My father was there for most of my life. I'm now 18 years old and my parents broke up a marriage of 19 years. My father didn't know how to be a dad. He verbally abused me and messed me up all my life and I have no idea how to move on. How can I move on without hating him?


Like you, I grew up with a father who was verbally abusive, and I hated him for that. I also had a lot of anger toward my mother for letting it happen. She had sacrificed my sister and me to his name-calling in order to spare herself from it. When I married a wonderful man in my 30's, I thought my pain was finally over and I would finally know joy.

When I had kids, though, my childhood wounds re-opened as agonizing memories were triggered by interactions with my sons. I loved them so much and would never hurt them or let someone else hurt them and, therefore, the rage I felt for my parents intensified. I desperately needed it to stop so I could enjoy the present moment and all my blessings.

When I made a conscious decision to forgive my parents, I was finally able to let go of my anger. I realized how my thoughts were keeping me stuck in the role of the fatherless daughter, the victim, and the hurt little girl. I decided to stop blaming my dad for everything that was wrong with me and take responsibility for my life.

I knew I wasn't the names he had called me—fat, worthless, and stupid—but I didn't know who I was. I became determined to figure that out by working on myself spiritually, intellectually, and physically. I set forth on a journey of self-discovery by spending lots of time in nature, writing in my journal, volunteering in my community, and developing daily spiritual practices: meditation, conscious eating (I became a vegan), and exercising.

One of my favorite quotes is from the Sufi poet and mystic, Rumi, and I ask it of myself whenever I get frightened of life: “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?” Forgiving my parents has allowed me to escape my self-imprisonment and experience new-found freedom. I had been the victim for far too long, and it was a role that had become safe and familiar. Liberation was scary because it put the responsibility on me. Yet, I've never been happier.

At 18, you're ripe for your own journey of self-discovery. Don't let your father define who you are. Take back your power and figure that out for yourself. Do the work now so you won't have to do it later, having wasted so much precious time. Don't remain in that cell any longer.

Dr. Robin Smith says, “Adulthood is to finish the unfinished business of childhood” so now you're ready to get started. I wish you the best!

Updated on August 9, 2019

Original Article:

Fatherless Daughters: How Growing Up Without a Dad Affects Women
By McKenna Meyers

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)