Children of Overprotective Parents Are Slated for F-A-I-L-U-R-E in Life

Updated on June 24, 2016
gmwilliams profile image

Grace loves to write commentaries on psycho-cultural and sociocultural dynamics in its myriad forms.

Source

Babying Children Only Makes Them Extremely Dependent and Unable to Cope in the Real World!

More and more studies have authenticated that children of overprotective parents are risk averse, have difficulty making decisions, and lack the wherewithal to become successful in life.

Furthermore, children of overprotective parents cannot deal adequately with hardships and other frustrations of life. In other words, they have very low tolerance for frustration and crumble at the first sign of it.

The Overprotective Parent's Actions and Intentions

Sheltering

Oftentimes, overprotective parents believe that they are doing the best for their children. It is their intention that their children have the best that life could offer. Children of overprotective parents are often sheltered from the "harsher," "more difficult," and "less desirable" aspects of childhood.

Constant Supervising

These children are often not free to indulge in unsupervised activities like other children as their parents are of the school that the best activities are supervised ones. They are not assigned household chores and other responsibilities because their parents contend that these are anathema to a carefree childhood.

Solving Their Kids' Problems

Overprotective parents are invasive in other ways. They solve problems for their children that the latter are often capable of solving themselves. They infantilize their children by making them feel incapable of charting their own course.

In fact, these parents are making their children extremely dependent and infantilized past an appropriate age.

The Overprotected Child at School

Relationship with Teachers

Teachers are not especially pleased with these kinds of children. Teachers often have to assume quasi-parental roles with overprotected kids, doing things such as tying their shoes and performing other tasks that they should be performing themselves.

Many teachers voice utter dismay at the backwardness of overprotected children. These are the children who have poor or nonexistent social, emotional, and survival skills.

Difficult Pupils

Furthermore, such children are often the most difficult pupils around. These children often expect teachers to mollycoddle them as their parents have done.

They get quite a surprise when teachers treat them like their other students. Oftentimes, these children cannot adjust well to the school environment where some sort of independence is required.

Lack of Maturity

Children of overprotective parents are often years behind in maturity in comparison to their more free-range peers. Teachers further remark that these kids are highly dependent and insist on being assisted as much as possible.

Teachers do not have the time to individually assist each child as there are often many kids in the classroom setting. In other words, overprotected kids are quite problematic for teachers.

Sense of Entitlement

Because of their upbringing sheltered kids have a sense of entitlement and feel they should have their way. They were not told by their parents that they are not the center of the universe and they must learn to cooperate with others.

Because they have a high sense of specialness, they often become quite unhinged when situations are not in their favor.

Easy Target for Bullies

Many such children are often prey for school bullies because they did not develop the social and/or street savvy needed to survive the school environment. Bullies usually target children who are quite defenseless and extremely vulnerable.

In other words, bullies do not attack children who possess self-confidence, social and street savvy because they know it would be a losing battle.

Misfits

Overprotected children are often not respected by their peers because of their infantile mannerisms. Their peers consider them utter misfits.

Such children do not have the bounce and competitiveness that children from free range environments often possess. They are often needy and dependent at an age when gradual independence should occur.

Academically Ahead, Socially Behind

Oftentimes they are years behind in development in comparison to their peers. Of course, when parents excessively infantilize their children, it makes them socially, emotionally, and psychological retarded.

Even though these children earn high grades, they lack common sense. Other children sense this and these children are often targeted not only by bullies but other stronger children.

Lack of Knowledge of Age-Appropriate Life Situations

These kids are sheltered and not aware of age-appropriate life situations. An overprotected 13-year-old often acts if he or she is several years younger than their actual chronological age. They are also overly dependent upon their parents as they were seldom, if ever, allowed to independently explore their social environment as other children do.

For example, I remember when I was in eighth grade, there was a boy whose mother took him to school everyday. There was nothing wrong with the boy. He was an honor student. The other pupils in the class found it totally absurd and ludicrous that a mother would take her 13-year-old child to school.

He would be constantly derided by the other children, being called a mama's boy or worse. There is more to the story, though. If his mother did not take him to school, his father did! Even the teachers disrespected him, calling him an infant. To make matters worse, when the weather was bad, he stayed home from school. That was the issue of overprotectiveness taken to the multillionth degree!

This boy never participated in school events as many of them were unsupervised. His parents insisted upon being present at his every move. Of course, he never had any friends while in the eighth grade. The other children thought that he was too peculiar and babyish.

Some of the other boys consistently bullied him to no end. Everywhere he went was with his parents. This is clearly abnormal for an early adolescent who should be forming some type of friendship and/or independence.

As Teenagers

Treated Like Children

Overprotected teenagers are often lost in comparison to their more free range peers. While their free range peers are free to explore adolescence in all its intricacies, the overprotected teenager is either kept under a severely tight rein and/or overly scheduled in activities of their parents' choosing. They are treated more like children than like the burgeoning independent adults they are becoming.

These teenagers often have quaintly inappropriate curfews for their ages while other peers have more relaxed curfews. Many overprotected teenagers become resigned to their parental influence, just accepting it as their lot in life. Oftentimes, overprotected teenagers accept their overprotective environment as normal. Some are so infantilized and passive that they believe that they can do nothing about it.

Outcasts and Pariahs

Overprotected teenagers are more at a loss in the high school environment than their counterparts in either elementary and junior high school. These teenagers often have nonexistent and/or extremely poor social skills.

This makes them outcasts and pariahs among their peers. Teachers furthermore find such teenagers distressing and disturbing to say the least. These teenagers are emotionally at the preschool level in many ways.

Dependent and Risk-Averse

Overprotected teenagers are the most dependent and risk-averse teens around. Because many of them had no freedom and time to indulge in unsupervised behavior, many of them become quite unhinged when presented with an opportunity to participate in independent behavior.

If you have noticed the teenagers who are the wildest and the most rebellious at gatherings, it is usually the sheltered ones who were kept under a tight watch by their parents.

In College

No Life Skills

During the college years, many overprotected young adults find it extremely difficult and onerous to adjust to college or university life. This applies especially if they elect to attend a school away from their parents' domiciles.

These are the young adults who possess very little or no sort of life skills. They are often a horror to the more responsible roommate who was raised to be independent from an early age.

Can't Make Decisions

These young adults are extremely dependent and are unaccustomed to independent behavior and decision making. Many of these students have parents who choose their school and their majors in the hopes that everything will be smooth for them.

However, many of these overprotected students flunk out because they clearly do not possess the prerequisite independence to survive and thrive.

In the Work World

At the Interview

In the work world, overprotected young adults fare even worse. Supervisors and superiors are neither going to tolerate nor placate this infantilized adult. Many employers express dismal horror at incoming prospective employees whose overprotective parents come with them during interviews.

This was never done before. It used to be when a prospective employee goes for a job interview, he or she went alone as his or her parents figure that it is his or her interview, not theirs. Oh no, there is a "new" style of parenting which the parent is very involved in the child's life even though that "child" is considered an adult in societal eyes.

No One Wants to Hire an Adult-Child

These parents appear at their child's interview, informing the interviewer of how special their child is and the skills that can be contributed to the company. Of course, many interviewers are quite nonplussed at this.

They figure, and rightly so, that something is quite amiss here. This "adult-child" is quite immature and would be bad news to the company. The prospect of this "adult-child" getting a job is now dismal to none. Who wants an employee that one must constantly babysit? Not any right-minded, thinking employer!

If these adult-children are hired, they are going to be a vast and immense hemorrhoid to the company and corporation. These adult-children are often the worst employees. They possess no concept of initiative nor independent thinking.

They constantly want to be told what to do as befitting their familial environment. Forget about ever being promoted. These employees are clearly not promotable. On the contrary, these employees are more likely to be fired—let us say serially fired. Overprotected adult-children are more likely to be unemployable than their peers who were raised in a more independent environment.

In Relationships

Extremely Passive

Regarding relationships, these adult-children are often at the extreme passive end of any relationship they go into. Most of the relationships, whether it is platonic or romantic, do not last very long.

No person wants to compete with the omnipresence of a parent or parents regarding relationships. People often avoid relationships with such adult-children as the relationship can be called vampiric in more ways than one. These people are viewed as babies and no one wants to babysit an adult.

Many adult-children, because of their lack of savvy or social skills, enter into abusive relationships when their partner is the more dominant and/or parental partner. Even though this relationship is often abusive and unequal, these adult-children reluctantly remain in such relationships because they do not possess the means to dissolve it.

Set Up for Failure

In school, college, work, and relationships

In conclusion, overprotected children are slated for failure in school and in life. These children are so infantilized by their parents that they cannot survive the school environment. Teachers view the overprotected child as backwards emotionally, socially, and psychologically even though they can be academically prodigious.

Other children often avoid them because of their needy and dependent nature. They are often a target for bullies because of their lack of social skills and street smarts.

Overprotected teenagers do not possess the skills that other teenagers possess. They are often not capable of indulging in independent social activities which is necessary in their development. Many overprotected teenagers are treated as if they are in preschool by their parents. They are often given harsher and stricter curfews than their peers.

Oftentimes, the only non-school activities that the overprotected teenagers indulge in are those mandated by their parents or supervised by adults. Many overprotective parents believe that the teenage years are highly vulnerable and it is best that their teenagers be supervised as much as possible in order "to stay out of trouble."

During the college years, many overprotected children cannot reasonably adjust to the rigors of college life. This is especially true if they elect to attend school away from their parents' domicile.

Because the university is a more independent and unstructured environment than either elementary, junior high, and/or high school, the typical overprotected student cannot survive, thus they often flunk out.

In the work world or the "real world," overprotected children are quite abysmal failures. They often do not possess the skills necessary to thrive and survive in the work world. They possess no or low self-confidence, no initiative, and a low tolerance for frustration and hardships which is often commonplace in the work environment.

Furthermore, the supervisor is not their parent but someone who expects them to contribute and pull their weight. Many overprotected children end up being terminated from their employment—not once but several times. More often they become quite unemployable.

Overprotected children fare worse in relationships where equality is required. They are often at the extreme passive end of relationships as they were raised that way by their parents. Oftentimes, because of their extreme lack of social skills and their passivity, they are drawn into relationships where their partner is often more dominant than they are.

Even though these relationships are quite abusive and Svengali-like, they prefer to stay in the "safety" of such relationships than to develop a backbone and have a more fulfilling relationship.

Overprotected children end up to be failures in life in more ways than one. Overprotective parents are only damaging their children and either do not or refuse to acknowledge this.

Many kids remain in their infantile state until it is quite too late to change! Let us raise our children to be fully functioning and independent adults!

© 2011 Grace Marguerite Williams

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Tony 2 days ago

      I have a 54 year old brother who has never worked other than a few brief stints lasting no more than a few months immediately following his college years over thirty years ago.

      What is really astonishing is he has never had a drug or alcohol problem and probably does have a nervous disorder but it is one that has never been addressed.

      Yet millions of people go to work every day and pay their own way and raise families and move forward with lives of their own with much worse mental illness than him if he even has one.

      The real issue is his refusal to work because of his sense of entitlement is matched by my mother's blind refusal to make him work.

      In the process she has destroyed her relationship with me and the rest of our siblings. I'll never understand why she felt she had to commit herself so fully to a brother who wont commit to himself. And in the process she has irreparably harmed everyone else around her as he is so toxic we cant even go near the home she shares with him

    • profile image

      SeptemberSapphire 2 days ago

      I'm 18, and I can agree with mostly of what you said. My parents, and even my mom is so over-protective and even paranoid if I try to do things that they think I'll be in danger of. I was never to a school I never had friends until I got into a online school in the 8th grade. It took me years to find friends that is MY age. My friends are so fun and amazing to be with, but I keep this a secret with them because I fear they'll think that my friends wants to kill me, find where I live, etc. To be honest, its best that they don't know of them and what I'm doing. Its even at the point that my mom does NOT want me of my other siblings to have Facebook, Twitter etc because she heard ppl was killed from giving their personal info out. We have Twitter, but keep it to her as a secret as much as we can. I wish my parents weren't this, and its coming to the point that I would have to leave early. I really don't want to because I love them, but I can't take it anymore, living a life with parents decided what they think its best for us when it clearly is not. When I do get the chance, I am moving away from them as much as possible, even though my parent wants me to live in our town in which they'll think it'll happen, but it will not.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Yes, people from large/very large families who have small families are OFTENTIMES overprotective of their smaller brood. They didn't have the necessary parental protection as children. Many have to fend for themselves. When they become parents, they overcompensate for their childhood deprivation by becoming OVERPROTECTIVE parents.

      There is an article indicating that Generation X, the generation after the Baby Boom, are classified as overprotective parents. Many in Generation X had underprotective childhoods & as a result, Generation X become overprotective parents to make up for their childhood deprivation.

    • profile image

      Vankelford lee 2 weeks ago

      I feel as if I was over protected as a

      Child. Most of this I've said so myself.

    • profile image

      ybbagcamp 2 weeks ago

      Hey it’s ybbagcamp again I read one of your comments down here about parents with large families becoming overprotective and it really shocked me because my mom has 10 sibling and my dad has 6 siblings. Wow. Just thought I’d share that

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I think that you should seek counseling. Also leave home if you haven't already.

    • profile image

      Monika 3 weeks ago

      Wow is all I can say. This was harsh but in a good way. A lot of things made sense actually.

      Sadly, I am one of these kids. Not a kid anymore though, I'm a 26-year-old female. Between my elder brother and me, there is 15 year. By the time I was fully aware of my surrounding, my brother entered college and I was all alone. When he wasn't in college he hung out with his friends so... no one to play with, etc. My father drank on his off days (he was a passive alcoholic though - so he never abused us, nor did he yell or anything). My mother, on the other hand, yelled when she came home from work. I knew that there would be yelling when she got home and my dad was drunk. It was horrible for me. My brother somehow got over it by leaving the house and going to his friends' but I was a few years old girl, where would I go? So yeah, I heard anything. My grandma even told me several times to bring back my father from the nearest pub. I felt ashamed and all. It still clings to me. So when there is an event where there is alcohol, I only drink a little bit. I don't want to end up like my father. Even though my father cut down on drinking that much (thanks to a car accident), my mother still snaps at him for drinking more than one glass and it often escalates to arguing. I hate hearing that. It affects the whole day. By the way, both of my parents are retired so they're home 24/7 - which is also a problem seeing as in I am still unemployed. This generates a lot of misunderstanding, nagging, frustration, etc.

      My parents were both protective and not. My father still is. As the article says and I thought it through, there was not a job interview where one or both of my parents had not accompanied me (they would stay in the hall or in the car, but they were always with me).

      When it comes to buying clothes... it's a hell. I tell my mother I don't like this piece of cloth and she gets upset! Actually pouting, face reddening and all, just because I don't want to wear the type of cloth she selected for me! That's why I hate shopping.

      Every single time when I leave home and arrive at the destination I have to call them that I arrived safely (I know they mean well, but maybe mean too well?). And if I decide not calling them, they call me. When I get home they want to know where I have been, what I have been talking about. Every little detail. It's frustrating. I have one dear friend, and I try to meet up with her as often as I could. I cannot think of an occasion when it was not a problem meeting with her. There was and still is something to do at home and whenever I leave for an outing my father comments that I'm going again? Not in a good time. So yeah, it really makes my day.

      When I entered the same college my brother did, my mother worked there. So she knew everything about me. Almost everyone knew her there so I was supervised again and I hated it. If I did something wrong my mother knew it. We didn't have the background for me to go to another college so I had to take that one where my mother worked (university in Europe). It was hell. I picked out a course, but when I saw that it wasn't for me, she told me to finish it because everyone would be shocked and she would be left in shame that her daughter left college. I have a degree that I hate. Then I finished another degree I hate because my father told me that a BSc degree would be complete with masters. So I'm here with literally no qualification because there is no way I'm going to work in those fields I qualified.

      Over the months being at home, searching for any kind of job, I was starting to love doing nails. So as soon as I get a job (even the lowest paying one), I will start a nail technician course. I want to make my own decision! I have been affected by my parents that I want to change things. My father is not happy with me not wanting to work with my degrees. Mum now just shrugs her shoulders. They meant well, and all I feel is self-hatred for myself because I wasted their time, money and effort for nothing. But I have to take steps in other directions or I should just kill myself.

      I never had a relationship, nor a date. But after seeing how my parent's marriage turned out, I don't think I ever want to be in a relationship or have a child. I won't be able to stand up for her when the child would get in trouble etc... and my mother doesn't get it. I can't talk to either of my parents about these things. Two or three weeks ago I talked to my sister-in-law about this. And both she and my brother respect and support my decision to start another course to finally have some independence. So with this knowledge, I will start saving up money to start a nail tech course - every time I think about it, it makes me feel free and that I finally can shape my own path. I know it's going to be a really hard way but I have to change and start having my own life (even if I end up all alone without a family of my own).

      I'm pretty messed up, right?

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Talk to a school counselor, relative, or a psychologist. You are suffering & unhappy-this isn't normal. Please talk to someone who cares.

    • profile image

      Someone not important 3 weeks ago

      I'm 14 and my parents are divorced . I have not ever felt what it's like to have a real family and every night have dinner . My mom is over protective, and I have never got to have a sleep over or live how I wish to live . How my life is today is not happy and I'm not just blaming it on my mom but she see's I'm stressed and just assumes it is about something else but it is because of her. I'm always thinking that I am more happy with my few friends than I am with my small family. I'm not depressed but I am failing classes and I really do try but I am stressed and sad. My mom has a boy friend now and I never get to do anything with my mom now. She is always out at night getting drunk or smoking. I wish I could talk to her but I can't and every time I try to talk, she goes of topic. I feel like running away but I guess I do not have the guts to do it.my Mom should not be worried about me much. She should be worried about her self. I believe life is about family,love,friends,and also happiness but I don't get happiness I just get sad Lonley and no one ever notices. By no one , I mean my mother. I just wish I could actully have a family who could be respectful and loving and not over protective. My brotheres are also no help at all in this situation. They just make it worse by, hurting me, making me feel bad, fat,stupid(etc). If u are like me just try to live happy and have fun with the rest of your life. I know I'm not happy but atleast I know how to live a happy life

    • profile image

      sharon 5 weeks ago

      I agree with this totally.My mom was super overproctive of me,she would not let me for example she would not let me date til I was sixteen and there was a valentines day dance that was I was intvited to and it was 2 months shy of my sixteenth birthday and she almost died.Then if I get a job that shes likes its okay but if not all hell breaks loose.One job she told they were going to break my glasses and destroy my truck.

    • profile image

      Nathan Araujo 6 weeks ago

      To be honest, You have a point. I dont remember much from my life but i do have autism....however...im already socializing in many places at the time....its just that my parents have their own way of discipline. Just like you said..i wasnt allowed to go to a neighbor's house or anywhere but my home. I wasnt allowed to have a phone or any electronic. I was not allowed to go on Far away field trips(I.E. Universal studios). And the worst part is that im the only family member on my household with autism and my younger sisters get better stuff then i do. Thats why i never have a computer,phone......you get the point.....the thing is that....i just wish that i never have autism at all......life would be different by then

    • profile image

      Larry 7 weeks ago

      I've been quite like that until 22, when i finally left my parents to live my own life. That was already too late, i am now almost 40, managed to improve myself quite a bit (went in parties socializing as i could), but am still having social adjustments to do especially with women. My lack of self confidence is a pain in the ass.

    • profile image

      Anon O. Mouse 7 weeks ago

      My mother cannot see the harm she did in raising her children. It may not have been intentional, but our lives have been crippled because of her parenting. There is not one thing in our lives that was left for us to determine on our own. Every tiny facet of our lives was scrutinized, criticized, organized, dominated and run by her. She destroyed every last ounce of confidence I might have had in myself to make my own decisions. Even my hairstyle and clothing was chosen by her, even though I personally hated my hair and the clothes were not what I would have personally picked. I tried very hard to have my own life, make my own decisions - but failed miserably to have a career. I have a degree that I've never used. Not that I didn't try - I tried very hard, but could never get hired. I put it down to coming across to people as strange. I think my lack of confidence showed, as well as my lack of social skills. As a family, we almost never interacted with other people. In school, I was shy and awkward because I never felt sure about anyone liking me. The fact that I often had no or few friends didn't seem to matter one iota to her. Her bigger concerns were having a clean house and that we did everything we were told. I felt my own mother didn't like me much, despite her protestations to the contrary, even today. She deeply criticized me at every opportunity about each and every little thing. And if I didn't do something like she thought I should, she had a way of making me feel a disaster of immense proportions would certainly befall me. I always felt as if death or some vague but tremendous punishment was awaiting me should I slip up. Her yelling and greatly exaggerated facial expressions and voice did not help matters. I always felt in a great panic, even over what would seem little or unimportant matters to other people. She nearly drove me crazy. In fact, you might say she DID drive me and my siblings crazy, because we do not live what I consider "normal" lives as compared to the lives of others around us. But my mother lives in complete denial of any of this, which just makes it harder. She likes to live in a fantasy world in which she views herself as having been an "Ozzie and Harriet" parent. She's been far from that. She won't face that her children all have problems stemming from her misguided parenting. I've tried to tell her at different times about the problems she caused when we were growing up, but I end up getting all of the blame for what she did. It's a wonder that I'm even able to function. I've given up trying to tell her anything because she is now simply too old and too stubborn and is a completely lost cause. So I just do what's within my power to do. If I can't take being around her - then I don't stay around her. I don't try to take revenge or hurt her emotionally, because that just doesn't do anything to a person who thinks they've done nothing wrong. All it does is aggravate me further. The best thing I can do is decide what I want for myself and put up boundaries that I won't allow her to cross. I'm no longer at her mercy because I live in my own house and she can no longer control my life to the extent she could when I was younger.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 7 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I had an inkling that you were perhaps an only child who had parents from large families. Parents from large families oftentimes didn't receive the prerequisite love & attention as children so when they become parents & if they have small families, they become OVERPROTECTIVE to make up for the love & attention they didn't receive.

      Also in the large family psychology, children are taught not to trust anything outside of their immediate family circle. Children from large families are oftentimes quite insular because they mostly associate w/blood-related children i.e. siblings & don't have outside friends which would give them a different outlook. As a result, children from large families are quite wary of people outside their circle. They are even suspicious of environments that aren't their own. Insularity, parochialism, & extreme clannish is rife in the large family environment. Children from large families grow up to be fearful & quite isolated & when they become parents, they pass this fearfulness & isolationist psychology to their children. It is no accident that people from large families can be classified as narrow-minded, not wanting to venture outside of their familial circle.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 7 weeks ago

      I am separated by 9 and 10 years to two older sisters, so yes I am like an only child. My mother was from a large dysfunctional family (8 children and she was the youngest) and my father was the first born of a second marriage for both of his parents creating a blended family of 5 children. My father was shot and almost killed when I was 3 months old injecting more fear and anxiety into the familial mix. I would definitely agree that the attempts to keep me safe and alive (because I became very ill as an infant and almost died from pneumonia while my father was recovering from being shot) extended throughout my upbringing...so lots of reasons that the overprotection was happening. When I see my parents during holiday season my mother still treats me like I can’t do anything for myself. But I have learned to take responsibility for myself and care for myself. Despite not having those hallmark happenings in my life of marraige and children, I have been consistently employed, have owned a home and I enjoy what I do. I am artistic and that helps me with some of my emotional issues because it is such a great way for me to express myself and know myself. I am not unhappy that I did not have children because I think it would have not been a good decision earlier in my life when I was waiting for someone else to come take care of me. Now I am a good parent to myself.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 7 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I want to ask you a question? Were you the only child of parents who came from large families? I ask this because parents from large families when they have small families tend to OVERPROTECT their children to make up for the neglect such parents experience as children. Also, parents from large families tend to inject their familial psychology on their children. People from large families have a fear based philosophy. They are insular & fearful of the outside environment. They see the world as a negative place & see family as an anchor.

      People from large families have a philosophy of them vs us which they impart to their children. Parents of large families who have small families tend to be THE MOST OVERPROTECTIVE parents. They imbue their children that anything outside the family is bad & that the world is a wary place.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 7 weeks ago

      ybbagcamp- you should share this post with your parents. Their fear of losing you or having something bad happen to you is going to make life hard for you in the future. They need to read what you have written. To your parents- I am a 48 year old woman whose parents overprotected me similarly. I have struggled through my life, never married, have few friends and never had children. I was always paralyzed by the fear of the world that my parents instilled in me. It has taken a long time for me to learn to trust and care for myself . Your parents may not change but know that you need to learn to trust yourself and be proactive in life...

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 7 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You need to talk to a school guidance counselor who can recommend family therapy. The problem are your parents. They are not only overprotecting you but infantilizing you. You are being infantilized by your parents. Your parents are stunting your emotional, intellectual, & psychological growth.

      Something needs to be done. If nothing is done, your entire growth will be stunted. You have to be the initiator, speak to a school guidance counselor who can recommend family therapy. What your parents are doing to you is not normal at all but borders on the abusive. Get help immediately !

    • profile image

      ybbagcamp 7 weeks ago

      Please help me. I’m 16 years old and my parents are ruining my life. For as long as I remember my parents have been the most overprotective out of all the kids at school.

      In middle school I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I wouldn’t go to school and as a result got bad grades and lost friends. I continued to think their ways were Normal until high school.

      I got a psychologist who I really like and have a good bond with. Whenever we talk about my problems they always seem to have roots to the same thing: my parents. I have no life skills- never done my own laundry, don’t know how to cook, etc. I have no social skills because I’m not allowed to do anything.

      One thing that’s strange to me is that I had more freedom in middle school than I do now. In middle school i’d walk around the city with my friends and explore places, but now my parents track my phone and when I ask them if I can sleepover at my friends’ house they always text my friends parents (without telling me) to make sure they’ll be there.

      Most of my friends are younger than me so they can’t drive yet, but I have one friend who is 17 and has had her license for over a year. She hasn’t had a single accident or done anything that would make her an unsafe driver. My parents still refuse to let me ride with her, even from school to her house. Whenever we want to hang out my mom has to take us and pick us up, or we have to take lyft which is pretty much a waste of money when she could just take us. Most of the them when she wants me to hang out with her and my other friends I just say I’m busy because I’d rather stay home lonely and crying than to hang out with her but have my mom drive us around and constantly have check up on me and call my friends’ parents and stay up all night waiting for me and not trust me when she’s not watching me 24/7.

      My parents often tell me that they trust me, it’s just the rest of the world they don’t trust. They want me to go to college and be successful, but I don’t understand how I’m supposed to do that if I’m not allowed to be independent. Are they just gonna treat my like a 6 year old until my first day of college then just expect me to know what to do?

      Also about the driving thing, I’m getting my license in two months. My parents said they’ll buy me a car, but I doubt they’ll ever let me drive alone. Sometimes I bring it up and try and joke about it like “I can’t wait until I can just come here by myself,” or “when I have my license I’ll just come to target for groceries myself.”

      My mom usually does a little “haha yeah” but doesn’t say anything else.

      I have gotten into trouble a few times, twice for riding with my friend, and once because my mom found something in my drawer, but who HASNT gotten in trouble?! Isn’t that normal? Or is everyone supposed to be perfect and never make mistakes? How am i supposed to learn from mistakes if I’m not allowed to make any?! Before those incidents I’ve never done ANYTHING to make them not trust me. Almost everyone at my school gets drunk every weekend and smokes weed in the bathrooms every day, and I’m such a good kid who’s gotten in trouble a few times because who hasn’t?! But those few times made my parents literally never trust me about anything anymore. I’m scared that when I’m older I’m not gonna know how to do anything or make any friends.

      At least I realize what theyre doing to me so I can just try to ignore it. Don’t get me wrong, I listen to them, but I just say no to hanging out with my friends instead of lashing out because that’ll just cause more problems. I’ve learned to deal with it and hopefully their views won’t follow me subconsciously when I’m older.

      Thanks

    • profile image

      joem789 7 weeks ago

      Grace Marguerite Williams

      Are you insane? To say that only a small percentage of parents are fit to be raising children? That is idiotic. Through the power of philosophy, science, and religion, we know without a shadow of a doubt that every person and thing in existence is subject to Cause and Effect. This means that there is no free will in the whole Universe. Everything we think is caused. Everything we do is caused. So we are products of our environment.

      That said. Just as easily as a child can grow up blaming a parent for the way they were raised. The parent could just as easily blame their own parent for the same thing. A million people could see a single person as a major success story. While in reality they see their own life as a failure. There is no right and wrong in the sense that YOU can sentence other parents to failure.

      I am certain that my parents belong in your supposed category of failures. And I just may belong there myself. But it shows nothing. It proves nothing. It means nothing at all.

      There is also a little thing called predisposition. Pair that with the idea that there is no free will. You will suddenly see a world far different than before. Because there are still millions of children turning out the OPPOSITE of what parents desire them to be. What one parent might see as a failure might be seen as a success to another parent. There is truly no WRONG or RIGHT when it comes down to it. Because environment is only part of the equation. Predisposition has an enormous influence on a child. And when it conflicts with a parent's intentions, the child ends up in a difficult position. It is why we see children do "naughty" things by sneaking and getting into trouble. Because of predisposition. Good parents are nothing more than Guides. Spectators. Role models. We try to be what we hope our child will become. While knowing they probably won't. But maybe they will be close (or better) where character is concerned. If not, oh well.

      I look at it this way. All people are saved where GOD is concerned. There is no Hell. No entity who chooses to make us and place us in this life. Subject to the Cause and Effect that surrounds all things. It isn't our fault that we suck at things. It isn't our fault that we make mistakes. Some of them being really bad. We didn't choose to be here. GOD already knows these things. And He isn't going to throw us into a fire because we did what He already knew we would do. He created all things with purpose in mind. And nothing in this world is worth falling to pieces over. These beliefs alone can make a better parent. But not a perfect one. We have no human ability to harness perfection.

    • profile image

      joem789 7 weeks ago

      This article goes to an extreme. It leans heavily towards the "be like other kids" parenting. Who cares if a parent takes a kid to school? Who cares what other kids think? The main question is how is home life? What does the child think about or do with their time? Have any goals? The world that matters is the real world. School institutions are far away from reality. They are an isolated bubble. So articles like this one say that kids should be in a school bubble rather than a home bubble.

      Face reality. Because reality is what counts for most of your life. School is short and temporary. And it is often a crutch and/or an obstacle. A nuisance. I struggled my way through school. I was sheltered. Introverted. And I didn't even know why. No one was telling me anything. I got bullied. I got teased. I was treated badly by teachers. I fit many of the things that are described in this article. But I am 45 years old today. And I have learned a thing or two from it all.

      The problem I had was not my parents and the way they raised me. The problem was how the school dealt with my issues. I didn't belong in the classroom environment. I was always pressured to be something I wasn't by the system. We had the option to homeschool. But had no idea because the school system wouldn't tell us at the time. So I spiraled through years of truancy and depression that could have been avoided just by being homeschooled. So you see. School officials don't care about children. And it shows in the way the system is designed. Statistics have clearly shown that the system is a scam if anything.

      I gained more from staying home than while in school. More academically. And more through living life. I gained my social skills during my 20s. Through desire. Anything I had no desire for, I didn't bother to learn. It is what makes me who I am. I found my purpose. And I have 3 children to raise that will know better. Two of which have never stepped foot in a public school.

      life is not about raising kids the way everyone else is. That's how you make a follower. Raising a leader is different. It requires non-conformity. Else the "leader" is a fraud. Like celebrities.

    • profile image

      Emem Masorong 8 weeks ago

      This ain't true all the way, but I appreciate how you want us to really get out of the mentality of over protecting. I too, was over protected. I am a Muslim. And there are many "don't do this and that" things happening. I may have come too rough before on my other comments, but this time I want to make it right. There just seems to be a lot of comments about how other over protected people just say that they are who you said they were and they felt miserable. But not me. I cannot accept everything you said.

      Slated means in Google:

      1. cover (something, especially a roof) with slates.

      2. criticize severely.

      So that means that this article is just criticizing us. Over protected people are being criticized. But that's not a problem because as some of us might know, criticism can make us be better, and instead of succumbing in it and thinking that you are really doomed with the idea, then just do something about it and never worry because you can make through. You will. You must. You can.

      The author of this a woman, and I respect that. I'm sorry to be too rough on the previous comments I made. I just want a good relationship with anybody I come in contact with, and I expect to have the same. But if you cross the boarder line, expect too to maybe have some back lashing. I will not allow any person to make me a doormat. I'm not perfect and I know I will never be and I am trying to be patient with bad people. I too make mistakes.

      You just want to spread the idea or notion that over protecting is bad. It will lead to unhappy things. You may fail.

      Like me, I just had two friends yesterday. New ones. I'm getting out of my nut shell and slowly but surely adding more vibes to my social life. They were younger than me a few years. One was 2 years younger and the other one 6 years but they are those types of people who already had sex and the other one as I know already is a father. But I feel like I am the youngest. Sometimes even in the family. I'm a Filipino, and we call each other here in the country Kuyas(brother) and Ate(sister), but in our family, we didn't grew up with such practices. Sometimes I feel I am not the older brother of my 3 younger ones, and even sometimes feel that it is them. I am trying my best to handle this situation.

      As I said, nobody lived on this earth with a perfect life. Nobody was born, even if it was a kid of a Billionaire, as perfect.

      Even the parents of the author, I know, were not. I am wondering too if she was not over protected but she felt some sort of lack in her life. Like my mother, whom I know had a life different from ours. That's what parents do. Giving life to their children which they didn't had. She felt she was already working in an early age. 8 I guess, and she was even a cum laude. I heard her said one day that she didn't want us to experience what she did when she was a kid. To be forced to work and all. All she wanted was us to finish our studies, maybe get a high paying job, have a good wife. She wanted us to be happy, but she and father always fight. That is since we were kids. Maybe someone could relate. But now, it's getting even worse. But I am hopeful it will slowly deteriorate. They will soon find love with each other, and they will ignite a stronger bonding love that is so strong you will believe in love once more. I truly believe that. Miracles do happen.

      I have a different life than others. But I am still thankful I am alive and breathing, because I can change the course any time. The author said that there are still over protected people that become successful. Even non over protected people, some, are failures too right? But she is pertaining to us, because she cares, I know. She wants to get it over with, and do something about the issue. I applaud her for her bravery to do such feat knowing many will not agree and might hate her. She wants freedom I guess.

      We all have the power of observation. And I do not belittle your wisdom of things. I am just here to give my opinion about this matter.

      Just hold on. It is our choice to become successful. Just in the middle of your defeat, lies great immeasurable potential to rise back from the ashes. They say we are created in the image of God.

      Who ever we are... Be strong. For life is hard. Make things easier by having the mindset that "I can" no matter what happens. No matter how impossible. Never "I can't". Just take care of yourself.

      Nobody's perfect except God.

      I love you.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 8 weeks ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      @The Great Gatsby, you are correct in your premise. Only a small percentage of parents are parent material. Most aren't. People, for the most part, have children because of outside pressure-parental, religious, & societal. Most people don't want children at all. Also, most people have emotional & psychological issues which impact on their ability to properly parent. That is why I believe in parental licensing i.e. rigorously test people before they become parents.

    • profile image

      The Great Gatsby 8 weeks ago

      I firmly believe parenting is only for the confident and self-respecting adults. Parents were children themselves, and some insecurities become life long problems. And once they have kids, they raise them aligned to those insecurities, so no wonder so many children grow up to be men-children. I am an example of that, too. My mom stifled me with her love (and keeps stifling me to this day) because of her own issues and fears, and I am sure that she is partly responsible for my life struggle to independent.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Speak to a trusted school psychologist, guidance counselor, or impartial relatives regarding your situation.

    • profile image

      The overprotected 2 months ago

      I am currently 13 and I am treated like I am 4. I am really starting to hate my parents WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      Overprotected Child 2 months ago

      In case any one is reading this and thinking to the contrary...

      I was overprotected as a child. My mom might as well have been crazy glued to me.

      I ended up running away from home at 17. I couldn't handle it anymore because I had no friends at all and was constantly suicidal.

      And I got into way worse trouble. Homeless, couldn't hold a job down. Got raped. Major mental health issues.

      DON'T DO IT!

      I would have rather had a "normal" life and died young than live like this.

      It doesn't get better either. I still feel afraid to do the simplest things by myself.

      It's like I'm going to fight the urge to have my mom do things for me for the rest of my life.

      I'm almost 27 now and have barely spoken to my family in 10 years. There were "worse" problems with the family as well. But my point is that trying to learn to function on my own has taken a decade and I'm still not getting it right.

    • profile image

      thestruggleisreal 2 months ago

      I hate my dad so much. Im a regular teenager and he wont allow me to have a smart phone or use any kind of stuff connected to the internet. I feel so fustrated and I hate how he thinks its "love" to treatme like that but it's actually not. Its something that is ruining and torturing my life and freedom

    • profile image

      Simon Says. 2 months ago

      I am in absolute and full agreement. I recognise all of this in my sister's children. She is overbearing, over protective, seeks to solve even ordinary and everyday problems for them despite two of them now being at college... and they are utterly useless, incapable of even fairly basic tasks. Highly intelligent but yet failing at college, relationships, and life in general. Spectacularly unaware of the effect they have on others, astonishingly entitled, and sadly just make me not want to be around them at all.

    • profile image

      2 months ago

      I hate my parents they don't let me have social media and everyone else at my school does so i get bullied and I've had suicidal thoughts because of this. I know this sounds stupid but it really isn't.

    • profile image

      Jane Benton 2 months ago

      After reading this article about the dangers of over-protective parenting, I actually thought it was a joke. Obviously there are dangers of sever over parenting, as well as dangers of sever under parenting. The author of this article seems to have a clear chip on the shoulder approach to parents who are over-protective; your article does a disservice to parents who need might actually need help with parenting. I've raised 4 very happy, educated, giving and productive citizens who were raised in a home with very clear boundaries, and thus consequences. They had a strict curfew, we didn't allow them to hang out with kids who were doing drugs or alcohol, and we had a say so regarding where they chose to hang out. We were and still are overprotective and proud of the outcome of our first four children, and with our last we will do the same. There are many ways to be a parent with no major formula- but a genuine loving parent will set their ground rules at a very young age and begin teaching wise choices, and consequences in a loving manner. As they grow older they can be given more responsibility based on their "wise choices" not based on their unwise choices or mistakes. Our children turned out quite fine being over protected because they learned about consequences in this world. That's the real world! No job in the world will give you a raise or a pat on the back for an unwise choice. Some mistakes can be great learning opportunities in life- but some mistakes can cost a life. Sadly, too many parents are afraid to set boundaries for their teens because they, too, are bullied and want to fit in like so many teens.

    • profile image

      John 2 months ago

      This article reads more like a grudge against a person from a caring or wealthy background. There is more times than not 'success' from high parental involvement. Look at any sport where parents are involved heavily, even living through them. Those kids tend to do better on average. Look at the kids who can speak on the same level as their teachers from a young age and they tend to be favourites. Kids who have advanced vocabulary because they speak a lot to their parents from a young age. These kids tend to be lightyears ahead on average. The type of kid you are talking about is not the overprotected type, its the type with socially inept or problematic parents.

      You can't 'over care' for a child and thats not the same as doing everything for them. Parenting is not something that can be explained in one article. A child needs a multifaceted approach to become successful, confident, athletic, intelligent, etc etc

    • profile image

      D lish dounut 2 months ago

      It’s just sad when parent treat their teenagers like their only 7 and don’t let them outside only for school won’t let them have a boyfriend .

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I also observed adults who were overprotected as children. They are quite insufferable if you ask me.. Lenore Skenazy also has written many articles on overprotective parents and the damage they do to their children.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I read countless child psychology books & by observations of overprotected classmates in elementary school.

    • profile image

      Just A Student. 3 months ago

      it is a very useful article but i am a student at GMS and i was to do a report on overprotective parents, i found this one interesting but the thing that disappointed me was i over read this twice and i didn't see evidence, such as if you got the evidence from a child psychologist or a interview of children or teenagers who was overprotected, haha unless im being stupid and missed it i'm sorry but i put down on my report as N/A and went to another article that had evidence clear as day and some had links to websites used.

    • profile image

      Anonymous Guest 3 months ago

      Thank you for this really helpful article, Ms Williams. So true, although I wish you could have also included some suggestions or solutions to help children of overprotective parents get out of their situation.

      @Alison Blue, I could have written that comment myself!! All my life my parents kept me locked up in the house so I never played with other children or talked with any people other than my parents. My parents were isolated socially, they had no friends so they never left the house either except to go to work and they never talked on the phone. The result is I never learnt how to talk on the phone and even today it's hard for me to hold a phone conversation, and I'm almost 50 years old now.

      No one ever came to visit us and we never went to visit anyone. My parents forbade me from having any friends. They were against friendships, which you can see as they themselves had no friends either, through their own choosing.

      When I was a child at school kids soon learnt to stop inviting me to playovers and parties, because they already knew what would be my generic response: I can't, my parents won't let me. I could have spent my entire childhood with that logo pasted to my forehead, and saved people the bother of asking me if I could go to their party or sleepover.

      University was just as hard because for the first time I had the opportunity to talk to other people who weren't my parents. But I didn't know ANY social rules. If I was in a group I didn't know how to figure out when I was supposed to talk and when I was supposed to be quiet, or what were the appropriate things to say or not say. The only time I'd ever spoken in groups before was in supervised situations at school where the teachers chose the person who was going to speak, and gave guidelines as to what you could talk about.

      I couldn't understand gestures, looks and expressions, take a hint or understand hints or know what you were supposed to do or not do in different social situations, since my parents had always kept me locked up at home, so I'd never had any sort of social relationships with anyone except my parents.

      Finding a job was just as hard. My parents found my jobs for me. They forbade me from getting a job by myself and if I ever tried to get one, they forbade me from going to work. Need I say they didn't let me study what I wanted, either. They chose the career I would study, and forbade me from studying anything else. The result is that I studied a career that I hated and could never find a job that I liked, because I always hated my career, since I hadn't chosen it.

      But as I was saying, it was hard for me to find a job as well, because I had no social skills and because if I did find a job and my parents didn't approve of it, well, I simply wasn't allowed to go to work. My parents found my jobs for me, and made me go to work in the places they had chosen for me. Fortunately, I actually enjoyed one of these jobs and worked there for 3 years. After that I left because it was only a student job, and I finished university. I wouldn't have liked to work at that job for the rest of my life anyway though.

      Finally after university I left the country because I had the opportunity to do so. My parents idolized university professors, so a professor from my university took me abroad on an exchange programme. I never returned home, and that is how I found my freedom.

      But even so even today sooooo many things are still so hard for me. Every time I have to make a decision, be it something as difficult as the next right career move or as simple as what to wear each day, I still look around expecting my mother to give me the answer, and I STILL feel lost even today when of course there is no one around to tell me what to do.

      As @Alison Blue says, the learning curve for learning things at the age of 50, that you should have learnt at the age of 15, is just soooooooooo much steeper and it is just sooooo much harder than it would have been at the age of 15.

    • profile image

      Isaac Solomon 3 months ago

      I am going to express this now, I do believe due to my home life that I am scarred, and mentally messed up. I learned recently that if someone in your family has BPD (for reference my father does) that you are five times as likely to develop it, added to the addition my entire childhood has been oppressive and traumatic for me. I feel as if I do have BPD. I feel empty at times, not sure what I am as a person, what I believe in or what I want. I never know unless its upfront and presented to me.

      Then there's this lack of independence which makes it hard to find love, that I need so desperately or I turn into what my father once was. a monster that abuses people because he was angry. I don't want to be him, I don't want to make others suffer as I did.

      I can't help it either, when I get angry I turn into a violent person. The urge to hurt myself or hurt others become so big of thoughts in my head,I want to hurt my parents for what they did to me. Then I want to hurt myself due to how unliveable and handicapped mentally and emotionally I am. I just want to escape the constant state of emotional and mental pain I feel, since even if I do get help, and if nothing is done and I still go home with the same father, he is going to be angry, and violent. Now how violent may I get, you might ask? I tend to get violent to the point I, sometimes punch or kick the wall, or the urge to strangle my siblings to relieve my anger, and I let anger get the best of me. So instead of choking the life out of them, I grab my sister, sit her on my knee and just spank her, when she cries I immediately stop and hold her close, as if I just snapped out of a episode that I had no control over. I hold her and apologize to her trying to fix my mistake. This last happened four months ago, and ever since then I've been harming myself instead of them.

      Now I go to my room and just tell myself how much of a crap person I am, how mentally screwed up I am, and how worthless I am. Occasionally cutting and stabbing myself with a pencil and plotting my own suicide so I don't have to harm anyone again, and so I don't have to live through my hell.

      I accept responsibility for hurting my sister by abusing her just to let my own anger out, via spanking her. It's stopped ever since I took on the act of cutting or stabbing myself.

    • profile image

      Isaac Solomon 3 months ago

      I will try, if anything they will deny it and when it all passes over, and nothing is done, I will be forced into a more oppressed living, hence why I fear speaking out. I want to do something, but if nothing is done, then I am going home being ridiculed and down talked, how much of a drama queen I am, then just heavily punished. I sometimes, wonder if what I am going to be is worth living. I will seek whatever help I can.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Talk to trusted relatives who will intercede for you. What your parents are doing to you is beyond horrible. Your parents are beyond overprotective into authoritarian.

    • profile image

      Isaac Solomon 3 months ago

      I am a victim of over protective parents, still am. I can never make my own decisions, I could never suggest something without being shot down or heavily criticized. I always depend on a friend assurance for when I make my own decisions, in which I would face criticism from my parents, then they would try all in their power to make me make the decision they want me to make. If I ever tried to act independent and speak out for myself, I was threatened to be tossed out on the street to get a full time job, which I had no incentive to work, because I never had done anything like that, and don't know where, when, and how to start.

      I mainly get my incentives to achieve and do something in love from love, love from a girlfriend or boyfriend, which I can never get one. If I love someone I fantasize, think about it, act nice to them but NEVER ask them out, afraid of being rejected or told I was not even worth their time. I was so use to it from my parents, I feared it from others. Even now, at 16 years old I couldn't bear going to trade school, one where there was independence needed to learn the trade my PARENTS wanted me to learn. Whenever I tried to wiggle out or protest moving from the class they forced me to stay and said I was an idiot.

      This point I feel uncertain, it feels inescapable. If I get my own jobs my mother and father would take money from my paycheck, they would most likely fill out the application for me. I don't even know what my skills are, I don't even know how I am as a person besides dependent and mentally scarred and clouded.

      Then the big thing, whenever I tried to be me, in anyway shape or form, I was treated like a dog, talked down and that only bombed and killed my self esteem and self confidence. Now due to this, everytime I do something new or try I get a sinking feeling that I'm doing it wrong, that I'm going to be rejected by the other kids in the activity. I just feel lost,defeated, and a dissapointment to anyone and everyone I meet due to this. Even at 16 due to all this babying and over protectiveness of my parents I can't tie my shoes! To admit it makes me feel, embarrassed and a failure.

      All the the pain, how much of a failure I am, only led to me causing self harm. Seeing how I didn't have a knife, or any thing but a pencil. I just took a pencil at night, or in the morning and went to cutting feeling relief of how worthless I was, how much I felt like a failure to everyone and society, that in two years I will be on my own and still unable to make decisions, and t hat I can't provide for myself without someone always constantly telling me what to do, or how to do it.

      Now I hope this will generate some attention, that someone will tell me how to escape this hell I am in, one that will only lead me to failure. I want advice, I wan't help. I feel as if I can't escape this and that I'm doomed.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you all for your responses, it is greatly appreciated!

    • profile image

      Emem Masorong 3 months ago

      Thanks for your effort though to help. You're brutally honest. But do you think that we also need info about over-protective parents doing something good for their child? My parents weren't, as I remember for her talks, OProtected, as she already had jobs even when she was little. Maybe it was too much for her like when she was a child she didn't felt like a child, and so... with all the trauma, and getting Muslim kids(some are christians), she gave her all to protect and love us, but came to the point wherein my already college youngest sister is still being with her mother during jeepney rides to school. I wonder what other people think. You wouldn't see that anywhere. My mother is really paranoid of us being hurt because it's like a paradox, we are good people Muslims, but the opposite is seen on media, where we are the bad guys, and she is scared that we are hurt by the 300 people all over the world. Haha. Sorry for my first comment. I shouldn't acted like that. I guess I already have 3 comments but I didn't see it. Maybe I'm spoiled child don't care with you just to do what I want. Hm... Maybe I'll learn through life. Either way with you or I, it's still hard. But really... I'm thinking of writing a book about how I lived with over-protective religious parents.

    • profile image

      Alison Blue 3 months ago

      This article sounds so depressing but it is the truth. I am a product of over-parenting and I am by default set up for failure in life.

      As a child, I never played with other kids my age and because of that I never developed the required social skills to interact with other kids. So I became shy & withdrawn keeping to myself. My parents made all the decisions for me and never encouraged me to discover my own talents and uniqueness. I had a beautiful singing voice and I was never encouraged to develop it or to even participate in any school competitions. Academically I was average. I didn't truly understand or grasp what I was being taught in school but I was good at memorizing so I made it through with decent grades.

      College was challenging as well. Academically I was lost - it was too independent for me. There was nobody to spoon-feed information to me. I found it extremely difficult to cope but somehow I managed to graduate marginally. Socially it was a disaster - I didn't know how to make friends with the cool kids and the few ones that I made I couldn't keep. Romantically I couldn't find a boyfriend either. And mind you I was a very attractive girl - a lot of people could not understand why someone like me wasn't taken. My only console was going to a club, getting drunk and finding someone to hook up with and that ended there. I was very confused with this pattern but I couldn't figure it out.

      Work life was a total failure as well. In the last 10 years, I have been fired 3 times except for one job where I had left due to personal reasons. The thing is that over the years I had become very good at masking my inadequacies so I knew how to ace an interview. I knew how to blow everyone's minds away and land that job. But once I started working, the cracks appeared. I am very good at what I do. I can appear confident, I can speak eloquently, I can problem solve really well, I can work hard, I can take charge when needed - in other words, an ideal employee. But there is always a disconnect. I work in burst of energy - I am all over the place, I am not able to distribute all this energy properly and I start falling apart. It usually takes a while before the employers catch on, and which is why in all the 3 jobs that I have been fired, I had received a decent promotion in the first year. No kidding!

      Romantically it's been a miserable. After I started working I got into a relationship with a narcissist who was emotionally abusive. I was so attached to him that it took me couple of years to finally leave him. That whole experience forced me to break down completely and look into myself and that started my journey to self-discovery.

      Today I'm happily married to a wonderful guy. My husband can see my flaws creeping in every once in awhile and he gets taken aback by it because that's not the persona I project. But because he is an amazing person and he loves me very much he tries to help me through my issues being the strong supportive rock I never had.

      I also have a one year old daughter and I try my best to give her as normal a childhood as possible. I am a stay-at-home mom for the time being. I honestly do not want to go back to work because I don't think I can handle being fired again. Or I should probably step down few levels and do something so mundane and easy that I'll probably succeed for once. The sad part is that I'm so talented and I have so much drive and passion but I would fail at structuring myself and remaining persistent. All I really want to do is to lock myself in a room and watch the days go by. When I look back I see so many opportunities and life experiences wasted which could have led to a more fulfilling life. The truth is if my parents were not so over-protective I would turned out a success for sure. Looking ahead there is still time to turn things around but its going to much harder for me because the learning curve is much steeper.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Excellent advice. Thank you for reading and responding.

    • profile image

      Amy 4 months ago

      A quick Google search of “overprotective parents” resulted in this article as the top search result, which I think is a little unfortunate since the unintended audience is mainly kids (or adults) looking for a solution to their situation. Unfortunately, there’s no advice for the children of overprotective parents, which makes sense since the author is just expressing her observations and opinions. The author refers each commenter to a psychologist or therapist if they need help, which is the right thing to do but is probably not realistic if you don’t have an income or car. Hopefully I can share my point of view to provide more insight on what you can do.

      The key to escaping your overprotective parents is to become financially independent. This was the main motivator for me to do well in high school so I could get accepted into a college outside of my hometown. I certainly didn’t want to live with my parents forever. I applied for minimum wage jobs around the area while I was in high school so I could have my own money. I ended up landing a part-time job as an usher at a theater. This also forced my parents to allow me to enroll in driver’s ed, since they didn’t want me to walk or ride my bike to the theater. They initially didn’t want me to take the job since it could interfere with my schoolwork, so I cited that schools liked seeing work experience on college applications and that other students had jobs as well.

      After you become financially independent, it doesn’t matter what your parents “allow” or “don’t allow” you to do. Only YOU can decide what you want to do. They might express their dissatisfaction, but in the end, it’s your life and not theirs. You have to take responsibility for your actions AND your inaction. It doesn’t make you a bad son or daughter if you go against your parents’ wishes to pursue something you’re passionate about or love. Yes, you will hurt their feelings, and yes, it will be scary and tough. But, your parents have to grow and mature as well, and they will hopefully learn to respect your feelings and choices and learn to compromise. You need to give your parents the tough love as well.

      If you’re in your 20s or beyond and still live with your parents, I highly recommend moving out. If you don’t, your parents will naturally treat you like a child forever (no matter what job you have), which will stunt your personal growth. When my 24 year old cousin wanted to move out, my aunt gave him an incredibly hard time about it. She couldn’t comprehend why he would ever want to do that to her. After all, she cooked all his meals for him and did his laundry, and he didn’t have to pay her rent. My aunt would call my mom, crying about what a terrible son he was and that he didn’t love her, which was not true at all. In the end, after moving out, he dated a wonderful woman, got married, and now they have two children. Now my aunt can’t stop talking about how cute her grandchildren are. My cousin cites moving out as one of the best decisions he ever made. It wasn’t easy and took several years, but now their relationship is healthy.

      Hopefully this helps. I know it’s hard taking the first step, but you can do it. You might make mistakes, but you’ll learn from them and become a stronger person. Good luck!

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Speak to a school counselor, clergyperson, or a guidance counselor. They should be able to refer you to a psychologist.

    • profile image

      Arizona Nixon 4 months ago

      All this explains my mother. I feel like she has gave me low key ptsd and im socially and mentally affected by the over protective way ive been raised. i just want to get out of this and be like the normal kids i hang out with. Im only 16 but no one will belive me. im not being a whiny 16 year old, i know theres something wrong with my mom. She lacks the ability to have a logical argument. Shes so non understanding. she has been in an abusive relationship (my dad),and i think that contributes alot to it. She also has done alot of acid as a teen. My mom is stuck in the 80s. when she was a teenager. she brags everyday about concerts she went to when she was 18. She will tell us the same story from her teenage hoodlem years over and over again and look at us with excitement in her eyes and a big smile on her face. i feel like since im around her alot im starting to act like that to the people i hang out with. like im turning into her and its scary cause theres something worng and i feel it. In my relationship with my boyfriend i feel like hes my theripist or dad. Like hes soooo much more mature then me and on the other end of life. sometimes i think hes just dating me to help me through this and he knows im not normal. It scares me. i just want to be nomral and more mature. im 16 and act like im 10. i also refer to stories of when i was younger and go on oabout the same topic when everyone else has dropped it. i know there something worn gwith the way im being raised and it has made something wrong with me. i cant move out yet. is there a legall thing i cna do? do i have to deal with this for another 2 yeras? please help me. thank you.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Well, it depends. Are the adults on this field trip trustworthy? If they are trustworthy, I see nothing wrong w/letting your daughter go on the field trip. If they aren't, I cannot blame you from refusing to let her go on the field trip.

    • profile image

      Mom1234 4 months ago

      Hi, I have my one and only daughter and I refuse to let her join their Field Trip because I cant come with her. She's 10 years old. i felt guilty but I can't imagine letting her go without me supervising her. I'm pretty sure her teachers wont be able to accommodate 30 pupils. am I overprotective?

    • profile image

      Anon 4 months ago

      This article really lacks compassion.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 4 months ago

      Dear parents, we know you love us, we love you too, but you need to know where to draw the line at times.

    • profile image

      4 months ago

      We understand that our parents do all this out of love and concern for us, but at times they should know where to draw the line.

    • profile image

      4 months ago

      I love my parents, but they are overprotective. They treat me like a child though I'm 23, but they don't understand. They are overcareful about whatever I do, at times they may tell me not to do a particular task, fearing that I may get hurt or I may do it wrongly, and later they accuse me of being lazy and useless. And because of that I have low self esteem and confidence.

    • profile image

      4 months ago

      Even my parents are overprotective which is at times annoying, because my parents treat me like a child.

    • profile image

      Anonymous 4 months ago

      I was raised with parents that were pretty chill most of the time when I was younger but once I reached high school I started experimenting with different things so it then became all about fixing me .. I don't think that is the over protectiveness that this article speaks about but I will tell you this , it's pretty much spot on .. I observe the long lasting damaging affects that this parenting style brings witj my bf everyday .. He's 23 and was never allowed to have hobbies that were dangerous like riding dirt bikes and he was never allowed to spend the night away from home or go to unsupervised parties .. He could have ovetnighters at his house but that's it .. Now as an adult he has no idea how to communicate to resolve any kind of uncomfortable feeling or emotion .. He struggles socially bc his parents made him feel like he couldn't do anything for his self which made him feel like he's not smart enough to handle an adult conversation or situation .. They didn't teach him his schooling either like vocabulary words and definitions .. All they focused on was pounding there Church of Christ obedience nonsense and crazy doctrine in his head ., So now you have an adult that can't converse with other people how a normal 23 year old should be able too and brainwashed to be obedient to there commands until they die .. He has the slightest clue how to persevere through tough times so his character can strengthen bc they sheltered him from any possible wisdom he could have gained by letting him figure a few things out on his own as a kid.. If we have an uncomfortable discussion he just shuts down completely and wants to sleep .. To top it off his mother still controls his bank account and makes sure all his bills gets paid on time .. It's truly heart breaking to watch him suffer bc of there mental sicknesses that they don't think they have ..

    • profile image

      Mr G 4 months ago

      Unfortunately, the majority of Vietnam is like this. Terrible lack of common sense. No one follows rules, road signs, just do what they want and have no respect for other members of their society unless related or friends. Life is cheap here, and overall it's children raising children in my eyes. Parents chasing their 5 year olds around with a spoon because they cant feed themselves, no one respecting or following road rules or signs (commonly causing dangerous or life threatening situations), and parents treating their children in their mid to late 20s like 14 year olds, enforcing rules and restrictions on what they can and cant do. The proof of this problem and the affects are everywhere here, and it saddens me that the majority of this country can't see the damage it has on their society, and future growth.

    • profile image

      Chain 5 months ago

      My mom is also Over Proctective and im 31... She sees stoping her over protectiveness is a sign of disrespecting....

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      It is best that the whole family undergo psychological counselling. You & your parents will each tell your sides. What your parents are doing is abusive. Your parents are toxic. If after counselling, your parents continue to be set in their ways, it is best to disassociate from such toxic parents altogether. You don't need these type of parents.

    • profile image

      hader 5 months ago

      I m 25 yrs old and my parents treat me like a child they never let me do something with myself by saying that you can't do this.They often insults me infront of others like guests by saying he Can't do anything.Whenever i tried to do something they will never let it do....My parents are so unsupportive..plzz help me

    • profile image

      aniket 5 months ago

      I found your blog to be very informative and interesting. On similar lines you can also check out http://saytooloud.com/career-guidance/role-parenta... which is also a very good blog on this very topic. Request you to continue writing on varied topics as we would like to read.

    • profile image

      jennifer 5 months ago

      Couple words......sounds like me at 46 years of age.

    • profile image

      Emem Masorong 5 months ago

      That is too much calling over-protected kids a failure. I understand that life is hard, because that OP of my parents is a challenge, and I shall pass through it. I can change them, from learning from this. But calling them slated to failure just because i don't know if you're a bully(and maybe proud of it cause that's what you told us in this article that signifies non-OPs doing that to OP pips). I am a Muslim, and the circumstances that have come in life had made my parents(i don't know if they were OPied by they're own parents, but I remember they were already trained or allowed to have jobs even in their youthful years, I remember 8 yrs old), they both have high marks at school and from what I know my mom is a cum laude. I researched about other Muslim people also being OPied by their parents like girls not allowed to wear mini shorts. My parents didn't even bought the girls here(2) some mini shorts.

      You can't say that we are slated as failures. Success is our own definition for each of us. Isn't failure the opposite of success? Your article is somehow disheartening because your judgemental in a way that don't consider OPied people can be triumphant. You don't know how is it to be OPied? Then don't call us failures.

      I can be wierd, but that's the birth of Rockstars, baby. You don't know me.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 6 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      It is indeed sad. This mother also needs psychiatric help. She needs to get a life outside of her daughters. Many overprotective parents have no outside life & are psychologically needy. If such weren't true, they wouldn't be overprotective. Her daughters are going to learn to HATE her & will be FAILURES if they DON'T continue counseling.

    • profile image

      Jennifer 6 months ago

      Wow, my step daughters whole life has been controlled by an excessive helicopter mother, signing her up.for activities that she didn't want to do, doing her homework and writing her papers so there perfect for school, etc...shes going off to IT and the night of orientation got drunk. This article is on point to the "T"!!! I have given my son the ability to make decisions on his on, now that he is a young adult man, he is much more mature emotionally,etc....than my step daughter who still doesn't understand she CAN make her on decisions, that it's ok to make a "C" on a test if u have studied for it. I'm horrified when has been set up to fail but her mother refuses to hear the damage she is potentially still doing. My husband took my step daughter to counseling where the counselor told the mother to STOP. Still not allowed a cell phone til she goes to college next month at 18 years old. This is sad.

    • profile image

      Well 6 months ago

      I am the only daughter of my family so you can imagine how protective my parents could get when I was a child. But I can tell you I also received immense love from teachers and friends when I was, and I have been working in MNCs these years as I applied.

    • profile image

      Aliz 6 months ago

      I am 20 now and I just graduated from college. When I was in high school, my parents don not allow me to go out with my friends. I did not experience going out with my friends. So when I turned into college, I thought that they would allow me already because 'why not?'

      And I guess that the only thing why they dont allow me is because I was the younger of the family so they were overprotecting me. And so I undertand.

      Then when I graduated, my friend asked me when I can come to her birthday pool party on a resort in the province. And I told her "I'm telling you my parents won't allow me" so I did not bother to ask them. And what did it makes me sad when she told me "omg girl, you are already graduated. How come did your parents won't allow you?"

      I really feel bad about myself in that situation.

      And, until now, they aren't allowing me to go out with my friends. EVEN THOUGH I AM USING MY OWN MONEY AND NOT ASKING FOR THEIR MONEY.

    • profile image

      Emem Masorong 7 months ago

      Man... I never really got the idea of this over-protectiveness so much(but I knew it since I was a kid) until I got panic attacks from time to time starting from high school and I maybe even had already so really mild ones but I kinda have friends back then on grade school and was kinda noisy on Grade 4 and weird like I play with my saliva on the chair(back and forth) and this girl who had a crush on me laughs. I'm a Muslim btw. My father a Muslim and my mother a convert. Both are still alive, but God! They fight like bunch of kids everyday! I don't want to say kids, but damn, my logic tells me that, and of course simple observation. Anyone who fights often can be called like two kids fighting, right? I even wanted to commit suicide last night until I slept and woke up thinking about it still, but I can't because I made a promise before. You know why I want to? Because fuck this shit there are ghosts telling everybody what's inside my head, at the same time I thought of it, and they do it non-stop. I can't understand why? WTF? And I don't want to sound like I own the world, and rant on why you did this. Hm... Let me think. It's sad to know. But it's the truth, if it is... I appreciate it. I'm really trying hard to be successful in whatever way possible, but man, I just thought because we're Muslims and that's why my parents are OP. They might have thought that it's a pretty dangerous place this is the world that's why when he had our own school back then at Mindanao(lowest part of Philippines, mostly Muslims there), we weren't allowed to go outside unlike the other kids. Is being rich suppose to do that? Hm... I've observed, somehow... But it depends... I can't even tell if we were truly rich because of the way they handled that school, like putting grade 2s and 3s or 5s and 6s and 4s at the SAME ROOM! Man! And I'm not sure if I remember, but the teachers have their own lounge, it's like a mansion, our school, but looks old and you know(some parts are not good to they eye), and males and females have that SAME ROOM for them all(not sure, but I bet it was), and they're probably just letting them have sex every night(Whoah. Whatever normal is. Don't know about other schools) But I'm not really sure but we really have a male teacher. Right now, I'm limp because I was high on drugs and I just thought of jumping cause I got nothing to do(just finished praying, sowee, my life), and my bros did that on our past condo when I was a kid, and they were fine on tall floors, maybe 4th or whatever or 3. I just rashly decided. Man... How irresponsible. What the heck can I do, anyways? I'm already born. I never even chose that, but fuck it, cause life's handin you lemons, make lemonade then(haha jowk, it's just a line of Eminem on Rap God). I have a quote here I learned that says if you want to be truly independent, then you must not BLAME anybody. So... I wasn't blaming any body for quite some time now, unlike back then, I was really a rebellious kid and full of questions inside my head about life, and fuck it, mom didn't allowed when I just asked if I could have a dorm when I was in College, cause you know, I'm already old, and I can't focus well while I'm at a home where they fuckin fight from time to time, I can't stand it. And I just want to FOCUS, and fuck it, cause they sometimes tell me, and now my other sibling, that they don't have focus? What do they think of us? I feel like a monster. I'm soooooo sick of feeling like a loser... I don't even have likes and comments on FB... Damn. Only a few sometimes... Whatever... Sick of saying I won't give up... These ghosts are irritating. I made a mess at school even. I changed my name to Sin, I don't know why, maybe because of impulse and I hate to say this, I hated my self, with an Emem name. Now I know that's mostly a girl's name around here. WTF... I just checked it and there's only 1 Em Em there that's a male. All are girls... Forgive me for my tongue if I am too profane here. I'm just lashing out cause this is my life and how they heck can I make it mine? I've been punched by even my younger fat bro(but bigger than me) when I had an argument with my mom concerning the meds she's been buying all the time for me. I feel like a fucking mental on the rehab(been there and they do that every time to them, fuck it), and it's not only that, that's kinda understood but ALL I WANT IS TO STAND UP NOW AND HELP MY FAMILY AS I CAN, like the other ones do. They work on the call center have night shifts just to help their family. But that never could have been the case, or maybe will be, if I just had that opportunity to have a dorm back then, but at first mom didn't agree(can't talk to my dad, he seems like a fuckin nobody in the house and everybody hates him like me too back then but now I try to give all the love I can give to him, you know...). Mom just agreed when I'm already feeling so dizzy full of stress and when my brother who is younger that made good grades was thought about by her, told me that I can have a dorm but with him(I can take that, I understand we're many 8 of us children, and it's just a hard life fuck it, but fuckin people don't understand how hard it is they keep on telling me I have an easy life than theirs, now... Thanks.. OK, if that's what you think it is, and the truth is... whatever)...) then I got paralyzed maybe I was in bed for 1 year and 3 months. Fuck it. Cursed. Blah blah. Maybe. I even have a scar here my bro and me put when we were very poor, cause we just thought about it. He used a pen. Then... Yeah... I recovered through praying. That's why changed my name to Sin, and all the turmoil I feel inside, cause I feel like I am always making mistakes(sniff), like it's all my fault. Man... I'm going to call a suicide hotline, maybe it can help. I was anti-social after we became poor, as I observed from the older ones, they are becoming strange individuals like joining gangs of the streets... I was anti-social in hs... I was also doing everything I can to be like my older bro, but he seems deviant, and he isn't Muslim, he's a Christian, but I didn't became Christian. I want to be... but I'm thinking about it... I feel strangled by the ghosts... What if they say somethin you know, not pleasant to the ears... whatever.... I'm just venting this out... It's a pain in my chest... my whole aching body... damn... My mom is like a fucking... You know? Get it? You get it. Man, not only her... man... no more... stop blaming... Anyways... That's it for me for now...

    • profile image

      fifty yr old lady 7 months ago

      I read Grace's comment to the 40 year old guest who posted 3 years ago and if I were that guest those comments would have really hurt me.

      The man had no idea what real life was like until adulthood, and by then his brain was so wired to be a dependent child that he was utterly lost to think differently.

      In other words his mother brainwashed him.

      If it had of crossed my mind to get psychiatric help and to recognise I needed to move out I would have but when your fragile mind is so malleable, you can be convinced the abuse and infantilism is all your fault.

      The reply to the 40 year old guest and this whole article has made me wonder if I am going to be condemned to a life of helplessness as I don't have any wherewithal.

    • profile image

      fifty years old lady 7 months ago

      I feel really guilty after reading this article.

      I'm the youngest of five.

      Violent abusive parents.

      I was not allowed to grow up and when I asked to be treated like an adult I got told to act like one.

      I've lost loads of jobs.

      Bullied by siblings who have all done well in life.

      I should have sought help as a teen and left home but I have no common sense see and did not realise I was being abused.

      I eventually found a boring office job and moved out at 25 yes of age.

      I genuinely thought I was the one at fault when my mum and sister ganged up on me.

      Eventually I moved away but due to making wrong choices, I seemed to have my teens in my forties and eventually turned into a drug addict.

      I am getting help for that now, but fear I may lose my home because of possible receipt of huge unpayable bills, due to non crinal legal property matters due to me not excercising due diligence when buying it, and having no legal protection with the purchase being so long ago.

      The property could be worth zero and I am at the point of breakdown.

      Weight loss, lack of self care, mentally exhausted.

      I bought my current home in a hurry as I was used to living alone, but had to share when I moved away from family.

      I am terrified because I may end up becoming financially dependent on thrm again.

      I cannot afford a therapist and when I could she said moving back in with them would be disastrous.

      I am not streetwise, and cannot tell when I am being manipulated.

      I have been for psychiatric help but as I did not realise I was being abused I did not ask for the right help at the right age, so I could learn social skills, life skills and street smarts.

      The circumstances which lead to my fear of becoming financially dependent on abusive overprotective family breaks my heart.

      All that wasted talent and intelligence.

      It's not the fault of my family, it's my fault for not realising I was being abused and for the fact that it didn't cross my mind as an older teen to seek help and get out.

      It's also my fault for not realising my parents were manipulating me to stay dependent on them.

      I don't trust my own judgement, for instance, been fooled by cowboy tradesmen etc.

      I'm suicidal but although non religious, too scared to kill myself, in case I am reincarnated into a worse life.

      I feel in utter despair.

    • profile image

      Calendula 8 months ago

      I am the only child of an overprotective mother.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 9 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Charlie, help your child to become more independent. Let him/her explore & learn from the environment. Let him/her be more of a self-starter & more of a decision maker. Charlie, look beyond your parenting role & have a separate life from that of your child(ren). It is never too late to change your parenting ways-it is good to discuss your particular situation with a psychologist, counselor, or minister if you are religiously affiliated.

    • profile image

      Charley 9 months ago

      2nd Last sentence... hopeless... sad you would say this... was hoping for a solution to a problem I helped to create

    • profile image

      Peter ONeill 10 months ago

      The article is fatalistic and offers no hope on how to deal with the problem or reverse the process. If a parent or child were a perpetrator or a victim of this, where is the solution and resolve to move forward. Pointing out the problem isn't enough, providing a solution would be more helpful.

    • profile image

      B.D. 10 months ago

      I'm was a overprotective mother n now I'm overprotective of 2 grandchildren (when they visit).My daughter is very independent, strong-willed and intelligent also just to name a few. I will admit that I'm overprotective, but it's not to the point of ruining their lives in the future. It's precautions n safety. In today's world ,I probably would have to home school my child if she was little. So no I really can't totally agree with you in a few ways. God bless!

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 10 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      See a psychologist to discuss your problems.

    • profile image

      whattodo 10 months ago

      I'm 32 years old, still living with my parents, I don't know what to do with my life, I can't make decisions, I fear everything (even driving), my closest friends kept telling me that I'm such a baby. I think I understand myself better now although I'm not sure how to deal with this.

    • profile image

      Spencer 11 months ago

      I am 25 years old now and grew up the child of overprotective parents. Many of the things you described, describe me very well.

      Is there any hope for people like me? Or am I already doomed to a life of failure?

    • profile image

      J Chua 11 months ago

      This is very true. My 42 year old sister is a living example of how my mothers overprotectiveness is ruining her life. My sister has been a really good student since grade school to high school but socially she's very inept. She's been let go by every employer she's had. Our mother continually finds her a job and even go to job interviews with her couple of times. I am unable to help her since both of them are attached to each other and I live in U.S. while they're in Philippines. Every conversation I've had with my older sister makes me feel like I'm talking to a 10 year old. She's smart and well read. I'm at a loss on what to do. My mother continually denies that anything is wrong. I know for a fact that she will be my cross to bear when my parents are gone.

    • profile image

      Alyssa 11 months ago

      This sums up my childhood.

    • profile image

      Sheltered kid 11 months ago

      No not all sheltered kids are all bad. I myself do everything I can to be human. I maybe selfish but I am self aware painfully too self aware. You are correct about the no common sense parts. Typically I just stay by myself if you keep your mouth shut and pretend you know what your doing it works quiet well. Sadly addicted to the internet so im too lazy for real ambitions. Nevered had that "teen life" but it's all good.

    • profile image

      Surooj Choudhry 11 months ago

      Parents think their children are immature. yes they do and there thinking is always correct. we should take an example of smoking. If we talk about a child who is fully involved in smoking and his parents are not stopping him and leaving him to his own risk so its not a right way for a true parent to guide their child. parents should not be always dependent to the child. I think there isn't any mother who don't love her child. She bear the pain of giving birth to a child so its obviously sure that a mother could not see her child dying, or going to a wrong path. There are many other examples but i think its enough!

    • profile image

      AngryGuy 12 months ago

      My parents being over-protective(even in my college years) will lead me to put them in an old-age home.

    • profile image

      samantha 12 months ago

      Having read this article, there are pros and cons..but people seem to have forgotten LOVE. these children may love their parents so telling them to go away from their overprotective parents to get better is heartbreaking. Yes there's tough Love, I don't think you can paint all with the same brush i'm an only and have bad anxiety maye my parents were overprotective but i love them. being an only my parents are the only family i have!! I know my parents tried to socialize me but it was myself who felt odd socializing whether that's to do with me or my parents, genes also come aboard in how people are. many factors

    • profile image

      Ashley Rebecca Nave 13 months ago

      I have bipolar depression, PTSD, social anxiety, Borderlin/Mild General Learning Disability and ADD/ADD issues. I have had a problem with my grandmother ever in my 30's right now because of her mind set at 80 years, but never reasons nor understands that I disapprove of her over protective ways. I have the ability to do chores, or do things without being told, she treats an adult with a disability like a child for which makes me angry or very frustrated. I honestly don't approve of overprotective parental styles at all. I feel ruined in some ways because I know I have the ability to be independent and work or generally aware. The social

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 14 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      There is nothing wrong w/taking care of & pampering children. They need this; however, parents must not cripple their children by doing too much for them, let them explore & do things which let them become independent & successful adults.

    • profile image

      Sheeja 14 months ago

      Truly said....I appreciate of what you said. Parents think that taking care of their children and pampering them makes them the best parents.bt it's false..Parents should try to guide them not spoon feed them all the time..

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 16 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Your parents love you. Yes, you are a burgeoning adult but to them, you will always be their child. You need your parents less & they must realize this. However, it is good to be needed. There has to be a happy medium. Think of some children in large families who are made to be on THEIR OWN at a very early age even though they need their parents. Such children have to raise themselves. You have parents who are there for you. Be happy that you have concerned parents......but to reiterate, there must be a happy medium- be caring but allow independence.

    • profile image

      a girl 16 months ago

      hi.

      Is it inconsiderate telling your parents that you dont actually need their help that much anymore??

      Because i really want to make them understand that there are some things that they helped me with in the past, that i can do on my own now.

      I dont want them to feel that i need dont them in my life anymore and that i never appreciated what they've done for me over the years unil now,

      I've finished high school and on my way to college, i need to make them understand that i'll always be THEIR child but i cant always be A child.

      things change and people change.

      Any advice on that??

      PLEASE.

    • profile image

      a girl 16 months ago

      no doubt about that.

      thank you for taking my story into consideration. it feels good to talk about it with someone even over social media.

      thanks for the advice, its much appreciated:)

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 16 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Still discuss this matter w/a psychologist. This man is beyond extreme.

    • profile image

      a girl 16 months ago

      hi gm williams

      everyone is telling me that maybe there are deeper issues to it, and that he there must be more serious reasons as to why his acting like this.

      He is originally from Egypt, and i know when it comes to young adult girls, in their country there are very difficult circumstances, and that girls dont have much rights when it comes to their own life.

      what ive noticed was that, he expects everything should be ike it is in his country, everything should be like the father says or everything should go according to what the man says. He doesnt understand that thintgs are different here in south africa girls and woman have more rights, and they also have a say when it comes to making decisions on their own, i tried explaining this to him but its like he still dont get it.

      he believes that i cannot do things on my own, until im married ofcause because thats how it works in their country, woman are not grown up until they get married.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 16 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor. Explain to them how abusive your stepfather is. If there is a school psychologist, speak w/her or him to discuss this issue. Something is wrong w/your stepfather. He seems to be obsessive. I think there may be deeper issues here.

    • profile image

      a girl 16 months ago

      i am 18 years old, turning 19. i have a stepdad who is beyond over protective.

      while i was still on high school he gave other kids that he knew, orders to watch me on school and after school everyday, and even now that im done with school he still thinks that im not ready to be independent yet. its so frustrating because he always makes me out to be a little girl. all my friends from high school still meet each other regularly for lunch or just a normal out bur i never participate because i never have anything to talk about when they start talking about about how fun life is after school and how good it feels to be independent. i always feel like the odd out. im not even allowed to be on social media with my friends after 10. i still feel trapped, and at times when i have to decide on certain things on my own i get nervous and dont know what to do, because his always there making decisions for me. i dont even have clue of how it feels like to travel. he comes to my work place everyday to check up. im fed up of all this. i dont know what to do anymore. my mother doesnt always take me seriously when i try express my feelings to her. im not a little girl anymore.

      im desperate for advice.

      please hlep

    • profile image

      Lisa 19 months ago

      Actually, overprotected children are more likely to be bullies because they are taught not to trust others. They do this in order to protect themselves. They are taught everyone is bad while they are good. Plus, they're arrogant and self-righteous. My family is so overprotective because I am from a large extended family. They are very picky about whom I associate with. If they are seen as bad people, I end up bullying them. On top of that, I'm married to a guy who is overprotective like they are and they chose him for me.

    • profile image

      A guy 20 months ago

      Also forgot to mention she thought those shows were "disrespect" and it's acting. This "disrespect" also means defending my position in an arguement, looking at her "funny" (really trying to not punch her in the face), slamming a door, and my dad just FOLLOWS everything she says. It's repetitive. Unfortunately, he screams in my face if I yell at her and get pissed over her wasting MY OWN LIFE.

    • profile image

      A guy 20 months ago

      Yeah, my mom monitors every damn thing I do. I'm 11 and she bans me from G RATED SHOWS. I actually rebelled on Saturday, because she hit me and of course she hit me back. For god sake I got so tired of it I was drooling on the floor and attacking her.

    • profile image

      Just A Passerby 23 months ago

      I'm sorry but this article is not only incorrect, but the message is also damaging.

      First, no one ever has the right to put their hands on you whether you’re different, quiet, babyfied, or infantile, and the teachers who allow this are wrong. It is never the victims fault.

      Second, the saying "you might bully me now, but I'll be your boss later" exists for a reason. Children of overprotected parents might be bullied, but they usually grow up far more successful than the children whose parents didn't care and allowed them to turn into bullies in the first place.

      Third, this article is basically saying that spousal abuse is your own fault because you're not assertive enough. Again, it is never your fault if your spouse puts their hands on you. Never blame the victim.

      Fourth, most men/women who chose to abuse their spouse’s first technique is to separate their victim from their families. It is actually very rare for an overprotected child to grow up to be a victim of their spouses. They usually are valued and value themselves too much for this to be allowed.

      You also say that overprotected children grow up to be failures. Hmmm this is very interesting. I had no idea that so many people in jail had such caring parents, or porn stars, or stripers, or burger flippers. Wow, these parents have overprotected their children into such awful industries! Oh wait, their parents didn't care...

      Listen your article has some interesting points and overprotecting someone can cripple them, but in the end so can all parental guidance systems. It is a proven fact that the under protected child or Free range child system is by far the worse and causes the same amount of resentment towards the parent as the overprotected. It is a fact that 800,000 children are reported missing each year in the United States, which is roughly 2,000 per day. Are you willing to sacrifice your child?

      I am a child of an overprotective parental system. Does some of these facts belong to me, heck yes. But most of my failings come from no motivation and laziness, not my parents, and even with all my faults I still grew up with a B.A, speak 3 languages, play 5 instruments and am doing better than all of my friends and cousins whose parents free ranged them. They also kinda hate me for having such caring folks as well.

      I can already imagine who you are who wrote this article. You're either the child of an overprotected parent who hates their life, or a teacher who's students overprotective parent came to the school and told you off for something unfair you did to their child. One or the other.

      Back in the olden days most parents didn’t have to be overprotective, but a lot has changed now. You can’t leave you kids in the car by themselves, and street smarts can and has gotten many children killed. Maybe if more parents payed attention to their kids, there wouldn’t be so much bullying and often the overprotective child is bullied by their peers because their peers are jealous that their parents actually give a damn.

    • profile image

      Gilbert 23 months ago

      @gmwilliams Thank you for the kind compliment. This article was an absolute pleasure to read.

      I still have to live with my parents due to economic reasons. I myself was sheltered but rebelled early on. I don't know about my brother.

      I'll tell you one thing: my dad is a narcissistic control freak. Everything is about control and obeying/disobeying rules with him. He's always the victim--even when he's rude and talks about me behind my back (but I can still hear it). I'm always the one who starts arguments, not him, even if he was being condescending. He doesn't see his behavior as rude and condescending (I also see it as very OCD, possibly bipolar) and my psychologist won't evaluate him without his consent.

      Come on, I don't think parents' MAIN concern should be getting their kids to obey them--especially when their kids are in their 20's as is the case with me. What does it matter if I'm "spoiled" by eating out every day? How does that affect him? It's not even HIS money I'm spending, it's MINE! I EARNED that money from working! I may not be working right now, but that doesn't mean I'm never going to have a job ever again. I'm not an idiot. I know the value of money. Parenting should be more about love and nurturing rather than control. Apparently he got this attitude from his mom but he isn't self-aware enough to realize this is not how you treat people. I'm at least self-aware and intelligent enough not to treat people like this. And I'm the one seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist!!!

      Not once in the last five years has he even cared enough to offer me driving lessons--because he only wants himself teaching me how to drive--because I didn't "ask." You don't have to be "asked" to realize that your son is growing up and still doesn't learn how to drive.

    • gmwilliams profile image
      Author

      Grace Marguerite Williams 23 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You have made some excellent points.