My father was incarcerated when I was young. I try telling my mom that I'm hurting, but she yells at me for wanting/asking about him. I feel like no one understands me because they never grew up in a "broken" home. They don't care about my feelings and don't realize how I feel about this. They think it's really simple to just let these feelings go and forget. What do I do?

Answer

I'm sorry that your mother is acting self-centered and being insensitive to your feelings. Because she has a new boyfriend in her life, she's laser-focused on that relationship and, sadly, is not doing a proper job of mothering you. I strongly suspect that there are people around you who sympathize with your plight but feel helpless to intervene (they probably don't want to tangle with your mom).

Keep searching for allies. Open up about your hurt and show your vulnerability. If you don't find comfort and support in your sphere, go outside of it to find folks who are caring and compassionate: a teacher, a counselor, a neighbor, a leader at your church, peers. In today's society, many people come from broken homes and know what you're experiencing. As I wrote in my article, one in five women identifies herself as a fatherless daughter so there's a whole sisterhood out there that will welcome you.

One of the loneliest times in my life occurred after my dad died, and my mom got involved with a new man. Even though I was an adult with a family of my own, I was shocked and hurt by how she dumped me for him. She abandoned her role as mother and grandmother and started acting like a giddy school girl who was head-over-heels in love with her first crush. It felt like I had lost both parents.

It was hard for me to accept that she was choosing this guy (who, believe me, wasn't much) over my kids and me. Yet, when I did, I realized that it was nothing new but part of a long-time pattern of immature, self-centered behavior. It had nothing to do with me. I used the words of the spiritual teacher, Bryon Katie, as my mantra to go through this trying time: “When you argue against reality, you will suffer.”

You don't have it easy with a dad in prison and a mother preoccupied with a new dude. However, there are plenty of kindhearted people in the world who'd be open to hearing your pain. Keep reaching out, and you will find them. I wish you well!

Updated on November 30, 2019

Original Article:

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women
By McKenna Meyers
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, wehavekids.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://wehavekids.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)