Where Are You Going? The Inevitability of Change

Updated on January 7, 2019
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.

My Kids, Getting All Grown Up

Where are you going?
Where are you going? | Source

Everything Always Changes

One Sunday, as I watched my kids tear away from me, toward the water slides at the local amusement park, I was amazed at how they have become people. From the start, when they were vulnerable babies, dependent on me for every need, they have now become actual people, with hopes, dreams, and plans of their own.

As I watched their tanned bodies disappear into the crowd of children enjoying the water slides, I wondered, where am I going?

While they will be with me for a few years longer, the time will slip past unnoticed, until one day, I will be watching my little Lexi make the long voyage to Mars, to colonize an uninhabitable planet. That girl has a plan. She recently heard of the Mars Project, a plan to send humans to colonize the planet in 2028. Even though it is a one-way trip, Lexi immediately decided that she intends to be on that trip.

I protested loudly, explaining that one-way meant she would never see her family again.

“Mom. They have computers. You can see me on the computer. It’ll be like a video-phone. And I’ll probably marry someone in the colony. So my family will be with me.”

And with that, another child slipped through my fingers, to find her own way in life. As parents, and in life in general, we must all come to terms with the fact that everything always changes. Nothing ever stays the same. And while change is good, it can also be scary.

How do we handle change, without letting it disrupt the flow of our lives?

Where Are You Going?

Parenting is hard. At some point, you realize that you can only hold their hands so long. And then, the letting go becomes the hardest part. Hopefully, if we have raised our children well, then they will walk a path and live a life that means something to them.

As I watch my children pull away to create their own reality, I question my own direction. Now that they are grown, where am I going? My life has been defined for more than 30 years, as a mom. I reckon that will always define me, but as their need for me evolves, my identity must also shift.

Where am I going? Where are any of us going? The scary thing about life is also an undeniable truth: Time keeps marching forward. We can either pick up our things and follow along, or we can resist the changes of life with every element of our being.

As the Buddha said, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

The same could be said for change. Change is inevitable. As with the seasons, the tide, the movement of one day into the next. Everything is always changing. Nothing ever stays the same, and therein lies our choice. We can choose to allow change, to accept it and to let our lives move forward, or we can resist with all our might, suffering needlessly along the way.

As things around you change, decide where you want to go and who you want to be in the midst of change. Release your resistance to change and embrace the flow of your life. Sure, it's scary. But the scary things are sometimes the most rewarding.

How do you react to change?

See results
You can choose your own path to peace.
You can choose your own path to peace. | Source

Dealing With Change

Honestly, I resist change. Change makes me uncomfortable. It always brings with it a new way of thinking, a new way of seeing life, and a new way of doing things. I realize that growth comes from change, but I must say, some days I would rather stagnate. Unfortunately, life and growth necessarily bring change. While I have gotten better about going with the flow of things, as they come up, there are still times when panic settles into my belly like an ice-cold lead balloon.

Focusing on my fear of change only makes it worse, and seems to make things happen quicker. I guess I’ve learned that the best way to control the change around me is to first realize that I have no real control over anything but myself. Ouch.

That is pretty hard for a control freak like me to come to terms with.

I have learned, over the years, that things will always change. Although I don't necessarily like it, I adapt. It is easier if the change happens gradually, such as the slow warming from winter to spring. But sometimes change is abrupt and sudden.

When you find yourself in the middle of sudden chaos, the best way to deal with change is to take a moment for mindfulness. Remind yourself to breathe. Take a few deep breaths, and rather than be fearful, focus on the moment at hand. Only this moment, and no other. Do not waste energy worrying about the past. Do not waste energy fretting about future fears. Concentrate all of your energy into this moment right now.

What is happening right now? In this moment are you safe? In this moment, can you see peace? For just this moment, breathe and let life unfold around you. What can you affect right now? Don't worry about the future or the past. What can you do at this moment? For now, just do that.

That is how I'm learning to deal with change. Rather than focus on the overwhelming aspect of what is to come, I instead silence my mind and find peace in the moment. It helps to say a gentle mantra. "I can see peace instead of this." Something to allow your focus to settle and your mind to rest.

How to Flow With Change

Be Here Now


Do What You Can Now

Let Everything Else Go

Embrace Change

We can embrace change, not only for ourselves but also for the people around us. We can be hopeful, excited and encouraging when the people around us express a desire to change, whether it is a physical change, an emotional one, or even a spiritual one. We can encourage them to move boldly forward, into the newness.

The world is full of naysayers and negativity. We can be a positive force for change, not only for ourselves but for those around us. We can help manifest a positive outcome for the people we love.

The truth is, the only thing any of us really control is our self. And some of us do a better job at exercising self-control than others. It is a lesson I have tried to impart to my children over the years. Having a lot of siblings often means having conflict. Kids fight about the stupidest things. And my job, as their mom, is to teach them that they cannot control other people. They cannot force their desire on someone else. They must learn to accept what is happening for someone else, and allow it to unfold. If they don't like it, then they can remove themselves from the situation.

Once we come to terms with the fact that we don’t really control anything, then the next step is to enjoy the ever-swirling mass of life that surrounds us. Rather than fearfully hide from change and the things it brings, I hope to embrace that ball of energy and set off in my own direction. I probably won’t head to Mars, but I am going somewhere.

Namaste Friends.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2012 Deborah Demander Reno


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      5 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Thanks, NonCopyBook,

      I agree, it is good to have a plan. Although, I must admit, my plans are often thrown asunder by the winds of change.

      Thanks for reading.


    • NonCopyBook profile image

      Nicholas Daly 

      5 years ago from NSW Australia

      Mars sounds intriguing (that's an understatement) yet would be even better as a return ticket.. Whatever life throws at us, and whether or not we want to go to Mars, it is good in itself to have a plan.. It sounds like your daughter has that!

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      8 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Well thank you, drbj. I appreciate your comment. I am planning on great things. See you there!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      8 years ago from south Florida

      I have no doubt at all, Deborah, you are on your way to somewhere ... somewhere great! Enjoyed your ruminations which I can easily identify with. Namaste backatcha.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, wehavekids.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)