How to Let Go and Let Your Child Grow Up

Updated on March 9, 2018
janshares profile image

Janis counseled many populations during her career including children and families in need of parenting skill assessment and interventions.

Letting Go of Parental Attachment is Easier Said Than Done

The mother-daughter bond of love and friendship is hard to break when it's time to let her grow up and become a young adult.
The mother-daughter bond of love and friendship is hard to break when it's time to let her grow up and become a young adult. | Source

Letting Your Child Grow Up

As children prepare to advance in school or enter college for the first time, parents are confronted with the reality of the child growing up. The parent is suddenly faced with letting go of a parental attachment held from birth.

This notion of "letting go" can create levels of anxiety most parents could not have prepared for, with an intensity they did not expect. Many report experiencing feelings of grieving a loss.

It is much easier said than done when the time comes to break the parent-child connection which begins the establishment of a child's autonomy and independence.

Whether it's the end of breastfeeding, the first day of kindergarten, going away to college, or walking the bride down the aisle to give her away, it can be a most difficult tug-of-war for a parent.

Fear of Letting My Child Grow Up

What is your greatest fear of letting go of your child?

See results

Children Need to Grow Up and Venture Out on Their Own

Letting your child go is like letting him walk down a dark tunnel without you. But it's inevitable in order for them to venture out on their own.
Letting your child go is like letting him walk down a dark tunnel without you. But it's inevitable in order for them to venture out on their own. | Source

Letting Go in Stages of Your Child's Development

These events in your child's development mark the times when you let go and allow your child to take another step toward becoming a free-standing human being.

The teenage years are probably the most difficult, as you have less and less control over your child's developing autonomy and need to make his own decisions.

Your child begins in earnest to move away from his dependency on you. The poem below, "For My Child," speaks to this struggle and the reconciliation as seen from the parent's point of view.

"For My Child"


I make my plans for you from birth

Carefully carving out your worth


So wrapped up in who you'll be

I neglect your individuality


I want to protect you all your life

Keep you safe from danger and strife


Temptation and pressure attack you all day

How as a parent can I keep it away?


I pray that you'll receive God's grace

And when you need to, slow your pace


Will my guidance be enough?

To guard and keep you from all that stuff?


My goal in life is to see you succeed

What's the best way to plant that seed?


I'll give you the room to make a mistake

I'll trust you with each step you take


I'll tell you "I LOVE YOU" when you make a mess

I'll tell you "NO" when I want to say, "YES."


I'll give you the space to set your tone

Adjust my expectations as you create your own.


[JLE 2006 Poetry Verse Form: Heroic Couplet]

Overparenting: Recognizing Your Dependency Needs

Becoming aware of what's behind your need to parent your child indefinitely is a good place to begin your letting go process. Sorting out those mixed feelings preventing you from letting go is the first step toward understanding and conquering one of the most painful parts of parenting. It requires looking within.

The emotional struggle could be due to your own dependency needs supplied to you by your child. In my work with parents, some have spoken about the strength of the "love bond" between parent and child. This love bond supplies the parent's need for love, affection, and companionship.

They admit how this bond affects their ability to separate from the child, causing emotional conflicts and disruptions in their personal and professional lives. Examples of these disruptions experienced by parents include:

  • Delays in using a sitter to care for the child
  • A frequent need to "reconnect" or check on the child's welfare at daycare or college
  • Being unable to socialize or vacation for long or extended periods of time
  • Relationship conflicts stemming from decreased intimacy and quality time between parents
  • Difficulty weaning child from your bed to his own bed
  • Conflicts about obligations to career choices/commitments to shift work, especially where basic childcare or breastfeeding is interrrupted

Defining Parental Attachment

Letting Go Creates Guilt and Internal Conflict for Parents

The conflicts and disruptions noted above are experienced by many parents, especially mothers. In these instances, primarily occurring during the child's early development, feelings of guilt, conflicts between loyalties, and the internal struggles to make sacrifices can overwhelm a parent.

The truth is, for a parent, there is no other love that compares to the love a mother or father has for a child and the responsibility that comes with caring for and protecting that child.

Thus, a parent is operating out of pure love, reciprocated by the child, which creates the intense, unexpected love bond that is hard to break.

It's no wonder parents have a tough time letting go and allowing the child to become independent. No event is more significant for a parent to experience that emotional flood of protective love than when a teenager enters college.

The increased reports in the media of violence in public school classrooms, on college campuses, and in places of recreation add to the gut-wrenching fears parents have when faced with having to let go of their children.

Parents Talk About Letting Go of College Bound Children

Tips to Help You Let Go of Your Child

There is no exact way to tackle and move through stages of your child's development. Every child requires different parenting as every parent will do his best based on knowledge, experiences, and available parenting tools.

The following are basic tips to assist parents as they move through the difficult transition of letting go, when that time comes. Starting early will help create a good foundation upon which you can build successes at each critical stage of your child's development.

  • Set boundaries for yourself; practice giving your child space to grow
  • Give your child a chance to master tasks alone and learn from mistakes
  • Trust that the values you've instilled will inform their decisions
  • Acknowledge that you've done your best as a parent and that the hands-on phase of parenting does come to an end
  • Treat the letting go process as a transitional loss and grieve accordingly; see a family therapist if necessary
  • As your child matures, rebuild a new relationship that is less about dependency and more about mutual respect, admiration, and a celebration of a budding, capable young adult

Children Learn to Discover the World on Their Own

Letting go of your child allows her to independently explore and discover the world.
Letting go of your child allows her to independently explore and discover the world. | Source

Questions & Answers

    © 2013 Janis Leslie Evans

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 25 hours ago from Washington, DC

        When you see that they are able to survive and thrive without you, you'll be able to trust that they will be okay. But you have to give them that chance. I recommend you find a good therapist to help you address your fears and relinquish control. I wish you well. Thank you for taking the time to read this article.

      • profile image

        Shereeb 36 hours ago

        I'm having a really hard time right now. I have two kids which one almost died at birth, and now has cerebral palsy. My kids are 21 and 22. I have been very close to them. I will always be. My son wants to go away for 2 and half days to the beach. I literally have cried every single day. I find it hard and impossible to let go. I don't know whats wrong with me. My kids are really good kids. I'm not just saying that either. My problem is everything that could happen or go wrong goes through my mind. I feel like I'm gonna end up in he hospital. I'm having a very hard time. I love these kids so much. They are my world... I could never let anybody babysit them, I hardly ever let them stay away from home, and when I did I hardly slept. But I think the time has come where I'm gonna have to let go. I just don't know how I'm gonna survive it.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 7 days ago from Washington, DC

        Your worry is justified and expected. Parents will always worry out of love, fear, and concern. However, parents eventually have to let go in order for grown children to make their own decisions, which isn't always the best decision. I wish you peace in your heart.

      • profile image

        Nicole 7 days ago

        I'm facing having a difficult time letting go to an extent. I had no problem with letting go for college and all. But when my daughter started doing poorly in school, had to come back after a year, was smoking marijuana and character changed I got worried. I no longer trusted her judgement because she had been lying to me. She's in a toxic relationship with someone and doesn't know how to let go. She feels she's fine but has been under observation in the hospital or hurting herself,and suffers from anxiety now. She says i dont want to lwt her go. Its not that, im just worried.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 weeks ago from Washington, DC

        What you're going through is normal. It was a good first step to share it here. Sounds like making an appointment with a good therapist would be your next step. I hope the article was helpful with getting you on your way to support. I wish you the best.

      • profile image

        Ross 4 weeks ago

        My son is 2. Almost 3. We just took his pacifier and since we did I am legitimately sad. I work about 60 hours a week and my kids are my life. My wife and I have a fantastic relationship. It's just destroying me. My little boy is growing up and it's breaking my heart. I'll think of him growing through the day and just cry. I don't know to deal with this. I always know how to handle everything. I woke up this morning and couldn't give him his pacifier and I broke out in tears. I won't hold my son back because I'm scared of him growing up. I'll always put my family ahead of me in every way but this hurts. I literally ache with sadness when I think about my little boy not being a little boy which I know is far off but not far enough. Is this normal? I try to stay focused on how amazing my kids are and how awesome he is and how proud he makes me. It's just different for me. I really am looking for somebody to talk to. I've talked with my wife but she isn't able to help me here. I don't know what I need or what I'm looking for but like I said this is crushing me.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 7 weeks ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you.

      • profile image

        Amiratnakhil 8 weeks ago

        Nice

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 3 months ago from Washington, DC

        Very sad story indeed. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment.

      • profile image

        bluelove 3 months ago

        I know someone who didnt let her sons get a driving license. Her sons were in their 20's not working, or going to college. She homeschooled, but I dont think it was much. One son got a job waiting tables, and his mom would drive 20-30 minutes to bring him to work, and then go get him in 5 hrs.! When the oldest got close to 30, the dad FINALLY put his foot down, and said the ADULT had to move. Guess what the mom did? Sent him to live with her mother!!!These boys have been psychologically abused, by a mom whose need to be needed came before her sons! Also, the parents are hoarders, you can hardly walk in their house! Sad, very sad.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 months ago from Washington, DC

        Thanks for taking the time to read, glad you liked it. I suggest you discuss with a family counselor how to blend the best of both parenting styles instead of feeling at odds. Your flexibility and your wife's structure may work well as a parent team, alternating what works best depending on the need. Good luck and keep up the good parenting.

      • profile image

        slickdesi74 4 months ago

        Great Article, my dilemma is the parents differ on allowing children to grow, I grew up in a home where my parents allowed me the freedom to explore and travel, my wife was more keep children at home and keep distractions away. My wife and I fight constantly on how to allow children their own space. They are two boys and ages 13 and 15. I provide them support both emotionally, financially, and academically. When the kids want space I discuss their plan and confirm who they are with and what they do, then I trust him to do what he needs. The wife wants to control the tv, phone time, recreation because it's too much. do you have a hybrid solution?

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 months ago from Washington, DC

        Sounds like you're on the right track with "distancing" yourself. But it's making you uncomfortable. Keep setting good boundaries consistently as you embrace your autonomy from being parented, without feeling the need to wean her. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment/inquiry. I'm glad you found it helpful.

      • profile image

        Margaret 4 months ago

        Thank you for writing this. As the (27 year old) daughter, this article rings so true. I would love your advice or thoughts on how to bring this to the attention of my mother. We've gone to therapy, but I still very often feel her need to over-parent, advise me, warn me about things, influence my decisions, etc. Although I am independent and living out of state, I feel her attachment to being my parent all the time. It's like something I can't fulfill that I need her to find on her own. It makes me distance myself. Would love your thoughts, thank you!

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 months ago from Washington, DC

        You're quite welcome! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

      • profile image

        Yuliss 4 months ago

        Nice read! I liked taking the poll and viewing the results. Psychology/sociology is very interesting to me, thanks for an informative post with references included!

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 5 months ago from Washington, DC

        It's hard not to worry, no matter how old they get. Thanks, Emily, for stopping by and reading the article.

      • Emily0115 profile image

        Emily0115 5 months ago

        One reason why we can't let go of our teens is because we're not confident that they know enough about life skills. We worry about them.

        I found this site www.preparemykid.com. I got a Life Skills checklist and a video on how to teach kids life skills. The checklist had about 30 or so skills that I could teach. It was really helpful.

        They have video lessons and both my kids (13 and 16) like the videos because they are short and funny.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 7 months ago from Washington, DC

        Chris, thanks so much for sharing your story about your daughter. I cannot imagine how difficult and painful it must be for you as she appears to have individuated abruptly, i.e., exert her independence. She may also be making it difficult because it's painful for her, too. You are on the right track with letting go. I wish you the best, take it a day at a time.

      • profile image

        Chris 7 months ago

        I'm guilty of holding on too long. My daughter and I have been together for 26 years, me a single mother, and her attending 7 1/2 years of college while living st home.

        She moved 3 hours away 2 years ago, but very dependent on me on how to set up a new house and many other adulting things such as what dish to bring to a potluck, what should she wear on a date, etc. So while I definitely grieved hard because of the physical distance between us, we talked several times a day during which I laid out all kinds of advice on every issue. I'm not gonna lie, I was worried she could not survive without me. I still had her let me know when she was home at night.

        Now suddenly, all the rules have changed. She has told me she doesn't want any more advice unless she specifically asks. She suddenly acts as though I've not got things so together - quite a lot of insults.

        I am glad to know she is ready to take on all aspects of running her house and making decisions but it is painful how suddenly the change occurred and unsure why she is being so harsh. I know now, I held on too long but I can't help but feel as though I've been fired. It's a very lonely feeling. I'm going to try and build a new life but it's very hard.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 7 months ago from Washington, DC

        Sounds like you're really thinking ahead and have a good plan, Andrea. Glad you found the article helpful. I wish you well.

      • profile image

        Andrea 7 months ago

        I really appreciate this article as my kids are starting to grow up and I am looking to try and let go. It is really so hard after bonding with them to see them transform and to think of all the not so nice people out there. I can only pray that I have done an adequate job. I am starting to prepare psychologically for it and hope I can move on gracefully to the next stage in their development.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 7 months ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your point of view.

      • profile image

        say so 7 months ago

        what a horrible article.

        it brings out all those stupid enmeshed parenting.

        For example why would a parent cry because their child is going to college.... sick parenting that is why.

        when a child is going to college they need even more attention than when they were breastfeeding. this is because they are walking into the world of religious cultists and drug dealers. its the time the parent should even be more involved if you do not want your daughter prostituting herself to buy nice clothes from older monied men who haunt these places. instead of crying a healthy parent is involved healthily in their child's growth.

        this article makes me so sick.

        Many adults are not equipped to parent a rat and they call themselves parents.

        sick pare

      • profile image

        Medeo 10 months ago

        This was bad don't do it

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 14 months ago from Washington, DC

        You're very welcome, Irma. Sounds like you're already doing a great job. In this day and age, your fear is appropriate. But with the limits you have set, half the battle of letting go has been won. Thank you so much for reading this article, glad to know you found it helpful.

      • profile image

        Irma 14 months ago

        I have a 13 yr old only child, its been realy hard for me to start letting him go out with his friends even just to go to the mall to watch a movie, he claims I'm too overprotected and that he needs to grow up, I'm just scared of all the dangers out there. So I do let him go but of course there are limits because of his age and have communication. I told him if he acts responsabily he can have more freedom and that he needs to earn my trust to let go more. Thank you for the article very helpful.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 15 months ago from Washington, DC

        You are so very welcome, Carolyn. Holidays are the most difficult time when a loved one is away, especially a child for the first time. The reality hits hard when traditions are broken, making the break all the more painful. I hope the article helped you through it, just a little. Both of you passed a great milestone. The good thing is that you do recognize your reward in that he is growing up. I wish you peace and blessings for your family in the new year.

      • profile image

        Carolyn 15 months ago

        My 18 yr old and 1st to leave nest went off to university in Sept and then told us he was going travelling for Christmas/New year. It broke my heart but knew it was what he wanted and needed to do. Letting go is by far the hardest and most challenging aspect of parenting. He had such a great time and it was truly amazing to see him blossom so that is my reward. Just hope he's home with us next Christmas lol, thank you for your article, very close to my heart.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 2 years ago from Washington, DC

        Oh, Michelle. What you're feeling is so real, let the tears flow. You have to get through, a day at a time, and trust that the natural process of letting go has to happen. Make sure to find other nurturing activities to fill your time. You'll be fine, hang in there. Thanks for stopping by and reading this article. I hope it helps. I appreciate your visit and comment.

      • profile image

        Michelle 2 years ago

        I feel like my world is about to end with a son turning 18 in a little more than a week and graduates soon after. I will repeat this process next year with my daughter. All I can do is cry.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

        You're right, aesta1, it's an adjustment. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      • aesta1 profile image

        Mary Norton 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

        Letting go is always difficult and to decide when with kids is a challenge. Maybe, the relationship changes but there is never a letting go. Well done!

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

        Very touching comment, olog. Thanks for reading, glad to know it validated your experience.

      • ologsinquito profile image

        ologsinquito 3 years ago from USA

        This is an excellent article that I can certainly relate to. It was very hard letting go and watching one of my children go off to college. However, on the other hand, he was ready to go and I could he was ready. I'll never forget the day he actually got in the car and left for school.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

        I'm so glad to hear that, grand old lady. It is my pleasure to help. It really makes me feel good that I've made a difference for someone with this article. Thank you also for enlightening me about the struggle in Filipino culture regarding this topic. I appreciate your visit and generous comments.

      • grand old lady profile image

        Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 3 years ago from Philippines

        The last two points you made are particularly useful. In the Philippines, it's not uncommon for grown children to still live at home, sometimes even after they have married. Mostly, it's because of economics. A basic salary won't buy you an apartment and furnishings or even a car on installment. So the challenge is having a child who is 23 in your house, and giving her the space she needs to let go. I realize I never had a mourning period and my husband and I have to go through that. Also, rebuilding a different relationship is most helpful advice. Thank you for your wisdom. It's so hard to research a topic like this on google and finally, after a few years, this article comes up. It's so helpful.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

        Glad you enjoyed the poem, Treasuresofheaven. Thank you for stopping by and reading this one which so many parents can relate to at this time of year. I appreciate the votes, too.

      • Treasuresofheaven profile image

        Sima Ballinger 3 years ago from Michigan

        This was a good read and good information. Our kids do know more than we give them credit. My oldest son, who commutes to college, needs to be more independent than we have allowed him. He is going to make a big change before the summer is over - and I applaud him. I enjoyed the poem, it was very inspiring. Up and Useful!!!

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

        Well said, Raine. I appreciate your visit and comments.

      • Raine Law Yuen profile image

        Raine Law Yuen 3 years ago from Cape Town

        interesting hub. I think it gets easier with the second child. I often hear my children commenting about what a child said to the kids in their class about their own parents when they feel overprotected. also that parents should keep in mind that when children feel smothered they may start to resent you. I guess the trick is to keep a balance. To trust that your child knows best what is right for themselves. Just think back to when you were a child.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 3 years ago from Washington, DC

        I appreciate your feedback, Anita Saran. Culture definitely plays a role in the course of a child developing into an adult. Thank you for stopping by and reading. I wish you the best with your son.

      • Anita Saran profile image

        Anita Saran 3 years ago from Bangalore, India

        Nice hub janshares. My son is 21 and going to college and it's time for him to move out on his own. Relatives think that's callous but I think it's essential for his development as an independent adult. In India, we tend to latch on to our children longer.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you very much! :-)

      • kgmonline profile image

        Geri MIleff 4 years ago from Czech Republic

        Very useful article. Great job! :)

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        You're welcome, swilliams. Glad you related to it. I know it's easier said than done. Thank you for taking the time to read it.

      • profile image

        swilliams 4 years ago

        This is a tough one Jan. I faced letting my daughter go. She married young I like my new son-in-law but it was a hard adjustment. Thanks for the useful article! Very Well Done!

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you, AMF, for reading and sharing your experience with coming into your own with your parents. I do hope it helps someone else take a confident stand and maintain a good relationship with their parents.

      • AMFredenburg profile image

        Aldene Fredenburg 4 years ago from Southwestern New Hampshire

        Janis, I had a situation with my parents that took me years to to figure out. They would invite me over for supper and then tag-team me, leveling all kinds of criticism at me; I got to the point where I stayed away for several months. Then I decided, this is ridiculous; I can't stay away from them for the rest of my life; I need to figure this out. The next time I saw them they started in again, and I said, mildly, "I disagree; I think I'm doing a really good job handling things under some difficult circumstances." They stared at me like I had two heads. After that, whenever they said something critical or hurtful, I would say calmly, "I disagree," and then say something positive about myself. They very quickly got the message that I wasn't going to accept their criticism, and it stopped. I don't know if this will work for you, but it might be worth a shot.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Very powerful what you've expressed here, Kristine. I appreciate you sharing about what this hub has triggered for you. It is so important for children to become free and independent and not full of resentment. My heart goes out to you. I hope you make time for yourself. Thank you for reading this hub.

      • Kristine Manley profile image

        Donna Kristine 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA

        Janis, this is a wonderful Hub. I am over 40 and currently care for my Mom. I find it difficult at times because she lets things come out of her mouth to me like she is talking to a 12 year-old, and I snap back. Unfortunately my brother has passed away, and my sister stays clear, so I'm stuck. My Mom never retired from anywhere, she just went on vacation and never went back to work, and all she has is less than 1,000 dollars a month social security - she made no preparation for her future. She is unable to live on her own. I encourage all parents to give much space to their children so later on they will not resent them.

      • Rebecca Furtado profile image

        Rebecca Furtado 4 years ago from Anderson, Indiana

        Very nice hub. I can relate to those feelings of the empty nest. I just sent my youngest off to live on campus. I am resisting the urge to call more than once a week.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you for those comments. I really appreciate your taking time to stop by and read it.

      • oceansnsunsets profile image

        Paula 4 years ago from The Midwest, USA

        This is an important topic to discuss. People often don't plan for it I think. I recall hearing it spoken of when my son was in preschool, for the first time. I mean talking about letting kids go, raising them up knowing there will be times to let go. I think that helped me some. It is hard now, as mine are getting so big, and this world is a pretty scary place. Thanks for sharing.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you for sharing those wonderful comments about your experience. It sounds like you've done an excellent job with your children. I appreciate your stopping by and reading this hub.

      • LongTimeMother profile image

        LongTimeMother 4 years ago from Australia

        I have had such an exciting, challenging and rewarding adult life that I am excited for my children to have the same opportunities. Even at an early age I started talking about "when you're an adult ...".

        My adult children make me very proud, and I am sure my youngest will do the same when she leaves home. What makes me most proud is the way they face the world with confidence and a determination to make the most of every day. :)

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you, Rosetta, for your wisdom-filled comment. I appreciate your visit.

      • profile image

        Rosetta 4 years ago

        As a great grandmother with 3 generations under me, I learned early to tell my children, that things happen everyday, some difficult and some easy. Learn to change those that you can and live with those you can't. It is called LIFE. I learned and they learned, I am still learning as they are also and LIFE is great. Thank you so much for sharing this and I especially love the poem.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Of course, you are absolutely right, DDE. You never truly let go. I hope this article will help parents to live better with the new relationship with their children and not grieve for too long.

      • DDE profile image

        Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

        Letting go for me was not hard but for my husband yes, off-course he is still my lovely baby and twenty it may sound ridiculous deep dow parents still look at their children as babies even when grown up it is always some little concern that makes you want to feel at ease

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        You're welcome, toptengamer. I appreciate your visit and taking time to read it. Glad it resonated with you.

      • toptengamer profile image

        Brandon Hart 4 years ago from The Game

        It's hard sometimes isn't it as in some ways it's so easy to be controlling when that's not always the best for them. As a parent of 4 children I appreciate your insight!

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Thanks for liking the poem, tobusiness. That means a lot coming from you. :-)

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Ha ha, thanks for that, Mhatter. Glad you stopped by.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Thank you very much, jabelufiroz, and for taking the time to read it.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        You've summed it up perfectly, Faith Reaper. Thanks for your visit and votes, grateful for the sharing.

      • tobusiness profile image

        Jo Alexis-Hagues 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

        A wonderful hub, letting go will always be a tough thing to do, but let go we must. I loved the poem, especially the last couplet.

        Awesome

      • Mhatter99 profile image

        Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

        Thank you for this. For me it was easy, as mine were so screwed up. But my mom needed money once in a while.

      • Faith Reaper profile image

        Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

        Oops, that should be cord! Cut the cord.

        Sorry for the faux pas there!

        God bless, Faith Reaper

      • jabelufiroz profile image

        Firoz 4 years ago from India

        Informative hub on Parental Attachment. Voted up.

      • Faith Reaper profile image

        Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

        Yes, it is very hard, but we must cut that chord at some point, to allow them to grow and find their own way in this world and let them know that we will be there no matter what, if they ever need us. No subject is off-limits and our love is truly endless indeed!

        Voted up +++ and sharing

        God bless, Faith Reaper

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        Lol, harmony155! So true with many. Thank you for your visit.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        AMFredenburg, excellent points. I appreciate those comments. Thank you so much for reading, voting, and especially sharing!

      • harmony155 profile image

        harmony155 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

        My husband is 34 years old and his parents still feel like they "own" him!

      • AMFredenburg profile image

        Aldene Fredenburg 4 years ago from Southwestern New Hampshire

        Jan, this is such important information; I've seen both my sisters as they accepted their children's adulthood and have ended up being good friends of their adult children, with respect on both sides. Parents who won't let go are missing out on an important stage of their own development as human beings and the possibility of a deep and abiding relationship with their grown children. Voting up and sharing.

      • janshares profile image
        Author

        Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

        You speak truth from experience, you're absolutely right. Thank you for reading this one "hot off the presses."

      • billybuc profile image

        Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

        Jan, my son is twenty-eight and I'm not sure we, as parents, ever totally let go. He is still my little boy and I constantly struggle with letting him make his own decisions and mistakes. :) Great hub with serious food for thought.

      working