Can this book help me? I only met my father once when I was 23 years old. He denied even knowing who I was. I married a narcissistic man who repeatedly discarded/recycled me over 20 years. At 41 years old I’m still deeply wounded and hoping this book can help me.

Answer

"The Unavailable Father" can give you comfort in knowing that you're not alone as a daddyless daughter. It can be useful by reading small parts of it at a time and then journaling how it relates to your life. More likely, though, your time and energy would be better spent by talking with a therapist about your own unique situation.

You experienced rejection from your dad as both a child and an adult. You then re-lived that dynamic many times over with your husband. There's a chance you unconsciously chose a narcissistic man, hoping to go back and fix your past. A good therapist could help you explore this possibility and formulate a plan so you won't repeat that pattern in the future.

I've spoken with dozens of fatherless daughters and the same commonality kept surfacing among them: namely, that they never felt seen and heard. So many of them had recollections of trying to talk with their mothers about their absent dad and how much he hurt them. Instead of being compassionate listeners, though, their moms dismissed them time and time again. Feeling guilty about the men that they picked, these moms reacted defensively and sometimes angrily.

Therefore, the daughters dropped the conversation. In adulthood, though, they still had a burning need to talk about their father's abandonment and their unresolved feelings surrounding it. That's why therapy was beneficial for so many of them. It gave them the chance to finally tell their story without being shut down.

I hope you'll get some professional support. You've been through a lot, and I wish you the very best.

Updated on December 30, 2019

Original Article:

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women
By McKenna Meyers
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