My mom often tugs on my stomach, says it’s bulgy, and then suggests I’m pregnant. I decided to show her a pregnancy test the other day as proof that I’m not but, now whenever I show any body insecurities, she dismisses my feelings as if my feelings are inconvenient for her. She makes me out to be irrational, but she is the one who gave me these insecurities. What must I do?


Since you're reading my article about emotionally absent mothers, you must realize how unhealthy this relationship is. Now, you need to take a hard look at the role you play in this disturbed dynamic and alter your behavior. Your mother won't change and is probably satisfied with the status quo because she holds the power. Therefore, the motivation for things to be different is yours alone.

Your mom knows how to push your buttons, making you feel insecure and doubt yourself. Behaviors such as tugging at your stomach are attention-getting as she realizes that they'll elicit an intense response. She doesn't care if your reaction is negative or positive as long as she's in control. By getting a pregnancy test and showing her the results, you played right into her hands and made her feel empowered. Next time she attempts to tug your tummy, seize her wrist and firmly say: “No!”

You're dealing with patterns of behavior that began when you were a child and impact the person you are today. That's why it would be useful to talk with a therapist to unravel this long history and find out how to best proceed. If you're planning on starting a family, you want to be stronger so your mom isn't permitted to damage your child's self-image like she's damaged yours.

Start practicing acceptance from this day forward. Realize your mother's limitations and know that she'll never be the loving, supportive mom you've always wanted. When you let go of the expectation that she'll be different, you'll have peace. Iyanla Vanzant, the spiritual teacher, said: “You don't get to tell people how to love you or how to love. You get to choose whether or not to participate in the way they are loving you.”

You may want to read my article, “How an Emotionally Absent Mother Impacts a Daughter's Well-Being.” Take care!

Updated on November 6, 2019

Original Article:

5 Ways for Daughters to Heal From an Emotionally Absent Mother
By McKenna Meyers

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