How can I look forward to my love life when I feel insecure because of my relationship with my father who died when I was 15?

Answer

While some fatherless daughters become promiscuous, trying to find daddy's love with multiple men, others of us go to great lengths to avoid intimacy. I was definitely in the latter category, terrified of being spurned by guys since my father had rejected me. Because I had been called hurtful names by my dad, I was petrified that other men would do the same.

It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I finally let my guard down, became vulnerable, and was open to letting a man get close to me. Now, I've been married for over 20 years with two teenage sons. I'm surrounded by guys and I love it. I feel safe, valued, adored, and appreciated.

Yet, I had to risk getting hurt in order to reach this lovely point. Whether we're fatherless daughters or not, we all fear getting rejected. However, that's the price we pay to find love. Dr. Brene Brown summed it up perfectly by saying, “The brokenhearted are the bravest among us because they dared to love somebody.”

Take little steps. Join activities where you meet guys without the expectation of it becoming romantic. Just enjoy the experience of being around men, getting comfortable and gaining confidence. Become a member of a hiking club. Start golf lessons. Take classes at the community college. Volunteer at a local organization. Become friends with guys, enjoy their company, learn to trust them, and relax around them.

While lots of people today find relationships online, others find the prospect of doing so terrifying. Online dating can be extremely superficial with folks focusing on appearance, salary, job status, and so on. Some online daters are looking for a hookup rather than something meaningful and long-lasting. If you're an introvert like I am, online dating is probably not the way to go.

Don't use your status as a fatherless daughter as an excuse for not putting yourself out there. It's scary for everyone. Get started now. If you wait, anxiety and trepidation will build.

Updated on September 2, 2019

Original Article:

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women
By McKenna Meyers
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