It sounds like you’re feeling sad because you never had a daddy and never will. However, you’re causing yourself needless suffering by not accepting this reality. The desperate little girl in you is still holding out hope that you can turn this man into a decent father. While that’s understandable, it’s not doing you any favors and is damaging your emotional well-being. Moreover, it’s keeping you stuck instead of moving forward to create your own beautiful life.
At 20, this is the time to focus on yourself: getting an education, building a career, making strong friendships, and planning your future. While it’s an exciting time, filled with hopes and dreams, it can also be scary. Unfortunately, some fatherless daughters retreat from challenges at this stage by ruminating about the past and longing for what they didn’t have.
It’s important to ask yourself: What is the payoff for me to be dwelling on this man now? Is it an easy excuse for not doing more with my life? Is it a way of staying a child instead of moving forward into adulthood?
Your 20’s are an amazing time of self-discovery. If you feel lost and immobilized, work with a cognitive therapist online or in person. A good one can help you with your thinking so your thoughts work for you, not against you. As Oprah Winfrey said: “I know for sure what we dwell on is who we become.” When you think about the future, not the past, you’ll feel empowered and hopeful.