Even though she’s an adult, your mother is acting immaturely. Name-calling is ineffective, juvenile, and (as you know from my article) can have a far-reaching negative impact on kids. Perhaps, her parents called her names when she was a child. Perhaps, her life feels out of control, and name-calling makes her feel powerful. Perhaps, she doesn’t have the necessary tools to be a competent parent. While these excuses may explain her bad behavior, none of them excuse it.
When she’s in a relaxed mood, discuss the name-calling with her. Use “I messages” so she doesn’t feel attacked and react defensively. Say something such as: “Mom, I feel hurt when you call me names. When my brother starts to bug me, I’m going to take a walk around the neighborhood or go to my bedroom. I’m going to ignore him. If I do that, will you please stop the name-calling?”
Parents are under a lot of stress these days. It would make her feel better if you’d acknowledge that reality and offer to help. When you and your brother argue, it increases the tension in the house. Now, more than ever, we want our homes to be peaceful places. By working together and making a plan, I know that you and your family can make your living situation happier and more tranquil.