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Children of Overprotective Parents Are Slated for F-A-I-L-U-R-E in Life

Updated on June 24, 2016

Babying Children Only Makes Them Extremely Dependent and Unable to Cope in the Real World!

More and more studies have authenticated that children of overprotective parents are risk averse, have difficulty making decisions, and lack the wherewithal to become successful in life.

Furthermore, children of overprotective parents cannot deal adequately with hardships and other frustrations of life. In other words, they have very low tolerance for frustration and crumble at the first sign of it.

The Overprotective Parent's Actions and Intentions


Oftentimes, overprotective parents believe that they are doing the best for their children. It is their intention that their children have the best that life could offer. Children of overprotective parents are often sheltered from the "harsher," "more difficult," and "less desirable" aspects of childhood.

Constant Supervising

These children are often not free to indulge in unsupervised activities like other children as their parents are of the school that the best activities are supervised ones. They are not assigned household chores and other responsibilities because their parents contend that these are anathema to a carefree childhood.

Solving Their Kids' Problems

Overprotective parents are invasive in other ways. They solve problems for their children that the latter are often capable of solving themselves. They infantilize their children by making them feel incapable of charting their own course.

In fact, these parents are making their children extremely dependent and infantilized past an appropriate age.

The Overprotected Child at School

Relationship with Teachers

Teachers are not especially pleased with these kinds of children. Teachers often have to assume quasi-parental roles with overprotected kids, doing things such as tying their shoes and performing other tasks that they should be performing themselves.

Many teachers voice utter dismay at the backwardness of overprotected children. These are the children who have poor or nonexistent social, emotional, and survival skills.

Difficult Pupils

Furthermore, such children are often the most difficult pupils around. These children often expect teachers to mollycoddle them as their parents have done.

They get quite a surprise when teachers treat them like their other students. Oftentimes, these children cannot adjust well to the school environment where some sort of independence is required.

Lack of Maturity

Children of overprotective parents are often years behind in maturity in comparison to their more free-range peers. Teachers further remark that these kids are highly dependent and insist on being assisted as much as possible.

Teachers do not have the time to individually assist each child as there are often many kids in the classroom setting. In other words, overprotected kids are quite problematic for teachers.

Sense of Entitlement

Because of their upbringing sheltered kids have a sense of entitlement and feel they should have their way. They were not told by their parents that they are not the center of the universe and they must learn to cooperate with others.

Because they have a high sense of specialness, they often become quite unhinged when situations are not in their favor.

Easy Target for Bullies

Many such children are often prey for school bullies because they did not develop the social and/or street savvy needed to survive the school environment. Bullies usually target children who are quite defenseless and extremely vulnerable.

In other words, bullies do not attack children who possess self-confidence, social and street savvy because they know it would be a losing battle.


Overprotected children are often not respected by their peers because of their infantile mannerisms. Their peers consider them utter misfits.

Such children do not have the bounce and competitiveness that children from free range environments often possess. They are often needy and dependent at an age when gradual independence should occur.

Academically Ahead, Socially Behind

Oftentimes they are years behind in development in comparison to their peers. Of course, when parents excessively infantilize their children, it makes them socially, emotionally, and psychological retarded.

Even though these children earn high grades, they lack common sense. Other children sense this and these children are often targeted not only by bullies but other stronger children.

Lack of Knowledge of Age-Appropriate Life Situations

These kids are sheltered and not aware of age-appropriate life situations. An overprotected 13-year-old often acts if he or she is several years younger than their actual chronological age. They are also overly dependent upon their parents as they were seldom, if ever, allowed to independently explore their social environment as other children do.

For example, I remember when I was in eighth grade, there was a boy whose mother took him to school everyday. There was nothing wrong with the boy. He was an honor student. The other pupils in the class found it totally absurd and ludicrous that a mother would take her 13-year-old child to school.

He would be constantly derided by the other children, being called a mama's boy or worse. There is more to the story, though. If his mother did not take him to school, his father did! Even the teachers disrespected him, calling him an infant. To make matters worse, when the weather was bad, he stayed home from school. That was the issue of overprotectiveness taken to the multillionth degree!

This boy never participated in school events as many of them were unsupervised. His parents insisted upon being present at his every move. Of course, he never had any friends while in the eighth grade. The other children thought that he was too peculiar and babyish.

Some of the other boys consistently bullied him to no end. Everywhere he went was with his parents. This is clearly abnormal for an early adolescent who should be forming some type of friendship and/or independence.

As Teenagers

Treated Like Children

Overprotected teenagers are often lost in comparison to their more free range peers. While their free range peers are free to explore adolescence in all its intricacies, the overprotected teenager is either kept under a severely tight rein and/or overly scheduled in activities of their parents' choosing. They are treated more like children than like the burgeoning independent adults they are becoming.

These teenagers often have quaintly inappropriate curfews for their ages while other peers have more relaxed curfews. Many overprotected teenagers become resigned to their parental influence, just accepting it as their lot in life. Oftentimes, overprotected teenagers accept their overprotective environment as normal. Some are so infantilized and passive that they believe that they can do nothing about it.

Outcasts and Pariahs

Overprotected teenagers are more at a loss in the high school environment than their counterparts in either elementary and junior high school. These teenagers often have nonexistent and/or extremely poor social skills.

This makes them outcasts and pariahs among their peers. Teachers furthermore find such teenagers distressing and disturbing to say the least. These teenagers are emotionally at the preschool level in many ways.

Dependent and Risk-Averse

Overprotected teenagers are the most dependent and risk-averse teens around. Because many of them had no freedom and time to indulge in unsupervised behavior, many of them become quite unhinged when presented with an opportunity to participate in independent behavior.

If you have noticed the teenagers who are the wildest and the most rebellious at gatherings, it is usually the sheltered ones who were kept under a tight watch by their parents.

In College

No Life Skills

During the college years, many overprotected young adults find it extremely difficult and onerous to adjust to college or university life. This applies especially if they elect to attend a school away from their parents' domiciles.

These are the young adults who possess very little or no sort of life skills. They are often a horror to the more responsible roommate who was raised to be independent from an early age.

Can't Make Decisions

These young adults are extremely dependent and are unaccustomed to independent behavior and decision making. Many of these students have parents who choose their school and their majors in the hopes that everything will be smooth for them.

However, many of these overprotected students flunk out because they clearly do not possess the prerequisite independence to survive and thrive.

In the Work World

At the Interview

In the work world, overprotected young adults fare even worse. Supervisors and superiors are neither going to tolerate nor placate this infantilized adult. Many employers express dismal horror at incoming prospective employees whose overprotective parents come with them during interviews.

This was never done before. It used to be when a prospective employee goes for a job interview, he or she went alone as his or her parents figure that it is his or her interview, not theirs. Oh no, there is a "new" style of parenting which the parent is very involved in the child's life even though that "child" is considered an adult in societal eyes.

No One Wants to Hire an Adult-Child

These parents appear at their child's interview, informing the interviewer of how special their child is and the skills that can be contributed to the company. Of course, many interviewers are quite nonplussed at this.

They figure, and rightly so, that something is quite amiss here. This "adult-child" is quite immature and would be bad news to the company. The prospect of this "adult-child" getting a job is now dismal to none. Who wants an employee that one must constantly babysit? Not any right-minded, thinking employer!

If these adult-children are hired, they are going to be a vast and immense hemorrhoid to the company and corporation. These adult-children are often the worst employees. They possess no concept of initiative nor independent thinking.

They constantly want to be told what to do as befitting their familial environment. Forget about ever being promoted. These employees are clearly not promotable. On the contrary, these employees are more likely to be fired—let us say serially fired. Overprotected adult-children are more likely to be unemployable than their peers who were raised in a more independent environment.

In Relationships

Extremely Passive

Regarding relationships, these adult-children are often at the extreme passive end of any relationship they go into. Most of the relationships, whether it is platonic or romantic, do not last very long.

No person wants to compete with the omnipresence of a parent or parents regarding relationships. People often avoid relationships with such adult-children as the relationship can be called vampiric in more ways than one. These people are viewed as babies and no one wants to babysit an adult.

Many adult-children, because of their lack of savvy or social skills, enter into abusive relationships when their partner is the more dominant and/or parental partner. Even though this relationship is often abusive and unequal, these adult-children reluctantly remain in such relationships because they do not possess the means to dissolve it.

Set Up for Failure

In school, college, work, and relationships

In conclusion, overprotected children are slated for failure in school and in life. These children are so infantilized by their parents that they cannot survive the school environment. Teachers view the overprotected child as backwards emotionally, socially, and psychologically even though they can be academically prodigious.

Other children often avoid them because of their needy and dependent nature. They are often a target for bullies because of their lack of social skills and street smarts.

Overprotected teenagers do not possess the skills that other teenagers possess. They are often not capable of indulging in independent social activities which is necessary in their development. Many overprotected teenagers are treated as if they are in preschool by their parents. They are often given harsher and stricter curfews than their peers.

Oftentimes, the only non-school activities that the overprotected teenagers indulge in are those mandated by their parents or supervised by adults. Many overprotective parents believe that the teenage years are highly vulnerable and it is best that their teenagers be supervised as much as possible in order "to stay out of trouble."

During the college years, many overprotected children cannot reasonably adjust to the rigors of college life. This is especially true if they elect to attend school away from their parents' domicile.

Because the university is a more independent and unstructured environment than either elementary, junior high, and/or high school, the typical overprotected student cannot survive, thus they often flunk out.

In the work world or the "real world," overprotected children are quite abysmal failures. They often do not possess the skills necessary to thrive and survive in the work world. They possess no or low self-confidence, no initiative, and a low tolerance for frustration and hardships which is often commonplace in the work environment.

Furthermore, the supervisor is not their parent but someone who expects them to contribute and pull their weight. Many overprotected children end up being terminated from their employment—not once but several times. More often they become quite unemployable.

Overprotected children fare worse in relationships where equality is required. They are often at the extreme passive end of relationships as they were raised that way by their parents. Oftentimes, because of their extreme lack of social skills and their passivity, they are drawn into relationships where their partner is often more dominant than they are.

Even though these relationships are quite abusive and Svengali-like, they prefer to stay in the "safety" of such relationships than to develop a backbone and have a more fulfilling relationship.

Overprotected children end up to be failures in life in more ways than one. Overprotective parents are only damaging their children and either do not or refuse to acknowledge this.

Many kids remain in their infantile state until it is quite too late to change! Let us raise our children to be fully functioning and independent adults!

© 2011 Grace Marguerite Williams


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    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Life is full of Complications...From a young age children need to make choices and understand the consequences of their Mistakes as well. Learning and growing are so important to a young mind...Failure also brings Success! Good Hub GmWilliams on a subject that always has many opinions.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To b.Malin: Thank you for you're always enlightening response.

    • smzclark profile image

      smzclark 5 years ago from cheshire

      good hub! a lot of our views seem much the same. i'm enjoying reading your's always nice when assured that at least one other knows where you're coming from :-)

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for you response. You are always welcome to stop by!

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 4 years ago

      Agree with everything you have written in this hub. Overprotective parents also raise very rebellious children. Children have to go to the extreme just to separate and become their own person from such over the top smothering parents.

      When I was raising my children, there were parents who had day planners with every second of their child's life planned for what they (the parents) wanted the child to do as activities. I felt so inadequate because I pretty much left it up to my kids to decide whether they wanted to be in drama school, little league, whatever--no day planners for me.

      The children of the over planning smothering parents were the ones who once out from under the watchful eye of parents went completely off the deep end with drugs or alcohol. Once free, a child has no idea how to make decisions.

    • LHom 4 years ago

      I agree with what you have written. I was a child of overprotective parents. I have forgiven them now, I am married now and I haven't lived with them for a few years. Those I have known who didn't grow up with overprotective parents had an easier time transitioning into adulthood and maturity. You should protect your child when they're young but it gets rediculous once they're in high school. Thanks for writing this, it's appreciated!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To LHom: You are so correct. Parents should protect their child when young; however, they must implement steps for the child to be gradually independent. However, protecting a child once he/she becomes high school and/or college age is way beyond moronic to say the least. Thank you for your enlightening response regarding the subject. Many overprotective parents tend to infantilize their high school and college age children, much to their detriment in life when those children become adults.

    • cloverleaffarm profile image

      Healing Herbalist 4 years ago from The Hamlet of Effingham

      Bravo!! It's nice to know I am not the only one in the world that thinks this way. Great hub!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To cloverleaffarm: Thank you. Children who are overprotected are woefully unprepared for life. They have no survival nor street skills. In addition to that, they do not have the savvy to survive the slings and arrows of the real world. Employers clearly do not want to hire them because they know that these "children" possess more liabilities than positives. All around, children who are overprotected have dismal prospects in life!

    • mathchique 4 years ago

      Good article. I was confused when you used the word 'inundate', in paragraph 7. I think maybe you meant 'inculcate'.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I meant inundate which means brainwashing. Anyway, thank you for your response,

    • Ana 4 years ago

      I feel so identified with this hub it's unreal. I'm a daughter of an overprotective mother who is a bipolar. I have been struggling so much trying to enter fulfilling, mature relationships and so far, I have failed. I've been strong enough to move to another country, but every time I'm back home, I feel like a baby all over again. I'm really scared I never grow up and I'm 30 :-/

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 4 years ago

      oh Ana here are some {{{hugs}}}}. I don't want to step on gmwilliams toes, this is her hub but I feel for you. My step children have a bi polar mom. I could write a book on what I have witnessed in the last 15 years. I came into these children's lives when they were 4 and 5. Now they are grown and they seem to be doing well but I know these issues of dealing with parents can come out later in life. My stepdaughter moved as far away as possible to attend school in hopes her manic depressive mom would leave her alone. Do you know that after we moved my s/daughter into her dorm her mother called her no less than 35 times in one day and left her 17 text messages. She had no idea where the kid was or "why" she was up there.

      All I can suggest, if I may is to get some counseling on how to deal with your mother. It is not your fault for anything. She is who she is. Just don't let anger, regrets, fear make your life miserable.

      Take care sweetie.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Askme, thank you for contributing. Give some hugs to Ana, she needs it. I concur with you that she should get some therapy regarding this matter! Like I have stated in this hub, I knew a 13 year old boy whose mother took him to school EVERY day. There was nothing apparently wrong with the boy. He could not socialize with the other children after school. His parents, especially mother, overmonitored him. Yes, overprotective parenting does stifle children and ruin those who are weak enough to succumb to it. However, there are many children who rebel against parenting!

    • Moon Daisy profile image

      Moon Daisy 4 years ago from London

      Really great hub. (And I like the format, and way it looks too). This resonates really strongly for me in so many ways, and I agree about the effects an overprotected childhood can have.

      I really strive to get it right for my own child.

    • Susan 3 years ago from USA

      I agree completely!! My stepdaughter is an over-pretected adult, if you want to call her that. She cannot or will not "do anything" unless she is told or "reminded" several times. She barely can even feed herself as "dad" has always "recommended" what she eat out of the fridge if it was leftover night. Mentally she is more like 10 than 18. She acts babyish making "EN" noises when she doesn't like something. She is also "thanked" for getting off her duff after several prompts to "do her one lousy chore". I just feel disgust when I look at her. She has also missed SO MANY days of school because "she don't feel good". Lets see how she fares in reality when or if she ever gets a job. Sorry, I can't work today my throat is sore, it's that time of the month(AGAIN), my finger hurts, really? Way to go dad!

    • Lostjp 3 years ago

      I almost drowned in my tears when i read this.

      I am a 25 year old man who have overprotective parents and im the only child.

      I didn't know it is a problem until recently, until i actually had a chance to study abroad and had a normal relationship with a great girlfriend.

      Now im back in my country for work. I have been feeling since i was a child that i was "different" in a sense that i feel that i don't belong to society. I lack communication n social skill to survive socially. I dislike hanging out and do not know the value of friendship.

      Now im working 9 to 5 with no passion with my job. But i have to coz i also need to send money to my parents coz i owe them a lot while stuying abroad and they are retired.

      I live separately coz office is far. Every night i have to message my parents to tell them i arrived safely at home. I had to tell them what i ate n why i came home late. Every weekend if i don't go to my parents home they will start asking questions altho they do not force me to come. But from their attitude i feel like i am obliged to come home every weekend.

      Sometimes when i go out with friends they question me if its important to see them and with whom i am hanging out with.

      Recently i am at the verge of despair. I am about to get married. There are some complications due to my imperfect planning. For that they are kind of pissed with me because i did not plan it carefully.

      I love my parents. But deep down inside i am struggling to break free. I want freedom yet i am feeling very guilty even when im posting this.

      Its like my life is meant for my parents...

      I feel so lost i do not know what to do.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Your parents were indeed overprotective. I suggest the you see a psychologist regarding this issue. He/she will probably seek your parents in order for the three of you have family therapy. It is GREAT being an only child; however, many people riaise their only child as BABIES and JEWELS instead of raising them to be independent adults.

    • k.m. 3 years ago

      Great aticle, unfortunately it pretty much describes me as my parents have always been insanely overprotective.So, here I am, a 43 three yr old looser! People, stop screwing up your children!!!

    • Lucas 3 years ago

      This article exactly descibes my life. :(

      Im 21 years old and my parents are overprotective too. I feel more like a 14 year old boy or more like a child than an adult. I hate my job, i don't have any interests in jobs due to the fact that my Parents always give me and my little brother everything we want. I lost my friends years ago and don't go out for Parties at the weekend, because im extremly shy in front of strangers or just other People. I don't even know how to talk to them. :(

      I feel like im trapped because i want to change something but also im afraid to fail.

      Does anyone has a solution for this?

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Young man, it is time that you have a talk with your parents. Be assertive, tell them that you are an adult with your own interests and your own life. Stand your ground. If your parents are too overbearing, start saving monies and have your own place.

    • shai77 profile image

      Chen 3 years ago

      This is very intelligent, and while it may be hard for some parents to hear it is absolutely necessary. Self-reliance, responsibility, problem solving skills and the confidence to handle problems and make decisions only come with experience. If parents don't teach these things to kids through experiences as they grow up, it's like keeping a kid out of the yard away from the pool his whole life, then opening up the gate when he reaches adulthood and throwing him into the deep end. Nice work.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you so much for your response.

    • Julie 3 years ago

      I don.t believe this should apply to kids with disabilities. When kids have learning/processing challenges it can be extra difficult to mainstream them which makes parents extra concerned, not over -protective.

    • Julio Osorio 3 years ago

      This article made me depressed. Now that i identified my problem, how do I solve it? My parents finally let me loose now that I am but im socially retarded. I dropped out of high school due to the fact that im scared of people judging me and now that i have a job I am about to lose it. I overheard my boss talk to her friend one day telling her how she did not sign up for her job to babysit other people. I guess she was refering to me. I need advice. I can't afford a psychologist either.

    • Julio Osorio 3 years ago

      I meant to say now that im 18 but im socially retarded

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You just have to toughen up and be more assertive regarding life situations.

    • Liera 3 years ago

      I'm a 24 year old girl, still at home with my parents. I think what related to me most in the article were the things about high school, college, work, and making friends. I have always had a better time making friends that were younger than me. (the youngest has been 10 when I was 22.) I guess because our parents had similar rules for us. (except sleepovers; I was too old to go to sleepovers at someone younger's house; or if they were in the same age range, then I couldn't go because they didn't trust the other kid's parent(s), especially if there was a dad/stepdad/boyfriend involved. so now, I have no idea how to make friends my own age, because most likely they'd be out on their own already and my parents like to 'get to know' the whole family of friends that I made in the past.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I advise you to get a job and LEAVE HOME asap. Your parents are crippling you, causing you to be socially backward and retarded. Leave home and establish yourself asap.

    • Anamika S profile image

      Anamika S 3 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

      I fully agree with you. I have personally seen how some of the children of overprotective parents have turned up. What many parents do not realize is that their overprotective mentality can make the children become dependent and grow up as cowards.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      So true. One woman who was an ex-coworker did EVERYTHING and OVERPROTECTED her son. She wondered why he was so immature and could not seem to hold on to jobs. He was fired four times before he was 30!

    • Nahir A.Matias Gonzalez 3 years ago

      I'm 19 years old I live in Puerto Rico my mom treats me like I'm 5 years old and my sister always saying that I'm dum and a loser they always say no when I whant to go some we're with my friends or my Boyfriend I feel so sad when she said no but I have no choice she always have to say mean things about him and I always say nothing she thinks that a pail man it's not for me that he isn't Black or rich she she thinks that is the best for me I lost some friends because of that I always been aloner sins I was 5 the kids always bully me and I bullyd back but it wasint the same some times I feel I'm in Jail And my oldest sister has Esxofrinic and Vipoler and she acts like a 6 year old and she is 25 years old im worried that I'm going to be alone agin

    • Girlchild 3 years ago

      I'm 19 years old, my parents have been very over protective ever since I was a teen. I am not allowed to sleep for long hours or till late in the morning during my vacations, nor decline to eat food if i'm not hungry. I can't express my feelings because they feel im offending them. I was slapped for speaking the truth because my mom felt that hurt my dads feelings (My dad accused me of lying that i have internals because I do not want to visit my native place at a family party, I just told my dad I wasn't lying about me having my internals). My mom yells at me saying I shouldn't share family problems with outsiders or even her sisters because they would think low of her. All they care about is status of the family. They have never given me money for cosmetics or clothes without me begging for it. It's not that we are poor, I live in a hose that no other friend of mine can afford but when they look at me, they would feel they are a 100 times richer than me. I'm not allowed to attend late night parties even though they know my friends would drop me till my door. I don't smoke, I don't drink. On the other hand, my brother has the freedom to do whatever he pleases. My mom hides all his habits like smoking, drinking also gives him loads of money without telling my dad and keeps fighting for him even when he is wrong. She has never done that for me and honestly I don't care because I know she thinks I'm useless. I was dumb. I have struggled and now I am smart and understand better when I study in a group, but unfortunately they have a problem with me studying till a late with them too. My friends parents are ready to talk to them about this but I know they will never understand. I am in a field which requires building contacts, but they are keep mocking me if I wish to spend time with people. They make me feel being a girl child is worthless. They expect me to sit in the hall with them, and the only thing they do in the hall is watch the tv. Maybe status means more than a child to some parents and that's how it will always be. I am studying and therefore have no other option but to face all this because they financially support me.

    • jgonza22 profile image

      Jessika Gonzales 3 years ago from Tampa, Fl

      I was very interested and intrigued upon coming across this page, and I'm glad you decided to go in depth with this topic because I find this completely valid. I was raised on the opposite spectrum. My mother was a single mother of four with an alcoholism problem, and I am the oldest. In my teenage years I was resentful towards my mother, but looking back now I am more self-sufficient and independent because of it. I'm not saying parents should let their kids run wild, of course, simply keep in mind that along with helping children succeed, they need to learn how to become independent.

    • Leo 3 years ago

      Im an overprotected teenager and i hate my life

    • Nick 3 years ago

      I am 27 year old loser virgin living in parents basement. Not fat, not ugly, just raised in an extremely nosy, overprotective, lack of privacy environment. I went to college 12 miles away and my mother begged me to come home on weekends. My mother had my entire family show up at my residence uninvited and unannounced, as if it was nothing, as if my privacy and personal space mean nothing, like some baby child. I moved to the other side of the country once, my mother forced my sister's boyfriend to do the drive with me. And then she called me constantly. Then she was convinced that I was absolutely lying to her about trying to find a job. She pretty much said every week "you can always come back home". I got a job for about 9 months and then was fired. My mother made me come back home. I drove back to get my stuff from a storage unit. She forced my boring as hell father to tag along fearing that I wouldn't come back if I went alone. And fearful that as a grown adult I couldn't make the trip that I've done many times before.

      Earlier this year I took a 3 week trip overseas, she was absolutely terrified about my bank account amount. She took me out to dinner and practically put me on the spot screaming "What is your bank account!!!???" She had absolutely no interest in the actual trip or if I had fun or not, it was all about money. My mother could care less if I was happy and independent, as long as I had money in my bank account and was able to keep tabs on me. She contacts my sister every single day. Once she went out of contact with my sister for just 2 days and was terrified that she was dead or something.

      My sister did hard drugs in high school so I observationally "learned" that having any sort of social life brought about extreme consequences such as nosiness and parental intrusiveness. I forced myself to not have a social life in order to avoid the consequences of that brought upon by my mother.

      I plan to move away soon, and I will lie to my mother about where I am going. She brought this upon herself. I do not care how much she hates it. I hate this. I am depressed and miserable because of my nosy intrusive overprotective mother.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      YOU should have moved away YEARS ago. Also, YOU need to be MORE ASSERTIVE as far as your parents go. YOU are no longer a child but a MAN. So MAN UP!

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      Nick, gmwilliams is sooo right. Don't feel bad tho', there are apparently a lot of parents like yours these days. I've heard that colleges are getting fed up with these parents that will not let go. Always interfering in their kid's lives, calling 911 when the child does not return a text message or voice mail.

      I don't understand the parents. Most of them must be my age which means they are Baby Boomers who grew up with all sorts of freedoms the kids today don't have. Why are some parents trying to stifle their children from becoming self-sufficient adults?

      You need to break free or you will NEVER be free. If you get married, your mom will dislike your choice of wife. she will meddle in all you do, question whether your wife is a gold digger or truly loves you.

      Break free. Get some counseling. You need to run away and NOW.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you Askme for adding to the discussion. This young man MUST break away. He should also seek some counselling or have a close, unbiased family member with whom he can talk to. Overprotective parents are as abusive as the stereotypical abusive parents. Such "parents" have some deep issues and need psychiatric help. They should realize that their children are NOT their lives; they NEED to have THEIR OWN lives.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      It's kind of narcissistic isn't it? Someone who sees their child as an extension of them and not an individual is really sick and twisted. Not surprised there was a sibling of Nick's who chose drugs, probably the only way to escape or the rebellion was the only way to assert yourself.

      I hope Nick leaves before its too late.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I hope so also. This phenomema of the overprotective/helicopter parent is claustrophobic to say the least. Lenore Skenazy said it best in her free range philosophy of parenting. Children are far more capable and brave than parents give them credit for. These overprotected children "mature" into quite dysfunctional adults.

    • Not Impressed 3 years ago

      More than a few generalities made. Example "Overprotected children end up to be failures in life in more ways than one." That's a rather harsh thing to call a kid a failure. Hope you aren't a teacher! Most likely aren't a parent. If you were you'd see how close-minded this article is.

      Sounds more like you have a chip on your shoulder about something. What do you know about the kid brought to school by his mother? Do you mean driven? Or Walked? If driven, was it because his house was 3KM and too far for walking?

      You could probably write a similar article on kids that have no boundaries like someone I knew. By 17 he'd already killed someone that drove in a car he was driving! This was very predictable. He'd never had parental boundaries.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Studies have repeatedly shown that overprotective children DO end up to be failures in life. Bosses view such people as employment problems. They are able to exercise independent decision making skills. They are more backward socially than less protected children of similar ages. They are more prey to bullies because they have poor life skills. I know about overprotected children. They are not respected at all. Teachers view them as problems and developmentally retarded. I have seen this firsthand in elementary and junior high school. Yes, overprotection and sheltering children is quite detrimental to them! Overprotected children DO end up to be FAILURES. This is a FACT!

    • 3 years ago

      before you see the psychologist think of what s/he is really going to do--they will give you a diagnosis and put in the file for you. Also, study 12 step programs like alanon and ACA first so that you learn some about roles. Whether you realize it or not you could experience some very bad countertransference with the therapist who has been in the "helping" or "hero-role"/"victim" which you will become the "scape-goat"-inpatient. Essentially you could be bullied in therapy by an "over-doer"......or maybe you won't. Read about individuation, locus of control and continue to develop your intellect and realize that no one really is "poor of heart" nor do they authentically care for your confession. If god exists or not, how could some "professional;" tell who craps once a day like everyone else. Not saying there aren't good ones.

    • CFLYER 3 years ago

      Its the worst possible thing you can go through as an individual, sadly i have no friends or social life outside the internet i am 17 years old and i cannot go out at night many girls liked me but i couldn't see them because my father wouldn't let me ive been treated like crap not like a baby however im still immature i can't act very well around others i still get shy , im in a house with allot of woman which makes it harder to relate to masculine things at times like pussy jokes im still a virgin and single i can't enjoy the talk on the topic hopefully life will evolve for me through the grace of god thanks for the post as well its very hard to relate to people socially too ...

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      @Not Impressed: wow your post is very nasty. "Hope you are not a teacher" what does that mean? I know teachers who believe it is best for a child to take responsibility for things, like doing your own homework and remembering to bring it to school not call mom and have her drop it off. We teach responsibility to our children by allowing them to make decisions and if those decisions are wrong, letting them suffer the consequences NOT bail them out. Of course, sometimes you do need to rescue your child but hopefully they will learn a lesson.

      I think you missed the point of this hub by Ms. Williams. It is all about allowing your child to grown their own wings and move on to adulthood. When a parent is over-protective, they do not allow their child to fall down and pick themselves up. Instead the over-protective parent runs after a kid, always smothering them and in doing so, caused them to be emotionally stunted.

    • yeah 3 years ago

      Really? How ridiculously (and dangerously) idealistic. In a world rife with bullying. In a world where kids bring guns to school. You want to let 13 year olds make the decisions and solve the problems themselves?Now more than ever - parents need to be iver involved.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      You must be joking 'Yeah" "dangerously idealistic" what? the concept of allowing your child to resolve their own problems--that's what you call ridiculous? A child will NEVER learn to resolve their own problems if mommy is constantly intervening and shoving her meddling nose into every little problem a 13 year old has. And, when does your meddling stop? Are you going to shove your nose into his/her marriage and tell off the in-law because you don't like how they treat your little precious one? When do you allow your child to learn the art of compromise, negotiation and resolution of a problem?

      Being a parent is giving your child space to grow, to fail, to succeed on their own--not orchestrated by you.

      You sound like a very hyper and panicked parent--good luck to your children if you have any...hoping you children do not end up like my 53 year old brother in law, still living with mommy, always having mommy run to anyone who "bullies" him and fight all his battles for him.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Askme, you have witnessed the overprotective parent in action. What this lost soul does not realize that it is the overprotective child who is subject to bullying and the other problems stated because he/she has not developed the prerequisite life and survival skills. Children who are allowed to make mistakes and explore their environment develop the prerequisite life and survival skills to protect themselves against bullies and predators. They know how to be assertive and depend upon themselves instead of being timid and depending upon others. Bullies and predators target the more timid, more naïve child not children who have the necessary life skills.

      If this poster has a child, hopefully the child will rebel and move away from the home as soon as possible. This child will learn to hate this parents. Most overprotected children HATE their parents and want to disassociate themselves from the parent. Overprotective parents are the worst kind of parents imaginable. They infantilize their children and cripple them emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Overprotected children are retarded emotionally, psychologically, and developmentally. They are also failures as adults. Many of them cannot hold jobs. If they do hold jobs, those jobs are FAR below their capacities and/or educational level. They are derided and laughed at by their more mature peers. In essence, they are backwards. I really feel sorry for your 53 year old brother in law. When mommy goes, he will be LOST. Such "children" will be preyed upon and taken advantage of. I know of such people, they are truly lost souls. They must have their hands held.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      Amen GM! It used to be a rite of passage learning how to deal with a bully. You are so correct. Children whose parents fight their battles with a bully for them, usually get picked on more. True again about adults who have been smothered by an over protective parent, when they do get out in the real working World (if they ever escape unlike my BIL) others have a 6th sense about them and they are again picked on.

      My BIL is so emotionally backwards and the way my mother in law talks to him (in baby talk) a friend of mine when first meeting him asked "is he special needs". My MIL tries to baby her grandchildren ( my step children) and they are way too independent, thankfully. They tend to keep her at arms length. She has her own issues. Never lived more than a block from her parents. And again you are correct, when they passed she was lost. She was divorced, they were her life.....humm no wonder she clung so tightly to my BIL!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Ouch, ouch, ouch to the multillionth degree. When you mentioned the part being special needs in reference to your brother in law, people tend to think that adults who were overprotected as children are viewed and/or treated as if they are retarded. Many of them ACT retarded which makes people BELIEVE that they are so. I have seen such lost souls. They are really screwed.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago


    • Jane 3 years ago

      I was in an overprotective home and I am offended about allege that I am not responsible, capable, immature, and unable to cope in the real world. I am a successful college student, single mother and I work a part time job. I hope you do some more research on your topic and not make it so negative before you post another blog like this. I thank God that my mother was overprotective when I was young because I was safe and did not suffer from rape, molestation, or other bad things that can come from a lazy parent. There are benefits to growing up with a parent that cares so much.

    • relate 3 years ago

      Uhg reading this makes me so angry partially because i share in this endless cycle of nowhere jobs, no friends, no girlfriend, immense social awkwardness and im 24 years old and still my parents treat me as if im 13

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      @Jane it sounds like your mother was a normal mother. Protective when you were young but knew how to give you space to grow and succeed.

      This blog is NOT about taking a "hands off" approach to parenting or being lazy, at least that is not what I got from reading it. I didn't write this blog GMWilliams did but what I get out of her article is parents who smother, who will not allow their children to grow into independent adults, parents who micromanage every single detail of their child's life and will not let go, destroy any hope of that child becoming a grown person who is capable of solving their own problems.

      You would have never grown into a self-sufficient, college student and parent if your mother was truly over-protective. You would still be at home and your mother would probably be caring for your child not you.

      Obviously parents should protect their child against rapists, molesters, or other bad things. Parents who instill independence in their children with a healthy respect for being wary of strangers and things that can adversely impact your life are not lazy they are just not over-protective. They raise independent, self-sufficient adults.

    • Lara_H 3 years ago

      Way to go...

      This article has good intentions, but the message of it is this:

      overprotective children become retarded adults.

      How would you feel as an overprotected child if you would come upon such a website that states this?

      There isn't even any solution to anything in this article, the only thing it says is how retarded and problematic overprotected adults can be. Of course we need to get the message across to the parents who might have an overprotected method to their parenting, but there are better ways to explain this matter than pointing fingers.

      You have to realize that people who have grown up with overprotected parents did not choose those parents, most often they are the victims and have to suffer the consequences from their parents parenting.

      How do you undo such a thing? Very often, especially young women suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Go ahead and tell such a person to do something with their life and move out of the country.

      I'm sorry, but I find this article distasteful.

      What we need is more understanding on how to deal with these people who have suffered an overprotective childhood.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago


      I think you missed the fact this is an "opinion" article, not a piece about how to solve the problem. It is just the author's opinion.

      I don't find this article distasteful. I find it informative, bringing to the forefront a topic about parents, primarily mothers who cannot seem to let go and cut the cord. It is an issue that needs to be brought to light and then, only then, will any solution or understanding come about. You have to first acknowledge, then try to resolve.

    • Circe 3 years ago

      Beautiful. So basically what this article is saying, to people who were raised by overprotective parents, is to DIE before we make too much of an immature ass out of ourselves. Is that right? Pardon my straightforwardness but what is the POINT to bringing all of this up if there is no solution?? Or did you just go that far for the sole reason of making people feel like utter shit?

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 3 years ago

      I am astounded by comments made by "guests" to hubpages. It is clear to me these guests who post comments must have been googling "over-protective parents" which led them here. Maybe the posters are products of over protective parents or are over protective parents themselves?

      Circe: this is not an article in which it is necessary to provide a solution. This is an article that points out the problem. If you SEE yourself in this article whether it be the child of an over-protective parent or you are the over-protective parent, then get yourself some help. Seeing and acknowledging the problem is the FIRST step toward correcting the problem and hopefully finding a solution.

    • Deckar 2 years ago

      I'm 26, still live at home and can relate to much of what this article addresses. My sister is 30, lives two miles down the road and still relies on my dad for everything. Both my parents were very overprotective of me and my sister whilst we were growing up and their parenting style - constantly interfering, making sure we never have to face any hardship for ourselves, solving all our problems for us, basically defining their lives and existence in the world through us - hasn't done us any favours. Only thing is my sister doesn't seem to recognise her dependence. I knew that there was something very wrong with the way my parents related to me early on, but didn't kow what until the age of about 17, when I realised that, to them, I was an extension of their combined personality, and essentially had no psychological freedom or freewill.

      They are not bad people, but my mother has an iron will which she has applied to the organisation of my life for as long as I can remember. I now have a string of failed jobs, two unfinshed undergraduate degrees and three admissions to mental institutions after severe psychotic episodes which centred around the delusion that I was adopted.

      I think that can definitey be called having failed so far. If you are prospective mother or mother of a young child reading this, please, please, take this seriously. The best thing you can do for any child is to teach them the value of independance.

    • Alicia E 2 years ago

      This article is %100 true! It took me a very long time to see my parents have extreme issues. Thanks to my husband now. If you have helicopter parents forget about guilt forget about their feelings. Run! If you neverr break free you will never live YOUR life! Please take action and live your life and be happy. Forget about the idea 'I can change your parents'......NO it's pointless. Accept they have a disorder and move on. Wake up people!

    • Cheri 2 years ago

      Wow!!! This is a mirror image of my in-laws. So scary!!! I am thankful for parents that were caring but also guided me in a way to do for myself. I have witnessed the pressure these helicopter parents have on their children and how it affects them into adulthood. As a parent I know that I want nothing but the best for my daughter. I believe the greatest gift I was given was the right to have my independence. By that I mean my parents allowed me to think and have an opinion all the while still having to be obedient and abide by the rules of their home. They allowed me to make mistakes and learn from them. They allowed me to be human without being so judgemental. They loved me unconditionally and most of all they believed in me and were daily encouragers!! When I was at my lowest they didn't push me further down they picked me up!! Support your children while parenting them. Have a healthy balance in raising them. They are to become their own person they don't have to be a cookie cutter version of you. That's the beauty in humans, no two are alike. I only hope and pray that I can maintain a healthy perspective on raising my daughter. It is easy to want to do everything for her and want to be momma bear and keep her protected in a little bubble but may I do the difficult thing and right way which is to love, guide, and protect in a way that develops her and will prepare her for life and to be a woman!!! Help your kids don't hold them back!!!! Give them Love that is unconditionally, tough, and sincere!!! Respect them and teach them what it means and how to respect themselves!!! And when it's time for them to fly the nest and "cut the cord" then do it no matter how much it pains you inside!!! It's for their good!! Then you get to become their best friend and not have to "parent" as much :) just a thought!

    • An 2 years ago

      I agree that parents should not overprotect their children. However, having come from an overprotective household myself, I do NOT think that I am a failure. I am attending a highly-esteemed MD/PhD program, have a reliable circle of friends, have held down several jobs and commitments without being "fired," live in my own apartment, and have been commended by classmates and faculty members alike for my consideration towards other people and my ability to make decisions. Yes, my parents want me to text them five-million times when I'm travelling. Yes, they don't think it's safe for me to make a five-hour drive from my university to their house (they insist that I take the plane). And yes, they did impose suffocating limits on my social life in high school. Am I introverted? Of course. Does it take me a little bit longer to make friends? Certainly. But by no means do I consider myself a failure -- I have my weaknesses, like all people do, but these are things that I can work to overcome with time and practice. In the meantime, I think living in my own apartment, paying my own rent, maintaining my own grades, attending my own social activities, and then managing to appease my parents when they worry about me is pretty successful, don't you think?

      I get what the author of this post is trying to say. Parents should not overprotect their kids, because it sets them up for psychological trauma, social awkwardness, immaturity, and other long-term struggles that can be difficult to overcome. I do agree that children of overprotective parents can have major setbacks in life, such as those listed in the article above. But it is too much to say that all overprotected children end up as "failures." And even if I had turned out a sad, blubbering mess, like this posts claims I should be, then yes, I would have reached a low point in my life -- but so do many others, like people who suffer from long-term diseases, or have depression, or came from abusive households. Are these people failures, just because of their circumstances?

      Just some food for thought.

    • kiryin 2 years ago

      I come from an over protective household as well and indeed im a loser and failure. My parents recently found an online diary where i keep my suicidal thoughts and other such worries to myself and its only gotten worse. I've lived in the middle of nowhere for I don't know how long and because of fear of just about everything it feels impossible to move on and become something. my parents force their religion, ideals and even political stances on me and anytime I speak up for myself it's a huge argument. They call me ungrateful ALL THE TIME for everything that I say or do. I eventually feel guilt tripped into going back to aimlessly wandering the house or locking myself away in my room and sleeping for I don't know how long. All I do is sleep only to wake up feeling worse than I did before. The only glimmer of hope in my life is my boyfriend who is somehow teaching me more responsibility and independence in 2 years than my parents have in my entire shitty life. I've made baby steps but nothing seems to be a significant enough change that can get me out of this house and feeling in control of my life.

    • Caw954s 2 years ago

      Yikes, the above article has tunnel vision!We humans are complex beings, we can adjust, change, and adapt as circumstances change. This article makes it seem like we are doomed if we have over protective parents. Are their OPPs? Yes, but this article is about extreme cases, I'm 55 and I can only remember one possibly two students that had over protective parents to the extreme. What about kids like me, I grew up with my mom passing of breast cancer when I was 12 and my dad was so hands off I was left to figure everything out on my own....drugs, sex, at a very young age. But, I'm all grown up now and a really responsibly adult. We are not only products/genetic clones of our parents, we are unique, and we can grow and change no matter what life throws our way. We just have to make it thru those tough times and come out the other side...stronger. People are amazing.

    • Alicia E. 2 years ago

      I have spoken out in this article before and felt like I needed to come back and reach out again. I recently talked with a friend about my parents and they gave me some very insightful information. I knew my parents had traits of a helicopter parents but I knew it went deeper. As I researched other traits of my parents I stumbled on an article about Narcissistic personality disorder NPD. This article was a fresh breath of air for me. It talks about how children with Narcissistic parents can overcome their manipulative ways. This article has helped me along with this article. Please check it out.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 2 years ago

      @Alicia--I think you really hit on something. Could it be a lot of "helicopter parents" are also narcissistic? I think back to a friend of mine who was engaged to a man with two young boys who was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having narcissistic tendencies. This man was involved in every aspect of his boys' lives especially the oldest one. My friend at times felt the oldest son was "more of a partner" than she was to this man.

      Even as the young boys entered their teens, this man was heavily involved. He was divorced and only had the boys every other weekend but when he was not with them, he had a court order making the kids check in with him. If it was HIS weekend and the boys were invited to a party or a sleep over---NO way they could go. It was HIS WEEKEND.

      The oldest graduated from college. Has a steady girlfriend who he partially lives with. The weekend deal is STILL part of the plan. He must go stay with dad.

      This narcissistic father fails to see his sons as their own person. He sees them as an extension of himself. My friend finally gave up. Last she heard the oldest son's girlfriend was given him an ultimatum it is ME or your father!!

    • SHulk 2 years ago

      Yes, this is exactly what I've been saying for years! Kids won't know ish unless they do it themselves! As parents, we guide them from right and wrong, but it's all them. Lesson learned or reward!

    • NotTrue 2 years ago

      I grew up with an overprotective mum and I don't agree entirely with your article. Not ALL children who grow up in this environment end up becoming failures. There are choices in life that you can make and I did. I excelled in school, I am valued at work, I have provided for myself and built up my savings to be able to take holidays and buy a home. And at the same time I have learnt to work with my mum and her over-protectiveness because for all her flaws she is a good mum and I chose to see the good in her. There is a big difference between being a victim of circumstances who is too LAZY to do anything about it as opposed to someone who is capable of seeing the gift that is their life and DOING something about it. I learnt independence from overprotection and have never seen the need to be destructive to prove a point. Your article over generalises the situation and gives ammunition to lazy victims to continuosly victimize themselves. You make some good points but you lack a key life skill - being an analytical thinker. Is this because of your upbringing? I would rather think that it is just you and the choices you have made in life as an individual.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I am a highly analytical thinker. You are the VERY FEW percentage of overprotected children who are successful. Unfortunately, the majority of overprotected children DON'T possess the wherewithal to succeed and become independent. As a result of being overprotected, they are highly infantilized and are years behind developmentally their normal counterparts. The average overprotected children is like a fish out of water, especially in college and in the corporate world. They oftentimes end up to be unemployable because they do not possess the necessary life and survival skills.

    • TW19 2 years ago

      Thank you for the wonderful article. Describes my life exactly, I'm 16, and studying at an 'open' university. I hate my life, because I was never taught the needed skills to survive physically, mentally or socially in this world.

      I truly wish my parents had sent me to a normal school instead of 'homeschooling' me. The university I study with is not of my choice, the diplomas 'that I am' working towards are of totally no interest whatsoever in my life.

      Self confidence has never been something I possess, mostly at home, going out maybe once every 1-3 weeks (I hate this). Because I live in the countryside, in the middle of a tiny country in Europe that I don't even want to live in. There is no one my age even close to where I live (yes, with my parents).

      Because I speak English (travelled to many places and lived in many countries), there is almost no opportunity for me to get a job and work (I don't speak the language). There is completely nothing in my life that motivates me to live (I considered suicide many, many times).

      Now, however, I want to change my life. I will take up photojournalism as a skill I want to work towards, I really enjoy going out, taking photos of the world and sharing them with other people (living life, you could say). But my parents want we to study photography at their 'open' university (that is online).

      I do not, not did I even, want (or ask) them to give me opportunities to study photography. The course they gave me, teaches absolutely nothing that I don't already know first hand (by doing my OWN research, and actually going out and taking photos), so it is just a waste of their own money...

      They treat my activities the same as when I was younger (actually, I feel it is worse!) and they always say they need to 'schedule' what activities happen when (and where/with whom). If I go out somewhere with a friend (I have 3, who are older than me) they always insist on 'driving me' there. Even though I wish they wouldn't!

      I have tried, many, many, MANY! times to explain that I don't want their 'help' in my social life, nor do I need them to take me to every little place I go, when I can get there myself. They just do not listen, they think something is wrong with me for wanting to live my life, they believe that I should do what THEY think if best for me.

      Since I was 11, I have always wanted to join the military (that has not changed now) and I would join as a militant photojournalist (taking photographs of conflicts, training, documentation of operations, vehicles, etc). I will train very hard for the next 2 years (before I am 18) then join as soon as I can. This was a 'dream' of mine, but now I vow to make it a reality.

      This will be a huge physical, mental and psychological challenge for me, as I have never taken on something as immense as this. Unfortunately, it is also something my parents do not approve of, however, that just makes me more confident and I will work harder towards my goal.

      There is an open position for English speakers as a cruise ship photographer. Because of this huge opportunity for me, in a country whose language I do not speak, I will try to be accepted and keep my job with the corporation that owns the company.

      I just wanted to share my experience in life, I am not the only child, but was the first born. My siblings (1 sister, 2 brothers) are all suffering a similar fate, especially apparent with my sister (2nd born) who acts like someone half her age, is afraid to try anything shunned by her father and cries whenever she is alone (without her [my] mother).

      The 3rd born (my brother) is slightly mental and has threatened to kill his [my] father (even though he is only 8 yrs old.

      That is my family life, and I can honestly say, I HATE it!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for your response.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      gm.....looks like you generated an unusual amount of comments from guest readers! Some of them sound very desperate.

      In any event, this is an excellent, very well-written expose of "overprotective parents" and some of the ugly ramifications. Believe me, at some point, every parent does some deep soul-searching in terms of how good or bad we were (are) as a parent.

      My sons, all long gone into the world of adulthood, marriage and parenting .....I have watched them with their children and am simply amazed. Truth be told, their incredible child-raising techniques and focus on priorities as they orchestrate their family-life.....leaves to me think I may not have been the Super Mom I thought I was...! (Some of my peers have confessed this very thing to me)

      Then one day, this WONDERFUL wise person said to me, "Do you suppose your sons just pulled all this great parenting from the sky....or do you think maybe you may have something to do with this?" I wanted to kiss fact, I did.

      As for "over-protection?" I couldn't have, even if I'd have been inclined to. Quite the contrary......working as much as I did, they had to grow up quickly, take on responsibilities and learn how to be independent thinkers. I always felt a little badly about this. As the men they are now, I'm beginning to think it may have all been a blessing in disguise. Great hub!...+++ pinned & tweeted.

    • Eddie 2 years ago

      My parents were overprotective. they pulled me out of school when I was eight, and homeschooled me because of my anxiety. fast-forward I'm 32 years old now living alone, but it screwed me up real bad. Currently I have no confidence in myself, no job still dependent on my dad, very few friends, hardly ever go out, even though I'm considered very attractive by other people. 5"10 200lbs muscular abs, nice face, teeth, eyes etc. I went on a seven-day Caribbean cruise with my dad last week and met a very sexy attractive nice girl that lives 10 hours from me. She liked me as much as I like her! we even made out in the hot tub! although we never could get alone. She gave me her number, and we've been texting. I told her I did water features. Koi pond's fountains etc. not a total lie it's what I used to do. Then I lost my mother in 2009 to kidney failure, cancer and fell apart and lost all motivation as well as my girlfriend from the time breaking up with me in 2011. She just couldn't deal with how depressed I bad become. she was great and tried to help me the best she could. Back to the girl I met on the cruise I wish I could be with her, but she doesn't know all the problems I have. even though she's very attracted to me physically and seems to really enjoy talking to me. I have an appointment with a therapist on April 4 hopefully he can help me get past my issues because I'm ready to live my life got to get out of feeling so alone and depressed and so scared of failure. I'm so scared of failure that I don't want to try anything new. I can't stand living like this anymor! people that I do open up to like me I'm also very caring person. So here I am, with no job shitty education and bad social skills. :/

    • Eddie 2 years ago

      Oh yeah, after that trip I have become very depressed! going from a high to a very deep low. Miss the girl I met too! I do have three sisters that turned out okay, and stayed in school. I'm the youngest by seven years. I think that had something to do with it. my parents are great people!! But they failed me as parents. Time just flies! I can't believe how much time has passed! I can't believe I'm 32 now. Ive wasted so much of my life!

    • Guest 2 years ago

      Another thing is that overprotective parents arrange marriages for their children, especially their daughters, just because they are afraid the partners they choose won't be good enough.

    • Guest 2 years ago

      This article hit too close to home. I was an oversheltered only child of a single mother. I had no idea what real life was like until adulthood, and by then my brain was so wired to be a dependent child that I was utterly lost to think differently. I'm now in my 40's and have no interests in people or in life, am essentially unemployable, cannot make decisions, have no idea who I am as a person, and have never even developed a sexual interest in people. I'm just a blank little kid in a middle-aged body, waiting for someone to lead me around and lay my life out for me. But of course no one is going to do that. I'm at a loss to think differently, despite trying in vain for the past twenty years of my adulthood. So yes, I'd say that my brain was completely retarded by my upbringing, which I now consider to have been nothing short of mental abuse. I wait for death daily. Someday it will come. Someday.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I believe that you should have long outgrown this behavior. You are in your 40s, you should have rebelled against such behavior in your late teens or 20s. If you were unable to get past your overprotective upbringing, you should have asked for and sought psychiatric help. At your age, it is inexcusable to blame overprotectiveness for your present behavior. You are using overprotectiveness as a crutch to avoid facing your demons and life.

    • brg 2 years ago

      I'm 19 and my mom has been an overprotective parent ever since I can remember.

      Even so, I don't blame her for anything and love her deeply, because I understand she did it because she loves me.

      To be honest, I didn't even know she was overprotective until recently.

      I've been mocked by my best friend quite a few times before I realized it too. Said friend grew up in a much more independent level, but she has problems with her mother as well.

      Anyway, my mom was overprotective because she wanted me to stay at home and study, instead of going to wild parties and meeting bad influences.

      We used to be very poor and she worked a lot because my dad left us when I was 2 yr. But she still managed to be very protective of me.

      When I was around 7 or 8, I became fat. So I was bullied for a really long time. My aunt lived with us and she went to my school to give a lecture to my bullies lol. So yeah, you could say my aunt was overprotective as well (and to be honest, she still treats me like a child, more than my mother. But she doesn't live with us anymore).

      I used to think my social inability and fear of social situations was solely caused by my bullying. I always stayed away from other people because I was afraid they were going to hate me because I'm boring and fat and ugly. And I still think that.

      Now that I'm in college and old enough to drive (I don't live in the US, and driving here is only permited once you're 18. I got my licence, but I'm really afraid of hitting the car, so my mom still drives me to college. And colleges are not too far from people's houses, so very few people move away from home once they get into college), my mom is trying to let me go. The thing is: I'm too afraid to let go of her hand. And I don't know what to do.

      I had a few friends at high school, but I rarely get to see them anymore. I don't have any friends at all in college, even though I have common interests with some fellow mates. But I've been in college for 3 yrs now (you only have to pass a test to get into college here. So yeah, I got into college when I was 16. I think that contributed to me shutting in completely, since I felt like a child in a world of adults in college) and never attempted becoming friends with them, so now I think it's too late (after all, they think I'm a weirdo that wants to be left alone).

      I've tried therapy before, but it was highly ineffective.

      I know I won't be a complete failure and unemployed because I want to work for the government, not some stupid company that thinks a person is only worthy if they can be fucking extroverts. So I'd only have to pass another exam.

      I've always been the youngest, ever since I was little. I skipped a year and that helped me getting into college younger. But I know that now I have to grow up and become an adult. The problem is not my mom anymore. The problem is I don't want it :(

    • asylum 2 years ago

      Like a lot of people above.. this describes exactly me.

      I'm 17, my parents have done this all of my life.

      It really hurts when people constantly think you're blowing them off when asked to hang out, or take your social ineptitude as arrogance.

      I've always felt like I'm watching everybody else live their life through a glass wall. I've been deprived of life experiences and moments that would have allowed me to develop as a human being, socially and mentally.

      As I resulted I've had suicidal thoughts and tendencies since the age of 11. I feel as if I will never be able to successfully integrate into normal society or enjoy life as much as a normal person would be able to.

      I'm comfortable with the fact I will most likely die by my own hand one day. I've stopped caring about what my parents would think when I do, I'm just so tired of their BS.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 2 years ago

      oh asylum, what does not kill you makes you stronger. Less than a year you will be of age to leave. I URGE you to leave. You will survive. Life can change in a second and turn around. It will for you and the misery you feel now will be joy and freedom as significant as the pain you feel in this moment. Trust me. Start planning on your escape. This will put you in a positive mood and give YOU control over your life. Stay strong!

    • asylum 2 years ago

      I'm going to college next month. Even though I'll be dorming and finally free from their clap, what I realized is the terrifying fact that I haven't developed any skills whatsoever as to how I can live and survive in the real world.

      But thank you, Askme.

    • Askme profile image

      Pritchard 2 years ago

      Good for you asylum. You will develop skills just have faith.

    • Madduxmom 2 years ago

      Boy this page sent me into despair. I am literally crying my eyes out because my 21 year-old son cannot function in society, cannot keep any job, has no social skills or self-esteem, is needy and demanding, is child-like and seems lost, refuses to help himself or accept ANY responsibility, but I love him so much. I was overprotective, but if also tried to get him help. I was mostly a single parent with two children, barely getting by. I loved them, but I really screwed up. I keep thinking, I did this to him, ME, his Mom. I am just sick inside. How can I fix this now?

    • thank you 2 years ago

      I have reached the end point. From now there can only be better things ahead. It will be hard but with the clarity of mind to see that I need to leave that it is not that I am mentally ill or bad but rather my parents are fucllking batshit insane I am done. Some t it is my fault but knowing that a lot of it is theirs too I am totally done. I have bipolar and after a decade of denial finally began lithium and even though I am not manic I feel a difference already. I am also guaranteeing to myself a security measure if you wish that I will not have major depression or mania during the coming months. I finally have an excellent therapist psychiatrist and substance abuse doctor, I built an excellent support group should anything happen. Last night was the drawing line. I have come across your site numerous times while searching this topic to figure out if they really have a problem but would always read a bit of your site get offended then leave. I see that you made this site for people like me because you care. You are trying to give us the brutal truth because it will set you free. The last few hours have been like a minor drug trip of the kind I used to get when I'd figure stuff out followed by sleep paralysis. It's like the angels or spirits are trying to wake me up. I used to only get it after a period of abstinence. Like now thanks to my sobriety I am much clear minded. Paradoxically during sleep paralysis one can feel like they're losing they're minds but that's only because they are coming to terms with some truths they've been determined to blind themselves from. Oh my thank you so much for making this site.

    • Madduxmom 2 years ago

      I thought about it overnight, and I did make a lot of mistakes raising my children under difficult circumstances. But my son has had some special needs growing up, and I was careful ( and overly cautious) to be sure I did what I THOUGHT BEST at the time. We aren't perfect as parents. My son will also have to accept some responsibility for his life. I cannot give him an easy-out by saying, yes, everything is my fault, and therefore he doesn't even have to try. For those beating yourself up over this article, the author made some good points, but it is not 100% the parents' fault if they honestly have tried their best. We can only do the best we can and continue to offer support when our children become adults, but the adult child HAS to also accept responsibility for his life, too. We just continue to offer support and encouragement, ACKNOWLEDGE our mistakes and know that there is always hope that these difficult situations can get better. We can never give up!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Madduxmom, if your son had special needs; you weren't being overprotective at all but a loving, caring mom. God bless!

    • Madduxmom 2 years ago

      Thank you so much. My son is going through some really rough times, and my tendency has been to shelter him, but I've feared I've caused him some real harm. Stepping back and letting him fall (and have those experiences) instead of catching him has been so hard.

    • Linda M 2 years ago

      "Overprotected children end up to be failures in life. "Overprotective parents are only damaging their children." Ok, you have pounded this message through our thick skulls; we're all going to fail. Why not offer a few different comprehensive solutions to go with the problem. Harping on problems while neglecting solutions only serves to invite shame, which feeds into the original problem.

    • JohnB 2 years ago

      I'm 21 years old male. My father doesn't live with us since I was born, and my mother is very overprotective. When I want to go out she becomes disappointed and last time she literally begged me to stay home because she clearly didn't want to stay home alone and she is worried so much. I have no real friends and never been anywhere besides school and hanging out with my mother since I was born. Summer holiday are the worst part of my year because I am so bored when I have to stay home all the time. My mother told me to ask some friend to hang out, but just in the morning, or until 4-5 PM. She said that past those years I didn't miss anything and that I will have a lot of time to hang out and "live" when she is gone from this world. I suffer from severe social phobia and failed my first job 1 year ago. It makes me so anxious when I see all my friends posting photos of them having fun on beach, playing sports etc., and my mother doesn't want to let me home alone, or go anywhere without me. When she is forced to, she tells me 10 times to not open door to anyone and she waves me from the door until I look and then she leaves.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      @John, your mother needs to let go. What she is doing to you is based upon fear on her part. She has a void in her life and she needs psychiatric help to get to the root of her problem. She needs to have outside interests besides you.

    • date 2 years ago

      Hello there, You have done an incredible job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I am sure they'll be benefited from this site.

    • marina 22 months ago

      I had no idea this article define excalty who I am and I hate myself for it. I am incredibly shocked how many out have same problems as I have. I'm 21 and I still live with my overprotective mom. I want to get out of the house and get the job but every time I think about that, I see mom's face disappointed and overworry. I hate that feeling! I'm embarrassed by going out with friends. why? well my friends ask me why I have to get home early and I have to make up lies so I won't sound like a child. :(

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 20 months ago from Washington, DC

      Excellent information, gmwilliams, on the overprotected child. If only parents knew the consequences of "loving too much." I know they mean well but the long-term effects of overprotecting the child has far-reaching psychological consequences. You've laid it out well with this in-depth description of such children. Interesting example about the 13 year old 8th grader! I wonder how he's doing today. Very informative, voted up and useful.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 20 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for responding. The 13 year old 8th grader is now a successful executive, married with three children.

    • Kat 20 months ago

      This was a great article. It described this friend i use to have. Her mom is a big helicopter parent. She tells her the few friends she had are no good. I asked her to visit me once since we live in different states & she had to ask her mom despite me pucking her up & her being 23 at the time. Then i had her stay at my house when i was moving into my 1st apt & she wanted to bring her cat with her while i was moving with 2 cats of my own. She got breast cancer & i was the only friend left cuz i thought she would go back to the person i met & got along with. Nope. She didn't understand that ppl have different beliefs (She's 1 of super holy christians) & she always started arguments when i didn't like something & started 20 asking 20 questions of why nots. At 1 point i lost it & statted yelling at her & she started crying like a toddler all because i cussed at her. She stills has cancer and i can't feel sorry for her anymore. She still talks to me but i try to avoid her as much as possible. I also found it creepy that she tries to copy me a lot & tries to be bosdy with me. For example telling me i shouldn't dye my hair & i should grow my bangs out. I laughed & told her to piss off. When her mom dies she's screwed unless she dies 1st.

    • Budik 19 months ago

      Hi, im 18 years old boy, everybody here posting their statement about this topic, they are relatable, and also me, so, now, idk if im developing a lack of interest to meet some people because of overprotective parents, lost of interest to perform something new, my daily routine is eat, sleep, internet all day because my parents was so stricted, they always telling me that im not allow to go anywhere else, i was so upset because i am a boy, literally, i can handle myself (in any case) i will accept their strict rules if im a girl, because of weak protection, harm environment, people's addiction.

      i want some answers, and i will take this screenshots (if you answer my question) and i will send this to them to realize what they have done, i am done and i wanna flee with this thing 10 years in my life, i want a freedom..

    • Kate 16 months ago

      Parents have a moral and legal responsibility to look out for their teens; if parents neglect their duty towards their children there are obvious consequences, however, teens should exercise their will in breaking free from parents which means making choices about career, friends etc.

    • MiMi 15 months ago

      Guys.... You may not be able to relate, but I am one of those children who have become an adult. Everything this article says is VERY true.

    • MiMi 15 months ago

      Guys.... You may not be able to relate, but I am one of those children who have become an adult. Everything this article says is VERY true. The parenting style describes my mother to a T. From toddler age, all the way through adult hood, my mother's parenting style ruined my life as I grew up very dependent upon her, because I was incapable of doing for myself. I was a spoiled child, and very over protected. When I was younger I preferred this parenting style, as mother was always there to pull me out of every mess I got myself into instead of letting me deal with the consequences of my actions. If I needed help, with anything, she was there. If I misbehaved in school, I would blame the teacher being unfair and she would march to the school. If I was failing in school, I blamed it on the teacher's teaching style... Saying he/she didn't may enough attention to their students(baby them and hold their hand, coaching them through every lesson and detail of the lesson they didn't understand.). If that wasn't enough, YES I was emotional. Very Emotional. What spoiled little brat wouldn't be? When they didn't get what they want? On top of being Emotional, I had never social skills. I have some now, as I have been able to break free of my mother, but growing up I had no friends. Because she sheltered me, I didn't know how to properly interact with other students. I was very socially awkward and inappropriate, which led to me being bullied.

      When I became a teenager, my more rebellious side began to kick in. I desired independence from her, but she simply wouldn't allow it. Her excuse was "You're not mature enough to go out on your own. Show me you're mature enough, then I'll let you go out" all the while treating me like a baby, and making minor decisions for me that I wanted to make myself. Example. How I dressed... I wasn't a teenager who dressed revealing or slutty, or desired to do so. My mother had a strict dress code for me, so I was unable to express my individuality and style. I was NOT allowed to wear shorts. NOT allowed to wear skirts. If I did wear shorts, they were much like the kind that boys wore... It stopped past the knees. no, these weren't Capries, or what ever you call them. They were loose and baggy male shorts. I was not allowed to express my individuality at all. She policed what I wore, even when I wasn't the type of teenager to dress slutty for attention. I just wanted to be and feel pretty. Yeah, fuck that.

      Events that other teenagers got to go to, such as pep rally's, and school football games, I was not allowed to go to, because she couldn't keep an eye on me. I would beg her and beg her to let me go. I argued that I didn't have a normal social life like other teens. She said "When you're mature enough, then you can go out"... Then treated me like a child. I became very rebellious in need of independence. I got into a very bad relationship, where just like the article suggested, I was the passive one in the relationship. I began to sneak out of the house, and sneak my boyfriend into the house. I would tell my mom I was staying after school for tutoring, when in actuality I went to hang with my friends. I was pretty responsible in that I knew better than to do something stupid that could get me into trouble. I didn't smoke, I didn't drink and I planned on saving my virginity till marriage(mother's wishes, my sisters are the same way). When I sneaked out to hang with my friends, guess what we did? Normal teenager stuff... I went to their house, and we watched tv. or played video games. We stayed after school and watched the soccer players practice(since i wasn't allowed to go to real games).... Yes, i was so deprived of a social life, that when I sneak out of the house, I did normal teenager things. Not party, not drink, not smoke.... But simply spend time with peers, doing make up. Talking about boys, buying candy form the store.... YES, that's how deprived I was. I wasn't even allowed to do normal, non reckless things, and when I sneak out, I did normal, non reckless things. Funny, huh? The only positive thing that came out of this is that I got bullied. Yes, bullying was the reality check I needed. It taught me to stop being so damn socially awkward. I watched what I said and learned what was inappropriate behavior and acceptable social behavior. I could go back in time and thank my bullies. No, I'm not being sarcastic, I really could THANK them. Due to my mother's parenting style, I was a reck. A socially awkward, mess. I didn't know how to properly interact with other human beings, and my bullies beat that right out of me. Years worth of social skills missed were taught to me in just two years of being bullied. Everytime I got bullied, I toughened up a bit more. I learned that certain things shouldn't b said, even if you're thinking it, every thought shouldn't be spoken on. I learned to have a backbone. Eventually I was standing up to them and challenging them. Telling them to piss off. When I initiated a fight between myself and a bully, though I lost, they respected me, then left me alone. It went from them tormenting me, to greeting me kindly in the halls. I may have lost the fight, but I displayed zero tolerance towards someone else's bull, and this gained me respect.

      I grew more rebellious in search for independence. My mother's strict dress code? I told her to fuck off. Not literally, but through my actions. I told her, "mom, I'm 15 years old! I don't want to dress like a baby anymore." I remember telling her one day that she should be greatful that her daughter isn't dressing slutty, I just wanted to be fashionable. There are other girls out there with booty shorts and their cleavage hanging out, trying to attract attention from boys, and all I wanted to do was dress pretty. I stood up to my mother and declared that I would be wearing what I want and she should trust in me to make responsible clothing decisions and automatically assume that because other teenage girls do it, I will walk outside wearing strings.

      Not only was my mother over protective, but abusive as well. I don't mean a regular spanking. Challenging her authority, resulted in a bloody mouth, or nose, Lumps on my body, and whip marks. Whip marks from belts that pieced the skin, leaving red lines of blood on my brown skin. They stung when the water hit them during my showers. Not only was I over protected, but beaten to a bloody pulp every time that I rebelled. This didn't stop me from demanding more freedom though. After a while, just like the bullies, I stood up to her hitting me. You know the boards used to hold up the mattress on a bunk bed? The thick wooden boards? They could be over an inch thick, and three to four feet long. That's what my mother use to beat me with. The supporting wood under the mattress that was suppose to hold the weight of the mattress and the person on the top bunk. I remember she hit me so hard with it, it broke in half. That's when I put my foot down. One day when she went to beat me because the house wasn't clean, I stood up to her and told her "I'm not afraid of you". She treated my sister differently by the way. She never hit the sister, she only hit me. There's a long story behind that. I was the accident, and my sister was the love child. My mother constantly mentioned through out my childhood how she could have had this, or could have done that, or could have achieved more in life... But then she got pregnant. I was that baby. My sister was born to her husband, and received treatment that was very different from my own. She never got it... She also had more freedom than me, and so was able to developed descent social skills. I say descent, because our mother was still our mother. Her independence came from being around her father's side of the family. My mother had some sort of resentment towards me because I ruined her childhood by being born. She would always mention how she wanted this and that, but she had a baby to take care of. So when she became angry, she usually always took it out on me. Not my other sisters.

    • Judy653 14 months ago

      Hmm. I have also found the children of too-busy-to-care parents to be the most devious, impulsive, out of control little demons ever foisted upon the world. So yes let your kids learn for themselves. Like a pack of dogs. Put them out of the house as soon as they become too much to handle. Indeed, sink or swim, social skills are all the rage now. Then when you are old, your children will treat you the same way and blame you for all the ills that befall them. What a miasma of generalities is this article. Typical of this new era of barbarism. Great news for the prison industry though.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 14 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Judy, you have made some excellent points. However, I am NOT advocating underprotective parenting. I believe that parents should provide love, PROTECTION, GUIDELINES, nurturing, attention, & care to their children. I also believe that the parent-child bond should be strong. I believe that children shouldn't raise themselves &/or each other. I believe that parenting should be democratic, nurturing, & caring AND provide children with the tools to be SELF-SUFFICIENT & INDEPENDENT when the time comes.

    • Judy653 14 months ago

      In other words parents should read the parenting guidebook when they have children. Where does one find this book? Did you write it? Where is it being sold? Can I find it in the library? It's easy to point fingers at parents. Just about every self-proclaimed expert has been tearing down parenthood for the last 3 decades. You are no different. I know exactly what you mean. Whatever goes wrong with kids, it's the parents' fault, by default, because we raised human beings when we should have been raising of gods.

    • Judy653 14 months ago

      [Should have been raising gods.] Sheesh! How did I miss that? My parents let me ride my little bike in the street when I was three. My mother used to put us outside until dinnertime. I'd hang out with my dad at the local bar when I was eight. Did all kinds of adult things and really risky things as a child, because we had to learn to live in the world sometime. I am 62 and I am perfect today, except for that grammar mistake in the last sentence of the above comment, must be something seriously overprotective that my parents did. Sorry, I can't stop laughing about how silly people are to believe nonsense like this article.

    • Michiko 14 months ago

      I am a 25 year old ”child” who still has strict and over protective parents. I remember them being like this for my entire life, being strict, yelling if I won't do as they wish and being violent. There were times when I thought that "maybe this is a phase" or "maybe I did something wrong". There are times when I won't tell them everything that is going on with me, or when there are decisions to make so they can stay "relieved" and take the decisions I have to make. Have to admit that I went through a lot of rebellious periods until now, blaming myself and often having low self-esteem, until I realized that it's not necessary my fault so I started building myself slowly and getting ready for a change (even tho I still live with my parents, I want to raise up my own money so I will be able to move out properly).

      I guess the only way to be happy with this is to obey or to move out.

    • Gilbert 11 months ago

      If you’re a parent and you’re considering sending your child to private Catholic school, please don’t do it. It will harm your child in the long run. If your child has strong religious convictions and can think for themselves and have a sense of who they are, public school won’t harm them. These kids need to be around “normal” people during the all-important teenage years. To me, this is a prerequisite to getting your first job and going to college. My brother Andy has turned from a sweet, non-political kid to a very snarky, far-right-winger since attending private Catholic school. Physically, he’s 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. Developmentally, he has the maturity of a pre-teen. Of course, academically, he’s far ahead of what I was at that age, but does that really matter in the long run?

      He still jokes around with my dad, calling him “kid” as a nickname (which is totally weird). Mom and dad help with his projects, proofread his papers, go over his homework, and sometime type out his papers for him if he’s busy studying for other classes. They’re deluded enough to believe that his NON-AP HIGH SCHOOL classes are more difficult than my COLLEGE classes. I wasn’t given a set curfew at that age. Now, Andy goes to bed before my mom does. I feel like my parents don’t like the way I turned out, having barely passed high school and possibly due to the fact that I’m gay (even though I’m an Economics/Mathematics double major with over a 3.0 GPA), and want to overcompensate for their perceived parenting “mistakes” in my case by overprotecting my brother. Andy typically watches children’s cartoons as entertainment. He’s not allowed to watch family shows like “Fresh off the Boat” and “America’s Got Talent” due to adult content. Andy bases his ideology solely off what he learns at church, school, and from my parents. He doesn’t seem to take a step back and think for himself—except for when it comes to playing chess (which is already heavily micromanaged by my dad). It’s this reason why I don’t think he’ll have a problem obeying authority in the workplace, but it’s also this very same reason I just can’t see Andy in a leadership position. I also think he has a high likelihood of flunking out of college or at least doing very poorly in it once mom and dad stop assisting him.

      First off, in the real world, you’re going to come into contact with people with varying backgrounds and personality types. Andy has become so introverted to the point that he only contacts his friends outside of school for school-related reasons…via email. Forget dating—he doesn’t even have some of his friends’ numbers. You absolutely need co-workers’ numbers if you need someone to cover your shift. All his friends are Catholic and most (if not all of them) are part of the pro-life club. They’re also very emotionally immature and sheltered just like him. All Andy has known for the last four years is a non-mainstream form of homogeneity. This is very dangerous. Not everyone is a straight ultra-conservative Catholic who thinks Pope Francis is “too liberal.” Pope Francis is the closest Pope we’ve ever had to Jesus. I would be so embarrassed if Andy worked in a customer service job and refused to serve gay or Muslim customers based on “religious freedom.”

      You need to be somewhat creative, innovative, and able to think for yourself to be in a leadership position in the workplace. Supervisors need to leave any issues they have at the door the minute they walk into the workplace. You cannot have your dad acting as your manager when you yourself are the manager and need to make a decision. Andy might be popular and liked at private Catholic school, but I know for a fact he’ll be totally ignored in the workplace and has no chance of being promoted. I’ve seen firsthand the politics that go into play in the workplace and if a supervisor doesn’t like you, they won’t promote you and/or they may try to get you fired. As my uncle once told me, “every company I’ve ever worked for is like high school.”

      Andy might be getting good grades now, but what happens without the structure my parents provide for him? I’ve seen Andy fall asleep the night before a major assignment is due and goof off on his phone. What if I wasn’t there to wake him up? What if mom and dad weren't there to help him with major assignments and tests? Andy is a member of the school chess club and plays tournaments, but my dad is his manager. My dad puts so much emphasis on chess—almost as much as academics. Not to mention my dad is always present when Andy does Skype audio calls with chess tutors. Again, what if my dad wasn’t there micromanaging Andy in chess? Something tells me college will not work out in his favor unless my parents give Andy some freedom. I would hate to see Andy go from having a stellar academic career in high school to flunking out of college. Every time I try to confront my family regarding this issue, they get extremely defensive and upset at me. Andy doesn’t even know how to express anger appropriately for a 16 year old. He comes off sounding very developmentally stunted when angry and I feel sorry for him. It’s not his fault.

      My mom once told me “these kids (at Andy’s school) aren’t cool”—and that right there will be their downfall. I’m not saying you need to be using profanity and telling dirty jokes 24/7, but you need to have street smarts to survive in the real world. You cannot just live in your own homogeneous bubble where literally everyone you know is just like you. I’ve seriously known homeschoolers that were less sheltered than Andy. HOMESCHOOLERS!!! Andy will likely be 18 years old, STILL watching nothing but “SpongeBob” and other children’s shows, having never seen an episode of “The Big Bang Theory,” “Modern Family,” “The Walking Dead,” etc. God forbid he gets help from mom and dad while in college. My mom and I will watch a TV show when Dad and Andy are gone for a chess tournament, but when they come back, we have to change the channel to something more family-oriented. SHAME on my parents for being so overprotective of my brother!!!


    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 11 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You have made some excellent points.

    • Gilbert 11 months ago

      @gmwilliams Thank you for the kind compliment. This article was an absolute pleasure to read.

      I still have to live with my parents due to economic reasons. I myself was sheltered but rebelled early on. I don't know about my brother.

      I'll tell you one thing: my dad is a narcissistic control freak. Everything is about control and obeying/disobeying rules with him. He's always the victim--even when he's rude and talks about me behind my back (but I can still hear it). I'm always the one who starts arguments, not him, even if he was being condescending. He doesn't see his behavior as rude and condescending (I also see it as very OCD, possibly bipolar) and my psychologist won't evaluate him without his consent.

      Come on, I don't think parents' MAIN concern should be getting their kids to obey them--especially when their kids are in their 20's as is the case with me. What does it matter if I'm "spoiled" by eating out every day? How does that affect him? It's not even HIS money I'm spending, it's MINE! I EARNED that money from working! I may not be working right now, but that doesn't mean I'm never going to have a job ever again. I'm not an idiot. I know the value of money. Parenting should be more about love and nurturing rather than control. Apparently he got this attitude from his mom but he isn't self-aware enough to realize this is not how you treat people. I'm at least self-aware and intelligent enough not to treat people like this. And I'm the one seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist!!!

      Not once in the last five years has he even cared enough to offer me driving lessons--because he only wants himself teaching me how to drive--because I didn't "ask." You don't have to be "asked" to realize that your son is growing up and still doesn't learn how to drive.

    • Just A Passerby 10 months ago

      I'm sorry but this article is not only incorrect, but the message is also damaging.

      First, no one ever has the right to put their hands on you whether you’re different, quiet, babyfied, or infantile, and the teachers who allow this are wrong. It is never the victims fault.

      Second, the saying "you might bully me now, but I'll be your boss later" exists for a reason. Children of overprotected parents might be bullied, but they usually grow up far more successful than the children whose parents didn't care and allowed them to turn into bullies in the first place.

      Third, this article is basically saying that spousal abuse is your own fault because you're not assertive enough. Again, it is never your fault if your spouse puts their hands on you. Never blame the victim.

      Fourth, most men/women who chose to abuse their spouse’s first technique is to separate their victim from their families. It is actually very rare for an overprotected child to grow up to be a victim of their spouses. They usually are valued and value themselves too much for this to be allowed.

      You also say that overprotected children grow up to be failures. Hmmm this is very interesting. I had no idea that so many people in jail had such caring parents, or porn stars, or stripers, or burger flippers. Wow, these parents have overprotected their children into such awful industries! Oh wait, their parents didn't care...

      Listen your article has some interesting points and overprotecting someone can cripple them, but in the end so can all parental guidance systems. It is a proven fact that the under protected child or Free range child system is by far the worse and causes the same amount of resentment towards the parent as the overprotected. It is a fact that 800,000 children are reported missing each year in the United States, which is roughly 2,000 per day. Are you willing to sacrifice your child?

      I am a child of an overprotective parental system. Does some of these facts belong to me, heck yes. But most of my failings come from no motivation and laziness, not my parents, and even with all my faults I still grew up with a B.A, speak 3 languages, play 5 instruments and am doing better than all of my friends and cousins whose parents free ranged them. They also kinda hate me for having such caring folks as well.

      I can already imagine who you are who wrote this article. You're either the child of an overprotected parent who hates their life, or a teacher who's students overprotective parent came to the school and told you off for something unfair you did to their child. One or the other.

      Back in the olden days most parents didn’t have to be overprotective, but a lot has changed now. You can’t leave you kids in the car by themselves, and street smarts can and has gotten many children killed. Maybe if more parents payed attention to their kids, there wouldn’t be so much bullying and often the overprotective child is bullied by their peers because their peers are jealous that their parents actually give a damn.

    • A guy 8 months ago

      Yeah, my mom monitors every damn thing I do. I'm 11 and she bans me from G RATED SHOWS. I actually rebelled on Saturday, because she hit me and of course she hit me back. For god sake I got so tired of it I was drooling on the floor and attacking her.

    • A guy 8 months ago

      Also forgot to mention she thought those shows were "disrespect" and it's acting. This "disrespect" also means defending my position in an arguement, looking at her "funny" (really trying to not punch her in the face), slamming a door, and my dad just FOLLOWS everything she says. It's repetitive. Unfortunately, he screams in my face if I yell at her and get pissed over her wasting MY OWN LIFE.

    • Lisa 7 months ago

      Actually, overprotected children are more likely to be bullies because they are taught not to trust others. They do this in order to protect themselves. They are taught everyone is bad while they are good. Plus, they're arrogant and self-righteous. My family is so overprotective because I am from a large extended family. They are very picky about whom I associate with. If they are seen as bad people, I end up bullying them. On top of that, I'm married to a guy who is overprotective like they are and they chose him for me.

    • a girl 4 months ago

      i am 18 years old, turning 19. i have a stepdad who is beyond over protective.

      while i was still on high school he gave other kids that he knew, orders to watch me on school and after school everyday, and even now that im done with school he still thinks that im not ready to be independent yet. its so frustrating because he always makes me out to be a little girl. all my friends from high school still meet each other regularly for lunch or just a normal out bur i never participate because i never have anything to talk about when they start talking about about how fun life is after school and how good it feels to be independent. i always feel like the odd out. im not even allowed to be on social media with my friends after 10. i still feel trapped, and at times when i have to decide on certain things on my own i get nervous and dont know what to do, because his always there making decisions for me. i dont even have clue of how it feels like to travel. he comes to my work place everyday to check up. im fed up of all this. i dont know what to do anymore. my mother doesnt always take me seriously when i try express my feelings to her. im not a little girl anymore.

      im desperate for advice.

      please hlep

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor. Explain to them how abusive your stepfather is. If there is a school psychologist, speak w/her or him to discuss this issue. Something is wrong w/your stepfather. He seems to be obsessive. I think there may be deeper issues here.

    • a girl 4 months ago

      hi gm williams

      everyone is telling me that maybe there are deeper issues to it, and that he there must be more serious reasons as to why his acting like this.

      He is originally from Egypt, and i know when it comes to young adult girls, in their country there are very difficult circumstances, and that girls dont have much rights when it comes to their own life.

      what ive noticed was that, he expects everything should be ike it is in his country, everything should be like the father says or everything should go according to what the man says. He doesnt understand that thintgs are different here in south africa girls and woman have more rights, and they also have a say when it comes to making decisions on their own, i tried explaining this to him but its like he still dont get it.

      he believes that i cannot do things on my own, until im married ofcause because thats how it works in their country, woman are not grown up until they get married.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Still discuss this matter w/a psychologist. This man is beyond extreme.

    • a girl 4 months ago

      no doubt about that.

      thank you for taking my story into consideration. it feels good to talk about it with someone even over social media.

      thanks for the advice, its much appreciated:)

    • a girl 4 months ago


      Is it inconsiderate telling your parents that you dont actually need their help that much anymore??

      Because i really want to make them understand that there are some things that they helped me with in the past, that i can do on my own now.

      I dont want them to feel that i need dont them in my life anymore and that i never appreciated what they've done for me over the years unil now,

      I've finished high school and on my way to college, i need to make them understand that i'll always be THEIR child but i cant always be A child.

      things change and people change.

      Any advice on that??


    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Your parents love you. Yes, you are a burgeoning adult but to them, you will always be their child. You need your parents less & they must realize this. However, it is good to be needed. There has to be a happy medium. Think of some children in large families who are made to be on THEIR OWN at a very early age even though they need their parents. Such children have to raise themselves. You have parents who are there for you. Be happy that you have concerned parents......but to reiterate, there must be a happy medium- be caring but allow independence.

    • Sheeja 2 months ago

      Truly said....I appreciate of what you said. Parents think that taking care of their children and pampering them makes them the best it's false..Parents should try to guide them not spoon feed them all the time..

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 2 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      There is nothing wrong w/taking care of & pampering children. They need this; however, parents must not cripple their children by doing too much for them, let them explore & do things which let them become independent & successful adults.

    • Ashley Rebecca Nave 4 weeks ago

      I have bipolar depression, PTSD, social anxiety, Borderlin/Mild General Learning Disability and ADD/ADD issues. I have had a problem with my grandmother ever in my 30's right now because of her mind set at 80 years, but never reasons nor understands that I disapprove of her over protective ways. I have the ability to do chores, or do things without being told, she treats an adult with a disability like a child for which makes me angry or very frustrated. I honestly don't approve of overprotective parental styles at all. I feel ruined in some ways because I know I have the ability to be independent and work or generally aware. The social

    • samantha 5 days ago

      Having read this article, there are pros and cons..but people seem to have forgotten LOVE. these children may love their parents so telling them to go away from their overprotective parents to get better is heartbreaking. Yes there's tough Love, I don't think you can paint all with the same brush i'm an only and have bad anxiety maye my parents were overprotective but i love them. being an only my parents are the only family i have!! I know my parents tried to socialize me but it was myself who felt odd socializing whether that's to do with me or my parents, genes also come aboard in how people are. many factors

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