I was speaking with my mom over the phone when she admitted she’s never been an “emotional person.” Throughout my entire life, every time I felt sadness, would cry, or would express my loneliness, she would tell me I’m being “dramatic” and to “cut the s***.” At 27, my mom is still like this. Will she ever finally become warmer/more compassionate towards me?

Answer

No, your mom is who she is and won't change. It would be foolish to think she'll ever be different than she's always been. It would be wise of you to accept her limitations. Start focusing on your own inner world (not hers) and build relationships in which your feelings are heard and valued. If you continue to expect emotional support for your mom, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.

Acceptance of our emotionally absent mothers brings peace. The spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, says: “The main cause of stress and anxiety is wanting things to be different than they currently are. When you bring acceptance to all situations, despite your expectations, you instantly remove the need for stress and worry.”

My lack of acceptance regarding my mother led to a major downward spiral in my life when I was 40. When I turned to her when my son got diagnosed with autism, I was met with a coldness that sent me into a black hole of despair. I wound up going to therapy, taking anti-depressants, and living a zombie-like existence for many years. I convinced myself that feelings were the cause of all my problems so I blunted them.

I eventually discovered, though, that a drug doesn't selectively numb only difficult emotions like sadness but all of them: joy, excitement, hope. Thank goodness, I finally realized my feelings weren't a curse after all but a huge blessing. I gradually learned to embrace them all.

When I look back at my downfall with the wisdom that time brings, I know it wasn't brought on by my son's diagnosis. As painful as that was, my anguish was caused by my mother's lack of compassion and caring. Her indifference triggered memories of all the other instances when she had behaved the same way when I was a kid.

In his book, “The Untethered Soul,” Michael Singer calls this our “inner thorn”--something from childhood that still induces pain when we're adults. Without a doubt, having an emotionally absent mother has been the inner thorn throughout my life. Today, though, I'm conscious of it, can step back when it's activated, and not let it affect me.

Please accept your mom “as is” so you'll have a more peaceful life and avoid the heartache I suffered. Take care!

Updated on August 10, 2019

Original Article:

How an Emotionally Absent Mother Impacts a Daughter: From Infancy to Adulthood
By McKenna Meyers
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, wehavekids.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://wehavekids.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)