How do I let go of the rage and hurt that is not only directed at my deceased father but his second wife who was allowed to abuse me? How do I let go of the hurt so I can remember the good times, few as they are?


It's actually a healthy thing that you're feeling these intense emotions and not bottling them up, causing yourself grave mental and physical problems. After all, your rage is justified toward someone who abused you. Too many people today seek to selectively numb an emotion that they find undesirable, such as anger, sadness, and frustration. Because dulling just one emotion is impossible, though, they wind up dulling all of them with anti-depressants, illegal drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, porn, and technology. It seems we want to do anything but feel our feelings and deal with them.

When I was in counseling for depression, my therapist would always say, “Depression is anger turned inward.” My sadness had taken over my life, paralyzing me because I had never dealt with the fury toward my dad. Instead of expressing it, I had turned it against myself with a cruel inner voice that attacked my intelligence, my appearance, and my personality. You're in a much healthier place because you understand the exact source of your anger (your dad and stepmom) and don't blame yourself.

You can use your anger in a constructive way. Instead of being a victim of it, deal with it in positive ways such as exercising, talking to yourself in an encouraging way, writing in a journal, meditating, spending time in nature, talking with a friend, seeing a therapist, practicing gratitude, developing a deep spiritual life, volunteering, and being kind to yourself. When you treat yourself with tenderness, love, and respect, you'll no longer want to be weighed down by your rage. You'll no longer want to give your dad and stepmom power over your life.

You've had a tough time of it, so let yourself grieve the loss of a healthy and loving family. Forgive your dad and stepmom and vow to do better in your own life. The philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, said, “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” If you can help others by sharing your experiences and showing them compassion, your pain will have a purpose, and your anger will diminish.

Updated on October 27, 2019

Original Article:

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women
By McKenna Meyers

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)