Am I a Good Mom?
As a young expectant mother, I decided that I was going to be a "good mom." I started this process by doing everything I could to be 100% prepared for motherhood. I attended many classes, read books, and even made a checkoff list of what needed to be done before baby arrived. If I did all of those things then I would be completely prepared for my baby, right?
Well, baby came and as much as I appreciated all that I had done to prepare......SMACK, right to the face! I kid you not, I felt as if I knew nothing! First of all, there is no handbook for "your" baby. Every baby is different and what works for one may not work for another. This was so foreign to me. I assumed that if there were books and classes on "how to" then I would have all the answers. Hmm....NOPE!
I was now terrified! How come I don't have all of the answers? My anxiety level was increasing at an alarming pace! I knew that our society as a whole is brutal on mothers. I'm sure if you are reading you know what I mean. Every choice a mother makes is judged one way or another. Do I breastfeed or not? Am I losing the baby weight? When will the baby sleep? How much more can this baby poop in a day? Am I going crazy? There are so many questions that go through your head with no clear answers....
Thankfully, my husband was there for me and is the "calm" one in our relationship. He helped me to understand that my beautiful baby girl is her own person, with her own unique personality. Parenting is not something you can fully master. I would have to learn and grow with her. This revelation was actually hard for me. I'm a planner and I like to know the outcome of each decision before it's made. I'm sure that's why It didn't take long for me to question myself.
Am I a good mom?
After many years and a lot of support from my loved ones I can now stop worrying about what "others may say or think". Now, I'm not saying don't talk to others about your questions. For goodness sake, please talk and ask questions. What I'm saying is don't feel guilty about your choices and don't let others put you down for those choices.
My beautiful daughter is now 8 years old and I have since had a 6 year old boy and 3 year old girl. Each child of mine have been completely different and a new exciting challenge. I now believe that having all the answers isn't all that great. Sometimes, it's finding the answers out together that you remember and cherish.
The secret is to step back, breath and re-evaluate. I don't have to be a super mom in the eyes of others. I only have to try my best each day to do right by them in becoming good people in this world. In my book that means I'm doing a good job!
In the end, the question doesn't leave your mind, but my perspective on the question has. Think of the positive things in life and remember that if you are doing your best then...You are a Good Mom!
© 2017 Candace Stanger