report

10 Most Common Reasons Why People Want Children

Married with No Kids?

  • New neighbor: Are you married?
  • Me: Yes!
  • New neighbor: How long?
  • Me: Seven years.
  • New neighbor: Kids?
  • Me: None!
  • New neighbor: Seven years of marriage and no children?!

I have this conversation often, and it usually ends that way. My response is either a yes with a smile or a shrug with a smile. Seldom do I hear somebody asking "Why?" How do they look? Perplexed, confused, and without any ability to understand why we are taking this long to have a child or, perhaps, children.

They must have assumed two things: We keep it for later, or we just can't. The truth? We chose to be child-free!

The words "child-free" has many meanings but for us, we just do not intend to have children. It's voluntary childlessness. It's not about not liking babies or kids. It's much more than that. But this article is not about that.

Here are the the most common reasons I hear others give when asked "why have children?" along with its counter arguments.

Ten Common Reasons to Have Children—With Counter Arguments

  1. To have someone to take care of them when they get old. Old age is inevitable, and you don't need to create another human being for this purpose. It sounds so selfish and foolish. Children are not insurance that matures and is ready to use when you are old. You cannot guarantee that your children will take care of you when you reach that age. What if they won't? What if they die before you do or become invalid? What if you even die earlier before you could even take care of them? What now? You better save money for retirement. Make friends and be a good friend to them so that they'll take care of you. Most importantly, rather than looking for someone to take care of you, learn to take care of yourself and others around you.
  2. To carry on family name. Whose family name? The father or the mother? Has anyone considered the option of letting the kid use the mother's name? What is it about the family name to carry on, anyway? Christ never had children but his name is praised by millions of people all over the world more than he could have imagined. Einstein had children but he is not remembered because of them. Same with Gandhi, Buddha, or any other figures in history. What carries on in a name? Great, revolutionary, and enduring work or maybe a creation or invention that changes people's lives. Your children have nothing to do with carrying on your name. Do something remarkable or something great, then maybe your name will live and linger forever.
  3. Because they love babies. Babies are cute and adorable! So are baby pandas, kittens, puppies, tiger cubs, leopard cubs, chicks, and so forth. So if you give this reason, you must have forgotten that babies will eventually turn to children, and soon turn to adults. You might as well try a job in pediatric department, or apply for a job as a nanny, or become a toddler or nursery teacher. This way, you will not run out of babies in your care.
  4. It's human nature. Yeah, right! But stopping at one or two is definitely not human nature. So if you view procreation as human nature, you should continue creating children till you no longer cannot.
  5. Pregnancy and childbirth are life experiences. The world is full of wonderful things to experience. You might as well try a number of them. Being childless is also an experience. You should assess more carefully which life experiences you really want to achieve. Ask yourself whether you want children for their own sake or because you just want to experience pregnancy and childbirth. It's really important to think about your unborn children and not about yourself. People rarely do this!
  6. To let their children (who don't exist yet) experience the joy of existence. Existence could be enjoyable, but it also could be something else. Also, there is a big difference between existing and living. What if your child doesn't want to be born? What if he or she never finds enjoyment in existence? What if you just assumed that he or she would? What will you do? Just let your child suffer because he or she exists? As vhemt suggests, "Promote existence of joy rather than imagining joy in mere existence." Try it! You may find deeper joy without children.
  7. To give your parents grandchildren. What for? What if your children don't like visiting or staying with their grandparents? Is there some sense in that? Children should be brought into this world for their own sake and not for you, your parents, not even for your friends. You cannot please everyone (if you are doing this for that reason).
  8. To embody love for each other. Humans are gifted with imagination. Why not use it and do something more helpful that embodies your love for each other. Certainly there are so many other ways. You could plant a special kind of tree and watch it grow, for one.
  9. They want children of their own, with their own bloodline. By this reason, anyone who donates blood to another person should become family. Logically correct? This reason, for me, is really very narrow because there isn't really a word like mine or ours. Our body is not our own. Even our partner is not our own. I didn't even know my husband existed before I met him. But when I met him, I tried to find various ways to know him and he did the same. So, we make a person or a thing our own. The same applies to children. If you are really so eager to have one or two, you don't need to create your own. Adopt and provide an orphan a home that he or she has been wishing for.
  10. They don't know. Some people just say they don't know as if creating a new life is not a serious issue. They just don't think about it. Other people are doing it so I will, too. This is the kind of mentality they have. This has to change. Think what your unborn children would feel if they're brought into this world without thinking, that they just happen. It really matters.

When you decide to bring a new life into this world, think many times and think as if you are your unborn child. Ask questions and answer them in your unborn child's perspective and not in yours.

Comments 108 comments

nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia

I found this to be really thought out enjoyable read (if not a little defensive ) . I have four children and my reason for having children is I always wanted to be a mother. nothing more simple than that for me.

I have a lifelong friend who didn't want kids and for the longest time I found that fact inconceivable, but as time has moved on I have grown to appreaciate her kid free house as a refuge and I enjoy listening to the many adventous that fill her life because she dosnt have children.

it's a different life but one just as fullfilling as mine, if not more...


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 4 years ago from India Author

Nighthag,

People have kids for many different reasons and the above ones are among the few I heard from people who have kids and who want kids. Child-free could also mean a person who has kids but intend not to have anymore.

I guess I just found it selfish when parents complain about their children or when they advertise for a nanny because they couldn't take care of them. It's nice to hear it's a fulfilling one for you.


StandingJaguar profile image

StandingJaguar 4 years ago from Colorado

Compelling thoughts! It's nice to read arguments that are well thought-out, as nighthag said. I was wondering if you think there are any good reasons left to have a child? (even if they don't apply to you).


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 4 years ago from India Author

@StandingJaguar-Considering how much population there is? None-there are no reasons left to have a child...of my own! I could adopt, like I said but then I am wondering how to raise them considering children have their own life and minds, too-whether to send them to school or not and which one? What religion to follow (I don't follow any), etc. Having kids is not something that can be asked for, something that they could choose whether they want to be born or not. What is happening is, parents choose them to be born and definitely for their own sake and not for the children.

Lastly, I feel it's foolish to let them witness the horror of life.


Cece 3 years ago

I was just asked by my banker for exactly the same question today! I guess many women are wondering the same thing in nowadays society where there are a lot more choices and opportunities for women, which didn't exit in the old society. It could be very appealing/tempting to go out to see the world and try new things. Nothing wrong with it. By the same token, I also think there is nothing wrong with being a parents and fill the world with the next generation to carry on our human existence on this earth, either by biological giving birth to other human being or adopt some other humans. The world is definitely imperfect, and full of love and sadness, wonders and horrors, healing and heartbroken. That what makes it habitable for human being. (believe it or not, if we've been given heaven on earth, we could not handle it with our own imperfectness.)

The answer I gave it to her is that: I have children because I believe in creating hope for human being, and cultivate responsible global citizens to make the world a better place in the future.

These words came out of my mouth without any thinking! I also told her that I did all the ROI on raising a kids and it's basically is all the investment is on my side, and all the return is on the society side, which is a short-term losing deal for me, but a win-win deal for the world in a bigger picture. :)

Periodically, I definitely enjoy the children-less family life style, and the adventure they can take, especially when I'm exhausted and frustrated with raising my two children. However, the motivation that keeps me going and encouraging other friends in doubting the reason of having children, is to provide hope for the world. The hope for creating and providing better citizen to make the earth and our world a better place. To give to the future. To carry love into the infinite.

Having children is definitely not the only way to reach my ultimate goal, but it is one of the way. Having children or not having children do not define a person's attitude towards the world, which is the ultimate thing that matters, but to live in a responsible way that provide the world an entity (can be a children, or a piece of art, or an invention, or scientific results and etc.) that will bring love, creation, protection and harmony to the world is a divine calling for every living men and women.

All the beautiful things depends on new human being supplied to the society. (even our pension depends on it). There will be a certain defect rate, I understand, but we can't cease living to avoid death, right? Just call it hope.

Babies are hope. Yours is mine and mine is yours. We all live for making the world a better place. If you're not, let just call it being a consumer. It's also Ok.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 3 years ago from India Author

Thank you for your feedback, Cece! But don't you think the world is much better off with less population?

If your idea of having children or encouraging others to have children is to hope that these children would make the world better and be better citizens, can you be so sure that that is the thing that's gonna happen?


LundiSoleil 3 years ago

It seems as if more people are choosing not to have children these days. I think it's great. I have also chosen not to have children of my own. The reasons are mostly sociological, but for the most part, fatherhood is something that is not a priority for me. So it would be unwise for me to be a parent when I have very little interest in it.

There's an analogy I like to use when justifying my choice to not have children. Just as a blind person develops keener senses, so too does a person who forgoes a life experience such as parenthood develop deeper interests in other aspects of life.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 3 years ago from India Author

You are absolutely right, LundiSoleil! Some have kids thoughtlessly which is very irresponsible of them. And yeah, it's better to develop other interests considering there are so many are there.

For me, having kids is like sentencing them to another lifetime (without their permission) which is not likable at all.


Ruchi Urvashi profile image

Ruchi Urvashi 3 years ago from Singapore

I love the article. It is original and full of deep thoughts. I am mother of one child and I planned for it. I think each of us need to decide individually as we are all different. There is no standard path. What is good for one person, need not be good for other. I appreciate the truth in this article.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 3 years ago from India Author

Thank you for your comment, Ruchi! But I think there is such thing as right path - a path that is good not only for ourselves but for others and the environment (most especially) as well.


bisnar6665 profile image

bisnar6665 3 years ago from Irvine, California

I am really spoiled. I received primary custody of my daughter, but she still spends almost every weekend with her mom. So I get to be super dad all week and then go have a life on the weekends!

To me, having a child is the most amazing and gratifying experience that I could have ever possibly imagined! But I think that my situation makes it a little more spectacular lol.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 3 years ago from India Author

Bisnar6665, Is it satisfying and gratifying because it is your "own" child? Would you feel the same if the child is of another?


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

It's interesting that 7 of these reasons are basically selfish reasons. Essentially people have children because they (want) them. It's for their (enjoyment).

There is no assurance that one's children will (take care) of them when they get old. In America we have lots of "nursing homes" filled with elderly and sick people who have adult children.

Personally speaking I chose not to have children and had a vasectomy many years ago. I believe if someone does not want children they should not have them. :-)


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 3 years ago from India Author

Yes. Anything that is seen/done in parent's perspectives is selfish like having children for parents' enjoyment without considering whether their children enjoy them being their parents.

In addition, these adult children don't even visit or talk to their parents often.

And often times I asked people "if you don't like children why have them?" and their reply is "my parents urge me to have one". Just like that!

Vasectomy is the greatest move a man can do. So, for me, dashingscorpio, you are wise to have done so!


Lisa 3 years ago

Man, you're a downright baby hater! And that's coming from somebody who doesn't plan on having kids either.

The article was good, but the more I read your comments, the more it sounds like you're trying to convince the world not to have babies for your own personal interests, reasons, and beliefs. Who's the selfish one, then?


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 3 years ago from India Author

Lisa...A baby hater huh? So if someone doesn't want to have kids it means he/she is a baby hater? Also if I am encouraging others NOT to have kids I become a baby hater? What do you know about me to say I am a baby hater? Do you even know why I choose not to have kids? Well, you don't know a thing!

And I really am convincing the world NOT to have babies? Do you understand why? Are you even bothered to "know" why? And seriously my reasons (deeper than the ones mentioned in this article) are the most self-less ones. Why not try asking me first why I choose not to have kids...hmmm?


Sabrina 3 years ago

Well I have been asking this question as well, and I realized it is a biological urge that many people have, men or women. I never had that urge too! Well I know people need to feel fulfilled and having children is one of the ways, a traditional way. For myself, it simply doesn't make sense to bring somebody to this world then try to make this person suffer less. I am a religious person and find joy in helping people that are already born to this world, to suffer less.


Jayne 3 years ago

I'm married for 20yrs & child free. We decided not to have children because we think birth, old age, sickness & death is not fun at all and children are not our insurance. We can find happiness else where.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 3 years ago from India Author

Hi Sabrina, thanks for your input. Actually, as I see it, having kids is just a result of copulation for breeding and continuing life and certainly there are also many important factors to consider before this biological urge. It's great of you to find happiness and fulfilled life in helping people that are already here.

Jayne, you are absolutely right. Happiness is not something to be achieved by having children. It is a side effect of doing things that you wanted in life. Thanks for commenting.

Fact, I'm not really bothered if my life's work will be inherited by people I don't know because it really doesn't matter. What matters is how I live my life without being a burden or causing trouble to any other being. And if parents view having children of their own as a sacrifice then how should their children feel about that? You see, children never asked to be born, parents brought them into this world and once they do that, they can't keep on saying "I sacrifice a lot for you or You owe me something or You are a trouble to my life, etc." because it's really their choice, their decision to have them.

Denial of life? Hmmm....


Moin 3 years ago

I support your view


Sluban 2 years ago

I think much about this and can say that for me it' s only selfish to have a children. Nobody life is perfect and for many is endless suffering. And when you think of all things which can wait for somebody after dead(it is matter of religion, but many religoin talk about endless suffering after dead, and atheistic view of total annihilation is also terrible) it is even worse. I didn't tell that there isn't some

joy in life but dead wait for everyone. So it's horrible thing to make new humans. Only reason which is practical is fact that in future humans will be able to resurrect dead so we all will be live forever(but it is little hope for this). Of course is selfish, because all reasons for having children are selfish. And how cruel you must be to make new human when you are poor? Parents can't have grievances for children. All traits they children have after them and they choose environment which have impact on them. And they not even wanted to be born! Do you want to take responsibility for possibly miserable life which they can have? Especially when you didn't have enough money to make their life bearable regardless of their condition? And if they fail what will you do? You will dare to accuse them for this? You will abandon them? All they possible actions will be your fault not their! As I said before all trait they have, they have after you, you choose environment where they are raised and live. And first of all you choose for them to be born!


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

I agree with most of what you're saying, Sluban. But what's more cruel and foolish is to create a new life when you (those who want kids) cannot even take care of yourself, especially those who don't eat a healthy diet, who refuse to get proper education (many parents think medicine is the cure for illnesses to the extent of suppressing fever or cough with drugs, let alone antibiotics), etc. Many people, even though they know the risks of having children, say diabetics, they still want to have them. I guess they have children because they can and others are having them so they want to, too. What do you say?


Sluban 2 years ago

Also some people have children when they know that they are genetically loaded. There is many examples when peoples have one genetically ill children and still want more, because they think that next child can be healthy. But all of this is extremum as I say even if you are millionaire your child will not be infinitely happy. And dead is terribly thing regardless of what you believe is after. Annihilation or endless suffering is horrible. So my point is that instead of bringing new humans to this sad fate, we should make already existing humans life less unhappy.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Exactly the main point, Sluban! Adopt! But what most people find difficult to adopt is that they still have an illusion of "my blood" when, to think of it really, our lives are made better, more comfortable, more convenient, etc by people we don't know about -strangers - like road workers, internet guys, cooks, farmers, tailors, etc.

It is also about hoping that their "family" or children can give meaning to their lives. My point is, if they can't find meaning in their own lives, how can they ask for it from others?


junebug 2 years ago

I respect your decision. But why are you so angry? The way you talk about life is sort if cold, analytical and depressing. I had a difficult childhood and there are many times where I feel like life is too painful to bear, but there is also deep joy in life. Life is complex and so are our desires. I don't have children but I plan to. And not for any reason you listed. You're coming down on people who chose to have children like they've done something bad. Who are you to judge why a person decides to give life and whether or not it is valid? Billions of people have done it for billions of years and many have not done it. No one really has to justify to anyone but themselves why they have decided to have children or not. You sound very young.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Junebug: Like you said, life is too painful to bear sometimes so for me it is something to be borne without involving the innocents (unborn children in this regard) unnecessarily and let the joy of life be an experience shared to others who are already around.

We don't need to judge unnecessarily but when one's action affects the greater good of all the creatures of the world (overpopulation certainly affects our environment, all of us and other animals) then I will always have my own opinion about it, others too, I believe.

Billions have done it, yes, but there's not even a million chose not to have children and certainly not for billions of years (humanity is not even that old). To have children these days is a decision that must be thought of considerably.


Anna 2 years ago

Dear Astralrose,

Forgive me if you've already answered this question, but I'm curious: what do you think are good reason for having children. For the record, I totally agree that those reasons don't fully do it for me. I am a preschool teacher and have worked with children for 20 years and have my first child on the way. I know my reasons for having children and that decision was not made lightly. I'm also a firm believer in planned parenthood. What do you think? What's a good reason for having children?

Thanks for your response!


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Hi Anna,

In a world (the only inhabitable planet we have) that is drastically changing due to overpopulation, we, as educated people, might as well save the earth first in order to save us... all of us. And for me, based on personal observation, reading, and thorough contemplation, I daresay, there is no good reason for having children of your own anymore. I don't have anything against children, but if one wants to have children, I would advise adoption. This way he/she is really giving an orphan's life a chance to be better. And the issue here does not only end up in having children but of how to raise children (parenting) because there are so many things involved in this decision -not only on parents' side but on the unborn/born child's view.

There are really only few good parents, most are not. Hopefully, you are one of those few. Thanks for your comment!


WhoCares 2 years ago

This article reminds me of a website where I ended up after googling for best ways to commit suicide :) Only after reading through the entire article, I came to know that the intention was to discourage than to help.

On the current topic, we both believe this world is bad, horrific, horrendous. Not worth living. That life itself is a sentence with no chance for a parole ... And given a choice we both wouldn't want to have another life here. Maybe we are not exactly unhappy right now, still we don't like life that much, do we? :) These ideas might have been shaped by the way we grew up, things we saw and experienced .... Too much thinking and caring too much about others?? Anyway, because of how we see the world, we feel it's a sin to bring a new life here ...

On the contratry, a person who belives this world is beautifull, that life is a bliss, wouldn't think twice before becoming a dad or a mom. Such a person loves life, and would want their children to enjoy and cherish life as well ... For them, all the reasons you listed out would make perfect sense, because of the simple fact that they love life not matter how hard it was on them ...

Makes sense? :)


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

WhoCares, this article is not about life being beautiful or not. It's about common reason why many people want children and my perspective on it.

Life is beautiful, sure, I have no doubt about that, which is why we have to share it with others who are already here and/or to those who are less fortunate to have a better life. But we cannot also deny the fact that life itself has become horrible (can be changed though), and one of the contributing factors of this is overpopulation, which is also why adoption is a better choice instead of creating our own.

And actually, there are many people who believe that the world is beautiful and worth living and choose to preserve it by spreading this beauty to others. And one of the finest ways to preserve is not letting the earth overrun by uncontrolled population growth.


Victor von Doom 2 years ago

Having children is not an irrepresible biological urge in humans. We have consciousness of self and the capacity for thought and people who invoke instinct as a reason for having children are saying we are in no way above animals.

It doesn't take a genius to look around and see life comes with very few guarantees and few comforts for the most of us, but the predominant way of thinking is the "limitless growth" model borrowed from capitalism. Individuals think that their personal choices will not affect anyone but them and that there is always room for their children in the world, especially if they are rich. But there is nothing limitless about our planet. Its resources are finite and running low. How can someone, in good consciousness, look at pictures of hundreds of starving children from empoverished areas and then still say "yeah, I wanna have 6 kids!"?

I find that celebrities should use their fame and influence to do good and to promote the idea that having children is not something that should be done lightly, but it feels as though celebrities are even more rotten than the rest of us. They pour out children with several different spouses, exposing them to the angst of broken families, step-parents, isolation, financial and legal issues... And people who don't know better say: "But look, my favourite actor has three children, I will have just as many or more!"

Also, when you have more money than you and your family can spend in a lifetime, WHY are you not adopting children, instead of just crowding the world more?


Storm 2 years ago

I can't help but feel saddened by this post. You state reasons for people wanting children and then criticise those who do calling them selfish. Your comments are angry whenever anyone voices another point of view. I can understand why you get sick of being asked the question, as a society we are slowly moving away from our mapped out futures (marriage, children) but there is still a very long way to go and I too get frustrated when people fail to understand that I just don't want children.

I don't want them, I have never wanted them. That is my choice. But I would never criticise someone for choosing to have a child.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

@Victor von Doom,

Why are people not adopting children? As I see it, it has something to do with social conformity that is part of a culture one grows up with and only few choose to be different...

And like you said, many who have money think that money is all there is to raise children so they procreate more and, in the meantime, donating portion to some charities and they really think and believe they are being responsible for doing so.

@Storm,

Anyone who has read this post can interpret it the way he/she can.

People want to have children, of course they can and and I would be the first one to say there is nothing wrong with it, but creating children of "your own" is no longer necessary. Adopt if you want. It's a suggestion... and also a personal opinion, that if one takes the seriousness of its impact may as well consider it, for obvious reason -overpopulation.

And, we might as well save what is left with our society, otherwise, there will be no future to map out. Or else, it would become like what has happened when elks grew in great number (because of predator absence) at Yellowstone National Park -imbalance has lead to the collapse of the entire ecosystem. The same is what's happening among humans.

There are actually many people who don't want children for different reasons altogether.


TRUTH 2 years ago

Do any of you realize that most people don't have the depth of soul to even consider/ care about the results of their actions. 98% of americans could care less about what effect having kids has on the happiness and health of other people or the planet. As another example look at SUV ownership. They hog the road (blind & bully other vehicles) suck gas, and pollute more. But why do people have them? Because they could care less how it effects others as long as it fulfills their selfish (and stupid) needs. Why do I think people have children? Knowing the lovelessness of the times we're in, I think it mainly is because if they didn't have kids they would shoot themselves in the head asking " What am I living for. I have money but no real joy or love. maybe having kids will give it to me." Also I think a lot of it has to do with copying other people and keeping up with them. Peoples lives in America seem to be: 1) go to school so you can be rich 2) Find most attractive partner you can purchase lol (women - rich man man - beautiful woman ) 3) make TONS of money, keep up with the Joneses and never be satisfied 4) have kids to prove their great (ego) 5) retire very rich 6) die. Relationships between people are based on needs being fulfilled. They are phony, selfish, conditional and dry ice cold people just acting a part.


Son 2 years ago

I agree with truth. And I agree with astralrose. Have children so you can feel complete, then the child has to endure lifelong after you are dead.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

@Truth: People have children for various reasons such as the ones I have mentioned in this article. Some people don't want children for unacceptable and improper reasons altogether such as children are noisy, filthy, take so much of one's time and money, etc.

Our actions affect other people, animals -which have equal rights to inhabit this earth, by the way, and the environment directly and indirectly... and I agree with you.

@Son: I've heard "have children to feel complete" many times and it's one of those "ABOUT YOU" reasons why people have children because we are talking about the person's (one who wants children) so called "completeness" here and 'not' of the (un)born children's completeness. (What if parents' completeness is the child's emptiness? Anyone thinks about the unborn child?)


Telo 2 years ago

Alas, it often seems as if it is because the parent-to-be wants a "mini-me." Someone who will reflect the parent's looks, abilities etc back to the parent.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Telo, Alas indeed for I have met and talked to many with the same reason as you mentioned.


Dee Kay 2 years ago

Great, great post. My husband and I want to do a million other things with our lives, our time, and our love for one another, besides having kids. That's why we don't have any!!!!


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Precisely, Dee Kay! Twenty-four hours is all we got and definitely it can be spent doing so many things besides populating the already overpopulated earth. And it feels great to know that slowly many are realizing that.


Leftyfromnyc 2 years ago

AstralRose- are you based in India? I am Indian also but immigrated to the USA for college. I think your perspective is very interesting and I whole heartedly agree. Growing up in India, over population had (and still is) been a problem and has drained the country's resources. Even as a child, I always questioned whether I wanted to have children of my own, because I saw so many beggars living on the street and so much poverty and so many smart people but without the resources to be successful. I used to ask my parents why they didn't just get a child from an orphanage and why they chose to contribute to overpopulation :) I don't judge people who want to have children I just urge them to truly think of why they want children and after clearing all the "noise" it boils down to peer pressure and trying to conform to society. No woman wants to be judged for not wanting children (for some reason people think it's selfish for a woman to not want to be a mother- the argument doesn't even make sense)so they go along with it. Quite frankly, it takes a lot of guts and courage to question the way things have always been for "billions of years" as I read in a previous post. Even for a strong person like myself, I worry sometimes about how I will be perceived for not wanting to have children of my own- it seems to be completely unfathomable to others. But that's a stupid reason to bring a new life into the world. :) here in the states even educated people just do it blindly because they have no idea what the rest of the world looks like and also, if you want to have a child, the cheapest way is to do it on your own. Adoption is a lengthy process and costs $20-30000 which is way more than what the average American has in their savings (somewhere in the range of $600). There are many factors in play here, really. Education and empowerment of women is where it needs to start as well.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Leftyfromnyc, Yes! My husband is an Indian. Well, there are many contributing factors as to why people have and want to have children. To name a few, there is parents want them to, friends are having children so I must have too, overall the society tends to promote having children (taxation, maternity leave and other benefits of having children), plus there is the pressure from religion among other reasons. When you ask someone why he/she has children you'll pretty get various reasons for it.

But for me, as I contemplate about it, it's because our sense of "family" is too limited to embody others. We don't view other people outside our so called "biological connection" or outside our friend circle as our family which is why we create children of "our own genes" without realizing that our lives are made comfortable by different people of different genes, most people even throw mixed garbage into the river without a thought of its impact on us and other creatures. It's the disconnect that most of us have towards our environment, towards other people, and towards other creatures that we share this home with.

Money wise, having a child of your own may sound cheap but when we look at the bigger picture creating another mouth to feed seems to be much more expensive than adopting a homeless child who is already born.

And yeah, education, awareness, maturity are required to save our planet from over-population.


jesica 2 years ago

I personally believe, people have children to give a meaning to their lives...


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Jesica,

You mean the lives of those who don't have children, such as those who wanted but couldn't and those who chose not to have, don't have meaning at all?


Now what..? 2 years ago

I can see everyone's p.o.v. In my opinion, people may not adopt due to cost, the lengthy process, and judgement. People judge everyone, everything, and themselves; like it or not that's the world we live in. Skin color, status, appearance especially appearance. Bi-racial /religious/ and Gay families are just 3 types judged (for the most part) from society, and they all chose to start their families with the love they have for each other. What makes you think ppl will choose not to have kids of their own so they can adopt someone elses? Most times than not these kids are kids not babies. They're broken, cold hearted, lost. It's not fair for passionate happy couples to be judged for wanting to start their own loving family, regardless of the reason. It's not their responsibility to pick up after two careless people who didn't give a crap about the baby they had..... But let's say everyone decided to adopt instead of creating their own... Either scumbags would keep popping them out and handing them off; or we would be endangered bc as someone suggested we only adopt. Well, after every child has been adopted they're raised and become adults, and coming from you, you believe that's all that's to it. Well who is left to adopt? Who starts to repopulate? This is our world, start the change (meaning you adopt) or just hope others will....


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Extinction, Now what? That doesn't apply to humans! It applies to Pandas and other animals that are on the edge of going extinct! If they don't breed, they would certainly go extinct. If humans keep on breeding, on the other hand, they will definitely eliminate themselves in the process! It may sound paradoxical to your understanding but that is the truth so better get used to it!


Tonio 2 years ago

There's no logic for having children. It's something that people do automatically. You can theorize that on the whole, this ensures the survival of the species. But when it comes down to individual choices, there's no logic. It's instinct. Things like carrying the family name are just made up reasons so that the logical mind can find an answer that it can relate to. Of course on closer inspection, why would the family name need to be carried on? There's no real reason. This just shows that the world we live in is absurd, and even we don't know why we're doing things. The ultimate question is why do we even exist and carry on every day doing our things that we do every day. If you look at it, there's no real reason. Where do thoughts comes from? Well, I want to have a child because I had a thought that I want to have a child. It's weird and spooky. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!!


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

@Tonio. Not really automatically because not everyone can have children. The thought that you want a child is governed by biology and culture, it is all around us (look at nature for example) so it isn't weird and spooky at all. Whether or not to have a child is more of moral/ethical question that has to be adressed thoughtfully considering there is a third party involved here-the child.


Dani 2 years ago

When I was 18 my father left my unemployed mother with my sister ,13 and brother ,8 saying - "You will all starve to death".I had to learn during the day and work at night to support my family , couldn't afford books , computer and often food.My mother couldn't find any job ( still unemployed after 15years) .I set my live target to help my brother and sister - which I have achieved, my life was sacrifice everyday and hard work.I wish I was never born.

Go to hell all you mothers and fathers - neither of you has helped me,you care only about your own kids.

If you can't afford kids - don't have them or at least have courage to kill them.(yes, you do a favour them).


HarvardGirl 2 years ago

I wish your parents would have read your article and decided not to have you. What are you doing for the world apart from writing unsubstantial articles?

Overpopulation? The earth will take care of itself and wipe the human race off. Please ask for more detail, because unlike you, I have done many years of scientific research.

What "creatures of the world" will be left if everyone stops reproducing?

What society will be left if everyone stops reproducing this instance?

I would never respond to articles like these, but this just pissed me off to say the least. I apologize for my uncharacteristic unprofessionalism.

Good day.


Alex 2 years ago

Kids are not for everyone.

I refuse to have children because I have nothing to offer them.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

@Dani, your experience is something to learn from and it's great that you used it to better your life.

@Harvardgirl, I would have asked further details from you but it seems that, based on what you wrote, you failed to qualify as a research consultant regarding this matter so I'll stick to writing "unsubstantial articles" and keep pissing off people by writing the exact opposite of what they tend to believe or care to understand.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Alex, even if someone has something to offer to children, he/she has to evaluate the quality of this offer. Even when a person decides to adopt, similar questions need to be addressed.


HarvardGirl 2 years ago

I am a geoscientist, so your argument is invalid. I understand overpopulation a little better than hippie bloggers that think they are saving the world. If you cared to understand, you would know what is actually going on in the world.

Keep living your life THINKING you are doing the right thing.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

Harvardgirl- Just care to " read" the entire article and don't insult your profession! And how in the world being a geoscientist invalidates others' argument is beyond understanding.

The way you talk about "overpopulation" invalidates whatever "better" understanding you have of it. And if you cared you would have understood that it was because of your so called "hippies" that people like you can say whatever they want and get away with it.

Long live free speech! And good luck to you!


Rodrigo Villanueva 2 years ago

I really don't know if i want children. I don't know if i want to be a father and i still simply don't understand why people have children. I'm actually going to ask my mom why she had me. I'm 18 and i simply don't know. My girlfriend says she wants a child but I'm like eh... idk lol


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 2 years ago from India Author

@Rodrigo...it's a question that you have to answer sooner or later. And it's also a very important issue that you and your girlfriend have to address and discuss thoroughly. The most important is what do YOU want and "not" what others want.


shalini 24 months ago

Oh my god!! I am just like u.. I really don't want any kids of my own.. i am married for 3 years and my inlaws are behind me asking for their grand kid. when i told them i am not gonna have kids, they thought that may be i can not have a kid and expressed their cheap thinking in front of many.. i don't give a rats ass for their thinking and i don't want to convince them saying i can have a kid or i don't want to prove that i can have kids.. i think its just so cheap to think like that.. but their thought is not gonna kill my decision of not having kids. i am really happy i found this article.. you are a very good writer


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 24 months ago from India Author

Shalini-it's good to know you stand for what you want in life and don't try to please anybody. Also, people will always have something positive or negative say about you but you don't live for them...you live for own self.

It's a pleasure knowing that this article has made you happy!


shalini 24 months ago

Can i ask u why you decided not to have kids? and what are the negative reactions from people when you told them u r not gonna have one? how did/do u overcome it? i really wanna know.. it helps me to get ready for the future..


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 24 months ago from India Author

Overpopulation, I don't want to contribute to it. There is also a question of what kind of life my unborn children would be and as I contemplate about it, it's not worth it. Some people think it's all about money...when you have money you must have children. Another question of why only have kids when I can have animal friends? It's quite a list but the most important thing to me is I just couldn't find a logical and ethical reason why should I even have one.

Reactions? Plenty of them I suppose. My mother herself told me that I'll regret my decision and who will take care of me when I get old...as if old means sick or needs taking care of. Some insist to have at least one. Some, they only know...most negative impression one can think of, which I am least bothered.

Message me if you want further chat.


shalini 24 months ago

Thanks for the reply.. how r u so cool when people keep on asking u? i mean i am undergoing same consequences and i try to explain them why i don't need kids.. but they don't seem to understand. then i will get all mad and red and discussions turns to something more like a debate and always ends up in misunderstanding and i feel not to talk to them again. I am in United States and i stopped calling almost all relatives just because of this one annoying question they ask me every time. oh my god!! sometimes i feel i never want to go back to India,they make me feel guilty for something i didn't do.. leave ur mail id in next reply so i can chat with u.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 24 months ago from India Author

People who want to understand will find a way to inquire further, other than that, they will never be. Sometimes, when they insist on having at least one I just reply "you have done enough multiplying" (so long that I know that they have kids)

Anyway, just go through my profile, then fan mail...just above it there's an option to email me. We'll talk there!


ignaciaivy 23 months ago

From your comments, I guess you don't live in a place where low fertility is a concern. You're talking as if not having children is a benefit to the population, but it's not the same for every country. But I agree with your article - very accurate, for me at least :).


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 23 months ago from India Author

Ignaciaivy-Population problem is a global problem! Some countries have lower fertility rate than others due to many contributing factors. If a country with low fertility rate wants more people, it can encourage immigration instead.

Fewer humans would certainly benefit "everyone and other creatures" in this world in a much better way. Don't you think so?


ignaciaivy 23 months ago

Yet everyone isn't affected - at least, not now. The fact of the matter is that people are living longer than before. In the future, will there be enough of the working population to put up with this strain? They don't need just people, they need more children.

And what do you suppose should be done to reduce the overall population? Restrict people from having children? What about the poverty-stricken families who feel that they 'need' to have more children? Or haven't been educated about contraceptives? There's a reason why more economically developed countries tend to have a lower birth rate.

Sure, fewer people would be beneficial, but is there a way to do it?


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 23 months ago from India Author

The future will take care of itself...with or without enough people to do it. If we don't control population and resource consumption right now, there won't be any future for all of us...

Education! Not force or restriction. Educate more people, not only people from developing countries but also people from developed countries! Offer other possibilities and opportunities in life other than having children.

Don't have children...or adopt! One of the best ways!


Monica 23 months ago

I love this blog post! My husband and I have been thinking along the same lines. It's frustrating that we haven't even been married a year yet and we are getting the kid question! At this point we just want to be married and enjoy our relationship before even considering whether we want to bring in a little one, biological or adopted. If we remain kid free the rest of our lives, I'd still be happy regardless.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 23 months ago from India Author

Thanks, Monica! It's always advisable to evaluate what we really wanted in life and not something that others want. Happiness, after all, cannot be due to others. We have to be happy ourselves before we can give happiness to others, especially being alone!


Nuraiza 21 months ago

I want to love and to be loved. Aren't we grateful that our parents decided to have us?


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 21 months ago from India Author

Nuraiza-That's how we should live our lives...to love and be loved but that doesn't mean we need to create a new life to have someone to love and to love us back!


Sawuh profile image

Sawuh 21 months ago

I don't even know why I typed "why do people like to have kids" on Google, but I somehow stumbled upon this page expecting 10 positive reasons about having children, but instead, I found something even better. It's great to see that there are others who feel the same way about having children. My SO and I are only 17, but during a random conversation about the future, we both agreed that having children is unreasonable when there are already so many existing children that don't have families.

However, I would like to see how you would respond to this reason that my sister said for why some women want to have children: "It reduces your risk of cancer."


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 21 months ago from India Author

Hi Sawuh, there are, surprisingly, so many people, men and women alike, who don't want to have children for so many reasons. One of which is they dislike or hate children, which is not in my case. Anyway, it's great of you to realize the irrational aspect of bringing a new life when there are already so many out there who definitely want to have a home.

To answer your sister's statement, I'd rather say...

1. Having children may reduce cancer risks (that too, only certain types), but so is living a healthy diet and lifestyle.

2. Having a child to reduce YOUR risk of cancer is, again, about YOURSELF and not about THE child. When are you going to stop considering yourself and start considering others?

3. There are better ways to reduce or prevent cancers.

4. Having children does not guarantee you not to develop cancers. Though it could reduce your risk of cancer, your children will definitely face a lot of risks in life. So to reduce or eliminate risks altogether, don't have children!

5. Celibate people like nuns have lower rate of cervical cancer. You can check up yourself.

Hope these answers help!


Kiah 21 months ago

In your opinion what would be a good reason to have a child?

There is no scenario where the unborn/future child has any type of say in their coming into the world. If I want to have a child it's because I want to be a mother. Is that selfish? I wouldn't stop and think, "Hmm would my future baby want to be born? Would he or she want me to be their mother?" I can only hope that they enjoy the life I am able to provide for them.

This article shuts down many reasons people give for wanting to have kids as if those reasons are stupid. I don't think those reasons are bad reasons. What's wrong with wanting someone to look after you when you're old? It may not end up happening but what's wrong in hoping that is that case?

I strongly believe that not everyone needs to have kids. If you know you don't want to be a mother or a father, please don't be one. I also think that sometimes it's hard to give a concrete reason as to why you do want to have a child but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have one. As long as you have enough love to give a child and are able to provide a stable home then you don't need a reason to have one if that's what you want.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 21 months ago from India Author

Kiah -There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother. What's wrong is when you create a new life when there are so many out there who are motherless, even homeless. Adopt one, instead!

Many bring children into this world without even understanding the real meaning of mother/father/parent! Because if they have understood, they would have kn own that having children is immoral and if they really love their children it's best not to have them born.


Kiah 21 months ago

@Astralrose ...Having children is immoral?? If they really love their children it's best not to have them?? You are obviously following some crazy doctrine...

-_-

Have fun with that.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 21 months ago from India Author

Kiah-

“In a mad world, only the mad are sane.”

― Akira Kurosawa

I surely have fun...and I am not alone!


jason 20 months ago

how bout the financial burden? kids aren't cheap. its damn near hard enough to balance out my own life w/out having to support someone else. in my head if I can't give the child everything it needs & then some... then I am robbing it of a fruitful life. I don't want it to have to struggle to over-come. sure that sounds like a good thing. but id much rather go the route of knowing what they have, & learning how to get that for themselves & more.


Shrikant 19 months ago

Very helpful...

Thanks for such great post.


Monalisa 19 months ago

Hello Astralrose, Glad to have bumped onto this topic while doing some research for human beings' need to procreate. I have not gone through all the comments but I can see from your comments that you think somewhat like me on this topic. It is a pity that most people do not realize that having children is indeed an act of selfishness and human weakness. The moment adults realize this, they will think twice before indulging in the act and then justifying it to protect their ego. Once they realize this, at least they will respect and care for the innocent kids with all dedication rather than imposing their own weaknesses and expectations on those sweet bundles of joy. I face a lot of heat from the society for sharing similar views on kids and marriage, but I am glad you think this way and some others (as posted here) do too. I had published a book which has two chapters on having kids and marriage along these lines some time back. For those interested, please take a look...the title is: We Are, Therefore We Need To Think


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 19 months ago from India Author

Hi Monalisa, something that is opposite to what is regarded as "normal" by the masses will always receive such heat because they are suddenly confronted with an idea that might make them to change so resistance is strong. Gonna look up your book!


grsj 19 months ago

There wouldn't be a problem of overpopulation if we could resolve a certain human affliction: GREED. It is the riches desire for more that creates over consumption of resources, clearing natural rainforests for cattle, drilling for oil in the article, mining for rare metals for the newest gadgets, ivory trinkets. We are on the cusp of an environmental disaster if we cannot balance human greed with nature.

So why have children?...HOPE.

I was born during the Cold War (what were my parents thinking?) we could have now been living in a nuclear holocaust. People have children during war, famine and even nuclear fallout because HOPE springs ever eternal.

Life is resilient, wars end, wounds heal and human ingenuity has pioneered advancements in farming pesticides in the 1950s which allowed the global population to grow from 2 billion to 7 billion in a few short decades. Will we survive the next challenge and what are the casualties?

Parents have a RESPONSIBILITY to make the whole world better for their offspring. Not simply their little selfish bubble. Parents should go to their deaths thinking the world is a better place as a whole which their bloodline will benefit.

Child free have a choice, to affect positive change to which they have no invested obligation but for their own selflessness (I.e. George Clooney and Amal) or not and can be guilt free about it.

I will not have children as my HOPE is small, so in either the dystopian or utopian future, my dead ears will not hear the cries or laughter of tomorrow's children.


nayha 17 months ago

I really like it,and I m just like u,I dont want any children of my own...,ur thinking and writing is too good..


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 16 months ago from India Author

Hi grsj, capitalism has brought so much greed and inequality among us. The progress that it has called is actually a destruction in every way. This system offers nothing but a best life for selected few.

Hope, hope is something that drives people to go on but then when the situation right now blurs a clear picture if tomorrow, cchildren are best unborn.


Astralrose profile image

Astralrose 16 months ago from India Author

Nayha, thank you for choosing not to breed. Life offers so many life-changing experiences that don't include contribution to human population growth and resource consumption.

Please, do talk to others andd educate them whenever possible. :-)


blahdiblahdiblah 14 months ago

I totally agree.

The newborn child would have to suffer for the rest of his/her life all for the selfish benefits to the parents. Parents just want a complete family, someone to carry on the family name, and someone to look after them when they grow old. These things, are all things that parents can do well without. Couples don’t need children or a complete family to survive. What if you were that unborn child? Is having a complete family worth all that suffering of the new life? You want someone to carry on the family name. Do something great, love others, be fantastic and you’ll be well known by all. Albert Einstein’s name is not well known through being passed down by children! You want someone to look after you when you grow old. Just make good friends and be a good friend so that they’ll stick with you forever if your husband dies before you. Save up for a retirement village! Have you ever thought that perhaps your children might not actually look after you when you grow old? Finally, parents selfishly use their children to give them happiness. Children do not necessarily give happiness, and besides, there are many other ways of finding happiness, for example adopting a dog. Bring a new life into this world is not going to solve your problems. Stop being selfish!


Nur 14 months ago

You are a genius. Loved this bolg


SMOKEU 14 months ago

I couldn't agree more with you! I've been thinking exactly the same thing for a long time.


Yourface 13 months ago

Not a baby-hater, this person just hates breeders. This person must be pretty miserable if they assume that any child born to loving parents would be resent their parents for bringing them into the world.... I don't want children. It's because I love freedom. Sweet freedom. How's that for selfish? Also, I am so not taking care of someone else's mistake. Anyway, how about rather than chastising people who can actually offer the children they have a good life, you chastise the people who can't?


Candan 13 months ago

Almost everybody want to breed. Very small number of people are childless. The reasons list can be continued. To be a mother, to have a hope etc etc.. You can do all of these things without being birth to a child. You can be the mother of a puppy, you can create hopes in your own life. Why do you use a kid in order to build hope? Isn't it selfish?

If you want kid, why don't you adopt a child? A parentless kid is the one who needs you more than an unborn child.


Don 13 months ago

I always knew I didn't want children and I resisted and resisted. I married a woman who professed she didn't want to have children either, but as it were, she changed her mind later in life. I eventually relented and it's been the biggest mistake of my life. I love my son, but I cannot hide the fact that I never wanted him. It's the worst feeling in the world. It's like being chained to a job that you abhor, but you can never quit and it's a 24 hour a day job. If you want children, great. Just don't push it on others.


Mother of one 13 months ago

I found this article while looking for reasons to justify my not wanting a second child. The author of this blog has some serious convictions about reproduction, but in my limited thinking, these are misguided. If over population was really a concern, the author would be researching ways to manage the population instead of engaging a bunch of people that are as clueless on the topic as she is. Kill yourself and your husband for a start, that will bring down the population by two. Before that though, maybe write a blog post highlighting the advantages of suicide with population reduction being your main focus.


Am 12 months ago

Having a kid, getting married, making friends are all deliberate choices that you make. Your memories, personality, instinct contribute to choices you make. Its hard to explain why i had kids. Especially the first one. It was probably combination of social norm, urge for taking care of someone and loving kids in general. Second kid because first kid is so awesome. Didnt dare for third one because I cant afford to have one more.

Because of my kids I am more responsible and aware. I feel like a new person, more mission oriented. Reasons for having kids are selfish mostly but raising them are selfless. I want to do everything in my capacity that my kids are 10X better than me in all aspects.

Everyones brains work differently. You might be worried about overpopulation (which is great) but most people think simpler which is al-right too.

Same reason why some people like coke and some people like pepsi and others like something completely different.


Mel 11 months ago

I agree with this post 100%. It seems like having children is just something you're supposed to do and everyone says congratulations when you have a child without knowing what kind of parent you're even going to be. There have been millions of parents that should have never had kids and their kids did not turn out okay and the cycle continues. It's important to understand, if you're thinking about having kids, why is it important that you bring them into this world and who are you going to teach them to be. Furthermore, having kids is a life long commitment. It's not like picking up a new hobby and once you're bored with it, you can start a new one. They are with you for life.

I think in today's times people right now shouldn't even have kids, they should adopt. It's funny when people say an animal is becoming overpopulated, because we are the most overpopulated species. I think what the author of this article means is by not having kids we create a better existence for our current generation, because everything is less crowded. Think about supply and demand. The more people multiple, the more demand there is for everything and eventually supplies will be limited. Example: Starving and homeless people. Some people have enough money to raise kids or to buy materialistic things they don't need, but they don't really want them and have them anyway. Why not use the money and/or time to take care of people that already exist such as starving and homeless people?


Kaela 11 months ago

The only counterargument that didn't make sense was the "Existence" argument.

What if your child didn't want to be alive?

- Well, there is assisted suicide in some countries so that is already taken care of. And apart from that most people who do not want to live suffer from mental disorders caused by (mostly) poor childhood experiences.

What if your child doesn't find joy in life?

-- Most healthy individuals enjoy life. Claiming that the chances of a person will not be happy with life is so high that people should give up having children altogether, works against you, as if saying that your life itself is miserable. Are you miserable? Do you wish you weren't alive? No? Ok, so with that being said, why do you think that this argument works for others who aren't born yet, when most people born are happy to be born?

To its credit, the only way this argument does work is when the general world (or your population specifically) is suffering from a major crises that is dramatically taking away the quality of life. Maybe that's war and militarization, genocide, corrupted and oppressive government, starvation, destitution, ect.

Admittedly, judging from the impending water and food shortages, resource depletion, super-bug viruses/disease outbreaks and Climate Change, it would seem very selfish to have children during these times or afterwards as they will be in the middle of these problems throughout their lifetimes. HOWEVER, if we fixed these issues and create a mostly utopian world with a overall global high life-satisfaction rate, I don't see the problem with people choosing to let other people experience the world.


MidwestLiberalDude 11 months ago

Okay. I'm a liberal 28 year old from Cincinnati, Ohio. Honestly though, people that think such as this hubs author scare me. They scare me almost as much as the dude beating on my door trying to shove his bible in my door. They scare me as much or more than Trump.

Why?

Because their ideas are just as dangerous as conservative ideas. Most of the people who carry one similar opinions to the hubs writer I tend to label the uber-liberals... People who hug trees, refuse vaccines, think the world is ending tomorrow (sound like a certain group of conservatives?), and in general have a hatred toward humanity in general.

I also find it odd that they have their opinion, and expect others to be forced to buy into as well. Much like the conservatives do. Kids = bad, and if you have a problem with it, I'll argue the point to no end until you also think kids = bad. It's the same tactic used by conservatives to achieve their world domination, and both are scary.

Here's an idea from one liberal to another: People will have their own ideas of what they want in life. Some people want kids, and I'm certainly thankful my parents had me - because I have a wonderful life. Just because you think the world is ending soon and we're all doomed, does not mean its going to happen - any more than the rapture happened. Just because you think all kids are bratty and serve no purpose in life, does not mean that smart kids will not be born that will break the mold and save the world. Just because you like a child-free lifestyle, does not mean it applies to everyone in the world.

Do I want kids? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm certainly not letting someone of my age group make that decision for me. That is one of the major problems with my generation - we think because we made it into our 20's and went to college for a few years, we know whats wrong with the world and how to fix it.


Lily 10 months ago

Thank you for this article. I am in my late 20s and friends are popping out babies year after year. I am the only who does not want to have kids and not one of them can understand this. That being said, I question their decision to have kids especially when some of them are not even 'stable' individuals to begin with.


Baboo 10 months ago

You are seriously an idiot! It doesn't matter if you don't care about anything or having children etc... that is the way of life and the only way forward. The fact that you don't care cancels you out completely. Your opinion does not matter in the great scheme of things and you will fade away. Please, keep doing what you are doing etc... it does not matter in any way at all.


Erica 9 months ago

I like almost every one of your points... except for number 4 ("It's human nature") and number 9 ("bloodline"). For logistical reasons in number 4, it would be unfeasible to have more than a few children for most people due to a limited number of resources; wouldn't that be instinct at least partially, deciding when having another child would consume more resources than what are being supplied? It also implies that it is the sole purpose of humanity to procreate, which I think is kind of nihilistic and silly, since self actualization wouldn't have occurred if a higher purpose wasn't what we sought after at some point.

As for number 9, the term "bloodline" clearly refers to the passing off of genetics from parent to child... I think you reached a little to far with that one, and it was illogical and erroneous to say, "well, if you donate blood, that means you should be family, right?". I mean, come on now... lmao, that was kind of dumb to be honest.


Emily 8 months ago

I really enjoyed this article, thank you for writing it! One of the reasons why I enjoyed it so thoroughly is how well-spoken you seem to be and how well you argue your beliefs on this idea, especially in your replies to comments. I agree with your thoughts. However, that should not matter anyway because each of us is entitled to our own thoughts and opinions, so none of us should have to justify why we do or do not have children; it is a personal choice.

Thanks again for this amazing article!


Carmelita 6 months ago

I used to have this kind of mentality which is I don't want to have children no matter how much I love children, ironic isn't it? I am a firm believer in planned parenthood but I think unborn child shouldn't have a taste of this world we lived in-full of sufferings and destruction. However, I met someone who has the opposite views about procreate and I'm slowly open up to the idea of parenthood. When I see people with child-less mindset, I would be like "Heh, that was me. I know what that feels like" because I'm a changed person. Love is a powerful thing, I tell you. Its nothing wrong with people who choose to not have children but its nothing wrong either to have children on their own. Sometimes we shouldn't let fear take control of our lives and not be too materialistic. In life, relationships with people should be our main happiness and it is kind of our obligations as human to make this world a better place which is giving the world more good people-our own children. People are too scared to fail as a parent and that is why they decide to be child less. You see, we have to be positive about parenthood and see the beautiful side of it. We need to believe in ourselves that we CAN do it. Children supposed to be a blessings not a burden. Yes its true, some parts of the world is not pretty but NOT ALL OF IT. It seems like you are too focused on the bad part of the world and the issues we're dealing with and that its not a good outlook to have-just saying. All I want to say that, whatever is our decision, its all up to us to live the life in a way that makes us happy and if people have a problem with it-don't respond, just keep living your life sweetheart because most people don't really care, there are so much going on in their own lives so don't let their words affect you. Heck, don't even take it personally if they don't know you at the first place. Always be happy, with children or not. As for me, I want to be a mother no matter how much struggle I would go through but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. TRUE THAT! I am 20 btw :)


Rugrat@ 6 months ago

Your article is well written, the way I see it, people that call you selfish are the very ones that are selfish, Midwest Liberal sounds like one of those "you're not the boss of me!" kind of people (in spite of their advisor being more intelligent than them). Don't mind people like that, because what most people overlook is the fact that their progeny may not want to be in the world. But the very fact that people have children is evidence enough of procreation being a selfish choice as there is no way of knowing if those children want to be born.

I wish you well, continue to do good for others and live your life to the fullest!

I take it you're a Christian (seeing the reference you made to Christ)

God be with you and may He bless you.


Elz666 5 months ago

I like your article, however in order for human kind to operate in the way that you described it. Other steps need to be taken, encouraging people not to have their own kids is not the solution. Instead contraception should be available without a medical prescription for starters. It takes several years for a pharmacist to be qualified, they should be licenced to issue contraceptives without a medical script . Why should people adopt other people's children when they could have prevented the pregnancy in the first place. And let's get real no one likes condoms. People prefer to have their own children because they can determine the genetic line and can cater for it in future. Adopting a child or an orphan poses risks, some people can accept those risks others may not. You also have no idea what state the mother was in while she was pregnant, she might have been on drugs for all you know, this will have an extensive effect on the child's brain functionality, are these people ready for such challenges. I think adoption is great but you need to know what you get yourself into. Therefore human kind should focus on different aspects, when making this important decision.


Ophelia 5 months ago

Whether these reasons are true or not, the fact is young people around me all got married and had children, but I didn't, so I do feel a little left out. I do remember times when I've said, I wished I hadn't been born, and I feel guilty and bad for having done so, to my now late mother. I've had some awful things happen to me in life, as well as wonderment. Spiritually, however, I believe my spirit chose to be here for a reason. I haven't had any children myself.


Cel 4 months ago

I am a Christian and Ilove my religion and my God. So what will be yourdefend if people around you encourage you to populate because the bible said so? What isthe best way to save youself from being called sinner by denying the wordof God in the bible? What if it is true God judgement is there waiting for the after life, and would you risk being thrown to hell for you belief in helping others and creating better world by denying God's word? Asit is also written in the bible the prophecy of the world, sufferings etc. is inevitable as a mean to select God's people. Now I am confused...


Max 3 months ago

The problem I have with this article and the ensuing comments is that the author thinks there is ABSOLUTELY no reason for any more childbirth, even if childbirth were moderated or placed in proper control. For instance, I plan to have only child of mine, then I will adopt one or two others.

One could make a similar argument that there is no reason to get married either, because getting married is for selfish reasons and everyone could simply live devoid of marriage. As much as this is sensible and accurate for some people, it is not a general picture which must be forced on everyone. However, for those who choose to get married, they should do it the right and effective way, or not at all. This is sensible.

However the author's rigid and extreme perspective constitutes a ridiculous worldview, and it detracts from the quality of the arguments in the rest of the article. Otherwise the article is well written and has strong points.


Small 7 weeks ago

This Article is likely long dead now, but all I can see as the primary reason you give for not having children is overpopulation and how adoption is a better path.

So realistically if you truly believe that, maybe adopt yourself? Practice the choice your urging others to make, but will you? Or would you rather live a child free life or willingly sacrifice parts of it to make an orphans life better?

Unless you are willing to sacrifice your personal freedom to follow your own ideal how can you respectfully tell others what to do.


Rootle 6 weeks ago

@Small

It is those who want to raise a human that are ethically compelled to adopt, not those who don't. The author likely has all manner of causes and interests she would rather pursue. Again, only those who want to give up their "personal freedom" should help those who are already here and in need of a home.

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