I get so mad at myself for going to my mom for emotional support. Why do I keep doing this?


Don't be so hard on yourself. It's perfectly normal that you would turn to your mom for emotional support like many daughters do. It's just like going to a faucet in your kitchen every time you need water. Eventually, however, you figure out that there's nothing there and you need to accept it even though every fiber of your being wants it to be different.

When we don't practice acceptance, we hurt ourselves and risk our mental well-being. Perhaps, it would help if you adopted the mantra: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” Saying this helped me when I finally realized that my mom lacked empathy and that her coldness was, in fact, causing me even greater pain.

Your kitchen faucet may not work, but you still need water for your very survival. The same can be said of emotional support. You need to find other sources, whether they are romantic partners, friends, roommates, co-workers, or neighbors. We all need people with whom we can talk, confide, and share our most private thoughts, feelings, and concerns.

We daughters of emotionally absent mothers, though, often don't look for these folks. We're so damaged from the lack of connection with our moms that we've abandoned the search—much to our detriment. We're afraid that we'll be rejected once again and, the truth is, we may be. Yet, we need to take that risk and keep reaching out for connection because that's what humans need.

We must believe in ourselves that we're strong enough to handle being turned away and will keep looking elsewhere. One of my favorite quotes is from the writer, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, who said: “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” I've found those words to be so true and empowering in my life.

When you accept your mother for the person she is and all her limitations, you'll find tremendous peace. You'll no longer turn to her for emotional support, only to be hurt and disappointed. You'll finally let go of that habit and find comfort in others.

Updated on October 29, 2019

Original Article:

5 Ways for Daughters to Heal From an Emotionally Absent Mother
By McKenna Meyers

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