5 Ways Parents Can Make the Most of an IEP Meeting and Get Their Children the Help They Need

Updated on January 2, 2019
letstalkabouteduc profile image

With a master's degree in special education and a son with autism, Ms. Meyers is passionate about getting services for students in need.

Parents need to feel empowered when going to an IEP so they can make the most of it. It's a rare opportunity to get their children the help they need.
Parents need to feel empowered when going to an IEP so they can make the most of it. It's a rare opportunity to get their children the help they need. | Source

IEP Meetings: How to Make Them More Productive and Compassionate

Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

When I was a young teacher working at an inner-city school, our principal would write that same quote on top of our faculty newsletter each week without fail. I'd wonder: Why the same quote again and again? Is she just too lazy to find another one? It wasn't until years later when I had a child of my own with autism that I understood how profound that quote was and how it's key to all we do as educators.

I've attended many IEP meetings over the years—some as a teacher and some as a mother—where the fundamental element of compassion was missing. Those meetings were unproductive, alienating parents and frustrating teachers. How can we improve IEP meetings so children get the special education services they need, moms and dads become involved in the process, and classroom teachers aren't overburdened?

What Is an IEP and What Is an IEP Meeting?

Each student who receives special education services has an IEP or individualized education plan. It's a legal document that spells out the child's unique learning needs and what services and modifications will be given to meet those needs. Services may include one-on-one or small group instruction, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and assistive technology. Modifications may include fewer assignments, a quiet room for test-taking, or a partner to help with physical education. An IEP team at the school meets with the parents to draft the document and to get everyone's signature on it. This team typically includes a case manager, the school psychologist, speech and occupational therapists, the special education instructor, the classroom teacher, and a note-taker.

Let's Just Sign the Damn Thing and Get Out of Here!

I've attended dozens of IEP meetings at different times and in different roles: as a teacher and as a mother of a son with autism. Surprisingly enough, whether I attended as an educator or as a parent, the process felt the same: cold, bureaucratic, rushed, and unproductive. Instead of focusing on the child, we turned our attention to the IEP document so we could get it signed—neat, tidy, and legally binding. Concern for the child, the parents, and the classroom teacher was sorely lacking.

The question, therefore, is: How can we improve IEP meetings so they're more productive and compassionate? I believe the secret to success is to get moms and dads more involved in the process, empowering them to be pro-active, vocal, and insistent that their concerns get addressed. Here are five things parents should demand from an IEP meeting so the process is humanized and progress is ensured:

1. Insist That the Pace of the IEP Meeting Is Slow and Unhurried

The case manager conducts the IEP meeting and her demeanor sets the tone. Too often a case manager acts in a hurried way, running through the procedure at warped speed as if she's just downed a bottle of amphetamines. Her rapid-fire speech, full of special education jargon such as inclusion, least restrictive environment, direct instruction, accommodations, and modifications leaves the parents frustrated and bewildered.

A skilled case manager speaks slowly and calmly, putting everyone at ease. Her unhurried behavior lets everyone know that she considers the meeting a priority and values their attendance. She talks in plain language so everyone understands. When using an unfamiliar term, she takes the time to explain it in a way that's helpful, not condescending.

Unfortunately, too often the case manager is a bureaucrat—charged with keeping costs low, restricting services, and getting all the i's dotted and all the t's crossed on the paperwork. I highly recommend to parents that they bring an advocate to their IEP meeting. This person is a friend, family member, or professional who's familiar with the process, asks pointed questions, and makes certain the parents understand all that's getting decided for their child. She, along with the mom and dad, make certain the meeting is not rushed and there's time for questions, answers, clarifications, and concerns. When everyone is gathered in one spot for the sake of their child, it's crucial that parents make the most of this opportunity and don't leave wishing they had voiced this or that.

Whether intentionally or unintentionally, teachers and administrators often make parents feel dumb at IEP meetings when they toss out educational jargon that's unfamiliar to moms and dads. Parents should insist that these terms be explained.
Whether intentionally or unintentionally, teachers and administrators often make parents feel dumb at IEP meetings when they toss out educational jargon that's unfamiliar to moms and dads. Parents should insist that these terms be explained. | Source

2. Insist on Having a Case Manager Who Knows Their Child

A case manager unacquainted with the child and parents dooms the IEP meeting, causing disappointment and distrust. The case manager should ONLY be someone who works directly with the youngster. When my son received early intervention services, his case manager was the speech therapist who worked with him weekly. She had built a strong relationship with both my child and me, establishing herself as a hard-working, knowledgeable, and caring professional who wanted the best for us. Therefore, when she led the IEP meeting, I valued her leadership and trusted her recommendations.

Conversely, at the most recent IEP meeting I attended as a teacher, the case manager didn't know the child, the parents, or me. She was clearly there in the role of bureaucrat—keeping services limited and costs low. She was patronizing to me and dismissive of the parents. Because strong relationships were never established among the team members, the child suffered—missing out on the early intervention services that would have helped him immensely. It's critical that moms and dads advocate for having a case worker who works directly with their youngster and them.

3. Insist That Everyone Sees Their Child as a Whole Person With Many Positive Qualities

Too often an IEP meeting gets off on the wrong foot. The team starts in on the child's deficiencies: poor articulation, low test scores, lack of social skills, illegible handwriting, poor grades, unruly behavior, and the list goes on. When I was a parent in that position—hearing negative comment after negative comment about the child I love dearly—I simply shut down. I stopped listening, stopped trusting, and stopped being part of the process.

The best IEP meeting I ever attended began with each team member saying something positive about the child: how polite he was, how responsible he was about turning in his homework, how kind he was to his classmates. I watched his parents' reactions as they listened to these glowing remarks about their son. They smiled with recognition at each comment, pleased to know others saw what they saw in their boy. Their bodies started to relax, their expressions became animated, and they began to trust that we were all gathered for the good of their kid.

When it was the mother's turn to speak, she felt safe and supported—knowing she was surrounded by people who cared deeply about her son. She cried, telling us about her struggles to get pregnant. When she finally did give birth at 42, she considered her son a "miracle baby." This IEP meeting transcended the signing of a legal document. We reached a higher plane of understanding, trust, and cooperation. By starting on a bright note, we set a positive tone for the entire meeting and turned a bureaucratic process into a human experience.

If only all IEPs were as unhurried as this one!

4. Insist That Responsibilities Are Given to Each Team Member, Not Just the Teacher

Too often the already overburdened classroom teacher leaves an IEP meeting with more duties placed on her while the rest of the team leaves with none. The case manager is responsible for making sure this doesn't happen and that each member of the team, including the parents, exits with at least one new responsibility. Assigning each person a job lessens the teacher's load and increases everyone's connection to the process. This is not something thrust upon them; this is something that involves them!

During a productive IEP meeting, team members bring up their concerns about the student: she doesn't turn in homework... her handwriting is illegible... she's reading below grade level. The note-taker writes these concerns on the chalkboard or white-board. At the end of the meeting, the team determines who is responsible for each concern. The parents, for instance, might be assigned the task of checking their daughter's homework each night to make sure it's completed and ready for class. The occupational therapist might be assigned the task of improving the girl's illegible handwriting by working with her on proper pencil grip. The special education instructor might work one-on-one with the girl in the resource room for 45 minutes per week until her reading reaches grade level.

The case manager's duty is to hold all team members accountable for their tasks by getting regular updates. When everyone has a specific duty, they feel included in the process and a team spirit is built. When the classroom teacher is given all the responsibility, she feels put upon, angry, resentful, and thinks to herself: I'll do what I can, but I'm not superwoman!

Parents need a voice during the IEP process. They also need to be given some duties so the overburdened classroom teacher isn't solely responsible for the child's progress.
Parents need a voice during the IEP process. They also need to be given some duties so the overburdened classroom teacher isn't solely responsible for the child's progress. | Source

5. Insist on Being Full-Fledged Members of the Team

Unfortunately, some case managers discount the role of parents at the IEP meeting—seeing them as a handicap, not a resource. For the sake of expediency, they marginalize moms and dads—putting them on the sidelines, not on the field where they belong. Without coaching from the case manager in advance of the meeting, parents are often unprepared and clueless about their role. They sit like deer in the headlights—stunned, confused, and silent.

An effective case manager educates parents about the IEP meeting before it happens. She lets them know they're full-fledged team members and should speak up, ask questions, share concerns, and seek clarification. The case manager should encourage them to bring an advocate of their own choosing to the meeting: a lawyer who's knowledgeable about IEPS, a social worker, or a friend or family member who's knowledgeable about the process.

Final Thoughts

There's so much we can do to make IEP meetings more productive and compassionate. While the IEP is an important legal document, it should not eclipse what really matters—getting children and families the help they need. The IEP meeting is a collaborative process that must honor all who are involved and not leave any team member feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.

IEP Experiences: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

What was your experience at an IEP meeting?

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As the Parent of a Son With Autism, I Highly Recommend Parents Read This Book Before Attending Their First IEP Meeting

Complete IEP Guide, The: How to Advocate for Your Special Ed Child
Complete IEP Guide, The: How to Advocate for Your Special Ed Child

Even though I was familiar with IEP meetings as a teacher, I was still overwhelmed when I attended my first one as a mom. I became very emotional and started crying. I left feeling overwhelmed and defeated. That's why I urge parents to read this book before attend their first IEP meeting so they're fully prepared and somewhat emotionally detached. It's full of useful information to help you stay focused while advocating for your child so he gets the help he needs and deserves.


This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

    © 2015 McKenna Meyers


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      • unverm profile image


        4 years ago

      • letstalkabouteduc profile imageAUTHOR

        McKenna Meyers 

        4 years ago

        Thanks for reading! IEPs can be wonderful when done right.

      • Venkatachari M profile image

        Venkatachari M 

        4 years ago from Hyderabad, India

        Very interesting article. I have never heard about IEP meetings. I know only parent-teacher meetings where teachers always tried to accuse student and his parents for under performances or for any bad behaviour of students. So, this is a great thing to know that case managers and psychiatrists also take part in these meetings. It is a positive way of improving things. A good topic shared by you for the benefit of all concerned in educating children.

      • letstalkabouteduc profile imageAUTHOR

        McKenna Meyers 

        4 years ago

        Thanks for the tips, Catherine! Yes, I need more followers!

      • CatherineGiordano profile image

        Catherine Giordano 

        4 years ago from Orlando Florida

        I used to have IEP meetings for my son when he was in school. They were helpful for my son. This is a great article that I could have used back them.

        I also see that you have made great strides in picking up the HP format. The hub has great information and looks really good too. Voted up I U and H+. When people comment on your hub , take a look at their profile and see if you want to follow them. Also look at the related hubs and see if you want to follow any of the people who are writing on your topics. With 19 hubs, it is time to start building up followers.


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