      Also, western civilizations are extremely wasteful and having kids puts a huge stress on the Earth's resources.

      Personally I have yet to find a solid reason for having kids besides "because you have a ueterus and they are cute."

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      behnam 8 months ago

      I think human soul or spirit or personality whatever you name it isnt separate from humans body.our child has created from our body.they carry our DNA (50% of DNA from each dad and mom)they are us but younger.I do believe in reincarnation.we are born more that once.and we may come back to this world after centuries as a descendant of our childs.our childs are our descendants but I do believe they are our ancestors as well.if you decide to live childless you kill your chance of coming back to existence after your death.we are same people that was living one thousand years ago.childs dont keep your name alive they keep you alive.on other hand they are outcome of our life without child we would see our life pointless as we look back at it in our old ages.yes being like Einstein or newton or Jesus can make ones life meaningful but having child is creating new life not one new life but all new lifes that will be created as a generation:our childs our grandchilds and ... that is far more precious(just think one of our descendants could be a prominent scientist).and after all of this things our childs love us as we love them.we can experience this strong love(a love immune of divorce diminish or sudden vanishing like we see in other typs of love between human beings) even after we get old and not very attractive in our appearance(and especially in this age our childs love us more).its not just about having somebody to take care of us its about having somebody care about us somebody that love us.its about love .real love.

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      Tina 8 months ago

      I am a professional- career chick. Never thought I would have children. But never "hated" on persons that had kids. Its feels like your article shades a "negative" light on having children. If your mother made the choice not to have children- you wldve been able to explore the world, write this article etc...etc.... I consider myself a well traveled- highly educated women. Our children are our circle of life. They are part of keeping us grounded and focused- If you made the decision not to have kids- that is great- but dont damper everyone elses parade-

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      Shivs 8 months ago

      Brilliant article, just what I needed to read :)

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      Sushil Kothawade 8 months ago

      ​My wife always used to wonder - why couples have / want to have kid(s)? Does the desire / need comes from within or is it some external force? She kept guessing the reasons and when Googled, the very first result led her here. Having read complete article, and found it to be very much matching to her thought process, she forwarded the same to me.

      It feels very nice to know that there are many more, than we imagined, who think it the same way.

      ​Thank you. :)​

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      Nana 8 months ago

      I have a good life after years of fighting for my right in this life! I studied sooo hard, I didnt have any entertainment during school time. I just had a goal of educating myself and finding a good job at the end, and I did. Now I am living in a rich country, have a good job and married to an amazing man. I got what I worked so hard for, but when I think about having a baby I fill like life is not fair, world is not a nice place to be, and if I had a choice before my birth I would say NO! To be honest I do not understand those people who want babies! To me this life is threathening and full of risk. I am not sure if my mindset changes in future or not, but after years of education I feel like all of the reasons people express for having a baby is just a bullshit!

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      Childfree Ana 8 months ago

      Having researched this subject for over two decades I would agree with the writer and many in the comments that the primary reasons for reproducing are largely ego based. Child abuse and foster are two of the largest most costly examples of the result of selfish expectations and the general lack of respect for living beings, particularly in the United States where emotional intelligence and maturity are significantly lower than other enveloped countries. Children are still treated like accessories, pawns and bargaining chips in foreign nations, however, though my research points to this being the result of media influence or long standing and unquestioned 'traditions'.

      To value living beings above and beyond the whims or unmet needs of 'self' is an extension of mindfulness. To bring a living being or many living beings into the world based on incomplete or ego assumptions begs the question: where is your mind?

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      gutbuket 9 months ago

      Well why marry?

      That's the logical next question.

      Your outlook is rather sad and selfish and simplistic. It's probably a good think for society you are not going to procreate.

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      Jimborge Whrighton 9 months ago

      This article really helps me on finding these answers greatly advice many big thanks again!

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      ABIGAIL ADEKUNLE OWADOKUN 9 months ago

      I WANT TO MAKE A GAME FOR KIDS

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      Stephanie 10 months ago

      I've had quite a few people ask me recently if I regretted not having kids. I'm 40, so not completely out of the question for me so have been caught off guard by it.

      I like kids and thought I would have one at some point, but whenever I think about it and the reasons why I would have one I've come up with similar rebuttals as in your article ... none of them are actually good reasons to have a child. Because they are fun and bring joy, especially at Christmas. Not all the time, especially teenagers, and why is that their responsibility? Because naming a little girl adter a male family member no longer with us (their nickname, which I think is an adorable girls name) who I adored, makes me all gooey inside? Maybe she would inherit some of his ornery personality and be adorably precarious? Puppies can give me that... Because I think I was adorable (and didn't grow up to look all that bad) and maybe she would look like me? Because I want a little mini me raised with some differences in parenting decisions I wish my parents had made? Clearly wanting to relive my life again vicariously through my child. Because I fear that the cray cray people in the world are the ones having infinitely more children and I think possibly some of us educated liberals are depriving humanity by not procreating? Whose to say what my child would grow up believing what I want them too or wouldn't have a personality disorder making them an asshole (or worse)?

      When it comes down to it, it always feels selfish and I come to the conclusion to be an auntie, even if an honorary one) can give me enough of those without contributing to over population and I can help to raise someone else's kid to be a contributing member of society. I work a ton, most families are 2 income these days so it really does take a village...

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      Mark 10 months ago

      We actually have children because we are essentially selfish! All of the reasons above point to selfishness.

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      A.M.A. 10 months ago

      Well, selfish reasons are the only ones that exist, for better or worse. Selfishness is dominant and absolute in nature, it's observable, it's inevitable, it's a Darwinian fact.

      Sadly (or not), humans, even with our super brains, our complex social structure and all cultural evolution, are not shielded from this, we too are absolutely selfish by nature.

      That's not to say that acts perceived as "selfless" are not admirable. I mean, a firefighter that sacrifices himself to save a group of kids in a fire, a woman who takes care of abandoned animals, or a group of people who donate goods after a natural disaster... well that's all very praiseworthy, but not really selfless nonetheless.

      Everything people decide to do in favor of others has a selfish origin, even the maximum sacrifice of giving your life in order to save other's. Why? Simply because there's always something you get in return, even if it is just a slight gratification or satisfaction of doing what you perceive to be "the right thing to do" (more on that later).

      When people have children, whatever reasons they had for doing it are selfish, yes, but so are the reasons of those who prefer not to have children. If a couple wants to have a kid just for the sake of it, they are being just as selfish a a couple that don't want to bring another person to this world because of the risks of overpopulation, and they are being as selfish as this other couple that wants to adopt a baby girl to give her a better life than the one (they think) she was going to have otherwise.

      They are all doing it based on their own perspective of what is right or what is wrong. There could be people, for example, that don't really care if mankind lasts 200 or 200,000 years more, as long as they don't break any laws and behave according to their society's moral code, their version of "what is right" is as valid (and selfish) as anyone else's.

      So, what I really wanted to say with all this, just in case it isn't implied by now, is that whatever reasons you have are as valid and selfish as the ones you have so harshly criticized. You can obviously criticize whatever you want, in the end everyone is entitled to have an opinion on everything right? This is just mine, for example haha, I mean no offense, I just thought it would be an enriching take on this topic.

      And yes, I just turned 30 years old, and my wife and I do want to have a couple of kids in the near future, we want them to be ours, look like us, to preserve our family names, to spend time with their grandparents, to dress them with cute clothes, to provide them stuff that we didn't have, to help them grow up in a better way than we did, to travel to places, to watch them make a family of their own (if they want to) and many other known and unknown selfish reasons that we consider to be "right". :)

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      SFV 10 months ago

      To the Last comment... I think they say that so that single men without kids will be attracted to them.

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      Tom M. 10 months ago

      I am a divorced man. I have one child from my marriage. She is 21 now. When my marriage ended, I thought about having another wife and more kids. I was 35 at the time. Then I thought again. My first marriage was supposed to be : "'til death do us part". That's what I expected. That did not happen. If my marriage did not disintegrate, perhaps I would've had more kids but I felt that having another wife and more kids would dilute the finances, time and attention that I devoted to my daughter who I am completely attached to and love very much. So I made my decision not to have more children and got a vasectomy to insure that that would be the case. What frustrates me now is that, as a single man, when I see a 40-something year old woman on a dating site who already has children stating that she wants more or may want more, I shake my head. I put so much work and devotion into raising ONE child that I can't fathom WHY , after having a couple of children , a person would want to start that cycle AGAIN. They're not PUPPIES for goodness sake! They are human beings! Considering the fact that a person has children from a relationship that was unsuccessful ( and it takes two people to make it happen that way) and that 50% of all relationships fail these days, WHY would a person want to create MORE human beings who are going to potentially be hurt when the relationship that created them fails? I know it seems a bit pessimistic but look at the raw probabilities. I feel like telling these women: "Can't you just be thankful for the children you have and let go of the "baby-maker" mentality?

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      stolenunder 11 months ago

      Agree entirely on basically all points.

      I just find it funny that a lot of people think you hate life, even though it's clear you just enjoy other things besides personal child rearing.

      And to those who wish to "share" the magic and wonder of life, why not adopt and provide a magnificent home to a child who actually needs it here and now? Honestly, to say otherwise just proves how selfish the reasons for childbirth are.

      Most just want their own personal plaything, and like a selfish child it has to be their own, not someone else's, not used. Which is even more sad.

      IMO the reasons for not having a child of your own are staggering. But, I do feel it's much much better to adopt a child, so my issue isn't necessarily "not having kids" but more "not having your OWN kids".

      If you want to be a parent so bad why can't you "make the sacrifice" of your own selfish reasons and adopt a child instead?

      Maybe one day, when there are no more children to adopt (if only), then sure, having a child of your own wouldn't be considered selfish (at least in that sense), but for now I don't see that day approaching anytime soon.

      It's hard having an opinion so far against the grain of society and human nature. But, sometimes we need that especially since in some ways our ability to adapt has made our natural tendencies very dangerous to ourselves. Living longer and having more easily accessible food is great, for example, but it's allowed for new problems like overpopulation and resource wars.

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      RunnyLegs 12 months ago

      I wasn't willing to share my eggs with men who were not marriage material or terrible role models. The men I saw were no future father material. I was very picky.

      I'm happily married, now. We tried to have children. No luck. But, we're fine with not having children. Sure, we think about who will take care of us. We both have noticed many children don't have the motivation to take care of their parents and also how much the government is involved with child rearing.

      In my opinion, people who have children and then the kids fail to stay in contact (or not help them out in their elderly years) would be more lonely and sad.

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      Ryad 14 months ago

      I understand the aspect of not wanting to have a baby, but what makes you think that the world we live in is not a nice one. The more i go over what is said the more i see a view that is not liking life. I (no offence, please explain this to me) see you as someone with a troubled life or childhood, because of the fact that you assume that children won't enjoy their life. Please explain if i am right or wrong, and further explain on your views. because from this what i am seeing is a sadistic view of life.

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      Nicole 14 months ago

      I'll admit that I haven't read all of the comments and responses, but I felt it necessary to throw in my two cents (as if it really means anything).

      It seems as though you haven't spent much time around children. Children are born with an innate sense of wonder and joy. Perhaps not all children, perhaps still it may be crushed out of them as they grow and witness the true evils of this world. This could be even more relevant still given our current president and the current state of social justice.

      But I found that the more pessimistic I become as I advance in my historical career, and the more I find myself hating humanity and the ignorance that is so deeply ingrained in society through thousands of years of misinformation, the more reason there is to hope, and to dream. Having children is not for everyone. Some people fall into it accidentally and are horrible parents. Yet despite the horrible upbringing of the child and the injustices they suffer they go on to be incredible people and do incredible things for this world. Having children is life in its most pervasive form. You do not get to choose what life the child will have, nor their disposition. But I find your lack of faith in the human race disturbing and pessimistic. Of course, you'd probably call it realistic and perhaps it is for some. But, just like you don't get to choose the exact life path of the child, you don't have any idea if the child could have an amazing life. You have no way of knowing one way or the other. And if you say that that is a good reason not to have a child then you must also say that giving a gift to someone that you truly think the person will need or love, is stupid as well.

      For a child to be brought into this world with love and to be nurtured into adulthood by sound humanist ideals is one of the greatest gives one can give to humanity. But it's humanity's responsibility to decide how to accept that gift and how they use it. Could be for bad, or great things. You simply can not know. Just like giving a human being the gift of life, just because so many decide to waste it, doesn't mean that that will happen every time. The next child born to loving parents could cure a neighborhood of hatred and provide perspective. Humanity has fought against the odds to continue. If you want humanity wiped out, ok then, your way of thinking is super. But if hope and love are to be spread we need people who are full of it to spread it. The child in question may find their exact fulfilment in spreading joy. So why condemn the act of having a child simply because YOU can not find any good reason to have one. Personally, you may not want children. That's wonderful. Don't have them. But this piece seemed very judgemental and sad to me. It seems like you're so fed up with your own existence that you wouldn't want to place anyone else in your shoes for a lifetime. Which is also fine. But, by your own theory, if the child did not indeed ever want to be born, there is suicide. It sounds abrasive, but that's the only way to validate your point of view.

      You say that maybe the child didn't want to be brought into this world, well how would you ever even know that if the child wasn't here? And if the child didn't want to be in this world, then like I said, there are ways to exit it. Not only that, but perhaps instead of suicide this is the driving force behind their existence...to make the world a place they want to live in.

      If you say there is no good reason to have a child left, then there is no good reason for anyone to be here or for anyone to ever take a chance at happiness again.

      This is a very dismal view of life, and very disrepectful towards the very idea of life itself.

      In my opinion.

      Nicole

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      Sergey Larin 14 months ago

      And that is why more dumb and unconscious people are going to appear in this world. The smart ones choose not to make children. The dumb procreate.

      We need a machine for making children, and a culture of adopting them. They would have flawless genes, no problems with hereditary diseases, always best health, always attractive and living up to 150 years.

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      amir 15 months ago

      its non sense

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      march 15 months ago

      I think this is a very narrow minded opinion.

      1. 'To look after you when you're old'. Never have I ever come across a parent who has had their child so that they can look after them when they're old. I have met parents who want children they can look after. A mother-daughter relationship is very special, and it's that connection that I had with my mum, which I want to experience with my own my mum. Creating child you can have this bond with like no other. A bond you don't have with a friend or even a partner.

      2. 'To carry on the family name'. Once again, I have never heard this reasoning before. Maybe to expand the family, yes. But what is so bad about that? To increase support and love and friendship. Bonds that last a lifetime.

      9. When people say 'the same blood', I think it would be more accurate to say 'the same DNA'. Your child will be 50% of you, and 50% of the person you love. Every child you have will have a different combination of DNA, and no one individual is the same. Babies are miracles. Although I do agree that adoption is incredible, and gives children safe and loving homes.

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      Bran 15 months ago

      This was pretty simple minded and poorly thought out. I can tell little cultural and historical research was done and you basically just went off of assumption.

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      Shariq 15 months ago

      11. Reason please add...

      Force from the spouse......

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      Gg 15 months ago

      To be a part of society.

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      danny 16 months ago

      what an excellent idea, I really love it. Respect...

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      Jill 16 months ago

      Very insightful. I'm glad to be an antinatalist and childfree.

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      Prithvish Sahu 16 months ago

      Hi, I couldnt agree more. I kinda checked it myself. Asking all the parents in knew, the reason they had kids. Funny thing, people saying "They don't know" were the most honest ones. I could see people making up an answer on the go. A very few actually gave it a thought before having kid. Social convection are hardly questioned.

      One correction needed though in your article. Gandhi had children and so did Buddha.

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      random stranger 17 months ago

      @the author, i completely agree with ur post and ur logic that there are really no good reasons to have kids. i am 38 and am happily child free and will most likely remain so for the rest of my life. however in one of your answers to someones comment u said that some people chose not to have kids for ' all the wrong reasons' like kids are filthy, make noise etc etc.

      how can u say that those reasons are wrong? if someone does not like the messiness, lack of sleep, lack of hygiene, lack of personal space etc associated with having kids, how are those reasons 'wrong'??

      personally, i dont find babies cute at all, which in my opinion is the number one reason why people have kids, so they can cuddle the 'cute' little humans. and for anyone who does not find babies and children to be cute, why on earth would they want to create babies and tolerate all the associated baggage that comes with them??

      having said that, i respect the choice of people who chose to have kids, as it is an entirely personal choice.

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      Wow 17 months ago

      Wow, I can't believe people still read your post from several years ago. I googled "reasons people have babies" midnight. Just havin some random thoughts in a late night. I agree with ALL you've said in the post and I'd have to say you speak my mind. My parents gave me all they have to raise me, I appreciate them. However deep inside, I'm not. Whenever my mother said "you need to appreciate me for all I've done", I always argue with her that "raising me is your choice, not mine. Why would I be responsible for your own decision. If given a chance, I'd rather not to exist". This is my honest word. I have a constant fear of death growing up. I told my mom that some people were born positive, their focus in life is on their dreams and hopes, they live for that. People like me, born to be risk aversers, focus more on how to avoid misfortunes in life. For me, the pain of death and illness is way more unbearable than the joy of life. I still feel choked sometimes whenever I think of a day when I cannot breath any more.

      However, reading through your interactions with other people and how you described your answer to your neighbors, I felt alert that maybe something was wrong with me. You were so argumentive in the comments. It really gives me a headache, honestly. Because all of a sudden, I realized what my mistake was. I, just as you, a well-educated and independent woman, tried too hard to rationalize things in life and tried to hard to find an optimal solution. But there is no right or wrong in life. To have babies don't have to be considered that serious. You cannot imput logic on it. It's not. You may feel it's scientific, and I too have the same concern, but why on earth do any life ever need to consider the population problem before giving birth. There are even people who control purposely the time to conceive based on tax purpose, insurance purpose, and etc. Seriously? Since when we become creatures that lose the most essential nature? You can have good babies and bad babies, you can experience good life and bad. Often times, there are no reason for things happening. Science and any logic only provides an explanation. But that is not necessarily the truth. The truth is to follow our heart. Having babies or taking any action in life is just like the schrodinger cat. You'll never know any result until you opens the box. Half an hour ago, I completely agree with what you said. Now, I still think your statement is valid. However, I understand that this baby thing cannot be rationalized. We are just animals like all other kind who try to habitate on earth. Just follow your heart and take whatever life gives you. Live naturally with the flow. You can find more reasons and more refutes, however maybe one day when you decide to have a baby for no reason, and when you see the baby smiles, everything will change. Yes, world changes, everything changes, don't forget, our mind also changes. Give yourself a chance. Live simple. I'm typing in this tiny box on my cellphone. Hope this makes sense. Please don't argue with me. It gives me headache. As I said, it's not a matter of right or wrong. I'm writing as if I'm talking to myself. :)

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      Jess208 18 months ago

      I found your article when I was curious, why the heck I get "Baby fever." It did not answer my question, and so, I'm still not sure why I'm driven to parenting. I have a seven year old boy and am currently 15 weeks pregnant. Between babies I had no urge for more babies. Before baby #1 until I decided I need a baby in my life, I had no urge for babies. Same thing with this 1. I have no answers for you as to why I have babies. I know I'm a fantastic mother but that's all I know. Wish I could find a biological explanation that works for me. I'll let you know if I find it.

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      private 18 months ago

      amazing perspective!

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      Azher 18 months ago

      It seems that we are going to generalize something 'to have' or 'not to have' children. There are countries in the world who are paying couples to have children, WHY? is it for parents' self interest, or it has something to do with the Nation's interest? A country which realized the serious issues of its overpopulation, restrict couples to have only one child (but do not force them not to have at all). And after a certain time passed on with this restriction, and the country achieved its targets; it allowed to have two children. This happened in the pronatal Chinese culture. Well, to me its all about contexts. Instead of saying not to have children is best policy to make the world happy, we should respect freedom of choice. Instead of giving arguments in the favour of having children or against it, we need to say whatever is your choice, let it be go well for the best interest of the world. If you can contribute the nation with children (as in nordic countries where government is paying to do so for a reason), then idea to not to have children will be selfish. Vice versa, in the countries where for reasons government (in the best interest of the nation) is asking to have one, two or few children; going to have many children will be selfishness and also not good for the children and their childhood. Another reason why things are not too simple to generalize are a huge load of theories on natural pro-natal behavior of human being. psychological well-being of the couple, and etc.. As there are other theories too that refute some of these theories, then .. why we should take it too generalized. To have and not to have children, is not too simple. When and how we may be selfish, i have said earlier. :-)

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      BarrAnce 18 months ago

      Why do parents with three starving children have another child? That's pure torture. Unlike food there's enough torture to go around apparently.

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      Agrees with Michelle 18 months ago

      Well done.

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      Michelle 18 months ago

      I totally agree with your article, and to go even further, I think we should stop having kids because there is nothing special about the human species that there needs to be any reason for us to even exist. I think it's funny when people use the reason of continuing our species on the earth as a reason to have kids. I think the best thing for the earth is if humans went the way of the dinosaurs, but instead of succumbing to a horrible apocalyptic death, we could all decide to be child-free and enjoy the rest of our lives going on adventures and experiencing life to the fullest instead of being trapped in a life where you have to lie to yourself that your kids are the best thing that ever happened to you. I feel sad for people who say their kids are the best thing that ever happened to them. Really? That's the best you could do with your life?

      My mom had five kids and she always told her daughters to be free, be financially independent, don't depend on a man, and don't have kids. I think more parents feel the same, it's just taboo to admit it.

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      Rootle 20 months ago

      @Small

      It is those who want to raise a human that are ethically compelled to adopt, not those who don't. The author likely has all manner of causes and interests she would rather pursue. Again, only those who want to give up their "personal freedom" should help those who are already here and in need of a home.

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      Small 20 months ago

      This Article is likely long dead now, but all I can see as the primary reason you give for not having children is overpopulation and how adoption is a better path.

      So realistically if you truly believe that, maybe adopt yourself? Practice the choice your urging others to make, but will you? Or would you rather live a child free life or willingly sacrifice parts of it to make an orphans life better?

      Unless you are willing to sacrifice your personal freedom to follow your own ideal how can you respectfully tell others what to do.

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      Max 22 months ago

      The problem I have with this article and the ensuing comments is that the author thinks there is ABSOLUTELY no reason for any more childbirth, even if childbirth were moderated or placed in proper control. For instance, I plan to have only child of mine, then I will adopt one or two others.

      One could make a similar argument that there is no reason to get married either, because getting married is for selfish reasons and everyone could simply live devoid of marriage. As much as this is sensible and accurate for some people, it is not a general picture which must be forced on everyone. However, for those who choose to get married, they should do it the right and effective way, or not at all. This is sensible.

      However the author's rigid and extreme perspective constitutes a ridiculous worldview, and it detracts from the quality of the arguments in the rest of the article. Otherwise the article is well written and has strong points.

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      Cel 23 months ago

      I am a Christian and Ilove my religion and my God. So what will be yourdefend if people around you encourage you to populate because the bible said so? What isthe best way to save youself from being called sinner by denying the wordof God in the bible? What if it is true God judgement is there waiting for the after life, and would you risk being thrown to hell for you belief in helping others and creating better world by denying God's word? Asit is also written in the bible the prophecy of the world, sufferings etc. is inevitable as a mean to select God's people. Now I am confused...

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      Ophelia 23 months ago

      Whether these reasons are true or not, the fact is young people around me all got married and had children, but I didn't, so I do feel a little left out. I do remember times when I've said, I wished I hadn't been born, and I feel guilty and bad for having done so, to my now late mother. I've had some awful things happen to me in life, as well as wonderment. Spiritually, however, I believe my spirit chose to be here for a reason. I haven't had any children myself.

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      Elz666 24 months ago

      I like your article, however in order for human kind to operate in the way that you described it. Other steps need to be taken, encouraging people not to have their own kids is not the solution. Instead contraception should be available without a medical prescription for starters. It takes several years for a pharmacist to be qualified, they should be licenced to issue contraceptives without a medical script . Why should people adopt other people's children when they could have prevented the pregnancy in the first place. And let's get real no one likes condoms. People prefer to have their own children because they can determine the genetic line and can cater for it in future. Adopting a child or an orphan poses risks, some people can accept those risks others may not. You also have no idea what state the mother was in while she was pregnant, she might have been on drugs for all you know, this will have an extensive effect on the child's brain functionality, are these people ready for such challenges. I think adoption is great but you need to know what you get yourself into. Therefore human kind should focus on different aspects, when making this important decision.

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      Rugrat@ 2 years ago

      Your article is well written, the way I see it, people that call you selfish are the very ones that are selfish, Midwest Liberal sounds like one of those "you're not the boss of me!" kind of people (in spite of their advisor being more intelligent than them). Don't mind people like that, because what most people overlook is the fact that their progeny may not want to be in the world. But the very fact that people have children is evidence enough of procreation being a selfish choice as there is no way of knowing if those children want to be born.

      I wish you well, continue to do good for others and live your life to the fullest!

      I take it you're a Christian (seeing the reference you made to Christ)

      God be with you and may He bless you.

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      Carmelita 2 years ago

      I used to have this kind of mentality which is I don't want to have children no matter how much I love children, ironic isn't it? I am a firm believer in planned parenthood but I think unborn child shouldn't have a taste of this world we lived in-full of sufferings and destruction. However, I met someone who has the opposite views about procreate and I'm slowly open up to the idea of parenthood. When I see people with child-less mindset, I would be like "Heh, that was me. I know what that feels like" because I'm a changed person. Love is a powerful thing, I tell you. Its nothing wrong with people who choose to not have children but its nothing wrong either to have children on their own. Sometimes we shouldn't let fear take control of our lives and not be too materialistic. In life, relationships with people should be our main happiness and it is kind of our obligations as human to make this world a better place which is giving the world more good people-our own children. People are too scared to fail as a parent and that is why they decide to be child less. You see, we have to be positive about parenthood and see the beautiful side of it. We need to believe in ourselves that we CAN do it. Children supposed to be a blessings not a burden. Yes its true, some parts of the world is not pretty but NOT ALL OF IT. It seems like you are too focused on the bad part of the world and the issues we're dealing with and that its not a good outlook to have-just saying. All I want to say that, whatever is our decision, its all up to us to live the life in a way that makes us happy and if people have a problem with it-don't respond, just keep living your life sweetheart because most people don't really care, there are so much going on in their own lives so don't let their words affect you. Heck, don't even take it personally if they don't know you at the first place. Always be happy, with children or not. As for me, I want to be a mother no matter how much struggle I would go through but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. TRUE THAT! I am 20 btw :)

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      Emily 2 years ago

      I really enjoyed this article, thank you for writing it! One of the reasons why I enjoyed it so thoroughly is how well-spoken you seem to be and how well you argue your beliefs on this idea, especially in your replies to comments. I agree with your thoughts. However, that should not matter anyway because each of us is entitled to our own thoughts and opinions, so none of us should have to justify why we do or do not have children; it is a personal choice.

      Thanks again for this amazing article!

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      Erica 2 years ago

      I like almost every one of your points... except for number 4 ("It's human nature") and number 9 ("bloodline"). For logistical reasons in number 4, it would be unfeasible to have more than a few children for most people due to a limited number of resources; wouldn't that be instinct at least partially, deciding when having another child would consume more resources than what are being supplied? It also implies that it is the sole purpose of humanity to procreate, which I think is kind of nihilistic and silly, since self actualization wouldn't have occurred if a higher purpose wasn't what we sought after at some point.

      As for number 9, the term "bloodline" clearly refers to the passing off of genetics from parent to child... I think you reached a little to far with that one, and it was illogical and erroneous to say, "well, if you donate blood, that means you should be family, right?". I mean, come on now... lmao, that was kind of dumb to be honest.

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      Baboo 2 years ago

      You are seriously an idiot! It doesn't matter if you don't care about anything or having children etc... that is the way of life and the only way forward. The fact that you don't care cancels you out completely. Your opinion does not matter in the great scheme of things and you will fade away. Please, keep doing what you are doing etc... it does not matter in any way at all.

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