The best way to improve the relationship with your parents is by accepting them as they are. If you don’t, you’ll continue to struggle, suffer, and find them lacking. Instead, be grateful for what they do offer you. Appreciate that the only person you can change is yourself so start building close emotional ties with folks outside of your immediate family.
I was in my late 30’s before I realized that my mother was emotionally absent. When my son got diagnosed with autism, she showed no feeling whatsoever -- not a drop of kindness or compassion. There was never a moment where she showed me that she understood my anguish, mother to mother.
Yet, because of that painful period, I looked back on our history and saw that she had always been that way. I had just been blind to it because it was all I ever knew. She was my mother, after all, and I had always believed that she was much more than she truly was. I finally had to accept her with all her limitations.
You’re fortunate that you see your mom realistically. Don’t let her emotional detachment change who you are. Stay connected to your feelings by talking about them, writing about them, and acknowledging them. This will help keep you healthy, both physically and mentally.
The author, Doe Zantamata, said: “You can’t expect to have a deep relationship with a shallow person.” There are some people with whom we’ll have superficial interactions because that’s all they can offer. We can, though, still love, value, and accept them. However, we need to look elsewhere to fulfill our need for deeper connections. Take care!