After some bad stories that my mother has told me, I started to doubt my father's honesty. I already know he wasn't the loyal type, but now I am feeling insecure about his honesty, and I found myself also being a bit afraid of him. What is the best thing to do that won't have some bad effect on me?

Answer

Divorced moms and dads can hurt their children by badmouthing the other parent. Consciously or unconsciously wanting revenge on their former partners, they seek to discredit them in the eyes of their youngsters. Sadly, the kids become unwitting victims because of it, losing faith in the discredited parents and not wanting to spend time with them.

Countless fathers have written to me, telling me that this happened to them after getting divorced. They wanted to stay connected to their children, but the mothers poisoned their kids' minds against them and made it nearly impossible to do so. In the worst cases, dads got so frustrated and heartbroken by the situation that they gradually drifted out of their children's lives. They never intended for their girls to become fatherless daughters, but that was the result because they felt so powerless and couldn't take it any longer.

Therefore, you need to think critically about this situation and ask yourself why your mother is telling you these bad stories about your father. What is her intent in doing so? Is it information you truly need to know in order to stay safe or is it just gossip to make your dad look bad and create a wedge between the two of you?

Even though my mother stayed married to my father, she badmouthed him throughout my teen years. She told me that he was having affairs with women at his office that, decades later, I realized never happened but was imagined due to her deep-seated insecurities. Looking back now as a parent myself, I see how destructive her behavior was and how it sabotaged the relationship between my dad and me. Knowing she was maligning him, he simply gave up trying and emotionally disconnected from me.

I think it's time to have an honest conversation with both your parents. Ask your mom what's her intent in telling you these bad stories about your dad. If they serve no purpose other than to undermine the relationship, ask her to please stop. Perhaps, she needs to talk with a friend or even a therapist to resolve some of her anger toward your dad.

Then talk to your father about your concerns so he knows what's going on in your head. Be open with him about your fears. Communication is essential to keeping the relationship healthy, strong, and flourishing. Best to you!

Updated on July 10, 2019

Original Article:

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women
By McKenna Meyers

Related Questions

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, wehavekids.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://wehavekids.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)