None of us react well to rejection, whether it's being dumped by a partner or being turned down for a job by an employer. It taps into our insecurities and injures our egos. When it comes from our own father, though, the distress is amplified to an almost unbearable level. Sadly, I know women in their 60's and 70's who readily admit that they've never gotten over their dad's abandonment.
Messages abound in society, literature, and media that a daddy is strong, protective, loving, and willing to put the needs of his children before his own. When that proves untrue in our situation, it's a devastating blow and can lead to intense emotions like you're experiencing. For some, it's secret shame that they're too embarrassed to admit, let alone articulate. Yet, talking about it, writing about it, and feeling all the feelings surrounding it is necessary to heal.
With your self-awareness, you can make a choice today about whether or not you want to embrace the identity of the fatherless daughter, the victim, or adopt a more empowered persona. Some women prefer the victim role because it serves them well, offering a ready excuse for not becoming stronger, striving for more, and taking risks. Others accept that they had no say in who their father would be. However, they vow that his absence will not become the focus of their existence, restricting their joy and potential.
We all know women who dramatically proclaim, “I'm broken!” Tragically, they have no understanding of how powerful their words and thoughts are and how they can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. The spiritual teacher, Iyanla Vanzant, said: “There is no greater battle in life than the battle between the parts of you that want to be healed and the parts of you that are comfortable and content remaining broken.”
You're asking all the right questions. Now I hope you'll have the motivation to take charge and make the changes necessary to improve your outlook and your life. You may want to read my article, “How a Fatherless Daughter Can Move on From Her Dad's Rejection.” I wish you well.