I have four daughters, and one is adopted. They were all raised in the same environment, but my adopted daughter has never taken responsibility for her actions. She has lied since she was young, and stolen jewelry and money. We have given her chances, money and private schools. She cannot hold down a job. She is married, but they are homeless now and expecting a baby. I am torn. Do I simply walk away and let her deal with her decisions? My husband and her sisters say she will never change.

Answer

For some people, having a baby changes their perspective. You need to figure out what she is thinking. Does she think that she is going to raise that child living in a van? Ask questions without being judgemental. You and I both know she isn't going to be able to raise that baby in the woods. I'm assuming you love your daughter, if your other daughters were pregnant you would have a baby shower and celebrate. I don't see any reason why you wouldn't do that with this child. We NEVER walk away from our kids. We help them into self-sufficiency. That means you help them get on their feet instead of just giving them money. If her husband will get a job, then you help find them a studio apartment. The point is to get them to be self supporting. Child Protective Services can take her baby for neglect if she cannot provide for the basic needs. Even a travel trailer in a trailer park is considered housing. She needs a plan. Even if she is less than dependable, she's probably scared right now.

Updated on July 15, 2018

Original Article:

Adult Children—When to Help and When to Let Them Learn
By MD Jackson MSIOP
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