Diary of a MAD 7 Year Old - Effective Anger Management Strategies for Children
"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape one hundred days of sorrow." ~Chinese Proverb
Improve Your Childs Mental Health
I am the mother of a 23 year old woman. I am also the mother of 10 and 12 year old girls. There is a reason for a large age gap between them. Being a parent is hard. Being a good parent is harder. I call the eldest - the experimental child. I feel so sorry for her! Laurel served as my learning curve and in truth it is she, that made me a better person. She saved my life. She was the "something bigger than me" that showed up and made me get all responsible, to a point.
I learned quickly that little kids do not do exactly what you want them to do just because you tell them to. It doesn't even matter if you explain to them why it is reasonable. A child might scream at you because the rain has ruined their day. This is when I found it is necessary to begin to teach them that rain just happens. It doesn't matter if it makes you angry or not - it will happen again.
Nathan gets in trouble
Little Kids Get MAD!
Children are tiny little people. They have thoughts. Maybe about you and they might not be pretty ones but they still must be expressed. If I tell my child she can not go outside when she wants to go outside - this would probably enrage her. This is melt down time. Expect it.
Try to cope with it calmly remember YOU are the role model. "Monkey see - monkey do!" How you cope at a moment like this is how your child is going to learn to react to anger. Do not tell them it is bad to be angry or express it. They need to learn where to dump that anger so they do not let it build until they explode. Babies turn into toddlers, who turn into children and then - TEENAGERS! You don't want a pissed off teenager running lose out there - then we got worse problems, an unhappy kid and endless ways for them to pay you back with all that boiling rage.
- Terrified of the Teenage Years
I know they're coming soon...those days when all three of my children will be teenagers. I'm afraid I won't be able to cope. I'm terrified of...the teenage years!
Baby Gets Angry
Why Blame ends with M - E....
Anger is a natural human emotion that we will all experience. To BE angry is also not a bad thing. Anger is bad - when you let it control you and you do bad things. Anger in and of itself is pretty relative. Some people spill it on the road and make everyone else potential victims. Some people bottle it up and never become happy adults.
Anger needs to be expressed appropriately and if you help your child learn to cope with this at a very young age - it is very beneficial for their mental health.
Babies get angry and they learn to express that. In the video clip you can see that this child is having a temper tantrum. The mother appropriately leaves the room. The child realizes he has no audience so he stops crying, gets up and heads off to find someone to watch the fit - spots his mother and immediately drops to the floor and resumes screaming and rolling around. Proof that even little babies know that they can be powerful.
I heard it said once, that if a little child exhibits behavior such as this, one approach may be to ignore it and the unwanted behavior will dissipate. In other words - if it is a small irritating thing just look the other way. Soon the child may realize that it is not getting the attention he/she hoped it would.
Guess Nick musta made her mad!
7 year old has a so-so day....
Her teenaged sister's friend....
Handling Temper Tantrums
Express Anger - Age Appropriate Techniques
As soon as your child is able to hold a crayon, you can begin to use this method of channeling your child's anger in a more positive direction. If your three year old is screaming about something - deal with the issue calmly and redirect their attention with coloring books.
Make sure to get the most simple coloring books possible for young children. Going out of the lines was a pet peeve and used to piss me off. Glad I got that off my chest. For this reason I stick to the KISS principal until the kids develop better fine motor control.
Color with your child and ask about what they are drawing. Do not miss these moments to connect with him/her. Ask them how they feel about what they are drawing. Ask them what their favorite color is. As they grow you can add harder questions. I found out that one of my children used RED when she was mad. She had assigned emotions to colors. If I looked especially hard at some of her drawings - I could read a lot into them - what mood she was in or who she was angry with.
Research has proven that the effects of anger can be deadly! We know and feel the effects of anger - we breathe faster, the heart rate rises. It has been found that anger alters the brain's chemistry. Now many psychologists and physicians know that increased anger can and does shorten the life span due to the negative effects on the body.
That was interesting!
"Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way...that is not easy." ~Aristotle
Many adults understand that Journaling helps them to express their feelings. For some people putting their thoughts on paper helps to work things out. Personally, I have always been that sort. My hand seems to be an extension of my brain. It acts as the filter between my mouth and speaking. It can be as beneficial for your child and for you because your child learns to cope in a positive way.
The minute my girls learned to write a sentence I bought them their own diary. I explained that when they were angry they could write whatever they wanted in the diary. It was a safe place to say bad words or express thoughts they otherwise know are ugly. I promised them Dad nor I would ever peek so even if they thought mean things about us it was a safe place to go ahead and write that down.
I was not certain if either of them would stick with it or how it would help them. This was just an experiment - I hoped they could learn to use writing as a postive outlet.
Hmmm....Someone was mad...
Yes, but I am not Eardon's mommy....
Coping with rude behavior?
Educational Games & Worksheets for Character Development
- Character Education Resources - Anger Management, Bullying and more.
Character education help for classroom teachers and guidance counselors, anger management, behavior, responsibility, bullying
I was reading a fantastic article written by Melovy. I read about Bryon Katie. When I got to the part about how she discovered writing as a tool to express herself I was a bit saddened to think she did not learn this as a young child. I am not certain that it is as highly encouraged as it should be.
I quickly remembered how I had given my children journals at a very young age. I had never read them as promised. Knowing my now 12 year old daughter Sydney keeps everything highly organized I knew she would still have her first one. With her permission the whole family sat around the table reading it and laughing hysterically. Sydney also gave her permission for me to share it so that we might all learn from it. All of the pages included in the capsules are from my 12 year old's diary from 1st grade.
These are the thoughts of a 7 year old girl straight from her diary. Things that make a 7 year old mad might be trivial but anger is relative to each individual. Getting to the root of what makes us mad is how we will be able to resolve conflict and be happy adults.
Anger must be directed at those who have caused it or it will never disappear - it will only return with a vengeance in another form. It might keep you awake at night or destroy your relationships. It might be the driving force behind that next beer, making the next bet or having sex with your secretary. Anger is tricky and it won't be ignored. It finds ways to seep out that can be very unhealthy.
All children have their own personalities and not every tactic works for every child. It is the job of the parent to seek out ways to connect with their child to find out what does work. Journaling was a very effective tool in helping my young girls express inappropriate angry thoughts in an appropriate way.
Seeing these thoughts in writing will help your child begin to acknowledge and recognize what it is that does make them mad. In doing so - it will provide a positive way to deal with their anger and learn to employ effective coping strategies for life.
Dad calming the storms....
- Child Rearing 101: What Separates Bad Parenting from Good Parenting
Good parenting takes commitment and backbone. A parent must give guidelines and discipline, along with a lot of love to make a difference in a child's life.
- Children's Anger and Tantrums
Tantrums typically appear at age 2 or 3 and start to decline by 4. Twenty-three to 83 percent of all 2- to 4-year-olds have occasional temper tantrums. How parents respond is critical in tantrum management. Parents can learn to calm themselves, state
- Anger Management for Children | Scholastic.com
Help your child understand and master anger.