Our daughter moved in with our grandchildren. She was in a horrible five-year marriage, had to go to a mental health facility, and was diagnosed with PTSD/bipolar disorder. She won't contact the doctor to get her meds, and I have to beg her to go to counseling. She's addicted to marijuana and her cell phone. She hasn't tried looking for a job, and lost her car. She barely watches the girls, and doesn't respect any rule in our home. Can you offer any help?

Answer

Put your daughter under written contract. Make a list of the conditions of her staying. If her PTSD is preventing her from leaving the house, there are online companies she can work for from home. Make her counseling a condition of her staying. Taking care of her children is also a condition of her staying. There are groups for battered and abused women. It would probably be a good idea for her to get involved with one of those (if that was her situation). It will give her people who have had similar experiences that are further along in their lives. Something to give her hope. Also, she needs GOALS. Now that she is away from him, she needs to consider the options in her life. An entire world has opened up to her. The reality is that if she continues to behave the way she is behaving, then her ex has won. He has ruined her and the kids and is continuing to control her. Once she sees that fact, maybe she can move on. Have her write out what her ideal life would be. For people coming from trauma, they just survive every day, they don't live. She has an opportunity to have a good life. She has to see that she has the opportunity to raise her kids in a loving caring environment. First she has to get out of that survival mode. She can do it. Make sure you are getting some time to yourself as well. Even if you go to the library for a couple hours to get away.

Updated on June 27, 2018

Original Article:

Adult Children—When to Help and When to Let Them Learn
By MD Jackson MSIOP
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