The Psychological Effect of a Controlling Mother

Updated on December 27, 2017
My dad and I
My dad and I | Source

I’m writing this hub from a personal perspective in hopes of helping anyone else who might have suffered a similar fate and isn’t sure how to change their life.

I was raised by perfectionist parents who were extremely overbearing. Consequently, my relationships have suffered, and I've made a few decisions that are less than flattering. But I did get through it.

My childhood and adolescent experiences are examples of how controlling behavior can manifest. I hope by sharing these experiences, other people might realize a pattern in their own life, and be able to make changes and take back control of their lives.

The Beginning of a Broken Childhood

I was born in Fort Lauderdale back in 1978. At the time, my parents had been married for nine years, and were on the verge of divorce. My mother had an abortion prior to my birth, and after I was born by cesarean section, my parents officially ended their marriage.

My mother didn’t want me, and wrote a letter saying as much. The letter was addressed to my father’s parents, my grandparents, with whom she was leaving me. My father had decided that was the best course of action, but made an effort, with a few visitations during my first year of life, to be involved.

I was called ugly and fat in high school, but I was actually quite skinny.
I was called ugly and fat in high school, but I was actually quite skinny. | Source

My grandparents gave me my first bottle in the hospital. They brought me home, and treated me as their daughter. Four years later, they adopted me.

I remember going to the attorney’s office and being asked about living arrangements. I don’t recall my response, my grandparents (from here on referenced as my parents) told me I said I wanted them to raise me. The most I remember is the seat warmer in the secretary’s chair at her desk and trying to figure out how to turn it on.

I was declared legally abandoned by the courts, and my parents officially adopted me. The birth certificate has their names on it, not those of my biological parents.

My parents made no effort to hide any of this from me. I knew from a very young age that I was adopted. Granted, I was adopted by immediate family, but adopted nonetheless.

This really made no difference to me. My parents were the people raising me, not the people who gave birth to me. It was just a fact.

Growing Up with a Controlling Mother

Growing up was difficult. I attended private, catholic school all my life including high school. I didn’t have any friends in elementary school, and I was routinely picked on by bullies. I had an above average IQ, and was apparently “pretty” because adults told me as much. This made me the perfect target for bullies.

In my heart, I didn’t really care that everyone teased me and called me ugly or fat (I was actually quite skinny). But in the back of my mind, it affected me. Despite my outward expression of self-confidence, I was only confident when I was by myself.

Ironically, during my years as a young child, my mother wasn't horribly controlling. However, I was never allowed to have a sleep over (either at my house or theirs), and I only had one birthday party that I can remember, and only one person showed up, which is why I remember it.

As I got older, my mother's controlling behavior just escalated.

During high school, I had a couple of friends who were in the band, which was the only time I was really allowed to "socialize." One of them was a witch, and his best friend became my best friend.

She was amazing. She laughed at all my jokes; she even helped me stand up against the bullies. My mom told me to simply ignore them because they were just jealous. Although she was probably right, there was no other comforting offered. Just a lot of physical hugs and kisses (on the mouth), which I had come to despise.

In my junior year, a new student started at our school. He was probably THE best-looking guy in the school and he became MY boyfriend. Strangely, no one really picked on me after that.

Except for my mother.

The Signs of Controlling Behavior - Personal Examples

Having a serious boyfriend exacerbated my mother’s behavior. She started to track my periods on her calendar, which were never regular. It wasn't unusual for me to miss 2 months or more.

At one point, she showed me all the months I had “missed.” On every one, she wrote something like “please God, don’t let it be so” in large red letters at the bottom of the month.

I knew I wasn’t pregnant, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20! But, she didn’t believe me, and she wondered why I never went to her with anything important.

I was never the type to talk with anyone about anything, especially my parents. I kept just about everything to myself. This lead to my mom being so nosy she would ransack my room, including my garbage, to find out anything she could about my life.

I tried to keep a diary, but she put a stop to that by reading it constantly. How do you stop someone from invading your privacy? You keep everything inside. Eventually for one of my birthday’s, my mom got me a diary with a combination lock on it, and promised never to read it again. She never did, not that I know of anyway. But I didn't really write in it anymore either.

My father and I at the pageant my mother made me enter. I was in the top ten, and probably could have made it further, but my heart just wasn't in it.
My father and I at the pageant my mother made me enter. I was in the top ten, and probably could have made it further, but my heart just wasn't in it. | Source

This didn’t stop her from rummaging through my garbage, though. There were many, many arguments with my parents. Most of them entailed my mom yelling at my dad and I, while we sat there and stared at the floor.

One time, she even threw out the Christmas turkey and then stayed in her bedroom all day. It was a common occurrence. I actually enjoyed these times since it was just dad and I.

We’d sometimes watch Tom and Jerry cartoons and on the days mom wouldn’t come out to cook dinner, we’d have peanut butter sandwiches dipped in coffee. Dad and I were always close.

Saturday mornings were bad. I’d be rudely awakened by screaming. Mom inevitably would be screaming at dad in the kitchen about things that happened 40 years ago. The screaming was amplified by the air conditioning vent so I could hear every word.

My mom thought I slept too much because I “slept in” until noon or later.

I wasn’t sleeping; I was hiding.

The last thing I ever wanted to do was leave my room on days like that because the second I stepped foot into the kitchen, either I’d get dragged into it, or it would just stop and mom would act like nothing happened… to me.

Dad would be sitting in the corner of the kitchen staring at the floor and if she had anything to say to him, she would say it in a tone that I can’t even describe. My only escape from all of this was the driving.

Once I got my license (which I didn't get until I was 17), I spent as much time in my car as I could. It was my safe haven. Even to this day, driving my car is the one place I feel the safest.

Driving became my only escape.
Driving became my only escape. | Source

I became a smoker and tried a few drugs. I wanted an escape from life. I guess it was also a way of rebelling, although I never thought of it that way. I didn’t know how else to cope. Anytime I was home, I had to walk on eggshells around my mom. She was a ticking time bomb.

For example, I went to a dermatologist for my acne when I was 18 who suggested birth control pills to regulate my period, which would also regulate the hormones causing the acne problem.

I didn't want pills, and definitely not birth control pills. Not only did I know my mother would freak out, I knew birth control pills had side effects, and I just didn't want to deal with them.

I had called her via my cell phone on my way back from the doctor (she surprisingly let me go alone), and made the mistake of telling her the doctor's suggestion over the phone. As I suspected, when I told her the dermatologist suggested birth control as a line of treatment, she freaked out.

For someone who was afraid to let me drive at all, she was doing quite a bit of yelling in my ear while I was driving, and it wasn't about calling her while driving. I remember her words vividly: "I don't like where this is going!" she screamed.

I think I blocked out the rest of the conversation. But I do remember taking my time to get home.

Rebelling Against Controlling Parents in Adulthood

After graduation, I chose a little Baptist college in a tiny town, four hours away from home. Once I got there, I had a hard time dealing with all the freedom. My mom wasn’t hovering over me telling me to study, what to wear or how to style my hair. I was free. I knew my parents had a four hour drive to the school if they wanted to come and take me home. It was enough time to run.

The last half of my freshman year, my mom told me if I was good, and brought up my GPA, she'd put the car in my name and let me drive it my sophomore year.

I was the perfect little angel for those six months, and I did enough extra credit to double my GPA. My mom kept her word and put the car in my name.

I was smart, I knew once she put the car in my name she couldn't take it from me. I was 18, and if she did take it, I could report it stolen. Getting the car in my name changed me, although I didn't realize it at the time.

After getting the car, my grades were horrible. So bad, in fact, I flunked out. I really didn’t care. I had met a man, and we were getting married.

My parents found out and started driving up to the school. I ran. I knew they couldn’t find me if I went to my fiancé’s house.

It was a huge ordeal, campus security got involved. I was informed about the legalities of the situation, which at 18, all I understood was that my parents couldn’t physically remove me from anywhere. And since they had put the car in my name, they couldn’t even take that, which would have been the first thing she did. She always threatened to take my car from me.

My first dog ever, Dickens. I rescued her, but I think she's the one who did the rescuing!
My first dog ever, Dickens. I rescued her, but I think she's the one who did the rescuing! | Source

I got married to the man my parents hated, and I rescued two dogs (pets were another thing I was never allowed to have). Six years after I married, I got divorced.

By this time, I had realized I married him to get away from my parents. There was no love there, and there never was if I’m honest with myself.

Unfortunately, this separation forced me to call my mom and get her financial support to move into my own apartment.

My dog and best friend, Lady
My dog and best friend, Lady | Source

I had a career, that paid enough to make the rent. The week I moved into my new apartment, I got a $3 raise. I was set. I had a car, and I had my dogs.

For three months, I did some soul-searching. I delved further into my spirituality, and I realized I had let my controlling parents ruin my life by running away.

The relationship with my parents has never been the same. I became overly analytical to compensate for my mom’s irrationally emotional behavior. This has driven my life. I despise talking with my mom.

I eventually remarried and had a daughter of my own. Initially, I tried to keep my parents in my daughter's life thinking they could offer some enrichment. But every time I called my mother, she would say nothing but derogatory things about my husband and my life.

These conversations with my mom would leave me feeling anxious, angry and frustrated, which I inevitably took out on my husband and daughter. I eventually realized I couldn't keep doing this. The effects of each conversation lasted longer, and I would put off calling my mom as long as possible because I just didn't want to deal with her. This just lead to more anxiety and frustration and it took a toll on both me and my family.

I eventually came to the conclusion that the only way to fix the situation was to stop talking to my mother altogether. It really wasn't a difficult decision. I knew I didn't want my daughter growing up exposed to my mother's vitriol.

Best decision I ever made.

My parents are now getting on in years, and their health is failing. Imminent death tends to make you rethink your decisions. I have lived the past 10 years without talking to my parents, with exception of my dad.

Dad was never the problem, and when he had health issues during the spring of 2014, I broke down and called him. It was very sad. His speech was garbled, and I could barely understand what he was saying. But it did feel good to tell him I loved him. I even let him talk to my daughter. Although she had a harder time understanding him than I did, I know it made dad feel better knowing that he was able to say hello and tell us he loved us.

During all of this, I have never felt bad about my decision to avoid communication with my mom. But I have felt that my dad has had to suffer because of my decision. This has never sat well with me, but I have yet to find a way around it.

Myself and the brilliant, altruistic doctor I once worked for. He was like a father to me, and was there for me whenever I needed him.
Myself and the brilliant, altruistic doctor I once worked for. He was like a father to me, and was there for me whenever I needed him. | Source

Dealing with Controlling Parents

Controlling parents have a massive psychological impact on their children. They can strip them of the ability to find anything satisfying in life, and this is something that is virtually impossible to overcome.

I’ve had to separate myself completely from my parents, unfortunately, in an effort to change my outlook on life. Talking to my parents only serves to reinforce the negative mindset I’ve worked so hard to shift.

To many people, including myself, severing contact with parents may seem harsh, and it very well may be. But, I have to do what is right for my child now. If not speaking with my parents gives her the life I never had, then so be it. I despise emotion. I really dislike affection. I refuse to let my daughter feel the same way.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends and family on social media so this story can reach others who may need to read it.

© 2012 Melissa Flagg OSC


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      GJL 2 days ago

      George same thing over here and it only gets worse

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      Dounce Bailey 4 days ago

      I am a 63 Year old women who still suffers from a controlling mother. I have tried for years to change my behavior for the sake of passing this disease to my daughter who has a daughter. Give me advice please I feel caught in a trap can't break free

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      Arnold 11 days ago

      My mom is always telling my dad what to do even she yells at him for coughing. Dad never says nothing, one time we went out to eat she slapped his hand for touching his food with his hands and another time he gave her a bottle of water and she said I did not a bottle of water in snooty attitude.My mom always yells at me for being over weight.

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      Susan M. 2 weeks ago

      To: Princesasi2

      Its interesting that you've thrown your spin on this whole story. Starting out with the "running away from your situation". I didn't hear that in her story at all? So to me that's a form of bullying on YOUR part, because she never ran from anything. Deciding what is healthy and what is NOT healthy for you and your kid IS BEING MATURE. There are lots of people who adopt, some are good people, some are child abusers. Are you saying because they take them in that even though they are abusive either verbally or physically or sexually they "still took them in"? Family or not family her mother was causing SERIOUS damage to her psyche. Whether she MEANT TO or NOT. I have the same mother, same experiences, and while I haven't cut her off, I have limited my contact with her due to the abuse, even over the phone! The only person who can judge is you know who. If I were you I would take a look at yourself and see why it is you've chosen to bash someone who has been so open about something so painful.

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      Monika 3 weeks ago

      Massive hug for you!! You did it! Even though I don’t know you,I feel proud of you for not allowing her to destroy your life anymore and for putting your girl first.

      My childhood was different but still as horrible (in my eyes).

      My mum was (and still is) very selfish woman. I’m one of eight. She didn’t care about any of us. Kicked me out countless times ( and my brother) when I was still in primary school. Graciously allowed me to come back just because I was working so I could provide for her. She never showed emotions,love ,gratitude,kindness ..anything. She always took but never gave back. After I left my country ,nearly 13 years ago she continued her “mothering”. She would always take other people opinions into consideration but never mine. Wasn’t talking to me for years when I was going through domestic violence and abuse. Showed up in my life when she needed money and stuff. For ever criticised me,my choices and even my children’s (normal for kids) behaviour.

      My childhood and teenage years were horrible and unfortunately she is partly to blame for it.

      Regardless to all of this I kept helping her emotionally and especially financially all those years. I recently started seeing a therapist and thanksti this I can finally see and understand why my life is so complicated and why most of the times I feel depressed. I asked her to explain to me her decisions and reasons for neglecting me so but she refused. We haven’t been talking for the last 2 years and even though part of me would like to forgive her ( mostly for my children ) I simply can’t.

      I hope you all guys are very content with your life and bring appreciated and loved. Monika

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      Charlotte 4 weeks ago

      With a few minor differences this article could have been written about me. I'm in my 40's and still dealing with my controlling mother. I have chronic illnesses and the self doubt she's instilled has so far kept me from moving far away. Hopefully one day I can get the strength to do what you did and break free.

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      George 4 weeks ago

      Although our circumstances are different I feel like this is so relatable. The disdain I have for my mother is just getting worse and worse as the years go by. I feel as though she’s is the catalyst for the depression and anxiety I’ve had my whole life. I just can’t live like this anymore. My psychiatrist said that if I get away from my mom my bleak outlook on life would change. My mom has raised me to think I can’t survive without her, but I will get away from her and nothing will stop me. Thank you so much for sharing.

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      Jonestein 4 weeks ago

      Princesasi2, I feel like you are personally offended by this article, and I think you should, perhaps, leave it and not return. Sharing your experiences isn't "Bad mouthing", and feeling hurt, controlled/trapped, and invalid to begin with, isn't just something you 'happen to feel'. There is a reason to feel the way one does. Given the information here, I'd think there's enough information to decide that this is a very valid description of all of this. Learn the difference between "bad mouthing" and VENTING.

      Understanding somebody can be hurting too, does NOT give them any reason to treat you in a way that they are consistently exerting their energy to make KNOWN that they are upset. And upset that causes conflict and drama and estrangement. Two people can be upset, but if one of them is taking it out on another, while the other is trying to get away from it, does that really make the mother's "hurt", okay? Maybe to her, but it makes the situation toxic. You never, ever, take your feelings of frustration and discomfort out on somebody else.

      THANK YOU Melissa, for sharing.

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      Eve 4 weeks ago

      Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps others who have suffered the same to know we are not alone.

      I suffered the same from a controlling mum who I stopped contact with since I was 19. My dad was the same but in a more sly and quiet way. He would give into me in order to see me fall so he can say “told you so”. I married an abuser but stayed married for 15years because we had kids. Been separated and hope to get divorce from court order because husband won’t sign. Always been in touch with dad and recently got in touch with mum who now thinks that I need her and so I will come back under her control. No way my kids have to suffer from having a bad dad, I don’t want to bring more abuse in our house. I only visit her for her birthday and Christmas, she complaines about this unfair treatment every chance she gets.

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      lil-lil172 5 weeks ago

      Im so sorry for all your angst. Forgiveness and compassion along with a good dose of gratitude can probably heal you a great deal. Either way, you are to blame as well even if you don't realize it. This is the first half of many peoples lives...after you get over the victim mentality, you can forgive yourself and your mom. She was coming from a point of love the best way she knew how. It's not like you were ever planned by your parents...they tried their best. When you mature to the second half of your life, you may wish you handled some things a little differently. Try it from a forgiving, compassionate point. Don't expect anything in return, just be kind to your self and whomever else is standing in front of you. Much love and happiness to all of you and your children, and to your parents as well.

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      5 weeks ago

      I can't really say if you're right or wrong to write all judgements you put against your mother although putting it on social media is a bit harsh. Only God can truly say whether her intentions were bad or not but you sound to me much like my stepdaughter. See, my younger stepdaughter, her mother took off on her when she was short of 5 and I was friends with her mom and dad so I was there to witness it. Later, I got involved with her father as we became close and I decided, much like your mother (grandmother really) and it wasnt an easy task in due part because by her real mother having left her she was broken inside but because pride and anger seems to come easy to her nothing I do is ever good enough and everything youve said really hit home. When OUR child shows ungratitude towards all that we do we feel resentment. I would say maybe, but I'm sure she had no bad intentions for not wanting you to get pregnant. Maybe she felt concern or resentment because you got a boyfriend before the time she felt you were ready. That being said, shes an older lady from an older generation, what do you expect? In her time Im sure it was different and shes having to adapt to the new rules of the new generation. Honour thy father and mother! Thats all I have to say.

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      5 weeks ago

      The author is blind to their own role in the relationship problems. You can’t blame your parents for all your problems in life. I’m sure your mother wasn’t perfect, but she was trying to be a good mom. She probably didn’t allow you to go on sleep overs so you wouldn’t get molested. I know many parents who don’t allow it. Mine generally didn’t and I’m grateful. It protected me from painful experiences that happened to friends. You are not seeing how you mistreated her. You complain about her, but never once express gratitude for any of the things she did for you. She cooked for you. She gave you a car. Even after you treated her badly, she was there for you to support you financially. You didn’t care about her. You just used her, without seeing her as a person. Psychological experiments have shown the distress a person experiences when left out of a group - especially when there are three people and the two leave out the third. Have you ever once considered her a human being? You may have suffered her weaknesses, but she has also suffered yours. To the emotionally immature, other people are not real. She wanted the best future for you, and understood that would entail doing well in school and not getting pregnant as a teen. You sound a bit spoiled.

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      anaday 6 weeks ago from Ireland

      Replying to nursefriend:

      I find your comment out of place. Victims of controlling or narcissistic mothers need to be validated.

      For anyone wondering if they could be a narcissist:

      You can answer these 11 questions. If you get 5 or more, you may be one:

    • profile image

      nursefriend 6 weeks ago

      The only thing the author does not consider is how her mother was raised herself. She also never says she made any attempts to sit down and have a heartfelt conversation with her mother to try and work through some of that controlling behavior. I am a mother who loves her daughters unconditionally. I have been cut off from my daughters and surprisingly it is usually after they have come crying to me for something and I offer an honest opinion that they don't want to hear. (believe me though, after many months of usually trying to console and "make things better")There are instances where mothers can't win with their kids too. It seemed no matter when my attitude was positive I would be greeted with bitchy, snarly teen attitude and quite frankly they have not come to far now that they are in their mid-20's. Times when I would do family things only to have one or the other get inappropriately pissed off and if I got mad in response, I became the bad guy. Sometimes the kids you give birth to come out of the womb and they actually suck. You give it the best you can but you get continually beaten down. You worry they will get into drugs, so sorry, you look for signs, you might snoop a bit because guess what, society would blame the parents. You set limits (this is for the 17 year old) on when they will work because you want them to get good grades, to be able to go on to college or a technical school, to get a decent job and a shot at having a great life. As much as some might focus on all their parents "bad, controlling behavior" please reflect upon yourself as well and try to understand where your parents are coming from before you make a decision to cut them out of your life.

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      Eliza 6 weeks ago

      I'm trying trying so hard not to cry! I have a horrible relationship with my mom too...the worst part of it is is she used to be my best friend growing up but once I become independent and married, she has completely changed. Actually, looking back at my life, she probably was always the same (controlling and demanding) it just took my growing up to realize it. Tonight, my mom and I had another fight. I thought I was being nice to her and she twisted my words and called me names for something i didnt even do. She does this all the time. She constantly brings me down and judges everything I do. The horrible part is...she told me she has cancer. I feel guilty for shutting her out more than ever but she always makes me anxious and unhappy. I only call her on occasion - on the off chance and hope that we would have a good conversation like the old days...but it's useless. I want to stop talking to her altogether but it's so so hard for me to let go. I also have a daughter who I need to think of...I guess it's hard knowing she won't have the sweet caring grandma that I had in my life. Thank you so much for your article. It helps knowing someone has gone through what I am struggling with.

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      Mich 7 weeks ago

      Thank you for sharing! I thought I was the only one going through this. I still don't know what to do as my dad died and my mother is not well anymore. However she is still very controlling. I am divorced and live with her to help take care of her but it seems I can't do anything right. She also doesn't allow me to have a live of my own. It's just work and back home for me. She goes with me to do errands and when ever I am invited somewhere she finds a reason for me not to go. Often claiming theres housework to do or just telling me no I cannot go n putting down my friends. Even her own family and friends have noticed this and when they tell her I need time for my self she claims they are jealous or trying to lead me astray. I am fed up yet I feel obligated to her because she worked hard to get me through school n provide for me and bc she 3 the only parent I hv left.

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      Jackie 8 weeks ago

      Hey, thank you so much for sharing your story!

      I'm 17 with a part-time job, and I know I should be grateful for all the things my parents provide for my sisters and I (We are generally well put off), but she seems to want to control every aspect of my life by dictating everything on my grades. I want to work on the weekdays instead of just the weekends? My grades have to be good or else I can't, and it's not like it's her decision anyways... I pay for my own gas, I'm very responsible, and I have a job; and she still treats me like a child. Everytime I bring this up with her, she states "No I don't" or "I'm not controlling" and completely shuts me down and never considers my feelings (She has actually stated things like "I don't care how you feel about this") . I'm actually so ready to move out and go to college, even though I still have one more year of high school, and I wont get to see some of my best friends as often..

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      David in Ardmore 8 weeks ago

      Like you, Melissa, I stopped communicating with my mother. There's no point in getting into details -- you are very aware what it means to live with an enraged parent.

      I gave my best effort for many years, but was always met by the control freak, a woman who is envious, jealous, backbiting, gossiping, and deceitful.

      After my father died, I came to realize Mom had never called, never visited, never singularly tried to have a relationship with me, my wife or my children. That's right; over the 28 years since I left home it was always up to me.

      To many this may seem a juxtaposition, the concept that a control freak would never call, never visit, never take the time to be part of her son's life. But it's actually part-in-parcel.

      My wife and kids went to Mom's Christmas Eve party, and Mom asked what was wrong, why I never visited. My wife told her, "You should call David, or just visit him. You must ask him what's going on."

      Mom admitted she mistreated me, but excused herself with, "I was lucky to survive my childhood." She still hasn't called, hasn't visited. It's up to her.

      It's sickening to know she cannot take responsibility for her actions.

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      Elena Chuah 8 weeks ago

      Thank you for this beautiful sharing. I had suffered for the first 20 yrs in my life from my nagging & controlling mother. I never remembered any positive comments from her. Reasoning with her is useless as she thinks she is always right. She claims all mothers are like that because they love their children and i would become like that too when i become a mother. WHich makes me fearful of any kind of intimate relationship. All my aunties supported her and asked me to "get used to it". This encouraged my mom to continue her habits. I used to have extreme negative mindset and low self- esteem. Everything is critical. Whatever activities, dreams or decisions i made are being discouraged. I was so dejected & demotivated. I felt living is useless. I used to daydream to escape reality.

      I found fresh air and freedom when i left home & started going to university. I was exposed to motivational programs, NLP and other self-help course. I was getting better & more positive. However, whenever i go back home & start talking to her, i felt the same exhaustion as though i was "sucked" back into the black hole.

      I consider severing ties or "managing" the frequency of connections but i was struggling & debating whether the decision is moral. I also knew that i cannot allow toxic people around me. Now that i see your sharing, i feel better as i know i'm not alone.

      Life is too short to allow ourselves to suffer. Environment & company are important for a successful & happy life.

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      Lorren Wisdom 2 months ago

      From East Texas

      Wow I cannot believe @nearly 35 I've read what my answer to prayer had been and can start to finally process, forgive, heal and grow into what may not be long but better late than never I always say! Thank you so much for sharing this article because u hv changed my life for btr and from now on. I can hv a btr relationship with my daughter and I'm so excited about that especially!!!

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      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 2 months ago from Philippines

      I'm glad you broke free from your mom. Even parents can be toxic. You can forgive her, but it doesn't mean you must reconcile with her, because you want your child to have a healthy life growing up. And you owe yourself a life that you have built on your own, with your own vision of how a family should be raised, and how your life should be lived.

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      bluelove 2 months ago

      Real maturity is knowing your parents are the way they are, and making a way to have somewhat of a relationship anyway.None of us have PERFECT parents. My mom was an alcoholic. Yet we should give them Atleast a day a month? Just my opinion, but it counts!

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      Hilary Jones 2 months ago

      Hi, thank you for sharing your story Melissa. Your a great writer and a inspiration to all

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      Anya Marie 2 months ago

      you are an inspiration and I hope you have a good day. Best of luck in your life

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      Joan Atkinson 2 months ago

      I was raised by my adoptive parents. My actual parents weren’t in my life at all until I was 15. The only reason they came into my life was because my mother had a dream that I was sick and she wanted to be sure I was ok. Its a little strange to think she didn’t want to be in my life at all prior to her dream and now all of a sudden she wants to be involved in my life and know everything about me. That really didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t talk much to my father as he was kinda weird and talked a lot of shit. I was quite a close off person and didn’t talk much about myself as I was lacking self confidence and was a socially private person. I saw my parents 4 times in 2012 (I was 15) and then never again. I’m now almost 21 (I’ll be 21 in June) and engaged to the love of my life. We are also going to move to Texas after our wedding to start our family together.

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      Jen 2 months ago

      Thanks for sharing your story

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      Poppy-Anne 2 months ago

      My mother had me when she was only 14 years old. She had little to no understanding of parenthood and left me with my grandmother nearly all the time. My grandmother changed my first diaper as my own mother didn’t want to do it. My grandmother taught me how to walk, talk and feed myself as my own mother was too busy with her friends or going to school. As my mother got older she moved away with this guy and I didn’t see her at all for 5 years. When I saw her again, I was 6 and didn’t know who she was. I referred to my grandmother as “mom” and my own mother yelled at me and said “don’t be silly poppy, I’m your mother” my grandmother and her got in this huge fight and my grandmother refused to let my mother see me. I was glad in a way. As I got older and became a teenager, my mother had given birth to 3 children who are considered my half siblings. I only met them twice and they didn’t like me very much and I didn’t think much of them either. As I entered collage my mother was a teacher there and tried talking to me at our lunch breaks trying to act like she knew me and had been in my life. I told her off and told her that if she kept bothering me, I’d call some authority figure. She didn’t bother me again but, everytime she saw me from then on, she’d glare at me or give me some hatred look. I didn’t care, I wasn’t going to collage to be judged, I was going to get an education in Media studies. After I graduated collage I moved 17 hours away to Australia and met my soul mate. We married pretty soon after we started dating (it was 8 months after) and had our first baby (our son Boston) in 2010 (a year after we got married) and then had our second baby (our daughter Rose) in 2011 (Boston is 14 months older than Rose) I am feeling loved and blessed and my husband and I have started discussing our third baby.

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      Courtney 2 months ago

      my parents used to be responsible and everyone, and I mean literally everyone loved them and always had a complement for them. My sister Kate and I were seen as ‘golden children’ as we were always well behaved, well spoken and I especially acted mature for my young age. I attended a private coed catholic primary school and an all girls private high school, I made several friends and was enjoying life to the fullest, that is until 2005. I was turning 16 at the time and my parents were falling apart. They got a divorce in September of 2006 and our father left our lives. He didn’t want to see my sister and I ever again and told us to forget about him. My mother cried everyday after that, she was heartbroken and both my sister and I were partly as well. In 2007 our mother started drinking excessive amount of alcohol to the point she’d vomit and told my sister and I to move out, she didn’t want us around her, so my sister Kate moved out with a friend and I stayed living with my mother for 2 more years. I moved out in the fall of 2009 and didn’t go back. My mother was seeing a therapist who she absolutely hated and would often critique her. After I moved out I got a new phone with a new number as I didn’t want to here from my mother. I got married in the winter of 2013 and had my son in August of 2015 and now I’m expecting baby number two, things are so much better in my life now.

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      Bella’s mommy 2 months ago

      Thank you so very my chr for sharing your story. It wasn’t like reading about my own life with a controlling mother. I am so thankful for the moments of clarity that lead to self discovery and awareness.

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      Krysten 2 months ago

      Hello all,

      My name is Krysten and I run the first and only [closed] group on Facebook called the Adult Children of Controlling Parents (ACCP), where more adults are undergoing the same situation as you. In this support group, you can write about your own frustrations, read and respond to others’ posts, and offer advice to those in need. In addition to that, it might also comfort you to find that you are not alone. If you are interested in joining, there is a link that I will provide to you below.

      Thank you for your time!

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      Katherine Morrissey 2 months ago

      Valeria I relate to this as my mother was clinically depressed for many, many years and she’d often sob uncontrollably over small things and would often be really aggressive. Anytime anyone would tell her something positive she’d shun them and say “this is why I’m angry, just stop” eventually people stopped telling her positive things and let her own misery run her life. For my moms 42nd birthday I bought her a cake, it was her favourite kind of cake and I thought I was doing her good. Well to my mom I wasn’t she said “why in the world did you buy this for me, I’m not going to eat it” and she threw it in the trash. I felt terrible as I thought I was helping her feel better. My own mother drove me away when I was in my early twenties and I cut ties with her. I met this guy in my mid twenties and had twin girls a year and a half later. After my daughters were born my mother somehow got my number (which i really dont know how she got it) and demanded I let her see her granddaughters. I would often tell my mom no as I didnt want my daughters around her negativity. When my daughters were 3 I gave in as it was my mother’s birthday and I thought maybe she’ll be alright. I was so wrong. Not even an hour there my mother was talking about how her life sucks and how sad she is. I immediately told her to stay away from my daughters as I didn’t want them around her like that and I left. A year or so later my husband, daughters and I moved up north for permanent residency. It’s been over 25 years since I last seen my mom both my daughters are now adults and one of them is engaged. We are very happy as intend to be for the rest of our lives.

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      Ène Aileen 2 months ago

      I was born and raised in a very small town which had a population of 97 people. We had only 2 small grocery shops, 1 clothing store, 1 doctor surgery (it had a pharmacy attached), 1 pet shop (which wasn’t very good, it closed down in 2004)

      and 1 very small junior and secondary school (it had a maximum of 35 people) (I was in a class with only 3-4 people for most of my junior schooling) my mother who raised me by herself had struggled to buy a house for us. For the first 4 years of my life we had lived in a small apartment with only 1 room, it was in an old building that had been around since the early 1800s and many things happened in that apartment that were paranormal and still scare me to this day when I think about it. After my mother had bought our house we thrived and enjoyed it. My mother still lives there today and never wants to give the house up. The school I went to was rather new as it had only been up and running for 10 years before I went there. I didn’t make many friends in school as there was practically no one there. Most of my junior schooling I was in a class with a maximum of 4 students, which doesn’t sound bad but there were days were I was the only student in the class and I felt isolated as I was scared of the teachers (they weren’t bad teachers, I was just a very timid child) in my secondary schooling I was in classes with a maximum of 10-12 students which made me feel a lot better and I actually enjoyed going to school. After schooling I got a job in one of our small grocery shops 2 days a week for over a year. I didn’t enjoy it as the people I worked with were very rude and didn’t know manners and I was left with most of the chores we all had to do before opening. After I quit my job, I just lived with my mother I wanted to relax fully before jumping into anything new. A few years later I moved away from our small town into a massive city. For the first year I was terrified, but I had quickly gotten used to the hustle and bustle of the city and got my second job as a Starbucks employee. I worked there for 4 days a week for 2 years. I loved working there as I had made friends and actually loved the service they brought and the atmosphere was phenomenal as well. After I left my job at Starbucks I decided to go to collage as I wanted to work in the fashion industry and design clothes for a certain company. I did 2.5 years at collage before hiring myself an agent and getting to work. I designed my first piece of clothing in 2011 and have been doing so for the past 6 almost 7 years.

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      Valeria 2 months ago

      My mother had always suffered from depression. As I was younger it my mother’s depressive meltdowns weren’t that big, if she ever had one I was chased to my room and wasn’t allowed to come out until my mother had finished crying. As a teenager my mother’s depressive meltdowns got worse and it was daily. She cried almost daily and more than once too. Watching my mother cry everyday took a toll My me emotionally and I ran away for the first time when I was 16. My mother from then on was angry and yelled at me and ordered me to do things in a very aggressive tone. I told my mother when I was 19 that I couldn’t take her meltdowns and anger episodes anymore and I said I was moving out. I moved out a year later and lived in my own place for 6 months before moving back in with my mother. It was worse than ever and I even tried to put positive words and give sound advice but was always told in an angry tone “your not helping” it made me feel unappreciated and I felt sad for a while. When I was 23 my mother became very doubtful and distrusting of almost everything. She was negative all the time which got to me on a deep emotional level. I decided to permanently move out into my own place again and cut ties with my mother. It’s been almost 2 years since I last saw my mother and in that time I traveled to Poland and Vancouver.

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      Rosemary Noelene Scott 2 months ago

      I grew up with only my mom, my father and her divorced when I was not even born and he didn’t want to be in my life. My childhood was great as I had made many friends and did many extra curricular with my mom. As a teenager my mother changed. She went from this nice kindhearted lady to a very protective one. I had to attend an all girls school as my mom constantly thought I was a flirt and would want to date any boy I cross paths with. I hated the school I went to as I hardly ever had any friends, the teachers were far too strict and the students there were really stuck up. I tried to convince my mom to let me change schools, but she refused and told me, if she let me then I’ll want to date and she didn’t believe me when I told her I wouldn’t. I didn’t understand where her fear came from.. Anyway. After I turned 18, my mother was desperate to move us all the way to the other side of the world. After we arrived in New Zealand she ordered me to get s job and go to university. We hadn’t been in the country for even a month and that’s what she wanted me to do. I obviously did it though and found a hobby in art as I enjoyed being creative. I got a job in a local New Zealand ice cream parlour and I hated it. I worked there 4 days a week for 3 years and I was glad when I quit. In 2011, I moved out of home after nearly a year of my mother begging me to move out. After I moved out, I believe my mother moved back to where I was born I didn’t see her again, her New Zealand number didn’t work anymore and I decided to not worry about it. I’ve been doing well lately.

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      Elizabeth Monroe 2 months ago

      I was born in July of 1974, to my parents and older sister. Everything was great until I was 6. My parents started hating eachother and constantly fighting. My mother cheated on our father with his best friend. Our father filed for a divorce and they got divorced in 1981. Our mother continued to date numerous guys after that and sending us to multiple places which included. Our grandmother, our mother’s friend, babysitters, and even a neighbor our mother barely knew. Confusion played a big role between my sister and I. When I was 12 my mother remarried to this awful looking guy, his personality was horrendous and he was messy all. the. time. she loved him and for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why. She gave birth to my younger half sister a couple of years later and automatically after she was born, the guy our mother remarried didn’t love her anymore and wanted a divorce. The day they got a divorce was a really good day for all of us, except our mother. Our mother was heartbroken, she says she was head over heals in love with him but looking back, I don’t think she was. A few years later she met this new guy and remarried to him after almost a year. I was appalled in my mother and couldn’t bare to see anymore so I moved away with my great aunt. I didn’t hear from her until 1991. She had given birth to 2 more children and was engaged to a new man. I was shocked and angry at her as she looked and acted like she was desperate to find continuous relationships. Her words were “I’m just so obsessed with get remarried, I love the wedding process” my mother wasn’t that far away from turning 41, and was talking about having a few more children. I decided to cut ties with her for a while, until she stopped with this obsession. 10 years later, it’s 2001, I’m married, had a 2 year old son and twins on the way, we were relaxed, that is until my mother saw me and my son in the grocery store and wanted to be in his life, I didn’t want my mother in my children’s life because I didn’t want them subjected to her obsession. My mother had 4 children with her, and told me she was single again and she’s looking for a new relationship. I left the grocery store quickly after that and each time I went out I saw my mother, it was like she was waiting for me. At one point she asked me if I can find her a man, I told her she’s crazy and for her to leave me alone. Since that day I haven’t seen my mother anywhere, like nowhere. I started to think she moved away and believed that after a while. As of now, I’m doing really well, and I’m really happy.

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      Eleisha 2 months ago

      Arguing, bickering, critiquing and resentment was all I knew in my teen years. It damaged me emotionally and I had to go to therapy for 5 years. I’m now 27 and the damange is still partly there but, I feel more confident and thankful I cut ties with certain people in my family.

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      Winona B 2 months ago

      I was born in 1983 to my mother who was only 15. My grandparents took care of me for most of my life, because my mother was irresponsible and going out all the time with her friends partying. I had no clue who my father was and to this day i still don’t know. As a teenager my mother seemed to shape up, she got a part time job working in a book store and started to party less. I saw my mother occasionally but she knew nothing about me and I barely knew anything about her. In 1999, I went to live with a good friend of mine because my grandmother was developing lupus and my grandfather was constantly in and out of hospital with numerous health problems. In 2001, I met this guy and fell in love almost straight away, which sounds silly as I barely knew much about him, but he was gorgeous and had a fun loving personality. We only dated for a really short time before I found out I was pregnant. I told the guy I was with and he supported me for a little while, he was 19 and I was 18 at the time and we were both terrified to become parents. I remember the day (it was a day after my first ultrasound) I told my grandparents. The look on their faces made me feel so ashamed in myself, how could I be so careless?.. my mother was a teen mom, was she like this? I asked my grandmother that question and I never got a reply, it was almost like she was scared to say anything. My grandfather cried, he was scared for me and frustrated with the situation. Seeing him cry was the absolute worst thing I’ve ever seen. The upcoming months before I gave birth were stressful as I had to plan (with the help of my grandmother) everything for my baby. My baby’s father helped occasionally but everytime I saw him after he found out, he grew more and more distant. Eventually we broke up and the asshole wiped us from his life. I gave birth to my daughter Ainsley Rose in August 2002. She completed me, my heart was full and my grandparents adored her. After Ainsley was born, I decided to move back in with my grandparents, I wanted Ainsley to have a healthy and structured environment. In 2004 my grandfather sadly passed away and I had to help look after my grandmother and my 2 year old daughter. I’d admit, it was beyond stressful for me at times but I got through it. In 2006, I met a new guy, who I got introduced to by my best friend and we started going out. He was a great father figure to Ainsley and I was hoping that things would work out great for us. We got married in 2008 while I was heavily pregnant with my second baby. I gave birth to my son Paxton Reese in late October 2008. We were a family, we moved to this beautiful house shortly after Paxton was born and brought a small puppy to add to our family. As of now we are doing really well.

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      Debbie 2 months ago

      I grew up in a special needs family. My mother has autism and adhd, my father also has autism and other psychological issues, my older sister has severe autism (she’s non verbal) and my younger sister has Down Syndrome. It was hard because both my parents had weekly meltdowns, caused by sensory overload or auditory overload. My older sister was sent to live with a family friend for a couple of years before she was put to live in a severe disabled living facility for life. My older sister had her own room and had fully trained and compassionate staff 24/7. My father went to live with our grandma (his mother) a year later. My mother stayed living at home as she was still trying her best to look after my younger sister and I. In 2008, my mother called our granny (her mother) to take my younger sister and I as she didn’t want to have us there anymore, as she couldn’t handle us anymore. (We weren’t badly behaved, she just had frequent overloads) our granny took care of us for a few years, by this time I had a full time job and was planning on living in my own house. As of now my younger sister is still living with our granny and we go out to lunch every Saturday together.

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      Catherine Boyd 2 months ago

      Terrie, I’m terribly sorry that your brother is not a nice person. He should be in military school for his behaviour. No one should speak to your mother or you that way ever. I’m disgusted in him, and maybe talk with your mother about how your feeling and try and convince her to move away from him. If that doesn’t work, then the only way would be to wait until she’s officially had enough. Once that happens then the possibility of you and her moving away is 95-100 percent.

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      Lulu 2 months ago

      Thanks for sharing your story

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      Terrie Anne 2 months ago

      Let’s just start this off by saying, my mother isn’t an issue. She’s the most kindhearted person you’ll ever meet. The problem is my brother. Who doesn’t deserve to be called that as he’s a horrible person, he sets out to make everyone around him miserable and he treats my mother and I like dirt sometimes. I’m extremely uncomfortable around him and I’m getting to the point where I don’t want anything to do with him. I’ve felt sad and scared because of him. I really wish my mother could move us away from him, but everytime I bring up that topic she says “we can’t leave him” (keep in mind he’s 25) it upsets me to think she still wants him in our life. He also calls my mother names like idiot and stupid. It’s truely sickening.

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      No Narcs 2 months ago

      Melissa sounds like your mother is malignant narcissist.

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      Kaelyn 2 months ago

      I’m Kaelyn I’m 16 and I have 3 older half brothers named Tommy, Kade and Michael. I have 2 younger full sisters named Stephanie and Chloe. My mother has been in 3 previous marriages that only lasted a year, 8 months and 16 months. Currently my mother is single and raising 6 children on her own.

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      Sebastian 2 months ago

      My mum who was my supporter, advocate and my best friend, turned against me in 2015 from lies her boyfriend told her about me. I tried many times to convince my mum that what he said wasn’t true, but she believed him over her own son. I moved away at the end of 2015 and haven’t been back since. I still feel crappy and feel emotional when I think about it. I just hope my mum realised that he’s lying and wants to speak with me again.

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      Anne Scott-Turner 2 months ago

      Both my parents have special needs. My mom has Down syndrome and my dad is on the autism spectrum. Growing up both my sister and I spent a lot of time with our grandmother as there were times our parents couldn’t care for us. At one point I when I was 6 and my sister was 5 our grandmother wanted to adopt us as she could care for us better and we enjoyed being there more. Our grandmother legally adopted us when I was 7 and my sister was 6. We from then on my sister and I only visited our parents on the weekends. When I was 19 and my sister was 18, our mother was sent to live in a disabled nursing facility as her dependence level was decreasing and she was getting more and more tired. Our father lived on his own for many more years as he was quite independent (he only needed a small amount of guidance) before he went to live with a friend of his (his friend was neuro-typical) . Now your probably wondering since both our parents were special needs.. do we have any traits or are we special needs.. well my sister shares similar spectrum traits with our dad, but overall she’s relatively normal. I on the other hand feel and act like any other 26 year old, I have a job and own my own house. My sister still lives with our grandmother but in a few years I think she’ll be able to live in her own house, if not then she can come camp with me.

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      Laura Roberts 2 months ago

      My mother had me when she was almost 37 years old. I was her first and only child. My mother had been in and out of toxic relationships most of her life. My father who I’ve only met twice is living abroad in another country with god knows who. Growing up my mother was awfully protective of me and wouldn’t let me do things most children my age did, she’d keep me away from ‘harm’ when there wasn’t any. She’d have constant arguments with my teachers and when I was in year 7, the schools district officer kicked me out of the school as my mother was causing an obscene disruption. I then developed anxiety which caused multiple meltdowns a day, it was terrible. I was afraid to go anywhere with my mother as I feared she’d find something to pick at and then cause a scene. At 14 I told my mother how she made me feel, and she then played the victim card, cried and said “you’re all I got, I have no one else, I gave up everything for you” and be to honest many times her victim guilt trip would work but as I got older I got smarter in that situation and it no longer worked on me. When I was 18, my mother didn’t want me to be away from her, she hated the fact I wanted to go to college and board there as it would be a convenience (the college was 2 hours away) but I really wanted to go as I wanted to study Drama. I told her that for 3.5 years. After i turned 21, I got a friend to help enroll me into the college and I started in term 2. I packed my belongings and said farewell to my mother who, didn’t want to hug me goodbye. I left with a friend and started attending college. I shared a dorm with 2 girls from Colorado and they’re my best friends still to this day.

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      Boy blue 2 months ago

      My mom ruled our house with an iron fist. She was physically, emotionally and especially mentally, abusive. she was not comforting, affectionate, none ignored that stuff. She's still that way. She's never had anything positive to say. All of these things over time (not much time) molded me into an angry, rebellious person. I was smoking cigarettes at 13, pot at 14 and I was an alcoholic by age 15 (literally a fifth to my self EVERY day). I went through hell as a teenager. Constantly bullying. It didn't help that I was the only black kid in a predominantly white school. I couldn't even walk down the halls without being called a racial slur. On top of that I had to go home to mean spirited mother who had nothing else better to do than to explode and physically lash out in me and my older brother. My older was the tougher one, he would take beating to save me from one. I sweatband she used to try to kill him, I think what made her mad was that, he wouldn't cry. He would just ask if she wasn't done yet. Then my brother ran away when he turned 17. I'll never forget that, I cried my fucking eyes out that day. By the time I was 16, I was leaving for weeks on end. Skipping school. Doing drugs, you name it. Eventually dropped out. It took me years and many overdoses to finally get my head straight. I just turned 23 and im starting my first semester of college next year. My moms still around, still the same person, but now I just ignore her, it's for the best.

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      Sabre 2 months ago

      I grew up in England with only my mum, my supposed father left before I was born and I grew up as an only child. I lived a great life and had many friends and owned 3 gorgeous dogs. When I was 17, I was diagnosed with a autoimmune disease and was in and out of hospital for a year. I was put on dialysis as a last resort to save my kidneys as this autoimmune disease I had was severely damaging my kidneys. My mum, bless her she stayed by my side the entire time, holding back tears and staying strong when I got emotional. She was and still is my rock. I still have thus autoimmune disease and still on dialysis but monthly now (it was weekly before)

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      Katie-Lynn 2 months ago

      Growing up with very strict parents had an impact on me, i was afraid to go out with friends at night or go out for weekend sleepovers with my friends as I was scared to break my parents rules and even though they’d let me go out a few times, I was still afraid I’d get in trouble. It was just the affect of having strict parents. I’d like to say that strict parsnts really irk me, they create sneaky kids, and even though I’m not exactly sneaky, my little sister is and it’s not very good as she sneaks out all the time. When I have kids, I’ll never be strict with them and that’s a promise.

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      Frank Callum-Aileen 2 months ago

      I grew up with my mom Anne, step dad Adrian and half sister Julia. I had a great childhood, made many school accomplishments, went on family vacations in the summer and learnt how to make a lava cake. When I was a teenager, my half sister developed an eating disorder and her weight dropped to a lifeless 75 pounds. She was just skin and bones and getting weaker and weaker by day. This put a strain on my parents relationship as they didn’t have enough time for anything other then to try and safe my sister, and at one point we were all told she may not make it. My dad who was always this big rock, I had never saw him cry in my life, I saw him sitting out in our back deck, sobbing.. my mom who was in her room, with the door locked had said she hated him and wanted to leave her family and go off to the next town and live a new life. Seeing my sister in the hospital fighting for her life was hard. But good news, she survived but had extensive organ damage. It’s been 15 years since that last happened, my parents have been doing alright, they aren’t as close as they used to be, which is sad but at least they are working through each day with a smile. My sister has been doing alright as well, she had a double kidney transplant in 2014 and is on the waiting list to have a liver transplant, but overall she is at a healthy weight and feeling happy. I am doing alright as well, I’ve got a job in a pet store and currently going to collage to study digital media.

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      JJ (Jayna-Jay) 2 months ago

      My mother didn’t come into my life until I was an adult. Prior to her coming into my life, I had never met her. I lived in a very small town with these two people who I truely believed were my actual parents. I found out they weren’t when I was 19, I didn’t care, they loved me and did all they could for me to have a good life, they were they for me through everything and supported everything I did. I saw them as family regardless. My mother had my ‘parents’ phone number and rung them wanting to see me, since I was an adult, it was my decision. It took months before I agreed to meet with my mother for brunch at a local cafe. I asked many questions and to why she was never in my life, i was partly angry with her as it took her 19 years to talk to me and to spend time with me. She at first kept trying to change the subject, but after our brunch, I took her outside to properly talk to her, she finally gave in and told me. My mother was at the time dealing with a long term breakup with her boyfriend (they apparently dated for 10 years, I don’t really believe that, but anyway) and they way she coped was going out to parties all the time, having one night stands with strangers and drinking alcohol like it was water. My mother told me that she got pregnant with my older sister (who I never knew existed) and gave her up for adoption as she didn’t want to be a mother anymore and not even a year later, she was pregnant with me. (She had another one night stand, and conceived me) and after I was born, my grandma looked after me until, I was a year old and then gave me to her niece and nieces husband. (That’s why my mother had their number) my mother continued partying and having countless one night stands before she hit rock bottom and had liver damage from the amount of alcohol she consumed. She was told if she didn’t stop drinking excessive amounts of alcohol then she’d have a serious liver problem that a transplant will only fix. That scared my mother and she stopped. She lived with her mother for many years before living on her own. She had only been living on her own for 3 years before meeting with me. My mother swore to me that she’s not like that anymore, and asked if I wanted to live with her. I declined nicely as when she asked, I got a really weird feeling, almost like someone was telling me not to go. I’m happy I listened to that voice as I’ve been told that, that voice you hear is your instincts talking (they’re usually always right) and you have to always listen to them as they sense things before you do. My mother got annoyed at me saying no and walked off. I was offended and stayed sitting there for an hour trying to process everything. I didn’t see my mother again after that and i didn’t really care. I was more concerned about my older sister and I wanted to meet her. I got in contact with my grandma and she gave me my sisters mobile number. I spoke to her and at first she didn’t believe me and told me to stop calling her as she doesn’t have any siblings. My grandma organised a ‘gathering’ at her house only for my sister and I. After we met, we talked and at the end of that day, we were inseparable. Literally she wanted to move from her house and buy a house just for the both of us. I agreed and it’s been over 2 years since we’ve met and we get closer as sisters everyday.

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      Ellie 2 months ago

      I relate so much to you.

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      Florence 2 months ago

      I was born in 1972. My parents were married for 11 years and went through 9 miscarriages. My parents had basically given up on trying to have kids. This caused a lot of my parents fights before I was born. After I was born, you’d think they’d get along like bread and butter but sadly they didn’t. My father cheated several times on my mother and before I even said my first words, they divorced. I was told that my father went to live in Newcastle with a girl he met. I lived with my mother until I was 3 before she sent me to live with my wonderful grandparents. My mother was desperate to find a new man, she hated being a single mother and needed a guy to complete her. It seemed like I wasn’t enough for her. I had an enjoyably time living with my grandparents, they helped me when I needed help and took me on many joyous holidays. I saw my mother once a month for a few hours every month, which was good as she was always happy to see me, but there was never a time she didn’t bring up a guy she met or a break up she had. When I reached my adult years, I met this guy and fell in love instantly (it was love at first site, for me that is) we dated for a few years before I found out I was pregnant with my first child. The man I was with, acted as if it was a joke and dumped me. I felt angry and ashamed in myself. After my son was born in 1995 I moved back with my grandparents for a while before I figured out living arrangements. The man I was with didn’t want anything to do with our son and wiped us both from his life. A year later I fell into the trap again and fell in love with this guy who I thought was the most ‘considerate’ person I had ever met. We only dated for a little while before I found out I was expecting my second child. He was actually excited and helped me a lot through my pregnancy. After my daughter was born in 1997, I felt like this was going to be our forever, we were a family. I was wrong. A friend of mine caught him cheating on me with another girl. I was so hurt and angry and when I saw him again, I told him how I felt, took the kids and went back to my grandparents house. The third time (the last) I met this guy who was a real charmer, he was gorgeous, he had it all and I certinally believed he loved me. We dated for 4 years before getting married. I had my third and final child in 2002. Things seemed perfect almost like a fairytale. I never once thought that this would end badly. Well, a month after my third child was born, I had my grandparents watch them for the night as I celebrated one of my friends birthday. I saw my then husband kissing another girl and had his hands all over her, I confronted him and he told me to F off and that he didn’t love me anymore. I cried, on my best friends birthday. I felt like I ruined her birthday and I felt so, so stupid in myself for doing this a third time. Afterwards we got a divorce and I once again moved back with my grandparents. By this point, my grandfather was ill and my grandmothers time and energy was looking after him. We were lucky they let us stay there. After a while, my grandfather was on the mend and I talked to them about everything. I realised I was acting like my mother. I decided I didn’t want to be like that and moved into our very first house shortly after. (My grandfathers sister owned a block of land, and me and my children moved there)

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      Jane Hallington 2 months ago

      I was put into foster care when I was 10 by my own mother. She put me in care because she said I “caused” her depression. My mother suffered from depression for many years and I believe she had it before I was born. I felt guilty and being only 10 I believed what she told me was true. My teenage years were the worst as, I was afraid to really enjoy anything as when I did enjoy something, I got taken out of the family I was with and put with a new one. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression when I was 14 and put on an antidepressant which unfortunately made things worse. I won’t go into detail of what happened but I ended up living in a psychiatric hospital until I was 16. When I turned 18, I moved far away from everyone. I had no clue where I was going, I just wanted to leave. I ended up living in hotels on and off for 5 years. It sucked but it was the only proper accommodation I had. When I was 24, a lady who was moving away with her husband wanted to sell her 1974 style house, they tried for 2 years and were about to give up and leave the house to decay. I decided I wanted to move there as it was literally walking distance from a local shopping centre. I moved in not even a week later. I lived there until I was 30.

      After I turned 30 I moved out and moved into a newer house which was fully furnished. 10 years later and I still live in this house. It’s a great house and I want to continue living here for as long as I can.

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      Frances 2 months ago

      This is practically my story and I'm glad you told it. People do not understand until they deal with it. I make no excuses for abusive behavior, and I'm not confusing discipline and abuse. I do not speak to my mother now because of how cruel and manipulative she is. I thought for so long no one understood.... But not true. Thank you for sharing your story and your pain.

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      Sophia 2 months ago

      I’m Sophia I’m 19 and from the United Kingdom, my mum who is a wonderful person raised me and my twin brother all by herself with no proper help from her family as they live in another country. Our father who seriously doesn’t deserve to be called that, as he was never a father to us and never in our life, we’ve actually never met him and to be honest I never want to meet him. My brother feels the same and he has said many times if he ever does somehow meet him, he’ll pop him one in the jaw. I’m so glad our Mum was there for us all our life, she was there though thick and thin and I’m so grateful for her, we had a fantastic life and she raised us very well.

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      Tierne 2 months ago

      When my parents divorced, my sister and I moved in with our aunt and uncle for 10 months. We then moved back home and our mom had met a new man and this man was very possessive of her and demanded all of her attention. Mom remarried on the 24th of August 2004. it was a very odd wedding and I don’t want to remember much of it. I thankfully have blocked majority of it out. After their wedding we all went on their honeymoon as a ‘family’ I don’t refer to my step dad as ‘dad’ because he was nothing to me, he was an awful role model and very manipulative of our mom. 5 years had passed and I could tell that mom was feeling ashamed of herself for rushing into another relationship without much thought. She wanted to divorce him in 2009, but he didn’t want a divorce and acted like a psycho and punched a whole in the wall. Mom freaked out and we all stayed in a hotel that night. My older sister begged mom to leave him and mom wanted to, but was scared to say anything more about it to him. The next day we went back home, thankfully he was gone (he must of stayed somewhere else) because we packed our suitcases and other belongings and left as quickly as we could. We all stayed at moms friends house that night and she booked a flight for us to get out of the state. We left that weekend and didn’t look back, mom threw her wedding ring down a drain in the city and we haven’t heard anything from him at all.

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      Anne Devani 2 months ago

      Ella, I lost two people to kidney disease.. I lost my great aunt and a friend to this disease. Your mother is afraid to lose you, you stated that she nearly lost you when you were young, that fear she has may never go away. Just because you are all better now doesn’t mean all her fears will go. You need to be understanding of your mother and comfort her when she does fear something.

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      Laura Rose 2 months ago

      To Ella, your mother nearly lost you. You are her CHILD. You are her world and you mean a lot to her. Kidney disease is not something you just brush off, It’s not something you just forget about, just because you are healed now. She probably has post traumatic stress disorder from watching you go through all of that struggle.

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      Katherine Launceston 2 months ago

      My parents were old fashioned and raised us in an old fashioned environment, both my sisters and I were bullied because of how they were and it made me feel like crap. When I hit my teenage years I didn’t want to follow their old fashioned rules anymore and rebelled and went out for the first time by myself with money my sister gave me and brought my first actual outfit and even some makeup. My parents were horrified at what I was doing, but I felt better that I was wearing something I was comfortable in and felt pretty in. I didn’t get bullied anymore after that, and made some fiends, we went out, against my parents wishes (they didn’t want me to have friends who were of old fashioned culture) and got more outfits to fill a wardrobe. My parents kicked me out when I was 17 and I went to live with one of my best friends for a year and then I moved into an apartment, which was walking distance from shops, doctors offices, and the pharmacy. I didn’t have a car until my late 20s and when I did get my license I took advantage and drove for as long as I could. It was a bad idea as I got lost many times but as least I was having fun and enjoying my life. Once my parents got word of me driving, they wiped me from their life and they moved away and I haven’t seen them for 26 years now. I didn’t realise how long it’s been.. it just hit me now. Wow

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      Ella 2 months ago

      My mother nearly lost me when I was 6, I was born with kidney disease and was in and out of hospital until my life saving transplant in 2001. After my transplant my mother has been so over protective of me, scared every time I cough, sneeze or heavily sigh. She thinks something is seriously wrong. I understand she nearly lost me but it’s been over 16 since my transplant why is she still like this? Doctors have said that I won’t need another transplant if these new kidneys continue doing good, which they are.

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      Nathaniel 2 months ago

      I was born in Washington to my parents Jane and Craig, I was their first child and after I was 6 months old, they put me into acting. From 8 months onwards I was in tv shows, movies and commercials. I never had a normal life, never went to a normal school, never had proper friends (I only had friends from the film side of things) I wanted to leave the spotlight when I was 10, I had enough of it. It was constant, it felt like it never stopped. I also felt isolated from everyone else. I fell into a deep depression when I was 15 and was taken to hospital after a severe mental breakdown. I am happy that i got out of it. But I only got out of it because I told my parents, if I continued in the tv industry that they would not have a son anymore. That scared my parents, which sounds horrible, but I needed to say that, because once I did, my father spoke to a few people and I was dropped from the industry. I took a long break from everything after that. I decided to take care of my grandma for a while as she was sick and almost 80 and had just lost her second husband to the same disease her first husband and my grandad passed away to. I enjoyed caring for her and decided to go to collage a couple years later to study aged care nursing. I became a full time aged care nurse when I was 28 and have been doing alright. My grandma now goes to the nursing home I work in and I occasionally get to help her with things, she’ll be 96 tomorrow.

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      Abigail 2 months ago

      I was born into a mentally ill family. My mother had adhd and ongoing schizophrenic episodes, my father had intermittent anger issues and possible psychosis, my older brother had childhood schizophrenia (he got it from my mother’s side) and my older sister had severe cerebral palsy. I was the only ‘normal’ one. We constantly were at our grandparents place, we practically lived there. My older brother was constantly admitted into the psychiatric ward of the hospital. I had to watch my father have explosive anger episodes, I had to watch both my mother and brother hallucinate and have ongoing meltdowns, and I had to watch my older sister go into a disabled living facility when she was 14 due to her severe disability and the fact both my parents were unable to care for her complex needs. I was surprised my older brother didn’t go with her and was surprised I didn’t got into foster care or to go and live with my grandparents. My grandparents weren’t normal either but they didn’t have schizophrenia or explosive anger issues. I believe my grandmother had Aspergers as she was repetitive and had little to no eye contact and my grandfather had adhd. But both of them had really high IQ’s (my grandmothers IQ was 140 and my grandfathers IQ was 136) when I entered adulthood I went to university for a few years before dropping out as I had severe mental strain. University wasn’t my forte so to speak. I got a job at a hair salon when I was 22 and absolutely loved it. My mother put my older brother in a permanent psychiatric residential facility, when he was 26 and I moved away from home after that. I visited them every month after that, just to check on them. Each time their behaviour got worse and worse, to the point, where I believed my parents can’t be living on their own anymore, I put my father in a disabled/nursing facility and I put my mother in a shared psychiatric facility. Both of them had very different needs and my mother didn’t qualify to be in the same facility. I used to visit them on a weekly basis, but after a while I stopped as it hurt me too much to see them that way.

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      Lottie 2 months ago

      Both my parents divorced after I was born. I lived between my mums house and my dads house, both of them loved me dearly. But deep down I wanted them to be back together. All of my friends had both their parents living under the same roof and I felt insanely left out. When I was 12, i decided to try and convince my parents to go out again, and get back together. My mum got really mad at me and my dad wanted nothing to do with it. They were done with each other and nothing anyone said could get them back together. When I was 16, my dad moved away and I never saw him again, my mum told me he met with someone and moved to be with her, but I’m unsure if that was actually true. I just had my Mum then who I have always loved dearly, I wanted her to enter the dating circuit again but she refused. She was content being single and having me as her only child. I started dating when I was 19 and had my first child at 20. I went through 4 baby daddy’s and I now have 8 wonderful children.

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      Jarmaine 2 months ago

      My mother would constantly compare my older sister Paula and I, with Everything. Paula was considered better than me, just because she was older. Anytime I did “better” than my sister, my mother was offended, all I was to my mother was the younger sister of “an amazing, talented girl” My talents or achievements were overshadowed by my sisters achievements. I was often told “You can’t be better than Paula” As I grew older, I began hating my sister. I would often say to her that I hated her, I felt unloved and felt as if no one was interested in me. I started running away when I was a teenager as an escape, all I wanted was to have people, especially my family to be happy and proud of me. My mother barely looked for me, she looked around the house a few times (as I was told by my ‘perfect’ sister) and that was it. I asked my mother for the first time if she loved me, my mother didn’t respond, after a few moments of silence she then went on talking about Paula. I cried and locked myself in the bathroom for a few hours. That night I had a complete mental breakdown. Afterwards I was sent to live with my godmother until I was 18. (I lived there for almost 2 years) my godmother was the polar opposite of my mother, my godmother supported what I did and encouraged me to find an interest and achieve it. She told me she’d always be there for me. Something my mother had never said to me. After I moved out of my godmothers place, I moved in my own apartment. I decided cut ties with my family as I didn’t want to still be compared to my sister. A few years went by, and I finally was feeling more and more self confident, I saw my mother and sister, my sister looked as if she escaped from a mental institution. And my mother looked like she had always looked. I decided to be mature and talk with them, my mother didn’t want to speak to me, but my sister spoke to me, I could barely look at her face, it was dirty, her eyes were haggard and her teeth looked like they hadn’t been cleaned for months. She said “I miss you.” Three words I thought I’d never hear especially from my sister. I didn’t say anything back to her and I walked away. From that day, I didn’t see them again.

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      Leon 2 months ago

      Christina, I think your mom has developed some kind of mental impairment. To me it sounds like a mix between a strong fear of getting on in her years, and impairment. I really be,ive you should get her to see a health professional. Best of luck

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      Bridget 2 months ago

      Christina, to me it sounds like your mom is trying really hard to stay young. She may have a fear of getting old, so she is trying to be like a child. I suggest if it’s really bothering you, talk to her about how it’s making you feel and if she throws a tantrum about it, then maybe get her to see some kind of professional whether that be a general practitioner, a therapist or physiologist.

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      Lizzy 2 months ago

      My name is Elizabeth (I go by Lizzy) and I’m 33, married for 6 years, have 3 young children and live right next door to my mother. My mother was very sweet to my siblings and I growing up, but as each of my older siblings grew into adults she let them spread their wings and venture off into the world, she tried to cocoon me. My mother was too afraid to let me venture off and was afraid she’d “loose” me forever. My two younger siblings didn’t get cocooned like I did, she let them venture off and live their life away from home. I don’t know why she chose me, why me? As I entered my twenties, I met this guy when I was shopping with my mother (my mother insisted I shop with her all the time) and I spoke to him, my mother gave the impression she was jealous that I was talking to someone else besides her. She’d stare him down and then ask me why I was talking to him, I told her I was an adult and can speak to whoever I want. Just like she can. I decided to go for a walk one afternoon and bumped into him again, we started talking again and decided to go on our first date that Sunday. I told my mother as I was excited to be going on a date. My mother’s face dropped, she from then on was miserable. She tried many times to get me to leave him, there was one time (right before he proposed to me) where my mother tried to make up this elaborate lie on how he swore at her, and told her how horrible she was. I asked him if that was true, the man broke down and cried.. he couldn’t believe she would lie about him like that. Long story short, we got married when I was 26, my mother who attended my wedding was angry and miserable the entire time. She told me I had to move right next door to her, she wanted to make sure she had contact with me everyday. I agreed as the house next door was very nice and no one had lived there for years. We got it renovated while we were on our honeymoon and moved into a newly updated house. Everyday from then on, my mother would come around and knock on the door if she didn’t hear from me by a specific time. When I was pregnant with my first child, she didn’t want me to have a baby and insisted I give it up for adoption. I was horrified that she would say anything like that. After my daughter was born, my mother instantly adored her and wanted to see her all day everyday, and when my husband I and would go out she’d insist that my daughter stay with her. A few times I let that happen, but after a while my mother had a hard time giving MY child back to me and would often claim that she was ‘adopting’ her. I went off at my mother when I found that out. After I had my second child (my son) my mother would constantly ask if we’d have anymore, it became a daily question, it was almost like she was demanding it. When I was 31 I gave birth to my third child (my second daughter) and got my tubes tied. I was done having children and we had no room in our house for more kids. Any activities my eldest daughter wants to do, I have to run it by my mother and if she approves then my daughter is able to do it. I’m tired of running everything by my mother.

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      Christina 2 months ago

      I have no idea why my mom is acting like this... my mom copies me when I say things and says “if you can say them so can I” or if I want to wear a jacket she’d then copy me by wearing something very similar. It’s really annoying, it started after my mom turned 48, ever since then she’s been acting like this. My mom sometimes talks in a baby voice (she thankfully doesn’t do this all the time) and will throw a tantrum like a toddler if someone takes her milk (my mom buys herself chocolate milk) she’ll say “that’s mine” in a whiny childlike voice if we decide to have some of it (it’s a 3 litre bottle.) My mom also watches children’s movies (not all the time). It’s bothering me. I feel like I’m the ‘older’ one and she’s the child.

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      Olivia 2 months ago

      My mom never wanted me to have a boyfriend, every time she’d see me talking to a guy, she’d ask 100 questions about it, one year back when I was in high school, I hugged this guy in my Drama class as he won a few awards and my mom immediately thought we were dating, and would question if we’ve kissed or if we’ve done other things. I told her no and she didn’t believe me, for the longest time she thought I was dating this guy. Sadly the guy I hugged ended up disliking me. I felt terrible as I believed my mom had said something to him. I thought I’d never be allowed to date. When I was 21, I met this guy via a friend and and I told my mom about him and she was so angry about it, she tried to see all the negatives in him and pointed them out to me, trying to get me to dislike him. It didn’t work and I’m now married to him, my mom wants nothing to do with us and I’m somewhat fine with that. My two sons don’t know who she is, and I don’t know if I should tell them about her.

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      Jody 2 months ago

      I was my parents miracle, everyone who knew them told me so, so I felt very loved. Growing up I had the best life, I went on many family vacations around the world, went to pool parties with my friends, and even got my first MP3 player when I was 10. I too enjoyed peanut butter sandwiches dipped in coffee, it was my moms favourite and she got me to love it.

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      April 2 months ago

      When I was 5 years old my mother sent me to live with one of her best friends, I don’t remeber there ever being a reason for me living there. I asked a few times but was always told “don’t worry about it.” My mother’s best friend always seemed upset after I’d ask questions revolving my mother. Anyway, when I was 14 I ran into my mother (who still looked the exact same) and wanted to have a conversation with her. let’s just say we didn’t end up having a conversation. Now at 23 I’m doing exceptionally well, I have an graduates degree and off to be a full time veterinarian.

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      Mary 2 months ago

      I grew up in the 1940’s, both my parents came from a very poor background. My parents shopped in second hand stores for my sister and I’s t-shirts, shoes, dresses (pretty much any materialistic thing you can think of) and even for plates, bowls, water bottles and cutlery. Both my sister and I went to a standard school, and did rather well, our parents were always proud of us. It was hard as my parents didn’t have enough money to afford most things, our mother had an ailment which prevented her from getting a job and our father worked two days a week but nothing more than that because he had a mystery illlness which made him have chronic fatigue and awful, awful hand tremors. Our parents shopped at really cheap food places so they’d be able to provide food for us. Christmas in 1955, was the best Christmas I had ever had. A neighbour who lived in our street brought us a whole Christmas chicken, had homemade coleslaw, freshly cooked veggies and even homemade Christmas slice (which was the nicest desert I had ever eaten) we all ate together at our house and had an overall great time. As I got older I got myself a job, down the road from where I lived, it was at a small grocery store for people who lived in our area, I worked there every weekend for 8 years. I enjoyed it as I was getting an a reasonable amount of money so that we could have food and some materialistic things. I lived with my parents until my mid 30s, the reason being as I wasn’t financially stable (even though I had money, it wasn’t enough for a house) finally when I did move into my own house, it was very small sort of like a cottage house. I lived there until I was in my early 60s, I had managed with help of my neighbours to buy a small dog, it was very lonely living in my house without a companion.

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      Jacqueline 2 months ago

      I ran away from home at 19, my parent spilt almost 3 years prior and I wasn’t in a good place emotionally. I ended up sleeping around and got pregnant. I told my mum, and she cried over the phone, I felt bad and went back home and everyday up until my daughter was born, she made sure I knew how disappointed she was in me. That added to my damaged emotional state and after my daughter was born (she was 5 months old at the time) I lied to my mum and told her I was spending the night one of my schools friends place, I ended up going into a club and meeting with someone, having a one night stand and getting pregnant again. This time around my mum was so angry with me as I was being really irresponsible. I agree now, as I look back. After I had my second daughter, I ran away again as I was almost at breaking point. I didn’t come home for a while and when I did, my mum begged me to shape up and get help. I went to a professional later that week and got some medication, it helped a ton. I also went to a therapy clinic twice a week for 2 years. That helped me so much and I began to realise that I had support and I wasn’t alone. “You are never alone” which is what my therapist always told me. I have that tattooed on my forearm and look at it whenever I feel like I need a reminder. I love my girls to the moon and back and would do anything for their happiness.

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      Amelia 2 months ago

      I was born in the mid 70’s to my parents who used to be extremely empathetic and my half sister who hated me for the longest time. Growing up as a child my parents were always there for me, defending me when my half sister was mean to me, helping me with homework and took me on many vacations. I enjoyed the vacations the most as I was away from my evil half sister. I had no clue why she hated me the way she did. I always felt like my parents knew but they never told me. When I was a teenager my half sister said some really, really hurtful things to me, things you wouldn’t even say to your worst enemy. I cried and ran away for the first time. Our neighbor brought me back several hours later after I had told her everything. My mom was stunned and she told my dad and they both sent her to live with our grandparents. Since that happened my parents stopped being their empathetic selves, they still somewhat cared about me but I noticed a big difference. It’s been almost 10 years since I saw my parents, they’re still doing good I presume.

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      Meghan St Clair 2 months ago

      I was raised only by my mother, my biological father was never in the picture, and I grew up as an only child. I had a great life. I went to a private coed school because my mother wanted me to have the best education possible. I made several friends in school and by grade 8 I was considered popular, even though I never acted as if I were.

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      Dan 2 months ago

      Both my parents had OCD, everything had to be in alphabetical order and in order by colour. This wasn’t a problem for my brother and I as we had gotten used to them being that way. The actual problem started when I was 12 and my brother was 14, our parents OCD got much worse, before it was only the two things I stated. As they got worse my parents (particularly our mom) started opening and closing a door repeatedly, turning on the water taps repeatedly and our dad would often repeat words and phrases over and over, and our mom would copy him. Their independence levels were dropping, and they were depended on my brother and I for nearly everything. We decided to get a family member to help with my parents, and she took them to the doctors and my brother and I were told that, they’d most likely have to live in a retirement facility where they’re around fully trained staff 24/7. Both our parents went to live in the facility in 2009. After they went to live there, my brother moved away with a group of his friends and I decided to move in with a long time family friend until I got my own house and own job. It took until 2012 before I moved out on my own. At first it was hard, but I adjusted and did pretty well.

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      Danielle 2 months ago

      Let’s just say both my parents were working full time jobs for most of my life, I was palmed off to a few of my parents friends (who weren’t responsible at all.) and they even hired a babysitter who was obsessed with herself and constantly belittled people who she thought were below her. I pretty much learnt to look after myself at a really young age and learn to stick up for myself. School life for me sucked, I went to a really old school which smelt like it had been abandoned for many years, the teachers were mean and only cared about the money they were getting and the kids that went there either came from really rich backgrounds or came from native backgrounds. I felt like I was the only one who didn’t come from any specific background. I sat alone most days, and became really shy, I was too scared to talk to anyone for the longest time, mostly from the fear of being judged because I believed I wasn’t from any background and I thought If they found out they’d not like me. My teenage years were the years I snuck out, made friends with the wrong crowd, ditched school, got suspended a multiple of times, didn’t come home for an entire year, and got pregnant and gave birth at 16. I moved out of home shortly after I turned 18 and lived with my friends for nearly 3 years. My son lived with my aunt (who only came into my life when I was 15) because I wanted him to have a stable environment. At 22 I moved into my own apartment and started working in a DVD shop. I hated it but at least it was a job. At 26, I went to my first therapy session. And it went surprisingly well, I continued going for 6 months and my attitude towards everything had turned much more positive. I quit the job I had when I was 27 and went to collage. I studied to be an author and moved from the apartment I was in, to a proper house. I did really well after I started my journey as an author. I’m now 36 years old, a grandma to be and really happy and really confident in myself.

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      Marie 2 months ago

      My mother has always been supportive of my brothers and I,

      our parents got divorced when we were young, so we’ve had mainly our mother. As my brothers grew up, got careers

      got married and had families of their own, it was just me and

      my mother for a while, it took me longer to find a career I was

      genuinely interested in. I finally found photography as I enjoyed traveling and nature. My mother hated photography and tried a number of times to get me to change my mind, I never did and she didn’t say anything more about it. 4 years later I married this man who I shared photography with, we had a few things in common and he was rather attractive. After we got married my mother desperately wanted more grandchildren and every time I spoke her she’d bring up the topic of grandchildren. I finally gave in, and gave birth to my daughter in 1996. Everything was fine with my mother then, but not the man I married. We started arguing all the time, critiquing each other on minor things and losing interest in the things we once enjoyed together. After my daughter turned 1, we got a divorce and I moved back home with my mother. My daughter and I lived there for a few years before moving into a house that we could call “home.” A year and a half later while my daughter and I were grocery shopping, I ran into a high school friend. We started talking and I was very hesitant to start a relationship again but i did, and it went really well in the beginning. I got remarried in 2002 and gave birth to my son in 2003. When my son was 4 months old, the man I remarried wanted a divorce without a proper reason. I went through with the divorce and I never saw him again. After the divorce we stayed living in that house for over a year before I put it up for sale. I was no longer happy living there, so my children and I moved back in with my mother. My mother wasn’t well at the time but was happy to have our company. We ended up permanently living there as I was afraid to buy another property and have the same mistakes happen again. I had my two children and did all I could for them as a single parent. I had my mother’s help, but I also had to take care of her as she was getting on in her years. We managed the best we could and had an unbreakable bond.

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      Elena 2 months ago

      My father was verbally and physically abusive and remains verbally abusive towards my mother to date, though she swears they have a wonderful marriage. My father struggles with anxiety but refuses to acknowledge it or get help because he believes that only people with weak minds do that. My mother spent months in bed depressed, while I took care of my younger siblings, yet denies any of it ever happened. Both my parents are controlling and overbearing. I married young to escape and had a son a couple of months before turning 18. My husband was immature, a womanizer, a smoker and popped pills. I asked my parents to come home. My mother refused and said, that I needed to work it out, but was more than willing to take my son. I asked her to please help me care for my son because I was dealing with my husband while having a difficult time with postpartum depression. She said I had to stay with my husband and she took my son. I used that opportunity to break away from my marriage. It took me two weeks and when I went for my son, she was angry with me and refused to let me take him. For the next 18 years, raising my son was a constant battle with my parents. My mother would go behind my back, undermine me and speak bad of me to my young son. At 15 he ran away from my home and went missing for nearly 4 months. I later found out my mother was hiding him at her home while watching me go crazy worried looking for him. I nearly had a breakdown. The day my son turned 18, he literally blew out the candles on his birthday cake and there was my mom waiting out in the rain to take him home with her. I could no longer do anything.

      Long story short, my son ended up getting tattoos, involved in gangs, dealing drugs and in prison. My parents blamed me. They went months without speaking to me or my daughter who was just 6 years old (their granddaughter) because I refused to take out a loan on my home to bail him out or hire an attorney, though he already lived 5 years with them.

      My son is now 36 and still lives with my parents . He doesn’t work, can’t keep a girlfriend and is on parole. When he lived with me, I tried to get him counseling, enrolled him in a boys educational camp to put distance between him and my parents, but that only lasted two days because my mom called the authorities and said that I likely killed my son and buried him somewhere.

      Let me mention that I remarried when my son was two years old and had my daughter 7 years later. My husband is a loving and wonderful man and we are now married 34 years. My daughter has grown into a responsible young lady with a family of her own.

      Everyday I live with heavy regret that I didn’t do more to keep my son from my parents, but when your 17 and your parents are all you have and you don’t recognize their narcissistic behavior, you try to save face with them because they’re your parents. Ultimately, I sacrificed my son which tears me up!

      Five years ago, I sat my parents down and told them how I felt (a little late I know). Though We’re no longer battling over my son, I needed to set boundaries. Of course my mother played victim as she does each time I used to go pick up my son from her home or say no to her. She’d cry, “faint” and have the entire family mad at me, calling and cursing at me.

      Anyhow, things are better with my parents. I speak up when I must and I don’t give in anymore. My mother still is my mother and will hide things from my dad or lie to me about my son, but whatever.

      It’s now almost Christmas and I’ve planned a Christmas dinner for my family, but my mother keeps texting me, insisting that I let her know who I invited. I want to say, none of your business. I invited you and Dad and that’s all you need to know.

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      Janine 2 months ago

      My mother was easily angered and little things always made her furious, and I could never figure out why, she had her family who loved her, she had friends who enjoyed her company so it never added up. I’ve asked a few people and they have all said she could have a form of depression, I hope my mom doesn’t have depression, I haven’t said anything to her about it just in case it triggers her.

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      Collin 2 months ago

      My parents growing up were way too strict on me, they expected so much from me and to do things right the first time without questioning. I wasn’t aloud to go to a coed school because of my moms fear of me meeting a girl, she always believed I would get someone pregnant so I had to attended a crappy all boys school, which i got bullied in for many years. I believed I was loved, no doubt in my mind, my parents would always tell me they loved me unconditionally But I hated how strict they were.

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      Collette 2 months ago

      I don’t understand overprotective parents. It raises their kids to be sneaky and go behind their back with a lot of things. I know from experience that is what happens. I did it a lot in my teenage years and my older siblings did as well. When I had children I never wanted to be overprotective towards them so I didn’t, and they turned out perfectly fine.

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      Camilla 2 months ago

      I was adopted when I was 3 into a very loving family, I grew up around horses, cattle and loads of chickens, I lived a really good life, but the reason I got adopted was because my mom had schizophrenia and other mental disorders, my dad was not in the picture, and my grandparents had to look after my mom full time. I’ve only in my life met my mom twice.

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      Andrea 2 months ago

      Judith, I don’t know how you can say you feel like you were born in 1902.. people who were born in that time didn’t have any technology what so ever and instead of cars they had horse carts. You should be greatful you have a computer, doesn’t matter if it isn’t a flashy iMac or anything, if it still works good and nothings wrong with it I don’t see any problem with using it. And with your mother not knowing what an iPhone is, why is that such a problem??

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      Karen Burke 2 months ago

      Judith, not everyone in the world knows what an iPhone is, I was born in 1988, and only found out about iPhone this year. It’s not relevant. Just because you know what all the technology of today is doesn’t mean everyone has to. If your Mum still uses the box computer which is what I grew up with in the early 2000’s and it still works fine, then that’s ok.

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      Rachael 2 months ago

      Ever since a few years ago, my mom who is 45 years old is trying to act like a teenager, I’m 22 and even as a teenager I didn’t act like she’s acting. If she doesn’t get her way she storms off to her room, slambs her door and stays in their for hours. She also has been copying me for a while now, it first started just with clothing, she always wanted to match, I was like at the time “mom I’m 19 not 5, I don’t want to match clothes with you” and she’d play the guilt tripping card and try and make me feel bad.. it thankfully never worked. And then it evolved into things I’d say, she’d often repeat it hours later, and she even tried flirting with my then boyfriend and acting as if she were me, that didn’t go down well with me or him. She also started copying the way I ate food, and now it’s almost everything I do she copies. She never used to do this and I’m not sure why this started.

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      Judith Anne 2 months ago

      I was born in 2002 but sometimes I feel like I was born in 1902. My parents and family members are all old fashioned, I thankfully didn’t have to wear dresses all the time or wear very old dress shoes but the values my family has are old fashioned my mum doesn’t know what an iPhone is and still uses the box computer to search anything. All my other family members are not really familiar with the technology of today. It boggles my mind. And to top it off my name is very old fashioned..

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      Janet 2 months ago

      Veronica, my parents were very old fashioned too. I grew up only allowed to wear dresses and i was only allowed to wear church shoes. I always had to have my hair up when we went out anywhere and had to always act mature for my age. My parents never had a tv, still to this day they don’t, I never watched a single tv show as a child or teen and would often be told to read or go outside. I too grew up around no swearing and was quite shocked when I heard someone say the F word for the first time. I still believe I have some old fashioned values, but it’s not what it used to be.

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      Brian 2 months ago

      My girlfriends parents are so overly protective of her and very critical of me. They’re always questioning if we’ve had any intercourse, there was one time a couple of years ago, when we first started dating. Her parents made her take a pregnancy test and then because the test said negative they took her to the doctors to get blood work done. She wasn’t at all pregnant, I called her mother delusional and she kicked me out and banned my girlfriend and I from seeing each other for almost a year. When we did see each other again her parents began criticising me for everything. And saying things like “She deserves better, what can you do for her” and “your not even that attractive, I don’t know what she sees in you” it made me upset to the point I almost broke up with my girlfriend, we took a break in 2013, but got back together in 2014 and are now living together. Both her parents still question everything I do, and my girlfriends relationship with her mom is practically non existent.

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      Veronica 2 months ago

      I have very old fashioned parents. Growing up, I was always told to wear nothing but dresses, I had to wear my great great grandmothers dress shoes (she had never worn them - I don’t blame her, they were not very pretty) from the early 1900’s all the time and I would often get blisters and my feet would ache so bad that my mother had to bathe my feet in warm water. I went to a very prestigious girls school with very old fashioned values. I grew up mainly reading old fashioned books, but I enjoyed that. As I got into my adult years, and entered a more modern society, I couldn’t understand why girls didn’t wear dresses like I did, and didn’t act like I did, I was appalled that I heard a few girls swearing, I grew up around no swearing and I never once heard my parents swear. Only in the last few years, I have gotten out of the old mindset.

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      Julie 2 months ago

      To Catherine and Naomi, maybe there is a reason your parents were so overprotective, the first factor could be, maybe their parents didn’t care about them as much as they would of liked so they want to protect you a lot. Another factor could be, they may have miscarried a lot or were told they can’t have children and you were their miracle. Either way at least your parents love and care about you, there is a lot of kids who’s parents don’t love them enough or are even there for them.

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      Mary-Anne 2 months ago

      My parents weren’t the problem, they were actually the best and my number one supporters. The problem was our family friend. She was so manipulative of our whole family, and to this day I’m confused as to why my parents stayed her friend for so long. She made my mother cry often, be overly critical of our dad and deliberately upset my twin sister and I. I am thankfully that we are not associating our life with her anymore.

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      Catherine H 2 months ago

      Naomi, I relate to this so much, my parents were the same, they used to question everything I did and if they didn’t approve then I had to cut ties with it. I remember one day I think I was 12 or 13, a friend I had gave me a packet of gel pens which I had put in my bag, well after my mom checked my bag, she found the gel pens and lost it. She was so worried that I’d hurt myself with with the pens and threw them out. My mom had no problem with giving me regular pencils so I never understood why she had a problem with the gel pens. I was also never allowed to sleepover any of my friends houses, my parents (mainly my mom) was so worried I’d get hurt or was afraid we leave their house and get taken. I hated this because I always felt left out. She also had to choose what I did as a young adult and I felt as if I didn’t have an opinion. Finally I moved out, against my parents wishes and moved into an apartment. My parents called everyday and had to know every detail of what I was doing. There were many times my parents would try and guilt me into moving back home, but it never worked, i was not falling for it and never did.

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      Jack Bronach 2 months ago

      Seeing all these stories have made me realise that I am not alone, I always felt alone, my parents broke up when I was a week old, my mother did the best she could to raise me, (I think I turned out pretty well) but my father (who doesn’t deserve that title) wasn’t in my life at all for 18 years. He decided he wanted to come back in after I had turned 18, and claimed he loved me, I told him off and told him to continue staying out of my life as I wanted nothing to do with him. He wasn’t around to see any of my firsts, to cheer me on in football, to witness me winning first place in a swimming competition or give me advice on how to talk to girls. I am greatful I had my mother to be there for me, but as a guy, talking to my mother about girls was very awkward for me. I’m now a confident 30 year old who is a father to be and I have made a promise to be there for my son and guide him through any difficulties he faces.

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      Naomi 2 months ago

      Growing up in the 70’s, my parents were awfully protective

      of me and at times didn’t trust me. Anytime I was with my school friends my parents acted like I was leaving the country, and they’d have to know every detail of my friends life and if they didn’t approve of them, I had to cut ties with them. They sadly did this a lot. As I became a teenager the protectiveness got worse and I couldn’t go anywhere without them, I had enough and rebelled, and snuck out when I was 15 to go to my best friends house, my parents found out a couple of hours later and took me home. They were so angry with me and banned me from seeing any school friends.. they even threaten to homeschool me so I wasn’t tempted to see them. After I turned 18, my parents didn’t want me to live at home anymore and ordered me to move out, their overprotective side had completely vanished. I moved into my first house in 2009 at only 18 years old. My parents said said their goodbyes to me and then left. Since they were so overly protective of me my entire life I didn’t know how to properly function on my own and I felt isolated. After a year I finally started to feel like my own individual person and the isolated feeling vanished. I started working in a clothing store and began making friends with my coworkers. I met this guy who worked in the bakery across from the store I worked in and we started talking and shortly after we started going out. We got married in 2013 and both quit our jobs to focus on us and our future desires. As of now we have settled in properly and started having thoughts on starting a family.

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      Kathy 2 months ago

      I was born into a very argumentative family, both my parents hated each other tremendously and would make it obvious to anyone who didn’t know them or to anyone who came around to our house. As I entered primary school ( junior schooling )

      I was terrified to bring my friends over as I was scared they’d think my family was mean and hate me for it. As I got older I started to confront them and tell that how I felt, and Mum was surprisingly apologetic about it, but dad wasn’t. Mum ended up taking me and my younger brother on a holiday

      As she felt really bad about what was happening. Mum finally divorced dad when I was 15 and Mum, my younger brother and I moved down south and started a new chapter of our life. I’m now 25, engaged to a wonderful man, have a 2 year old daughter and another daughter on the way.

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      Sailor 2 months ago

      My mother used to be a great mom, everyone always had something great to say about her. When I was 10 years old, my father passed away from a terminal disease, and my mother spiralled into severe depression. I was sent to live with my mother’s high school friend for a few months and those months turned into years. I went back to live with my mother when I was 14. My mother was very manipulative and started to blame me for her outbursts. She’d lie to people and say I said things I didn’t say, and I lost so many friends and even people I knew but didn’t talk to much turned against me.

      At 17, I ran away from home and didn’t come home for several months. My mother didn’t even look for me. I felt

      unloved by her, which is why I chose to cut her out of my

      life when I was 18.

      At 19 through to 25, I stayed in hotels and tried to make

      new friends, but I had developed an anxiety disorder so

      that restricted me from opening up to people. I admitted

      myself into a psychiatric hospital to get treatment and help

      as i hated feeling that way. I ended staying there for a year and a half. After being discharged from the hospital I had

      felt better in myself, but still had a few minor anxieties

      about making friends, but I thankfully overcame them.

      From 26 through to 28, I brought my first house and

      decided to go to collage as I wanted to start a career and

      do something productive with my life. I studied to become

      an artist as that was a way I could freely express myself.

      From 29 through to 32, my artwork was admired greatly by

      the public and my first piece of artwork got sold for $44.

      I was so proud of myself and I gained confidence in myself.

      I also went on my first international holiday by myself as

      I felt like I could do anything.

      From 33 to now (35), I’m doing exceptionally well and

      have made a few really good friends.

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      Michael 2 months ago

      Hi Melissa. I liked your story and I can relate to it entirely. I feel for you and the ordeal that you have gone through. I am also happy that you had the strength to overcome her control and cut ties with her, in order for your kids to grow up untainted. I had to do the same. My mum was also overbearing and a control freak and I had to run away from home when I was about 16. At first for a few days, taking refuge at friend's places not too far away, in the same town. Then for increasingly longer periods of time, going to other towns until I eventually fled my country and moved abroad, 1800 miles away, at the age of 21. There, I felt a bit better and I could start to rebuild my life and learn how to deal with people in a healthy way. Better, but completely free, as I will explain.

      I always felt as if I was being suffocated when I was around her. My sister, 2 years older, always had problems with boyfriends due to mum's interventions, and she eventually had 2 kids with 2 different men, one of them being 10 years younger. She had a nervous breakdown at around the age of 16. I witnessed it, but did not know what it was until later in life, when I had reached maturity.

      So you can get an idea of how bad my mum actually was, let me tell you what happened when I fled at 21: I found a friend who told me he was going to Germany(where he had lived for 1 year) and I asked him if I could go with him. He agreed and we went. While I was in Germany, I called mum to let her know that I had left the country and I was not coming back anytime soon. Her reaction was: 'Stay put, tell me exactly where you are and I am going to drive there and pick you up asap!' Can you believe that woman? I was 1045 miles away and she was talking to me as if I was still a 6-year-old who had gotten lost downtown. I told her I that not only I wasn't coming back, but that I was on my way to England(1800 miles away). There was a pause of a few seconds, I think she either fainted and dropped the phone, or her brain had to reboot from the shock. In the end, she realized I was being serious and changed her tune, becoming more sweet tongued. She tried to convince me to return for about 10 minutes, until I ran out of money for the phone. I did not return to my country until 10 years later.

      But moving away to another country did not help me that much, I felt as if she was still having a psychological influence over me, whenever I talked to her on the phone. She used to cry on the phone and beg me to return, saying that she can't live without me. Every time I spoke to her, I felt confused and guilty for making her feel that way. I never managed to settle down anywhere or with anyone, feeling like a stranger that did not belong there. I know now that she was eating away at my self-confidence and knocking down my foundation, every time I tried to do anything with my life. And 10 years later, when I was at a low point in my life and having some trouble with the girlfriend I was with at the time, she managed to sweet talk me into returning home. I did go back in 2001, but little did she know I was no longer the same person she thought she knew. I have had 10 yers to look back and analyse who she really was and what she was doing to me. So this time I stood up to her every time she was trying to manipulate me. I also found the woman who was going to be the wife I had been looking for and who would bear the children I always wanted to have. She tried her best to make us break up but she did not succeed and we now have 2 beautiful children, a boy and a girl. Like yourself, I also had to stop talking to her completely, as she was beginning to manipulate our kids in her subtle ways. I eventually returned to England and continued our lives here, no longer answering her calls.

      Unfortunately, we had to lose contact with my dad also, seeing that she would monitor the calls and she would interrogate him every time we called and tried to speak(only) to him. He is the unfortunate collateral in this. But he was never strong enough to be able to resist her control and she would get him to do/say anything she wanted. He became an unwitting spy in this, so we had to cut him out too. Our kids are the most important in this equation and as guardians, we have to make sure they are safe from harm, no matter the 'casualties'.

      In the end, both my wife and I have arrived to a conclusion that may surprise some of your readers, but perhaps not all: my mum is using more than mere psychological manipulation. She has a power over me that transcends the mental and extends to the spiritual. She is using her telepathic abilities to influence us even from a great distance. My wife told me that she dreams a lot about her. The children too. I know she never leaves me alone and I feel her presence anywhere I go. She is a very strong individual and she is using her powers the wrong way. It is what other people call wodoo or witchcraft. We all have extrasensory powers, it's just that some of us are not aware of them or choose to ignore them. But ignoring or ridiculing something one does not comprehend/possesses does not make it less powerful or go away. I was fortunate enough to get a confirmation of my mum's abilities when coming across a document at her place, upon my return after the 10 year self-imposed exile. A friend of my dad's who was into Numerology had asked him if he would like him to do some charts/readings for him and his family. My dad, despite not really believing in it, agreed. So I come across these while visiting their place one day and in my mum's reading, I saw that her numerological blueprint inclined her towards being an energetic vampire. That explained everything for me. I then understood why she had always tried her best to keep all of us near her, despite what we wanted. Reading more about energetic vampirism I understood why she had always liked to be around small children, preferable, asking family and friend if she could let them sleep over or stay with her. Apparently, kids are the easiest to vampirize and the most yummy targets for them, full of fresh energy and unaware of dangers. I am writing this here in an attempt to help others understand what may be happening to them, from a more subtle perspective.

      I will conclude here, wishing you and your readers the best in life.

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      Isabella 2 months ago

      Michaela, I understand your mother’s fear. I’m a mother of two teenage daughters and I have fears of my third daughter becoming a teenage mother as well. I know you said your responsible for your age, and that’s great but you need to respect that your mom is just worried for you. She’s just doing her job as your parent. And maybe she sees something in your boyfriend that you can’t and she’s trying to protect you. Us mother’s like to protect their children as much as we can. And when you become a mother one day you’ll understand.