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Mom Perfectly Explains How Hard It Is to Be the Default Parent in a Series of Texts

The mental load can be a lot.

If you're a mom, there's a good chance you've heard the phrase "default parent" — and you know that it's usually used to describe you. Regardless of how involved and dedicated to splitting the child rearing your partner is, moms are often the ones who bear the bulk of the mental load of raising children, from making sure they always have clothes that fit as they grow to figuring out what's for dinner every night.

And if it's overwhelming for you, don't worry — you're certainly not alone. One mom on TikTok is sharing a text message conversation she had with her husband that perfectly captures the idea of being the default parent, and it really hits home.


A very tired looking mom shared screenshots of a conversation she had with her husband. They weren't arguing — he actually wanted her to decide what they were going to do, but that was also the whole problem. 

"You always say sure and IDC and IDK and that's the whole point," Mom wrote. "I really just need you to care enough to make the decisions sometimes for me bc my brain is on overdrive 24/7." 

In another text message to her husband, she added, "Moms are the decision parent and I'm just tired of planning things and packing things and scheduling things rn I can't think straight." 

Well, if that doesn't sum it up perfectly, we don't know what does.

Hopefully, there are partners out there watching this video and learning from it. Moms often suffer from decision fatigue and it can be extremely overwhelming. Help her out!