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Children of Overprotective Parents Are Slated for F-A-I-L-U-R-E in Life

Updated on June 24, 2016
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Grace loves to write commentaries on psycho-cultural and sociocultural dynamics in its myriad forms.

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Babying Children Only Makes Them Extremely Dependent and Unable to Cope in the Real World!

More and more studies have authenticated that children of overprotective parents are risk averse, have difficulty making decisions, and lack the wherewithal to become successful in life.

Furthermore, children of overprotective parents cannot deal adequately with hardships and other frustrations of life. In other words, they have very low tolerance for frustration and crumble at the first sign of it.

The Overprotective Parent's Actions and Intentions

Sheltering

Oftentimes, overprotective parents believe that they are doing the best for their children. It is their intention that their children have the best that life could offer. Children of overprotective parents are often sheltered from the "harsher," "more difficult," and "less desirable" aspects of childhood.

Constant Supervising

These children are often not free to indulge in unsupervised activities like other children as their parents are of the school that the best activities are supervised ones. They are not assigned household chores and other responsibilities because their parents contend that these are anathema to a carefree childhood.

Solving Their Kids' Problems

Overprotective parents are invasive in other ways. They solve problems for their children that the latter are often capable of solving themselves. They infantilize their children by making them feel incapable of charting their own course.

In fact, these parents are making their children extremely dependent and infantilized past an appropriate age.

The Overprotected Child at School

Relationship with Teachers

Teachers are not especially pleased with these kinds of children. Teachers often have to assume quasi-parental roles with overprotected kids, doing things such as tying their shoes and performing other tasks that they should be performing themselves.

Many teachers voice utter dismay at the backwardness of overprotected children. These are the children who have poor or nonexistent social, emotional, and survival skills.

Difficult Pupils

Furthermore, such children are often the most difficult pupils around. These children often expect teachers to mollycoddle them as their parents have done.

They get quite a surprise when teachers treat them like their other students. Oftentimes, these children cannot adjust well to the school environment where some sort of independence is required.

Lack of Maturity

Children of overprotective parents are often years behind in maturity in comparison to their more free-range peers. Teachers further remark that these kids are highly dependent and insist on being assisted as much as possible.

Teachers do not have the time to individually assist each child as there are often many kids in the classroom setting. In other words, overprotected kids are quite problematic for teachers.

Sense of Entitlement

Because of their upbringing sheltered kids have a sense of entitlement and feel they should have their way. They were not told by their parents that they are not the center of the universe and they must learn to cooperate with others.

Because they have a high sense of specialness, they often become quite unhinged when situations are not in their favor.

Easy Target for Bullies

Many such children are often prey for school bullies because they did not develop the social and/or street savvy needed to survive the school environment. Bullies usually target children who are quite defenseless and extremely vulnerable.

In other words, bullies do not attack children who possess self-confidence, social and street savvy because they know it would be a losing battle.

Misfits

Overprotected children are often not respected by their peers because of their infantile mannerisms. Their peers consider them utter misfits.

Such children do not have the bounce and competitiveness that children from free range environments often possess. They are often needy and dependent at an age when gradual independence should occur.

Academically Ahead, Socially Behind

Oftentimes they are years behind in development in comparison to their peers. Of course, when parents excessively infantilize their children, it makes them socially, emotionally, and psychological retarded.

Even though these children earn high grades, they lack common sense. Other children sense this and these children are often targeted not only by bullies but other stronger children.

Lack of Knowledge of Age-Appropriate Life Situations

These kids are sheltered and not aware of age-appropriate life situations. An overprotected 13-year-old often acts if he or she is several years younger than their actual chronological age. They are also overly dependent upon their parents as they were seldom, if ever, allowed to independently explore their social environment as other children do.

For example, I remember when I was in eighth grade, there was a boy whose mother took him to school everyday. There was nothing wrong with the boy. He was an honor student. The other pupils in the class found it totally absurd and ludicrous that a mother would take her 13-year-old child to school.

He would be constantly derided by the other children, being called a mama's boy or worse. There is more to the story, though. If his mother did not take him to school, his father did! Even the teachers disrespected him, calling him an infant. To make matters worse, when the weather was bad, he stayed home from school. That was the issue of overprotectiveness taken to the multillionth degree!

This boy never participated in school events as many of them were unsupervised. His parents insisted upon being present at his every move. Of course, he never had any friends while in the eighth grade. The other children thought that he was too peculiar and babyish.

Some of the other boys consistently bullied him to no end. Everywhere he went was with his parents. This is clearly abnormal for an early adolescent who should be forming some type of friendship and/or independence.

As Teenagers

Treated Like Children

Overprotected teenagers are often lost in comparison to their more free range peers. While their free range peers are free to explore adolescence in all its intricacies, the overprotected teenager is either kept under a severely tight rein and/or overly scheduled in activities of their parents' choosing. They are treated more like children than like the burgeoning independent adults they are becoming.

These teenagers often have quaintly inappropriate curfews for their ages while other peers have more relaxed curfews. Many overprotected teenagers become resigned to their parental influence, just accepting it as their lot in life. Oftentimes, overprotected teenagers accept their overprotective environment as normal. Some are so infantilized and passive that they believe that they can do nothing about it.

Outcasts and Pariahs

Overprotected teenagers are more at a loss in the high school environment than their counterparts in either elementary and junior high school. These teenagers often have nonexistent and/or extremely poor social skills.

This makes them outcasts and pariahs among their peers. Teachers furthermore find such teenagers distressing and disturbing to say the least. These teenagers are emotionally at the preschool level in many ways.

Dependent and Risk-Averse

Overprotected teenagers are the most dependent and risk-averse teens around. Because many of them had no freedom and time to indulge in unsupervised behavior, many of them become quite unhinged when presented with an opportunity to participate in independent behavior.

If you have noticed the teenagers who are the wildest and the most rebellious at gatherings, it is usually the sheltered ones who were kept under a tight watch by their parents.

In College

No Life Skills

During the college years, many overprotected young adults find it extremely difficult and onerous to adjust to college or university life. This applies especially if they elect to attend a school away from their parents' domiciles.

These are the young adults who possess very little or no sort of life skills. They are often a horror to the more responsible roommate who was raised to be independent from an early age.

Can't Make Decisions

These young adults are extremely dependent and are unaccustomed to independent behavior and decision making. Many of these students have parents who choose their school and their majors in the hopes that everything will be smooth for them.

However, many of these overprotected students flunk out because they clearly do not possess the prerequisite independence to survive and thrive.

In the Work World

At the Interview

In the work world, overprotected young adults fare even worse. Supervisors and superiors are neither going to tolerate nor placate this infantilized adult. Many employers express dismal horror at incoming prospective employees whose overprotective parents come with them during interviews.

This was never done before. It used to be when a prospective employee goes for a job interview, he or she went alone as his or her parents figure that it is his or her interview, not theirs. Oh no, there is a "new" style of parenting which the parent is very involved in the child's life even though that "child" is considered an adult in societal eyes.

No One Wants to Hire an Adult-Child

These parents appear at their child's interview, informing the interviewer of how special their child is and the skills that can be contributed to the company. Of course, many interviewers are quite nonplussed at this.

They figure, and rightly so, that something is quite amiss here. This "adult-child" is quite immature and would be bad news to the company. The prospect of this "adult-child" getting a job is now dismal to none. Who wants an employee that one must constantly babysit? Not any right-minded, thinking employer!

If these adult-children are hired, they are going to be a vast and immense hemorrhoid to the company and corporation. These adult-children are often the worst employees. They possess no concept of initiative nor independent thinking.

They constantly want to be told what to do as befitting their familial environment. Forget about ever being promoted. These employees are clearly not promotable. On the contrary, these employees are more likely to be fired—let us say serially fired. Overprotected adult-children are more likely to be unemployable than their peers who were raised in a more independent environment.

In Relationships

Extremely Passive

Regarding relationships, these adult-children are often at the extreme passive end of any relationship they go into. Most of the relationships, whether it is platonic or romantic, do not last very long.

No person wants to compete with the omnipresence of a parent or parents regarding relationships. People often avoid relationships with such adult-children as the relationship can be called vampiric in more ways than one. These people are viewed as babies and no one wants to babysit an adult.

Many adult-children, because of their lack of savvy or social skills, enter into abusive relationships when their partner is the more dominant and/or parental partner. Even though this relationship is often abusive and unequal, these adult-children reluctantly remain in such relationships because they do not possess the means to dissolve it.

Set Up for Failure

In school, college, work, and relationships

In conclusion, overprotected children are slated for failure in school and in life. These children are so infantilized by their parents that they cannot survive the school environment. Teachers view the overprotected child as backwards emotionally, socially, and psychologically even though they can be academically prodigious.

Other children often avoid them because of their needy and dependent nature. They are often a target for bullies because of their lack of social skills and street smarts.

Overprotected teenagers do not possess the skills that other teenagers possess. They are often not capable of indulging in independent social activities which is necessary in their development. Many overprotected teenagers are treated as if they are in preschool by their parents. They are often given harsher and stricter curfews than their peers.

Oftentimes, the only non-school activities that the overprotected teenagers indulge in are those mandated by their parents or supervised by adults. Many overprotective parents believe that the teenage years are highly vulnerable and it is best that their teenagers be supervised as much as possible in order "to stay out of trouble."

During the college years, many overprotected children cannot reasonably adjust to the rigors of college life. This is especially true if they elect to attend school away from their parents' domicile.

Because the university is a more independent and unstructured environment than either elementary, junior high, and/or high school, the typical overprotected student cannot survive, thus they often flunk out.

In the work world or the "real world," overprotected children are quite abysmal failures. They often do not possess the skills necessary to thrive and survive in the work world. They possess no or low self-confidence, no initiative, and a low tolerance for frustration and hardships which is often commonplace in the work environment.

Furthermore, the supervisor is not their parent but someone who expects them to contribute and pull their weight. Many overprotected children end up being terminated from their employment—not once but several times. More often they become quite unemployable.

Overprotected children fare worse in relationships where equality is required. They are often at the extreme passive end of relationships as they were raised that way by their parents. Oftentimes, because of their extreme lack of social skills and their passivity, they are drawn into relationships where their partner is often more dominant than they are.

Even though these relationships are quite abusive and Svengali-like, they prefer to stay in the "safety" of such relationships than to develop a backbone and have a more fulfilling relationship.

Overprotected children end up to be failures in life in more ways than one. Overprotective parents are only damaging their children and either do not or refuse to acknowledge this.

Many kids remain in their infantile state until it is quite too late to change! Let us raise our children to be fully functioning and independent adults!

© 2011 Grace Marguerite Williams

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    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 days ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I also observed adults who were overprotected as children. They are quite insufferable if you ask me.. Lenore Skenazy also has written many articles on overprotective parents and the damage they do to their children.

    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 days ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I read countless child psychology books & by observations of overprotected classmates in elementary school.

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      Just A Student. 5 days ago

      it is a very useful article but i am a student at GMS and i was to do a report on overprotective parents, i found this one interesting but the thing that disappointed me was i over read this twice and i didn't see evidence, such as if you got the evidence from a child psychologist or a interview of children or teenagers who was overprotected, haha unless im being stupid and missed it i'm sorry but i put down on my report as N/A and went to another article that had evidence clear as day and some had links to websites used.

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      Anonymous Guest 6 days ago

      Thank you for this really helpful article, Ms Williams. So true, although I wish you could have also included some suggestions or solutions to help children of overprotective parents get out of their situation.

      @Alison Blue, I could have written that comment myself!! All my life my parents kept me locked up in the house so I never played with other children or talked with any people other than my parents. My parents were isolated socially, they had no friends so they never left the house either except to go to work and they never talked on the phone. The result is I never learnt how to talk on the phone and even today it's hard for me to hold a phone conversation, and I'm almost 50 years old now.

      No one ever came to visit us and we never went to visit anyone. My parents forbade me from having any friends. They were against friendships, which you can see as they themselves had no friends either, through their own choosing.

      When I was a child at school kids soon learnt to stop inviting me to playovers and parties, because they already knew what would be my generic response: I can't, my parents won't let me. I could have spent my entire childhood with that logo pasted to my forehead, and saved people the bother of asking me if I could go to their party or sleepover.

      University was just as hard because for the first time I had the opportunity to talk to other people who weren't my parents. But I didn't know ANY social rules. If I was in a group I didn't know how to figure out when I was supposed to talk and when I was supposed to be quiet, or what were the appropriate things to say or not say. The only time I'd ever spoken in groups before was in supervised situations at school where the teachers chose the person who was going to speak, and gave guidelines as to what you could talk about.

      I couldn't understand gestures, looks and expressions, take a hint or understand hints or know what you were supposed to do or not do in different social situations, since my parents had always kept me locked up at home, so I'd never had any sort of social relationships with anyone except my parents.

      Finding a job was just as hard. My parents found my jobs for me. They forbade me from getting a job by myself and if I ever tried to get one, they forbade me from going to work. Need I say they didn't let me study what I wanted, either. They chose the career I would study, and forbade me from studying anything else. The result is that I studied a career that I hated and could never find a job that I liked, because I always hated my career, since I hadn't chosen it.

      But as I was saying, it was hard for me to find a job as well, because I had no social skills and because if I did find a job and my parents didn't approve of it, well, I simply wasn't allowed to go to work. My parents found my jobs for me, and made me go to work in the places they had chosen for me. Fortunately, I actually enjoyed one of these jobs and worked there for 3 years. After that I left because it was only a student job, and I finished university. I wouldn't have liked to work at that job for the rest of my life anyway though.

      Finally after university I left the country because I had the opportunity to do so. My parents idolized university professors, so a professor from my university took me abroad on an exchange programme. I never returned home, and that is how I found my freedom.

      But even so even today sooooo many things are still so hard for me. Every time I have to make a decision, be it something as difficult as the next right career move or as simple as what to wear each day, I still look around expecting my mother to give me the answer, and I STILL feel lost even today when of course there is no one around to tell me what to do.

      As @Alison Blue says, the learning curve for learning things at the age of 50, that you should have learnt at the age of 15, is just soooooooooo much steeper and it is just sooooo much harder than it would have been at the age of 15.

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      Isaac Solomon 8 days ago

      I am going to express this now, I do believe due to my home life that I am scarred, and mentally messed up. I learned recently that if someone in your family has BPD (for reference my father does) that you are five times as likely to develop it, added to the addition my entire childhood has been oppressive and traumatic for me. I feel as if I do have BPD. I feel empty at times, not sure what I am as a person, what I believe in or what I want. I never know unless its upfront and presented to me.

      Then there's this lack of independence which makes it hard to find love, that I need so desperately or I turn into what my father once was. a monster that abuses people because he was angry. I don't want to be him, I don't want to make others suffer as I did.

      I can't help it either, when I get angry I turn into a violent person. The urge to hurt myself or hurt others become so big of thoughts in my head,I want to hurt my parents for what they did to me. Then I want to hurt myself due to how unliveable and handicapped mentally and emotionally I am. I just want to escape the constant state of emotional and mental pain I feel, since even if I do get help, and if nothing is done and I still go home with the same father, he is going to be angry, and violent. Now how violent may I get, you might ask? I tend to get violent to the point I, sometimes punch or kick the wall, or the urge to strangle my siblings to relieve my anger, and I let anger get the best of me. So instead of choking the life out of them, I grab my sister, sit her on my knee and just spank her, when she cries I immediately stop and hold her close, as if I just snapped out of a episode that I had no control over. I hold her and apologize to her trying to fix my mistake. This last happened four months ago, and ever since then I've been harming myself instead of them.

      Now I go to my room and just tell myself how much of a crap person I am, how mentally screwed up I am, and how worthless I am. Occasionally cutting and stabbing myself with a pencil and plotting my own suicide so I don't have to harm anyone again, and so I don't have to live through my hell.

      I accept responsibility for hurting my sister by abusing her just to let my own anger out, via spanking her. It's stopped ever since I took on the act of cutting or stabbing myself.

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      Isaac Solomon 8 days ago

      I will try, if anything they will deny it and when it all passes over, and nothing is done, I will be forced into a more oppressed living, hence why I fear speaking out. I want to do something, but if nothing is done, then I am going home being ridiculed and down talked, how much of a drama queen I am, then just heavily punished. I sometimes, wonder if what I am going to be is worth living. I will seek whatever help I can.

    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 8 days ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Talk to trusted relatives who will intercede for you. What your parents are doing to you is beyond horrible. Your parents are beyond overprotective into authoritarian.

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      Isaac Solomon 8 days ago

      I am a victim of over protective parents, still am. I can never make my own decisions, I could never suggest something without being shot down or heavily criticized. I always depend on a friend assurance for when I make my own decisions, in which I would face criticism from my parents, then they would try all in their power to make me make the decision they want me to make. If I ever tried to act independent and speak out for myself, I was threatened to be tossed out on the street to get a full time job, which I had no incentive to work, because I never had done anything like that, and don't know where, when, and how to start.

      I mainly get my incentives to achieve and do something in love from love, love from a girlfriend or boyfriend, which I can never get one. If I love someone I fantasize, think about it, act nice to them but NEVER ask them out, afraid of being rejected or told I was not even worth their time. I was so use to it from my parents, I feared it from others. Even now, at 16 years old I couldn't bear going to trade school, one where there was independence needed to learn the trade my PARENTS wanted me to learn. Whenever I tried to wiggle out or protest moving from the class they forced me to stay and said I was an idiot.

      This point I feel uncertain, it feels inescapable. If I get my own jobs my mother and father would take money from my paycheck, they would most likely fill out the application for me. I don't even know what my skills are, I don't even know how I am as a person besides dependent and mentally scarred and clouded.

      Then the big thing, whenever I tried to be me, in anyway shape or form, I was treated like a dog, talked down and that only bombed and killed my self esteem and self confidence. Now due to this, everytime I do something new or try I get a sinking feeling that I'm doing it wrong, that I'm going to be rejected by the other kids in the activity. I just feel lost,defeated, and a dissapointment to anyone and everyone I meet due to this. Even at 16 due to all this babying and over protectiveness of my parents I can't tie my shoes! To admit it makes me feel, embarrassed and a failure.

      All the the pain, how much of a failure I am, only led to me causing self harm. Seeing how I didn't have a knife, or any thing but a pencil. I just took a pencil at night, or in the morning and went to cutting feeling relief of how worthless I was, how much I felt like a failure to everyone and society, that in two years I will be on my own and still unable to make decisions, and t hat I can't provide for myself without someone always constantly telling me what to do, or how to do it.

      Now I hope this will generate some attention, that someone will tell me how to escape this hell I am in, one that will only lead me to failure. I want advice, I wan't help. I feel as if I can't escape this and that I'm doomed.

    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you all for your responses, it is greatly appreciated!

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      Emem Masorong 2 weeks ago

      Thanks for your effort though to help. You're brutally honest. But do you think that we also need info about over-protective parents doing something good for their child? My parents weren't, as I remember for her talks, OProtected, as she already had jobs even when she was little. Maybe it was too much for her like when she was a child she didn't felt like a child, and so... with all the trauma, and getting Muslim kids(some are christians), she gave her all to protect and love us, but came to the point wherein my already college youngest sister is still being with her mother during jeepney rides to school. I wonder what other people think. You wouldn't see that anywhere. My mother is really paranoid of us being hurt because it's like a paradox, we are good people Muslims, but the opposite is seen on media, where we are the bad guys, and she is scared that we are hurt by the 300 people all over the world. Haha. Sorry for my first comment. I shouldn't acted like that. I guess I already have 3 comments but I didn't see it. Maybe I'm spoiled child don't care with you just to do what I want. Hm... Maybe I'll learn through life. Either way with you or I, it's still hard. But really... I'm thinking of writing a book about how I lived with over-protective religious parents.

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      Alison Blue 2 weeks ago

      This article sounds so depressing but it is the truth. I am a product of over-parenting and I am by default set up for failure in life.

      As a child, I never played with other kids my age and because of that I never developed the required social skills to interact with other kids. So I became shy & withdrawn keeping to myself. My parents made all the decisions for me and never encouraged me to discover my own talents and uniqueness. I had a beautiful singing voice and I was never encouraged to develop it or to even participate in any school competitions. Academically I was average. I didn't truly understand or grasp what I was being taught in school but I was good at memorizing so I made it through with decent grades.

      College was challenging as well. Academically I was lost - it was too independent for me. There was nobody to spoon-feed information to me. I found it extremely difficult to cope but somehow I managed to graduate marginally. Socially it was a disaster - I didn't know how to make friends with the cool kids and the few ones that I made I couldn't keep. Romantically I couldn't find a boyfriend either. And mind you I was a very attractive girl - a lot of people could not understand why someone like me wasn't taken. My only console was going to a club, getting drunk and finding someone to hook up with and that ended there. I was very confused with this pattern but I couldn't figure it out.

      Work life was a total failure as well. In the last 10 years, I have been fired 3 times except for one job where I had left due to personal reasons. The thing is that over the years I had become very good at masking my inadequacies so I knew how to ace an interview. I knew how to blow everyone's minds away and land that job. But once I started working, the cracks appeared. I am very good at what I do. I can appear confident, I can speak eloquently, I can problem solve really well, I can work hard, I can take charge when needed - in other words, an ideal employee. But there is always a disconnect. I work in burst of energy - I am all over the place, I am not able to distribute all this energy properly and I start falling apart. It usually takes a while before the employers catch on, and which is why in all the 3 jobs that I have been fired, I had received a decent promotion in the first year. No kidding!

      Romantically it's been a miserable. After I started working I got into a relationship with a narcissist who was emotionally abusive. I was so attached to him that it took me couple of years to finally leave him. That whole experience forced me to break down completely and look into myself and that started my journey to self-discovery.

      Today I'm happily married to a wonderful guy. My husband can see my flaws creeping in every once in awhile and he gets taken aback by it because that's not the persona I project. But because he is an amazing person and he loves me very much he tries to help me through my issues being the strong supportive rock I never had.

      I also have a one year old daughter and I try my best to give her as normal a childhood as possible. I am a stay-at-home mom for the time being. I honestly do not want to go back to work because I don't think I can handle being fired again. Or I should probably step down few levels and do something so mundane and easy that I'll probably succeed for once. The sad part is that I'm so talented and I have so much drive and passion but I would fail at structuring myself and remaining persistent. All I really want to do is to lock myself in a room and watch the days go by. When I look back I see so many opportunities and life experiences wasted which could have led to a more fulfilling life. The truth is if my parents were not so over-protective I would turned out a success for sure. Looking ahead there is still time to turn things around but its going to much harder for me because the learning curve is much steeper.

    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Excellent advice. Thank you for reading and responding.

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      Amy 3 weeks ago

      A quick Google search of “overprotective parents” resulted in this article as the top search result, which I think is a little unfortunate since the unintended audience is mainly kids (or adults) looking for a solution to their situation. Unfortunately, there’s no advice for the children of overprotective parents, which makes sense since the author is just expressing her observations and opinions. The author refers each commenter to a psychologist or therapist if they need help, which is the right thing to do but is probably not realistic if you don’t have an income or car. Hopefully I can share my point of view to provide more insight on what you can do.

      The key to escaping your overprotective parents is to become financially independent. This was the main motivator for me to do well in high school so I could get accepted into a college outside of my hometown. I certainly didn’t want to live with my parents forever. I applied for minimum wage jobs around the area while I was in high school so I could have my own money. I ended up landing a part-time job as an usher at a theater. This also forced my parents to allow me to enroll in driver’s ed, since they didn’t want me to walk or ride my bike to the theater. They initially didn’t want me to take the job since it could interfere with my schoolwork, so I cited that schools liked seeing work experience on college applications and that other students had jobs as well.

      After you become financially independent, it doesn’t matter what your parents “allow” or “don’t allow” you to do. Only YOU can decide what you want to do. They might express their dissatisfaction, but in the end, it’s your life and not theirs. You have to take responsibility for your actions AND your inaction. It doesn’t make you a bad son or daughter if you go against your parents’ wishes to pursue something you’re passionate about or love. Yes, you will hurt their feelings, and yes, it will be scary and tough. But, your parents have to grow and mature as well, and they will hopefully learn to respect your feelings and choices and learn to compromise. You need to give your parents the tough love as well.

      If you’re in your 20s or beyond and still live with your parents, I highly recommend moving out. If you don’t, your parents will naturally treat you like a child forever (no matter what job you have), which will stunt your personal growth. When my 24 year old cousin wanted to move out, my aunt gave him an incredibly hard time about it. She couldn’t comprehend why he would ever want to do that to her. After all, she cooked all his meals for him and did his laundry, and he didn’t have to pay her rent. My aunt would call my mom, crying about what a terrible son he was and that he didn’t love her, which was not true at all. In the end, after moving out, he dated a wonderful woman, got married, and now they have two children. Now my aunt can’t stop talking about how cute her grandchildren are. My cousin cites moving out as one of the best decisions he ever made. It wasn’t easy and took several years, but now their relationship is healthy.

      Hopefully this helps. I know it’s hard taking the first step, but you can do it. You might make mistakes, but you’ll learn from them and become a stronger person. Good luck!

    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Speak to a school counselor, clergyperson, or a guidance counselor. They should be able to refer you to a psychologist.

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      Arizona Nixon 4 weeks ago

      All this explains my mother. I feel like she has gave me low key ptsd and im socially and mentally affected by the over protective way ive been raised. i just want to get out of this and be like the normal kids i hang out with. Im only 16 but no one will belive me. im not being a whiny 16 year old, i know theres something wrong with my mom. She lacks the ability to have a logical argument. Shes so non understanding. she has been in an abusive relationship (my dad),and i think that contributes alot to it. She also has done alot of acid as a teen. My mom is stuck in the 80s. when she was a teenager. she brags everyday about concerts she went to when she was 18. She will tell us the same story from her teenage hoodlem years over and over again and look at us with excitement in her eyes and a big smile on her face. i feel like since im around her alot im starting to act like that to the people i hang out with. like im turning into her and its scary cause theres something worng and i feel it. In my relationship with my boyfriend i feel like hes my theripist or dad. Like hes soooo much more mature then me and on the other end of life. sometimes i think hes just dating me to help me through this and he knows im not normal. It scares me. i just want to be nomral and more mature. im 16 and act like im 10. i also refer to stories of when i was younger and go on oabout the same topic when everyone else has dropped it. i know there something worn gwith the way im being raised and it has made something wrong with me. i cant move out yet. is there a legall thing i cna do? do i have to deal with this for another 2 yeras? please help me. thank you.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Well, it depends. Are the adults on this field trip trustworthy? If they are trustworthy, I see nothing wrong w/letting your daughter go on the field trip. If they aren't, I cannot blame you from refusing to let her go on the field trip.

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      Mom1234 4 weeks ago

      Hi, I have my one and only daughter and I refuse to let her join their Field Trip because I cant come with her. She's 10 years old. i felt guilty but I can't imagine letting her go without me supervising her. I'm pretty sure her teachers wont be able to accommodate 30 pupils. am I overprotective?

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      Anon 5 weeks ago

      This article really lacks compassion.

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      Anonymous 6 weeks ago

      Dear parents, we know you love us, we love you too, but you need to know where to draw the line at times.

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      6 weeks ago

      We understand that our parents do all this out of love and concern for us, but at times they should know where to draw the line.

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      6 weeks ago

      I love my parents, but they are overprotective. They treat me like a child though I'm 23, but they don't understand. They are overcareful about whatever I do, at times they may tell me not to do a particular task, fearing that I may get hurt or I may do it wrongly, and later they accuse me of being lazy and useless. And because of that I have low self esteem and confidence.

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      6 weeks ago

      Even my parents are overprotective which is at times annoying, because my parents treat me like a child.

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      Anonymous 7 weeks ago

      I was raised with parents that were pretty chill most of the time when I was younger but once I reached high school I started experimenting with different things so it then became all about fixing me .. I don't think that is the over protectiveness that this article speaks about but I will tell you this , it's pretty much spot on .. I observe the long lasting damaging affects that this parenting style brings witj my bf everyday .. He's 23 and was never allowed to have hobbies that were dangerous like riding dirt bikes and he was never allowed to spend the night away from home or go to unsupervised parties .. He could have ovetnighters at his house but that's it .. Now as an adult he has no idea how to communicate to resolve any kind of uncomfortable feeling or emotion .. He struggles socially bc his parents made him feel like he couldn't do anything for his self which made him feel like he's not smart enough to handle an adult conversation or situation .. They didn't teach him his schooling either like vocabulary words and definitions .. All they focused on was pounding there Church of Christ obedience nonsense and crazy doctrine in his head ., So now you have an adult that can't converse with other people how a normal 23 year old should be able too and brainwashed to be obedient to there commands until they die .. He has the slightest clue how to persevere through tough times so his character can strengthen bc they sheltered him from any possible wisdom he could have gained by letting him figure a few things out on his own as a kid.. If we have an uncomfortable discussion he just shuts down completely and wants to sleep .. To top it off his mother still controls his bank account and makes sure all his bills gets paid on time .. It's truly heart breaking to watch him suffer bc of there mental sicknesses that they don't think they have ..

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      Mr G 7 weeks ago

      Unfortunately, the majority of Vietnam is like this. Terrible lack of common sense. No one follows rules, road signs, just do what they want and have no respect for other members of their society unless related or friends. Life is cheap here, and overall it's children raising children in my eyes. Parents chasing their 5 year olds around with a spoon because they cant feed themselves, no one respecting or following road rules or signs (commonly causing dangerous or life threatening situations), and parents treating their children in their mid to late 20s like 14 year olds, enforcing rules and restrictions on what they can and cant do. The proof of this problem and the affects are everywhere here, and it saddens me that the majority of this country can't see the damage it has on their society, and future growth.

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      Chain 8 weeks ago

      My mom is also Over Proctective and im 31... She sees stoping her over protectiveness is a sign of disrespecting....

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 8 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      It is best that the whole family undergo psychological counselling. You & your parents will each tell your sides. What your parents are doing is abusive. Your parents are toxic. If after counselling, your parents continue to be set in their ways, it is best to disassociate from such toxic parents altogether. You don't need these type of parents.

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      hader 8 weeks ago

      I m 25 yrs old and my parents treat me like a child they never let me do something with myself by saying that you can't do this.They often insults me infront of others like guests by saying he Can't do anything.Whenever i tried to do something they will never let it do....My parents are so unsupportive..plzz help me

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      jennifer 2 months ago

      Couple words......sounds like me at 46 years of age.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      It is indeed sad. This mother also needs psychiatric help. She needs to get a life outside of her daughters. Many overprotective parents have no outside life & are psychologically needy. If such weren't true, they wouldn't be overprotective. Her daughters are going to learn to HATE her & will be FAILURES if they DON'T continue counseling.

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      Jennifer 3 months ago

      Wow, my step daughters whole life has been controlled by an excessive helicopter mother, signing her up.for activities that she didn't want to do, doing her homework and writing her papers so there perfect for school, etc...shes going off to IT and the night of orientation got drunk. This article is on point to the "T"!!! I have given my son the ability to make decisions on his on, now that he is a young adult man, he is much more mature emotionally,etc....than my step daughter who still doesn't understand she CAN make her on decisions, that it's ok to make a "C" on a test if u have studied for it. I'm horrified when has been set up to fail but her mother refuses to hear the damage she is potentially still doing. My husband took my step daughter to counseling where the counselor told the mother to STOP. Still not allowed a cell phone til she goes to college next month at 18 years old. This is sad.

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      Well 3 months ago

      I am the only daughter of my family so you can imagine how protective my parents could get when I was a child. But I can tell you I also received immense love from teachers and friends when I was, and I have been working in MNCs these years as I applied.

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      Aliz 3 months ago

      I am 20 now and I just graduated from college. When I was in high school, my parents don not allow me to go out with my friends. I did not experience going out with my friends. So when I turned into college, I thought that they would allow me already because 'why not?'

      And I guess that the only thing why they dont allow me is because I was the younger of the family so they were overprotecting me. And so I undertand.

      Then when I graduated, my friend asked me when I can come to her birthday pool party on a resort in the province. And I told her "I'm telling you my parents won't allow me" so I did not bother to ask them. And what did it makes me sad when she told me "omg girl, you are already graduated. How come did your parents won't allow you?"

      I really feel bad about myself in that situation.

      And, until now, they aren't allowing me to go out with my friends. EVEN THOUGH I AM USING MY OWN MONEY AND NOT ASKING FOR THEIR MONEY.

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      Emem Masorong 4 months ago

      Man... I never really got the idea of this over-protectiveness so much(but I knew it since I was a kid) until I got panic attacks from time to time starting from high school and I maybe even had already so really mild ones but I kinda have friends back then on grade school and was kinda noisy on Grade 4 and weird like I play with my saliva on the chair(back and forth) and this girl who had a crush on me laughs. I'm a Muslim btw. My father a Muslim and my mother a convert. Both are still alive, but God! They fight like bunch of kids everyday! I don't want to say kids, but damn, my logic tells me that, and of course simple observation. Anyone who fights often can be called like two kids fighting, right? I even wanted to commit suicide last night until I slept and woke up thinking about it still, but I can't because I made a promise before. You know why I want to? Because fuck this shit there are ghosts telling everybody what's inside my head, at the same time I thought of it, and they do it non-stop. I can't understand why? WTF? And I don't want to sound like I own the world, and rant on why you did this. Hm... Let me think. It's sad to know. But it's the truth, if it is... I appreciate it. I'm really trying hard to be successful in whatever way possible, but man, I just thought because we're Muslims and that's why my parents are OP. They might have thought that it's a pretty dangerous place this is the world that's why when he had our own school back then at Mindanao(lowest part of Philippines, mostly Muslims there), we weren't allowed to go outside unlike the other kids. Is being rich suppose to do that? Hm... I've observed, somehow... But it depends... I can't even tell if we were truly rich because of the way they handled that school, like putting grade 2s and 3s or 5s and 6s and 4s at the SAME ROOM! Man! And I'm not sure if I remember, but the teachers have their own lounge, it's like a mansion, our school, but looks old and you know(some parts are not good to they eye), and males and females have that SAME ROOM for them all(not sure, but I bet it was), and they're probably just letting them have sex every night(Whoah. Whatever normal is. Don't know about other schools) But I'm not really sure but we really have a male teacher. Right now, I'm limp because I was high on drugs and I just thought of jumping cause I got nothing to do(just finished praying, sowee, my life), and my bros did that on our past condo when I was a kid, and they were fine on tall floors, maybe 4th or whatever or 3. I just rashly decided. Man... How irresponsible. What the heck can I do, anyways? I'm already born. I never even chose that, but fuck it, cause life's handin you lemons, make lemonade then(haha jowk, it's just a line of Eminem on Rap God). I have a quote here I learned that says if you want to be truly independent, then you must not BLAME anybody. So... I wasn't blaming any body for quite some time now, unlike back then, I was really a rebellious kid and full of questions inside my head about life, and fuck it, mom didn't allowed when I just asked if I could have a dorm when I was in College, cause you know, I'm already old, and I can't focus well while I'm at a home where they fuckin fight from time to time, I can't stand it. And I just want to FOCUS, and fuck it, cause they sometimes tell me, and now my other sibling, that they don't have focus? What do they think of us? I feel like a monster. I'm soooooo sick of feeling like a loser... I don't even have likes and comments on FB... Damn. Only a few sometimes... Whatever... Sick of saying I won't give up... These ghosts are irritating. I made a mess at school even. I changed my name to Sin, I don't know why, maybe because of impulse and I hate to say this, I hated my self, with an Emem name. Now I know that's mostly a girl's name around here. WTF... I just checked it and there's only 1 Em Em there that's a male. All are girls... Forgive me for my tongue if I am too profane here. I'm just lashing out cause this is my life and how they heck can I make it mine? I've been punched by even my younger fat bro(but bigger than me) when I had an argument with my mom concerning the meds she's been buying all the time for me. I feel like a fucking mental on the rehab(been there and they do that every time to them, fuck it), and it's not only that, that's kinda understood but ALL I WANT IS TO STAND UP NOW AND HELP MY FAMILY AS I CAN, like the other ones do. They work on the call center have night shifts just to help their family. But that never could have been the case, or maybe will be, if I just had that opportunity to have a dorm back then, but at first mom didn't agree(can't talk to my dad, he seems like a fuckin nobody in the house and everybody hates him like me too back then but now I try to give all the love I can give to him, you know...). Mom just agreed when I'm already feeling so dizzy full of stress and when my brother who is younger that made good grades was thought about by her, told me that I can have a dorm but with him(I can take that, I understand we're many 8 of us children, and it's just a hard life fuck it, but fuckin people don't understand how hard it is they keep on telling me I have an easy life than theirs, now... Thanks.. OK, if that's what you think it is, and the truth is... whatever)...) then I got paralyzed maybe I was in bed for 1 year and 3 months. Fuck it. Cursed. Blah blah. Maybe. I even have a scar here my bro and me put when we were very poor, cause we just thought about it. He used a pen. Then... Yeah... I recovered through praying. That's why changed my name to Sin, and all the turmoil I feel inside, cause I feel like I am always making mistakes(sniff), like it's all my fault. Man... I'm going to call a suicide hotline, maybe it can help. I was anti-social after we became poor, as I observed from the older ones, they are becoming strange individuals like joining gangs of the streets... I was anti-social in hs... I was also doing everything I can to be like my older bro, but he seems deviant, and he isn't Muslim, he's a Christian, but I didn't became Christian. I want to be... but I'm thinking about it... I feel strangled by the ghosts... What if they say somethin you know, not pleasant to the ears... whatever.... I'm just venting this out... It's a pain in my chest... my whole aching body... damn... My mom is like a fucking... You know? Get it? You get it. Man, not only her... man... no more... stop blaming... Anyways... That's it for me for now...

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      fifty yr old lady 4 months ago

      I read Grace's comment to the 40 year old guest who posted 3 years ago and if I were that guest those comments would have really hurt me.

      The man had no idea what real life was like until adulthood, and by then his brain was so wired to be a dependent child that he was utterly lost to think differently.

      In other words his mother brainwashed him.

      If it had of crossed my mind to get psychiatric help and to recognise I needed to move out I would have but when your fragile mind is so malleable, you can be convinced the abuse and infantilism is all your fault.

      The reply to the 40 year old guest and this whole article has made me wonder if I am going to be condemned to a life of helplessness as I don't have any wherewithal.

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      fifty years old lady 4 months ago

      I feel really guilty after reading this article.

      I'm the youngest of five.

      Violent abusive parents.

      I was not allowed to grow up and when I asked to be treated like an adult I got told to act like one.

      I've lost loads of jobs.

      Bullied by siblings who have all done well in life.

      I should have sought help as a teen and left home but I have no common sense see and did not realise I was being abused.

      I eventually found a boring office job and moved out at 25 yes of age.

      I genuinely thought I was the one at fault when my mum and sister ganged up on me.

      Eventually I moved away but due to making wrong choices, I seemed to have my teens in my forties and eventually turned into a drug addict.

      I am getting help for that now, but fear I may lose my home because of possible receipt of huge unpayable bills, due to non crinal legal property matters due to me not excercising due diligence when buying it, and having no legal protection with the purchase being so long ago.

      The property could be worth zero and I am at the point of breakdown.

      Weight loss, lack of self care, mentally exhausted.

      I bought my current home in a hurry as I was used to living alone, but had to share when I moved away from family.

      I am terrified because I may end up becoming financially dependent on thrm again.

      I cannot afford a therapist and when I could she said moving back in with them would be disastrous.

      I am not streetwise, and cannot tell when I am being manipulated.

      I have been for psychiatric help but as I did not realise I was being abused I did not ask for the right help at the right age, so I could learn social skills, life skills and street smarts.

      The circumstances which lead to my fear of becoming financially dependent on abusive overprotective family breaks my heart.

      All that wasted talent and intelligence.

      It's not the fault of my family, it's my fault for not realising I was being abused and for the fact that it didn't cross my mind as an older teen to seek help and get out.

      It's also my fault for not realising my parents were manipulating me to stay dependent on them.

      I don't trust my own judgement, for instance, been fooled by cowboy tradesmen etc.

      I'm suicidal but although non religious, too scared to kill myself, in case I am reincarnated into a worse life.

      I feel in utter despair.

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      Calendula 5 months ago

      I am the only child of an overprotective mother.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 6 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Charlie, help your child to become more independent. Let him/her explore & learn from the environment. Let him/her be more of a self-starter & more of a decision maker. Charlie, look beyond your parenting role & have a separate life from that of your child(ren). It is never too late to change your parenting ways-it is good to discuss your particular situation with a psychologist, counselor, or minister if you are religiously affiliated.

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      Charley 6 months ago

      2nd Last sentence... hopeless... sad you would say this... was hoping for a solution to a problem I helped to create

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      Peter ONeill 7 months ago

      The article is fatalistic and offers no hope on how to deal with the problem or reverse the process. If a parent or child were a perpetrator or a victim of this, where is the solution and resolve to move forward. Pointing out the problem isn't enough, providing a solution would be more helpful.

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      B.D. 7 months ago

      I'm was a overprotective mother n now I'm overprotective of 2 grandchildren (when they visit).My daughter is very independent, strong-willed and intelligent also just to name a few. I will admit that I'm overprotective, but it's not to the point of ruining their lives in the future. It's precautions n safety. In today's world ,I probably would have to home school my child if she was little. So no I really can't totally agree with you in a few ways. God bless!

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 7 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      See a psychologist to discuss your problems.

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      whattodo 7 months ago

      I'm 32 years old, still living with my parents, I don't know what to do with my life, I can't make decisions, I fear everything (even driving), my closest friends kept telling me that I'm such a baby. I think I understand myself better now although I'm not sure how to deal with this.

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      Spencer 7 months ago

      I am 25 years old now and grew up the child of overprotective parents. Many of the things you described, describe me very well.

      Is there any hope for people like me? Or am I already doomed to a life of failure?

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      J Chua 8 months ago

      This is very true. My 42 year old sister is a living example of how my mothers overprotectiveness is ruining her life. My sister has been a really good student since grade school to high school but socially she's very inept. She's been let go by every employer she's had. Our mother continually finds her a job and even go to job interviews with her couple of times. I am unable to help her since both of them are attached to each other and I live in U.S. while they're in Philippines. Every conversation I've had with my older sister makes me feel like I'm talking to a 10 year old. She's smart and well read. I'm at a loss on what to do. My mother continually denies that anything is wrong. I know for a fact that she will be my cross to bear when my parents are gone.

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      Alyssa 8 months ago

      This sums up my childhood.

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      Sheltered kid 8 months ago

      No not all sheltered kids are all bad. I myself do everything I can to be human. I maybe selfish but I am self aware painfully too self aware. You are correct about the no common sense parts. Typically I just stay by myself if you keep your mouth shut and pretend you know what your doing it works quiet well. Sadly addicted to the internet so im too lazy for real ambitions. Nevered had that "teen life" but it's all good.

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      Surooj Choudhry 8 months ago

      Parents think their children are immature. yes they do and there thinking is always correct. we should take an example of smoking. If we talk about a child who is fully involved in smoking and his parents are not stopping him and leaving him to his own risk so its not a right way for a true parent to guide their child. parents should not be always dependent to the child. I think there isn't any mother who don't love her child. She bear the pain of giving birth to a child so its obviously sure that a mother could not see her child dying, or going to a wrong path. There are many other examples but i think its enough!

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      AngryGuy 9 months ago

      My parents being over-protective(even in my college years) will lead me to put them in an old-age home.

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      samantha 9 months ago

      Having read this article, there are pros and cons..but people seem to have forgotten LOVE. these children may love their parents so telling them to go away from their overprotective parents to get better is heartbreaking. Yes there's tough Love, I don't think you can paint all with the same brush i'm an only and have bad anxiety maye my parents were overprotective but i love them. being an only my parents are the only family i have!! I know my parents tried to socialize me but it was myself who felt odd socializing whether that's to do with me or my parents, genes also come aboard in how people are. many factors

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      Ashley Rebecca Nave 10 months ago

      I have bipolar depression, PTSD, social anxiety, Borderlin/Mild General Learning Disability and ADD/ADD issues. I have had a problem with my grandmother ever in my 30's right now because of her mind set at 80 years, but never reasons nor understands that I disapprove of her over protective ways. I have the ability to do chores, or do things without being told, she treats an adult with a disability like a child for which makes me angry or very frustrated. I honestly don't approve of overprotective parental styles at all. I feel ruined in some ways because I know I have the ability to be independent and work or generally aware. The social

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 11 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      There is nothing wrong w/taking care of & pampering children. They need this; however, parents must not cripple their children by doing too much for them, let them explore & do things which let them become independent & successful adults.

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      Sheeja 11 months ago

      Truly said....I appreciate of what you said. Parents think that taking care of their children and pampering them makes them the best parents.bt it's false..Parents should try to guide them not spoon feed them all the time..

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 13 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Your parents love you. Yes, you are a burgeoning adult but to them, you will always be their child. You need your parents less & they must realize this. However, it is good to be needed. There has to be a happy medium. Think of some children in large families who are made to be on THEIR OWN at a very early age even though they need their parents. Such children have to raise themselves. You have parents who are there for you. Be happy that you have concerned parents......but to reiterate, there must be a happy medium- be caring but allow independence.

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      a girl 13 months ago

      hi.

      Is it inconsiderate telling your parents that you dont actually need their help that much anymore??

      Because i really want to make them understand that there are some things that they helped me with in the past, that i can do on my own now.

      I dont want them to feel that i need dont them in my life anymore and that i never appreciated what they've done for me over the years unil now,

      I've finished high school and on my way to college, i need to make them understand that i'll always be THEIR child but i cant always be A child.

      things change and people change.

      Any advice on that??

      PLEASE.

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      a girl 13 months ago

      no doubt about that.

      thank you for taking my story into consideration. it feels good to talk about it with someone even over social media.

      thanks for the advice, its much appreciated:)

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 13 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Still discuss this matter w/a psychologist. This man is beyond extreme.

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      a girl 13 months ago

      hi gm williams

      everyone is telling me that maybe there are deeper issues to it, and that he there must be more serious reasons as to why his acting like this.

      He is originally from Egypt, and i know when it comes to young adult girls, in their country there are very difficult circumstances, and that girls dont have much rights when it comes to their own life.

      what ive noticed was that, he expects everything should be ike it is in his country, everything should be like the father says or everything should go according to what the man says. He doesnt understand that thintgs are different here in south africa girls and woman have more rights, and they also have a say when it comes to making decisions on their own, i tried explaining this to him but its like he still dont get it.

      he believes that i cannot do things on my own, until im married ofcause because thats how it works in their country, woman are not grown up until they get married.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 13 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor. Explain to them how abusive your stepfather is. If there is a school psychologist, speak w/her or him to discuss this issue. Something is wrong w/your stepfather. He seems to be obsessive. I think there may be deeper issues here.

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      a girl 13 months ago

      i am 18 years old, turning 19. i have a stepdad who is beyond over protective.

      while i was still on high school he gave other kids that he knew, orders to watch me on school and after school everyday, and even now that im done with school he still thinks that im not ready to be independent yet. its so frustrating because he always makes me out to be a little girl. all my friends from high school still meet each other regularly for lunch or just a normal out bur i never participate because i never have anything to talk about when they start talking about about how fun life is after school and how good it feels to be independent. i always feel like the odd out. im not even allowed to be on social media with my friends after 10. i still feel trapped, and at times when i have to decide on certain things on my own i get nervous and dont know what to do, because his always there making decisions for me. i dont even have clue of how it feels like to travel. he comes to my work place everyday to check up. im fed up of all this. i dont know what to do anymore. my mother doesnt always take me seriously when i try express my feelings to her. im not a little girl anymore.

      im desperate for advice.

      please hlep

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      Lisa 16 months ago

      Actually, overprotected children are more likely to be bullies because they are taught not to trust others. They do this in order to protect themselves. They are taught everyone is bad while they are good. Plus, they're arrogant and self-righteous. My family is so overprotective because I am from a large extended family. They are very picky about whom I associate with. If they are seen as bad people, I end up bullying them. On top of that, I'm married to a guy who is overprotective like they are and they chose him for me.

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      A guy 17 months ago

      Also forgot to mention she thought those shows were "disrespect" and it's acting. This "disrespect" also means defending my position in an arguement, looking at her "funny" (really trying to not punch her in the face), slamming a door, and my dad just FOLLOWS everything she says. It's repetitive. Unfortunately, he screams in my face if I yell at her and get pissed over her wasting MY OWN LIFE.

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      A guy 17 months ago

      Yeah, my mom monitors every damn thing I do. I'm 11 and she bans me from G RATED SHOWS. I actually rebelled on Saturday, because she hit me and of course she hit me back. For god sake I got so tired of it I was drooling on the floor and attacking her.

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      Just A Passerby 19 months ago

      I'm sorry but this article is not only incorrect, but the message is also damaging.

      First, no one ever has the right to put their hands on you whether you’re different, quiet, babyfied, or infantile, and the teachers who allow this are wrong. It is never the victims fault.

      Second, the saying "you might bully me now, but I'll be your boss later" exists for a reason. Children of overprotected parents might be bullied, but they usually grow up far more successful than the children whose parents didn't care and allowed them to turn into bullies in the first place.

      Third, this article is basically saying that spousal abuse is your own fault because you're not assertive enough. Again, it is never your fault if your spouse puts their hands on you. Never blame the victim.

      Fourth, most men/women who chose to abuse their spouse’s first technique is to separate their victim from their families. It is actually very rare for an overprotected child to grow up to be a victim of their spouses. They usually are valued and value themselves too much for this to be allowed.

      You also say that overprotected children grow up to be failures. Hmmm this is very interesting. I had no idea that so many people in jail had such caring parents, or porn stars, or stripers, or burger flippers. Wow, these parents have overprotected their children into such awful industries! Oh wait, their parents didn't care...

      Listen your article has some interesting points and overprotecting someone can cripple them, but in the end so can all parental guidance systems. It is a proven fact that the under protected child or Free range child system is by far the worse and causes the same amount of resentment towards the parent as the overprotected. It is a fact that 800,000 children are reported missing each year in the United States, which is roughly 2,000 per day. Are you willing to sacrifice your child?

      I am a child of an overprotective parental system. Does some of these facts belong to me, heck yes. But most of my failings come from no motivation and laziness, not my parents, and even with all my faults I still grew up with a B.A, speak 3 languages, play 5 instruments and am doing better than all of my friends and cousins whose parents free ranged them. They also kinda hate me for having such caring folks as well.

      I can already imagine who you are who wrote this article. You're either the child of an overprotected parent who hates their life, or a teacher who's students overprotective parent came to the school and told you off for something unfair you did to their child. One or the other.

      Back in the olden days most parents didn’t have to be overprotective, but a lot has changed now. You can’t leave you kids in the car by themselves, and street smarts can and has gotten many children killed. Maybe if more parents payed attention to their kids, there wouldn’t be so much bullying and often the overprotective child is bullied by their peers because their peers are jealous that their parents actually give a damn.

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      Gilbert 20 months ago

      @gmwilliams Thank you for the kind compliment. This article was an absolute pleasure to read.

      I still have to live with my parents due to economic reasons. I myself was sheltered but rebelled early on. I don't know about my brother.

      I'll tell you one thing: my dad is a narcissistic control freak. Everything is about control and obeying/disobeying rules with him. He's always the victim--even when he's rude and talks about me behind my back (but I can still hear it). I'm always the one who starts arguments, not him, even if he was being condescending. He doesn't see his behavior as rude and condescending (I also see it as very OCD, possibly bipolar) and my psychologist won't evaluate him without his consent.

      Come on, I don't think parents' MAIN concern should be getting their kids to obey them--especially when their kids are in their 20's as is the case with me. What does it matter if I'm "spoiled" by eating out every day? How does that affect him? It's not even HIS money I'm spending, it's MINE! I EARNED that money from working! I may not be working right now, but that doesn't mean I'm never going to have a job ever again. I'm not an idiot. I know the value of money. Parenting should be more about love and nurturing rather than control. Apparently he got this attitude from his mom but he isn't self-aware enough to realize this is not how you treat people. I'm at least self-aware and intelligent enough not to treat people like this. And I'm the one seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist!!!

      Not once in the last five years has he even cared enough to offer me driving lessons--because he only wants himself teaching me how to drive--because I didn't "ask." You don't have to be "asked" to realize that your son is growing up and still doesn't learn how to drive.

    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 20 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You have made some excellent points.

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      Gilbert 20 months ago

      If you’re a parent and you’re considering sending your child to private Catholic school, please don’t do it. It will harm your child in the long run. If your child has strong religious convictions and can think for themselves and have a sense of who they are, public school won’t harm them. These kids need to be around “normal” people during the all-important teenage years. To me, this is a prerequisite to getting your first job and going to college. My brother Andy has turned from a sweet, non-political kid to a very snarky, far-right-winger since attending private Catholic school. Physically, he’s 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. Developmentally, he has the maturity of a pre-teen. Of course, academically, he’s far ahead of what I was at that age, but does that really matter in the long run?

      He still jokes around with my dad, calling him “kid” as a nickname (which is totally weird). Mom and dad help with his projects, proofread his papers, go over his homework, and sometime type out his papers for him if he’s busy studying for other classes. They’re deluded enough to believe that his NON-AP HIGH SCHOOL classes are more difficult than my COLLEGE classes. I wasn’t given a set curfew at that age. Now, Andy goes to bed before my mom does. I feel like my parents don’t like the way I turned out, having barely passed high school and possibly due to the fact that I’m gay (even though I’m an Economics/Mathematics double major with over a 3.0 GPA), and want to overcompensate for their perceived parenting “mistakes” in my case by overprotecting my brother. Andy typically watches children’s cartoons as entertainment. He’s not allowed to watch family shows like “Fresh off the Boat” and “America’s Got Talent” due to adult content. Andy bases his ideology solely off what he learns at church, school, and from my parents. He doesn’t seem to take a step back and think for himself—except for when it comes to playing chess (which is already heavily micromanaged by my dad). It’s this reason why I don’t think he’ll have a problem obeying authority in the workplace, but it’s also this very same reason I just can’t see Andy in a leadership position. I also think he has a high likelihood of flunking out of college or at least doing very poorly in it once mom and dad stop assisting him.

      First off, in the real world, you’re going to come into contact with people with varying backgrounds and personality types. Andy has become so introverted to the point that he only contacts his friends outside of school for school-related reasons…via email. Forget dating—he doesn’t even have some of his friends’ numbers. You absolutely need co-workers’ numbers if you need someone to cover your shift. All his friends are Catholic and most (if not all of them) are part of the pro-life club. They’re also very emotionally immature and sheltered just like him. All Andy has known for the last four years is a non-mainstream form of homogeneity. This is very dangerous. Not everyone is a straight ultra-conservative Catholic who thinks Pope Francis is “too liberal.” Pope Francis is the closest Pope we’ve ever had to Jesus. I would be so embarrassed if Andy worked in a customer service job and refused to serve gay or Muslim customers based on “religious freedom.”

      You need to be somewhat creative, innovative, and able to think for yourself to be in a leadership position in the workplace. Supervisors need to leave any issues they have at the door the minute they walk into the workplace. You cannot have your dad acting as your manager when you yourself are the manager and need to make a decision. Andy might be popular and liked at private Catholic school, but I know for a fact he’ll be totally ignored in the workplace and has no chance of being promoted. I’ve seen firsthand the politics that go into play in the workplace and if a supervisor doesn’t like you, they won’t promote you and/or they may try to get you fired. As my uncle once told me, “every company I’ve ever worked for is like high school.”

      Andy might be getting good grades now, but what happens without the structure my parents provide for him? I’ve seen Andy fall asleep the night before a major assignment is due and goof off on his phone. What if I wasn’t there to wake him up? What if mom and dad weren't there to help him with major assignments and tests? Andy is a member of the school chess club and plays tournaments, but my dad is his manager. My dad puts so much emphasis on chess—almost as much as academics. Not to mention my dad is always present when Andy does Skype audio calls with chess tutors. Again, what if my dad wasn’t there micromanaging Andy in chess? Something tells me college will not work out in his favor unless my parents give Andy some freedom. I would hate to see Andy go from having a stellar academic career in high school to flunking out of college. Every time I try to confront my family regarding this issue, they get extremely defensive and upset at me. Andy doesn’t even know how to express anger appropriately for a 16 year old. He comes off sounding very developmentally stunted when angry and I feel sorry for him. It’s not his fault.

      My mom once told me “these kids (at Andy’s school) aren’t cool”—and that right there will be their downfall. I’m not saying you need to be using profanity and telling dirty jokes 24/7, but you need to have street smarts to survive in the real world. You cannot just live in your own homogeneous bubble where literally everyone you know is just like you. I’ve seriously known homeschoolers that were less sheltered than Andy. HOMESCHOOLERS!!! Andy will likely be 18 years old, STILL watching nothing but “SpongeBob” and other children’s shows, having never seen an episode of “The Big Bang Theory,” “Modern Family,” “The Walking Dead,” etc. God forbid he gets help from mom and dad while in college. My mom and I will watch a TV show when Dad and Andy are gone for a chess tournament, but when they come back, we have to change the channel to something more family-oriented. SHAME on my parents for being so overprotective of my brother!!!

      -GB

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      Michiko 23 months ago

      I am a 25 year old ”child” who still has strict and over protective parents. I remember them being like this for my entire life, being strict, yelling if I won't do as they wish and being violent. There were times when I thought that "maybe this is a phase" or "maybe I did something wrong". There are times when I won't tell them everything that is going on with me, or when there are decisions to make so they can stay "relieved" and take the decisions I have to make. Have to admit that I went through a lot of rebellious periods until now, blaming myself and often having low self-esteem, until I realized that it's not necessary my fault so I started building myself slowly and getting ready for a change (even tho I still live with my parents, I want to raise up my own money so I will be able to move out properly).

      I guess the only way to be happy with this is to obey or to move out.

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      Judy653 23 months ago

      [Should have been raising gods.] Sheesh! How did I miss that? My parents let me ride my little bike in the street when I was three. My mother used to put us outside until dinnertime. I'd hang out with my dad at the local bar when I was eight. Did all kinds of adult things and really risky things as a child, because we had to learn to live in the world sometime. I am 62 and I am perfect today, except for that grammar mistake in the last sentence of the above comment, must be something seriously overprotective that my parents did. Sorry, I can't stop laughing about how silly people are to believe nonsense like this article.

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      Judy653 23 months ago

      In other words parents should read the parenting guidebook when they have children. Where does one find this book? Did you write it? Where is it being sold? Can I find it in the library? It's easy to point fingers at parents. Just about every self-proclaimed expert has been tearing down parenthood for the last 3 decades. You are no different. I know exactly what you mean. Whatever goes wrong with kids, it's the parents' fault, by default, because we raised human beings when we should have been raising of gods.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 23 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Judy, you have made some excellent points. However, I am NOT advocating underprotective parenting. I believe that parents should provide love, PROTECTION, GUIDELINES, nurturing, attention, & care to their children. I also believe that the parent-child bond should be strong. I believe that children shouldn't raise themselves &/or each other. I believe that parenting should be democratic, nurturing, & caring AND provide children with the tools to be SELF-SUFFICIENT & INDEPENDENT when the time comes.

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      Judy653 23 months ago

      Hmm. I have also found the children of too-busy-to-care parents to be the most devious, impulsive, out of control little demons ever foisted upon the world. So yes let your kids learn for themselves. Like a pack of dogs. Put them out of the house as soon as they become too much to handle. Indeed, sink or swim, social skills are all the rage now. Then when you are old, your children will treat you the same way and blame you for all the ills that befall them. What a miasma of generalities is this article. Typical of this new era of barbarism. Great news for the prison industry though.

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      MiMi 2 years ago

      Guys.... You may not be able to relate, but I am one of those children who have become an adult. Everything this article says is VERY true. The parenting style describes my mother to a T. From toddler age, all the way through adult hood, my mother's parenting style ruined my life as I grew up very dependent upon her, because I was incapable of doing for myself. I was a spoiled child, and very over protected. When I was younger I preferred this parenting style, as mother was always there to pull me out of every mess I got myself into instead of letting me deal with the consequences of my actions. If I needed help, with anything, she was there. If I misbehaved in school, I would blame the teacher being unfair and she would march to the school. If I was failing in school, I blamed it on the teacher's teaching style... Saying he/she didn't may enough attention to their students(baby them and hold their hand, coaching them through every lesson and detail of the lesson they didn't understand.). If that wasn't enough, YES I was emotional. Very Emotional. What spoiled little brat wouldn't be? When they didn't get what they want? On top of being Emotional, I had never social skills. I have some now, as I have been able to break free of my mother, but growing up I had no friends. Because she sheltered me, I didn't know how to properly interact with other students. I was very socially awkward and inappropriate, which led to me being bullied.

      When I became a teenager, my more rebellious side began to kick in. I desired independence from her, but she simply wouldn't allow it. Her excuse was "You're not mature enough to go out on your own. Show me you're mature enough, then I'll let you go out" all the while treating me like a baby, and making minor decisions for me that I wanted to make myself. Example. How I dressed... I wasn't a teenager who dressed revealing or slutty, or desired to do so. My mother had a strict dress code for me, so I was unable to express my individuality and style. I was NOT allowed to wear shorts. NOT allowed to wear skirts. If I did wear shorts, they were much like the kind that boys wore... It stopped past the knees. no, these weren't Capries, or what ever you call them. They were loose and baggy male shorts. I was not allowed to express my individuality at all. She policed what I wore, even when I wasn't the type of teenager to dress slutty for attention. I just wanted to be and feel pretty. Yeah, fuck that.

      Events that other teenagers got to go to, such as pep rally's, and school football games, I was not allowed to go to, because she couldn't keep an eye on me. I would beg her and beg her to let me go. I argued that I didn't have a normal social life like other teens. She said "When you're mature enough, then you can go out"... Then treated me like a child. I became very rebellious in need of independence. I got into a very bad relationship, where just like the article suggested, I was the passive one in the relationship. I began to sneak out of the house, and sneak my boyfriend into the house. I would tell my mom I was staying after school for tutoring, when in actuality I went to hang with my friends. I was pretty responsible in that I knew better than to do something stupid that could get me into trouble. I didn't smoke, I didn't drink and I planned on saving my virginity till marriage(mother's wishes, my sisters are the same way). When I sneaked out to hang with my friends, guess what we did? Normal teenager stuff... I went to their house, and we watched tv. or played video games. We stayed after school and watched the soccer players practice(since i wasn't allowed to go to real games).... Yes, i was so deprived of a social life, that when I sneak out of the house, I did normal teenager things. Not party, not drink, not smoke.... But simply spend time with peers, doing make up. Talking about boys, buying candy form the store.... YES, that's how deprived I was. I wasn't even allowed to do normal, non reckless things, and when I sneak out, I did normal, non reckless things. Funny, huh? The only positive thing that came out of this is that I got bullied. Yes, bullying was the reality check I needed. It taught me to stop being so damn socially awkward. I watched what I said and learned what was inappropriate behavior and acceptable social behavior. I could go back in time and thank my bullies. No, I'm not being sarcastic, I really could THANK them. Due to my mother's parenting style, I was a reck. A socially awkward, mess. I didn't know how to properly interact with other human beings, and my bullies beat that right out of me. Years worth of social skills missed were taught to me in just two years of being bullied. Everytime I got bullied, I toughened up a bit more. I learned that certain things shouldn't b said, even if you're thinking it, every thought shouldn't be spoken on. I learned to have a backbone. Eventually I was standing up to them and challenging them. Telling them to piss off. When I initiated a fight between myself and a bully, though I lost, they respected me, then left me alone. It went from them tormenting me, to greeting me kindly in the halls. I may have lost the fight, but I displayed zero tolerance towards someone else's bull, and this gained me respect.

      I grew more rebellious in search for independence. My mother's strict dress code? I told her to fuck off. Not literally, but through my actions. I told her, "mom, I'm 15 years old! I don't want to dress like a baby anymore." I remember telling her one day that she should be greatful that her daughter isn't dressing slutty, I just wanted to be fashionable. There are other girls out there with booty shorts and their cleavage hanging out, trying to attract attention from boys, and all I wanted to do was dress pretty. I stood up to my mother and declared that I would be wearing what I want and she should trust in me to make responsible clothing decisions and automatically assume that because other teenage girls do it, I will walk outside wearing strings.

      Not only was my mother over protective, but abusive as well. I don't mean a regular spanking. Challenging her authority, resulted in a bloody mouth, or nose, Lumps on my body, and whip marks. Whip marks from belts that pieced the skin, leaving red lines of blood on my brown skin. They stung when the water hit them during my showers. Not only was I over protected, but beaten to a bloody pulp every time that I rebelled. This didn't stop me from demanding more freedom though. After a while, just like the bullies, I stood up to her hitting me. You know the boards used to hold up the mattress on a bunk bed? The thick wooden boards? They could be over an inch thick, and three to four feet long. That's what my mother use to beat me with. The supporting wood under the mattress that was suppose to hold the weight of the mattress and the person on the top bunk. I remember she hit me so hard with it, it broke in half. That's when I put my foot down. One day when she went to beat me because the house wasn't clean, I stood up to her and told her "I'm not afraid of you". She treated my sister differently by the way. She never hit the sister, she only hit me. There's a long story behind that. I was the accident, and my sister was the love child. My mother constantly mentioned through out my childhood how she could have had this, or could have done that, or could have achieved more in life... But then she got pregnant. I was that baby. My sister was born to her husband, and received treatment that was very different from my own. She never got it... She also had more freedom than me, and so was able to developed descent social skills. I say descent, because our mother was still our mother. Her independence came from being around her father's side of the family. My mother had some sort of resentment towards me because I ruined her childhood by being born. She would always mention how she wanted this and that, but she had a baby to take care of. So when she became angry, she usually always took it out on me. Not my other sisters.

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      MiMi 2 years ago

      Guys.... You may not be able to relate, but I am one of those children who have become an adult. Everything this article says is VERY true.

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      Kate 2 years ago

      Parents have a moral and legal responsibility to look out for their teens; if parents neglect their duty towards their children there are obvious consequences, however, teens should exercise their will in breaking free from parents which means making choices about career, friends etc.

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      Budik 2 years ago

      Hi, im 18 years old boy, everybody here posting their statement about this topic, they are relatable, and also me, so, now, idk if im developing a lack of interest to meet some people because of overprotective parents, lost of interest to perform something new, my daily routine is eat, sleep, internet all day because my parents was so stricted, they always telling me that im not allow to go anywhere else, i was so upset because i am a boy, literally, i can handle myself (in any case) i will accept their strict rules if im a girl, because of weak protection, harm environment, people's addiction.

      i want some answers, and i will take this screenshots (if you answer my question) and i will send this to them to realize what they have done, i am done and i wanna flee with this thing 10 years in my life, i want a freedom..

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      Kat 2 years ago

      This was a great article. It described this friend i use to have. Her mom is a big helicopter parent. She tells her the few friends she had are no good. I asked her to visit me once since we live in different states & she had to ask her mom despite me pucking her up & her being 23 at the time. Then i had her stay at my house when i was moving into my 1st apt & she wanted to bring her cat with her while i was moving with 2 cats of my own. She got breast cancer & i was the only friend left cuz i thought she would go back to the person i met & got along with. Nope. She didn't understand that ppl have different beliefs (She's 1 of super holy christians) & she always started arguments when i didn't like something & started 20 asking 20 questions of why nots. At 1 point i lost it & statted yelling at her & she started crying like a toddler all because i cussed at her. She stills has cancer and i can't feel sorry for her anymore. She still talks to me but i try to avoid her as much as possible. I also found it creepy that she tries to copy me a lot & tries to be bosdy with me. For example telling me i shouldn't dye my hair & i should grow my bangs out. I laughed & told her to piss off. When her mom dies she's screwed unless she dies 1st.

    • gmwilliams profile image
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      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for responding. The 13 year old 8th grader is now a successful executive, married with three children.

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      Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

      Excellent information, gmwilliams, on the overprotected child. If only parents knew the consequences of "loving too much." I know they mean well but the long-term effects of overprotecting the child has far-reaching psychological consequences. You've laid it out well with this in-depth description of such children. Interesting example about the 13 year old 8th grader! I wonder how he's doing today. Very informative, voted up and useful.

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      marina 2 years ago

      I had no idea this article define excalty who I am and I hate myself for it. I am incredibly shocked how many out have same problems as I have. I'm 21 and I still live with my overprotective mom. I want to get out of the house and get the job but every time I think about that, I see mom's face disappointed and overworry. I hate that feeling! I'm embarrassed by going out with friends. why? well my friends ask me why I have to get home early and I have to make up lies so I won't sound like a child. :(

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      date 2 years ago

      Hello there, You have done an incredible job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I am sure they'll be benefited from this site.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      @John, your mother needs to let go. What she is doing to you is based upon fear on her part. She has a void in her life and she needs psychiatric help to get to the root of her problem. She needs to have outside interests besides you.

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      JohnB 3 years ago

      I'm 21 years old male. My father doesn't live with us since I was born, and my mother is very overprotective. When I want to go out she becomes disappointed and last time she literally begged me to stay home because she clearly didn't want to stay home alone and she is worried so much. I have no real friends and never been anywhere besides school and hanging out with my mother since I was born. Summer holiday are the worst part of my year because I am so bored when I have to stay home all the time. My mother told me to ask some friend to hang out, but just in the morning, or until 4-5 PM. She said that past those years I didn't miss anything and that I will have a lot of time to hang out and "live" when she is gone from this world. I suffer from severe social phobia and failed my first job 1 year ago. It makes me so anxious when I see all my friends posting photos of them having fun on beach, playing sports etc., and my mother doesn't want to let me home alone, or go anywhere without me. When she is forced to, she tells me 10 times to not open door to anyone and she waves me from the door until I look and then she leaves.

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      Linda M 3 years ago

      "Overprotected children end up to be failures in life. "Overprotective parents are only damaging their children." Ok, you have pounded this message through our thick skulls; we're all going to fail. Why not offer a few different comprehensive solutions to go with the problem. Harping on problems while neglecting solutions only serves to invite shame, which feeds into the original problem.

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      Madduxmom 3 years ago

      Thank you so much. My son is going through some really rough times, and my tendency has been to shelter him, but I've feared I've caused him some real harm. Stepping back and letting him fall (and have those experiences) instead of catching him has been so hard.

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Madduxmom, if your son had special needs; you weren't being overprotective at all but a loving, caring mom. God bless!

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      Madduxmom 3 years ago

      I thought about it overnight, and I did make a lot of mistakes raising my children under difficult circumstances. But my son has had some special needs growing up, and I was careful ( and overly cautious) to be sure I did what I THOUGHT BEST at the time. We aren't perfect as parents. My son will also have to accept some responsibility for his life. I cannot give him an easy-out by saying, yes, everything is my fault, and therefore he doesn't even have to try. For those beating yourself up over this article, the author made some good points, but it is not 100% the parents' fault if they honestly have tried their best. We can only do the best we can and continue to offer support when our children become adults, but the adult child HAS to also accept responsibility for his life, too. We just continue to offer support and encouragement, ACKNOWLEDGE our mistakes and know that there is always hope that these difficult situations can get better. We can never give up!

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      thank you 3 years ago

      I have reached the end point. From now there can only be better things ahead. It will be hard but with the clarity of mind to see that I need to leave that it is not that I am mentally ill or bad but rather my parents are fucllking batshit insane I am done. Some t it is my fault but knowing that a lot of it is theirs too I am totally done. I have bipolar and after a decade of denial finally began lithium and even though I am not manic I feel a difference already. I am also guaranteeing to myself a security measure if you wish that I will not have major depression or mania during the coming months. I finally have an excellent therapist psychiatrist and substance abuse doctor, I built an excellent support group should anything happen. Last night was the drawing line. I have come across your site numerous times while searching this topic to figure out if they really have a problem but would always read a bit of your site get offended then leave. I see that you made this site for people like me because you care. You are trying to give us the brutal truth because it will set you free. The last few hours have been like a minor drug trip of the kind I used to get when I'd figure stuff out followed by sleep paralysis. It's like the angels or spirits are trying to wake me up. I used to only get it after a period of abstinence. Like now thanks to my sobriety I am much clear minded. Paradoxically during sleep paralysis one can feel like they're losing they're minds but that's only because they are coming to terms with some truths they've been determined to blind themselves from. Oh my thank you so much for making this site.

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      Madduxmom 3 years ago

      Boy this page sent me into despair. I am literally crying my eyes out because my 21 year-old son cannot function in society, cannot keep any job, has no social skills or self-esteem, is needy and demanding, is child-like and seems lost, refuses to help himself or accept ANY responsibility, but I love him so much. I was overprotective, but if also tried to get him help. I was mostly a single parent with two children, barely getting by. I loved them, but I really screwed up. I keep thinking, I did this to him, ME, his Mom. I am just sick inside. How can I fix this now?

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      Pritchard 3 years ago

      Good for you asylum. You will develop skills just have faith.

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      asylum 3 years ago

      I'm going to college next month. Even though I'll be dorming and finally free from their clap, what I realized is the terrifying fact that I haven't developed any skills whatsoever as to how I can live and survive in the real world.

      But thank you, Askme.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      oh asylum, what does not kill you makes you stronger. Less than a year you will be of age to leave. I URGE you to leave. You will survive. Life can change in a second and turn around. It will for you and the misery you feel now will be joy and freedom as significant as the pain you feel in this moment. Trust me. Start planning on your escape. This will put you in a positive mood and give YOU control over your life. Stay strong!

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      asylum 3 years ago

      Like a lot of people above.. this describes exactly me.

      I'm 17, my parents have done this all of my life.

      It really hurts when people constantly think you're blowing them off when asked to hang out, or take your social ineptitude as arrogance.

      I've always felt like I'm watching everybody else live their life through a glass wall. I've been deprived of life experiences and moments that would have allowed me to develop as a human being, socially and mentally.

      As I resulted I've had suicidal thoughts and tendencies since the age of 11. I feel as if I will never be able to successfully integrate into normal society or enjoy life as much as a normal person would be able to.

      I'm comfortable with the fact I will most likely die by my own hand one day. I've stopped caring about what my parents would think when I do, I'm just so tired of their BS.

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      brg 3 years ago

      I'm 19 and my mom has been an overprotective parent ever since I can remember.

      Even so, I don't blame her for anything and love her deeply, because I understand she did it because she loves me.

      To be honest, I didn't even know she was overprotective until recently.

      I've been mocked by my best friend quite a few times before I realized it too. Said friend grew up in a much more independent level, but she has problems with her mother as well.

      Anyway, my mom was overprotective because she wanted me to stay at home and study, instead of going to wild parties and meeting bad influences.

      We used to be very poor and she worked a lot because my dad left us when I was 2 yr. But she still managed to be very protective of me.

      When I was around 7 or 8, I became fat. So I was bullied for a really long time. My aunt lived with us and she went to my school to give a lecture to my bullies lol. So yeah, you could say my aunt was overprotective as well (and to be honest, she still treats me like a child, more than my mother. But she doesn't live with us anymore).

      I used to think my social inability and fear of social situations was solely caused by my bullying. I always stayed away from other people because I was afraid they were going to hate me because I'm boring and fat and ugly. And I still think that.

      Now that I'm in college and old enough to drive (I don't live in the US, and driving here is only permited once you're 18. I got my licence, but I'm really afraid of hitting the car, so my mom still drives me to college. And colleges are not too far from people's houses, so very few people move away from home once they get into college), my mom is trying to let me go. The thing is: I'm too afraid to let go of her hand. And I don't know what to do.

      I had a few friends at high school, but I rarely get to see them anymore. I don't have any friends at all in college, even though I have common interests with some fellow mates. But I've been in college for 3 yrs now (you only have to pass a test to get into college here. So yeah, I got into college when I was 16. I think that contributed to me shutting in completely, since I felt like a child in a world of adults in college) and never attempted becoming friends with them, so now I think it's too late (after all, they think I'm a weirdo that wants to be left alone).

      I've tried therapy before, but it was highly ineffective.

      I know I won't be a complete failure and unemployed because I want to work for the government, not some stupid company that thinks a person is only worthy if they can be fucking extroverts. So I'd only have to pass another exam.

      I've always been the youngest, ever since I was little. I skipped a year and that helped me getting into college younger. But I know that now I have to grow up and become an adult. The problem is not my mom anymore. The problem is I don't want it :(

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      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I believe that you should have long outgrown this behavior. You are in your 40s, you should have rebelled against such behavior in your late teens or 20s. If you were unable to get past your overprotective upbringing, you should have asked for and sought psychiatric help. At your age, it is inexcusable to blame overprotectiveness for your present behavior. You are using overprotectiveness as a crutch to avoid facing your demons and life.

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      Guest 3 years ago

      This article hit too close to home. I was an oversheltered only child of a single mother. I had no idea what real life was like until adulthood, and by then my brain was so wired to be a dependent child that I was utterly lost to think differently. I'm now in my 40's and have no interests in people or in life, am essentially unemployable, cannot make decisions, have no idea who I am as a person, and have never even developed a sexual interest in people. I'm just a blank little kid in a middle-aged body, waiting for someone to lead me around and lay my life out for me. But of course no one is going to do that. I'm at a loss to think differently, despite trying in vain for the past twenty years of my adulthood. So yes, I'd say that my brain was completely retarded by my upbringing, which I now consider to have been nothing short of mental abuse. I wait for death daily. Someday it will come. Someday.

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      Guest 3 years ago

      Another thing is that overprotective parents arrange marriages for their children, especially their daughters, just because they are afraid the partners they choose won't be good enough.

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      Eddie 3 years ago

      Oh yeah, after that trip I have become very depressed! going from a high to a very deep low. Miss the girl I met too! I do have three sisters that turned out okay, and stayed in school. I'm the youngest by seven years. I think that had something to do with it. my parents are great people!! But they failed me as parents. Time just flies! I can't believe how much time has passed! I can't believe I'm 32 now. Ive wasted so much of my life!

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      Eddie 3 years ago

      My parents were overprotective. they pulled me out of school when I was eight, and homeschooled me because of my anxiety. fast-forward I'm 32 years old now living alone, but it screwed me up real bad. Currently I have no confidence in myself, no job still dependent on my dad, very few friends, hardly ever go out, even though I'm considered very attractive by other people. 5"10 200lbs muscular abs, nice face, teeth, eyes etc. I went on a seven-day Caribbean cruise with my dad last week and met a very sexy attractive nice girl that lives 10 hours from me. She liked me as much as I like her! we even made out in the hot tub! although we never could get alone. She gave me her number, and we've been texting. I told her I did water features. Koi pond's fountains etc. not a total lie it's what I used to do. Then I lost my mother in 2009 to kidney failure, cancer and fell apart and lost all motivation as well as my girlfriend from the time breaking up with me in 2011. She just couldn't deal with how depressed I bad become. she was great and tried to help me the best she could. Back to the girl I met on the cruise I wish I could be with her, but she doesn't know all the problems I have. even though she's very attracted to me physically and seems to really enjoy talking to me. I have an appointment with a therapist on April 4 hopefully he can help me get past my issues because I'm ready to live my life got to get out of feeling so alone and depressed and so scared of failure. I'm so scared of failure that I don't want to try anything new. I can't stand living like this anymor! people that I do open up to like me I'm also very caring person. So here I am, with no job shitty education and bad social skills. :/

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      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      gm.....looks like you generated an unusual amount of comments from guest readers! Some of them sound very desperate.

      In any event, this is an excellent, very well-written expose of "overprotective parents" and some of the ugly ramifications. Believe me, at some point, every parent does some deep soul-searching in terms of how good or bad we were (are) as a parent.

      My sons, all long gone into the world of adulthood, marriage and parenting .....I have watched them with their children and am simply amazed. Truth be told, their incredible child-raising techniques and focus on priorities as they orchestrate their family-life.....leaves to me think I may not have been the Super Mom I thought I was...! (Some of my peers have confessed this very thing to me)

      Then one day, this WONDERFUL wise person said to me, "Do you suppose your sons just pulled all this great parenting from the sky....or do you think maybe you may have something to do with this?" I wanted to kiss her.....in fact, I did.

      As for "over-protection?" I couldn't have, even if I'd have been inclined to. Quite the contrary......working as much as I did, they had to grow up quickly, take on responsibilities and learn how to be independent thinkers. I always felt a little badly about this. As the men they are now, I'm beginning to think it may have all been a blessing in disguise. Great hub!...+++ pinned & tweeted.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for your response.