How to Help Your Children Socialize Better

Updated on September 3, 2018
Rita Gehman profile image

Rita is an education specialist who was homeschooled until she started college at age 16. She believes in family time and education.

Kids Need Examples to Socialize Well

In various sociological studies, experts observe children sitting quietly watching an interactive group. Some of them are shown videos of children becoming interactive with the group and immediately fitting in.

It was found on multiple occasions that the children who were shown the example videos were able to simply mimic their inclusion into the group. The results in real life were the same as those in the video. Those who stepped forward to include themselves succeeded immediately.

However, those who simply kept watching the real-life group but who did not have examples set for them almost never joined in, even after watching for a long period of time.

1. Teach Your Kids the Basics of Communication

  • "Can I play?"
  • "What are we doing together?"
  • (After picking out a toy) "Would you like to play this with me?"

Simple questions like these almost always initiate an immediate response from other children—a positive, engaging response. Even quiet children feel the primal social protocol to respond and start playing with the children in question.

Practice saying these sentences back and forth with your children. Have them practice those sentences with each other and with you. This gives "parental permission" to speak up and say it their own way when they encounter a children's social group.

Your kids will feel more open and social with other people if they are given free reign during family play time to run and laugh and express themselves.
Your kids will feel more open and social with other people if they are given free reign during family play time to run and laugh and express themselves. | Source

2. Encourage Your Kids to Speak Up During Mealtimes

Meals are always meant to be communal and to involve people sharing parts of themselves with the group, both in the form of food and in the form of good conversation.

As long as the language and topics are kept clean, allow your kids to have free reign of speech during their meals. Exchange ideas and conversation freely in front of one another, including the adults of the family talking about their day in some detail.

Curb any snide or insulting remarks which siblings invariably make to each other and, instead, give them examples of ways they can forward the conversation without it going negative.

3. Publish and Publicly Display Your Kids' Opinions

Give your children the leveraging ability of power.

When they make an astute or particularly intelligent comment or observation, compliment them on how smart they are. Then, write it down so that you can use it for bragging rights among other people and so that you can publish it on social media.

When kids know that their opinions, ideas, and thoughts carry weight in the adult community, they begin to really think about what they are saying and how they want to present themselves to the world. Instead of being a kid, you have temporarily given them the strength and clout of an adult.

Expose Your Kids to a Very Wide Variety of Activities

Kids feel more connected with the world when they have experienced a lot of life activities and social events.
Kids feel more connected with the world when they have experienced a lot of life activities and social events. | Source

4. Show Your Children How to Speak Up for Themselves

Throughout your day, actively engage your kid in various ways in which they can present themselves both gently enough to fit into society and powerfully enough to give their honest opinions and thoughts on a situation.

Have practice session with your kids on what to say and how to approach people who have differing points of view from their own, people who are outright insulting, and people who have lazy, listless points of view.

While you may have strong thoughts, yourself, on any of these topics, make sure that your kid is taught WHY they should still keep their speech polite and socially acceptable.

5. Make Your Kid the Leader for a Day

On a monthly basis, each of your children should be given total and complete charge of the household for a whole day. They will learn leadership skills, be able to flex their ideas and internal strength muscles, and this will build confidence in them for life's little challenges.

By doing this on a monthly basis, family time still remains almost entirely under your control, but they still get to flex their internal power muscles 12 times a year. After they have gotten used to this tradition, they will begin coming up with interesting and creative ways to lead the family for the day.

Invite Neighborhood Kids Over to Your House All the Time

Your children will feel more comfortable in a variety of social settings if you bring neighborhood kids over to your place a lot and let them interact in a supervised, safe area in their own home.
Your children will feel more comfortable in a variety of social settings if you bring neighborhood kids over to your place a lot and let them interact in a supervised, safe area in their own home. | Source

6. Talk to Your Kids Like They are Adults

Children are often smarter than their current experience with vocalization and emotional expression allow. This means that they are often more intelligent than their ability to communicate this intelligence.

Many adults mistake their communication ability with their actual intelligence and talk down to their kids on a level far lower than the kid actually uses to think.

Counteract this approach by always talking to your kids as if they are adults. Treat them with the same level of respect and deference (particularly once they have reach age 11 and 12) as you would treat a colleague.

You can simplify your language a little, but don't do it by much. Make them feel respected as adults and they will begin acting more like adults.

In the final scheme of things, your kids mimic the way you behave. If you are heavily socialized and always treat people with courtesy and respect, this behavior will resonate more than words will. Keep your behavior measured, calm, clean and powerful. Your children will always follow suit.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, wehavekids.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://wehavekids.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)