Attracting the Right Kind of Mom Friend
Side Note: If you're reading this and you're pregnant with your first child, please don't be frightened. I'm just being as real as I can be!
Here's the thing about motherhood, in my perspective of course, it can be a royal pain in the a**! As soon as your little bundle of joy pops out, you feel like you're more of a woman than ever before and you feel INVINCIBLE. But guess what, this little baby isn't plastic, like all of the dolls you used to play with as a little girl. This sweet, adorable, tiny toes and fingers, little baby is going to scream. And when I say scream... I mean, murderous bursts of high pitched sounds that will fly out of your baby's tiny mouth at 3:00 in the morning. This wonderful, precious, soft-bottomed, cooing baby is eventually going to release an abundance of waste and it's going to stink like hell. I mean, it's going to smell like someone burst into your home with a loaded water gun. Only it's not going to be filled with water. It's going to be filled with this greenish-yellowish goo that smells like a year's worth of rotten eggs and it's going to fume the entire house for a good 10 minutes.
On top of adjusting to the #MommyLife, you're going to lose track of time. You'll be overly exhausted day in and day out. You're going to wish you had stayed home more when you were younger, instead of going out late with your 'friends' and drinking yourself stupid. You're going to count down the minutes until your significant other comes home, just so that you can take a 10 minute shower. I know you're going to want 30 minutes, but that's not realistic. You're going to want to clean the house, while your tiny human sleeps. This always makes me laugh because your baby knows when you're about to do something productive. And they're going to do everything in their power to prevent you from doing it!
I know it sounds like I don't appreciate motherhood or that I don't see the joys of motherhood. Trust me, I do! All my 3 year old has to do is trace a number with his pencil and I start bawling like big baby. All the while, he is staring at me like I am a crazy person. Motherhood has it's ups and downs, but it wouldn't be complete if we didn't have a mom friend to share it with.
"I can honestly say that I have only a handful of mom friends and I couldn't be happier!"
After you have a baby, no one tells how hard it can be to make the right mom friends. You go online, check out Mom Groups, consider setting up play-dates with their children, and convince yourself that you and your child are going to have a TON of friends. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier as your baby gets older, but it actually doesn't. At this point, you've tried socializing with numerous Mom Groups and tried to create some sort of connection with another mom. But it's HARD!!!
You don't realize how many types of groups there actually are: Breastfeeding Moms, Bottle-Feeding Moms, Moms Who Work, Stay-At-Home Moms, Workout Moms, Moms With One Child, Moms With Two, and it just keeps going... Before you know it, you feel like you're walking into your high school cafeteria, looking for a place to sit down. Each mom group is huddled in their packs and you have to figure where you fit in. That's right, you're not in high school anymore, but you're back to square one! Who the f*$% am I???
After you have gone through all this, to feel connected to someone who may understand you as a mom, it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks. You don't need an army of moms in your corner. Your child doesn't need a million friends to get the social skills that he needs. I can honestly say that I have only a handful of mom friends and I couldn't be happier! I realized that the moms I wanted/needed in my life were the ones who were there from day one.
"You need a mom friend who will hug you, but also tell you to suck it up because we're all on the same ride."
Many people believe that you can't be your child's friend and a parent at the same time. To certain measures, I do agree with this. However, in my family, all of my moms are both! Each of them have taught me so much about motherhood. Right down to how to change a diaper, how to properly install a car seat, and how it's perfectly okay to be the IMPERFECT mom! Three of my mom friends know 10 times more than I do now. Two of my mom friends are learning alongside me. Altogether, we're the best mixture of being the best mom that we can and supporting each other every step of the way.
So, I'm telling you, you don't need a cafeteria full of moms to feel good about being a mom. You only need a handful of the women who will let you b*&$% and moan about the struggles of motherhood. You need a mom friend who let you cry in frustration over the phone for 2 hours. You need a mom friend who will hug you, but also tell you to suck it up because we're all on the same ride. You need a mom friend who will give you their honest opinion, but still remain open to yours and support you regardless. You need a mom friend you can get drunk with once in a blue moon and cry together because, even though you're having fun, you miss your little person. Last but not least, you need a mom friend who will stand up with you and for you, if ever someone tries to stomp on your happiness!
So please, save yourself the stress, the time, and the energy before you begin your search for the ultimate mom friend. I understand that other moms may not be in the same situation I am. Maybe they have lost their closest friends and family and my heart goes out to you sincerely. If you want to reach out to Mom Groups to find someone you can connect with, do so with precaution and don't forget who you are in the process. Don't change your views or your beliefs, just to find somewhere to fit in. Be real. Be upfront with everyone because motherhood shouldn't be a contest or a show. I can guarantee you there's a mom sitting in that cafeteria, who hasn't had a drink in over year, who hasn't taken a decent shower in months, who hasn't be able to do the laundry in 2 weeks. Talk to her. Give her a chance. She just might be the person you were looking for.