I'm lost in life. My mom died of drugs when I was 7 and my father abused me so I have neither in my life. I was adopted, though, when I was 14 but still feel sadness. I just want to be loved unconditionally. I want to feel that whatever happens I'll still be loved because we're blood. I've been taught that blood is thicker than water so where does this leave me with my family now? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Answer

If you truly wish to change your life, you can do it today by changing how you think. Adopt the mantra: “I am not my thoughts; I am the awareness of my thoughts.” When a silly notion such as “blood is thicker than water” pops into your head, ask yourself: Is this thought serving me or damaging me? Is it helping me move forward or is it keeping me immobilized? Does it enhance my well-being or create undue grief?

Eckhart Tolle, the spiritual teacher, advises: “Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.”

The saying “blood is thicker than water” is patently false as many people experience the most profound love with their partners and spouses. Parents love adopted kids just as much as biological ones. Many folks find more love, support, and compassion with friends than family members. Conversely, some children never experience unconditional love from their biological parents. That’s why our big cities are inundated with homeless LGBTQ teens who were rejected by their moms and dads.

Therefore, you must ask: What is the benefit of clinging to such a faulty belief? Are you using it as a crutch to avoid transitioning to the next stage of your life? After all, you’re at an age where life is getting very real. You’re no longer a child and need to set goals for yourself, be responsible for your decisions, and plan your future.

Sadly, many young women in your position opt for staying stuck in the past, ruminating about their unfortunate childhoods. They choose this because it’s far easier than going to college, taking difficult classes, preparing for a career, and becoming financially independent. They’d rather look to the past and blame it for their failings. They waste critical time when they should be building a meaningful life and contributing to society.

The life coach, Iyanla Vanzant, says it best: “There is no greater battle in life than the battle between the parts of you that want to be healed and the parts of you that are comfortable and content remaining broken.” If you can’t change your thinking by yourself, please contact a cognitive therapist (online or in person) for help. It all starts with you and your thoughts. You have the power and the responsibility, which can be both liberating and daunting. I wish you well.

Updated on May 31, 2020

Original Article:

5 Ways for a Fatherless Daughter to Heal From Her Dad's Rejection
By McKenna Meyers
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