My father calls me names like crybaby, jackass, lazy, etc. He claims that I will never make it in the future because I cry when he yells at me. I can't help crying. I'm afraid of telling a counselor or my doctor because they will tell my parents that I told them. Then, my dad will yell more. Even though he isn't beating me, it still hurts a lot, and I'm paranoid about everything I say and do. I don't know what to do since I am so scared. What should I do?

Answer

It seems like you’re in the same predicament that I faced as a kid with a name calling father and a weak mother who’s too scared to intervene on your behalf. Like you, I never told anyone but lived to regret that. The name calling haunted me well into adulthood, making me less confident and more mistrustful. Its profound negative impact on me as an adult is what prompted me to write this article.

If you haven’t already, tell your mom how much the name calling hurts you. Talk about the research in neuroscience that details its far-reaching harmful effects. Ask her to speak with your dad about it. Have a conversation about why she’s hesitant to intervene. Gently remind her that it’s her obligation as a parent.

If she doesn’t act, reach out to someone who can advocate for you: a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, or a family friend. That person should encourage your dad to take parenting classes or, at the very least, read a parenting book. He has some faulty beliefs about how to motivate youngsters that are causing you a lot of pain and need to be corrected.

Even though it’s difficult, don’t cry when he taunts you. Your father is a bully and they like to have power over people. Some get off when making others break down emotionally. If he gets no reaction from you, he may get less pleasure out of it and stop.

Most importantly, know that you matter. You deserve to live in a home where you feel safe and there’s no name calling. Don’t let your dad’s words become your inner voice. Do a lot of positive self-talk to remind yourself how worthy you are. Take good care!

Updated on July 4, 2020

Original Article:

5 Reasons Parental Verbal Abuse Is Far More Damaging Than We Thought
By McKenna Meyers
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